1
00:00:01,461 --> 00:00:03,245
Well, you, me,
and the cupcakes are ready,
2
00:00:03,297 --> 00:00:05,381
now, we just need people.
[Chuckles]
3
00:00:06,383 --> 00:00:07,332
Ooh, here we go!
4
00:00:07,334 --> 00:00:09,319
This one looks like
she might come in.
5
00:00:10,921 --> 00:00:13,071
Yeah,
keep walking, ugly!
6
00:00:13,073 --> 00:00:15,557
Ugly?
She's like a supermodel.
7
00:00:15,559 --> 00:00:17,342
Did she come in
and buy something?
8
00:00:17,344 --> 00:00:19,678
- No.
- Then, she ugly.
9
00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,563
Okay, yes,
business is slow,
10
00:00:21,565 --> 00:00:23,765
but we don't
have to drop to that level.
11
00:00:23,767 --> 00:00:26,569
Ooh, this guy
is definitely coming in.
12
00:00:27,571 --> 00:00:29,821
Keep walking, fatty!
13
00:00:29,823 --> 00:00:32,608
And he ugly.
14
00:00:32,610 --> 00:00:34,326
[Both gasp]
15
00:00:34,328 --> 00:00:35,727
Both: Welcome
to Max's homemade cupcakes!
16
00:00:35,729 --> 00:00:39,230
Hello.
How much are your cupcakes?
17
00:00:39,232 --> 00:00:40,449
$4.
18
00:00:40,451 --> 00:00:41,719
No.
19
00:00:43,721 --> 00:00:45,403
Both: Whore.
20
00:00:45,405 --> 00:00:47,456
Jinx, you owe me a coke!
[Laugh]
21
00:00:47,458 --> 00:00:49,040
We both called
an old lady a whore.
22
00:00:49,042 --> 00:00:50,759
I know!
We are in complete sync.
23
00:00:50,761 --> 00:00:53,079
That is so good
for business.
24
00:00:54,681 --> 00:00:57,082
I'll give you $3.
25
00:00:57,084 --> 00:00:58,517
I'm sorry,
they're $4.
26
00:00:59,019 --> 00:01:01,288
There's no one in here.
You'll take what you get.
27
00:01:03,790 --> 00:01:05,892
I'm in love
with that whore.
28
00:01:06,894 --> 00:01:09,194
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
29
00:01:09,196 --> 00:01:10,646
[cash register bell dings]
30
00:01:10,648 --> 00:01:14,716
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
31
00:01:15,388 --> 00:01:20,524
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
32
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,168
Hello. I'm calling
from Max's Homemade Cupcakes
33
00:01:25,170 --> 00:01:28,554
to acquaint you with our new
"Mornings with Max's" special.
34
00:01:28,556 --> 00:01:32,375
No, sir, that is not
what our special is.
35
00:01:32,377 --> 00:01:34,443
And I haven't even done that
with my boyfriend yet,
36
00:01:34,445 --> 00:01:36,145
so don't be rude.
37
00:01:36,147 --> 00:01:38,281
Give me that phone.
38
00:01:38,283 --> 00:01:41,517
Ya fat, ya ugly,
ya fugly.
39
00:01:42,969 --> 00:01:45,404
Max, we have got to get
more business going.
40
00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:46,939
The money Sophie gave us
to open the shop
41
00:01:46,941 --> 00:01:48,941
will only cover
next month's rent.
42
00:01:48,943 --> 00:01:50,910
Wait, we already have
next month's rent?
43
00:01:50,912 --> 00:01:52,328
Why are we worried?
We're doing better
44
00:01:52,330 --> 00:01:54,664
than everyone else
in America.
45
00:01:54,666 --> 00:01:58,650
Well, well, well,
if it isn't Prince Charming.
46
00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:00,753
But, Earl,
is Prince Charming,
47
00:02:00,755 --> 00:02:04,423
or is he just a diva
in purple?
48
00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:07,126
So psyched. Finally got
a personalized hello from Earl.
49
00:02:07,128 --> 00:02:08,461
He called me
Prince Charming.
50
00:02:08,463 --> 00:02:10,796
I'm in, baby, I am in.
[Laughs]
51
00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,014
I wouldn't get
too excited.
52
00:02:12,016 --> 00:02:14,300
He probably
just forgot your name.
53
00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:18,888
He calls every Puerto Rican guy
that comes in here "La Bamba."
54
00:02:18,890 --> 00:02:20,856
[Phone ringing]
55
00:02:21,358 --> 00:02:22,775
Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
56
00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:25,728
- Yes, I'll hold.
- [Laughs]
57
00:02:25,730 --> 00:02:29,482
Of course we do sugar-free
and gluten-free.
58
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:31,867
I'll be right back,
I just gotta take this call.
