1
00:00:00,293 --> 00:00:03,477
So it has been quite a journey,
2
00:00:03,478 --> 00:00:06,914
but through it all,
the key for me has been bravery
3
00:00:06,915 --> 00:00:08,582
and the deep-down knowledge
4
00:00:08,583 --> 00:00:11,251
that I am better than everyone else.
5
00:00:12,454 --> 00:00:14,788
Uh, I'm sorry, Jillian,
what was your question?
6
00:00:14,789 --> 00:00:18,158
I asked Max where she was born.
7
00:00:18,159 --> 00:00:21,028
The Peekaboo Lounge on I-90.
8
00:00:21,029 --> 00:00:22,663
My mom was on the pole
9
00:00:22,664 --> 00:00:25,366
when I popped out and said, "Peekaboo."
10
00:00:25,367 --> 00:00:27,501
So your movie,
The Princess and the Ponzi,
11
00:00:27,502 --> 00:00:29,003
has Oscar buzz...
12
00:00:29,004 --> 00:00:31,338
for sound editing, but still.
13
00:00:31,339 --> 00:00:32,922
Who will you be wearing
to the premiere?
14
00:00:32,923 --> 00:00:34,842
Well, Jillian, the top is from
15
00:00:34,843 --> 00:00:37,511
the 7-Eleven lost and found,
16
00:00:37,512 --> 00:00:39,480
and the jeans I won in a knife fight,
17
00:00:39,481 --> 00:00:42,049
so I didn't get specifics.
18
00:00:42,050 --> 00:00:45,185
Stylist to the stars
Brad Goreski reached out.
19
00:00:45,186 --> 00:00:47,121
He's a fashion policeman,
20
00:00:47,122 --> 00:00:50,624
the only kind of policeman
Max hasn't been arrested by.
21
00:00:50,625 --> 00:00:53,160
Anyway, our dessert bar
is catering the premiere.
22
00:00:53,161 --> 00:00:55,262
We are really coming into our own.
23
00:00:55,263 --> 00:00:56,476
Girls...
24
00:00:56,477 --> 00:00:57,980
Oh, speaking of coming into your own,
25
00:00:57,981 --> 00:01:00,000
this is Han.
26
00:01:00,001 --> 00:01:02,036
Are you coming to work today?
27
00:01:02,037 --> 00:01:03,804
Or should I just
write down wrong orders
28
00:01:03,805 --> 00:01:05,272
for customers myself?
29
00:01:05,273 --> 00:01:06,928
Han, can't you see we're in the middle
30
00:01:06,929 --> 00:01:08,742
of a press interview for my movie?
31
00:01:08,743 --> 00:01:10,611
You can't just ignore me.
32
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:13,881
I'm not the advice of your
court-appointed lawyer.
33
00:01:13,882 --> 00:01:16,150
Sounds like you guys are busy.
34
00:01:16,151 --> 00:01:18,986
The movie, running this bar,
and working for that man too.
35
00:01:18,987 --> 00:01:20,287
Man, right?
36
00:01:20,288 --> 00:01:22,189
With us blowing up as we are,
37
00:01:22,190 --> 00:01:24,158
Max and I are phasing out the diner
38
00:01:24,159 --> 00:01:27,561
and deodorant that's hot to the touch.
39
00:01:27,562 --> 00:01:32,032
It burns the stink away.
I'm not giving that up.
40
00:01:32,033 --> 00:01:35,202
Well, that was... five hours.
41
00:01:35,203 --> 00:01:38,906
(chuckles) Uh, see you at the premiere.
42
00:01:38,907 --> 00:01:41,108
Wait, we're phasing out the diner?
43
00:01:41,109 --> 00:01:43,677
I have really gotta stop
falling asleep immediately
44
00:01:43,678 --> 00:01:45,012
whenever you speak.
45
00:01:45,013 --> 00:01:46,276
Max, think about it. Why...
46
00:01:46,277 --> 00:01:48,182
(snores)
47
00:01:48,183 --> 00:01:50,517
(Peter Bjorn and John)
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
48
00:01:50,518 --> 00:01:52,052
(cash register bell dings)
49
00:01:52,053 --> 00:01:57,899
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
50
00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:00,394
Han, we need to talk to you.
51
00:02:00,395 --> 00:02:03,764
Yeah, we're not happy about it either.
52
00:02:03,765 --> 00:02:05,232
Best-case scenario,
53
00:02:05,233 --> 00:02:06,934
we wouldn't have seen you at all today.
54
00:02:06,935 --> 00:02:08,802
Oh, good, a talk.
55
00:02:08,803 --> 00:02:12,372
Let me save you the trouble
and just start crying.
56
00:02:12,373 --> 00:02:15,342
Han, we are phasing
the diner out of our lives.
