1
00:00:01,310 --> 00:00:03,278
- Max, I can't wait
to go home
2
00:00:03,280 --> 00:00:04,780
And illegally download
that documentary
3
00:00:04,782 --> 00:00:06,415
About performance art.
- And I can't wait
4
00:00:06,417 --> 00:00:08,550
To go home and watch
here comes honey boo boo.
5
00:00:08,552 --> 00:00:10,252
- But first, you have
to see this.
6
00:00:10,254 --> 00:00:11,753
Her name's
marina abramovic.
7
00:00:11,755 --> 00:00:13,121
In the '90s,
she and her boyfriend
8
00:00:13,123 --> 00:00:14,589
Did this piece
called confrontation
9
00:00:14,591 --> 00:00:16,258
Where they
just slapped each other's faces
10
00:00:16,260 --> 00:00:17,659
For days.
- Oh, yeah?
11
00:00:17,661 --> 00:00:19,261
My mom and her boyfriend
did that too,
12
00:00:19,263 --> 00:00:22,064
But they called it,
"who smoked the last cigarette?"
13
00:00:22,066 --> 00:00:24,699
- No, really, it was pure art.
She's a genius.
14
00:00:24,701 --> 00:00:27,669
- How about you and I
do a little art right now?
15
00:00:30,606 --> 00:00:31,773
- [laughs]
16
00:00:31,775 --> 00:00:34,810
[laughter]
17
00:00:34,812 --> 00:00:36,111
- Ah.
18
00:00:36,113 --> 00:00:37,579
- [laughs]
19
00:00:37,581 --> 00:00:39,481
[laughter]
20
00:00:39,483 --> 00:00:40,816
- What are they doing?
21
00:00:40,818 --> 00:00:42,284
- I think they
might be doing a scene
22
00:00:42,286 --> 00:00:44,352
From fifty shades of grey.
23
00:00:48,991 --> 00:00:50,625
- [laughs]
- ah, okay, stop.
24
00:00:50,627 --> 00:00:51,960
- Okay.
25
00:00:51,962 --> 00:00:55,564
[sighs]
26
00:00:55,566 --> 00:00:57,265
That's for suggesting
we make a lip-synch video
27
00:00:57,267 --> 00:00:59,734
To call me maybe.
28
00:00:59,736 --> 00:01:02,337
- ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
29
00:01:02,339 --> 00:01:03,805
[cash register bell dings]
30
00:01:03,807 --> 00:01:06,875
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
31
00:01:15,985 --> 00:01:22,457
- [speaking korean]
32
00:01:22,459 --> 00:01:24,626
- What's up, my man?
You look pretty down.
33
00:01:24,628 --> 00:01:26,328
- My mother in korea
is working
34
00:01:26,330 --> 00:01:28,063
My last nerve,
you know, earl?
35
00:01:28,065 --> 00:01:31,766
- Well, uh, I didn't expect
a back and forth here.
36
00:01:34,303 --> 00:01:37,038
Uh, max,
do you wanna move in?
37
00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:39,741
- Han, you can't let your mommy
keep bullying you.
38
00:01:39,743 --> 00:01:42,777
Stand up to her.
You're a 53-year-old man.
39
00:01:46,716 --> 00:01:49,951
- Max, I am 29.
40
00:01:49,953 --> 00:01:53,188
- What?
41
00:01:53,190 --> 00:01:55,123
- I am 29.
42
00:01:55,125 --> 00:01:58,093
- What do you got, a case
of the benjamin buttons?
43
00:01:59,462 --> 00:02:02,264
Caroline,
han says he's 29.
44
00:02:02,266 --> 00:02:04,766
- What?
45
00:02:04,768 --> 00:02:06,134
Han, are you sure?
46
00:02:06,136 --> 00:02:08,270
- Yes, what makes you
think I'm older?
47
00:02:08,272 --> 00:02:10,205
- Well, everything--
your hair, your clothes,
48
00:02:10,207 --> 00:02:13,842
The $5 check you gave me
for my birthday.
49
00:02:19,749 --> 00:02:23,385
- Hi, can I help you?
Ooh, that sounded so sincere.
50
00:02:23,387 --> 00:02:26,721
Well, when you're in my section,
you'll meet the real me.
51
00:02:26,723 --> 00:02:29,224
- I have one question.
Do you wanna live?
52
00:02:29,226 --> 00:02:31,927
- Actually, today,
I could go either way.
53
00:02:31,929 --> 00:02:33,461
- You see this?
54
00:02:33,463 --> 00:02:35,263
Go around the diner
and have everyone fill it
55
00:02:35,265 --> 00:02:36,531
With the contents
of their purse,
56
00:02:36,533 --> 00:02:38,567
And if you do,
nobody gets hurt.
57
00:02:38,569 --> 00:02:40,035
- Okay, okay, okay,
but, uh, I don't know
58
00:02:40,037 --> 00:02:41,469
How much
you're gonna collect here.
59
00:02:41,471 --> 00:02:43,638
I mean, most of these customers
pay with coins
60
00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:46,374
Or fresh tomatoes
from their garden.
61
00:02:46,376 --> 00:02:47,876
Uh, earl, listen up.
62
00:02:47,878 --> 00:02:49,611
We're being robbed
by that man in the suit,
63
00:02:49,613 --> 00:02:51,880
And he wants everyone to empty
their stuff into this bag.
