1
00:00:03,987 --> 00:00:06,488
Oh, I'm so bummed out.
Hate to go to work
2
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:08,415
without being able
to kiss a beautiful woman.
3
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,400
That, uh... (gasps)
Wait a minute.
4
00:00:10,419 --> 00:00:12,402
-(laughs)
-There is one right here.
5
00:00:12,421 --> 00:00:14,738
-Oh, you are, you... Morning.
-Good morning.
6
00:00:14,757 --> 00:00:17,090
-Yay.
-Look at. Wait a minute.
7
00:00:17,243 --> 00:00:19,018
Oh. Silver dollar pancakes.
8
00:00:19,169 --> 00:00:21,795
All the breakables
are gone out of the living room.
9
00:00:21,856 --> 00:00:25,599
So my conclusion is our
granddaughter is coming over.
10
00:00:25,751 --> 00:00:27,509
-Yeah, she'll be here
any minute.
-Mm-hmm.
11
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,844
I get to spend the day
with our little
12
00:00:29,864 --> 00:00:32,514
Sarah-sweetie-squiggly
squirmy-worm. (laughs)
13
00:00:32,608 --> 00:00:36,035
Yeah, just like the worm
in the movie Tremors. Huh.
14
00:00:36,186 --> 00:00:37,778
Uh, yeah, yeah, well,
15
00:00:37,930 --> 00:00:39,446
she has been getting
a little frisky, that one.
16
00:00:39,598 --> 00:00:42,190
Yeah, a little frisky.
She put all the ceramic mugs
17
00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:45,360
in the dryer
and turned the dryer on.
18
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:49,048
-Yeah.
-Yeah, yeah. She has been
getting a little more, um...
19
00:00:49,275 --> 00:00:51,124
Revved up? Crazy?
Hannibal Lecter-like?
20
00:00:51,277 --> 00:00:53,535
Uh, no.
I was going to say "spirited."
21
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,554
-Yeah.
-Do you think
this is becoming a problem?
22
00:00:55,781 --> 00:00:58,131
-Well...
-Well, no, not for you,
because you're going to work.
23
00:00:58,284 --> 00:01:00,784
It kind of reminds me of Eve
a little bit, right?
24
00:01:00,803 --> 00:01:02,636
Remember when Eve was that age?
25
00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:04,212
She didn't like the tree
out front we just planted.
26
00:01:04,306 --> 00:01:05,747
-Ugh. (laughs)
-We both loved that little tree.
27
00:01:05,808 --> 00:01:06,899
She didn't like that tree.
28
00:01:07,126 --> 00:01:08,400
Yup, she was a handful.
29
00:01:08,627 --> 00:01:10,977
She spent half her childhood
in time-out.
30
00:01:11,072 --> 00:01:13,313
-And the other half
trying to get into time-out.
-Mm.
31
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,132
Well, you know what?
You might be right.
32
00:01:15,150 --> 00:01:17,134
I-I think maybe I need
to set some firmer boundaries
33
00:01:17,227 --> 00:01:18,744
for Sarah when she's here.
34
00:01:18,895 --> 00:01:20,728
Yeah, that worked out
real well with Eve.
35
00:01:20,823 --> 00:01:22,989
-Yeah.
-Timber! Cuts the tree down
36
00:01:23,142 --> 00:01:24,566
-with a bowie knife.
-I know. Ugh. Yeah.
37
00:01:24,660 --> 00:01:27,419
God, I miss that kid.
38
00:01:27,571 --> 00:01:29,713
♪ ♪
39
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,744
(kazoo playing)
40
00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:39,056
Sarah?
41
00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:42,342
Sarah?!
42
00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:45,846
Okay, four dollars.
That's my final offer.
43
00:01:45,998 --> 00:01:47,564
(plays kazoo)
44
00:01:49,668 --> 00:01:51,852
(laughs) Thanks for keeping
an eye on her.
45
00:01:52,004 --> 00:01:53,612
I left your laundry
on your bed.
46
00:01:53,763 --> 00:01:58,175
Could you go ahead and put that
in my suitcase so I can move?
47
00:01:58,193 --> 00:01:59,860
Oh, no. Has she been a bit much?
48
00:02:00,012 --> 00:02:02,362
At one point, I was going
to call the police,
49
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,848
but I didn't want
to endanger them!
50
00:02:04,941 --> 00:02:06,274
She's just a little girl.
51
00:02:06,368 --> 00:02:07,442
Why don't you just
tell her to stop?
52
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,202
Why didn't I think of that?
53
00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:11,964
Oh, yeah, I couldn't think
of anything
54
00:02:12,191 --> 00:02:14,449
because someone was
blasting the kazoo!
55
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:18,028
I'll-I'll handle this.
Sorry. Sarah, honey?
56
00:02:18,121 --> 00:02:19,713
Come here, Sarah. Listen.
57
00:02:19,865 --> 00:02:21,548
Music time is over, all right,
58
00:02:21,700 --> 00:02:23,475
and now we're going
to read some books.
59
00:02:23,627 --> 00:02:25,477
-Okay?
-No!
60
00:02:25,704 --> 00:02:28,054
-Yes.
-No!
61
00:02:28,207 --> 00:02:30,816
I've tried this.
She never changes her vote.
62
00:02:30,967 --> 00:02:33,059
All right, look,
listen, sweetie, I mean it.
