1
00:00:00,843 --> 00:00:02,778
- Hi, I'm gonna
be your waitress,
2
00:00:02,780 --> 00:00:05,580
'cause my mother drank.
3
00:00:05,582 --> 00:00:06,915
- Great. We need a sec.
4
00:00:06,917 --> 00:00:09,918
- Feelin' kinda generous,
take two.
5
00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,988
- Then he said to me,
"dude, your vagina is weird."
6
00:00:12,990 --> 00:00:14,322
- Dude, that's insane.
7
00:00:14,324 --> 00:00:15,390
It is so not weird.
8
00:00:15,392 --> 00:00:17,059
Your vagina's awesome.
9
00:00:17,061 --> 00:00:18,493
- Okay, I'm ready.
10
00:00:18,495 --> 00:00:20,896
- Now I need a sec.
11
00:00:20,898 --> 00:00:22,230
Well, it's over.
12
00:00:22,232 --> 00:00:23,432
I can't say it anymore.
13
00:00:23,434 --> 00:00:25,300
The vagina's
gone mainstream.
14
00:00:25,302 --> 00:00:29,104
What's next?
A clothing line at target?
15
00:00:29,106 --> 00:00:30,405
- Aw, max, I'm sorry.
16
00:00:30,407 --> 00:00:32,074
It's your favorite word.
17
00:00:32,076 --> 00:00:33,742
- And my favorite body part.
18
00:00:33,744 --> 00:00:35,177
But now everyone's saying it.
19
00:00:35,179 --> 00:00:36,511
- Well, we can
pick another word for it.
20
00:00:36,513 --> 00:00:38,780
Something cute,
like cookie.
21
00:00:38,782 --> 00:00:40,582
- Yeah, it sounds like
a good idea
22
00:00:40,584 --> 00:00:42,284
Until you walk past
a bunch of girl scouts
23
00:00:42,286 --> 00:00:45,253
Selling their cookies
on the street.
24
00:00:45,255 --> 00:00:46,521
Well, we've gotta
pick something,
25
00:00:46,523 --> 00:00:48,356
'cause vagina's everywhere.
26
00:00:48,358 --> 00:00:50,425
- Where?
27
00:00:51,461 --> 00:00:53,929
- ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
28
00:00:53,931 --> 00:00:55,464
[cash register bell dings]
29
00:00:55,466 --> 00:00:59,501
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
30
00:01:07,710 --> 00:01:09,111
- Previously on
2 broke girls...
31
00:01:09,113 --> 00:01:10,612
- This is invitation
32
00:01:10,614 --> 00:01:14,049
To metropolitan museum
annual gala.
33
00:01:14,051 --> 00:01:15,984
- We have the invitation.
She'll be there.
34
00:01:15,986 --> 00:01:18,887
- You are talking about us
stalking martha stewart.
35
00:01:18,889 --> 00:01:22,457
- So you want me to taste your
cupcake in the ladies' room?
36
00:01:22,459 --> 00:01:24,526
What's inappropriate
about that?
37
00:01:24,528 --> 00:01:26,027
- That is our beer batter
38
00:01:26,029 --> 00:01:28,130
Maple bacon
spring break cupcake.
39
00:01:28,132 --> 00:01:29,531
- Quite tasty.
40
00:01:29,533 --> 00:01:30,999
Do you girls have a card?
41
00:01:31,001 --> 00:01:32,801
Both: Martha stewart
likes our cupcakes!
42
00:01:32,803 --> 00:01:33,902
[laughter]
43
00:01:35,972 --> 00:01:37,873
- Max, have you
seen my phone?
44
00:01:37,875 --> 00:01:39,541
I wanna take a picture
of this bad tip
45
00:01:39,543 --> 00:01:40,709
And put it on instagram.
46
00:01:40,711 --> 00:01:42,677
Getting loose change
used to be so depressing,
47
00:01:42,679 --> 00:01:44,913
But now I can
share it with strangers.
48
00:01:44,915 --> 00:01:46,548
- Let me sum it up.
49
00:01:46,550 --> 00:01:47,716
Twitter is stupid.
50
00:01:47,718 --> 00:01:50,785
And instagram is twitter
for people who can't read.
51
00:01:51,921 --> 00:01:53,155
- Where is my phone?
52
00:01:53,157 --> 00:01:54,556
I could've sworn
I left it right here,
53
00:01:54,558 --> 00:01:55,757
Next to yours.
54
00:01:55,759 --> 00:01:57,092
Oh, I'll just call it.
55
00:01:57,094 --> 00:01:58,493
- Oh, that's not necessary.
56
00:01:58,495 --> 00:01:59,895
I'm sure it'll turn up...
57
00:01:59,897 --> 00:02:01,163
[ringtone]
- ♪ my milkshake
58
00:02:01,165 --> 00:02:02,497
♪ brings all the boys
to the yard ♪
59
00:02:02,499 --> 00:02:03,698
♪ and they're like
60
00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:04,766
♪ it's better than yours
61
00:02:04,768 --> 00:02:06,234
- In my pocket.
62
00:02:06,236 --> 00:02:08,270
- Max, why are you
hiding my phone in your apron?
63
00:02:08,272 --> 00:02:10,372
- Is that the big question,
really?
64
00:02:10,374 --> 00:02:11,873
'cause I think
the bigger question is,
65
00:02:11,875 --> 00:02:13,441
Why is your ringtone
"my milkshake
66
00:02:13,443 --> 00:02:16,211
Brings all the boys
to the yard"?
67
00:02:16,213 --> 00:02:17,712
- If you have to ask that,
68
00:02:17,714 --> 00:02:20,782
You clearly have not
seen my milkshake.
69
00:02:22,018 --> 00:02:24,085
- Okay, here.
I'm busted.
70
00:02:24,087 --> 00:02:26,521
I was checking to see
if martha stewart called us yet.
71
00:02:26,523 --> 00:02:27,789
- You checked it again?
72
00:02:27,791 --> 00:02:29,457
You check it, like,
every 15 minutes.
73
00:02:29,459 --> 00:02:30,592
- I know!
