1
00:00:04,079 --> 00:00:06,338
Hey, Mike. Have you seen Kyle?
2
00:00:06,490 --> 00:00:07,581
I swung by his desk
3
00:00:07,733 --> 00:00:09,249
to tell him this new
knock-knock joke I heard
4
00:00:09,401 --> 00:00:10,658
and he hasn't come in yet.
5
00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,660
Well, maybe he knew
that you were gonna tell him
6
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:14,254
a knock-knock joke.
7
00:00:14,406 --> 00:00:16,423
-(murmurs)
-Hey. Hey, sorry I'm late, guys.
8
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:18,333
Couldn't find my keys,
I almost died
9
00:00:18,427 --> 00:00:19,576
and I forgot to set my alarm.
10
00:00:19,595 --> 00:00:21,428
-What?
-W-Wait. But what happened, son?
11
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,096
I guess I fell asleep
before I set it.
12
00:00:23,249 --> 00:00:25,932
-Not the alarm.
You said you almost died.
-ED and KYLE: Yeah.
13
00:00:26,085 --> 00:00:28,193
-All right, so I just stepped
out of our new apartment...
-ED: Yeah.
14
00:00:28,345 --> 00:00:31,088
...and this gorgeous butterfly
flew by.
15
00:00:31,181 --> 00:00:33,032
You would be the first man
to have been killed
16
00:00:33,183 --> 00:00:35,868
-by a gorgeous butterfly.
-Yeah.
17
00:00:36,019 --> 00:00:38,370
Well, no, no,
I-I chased after it.
18
00:00:38,522 --> 00:00:40,873
But a huge branch fell
right where I was standing
19
00:00:41,066 --> 00:00:42,616
a split second before.
20
00:00:42,768 --> 00:00:44,043
If not for that butterfly,
21
00:00:44,194 --> 00:00:46,027
-I would have been killed.
-MIKE: Mm. Yeah, I remember
22
00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:49,273
my first near-death experience
was, boy, someplace in Peru.
23
00:00:49,366 --> 00:00:50,457
Thought I fell on a mountain.
24
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:52,200
We grabbed a rock
at the last minute. S--
25
00:00:52,294 --> 00:00:54,444
-But, man, does that--
That's life-changing.
-Mm.
26
00:00:54,463 --> 00:00:56,037
I got right home.
First thing I did--
27
00:00:56,057 --> 00:00:57,130
made up a will.
28
00:00:57,283 --> 00:00:58,615
ED:
That reminds me of mine.
29
00:00:58,634 --> 00:00:59,874
Yeah, the next day,
30
00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:01,543
I went on a three-day bender
in Mexico.
31
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,954
-(chuckles)
-That was
a near-death experience also.
32
00:01:04,047 --> 00:01:05,289
But what a way to go.
33
00:01:05,307 --> 00:01:08,458
Well, I think--
I think the point is--
34
00:01:08,477 --> 00:01:09,884
it's a good point--
that, you know,
35
00:01:09,978 --> 00:01:11,386
you're a growing family now,
you know?
36
00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:12,646
Might be a great time
37
00:01:12,798 --> 00:01:14,406
for you to start doing
some estate planning.
38
00:01:14,558 --> 00:01:16,967
-Huh?
-Yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
39
00:01:17,060 --> 00:01:18,744
Estate?
40
00:01:18,895 --> 00:01:21,246
What are we,
Mr. and Mrs. Batman?
41
00:01:21,398 --> 00:01:24,416
Just listen to the man. He knows
what he's talking about.
42
00:01:24,568 --> 00:01:25,733
Knock-knock.
43
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:26,752
Oh, I love these.
44
00:01:26,903 --> 00:01:28,312
You never know
who's behind the door.
45
00:01:28,330 --> 00:01:29,996
-Right.
-Who's there?
46
00:01:30,132 --> 00:01:32,482
Batman's parents.
47
00:01:32,501 --> 00:01:33,759
But they're dead.
48
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:37,337
And the only way the kid
could afford to be Batman
49
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:40,349
is because his parents
made out a will.
50
00:01:42,010 --> 00:01:43,343
'Kay.
51
00:01:43,495 --> 00:01:45,679
His knock-knock jokes
are kind of sad.
52
00:01:45,831 --> 00:01:46,847
Yeah, I know.
53
00:01:46,999 --> 00:01:48,849
But the good ones are happy.
Come on.
54
00:01:49,001 --> 00:01:50,334
I have a whole book of them.
Come here.
55
00:01:50,427 --> 00:01:52,836
-Knock-knock. Knock-knock.
-Who's there?
56
00:01:52,929 --> 00:01:55,072
♪ ♪
57
00:01:59,528 --> 00:02:00,694
Hey.
58
00:02:00,863 --> 00:02:03,771
I thought, uh, trail mix
would be the perfect snack
59
00:02:03,866 --> 00:02:05,290
for estate planning.
60
00:02:05,517 --> 00:02:09,795
Something about "trail"
and the path you're on.
61
00:02:09,946 --> 00:02:11,355
I don't know. Just me?
62
00:02:11,448 --> 00:02:13,448
Just you.
63
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,617
Well, I'm really glad
you got them to do this.
64
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,878
It's one of the grim realities
of being a parent,
65
00:02:17,972 --> 00:02:20,030
even though it's gonna be scary
for them.
66
00:02:20,123 --> 00:02:23,642
-Woo-hoo! Who's ready
for some estate planning?