63
00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:35,379
Music time is over
so give me the kazoo. Come on.
64
00:02:35,472 --> 00:02:37,881
-(playing kazoo)
-Hey, Sarah? Hey, Sarah, stop!
65
00:02:37,974 --> 00:02:39,825
Sarah, give me the kazoo.
66
00:02:40,052 --> 00:02:41,451
(gasps)
67
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:48,058
Oh, you just earned yourself
a time-out, missy.
68
00:02:48,076 --> 00:02:50,060
Oh. Come over here. Sarah!
69
00:02:50,078 --> 00:02:52,629
I can still call the police.
70
00:02:55,401 --> 00:02:58,493
-Ooh, that's pretty good.
-Yeah.
71
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:02,997
What did you do?
Tastes like a hot Popsicle.
72
00:03:03,091 --> 00:03:05,833
It's, uh, my little secret.
73
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,019
Half coffee beans,
74
00:03:07,246 --> 00:03:09,062
half jelly beans.
75
00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,006
Please tell me, Joe,
you're not making
76
00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:14,026
that Easter candy coffee again,
'cause if you are,
77
00:03:14,177 --> 00:03:16,177
you're fired.
78
00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:18,438
Uh, hey, Mr. B, I was able to
find that bottle of whiskey
79
00:03:18,590 --> 00:03:20,440
you wanted me to pick up
for Mr. Alzate.
80
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:21,683
-Thank you.
-Um...
81
00:03:21,777 --> 00:03:23,593
why is Ed getting whiskey?
82
00:03:23,687 --> 00:03:25,353
For not being you.
83
00:03:25,447 --> 00:03:27,931
It's celebrated
throughout the world.
84
00:03:27,950 --> 00:03:30,951
Oh, every year, Mr. Alzate
85
00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:32,360
and Mr. B get each other gifts
86
00:03:32,454 --> 00:03:34,120
to celebrate
their business anniversary.
87
00:03:34,215 --> 00:03:36,773
And every year,
Baxter passes it off on Kyle.
88
00:03:36,792 --> 00:03:40,034
I do the hard part--
I decide it's got to be booze.
89
00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:42,554
Otherwise, it would be booze.
90
00:03:42,781 --> 00:03:46,040
All right, I'm gonna go pick
that up and some jelly beans.
91
00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:48,143
Mandy is in for a surprise.
92
00:03:49,788 --> 00:03:51,713
You know, it's pathetic, okay?
93
00:03:51,807 --> 00:03:53,214
Gifts are supposed
to be personal.
94
00:03:53,234 --> 00:03:55,067
They're supposed
to mean something.
95
00:03:55,294 --> 00:03:57,569
Like when I gave my mom...
96
00:03:57,721 --> 00:04:00,130
the other half of this.
97
00:04:00,148 --> 00:04:02,132
Could you please
button your shirt?
98
00:04:02,225 --> 00:04:04,968
People are eating food in here.
99
00:04:05,061 --> 00:04:06,803
Joe's right. If you told me
100
00:04:06,822 --> 00:04:08,896
to run an errand like that,
I'd tell you to shove it.
101
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,415
-Would you?
-Mm-hmm.
102
00:04:10,567 --> 00:04:12,642
Morning, gentlemen.
Morning, morning, morning.
103
00:04:12,661 --> 00:04:14,978
Hey, Chuck, did you take care
of the thing
104
00:04:15,071 --> 00:04:16,237
with the thing for the guy?
105
00:04:16,331 --> 00:04:17,647
You're not doing anything
for Ed.
106
00:04:17,666 --> 00:04:19,149
You'd tell him to shove it,
wouldn't you?
107
00:04:19,242 --> 00:04:21,576
Mm-mm.
I have to do stuff for Ed.
108
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,929
If he orders something
off the Internet
109
00:04:24,156 --> 00:04:26,098
without me, we all get a virus.
110
00:04:26,249 --> 00:04:27,657
Boo, hiss! You know, I thought
111
00:04:27,676 --> 00:04:29,417
you guys were supposed
to like each other, okay?
112
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,995
If you want to do something
special, make something.
113
00:04:32,014 --> 00:04:33,179
That's a present.
114
00:04:33,274 --> 00:04:35,515
Hmm, a homemade present, uh-huh.
115
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,276
He's drunk.
He's been drinking all morning.
116
00:04:37,427 --> 00:04:39,185
I was just writing him up
when you walked in.
117
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,505
Oh, well, I think it's nice.
118
00:04:41,523 --> 00:04:43,840
Showing someone you care
should take a little effort.
119
00:04:43,933 --> 00:04:47,119
This took three years.
120
00:04:48,363 --> 00:04:51,348
Sounds warm, Mikey.
You know how much I love warm.
121
00:04:51,441 --> 00:04:53,941
Come on, remember
the first time you saw me cry?
122
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:56,128
'78-- I made you a brass lure
123
00:04:56,279 --> 00:04:58,112
out of a bottle cap.
124
00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:01,449
I know exactly
what I'm making for you, Mikey.
125
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,528
Chuck, cancel the thing
with the thing for the guy.
126
00:05:04,546 --> 00:05:06,388
Right? Yeah.
127
00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:09,057
What the hell is this?
128
00:05:13,963 --> 00:05:15,129
Hey.
