1
00:00:36,128 --> 00:00:37,309
Somebody help!

2
00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:39,227
Somebody help, please!

3
00:00:40,424 --> 00:00:41,480
Back up!

4
00:00:47,264 --> 00:00:48,779
That was a week ago.

5
00:00:54,104 --> 00:00:56,286
He's been in the hospital ever since.

6
00:01:00,527 --> 00:01:01,708
Intensive care.

7
00:01:02,195 --> 00:01:05,170
Your mother called
to cancel your Tuesday appointment.

8
00:01:05,198 --> 00:01:07,506
She told me some of what Justin's facing.

9
00:01:08,785 --> 00:01:10,258
Yeah, it's not great.

10
00:01:10,912 --> 00:01:12,385
How does it make you feel?

11
00:01:13,415 --> 00:01:15,388
What the fuck does it matter what I feel?

12
00:01:15,417 --> 00:01:17,307
I think it matters a great deal.

13
00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:19,684
- You know that.
- I don't know that!

14
00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:22,938
<i>I don't know anything.
We talk and talk, and nothing happens,</i>

15
00:01:22,966 --> 00:01:26,066
and I still feel like I'm gonna spin off
the face of the fucking Earth,

16
00:01:26,094 --> 00:01:28,235
then we keep talking,
and we don't get anywhere!

17
00:01:28,263 --> 00:01:31,238
You don't think we made any progress
these past few months?

18
00:01:31,266 --> 00:01:34,032
No! I just... All of this just seems so...

19
00:01:34,061 --> 00:01:35,867
I don't know! Like selfish!

20
00:01:36,229 --> 00:01:38,453
Talking about feelings...

21
00:01:38,857 --> 00:01:39,871
to you...

22
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,165
when Justin is... is...

23
00:01:45,322 --> 00:01:46,336
is sick.

24
00:01:47,074 --> 00:01:49,422
Because what he's going through
is so serious.

25
00:01:50,202 --> 00:01:52,926
And what you're going through
seems less important now

26
00:01:52,954 --> 00:01:55,303
because his life hangs in the balance.

27
00:01:56,249 --> 00:01:57,305
Yes.

28
00:01:57,334 --> 00:01:59,099
But in the work we do together,

29
00:01:59,461 --> 00:02:01,434
in trying to help you get well,

30
00:02:02,214 --> 00:02:04,604
doesn't your own life hang in the balance?

31
00:02:09,596 --> 00:02:10,596
Yes.

32
00:02:11,473 --> 00:02:12,904
So let's keep working.

33
00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:18,160
Do you wanna tell me
how it's been at the hospital?

34
00:02:20,398 --> 00:02:22,706
Justin has given me permission

35
00:02:22,734 --> 00:02:25,792
to discuss his treatment
and diagnosis with you.

36
00:02:27,864 --> 00:02:30,255
I'm afraid
I have some difficult news to share.

37
00:02:32,369 --> 00:02:35,051
Justin has tested positive for HIV-1.

38
00:02:35,872 --> 00:02:38,722
And based on his symptoms,
we believe...

39
00:02:39,209 --> 00:02:41,266
it has progressed to AIDS.

40
00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:45,478
That's...

41
00:02:46,633 --> 00:02:48,273
How is that possible?

42
00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:49,482
He... he had the flu.

43
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,193
He's been tired.

44
00:02:51,221 --> 00:02:54,487
Well, HIV has a long period of latency
after infection,

45
00:02:54,850 --> 00:02:57,616
which means that Justin
may not have shown any symptoms

46
00:02:57,644 --> 00:02:58,825
for some time.

47
00:02:58,854 --> 00:03:03,246
With his IV drug use
and extended periods of homelessness,

48
00:03:03,275 --> 00:03:05,665
this would have made him more susceptible

49
00:03:05,694 --> 00:03:07,334
to rapid progression.

50
00:03:07,362 --> 00:03:10,295
And according to his records,
he was never tested.

51
00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:12,464
How... how has he never been tested?

52
00:03:12,951 --> 00:03:15,842
<i>We got him the best GP.
He had a complete physical.</i>

53
00:03:15,871 --> 00:03:17,886
Testing requires patient consent.

54
00:03:17,914 --> 00:03:22,015
It's not uncommon for a young man
with a history of IV drug use and sex work

55
00:03:22,043 --> 00:03:23,642
to avoid testing.

56
00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:24,768
Sex work?

57
00:03:27,716 --> 00:03:30,941
Justin never spoke to you
about the time he spent homeless?

58
00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:35,737
Not about that part, no.

59
00:03:38,768 --> 00:03:41,993
The pneumocystis pneumonia has
an indolent presentation,

60
00:03:42,397 --> 00:03:46,373
which means that the symptoms
develop slowly over some weeks,

61
00:03:46,401 --> 00:03:48,541
and there was a late diagnosis...

62
00:03:50,488 --> 00:03:53,004
There is also a neurological infection.

63
00:03:54,826 --> 00:03:58,510
A fungal meningitis
that has not advanced quite so far,

64
00:03:59,623 --> 00:04:01,596
but is pervasive.

65
00:04:06,129 --> 00:04:07,129
Hey.

66
00:04:08,006 --> 00:04:09,980
- Hey.
- Um...

67
00:04:10,008 --> 00:04:11,356
How is it today?

68
00:04:11,676 --> 00:04:13,566
Uh, it's like yesterday.

69
00:04:13,595 --> 00:04:15,110
Just a little worse.

70
00:04:17,724 --> 00:04:21,366
Uh, so, there's, like, a lineup of people
who'd like to see you,

71
00:04:21,394 --> 00:04:23,827
but I understand
if you don't wanna see them.

72
00:04:23,855 --> 00:04:26,329
And I've organized a list
and given time limits, and...

73
00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:29,708
Of course you have.

74
00:04:32,739 --> 00:04:33,920
Yeah, sure.

75
00:04:35,784 --> 00:04:36,784
Bring it on.

76
00:04:38,578 --> 00:04:40,260
I'll send in the first appointment.

77
00:04:58,807 --> 00:05:00,196
Listen, the, uh...

78
00:05:01,434 --> 00:05:05,285
The doctor was talking us through stuff,
and, uh...

79
00:05:05,313 --> 00:05:06,313
Hey.

80
00:05:07,691 --> 00:05:09,956
I'm sorry, Charlie made me.

81
00:05:12,445 --> 00:05:14,336
Charlie can come in too.

82
00:05:17,158 --> 00:05:19,799
See, I told you he wouldn't mind
both of us at once.

83
00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:22,677
- I'll put it here.
- Uh...

84
00:05:22,706 --> 00:05:25,180
They wouldn't let us
bring in any flowers, so...

85
00:05:25,208 --> 00:05:27,724
<i>So, giant bears.
Basically, the same thing.</i>

86
00:05:29,337 --> 00:05:32,228
- His name's Tiger.
- This is a panda.

87
00:05:32,257 --> 00:05:34,481
- Tiger panda.
- Yeah.

88
00:05:34,509 --> 00:05:35,607
I like it.

89
00:05:35,635 --> 00:05:38,777
It's like the whole world
just shifted out from under our feet.

90
00:05:40,015 --> 00:05:42,322
Like the darkness just closed in.

91
00:05:44,352 --> 00:05:45,408
Prom pictures.

92
00:05:46,229 --> 00:05:47,994
Some good ones of you and Estela.

93
00:05:49,524 --> 00:05:51,164
You should frame one for her.

94
00:05:51,192 --> 00:05:52,332
Oh, wow.

95
00:05:53,111 --> 00:05:54,667
Wow, these are really great.

96
00:05:55,113 --> 00:05:56,169
Hey, thank you.

97
00:05:58,199 --> 00:05:59,464
I know it was Jessica...

98
00:06:01,036 --> 00:06:02,133
who killed Bryce.

99
00:06:03,079 --> 00:06:06,805
And I know Clay and Ani
and some group of you framed Monty.

100
00:06:07,542 --> 00:06:09,974
I almost have what I need
to go to the police.

101
00:06:10,962 --> 00:06:12,685
But I don't have to include you.

102
00:06:14,090 --> 00:06:15,230
You got it all wrong.

103
00:06:15,508 --> 00:06:17,148
You don't really know anything,

104
00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:20,193
and Jessica and Clay and Ani,

105
00:06:20,221 --> 00:06:21,277
they're my friends.

106
00:06:22,724 --> 00:06:25,448
So anything you do to them,
you do to me too.

107
00:06:52,504 --> 00:06:54,144
I think he was ashamed.

108
00:06:55,340 --> 00:06:56,896
That's why he didn't tell you?

109
00:06:58,218 --> 00:07:01,192
I... I wouldn't have, like, judged.

110
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:02,485
It's not that.

111
00:07:02,972 --> 00:07:03,972
It just...

112
00:07:04,849 --> 00:07:06,156
It takes time.

113
00:07:07,352 --> 00:07:08,950
To deal with what is.

114
00:07:13,024 --> 00:07:14,414
Zach's downstairs.

115
00:07:14,818 --> 00:07:16,124
He says he can't come in.

116
00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:18,668
Fucking Zach.

117
00:07:25,036 --> 00:07:26,036
Hey.

118
00:07:26,287 --> 00:07:27,343
Hey, what the fuck?

119
00:07:27,914 --> 00:07:30,555
- All right, get upstairs.
- I can't, man. I just...

120
00:07:32,001 --> 00:07:33,933
Hospitals.

121
00:07:33,962 --> 00:07:35,268
You need to see him.

122
00:07:37,841 --> 00:07:40,273
Man, I watched my dad die
in this hospital.

123
00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:42,428
Yeah?

124
00:07:43,888 --> 00:07:47,071
Yeah, me and my dad
brought my mom home from this hospital

125
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:48,865
so she could die in her own bed.

126
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:53,828
<i>And you know what? Right now,
your best friend is really sick upstairs,</i>

127
00:07:53,857 --> 00:07:54,996
and if you don't go see him,

128
00:07:55,024 --> 00:07:57,916
you are gonna regret this
for the rest of your fucking life!

129
00:08:01,197 --> 00:08:02,670
I can't, man.

130
00:08:03,032 --> 00:08:05,715
I can't.

131
00:08:06,077 --> 00:08:09,219
Like, prom was actually
our last chance at being kids.

132
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:11,930
Then all of a sudden,

133
00:08:12,709 --> 00:08:13,806
playtime over.

134
00:08:21,050 --> 00:08:22,690
There's no more hiding from it,

135
00:08:23,219 --> 00:08:24,359
what's out there.

136
00:08:28,266 --> 00:08:30,865
Hi. I was really surprised you texted me.

137
00:08:31,895 --> 00:08:33,076
It was me.

138
00:08:37,066 --> 00:08:38,581
I killed Bryce Walker.

139
00:08:44,365 --> 00:08:45,797
- You're lying.
- No.

140
00:08:46,534 --> 00:08:49,175
I found him on the pier. I was alone.

141
00:08:49,204 --> 00:08:51,219
<i>I tried to help him up.
He threatened to hurt Zach.</i>

142
00:08:51,247 --> 00:08:53,263
I shoved him in the river. He drowned.

143
00:08:55,418 --> 00:08:57,350
- Alex.
- Yeah, so...

144
00:08:58,546 --> 00:09:00,353
that information is yours now.

145
00:09:01,883 --> 00:09:03,189
Do what you want with it.

146
00:09:18,483 --> 00:09:20,540
The ventilator breathes for him.

147
00:09:20,985 --> 00:09:25,712
It keeps his blood oxygenated
and helps protect against organ failure.

148
00:09:28,660 --> 00:09:30,425
How long does he have to be on it?

149
00:09:34,082 --> 00:09:35,138
Uh, honey...

150
00:09:40,088 --> 00:09:42,687
He may never be able to breathe
without it again.

151
00:09:46,010 --> 00:09:49,193
So, like,
when he gets out of the hospital?

152
00:09:53,685 --> 00:09:56,117
The disease in his lungs
is quite advanced.

153
00:09:56,145 --> 00:09:59,621
And we're also starting to see
advanced neurological symptoms.

154
00:10:01,109 --> 00:10:04,000
The goal is
to keep him as comfortable as possible

155
00:10:04,028 --> 00:10:06,961
and manage the symptoms as best as we can.

156
00:10:09,951 --> 00:10:11,716
Honey! Clay?

157
00:10:11,744 --> 00:10:14,510
<i>I feel like I just... I need some air.</i>

158
00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:17,972
- Clay!
- Does he just need some space?

159
00:10:18,710 --> 00:10:20,016
Should we give him space?

160
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:22,101
Now? Is that really a good idea?

161
00:10:29,220 --> 00:10:32,153
<i>Whoa! Clay! Clay, what happened?
Is everything OK?</i>

162
00:10:33,016 --> 00:10:34,697
What do you fucking think, Zach?

163
00:10:35,143 --> 00:10:37,659
<i>He's never getting any better!
He's fucking dying!</i>

164
00:10:41,316 --> 00:10:42,830
Should we go after him?

165
00:10:43,234 --> 00:10:44,999
Jesus, I don't know.

166
00:10:47,071 --> 00:10:48,127
Where'd he go?

167
00:10:48,406 --> 00:10:49,879
Uh, up the street, that way.

168
00:10:49,907 --> 00:10:53,091
- Where's he going? What's down there?
- No clue, Mr. Jensen.

169
00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:03,518
<i>And we can't stop it.
We can't stop it.</i>

170
00:11:03,546 --> 00:11:04,727
We can't.

171
00:11:04,756 --> 00:11:07,689
We're spinning and spinning,
and we're about to disappear.

172
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:00,616
I, um...

173
00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:03,619
I have a gun.

174
00:12:08,319 --> 00:12:09,959
I said I have a gun!

175
00:12:11,572 --> 00:12:13,546
And I'll fucking use it if I have to,

176
00:12:13,574 --> 00:12:15,173
so everybody back the fuck up!

177
00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:17,049
I have a gun. I have a gun!

178
00:12:17,078 --> 00:12:18,551
Clay.

179
00:12:18,579 --> 00:12:20,845
<i>Clay, hey.
Hey, what's going on here?</i>

180
00:12:20,873 --> 00:12:22,138
I... I have a gun.

181
00:12:22,583 --> 00:12:24,474
All right,
well, let's just take a breath here.

182
00:12:24,752 --> 00:12:27,894
Slowly take your hands outta your pockets
so no one gets hurt.