57
00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:16,910
I have a stylist now.
58
00:02:16,911 --> 00:02:18,779
This is our two weeks' notice,
59
00:02:18,780 --> 00:02:21,003
and we need this week off
to get ready for the premiere.
60
00:02:21,004 --> 00:02:23,016
I mentioned I have a stylist, right?
61
00:02:23,017 --> 00:02:25,052
So you leave me high and dry?
62
00:02:25,053 --> 00:02:28,789
I'm always high and dry around you.
63
00:02:28,790 --> 00:02:30,457
Han, we got Bobby's sister, Denise,
64
00:02:30,458 --> 00:02:32,559
to cover for us,
and she's already late.
65
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:34,361
It'll be like we never left.
66
00:02:34,362 --> 00:02:36,263
(mouths word)
67
00:02:36,264 --> 00:02:38,365
Whoo, sorry I'm sweaty and late.
68
00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:41,068
I tried to parkour my way here.
69
00:02:41,069 --> 00:02:44,972
Then I met the business
end of a parking meter.
70
00:02:44,973 --> 00:02:48,375
Basically, I broke my vagina.
71
00:02:48,376 --> 00:02:52,179
Where can I get a big
Ziploc bag full of ice?
72
00:02:52,180 --> 00:02:54,915
Uh... here.
73
00:02:54,916 --> 00:02:57,751
I was keeping my kidney in it.
74
00:02:57,752 --> 00:02:59,419
(upbeat music)
75
00:03:02,613 --> 00:03:05,697
Now, Bobby, before stylist to the stars
76
00:03:05,698 --> 00:03:07,499
Brad Goreski gets here,
77
00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:08,907
we just need to do a little work
78
00:03:08,908 --> 00:03:10,869
to fix up your clothes,
your hair, your face.
79
00:03:10,870 --> 00:03:12,804
Also, your walk's not great.
80
00:03:13,706 --> 00:03:15,307
How's my run?
81
00:03:15,308 --> 00:03:17,509
'Cause I feel like doing it right now.
82
00:03:17,510 --> 00:03:19,244
If you want to play stylist,
help Denise.
83
00:03:19,245 --> 00:03:23,815
She tucks her sweater in...
to her socks.
84
00:03:23,816 --> 00:03:26,318
Oh, Denise isn't invited
to the premiere.
85
00:03:26,319 --> 00:03:28,987
I can't run the risk of
being embarrassed by someone.
86
00:03:28,988 --> 00:03:30,822
I mean, Earl already
asked if he could bring
87
00:03:30,823 --> 00:03:34,259
his sleeping bag and his shopping cart.
88
00:03:34,260 --> 00:03:37,829
(groans) We get it, Earl, you're rich.
89
00:03:37,830 --> 00:03:39,264
(knocking on door)
90
00:03:39,265 --> 00:03:42,968
Uh, my dress is by Beddy Spready.
91
00:03:44,604 --> 00:03:45,971
It's a bedspread.
92
00:03:47,540 --> 00:03:51,142
(gasps) Oh, my God, Brad Goreski!
93
00:03:51,143 --> 00:03:52,844
Well, I can't prove it,
94
00:03:52,845 --> 00:03:56,147
because someone just
stole my wallet outside.
95
00:03:56,148 --> 00:03:58,250
All right, I gotta go get a suit
96
00:03:58,251 --> 00:03:59,718
after I get my...
97
00:03:59,719 --> 00:04:02,821
eyelashes highlighted? Seriously?
98
00:04:02,822 --> 00:04:03,822
Love you.
99
00:04:03,823 --> 00:04:05,624
Both: Mm.
100
00:04:05,625 --> 00:04:07,826
Love you too.
101
00:04:07,827 --> 00:04:09,394
Good call on the eyelashes.
102
00:04:11,731 --> 00:04:13,932
MAX: (gasps) Ooh!
103
00:04:13,933 --> 00:04:15,634
First time there's been
104
00:04:15,635 --> 00:04:17,535
a better rack than
mine in the apartment.
105
00:04:17,536 --> 00:04:20,438
Okay, these are the choices.
106
00:04:20,439 --> 00:04:22,574
They're on loan from the top designers,
107
00:04:22,575 --> 00:04:24,175
and if you hurt them,
108
00:04:24,176 --> 00:04:26,745
those bitches will hunt you down.
109
00:04:26,746 --> 00:04:29,114
Well, if Federal Marshal
Tommy Lee Jones
110
00:04:29,115 --> 00:04:32,450
couldn't find me, good luck.
111
00:04:32,451 --> 00:04:34,986
That's a brand-new Zac Posen.
112
00:04:34,987 --> 00:04:36,855
He gave it to me as a favor,
113
00:04:36,856 --> 00:04:40,325
because we share a time
share and a love of Cher.