64
00:02:51,882 --> 00:02:53,915
- Uh, max,
I've been on both sides
65
00:02:53,917 --> 00:02:58,720
Of this situation,
66
00:02:58,722 --> 00:03:02,958
And the best thing to do
is play along.
67
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:06,361
- Okay, caroline,
I'm gonna tell you something,
68
00:03:06,363 --> 00:03:07,796
And I don't want you
to react.
69
00:03:07,798 --> 00:03:09,798
- I knew you
were gonna get pregnant.
70
00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,634
Damn it!
All right, fine.
71
00:03:12,636 --> 00:03:14,369
We'll get through this together.
- No!
72
00:03:14,371 --> 00:03:17,172
Look, we're being robbed,
and that guy in the suit
73
00:03:17,174 --> 00:03:18,773
Might have a gun.
- [gasps]
74
00:03:18,775 --> 00:03:21,776
- No, no--just do what I say,
and stay calm.
75
00:03:21,778 --> 00:03:23,845
I need you to empty your purse
into the trash bag.
76
00:03:23,847 --> 00:03:27,115
- [sighs] I can't believe
this is happening
77
00:03:27,117 --> 00:03:29,451
Just when I saved $2.
78
00:03:29,453 --> 00:03:32,354
Max, I can't die,
and I certainly can't die
79
00:03:32,356 --> 00:03:34,022
In this ugly uniform.
80
00:03:34,024 --> 00:03:36,091
I mean,
it looks good on you.
81
00:03:39,662 --> 00:03:42,397
- Are you having
a heart attack?
82
00:03:42,399 --> 00:03:44,466
- I'm peeing.
83
00:03:46,035 --> 00:03:47,569
- What do you mean?
84
00:03:47,571 --> 00:03:51,840
- I'm really freaked out,
and I'm peeing.
85
00:03:51,842 --> 00:03:53,008
I can't stop!
86
00:03:53,010 --> 00:03:55,010
- Just stop, stop!
Clench it.
87
00:03:55,012 --> 00:03:56,778
- Okay.
88
00:03:56,780 --> 00:03:59,881
No, can't.
89
00:03:59,883 --> 00:04:01,283
- Step out
from behind the counter.
90
00:04:01,285 --> 00:04:02,751
- Sorry, sir, I can't.
91
00:04:02,753 --> 00:04:06,554
- Why?
- Well, um, I'm peeing.
92
00:04:06,556 --> 00:04:08,690
- Still?
93
00:04:08,692 --> 00:04:10,592
- Out of the way, girls.
I'll take down this--
94
00:04:10,594 --> 00:04:13,561
Whoa!
95
00:04:13,563 --> 00:04:15,397
- Get away from him.
96
00:04:15,399 --> 00:04:16,865
Miss, you need to get out
from behind the counter now
97
00:04:16,867 --> 00:04:20,769
Before I--
- uh, please take her, not me.
98
00:04:20,771 --> 00:04:22,804
- What's happening?
- Han, we're being robbed.
99
00:04:22,806 --> 00:04:24,439
- So sorry.
100
00:04:24,441 --> 00:04:26,308
Please take everything
101
00:04:26,310 --> 00:04:29,577
That is
in my manny-pack.
102
00:04:29,579 --> 00:04:32,981
Would it be possible
if I took my prayer beads out?
103
00:04:32,983 --> 00:04:36,885
They've been in my family
for hundreds and hundreds of--
104
00:04:36,887 --> 00:04:39,954
I don't think so, homeboy.
105
00:04:45,027 --> 00:04:48,096
You're in my house now,
bitch.
106
00:04:54,737 --> 00:04:57,038
- Here's what's left
in the bag.
107
00:04:57,040 --> 00:05:00,041
Nope, sorry.
I don't see your dignity.
108
00:05:00,043 --> 00:05:01,876
- Max, don't.
109
00:05:01,878 --> 00:05:04,012
Isn't it enough that
I'm wearing dishwasher whites
110
00:05:04,014 --> 00:05:06,581
That have been around
since the invention of b.O.?
111
00:05:09,385 --> 00:05:13,455
- Oh, look at that, something
ate right through the swiffer,
112
00:05:13,457 --> 00:05:16,391
And I don't think
it was the bleach.
113
00:05:16,393 --> 00:05:19,794
How will you ever live
with the shame?
114
00:05:19,796 --> 00:05:22,263
- Can you believe
that is the man who saved us?
115
00:05:22,265 --> 00:05:24,466
- Yeah, I did not see
a gun coming.
116
00:05:24,468 --> 00:05:27,335
I saw nunchucks, ninja smoke,
maybe some hairpulling,
117
00:05:27,337 --> 00:05:28,770
But not a gun.
118
00:05:28,772 --> 00:05:31,373
- Well, good night,
ladies.
119
00:05:31,375 --> 00:05:34,109
I thought we all acted
very brave tonight.
120
00:05:34,111 --> 00:05:37,112
Well, some of us.
121
00:05:37,114 --> 00:05:40,148
- Oh, yeah, I had a trauma,
and I urinated.
122
00:05:40,150 --> 00:05:43,385
Ha, ha!
That's hilarious.
123
00:05:43,387 --> 00:05:44,886
- Yeah, you might need
some counseling.
124
00:05:44,888 --> 00:05:46,521
I could drop you off
at a therapist
125
00:05:46,523 --> 00:05:50,024
On the way to my "I was a human
shield" support group.
126
00:05:50,026 --> 00:05:52,193
- Am I ever
gonna live this down?
