1 00:00:01,310 --> 00:00:03,278 - Max, I can't wait to go home 2 00:00:03,280 --> 00:00:04,780 And illegally download that documentary 3 00:00:04,782 --> 00:00:06,415 About performance art. - And I can't wait 4 00:00:06,417 --> 00:00:08,550 To go home and watch here comes honey boo boo. 5 00:00:08,552 --> 00:00:10,252 - But first, you have to see this. 6 00:00:10,254 --> 00:00:11,753 Her name's marina abramovic. 7 00:00:11,755 --> 00:00:13,121 In the '90s, she and her boyfriend 8 00:00:13,123 --> 00:00:14,589 Did this piece called confrontation 9 00:00:14,591 --> 00:00:16,258 Where they just slapped each other's faces 10 00:00:16,260 --> 00:00:17,659 For days. - Oh, yeah? 11 00:00:17,661 --> 00:00:19,261 My mom and her boyfriend did that too, 12 00:00:19,263 --> 00:00:22,064 But they called it, "who smoked the last cigarette?" 13 00:00:22,066 --> 00:00:24,699 - No, really, it was pure art. She's a genius. 14 00:00:24,701 --> 00:00:27,669 - How about you and I do a little art right now? 15 00:00:30,606 --> 00:00:31,773 - [laughs] 16 00:00:31,775 --> 00:00:34,810 [laughter] 17 00:00:34,812 --> 00:00:36,111 - Ah. 18 00:00:36,113 --> 00:00:37,579 - [laughs] 19 00:00:37,581 --> 00:00:39,481 [laughter] 20 00:00:39,483 --> 00:00:40,816 - What are they doing? 21 00:00:40,818 --> 00:00:42,284 - I think they might be doing a scene 22 00:00:42,286 --> 00:00:44,352 From fifty shades of grey. 23 00:00:48,991 --> 00:00:50,625 - [laughs] - ah, okay, stop. 24 00:00:50,627 --> 00:00:51,960 - Okay. 25 00:00:51,962 --> 00:00:55,564 [sighs] 26 00:00:55,566 --> 00:00:57,265 That's for suggesting we make a lip-synch video 27 00:00:57,267 --> 00:00:59,734 To call me maybe. 28 00:00:59,736 --> 00:01:02,337 - ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh 29 00:01:02,339 --> 00:01:03,805 [cash register bell dings] 30 00:01:03,807 --> 00:01:06,875 ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ 31 00:01:15,985 --> 00:01:22,457 - [speaking korean] 32 00:01:22,459 --> 00:01:24,626 - What's up, my man? You look pretty down. 33 00:01:24,628 --> 00:01:26,328 - My mother in korea is working 34 00:01:26,330 --> 00:01:28,063 My last nerve, you know, earl? 35 00:01:28,065 --> 00:01:31,766 - Well, uh, I didn't expect a back and forth here. 36 00:01:34,303 --> 00:01:37,038 Uh, max, do you wanna move in? 37 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:39,741 - Han, you can't let your mommy keep bullying you. 38 00:01:39,743 --> 00:01:42,777 Stand up to her. You're a 53-year-old man. 39 00:01:46,716 --> 00:01:49,951 - Max, I am 29. 40 00:01:49,953 --> 00:01:53,188 - What? 41 00:01:53,190 --> 00:01:55,123 - I am 29. 42 00:01:55,125 --> 00:01:58,093 - What do you got, a case of the benjamin buttons? 43 00:01:59,462 --> 00:02:02,264 Caroline, han says he's 29. 44 00:02:02,266 --> 00:02:04,766 - What? 45 00:02:04,768 --> 00:02:06,134 Han, are you sure? 46 00:02:06,136 --> 00:02:08,270 - Yes, what makes you think I'm older? 47 00:02:08,272 --> 00:02:10,205 - Well, everything-- your hair, your clothes, 48 00:02:10,207 --> 00:02:13,842 The $5 check you gave me for my birthday. 49 00:02:19,749 --> 00:02:23,385 - Hi, can I help you? Ooh, that sounded so sincere. 50 00:02:23,387 --> 00:02:26,721 Well, when you're in my section, you'll meet the real me. 51 00:02:26,723 --> 00:02:29,224 - I have one question. Do you wanna live? 52 00:02:29,226 --> 00:02:31,927 - Actually, today, I could go either way. 53 00:02:31,929 --> 00:02:33,461 - You see this? 54 00:02:33,463 --> 00:02:35,263 Go around the diner and have everyone fill it 55 00:02:35,265 --> 00:02:36,531 With the contents of their purse, 56 00:02:36,533 --> 00:02:38,567 And if you do, nobody gets hurt. 57 00:02:38,569 --> 00:02:40,035 - Okay, okay, okay, but, uh, I don't know 58 00:02:40,037 --> 00:02:41,469 How much you're gonna collect here. 59 00:02:41,471 --> 00:02:43,638 I mean, most of these customers pay with coins 60 00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:46,374 Or fresh tomatoes from their garden. 61 00:02:46,376 --> 00:02:47,876 Uh, earl, listen up. 62 00:02:47,878 --> 00:02:49,611 We're being robbed by that man in the suit, 63 00:02:49,613 --> 00:02:51,880 And he wants everyone to empty their stuff into this bag. 64 00:02:51,882 --> 00:02:53,915 - Uh, max, I've been on both sides 65 00:02:53,917 --> 00:02:58,720 Of this situation, 66 00:02:58,722 --> 00:03:02,958 And the best thing to do is play along. 