59
00:02:31,869 --> 00:02:35,788
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm, I understand,
but, like, how diabetic?
60
00:02:35,790 --> 00:02:38,690
I feel a little sick
to my stomach.
61
00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:41,410
Why? You haven't even
eaten here yet.
62
00:02:41,412 --> 00:02:42,995
No, I'm nervous.
63
00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:44,914
I came here to tell Caroline
something kind of big.
64
00:02:44,916 --> 00:02:47,249
What? You have
a secret family on Long Island?
65
00:02:47,251 --> 00:02:49,535
- No.
- You have Hep-C? "D"?
66
00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:52,004
- One of the new heps?
- No.
67
00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:53,506
I don't have
any of the heps.
68
00:02:53,508 --> 00:02:55,257
Wow. Now, telling her
I'm in love with her
69
00:02:55,259 --> 00:02:56,708
is just going to
sound boring.
70
00:02:57,210 --> 00:02:59,211
You're gonna tell her
you love her?
71
00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:00,646
Here in the diner?
72
00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:03,983
Why,
was the dump closed?
73
00:03:03,985 --> 00:03:07,553
Hey, we need more coffee,
La Bamba.
74
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:10,406
Andy, this isn't where
you tell someone "I love you."
75
00:03:10,408 --> 00:03:14,059
This is where you tell someone
their sex change looks passable.
76
00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:15,394
What's the big deal?
77
00:03:15,396 --> 00:03:16,996
If I feel it,
why shouldn't I say it?
78
00:03:16,998 --> 00:03:18,564
I think
she'd be all over that.
79
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:20,783
Nope. If it didn't happen
to Kate Hudson
80
00:03:20,785 --> 00:03:22,084
in some stupid
romantic comedy,
81
00:03:22,086 --> 00:03:24,036
then it won't work
for Caroline.
82
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,705
Sorry, what? I left
and went into another theater
83
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,674
in my mind
while you were talking.
84
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:32,044
I know, it's so creepy,
but she likes it.
85
00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:34,079
Really, if you could
arrange for it to rain,
86
00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:36,048
or run after her
to the airport in the rain,
87
00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:38,300
but somehow end up on top
of the Empire State building
88
00:03:38,302 --> 00:03:40,603
on Valentine's Day,
that'd be best.
89
00:03:40,605 --> 00:03:42,988
Well, I just sold
three dozen cupcakes,
90
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:45,526
we just have to mark "No sugar"
on one of the boxes.
91
00:03:49,595 --> 00:03:50,762
So what did you want
to say to me?
92
00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:52,931
No, nothing,
just came by to say hi.
93
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:55,601
I gotta go download
a couple movies.
94
00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:57,821
Hey, Oleg.
Where's my food?
95
00:03:59,923 --> 00:04:01,290
[Rings bell]
Cheeseburger with fries,
96
00:04:01,292 --> 00:04:03,775
pick-up.
97
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:05,461
Han, you look so tall
in the window.
98
00:04:05,463 --> 00:04:09,248
Tell me the truth, are you
standing on another tiny person?
99
00:04:11,617 --> 00:04:12,819
No.
100
00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:17,225
On the box.
101
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,177
Oleg had to leave.
102
00:04:21,179 --> 00:04:22,978
Sophie came back
from her trip to Poland,
103
00:04:22,980 --> 00:04:25,731
and he's worried, 'cause
she's very, very depressed.
104
00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:28,134
Why, did she see you
in that hair net?
105
00:04:28,136 --> 00:04:30,236
Come on, listen,
when Sophie went to see
106
00:04:30,238 --> 00:04:31,904
her new house,
there was no house.
107
00:04:31,906 --> 00:04:34,857
Her Polish contractor
ripped off her money.
108
00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:38,444
Poor Sophie.
I feel terrible.
109
00:04:38,446 --> 00:04:40,329
I know what it feels like
to be ripped off.
110
00:04:40,331 --> 00:04:43,332
I once bought a Fendi purse,
but when I looked inside,
111
00:04:43,334 --> 00:04:45,984
it said "Rendi."
112
00:04:46,986 --> 00:04:50,539
What kind of god
would let that happen?
113
00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:53,959
Max, I went to a party
with that.
114
00:04:54,361 --> 00:04:56,295
We should stop by after work,
see how she is,
115
00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:58,297
and bring her
some of her favorite cupcakes.
116
00:04:58,299 --> 00:05:01,433
Or you could give her
that $20,000 she loaned you.
117
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:04,186
Loaned us? Sophie gave us
that money as a gift.
118
00:05:04,188 --> 00:05:06,672
Not what I hear.
Pick-up!
119
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:09,341
And we're out of spaghetti.
There's no sauce.
120
00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:11,009
No, Han,
there's plenty of sauce.
