Dad, I didn't get the fellowship.
You still believe in me, though, right?
He knew, didn't he?
Zoe, I can explain.
What's there to explain?
Why Harley left me the practice?
Why Dad stopped loving me?
I was trying to get over someone, and I shouldn't
have dated, but I wanted to, because I like you.
DIDI: No one knows what's gonna happen between two people.
Until yesterday, I was having such a good time.
He's hung up on someone, and I think that someone is Lemon.
Didi has been avoiding me because she found this.
Oh, my God. You have got to keep this secret.
Look, Didi, the picture's mine.
I'm just so relieved!
I am driving to Mobile to pick up
fabric for the bridesmaids dresses, I meeting with the
the caterer, I'm gonna reconfirm our block of rooms at the...
Okay, okay, you know what? That's way too much stuff.
We shouldn't be sitting here, waiting and planning.
That's not life, George. What are you saying?
Let's elope.
* *
Hey! Come back here!
I'm gonna get you.
(splat)
Hey!
Wait for me!
Yeah, you'd better run.
Hey. Finally, BlueBell does something right. Snow!
Look, it's so pretty!
I can't see pretty.
I can only see doom.
Only snows in BlueBell every once in a while.
When it does, bad things happen.
Last time, we had our first-ever traffic jam.
Fire broke out in the mystery section of the library.
We lost our whole James Patterson collection.
So, how does snow cause a fire?
'Cause the fool librarian busted out space heaters
that hadn't been used since Lady Bird Johnson was in town.
Burt Reynolds was freezing.
I bought him some boots,
but they turned out to be made of alligator, so...
And then, of course, today, of all days,
my parents decide to fly in from Houston
and surprise me with a visit.
What?! Yeah.
Big day for Lavon Hayes!
Parents meeting the girlfriend. Whoa.
Hey, don't you think it's a little early
for her to meet the parents?
Have you met Didi?
The woman is a delight.
My mama has been worried about my lack of a significant other.
They've been wanting me to settle down.
So, you and Didi are settling down?
We're not settling down. I'm just saying,
I'm ready to commit.
So, yeah...
we are getting serious.
Well... okay. Good for you.
Hope you're gonna come to dinner, too, meet my parents?
I wouldn't miss it, just as long
as I don't have to sit next to Wade.
When are y'all gonna make up?
When that spineless infant apologizes
for breaking up me and Judson.
I'll see you later.
Be careful.
(scoffs)
Lavon! It's just... snow!
I'm okay!
Let me just say: BlueBell snow-- bad.
Now, I know it's your fishing day, Marv,
but did you even check if the bay was frozen
before stepping out on the ice?
Ice is invisible, Brick.
You can't see it.
Hey, Addy?
Mm? I am expecting
an important phone call from Germany,
so be sure to get me when it comes in.
Oh, who do you know in Germany? My dad.
Your dad?
Oh. Uh, yeah, I remembered it was his birthday,
so I sent him his favorite macaroons from Paris.
He'll be calling to say thanks.
I left the office number and my cell
on the return slip.
What kind of father doesn't know his own daughter's phone number?
Well, he's very busy.
You know, he's the top cardiothoracic surgeon
in Europe, and they smoke a lot over there, so you can imagine.
ADDY: Well, also, there's that difficult discussion
you've both been avoiding.
The one about how you finally discovered
you're not biologically related.
Mm, yeah, and that.
BRICK: Sounds like the man has purposely distanced
himself a-a bit...
He wasn't distancing himself from me.
He was distancing himself from my mom
and the pain that she caused him.
He's still my dad.
You know, even though we haven't spoken in a while,
that's never gonna change.
Well, I'll let you know when he calls.
WADE: Apologize to Zoe?
Forget it. She's not even nice to me.
Well, at least be nice to her.
My parents are meeting Didi tonight.
I don't need any additional worries.
Moms and Pops Hayes are gonna love Didi.
I mean, what's not to love?