67 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:06,361 - Okay, caroline, I'm gonna tell you something, 68 00:03:06,363 --> 00:03:07,796 And I don't want you to react. 69 00:03:07,798 --> 00:03:09,798 - I knew you were gonna get pregnant. 70 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,634 Damn it! All right, fine. 71 00:03:12,636 --> 00:03:14,369 We'll get through this together. - No! 72 00:03:14,371 --> 00:03:17,172 Look, we're being robbed, and that guy in the suit 73 00:03:17,174 --> 00:03:18,773 Might have a gun. - [gasps] 74 00:03:18,775 --> 00:03:21,776 - No, no--just do what I say, and stay calm. 75 00:03:21,778 --> 00:03:23,845 I need you to empty your purse into the trash bag. 76 00:03:23,847 --> 00:03:27,115 - [sighs] I can't believe this is happening 77 00:03:27,117 --> 00:03:29,451 Just when I saved $2. 78 00:03:29,453 --> 00:03:32,354 Max, I can't die, and I certainly can't die 79 00:03:32,356 --> 00:03:34,022 In this ugly uniform. 80 00:03:34,024 --> 00:03:36,091 I mean, it looks good on you. 81 00:03:39,662 --> 00:03:42,397 - Are you having a heart attack? 82 00:03:42,399 --> 00:03:44,466 - I'm peeing. 83 00:03:46,035 --> 00:03:47,569 - What do you mean? 84 00:03:47,571 --> 00:03:51,840 - I'm really freaked out, and I'm peeing. 85 00:03:51,842 --> 00:03:53,008 I can't stop! 86 00:03:53,010 --> 00:03:55,010 - Just stop, stop! Clench it. 87 00:03:55,012 --> 00:03:56,778 - Okay. 88 00:03:56,780 --> 00:03:59,881 No, can't. 89 00:03:59,883 --> 00:04:01,283 - Step out from behind the counter. 90 00:04:01,285 --> 00:04:02,751 - Sorry, sir, I can't. 91 00:04:02,753 --> 00:04:06,554 - Why? - Well, um, I'm peeing. 92 00:04:06,556 --> 00:04:08,690 - Still? 93 00:04:08,692 --> 00:04:10,592 - Out of the way, girls. I'll take down this-- 94 00:04:10,594 --> 00:04:13,561 Whoa! 95 00:04:13,563 --> 00:04:15,397 - Get away from him. 96 00:04:15,399 --> 00:04:16,865 Miss, you need to get out from behind the counter now 97 00:04:16,867 --> 00:04:20,769 Before I-- - uh, please take her, not me. 98 00:04:20,771 --> 00:04:22,804 - What's happening? - Han, we're being robbed. 99 00:04:22,806 --> 00:04:24,439 - So sorry. 100 00:04:24,441 --> 00:04:26,308 Please take everything 101 00:04:26,310 --> 00:04:29,577 That is in my manny-pack. 102 00:04:29,579 --> 00:04:32,981 Would it be possible if I took my prayer beads out? 103 00:04:32,983 --> 00:04:36,885 They've been in my family for hundreds and hundreds of-- 104 00:04:36,887 --> 00:04:39,954 I don't think so, homeboy. 105 00:04:45,027 --> 00:04:48,096 You're in my house now, bitch. 106 00:04:54,737 --> 00:04:57,038 - Here's what's left in the bag. 107 00:04:57,040 --> 00:05:00,041 Nope, sorry. I don't see your dignity. 108 00:05:00,043 --> 00:05:01,876 - Max, don't. 109 00:05:01,878 --> 00:05:04,012 Isn't it enough that I'm wearing dishwasher whites 110 00:05:04,014 --> 00:05:06,581 That have been around since the invention of b.O.? 111 00:05:09,385 --> 00:05:13,455 - Oh, look at that, something ate right through the swiffer, 112 00:05:13,457 --> 00:05:16,391 And I don't think it was the bleach. 113 00:05:16,393 --> 00:05:19,794 How will you ever live with the shame? 114 00:05:19,796 --> 00:05:22,263 - Can you believe that is the man who saved us? 115 00:05:22,265 --> 00:05:24,466 - Yeah, I did not see a gun coming. 116 00:05:24,468 --> 00:05:27,335 I saw nunchucks, ninja smoke, maybe some hairpulling, 117 00:05:27,337 --> 00:05:28,770 But not a gun. 118 00:05:28,772 --> 00:05:31,373 - Well, good night, ladies. 119 00:05:31,375 --> 00:05:34,109 I thought we all acted very brave tonight. 120 00:05:34,111 --> 00:05:37,112 Well, some of us. 121 00:05:37,114 --> 00:05:40,148 - Oh, yeah, I had a trauma, and I urinated. 122 00:05:40,150 --> 00:05:43,385 Ha, ha! That's hilarious. 123 00:05:43,387 --> 00:05:44,886 - Yeah, you might need some counseling. 124 00:05:44,888 --> 00:05:46,521 I could drop you off at a therapist 125 00:05:46,523 --> 00:05:50,024 On the way to my "I was a human shield" support group. 