114
00:04:40,326 --> 00:04:42,394
Over share?
115
00:04:42,395 --> 00:04:43,895
You got anything over there
116
00:04:43,896 --> 00:04:45,430
I won't have to shave my pits for?
117
00:04:45,431 --> 00:04:47,799
Hmm, hold on.
118
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:49,334
Let me sniff around
119
00:04:49,335 --> 00:04:51,936
for Shailene Woodley's
SAG Awards dress.
120
00:04:53,539 --> 00:04:55,674
Oh, my God, I love it.
121
00:04:55,675 --> 00:04:57,008
Oh, good eye.
122
00:04:57,009 --> 00:05:00,578
That's a $10,000 dress.
123
00:05:00,579 --> 00:05:01,913
And that's why it looks so lost
124
00:05:01,914 --> 00:05:04,382
and afraid in this apartment.
125
00:05:05,217 --> 00:05:07,585
$10,000?
126
00:05:07,586 --> 00:05:10,622
I can own and operate
an Old Navy for that.
127
00:05:11,490 --> 00:05:13,658
Oh, my God.
128
00:05:13,659 --> 00:05:15,560
Did someone call fashion 911?
129
00:05:15,561 --> 00:05:18,430
The fashion police are here!
130
00:05:18,431 --> 00:05:21,366
Well, this is embarrassing.
131
00:05:21,367 --> 00:05:24,669
Yes, I'm celebrity
stylist Brad Goreski.
132
00:05:24,670 --> 00:05:28,406
Oh, see, I thought you
were Melissa Rivers.
133
00:05:30,443 --> 00:05:34,079
Yeah, 'cause you guys
have very similar jaws.
134
00:05:35,948 --> 00:05:39,951
Hey, do you style babies?
135
00:05:39,952 --> 00:05:42,153
'Cause I want Barbara to be discovered
136
00:05:42,154 --> 00:05:44,289
at the movie premiere.
137
00:05:44,290 --> 00:05:47,158
The only baby I style is Kanye West.
138
00:05:49,128 --> 00:05:54,132
Wait, are you sure
you're not Melissa Rivers?
139
00:05:54,133 --> 00:05:57,002
(rock music)
140
00:05:57,003 --> 00:05:58,803
(gasps)
141
00:05:58,804 --> 00:06:01,806
Max, this is my reintroduction
into high society,
142
00:06:01,807 --> 00:06:04,075
and you had to bring ribs for the limo?
143
00:06:04,076 --> 00:06:05,710
(scoffs)
144
00:06:05,711 --> 00:06:08,046
Somebody obviously was
never in a Pitbull video.
145
00:06:08,047 --> 00:06:10,515
Doesn't look like we're
going anywhere in this traffic.
146
00:06:10,516 --> 00:06:11,883
I'll take a road rib.
147
00:06:11,884 --> 00:06:13,618
(gasps)
148
00:06:13,619 --> 00:06:15,854
Max, if you get that red wine near me,
149
00:06:15,855 --> 00:06:17,856
I will start singing
songs from Funny Girl,
150
00:06:17,857 --> 00:06:19,491
and I will not stop.
151
00:06:19,492 --> 00:06:20,692
- (sighs)
- Can I some of that
152
00:06:20,693 --> 00:06:21,893
"deal with Caroline" juice?
153
00:06:21,894 --> 00:06:23,461
(gasps)
154
00:06:24,663 --> 00:06:26,698
(sighs)
155
00:06:26,699 --> 00:06:28,867
Max, that's your third sigh.
156
00:06:28,868 --> 00:06:31,202
Is my makeup not perfect?
157
00:06:31,203 --> 00:06:34,239
Do even my sighs have to be about you?
158
00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:36,574
Well, it is my night.
159
00:06:36,575 --> 00:06:38,410
I was just thinking how
this whole movie thing
160
00:06:38,411 --> 00:06:40,779
started in L.A. with Randy.
161
00:06:40,780 --> 00:06:42,347
It's kind of sad he's not here,
162
00:06:42,348 --> 00:06:44,582
and also, your makeup
is a little clowny.
163
00:06:44,583 --> 00:06:46,317
Oh, no.
164
00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:48,420
Yeah, well, Randy's the only person
165
00:06:48,421 --> 00:06:51,856
I've ever loved or let love me.
166
00:06:51,857 --> 00:06:53,892
How clowny?
167
00:06:53,893 --> 00:06:55,860
(knocking)
168
00:06:57,430 --> 00:06:59,264
What are you guys doing out there?
169
00:06:59,265 --> 00:07:01,900
We hopped out of our cab,
because of the traffic.
170
00:07:01,901 --> 00:07:04,436
Also, it was on fire.