I can't do it! I can't...
Whoa. Whoa, whoa. What's going on?
I can't meet your parents on snow day!
I've heard. I've heard the terrible tales.
They're gonna hate me,
or we'll be electrocuted.
Probably both!
Didi, I know the weather is foreboding now,
but everything's gonna be fine.
Well, you got to understand.
Lavon's parents are, like,
pretty much the coolest people you ever met.
His dad, Ernie, is so funny.
You guys should see the impression
he does of Little Wayne.
I mean, it is... Oh! And Carolyn?
She's like the mom you never had.
But I have a mother. She's amazing.
Not really. Not like Carolyn.
Lavon,
are you sure your parents are going to like me?
I am sure.
Okay. Then I just realized
I'm wearing the totally wrong outfit.
And I think I left my stove on.
Whoa, whoa.
Whoa. Whoa. (laughing)
They are gonna love her, right?
Long as the snow lets up.
LEMON: Okay, what about
the tenth? Uh-uh. I got to be in court that Monday.
Okay, and the weekend after, I have my bachelorette party.
If I cancelled, everyone will know.
Okay, well, then, we have no choice.
We're doing it today. Today?! It's snowing outside.
Are you trying to doom our marriage?
Look, we are not gonna be able to elope
without this entire town knowing about it,
anyway, so I say, we get out of town.
I say we go somewhere,
I say we have a nice,
romantic night in a hotel...
Mmm. and we get married tomorrow morning.
Okay, now, I've read in a magazine
that Charleston is the number two destination for weddings.
Whoo! So spontaneous!
I love it. I'm in, I'm in.
Okay, babe, hold on. Just... one second.
I just want to make sure this is really want you want to do.
I just want you to know, we can still have the wedding.
You can still have the white dress...
Hey, George, all of the stress
from this damn wedding is killing us.
I just want to marry you
as fast as I can in the first dress I find,
and I don't care if it is white or off-white or...
ivory.
(laughs)
(sighs)
Ooh! Oh!
Sorry I drove so slow.
Can't take any chances on a snow day.
Well, it's not like we're going to get stranded
and have to eat each other, son.
(laughs) Oh.
Oh, man.
Oh, hey, y'all got to hear my band.
You know, we got a bunch of new songs.
We got one called "Lightning."
It's about a dog who shows up
in a lighting storm.
Yeah, well, I don't want to give too much away,
but I can go grab my guitar.
I'd be happy to play it for you.
It sounds wonderful, Wade, but right now, we're pretty tired.
So, Dad, how are things going at the Lavon Hayes Steakhouse?
Amazing. It's the greatest gift
I ever got.
It's the one thing in the world I can count on.
I'm so sorry I'm late.
I didn't want to drive and end up in a snow drift
and have to be rescued like in that movie Misery, so I walked.
Uh, Mom, Dad, this is my girlfriend, Didi.
Oh. Didi, oh, honey, it's so nice to meet you.
Hi. Well, hello there, Didi.
I have heard so much about you both.
Mr. Hayes, you have a restaurant in Houston.
I love... food.
I eat it every day.
And Mrs. Hayes,
you were a teacher. That's so great.
What is it that they say about teachers?
"Those who can, do; those who can't... teach."
No, that's not the right one. (laughing)
LAVON: Anyway, we're just so glad you decided to come for a visit.
I mean, what brings you to town, though?
I thought y'all was waiting
for your big 40th anniversary next month.
Uh, Lavon, if you wouldn't mind,
your father and I would like to speak to you in private.
BRICK: All right, folks.
Would you just listen up here, please?
Just stay inside today, 'cause we all know
weird things are happening.
The weird thing is
how these people function every other day of the year.
Oh, hey, don't forget I'm next, okay?
Mm.
(grunts)
Oh.
(ringtone playing)
Hey, Lavon, can I call you back?
I just wanted to let you know there's no need to rush home.
My parents just told me they're...
they're splitting up.