126 00:05:50,026 --> 00:05:52,193 - Am I ever gonna live this down? 127 00:05:52,195 --> 00:05:54,863 - It happened, like, ten minutes ago. 128 00:05:54,865 --> 00:05:58,032 - Okay, let's move on. - [scoffs] 129 00:05:58,034 --> 00:06:01,302 - Oh, look, someone left a coupon for free movie popcorn. 130 00:06:01,304 --> 00:06:04,672 Oh, I'd love to escape to a movie after my-- 131 00:06:04,674 --> 00:06:07,909 Well, I'd just love to escape. 132 00:06:07,911 --> 00:06:10,412 How much are movies now, like 200 bucks? 133 00:06:10,414 --> 00:06:13,681 - Unless you go with me, in which case, it is free. 134 00:06:13,683 --> 00:06:15,183 I'll take you tomorrow. 135 00:06:15,185 --> 00:06:17,185 I've been sneaking into theaters since I was two. 136 00:06:17,187 --> 00:06:18,353 I crawled into the little mermaid 137 00:06:18,355 --> 00:06:19,687 With a sack full of cheerios 138 00:06:19,689 --> 00:06:21,856 And a baby bottle full of diet coke. 139 00:06:25,261 --> 00:06:27,595 You know, chestnut, the only thing 140 00:06:27,597 --> 00:06:29,964 That got me through that robbery was you. 141 00:06:29,966 --> 00:06:32,300 I kept thinking, "who will take care of you?" 142 00:06:32,302 --> 00:06:35,403 Because you can't count on blondie selfish-pants 143 00:06:35,405 --> 00:06:38,139 Who used me as a human shield and then peed herself. 144 00:06:38,141 --> 00:06:40,809 - Do not tell chestnut I peed myself. 145 00:06:40,811 --> 00:06:44,479 He's the only one from my circle who still talks to me. 146 00:06:44,481 --> 00:06:48,216 - As I was saying, chestnut, I would have taken a bullet 147 00:06:48,218 --> 00:06:49,884 For her, but she put herself first, 148 00:06:49,886 --> 00:06:51,719 And that's okay. It's fine. 149 00:06:51,721 --> 00:06:54,222 - Max, I'm surprised you're even affected by this. 150 00:06:54,224 --> 00:06:57,592 I mean, weren't you shot as a baby? 151 00:06:57,594 --> 00:06:59,194 I feel like you told me that. 152 00:06:59,196 --> 00:07:02,997 - No, I told you I drank shots as a baby. 153 00:07:02,999 --> 00:07:06,034 My mother hated to drink alone. 154 00:07:06,036 --> 00:07:07,535 - Okay, what free movie should we see? 155 00:07:07,537 --> 00:07:09,771 Maybe something with a fanning in it? 156 00:07:09,773 --> 00:07:12,207 - I'll see anything unless it's in 3-d. 157 00:07:12,209 --> 00:07:14,142 I mean, if something's gonna be flying at my face, 158 00:07:14,144 --> 00:07:16,711 I'd better get a free prime rib out of it. 159 00:07:16,713 --> 00:07:19,347 - So what do we do, max? What do we do? 160 00:07:19,349 --> 00:07:21,182 Hide in the back alley till the coast is clear, 161 00:07:21,184 --> 00:07:24,018 And when the door opens, make a break for it? 162 00:07:24,020 --> 00:07:27,055 - No, 'cause it's not the 1940s. 163 00:07:27,057 --> 00:07:28,790 We just go right up in the usher's face, 164 00:07:28,792 --> 00:07:31,426 Make an excuse, and then boldly walk with purpose. 165 00:07:31,428 --> 00:07:33,161 - Okay, well, just show me how. 166 00:07:33,163 --> 00:07:35,263 You can direct me. I've done a lot of plays. 167 00:07:35,265 --> 00:07:37,332 [gasps] I could do my "eliza doolittle 168 00:07:37,334 --> 00:07:40,268 Before she was civilized" walk. 169 00:07:40,270 --> 00:07:43,338 [in cockney accent] hello, governor. 170 00:07:45,274 --> 00:07:48,309 - Wow, that was just ugly. I wish I hadn't seen it. 171 00:07:48,311 --> 00:07:52,280 All right, just watch me. 172 00:07:52,282 --> 00:07:56,651 Walk, walk, walk, hair flip, walk, walk. 173 00:07:56,653 --> 00:07:59,554 - Walk, walk, walk, hair flip, walk, walk. 174 00:08:01,624 --> 00:08:04,292 - Good, but easy on the hair flip, willow smith. 175 00:08:04,294 --> 00:08:08,563 [knocks at door] 176 00:08:08,565 --> 00:08:11,032 - Oh, hi, girls. 177 00:08:11,034 --> 00:08:13,201 Oh, I heard what happened. 178 00:08:13,203 --> 00:08:16,037 Max, you got pushed in front of a gun. 179 00:08:16,039 --> 00:08:19,107 You must be very pissed. 180 00:08:20,342 --> 00:08:23,778 Caroline, oh, what a nice outfit. 181 00:08:23,780 --> 00:08:27,949 On a scale of one to ten, you're an eight. 182 00:08:27,951 --> 00:08:29,517 Get it? Urinate. 183 00:08:29,519 --> 00:08:34,455 [laughter] 184 00:08:34,457 --> 00:08:36,858 - How do you even know what happened? 