121
00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:14,113
[Whispering] I know,
but I can't reach the shelf.
122
00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:21,687
Hey, are we sure that money
Sophie gave us was a gift?
123
00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:24,540
Yes. She gave it to us
to support our dream.
124
00:05:24,542 --> 00:05:26,525
I know when I had money,
I gave it out freely,
125
00:05:26,527 --> 00:05:28,661
and never expected
anything in return.
126
00:05:28,663 --> 00:05:31,413
Like when I gave my maid
that gorgeous Rendi.
127
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:34,633
Well, I don't know about
people not expecting stuff back.
128
00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:36,201
One time,
a guy bought me a slushy,
129
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:38,837
and for the next three weeks,
he owned me.
130
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,707
No, he really owned me.
131
00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:45,477
Eight days in, I almost
got traded to a trucker.
132
00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:48,347
And I wouldn't
even mention her gift.
133
00:05:48,349 --> 00:05:50,382
It will only insult her,
and I promise,
134
00:05:50,384 --> 00:05:53,903
nobody is expecting us
to give the money back.
135
00:05:53,905 --> 00:05:57,222
Come in, girls.
Did you bring the check?
136
00:05:57,224 --> 00:06:00,892
No, because it was a gift--
a big-ass gift,
137
00:06:01,394 --> 00:06:04,613
but we brought our love
and we brought cupcakes.
138
00:06:04,615 --> 00:06:06,699
Well,
I doubt she'll eat them.
139
00:06:06,701 --> 00:06:10,052
She hasn't even touched
her kapusniak,
140
00:06:10,054 --> 00:06:12,004
which is the dish
traditionally served
141
00:06:12,006 --> 00:06:15,574
to Polish women who have been
wronged by their contractors.
142
00:06:16,976 --> 00:06:19,411
Such a specific culture.
143
00:06:19,413 --> 00:06:21,096
But that's not
the worst thing.
144
00:06:21,098 --> 00:06:23,465
She is so depressed,
no sex,
145
00:06:23,467 --> 00:06:25,100
which is big problem
for me,
146
00:06:25,102 --> 00:06:29,305
because I find
depressed women very hot.
147
00:06:30,107 --> 00:06:31,607
A lot of guys do.
148
00:06:31,609 --> 00:06:34,760
Why do you think I haven't
paid for a drink in six years?
149
00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:37,196
I'll go in
and tell her you're here.
150
00:06:37,198 --> 00:06:42,034
She's just lying there
on the bed, lifeless, hot...
151
00:06:42,036 --> 00:06:45,237
The big tease.
152
00:06:50,777 --> 00:06:52,711
Sophie, the two girls
who you loaned the money to
153
00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:54,747
are here to see you.
154
00:06:54,749 --> 00:06:56,582
It was a gift.
155
00:06:56,584 --> 00:06:59,117
A generous, generous gift,
but still a gift.
156
00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:01,453
Are we sure about that?
'Cause I was slushy boy's bitch
157
00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:04,807
for three weeks,
and I did things.
158
00:07:04,809 --> 00:07:07,142
Look,
Max brought you cupcakes,
159
00:07:07,144 --> 00:07:10,346
your favorite: Vanilla
with a bacon fat drizzle.
160
00:07:10,848 --> 00:07:14,566
No, I can't eat
when I've been betrayed.
161
00:07:14,568 --> 00:07:17,353
What kind again?
162
00:07:17,355 --> 00:07:21,106
Sophie, I am patient man,
but I am also horny man.
163
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:23,609
Any idea when you will
snap out of this?
164
00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:27,479
Oh, why don't you just unzip
and climb on top of me now
165
00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:29,164
and get it over with?
166
00:07:29,166 --> 00:07:31,166
- Oh, no.
- Well, we should be going.
167
00:07:31,168 --> 00:07:33,035
No, girls, stay.
168
00:07:33,037 --> 00:07:36,755
If she's not even going to
put up a fight, what's the fun?
169
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:38,674
Are you sure?
170
00:07:38,676 --> 00:07:41,427
Bacon drizzle,
little bit of heaven.
171
00:07:41,429 --> 00:07:43,512
No, I don't want them.
172
00:07:43,514 --> 00:07:45,497
Okay,
let's put the cupcakes here,
173
00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:47,299
in case
you change your mind.
174
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,019
- Is this a gun?
- Ooh!
175
00:07:50,021 --> 00:07:53,856
Yes. I'm not going to
stab myself to death.
176
00:07:53,858 --> 00:07:57,026
Do you know how much
this outfit costs?
177
00:07:57,028 --> 00:07:59,010
Sophie, you're going to
get through this.
178
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:01,697
And by the way,
you look amazing in black.
179
00:08:01,699 --> 00:08:05,234
Oh, well, no more
bright colors for me now.