Oh, Lavon, I am so sorry.
Happy snow day, huh?
(sighs)
See?
(seabirds chirping)
DIDI: This is a terrible way
to meet your parents.
I wanted them to like me. Now, I'm just
a witness to their marital disaster.
Yeah, well, I wanted them to like you, too, Didi.
You know, my parents' relationship always inspired me.
I wanted them to see that I could find happiness, too.
Mm.
It's just really bad timing.
We have to help them.
Sometimes, a couple just needs a little nudge
to remember how they feel about each other.
You and I forgot, then you paraded
prostitutes through town, and here we are.
Yeah, I don't think my mom and dad will respond to that method.
What if we threw their anniversary party tonight?
You know, I appreciate the thought...
A romantic dinner
with music they like,
and everything to remind them of why they fell in love!
Didi, if they're fine with their decision,
then we have to be, too.
Okay.
But maybe you should just double-check.
Make sure they really are fine.
We are fine, son.
People grow apart. It happens.
You just can't take it so hard.
I just keep thinking maybe it was something I did.
No, of course not, Wade.
Look, it'll work out better for you.
Two birthdays, two Christmases.
It's just so sad.
You know, 40 years next month.
Well, I'm sorry, son.
Oh, it just breaks my heart to see a good couple split up
over something like, "we grew apart."
Marriage is complicated.
Well, thanks for the beer, Wade.
Yeah, well, enjoy it now, 'cause it ain't gonna last!
(softly): Ow.
(clears throat) Ow.
Oh, there was a lot of blood, which surprised me.
'Cause, you know, I've heard you can't get blood from a stone.
Oh, ha-ha. Maybe you should worry more
about the stitches and save your standup routine for later.
I'm gonna have Addy take you
to Mobile for a CT scan
so we can rule out a cerebral contusion
Oh. or... a bleed.
You know, I don't need a CT scan.
All I need is a nice, warm day...
Whoa. That's it.
Addy, can you come in here?
(sighs)
Oh, as your doctor-- or, sorry, at least
as the person treating you-- I insist that you go home
and lie down. No.
Addy, can you please drive him home?
I don't need a ride home. I... Oh, hush now,
or I will whack you on the other side of that head.
Oh, hey, Addy.
Hmm? Was there a...?
Oh, I'm sorry, still no call from your dad.
(quiet sigh)
(sniffles)
Mom.
You okay?
Oh, yeah.
Just the onions, honey.
You're not cutting onions. Well, see, that's why I'm crying--
I really wanted onions.
Mom, maybe this ain't the right decision.
Maybe you and Dad
shouldn't be splitting up.
Lavon, your father and I
are just not the couple we used to be.
Doesn't mean it isn't sad.
Now, go wash up.
Go on.
(sniffles)
(resumes chopping vegetables)
LAVON: Didi, Didi.
You were right-- they're not okay.
Call Wade, 'cause we're gonna
throw my parents a big-ass get-back-together party.
Wow! All right!
(laughing)
Lemon? I got my suit, got the rings.
Your carriage awaits.
Sweetheart,
there's been a change of plans!
MAGNOLIA: Is it going to be
snowing in Charleston, because I am not wearing this dress with boots.
She caught me trying on my dress.
She is my sister, so...
And the maid of honor. (George chuckles)
O-Okay, well...
all right, then, let's hit the road.
Shotgun! No. No.
Well, hey, kids.
What are y'all doing?
Uh, it's a field trip.
Yeah. A field trip. Uh-huh.
So, ladies, we should...
To the art museum!
GEORGE: Yeah. Art museum.
Whoa, Daddy, what happened?
Oh, you know, I banged my head into a surfboard...
No, it was a snowboard, and I'm just gonna go lie down.
You just all have a good time at the museum. Okay, Daddy, stop.
Um... I have to tell you something.
Uh, so...
George and I are driving to Charleston...
and we're getting married in the morning.
And Magnolia's
coming with us.