-Hey, guys.
67
00:02:24,628 --> 00:02:26,145
Oh, you put out trail mix.
68
00:02:26,296 --> 00:02:28,981
Because we'll be talking
about our path.
69
00:02:29,208 --> 00:02:30,798
Thank you, Kyle.
70
00:02:30,893 --> 00:02:32,985
I feel seen.
71
00:02:33,212 --> 00:02:35,637
-Well, thanks for coming over.
And, um...
-Yeah.
72
00:02:35,731 --> 00:02:37,656
...a lot of this information
is kind of uncomfortable,
73
00:02:37,807 --> 00:02:40,859
-but it-it really needs
to be read and heard, okay?
-No, yeah,
74
00:02:41,011 --> 00:02:42,736
-no problem.
We are ready. Right, babe?
-All right.
75
00:02:42,888 --> 00:02:44,812
-Sure.
-MIKE: (clears throat) Good.
76
00:02:44,907 --> 00:02:45,998
Kinda.
77
00:02:46,149 --> 00:02:46,999
Not really.
78
00:02:47,150 --> 00:02:48,742
Oh. Hey, look, I get it.
79
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:50,727
Y-You don't want to think
about your spouse dying.
80
00:02:50,746 --> 00:02:53,505
But-but, trust me,
the more you talk about it,
81
00:02:53,732 --> 00:02:54,915
the easier it becomes.
82
00:02:55,009 --> 00:02:56,175
Yeah.
83
00:02:56,402 --> 00:02:58,068
How often do you talk about it?
84
00:02:59,013 --> 00:03:01,513
This just isn't what
I-I thought it would be.
85
00:03:01,665 --> 00:03:03,682
Well, yeah,
they call it estate planning,
86
00:03:03,909 --> 00:03:06,576
but what you're really doing
is planning for when you die.
87
00:03:06,595 --> 00:03:09,563
-(chuckles) No version of this
you come out alive.
-Nope.
88
00:03:10,749 --> 00:03:11,673
It's okay, babe.
89
00:03:11,767 --> 00:03:14,342
Just remember
that when we do pass on,
90
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,010
we'll meet together in heaven
again.
91
00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:17,604
-Okay.
-A-And just make sure
92
00:03:17,756 --> 00:03:19,013
to wear that red dress
so I'll be able to find you.
93
00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:20,440
-Oh, the cute one with the bow?
-MIKE: Right.
94
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,034
-Guys. Guys.
-No, no, no, the strapless one
95
00:03:22,261 --> 00:03:23,535
-with all the sparklies.
-Oh, my gosh, the sparkles.
96
00:03:23,687 --> 00:03:25,537
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Can we just focus here
97
00:03:25,689 --> 00:03:26,872
-for just a minute, please?
-Yeah, yeah.
-Yeah.
98
00:03:27,099 --> 00:03:29,023
But-but Kyle's right.
Go with the sparkly one.
99
00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:31,376
I just don't like
to think about Mandy dying.
100
00:03:31,528 --> 00:03:33,286
-VANESSA: Okay.
-Would it be easier
101
00:03:33,439 --> 00:03:35,288
if we just talked
about you dying?
102
00:03:35,441 --> 00:03:36,623
Uh, depends.
103
00:03:36,775 --> 00:03:39,200
Uh, how do I die?
Was I doing something cool,
104
00:03:39,220 --> 00:03:42,612
like saving a bunch of animals
from a burning building or...
105
00:03:42,631 --> 00:03:44,539
anything involving a bungee?
106
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:47,617
Right. Well, all signs point
to strangulation
107
00:03:47,636 --> 00:03:49,377
in a comfortable chair.
108
00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:50,787
VANESSA:
Guys,
109
00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:53,290
come on. You just-- you're
not taking this seriously.
110
00:03:53,308 --> 00:03:55,383
Come on.
I know it's scary. It sucks.
111
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:57,051
But you're doing this for your--
112
00:03:57,071 --> 00:03:58,645
for Sarah,
for your daughter.
113
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:01,298
This is only in
the unfortunate circumstance
114
00:04:01,316 --> 00:04:02,649
that both of you die.
115
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:03,984
You know,
who's gonna take care of her?
116
00:04:04,136 --> 00:04:05,469
-What's gonna happen to her?
-You need to find
117
00:04:05,562 --> 00:04:08,247
a guardian for Sarah
that you both trust.
118
00:04:08,398 --> 00:04:09,639
Somebody that would raise her
119
00:04:09,733 --> 00:04:11,324
the way you want her
to be raised, okay?
120
00:04:11,477 --> 00:04:12,233
So...
121
00:04:12,327 --> 00:04:14,828
I think maybe we should go home
122
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,255
and talk about this
a little more.
123
00:04:16,482 --> 00:04:19,816
Yeah. Yeah, I think so, too.
124
00:04:19,835 --> 00:04:21,334
Thank you, guys.
125
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:22,910
Thanks.
126
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,079
All right, see you later.
127
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,507
-(chuckles softly)
-(exhales)
128
00:04:27,659 --> 00:04:31,353
Really, how often
do you talk about me dying?
129
00:04:36,835 --> 00:04:37,501
Oh.
130
00:04:37,594 --> 00:04:38,760
There she is!
131
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:42,339
(laughs) How's
our newest executive assistant?
132
00:04:42,432 --> 00:04:43,840
So excited.
133
00:04:43,933 --> 00:04:46,176
-And it's such a fancy title.