180
00:08:05,236 --> 00:08:07,286
I'm in mourning.
181
00:08:07,288 --> 00:08:11,290
See?
Black bra, black garters,
182
00:08:11,292 --> 00:08:13,592
and look,
black panties.
183
00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:17,379
Um, you're not wearing
any panties.
184
00:08:17,381 --> 00:08:20,031
I'm not?
185
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:21,417
Oh.
186
00:08:21,419 --> 00:08:24,803
I'm sorry about
that wild mess down there.
187
00:08:26,405 --> 00:08:28,891
Sophie, I feel bad
you got ripped off.
188
00:08:28,893 --> 00:08:32,544
Here are all my tips
from tonight: $27.
189
00:08:32,796 --> 00:08:35,263
For eight hours?
190
00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:38,350
Oh, now,
I'm depressed for you.
191
00:08:38,352 --> 00:08:40,969
You want to borrow my gun?
192
00:08:40,971 --> 00:08:43,638
You know what? I think
you just need to eat something,
193
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,307
and pretty soon,
you'll be back to your old self:
194
00:08:46,309 --> 00:08:49,310
A woman who gives gifts
and expects nothing in return,
195
00:08:49,312 --> 00:08:51,997
'cause that's
what a gift is.
196
00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:56,418
Sophie, is that
doing anything for you?
197
00:08:56,420 --> 00:08:59,538
Yeah, well,
I'm not hating it.
198
00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:02,758
Here, this soup
smells amazing.
199
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:05,043
Oh, no. I don't have
the energy to eat.
200
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:08,447
Sophie, open your mouth
and put this in.
201
00:09:08,449 --> 00:09:12,634
Oh, come on.
Now you're as bad as Oleg.
202
00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:13,869
There. Better?
203
00:09:13,871 --> 00:09:16,855
That's cold.
204
00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:20,809
Sophie, just say the word,
and I will rob a bank for you.
205
00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:22,694
Sophie, I understand
you're hurting,
206
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,980
but we've already spent
most of the money on the shop,
207
00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:27,532
and business
just isn't good.
208
00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:30,786
It's not the money.
Everybody thinks it's the money.
209
00:09:30,788 --> 00:09:32,320
It's more than that.
210
00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:35,540
My lake house was my dream,
and I lost my dream.
211
00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:36,875
Oh, thank God!
212
00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:39,044
Well, I'm glad
that's cleared up.
213
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:40,712
Not about the money.
214
00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:43,298
Max, come on, she's had a shock,
we should let her sleep.
215
00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:46,668
You girls are so lucky.
You still have your dream.
216
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:49,304
Well, Sophie, what if you
were part of our dream?
217
00:09:49,306 --> 00:09:50,806
I'm sorry?
Whose dream?
218
00:09:50,808 --> 00:09:52,174
Our dream.
219
00:09:52,176 --> 00:09:55,877
Your dream?
Where's that cupcake?
220
00:09:55,879 --> 00:09:58,546
Look, Sophie's the only reason
we have a shop.
221
00:09:58,548 --> 00:09:59,898
We should make her,
like, a partner.
222
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:02,234
Mmm! Partner!
223
00:10:02,236 --> 00:10:04,352
But you and I
are already partners.
224
00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:06,321
I feel like we're kind of
partnered out.
225
00:10:06,323 --> 00:10:08,023
What about
a silent partner?
226
00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:11,559
Mmm! Silent partner!
Yeah, I like that.
227
00:10:11,561 --> 00:10:14,863
Mmm! I'm getting
my appetite back,
228
00:10:14,865 --> 00:10:17,866
and also,
my sex drive.
229
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:22,087
Go or stay, girls.
Either way, I'm going in.
230
00:10:31,302 --> 00:10:33,869
I'm sorry I said Sophie
could be part of the store.
231
00:10:33,871 --> 00:10:36,005
I just felt bad for her,
lying there,
232
00:10:36,007 --> 00:10:40,642
all in black, too sad
to even make her junk pretty.
233
00:10:40,644 --> 00:10:44,163
It's fine. "Silent partner" is
just a figurehead role anyway,
234
00:10:44,165 --> 00:10:46,699
and it's nice to know
you have such a big heart.
235
00:10:46,701 --> 00:10:47,933
It's not my heart.
236
00:10:47,935 --> 00:10:50,153
What I saw down there
changed me.
237
00:10:52,155 --> 00:10:53,655
It looks like something
an animal built
238
00:10:53,657 --> 00:10:56,058
to live in
for the winter.
239
00:11:02,715 --> 00:11:05,784
Wait, what is
Sophie's chandelier doing here?
240
00:11:05,786 --> 00:11:08,303
Is this the Polish version
of a home invasion?
241
00:11:08,305 --> 00:11:11,273
They break in
and leave something tacky?