74
00:02:30,594 --> 00:02:32,594
I am acting like
a little bitch.
75
00:02:32,596 --> 00:02:35,297
- Max, martha stewart
has our business card.
76
00:02:35,299 --> 00:02:37,265
She liked our cupcakes.
She'll call.
77
00:02:37,267 --> 00:02:40,035
- Look, in my defense,
she asked for our card.
78
00:02:40,037 --> 00:02:41,303
She got us
all hot and bothered.
79
00:02:41,305 --> 00:02:43,038
And then what?
Nothing.
80
00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:45,707
Martha stewart
is cake tease.
81
00:02:45,709 --> 00:02:47,976
- [gasps]
82
00:02:47,978 --> 00:02:49,110
How dare you!
83
00:02:49,112 --> 00:02:51,279
Martha stewart
is not a cake tease.
84
00:02:51,281 --> 00:02:52,714
- Nothing worse
than a cake tease.
85
00:02:52,716 --> 00:02:54,749
Ask any man.
86
00:02:54,751 --> 00:02:57,652
- Yeah, you shower,
you powder your sack.
87
00:02:57,654 --> 00:02:59,955
For what?
88
00:03:01,557 --> 00:03:03,058
- Look, max, relax.
89
00:03:03,060 --> 00:03:05,227
She'll call.
Everything's gonna work out.
90
00:03:05,229 --> 00:03:06,661
I mean, a year ago,
we didn't even have
91
00:03:06,663 --> 00:03:07,629
A cupcake business.
92
00:03:07,631 --> 00:03:09,231
Look how far we've come.
93
00:03:09,233 --> 00:03:10,732
- [exhales]
I haven't come at all,
94
00:03:10,734 --> 00:03:13,802
Thanks to the cake tease.
95
00:03:15,771 --> 00:03:18,940
[mocking]
oh, your cupcake is quite tasty.
96
00:03:18,942 --> 00:03:20,342
Do you have a card?
97
00:03:20,344 --> 00:03:22,577
- Max, that's a good
martha stewart.
98
00:03:22,579 --> 00:03:23,812
- I know,
'cause I can't
99
00:03:23,814 --> 00:03:26,715
Get her siren voice
out of my head.
100
00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:29,618
- [laughs]
101
00:03:29,620 --> 00:03:32,621
Wow, han.
102
00:03:32,623 --> 00:03:34,589
You look you were hit
by a mardi gras
103
00:03:34,591 --> 00:03:36,625
And a gay pride float.
104
00:03:36,627 --> 00:03:39,127
- I have just returned
from the exciting
105
00:03:39,129 --> 00:03:40,795
Manhattan restaurant
trade show.
106
00:03:40,797 --> 00:03:42,697
Look at all this
free swag.
107
00:03:42,699 --> 00:03:44,599
And I've got stress balls.
108
00:03:44,601 --> 00:03:47,669
- Well, just go in the back
and take care of yourself.
109
00:03:49,138 --> 00:03:50,305
- Listen up, everybody.
110
00:03:50,307 --> 00:03:51,640
I have a big announcement.
111
00:03:51,642 --> 00:03:54,843
- Well, more like
a 5'1" announcement.
112
00:03:54,845 --> 00:03:57,012
- I am changing the diner
to state-of-the-art
113
00:03:57,014 --> 00:03:59,114
Computer "power touch"
ordering system
114
00:03:59,116 --> 00:04:00,515
For food and checks.
115
00:04:00,517 --> 00:04:02,117
- I am not
learning anything new.
116
00:04:02,119 --> 00:04:05,120
I work here because
I have no skills.
117
00:04:05,122 --> 00:04:07,656
- You don't have
to learn it, max.
118
00:04:07,658 --> 00:04:08,990
It's very smart machine.
119
00:04:08,992 --> 00:04:10,892
It will help you.
- Uh-huh.
120
00:04:10,894 --> 00:04:12,994
That's how it started
with machines in the matrix.
121
00:04:12,996 --> 00:04:15,730
Next thing you know,
the human race was enslaved.
122
00:04:15,732 --> 00:04:16,965
- Been there, done that.
123
00:04:16,967 --> 00:04:19,668
I'm with max.
124
00:04:19,670 --> 00:04:20,869
- We are doing it.
125
00:04:20,871 --> 00:04:22,671
It's important
to move the business
126
00:04:22,673 --> 00:04:23,838
Into the future.
127
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:27,208
So get with it,
you luddites.
128
00:04:27,210 --> 00:04:30,178
- Ah, ah, ah, ah,
girls, we got big trouble.
129
00:04:30,180 --> 00:04:32,247
If he starts
using a new system,
130
00:04:32,249 --> 00:04:34,249
I won't be able
to use my old system
131
00:04:34,251 --> 00:04:36,818
Where I skim something
off the top.
132
00:04:36,820 --> 00:04:38,720
- Earl, skimming?
133
00:04:38,722 --> 00:04:39,988
I'm kind of shocked.
134
00:04:39,990 --> 00:04:41,523
- I don't do it for me.
135
00:04:41,525 --> 00:04:42,924
You know how once a month
you girls
136
00:04:42,926 --> 00:04:45,026
Have a really good night
in tips?
137
00:04:45,028 --> 00:04:46,928
You're welcome.
138
00:04:46,930 --> 00:04:49,097
- I have been lying awake
at night
139
00:04:49,099 --> 00:04:51,032
Trying to figure out
how we made that 200 bucks
140
00:04:51,034 --> 00:04:54,102
With her skills.
141
00:04:54,104 --> 00:04:56,104
- Hey, girls.
- Hey, sophie.
142
00:04:56,106 --> 00:04:57,739
- You know,
every time I come here,
143
00:04:57,741 --> 00:05:00,642
I'm surprised
you're still open.
144
00:05:03,045 --> 00:05:04,679
- Here you go, sophie.
145
00:05:04,681 --> 00:05:06,281
- Hey.
146
00:05:06,283 --> 00:05:07,782
Where's the little
asian woman
147
00:05:07,784 --> 00:05:09,918
That always hands me
my menu?
148
00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:11,786
- Asian woman?