-Ooh.
134
00:04:46,194 --> 00:04:49,513
Although the only other title
I've had is busboy,
135
00:04:49,606 --> 00:04:53,517
which wasn't fancy
or biologically accurate.
136
00:04:53,610 --> 00:04:57,020
Well, well, there's a lot less
chewed food in this gig.
137
00:04:57,039 --> 00:04:59,339
Well, not none...
but less.
138
00:05:00,784 --> 00:05:03,302
I'm determined to do this job
better than anyone ever.
139
00:05:03,453 --> 00:05:04,636
-Oh. Well...
-Got any tips?
140
00:05:04,863 --> 00:05:07,973
Well, you know, it's
always helped me to, you know,
141
00:05:08,124 --> 00:05:09,699
act like a Marine.
(grunts)
142
00:05:09,718 --> 00:05:13,203
That probably worked for you
because you are a Marine.
143
00:05:13,296 --> 00:05:14,980
Anybody could act like one.
144
00:05:15,131 --> 00:05:17,541
Uh, Marines are respectful,
145
00:05:17,634 --> 00:05:19,526
professional, focused,
146
00:05:19,636 --> 00:05:21,636
uh, confident, effective,
147
00:05:21,730 --> 00:05:24,806
cheerful in the face of death.
148
00:05:25,567 --> 00:05:28,234
What happened
to the person I'm replacing?
149
00:05:28,329 --> 00:05:29,886
(chuckles)
150
00:05:29,905 --> 00:05:31,288
Look sharp, Cadet.
151
00:05:32,391 --> 00:05:34,166
-Yes, sir.
-(chuckles) There you go.
152
00:05:34,393 --> 00:05:36,335
So, as executive assistant,
153
00:05:36,562 --> 00:05:38,319
is there anything
I could do for you?
154
00:05:38,339 --> 00:05:40,397
Well, um...
155
00:05:40,415 --> 00:05:42,174
Whoa. Running low
on paper clips.
156
00:05:42,401 --> 00:05:44,734
-I'm on it, sir.
-Mm.
157
00:05:44,753 --> 00:05:46,345
How many? Six? Seven?
158
00:05:46,496 --> 00:05:48,755
Uh, a Marine
would just bring the box.
159
00:05:48,907 --> 00:05:49,997
Of course.
160
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,165
Just bring a box.
161
00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:53,560
Think, Jen, think.
162
00:05:56,357 --> 00:05:59,024
-Okay, Sarah's finally asleep.
-Ah.
163
00:05:59,251 --> 00:06:00,433
Just read her
the periodic table.
164
00:06:00,586 --> 00:06:03,436
So, of course, now I'm jazzed.
(laughs)
165
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:06,681
Did she ask you why the symbol
for potassium is "K"?
166
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,258
I-I never knew that, either.
167
00:06:08,351 --> 00:06:09,926
I don't know
what that's all about.
168
00:06:09,945 --> 00:06:11,703
-Uh, have you heard
from Mandy and Kyle?
-Mm.
169
00:06:11,930 --> 00:06:14,373
They should be finished
with our estate lawyer by now.
170
00:06:14,524 --> 00:06:16,449
Yeah, just got a text from her.
Said "We're on our way.
171
00:06:16,602 --> 00:06:19,102
We found the perfect couple
to be Sarah's guardians."
172
00:06:19,195 --> 00:06:20,212
With the wink emoji.
173
00:06:20,363 --> 00:06:22,939
You think
they're talking about us?
174
00:06:22,958 --> 00:06:26,426
Hey, she used
the word "perfect."
175
00:06:27,129 --> 00:06:29,279
Should we talk about it?
176
00:06:29,372 --> 00:06:31,297
Un-Unless you don't care
one way or the other.
177
00:06:31,450 --> 00:06:32,966
Oh, I care. I care. I care.
178
00:06:33,118 --> 00:06:34,059
But-but do you care?
179
00:06:34,210 --> 00:06:36,878
Oh, yes, yes.
Very much.
180
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,380
-S-So, what are--
what are you thinking?
-No, ladies first.
181
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:42,567
-Go. No, come on, come on.
-No, no, no, no, no. You go
ahead. Go ahead. You go ahead.
182
00:06:42,794 --> 00:06:44,552
What are we, kids? Listen.
All right, let's, uh,
183
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,571
-go on three together.
Ready? One.
-Okay. All right.
184
00:06:46,723 --> 00:06:47,647
-Two.
-Three.
185
00:06:47,799 --> 00:06:49,149
I don't want to be
Sarah's guardian.
186
00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:51,635
-Ooh, wow. Wow.
-Oh, wow! Wow!
187
00:06:51,728 --> 00:06:53,412
I thought we were gonna do it
at the same time.
188
00:06:53,563 --> 00:06:55,062
-I can't believe
you feel that way.
-(sighs)
189
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:57,974
I know. I'm-- I am such
a horrible grandmother.
190
00:06:58,067 --> 00:06:59,309
I'm so selfish. I... (groans)
191
00:06:59,327 --> 00:07:00,902
-You must hate me.
-No, no, no.
192
00:07:00,996 --> 00:07:03,496
Couldn't love you any more than
I do right now. I don't want
193
00:07:03,649 --> 00:07:06,073
-to take care of Sarah. I don't
want to be her guardian, honey.
-Oh, thank God.
194
00:07:06,168 --> 00:07:08,334
-Oh, honey. Oh, good.