242
00:11:11,775 --> 00:11:14,459
Good morning, partners.
243
00:11:14,461 --> 00:11:18,597
I didn't know the dress code,
so I went business casual.
244
00:11:18,599 --> 00:11:23,852
Look, the chandelier that
I bought for my lake house.
245
00:11:23,854 --> 00:11:26,054
Oh, now our dreams
are together.
246
00:11:26,056 --> 00:11:29,608
Sophie, it's not
the look we were going for.
247
00:11:29,610 --> 00:11:33,446
Oh, I know.
Much better, right?
248
00:11:33,998 --> 00:11:36,014
That is definitely
not our style.
249
00:11:36,016 --> 00:11:39,968
It looks like a Tim Burton movie
just spit up in here.
250
00:11:39,970 --> 00:11:41,720
I think
it's kind of pretty.
251
00:11:41,722 --> 00:11:43,222
But what do I know?
252
00:11:43,224 --> 00:11:46,558
I once spent my last 50 bucks
on a frog pinata.
253
00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:48,760
Had to have it.
254
00:11:48,762 --> 00:11:50,562
[Phone ringing]
255
00:11:50,564 --> 00:11:52,314
Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
256
00:11:52,316 --> 00:11:54,950
Yes, we're
an upscale bakery, and--
257
00:11:54,952 --> 00:11:57,319
Now, we sell hoagies.
258
00:11:57,821 --> 00:12:00,289
Oh, no, no, no, sir,
we do not sell hoagies.
259
00:12:00,291 --> 00:12:01,957
Yes, we do.
260
00:12:02,959 --> 00:12:05,877
How many would you like?
Let me get a pen.
261
00:12:05,879 --> 00:12:07,496
[Knocking at the door]
262
00:12:10,383 --> 00:12:11,667
What's happening?
263
00:12:11,669 --> 00:12:14,452
Are we finally
gonna trash Caroline?
264
00:12:14,454 --> 00:12:15,804
No, I need your help.
265
00:12:15,806 --> 00:12:17,339
I watched four chick flicks
back-to-back,
266
00:12:17,341 --> 00:12:18,724
then I made a list
of possible ways
267
00:12:18,726 --> 00:12:20,142
to tell Caroline
I love her.
268
00:12:20,144 --> 00:12:24,096
I was gonna make more,
but I got my period.
269
00:12:25,598 --> 00:12:29,401
Okay, run the choices
past me.
270
00:12:29,403 --> 00:12:31,436
Whichever one makes me
want to hurl the most,
271
00:12:31,438 --> 00:12:33,238
that's your winner.
272
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:35,357
I could play a song for her
outside of her apartment,
273
00:12:35,359 --> 00:12:38,694
but keep in mind how hard it is
to find a boom box in 2012.
274
00:12:38,696 --> 00:12:40,979
Yeah, plus, if you do that
outside our apartment,
275
00:12:40,981 --> 00:12:42,648
you'll be shot.
276
00:12:42,650 --> 00:12:44,766
By me.
277
00:12:44,768 --> 00:12:47,953
Okay, what about
sharing cocoa and a hot dog
278
00:12:47,955 --> 00:12:49,654
on the ice rink
in Central Park?
279
00:12:49,656 --> 00:12:50,956
Yup, that's it.
280
00:12:50,958 --> 00:12:52,374
Makes me
want to take my head off
281
00:12:52,376 --> 00:12:53,625
and throw it
into the street.
282
00:12:53,627 --> 00:12:55,961
Cool.
Oh, and, Max,
283
00:12:55,963 --> 00:12:57,579
I think I'm the only
straight guy on earth
284
00:12:57,581 --> 00:12:59,281
who knows the difference
between Dylan McDermott
285
00:12:59,283 --> 00:13:02,801
and Dermott Mulroney,
and that, my friend, is love.
286
00:13:04,987 --> 00:13:07,122
Oh, what's
that funky-ass smell?
287
00:13:07,124 --> 00:13:10,692
Do they finally sell
pepperoni febreze?
288
00:13:11,194 --> 00:13:13,261
Max, this already
isn't working.
289
00:13:13,263 --> 00:13:15,847
The stinky salami,
the gaudy chandelier?
290
00:13:15,849 --> 00:13:18,817
It's like a haunted Quiznos
in here.
291
00:13:18,819 --> 00:13:21,953
Hey, I'm sending Oleg
to Queens
292
00:13:21,955 --> 00:13:24,823
to pick up
a flat of Fresca. Yeah.
293
00:13:24,825 --> 00:13:26,425
There's nothing better
with a hoagie
294
00:13:26,427 --> 00:13:28,493
than an ice-cold Fresca.
295
00:13:29,295 --> 00:13:31,029
That's what I wanted!
296
00:13:31,031 --> 00:13:32,914
Look...