183
00:12:27,922 --> 00:12:29,061
People are already hurt!

184
00:12:29,090 --> 00:12:33,316
<i>Nobody pays for the things that happen!
No one ever pays! And someone should!</i>

185
00:12:33,928 --> 00:12:35,359
You must hurt so much.

186
00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:38,321
Put the gun down,
and we'll talk about it. OK?

187
00:12:42,437 --> 00:12:43,451
Clay?

188
00:12:44,897 --> 00:12:45,912
Clay?

189
00:12:48,234 --> 00:12:49,791
- Clay!
- Get down!

190
00:12:49,819 --> 00:12:50,819
Hey, get down!

191
00:12:51,195 --> 00:12:52,543
Clay! What the fuck?

192
00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:54,962
<i>Put your guns down!
Guys, put your guns down!</i>

193
00:12:54,991 --> 00:12:56,714
- Guns down, everybody!
- Tony?

194
00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:58,674
Put your guns down.

195
00:13:00,538 --> 00:13:01,552
Hey, Clay.

196
00:13:01,998 --> 00:13:03,387
Clay, listen to me, buddy.

197
00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:08,643
I know you're going through a lot
right now.

198
00:13:09,046 --> 00:13:10,770
I know you've been through a lot.

199
00:13:10,798 --> 00:13:13,314
More than any kid
should ever have to deal with.

200
00:13:15,219 --> 00:13:16,317
But listen to me.

201
00:13:18,181 --> 00:13:20,822
<i>Everyone in this room?
Every one of those deputies?</i>

202
00:13:20,850 --> 00:13:22,490
Everyone wants the same thing,

203
00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:24,700
and that's for you to be safe.

204
00:13:25,021 --> 00:13:27,036
To stay alive. OK?

205
00:13:29,734 --> 00:13:32,291
Tony... He's your best friend, right?

206
00:13:34,822 --> 00:13:36,379
Tony wants you to be safe.

207
00:13:37,158 --> 00:13:39,131
And that's all that matters right now.

208
00:13:40,703 --> 00:13:43,177
I can't promise
that it gets better right away.

209
00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:46,347
But the only chance we have,

210
00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:49,433
the only way things can start
to feel better...

211
00:13:50,922 --> 00:13:52,353
is if you give me that gun.

212
00:13:53,758 --> 00:13:54,772
OK?

213
00:13:55,885 --> 00:13:58,025
I promise you, no one will hurt you.

214
00:13:59,055 --> 00:14:00,319
Just give me the gun.

215
00:14:03,601 --> 00:14:04,824
You can talk to me.

216
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,080
It's OK.

217
00:14:26,082 --> 00:14:27,082
All right.

218
00:14:31,921 --> 00:14:32,977
All right.

219
00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:40,610
Did you feel
that you wanted to die?

220
00:14:40,638 --> 00:14:42,278
No, that wasn't it.

221
00:14:44,392 --> 00:14:45,489
I just...

222
00:14:48,145 --> 00:14:49,493
I wanted someone to...

223
00:14:50,982 --> 00:14:52,121
To notice you.

224
00:14:55,319 --> 00:14:56,667
To see you were hurting.

225
00:14:58,614 --> 00:14:59,614
Yeah.

226
00:14:59,824 --> 00:15:01,130
All right, buddy.

227
00:15:02,994 --> 00:15:04,675
All right, I'm here.

228
00:15:05,663 --> 00:15:06,719
You're safe.

229
00:15:08,291 --> 00:15:10,765
- We talked for a while...
- It's all right.

230
00:15:10,793 --> 00:15:12,141
Me and the Sheriff.

231
00:15:13,754 --> 00:15:15,978
He didn't bust me for pulling that stunt.

232
00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:17,813
And it was, like,

233
00:15:19,010 --> 00:15:20,691
almost like he understood.

234
00:15:21,929 --> 00:15:23,277
Understood what?

235
00:15:23,306 --> 00:15:25,613
That I was freaking out. And why.

236
00:15:25,641 --> 00:15:29,617
And I realized that all that attention
he'd been giving me this spring?

237
00:15:29,645 --> 00:15:33,204
Like, showing up at school
and meeting with my parents,

238
00:15:34,275 --> 00:15:35,665
he was worried about me.

239
00:15:37,028 --> 00:15:38,709
And that surprises you.

240
00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:41,045
I mean, he arrested me once.

241
00:15:41,073 --> 00:15:43,756
But in both cases, then and now,

242
00:15:43,784 --> 00:15:45,591
wasn't he just doing his job?

243
00:15:45,620 --> 00:15:49,428
<i>Yeah. And... And I think
maybe he's pretty good at his job.</i>

244
00:15:51,459 --> 00:15:52,515
In a...

245
00:15:53,002 --> 00:15:55,101
sneaky, manipulative way.

246
00:15:57,131 --> 00:15:58,131
Like you.

247
00:15:58,466 --> 00:15:59,897
I'll take the compliment.

248
00:16:01,886 --> 00:16:06,070
After that, he, um, put me and Tony
in a room while he talked to my dad.

249
00:16:06,557 --> 00:16:08,322
Tony had been in a street fight.

250
00:16:09,101 --> 00:16:12,994
I'm not sure if they put me in here
to look after you or the other way around.

251
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,289
We haven't been doing that so great
for each other lately.

252
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:25,006
How's Justin doing now?

253
00:16:28,287 --> 00:16:29,343
Not better.

254
00:16:34,627 --> 00:16:38,310
<i>There's this thing. I mean,
I've been calling it hospital time.</i>

255
00:16:38,839 --> 00:16:40,563
You lose track of days.

256
00:16:40,591 --> 00:16:42,189
It's all one long day.

257
00:16:43,594 --> 00:16:46,527
Time moves so slowly,
and then a week has gone by.

258
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:55,870
And I think it's got everyone messed up.

259
00:16:55,898 --> 00:16:57,246
The waiting.

260
00:16:57,274 --> 00:16:58,372
The not knowing.

261
00:17:00,069 --> 00:17:01,292
Or the knowing.

262
00:17:12,289 --> 00:17:14,889
Something tells me
you boys aren't here to party.

263
00:17:14,917 --> 00:17:16,098
Oh... OK.

264
00:17:16,585 --> 00:17:20,269
<i>Whoa! Hey, that's a single barrel
small batch Corlett. What the fuck?</i>

265
00:17:20,297 --> 00:17:23,064
<i>Fuckin' bourbon, guys.
You can't even tell the difference!</i>

266
00:17:23,467 --> 00:17:25,524
There are two more in the car, black.

267
00:17:25,553 --> 00:17:27,902
You're gonna get those in you,
and go see Justin.

268
00:17:28,514 --> 00:17:29,737
All right, look,

269
00:17:30,224 --> 00:17:31,489
Mothers Teresa.

270
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:35,534
Learn to know a lost cause
when you see one, like me.

271
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:37,480
Like Justin.

272
00:17:39,608 --> 00:17:41,165
OK, Zach.

273
00:17:42,737 --> 00:17:45,461
<i>Do you remember on the rooftop?
The night I kissed you?</i>

274
00:17:45,489 --> 00:17:48,464
- You kissed him?
- It was a shit show. I'll explain later.

275
00:17:48,492 --> 00:17:50,549
- But you remember that night?
- Yeah.

276
00:17:50,995 --> 00:17:54,178
<i>OK. That kiss was embarrassing.
It was a disaster.</i>

277
00:17:54,206 --> 00:17:55,554
But right before that,

278
00:17:56,125 --> 00:17:57,264
when I almost fell,

279
00:17:58,002 --> 00:17:59,934
you pulled me back from the ledge.

280
00:17:59,962 --> 00:18:03,187
And I'll never forget the feeling
of your hands grabbing me

281
00:18:03,215 --> 00:18:04,522
and keeping me safe.

282
00:18:05,426 --> 00:18:07,316
I needed it. I didn't know it.

283
00:18:08,637 --> 00:18:09,944
And now you need it.

284
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:15,574
The kiss wasn't a disaster,
it was a nice kiss, per se.

285
00:18:15,603 --> 00:18:17,660
- Wait, it was?
- Yeah. Yeah.

286
00:18:17,688 --> 00:18:20,996
I don't love Justin,
but I love you, and you love him.

287
00:18:21,317 --> 00:18:22,873
So what the fuck, Zach?

288
00:18:24,862 --> 00:18:27,169
<i>♪ If I showed up ♪</i>

289
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:31,882
<i>♪ In the shape of a storm ♪</i>

290
00:18:37,458 --> 00:18:40,683
<i>♪ Would you recognize me? ♪</i>

291
00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:48,732
<i>♪ If I knew how
I would make myself known... ♪</i>

292
00:18:55,893 --> 00:18:58,409
I guess it's like high school,
in its way.

293
00:18:59,730 --> 00:19:02,204
It seems like I was a freshman
a decade ago.

294
00:19:02,233 --> 00:19:04,331
But then it seems like yesterday.

295
00:19:10,199 --> 00:19:12,173
I don't know where all that time went.

296
00:19:13,619 --> 00:19:15,217
I don't know what we do now.

297
00:19:19,667 --> 00:19:20,931
Here he is now.

298
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,224
Who are you talking to?

299
00:19:22,253 --> 00:19:23,350
It's, uh...

300
00:19:24,088 --> 00:19:25,186
It's your dad.

301
00:19:29,510 --> 00:19:30,900
Antonio!

302
00:19:33,222 --> 00:19:34,486
How's your friend?

303
00:19:35,766 --> 00:19:37,239
He's not good, papá.

304
00:19:38,352 --> 00:19:40,326
You good to be there for him.

305
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:42,828
You're a good friend.

306
00:19:44,692 --> 00:19:46,457
That's always important, m'hijo.

307
00:19:47,695 --> 00:19:49,418
I guess... I guess so, yeah.

308
00:19:49,780 --> 00:19:52,379
But you have to think
about yourself sometimes.

309
00:19:53,242 --> 00:19:55,424
Caleb told me about the college offer.

310
00:19:56,662 --> 00:19:57,843
He did?

311
00:19:58,455 --> 00:19:59,595
Damn proud of you.

312
00:20:01,625 --> 00:20:02,806
It's time, m'hijo.

313
00:20:03,919 --> 00:20:07,269
It's time you sell the shop
and get on with your life.

314
00:20:08,799 --> 00:20:10,564
We can't afford that, papá.

315
00:20:11,510 --> 00:20:12,775
We have work here.

316
00:20:13,387 --> 00:20:14,568
We're gonna be fine.

317
00:20:16,307 --> 00:20:18,197
The shop is your dream.

318
00:20:18,225 --> 00:20:19,448
Listen to me.

319
00:20:19,852 --> 00:20:20,908
That shop...

320
00:20:21,812 --> 00:20:23,410
was never my dream.

321
00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:27,039
You...

322
00:20:28,736 --> 00:20:30,834
You are my dream.

323
00:20:32,156 --> 00:20:33,629
Why do we do everything?

324
00:20:33,991 --> 00:20:36,507
So that you can have a better life
than we did.

325
00:20:36,994 --> 00:20:38,842
This is your better life, m'hijo.

326
00:20:39,663 --> 00:20:41,262
Don't fuck up my dream.

327
00:20:45,085 --> 00:20:47,893
Ancient history is
somehow present tense.

328
00:20:47,922 --> 00:20:50,479
Everything is ending, but nothing is over.

329
00:20:51,383 --> 00:20:55,109
And none of us knows how to make sense
of the jumble of things that happened.

330
00:20:59,850 --> 00:21:00,906
I win.

331
00:21:03,854 --> 00:21:05,869
Come on, why the silent treatment?

332
00:21:05,898 --> 00:21:08,122
I'm just here to pay my respects to Justy.

333
00:21:08,150 --> 00:21:09,456
You killed him.

334
00:21:12,988 --> 00:21:14,128
Yeah, I did.

335
00:21:16,909 --> 00:21:19,466
I don't rape Hannah,
none of us are here, right?

336
00:21:20,371 --> 00:21:21,844
He doesn't run away.

337
00:21:22,748 --> 00:21:24,471
Doesn't start shooting up.

338
00:21:25,876 --> 00:21:27,308
Letting men fuck him.

339
00:21:27,336 --> 00:21:30,102
How can one person cause so much pain?

340
00:21:30,130 --> 00:21:31,395
Look in the mirror.

341
00:21:31,423 --> 00:21:33,856
- You let me die.
- You deserved to die.

342
00:21:34,385 --> 00:21:35,441
Yeah, maybe.

343
00:21:37,388 --> 00:21:38,694
But here we are.

344
00:21:41,225 --> 00:21:42,656
You probably have it too.

345
00:21:44,687 --> 00:21:45,868
Fuck you.

346
00:21:46,438 --> 00:21:48,203
Yeah.

347
00:21:48,607 --> 00:21:50,331
- I win.
- Jess.

348
00:21:53,529 --> 00:21:55,336
Um... he's up.

349
00:21:56,282 --> 00:21:57,713
If you wanna say hey.

350
00:21:58,075 --> 00:22:00,924
He can't say anything back,
but he writes, so...

351
00:22:01,453 --> 00:22:03,093
- If... if you want to.
- Yeah.

352
00:22:22,433 --> 00:22:25,199
You start to wonder
if anything meant anything.

353
00:22:28,105 --> 00:22:30,079
If all we're doing is reacting,

354
00:22:32,943 --> 00:22:35,459
and the reactions
don't even make any difference.

355
00:22:39,825 --> 00:22:41,048
I got into Brown.

356
00:22:41,452 --> 00:22:42,674
That crazy interview?

357
00:22:43,454 --> 00:22:44,593
Didn't even matter.

358
00:22:45,164 --> 00:22:48,555
So if nothing fucking matters,
like, why bother?

359
00:22:53,047 --> 00:22:54,561
How's Justin doing?

360
00:22:57,634 --> 00:22:59,066
He's not any better.

361
00:22:59,887 --> 00:23:01,151
I'm so sorry.

362
00:23:03,307 --> 00:23:06,865
I've lost, in my life,
a number of friends...

363
00:23:07,353 --> 00:23:09,827
and one very good friend to that disease.

364
00:23:11,190 --> 00:23:12,287
I'm very sorry.

365
00:23:14,610 --> 00:23:15,610
Thank you.

366
00:23:16,653 --> 00:23:20,087
I'm sure you're not thinking about
graduation right now, but...