Will you come with us, too?
BRICK: Y-You're eloping?
I-I mean, no church,
no party, no...
walking you down the aisle? Daddy, I'm so sorry.
I know that this must be...
really disappointing.
Well...
Not at all.
Lemon-meringue,
I would love to go to Charleston.
Really? (laughing) Yeah.
Oh, Daddy, thank you!
Really, Brick? Well, I mean,
you two want to save me thousands of dollars
on a wedding, hell, yes,
be my guest. But, uh,
there's a couple of things that I have to take care of first.
So, uh, just call me
with the details, and then Okay.
I'll meet you there, okay?
Great. You know, I think this is gonna be
just... great.
Oh, Daddy, I love you so much.
(car horn honks)
Hold your horses, I'm coming!
(giggles)
(door opens)
(knocks) Line two. It's long distance.
Europe!
Hi, Daddy!
Wait. I'm sorry, I don't understand.
What do you mean no one named Ethan Hart
lives at that address?
He's my father-- I think I know where he lives.
What...?
I see.
(dial tone drones)
Oh, Zoe, honey, I'm sorry.
It's okay. It was obviously a mistake.
I mean, those stupid German street names
are so confusing.
I'm just gonna have to call my father myself.
It's totally gonna ruin the surprise.
(line ringing)
(sighs)
(disconnect tones sounding)
Oh.
(sets handset in cradle)
There has to be an explanation for this.
I mean, my father didn't just vanish.
Oh, my God. He is a very important surgeon.
Do you think one of those organizations
maybe kidnapped him for ransom?
Or they need a doctor. Uh, no.
No. No.
Me, neither.
Maybe he sent his new information
to my old e-mail account at New York Hospital!
I'm gonna check it. Uh, no, you won't.
A big rig just slid on the ice
and smashed into the pole that carries the town's Internet cable.
Okay. So, then, I...
will sit here, steaming,
because the hospital Web site won't let you check your account
(tosses cell phone) from your cell phone!
Damn it!
I'm gonna get online somehow, get to the bottom of this.
Honey, why don't you wait until tomorrow,
when the snow'll stop
bringing its bad luck.
'Cause I am a scientist, and scientists may have
different theories on how the dinosaurs died off,
but not one of them
ever said it's because it was snowing that day.
Because there was ice.
If your parents
are splitting up,
why would they come to a dinner party?
I said I'm owed a final dinner with my mom and dad as a married couple!
And then I kind of
let my voice get all crackly like I was choking back tears.
DIDI: I saw him.
He milked it good. Wait, maybe if your parents
have a favorite song, I could learn it,
and then, like, uh, you know...
serenade 'em with it.
Yeah, yeah. Uh, "Kiss an Angel Good Morning"
was their wedding song.
Do they have a favorite by Tom Petty?
I'm gonna make my famous spaghetti.
Maybe they'll share a bowl
and end up sucking on the same piece of pasta,
like those dogs.
Everybody should probably have their own bowl of pasta.
But I appreciate the sentiment, though.
Oh, do you have any old pictures of them?
Nothing makes a couple get all gooey emotional
like seeing themselves together back in the day.
Oh, oh, you know what, I have some of their old slides. Perfect!
We can have a This Is Your Marriage show.
I saw it on Dr. Phil.
We'll show them pictures
of their wedding, their honeymoon,
their children, everything that'll remind them
of why they're still together.
Didi,you are a genius.
Really.
It isn't said enough.
I know I've never heard it.
Oh, hey.
(shivers)
Hey, Norbert.
Hey, Doc. Oh...
Hey, listen...
Whoa. (laughs)
Well, listen, I have this, uh, vintage veil...
Is that the right word, "veil"?
Anyway, it belonged
to my mother, and I want to give it to my daughter, Magnolia,
who is getting married tomorrow.
Magnolia's getting married, too? Shh!
(whispers): It is a secret... All right.