129
00:05:15,223 --> 00:05:16,315
It's your favorite daughter.
130
00:05:16,542 --> 00:05:19,985
Well, it's one
of my favorite daughters.
131
00:05:20,212 --> 00:05:21,903
It was worth a try.
132
00:05:22,806 --> 00:05:25,048
So, how was your day with Sarah?
133
00:05:25,067 --> 00:05:26,383
You know what, it was great.
134
00:05:26,401 --> 00:05:29,386
I think we came to a bit
of a rapprochement.
135
00:05:29,404 --> 00:05:30,645
Oh, my God.
You taught her French?
136
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,556
-I can't wait to hear it.
-No. No, honey.
137
00:05:32,649 --> 00:05:34,482
No, no, no, I mean we-we came
to an understanding.
138
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:37,243
Look, I feel like
I've been making your job
139
00:05:37,396 --> 00:05:39,579
as a mom a bit harder
by letting her run wild
140
00:05:39,731 --> 00:05:41,155
when she comes over here.
141
00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:42,490
What do you mean?
Where is she?
142
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:45,235
She's-she's just looking
at books on the couch.
143
00:05:45,253 --> 00:05:48,088
Well, geez, Mom,
that's hardly running wild.
144
00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:49,681
No, no, no, this was earlier.
145
00:05:49,833 --> 00:05:52,684
She misbehaved, and I put her
in a little time-out.
146
00:05:52,836 --> 00:05:54,578
Oh, no. Sarah?
147
00:05:54,671 --> 00:05:56,003
No, honey, it's okay.
148
00:05:56,098 --> 00:05:58,248
Look, she's been a perfect
little angel since then.
149
00:05:58,266 --> 00:05:59,841
No, it's not okay, Mom.
150
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,676
-There needs to be an apology.
-Honey,
151
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,178
it's over-- she did the crime,
she did the time.
152
00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:06,990
Oh, it was only five minutes.
153
00:06:09,018 --> 00:06:11,036
(sighs) Sarah, honey?
154
00:06:11,263 --> 00:06:12,596
Is it okay to be mean to people?
155
00:06:12,614 --> 00:06:15,615
-No, Mommy.
-That's right. It never is.
156
00:06:15,767 --> 00:06:17,283
And so...
157
00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:19,961
Grandma has something
she'd like to say to you.
158
00:06:21,790 --> 00:06:23,030
What?
159
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,608
Apologize.
160
00:06:24,626 --> 00:06:25,775
Me?
161
00:06:25,869 --> 00:06:27,886
You put her in a time-out.
Apologize to her.
162
00:06:28,113 --> 00:06:30,113
I'm not going to apologize.
163
00:06:30,206 --> 00:06:32,449
It's okay, Grandma.
164
00:06:33,635 --> 00:06:36,803
What a beautiful, loving heart
you have, my little angel.
165
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,713
She forgives you.
166
00:06:38,807 --> 00:06:41,048
But I don't need to be forgiven.
167
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,216
Too late. She already did.
168
00:06:42,310 --> 00:06:44,127
Okay, go get your jacket.
169
00:06:44,220 --> 00:06:45,887
Mandy... (scoffs)
170
00:06:45,981 --> 00:06:47,464
what I did was right.
171
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,816
When she misbehaves, she needs
to know there are consequences.
172
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,560
Uh, no, the only thing she needs
to know is that I love her.
173
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:54,971
And the only thing you need
to know is this:
174
00:06:54,990 --> 00:06:57,807
time-out is
the opposite of love.
175
00:06:57,826 --> 00:06:59,325
Mandy. Mandy...
176
00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:02,546
Oh, you want to hear French?
I got some French for you.
177
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,912
VANESSA:
No, I don't know, I don't know.
178
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,914
It's something...
179
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,674
(groans)
180
00:07:14,826 --> 00:07:17,102
-What's going on?
-Hmm?
181
00:07:18,497 --> 00:07:21,088
I'm sorry.
I was trying to be quiet.
182
00:07:21,183 --> 00:07:22,832
Well, I was trying to sleep.
183
00:07:22,851 --> 00:07:25,502
-Looks like we both failed.
-Mm.
184
00:07:25,562 --> 00:07:28,095
It's this thing
with Mandy and Sarah,
185
00:07:28,190 --> 00:07:30,023
it's really bothering me.
186
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:32,617
I guess-- what time is it?
187
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,102
This can't be right.
188
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,513
No, if you think about it...
189
00:07:36,531 --> 00:07:38,515
-Honey, listen, can we just...
-Um...
190
00:07:38,608 --> 00:07:40,625
Don't turn the light on,
please don't turn it, please...
191
00:07:40,852 --> 00:07:42,535
-You know...
-Okay, good,
192
00:07:42,688 --> 00:07:44,688
now I'm totally awake.
This is perfect.
193
00:07:44,781 --> 00:07:47,632
Mandy didn't spoil Sarah
when they lived here.
194
00:07:47,784 --> 00:07:49,283
Uh-huh.
195
00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:51,878
I mean, I-I'm not trying
to take credit, um...
196
00:07:52,030 --> 00:07:54,473
but when she left here...
197
00:07:54,624 --> 00:07:56,624
I don't know.
Uh, where are you going?
198
00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:57,867
It's the middle of the night.