367
00:23:20,115 --> 00:23:23,674
It's my duty to tell you
that you have been voted class speaker.

368
00:23:29,083 --> 00:23:30,083
What?

369
00:23:33,712 --> 00:23:34,712
Me? Uh...

370
00:23:35,589 --> 00:23:36,589
How?

371
00:23:37,007 --> 00:23:40,691
Apparently, your classmates think you have
something relevant to say to them.

372
00:23:41,595 --> 00:23:45,070
I imagine it might have something to do
with your sermon on the car

373
00:23:45,099 --> 00:23:46,905
at the disturbance a few weeks ago.

374
00:23:46,934 --> 00:23:48,240
That's, uh...

375
00:23:48,811 --> 00:23:51,118
That wasn't really me.

376
00:23:51,146 --> 00:23:54,455
Then reach out to whoever it was
'cause he's needed on stage June 22nd.

377
00:23:54,483 --> 00:23:56,498
I need to review his speech in advance,

378
00:23:56,527 --> 00:23:59,960
just to ensure it doesn't start any riots,
that sorta thing.

379
00:23:59,988 --> 00:24:02,337
Congratulations, Clay.

380
00:24:10,207 --> 00:24:12,556
<i>It doesn't make any sense.
I have nothing to say.</i>

381
00:24:14,128 --> 00:24:16,143
Well, your classmates disagree.

382
00:24:17,339 --> 00:24:19,938
And as someone who's been talking to you
for many weeks now,

383
00:24:19,967 --> 00:24:22,566
I think you have a great deal to say.

384
00:24:24,054 --> 00:24:25,319
Who's the signature?

385
00:24:25,347 --> 00:24:27,362
Ah, you probably haven't heard of him.

386
00:24:28,016 --> 00:24:29,198
Lindsey Buckingham.

387
00:24:30,602 --> 00:24:31,909
Fleetwood Mac.

388
00:24:31,937 --> 00:24:33,660
Although I prefer his solo stuff.

389
00:24:34,815 --> 00:24:35,871
I do too.

390
00:24:37,025 --> 00:24:38,373
You think I'm stalling?

391
00:24:38,402 --> 00:24:39,791
Are you stalling?

392
00:24:40,487 --> 00:24:42,544
What kind of bullshit speech can I give?

393
00:24:42,573 --> 00:24:45,923
<i>I can't...
I can't get up there and say, like,</i>

394
00:24:46,285 --> 00:24:48,592
<i>"Hope for the future!
And the best days are ahead!"</i>

395
00:24:48,620 --> 00:24:49,635
I mean, Jesus!

396
00:24:50,247 --> 00:24:53,263
Justin is lying there in that hospital.

397
00:24:53,292 --> 00:24:55,224
He's never coming out, he's dying,

398
00:24:55,252 --> 00:24:58,393
and I'm supposed to give some speech
about the future?

399
00:24:59,089 --> 00:25:00,437
There is no future!

400
00:25:01,216 --> 00:25:05,609
It's hard to think about your own future
when Justin's future is so uncertain.

401
00:25:06,513 --> 00:25:09,613
Oh, my God, if you continue on
with that fucking calm tone,

402
00:25:09,641 --> 00:25:12,866
<i>I'm gonna lose it.
I'm gonna... I'm gonna fucking lose it!</i>

403
00:25:13,270 --> 00:25:14,284
OK.

404
00:25:15,606 --> 00:25:17,621
<i>Now you're just messing with me.</i>

405
00:25:17,649 --> 00:25:19,164
No, Clay. I'm not.

406
00:25:19,485 --> 00:25:21,792
Honest, I'm just saying that...

407
00:25:23,489 --> 00:25:24,628
it's OK...

408
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,339
in here... with me...

409
00:25:28,368 --> 00:25:30,133
if you lose it a little bit.

410
00:25:49,806 --> 00:25:51,196
Look, to give a speech,

411
00:25:52,684 --> 00:25:55,576
about anything,
you have to make some kind of sense.

412
00:25:57,940 --> 00:25:59,329
And nothing makes sense.

413
00:26:01,860 --> 00:26:04,793
And all the pieces are just...

414
00:26:04,821 --> 00:26:06,587
Scattered all over the floor.

415
00:26:07,324 --> 00:26:09,172
I ran to Monet's. I just...

416
00:26:09,826 --> 00:26:10,882
Hospital coffee.

417
00:26:10,911 --> 00:26:12,050
I couldn't anymore.

418
00:26:12,412 --> 00:26:13,594
Good call.

419
00:26:21,755 --> 00:26:25,063
I keep thinking this'll get easier,
and it just gets harder.

420
00:26:26,343 --> 00:26:27,524
Every day of this.

421
00:26:28,178 --> 00:26:31,403
Well, you don't want it
to start to feel normal, do you?

422
00:26:32,641 --> 00:26:33,697
No.

423
00:26:35,852 --> 00:26:38,660
I remember my grandfather dying
when I was 14.

424
00:26:40,482 --> 00:26:42,039
My first experience of it.

425
00:26:43,986 --> 00:26:45,042
And you...

426
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:49,004
You've looked at death too many times
for a young person.

427
00:26:49,032 --> 00:26:50,714
Your generation, it's...

428
00:26:51,159 --> 00:26:52,215
it's not right.

429
00:26:55,414 --> 00:26:57,638
I'm sorry if I scared you the other night.

430
00:26:59,835 --> 00:27:01,767
I won't scare you ever again.

431
00:27:02,504 --> 00:27:03,769
Clay...

432
00:27:04,506 --> 00:27:07,318
Since the day your mom gave birth,
and the doctor put you in my arms,

433
00:27:07,342 --> 00:27:08,565
I've been terrified.

434
00:27:12,973 --> 00:27:14,279
But we'll get through it.

435
00:27:15,017 --> 00:27:16,740
I keep telling myself that.

436
00:27:17,561 --> 00:27:19,618
You know, high school,

437
00:27:20,063 --> 00:27:21,286
it's different today.

438
00:27:21,857 --> 00:27:23,497
But in many ways, not.

439
00:27:24,443 --> 00:27:27,125
High school has always been something
to be survived.

440
00:27:28,196 --> 00:27:29,336
But it can be.

441
00:27:30,365 --> 00:27:31,630
I'm living proof.

442
00:27:35,287 --> 00:27:36,287
Yeah.

443
00:27:37,039 --> 00:27:39,012
And there's joy too, right?

444
00:27:39,333 --> 00:27:40,597
I hope you've known joy.

445
00:27:45,297 --> 00:27:46,728
Yeah, I have, Dad.

446
00:27:56,433 --> 00:27:57,781
It's not just me.

447
00:27:59,436 --> 00:28:00,701
It's everyone I know.

448
00:28:04,024 --> 00:28:05,163
Hey!

449
00:28:05,192 --> 00:28:06,248
Welcome back.

450
00:28:06,276 --> 00:28:08,917
<i>I'm here to do my service hours.
They said you asked for me?</i>

451
00:28:08,945 --> 00:28:10,460
I did. I did. Uh...

452
00:28:10,989 --> 00:28:13,213
You can help me clean out
the equipment room

453
00:28:13,241 --> 00:28:14,965
and, uh, update the playbooks.

454
00:28:16,328 --> 00:28:17,801
And I wanna offer you a job.

455
00:28:18,413 --> 00:28:21,054
I heard you're sticking around town
next year,

456
00:28:21,958 --> 00:28:24,057
and I want you to coach tight ends.

457
00:28:25,420 --> 00:28:26,420
Me?

458
00:28:27,798 --> 00:28:29,563
- A coach?
- Yeah, for sure.

459
00:28:30,217 --> 00:28:31,440
You know the game.

460
00:28:31,843 --> 00:28:33,525
You know how to set an example.

461
00:28:33,887 --> 00:28:35,777
I... I don't know about that.

462
00:28:35,806 --> 00:28:38,655
<i>Eh. I do.
Summer coaches' meetings start</i>

463
00:28:38,684 --> 00:28:40,115
day after graduation.

464
00:28:40,143 --> 00:28:41,658
I'ma need you sober, OK?

465
00:28:43,021 --> 00:28:44,494
Yeah, I mean...

466
00:28:45,774 --> 00:28:46,774
for sure.

467
00:28:47,025 --> 00:28:48,582
And I'll need you to graduate.

468
00:28:49,444 --> 00:28:50,709
Can you do that?

469
00:28:52,781 --> 00:28:54,838
Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.

470
00:28:55,617 --> 00:28:57,758
Figured out that it takes effort
not to graduate.

471
00:28:57,786 --> 00:28:58,786
Yeah.

472
00:28:59,663 --> 00:29:02,179
All right, uh, let's get to work.

473
00:29:03,917 --> 00:29:06,099
Thank you... for the letter.

474
00:29:09,506 --> 00:29:11,980
I found it in my file in Foundry's office.

475
00:29:12,300 --> 00:29:13,356
I just, um...

476
00:29:15,929 --> 00:29:18,195
"Let me tell you
about the Zach Dempsey I know."

477
00:29:18,515 --> 00:29:21,490
One of the finest young men
I've had the opportunity to coach.

478
00:29:22,561 --> 00:29:24,201
Zach led our team...

479
00:29:25,063 --> 00:29:27,537
"with fortitude and empathy
on and off the field."

480
00:29:28,024 --> 00:29:29,080
Yeah.

481
00:29:29,651 --> 00:29:32,083
You know, Foundry asked me
why you'd steal that.

482
00:29:32,529 --> 00:29:33,877
Told him I didn't know why.

483
00:29:33,905 --> 00:29:36,171
Because I can't live up to this.

484
00:29:37,159 --> 00:29:40,801
- Everything that you've said.
- Of course you can. You already have.

485
00:29:58,638 --> 00:30:00,946
I don't know anyone
who can turn what's happened

486
00:30:00,974 --> 00:30:02,531
into a neat little story.

487
00:30:06,188 --> 00:30:08,745
The brain infection
is advancing quickly.

488
00:30:09,775 --> 00:30:13,792
And I'm afraid it might be a good time
to take Justin off the ventilator,

489
00:30:14,154 --> 00:30:17,254
at least for a few hours,
so he can speak to you,

490
00:30:17,949 --> 00:30:19,047
and you to him.

491
00:30:22,746 --> 00:30:23,885
You... You mean...

492
00:30:26,208 --> 00:30:27,222
Yeah.

493
00:30:30,504 --> 00:30:32,769
As I understand it, Mr. Jensen,

494
00:30:32,798 --> 00:30:35,730
uh, Justin has made you the medical POA,

495
00:30:35,759 --> 00:30:39,985
and he signed a living will
with a DNR order.

496
00:30:40,013 --> 00:30:41,013
Yes.

497
00:30:42,224 --> 00:30:44,781
The palliative care doctor
visited Justin,

498
00:30:44,810 --> 00:30:48,410
and Justin participated in a discussion
about his priorities

499
00:30:48,438 --> 00:30:50,495
by writing down his wishes.

500
00:30:52,734 --> 00:30:54,791
He would like to be

501
00:30:54,820 --> 00:30:56,626
as comfortable as possible...

502
00:30:56,655 --> 00:31:01,548
<i>♪ I have nothing left to hear ♪</i>

503
00:31:04,871 --> 00:31:09,055
<i>♪ I'm chasing all the words ♪</i>

504
00:31:10,418 --> 00:31:16,521
<i>♪ But everything you say
I only see ♪</i>

505
00:31:19,052 --> 00:31:22,485
<i>♪ But honestly it's fine ♪</i>

506
00:31:24,683 --> 00:31:31,494
<i>♪ When I mention how I love you... ♪</i>

507
00:31:35,777 --> 00:31:36,777
Hi!

508
00:31:39,573 --> 00:31:41,046
Hey.

509
00:31:50,417 --> 00:31:51,431
Jess.

510
00:31:53,795 --> 00:31:54,935
Don't cry.

511
00:31:58,258 --> 00:32:00,148
I'm so sorry. I'm so...

512
00:32:01,928 --> 00:32:03,860
I thought I could be strong. I...

513
00:32:08,435 --> 00:32:09,574
Come here.

514
00:32:12,063 --> 00:32:13,119
Come here.

515
00:32:26,077 --> 00:32:27,077
You're...

516
00:32:27,954 --> 00:32:29,177
so strong.

517
00:32:34,502 --> 00:32:37,018
You're the best thing
that ever happened to me.

518
00:32:40,926 --> 00:32:42,023
You're...

519
00:32:42,928 --> 00:32:44,401
out of your mind.

520
00:32:47,891 --> 00:32:49,823
I ruined your fucking life.

521
00:32:52,395 --> 00:32:53,410
No.

522
00:32:53,980 --> 00:32:54,980
No.

523
00:32:57,359 --> 00:32:59,332
You taught me what love is.

524
00:33:07,911 --> 00:33:09,426
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

525
00:33:11,122 --> 00:33:12,721
- Yeah?
- Yes.

526
00:33:20,715 --> 00:33:21,715
OK.

527
00:33:25,762 --> 00:33:27,152
You always have that.

528
00:33:29,265 --> 00:33:30,739
- OK?
- OK.

529
00:33:31,059 --> 00:33:32,782
- OK, Jess?
- OK.

530
00:33:45,115 --> 00:33:48,840
<i>♪ At the end of the line ♪</i>

531
00:33:51,037 --> 00:33:56,556
<i>♪ It's as if there's no time at all ♪</i>

532
00:33:59,337 --> 00:34:03,438
<i>♪ Nothing left to win ♪</i>

533
00:34:05,010 --> 00:34:10,779
<i>♪ Every pleasure burned to the wick ♪</i>

534
00:34:13,601 --> 00:34:17,077
<i>♪ Content to be alone ♪</i>

535
00:34:19,232 --> 00:34:22,874
<i>♪ A quiet picture drawn ♪</i>

536
00:34:22,902 --> 00:34:27,629
<i>♪ Each day before it ends... ♪</i>

537
00:34:40,378 --> 00:34:41,378
Um...

538
00:34:45,008 --> 00:34:47,816
Zach's going to coach at Liberty
next year.

539
00:34:48,428 --> 00:34:49,692
Kerba asked him.

540
00:34:52,432 --> 00:34:53,571
That's awesome.

541
00:35:01,232 --> 00:35:04,165
<i>I'm... I'm so sorry, Justin.
I don't know how to do this.</i>

542
00:35:05,904 --> 00:35:06,904
Hey.