297
00:13:32,916 --> 00:13:36,534
They'll go great
with the pickled eggs!
298
00:13:38,270 --> 00:13:41,673
This just went from my dream
to a nightmare.
299
00:13:41,675 --> 00:13:44,393
Oh, my God, Caroline!
It is you!
300
00:13:44,395 --> 00:13:47,346
Stacy, no way! I haven't
seen you since graduation.
301
00:13:47,348 --> 00:13:49,031
We went to Wharton together.
302
00:13:49,033 --> 00:13:51,066
This girl is a genius.
303
00:13:51,068 --> 00:13:52,934
- [Chuckles]
- Always top of the class.
304
00:13:52,936 --> 00:13:54,519
So what are you
doing here?
305
00:13:54,521 --> 00:13:57,389
Buying a cupcake on your way
to running the world?
306
00:13:57,391 --> 00:13:59,241
No, I own this shop.
307
00:13:59,243 --> 00:14:02,944
Oh. You own
this little cupcake shop?
308
00:14:02,946 --> 00:14:06,081
And many other
bigger shops.
309
00:14:06,083 --> 00:14:08,333
This is our
new Williamsburg location.
310
00:14:08,335 --> 00:14:10,452
And yes, I know,
the chandelier is all wrong.
311
00:14:10,454 --> 00:14:12,170
I told the designer,
none of our
312
00:14:12,172 --> 00:14:15,073
Pacific Northwest locations
will have the chandeliers.
313
00:14:15,075 --> 00:14:18,710
Of course, you'd own
a cupcake empire at 25.
314
00:14:19,212 --> 00:14:21,546
- Oh, and this is Max.
- Hi.
315
00:14:21,548 --> 00:14:25,384
I just transferred
from our Boise location.
316
00:14:26,853 --> 00:14:28,937
What's that horrible smell?
317
00:14:29,439 --> 00:14:31,723
It's something called
a "hoagie."
318
00:14:31,725 --> 00:14:34,476
The workers like them.
Right, Max?
319
00:14:34,478 --> 00:14:39,431
Si, gracias
por la hoagie.
320
00:14:39,433 --> 00:14:40,699
Well, I have to go.
321
00:14:40,701 --> 00:14:42,767
I'm consulting upstairs
at BBD&L.
322
00:14:42,769 --> 00:14:44,653
- Oh, upstairs. [Chuckles]
- Yeah.
323
00:14:44,655 --> 00:14:46,455
Always knew
you'd land on your feet.
324
00:14:46,457 --> 00:14:50,459
Let's go for drinks,
and you're paying, mogul.
325
00:14:52,412 --> 00:14:55,163
I hope
she likes water.
326
00:14:55,165 --> 00:14:58,250
Now what am I going to do?
Stacy's in the building.
327
00:14:58,252 --> 00:15:01,052
Well, you could move to Narnia
and run that branch,
328
00:15:01,054 --> 00:15:04,089
you pathological liar.
329
00:15:04,091 --> 00:15:06,892
Max, this is not
how I want people to see me,
330
00:15:06,894 --> 00:15:09,261
or smell me,
quite frankly.
331
00:15:09,263 --> 00:15:11,629
We have to get rid
of the salami, the chandelier,
332
00:15:11,631 --> 00:15:13,932
and the Sophie.
This is our dream, not hers.
333
00:15:13,934 --> 00:15:15,817
Okay, fine,
I'll tell her.
334
00:15:16,519 --> 00:15:19,237
Hey, Sophie,
can we talk to you?
335
00:15:19,239 --> 00:15:20,939
Good news, girls.
336
00:15:20,941 --> 00:15:24,025
Now we sell scratchers.
337
00:15:24,727 --> 00:15:26,978
But I have
even a better idea.
338
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:30,782
You two should dress up
as big cupcakes
339
00:15:30,784 --> 00:15:33,285
and pass out free samples.
340
00:15:36,121 --> 00:15:38,790
Sophie, Max has something
she wants to say to you.
341
00:15:38,792 --> 00:15:40,292
Wait.
342
00:15:40,294 --> 00:15:43,512
Girls, I have something
to say first.
343
00:15:43,514 --> 00:15:45,830
[Sighs]
344
00:15:45,832 --> 00:15:50,835
Two days ago, I was
on the verge of suicide.
345
00:15:50,837 --> 00:15:54,506
Yeah, seriously,
I hadn't eaten all afternoon.
346
00:15:54,508 --> 00:15:58,176
But your generosity
with your dream
347
00:15:58,178 --> 00:16:02,614
has given me a reason
to get up and get a wax.
348
00:16:02,616 --> 00:16:04,366
Yeah.
349
00:16:04,368 --> 00:16:09,154
Oh. Max, there was something
you wanted to say?