199
00:07:57,961 --> 00:07:59,460
My prostate and bladder
are going,
200
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:02,129
"Hey, make him think
he can pee."
201
00:08:02,224 --> 00:08:03,723
I can hear you.
202
00:08:03,875 --> 00:08:05,375
Yeah, but I don't want
to hear you.
203
00:08:05,468 --> 00:08:07,560
So I'll aim for the side
of the bowl.
204
00:08:07,713 --> 00:08:08,728
(scoffs)
205
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,138
I'd be happy if you just
got it in the bowl.
206
00:08:11,233 --> 00:08:13,066
MIKE:
What?
207
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,567
Yep, like sand
208
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:17,621
dripping through an hourglass
if you know what I mean.
209
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,907
You know,
ever since they moved there,
210
00:08:21,059 --> 00:08:24,652
I bet, I bet Ryan has been
brainwashing her
211
00:08:24,746 --> 00:08:27,747
with his, with his trendy
parenting techniques.
212
00:08:27,899 --> 00:08:31,234
You know, like-like
"no is a no-no" theory.
213
00:08:31,253 --> 00:08:33,160
-(toilet flushes)
-MIKE: Uh-huh.
214
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,847
So, um, so we're
getting screwed up
215
00:08:35,999 --> 00:08:38,517
by Ryan's absurd philosophies?
216
00:08:38,744 --> 00:08:40,243
How-how crazy is that?
217
00:08:40,262 --> 00:08:42,245
You know, I'm gonna go,
I'm gonna go talk to her.
218
00:08:42,338 --> 00:08:43,580
(chuckles)
Right now?
219
00:08:43,673 --> 00:08:45,582
No, honey,
it's the middle of the night.
220
00:08:45,675 --> 00:08:48,026
That would be rude.
221
00:08:48,253 --> 00:08:50,487
And yet you woke me up for it.
222
00:08:52,941 --> 00:08:55,659
(sighing)
223
00:08:58,597 --> 00:09:00,521
Did you wash your hands?
224
00:09:00,541 --> 00:09:03,124
Ah, didn't pee on them.
225
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,467
(mouth full):
You wanted to see me, Baxter?
226
00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:14,201
Yeah.
227
00:09:14,296 --> 00:09:15,703
The etiquette school called.
228
00:09:15,797 --> 00:09:18,298
They'd like you
to teach a class.
229
00:09:18,450 --> 00:09:20,374
You know, very funny, okay?
When you figure out
230
00:09:20,468 --> 00:09:22,285
another way to talk
while eating,
231
00:09:22,378 --> 00:09:23,711
let me know, will you, okay?
We through?
232
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:25,546
No, no, no, where'd you
come up with this idea
233
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:27,957
about handmade gifts?
You know, I think that's why God
234
00:09:27,976 --> 00:09:30,627
invented cash, so he wouldn't
have to do this.
235
00:09:30,645 --> 00:09:33,296
You know, I happen to know
six cats in a castle
236
00:09:33,389 --> 00:09:36,316
made of toilet paper rolls
that would disagree with you.
237
00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:38,134
Well, I happen to have
three daughters
238
00:09:38,153 --> 00:09:40,136
who would disagree with you.
You know what they gave me
239
00:09:40,229 --> 00:09:41,746
every year from their art class?
240
00:09:41,898 --> 00:09:44,231
It was construction paper
with macaroni
241
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,825
cemented all over it, right?
242
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,644
I have enough of that pasta
around the house still
243
00:09:47,662 --> 00:09:49,662
to feed an Italian village.
244
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,923
Okay, we've established
you're a cold-hearted bastard.
245
00:09:52,150 --> 00:09:53,925
What else do you want from me?
246
00:09:54,152 --> 00:09:56,336
Hey, listen, I...
I'm asking for some ideas
247
00:09:56,488 --> 00:09:58,263
of handmade gifts.
I've been looking at this list.
248
00:09:58,414 --> 00:10:00,599
I can... How much
for the thing around your neck?
249
00:10:01,993 --> 00:10:03,417
It isn't hard, okay?
250
00:10:03,437 --> 00:10:06,512
You need to be original,
thoughtful,
251
00:10:06,665 --> 00:10:08,589
and personal, okay?
252
00:10:08,683 --> 00:10:10,758
Like a Steven Seagal movie.
253
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:14,170
Let's just pretend I could
understand what you just said.
254
00:10:14,263 --> 00:10:15,780
I don't have time for this.
255
00:10:16,007 --> 00:10:17,282
I'm not Santa Claus.
256
00:10:17,433 --> 00:10:19,451
Look, if you can't think
of anything personal,
257
00:10:19,678 --> 00:10:21,511
I don't know
what to tell you, okay?
258
00:10:21,529 --> 00:10:24,122
Uh, why don't you just
give Ed a check?
259
00:10:25,183 --> 00:10:26,516
That's not a bad idea.
260
00:10:26,609 --> 00:10:28,442
I'm kidding.
That's not a personal gift!
261
00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:31,296
Listen, I'm saying
it's a pretty good idea.
262
00:10:31,523 --> 00:10:33,781
A-And thanks so much
for letting me watch you eat.
263
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,759
It's been fun.
264
00:10:42,701 --> 00:10:43,883
-Hey.
-Hey.
265
00:10:44,035 --> 00:10:45,310
Mandy will be right out.