149
00:05:11,788 --> 00:05:13,621
You mean han?
- Mm-hmm.
150
00:05:13,623 --> 00:05:15,357
- Sophie, han's a man.
151
00:05:15,359 --> 00:05:18,259
- If you say so.
152
00:05:20,062 --> 00:05:21,730
Is there anything special
tonight?
153
00:05:21,732 --> 00:05:23,431
- Yes.
154
00:05:23,433 --> 00:05:25,734
Here I am...
155
00:05:25,736 --> 00:05:28,903
With treats for my sweet.
156
00:05:28,905 --> 00:05:30,305
- Aww.
157
00:05:30,307 --> 00:05:32,107
Day-glo zebra?
158
00:05:32,109 --> 00:05:34,709
That's my favorite animal.
159
00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:39,247
Oh, and edible underwear!
160
00:05:39,249 --> 00:05:42,817
That's my favorite snack.
161
00:05:42,819 --> 00:05:46,654
- Yeah, and they're crotchless,
so less carbs.
162
00:05:49,158 --> 00:05:53,395
- Oh, and my favorite
microwavable lube.
163
00:05:54,764 --> 00:05:57,899
And what's this?
164
00:05:57,901 --> 00:06:00,268
Toothbrushes?
165
00:06:00,270 --> 00:06:03,872
Oh, that's going to hurt you,
but okay.
166
00:06:05,474 --> 00:06:07,442
- No, I want to leave them
at your house,
167
00:06:07,444 --> 00:06:09,244
Now that you and I
are exclusive.
168
00:06:09,246 --> 00:06:11,980
- [laughs]
169
00:06:11,982 --> 00:06:13,848
Exclusive?
170
00:06:13,850 --> 00:06:16,284
- Wait, hold phone.
171
00:06:16,286 --> 00:06:18,086
Are you telling me
that you and I
172
00:06:18,088 --> 00:06:19,687
Are not exclusive?
173
00:06:19,689 --> 00:06:21,423
- Exclusive?
174
00:06:21,425 --> 00:06:22,857
[laughs]
oh, come on.
175
00:06:22,859 --> 00:06:25,427
Stop it now.
Go on jay leno.
176
00:06:25,429 --> 00:06:27,295
[laughs]
177
00:06:27,297 --> 00:06:30,865
- Caroline, did you think
sophie and I were exclusive?
178
00:06:30,867 --> 00:06:33,835
- Well, you have stopped
showing us your penis.
179
00:06:33,837 --> 00:06:35,670
- Exactly!
180
00:06:35,672 --> 00:06:38,006
If that's not exclusive,
I don't know what is.
181
00:06:38,008 --> 00:06:39,974
- [laughs]
exclusive!
182
00:06:39,976 --> 00:06:41,976
Oh, my god.
183
00:06:41,978 --> 00:06:45,480
Oh, come on, stop it,
before I--
184
00:06:45,482 --> 00:06:48,216
Oh. Oh.
185
00:06:48,218 --> 00:06:49,784
It happened.
186
00:06:49,786 --> 00:06:52,053
I split my spanx.
187
00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:03,698
- Martha stewart, please.
188
00:07:03,700 --> 00:07:06,301
It's michelle obama.
189
00:07:06,303 --> 00:07:07,869
What's this about?
190
00:07:07,871 --> 00:07:12,740
My sheets shrunk
and I am pissed.
191
00:07:12,742 --> 00:07:14,175
Hello?
192
00:07:14,177 --> 00:07:16,644
- Max, it didn't work
when you were mick jagger
193
00:07:16,646 --> 00:07:18,480
With a busted muffin tin,
194
00:07:18,482 --> 00:07:21,883
Or alicia keys
with a wonky shower curtain.
195
00:07:21,885 --> 00:07:24,018
And it really didn't work
when you were
196
00:07:24,020 --> 00:07:25,420
Steve jobs
back from the dead
197
00:07:25,422 --> 00:07:28,356
With thoughts
on her panini press.
198
00:07:28,358 --> 00:07:30,058
Stop sober dialing
martha stewart!
199
00:07:30,060 --> 00:07:32,227
- Who says I'm sober?
200
00:07:32,229 --> 00:07:34,095
- Max, give me your phone.
201
00:07:37,266 --> 00:07:38,766
[ringtone]
- ♪ my milkshake
202
00:07:38,768 --> 00:07:40,435
♪ brings all the boys
to the yard ♪
203
00:07:40,437 --> 00:07:41,936
- Now give me my phone.
204
00:07:41,938 --> 00:07:43,037
- Okay, take it, done.
205
00:07:43,039 --> 00:07:44,772
I'm over her.
206
00:07:44,774 --> 00:07:46,708
When is she gonna call me?
207
00:07:46,710 --> 00:07:49,577
My milkshake would totally
bring her to the yard.
208
00:07:49,579 --> 00:07:52,013
- Max, this isn't you.
209
00:07:52,015 --> 00:07:52,914
I mean, you're strong.
210
00:07:52,916 --> 00:07:54,382
You're a badass.
211
00:07:54,384 --> 00:07:56,951
You beat h.P.V.
With tylenol.
212
00:07:56,953 --> 00:07:59,420
And it wasn't even
the name brand.
213
00:07:59,422 --> 00:08:00,922
What's wrong with you?
214
00:08:00,924 --> 00:08:03,024
- I was a virgin
before martha, okay?
215
00:08:03,026 --> 00:08:05,627
No one ever told me I was good
at anything before her.
216
00:08:05,629 --> 00:08:08,029
And you never forget
your first rich white woman.
217
00:08:08,031 --> 00:08:10,064
- With or without
martha stewart,
218
00:08:10,066 --> 00:08:11,533
We're gonna build
our cupcake business
219
00:08:11,535 --> 00:08:12,934
And be a success,
I just know it.
220
00:08:12,936 --> 00:08:14,903
- How?
How do you know that?
221
00:08:14,905 --> 00:08:16,971
- I know because
you have the talent,
222
00:08:16,973 --> 00:08:18,907
I have the vision,
and because I feel it.
223
00:08:18,909 --> 00:08:20,375
I feel it here.