171
00:07:04,437 --> 00:07:06,204
Well, we'd invite you guys in here,
172
00:07:06,205 --> 00:07:09,207
but the windows keep
going up on their own.
173
00:07:11,110 --> 00:07:15,914
♪
174
00:07:15,915 --> 00:07:17,248
(elevator bell dings)
175
00:07:19,552 --> 00:07:20,952
CAROLINE: (gasps)
176
00:07:20,953 --> 00:07:22,554
You don't think that limo driver's
177
00:07:22,555 --> 00:07:24,255
gonna eat the rest
of my coleslaw, do you?
178
00:07:24,256 --> 00:07:27,892
Shh, no one says
"coleslaw" on a red carpet.
179
00:07:27,893 --> 00:07:29,961
I think you hid it pretty
well in the cup holders.
180
00:07:29,962 --> 00:07:33,231
Oh, my God. Look at all this.
181
00:07:33,232 --> 00:07:35,100
Oh, good, Caroline Channing.
182
00:07:35,101 --> 00:07:37,135
Stay here. It's not your time yet.
183
00:07:37,136 --> 00:07:38,970
Oh, that's what the angels said to me
184
00:07:38,971 --> 00:07:40,972
when I drove that dump
truck into the East River.
185
00:07:40,973 --> 00:07:42,240
(elevator bell dings)
186
00:07:44,043 --> 00:07:46,478
(gasps) Oh, look,
it's the star of Happy Feet.
187
00:07:46,479 --> 00:07:48,313
Antarctica's that way.
188
00:07:48,314 --> 00:07:49,814
No, it's that way.
189
00:07:49,815 --> 00:07:51,616
This is exciting.
190
00:07:51,617 --> 00:07:53,985
I haven't seen this much paparazzi
191
00:07:53,986 --> 00:07:57,055
since I was dating Harriet Tubman.
192
00:07:57,056 --> 00:07:58,857
You guys must be the
Make-A-Wish couple.
193
00:07:58,858 --> 00:08:01,392
Actually, we're just friends.
194
00:08:01,393 --> 00:08:04,496
If I had a wish,
he'd be a giant doobie.
195
00:08:04,497 --> 00:08:05,997
Just keep it moving.
196
00:08:05,998 --> 00:08:07,665
It's the "Kevin Dillon and below" spot.
197
00:08:07,666 --> 00:08:10,802
(camera shutters clicking)
198
00:08:12,771 --> 00:08:15,540
HAN: They must all be
reloading their cameras.
199
00:08:15,541 --> 00:08:17,244
Are you trying to say
I shouldn't be seeing
200
00:08:17,245 --> 00:08:20,381
all these flashing lights right now?
201
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:22,480
(elevator bell dings)
202
00:08:22,481 --> 00:08:24,849
Hey, everybody!
203
00:08:24,850 --> 00:08:28,219
Check out my red carpet dress.
204
00:08:28,220 --> 00:08:30,088
(giggles)
205
00:08:30,089 --> 00:08:32,557
So, when I said "red carpet attire,"
206
00:08:32,558 --> 00:08:35,860
I meant something... wow.
207
00:08:35,861 --> 00:08:38,429
I vacuumed it myself before we left.
208
00:08:38,430 --> 00:08:40,765
It gave me hard wood.
209
00:08:40,766 --> 00:08:44,302
Well, the real star tonight is here.
210
00:08:44,303 --> 00:08:45,970
(gasps) Verne Troyer, where?
211
00:08:45,971 --> 00:08:48,973
No, Barbara.
212
00:08:48,974 --> 00:08:52,577
Come on, Barbara,
let's make you a star.
213
00:08:52,578 --> 00:08:56,981
Look, it's kielbasa, your favorite.
214
00:09:01,153 --> 00:09:04,455
Hey, everybody!
215
00:09:04,456 --> 00:09:06,924
It's baby Barbara.
216
00:09:12,031 --> 00:09:13,831
Here are some headshots.
217
00:09:13,832 --> 00:09:16,568
She's cute, she's versatile,
and like her mother,
218
00:09:16,569 --> 00:09:19,404
she can put all ten toes in her mouth.
219
00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:23,808
(elevator bell dings)
220
00:09:23,809 --> 00:09:25,877
There you are.
221
00:09:25,878 --> 00:09:27,812
Oh, let's hold off a minute.
222
00:09:27,813 --> 00:09:32,016
Old Hollywood rule:
never follow sausage.
223
00:09:32,017 --> 00:09:34,485
- Okay, who's next?
- Oh, I'll go.
224
00:09:34,486 --> 00:09:37,422
Following sausage is kinda my thing.
225
00:09:37,423 --> 00:09:40,558
(camera shutters clicking)
226
00:09:48,601 --> 00:09:52,270
Doesn't matter what you do
if you're rocking the cleavage.