127
00:05:52,195 --> 00:05:54,863
- It happened,
like, ten minutes ago.
128
00:05:54,865 --> 00:05:58,032
- Okay, let's move on.
- [scoffs]
129
00:05:58,034 --> 00:06:01,302
- Oh, look, someone left
a coupon for free movie popcorn.
130
00:06:01,304 --> 00:06:04,672
Oh, I'd love to escape
to a movie after my--
131
00:06:04,674 --> 00:06:07,909
Well, I'd just love
to escape.
132
00:06:07,911 --> 00:06:10,412
How much are movies now,
like 200 bucks?
133
00:06:10,414 --> 00:06:13,681
- Unless you go with me,
in which case, it is free.
134
00:06:13,683 --> 00:06:15,183
I'll take you tomorrow.
135
00:06:15,185 --> 00:06:17,185
I've been sneaking into theaters
since I was two.
136
00:06:17,187 --> 00:06:18,353
I crawled
into the little mermaid
137
00:06:18,355 --> 00:06:19,687
With a sack
full of cheerios
138
00:06:19,689 --> 00:06:21,856
And a baby bottle
full of diet coke.
139
00:06:25,261 --> 00:06:27,595
You know, chestnut,
the only thing
140
00:06:27,597 --> 00:06:29,964
That got me
through that robbery was you.
141
00:06:29,966 --> 00:06:32,300
I kept thinking,
"who will take care of you?"
142
00:06:32,302 --> 00:06:35,403
Because you can't count
on blondie selfish-pants
143
00:06:35,405 --> 00:06:38,139
Who used me as a human shield
and then peed herself.
144
00:06:38,141 --> 00:06:40,809
- Do not tell chestnut
I peed myself.
145
00:06:40,811 --> 00:06:44,479
He's the only one from my circle
who still talks to me.
146
00:06:44,481 --> 00:06:48,216
- As I was saying, chestnut,
I would have taken a bullet
147
00:06:48,218 --> 00:06:49,884
For her,
but she put herself first,
148
00:06:49,886 --> 00:06:51,719
And that's okay.
It's fine.
149
00:06:51,721 --> 00:06:54,222
- Max, I'm surprised
you're even affected by this.
150
00:06:54,224 --> 00:06:57,592
I mean, weren't you shot
as a baby?
151
00:06:57,594 --> 00:06:59,194
I feel
like you told me that.
152
00:06:59,196 --> 00:07:02,997
- No, I told you I drank shots
as a baby.
153
00:07:02,999 --> 00:07:06,034
My mother hated
to drink alone.
154
00:07:06,036 --> 00:07:07,535
- Okay, what free movie
should we see?
155
00:07:07,537 --> 00:07:09,771
Maybe something
with a fanning in it?
156
00:07:09,773 --> 00:07:12,207
- I'll see anything
unless it's in 3-d.
157
00:07:12,209 --> 00:07:14,142
I mean, if something's
gonna be flying at my face,
158
00:07:14,144 --> 00:07:16,711
I'd better get a free prime rib
out of it.
159
00:07:16,713 --> 00:07:19,347
- So what do we do, max?
What do we do?
160
00:07:19,349 --> 00:07:21,182
Hide in the back alley
till the coast is clear,
161
00:07:21,184 --> 00:07:24,018
And when the door opens,
make a break for it?
162
00:07:24,020 --> 00:07:27,055
- No, 'cause it's
not the 1940s.
163
00:07:27,057 --> 00:07:28,790
We just go right up
in the usher's face,
164
00:07:28,792 --> 00:07:31,426
Make an excuse, and then
boldly walk with purpose.
165
00:07:31,428 --> 00:07:33,161
- Okay, well,
just show me how.
166
00:07:33,163 --> 00:07:35,263
You can direct me.
I've done a lot of plays.
167
00:07:35,265 --> 00:07:37,332
[gasps] I could do
my "eliza doolittle
168
00:07:37,334 --> 00:07:40,268
Before she was civilized"
walk.
169
00:07:40,270 --> 00:07:43,338
[in cockney accent]
hello, governor.
170
00:07:45,274 --> 00:07:48,309
- Wow, that was just ugly.
I wish I hadn't seen it.
171
00:07:48,311 --> 00:07:52,280
All right,
just watch me.
172
00:07:52,282 --> 00:07:56,651
Walk, walk, walk, hair flip,
walk, walk.
173
00:07:56,653 --> 00:07:59,554
- Walk, walk, walk, hair flip,
walk, walk.
174
00:08:01,624 --> 00:08:04,292
- Good, but easy
on the hair flip, willow smith.
175
00:08:04,294 --> 00:08:08,563
[knocks at door]
176
00:08:08,565 --> 00:08:11,032
- Oh, hi, girls.
177
00:08:11,034 --> 00:08:13,201
Oh, I heard
what happened.
178
00:08:13,203 --> 00:08:16,037
Max, you got pushed in front
of a gun.
179
00:08:16,039 --> 00:08:19,107
You must be
very pissed.
180
00:08:20,342 --> 00:08:23,778
Caroline,
oh, what a nice outfit.
181
00:08:23,780 --> 00:08:27,949
On a scale of one to ten,
you're an eight.
182
00:08:27,951 --> 00:08:29,517
Get it?
Urinate.
183
00:08:29,519 --> 00:08:34,455
[laughter]
184
00:08:34,457 --> 00:08:36,858
- How do you even know
what happened?