224
00:08:20,377 --> 00:08:22,977
- Oh, blegh!
Your heart?
225
00:08:22,979 --> 00:08:25,947
- No. My pearls--
my lucky pearls.
226
00:08:25,949 --> 00:08:28,983
- By lucky,
do you mean ugly?
227
00:08:28,985 --> 00:08:30,084
- I've worn these
every day
228
00:08:30,086 --> 00:08:31,920
Since I was evicted
from my townhouse.
229
00:08:31,922 --> 00:08:34,088
This pearl necklace
brings me luck.
230
00:08:34,090 --> 00:08:35,456
- [laughs]
you--
231
00:08:35,458 --> 00:08:37,625
You think
your life is lucky?
232
00:08:37,627 --> 00:08:41,596
This morning you used toilet
paper as a coffee filter...
233
00:08:41,598 --> 00:08:45,233
And then used it
as toilet paper.
234
00:08:45,235 --> 00:08:47,435
- I know this
sounds silly to you,
235
00:08:47,437 --> 00:08:48,736
But there
is something about
236
00:08:48,738 --> 00:08:49,971
Putting on these pearls
every day
237
00:08:49,973 --> 00:08:52,340
That makes me feel strong,
confident,
238
00:08:52,342 --> 00:08:54,142
And like anything
is possible.
239
00:08:54,144 --> 00:08:57,712
And as long as I have
these lucky--
240
00:09:00,015 --> 00:09:03,017
Oh, no.
Oh, no!
241
00:09:03,019 --> 00:09:03,952
- No, no, no,
don't freak out.
242
00:09:03,954 --> 00:09:05,019
Don't freak out.
We'll get them.
243
00:09:05,021 --> 00:09:08,790
- [whimpers]
244
00:09:08,792 --> 00:09:09,924
My pearls!
245
00:09:09,926 --> 00:09:11,259
My lucky pearls!
246
00:09:11,261 --> 00:09:13,361
- Yes, yes, we have
identified the problem.
247
00:09:13,363 --> 00:09:15,430
Just pick them up.
248
00:09:23,305 --> 00:09:25,673
- Whoa! Looks like
somebody found breakfast.
249
00:09:25,675 --> 00:09:28,109
- No, chestnut!
250
00:09:28,111 --> 00:09:29,277
[sighs]
251
00:09:29,279 --> 00:09:30,979
- I'm still using that.
252
00:09:30,981 --> 00:09:33,114
- Well, nothing's
gonna work out now.
253
00:09:33,116 --> 00:09:34,482
Here comes the bad luck.
254
00:09:34,484 --> 00:09:35,683
- Don't be ridiculous.
255
00:09:35,685 --> 00:09:38,453
Your luck
couldn't get any worse.
256
00:09:40,356 --> 00:09:42,457
- Aah!
257
00:09:42,459 --> 00:09:46,294
[panting and whimpering]
258
00:09:46,296 --> 00:09:48,296
- Or could it?
259
00:09:53,636 --> 00:09:54,736
- Okay, earl.
260
00:09:54,738 --> 00:09:57,905
This is the l-520
order system touch pad.
261
00:09:57,907 --> 00:10:00,074
Look how simple.
See?
262
00:10:00,076 --> 00:10:01,476
- I'm telling you,
263
00:10:01,478 --> 00:10:04,045
I can't figure this
tricky little thing out.
264
00:10:04,047 --> 00:10:06,247
- Earl,
it's an on/off button.
265
00:10:06,249 --> 00:10:07,749
- Oh, slow down.
266
00:10:07,751 --> 00:10:10,718
It does both?
267
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:13,788
- Let me just charge this up
for you right here.
268
00:10:16,158 --> 00:10:17,058
Oh.
269
00:10:17,060 --> 00:10:18,192
This thing
has been plugged
270
00:10:18,194 --> 00:10:21,229
More than
the kardashian sisters.
271
00:10:22,431 --> 00:10:25,199
I better check the old wiring
in diner first.
272
00:10:25,201 --> 00:10:27,735
- Max, now I feel like
everyone's staring
273
00:10:27,737 --> 00:10:29,003
At my chest area.
274
00:10:29,005 --> 00:10:30,238
- Well, welcome to my life,
275
00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:32,407
Every day
since I was nine.
276
00:10:32,409 --> 00:10:34,942
- That necklace
meant something special to me.
277
00:10:34,944 --> 00:10:36,878
Didn't you ever
lose anything sentimental
278
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:38,246
You had for a long time?
279
00:10:38,248 --> 00:10:41,215
- My mother, but then
she found her way back.
280
00:10:41,217 --> 00:10:44,085
Look, I am done waiting
for martha to call.
281
00:10:44,087 --> 00:10:46,120
I say we go down there
with some cupcakes,
282
00:10:46,122 --> 00:10:47,588
Remind her how much
she liked them,
283
00:10:47,590 --> 00:10:49,424
And suggest she puts us
on her show.
284
00:10:49,426 --> 00:10:51,926
- No, I mean, I can't go
without my pearls.
285
00:10:51,928 --> 00:10:53,895
And it's more
than just the luck.
286
00:10:53,897 --> 00:10:56,230
It's who I was
before I lost everything.
287
00:10:56,232 --> 00:10:57,532
You know how
I always say,
288
00:10:57,534 --> 00:10:59,067
"hi, I'm caroline channing,"
289
00:10:59,069 --> 00:11:00,601
And then touch my pearls?
290
00:11:00,603 --> 00:11:02,136
I'm not just
introducing myself.
291
00:11:02,138 --> 00:11:03,638
I'm reminding myself.
292
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:06,074
- Well, let me remind you
of something else.
293
00:11:06,076 --> 00:11:07,475
Yesterday you told me
294
00:11:07,477 --> 00:11:09,777
We were going
to rule the world with cupcakes.
295
00:11:09,779 --> 00:11:11,946
- Yeah, that was
the pearls talking.
296
00:11:11,948 --> 00:11:13,948
- Okay, well,
now I'm talking.
297
00:11:13,950 --> 00:11:15,049
There is no luck.
298
00:11:15,051 --> 00:11:16,417
There is only work.