227
00:09:54,607 --> 00:09:56,207
Thanks for lending him clothes.
228
00:09:56,208 --> 00:09:57,909
I told him to get something cool,
229
00:09:57,910 --> 00:10:00,445
so he bought a short-sleeved suit.
230
00:10:00,446 --> 00:10:04,082
Yeah, it's part of the
Steven Seagal summer collection.
231
00:10:04,083 --> 00:10:06,751
Hey, are we ready?
232
00:10:06,752 --> 00:10:08,419
Yeah.
233
00:10:08,420 --> 00:10:10,922
You look so handsome.
234
00:10:10,923 --> 00:10:12,523
Let me just fix that hair.
235
00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:15,693
It's still doing that
thing that I hate.
236
00:10:15,694 --> 00:10:18,463
Actually, it might just be
the shape of your head.
237
00:10:18,464 --> 00:10:20,064
Walk a little in front of me.
238
00:10:20,065 --> 00:10:21,633
I want to share this moment with you,
239
00:10:21,634 --> 00:10:24,202
but I want to do it alone.
240
00:10:27,239 --> 00:10:29,440
- Okay.
- Okay.
241
00:10:29,441 --> 00:10:31,142
Wait, wait, wait, wait, Bobby.
242
00:10:31,143 --> 00:10:32,810
- No, Bobby... Bobby, wait!
- I'm going, I'm going.
243
00:10:32,811 --> 00:10:34,912
I'm moving as fast as
my big misshapen head'll go.
244
00:10:34,913 --> 00:10:36,656
- (screaming)
- Caroline, you're unraveling!
245
00:10:36,657 --> 00:10:38,116
CAROLINE: Bobby, come back!
246
00:10:38,117 --> 00:10:39,350
Oh, Bobby, no, I'm serious!
247
00:10:39,351 --> 00:10:41,686
(camera shutters clicking)
248
00:10:41,687 --> 00:10:44,422
Aah! I can't believe this is happening!
249
00:10:44,423 --> 00:10:47,558
And Bobby's hair is still sticking up!
250
00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:49,794
Oh, my God, this is worse than
251
00:10:49,795 --> 00:10:52,563
Eric Stonestreet's nip slip.
252
00:10:56,335 --> 00:10:58,102
- Max...
- (gasps)
253
00:10:59,938 --> 00:11:01,205
Randy.
254
00:11:01,206 --> 00:11:02,974
Max.
255
00:11:02,975 --> 00:11:06,678
I'd... love to stay and talk,
256
00:11:06,679 --> 00:11:09,580
but I just remembered
I have to run away.
257
00:11:14,953 --> 00:11:17,522
Brad, a little help?
258
00:11:17,523 --> 00:11:19,023
You're on your own.
259
00:11:19,024 --> 00:11:20,391
(elevator bell dings)
260
00:11:27,169 --> 00:11:29,170
Stupid showing up at movies,
261
00:11:29,171 --> 00:11:33,674
like, "Oh, surprise, Max, I'm here."
262
00:11:33,675 --> 00:11:35,309
(sighs)
263
00:11:38,213 --> 00:11:40,881
(groans) Sorry, we're closed.
264
00:11:40,882 --> 00:11:42,316
You ran out of there so fast,
265
00:11:42,317 --> 00:11:45,653
you trampled that strange exotic bird.
266
00:11:45,654 --> 00:11:48,689
That was Tilda Swinton,
and I apologized.
267
00:11:50,058 --> 00:11:51,625
How did you know I was here?
268
00:11:51,626 --> 00:11:54,228
I followed you.
269
00:11:54,229 --> 00:11:56,897
You could've just poked me on Facebook.
270
00:11:57,632 --> 00:12:00,234
Rather poke you in person.
271
00:12:01,703 --> 00:12:04,605
So... you gonna give me a drink?
272
00:12:04,606 --> 00:12:06,524
Are you gonna give me
a reason you're here?
273
00:12:06,525 --> 00:12:08,709
Are you gonna give me a
reason you're so beautiful?
274
00:12:08,710 --> 00:12:10,444
Are you gonna give me a reason...
275
00:12:10,445 --> 00:12:11,912
okay, fine, I'll give you a drink.
276
00:12:15,116 --> 00:12:16,250
(groans)
277
00:12:16,251 --> 00:12:17,418
I just got over you.
278
00:12:17,419 --> 00:12:19,186
What do you want from me?
279
00:12:20,956 --> 00:12:23,224
I want to be with you.
280
00:12:23,225 --> 00:12:26,360
(derisive laughter)
281
00:12:27,362 --> 00:12:30,130
Oh, please!
282
00:12:30,131 --> 00:12:33,067
You think you can just
come in here in your suit
283
00:12:33,068 --> 00:12:36,804
and be like,
"Uh, I wanna be with you, Max."