543
00:35:12,952 --> 00:35:14,092
You're doing...

544
00:35:14,788 --> 00:35:16,469
You're doing it great.

545
00:35:33,014 --> 00:35:35,113
Thank you for saving my life.

546
00:35:38,394 --> 00:35:40,076
Like, more times than you know.

547
00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:48,418
I love you.

548
00:35:56,371 --> 00:35:57,371
I love...

549
00:35:58,206 --> 00:35:59,804
I love...

550
00:36:00,500 --> 00:36:01,598
love you...

551
00:36:02,418 --> 00:36:03,933
you too, man.

552
00:36:12,345 --> 00:36:14,068
I'm sorry.

553
00:36:14,681 --> 00:36:15,945
Um...

554
00:36:23,398 --> 00:36:24,621
Are you afraid?

555
00:36:28,736 --> 00:36:29,736
Yeah.

556
00:36:34,159 --> 00:36:35,215
I am.

557
00:36:52,427 --> 00:36:53,650
Will you hold...

558
00:36:53,970 --> 00:36:55,360
Will you hold my hand...

559
00:36:56,014 --> 00:36:57,014
bro?

560
00:36:58,808 --> 00:36:59,808
Yeah.

561
00:37:03,646 --> 00:37:07,247
<i>♪ River, river, carry me on ♪</i>

562
00:37:07,692 --> 00:37:11,000
<i>♪ Living river, carry me on ♪</i>

563
00:37:11,613 --> 00:37:14,879
<i>♪ River, river, carry me on ♪</i>

564
00:37:15,408 --> 00:37:18,466
<i>♪ To the place where I come from ♪</i>

565
00:37:19,204 --> 00:37:22,053
<i>♪ So deep ♪</i>

566
00:37:22,624 --> 00:37:24,889
<i>♪ So wide ♪</i>

567
00:37:26,252 --> 00:37:29,852
<i>♪ Will you take me on your back ♪</i>

568
00:37:30,381 --> 00:37:32,522
<i>♪ For a ride? ♪</i>

569
00:37:34,969 --> 00:37:39,612
<i>♪ If I should fall ♪</i>

570
00:37:41,851 --> 00:37:47,620
<i>♪ Would you swallow me deep inside? ♪</i>

571
00:37:50,610 --> 00:37:55,545
<i>♪ River, show me how to float ♪</i>

572
00:37:58,243 --> 00:38:03,469
<i>♪ I feel like I'm sinking down ♪</i>

573
00:38:06,292 --> 00:38:13,021
<i>♪ Thought that I could get along ♪</i>

574
00:38:13,841 --> 00:38:17,233
<i>♪ But here in this water ♪</i>

575
00:38:17,762 --> 00:38:21,070
<i>♪ My feet won't touch the ground ♪</i>

576
00:38:22,016 --> 00:38:25,074
<i>♪ I need something ♪</i>

577
00:38:25,728 --> 00:38:28,619
<i>♪ To turn myself around... ♪</i>

578
00:38:38,992 --> 00:38:45,553
<i>♪ ...Away toward the sea ♪</i>

579
00:38:47,250 --> 00:38:52,185
<i>♪ River deep ♪</i>

580
00:38:54,090 --> 00:38:58,816
<i>♪ Can you lift up and carry me? ♪</i>

581
00:39:04,058 --> 00:39:08,076
<i>♪ Oh roll on through the heartland ♪</i>

582
00:39:09,689 --> 00:39:16,709
<i>♪ Till the sun has left the sky ♪</i>

583
00:39:18,448 --> 00:39:21,422
<i>♪ River, oh, river ♪</i>

584
00:39:22,368 --> 00:39:24,717
<i>♪ River running deep ♪</i>

585
00:39:26,164 --> 00:39:28,971
<i>♪ Bring me something ♪</i>

586
00:39:30,001 --> 00:39:32,433
<i>♪ That will let me get to sleep ♪</i>

587
00:39:33,963 --> 00:39:36,813
<i>♪ In the washing of the water ♪</i>

588
00:39:37,675 --> 00:39:40,733
<i>♪ Will you take it all away? ♪</i>

589
00:39:42,305 --> 00:39:45,530
<i>♪ Bring me something ♪</i>

590
00:39:46,392 --> 00:39:50,535
<i>♪ To take this pain away ♪</i>

591
00:39:56,819 --> 00:39:58,084
After all that,

592
00:39:58,696 --> 00:40:00,753
after... everything,

593
00:40:01,783 --> 00:40:03,047
this is how it ends.

594
00:40:22,678 --> 00:40:25,987
My mom asked me if I wanted
to say something at Justin's funeral.

595
00:40:26,933 --> 00:40:30,575
I wanted to, for him, but I couldn't.

596
00:40:31,396 --> 00:40:32,535
What could I say?

597
00:40:32,939 --> 00:40:34,120
Running theme, huh?

598
00:41:00,341 --> 00:41:02,732
I wish there was something
I could say or do.

599
00:41:06,305 --> 00:41:07,305
Yeah.

600
00:41:07,765 --> 00:41:08,863
What is there?

601
00:41:10,810 --> 00:41:12,658
Thank you for wanting to, though.

602
00:41:15,022 --> 00:41:16,746
You always make things better.

603
00:41:18,401 --> 00:41:20,541
I just show up, man. That's all I do.

604
00:41:21,446 --> 00:41:22,446
Always.

605
00:41:24,866 --> 00:41:26,339
More than I have for you.

606
00:41:28,369 --> 00:41:29,383
No.

607
00:41:30,746 --> 00:41:32,553
No, we show up for each other.

608
00:41:41,591 --> 00:41:43,731
No one gets through this life alone, man.

609
00:41:46,804 --> 00:41:47,804
No.

610
00:42:10,244 --> 00:42:11,801
What's he doing here?

611
00:42:11,829 --> 00:42:12,885
I don't know.

612
00:42:14,499 --> 00:42:16,305
I hope he's showing his respects.

613
00:42:19,462 --> 00:42:21,477
I don't know if I can do this.

614
00:42:21,506 --> 00:42:23,896
<i>OK, we'll just take it slow.
We don't have to sit up front.</i>

615
00:42:23,925 --> 00:42:24,925
No.

616
00:42:26,052 --> 00:42:27,149
No, I don't...

617
00:42:28,721 --> 00:42:32,113
I don't know
if I can do any of this anymore.

618
00:42:33,059 --> 00:42:34,615
We're all supposed to just...

619
00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:38,578
keep waking up
and putting on our clothes

620
00:42:38,606 --> 00:42:42,331
and carrying on conversations
and listening to people

621
00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:44,875
while they talk about
how God works in mysterious ways,

622
00:42:44,904 --> 00:42:48,170
and I just don't fucking know
if I can do it anymore!

623
00:42:48,199 --> 00:42:51,090
OK, I think this is the hardest thing...

624
00:42:51,619 --> 00:42:53,926
that anyone could ever go through.

625
00:42:55,164 --> 00:42:58,514
But I also think you are a lot stronger
than you realize.

626
00:42:58,876 --> 00:43:00,516
- He made me strong.
- No!

627
00:43:00,545 --> 00:43:01,851
You are.

628
00:43:02,755 --> 00:43:04,061
All on your own.

629
00:43:04,757 --> 00:43:07,565
Maybe you made each other stronger,
but it's in you.

630
00:43:08,094 --> 00:43:09,233
I've seen it.

631
00:43:13,140 --> 00:43:14,196
OK.

632
00:43:18,980 --> 00:43:20,703
How did we get here?

633
00:43:20,731 --> 00:43:21,746
Again?

634
00:43:22,942 --> 00:43:24,540
We made a cruel world.

635
00:43:25,319 --> 00:43:28,252
My generation, my parents' generation.

636
00:43:29,991 --> 00:43:31,380
Too little caring.

637
00:43:32,076 --> 00:43:33,883
Too much hate,

638
00:43:33,911 --> 00:43:35,343
anger, and hurt.

639
00:43:36,956 --> 00:43:39,847
We talk a good game
about protecting our children,

640
00:43:39,875 --> 00:43:44,060
but we leave too much on the table
that might surely save their lives.

641
00:43:45,256 --> 00:43:48,272
Justin Foley died of a disease

642
00:43:48,301 --> 00:43:50,608
that, from its inception,

643
00:43:50,636 --> 00:43:52,902
thrives in silence.

644
00:43:53,764 --> 00:43:56,405
And there are a number of such diseases,

645
00:43:56,434 --> 00:44:01,786
a number of ills
that thrive when we are silent about them.

646
00:44:02,732 --> 00:44:05,998
Because we let our fears, our shame,

647
00:44:06,027 --> 00:44:10,461
our twisted moral codes
keep us in silence,

648
00:44:10,489 --> 00:44:13,506
as death stalks more children.

649
00:44:13,534 --> 00:44:15,633
I say, enough.

650
00:44:18,247 --> 00:44:19,929
Enough shifting blame.

651
00:44:20,583 --> 00:44:22,223
Enough pointing fingers.

652
00:44:22,710 --> 00:44:26,185
Enough confusing those
who report the damage

653
00:44:26,213 --> 00:44:28,312
with those who cause it.

654
00:44:29,842 --> 00:44:33,234
Let us remember Justin
for his accomplishments

655
00:44:33,262 --> 00:44:35,820
on the football field
and the basketball court.

656
00:44:36,766 --> 00:44:39,198
Let us remember his smile

657
00:44:39,685 --> 00:44:43,035
that I am told melted a hundred hearts.

658
00:44:44,023 --> 00:44:46,622
But let's also remember his death

659
00:44:47,276 --> 00:44:49,667
with sorrow and determination

660
00:44:50,279 --> 00:44:51,836
that spur us...

661
00:44:52,448 --> 00:44:53,587
to action.

662
00:44:56,077 --> 00:44:57,077
Amen.

663
00:45:04,877 --> 00:45:06,058
Um...

664
00:45:07,254 --> 00:45:08,436
I...

665
00:45:10,007 --> 00:45:12,231
I'm not sure I can do this. Uh...

666
00:45:15,388 --> 00:45:16,388
Um...

667
00:45:17,807 --> 00:45:18,807
Uh...

668
00:45:19,308 --> 00:45:20,322
I believe...

669
00:45:20,810 --> 00:45:21,949
I believe...

670
00:45:23,938 --> 00:45:27,663
I believe
Justin Foley helped save my life.

671
00:45:29,402 --> 00:45:30,666
I didn't like him.

672
00:45:32,113 --> 00:45:33,586
And he didn't like me.

673
00:45:34,115 --> 00:45:35,115
But...

674
00:45:36,117 --> 00:45:37,798
when I needed him,

675
00:45:39,620 --> 00:45:40,760
he helped me.

676
00:45:43,791 --> 00:45:44,791
Um...

677
00:45:45,084 --> 00:45:46,682
Sorry, I'm...

678
00:45:48,629 --> 00:45:49,685
Go. Go get him.

679
00:45:53,968 --> 00:45:55,816
Alex tried to say something...

680
00:45:55,845 --> 00:45:57,693
- You all right?
- Yeah.

681
00:45:57,722 --> 00:45:58,986
OK, let's go sit down.

682
00:45:59,014 --> 00:46:00,696
As much as he could.

683
00:46:03,519 --> 00:46:06,035
But there's so much
none of us could ever say.

684
00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:10,873
Last time I was up here,

685
00:46:12,445 --> 00:46:14,210
I said I was my brother's keeper.

686
00:46:15,364 --> 00:46:16,504
That we all are.

687
00:46:18,284 --> 00:46:20,216
Even though I didn't live up to that.

688
00:46:25,541 --> 00:46:26,889
Justin hated running.

689
00:46:29,628 --> 00:46:32,436
Coach Kerba would make him do a mile,
and he would bitch

690
00:46:32,465 --> 00:46:33,979
and complain...

691
00:46:34,008 --> 00:46:35,022
the whole time.

692
00:46:36,302 --> 00:46:39,610
Coach Kerba would tell him that pain

693
00:46:39,930 --> 00:46:42,446
is the feeling of weakness
leaving the body.

694
00:46:46,103 --> 00:46:48,452
But we're all weak, I think.

695
00:46:50,566 --> 00:46:52,248
But we're trying to be stronger.

696
00:46:53,110 --> 00:46:55,793
And the pain that we are feeling today...

697
00:46:57,448 --> 00:46:59,421
is to remind us every day...

698
00:47:02,411 --> 00:47:03,467
to do better.

699
00:47:05,289 --> 00:47:06,428
To be better.

700
00:47:11,921 --> 00:47:16,063
- A few of us are going to Monet's.
- I'm gonna head home, I think.

701
00:47:16,091 --> 00:47:17,356
I'm with my folks.

702
00:47:50,000 --> 00:47:52,600
After the funeral, I couldn't move.

703
00:47:53,629 --> 00:47:54,852
Couldn't even stand.

704
00:47:55,297 --> 00:47:56,312
Stuck.

705
00:47:58,217 --> 00:47:59,648
This is my life now.

706
00:49:04,909 --> 00:49:06,006
Um... Can I...

707
00:49:06,911 --> 00:49:08,676
I just wanted to say...

708
00:49:10,080 --> 00:49:12,054
I think you saved my life too.

709
00:49:13,042 --> 00:49:14,306
More than anyone.

710
00:49:15,252 --> 00:49:16,433
So, thank you.

711
00:49:17,379 --> 00:49:19,645
And I was mean to you when you got back.

712
00:49:19,673 --> 00:49:22,564
I didn't even think
about everything you were going through.

713
00:49:23,218 --> 00:49:24,608
But anyway, I'm...

714
00:49:25,304 --> 00:49:26,402
I'm sorry.

715
00:49:26,847 --> 00:49:27,945
And thank you.

716
00:49:31,727 --> 00:49:32,783
Alex.

717
00:49:35,189 --> 00:49:36,245
I'm just...

718
00:49:37,107 --> 00:49:39,456
I'm just really happy
to be alive right now.

719
00:49:44,239 --> 00:49:45,239
Yeah.

720
00:49:46,241 --> 00:49:47,297
Me too.

721
00:50:03,300 --> 00:50:04,314
Can we...

722
00:50:06,470 --> 00:50:07,651
Can we talk?

723
00:50:09,139 --> 00:50:10,139
Yeah.

724
00:50:12,726 --> 00:50:15,034
And what if the past
follows us everywhere?

725
00:50:18,107 --> 00:50:19,913
What if we can never get away from it?