No, it's Lemon
who's getting married. Oh. (laughing)
Yeah, sorry. So anyway,
so this veil is missing a couple of, uh, of gems,
you know, in the, uh...
What do you call that?
Tiara. Yeah.
Right, right. Doc, uh...
are you all right?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. So we good for lunch?
Lunch? Launch.
Good for launch? Uh, yeah.
Yeah, are we? Yeah.
Okay. Good-bye.
You don't know anyone in this town whose Internet service
isn't messed up by that pole that went down?
I'm sorry, honey, but...
sometimes it's good when you can't get online,
'cause it gives you a chance to connect with a real person for a change.
Anybody have a satellite phone?!
Sailors have satellite phones
sometimes.
No?
'Kay.
Go back to being
no help at all.
You, uh, you looking for a hookup?
Can you clarify what you mean first?
Internet. I've got a dial-up connection.
That's fantastic! Let's go!
(laughing): Oh... I have waited so long for that line to work.
How far is your house? Not far. It's my mom's house,
actually. I live in the basement.
The basement? You do mean the basement
and not a crawlspace, right?
(laughs)
No, seriously. Wha...?
(laughs)
So, we got flowers? We got champagne. Yes.
We got everything, right? We can go to Charleston now?
Yes, unless you want to stop by and get Oliver the organist.
(laughs) Very funny.
(Lemon grunts)
Magnolia, hold that for me?
Thanks.
You know, you aren't supposed to throw rice at weddings.
It kills the birds.
Well, aren't you a ray of sunshine on a stormy day. It's true.
The birds eat it, then they get so filled up
on rice that they don't want to eat
anything else that's good for them.
And then they die.
Yeah. I'm pretty sure that's... not what happens.
(laughs)
(starter grinding, engine stalling)
(grinding continues)
(engine stalling)
(engine knocking and clicking)
(engine dies) Is there a problem?
Magnolia. Mm-hmm?
Did you, uh...
happen to, while you were waiting for us,
have the radio and the interior lights on
while you had the heat on full-blast?
Maybe.
It's freezing outside, but it's okay
after a while; it just turned off by itself.
Snow day. Snow day.
ERNIE: I don't get it. Are we gonna eat
at Fancie's or not? I'm hungry. Well, hang on,
hang on; there's something more important right now.
I want to make a toast.
Mom, Dad, uh, tonight we want you to put a pause
on all talk of separating.
All right? Tonight we honor
your 40 great years of marriage.
ERNIE: Well, make up your mind.
You want to honor 40 years
or just the great ones?
(laughing)
DIDI: Now,
a stroll down memory lane.
Oh.
(indistinct chatter)
WADE: Coming over.
Uh, sit back
and enjoy a little show
I like to call Carolyn and Ernie: Love Never Dies.
Ha. Hit it, Wade.
(click)
(playing ballad intro)
* Whenever I chance to meet *
(click) * Some old friends in the street *
* They wonder how does a man get to be this way? *
(sizzling)
* Any time they ask me why, I just smile and say *
(sizzling continues)
Look, darling,
there's no need to...
I can fix this, I can...
Don't matter whether you can fix
that damn machine, you can't fix us.
There's no point in doing any of this.
Your mother's in love with another man.
(door slams shut)
This is not how it went on Dr. Phil.
You want to tell me what Dad was talking about?
I have, um...
reconnected, through Facebook, with a high school boyfriend,
Dwayne.
How long has this, uh, reconnection
with Dwayne been going on?
About a year.
Your father found out a few weeks ago,
insisted that I cut off all communications with him.
Your father-- I mean, I can't tell you the last time
he looked up at me from the sports pages,
let alone, you know, take me out on a date.
I thought every Friday you two go out?
Bowling is not a date.
I mean, we talked about jetting off to the South Pacific.
Now it's all about the restaurant
and whose turn it is to unload the dishwasher. Okay.
So, you hit a rough patch.
No need to turn to somebody else.