Okay, okay.
-Oh, yeah.
195
00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:11,154
-But we love her.
I love her to death. So much.
-Yes. Oh, so, so much.
196
00:07:11,173 --> 00:07:12,580
-Yeah.
-But, really, can you see us
197
00:07:12,674 --> 00:07:14,324
-chasing that kid
all over the house?
-No, no. No.
198
00:07:14,342 --> 00:07:15,675
-I mean, wow.
-Oh, like a Tasmanian devil,
199
00:07:15,827 --> 00:07:17,177
-throwing stuff around.
-Yeah.
200
00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:18,845
-Touching all my tanks? No way.
-But-but...
201
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,106
-it's such an honor
just to be chosen.
-Yeah, yeah.
202
00:07:21,333 --> 00:07:23,775
You know, we got to get Mandy
and Kyle to pick somebody else.
203
00:07:24,002 --> 00:07:26,002
-Well, it's easily done.
We just use the age card.
-Okay.
204
00:07:26,095 --> 00:07:28,262
-Yeah? Oh.
-We'll do the "things--
everything's falling apart."
205
00:07:28,356 --> 00:07:30,507
-You know? Come on. We can--
we can play that.
-Okay. All right, all right.
206
00:07:30,525 --> 00:07:31,691
-All right, just...
-Hello. We're back.
207
00:07:31,843 --> 00:07:33,100
-Hi there.
-Hi. Hey. Hi.
208
00:07:33,195 --> 00:07:34,435
Thanks so much
for watching Sarah.
209
00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:36,604
Well, watching her is one thing,
but hearing her--
210
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,606
Is she crying now?
I can't even tell because my...
211
00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:41,534
Yeah, well, you know, and I went
up there to check on her...
212
00:07:41,687 --> 00:07:43,687
And chased her around today.
Your knees. Are they all right?
213
00:07:43,780 --> 00:07:46,189
-She's fine, but my knees
are shot. Ow.
-She runs so fast.
214
00:07:46,208 --> 00:07:50,360
Anyway, so you guys texted,
said you found the perfect
215
00:07:50,378 --> 00:07:52,286
-guardians for Sarah?
-Oh, yeah, that's right.
216
00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:55,699
-Um... um...
-Come on. It's Mark.
217
00:07:55,717 --> 00:07:59,219
Mike! I don't even remember
my own name sometimes.
218
00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:00,979
Yeah.
And not just any guardians,
219
00:08:01,130 --> 00:08:03,148
the best ones imaginable.
220
00:08:03,375 --> 00:08:04,557
Yeah. You guys ready for this?
221
00:08:04,710 --> 00:08:06,467
-Mm-hmm.
-Okay, if anything happens
to us,
222
00:08:06,561 --> 00:08:09,154
the people we've chosen
to care for Sarah are...
223
00:08:09,381 --> 00:08:10,805
BOTH:
Ed and Bonnie.
224
00:08:10,899 --> 00:08:12,565
-Ed?
-Bonnie?
225
00:08:12,718 --> 00:08:13,733
-SARAH (calling out):
Mommy.
-Oh, Sarah's up.
226
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:14,901
We should get her home
for dinner.
227
00:08:15,053 --> 00:08:16,219
Hey, yeah, let's feed her
228
00:08:16,312 --> 00:08:18,163
while she's still ours.
229
00:08:26,489 --> 00:08:29,007
Hey. Oh, it's you.
Is Kyle here?
230
00:08:29,234 --> 00:08:31,417
Oh, I'm good, thanks.
231
00:08:31,512 --> 00:08:33,586
Uh, yeah, he's picking up
the woodchipper that we rented.
232
00:08:33,739 --> 00:08:35,847
We're gonna get rid of that
branch that tried to kill him.
233
00:08:35,999 --> 00:08:37,907
Oh, and you think
the wood chipper will
234
00:08:38,001 --> 00:08:39,592
finish him off, huh?
235
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:42,521
Well, you know, it's not
a bad thing that you're here.
236
00:08:42,748 --> 00:08:44,264
Mike Baxter said it's not
a bad thing that I'm here.
237
00:08:44,416 --> 00:08:46,082
I will tell my therapist.
238
00:08:46,175 --> 00:08:49,361
Oh, I think you have
bigger fish to fry.
239
00:08:49,588 --> 00:08:51,178
Listen, um...
240
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:54,941
did you know
that Kyle and Mandy
241
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:58,611
picked Ed and, uh, Bonnie
to be Sarah's guardian?
242
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,354
-What? Really?
-Yeah.
243
00:09:00,448 --> 00:09:02,523
We just assumed
they would pick us.
244
00:09:02,617 --> 00:09:03,950
Yeah. Kind of hurts.
245
00:09:04,102 --> 00:09:06,619
You probably want to talk
to your therapist now, huh?
246
00:09:06,772 --> 00:09:08,938
(exhales) Seriously.
247
00:09:08,957 --> 00:09:10,239
Oh, you're mocking me.
248
00:09:10,292 --> 00:09:12,384
Vanessa and I just
found this out,
249
00:09:12,535 --> 00:09:15,111
and we both think
somebody should gently
250
00:09:15,130 --> 00:09:17,280
tell them to change their mind.
251
00:09:17,299 --> 00:09:18,706
You don't do "gently."
252
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:21,709
Probably should talk
to my therapist about that.
253
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,377
Oh, you-you see a therapist?
254
00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:25,379
That's-- Oh, you're mocking me.