726
00:50:38,502 --> 00:50:39,683
Can I ask you,

727
00:50:41,213 --> 00:50:42,269
why'd you do it?

728
00:50:47,261 --> 00:50:48,692
Yeah. OK.

729
00:50:51,181 --> 00:50:54,865
Zach had hurt him pretty bad,
he'd broken his leg, his arm.

730
00:50:55,185 --> 00:50:58,160
He begged me to help him up, so I did.

731
00:50:59,064 --> 00:51:02,581
And then he started on
about how he was gonna ruin Zach's life,

732
00:51:03,068 --> 00:51:04,458
which he already had done.

733
00:51:05,821 --> 00:51:08,087
And he was just spewing all this shit.

734
00:51:08,657 --> 00:51:10,130
And I saw this...

735
00:51:11,035 --> 00:51:12,091
anger.

736
00:51:14,747 --> 00:51:17,262
I didn't see any soul or anything.

737
00:51:17,291 --> 00:51:18,347
I just didn't.

738
00:51:19,001 --> 00:51:24,895
And then I realized
that he had ruined everyone I ever loved.

739
00:51:26,341 --> 00:51:27,731
And I got this...

740
00:51:30,179 --> 00:51:32,903
this flash of rage.

741
00:51:33,932 --> 00:51:38,408
Ever since my TBI,
I get these flares, like, I go red.

742
00:51:39,605 --> 00:51:41,703
And then I pushed him off the dock.

743
00:51:53,118 --> 00:51:54,508
Are you sorry you did it?

744
00:51:57,081 --> 00:51:58,971
More than I can ever say.

745
00:52:01,835 --> 00:52:03,350
Was Jessica with you?

746
00:52:19,686 --> 00:52:21,827
Did you ever really like me?

747
00:52:25,025 --> 00:52:27,082
Yeah. Yes.

748
00:52:29,196 --> 00:52:31,628
You opened up a new world for me.

749
00:52:32,783 --> 00:52:35,591
You helped me figure out stuff
about myself.

750
00:52:35,619 --> 00:52:37,176
I loved being with you.

751
00:52:42,251 --> 00:52:43,390
Yeah, me too.

752
00:53:00,102 --> 00:53:01,575
I'm not gonna do anything.

753
00:53:05,232 --> 00:53:06,580
I thought I was...

754
00:53:08,610 --> 00:53:09,666
because...

755
00:53:11,738 --> 00:53:13,253
Because I loved Monty.

756
00:53:14,783 --> 00:53:16,131
I knew him somehow.

757
00:53:16,493 --> 00:53:17,591
I swear I did.

758
00:53:22,624 --> 00:53:23,931
But I loved you too.

759
00:53:26,628 --> 00:53:28,268
And I am trying not to...

760
00:53:29,590 --> 00:53:31,146
but I still fucking do.

761
00:53:35,679 --> 00:53:36,735
OK.

762
00:53:38,223 --> 00:53:39,279
Thank you.

763
00:53:41,727 --> 00:53:42,950
Can I hug you?

764
00:54:23,810 --> 00:54:24,810
All right.

765
00:54:25,020 --> 00:54:29,121
<i>It's done. The sales papers are drawn up.
All it needs is a buyer's signature.</i>

766
00:54:29,149 --> 00:54:30,998
Tony, that's great.

767
00:54:31,777 --> 00:54:33,125
- Right?
- I don't know!

768
00:54:33,153 --> 00:54:35,502
I... I... I don't know if it's great!

769
00:54:35,530 --> 00:54:37,129
I don't know what to think!

770
00:54:37,157 --> 00:54:38,134
Fuck!

771
00:54:38,158 --> 00:54:41,091
Second thoughts are natural,
but this is a solid plan, Tony.

772
00:54:41,119 --> 00:54:42,259
This is safe.

773
00:54:42,287 --> 00:54:45,679
No plan in this fucking world
is safe, Caleb.

774
00:54:45,707 --> 00:54:47,806
Safe is not a word I believe in anymore.

775
00:54:47,834 --> 00:54:50,350
<i>OK. OK.
But the garage is protected.</i>

776
00:54:50,379 --> 00:54:52,936
<i>This gives you a chance to...
to have a life.</i>

777
00:54:53,590 --> 00:54:55,022
What if I like this life?

778
00:54:55,050 --> 00:54:57,316
What if I like this right now?

779
00:54:57,344 --> 00:54:58,650
The garage is protected.

780
00:54:58,679 --> 00:55:01,111
I mean, the buyer doesn't know shit
about fixing cars,

781
00:55:01,139 --> 00:55:02,821
but Javi's ready to manage the place.

782
00:55:02,849 --> 00:55:03,905
He does already.

783
00:55:03,934 --> 00:55:06,742
What if one of the businesses
takes a dive?

784
00:55:07,020 --> 00:55:09,161
What if it's too much
for one person to handle?

785
00:55:09,189 --> 00:55:11,913
Tony, I've lived with you
for more than a year.

786
00:55:11,942 --> 00:55:13,832
Nothing's too much for me to handle.

787
00:55:14,653 --> 00:55:15,653
Here.

788
00:55:19,199 --> 00:55:20,797
Javi and I...

789
00:55:22,577 --> 00:55:23,967
will take good care.

790
00:55:24,663 --> 00:55:27,095
What if I'm not good enough
to stay on the team?

791
00:55:27,124 --> 00:55:29,514
<i>What if I flunk out?
I'm no good at school!</i>

792
00:55:29,543 --> 00:55:31,475
You're good at anything
you wanna be good at.

793
00:55:31,503 --> 00:55:33,477
Oh, my God. This is so easy for you.

794
00:55:33,505 --> 00:55:36,188
- Why is this so fucking easy for you?
- It's not easy!

795
00:55:36,216 --> 00:55:37,647
This is fucking killing me.

796
00:55:38,385 --> 00:55:41,443
But this gives you a chance
to live a whole life.

797
00:55:43,348 --> 00:55:44,946
What if I can't do it?

798
00:55:48,270 --> 00:55:50,077
I don't know. What if I'm lonely?

799
00:55:50,689 --> 00:55:52,788
Well, I'm eight hours away by car.

800
00:55:53,692 --> 00:55:55,624
Seven the way that you drive.

801
00:55:57,237 --> 00:55:58,752
Here.

802
00:56:03,160 --> 00:56:04,758
Oh, fuck.

803
00:56:09,082 --> 00:56:10,180
I'm scared.

804
00:56:11,335 --> 00:56:12,391
I know.

805
00:56:14,004 --> 00:56:15,185
And that's OK.

806
00:56:18,050 --> 00:56:19,231
- OK.
- Yeah.

807
00:56:19,593 --> 00:56:20,816
Come here.

808
00:56:20,844 --> 00:56:21,858
It's OK.

809
00:56:26,016 --> 00:56:27,781
- It's OK, Tony.
- No.

810
00:56:27,809 --> 00:56:29,825
It's OK to be scared. I'm scared too.

811
00:56:30,520 --> 00:56:33,245
What if what's ahead of us
is even more terrifying

812
00:56:33,273 --> 00:56:34,871
than what we've been through?

813
00:56:34,900 --> 00:56:35,956
OK.

814
00:56:44,951 --> 00:56:45,951
You good?

815
00:56:46,244 --> 00:56:49,970
<i>Yeah. I'm good. I'm just finishing up
these patrol reports.</i>

816
00:56:50,457 --> 00:56:51,721
I was thinkin'.

817
00:56:52,626 --> 00:56:56,059
I always say that this job
is everything to me.

818
00:56:57,172 --> 00:56:58,520
I don't come from much.

819
00:56:59,257 --> 00:57:00,647
I know you don't either.

820
00:57:00,675 --> 00:57:04,776
<i>No, sir. My two boys are the first
in my family to go to college.</i>

821
00:57:05,180 --> 00:57:06,486
Same with my kids.

822
00:57:07,391 --> 00:57:10,115
And I say this job is everything,
but it's not true.

823
00:57:11,019 --> 00:57:14,578
I live my life for family,
for God, for country.

824
00:57:14,981 --> 00:57:16,037
In that order.

825
00:57:16,316 --> 00:57:18,623
And a father's love is a, uh...

826
00:57:19,611 --> 00:57:21,626
fierce and complicated thing.

827
00:57:21,988 --> 00:57:24,421
As I'm sure my daughter Valerie
would tell you.

828
00:57:25,534 --> 00:57:26,590
But family...

829
00:57:28,870 --> 00:57:30,093
Family comes first.

830
00:57:31,039 --> 00:57:32,095
Wouldn't you agree?

831
00:57:33,208 --> 00:57:34,264
I do.

832
00:57:35,585 --> 00:57:36,585
Hmm.

833
00:57:38,964 --> 00:57:40,854
The Bryce Walker files, um...

834
00:57:41,550 --> 00:57:43,648
they're going down to permanent storage.

835
00:57:46,638 --> 00:57:48,570
That case is closed for good.

836
00:57:54,771 --> 00:57:55,911
Understood.

837
00:58:00,819 --> 00:58:02,167
Don't work too late, Bill.

838
00:58:05,282 --> 00:58:06,379
Hey, Sheriff.

839
00:58:09,536 --> 00:58:10,592
Thank you.

840
00:58:24,176 --> 00:58:26,316
How do we get on with our lives?

841
00:58:31,683 --> 00:58:32,781
Hey.

842
00:58:33,727 --> 00:58:35,367
You waited for me.

843
00:58:35,812 --> 00:58:37,327
Of course I waited for you.

844
00:58:39,524 --> 00:58:41,456
Um... Negative.

845
00:58:42,569 --> 00:58:43,569
Good.

846
00:58:44,029 --> 00:58:45,210
Yeah, me too.

847
00:58:46,490 --> 00:58:50,257
Um, thanks for telling me,
and coming with me.

848
00:58:50,577 --> 00:58:51,591
Of course.

849
00:58:52,287 --> 00:58:53,468
I wasn't worried.

850
00:58:53,830 --> 00:58:57,806
<i>He'd never do it without protection.
He was pretty hardcore on that.</i>

851
00:59:00,212 --> 00:59:02,477
They, uh... They tell you about PrEP?

852
00:59:03,590 --> 00:59:05,397
That seems like a good thing.

853
00:59:05,425 --> 00:59:06,439
Yeah.

854
00:59:06,760 --> 00:59:09,776
Though I don't plan on
having sex again, ever, so...

855
00:59:12,390 --> 00:59:13,780
Look, I'm sorry...

856
00:59:15,101 --> 00:59:16,449
about Justin. I...

857
00:59:17,854 --> 00:59:19,619
I know how much you loved him.

858
00:59:21,650 --> 00:59:23,039
How would you know that?

859
00:59:24,528 --> 00:59:25,584
I...

860
00:59:25,612 --> 00:59:27,419
I saw you dance together.

861
00:59:33,078 --> 00:59:34,078
And...

862
00:59:34,663 --> 00:59:35,844
a guy can tell...

863
00:59:36,665 --> 00:59:38,597
when a girl's heart is spoken for.

864
00:59:52,973 --> 00:59:54,154
I'm sorry...

865
00:59:54,516 --> 00:59:55,516
for...

866
00:59:56,101 --> 00:59:58,491
everything I put you through.

867
00:59:59,521 --> 01:00:01,244
I'm done with it. I just...

868
01:00:03,525 --> 01:00:04,914
I couldn't let it go.

869
01:00:06,987 --> 01:00:08,084
I...

870
01:00:08,113 --> 01:00:10,712
I miss Monty so much.

871
01:00:12,158 --> 01:00:13,214
But it...

872
01:00:13,868 --> 01:00:16,926
It can't be anything
like what you miss Justin.

873
01:00:19,666 --> 01:00:20,680
I don't know.

874
01:00:22,460 --> 01:00:23,767
Missing is missing.

875
01:00:29,884 --> 01:00:31,483
I...

876
01:00:32,596 --> 01:00:37,238
I know it's very much too soon
to be saying anything like this, but...

877
01:00:38,184 --> 01:00:41,868
if you ever need someone
to miss people with,

878
01:00:41,896 --> 01:00:45,121
I would like to maybe
ask you out sometime.

879
01:00:45,775 --> 01:00:47,040
To go out with me.

880
01:00:48,278 --> 01:00:49,292
Again.

881
01:00:49,613 --> 01:00:51,920
But in a new way, sometime.

882
01:00:56,161 --> 01:00:58,718
<i>Maybe I can...
Can I start asking in about a month?</i>

883
01:01:00,582 --> 01:01:01,763
Maybe in a month.

884
01:01:04,419 --> 01:01:07,102
How do we even imagine
starting something new?

885
01:01:09,466 --> 01:01:11,106
You'd think I'd know these answers.

886
01:01:12,302 --> 01:01:14,526
You'd think I'd be good at goodbyes
by now.

887
01:02:04,437 --> 01:02:05,994
Mrs. Baker sent them.

888
01:02:07,482 --> 01:02:10,248
The court had returned them to her
after, like, months,

889
01:02:10,276 --> 01:02:12,876
and she thought
Tony and I should have them.

890
01:02:13,238 --> 01:02:14,794
That they were never hers.

891
01:02:15,198 --> 01:02:18,631
That they were something of Hannah
that we got, and she never would.

892
01:02:20,412 --> 01:02:23,470
- What do you think that was?
- I don't know.

893
01:02:24,499 --> 01:02:25,499
Think harder.

894
01:02:26,376 --> 01:02:27,432
I don't know.

895
01:02:28,461 --> 01:02:31,352
<i>I think you do.
And I think you're being lazy.</i>

896
01:02:32,841 --> 01:02:34,481
What the hell? Screw you!

897
01:02:34,509 --> 01:02:35,648
There we go.

898
01:02:36,136 --> 01:02:39,819
I was worried we'd have Mumbles McGee
for the whole session.

899
01:02:40,849 --> 01:02:42,822
What the fuck is this? Tough love?

900
01:02:42,851 --> 01:02:43,990
Some shit like that?

901
01:02:45,437 --> 01:02:47,994
Why did Hannah's mother
send you the tapes?

902
01:02:49,274 --> 01:02:52,207
Why do you and Tony feel
so responsible for Tyler?

903
01:02:52,235 --> 01:02:55,335
Why did your graffiti say,
"Monty was framed"?

904
01:02:55,363 --> 01:02:56,503
Why do you care?