299
00:11:16,419 --> 00:11:18,453
And right now,
you're working my last nerve.
300
00:11:18,455 --> 00:11:20,555
So I am going
down there myself.
301
00:11:20,557 --> 00:11:22,056
And if martha
won't help me,
302
00:11:22,058 --> 00:11:24,092
I'ma bust her kneecaps
with a rolling pin
303
00:11:24,094 --> 00:11:27,161
And then say,
"now that's a good thing."
304
00:11:34,670 --> 00:11:36,571
- Okay, what if we just
send martha an email,
305
00:11:36,573 --> 00:11:37,972
So we're not just
standing in her office,
306
00:11:37,974 --> 00:11:39,240
Begging some receptionist?
307
00:11:39,242 --> 00:11:41,109
- That won't do anything.
- Yes, it will.
308
00:11:41,111 --> 00:11:42,677
I craft amazing
business emails.
309
00:11:42,679 --> 00:11:44,245
I went to wharton.
- [snickers]
310
00:11:44,247 --> 00:11:46,748
- Please don't, max.
That's all I have left.
311
00:11:46,750 --> 00:11:49,250
- Max, caroline,
I found something
312
00:11:49,252 --> 00:11:50,318
At the restaurant
trade show
313
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:51,819
You might be
interested in.
314
00:11:51,821 --> 00:11:53,521
- The only restaurant trade
I'm interested in
315
00:11:53,523 --> 00:11:56,958
Is if we can exchange you
for anybody else.
316
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,127
- You won't be laughing
in a minute.
317
00:11:59,129 --> 00:12:00,762
Look, it's a cupcake
from the new
318
00:12:00,764 --> 00:12:03,297
State-of-the-art
cupcake atm machine.
319
00:12:03,299 --> 00:12:05,333
Sprinkles cupcakes
plans to be put them everywhere.
320
00:12:05,335 --> 00:12:08,169
Soon, everyone will be able
to just push a button,
321
00:12:08,171 --> 00:12:10,671
Day or night,
and get the cupcake.
322
00:12:10,673 --> 00:12:13,141
So, I guess
what I'm saying is,
323
00:12:13,143 --> 00:12:15,042
You might be screwed.
324
00:12:17,045 --> 00:12:19,213
Delicious...
325
00:12:19,215 --> 00:12:21,415
And no attitude.
326
00:12:24,019 --> 00:12:25,386
- Well, more bad luck.
327
00:12:25,388 --> 00:12:26,554
I thought
you were kidding,
328
00:12:26,556 --> 00:12:28,289
But the machines
are taking over.
329
00:12:28,291 --> 00:12:29,323
We can't compete with that.
330
00:12:29,325 --> 00:12:31,125
The business is done.
Game over.
331
00:12:31,127 --> 00:12:33,795
- Man, you are never
gonna make it in the future.
332
00:12:33,797 --> 00:12:35,530
This is where
the humans fight.
333
00:12:35,532 --> 00:12:37,532
This is where we March down
to martha stewart
334
00:12:37,534 --> 00:12:38,966
And demand a damn blurb,
335
00:12:38,968 --> 00:12:40,635
So we can compete
with the machines...
336
00:12:40,637 --> 00:12:44,539
Just like in "terminator 2:
Rise of the desserts."
337
00:12:44,541 --> 00:12:46,307
- Fine.
Let's go see martha.
338
00:12:46,309 --> 00:12:47,408
She's our only hope.
339
00:12:47,410 --> 00:12:48,643
My lucky necklace is gone.
340
00:12:48,645 --> 00:12:50,711
We can no longer
just wait for magic to happen.
341
00:12:50,713 --> 00:12:52,146
- Uh, thank you,
by the way,
342
00:12:52,148 --> 00:12:54,582
For never telling me
that our former plan was magic.
343
00:12:58,253 --> 00:13:00,321
- We'll just reintroduce
ourselves and our cupcakes
344
00:13:00,323 --> 00:13:02,256
To martha and impress her
all over again,
345
00:13:02,258 --> 00:13:04,091
Even though I'm wearing
a necklace that I hate.
346
00:13:04,093 --> 00:13:06,093
It's limp, anemic,
and lackluster.
347
00:13:06,095 --> 00:13:08,663
I have an olsen twin
around my neck.
348
00:13:08,665 --> 00:13:10,331
- Here.
349
00:13:10,333 --> 00:13:11,666
- What are you doing?
350
00:13:11,668 --> 00:13:15,269
- So martha
will recognize me.
351
00:13:15,271 --> 00:13:16,771
- Hi, excuse me.
Two questions.
352
00:13:16,773 --> 00:13:18,105
Which floor
is martha stewart on?
353
00:13:18,107 --> 00:13:21,108
And should I lose
this necklace?
354
00:13:21,110 --> 00:13:23,578
Well, your silence
speaks volumes.
355
00:13:23,580 --> 00:13:25,279
- Hi, I'm not crazy,
356
00:13:25,281 --> 00:13:26,848
So you can just
tell me the floor number.
357
00:13:26,850 --> 00:13:28,883
- Elevator right over there,
15th floor,
358
00:13:28,885 --> 00:13:30,451
Martha stewart living
omnimedia.
359
00:13:30,453 --> 00:13:31,586
- [chuckles]
360
00:13:31,588 --> 00:13:33,221
Just got a little damp.
361
00:13:33,223 --> 00:13:36,691
- Thanks for your help.
Feels better.
362
00:13:36,693 --> 00:13:38,226
- Smart,
getting necklace advice
363
00:13:38,228 --> 00:13:39,393
From a guy with no neck.
364
00:13:39,395 --> 00:13:41,462
- Wait. Is that--
365
00:13:41,464 --> 00:13:44,232
That's the cupcake machine
that han was talking about.
366
00:13:44,234 --> 00:13:46,100
Ugh, no!
367
00:13:46,102 --> 00:13:47,435
I was hoping
it'd be ugly,
368
00:13:47,437 --> 00:13:49,871
But it's pink
and really cute.
369
00:13:49,873 --> 00:13:53,207
It's like a gay r2-d2.