284
00:12:36,805 --> 00:12:38,305
You say you love me,
285
00:12:38,306 --> 00:12:39,974
you say you can't live without me,
286
00:12:39,975 --> 00:12:42,076
and then you go and live without me.
287
00:12:43,111 --> 00:12:46,413
You, sir, are unreliable.
288
00:12:46,414 --> 00:12:47,948
Max, I miss you.
289
00:12:47,949 --> 00:12:49,601
Every time I see Cheeto dust
290
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,825
or a girl wearing flip-flops
in an expensive restaurant,
291
00:12:51,826 --> 00:12:53,454
I tear up.
292
00:12:53,455 --> 00:12:54,430
Oh, really?
293
00:12:54,431 --> 00:12:57,424
I thought you said long-distance
relationships didn't work.
294
00:12:57,425 --> 00:12:59,727
Not gonna be long distance anymore.
295
00:12:59,728 --> 00:13:01,195
What about your firm in L.A.?
296
00:13:01,196 --> 00:13:03,797
We just opened offices in New York.
297
00:13:03,798 --> 00:13:05,299
Where are they?
298
00:13:06,935 --> 00:13:09,603
Two blocks from my new
apartment I just got.
299
00:13:09,604 --> 00:13:11,305
Well, where's your dog?
300
00:13:11,306 --> 00:13:14,308
Doesn't he have season
tickets to the Lakers?
301
00:13:14,309 --> 00:13:16,343
He and Jack Nicholson got in a fight.
302
00:13:16,344 --> 00:13:18,279
Well, what about
all that stuff you said
303
00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:20,548
about us being in
different places in our lives?
304
00:13:20,549 --> 00:13:23,817
I want to be in your place.
305
00:13:23,818 --> 00:13:25,041
What about that thing you said
306
00:13:25,042 --> 00:13:28,522
about the way I eat noodles?
307
00:13:28,523 --> 00:13:30,290
I'm working on that.
308
00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:34,895
Max, I've been crazy about you
since the moment I met you.
309
00:13:34,896 --> 00:13:36,430
I don't want to live without you.
310
00:13:36,431 --> 00:13:39,767
- Oh, really?
- Really.
311
00:13:39,768 --> 00:13:41,669
Prove it.
312
00:13:50,178 --> 00:13:52,479
Max George Black...
313
00:13:55,150 --> 00:13:56,917
I love you.
314
00:14:00,555 --> 00:14:02,356
Will you marry me?
315
00:14:04,159 --> 00:14:05,659
(laughs) Wait, what?
316
00:14:07,162 --> 00:14:09,330
Caroline can really put you to sleep
317
00:14:09,331 --> 00:14:12,366
on and off the screen, huh?
318
00:14:12,367 --> 00:14:14,902
Here.
319
00:14:14,903 --> 00:14:18,172
Oh, she doesn't even like her desserts.
320
00:14:18,173 --> 00:14:21,241
Well, at least you got a nap
out of it, right, Barbara?
321
00:14:21,242 --> 00:14:25,813
You were the one who was
drooling pretty hard in there.
322
00:14:25,814 --> 00:14:28,716
You know what?
After seeing that snoozer,
323
00:14:28,717 --> 00:14:32,186
I don't want Barbara to
have any part of Hollywood.
324
00:14:32,187 --> 00:14:33,687
Yeah.
325
00:14:33,688 --> 00:14:37,224
You know, she can be
something important,
326
00:14:37,225 --> 00:14:39,059
like a realtor.
327
00:14:39,060 --> 00:14:42,096
(mouths words)
328
00:14:42,097 --> 00:14:43,530
BOBBY: All right,
329
00:14:43,531 --> 00:14:45,099
I stitched it up with a rubber band
330
00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:48,035
and a fisherman's knot right there.
331
00:14:48,036 --> 00:14:52,506
Yeah, Steven Seagal has
a dress just like that.
332
00:14:52,507 --> 00:14:56,210
Bobby, how am I gonna pay
for this dress I ruined?
333
00:14:56,211 --> 00:14:57,978
Do you have $10,000?
334
00:14:57,979 --> 00:14:59,513
I can give you $4
335
00:14:59,514 --> 00:15:01,448
and make you another fisherman's knot.
336
00:15:01,449 --> 00:15:03,050
I just really want you to know
337
00:15:03,051 --> 00:15:05,119
that I am sorry for the
way I've been acting.
338
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:05,948
Look, I know.
339
00:15:05,949 --> 00:15:07,817
You have been
really nervous about today,
340
00:15:07,818 --> 00:15:10,419
and it brought out what
I hope is the worst in you.
341
00:15:10,420 --> 00:15:12,888
I'll just say yes.
342
00:15:12,889 --> 00:15:16,314
Anyway, none of that
superficial stuff matters.