266
00:10:45,461 --> 00:10:47,553
Sarah likes us both
to put her down for her naps.
267
00:10:47,706 --> 00:10:50,498
And of course you do it
because you love her.
268
00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:51,632
Right.
269
00:10:51,726 --> 00:10:53,543
Because if you didn't,
that would be mean,
270
00:10:53,561 --> 00:10:56,971
and it's not okay
to be mean to people.
271
00:10:57,065 --> 00:10:59,382
I want to say yes?
272
00:10:59,401 --> 00:11:00,717
No.
273
00:11:01,644 --> 00:11:04,478
Sometimes we have to be mean
because we love someone.
274
00:11:04,572 --> 00:11:08,833
Sometimes being nice is
the cruelest thing you can do.
275
00:11:08,985 --> 00:11:10,059
You understand, Kyle?
276
00:11:10,078 --> 00:11:12,987
I-It was just a nap.
277
00:11:13,081 --> 00:11:14,822
Hey, hey, what's going on?
278
00:11:14,916 --> 00:11:17,158
Your mom, she hates naps.
279
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,585
That's not what
I was trying to say.
280
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,738
Did you tell him
about what happened yesterday?
281
00:11:21,831 --> 00:11:23,164
Yesterday? What happ-- Oh.
282
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,590
Or is this, like,
an opposite thing,
283
00:11:24,743 --> 00:11:27,577
like, mean is nice and we're
talking about tomorrow?
284
00:11:27,670 --> 00:11:28,761
(Mandy laughs softly)
285
00:11:28,914 --> 00:11:29,913
No, it's nothing.
286
00:11:29,931 --> 00:11:32,582
I put Sarah
in a little time-out.
287
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:34,859
So? I put her in those
all the time.
288
00:11:35,011 --> 00:11:36,861
That kid is a handful.
289
00:11:37,013 --> 00:11:37,937
MANDY:
There.
290
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,013
He's not upset.
291
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,773
Thanks for stopping by, Mom.
292
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:42,349
What-- No, hey.
293
00:11:42,444 --> 00:11:44,761
So-so you're okay
with time-outs?
294
00:11:44,854 --> 00:11:46,763
I mean, Ryan didn't
tell you that you shouldn't?
295
00:11:46,781 --> 00:11:50,099
Why would I listen to Ryan when
I can learn from the parents
296
00:11:50,118 --> 00:11:53,044
who turned out the most
perfect woman on the planet?
297
00:11:53,271 --> 00:11:54,546
Aw, that's so sweet.
298
00:11:54,697 --> 00:11:57,698
Let's not ruin this moment
by talking more.
299
00:11:57,718 --> 00:11:59,867
Mandy, what's going on?
300
00:11:59,928 --> 00:12:03,112
-Yeah, babe.
-Oops, we woke up Sarah.
301
00:12:03,131 --> 00:12:05,114
-I don't hear anything.
-You don't hear that?!
302
00:12:05,208 --> 00:12:06,466
SARAH:
Daddy!
303
00:12:06,618 --> 00:12:08,685
All right, now I do.
I'll be right back.
304
00:12:10,805 --> 00:12:12,263
(scoffs)
What was that about?
305
00:12:12,415 --> 00:12:13,898
Because I didn't want
to have this conversation
306
00:12:14,125 --> 00:12:15,216
in front of him.
307
00:12:15,310 --> 00:12:17,460
Okay, all right,
well-well, now he's gone.
308
00:12:17,479 --> 00:12:19,904
I also don't want to have it
in front of you.
309
00:12:20,056 --> 00:12:21,555
Mandy, I-I'm your mother, I...
310
00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:23,408
I-I love you.
If something's bothering you,
311
00:12:23,635 --> 00:12:25,485
just come on,
just-just let me help.
312
00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:28,154
Okay, if-if I tell you,
will you drop it?
313
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:29,973
Yes.
314
00:12:29,991 --> 00:12:32,158
Probably not, but...
315
00:12:32,310 --> 00:12:34,568
You may have noticed
that Sarah's turned
316
00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:36,070
into a real handful.
317
00:12:36,164 --> 00:12:37,330
Oh, yeah. Wow.
318
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:38,572
I just-- I'm sorry.
319
00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:40,425
That-that came out
a little more strongly
320
00:12:40,576 --> 00:12:42,151
than I-I wanted.
321
00:12:42,245 --> 00:12:44,320
Well, she's really been
pushing it with me lately,
322
00:12:44,339 --> 00:12:45,913
and, I don't know,
it just feels like
323
00:12:46,007 --> 00:12:47,766
-we're fighting all the time.
-Mm-hmm.
324
00:12:47,917 --> 00:12:50,251
Well, that-that's normal
for a mom.
325
00:12:50,345 --> 00:12:53,997
Well, you know
what's sick for a mom?
326
00:12:54,090 --> 00:12:57,150
I really don't like my kid.
327
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:01,004
Okay, she is back down.
328
00:13:01,097 --> 00:13:03,097
Uh, but I-I hear her crying!
329
00:13:03,191 --> 00:13:04,991
SARAH:
Daddy!
330
00:13:11,866 --> 00:13:14,441
What? What do you mean,
you don't like your daughter?
331
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,519
No... (sighs)
Only sometimes.
332
00:13:16,538 --> 00:13:18,296
I mean, it's not like
she's an evil person.