370
00:13:53,209 --> 00:13:56,410
Well, a gayer r2-d2.
371
00:13:56,412 --> 00:13:59,146
Who wouldn't want
a cupcake from this?
372
00:13:59,148 --> 00:14:01,616
- No one.
373
00:14:01,618 --> 00:14:03,150
We have to mess her up.
- What?
374
00:14:03,152 --> 00:14:05,386
Why are you carrying
spray-paint in your purse?
375
00:14:05,388 --> 00:14:07,221
- For the same reason
I carry a tampon.
376
00:14:07,223 --> 00:14:08,890
'cause you never know.
377
00:14:08,892 --> 00:14:11,259
- We are not gonna destroy
someone else's property.
378
00:14:11,261 --> 00:14:13,261
- Well,
we have to do something,
379
00:14:13,263 --> 00:14:14,962
'cause it's that machine
or us.
380
00:14:14,964 --> 00:14:16,330
[laughs]
oh, I know.
381
00:14:16,332 --> 00:14:19,567
We can open the little door
and put a poop in it.
382
00:14:19,569 --> 00:14:21,335
Not one of mine.
Jeez!
383
00:14:21,337 --> 00:14:23,304
What am I, a pig?
384
00:14:23,306 --> 00:14:25,673
- Well, I'm not doing it.
385
00:14:25,675 --> 00:14:29,110
- No, we just get some
puppy poop from the street.
386
00:14:29,112 --> 00:14:30,244
- No!
387
00:14:30,246 --> 00:14:32,280
We are not
that desperate.
388
00:14:32,282 --> 00:14:34,382
And I'm out of wetnaps.
389
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,418
No, see, we already
met martha.
390
00:14:37,420 --> 00:14:39,320
We're just stopping by
to say hi.
391
00:14:39,322 --> 00:14:40,588
- You've already
met martha.
392
00:14:40,590 --> 00:14:42,323
You're just stopping by
to say hi.
393
00:14:42,325 --> 00:14:43,491
- Yes.
394
00:14:43,493 --> 00:14:45,126
- Martha stewart
asked us for our card.
395
00:14:45,128 --> 00:14:47,762
- Martha stewart
asked you for your card.
396
00:14:47,764 --> 00:14:49,297
And where should
I tell martha
397
00:14:49,299 --> 00:14:50,364
She asked for your card?
398
00:14:50,366 --> 00:14:51,933
- In the ladies' room.
399
00:14:51,935 --> 00:14:53,634
- Martha stewart
asked you for your card
400
00:14:53,636 --> 00:14:55,469
In the ladies' room.
- Okay.
401
00:14:55,471 --> 00:14:57,605
Don't make it sound like that.
It happened.
402
00:14:57,607 --> 00:14:58,873
We cornered her
in the ladies' room and--
403
00:14:58,875 --> 00:15:01,042
- Okay, don't make it
sound like that either.
404
00:15:01,044 --> 00:15:03,377
We went to a gala
on the off chance
405
00:15:03,379 --> 00:15:04,445
That she would be
gracious enough
406
00:15:04,447 --> 00:15:05,846
To try one of our cupcakes
and she did.
407
00:15:05,848 --> 00:15:07,048
She was very gracious.
408
00:15:07,050 --> 00:15:08,783
- Yeah, maybe cornered
was the wrong word.
409
00:15:08,785 --> 00:15:10,618
It's not like we went there
to hunt her down.
410
00:15:10,620 --> 00:15:13,688
- It's not like you went there
to hunt her down.
411
00:15:13,690 --> 00:15:15,289
It's not.
412
00:15:15,291 --> 00:15:16,791
- Okay, I hear your tone.
413
00:15:16,793 --> 00:15:18,392
I see what's
going down here.
414
00:15:18,394 --> 00:15:20,227
You think I'm some
kind of a problem.
415
00:15:20,229 --> 00:15:22,897
Well, for the record,
martha came on to me.
416
00:15:22,899 --> 00:15:24,565
- All right. Okay.
417
00:15:24,567 --> 00:15:27,001
This is not going as well
as we had hoped.
418
00:15:27,003 --> 00:15:29,470
Don't know how it could
without my magic pearls.
419
00:15:29,472 --> 00:15:30,571
- Okay, look.
420
00:15:30,573 --> 00:15:32,173
I get that you're not
gonna let us up there.
421
00:15:32,175 --> 00:15:33,708
And I don't blame you,
what, with this one
422
00:15:33,710 --> 00:15:35,376
Talking about magic.
423
00:15:35,378 --> 00:15:37,244
But just so you know,
we are not lying.
424
00:15:37,246 --> 00:15:38,379
It happened.
425
00:15:38,381 --> 00:15:41,382
Because, yeah,
you got us on that, we did--
426
00:15:41,384 --> 00:15:42,917
Martha told us
427
00:15:42,919 --> 00:15:45,653
She liked our
entrepreneurial drive.
428
00:15:45,655 --> 00:15:48,489
- Well, that does
sound like martha.
429
00:15:48,491 --> 00:15:50,391
Okay, I'll send these up.
Have a seat.
430
00:15:50,393 --> 00:15:52,727
- Ahh, thank you so much.
431
00:15:52,729 --> 00:15:54,395
And here, uh,
please take one,
432
00:15:54,397 --> 00:15:55,830
Just so you can
see for yourself
433
00:15:55,832 --> 00:15:57,365
Why martha
asked for our card.
434
00:15:57,367 --> 00:15:59,333
- Well, I was gonna
get a cupcake
435
00:15:59,335 --> 00:16:00,901
From that cute machine
downstairs later.
436
00:16:00,903 --> 00:16:02,336
- Oh, don't.
437
00:16:02,338 --> 00:16:03,771
I heard someone found
something nasty in that...
438
00:16:03,773 --> 00:16:05,039
In about an hour.
439
00:16:05,041 --> 00:16:06,340
- Max.
440
00:16:06,342 --> 00:16:08,376
And this is our
beer batter
441
00:16:08,378 --> 00:16:10,444
Maple bacon spring break
cupcake.
442
00:16:10,446 --> 00:16:11,746
- Mmm.