255
00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:27,307
-I really want...
-(clears throat)
256
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:29,550
-Oh, hey. Yeah.
-Hey, Mr. B.
257
00:09:29,644 --> 00:09:31,144
Hey, did you come to help?
258
00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:32,737
Woody Woodchipper is
all set up.
259
00:09:32,964 --> 00:09:34,573
That's what I named
the woodchipper.
260
00:09:34,724 --> 00:09:37,725
No. As much as I love
the sound of a good woodchipper,
261
00:09:37,819 --> 00:09:41,079
um, I'm actually impressed that
you two are doing this together.
262
00:09:41,230 --> 00:09:42,972
Or did you invite Ed over
to help you out?
263
00:09:42,991 --> 00:09:45,308
Oh, Mr. Alzate?
No, no, today's the day
264
00:09:45,327 --> 00:09:46,976
he paints watercolors.
265
00:09:46,995 --> 00:09:49,588
Yeah, last week
he painted horses.
266
00:09:49,739 --> 00:09:51,664
Or it might have been dogs.
267
00:09:51,817 --> 00:09:53,407
I don't know, they had legs.
268
00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:55,001
Yeah, well, you know,
Ed's got a lot of hobbies.
269
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,078
You know, I think it's
the time in his life he...
270
00:09:57,097 --> 00:10:00,247
-he should have the ability
to enjoy those hobbies.
-Oh, yeah, I agree.
271
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,375
Is this about the will?
272
00:10:02,527 --> 00:10:05,770
Yeah. I mean, you picked Ed.
I don't know why.
273
00:10:05,997 --> 00:10:08,923
Because he's the greatest man
I know.
274
00:10:09,017 --> 00:10:10,692
Second greatest.
275
00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,595
Or tied.
Ooh, don't do this to me.
276
00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:17,616
Uh, could be a three-way tie.
Standing right here.
277
00:10:17,767 --> 00:10:20,601
You've really given me
something to think about.
278
00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:22,178
Oh, hey, and if you need help
thinking about it--
279
00:10:22,197 --> 00:10:24,772
you know, someone who shares
your values and worldview--
280
00:10:24,866 --> 00:10:27,200
I'm your man.
281
00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:29,869
Oh, hey, my butterfly is back.
282
00:10:30,021 --> 00:10:32,279
No, no, don't go near
the chipper.
283
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:35,692
It's not a cave,
it's a tunnel of knives.
284
00:10:35,785 --> 00:10:37,969
Kyle, the woodchipper's not on.
285
00:10:38,121 --> 00:10:40,597
He doesn't know that.
286
00:10:45,203 --> 00:10:47,053
Good afternoon, sir.
287
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,481
Check that.
It's not quite 01200.
288
00:10:49,708 --> 00:10:51,298
Good morning, sir.
289
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:54,727
-Jen? Hi.
-Yes, ma'am.
290
00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:56,303
Oh. Oh, please
don't call me that.
291
00:10:56,398 --> 00:10:58,898
Reminds me of the
first time somebody did that.
292
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,474
I was only 18.
293
00:11:00,568 --> 00:11:02,994
Granted, I was
pushing a stroller.
294
00:11:03,221 --> 00:11:05,813
That sounds like
an upsetting experience.
295
00:11:05,907 --> 00:11:08,833
I hate that you had
to go through that, ma'am.
296
00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:12,245
Well... Jen, what is
going on with you?
297
00:11:12,397 --> 00:11:14,247
Susan in accounting said
that you saluted her?
298
00:11:14,399 --> 00:11:15,823
I mean,
it kind of freaked her out.
299
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:19,844
Darn it. I knew that would
seem weird in the ladies' room.
300
00:11:19,996 --> 00:11:22,755
Listen. Listen, Jen.
Jen, listen.
301
00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:24,516
Look at me. Look at me.
It's okay.
302
00:11:24,667 --> 00:11:27,410
I know that finding your place
here can be a little stressful.
303
00:11:27,429 --> 00:11:30,930
You know what I do?
Just treat everyone like family.
304
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:33,358
Lovingly, but with a hint
of passive-aggressive
305
00:11:33,509 --> 00:11:35,944
childhood resentment
under the surface?
306
00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:39,255
Not quite. Uh, no, I mean,
307
00:11:39,348 --> 00:11:42,592
you know, friendly,
familiar, casual.
308
00:11:42,685 --> 00:11:44,610
-Okay.
-Okay. So, uh,
309
00:11:44,763 --> 00:11:47,372
what would you say to me
if I just entered the room?
310
00:11:48,450 --> 00:11:51,601
Hello, Kristin.
Welcome to the room!
311
00:11:52,361 --> 00:11:55,880
Okay. Okay, uh,
maybe a little more relaxed.
312
00:11:56,107 --> 00:11:58,675
Okay. Uh...
313
00:12:00,203 --> 00:12:03,388
Good afternoon, Kris.
314
00:12:04,874 --> 00:12:09,352
Better. Uh, just really
loosen up. You know, just...
315
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:14,023
Uh... 'sup, girlfriend?
316
00:12:17,312 --> 00:12:19,571
Hey, Ed, have you seen my chair?
317
00:12:19,722 --> 00:12:22,632
It's under my butt.
318
00:12:23,392 --> 00:12:26,244
Well, hose it off
and give it back to me.
319
00:12:26,395 --> 00:12:28,413
Kyle said, after talking to you,
320
00:12:28,564 --> 00:12:31,491
he and Mandy no longer want me
to be the guardian.