185
00:08:36,860 --> 00:08:39,360
- Oh, well, oleg told me
when we were upstairs
186
00:08:39,362 --> 00:08:43,097
Playing "hide the penis,"
187
00:08:43,099 --> 00:08:45,366
And we laughed so hard,
we almost peed ourselves,
188
00:08:45,368 --> 00:08:48,436
But we didn't
because we're not you.
189
00:08:50,306 --> 00:08:52,473
- Actually, we're going
to a movie.
190
00:08:52,475 --> 00:08:54,742
- Oh, well,
that's nice.
191
00:08:54,744 --> 00:08:57,946
I hope you're gonna wear
your big girl pants.
192
00:08:57,948 --> 00:09:00,782
- Max.
- What? It's silly and funny.
193
00:09:00,784 --> 00:09:04,652
She's like
a polish fart cushion.
194
00:09:04,654 --> 00:09:06,020
Look, if it makes you
feel any better,
195
00:09:06,022 --> 00:09:07,822
There can't be
any pee jokes left.
196
00:09:07,824 --> 00:09:09,424
- [giggles]
what are you seeing,
197
00:09:09,426 --> 00:09:12,260
Something rated
"pee pee 13"?
198
00:09:12,262 --> 00:09:15,096
[laughter]
199
00:09:15,098 --> 00:09:17,565
- Fart cushions
are funny.
200
00:09:26,308 --> 00:09:27,942
- There's the guy.
I'm getting a little nervous.
201
00:09:27,944 --> 00:09:29,677
I'm starting to sweat
like those people
202
00:09:29,679 --> 00:09:32,180
On locked up abroad.
I don't know why.
203
00:09:32,182 --> 00:09:34,048
I haven't swallowed
a heroin balloon.
204
00:09:34,050 --> 00:09:35,617
- Okay, let's go.
[exhales]
205
00:09:35,619 --> 00:09:39,187
Pretend we're out of breath.
- [exhales]
206
00:09:39,189 --> 00:09:42,156
- Out of breath,
not out of your mind.
207
00:09:42,158 --> 00:09:43,992
[exhales]
hey, sorry.
208
00:09:43,994 --> 00:09:45,627
Can we just run back
into the theater for a second?
209
00:09:45,629 --> 00:09:47,462
I left my iphone in there,
and the prescription
210
00:09:47,464 --> 00:09:49,330
For her anti-seizure
medication's on it.
211
00:09:49,332 --> 00:09:50,932
- Yeah, which theater
were you in?
212
00:09:50,934 --> 00:09:52,800
- Theatre five.
Went to the 11:15.
213
00:09:52,802 --> 00:09:54,469
Got out at 1:20.
A little long.
214
00:09:54,471 --> 00:09:56,537
Could've cut ten
from it.
215
00:10:00,843 --> 00:10:02,644
- Wow, your walk with purpose
is getting
216
00:10:02,646 --> 00:10:04,846
Almost as impressive
as han's "bang, bang,
217
00:10:04,848 --> 00:10:06,881
You're in my house now,
bitch!"
218
00:10:06,883 --> 00:10:08,816
- I know.
What about han?
219
00:10:08,818 --> 00:10:11,653
Before yesterday, we thought
he was 53 and unarmed.
220
00:10:11,655 --> 00:10:13,221
Guess we learn something new
about people every day.
221
00:10:13,223 --> 00:10:14,689
- [chuckles] yeah,
like having to learn
222
00:10:14,691 --> 00:10:16,891
That when you get nervous,
I'm disposable.
223
00:10:16,893 --> 00:10:20,828
- That was very uncharacteristic
of me.
224
00:10:20,830 --> 00:10:24,265
- Hi, um, hallelujah.
225
00:10:24,267 --> 00:10:25,767
Cool name,
by the way.
226
00:10:25,769 --> 00:10:27,268
How are you doing today,
hallelujah?
227
00:10:27,270 --> 00:10:29,303
- Bitter.
228
00:10:29,305 --> 00:10:31,005
They wouldn't let me put
an exclamation point
229
00:10:31,007 --> 00:10:33,007
On my name tag.
230
00:10:33,009 --> 00:10:34,509
- Um, is there any way
you could make
231
00:10:34,511 --> 00:10:35,843
A fresh batch
of popcorn?
232
00:10:35,845 --> 00:10:37,845
- I could,
but it takes ten minutes,
233
00:10:37,847 --> 00:10:39,213
And your show
starts in two.
234
00:10:39,215 --> 00:10:40,648
- Actually,
it takes 3 1/2,
235
00:10:40,650 --> 00:10:41,949
And I can miss
a few trailers.
236
00:10:41,951 --> 00:10:43,551
I used to work
at a cineplex five.
237
00:10:43,553 --> 00:10:47,355
- Oh, so now you just know
everything about life?
238
00:10:47,357 --> 00:10:49,824
- Come on,
the opening scene sets up
239
00:10:49,826 --> 00:10:51,559
Where he gets
his superpowers from.
240
00:10:51,561 --> 00:10:55,797
- Hey, hallelujah here
is doing the best he can.
241
00:10:55,799 --> 00:10:57,231
I mean,
based on his name,
242
00:10:57,233 --> 00:10:59,634
His parents clearly had
bigger dreams for him,
243
00:10:59,636 --> 00:11:01,569
And it is not his fault
you guys showed up two minutes
244
00:11:01,571 --> 00:11:03,071
Before the show starts.