343
00:15:16,315 --> 00:15:19,851
What matters is that I love you,
344
00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:22,888
and I owe $10,000 for this dress.
345
00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:25,557
Just a heads-up. I see London, I see...
346
00:15:25,558 --> 00:15:27,225
Your whole left butt cheek is out.
347
00:15:27,226 --> 00:15:28,994
(gasps)
348
00:15:28,995 --> 00:15:32,631
I may have a solution
to your $10,000 problem.
349
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,232
I am not going in on
350
00:15:34,233 --> 00:15:36,201
that Little Caesar's
franchise with you.
351
00:15:36,202 --> 00:15:39,704
We'd be making more than pizza,
I'll tell you that.
352
00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:41,773
Look, I'm flush with cash now
353
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:44,342
that they've stopped
making Dr. Who figurines.
354
00:15:44,343 --> 00:15:47,078
How about if I pay for the dress,
355
00:15:47,079 --> 00:15:50,449
you and Max can pay me back
by working at the diner?
356
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:51,917
(gasps)
357
00:15:51,918 --> 00:15:53,752
Han, yes.
358
00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:56,555
Thank you for not making
me beg for my job back.
359
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,023
You would've begged?
360
00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:02,027
Oh! Oh! Oh!
361
00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:03,695
Oh!
362
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:10,035
Well, I should walk off this boner.
363
00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:16,041
Wait, I mean, go get Earl out of here.
364
00:16:16,042 --> 00:16:17,709
He's pitching his idea for
365
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:19,744
The Black Lincoln to Scorsese,
366
00:16:19,745 --> 00:16:23,248
and by Scorsese, I mean a plant.
367
00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:27,819
Yo, think about it, Marty.
368
00:16:29,388 --> 00:16:31,923
Bobby, I felt bad about
not inviting Denise,
369
00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:33,792
so I texted her during the movie.
370
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:35,227
Hopefully, she'll be smart enough
371
00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:36,695
to change out of her diner uniform,
372
00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:39,230
and there she is, and, no, she wasn't.
373
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:42,734
It's not usually this red.
374
00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,604
I burned it on the grill.
375
00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:48,440
So the worst part
of the night's not over.
376
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,976
Oh, my God.
377
00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:53,178
It's retro, it's now,
378
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:56,781
it's a little tomato-saucy,
but it works.
379
00:16:56,782 --> 00:17:00,619
I spilled spaghetti
and meatballs on myself.
380
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,287
You have a girlfriend?
381
00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:04,089
No.
382
00:17:04,090 --> 00:17:06,992
Don't worry, we can find a third.
383
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,161
(phone chimes)
384
00:17:10,162 --> 00:17:11,830
It's from Max. It says,
385
00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:14,065
"Meet me at the dessert bar.
It's an emergency."
386
00:17:14,066 --> 00:17:17,002
She never says
something's an emergency.
387
00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:19,471
She came to work with
a knife in her head.
388
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,573
♪
389
00:17:25,868 --> 00:17:27,602
Max, where did you go?
390
00:17:27,603 --> 00:17:30,271
You missed everything.
And as hard as I tried,
391
00:17:30,272 --> 00:17:32,473
they wouldn't give me
a second swag bag.
392
00:17:32,474 --> 00:17:36,177
And I will not share the
Kate Hudson yoga pants.
393
00:17:36,178 --> 00:17:39,414
You can have them, 'cause I have this!
394
00:17:39,415 --> 00:17:41,149
CAROLINE: (gasps)
395
00:17:44,853 --> 00:17:49,090
You stole an engagement ring?
396
00:17:49,091 --> 00:17:51,559
Can I come out now? It smells in there.
397
00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:53,294
Oh, my God, Randy.
398
00:17:53,295 --> 00:17:54,960
Are you upset that Max is engaged?
399
00:17:54,961 --> 00:17:56,331
Oh, wait!
400
00:17:56,332 --> 00:17:59,434
(screaming)
401
00:18:01,136 --> 00:18:03,104
Now I know why you wanted
to tell her without me.
402
00:18:03,105 --> 00:18:04,939
- Back to the smelly room.
- No!
403
00:18:06,642 --> 00:18:07,842
Aw.
404
00:18:09,979 --> 00:18:11,579
Oh, my God!
405
00:18:11,580 --> 00:18:13,648
This night that was totally about me
406
00:18:13,649 --> 00:18:17,051
is totally about you,
and I'm not even jealous!
407
00:18:18,554 --> 00:18:21,990
Oh, my God. Are you moving to L.A.?
408
00:18:21,991 --> 00:18:24,659
Different kind of tears coming.
409
00:18:24,660 --> 00:18:26,894
Nope, I'm moving here.