333
00:13:18,523 --> 00:13:20,039
-No, no.
-You should hear her
play the kazoo.
334
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,449
She's an angel.
335
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:25,470
Um, well-well, honey,
when don't you like her?
336
00:13:25,621 --> 00:13:27,305
Uh, mostly when
she's doing something
337
00:13:27,532 --> 00:13:29,882
that she's not supposed to
and I tell her to stop
338
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,976
and then she tells me
that she hates me.
339
00:13:32,128 --> 00:13:33,669
She tells you she hates you?
340
00:13:33,671 --> 00:13:37,707
No, but the tone in her voice
is very mean.
341
00:13:37,767 --> 00:13:41,210
All right, look, Mandy, honey,
look, I-I know you think
342
00:13:41,229 --> 00:13:43,637
you're very special, but I have
some bad news for you.
343
00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:47,826
This has happened to every
mother that has ever lived.
344
00:13:47,977 --> 00:13:49,402
My God.
345
00:13:49,554 --> 00:13:52,055
-Why do people have kids?
-(laughs)
346
00:13:52,073 --> 00:13:55,408
It's because we love our kids,
even though,
347
00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:58,670
even though sometimes
we may not like them very much.
348
00:13:58,897 --> 00:14:02,081
So there were times
where you didn't like me?
349
00:14:02,233 --> 00:14:05,510
Oh, honey. Especially you.
350
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,679
-I can see that.
-Mm.
351
00:14:07,830 --> 00:14:11,516
And it's only natural for kids
to-to not like us.
352
00:14:11,667 --> 00:14:13,910
I mean, I'm sure you felt
that way plenty of times.
353
00:14:13,928 --> 00:14:16,245
(laughs):
Oh, yeah.
354
00:14:16,264 --> 00:14:17,413
Sorry, I didn't mean
for that to come out
355
00:14:17,506 --> 00:14:19,006
-as strongly as it did.
-Mm.
356
00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:22,026
Look, but the thing is,
you don't want to stop
357
00:14:22,178 --> 00:14:25,938
being a parent just
because you might upset them.
358
00:14:26,091 --> 00:14:28,107
Yes, I do.
359
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:31,110
Mandy, look-look,
Sarah's your daughter,
360
00:14:31,262 --> 00:14:33,020
so-so this is your decision.
361
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:34,521
If you want to be a good friend,
362
00:14:34,616 --> 00:14:36,933
then you just, you keep doing
what you're doing.
363
00:14:36,951 --> 00:14:38,601
But if you want to be
a good parent,
364
00:14:38,620 --> 00:14:40,879
you really need
to set some boundaries.
365
00:14:41,030 --> 00:14:46,217
Is it okay if I don't really
like you that much right now?
366
00:14:46,369 --> 00:14:49,462
Okay, she is finally back down.
367
00:14:49,614 --> 00:14:51,781
Boy, sometimes
you really have to
368
00:14:51,799 --> 00:14:53,057
lay the law down with that one.
369
00:14:53,284 --> 00:14:55,118
I heard her already.
Get off my back!
370
00:14:55,211 --> 00:14:57,145
SARAH:
Daddy!
371
00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:00,523
(laughs)
372
00:15:02,385 --> 00:15:04,143
(laughter)
373
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:06,145
This-this is 35-year-old Scotch.
374
00:15:06,297 --> 00:15:09,390
-Uh-huh? Oh, that's good.
-Mikey gave it to me
last year for our anniversary.
375
00:15:09,484 --> 00:15:11,634
-Even wrote a poem on the note.
-Yeah.
376
00:15:11,727 --> 00:15:14,895
Yeah, and he spelled
"anniversary" the Kyle way.
377
00:15:14,915 --> 00:15:16,030
ED (laughs):
Yeah.
378
00:15:16,141 --> 00:15:17,415
-Boys. This'll do it.
-ED: Hey.
379
00:15:17,566 --> 00:15:19,325
-Hey, Mikey.
-Ed, happy anniversary,
380
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,568
uh, blah-blah, blah-blah-blah.
381
00:15:21,663 --> 00:15:23,146
Eh.
382
00:15:23,239 --> 00:15:24,647
Okay, this is going well.
383
00:15:24,740 --> 00:15:26,332
-Maybe we should leave.
-JOE: Oh, no, no.
384
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,760
I live to see Baxter humiliated.
385
00:15:28,911 --> 00:15:32,454
It doesn't happen that often,
so my life can be pretty empty.
386
00:15:32,456 --> 00:15:35,324
So, Mikey, tell me,
what did you come up with?
387
00:15:35,343 --> 00:15:38,344
MIKE:
Actually, I-I got this
with Joe's help.
388
00:15:38,496 --> 00:15:40,496
No, Ed, I had nothing to do
with any of this.
389
00:15:40,589 --> 00:15:41,514
It's a check.
390
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,975
I wasn't even here that day.
391
00:15:44,127 --> 00:15:45,777
This is incredible.
392
00:15:46,004 --> 00:15:49,280
I mean, he said it was,
you know, my idea, so...
393
00:15:50,358 --> 00:15:52,024
Okay, well,
what-what am I missing?
394
00:15:52,177 --> 00:15:55,119
Well, when I started
Outdoor Man, things were...
395
00:15:55,346 --> 00:15:56,512
slow.