350
00:16:09,456 --> 00:16:12,325
I was going to say--
351
00:16:16,829 --> 00:16:17,715
[laughs]
352
00:16:17,729 --> 00:16:19,215
You look delicious.
353
00:16:20,917 --> 00:16:23,868
I look like
Honey Boo Boo's mom at the prom.
354
00:16:31,690 --> 00:16:33,940
This is so humiliating.
355
00:16:33,942 --> 00:16:35,392
[Scoffs]
Now I know how Tyra felt
356
00:16:35,394 --> 00:16:37,978
when she went undercover
as that fat person.
357
00:16:37,980 --> 00:16:40,147
Please tell me
this is our bottom.
358
00:16:40,149 --> 00:16:42,616
Well, it's your bottom.
I went to happy hour once
359
00:16:42,618 --> 00:16:44,618
and woke up naked
in the penguin habitat
360
00:16:44,620 --> 00:16:46,853
at the Bronx zoo.
361
00:16:46,855 --> 00:16:48,357
And I did things.
362
00:16:51,359 --> 00:16:52,742
Hey, girls.
363
00:16:52,744 --> 00:16:55,579
What are you two doing
just standing there?
364
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:58,965
God gave cupcakes legs
for a reason.
365
00:16:58,967 --> 00:17:01,084
You need
to hit the streets,
366
00:17:01,086 --> 00:17:05,472
shake your cake maker,
and show people your goods.
367
00:17:05,474 --> 00:17:07,757
Hey, don't look at me,
it's vanilla.
368
00:17:07,759 --> 00:17:09,559
I was looking forward
to going up
369
00:17:09,561 --> 00:17:11,011
to complete strangers
on the street
370
00:17:11,013 --> 00:17:14,347
and saying "eat me,"
but she won't leave.
371
00:17:14,349 --> 00:17:17,684
Well, if you're not going to
go out and get the customers,
372
00:17:17,686 --> 00:17:19,769
then I'll have to bring
the customers to you.
373
00:17:19,771 --> 00:17:23,056
I gotta do everything
around here.
374
00:17:24,659 --> 00:17:26,993
Seriously, I can't believe
we're just standing here
375
00:17:26,995 --> 00:17:28,912
when we could be chasing
fat people down the street,
376
00:17:28,914 --> 00:17:32,565
yelling, "you ate my brother!"
377
00:17:32,567 --> 00:17:34,117
Look at you two.
378
00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:36,286
What I wouldn't give
for a giant glass of milk.
379
00:17:36,288 --> 00:17:37,671
- [Laughs]
- Look at you, though.
380
00:17:37,673 --> 00:17:38,922
You look so cute.
381
00:17:38,924 --> 00:17:40,240
No, don't look at me.
382
00:17:40,242 --> 00:17:42,175
I'm totally embarrassed
in this thing.
383
00:17:42,177 --> 00:17:44,844
Yes, she's cute
and embarrassed,
384
00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:48,382
in a larger-than-life,
colorful, public setting.
385
00:17:49,884 --> 00:17:50,867
Ah, right.
386
00:17:50,869 --> 00:17:53,186
So, Caroline, listen,
I wanted to--
387
00:17:53,188 --> 00:17:56,673
Look, girls,
some young professionals.
388
00:17:56,675 --> 00:17:58,642
Oh, my God!
She's bringing Stacy.
389
00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:00,694
She can't see me in this.
I was her valedictorian.
390
00:18:00,696 --> 00:18:03,246
Take this.
391
00:18:05,483 --> 00:18:09,953
Oh! Ugh!
Oh! Wait.
392
00:18:09,955 --> 00:18:12,072
Help me up, Max!
Help me up!
393
00:18:12,074 --> 00:18:14,576
Oh, great.
Now you're like my mom.
394
00:18:16,578 --> 00:18:18,545
Here, give me
your left hand.
395
00:18:19,547 --> 00:18:21,548
[Groans] Okay,
give me your right hand.
396
00:18:22,250 --> 00:18:25,335
Get up! Get up!
Five second rule.
397
00:18:27,288 --> 00:18:30,674
[Grunts]
398
00:18:33,894 --> 00:18:35,762
Ugh! [Sighs]
399
00:18:36,264 --> 00:18:38,631
What are you two
crazy cakes doing?
400
00:18:38,633 --> 00:18:41,268
You lost your customers.
They ran away.
401
00:18:41,270 --> 00:18:43,069
Oh, thank God.
402
00:18:43,071 --> 00:18:44,604
Oh, I don't get it.
403
00:18:44,606 --> 00:18:47,324
You won't push the hoagies
or the pickled eggs.
404
00:18:47,326 --> 00:18:51,027
You must really
have a fear of success.
405
00:18:52,730 --> 00:18:54,748
Well, at least
we missed Stacy.