245
00:11:03,073 --> 00:11:05,206
Maybe next time,
you'll show up ten minutes early
246
00:11:05,208 --> 00:11:07,275
Without the attitude
and the fidgety exhaling.
247
00:11:07,277 --> 00:11:08,710
You think hallelujah
doesn't hear that?
248
00:11:08,712 --> 00:11:12,447
- He does.
- Sorry to be such a problem.
249
00:11:12,449 --> 00:11:13,948
We'll just take
whatever you've got ready.
250
00:11:13,950 --> 00:11:16,684
- No, girl.
I got you.
251
00:11:16,686 --> 00:11:18,352
I'm gonna make you
a fresh batch.
252
00:11:18,354 --> 00:11:20,421
- Hallelujah, could I have
some fresh too?
253
00:11:20,423 --> 00:11:23,024
- You'll get the burnt ones
and like it, nerd.
254
00:11:27,529 --> 00:11:29,130
- Let's sit down here.
255
00:11:29,132 --> 00:11:30,531
Ooh, I'm not sticking
to the floor yet.
256
00:11:30,533 --> 00:11:32,867
Fancy theater.
257
00:11:32,869 --> 00:11:34,368
Oh, hey, guys.
258
00:11:34,370 --> 00:11:35,970
Hope I wasn't too hard
on you out there.
259
00:11:35,972 --> 00:11:37,271
Nice cape.
260
00:11:37,273 --> 00:11:40,074
- Thanks.
I had it in my backpack.
261
00:11:40,076 --> 00:11:43,144
I wasn't sure.
- Hmm.
262
00:11:46,081 --> 00:11:48,249
You made
the right choice.
263
00:11:48,251 --> 00:11:49,684
[dramatic music playing]
264
00:11:49,686 --> 00:11:51,552
- She likes my cape.
265
00:11:51,554 --> 00:11:56,290
- Technically, she likes
your sister's cape.
266
00:11:56,292 --> 00:11:59,360
- Okay, so I don't know anything
about these superhero movies.
267
00:11:59,362 --> 00:12:01,829
It's a remake of a prequel
to a sequel?
268
00:12:01,831 --> 00:12:03,531
I'm already confused.
- Okay.
269
00:12:03,533 --> 00:12:08,669
So there's always a nerdy guy...
[whistles]
270
00:12:08,671 --> 00:12:10,605
And he's either been wronged
or bitten
271
00:12:10,607 --> 00:12:11,606
Or exposed
to something toxic.
272
00:12:11,608 --> 00:12:13,441
It gives him superpowers.
273
00:12:13,443 --> 00:12:15,276
He's in love with a pretty girl
who his rival tries to kill
274
00:12:15,278 --> 00:12:16,644
But then won't
because they have
275
00:12:16,646 --> 00:12:17,779
To make another movie.
276
00:12:17,781 --> 00:12:19,180
Also, partial nudity,
277
00:12:19,182 --> 00:12:20,615
Product placement,
dope explosions,
278
00:12:20,617 --> 00:12:23,184
And a killer score
by hans zimmer.
279
00:12:23,186 --> 00:12:25,319
- Okay, your knowledge
of these superhero movies
280
00:12:25,321 --> 00:12:28,389
Is kind of turning me on
right now.
281
00:12:30,159 --> 00:12:32,627
- Wait.
Are you kidding me?
282
00:12:32,629 --> 00:12:34,796
The hero has red hair
as a child?
283
00:12:34,798 --> 00:12:36,864
Um, weird,
'cause when he grows up,
284
00:12:36,866 --> 00:12:39,167
He has black hair.
285
00:12:39,169 --> 00:12:40,968
Was there some sort
of chemical spill,
286
00:12:40,970 --> 00:12:44,005
Which, by the way, wasn't
in the original comic book!
287
00:12:44,007 --> 00:12:45,673
What am I, dumb?
- Okay.
288
00:12:45,675 --> 00:12:47,308
Okay, come on.
289
00:12:47,310 --> 00:12:48,643
Come on, let's go
to another movie.
290
00:12:48,645 --> 00:12:49,877
- What are you talking about?
291
00:12:49,879 --> 00:12:51,145
- Well, you obviously
hate this.
292
00:12:51,147 --> 00:12:52,380
You're yelling
at the screen.
293
00:12:52,382 --> 00:12:54,015
- Yelling at the screen
is the best part
294
00:12:54,017 --> 00:12:55,683
Of going to the movies,
and more white people
295
00:12:55,685 --> 00:12:58,619
Should learn that.
296
00:12:58,621 --> 00:13:01,589
[car crashes]
297
00:13:01,591 --> 00:13:03,724
[girl shrieks]
oh, wow, look at that.
298
00:13:03,726 --> 00:13:06,561
That car just exploded
in front of those two girls,
299
00:13:06,563 --> 00:13:08,830
And one didn't use
the other's body
300
00:13:08,832 --> 00:13:12,500
To block her
from the flying debris.
301
00:13:12,502 --> 00:13:15,036
- Are you ever
gonna let this go?
302
00:13:15,038 --> 00:13:16,671
- I don't know.
I mean, it's kind of a big deal.
303
00:13:16,673 --> 00:13:18,172
You put my life
in danger.
304
00:13:18,174 --> 00:13:21,108
- Well, I've apologized
about it twice.
305
00:13:21,110 --> 00:13:22,677
I don't know
how much more I can do.