443
00:16:11,748 --> 00:16:14,081
I can see why martha--
ow!
444
00:16:14,083 --> 00:16:15,516
What the--
445
00:16:15,518 --> 00:16:17,084
I cracked my tooth!
446
00:16:17,086 --> 00:16:19,120
What?
Oh!
447
00:16:19,122 --> 00:16:20,721
What is that?
Is it--
448
00:16:20,723 --> 00:16:21,856
Is that glass?
449
00:16:21,858 --> 00:16:23,691
- No, it's a pearl.
450
00:16:23,693 --> 00:16:25,559
I'm so sorry.
451
00:16:25,561 --> 00:16:27,428
- Sorry?
You're sorry?
452
00:16:27,430 --> 00:16:30,998
I've been wearing invisaligns
for 11 months!
453
00:16:33,535 --> 00:16:35,469
- Well, there goes
our big break.
454
00:16:35,471 --> 00:16:37,705
Never would've happened
if I had had my necklace.
455
00:16:37,707 --> 00:16:39,206
- The one
with the lucky pearls
456
00:16:39,208 --> 00:16:40,741
That broke into the batter
and that woman
457
00:16:40,743 --> 00:16:42,977
Just spit into her hand
mixed with saliva and blood?
458
00:16:42,979 --> 00:16:45,446
That lucky necklace?
459
00:16:45,448 --> 00:16:47,314
- Yes.
460
00:16:47,316 --> 00:16:48,749
- Might as well face it.
461
00:16:48,751 --> 00:16:50,384
You and I are on our own.
462
00:16:50,386 --> 00:16:51,952
And not just
because of martha either.
463
00:16:51,954 --> 00:16:54,455
Because there
is no such thing as good luck.
464
00:16:54,457 --> 00:16:55,756
Never seen it.
465
00:16:55,758 --> 00:16:57,658
And all lucky charms
are stupid,
466
00:16:57,660 --> 00:16:59,427
Except for the lucky charms,
467
00:16:59,429 --> 00:17:02,229
Which are magically delicious.
468
00:17:02,231 --> 00:17:05,499
[elevator bell dings]
469
00:17:05,501 --> 00:17:06,467
- Look at it over there.
470
00:17:06,469 --> 00:17:09,470
Gay r2-d2
just laughing at us.
471
00:17:09,472 --> 00:17:10,604
You were right, max.
472
00:17:10,606 --> 00:17:11,605
You and I are
on our own.
473
00:17:11,607 --> 00:17:13,474
We're just a little
start-up cupcake company
474
00:17:13,476 --> 00:17:15,342
In a hard, hard world.
475
00:17:15,344 --> 00:17:17,611
And we gotta take matters
into our own hands.
476
00:17:17,613 --> 00:17:19,146
Cover me.
477
00:17:19,148 --> 00:17:20,614
- Wait, wait, no.
478
00:17:20,616 --> 00:17:22,016
No, don't do it now.
479
00:17:22,018 --> 00:17:23,517
The guard is right there.
- Hey, you!
480
00:17:23,519 --> 00:17:24,685
Stop that!
481
00:17:24,687 --> 00:17:27,555
What kind of freaks
deface a cupcake machine?
482
00:17:30,826 --> 00:17:34,295
- Okay, stop, stop, stop.
We lost him.
483
00:17:34,297 --> 00:17:36,130
You know you only
tagged the wall, right?
484
00:17:36,132 --> 00:17:37,832
- Yes, I have no luck.
485
00:17:37,834 --> 00:17:40,501
- No one has any luck...
486
00:17:40,503 --> 00:17:43,971
With the possible exception
of lindsay lohan's lawyer.
487
00:17:43,973 --> 00:17:45,439
[car door shuts]
488
00:17:45,441 --> 00:17:46,640
Look, it's martha!
489
00:17:46,642 --> 00:17:48,676
She's getting in that car.
Give me the cupcakes.
490
00:17:48,678 --> 00:17:50,044
I'm going after her
before she talks
491
00:17:50,046 --> 00:17:52,847
To that lady
whose mouth we broke.
492
00:17:52,849 --> 00:17:55,649
- Max, don't jiggle
the cupcakes!
493
00:17:55,651 --> 00:17:57,118
[taxi honks]
- aah!
494
00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:59,954
- [shrieks]
495
00:17:59,956 --> 00:18:01,789
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
496
00:18:01,791 --> 00:18:02,890
Max, are you all right?
497
00:18:02,892 --> 00:18:04,358
Are you all right?
498
00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:06,494
- I'm fine.
499
00:18:06,496 --> 00:18:08,395
No broken bones,
500
00:18:08,397 --> 00:18:10,297
Which is surprising,
because when I was kid,
501
00:18:10,299 --> 00:18:11,699
We couldn't afford milk.
502
00:18:11,701 --> 00:18:13,534
Actually the only time
my mother bought milk
503
00:18:13,536 --> 00:18:15,569
Was when my face
was on the side of the carton.
504
00:18:15,571 --> 00:18:17,905
- Are you sure
you're all right?
505
00:18:17,907 --> 00:18:19,640
- Yeah.
506
00:18:19,642 --> 00:18:22,309
I guess there
is such a thing as luck.
507
00:18:25,547 --> 00:18:26,914
- And tomorrow night
508
00:18:26,916 --> 00:18:28,716
When you come in
for takeout, sophie,
509
00:18:28,718 --> 00:18:31,218
All max has to do
is hit this little thing.
510
00:18:31,220 --> 00:18:33,154
- Well, if I'm allowed
to hit little things,
511
00:18:33,156 --> 00:18:34,488
You're next.
512
00:18:34,490 --> 00:18:37,725
- Change makes everyone
so tense.
513
00:18:40,228 --> 00:18:41,495
- Kitchen is now closed.
514
00:18:41,497 --> 00:18:42,897
I have plans.
515
00:18:42,899 --> 00:18:44,265
[sprays deodorant]
516
00:18:44,267 --> 00:18:45,533
Big plans.