321
00:12:31,643 --> 00:12:34,252
-So that's what this is about?
-Mm-hmm. You know,
322
00:12:34,479 --> 00:12:37,071
him asking meant a lot
to me, Mikey.
323
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:40,074
Yeah, taking care of Sarah,
which I do all the time.
324
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,834
You don't want any part of this.
325
00:12:41,987 --> 00:12:43,911
Of course I don't.
I'm not an idiot.
326
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,746
I already raised my own kids.
327
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:47,432
Well, so what are you mad about?
328
00:12:47,659 --> 00:12:51,511
You know, I botched that job,
and my kids barely speak to me,
329
00:12:51,663 --> 00:12:53,271
but when Kyle asked me,
it was almost like
330
00:12:53,498 --> 00:12:57,984
somebody finally telling me
that I was a good dad.
331
00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:00,520
I get it. Listen.
332
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:03,448
I-I did it 'cause I thought
I was doing you a favor.
333
00:13:03,599 --> 00:13:06,951
All right, it's not your fault,
all right? It's...
334
00:13:07,103 --> 00:13:08,678
What can I do?
335
00:13:08,771 --> 00:13:10,847
You've known me a long time.
You know what I want.
336
00:13:10,865 --> 00:13:13,533
-For me to drop it.
-Bingo.
337
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,985
Well, you've known me
a long time,
338
00:13:16,037 --> 00:13:18,379
and you know I'm not going to.
339
00:13:36,374 --> 00:13:38,483
Hey, Mike Baxter
for Outdoor Man.
340
00:13:38,710 --> 00:13:41,044
We sell magic here.
341
00:13:41,062 --> 00:13:44,047
Not the kind where big faces
in small rooms "ooh" and "ah"
342
00:13:44,065 --> 00:13:46,140
as you guess their card.
343
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:49,327
I'm talking about the spell
that lasts generations.
344
00:13:49,478 --> 00:13:51,070
There's nothing more magical
for a kid
345
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:52,664
than his first hunting trip.
346
00:13:52,815 --> 00:13:57,001
On mine, my dad gave me my first
drag on one of his Pall Malls.
347
00:13:57,153 --> 00:13:58,819
(laughs, coughs)
348
00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:01,655
Yeah, that trip made me
fall in love with the outdoors
349
00:14:01,749 --> 00:14:03,991
and guaranteed
I'd never be a smoker.
350
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:06,085
Boy, that ad writes itself,
doesn't it?
351
00:14:06,237 --> 00:14:07,494
"Fresh mountain air
got you down?
352
00:14:07,589 --> 00:14:10,515
Here, suck on one
of these death sticks." Geez.
353
00:14:10,742 --> 00:14:14,260
My favorite story from American
literature about passing down
354
00:14:14,412 --> 00:14:18,339
the hunting tradition is
William Faulkner's "The Bear."
355
00:14:18,433 --> 00:14:20,583
The mentor's name
is Sam Fathers.
356
00:14:20,585 --> 00:14:24,345
Gee, could you be more
on the nose with that, Bill?
357
00:14:24,439 --> 00:14:26,606
But old Sam isn't
little Ike's dad,
358
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:28,349
because the author understood
359
00:14:28,443 --> 00:14:30,259
you don't have
to be someone's father
360
00:14:30,353 --> 00:14:31,777
to be a great father figure.
361
00:14:31,930 --> 00:14:34,597
Faulkner was a very wise man,
even if he could never
362
00:14:34,616 --> 00:14:36,949
get the hang
of how to use a period.
363
00:14:37,102 --> 00:14:38,935
That guy's stream
of consciousness is longer
364
00:14:39,028 --> 00:14:40,937
than the wait at the DMV.
365
00:14:41,789 --> 00:14:43,864
Well, maybe you've been
lucky enough to have someone
366
00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:45,625
in your life
who picked up the slack
367
00:14:45,777 --> 00:14:47,944
where your own dad fell short.
368
00:14:47,962 --> 00:14:49,795
These guys are
the real heroes to me.
369
00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:52,131
So here's to all
the father figures,
370
00:14:52,283 --> 00:14:54,467
stepfathers, uncles,
coaches, teachers
371
00:14:54,619 --> 00:14:56,636
and mentors
who have filled that void
372
00:14:56,788 --> 00:14:58,955
and helped shape
lost young bucks
373
00:14:59,048 --> 00:15:02,049
into the men who could become
great dads themselves.
374
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:04,068
And now
for a little more magic.
375
00:15:04,220 --> 00:15:07,388
Behold as I disappear.
376
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:10,450
Baxter... out.
377
00:15:13,062 --> 00:15:15,655
-Hey, Chuck.
-Hey.
378
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:17,749
What happened to your chair?
379
00:15:17,976 --> 00:15:19,642
I don't know.
380
00:15:19,661 --> 00:15:23,496
And as head of security,
I find that embarrassing.
381
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,073
-Your papers, sir.
-Oh, great.
382
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:28,167
I encountered some resistance
with the copy machine,
383
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:29,743
but the situation
has been handled.
384
00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:31,745
Thank you, Jen.
385
00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:34,098
Um, at ease?
386
00:15:36,327 --> 00:15:37,510
Jen?
387
00:15:37,662 --> 00:15:41,831
Oh, hey, Krispy-critter.
What's going on, boss lady?