306
00:13:22,679 --> 00:13:24,111
[car crashes]
307
00:13:24,113 --> 00:13:25,613
[woman shrieks]
308
00:13:25,615 --> 00:13:28,382
- Yeah, I could have died,
309
00:13:28,384 --> 00:13:30,885
But you apologized twice,
so I guess we're good.
310
00:13:30,887 --> 00:13:32,019
[girl shrieks]
311
00:13:32,021 --> 00:13:33,521
- I don't
like this movie.
312
00:13:33,523 --> 00:13:35,523
It's violence
against women.
313
00:13:35,525 --> 00:13:37,592
Let's go see that
katherine heigl rom-com sequel.
314
00:13:37,594 --> 00:13:40,862
- Talk about violence
against women.
315
00:13:40,864 --> 00:13:43,264
- I am gonna go spend some time
with katie heigl.
316
00:13:43,266 --> 00:13:44,765
At least she won't
make me feel guilty.
317
00:13:44,767 --> 00:13:46,400
- See ya.
318
00:13:46,402 --> 00:13:50,371
Enjoy three
walking on sunshine montages.
319
00:13:52,774 --> 00:13:55,376
- I don't wanna go to a movie
by myself, and you're right.
320
00:13:55,378 --> 00:13:57,445
I'm sorry.
I hate the way I acted.
321
00:13:57,447 --> 00:14:00,281
I'm a spoiled rich girl,
and I always put myself first,
322
00:14:00,283 --> 00:14:02,350
And I know that's something
you would never do.
323
00:14:02,352 --> 00:14:04,418
- Shut up.
324
00:14:05,954 --> 00:14:08,990
- Max,
I think I just saw han.
325
00:14:08,992 --> 00:14:11,859
- It is han.
What's he doing here?
326
00:14:11,861 --> 00:14:13,594
- Why is he sitting
all the way in the back?
327
00:14:13,596 --> 00:14:15,029
- I don't know,
maybe he's afraid
328
00:14:15,031 --> 00:14:16,964
Of blocking
absolutely no one's view.
329
00:14:16,966 --> 00:14:19,533
- [chuckles]
330
00:14:19,535 --> 00:14:22,270
And who is that guy and girl
he's sitting with?
331
00:14:22,272 --> 00:14:26,207
Is han
in a threesome?
332
00:14:26,209 --> 00:14:28,276
Does he secretly
have game?
333
00:14:28,278 --> 00:14:30,378
- Please.
The only game han has
334
00:14:30,380 --> 00:14:32,446
Is "one, two,
buckle my shoe."
335
00:14:34,349 --> 00:14:37,118
- Wait, he's leaving,
336
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:39,587
And so is the guy
he was sitting next to.
337
00:14:39,589 --> 00:14:42,690
- Did han just get
more interesting?
338
00:14:42,692 --> 00:14:45,092
We have
to follow him.
339
00:14:45,094 --> 00:14:47,995
[scoffs] he can blast
a wall apart with his thoughts,
340
00:14:47,997 --> 00:14:49,363
But he can't get
out of handcuffs?
341
00:14:49,365 --> 00:14:53,100
Even I could get
out of handcuffs!
342
00:14:53,102 --> 00:14:54,669
Have fun
being lied to.
343
00:14:54,671 --> 00:14:56,270
- You're right.
You're always right.
344
00:14:56,272 --> 00:14:58,773
Are you seeing anyone?
345
00:14:58,775 --> 00:15:01,475
- That was hard
to watch.
346
00:15:09,751 --> 00:15:12,186
- Why is he going to
the bathroom with that stranger?
347
00:15:12,188 --> 00:15:15,256
- Is han
also a republican senator?
348
00:15:15,258 --> 00:15:17,491
Usher.
349
00:15:24,733 --> 00:15:26,834
- Are all men's rooms
this depressing?
350
00:15:26,836 --> 00:15:28,069
- We are
such different people.
351
00:15:28,071 --> 00:15:30,004
I was just gonna say
how nice it is.
352
00:15:30,006 --> 00:15:33,040
- I don't hear
sex sounds,
353
00:15:33,042 --> 00:15:36,110
And he's not
on the changing table,
354
00:15:36,112 --> 00:15:38,346
So maybe drugs
are involved.
355
00:15:38,348 --> 00:15:40,748
- You think han's
an asian drug dealer?
356
00:15:40,750 --> 00:15:43,751
What's he selling,
crystal math?
357
00:15:43,753 --> 00:15:45,086
- Oh, look.
Han's coming.
358
00:15:45,088 --> 00:15:46,887
- Aw, gross!
- No, no!
359
00:15:46,889 --> 00:15:51,292
I meant
he's coming this way.
360
00:15:51,294 --> 00:15:54,128
- Hey, you're running.
Don't run, it's han.
361
00:15:54,130 --> 00:15:57,098
For him, every step we take
is like a 100-meter dash.
362
00:15:57,100 --> 00:15:59,867
- Sorry, you're the one
who doesn't want han to see us.
363
00:15:59,869 --> 00:16:02,169
- I just don't want that kind
of relationship with him.
364
00:16:02,171 --> 00:16:03,304
- You mean the kind
of relationship
365
00:16:03,306 --> 00:16:04,605
Where you see someone
you know
366
00:16:04,607 --> 00:16:05,940
At the movie theater
and say hello?
367
00:16:05,942 --> 00:16:07,475
- Yeah, I definitely
don't want that.
368
00:16:07,477 --> 00:16:08,909
- [scoffs]
369
00:16:08,911 --> 00:16:11,245
- Ladies, may I
see your tickets, please?