905
01:02:56,531 --> 01:02:59,130
- Because I care about you.
- You care about a paycheck.

906
01:02:59,159 --> 01:03:00,715
You think I only care 'cause I'm paid?

907
01:03:00,744 --> 01:03:02,592
Would you wanna see me
if the bill wasn't paid?

908
01:03:02,620 --> 01:03:03,676
If you needed me.

909
01:03:03,705 --> 01:03:04,761
Yeah, bullshit!

910
01:03:07,125 --> 01:03:08,765
What are you really asking, Clay?

911
01:03:09,461 --> 01:03:13,561
I'm not asking anything,
I'm just... I'm fucking fed up!

912
01:03:13,590 --> 01:03:15,438
Well, good. Why?

913
01:03:15,467 --> 01:03:18,775
<i>Because! Because none
of this fucking matters! OK?</i>

914
01:03:18,803 --> 01:03:20,652
If Justin is dead,

915
01:03:21,347 --> 01:03:23,446
then none of the rest of it matters!

916
01:03:27,187 --> 01:03:28,187
It's...

917
01:03:29,939 --> 01:03:31,704
How could he let it happen?

918
01:03:31,733 --> 01:03:33,957
How could he let himself
get sick like that?

919
01:03:33,985 --> 01:03:36,668
<i>We... It would've been so easy
to save him!</i>

920
01:03:38,114 --> 01:03:42,340
Maybe deep down, he didn't think
he was worth saving or worth loving.

921
01:03:43,703 --> 01:03:45,552
But Jessica loved him.

922
01:03:45,580 --> 01:03:47,387
And my... my... my parents did.

923
01:03:47,707 --> 01:03:48,684
And I did!

924
01:03:48,708 --> 01:03:51,266
But what if there was some part of him
from a long time ago

925
01:03:51,294 --> 01:03:53,142
that couldn't let himself be loved?

926
01:03:53,797 --> 01:03:55,645
Couldn't let himself be cared for?

927
01:03:55,673 --> 01:03:57,981
That makes no sense!

928
01:03:58,009 --> 01:03:59,065
Really, Clay?

929
01:03:59,093 --> 01:04:02,944
You can't imagine a kid who keeps secrets
from the people who love him most?

930
01:04:02,972 --> 01:04:05,113
A kid who won't let himself be cared for?

931
01:04:06,726 --> 01:04:07,866
Fuck you.

932
01:04:33,086 --> 01:04:35,977
My Guild Starfire. I love that guitar.

933
01:04:39,634 --> 01:04:41,107
I grew up here, you know.

934
01:04:42,804 --> 01:04:43,860
In Evergreen.

935
01:04:46,349 --> 01:04:48,698
It was the late '60s and early '70s.

936
01:04:48,726 --> 01:04:51,284
It was a turbulent, difficult time.

937
01:04:51,896 --> 01:04:54,078
Country was desperately divided.

938
01:04:54,107 --> 01:04:55,788
Drugs were everywhere.

939
01:04:56,609 --> 01:04:58,124
I was a troubled kid.

940
01:04:59,904 --> 01:05:01,753
Yeah, I'm sure you were a hellion.

941
01:05:02,532 --> 01:05:03,713
I stole a car.

942
01:05:07,036 --> 01:05:08,801
So I could steal a guitar amp.

943
01:05:10,331 --> 01:05:11,512
I sniffed glue.

944
01:05:11,958 --> 01:05:13,181
Dropped acid.

945
01:05:13,543 --> 01:05:14,682
Smoked dope.

946
01:05:14,711 --> 01:05:16,100
Occasionally I sold it.

947
01:05:17,505 --> 01:05:18,505
Shit.

948
01:05:18,756 --> 01:05:20,813
I was going down a dark road,

949
01:05:20,842 --> 01:05:24,651
and then a teacher in my high school
saw something in me.

950
01:05:25,513 --> 01:05:26,527
Saw...

951
01:05:27,765 --> 01:05:28,765
me.

952
01:05:29,767 --> 01:05:31,783
She believed I had something to offer.

953
01:05:31,811 --> 01:05:34,077
She was an English teacher.

954
01:05:34,689 --> 01:05:36,245
She thought I could write.

955
01:05:36,274 --> 01:05:40,041
And I said something to her
very much like what you said to me.

956
01:05:41,112 --> 01:05:42,752
Nothing makes sense.

957
01:05:42,780 --> 01:05:44,545
None of the pieces fit together.

958
01:05:44,866 --> 01:05:46,214
And she said to me...

959
01:05:47,035 --> 01:05:48,035
"Try."

960
01:05:49,495 --> 01:05:50,551
She said...

961
01:05:52,999 --> 01:05:53,999
"Begin."

962
01:05:57,420 --> 01:05:58,643
So I began.

963
01:05:59,797 --> 01:06:04,440
And years later I found myself back here,
in my home town,

964
01:06:04,469 --> 01:06:06,192
to help kids like me.

965
01:06:08,389 --> 01:06:09,445
Like you.

966
01:06:10,725 --> 01:06:14,617
I can't promise
the story has a happy ending, Clay.

967
01:06:15,313 --> 01:06:16,911
What happens to us,

968
01:06:17,649 --> 01:06:20,206
it may only have the sense
that we make of it.

969
01:06:22,403 --> 01:06:26,212
But I do know
that it's in telling the story...

970
01:06:27,617 --> 01:06:29,298
that we learn who we are.

971
01:06:30,203 --> 01:06:32,802
And maybe see who we might become.

972
01:07:18,960 --> 01:07:21,142
It starts with Hannah Baker.

973
01:07:25,883 --> 01:07:27,982
Graduation is that special time,

974
01:07:28,011 --> 01:07:31,569
not only to celebrate
but to acknowledge the hard work

975
01:07:31,597 --> 01:07:36,657
and the countless sacrifices it took
to transform dreams into reality.

976
01:07:37,020 --> 01:07:39,160
And let's not forget the fortitude

977
01:07:39,605 --> 01:07:42,038
to carry on in the face of adversity.

978
01:07:42,650 --> 01:07:44,582
This graduating class

979
01:07:44,610 --> 01:07:47,043
has shown a special kind of fortitude.

980
01:07:47,613 --> 01:07:49,045
I admire you all.

981
01:07:49,073 --> 01:07:50,505
You've been tested

982
01:07:50,992 --> 01:07:52,465
well beyond the classroom,

983
01:07:53,244 --> 01:07:54,759
and you have endured.

984
01:07:55,747 --> 01:07:58,012
Now, you may not believe me.

985
01:07:58,041 --> 01:07:59,472
Your...

986
01:07:59,959 --> 01:08:04,811
Class president and class speaker,
in particular, may not believe me.

987
01:08:05,757 --> 01:08:08,022
But all we have ever wished for,

988
01:08:08,426 --> 01:08:11,609
myself, the educators here today,

989
01:08:12,096 --> 01:08:13,277
all of your parents,

990
01:08:13,306 --> 01:08:15,947
all we have truly wished for

991
01:08:15,975 --> 01:08:20,326
is to see that you are all happy
and healthy and safe.

992
01:08:20,605 --> 01:08:22,578
This class, in particular,

993
01:08:23,066 --> 01:08:25,164
has made that hellishly hard.

994
01:08:29,447 --> 01:08:31,712
But I have faith in you.

995
01:08:32,158 --> 01:08:33,381
All of you.

996
01:08:33,409 --> 01:08:35,716
And I hope that we have taught you well.

997
01:08:36,996 --> 01:08:38,886
I know you have taught me.

998
01:08:41,459 --> 01:08:42,557
I'm grateful.

999
01:08:43,920 --> 01:08:45,309
And I'm proud of you all.

1000
01:08:50,218 --> 01:08:51,858
Look, here's the thing.

1001
01:08:52,887 --> 01:08:54,735
There should be more of us here.

1002
01:08:57,016 --> 01:09:00,032
And lately, I have been thinking about
why they're not here.

1003
01:09:01,312 --> 01:09:04,829
I have a history of causing trouble
with my speeches.

1004
01:09:05,691 --> 01:09:08,291
Principal Bolan
actually had to approve my speech

1005
01:09:08,319 --> 01:09:10,168
just so I wouldn't make trouble.

1006
01:09:11,823 --> 01:09:13,337
But that was a month ago.

1007
01:09:14,325 --> 01:09:16,549
And my life has changed since then.

1008
01:09:18,871 --> 01:09:23,014
But don't worry,
I'm not causing any trouble today.

1009
01:09:25,211 --> 01:09:27,476
Because I just want you to hear me.

1010
01:09:28,756 --> 01:09:31,189
Some of you circulated a petition
this year,

1011
01:09:31,217 --> 01:09:33,399
demanding I be removed from office.

1012
01:09:33,886 --> 01:09:35,526
Saying that I was a one-issue president,

1013
01:09:35,555 --> 01:09:38,529
and I had made my point,
and I should just shut up.

1014
01:09:38,558 --> 01:09:40,448
Well, no girls signed that petition.

1015
01:09:40,476 --> 01:09:41,824
So, news, boys,

1016
01:09:42,311 --> 01:09:43,993
our point is far from made.

1017
01:09:44,522 --> 01:09:46,078
And we're not shutting up.

1018
01:09:46,107 --> 01:09:47,496
Yeah!

1019
01:09:52,321 --> 01:09:54,795
But you are right about one thing:

1020
01:09:55,158 --> 01:09:56,923
I am a one-issue president.

1021
01:09:58,536 --> 01:10:00,301
I'm a one-issue person.

1022
01:10:01,831 --> 01:10:04,513
I spent the last couple of years angry.

1023
01:10:05,543 --> 01:10:06,543
Hurt.

1024
01:10:06,878 --> 01:10:07,934
Scared.

1025
01:10:09,255 --> 01:10:11,103
But I'm not gonna do that anymore.

1026
01:10:12,592 --> 01:10:15,274
I'm gonna focus on my one issue.

1027
01:10:17,221 --> 01:10:18,402
Which is love.

1028
01:10:20,266 --> 01:10:23,616
<i>Oh, what? Does talking about love
make you embarrassed?</i>

1029
01:10:24,312 --> 01:10:25,701
Is it girly? What?

1030
01:10:26,439 --> 01:10:28,496
Because it's the thing.

1031
01:10:29,442 --> 01:10:31,916
It's the only thing.

1032
01:10:33,446 --> 01:10:34,835
It's easy to hate.

1033
01:10:35,573 --> 01:10:37,088
It's easy to fear.

1034
01:10:37,658 --> 01:10:39,674
It's goddamn hard to love.

1035
01:10:40,995 --> 01:10:42,260
But it's not optional.

1036
01:10:43,331 --> 01:10:44,595
It's essential.

1037
01:10:47,710 --> 01:10:49,225
It's life or death.

1038
01:10:50,630 --> 01:10:51,978
I challenge you.

1039
01:10:52,423 --> 01:10:54,021
Love each other.

1040
01:10:54,050 --> 01:10:55,106
Do it.

1041
01:10:55,134 --> 01:10:56,732
Do it better.

1042
01:10:56,761 --> 01:10:59,110
Now and every day.

1043
01:11:00,097 --> 01:11:01,362
I love you all.

1044
01:11:05,478 --> 01:11:07,368
Oh, and fuck the patriarchy.

1045
01:11:19,367 --> 01:11:21,340
It comes down to one question.

1046
01:11:23,329 --> 01:11:25,052
Will you survive high school?

1047
01:11:25,665 --> 01:11:26,721
Will I survive?

1048
01:11:28,376 --> 01:11:30,599
Because I know too many people who didn't.

1049
01:11:44,100 --> 01:11:45,906
In the past two years,

1050
01:11:48,437 --> 01:11:51,454
three people who I loved have died.

1051
01:12:00,074 --> 01:12:02,381
And two... two other people...

1052
01:12:02,410 --> 01:12:04,592
who I thought I hated,

1053
01:12:05,162 --> 01:12:06,260
also died.

1054
01:12:08,374 --> 01:12:10,765
But I learned that hate is too simple.

1055
01:12:11,544 --> 01:12:12,558
Jessica's right.

1056
01:12:12,586 --> 01:12:13,726
Hate is easy.

1057
01:12:15,006 --> 01:12:17,813
Love and understanding are harder.

1058
01:12:18,175 --> 01:12:20,775
But they are how we take care
of each other,

1059
01:12:21,762 --> 01:12:23,069
how we survive.

1060
01:12:31,522 --> 01:12:34,830
My dad loves to tell me stories
about when he was in high school.

1061
01:12:36,944 --> 01:12:39,710
The stories usually involve chess club

1062
01:12:39,739 --> 01:12:42,671
and obscure bands with funny haircuts,

1063
01:12:42,700 --> 01:12:45,674
because the '80s were a strange,
strange time.

1064
01:12:49,415 --> 01:12:51,389
But he always gets one thing right.

1065
01:12:55,338 --> 01:12:57,686
He knows high school can hurt.

1066
01:13:01,469 --> 01:13:02,900
That it can be painful.

1067
01:13:03,220 --> 01:13:05,861
That there are days when that's all it is.

1068
01:13:08,267 --> 01:13:11,158
And he once told me
that he's living proof...

1069
01:13:12,313 --> 01:13:13,744
you can survive.

1070
01:13:16,359 --> 01:13:17,790
You can get through it.

1071
01:13:19,862 --> 01:13:22,628
He's living proof, and so am I.

1072
01:13:23,574 --> 01:13:25,464
And so are all of you.

1073
01:13:26,702 --> 01:13:27,925
And the thing is,

1074
01:13:27,953 --> 01:13:29,135
for me,

1075
01:13:30,122 --> 01:13:31,804
for us,

1076
01:13:32,875 --> 01:13:35,433
this class, this... this generation,

1077
01:13:37,588 --> 01:13:40,020
high school actually is life or death.

1078
01:13:42,510 --> 01:13:45,860
We show up every day
not knowing if this is the day we die.

1079
01:13:46,639 --> 01:13:51,031
If this is the day someone shows up
with a gun and tries to kill us all.

1080
01:13:51,727 --> 01:13:53,993
We practice what we'll do if that happens.

1081
01:13:56,107 --> 01:13:57,163
Life or death.

1082
01:14:02,196 --> 01:14:04,211
I suffer from anxiety...

1083
01:14:07,159 --> 01:14:09,091
and, uh, depression.

1084
01:14:09,745 --> 01:14:11,135
But mostly anxiety.