388
00:15:41,849 --> 00:15:44,943
-(laughs) Jen.
-What's up, C-Note?
389
00:15:45,094 --> 00:15:47,019
I mean... sir.
390
00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:49,021
Are you okay?
391
00:15:49,174 --> 00:15:51,174
I don't know.
(panting)
392
00:15:51,267 --> 00:15:52,842
I'm just trying to fit in.
393
00:15:52,860 --> 00:15:56,270
Mr. Baxter gave me this job, and
I don't want to let him down.
394
00:15:57,198 --> 00:15:59,532
-Chuck,
you've been here a long time.
-Mm-hmm.
395
00:15:59,684 --> 00:16:04,278
Have you ever seen my father
give anybody anything?
396
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,779
Well, he gives me crap
all the time.
397
00:16:05,873 --> 00:16:09,375
But only time he'll give you
a job is if you've earned it.
398
00:16:09,527 --> 00:16:12,862
Jen, if he hired you
to be an executive assistant,
399
00:16:12,955 --> 00:16:14,380
it means that he knew
you were ready for it.
400
00:16:14,532 --> 00:16:17,033
It means he-he saw something
in you.
401
00:16:17,051 --> 00:16:19,477
Really? Like what?
402
00:16:19,628 --> 00:16:22,538
I don't know.
What do you think it was?
403
00:16:22,557 --> 00:16:25,708
Well, I guess I'm smart,
404
00:16:25,727 --> 00:16:28,069
and I have good judgment.
405
00:16:29,214 --> 00:16:33,032
And people like me,
and I'm honest.
406
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:37,311
Hey, I should just be myself.
407
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,998
-That's a great idea.
-(laughter)
408
00:16:40,149 --> 00:16:42,742
I'm clever, I'm funny,
409
00:16:42,894 --> 00:16:44,544
-I've got really cute shoes.
-Oh.
410
00:16:44,729 --> 00:16:47,580
Yeah. We get it. (laughs)
411
00:16:47,732 --> 00:16:49,323
You ready to start over?
412
00:16:49,417 --> 00:16:53,569
Yes, ma'am. I mean... Kris.
Thank you.
413
00:16:53,588 --> 00:16:56,830
-And thank you. Mr. Larabee.
-Mm.
414
00:16:56,957 --> 00:16:58,832
Now, do either of you
need anything?
415
00:16:58,926 --> 00:17:01,352
No. I'm good.
416
00:17:01,504 --> 00:17:04,522
I'd like to find the knucklehead
who took my chair.
417
00:17:05,416 --> 00:17:07,650
Oh, I think Mr. Baxter has it.
418
00:17:09,420 --> 00:17:11,487
I'm good.
419
00:17:13,925 --> 00:17:17,869
Hey, I got a message I was
supposed to come to your office.
420
00:17:18,096 --> 00:17:19,853
Not from me.
I'm brooding.
421
00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:23,524
Listen, Ed, you said you were
having a meeting about...?
422
00:17:23,618 --> 00:17:26,527
-What? You, too?
-Ah...
423
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,287
All right, something weird
is going on here.
424
00:17:28,439 --> 00:17:30,864
Oh, good. All right,
you're all here.
425
00:17:30,958 --> 00:17:33,125
If this is an intervention,
I'm gonna need a drink,
426
00:17:33,278 --> 00:17:35,294
and I drink alone.
427
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,129
All right,
I brought you guys here
428
00:17:37,282 --> 00:17:39,615
because I-I have a few things
that I wanted to say.
429
00:17:39,708 --> 00:17:41,926
-Mm-hmm.
-Okay, what's with
the note cards?
430
00:17:42,153 --> 00:17:44,136
Oh, uh, sometimes
when I get emotional,
431
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:46,564
I lose my train of thought, so
I've written some things down.
432
00:17:46,791 --> 00:17:49,383
Oh, good.
There's gonna be emotions.
433
00:17:49,477 --> 00:17:50,960
-Mm.
-Okay.
434
00:17:51,053 --> 00:17:55,406
All right, Mr. B, I-I watched
your vlog on father figures,
435
00:17:55,633 --> 00:17:58,134
and I realized
that you were talking to me.
436
00:17:58,894 --> 00:18:01,487
And-and when we finished
watching it, Mandy and I--
437
00:18:01,639 --> 00:18:03,564
we sat down, and we had
a long conversation
438
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:09,069
about who would be
the best guardian for Sarah.
439
00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:12,164
And we decided on you, Mr. B.
440
00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:13,740
Oh, wonderful.
That's another punch to the gut.
441
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,909
Okay, can everybody get out
of my office now, please?
442
00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:18,429
-Go.
-Now, hold on, son. Hold on.
-Hang on.
443
00:18:18,656 --> 00:18:20,414
-MIKE: Wait a minute...
-Hang on, Mr. B.
444
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:24,176
-We also decided on you, Ryan.
-Yes!
445
00:18:24,329 --> 00:18:25,419
(clears throat quietly)
446
00:18:25,513 --> 00:18:26,587
How nice of you
447
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:29,107
to make this announcement
in my office.
448
00:18:29,334 --> 00:18:32,652
We also decided on you,
Mr. Alzate.
449
00:18:33,596 --> 00:18:35,947
Yeah, that's t-- Yes.
450
00:18:36,098 --> 00:18:40,526
Are you sure that tree branch
didn't hit you in the head?
451
00:18:41,604 --> 00:18:44,938
We want you all three
to be Sarah's guardians.