370
00:16:11,247 --> 00:16:14,315
- Tickets?
Max, do you--
371
00:16:16,284 --> 00:16:17,485
- Can I see
your tickets, please?
372
00:16:17,487 --> 00:16:20,121
I saw you
go into another theater.
373
00:16:20,123 --> 00:16:22,590
- Caroline?
374
00:16:22,592 --> 00:16:25,259
- Hi, honey.
375
00:16:25,261 --> 00:16:27,161
- Hello?
376
00:16:27,163 --> 00:16:29,030
- Honey,
I forgot my ticket.
377
00:16:29,032 --> 00:16:30,331
He has my ticket.
378
00:16:30,333 --> 00:16:32,199
Han, this nice usher man
thinks I snuck
379
00:16:32,201 --> 00:16:34,769
Into the theater,
so just show him the tickets.
380
00:16:34,771 --> 00:16:38,339
- Uh, uh--
381
00:16:38,341 --> 00:16:39,673
- You two
are together?
382
00:16:39,675 --> 00:16:42,343
- Yeah, why?
- Oh, it's nothing.
383
00:16:42,345 --> 00:16:43,577
It's none
of my business,
384
00:16:43,579 --> 00:16:45,446
But he just seems
too old for you.
385
00:16:45,448 --> 00:16:49,116
- He's 29.
- What?
386
00:16:49,118 --> 00:16:51,652
Uh, I'm gonna have
to see you
387
00:16:51,654 --> 00:16:53,354
And your girlfriend's ticket.
388
00:16:53,356 --> 00:16:56,190
- Uh, I thought
I put the ticket in here.
389
00:16:56,192 --> 00:16:58,692
- Tickets. You put two tickets
in there, honey.
390
00:16:58,694 --> 00:17:02,196
- Um, okay.
391
00:17:02,198 --> 00:17:05,666
I cannot find it.
Damn.
392
00:17:05,668 --> 00:17:08,169
- Sir, you know
that sneaking into a theater's
393
00:17:08,171 --> 00:17:09,236
A felony, right?
394
00:17:09,238 --> 00:17:12,273
- It is?
395
00:17:13,909 --> 00:17:15,676
- Han, what's that face?
396
00:17:15,678 --> 00:17:19,380
It's the same face I made
when I peed--
397
00:17:19,382 --> 00:17:21,749
Oh, honey.
398
00:17:21,751 --> 00:17:24,351
- How will I live
with the shame?
399
00:17:24,353 --> 00:17:26,020
- Well, at least
your fanny pack
400
00:17:26,022 --> 00:17:28,756
Isn't the most embarrassing
thing about you anymore.
401
00:17:35,931 --> 00:17:39,233
- Well, well, well,
look who it is.
402
00:17:39,235 --> 00:17:42,736
Hair flip and go.
403
00:17:42,738 --> 00:17:45,172
- I don't know what you're
doing, but it feels weird.
404
00:17:45,174 --> 00:17:47,842
- Now, look who's walk,
walk, walking with purpose
405
00:17:47,844 --> 00:17:50,044
Away from me again.
406
00:17:50,046 --> 00:17:51,879
- What?
It wasn't a big deal.
407
00:17:51,881 --> 00:17:55,282
- Really? 'cause I went
to movie jail with han.
408
00:17:55,284 --> 00:17:57,384
- Cool.
- We have a mug shot.
409
00:17:57,386 --> 00:17:59,086
We're a notorious
gangster couple now
410
00:17:59,088 --> 00:18:00,421
Down at the cineplex.
411
00:18:00,423 --> 00:18:03,324
That's right,
han-nie and clyde,
412
00:18:03,326 --> 00:18:04,859
But you know what,
I'm fine.
413
00:18:04,861 --> 00:18:07,094
I'm thrilled, actually,
because you walking away
414
00:18:07,096 --> 00:18:08,496
Gave me one thing.
415
00:18:08,498 --> 00:18:11,765
- An obstructed view
of my sweet, sweet ass?
416
00:18:11,767 --> 00:18:13,834
- No, the satisfaction
of knowing
417
00:18:13,836 --> 00:18:15,636
That you are just
as selfish as me.
418
00:18:15,638 --> 00:18:17,771
- [scoffs] what a selfish thing
to say.
419
00:18:17,773 --> 00:18:21,142
- [chuckles] you can walk,
walk, walk away from me, max,
420
00:18:21,144 --> 00:18:22,910
But you can't walk away
from knowing
421
00:18:22,912 --> 00:18:24,178
That you
split the scene.
422
00:18:24,180 --> 00:18:26,447
- What? I thought you
were behind me,
423
00:18:26,449 --> 00:18:28,315
And besides, we couldn't both
get caught.
424
00:18:28,317 --> 00:18:29,683
Who would live
to tell the tale
425
00:18:29,685 --> 00:18:31,352
Of the great caroline channing,
the girl
426
00:18:31,354 --> 00:18:32,987
Who couldn't walk
fast enough?
427
00:18:32,989 --> 00:18:36,090
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't turn this around.
428
00:18:36,092 --> 00:18:38,526
Now, I see it,
the whole "max" of it all.
429
00:18:38,528 --> 00:18:40,261
When we got caught,
you only thought
430
00:18:40,263 --> 00:18:41,862
About saving yourself,
431
00:18:41,864 --> 00:18:43,764
And you weren't defending
poor hallelujah.