1085
01:14:16,293 --> 01:14:19,560
I sometimes think all of us kids do,
in some way.

1086
01:14:21,048 --> 01:14:23,606
And how could we not,
with the world the way it is?

1087
01:14:24,552 --> 01:14:27,735
We hear a lot of promises
that things will get better.

1088
01:14:28,639 --> 01:14:30,613
And... and, look, maybe they will,

1089
01:14:31,517 --> 01:14:32,615
maybe they won't.

1090
01:14:34,812 --> 01:14:36,702
And what I think I've learned,

1091
01:14:38,065 --> 01:14:39,747
what I wanna say to you...

1092
01:14:42,278 --> 01:14:45,336
is whatever happens, keep moving.

1093
01:14:47,491 --> 01:14:48,631
Get through it.

1094
01:14:50,911 --> 01:14:52,301
Choose to live.

1095
01:14:54,832 --> 01:14:56,847
'Cause even on the worst day, there...

1096
01:14:57,793 --> 01:14:59,600
are people who love you.

1097
01:15:01,172 --> 01:15:05,439
There's new music waiting for you to hear,
some... something you haven't seen before

1098
01:15:05,468 --> 01:15:07,775
that will blow your mind in the best way.

1099
01:15:11,348 --> 01:15:12,947
Even on the worst day,

1100
01:15:18,147 --> 01:15:20,162
life is a pretty spectacular thing.

1101
01:15:35,206 --> 01:15:36,220
Thank you.

1102
01:15:38,000 --> 01:15:39,000
Good luck.

1103
01:15:39,251 --> 01:15:40,474
Yeah!

1104
01:15:53,349 --> 01:15:54,947
<i>♪ Got a little soul ♪</i>

1105
01:15:54,975 --> 01:15:58,075
<i>♪ The world is a cold, cold place to be ♪</i>

1106
01:15:59,813 --> 01:16:01,120
<i>♪ Want a little warmth ♪</i>

1107
01:16:01,148 --> 01:16:04,248
<i>♪ But who's gonna save
A little warmth for me? ♪</i>

1108
01:16:05,110 --> 01:16:10,462
<i>♪ We know the fire awaits unbelievers
All of the sinners the same... ♪</i>

1109
01:16:12,993 --> 01:16:14,133
- Hey!
- Hey!

1110
01:16:14,161 --> 01:16:17,344
- Where's your mom?
- Oh, she had to work. Couldn't leave.

1111
01:16:17,373 --> 01:16:19,638
Then you have to help me
endure my relatives.

1112
01:16:19,667 --> 01:16:21,932
My uncle flew in from Milwaukee.

1113
01:16:21,961 --> 01:16:25,603
<i>Dude. No way.
You do not like The Descendants.</i>

1114
01:16:25,631 --> 01:16:27,521
Saw their Sacramento show last year!

1115
01:16:27,550 --> 01:16:30,858
You know,
I love that the new quarterback is a homo.

1116
01:16:30,886 --> 01:16:33,235
Uh, he identifies as bisexual, actually,

1117
01:16:33,264 --> 01:16:35,237
and I don't think
we're supposed to use that word.

1118
01:16:35,266 --> 01:16:37,364
Yeah, we designed the whole thing!

1119
01:16:37,393 --> 01:16:39,871
We like to keep a hand in,
even though you're off at Wellesley.

1120
01:16:39,895 --> 01:16:42,536
Oh, my God! This is where I get it from!

1121
01:16:42,565 --> 01:16:46,457
You know, she wrote her new essay
about causing riots, stripping naked,

1122
01:16:46,485 --> 01:16:49,126
- um, getting suspended...
- Then I got into Berkeley.

1123
01:16:49,154 --> 01:16:50,336
Graciella!

1124
01:16:50,948 --> 01:16:52,046
Mi vida!

1125
01:16:52,157 --> 01:16:54,006
- Tonio!
- Yes!

1126
01:16:54,535 --> 01:16:56,383
Oh, it's so good to see you!

1127
01:16:56,412 --> 01:16:58,844
- I missed you.
- I missed you!

1128
01:16:58,872 --> 01:17:00,804
Oh, my God, you're so big.

1129
01:17:00,833 --> 01:17:02,431
- Look at your hair!
- Yeah, I know.

1130
01:17:02,459 --> 01:17:04,975
<i>Mrs. Walker had some money
she wanted to give away,</i>

1131
01:17:05,004 --> 01:17:06,769
so she's endowing HO.

1132
01:17:06,797 --> 01:17:09,563
So, although we will soon be forgotten
around here...

1133
01:17:09,592 --> 01:17:10,898
The cause lives on.

1134
01:17:10,926 --> 01:17:12,524
The torch is passed.

1135
01:17:12,553 --> 01:17:13,567
Use it well.

1136
01:17:13,596 --> 01:17:18,030
<i>You guys want me to take over HO?
Tyler will be so proud! Can I tell him?</i>

1137
01:17:18,058 --> 01:17:19,114
- 'Course!
- Sure.

1138
01:17:19,143 --> 01:17:20,240
I was thinking

1139
01:17:20,269 --> 01:17:22,622
maybe we could carpool
up in the Bay Area to visit our boos.

1140
01:17:22,646 --> 01:17:24,703
You're coming up
for every football game, right?

1141
01:17:24,732 --> 01:17:26,622
Uh... Am I supposed to?

1142
01:17:26,650 --> 01:17:28,540
Yeah. You are. You're the boyfriend.

1143
01:17:28,986 --> 01:17:30,084
Every game?

1144
01:17:30,112 --> 01:17:33,212
Those little short routes
are a waste of time! Let him air it out!

1145
01:17:33,240 --> 01:17:36,428
<i>Luke, I love you. You got a great arm,
but you haven't been known for your brain.</i>

1146
01:17:36,452 --> 01:17:38,550
- OK?
- Offense is boring.

1147
01:17:38,579 --> 01:17:39,718
Check it out.

1148
01:17:40,497 --> 01:17:41,637
Winston, man!

1149
01:17:42,124 --> 01:17:43,347
Congrats, dude!

1150
01:17:44,418 --> 01:17:45,562
- Thanks.
- You finally did it.

1151
01:17:45,586 --> 01:17:47,559
We're gonna hang out this week, right?

1152
01:17:47,588 --> 01:17:50,020
- For sure.
- Cool. Looking forward to it.

1153
01:17:51,550 --> 01:17:53,649
Look, they hate you until they love you.

1154
01:17:53,677 --> 01:17:54,900
That's all I gotta say.

1155
01:17:55,346 --> 01:17:56,360
I'm Ryan.

1156
01:17:56,680 --> 01:17:58,487
- Winston.
- Oh, I know.

1157
01:17:59,141 --> 01:18:01,073
- So...
- Always workin' the room.

1158
01:18:01,560 --> 01:18:03,742
- She's an old friend.
- Ryan Shaver.

1159
01:18:04,146 --> 01:18:05,244
I, uh...

1160
01:18:05,522 --> 01:18:07,246
- It was a late application...
- Right.

1161
01:18:07,274 --> 01:18:08,997
But I got in off an audition.

1162
01:18:09,360 --> 01:18:11,208
Wait, so you're gonna study music?

1163
01:18:11,654 --> 01:18:12,876
Yeah!

1164
01:18:12,905 --> 01:18:14,837
- That's awesome, Zachy!
- It's great!

1165
01:18:14,865 --> 01:18:16,797
And your mom is totally cool with it?

1166
01:18:17,159 --> 01:18:18,841
Well, she thinks it's for violin,

1167
01:18:18,869 --> 01:18:22,136
and it's actually for guitar and voice,
but one step at a time.

1168
01:18:22,164 --> 01:18:25,764
- I'm gonna forget I know that last bit.
- Probably for the best, yeah.

1169
01:18:25,793 --> 01:18:26,932
Hey, Clay.

1170
01:18:27,378 --> 01:18:29,105
- Congratulations.
- Oh, thanks, Dean Foundry.

1171
01:18:29,129 --> 01:18:31,103
Really, no, your speech was wonderful.

1172
01:18:31,924 --> 01:18:34,815
Honestly, it was inspiring,
even for an old guy like me.

1173
01:18:35,219 --> 01:18:36,358
- Thank you.
- Yeah.

1174
01:18:37,054 --> 01:18:41,029
<i>- No, it was really moving.
- It's a good reminder...</i>

1175
01:18:50,901 --> 01:18:53,292
I gotta do something with my friends
for a bit,

1176
01:18:53,320 --> 01:18:55,669
but I'll definitely be back
in time for dinner.

1177
01:18:55,698 --> 01:18:58,672
And very soon,
I'm gonna be so close to Arizona.

1178
01:18:58,701 --> 01:18:59,636
Like, four hours.

1179
01:18:59,660 --> 01:19:00,637
Maybe three.

1180
01:19:00,661 --> 01:19:02,593
<i>We're so proud of you, kid.
You know that, right?</i>

1181
01:19:02,621 --> 01:19:05,387
- Said it about a million times.
- And we'll say it a million more.

1182
01:19:05,416 --> 01:19:06,309
Hey, one more.

1183
01:19:06,333 --> 01:19:08,773
- Really embarrass him this time, Mom.
- Come on, bring it in.

1184
01:19:09,211 --> 01:19:10,642
Yeah!

1185
01:19:10,671 --> 01:19:12,978
<i>I gotta see my friends.
I'll be home later.</i>

1186
01:19:13,006 --> 01:19:16,523
- Can we make pozole and sopapillas?
- Por supuesto. Of course we can.

1187
01:19:17,928 --> 01:19:20,694
Teaching you has been
an absolute pleasure, Amorowat.

1188
01:19:20,723 --> 01:19:22,571
<i>Oh, thank you, Mr. Wood.
That's very kind.</i>

1189
01:19:22,599 --> 01:19:24,953
- It's not often in a teacher's career...
- Sorry, we need Ani.

1190
01:19:24,977 --> 01:19:27,117
We've got a robotics emergency.

1191
01:19:27,146 --> 01:19:28,786
Excuse me, Mr. Wood. Thank you.

1192
01:19:28,814 --> 01:19:33,457
I have to go do, um, a totally legal thing
with my friends, so...

1193
01:19:33,485 --> 01:19:35,083
- Of course.
- Um...

1194
01:19:35,821 --> 01:19:36,877
Thanks, guys.

1195
01:19:37,281 --> 01:19:38,545
Great day, kiddo.

1196
01:19:41,785 --> 01:19:42,841
I, uh...

1197
01:19:44,955 --> 01:19:46,470
Uh, thank you, guys...

1198
01:19:47,082 --> 01:19:48,138
for everything...

1199
01:19:49,001 --> 01:19:50,001
ever.

1200
01:19:51,503 --> 01:19:52,601
I love you.

1201
01:20:02,473 --> 01:20:05,030
I just wanna take pictures
that matter to somebody.

1202
01:20:05,851 --> 01:20:09,159
I'd like to make enough money
so that my mum doesn't have to work.

1203
01:20:09,188 --> 01:20:10,165
Yeah.

1204
01:20:10,189 --> 01:20:11,954
I fully plan on being famous.

1205
01:20:11,982 --> 01:20:15,791
Like, not social famous, I mean,
so even The New York Times knows who I am.

1206
01:20:17,029 --> 01:20:18,669
I just wanna remember this day.

1207
01:20:19,364 --> 01:20:20,921
Just like this. Right now.

1208
01:20:21,784 --> 01:20:22,784
Yeah.

1209
01:20:40,135 --> 01:20:41,692
I just wanna be clear.

1210
01:20:41,720 --> 01:20:44,111
I don't actually see ghosts.

1211
01:20:44,515 --> 01:20:46,071
I just, like...

1212
01:20:47,392 --> 01:20:49,616
imagine people and...

1213
01:20:50,646 --> 01:20:51,994
what I would say to them.

1214
01:20:54,066 --> 01:20:55,163
Yeah, I get it.

1215
01:20:56,485 --> 01:20:58,834
You wrote my paper on magical realism.

1216
01:20:58,862 --> 01:21:00,252
I didn't write your...

1217
01:21:00,280 --> 01:21:01,837
I just helped you write it.

1218
01:21:02,199 --> 01:21:05,215
<i>Yeah, I know.
I just like to get you goin'.</i>

1219
01:21:07,788 --> 01:21:11,597
But what I don't get is why ghost you
is hanging out with Bryce?

1220
01:21:11,875 --> 01:21:12,875
Even in my head.

1221
01:21:13,544 --> 01:21:15,350
We loved each other, me and him.

1222
01:21:17,256 --> 01:21:18,437
We were brothers.

1223
01:21:22,678 --> 01:21:24,776
You know,
you can love people who did...

1224
01:21:25,514 --> 01:21:26,570
bad shit.

1225
01:21:27,975 --> 01:21:30,324
You can forgive people.

1226
01:21:33,063 --> 01:21:35,245
Even the people who hurt you worst.

1227
01:21:39,278 --> 01:21:40,918
You're talking about Hannah.

1228
01:21:43,115 --> 01:21:46,548
When you forgive someone,
it's more for you than them.

1229
01:21:52,207 --> 01:21:53,513
How much I hurt...

1230
01:21:54,751 --> 01:21:55,807
with Hannah.

1231
01:21:56,503 --> 01:21:57,503
Always.

1232
01:21:59,006 --> 01:22:00,145
It's my fault.

1233
01:22:00,591 --> 01:22:03,065
I fall in love with girls too fast,

1234
01:22:03,760 --> 01:22:04,942
too hard.

1235
01:22:23,155 --> 01:22:24,155
Clay?

1236
01:22:24,573 --> 01:22:25,879
Are you Clay Jensen?

1237
01:22:26,742 --> 01:22:29,299
<i>Oh, my gosh.
Sorry, I'm a little nervous.</i>

1238
01:22:29,328 --> 01:22:31,927
You're just like a rock star
after that speech.

1239
01:22:32,414 --> 01:22:35,806
Uh, but I go to East County,
and I'm going to Brown next year,

1240
01:22:35,834 --> 01:22:37,599
and I heard you are too,

1241
01:22:37,628 --> 01:22:41,186
so I was wondering if maybe
you wanted to get, like, a coffee?

1242
01:22:41,214 --> 01:22:42,270
Or some other beverage

1243
01:22:42,299 --> 01:22:45,273
to, like, go over the course catalog
and first-year handbook?

1244
01:22:46,094 --> 01:22:47,818
Or is that too dorky?