Dwayne makes me feel alive
and young, like I did in high school,
I thought he was my true love.
I know, honey, it's hard for you to understand; I...
No.
Actually, it's not.
Please, honey, just go find your father.
I don't want him out there on the road in the snow.
(quietly): Okay.
TOM: Sorry about
the hamster trail.
It started off as a cage in my bedroom.
(wheel squeaking) But then I realized a hamster is no different
than an antelope or a cheetah.
It lives to run, right?
Sure. Oh, yeah.
Ladies, meet the boys.
Boys, meet the ladies.
(exhales)
See why I called you to come with me? Scary.
I'm just glad he doesn't have his mother
sitting in a rocker down here.
I keep a dial-up connection in case everything goes out
in the middle of World of Warcraft.
Oh, if somebody named
JarJar8388 pops up, ignore him.
Okay.
Okay, it's all yours.
Okay,
old e-mail account.
Crap!
I forgot my old password.
ZoeHart?
No.
ZoeHart1?
Uh-uh, no.
ZoeHart2? No.
Favorite pet?
Ooh, MrMittens.
(ding)
No.
ZoeHart3? ZoeHart4? No.
Stop it... Wait, that's it.
Okay.
E-mail account.
All right, come on.
There's nothing from my dad.
Thanks, Tom.
(computer chimes) No, not now, JarJar8388!
MAGNOLIA: We're gonna die.
We're gonna die here.
I mean, it happens all the time.
People freeze to death in their cars.
Okay, you know, rarely on the Gulf Coast of Alabama,
and never on a 20-minute walk from their own home.
Magnolia, you just don't seem
very positive about all this.
Why did you even want to come in the first place?
Because you promised I could be the maid of honor.
Well, sweetheart, you are.
In a wedding.
I wanted to wear a poofy dress,
to be in all the pictures
right next to you, right up in front of the whole church!
Everyone in school was gonna be jealous.
But mostly,
I wanted to be with you on your wedding day.
To see you all
glowing and crap.
That's what I wanted.
Aw, sweetheart.
I love you, baby.
It'll be good, okay?
(sighs) Okay, so the gas station's closed,
of course,
because the pumps are broken,
so... no battery.
(car approaches)
Everything all right?
Uh, you know what, actually, it's not.
We could use a jump.
Mom, it's me.
Listen, something really weird happened,
I tried to send Dad something in Germany,
and he's not at his old address.
His phone's been disconnected.
I'm getting worried that something might've hap...
What do you mean you ran into him?
He moved back to New York?
Yeah, no, that must've been an awkward conversation.
Talk to you later, Mom.
(clears throat)
You okay, Dr. Hart?
Huh? Yeah, thanks. Well, good.
(wry laugh) This town doesn't need both doctors out of whack.
You know, Doc Breeland came
to see me earlier.
Boy, was he out of it.
Must be the snow.
See you.
(car starts) All right.
All right, jumper cables.
Should just about do it.
You going somewhere special?
I mean, you don't really want to be out on a night like this.
(sighing)
Actually...
George and I are eloping.
Are you?
We're driving to Charleston.
We're getting married first thing in the morning.
Well, good for you.
You know, that... night back in December
when I came to your house,
and you wouldn't let me in?
You were right.
I went and told George about finding my mother,
and he was just...
He was wonderful.
And...
We've never been closer.
(exhales) I'm glad you're happy.
Well, I wish you all the best.
All right.
Well, Lavon, we cannot thank you enough.
LEMON: Yes, thank you.
LAVON: Drive safe.
Thank you.
For everything.
(truck door closes)
(knocking)
ZOE: Anybody home?
(knocks)
Hello? Brick?
(groaning)
Brick?
Mama, we need to talk, okay?
Did you find your father?
Yeah. He's with Wade, getting drunk,
talking about God knows what.
But you need to end things with this Dwayne guy.
What? Honey, I thought you understood.
What I understand is that in real life,
you don't always get be with the one
who makes your heart pound or your knees weak.