410
00:18:26,895 --> 00:18:29,163
Should've done it a long time ago.
411
00:18:29,164 --> 00:18:30,865
I'm keeping my name, by the way.
412
00:18:30,866 --> 00:18:32,900
It'd be weird for people
to call me Randy.
413
00:18:32,901 --> 00:18:34,268
(chuckles)
414
00:18:34,269 --> 00:18:36,571
See? How can I live without this?
415
00:18:36,572 --> 00:18:38,873
See, Caroline? You got your wish.
416
00:18:38,874 --> 00:18:40,475
We're both with someone.
417
00:18:40,476 --> 00:18:42,076
Looks like I got my wish.
418
00:18:42,077 --> 00:18:45,179
- We're not gonna die together.
- (laughs)
419
00:18:45,180 --> 00:18:47,582
You are more than
welcome to die with us.
420
00:18:47,583 --> 00:18:49,250
So I hear you have a boyfriend.
421
00:18:49,251 --> 00:18:50,852
Yeah, he'll be right in.
422
00:18:50,853 --> 00:18:53,388
He's getting Max's
coleslaw out of the limo.
423
00:18:53,389 --> 00:18:55,423
The driver said he didn't eat it,
424
00:18:55,424 --> 00:18:57,325
but his face is covered in mayonnaise.
425
00:18:58,861 --> 00:19:00,728
Bobby, this is Randy...
426
00:19:00,729 --> 00:19:03,631
- Max's fiancé.
- What?
427
00:19:03,632 --> 00:19:06,100
Um, I'll break up with him
if you don't talk American.
428
00:19:06,101 --> 00:19:07,535
CAROLINE: (scoffs)
429
00:19:09,605 --> 00:19:12,206
- You look familiar.
- So do you.
430
00:19:12,207 --> 00:19:14,942
Both: Aww.
431
00:19:14,943 --> 00:19:16,711
You're that lawyer that
432
00:19:16,712 --> 00:19:20,515
screwed my mother and sister
out of that reality show.
433
00:19:20,516 --> 00:19:24,986
- Yeah, it was called...
- Move Out, You're 40.
434
00:19:24,987 --> 00:19:28,723
Yeah, we had to fire them
'cause they're insane.
435
00:19:28,724 --> 00:19:29,857
I'm sorry, are you calling
436
00:19:29,858 --> 00:19:31,292
my mother and sister insane?
437
00:19:31,293 --> 00:19:35,129
Oh, not just me.
The state of New Jersey.
438
00:19:35,130 --> 00:19:37,313
Oh, it's so cute. They know each other.
439
00:19:37,314 --> 00:19:38,599
(giggles)
440
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:41,069
Let's take this outside.
There's ladies here.
441
00:19:41,070 --> 00:19:43,538
(scoffs) Well, one.
442
00:19:43,539 --> 00:19:45,239
That's a good idea.
443
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:46,607
First one you've ever had.
444
00:19:46,608 --> 00:19:49,477
Okay, that's it.
445
00:19:49,478 --> 00:19:50,745
His mother put a curse on me.
446
00:19:50,746 --> 00:19:51,850
Yeah, and you haven't found
447
00:19:51,851 --> 00:19:53,463
a good parking space since, have you?
448
00:19:53,464 --> 00:19:55,799
Bobby, don't ruin your suit.
We can't afford it.
449
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:58,635
Oh, my God, this is terrible.
450
00:19:58,636 --> 00:20:00,970
- Can I see the ring again?
- (giggles)
451
00:20:00,971 --> 00:20:04,674
Um, I licked it, and it's not candy.
452
00:20:04,675 --> 00:20:06,042
(chuckles)
453
00:20:06,043 --> 00:20:09,145
(crashing, grunting, yelling)
454
00:20:12,516 --> 00:20:14,383
(gasps) Aww, they must've made up.
455
00:20:14,384 --> 00:20:15,718
They're hugging.
456
00:20:15,719 --> 00:20:19,856
(grunting, yelling)
457
00:20:19,857 --> 00:20:22,291
This is not good.
458
00:20:22,292 --> 00:20:24,026
And more not good,
459
00:20:24,027 --> 00:20:26,270
we still have to work at the
diner to pay off my dress.
460
00:20:26,271 --> 00:20:29,465
Did Bobby's mother
put a curse on us too?
461
00:20:29,466 --> 00:20:32,535
(grunting, yelling)
462
00:20:34,371 --> 00:20:36,539
Is it weird I think
that's a little hot?
463
00:20:37,975 --> 00:20:39,275
Let me see the ring again.
464
00:20:39,276 --> 00:20:42,211
(upbeat rock music)
465
00:20:42,212 --> 00:20:43,679
♪
466
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:44,760
(cash register dings)
467
00:20:44,761 --> 00:20:46,976
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.