517
00:18:45,535 --> 00:18:48,335
[sprays deodorant]
518
00:18:50,105 --> 00:18:51,605
- Sophie, I understand
519
00:18:51,607 --> 00:18:53,507
Your relationship with oleg
is complicated,
520
00:18:53,509 --> 00:18:54,875
So let's simplify it.
521
00:18:54,877 --> 00:18:56,210
Are you having sex
in our building tonight,
522
00:18:56,212 --> 00:18:58,579
And do I have
to wear earplugs?
523
00:18:58,581 --> 00:19:00,681
- I will be alone...
524
00:19:00,683 --> 00:19:02,917
But wear them anyway.
525
00:19:05,554 --> 00:19:07,221
- Hi, um, sorry,
we're closed.
526
00:19:07,223 --> 00:19:08,389
- I do not wish to eat.
527
00:19:08,391 --> 00:19:10,691
I just got collect call
from oleg.
528
00:19:12,928 --> 00:19:15,596
- She said we are closed.
529
00:19:15,598 --> 00:19:17,531
- Oh?
And who are you?
530
00:19:17,533 --> 00:19:19,700
- I'm the last person
you will see
531
00:19:19,702 --> 00:19:22,603
Before you learn
how to walk again.
532
00:19:24,739 --> 00:19:26,774
Stay away from oleg,
533
00:19:26,776 --> 00:19:29,610
Or I'll pull your intestines
out through your nose
534
00:19:29,612 --> 00:19:33,581
And give them to her
to wear as new necklace.
535
00:19:33,583 --> 00:19:34,815
- Fine.
536
00:19:34,817 --> 00:19:36,050
I will leave.
537
00:19:36,052 --> 00:19:37,918
But only because
you have eyes of a python,
538
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,020
And I have possible u.T.I.
539
00:19:42,757 --> 00:19:44,625
- Sophie...
540
00:19:44,627 --> 00:19:47,661
Why don't you just admit it,
you and oleg?
541
00:19:47,663 --> 00:19:48,729
- What?
542
00:19:48,731 --> 00:19:50,631
It's not like I want him.
543
00:19:50,633 --> 00:19:52,633
It's just that
where I come from,
544
00:19:52,635 --> 00:19:54,735
You never
throw anything away.
545
00:19:56,504 --> 00:19:58,305
- Here you go, ladies.
546
00:19:58,307 --> 00:20:00,941
Enjoy the extra tips
from your credit cards,
547
00:20:00,943 --> 00:20:03,344
Because when han
flips that switch,
548
00:20:03,346 --> 00:20:05,112
The only tip
I can give you is,
549
00:20:05,114 --> 00:20:07,314
Don't wash your hair
every day.
550
00:20:07,316 --> 00:20:09,783
It dries it out.
551
00:20:09,785 --> 00:20:12,686
- Okay.
Here comes the future.
552
00:20:12,688 --> 00:20:15,356
One, two--
553
00:20:15,358 --> 00:20:17,925
[electricity crackles]
554
00:20:17,927 --> 00:20:19,126
[sighs]
555
00:20:19,128 --> 00:20:22,196
This old building
sucks me so hard.
556
00:20:23,331 --> 00:20:24,932
- Congratulations, ladies.
557
00:20:24,934 --> 00:20:27,268
This is your lucky night.
558
00:20:27,270 --> 00:20:29,370
- Speaking of luck,
559
00:20:29,372 --> 00:20:31,038
Here are your pearls.
560
00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:33,040
I found most of them,
but I think
561
00:20:33,042 --> 00:20:34,174
Chestnut ate a few.
562
00:20:34,176 --> 00:20:35,609
You can dig for those
later yourself.
563
00:20:35,611 --> 00:20:37,044
- Max.
564
00:20:37,046 --> 00:20:38,646
- And it won't
look the same,
565
00:20:38,648 --> 00:20:40,681
Because you have to string them
on this cheap-ass wire
566
00:20:40,683 --> 00:20:42,783
I got at the hipster
bead store...
567
00:20:42,785 --> 00:20:45,686
Beading off.
568
00:20:45,688 --> 00:20:47,354
- We can add this
earl bonus money
569
00:20:47,356 --> 00:20:48,689
To our cupcake business total.
570
00:20:48,691 --> 00:20:50,724
- Yeah, that 150
will really put a dent
571
00:20:50,726 --> 00:20:52,660
In the 250,000 we need.
572
00:20:52,662 --> 00:20:53,794
- We'll get there, max.
573
00:20:53,796 --> 00:20:55,129
Because you and
I have something
574
00:20:55,131 --> 00:20:56,997
Martha stewart
and machines don't.
575
00:20:56,999 --> 00:20:58,165
- Unpaid bills?
576
00:20:58,167 --> 00:21:00,301
Mushrooms growing
on our bathroom rug?
577
00:21:00,303 --> 00:21:02,303
- No, each other.
578
00:21:02,305 --> 00:21:04,305
- Aww, a year later
you're still
579
00:21:04,307 --> 00:21:07,174
Trying to get me
to feel things.
580
00:21:07,176 --> 00:21:08,509
- Do you wanna know
the real reason
581
00:21:08,511 --> 00:21:10,678
I thought this necklace
was so lucky?
582
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:13,981
I was wearing it
the day I met you.
583
00:21:13,983 --> 00:21:15,649
So, I'm gonna
have some extras.
584
00:21:15,651 --> 00:21:17,084
Do you wanna
make one for yourself?
585
00:21:17,086 --> 00:21:18,886
- Nah, I've had
plenty of pearl necklaces,
586
00:21:18,888 --> 00:21:21,889
And I find them
more sticky than lucky.
587
00:21:21,891 --> 00:21:24,091
[cell phone chimes]
588
00:21:24,093 --> 00:21:27,661
- Max,
ms@marthastewartinc.Com.
589
00:21:27,663 --> 00:21:29,763
"haven't forgotten
about you, girls.
590
00:21:29,765 --> 00:21:31,398
Martha stewart."
591
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,100
- Just when
I thought I was out,
592
00:21:33,102 --> 00:21:36,003
She pulls me
back in again.
593
00:21:38,373 --> 00:21:40,007
[cash register bell dings]