Okay? No, real life is about
being with a person that you can make a life with.
Someone who's attainable.
Someone you have something in common with.
Like...
bowling.
True love...
True love is a fantasy.
Even if Dad is not everything
that you thought you wanted, he's real.
Okay? He's there.
You got to make that work.
(door opens)
Hey, hey, I'm sorry to interrupt y'all.
Uh, it's Ernie.
There's, uh, a bit of a situation.
Y'all better come with me.
Now.
Why can't you just answer?
Where is Ernie?
What the hell is going on, Wade?
(clears throat) Oh, I'm not Wade.
I'm your bellhop, Dade.
Ma'am, your suite awaits.
What is all this?
You always wanted to go to Bora Bora.
Look,
I'm sorry I gave you that ultimatum
about breaking things off with Dwayne.
Dwayne wasn't the problem.
I was.
Ernie, I... No, no, Carolyn,
Our relationship needed just as much of my attention
and devotion as I gave to the restaurant
and the Crimson Tide.
I blew it.
Now, I... I'll pick my socks up off the floor.
I'll even take ballroom dancing.
Sweetheart, you are my one true love.
And I will do anything
for a second chance.
It was Fiji.
I always wanted to go to Fiji.
(chuckles)
But this is close enough.
(click)
* *
(whispering): Dance with her.
That's me.
WADE: Who would have figured?
I'm a damn cupid.
(door closes)
I-I don't know what happened.
I was... I was... heading up the upstairs,
and I... oh, I got dizzy, and-and I... I lost my balance.
Okay. Well, a few hours ago, you had a significant head injury.
And now you're trying to climb a ladder?
Seriously, you need to lie down.
No, I... I got to get going.
I got to be in-in Charleston by 8:00 a.m.
Whoa. Hey, there. No, no.
You, my friend, are not going anywhere.
No. Of course I am, 'cause Lemon and-and George--
they are... they are halfway to, um-- what-you-ma-call-it?
Yeah, now, South... South Africa.
Pardon?
Look, I mean South Carolina.
They are eloping.
Eloping?
Yeah.
As in, getting married quicker than we thought?
Well, yes, that is the definition of eloping.
Well, that's... good for them.
Wait. Brick, you can barely walk, okay?
You are not driving to South Carolina
or South Africa or anywhere.
(sighs)
How far is it to flipping South Carolina?
It is far.
Do you have to hit every bump?
I mean, I have such a nasty headache.
Because you probably have a mild concussion,
which is why we should be taking you to a hospital.
No! Seriously, Brick, I don't get it.
I know Lemon is eloping,
but is it really worth risking your own health?
I have been waiting for my little girl's wedding
since she was two weeks old.
I would not miss it for anything.
When you have kids, you'll see.
All parents feel this way.
Not all parents.
Well, maybe you're right.
But if it's any consolation,
it's his loss.
LEMON: Sorry, honey.
The restroom of a city park is not the most convenient place
to put on a wedding dress, but...
MAGNOLIA: There was a woman in there, with the tiniest skirt
and tallest heels I've ever seen, counting a lot of money.
Whatever job she has,
that's the one I want.
Uh-uh. Well, you...
both look very beautiful.
Now, as soon as your dad gets here,
we can get in and get started. Well, he's not here yet?
Well, I mean, you don't want to go through this
without him, do you?
Look, if we have to, we just... we just reschedule.
MAGNOLIA: There he is!
Folks, I'm so sorry this drive took me longer
than I thought, but I'm here now, okay?
Daddy. Daddy.
BRICK: So, let's do it, huh?
Yeah.
Ugh, this place smells like pee.
LEMON: Yes, it does.
MAGNOLIA: I just don't get it.
This is how people want to get married?
It's gross.
Wait.
I can't...
...do this. I agree with Magnolia.
What-what are you saying? It's just a funky-smelling courthouse
and a-a judge we don't even know?
I don't want that.