1245
01:22:49,097 --> 01:22:50,487
Oh...

1246
01:22:51,099 --> 01:22:52,114
I'm Heidi.

1247
01:22:52,935 --> 01:22:53,949
That's...

1248
01:22:54,811 --> 01:22:56,201
That would be very cool.

1249
01:22:56,772 --> 01:22:57,749
Oh!

1250
01:22:57,773 --> 01:22:58,829
Phew!

1251
01:22:59,858 --> 01:23:01,957
I was worried
that would sound completely nerdy.

1252
01:23:01,985 --> 01:23:03,041
Jensen!

1253
01:23:04,196 --> 01:23:05,752
Are we gonna do this?

1254
01:23:05,781 --> 01:23:07,212
Yeah. Uh, yes.

1255
01:23:07,240 --> 01:23:08,588
Um...

1256
01:23:08,617 --> 01:23:10,716
I have to go do a... a thing.

1257
01:23:10,744 --> 01:23:11,842
- Mm-hmm.
- Um...

1258
01:23:12,496 --> 01:23:14,511
- You... you can email me.
- OK.

1259
01:23:14,539 --> 01:23:15,762
Yeah, it's, uh...

1260
01:23:15,791 --> 01:23:21,476
It's percyakr2161@gmail.com

1261
01:23:21,505 --> 01:23:22,644
Nice.

1262
01:23:22,673 --> 01:23:23,937
Alien Killer Robots.

1263
01:23:25,467 --> 01:23:26,444
Yes!

1264
01:23:26,468 --> 01:23:27,774
Yeah.

1265
01:23:28,345 --> 01:23:29,609
Jensen!

1266
01:23:38,522 --> 01:23:41,747
<i>♪ Well, a person can work up ♪</i>

1267
01:23:42,317 --> 01:23:45,125
<i>♪ A mean, mean thirst ♪</i>

1268
01:23:45,696 --> 01:23:50,714
<i>♪ After a hard day
Of nothin' much at all... ♪</i>

1269
01:23:57,666 --> 01:23:59,681
This is where I first listened to my tape.

1270
01:24:04,006 --> 01:24:06,063
And this is where we lay them to rest.

1271
01:24:11,304 --> 01:24:12,444
Rest in peace.

1272
01:24:17,310 --> 01:24:18,366
Come on, people.

1273
01:24:20,522 --> 01:24:22,245
Let's pile on the closure dirt.

1274
01:24:59,227 --> 01:25:01,785
I'm on those tapes. It's my day too.

1275
01:25:02,439 --> 01:25:03,439
No.

1276
01:25:04,357 --> 01:25:05,622
Your day's gone.

1277
01:25:06,318 --> 01:25:07,457
Long gone.

1278
01:25:08,195 --> 01:25:09,751
You need me in this world.

1279
01:25:09,780 --> 01:25:12,712
Otherwise, what would girls like you
start riots about?

1280
01:25:12,741 --> 01:25:13,922
Oh, there's plenty.

1281
01:25:13,950 --> 01:25:15,841
Still, I kinda feel like I won.

1282
01:25:17,370 --> 01:25:18,370
You didn't.

1283
01:25:19,289 --> 01:25:21,596
I was looking around today at graduation,

1284
01:25:21,958 --> 01:25:24,766
and I was thinking
about how Justin was missing,

1285
01:25:26,046 --> 01:25:27,102
and Hannah.

1286
01:25:29,549 --> 01:25:30,730
But then I thought,

1287
01:25:31,593 --> 01:25:33,650
I love these people.

1288
01:25:34,429 --> 01:25:37,404
Clay Jensen, Zach, and Courtney,

1289
01:25:37,432 --> 01:25:41,074
<i>Ryan freakin' Shaver, for fuck's sake.</i>

1290
01:25:41,394 --> 01:25:44,411
In what kind of world
do I love all these kinds of people?

1291
01:25:46,608 --> 01:25:47,914
The world you made.

1292
01:25:49,069 --> 01:25:51,710
We had to love each other
at the end of it all.

1293
01:25:53,323 --> 01:25:54,379
You did that.

1294
01:25:55,408 --> 01:25:57,257
So that's something, right?

1295
01:25:58,662 --> 01:25:59,662
Sure.

1296
01:26:22,352 --> 01:26:25,493
<i>♪ Stand beside it ♪</i>

1297
01:26:25,522 --> 01:26:31,124
<i>♪ We can't hide the way it makes us glow ♪</i>

1298
01:26:33,155 --> 01:26:37,088
<i>♪ It's no good unless it grows ♪</i>

1299
01:26:37,117 --> 01:26:41,468
<i>♪ Feeling this burning love of mine... ♪</i>

1300
01:26:41,496 --> 01:26:45,013
For the first time I can remember,
the town seemed small.

1301
01:26:45,750 --> 01:26:46,750
Tiny.

1302
01:26:49,004 --> 01:26:53,104
Like I had seen every corner of it
I needed to see, as of today.

1303
01:26:57,512 --> 01:26:59,694
All the shit that never would've happened.

1304
01:27:00,390 --> 01:27:02,405
But we would've never been friends.

1305
01:27:03,643 --> 01:27:04,991
We'll always have that.

1306
01:27:06,271 --> 01:27:09,537
If anyone ever needs any help,
anytime, anyplace,

1307
01:27:09,566 --> 01:27:11,998
just send a group text,
say, "Gordon Lightfoot."

1308
01:27:12,277 --> 01:27:13,833
- Right on.
- Wait. What?

1309
01:27:13,862 --> 01:27:14,960
Gordon Lightfoot?

1310
01:27:15,989 --> 01:27:17,963
It's the strangest fucking code word.

1311
01:27:21,912 --> 01:27:26,346
<i>♪ I'd take care of you ♪</i>

1312
01:27:28,335 --> 01:27:32,644
<i>♪ If you'd ask me to ♪</i>

1313
01:27:41,640 --> 01:27:43,280
It was a nice speech.

1314
01:27:49,397 --> 01:27:50,397
Thanks.

1315
01:27:50,941 --> 01:27:55,542
I mean, it was super dark
and... a little meandering, but very...

1316
01:27:56,404 --> 01:27:57,419
you.

1317
01:28:02,577 --> 01:28:03,633
What's all that?

1318
01:28:06,248 --> 01:28:08,013
Uh, it's just stuff from school.

1319
01:28:08,792 --> 01:28:10,974
They had me clean out your locker today.

1320
01:28:13,088 --> 01:28:14,811
- Both of them.
- Oof!

1321
01:28:15,715 --> 01:28:16,855
Sorry about that.

1322
01:28:16,883 --> 01:28:17,883
And...

1323
01:28:18,802 --> 01:28:19,983
I found this.

1324
01:28:21,554 --> 01:28:22,819
Your college essay.

1325
01:28:23,223 --> 01:28:24,529
The one that got you in.

1326
01:28:25,392 --> 01:28:26,448
I didn't read it.

1327
01:28:26,768 --> 01:28:27,866
It's personal.

1328
01:28:28,144 --> 01:28:32,120
Dude, I mean, we have literally
breathed each other's farts.

1329
01:28:33,525 --> 01:28:35,707
You've walked in on me jerking off

1330
01:28:35,735 --> 01:28:38,918
more times than you even know,
and now you draw the line?

1331
01:28:39,364 --> 01:28:40,364
Yeah.

1332
01:28:48,665 --> 01:28:52,307
"I didn't really grow up
with much positivity in my life."

1333
01:28:52,335 --> 01:28:55,894
And if I had influences around me,
they were definitely bad.

1334
01:28:56,298 --> 01:28:57,979
My mother was a drug addict.

1335
01:28:58,008 --> 01:29:01,566
Her revolving door of boyfriends,
mostly drug addicts too.

1336
01:29:01,970 --> 01:29:04,235
I had a best friend
I used to look up to,

1337
01:29:04,264 --> 01:29:07,405
"but then he hurt people close to me,
and now he's dead."

1338
01:29:08,435 --> 01:29:10,241
Jesus, Justin, talk about dark.

1339
01:29:10,603 --> 01:29:12,869
Just... keep going.

1340
01:29:16,151 --> 01:29:17,749
"There was a time in my life

1341
01:29:17,777 --> 01:29:20,251
I truly had nothing
but the clothes on my back

1342
01:29:20,280 --> 01:29:22,587
and the regret for the people I'd hurt.

1343
01:29:23,199 --> 01:29:25,215
And then a person came into my life.

1344
01:29:25,243 --> 01:29:27,133
"A person named Clay Jensen."

1345
01:29:29,622 --> 01:29:30,887
You wrote about me?

1346
01:29:31,166 --> 01:29:32,166
They, uh...

1347
01:29:33,168 --> 01:29:36,267
They said to write
about a positive influence in your life.

1348
01:29:45,638 --> 01:29:49,614
"Even when I was puking all over his room,
he was there."

1349
01:29:49,976 --> 01:29:51,491
He's always been there,

1350
01:29:51,519 --> 01:29:54,994
which is why even though
I've never had a proper family,

1351
01:29:55,482 --> 01:29:57,622
I know what it feels like to have one

1352
01:29:58,193 --> 01:30:00,208
because Clay gave that to me.

1353
01:30:01,321 --> 01:30:02,627
Because he's my...

1354
01:30:10,205 --> 01:30:11,302
"He's my..."

1355
01:30:14,084 --> 01:30:15,390
"He's my brother."

1356
01:30:17,087 --> 01:30:19,310
He's my positive influence.

1357
01:30:20,673 --> 01:30:25,817
He's the reason I'm alive
and able to write this college essay

1358
01:30:25,845 --> 01:30:27,152
"in the first place."

1359
01:30:31,351 --> 01:30:32,657
I miss you.

1360
01:30:42,070 --> 01:30:44,586
How am I supposed to do this without you?

1361
01:30:47,325 --> 01:30:48,798
Clay, it's like you said.

1362
01:30:52,580 --> 01:30:53,970
You'll survive.

1363
01:31:08,805 --> 01:31:09,944
You will, you know.

1364
01:31:13,143 --> 01:31:14,157
Survive.

1365
01:31:15,812 --> 01:31:16,812
Yeah.

1366
01:31:18,690 --> 01:31:19,871
I know it now.

1367
01:31:21,025 --> 01:31:22,540
You're out of town next week?

1368
01:31:22,569 --> 01:31:24,959
Yeah, I'm driving with Tony
to see his school.

1369
01:31:24,988 --> 01:31:26,294
He's starting summer quarter

1370
01:31:26,322 --> 01:31:29,797
because he's still got some stuff
to... make up.

1371
01:31:29,826 --> 01:31:31,257
Um...

1372
01:31:31,286 --> 01:31:34,594
But you said
we could maybe still FaceTime?

1373
01:31:34,956 --> 01:31:37,013
Sure. Let me know what works.

1374
01:31:37,041 --> 01:31:41,267
I'm back in two weeks for the summer,
but then, um...

1375
01:31:41,296 --> 01:31:43,895
We can meet online
as you settle into school.

1376
01:31:43,923 --> 01:31:47,690
<i>And then...
I'm sure there are resources on campus.</i>

1377
01:31:48,595 --> 01:31:49,651
Yeah.

1378
01:31:49,679 --> 01:31:52,529
<i>Yeah, no, I'm sure.</i>

1379
01:31:53,057 --> 01:31:54,057
All right.

1380
01:31:54,726 --> 01:31:55,726
See ya.

1381
01:31:56,769 --> 01:31:57,769
See ya.

1382
01:32:22,962 --> 01:32:26,604
<i>♪ Now that San Francisco's gone ♪</i>

1383
01:32:26,966 --> 01:32:30,775
<i>♪ I guess I'll just pack it in ♪</i>

1384
01:32:31,429 --> 01:32:35,321
<i>♪ Wanna wash away my sins ♪</i>

1385
01:32:35,350 --> 01:32:39,659
<i>♪ In the presence of my friends ♪</i>

1386
01:32:53,451 --> 01:32:57,176
<i>♪ Though we knew this day would come ♪</i>

1387
01:32:57,580 --> 01:33:01,848
<i>♪ Still it took us by surprise ♪</i>

1388
01:33:02,293 --> 01:33:05,852
<i>♪ In this town where I was born ♪</i>

1389
01:33:05,880 --> 01:33:10,189
<i>♪ I now see through a dead man's eyes ♪</i>

1390
01:33:11,010 --> 01:33:16,988
<i>♪ One day they will see it's long gone ♪</i>

1391
01:33:19,519 --> 01:33:25,371
<i>♪ One day they will see it's long gone ♪</i>

1392
01:33:27,986 --> 01:33:33,880
<i>♪ One day they will see it's long gone ♪</i>

1393
01:33:36,411 --> 01:33:42,347
<i>♪ One day they will see it's long gone ♪</i>

1394
01:34:50,318 --> 01:34:52,834
<i>♪ I should be saying goodnight ♪</i>

1395
01:34:53,780 --> 01:34:57,630
<i>♪ I really shouldn't stay anymore... ♪</i>

1396
01:35:08,628 --> 01:35:13,646
<i>♪ I should run on the double ♪</i>

1397
01:35:19,222 --> 01:35:21,946
<i>♪ I think I'm in... ♪
♪ I think I'm in trouble ♪</i>

1398
01:35:27,480 --> 01:35:30,204
<i>♪ I think I'm in trouble ♪</i>

1399
01:35:34,362 --> 01:35:37,086
<i>♪ I think I'm in... ♪
♪ I think I'm in trouble ♪</i>

1400
01:35:43,996 --> 01:35:47,430
<i>♪ So, come to me, darling
And hold me ♪</i>

1401
01:35:47,458 --> 01:35:50,850
<i>♪ Let your honey keep you warm ♪</i>

1402
01:35:51,629 --> 01:35:54,979
<i>♪ Been so long since I held you ♪</i>

1403
01:35:55,299 --> 01:35:59,066
<i>♪ I've forgotten what love is for ♪</i>

1404
01:36:02,515 --> 01:36:08,034
<i>♪ I should run on the double ♪</i>

1405
01:36:12,525 --> 01:36:16,083
<i>♪ I think I'm in... ♪
♪ I think I'm in trouble ♪</i>

1406
01:36:21,826 --> 01:36:24,133
<i>♪ I think I'm in trouble ♪</i>

1407
01:36:57,862 --> 01:36:59,710
Well done, Ed. Well done.