185 00:08:36,860 --> 00:08:39,360 - Oh, well, oleg told me when we were upstairs 186 00:08:39,362 --> 00:08:43,097 Playing "hide the penis," 187 00:08:43,099 --> 00:08:45,366 And we laughed so hard, we almost peed ourselves, 188 00:08:45,368 --> 00:08:48,436 But we didn't because we're not you. 189 00:08:50,306 --> 00:08:52,473 - Actually, we're going to a movie. 190 00:08:52,475 --> 00:08:54,742 - Oh, well, that's nice. 191 00:08:54,744 --> 00:08:57,946 I hope you're gonna wear your big girl pants. 192 00:08:57,948 --> 00:09:00,782 - Max. - What? It's silly and funny. 193 00:09:00,784 --> 00:09:04,652 She's like a polish fart cushion. 194 00:09:04,654 --> 00:09:06,020 Look, if it makes you feel any better, 195 00:09:06,022 --> 00:09:07,822 There can't be any pee jokes left. 196 00:09:07,824 --> 00:09:09,424 - [giggles] what are you seeing, 197 00:09:09,426 --> 00:09:12,260 Something rated "pee pee 13"? 198 00:09:12,262 --> 00:09:15,096 [laughter] 199 00:09:15,098 --> 00:09:17,565 - Fart cushions are funny. 200 00:09:26,308 --> 00:09:27,942 - There's the guy. I'm getting a little nervous. 201 00:09:27,944 --> 00:09:29,677 I'm starting to sweat like those people 202 00:09:29,679 --> 00:09:32,180 On locked up abroad. I don't know why. 203 00:09:32,182 --> 00:09:34,048 I haven't swallowed a heroin balloon. 204 00:09:34,050 --> 00:09:35,617 - Okay, let's go. [exhales] 205 00:09:35,619 --> 00:09:39,187 Pretend we're out of breath. - [exhales] 206 00:09:39,189 --> 00:09:42,156 - Out of breath, not out of your mind. 207 00:09:42,158 --> 00:09:43,992 [exhales] hey, sorry. 208 00:09:43,994 --> 00:09:45,627 Can we just run back into the theater for a second? 209 00:09:45,629 --> 00:09:47,462 I left my iphone in there, and the prescription 210 00:09:47,464 --> 00:09:49,330 For her anti-seizure medication's on it. 211 00:09:49,332 --> 00:09:50,932 - Yeah, which theater were you in? 212 00:09:50,934 --> 00:09:52,800 - Theatre five. Went to the 11:15. 213 00:09:52,802 --> 00:09:54,469 Got out at 1:20. A little long. 214 00:09:54,471 --> 00:09:56,537 Could've cut ten from it. 215 00:10:00,843 --> 00:10:02,644 - Wow, your walk with purpose is getting 216 00:10:02,646 --> 00:10:04,846 Almost as impressive as han's "bang, bang, 217 00:10:04,848 --> 00:10:06,881 You're in my house now, bitch!" 218 00:10:06,883 --> 00:10:08,816 - I know. What about han? 219 00:10:08,818 --> 00:10:11,653 Before yesterday, we thought he was 53 and unarmed. 220 00:10:11,655 --> 00:10:13,221 Guess we learn something new about people every day. 221 00:10:13,223 --> 00:10:14,689 - [chuckles] yeah, like having to learn 222 00:10:14,691 --> 00:10:16,891 That when you get nervous, I'm disposable. 223 00:10:16,893 --> 00:10:20,828 - That was very uncharacteristic of me. 224 00:10:20,830 --> 00:10:24,265 - Hi, um, hallelujah. 225 00:10:24,267 --> 00:10:25,767 Cool name, by the way. 226 00:10:25,769 --> 00:10:27,268 How are you doing today, hallelujah? 227 00:10:27,270 --> 00:10:29,303 - Bitter. 228 00:10:29,305 --> 00:10:31,005 They wouldn't let me put an exclamation point 229 00:10:31,007 --> 00:10:33,007 On my name tag. 230 00:10:33,009 --> 00:10:34,509 - Um, is there any way you could make 231 00:10:34,511 --> 00:10:35,843 A fresh batch of popcorn? 232 00:10:35,845 --> 00:10:37,845 - I could, but it takes ten minutes, 233 00:10:37,847 --> 00:10:39,213 And your show starts in two. 234 00:10:39,215 --> 00:10:40,648 - Actually, it takes 3 1/2, 235 00:10:40,650 --> 00:10:41,949 And I can miss a few trailers. 236 00:10:41,951 --> 00:10:43,551 I used to work at a cineplex five. 237 00:10:43,553 --> 00:10:47,355 - Oh, so now you just know everything about life? 238 00:10:47,357 --> 00:10:49,824 - Come on, the opening scene sets up 239 00:10:49,826 --> 00:10:51,559 Where he gets his superpowers from. 240 00:10:51,561 --> 00:10:55,797 - Hey, hallelujah here is doing the best he can. 241 00:10:55,799 --> 00:10:57,231 I mean, based on his name, 242 00:10:57,233 --> 00:10:59,634 His parents clearly had bigger dreams for him, 243 00:10:59,636 --> 00:11:01,569 And it is not his fault you guys showed up two minutes 244 00:11:01,571 --> 00:11:03,071 Before the show starts. 