Lemon, I want a real wedding.
Oh, my God, you are such a girl.
Magnolia.
You know what? I don't...
I don't care how it sounds, because I do.
I want a real... wedding.
I want my brother to be there,
and I want my parents to be there.
I want my niece to be the flower girl
like we said she was gonna be.
Hell, I-I want my... my bachelor hunting trip.
Come on.
But Lemon, most importantly,
I don't want to miss out on the chance
to see the single most beautiful bride in the world
walking down that aisle towards me.
(Lemon laughs)
I want a real wedding, too.
I do. I do. (laughing)
BRICK Thank God,
'cause I want one, too!
I want a really big washing!
A wedding. Wedding. What did I say?
A wedding. That's what I want for my little girl.
You know, and... and I want some aspirin.
Yeah, of course.
Oh.
(laughing): Morning, son.
CAROLYN: Morning, baby.
Hey, hey, you two.
How was, uh, Bora Bora,
or Fiji, or wherever y'all went?
It was just as you'd expect the tropics--
hot and steamy.
Mmm.
(kissing sounds)
Okay, yeah, well, that's, um, um,
all I need to hear.
Wherever we were, it was divine.
Your father and I... found the romance again.
That we did.
Mm-hmm.
I'm glad.
Hey, honeymoon suite
also comes with complimentary
brunch.
CAROLYN: Honey, brunch sounds wonderful.
Hey, um, listen, I'll be right back.
I want to say good-bye to Wade.
(laughter)
CAROLYN: Lavon, I just wanted to let you know
that, um, I'm going to unfriend Dwayne.
Well, I think that's a good idea.
But son, what you said to me last night has me worried.
I mean, marriage is hard.
Your father and I, you know,
fell into the same trap a lot of people do.
I mean, it's easy to fantasize about being with someone else.
But that's all it was, was a fantasy.
Your father and I-- that's the real deal.
Hard as it may be sometimes,
he is my true love.
That's great.
I'm glad you guys have each other.
All that hullabaloo about true love being a fantasy
just leads me to believe you might not be with yours.
Hmm?
(whispers): Love you, babe.
Oh. Hey.
Uh, I-I can explain.
You know what? It doesn't matter.
I'm too tired to care.
Well, let's just say, I, uh,
helped get Lavon's parents back together.
Which they did... in my bed.
Well, no, I wa... I-I changed the sheets already.
Yeah.
Uh, by the way,
I'm sorry if I'm the reason that you and Judson broke up.
I shouldn't have butted in.
I don't know. Everyone's talking about true love, and...
well, if Judson was your true love, then...
he'll come back.
For the record,
Judson was not my true love.
Anyway, a package arrived for you "return to sender."
We made it.
We survived a BlueBell snow day without any huge disasters.
(laughs)
Didi...
I don't think you and I should keep seeing each other.
You're kidding, right?
I wanted to-to make this work, I really did.
I thought I could, but...
I'm just not ready.
I wish you had told me earlier.
I wish I had known.
You are an amazing woman, Didi Ruano.
I can't thank you enough for what you did with my parents,
but I have been unfair to you.
I'm sorry. Last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you.
It's a little late for that.
See you around, Lavon.
* *
Hi.
Hey.
How was your snow day?
Oh, to sum up:
My parents didn't break up, Didi and I did,
and I helped Lemon and George elope.
(laughs) Yours?
My dad was not kidnapped,
my dad still sucks, and you didn't help them elope.
They-they didn't do it?
Sorry about Didi.
Um, sorry about your dad.
Hey, on the bright side...
more macaroons for us.
(laughs)
Hey.
So, Lemon and George really didn't elope?
They're still getting married, though, you know.
Yeah, I know.
And BlueBell snow day?
Wasn't as bad as it could've been.
(clears throat)
May we each find our Bora Bora, wherever it may be.
I know where Bora Bora is.
It's right near... Shh.
Oh. Why?
Eat your macaroon. Hey!
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org