396
00:15:56,531 --> 00:15:59,515
-Yeah. Yeah.
-Mikey wanted to be my partner.
397
00:15:59,608 --> 00:16:02,852
And he was the smartest,
hardest-working man I ever met,
398
00:16:02,945 --> 00:16:04,611
so I said yes.
399
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:07,298
And I wrote him a check
to buy into the business
400
00:16:07,450 --> 00:16:10,451
and he tore the check
in-in half.
401
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:13,972
Well, hey, I-I've got,
I've got half a necklace.
402
00:16:14,123 --> 00:16:16,549
I think you're half-drunk.
403
00:16:16,701 --> 00:16:18,534
All I wanted from him
was his word,
404
00:16:18,553 --> 00:16:20,536
his smarts and his dedication.
That's it.
405
00:16:20,629 --> 00:16:23,539
"You can't put a price on that."
That's what you said to me.
406
00:16:23,558 --> 00:16:25,984
Yeah. So we spit in our hands
and shook on it.
407
00:16:26,135 --> 00:16:28,969
Back then you could do that
without gargling hand sanitizer
408
00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:30,229
and taking your temperature
409
00:16:30,381 --> 00:16:32,323
before you took
your temperature.
410
00:16:32,550 --> 00:16:35,159
-That was 30 years ago.
-CHUCK: Mm.
411
00:16:35,386 --> 00:16:37,978
I don't know if my gift
can follow this.
412
00:16:38,072 --> 00:16:39,572
You know, you don't need to.
I was going through
413
00:16:39,724 --> 00:16:42,408
all those boxes of, uh,
memories in this place
414
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,243
and I think I...
I think I'm good.
415
00:16:44,395 --> 00:16:45,670
Wow, look at this, guys.
Look at this.
416
00:16:45,897 --> 00:16:48,155
Hey, uh, where do you want
your conga drum, Mr. Alzate?
417
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:51,175
Oh, right-right over there--
right there, my boy. Yes, yes.
418
00:16:51,327 --> 00:16:53,160
I composed a little song
for this occasion
419
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:55,329
-called "Mi Amigo Miguel."
-CHUCK: Ah.
420
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:57,256
You know what that means?
"My Lover Mike."
421
00:16:57,408 --> 00:16:59,091
(sighs)
Loosen your necklace.
422
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:00,834
You're not getting
enough blood to your head.
423
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:03,246
So you wrote me a song.
You know, before you get going,
424
00:17:03,264 --> 00:17:05,264
I think we got to send you out
for more booze.
425
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,841
♪ Ooh ♪
426
00:17:07,935 --> 00:17:09,676
♪ My amigo Miguel,
he is so swell ♪
427
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:13,923
♪ So he won't go to hell,
my amigo Miguel... ♪
428
00:17:13,941 --> 00:17:15,575
CHUCK:
Yeah.
429
00:17:19,430 --> 00:17:20,429
Building blocks?
430
00:17:20,523 --> 00:17:22,281
Are those for when
Sarah gets here?
431
00:17:22,433 --> 00:17:24,283
Uh, yeah, I know they're kind
of old-school,
432
00:17:24,435 --> 00:17:26,269
but all kids
love playing with blocks.
433
00:17:26,362 --> 00:17:29,696
Not me.
My dad was a civil engineer.
434
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:32,275
It was less "playing" and more
435
00:17:32,368 --> 00:17:35,887
"structural
reinforcement analysis."
436
00:17:36,038 --> 00:17:37,555
Well, I'm pretty sure
437
00:17:37,782 --> 00:17:40,374
that's not what Sarah's
gonna be doing with them.
438
00:17:40,468 --> 00:17:42,635
No. What Sarah
will be doing with them
439
00:17:42,787 --> 00:17:44,729
is chucking them at our heads.
440
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,625
(mouths)
441
00:17:49,718 --> 00:17:50,810
Yay!
442
00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:53,296
-There's my little honeybunch.
-Hi, Grandma.
443
00:17:53,389 --> 00:17:54,797
Hi, cutie-pie.
444
00:17:54,890 --> 00:17:58,725
Yeah, are you ready to have
some fun with Grandma today?
445
00:17:58,820 --> 00:18:00,578
Yeah, Sarah and I had a big talk
446
00:18:00,805 --> 00:18:02,246
about how to behave
at Grandma's.
447
00:18:02,398 --> 00:18:04,731
-Didn't we, baby? Mm-hmm.
-Yes, Mommy.
448
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:06,900
And she is gonna be
a good girl today, right?
449
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,735
-Yes, Mommy.
-Yeah.
450
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:10,755
What a sweet little
scrumble-bumble you are.
451
00:18:10,982 --> 00:18:12,239
Oh. Why don't you go
in the kitchen,
452
00:18:12,333 --> 00:18:13,666
put your backpack down?
453
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,152
Then we're gonna
play, play, play.
454
00:18:16,170 --> 00:18:17,578
(quietly):
How's it going?
455
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,580
Pretty good. Yeah, she hasn't
pushed it with me yet...
456
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,657
-Okay.
-...but I realize I have
to hold the line when she does.
457
00:18:21,676 --> 00:18:24,268
Uh, yes, you do. You imagine
what would have happened
458
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:26,996
if your father and I didn't
hold the line with Eve
459
00:18:27,089 --> 00:18:30,983
and she wound up
using her powers for evil?