245 00:11:03,073 --> 00:11:05,206 Maybe next time, you'll show up ten minutes early 246 00:11:05,208 --> 00:11:07,275 Without the attitude and the fidgety exhaling. 247 00:11:07,277 --> 00:11:08,710 You think hallelujah doesn't hear that? 248 00:11:08,712 --> 00:11:12,447 - He does. - Sorry to be such a problem. 249 00:11:12,449 --> 00:11:13,948 We'll just take whatever you've got ready. 250 00:11:13,950 --> 00:11:16,684 - No, girl. I got you. 251 00:11:16,686 --> 00:11:18,352 I'm gonna make you a fresh batch. 252 00:11:18,354 --> 00:11:20,421 - Hallelujah, could I have some fresh too? 253 00:11:20,423 --> 00:11:23,024 - You'll get the burnt ones and like it, nerd. 254 00:11:27,529 --> 00:11:29,130 - Let's sit down here. 255 00:11:29,132 --> 00:11:30,531 Ooh, I'm not sticking to the floor yet. 256 00:11:30,533 --> 00:11:32,867 Fancy theater. 257 00:11:32,869 --> 00:11:34,368 Oh, hey, guys. 258 00:11:34,370 --> 00:11:35,970 Hope I wasn't too hard on you out there. 259 00:11:35,972 --> 00:11:37,271 Nice cape. 260 00:11:37,273 --> 00:11:40,074 - Thanks. I had it in my backpack. 261 00:11:40,076 --> 00:11:43,144 I wasn't sure. - Hmm. 262 00:11:46,081 --> 00:11:48,249 You made the right choice. 263 00:11:48,251 --> 00:11:49,684 [dramatic music playing] 264 00:11:49,686 --> 00:11:51,552 - She likes my cape. 265 00:11:51,554 --> 00:11:56,290 - Technically, she likes your sister's cape. 266 00:11:56,292 --> 00:11:59,360 - Okay, so I don't know anything about these superhero movies. 267 00:11:59,362 --> 00:12:01,829 It's a remake of a prequel to a sequel? 268 00:12:01,831 --> 00:12:03,531 I'm already confused. - Okay. 269 00:12:03,533 --> 00:12:08,669 So there's always a nerdy guy... [whistles] 270 00:12:08,671 --> 00:12:10,605 And he's either been wronged or bitten 271 00:12:10,607 --> 00:12:11,606 Or exposed to something toxic. 272 00:12:11,608 --> 00:12:13,441 It gives him superpowers. 273 00:12:13,443 --> 00:12:15,276 He's in love with a pretty girl who his rival tries to kill 274 00:12:15,278 --> 00:12:16,644 But then won't because they have 275 00:12:16,646 --> 00:12:17,779 To make another movie. 276 00:12:17,781 --> 00:12:19,180 Also, partial nudity, 277 00:12:19,182 --> 00:12:20,615 Product placement, dope explosions, 278 00:12:20,617 --> 00:12:23,184 And a killer score by hans zimmer. 279 00:12:23,186 --> 00:12:25,319 - Okay, your knowledge of these superhero movies 280 00:12:25,321 --> 00:12:28,389 Is kind of turning me on right now. 281 00:12:30,159 --> 00:12:32,627 - Wait. Are you kidding me? 282 00:12:32,629 --> 00:12:34,796 The hero has red hair as a child? 283 00:12:34,798 --> 00:12:36,864 Um, weird, 'cause when he grows up, 284 00:12:36,866 --> 00:12:39,167 He has black hair. 285 00:12:39,169 --> 00:12:40,968 Was there some sort of chemical spill, 286 00:12:40,970 --> 00:12:44,005 Which, by the way, wasn't in the original comic book! 287 00:12:44,007 --> 00:12:45,673 What am I, dumb? - Okay. 288 00:12:45,675 --> 00:12:47,308 Okay, come on. 289 00:12:47,310 --> 00:12:48,643 Come on, let's go to another movie. 290 00:12:48,645 --> 00:12:49,877 - What are you talking about? 291 00:12:49,879 --> 00:12:51,145 - Well, you obviously hate this. 292 00:12:51,147 --> 00:12:52,380 You're yelling at the screen. 293 00:12:52,382 --> 00:12:54,015 - Yelling at the screen is the best part 294 00:12:54,017 --> 00:12:55,683 Of going to the movies, and more white people 295 00:12:55,685 --> 00:12:58,619 Should learn that. 296 00:12:58,621 --> 00:13:01,589 [car crashes] 297 00:13:01,591 --> 00:13:03,724 [girl shrieks] oh, wow, look at that. 298 00:13:03,726 --> 00:13:06,561 That car just exploded in front of those two girls, 299 00:13:06,563 --> 00:13:08,830 And one didn't use the other's body 300 00:13:08,832 --> 00:13:12,500 To block her from the flying debris. 301 00:13:12,502 --> 00:13:15,036 - Are you ever gonna let this go? 302 00:13:15,038 --> 00:13:16,671 - I don't know. I mean, it's kind of a big deal. 303 00:13:16,673 --> 00:13:18,172 You put my life in danger. 304 00:13:18,174 --> 00:13:21,108 - Well, I've apologized about it twice. 