406
00:18:54,750 --> 00:18:57,367
Well, you know
what else you missed? Andy.
407
00:18:57,369 --> 00:18:59,485
He was about to tell you
he loves you.
408
00:18:59,487 --> 00:19:00,820
What?
409
00:19:00,822 --> 00:19:03,156
Just now, in the hall,
and at the ice rink.
410
00:19:03,158 --> 00:19:05,125
He's been trying
to tell you all week.
411
00:19:05,127 --> 00:19:07,210
But I've been
too preoccupied with work,
412
00:19:07,212 --> 00:19:11,348
like Sandra Bullock
in The Proposal.
413
00:19:11,350 --> 00:19:14,050
So he was gonna tell me
at the ice rink?
414
00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:15,552
The one in Central Park?
415
00:19:15,554 --> 00:19:19,189
Yes, while having cocoa
and splitting a hot dog.
416
00:19:19,191 --> 00:19:20,673
Oh, my God!
417
00:19:20,675 --> 00:19:23,276
That's, like,
my dream "I love you" scenario.
418
00:19:23,778 --> 00:19:25,729
Why didn't you
tell me sooner?
419
00:19:26,031 --> 00:19:27,781
Because when it comes
to other people's
420
00:19:27,783 --> 00:19:31,117
creepy love stuff, that's
when I'm a silent partner,
421
00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:34,487
and you need to stop
with this creepy rom-com stuff.
422
00:19:34,489 --> 00:19:35,989
Life isn't like a movie.
423
00:19:35,991 --> 00:19:38,658
Sometimes you're not
a success right away
424
00:19:38,660 --> 00:19:41,211
sometimes you have to just
eat it and be a cupcake,
425
00:19:41,213 --> 00:19:43,696
and sometimes you have to
take your "I love you"
426
00:19:43,698 --> 00:19:45,632
whichever way it comes.
427
00:19:46,134 --> 00:19:47,584
You are so right.
428
00:19:47,586 --> 00:19:49,502
I don't have to wait
for the moment to be perfect,
429
00:19:49,504 --> 00:19:50,804
like it was
for Reese Witherspoon
430
00:19:50,806 --> 00:19:53,973
in Sweet Home Alabama.
431
00:19:53,975 --> 00:19:56,209
My life's
not a romantic comedy.
432
00:19:56,211 --> 00:19:57,811
I can do it my own way.
433
00:19:57,813 --> 00:20:00,681
Like Julia Roberts in
My Best Friend's Wedding.
434
00:20:08,656 --> 00:20:10,690
Andy, it's me!
435
00:20:10,692 --> 00:20:11,975
I'll be right out.
436
00:20:11,977 --> 00:20:13,510
No, this can't wait
any longer.
437
00:20:13,512 --> 00:20:15,645
I don't need
a big romantic comedy moment.
438
00:20:15,647 --> 00:20:16,913
- No--
- [Grunts]
439
00:20:16,915 --> 00:20:18,331
Oh!
Oh.
440
00:20:18,333 --> 00:20:19,999
Oh, sorry.
I thought it was the office!
441
00:20:20,001 --> 00:20:21,751
Not the office.
442
00:20:22,753 --> 00:20:24,037
[Struggling]
I'm stuck.
443
00:20:24,039 --> 00:20:26,623
Oh, I want to go,
but I can't.
444
00:20:26,625 --> 00:20:29,259
And I'll never
be able to go again.
445
00:20:29,961 --> 00:20:32,762
Well, I'm on the toilet
and you're in a cupcake.
446
00:20:32,764 --> 00:20:36,099
Can't get creepier than this,
so, Caroline,
447
00:20:36,301 --> 00:20:38,101
I love you.
448
00:20:39,303 --> 00:20:41,738
I love you too.
449
00:20:42,773 --> 00:20:45,442
Oh, please,
push me out.
450
00:20:49,096 --> 00:20:51,431
How'd it go?
Was it romantic?
451
00:20:51,433 --> 00:20:54,317
He told me he loved me
on the toilet.
452
00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:57,070
Oh, man!
That's my dream scenario!
453
00:20:58,072 --> 00:20:59,322
Hey.
454
00:20:59,324 --> 00:21:01,624
I'm only gonna do this
for an hour,
455
00:21:01,626 --> 00:21:03,626
to show you
how it's done,
456
00:21:03,628 --> 00:21:05,628
and then I'm out.
457
00:21:05,630 --> 00:21:07,914
This is your dream,
not mine.
458
00:21:07,916 --> 00:21:10,900
Cupcakes!
Free cupcakes!
459
00:21:11,402 --> 00:21:13,269
Come on, get 'em!
460
00:21:13,271 --> 00:21:15,457
Get 'em while they're hot!
461
00:21:17,459 --> 00:21:21,826
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com