460
00:18:32,428 --> 00:18:35,429
(laughs):
Right. Hey, here she is.
461
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:36,856
Listen, I have an idea.
462
00:18:37,008 --> 00:18:40,526
What if we put the easel outside
and do a little painting?
463
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,011
Can I watch TV?
464
00:18:42,029 --> 00:18:44,455
Oh, you know what, honey?
Watching TV is no fun.
465
00:18:44,682 --> 00:18:47,016
Don't you want to paint
outside with Grandma?
466
00:18:47,034 --> 00:18:48,609
No, I want to watch TV.
467
00:18:49,537 --> 00:18:53,038
Uh, maybe no TV right now,
honey. Okay?
468
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:55,299
(cartoon music playing)
469
00:18:55,451 --> 00:18:59,387
(clears throat)
Uh, Sarah, honey? Mommy said no.
470
00:19:01,032 --> 00:19:03,057
Sarah.
471
00:19:04,385 --> 00:19:05,810
Mommy said no TV.
472
00:19:06,037 --> 00:19:08,813
Now please turn it off and give
the remote back to Grandma.
473
00:19:08,964 --> 00:19:11,149
(TV turns off)
474
00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:13,651
Okay, next time I want you
to listen to me the first time.
475
00:19:13,878 --> 00:19:15,319
-Do you understand?
-Yes, Mommy.
476
00:19:15,471 --> 00:19:17,688
Okay. Thank you.
477
00:19:17,915 --> 00:19:20,366
Thank you for being a good girl.
478
00:19:21,644 --> 00:19:26,747
Oh, I think it's okay
to watch a little TV.
479
00:19:27,575 --> 00:19:29,408
(laughs):
Hey!
480
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:31,560
I thought you were teaching me
how to be a good mother.
481
00:19:31,579 --> 00:19:32,895
I was.
482
00:19:32,988 --> 00:19:35,464
Now I'm teaching you
how to be a good grandmother.
483
00:19:41,255 --> 00:19:44,098
Structurally perfect.
484
00:19:46,001 --> 00:19:48,603
Go ahead. Try and break it.
485
00:19:50,765 --> 00:19:52,273
Go ahead.
486
00:19:53,418 --> 00:19:55,267
No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no.
487
00:19:55,420 --> 00:19:57,528
(laughs)
488
00:20:03,261 --> 00:20:04,702
Hey, Mike Baxter here
for Outdoor Man.
489
00:20:04,853 --> 00:20:07,263
If you've been watching these
vlogs for the last ten years,
490
00:20:07,281 --> 00:20:08,931
you probably feel
like my friend, right?
491
00:20:08,950 --> 00:20:10,599
And if you celebrate
these words of wisdom
492
00:20:10,618 --> 00:20:12,359
by clicking on a link
and buying something,
493
00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:15,104
-well, that feeling is mutual.
-(dings)
494
00:20:15,197 --> 00:20:16,605
But if you're just freeloading,
495
00:20:16,624 --> 00:20:18,216
enjoying the wisdom
without buying the cow,
496
00:20:18,367 --> 00:20:20,626
I'm gonna have
to reconsider our friendship.
497
00:20:20,778 --> 00:20:23,870
Now this month only,
if you purchase over $300
498
00:20:23,965 --> 00:20:25,948
of high-end sporting goods,
you qualify
499
00:20:25,967 --> 00:20:28,801
for the Mike Baxter
Best Friend Circle.
500
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:30,970
You might be thinking,
wait a minute,
501
00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:33,289
how can somebody have
more than one best friend?
502
00:20:33,382 --> 00:20:36,459
Well, I'm just that likable.
503
00:20:36,477 --> 00:20:38,294
And truthfully,
it's okay for multiple people
504
00:20:38,387 --> 00:20:39,570
to think they're
your best friend, right?
505
00:20:39,797 --> 00:20:41,888
As long as none of those people
are your kids,
506
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:43,966
because being best friends
with your kid
507
00:20:44,059 --> 00:20:46,410
is a formula for disaster.
508
00:20:46,562 --> 00:20:47,970
Now, for most of you,
it's pretty easy
509
00:20:48,063 --> 00:20:49,747
not being friends
with your kids because,
510
00:20:49,974 --> 00:20:53,417
let's be honest,
young people are terrible.
511
00:20:53,569 --> 00:20:55,235
But do you know how hard it is
not to be friends
512
00:20:55,329 --> 00:20:57,421
with your kids
when they're as awesome as mine?
513
00:20:57,648 --> 00:20:58,647
My daughters?
514
00:20:58,741 --> 00:21:01,650
Hell, I got a kid
who's a fighter pilot.
515
00:21:01,669 --> 00:21:02,985
Yes.
516
00:21:03,004 --> 00:21:04,095
Because I did something right
517
00:21:04,246 --> 00:21:05,504
and I didn't try
to be her best friend.
518
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:06,913
She'll always look up to me.
519
00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:08,266
Even when she's looking
down at me
520
00:21:08,417 --> 00:21:12,177
from 30,000 feet
keeping us safe.
521
00:21:12,272 --> 00:21:14,163
Damn, she's cool. Baxter out.
522
00:21:14,181 --> 00:21:15,922
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
523
00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:17,424
and TOYOTA.
524
00:21:17,518 --> 00:21:19,151
(chicken clucks)