305 00:13:21,110 --> 00:13:22,677 I don't know how much more I can do. 306 00:13:22,679 --> 00:13:24,111 [car crashes] 307 00:13:24,113 --> 00:13:25,613 [woman shrieks] 308 00:13:25,615 --> 00:13:28,382 - Yeah, I could have died, 309 00:13:28,384 --> 00:13:30,885 But you apologized twice, so I guess we're good. 310 00:13:30,887 --> 00:13:32,019 [girl shrieks] 311 00:13:32,021 --> 00:13:33,521 - I don't like this movie. 312 00:13:33,523 --> 00:13:35,523 It's violence against women. 313 00:13:35,525 --> 00:13:37,592 Let's go see that katherine heigl rom-com sequel. 314 00:13:37,594 --> 00:13:40,862 - Talk about violence against women. 315 00:13:40,864 --> 00:13:43,264 - I am gonna go spend some time with katie heigl. 316 00:13:43,266 --> 00:13:44,765 At least she won't make me feel guilty. 317 00:13:44,767 --> 00:13:46,400 - See ya. 318 00:13:46,402 --> 00:13:50,371 Enjoy three walking on sunshine montages. 319 00:13:52,774 --> 00:13:55,376 - I don't wanna go to a movie by myself, and you're right. 320 00:13:55,378 --> 00:13:57,445 I'm sorry. I hate the way I acted. 321 00:13:57,447 --> 00:14:00,281 I'm a spoiled rich girl, and I always put myself first, 322 00:14:00,283 --> 00:14:02,350 And I know that's something you would never do. 323 00:14:02,352 --> 00:14:04,418 - Shut up. 324 00:14:05,954 --> 00:14:08,990 - Max, I think I just saw han. 325 00:14:08,992 --> 00:14:11,859 - It is han. What's he doing here? 326 00:14:11,861 --> 00:14:13,594 - Why is he sitting all the way in the back? 327 00:14:13,596 --> 00:14:15,029 - I don't know, maybe he's afraid 328 00:14:15,031 --> 00:14:16,964 Of blocking absolutely no one's view. 329 00:14:16,966 --> 00:14:19,533 - [chuckles] 330 00:14:19,535 --> 00:14:22,270 And who is that guy and girl he's sitting with? 331 00:14:22,272 --> 00:14:26,207 Is han in a threesome? 332 00:14:26,209 --> 00:14:28,276 Does he secretly have game? 333 00:14:28,278 --> 00:14:30,378 - Please. The only game han has 334 00:14:30,380 --> 00:14:32,446 Is "one, two, buckle my shoe." 335 00:14:34,349 --> 00:14:37,118 - Wait, he's leaving, 336 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:39,587 And so is the guy he was sitting next to. 337 00:14:39,589 --> 00:14:42,690 - Did han just get more interesting? 338 00:14:42,692 --> 00:14:45,092 We have to follow him. 339 00:14:45,094 --> 00:14:47,995 [scoffs] he can blast a wall apart with his thoughts, 340 00:14:47,997 --> 00:14:49,363 But he can't get out of handcuffs? 341 00:14:49,365 --> 00:14:53,100 Even I could get out of handcuffs! 342 00:14:53,102 --> 00:14:54,669 Have fun being lied to. 343 00:14:54,671 --> 00:14:56,270 - You're right. You're always right. 344 00:14:56,272 --> 00:14:58,773 Are you seeing anyone? 345 00:14:58,775 --> 00:15:01,475 - That was hard to watch. 346 00:15:09,751 --> 00:15:12,186 - Why is he going to the bathroom with that stranger? 347 00:15:12,188 --> 00:15:15,256 - Is han also a republican senator? 348 00:15:15,258 --> 00:15:17,491 Usher. 349 00:15:24,733 --> 00:15:26,834 - Are all men's rooms this depressing? 350 00:15:26,836 --> 00:15:28,069 - We are such different people. 351 00:15:28,071 --> 00:15:30,004 I was just gonna say how nice it is. 352 00:15:30,006 --> 00:15:33,040 - I don't hear sex sounds, 353 00:15:33,042 --> 00:15:36,110 And he's not on the changing table, 354 00:15:36,112 --> 00:15:38,346 So maybe drugs are involved. 355 00:15:38,348 --> 00:15:40,748 - You think han's an asian drug dealer? 356 00:15:40,750 --> 00:15:43,751 What's he selling, crystal math? 357 00:15:43,753 --> 00:15:45,086 - Oh, look. Han's coming. 358 00:15:45,088 --> 00:15:46,887 - Aw, gross! - No, no! 359 00:15:46,889 --> 00:15:51,292 I meant he's coming this way. 360 00:15:51,294 --> 00:15:54,128 - Hey, you're running. Don't run, it's han. 361 00:15:54,130 --> 00:15:57,098 For him, every step we take is like a 100-meter dash. 362 00:15:57,100 --> 00:15:59,867 - Sorry, you're the one who doesn't want han to see us. 363 00:15:59,869 --> 00:16:02,169 - I just don't want that kind of relationship with him. 364 00:16:02,171 --> 00:16:03,304 - You mean the kind of relationship 365 00:16:03,306 --> 00:16:04,605 Where you see someone you know 366 00:16:04,607 --> 00:16:05,940 At the movie theater and say hello? 