432
00:18:43,766 --> 00:18:45,966
You just wanted fresh popcorn
for yourself.
433
00:18:45,968 --> 00:18:48,102
- What can I say?
I guess you're on to me.
434
00:18:48,104 --> 00:18:50,471
- You said you'd take
a bullet for me.
435
00:18:50,473 --> 00:18:52,072
You'd never take
a bullet for me.
436
00:18:52,074 --> 00:18:54,608
- Probably not.
No one ever takes a bullet.
437
00:18:54,610 --> 00:18:56,310
It's just something people say
that they don't mean,
438
00:18:56,312 --> 00:18:57,645
Like, "how was your day?"
439
00:18:57,647 --> 00:19:00,548
Or, "we'll stop
if it hurts."
440
00:19:05,153 --> 00:19:07,521
- Wow, so this
is who we are, huh?
441
00:19:07,523 --> 00:19:09,690
Two selfish girls
who always put ourselves
442
00:19:09,692 --> 00:19:10,991
Before everyone else
and are willing
443
00:19:10,993 --> 00:19:12,326
To do anything
to survive?
444
00:19:12,328 --> 00:19:14,395
- Guess we are.
445
00:19:14,397 --> 00:19:16,730
Man, we're gonna crush
the cupcake competition.
446
00:19:16,732 --> 00:19:19,266
- But, max,
even though we're ruthless,
447
00:19:19,268 --> 00:19:20,768
Every now and then,
on our own behalf,
448
00:19:20,770 --> 00:19:22,436
We do put ourselves second,
449
00:19:22,438 --> 00:19:25,072
And I guess that's
what makes us best friends.
450
00:19:25,074 --> 00:19:27,374
- I don't think
I've ever done that.
451
00:19:27,376 --> 00:19:28,576
- Yes, you have.
452
00:19:28,578 --> 00:19:29,743
You let me stay
on your couch
453
00:19:29,745 --> 00:19:31,545
When I had no place
to stay.
454
00:19:31,547 --> 00:19:33,247
- I guess I did.
455
00:19:33,249 --> 00:19:36,984
- And I gave you--
456
00:19:36,986 --> 00:19:40,688
- Go ahead.
457
00:19:40,690 --> 00:19:43,057
- Well, there must be something
where I didn't put myself first.
458
00:19:43,059 --> 00:19:45,392
- [scoffs] let me know
when you find it.
459
00:19:48,597 --> 00:19:50,831
- Sophie,
just look at you.
460
00:19:50,833 --> 00:19:53,033
You couldn't look
more scrumptious.
461
00:19:53,035 --> 00:19:55,169
- Oh,
maybe I could
462
00:19:55,171 --> 00:20:00,441
With a little chocolate
drizzled on me.
463
00:20:00,443 --> 00:20:03,677
Oh, good,
there you are, han.
464
00:20:03,679 --> 00:20:07,581
I just have one question
that I have to ask you.
465
00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:09,883
What is
your favorite musical?
466
00:20:09,885 --> 00:20:12,419
Is it the wiz?
467
00:20:12,421 --> 00:20:13,921
[laughs]
468
00:20:13,923 --> 00:20:16,223
- Whiz, max!
I found another one, right?
469
00:20:16,225 --> 00:20:17,925
[laughs]
470
00:20:17,927 --> 00:20:19,493
- How do you even know
about this?
471
00:20:19,495 --> 00:20:23,764
- Oh, oleg told me
while we were having phone sex.
472
00:20:23,766 --> 00:20:26,533
- And by phone sex, she means
we were using the phone
473
00:20:26,535 --> 00:20:29,937
In the sex.
474
00:20:29,939 --> 00:20:31,572
- Don't worry, han.
475
00:20:31,574 --> 00:20:34,375
A lot of older men
can't control their bladder.
476
00:20:34,377 --> 00:20:36,910
- I am
twenty-freaking-nine!
477
00:20:36,912 --> 00:20:39,747
- Ooh, what?
478
00:20:39,749 --> 00:20:44,051
[cackles]
479
00:20:44,053 --> 00:20:46,053
- I'm humiliated, max.
480
00:20:46,055 --> 00:20:48,355
- Hey, listen to me.
481
00:20:48,357 --> 00:20:49,623
You didn't
sell caroline out.
482
00:20:49,625 --> 00:20:51,091
A lot of people
would have,
483
00:20:51,093 --> 00:20:52,860
But you just stood there
like a man
484
00:20:52,862 --> 00:20:54,361
And peed your pants.
485
00:20:54,363 --> 00:20:56,730
- That's true.
I did.
486
00:20:56,732 --> 00:20:58,165
- By the way, han,
why were you
487
00:20:58,167 --> 00:20:59,600
At the movies in the middle
of the day?
488
00:20:59,602 --> 00:21:01,168
- Sometimes people bug me,
489
00:21:01,170 --> 00:21:04,104
And I need
some time away.
490
00:21:04,106 --> 00:21:06,006
- You know what, han?
491
00:21:06,008 --> 00:21:07,174
You're cool.
492
00:21:07,176 --> 00:21:08,475
We're gonna hang
sometime.
493
00:21:08,477 --> 00:21:09,476
Not now,
not in a week,
494
00:21:09,478 --> 00:21:11,945
But in the future.
495
00:21:11,947 --> 00:21:17,851
Just sayin',
I got my eye on you.
496
00:21:17,853 --> 00:21:20,854
[cash register dings]