367 00:16:05,942 --> 00:16:07,475 - Yeah, I definitely don't want that. 368 00:16:07,477 --> 00:16:08,909 - [scoffs] 369 00:16:08,911 --> 00:16:11,245 - Ladies, may I see your tickets, please? 370 00:16:11,247 --> 00:16:14,315 - Tickets? Max, do you-- 371 00:16:16,284 --> 00:16:17,485 - Can I see your tickets, please? 372 00:16:17,487 --> 00:16:20,121 I saw you go into another theater. 373 00:16:20,123 --> 00:16:22,590 - Caroline? 374 00:16:22,592 --> 00:16:25,259 - Hi, honey. 375 00:16:25,261 --> 00:16:27,161 - Hello? 376 00:16:27,163 --> 00:16:29,030 - Honey, I forgot my ticket. 377 00:16:29,032 --> 00:16:30,331 He has my ticket. 378 00:16:30,333 --> 00:16:32,199 Han, this nice usher man thinks I snuck 379 00:16:32,201 --> 00:16:34,769 Into the theater, so just show him the tickets. 380 00:16:34,771 --> 00:16:38,339 - Uh, uh-- 381 00:16:38,341 --> 00:16:39,673 - You two are together? 382 00:16:39,675 --> 00:16:42,343 - Yeah, why? - Oh, it's nothing. 383 00:16:42,345 --> 00:16:43,577 It's none of my business, 384 00:16:43,579 --> 00:16:45,446 But he just seems too old for you. 385 00:16:45,448 --> 00:16:49,116 - He's 29. - What? 386 00:16:49,118 --> 00:16:51,652 Uh, I'm gonna have to see you 387 00:16:51,654 --> 00:16:53,354 And your girlfriend's ticket. 388 00:16:53,356 --> 00:16:56,190 - Uh, I thought I put the ticket in here. 389 00:16:56,192 --> 00:16:58,692 - Tickets. You put two tickets in there, honey. 390 00:16:58,694 --> 00:17:02,196 - Um, okay. 391 00:17:02,198 --> 00:17:05,666 I cannot find it. Damn. 392 00:17:05,668 --> 00:17:08,169 - Sir, you know that sneaking into a theater's 393 00:17:08,171 --> 00:17:09,236 A felony, right? 394 00:17:09,238 --> 00:17:12,273 - It is? 395 00:17:13,909 --> 00:17:15,676 - Han, what's that face? 396 00:17:15,678 --> 00:17:19,380 It's the same face I made when I peed-- 397 00:17:19,382 --> 00:17:21,749 Oh, honey. 398 00:17:21,751 --> 00:17:24,351 - How will I live with the shame? 399 00:17:24,353 --> 00:17:26,020 - Well, at least your fanny pack 400 00:17:26,022 --> 00:17:28,756 Isn't the most embarrassing thing about you anymore. 401 00:17:35,931 --> 00:17:39,233 - Well, well, well, look who it is. 402 00:17:39,235 --> 00:17:42,736 Hair flip and go. 403 00:17:42,738 --> 00:17:45,172 - I don't know what you're doing, but it feels weird. 404 00:17:45,174 --> 00:17:47,842 - Now, look who's walk, walk, walking with purpose 405 00:17:47,844 --> 00:17:50,044 Away from me again. 406 00:17:50,046 --> 00:17:51,879 - What? It wasn't a big deal. 407 00:17:51,881 --> 00:17:55,282 - Really? 'cause I went to movie jail with han. 408 00:17:55,284 --> 00:17:57,384 - Cool. - We have a mug shot. 409 00:17:57,386 --> 00:17:59,086 We're a notorious gangster couple now 410 00:17:59,088 --> 00:18:00,421 Down at the cineplex. 411 00:18:00,423 --> 00:18:03,324 That's right, han-nie and clyde, 412 00:18:03,326 --> 00:18:04,859 But you know what, I'm fine. 413 00:18:04,861 --> 00:18:07,094 I'm thrilled, actually, because you walking away 414 00:18:07,096 --> 00:18:08,496 Gave me one thing. 415 00:18:08,498 --> 00:18:11,765 - An obstructed view of my sweet, sweet ass? 416 00:18:11,767 --> 00:18:13,834 - No, the satisfaction of knowing 417 00:18:13,836 --> 00:18:15,636 That you are just as selfish as me. 418 00:18:15,638 --> 00:18:17,771 - [scoffs] what a selfish thing to say. 419 00:18:17,773 --> 00:18:21,142 - [chuckles] you can walk, walk, walk away from me, max, 420 00:18:21,144 --> 00:18:22,910 But you can't walk away from knowing 421 00:18:22,912 --> 00:18:24,178 That you split the scene. 422 00:18:24,180 --> 00:18:26,447 - What? I thought you were behind me, 423 00:18:26,449 --> 00:18:28,315 And besides, we couldn't both get caught. 424 00:18:28,317 --> 00:18:29,683 Who would live to tell the tale 425 00:18:29,685 --> 00:18:31,352 Of the great caroline channing, the girl 426 00:18:31,354 --> 00:18:32,987 Who couldn't walk fast enough? 427 00:18:32,989 --> 00:18:36,090 - Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Don't turn this around. 428 00:18:36,092 --> 00:18:38,526 Now, I see it, the whole "max" of it all. 429 00:18:38,528 --> 00:18:40,261 When we got caught, you only thought 430 00:18:40,263 --> 00:18:41,862 About saving yourself, 431 00:18:41,864 --> 00:18:43,764 And you weren't defending poor hallelujah. 432 00:18:43,766 --> 00:18:45,966 You just wanted fresh popcorn for yourself. 433 00:18:45,968 --> 00:18:48,102 - What can I say? I guess you're on to me. 434 00:18:48,104 --> 00:18:50,471 - You said you'd take a bullet for me. 435 00:18:50,473 --> 00:18:52,072 You'd never take a bullet for me. 436 00:18:52,074 --> 00:18:54,608 - Probably not. No one ever takes a bullet. 437 00:18:54,610 --> 00:18:56,310 It's just something people say that they don't mean, 438 00:18:56,312 --> 00:18:57,645 Like, "how was your day?" 439 00:18:57,647 --> 00:19:00,548 Or, "we'll stop if it hurts." 440 00:19:05,153 --> 00:19:07,521 - Wow, so this is who we are, huh? 441 00:19:07,523 --> 00:19:09,690 Two selfish girls who always put ourselves 442 00:19:09,692 --> 00:19:10,991 Before everyone else and are willing 443 00:19:10,993 --> 00:19:12,326 To do anything to survive? 444 00:19:12,328 --> 00:19:14,395 - Guess we are. 445 00:19:14,397 --> 00:19:16,730 Man, we're gonna crush the cupcake competition. 446 00:19:16,732 --> 00:19:19,266 - But, max, even though we're ruthless, 447 00:19:19,268 --> 00:19:20,768 Every now and then, on our own behalf, 448 00:19:20,770 --> 00:19:22,436 We do put ourselves second, 449 00:19:22,438 --> 00:19:25,072 And I guess that's what makes us best friends. 450 00:19:25,074 --> 00:19:27,374 - I don't think I've ever done that. 451 00:19:27,376 --> 00:19:28,576 - Yes, you have. 452 00:19:28,578 --> 00:19:29,743 You let me stay on your couch 453 00:19:29,745 --> 00:19:31,545 When I had no place to stay. 454 00:19:31,547 --> 00:19:33,247 - I guess I did. 455 00:19:33,249 --> 00:19:36,984 - And I gave you-- 456 00:19:36,986 --> 00:19:40,688 - Go ahead. 457 00:19:40,690 --> 00:19:43,057 - Well, there must be something where I didn't put myself first. 458 00:19:43,059 --> 00:19:45,392 - [scoffs] let me know when you find it. 459 00:19:48,597 --> 00:19:50,831 - Sophie, just look at you. 460 00:19:50,833 --> 00:19:53,033 You couldn't look more scrumptious. 461 00:19:53,035 --> 00:19:55,169 - Oh, maybe I could 462 00:19:55,171 --> 00:20:00,441 With a little chocolate drizzled on me. 463 00:20:00,443 --> 00:20:03,677 Oh, good, there you are, han. 464 00:20:03,679 --> 00:20:07,581 I just have one question that I have to ask you. 465 00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:09,883 What is your favorite musical? 466 00:20:09,885 --> 00:20:12,419 Is it the wiz? 467 00:20:12,421 --> 00:20:13,921 [laughs] 468 00:20:13,923 --> 00:20:16,223 - Whiz, max! I found another one, right? 469 00:20:16,225 --> 00:20:17,925 [laughs] 470 00:20:17,927 --> 00:20:19,493 - How do you even know about this? 471 00:20:19,495 --> 00:20:23,764 - Oh, oleg told me while we were having phone sex. 472 00:20:23,766 --> 00:20:26,533 - And by phone sex, she means we were using the phone 473 00:20:26,535 --> 00:20:29,937 In the sex. 474 00:20:29,939 --> 00:20:31,572 - Don't worry, han. 475 00:20:31,574 --> 00:20:34,375 A lot of older men can't control their bladder. 476 00:20:34,377 --> 00:20:36,910 - I am twenty-freaking-nine! 477 00:20:36,912 --> 00:20:39,747 - Ooh, what? 478 00:20:39,749 --> 00:20:44,051 [cackles] 479 00:20:44,053 --> 00:20:46,053 - I'm humiliated, max. 480 00:20:46,055 --> 00:20:48,355 - Hey, listen to me. 481 00:20:48,357 --> 00:20:49,623 You didn't sell caroline out. 482 00:20:49,625 --> 00:20:51,091 A lot of people would have, 483 00:20:51,093 --> 00:20:52,860 But you just stood there like a man 484 00:20:52,862 --> 00:20:54,361 And peed your pants. 485 00:20:54,363 --> 00:20:56,730 - That's true. I did. 486 00:20:56,732 --> 00:20:58,165 - By the way, han, why were you 487 00:20:58,167 --> 00:20:59,600 At the movies in the middle of the day? 488 00:20:59,602 --> 00:21:01,168 - Sometimes people bug me, 489 00:21:01,170 --> 00:21:04,104 And I need some time away. 490 00:21:04,106 --> 00:21:06,006 - You know what, han? 491 00:21:06,008 --> 00:21:07,174 You're cool. 492 00:21:07,176 --> 00:21:08,475 We're gonna hang sometime. 493 00:21:08,477 --> 00:21:09,476 Not now, not in a week, 494 00:21:09,478 --> 00:21:11,945 But in the future. 495 00:21:11,947 --> 00:21:17,851 Just sayin', I got my eye on you. 496 00:21:17,853 --> 00:21:20,854 [cash register dings]