452
00:18:45,032 --> 00:18:46,349
Hmm. Well.
453
00:18:46,367 --> 00:18:48,275
If I'm...
454
00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:51,295
I'm gonna look at the cards now.
455
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:53,372
"If I'm a good father at all,
456
00:18:53,524 --> 00:18:56,300
"it's because
of the three men in this room.
457
00:18:56,527 --> 00:19:00,054
"I love you all so much, and..."
458
00:19:01,382 --> 00:19:03,641
Ryan, take the cards.
Take... Get the cards.
459
00:19:03,792 --> 00:19:05,459
Okay.
460
00:19:05,553 --> 00:19:07,703
-Come on.
-"I love you all so much,
461
00:19:07,722 --> 00:19:10,297
"and I know that I wouldn't
be the father I am today
462
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:13,359
(crying):
"if it weren't
for the influence...
463
00:19:14,395 --> 00:19:17,213
...you all made in my life."
464
00:19:17,306 --> 00:19:19,715
Give me the damn cards.
465
00:19:20,551 --> 00:19:23,327
-Whoa.
-(mutters): What kind of guys
are these?
466
00:19:23,479 --> 00:19:25,496
"This is the best way
for me to honor
467
00:19:25,648 --> 00:19:28,374
what you three amazing fathers
mean to me."
468
00:19:28,484 --> 00:19:30,168
(clears throat)
469
00:19:30,319 --> 00:19:32,395
Three.
470
00:19:32,413 --> 00:19:33,729
It's nice, Kyle.
471
00:19:33,748 --> 00:19:37,157
So you and Kristin will be
the primary guardians.
472
00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:38,751
-Yes!
-But then,
473
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:41,570
Mr. B, Mr. Alzate--
you'll have a say
474
00:19:41,589 --> 00:19:42,922
on all the big decisions.
475
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:44,998
Sounds like a plan.
476
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:48,186
-Hey, oh, let's go
tell Kris, Okay?
-Yeah.
477
00:19:48,337 --> 00:19:51,314
Ooh. Gonna need these cards.
478
00:19:52,099 --> 00:19:54,250
-Hmm.
-He's a good kid.
479
00:19:54,343 --> 00:19:55,434
Yeah, he is a good kid.
480
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,086
I watched that vlog
you made for him.
481
00:19:57,104 --> 00:19:58,529
I can see why he loved it.
482
00:19:58,756 --> 00:20:02,182
Actually didn't make that for
him. I made that for you, Ed.
483
00:20:02,276 --> 00:20:04,535
-For me?
-Yes, for you. Um...
484
00:20:04,762 --> 00:20:06,704
you literally have been
like a father to me.
485
00:20:06,931 --> 00:20:08,539
You really have, over these
years, and I wouldn't be
486
00:20:08,691 --> 00:20:11,626
the man I am today without...
without you.
487
00:20:12,770 --> 00:20:15,213
Mikey. One second here.
488
00:20:15,364 --> 00:20:16,697
-Ah.
-Take your chair back.
489
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,457
Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead.
Just sit down.
490
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,200
I'll wheel you in.
I'll wheel you in.
491
00:20:20,294 --> 00:20:22,461
-Sit down. Say when.
-Give me a ride.
Give me a ride. Go.
492
00:20:22,613 --> 00:20:24,296
-Don't hit anything.
This way. Go, go.
-Okay.
493
00:20:24,449 --> 00:20:25,614
You're getting heavy.
You getting fat?
494
00:20:25,708 --> 00:20:28,392
Huh? Watch it. Watch it.
Watch the door...!
495
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:36,475
Okay. Sarah's finally asleep.
496
00:20:36,627 --> 00:20:39,144
-Oh, thank you
for putting her to bed, Mom.
-Oh.
497
00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:40,479
You know,
it usually takes us forever.
498
00:20:40,631 --> 00:20:42,406
First, she wants a book,
then another book.
499
00:20:42,558 --> 00:20:44,909
Then she wants some water,
and then I want some water.
500
00:20:45,060 --> 00:20:47,152
Well, she's never fussy with me.
501
00:20:47,305 --> 00:20:48,971
She usually just goes right out.
502
00:20:49,064 --> 00:20:51,657
So you just read her
that chemical thingamajig?
503
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:54,735
-Yes. Yes, the periodic table.
-Well, how does it even work?
504
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:57,646
Well, I just start
at the beginning, and then...
505
00:20:57,665 --> 00:20:58,923
I'll show you. Here.
506
00:20:59,074 --> 00:21:02,051
Um, okay.
507
00:21:02,987 --> 00:21:05,337
Uh, hydrogen.
508
00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:08,915
First discovered
by Henry Cavendish in 1766.
509
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,768
Although, interestingly,
510
00:21:10,995 --> 00:21:14,513
Robert Boyle produced it
as early as 1671.
511
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:17,516
Um, then next up is helium.
512
00:21:17,668 --> 00:21:19,926
It's the lightest
of the noble gases.
513
00:21:20,021 --> 00:21:23,005
It holds one atomic orbital,
but we may run out of it
514
00:21:23,098 --> 00:21:24,931
in 30 years,
so get used to your balloons
515
00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:26,742
just laying on the carpet.
516
00:21:28,937 --> 00:21:30,621
Even Sarah makes it
to tellurium.
517
00:21:30,773 --> 00:21:33,808
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
518
00:21:33,810 --> 00:21:35,534
and TOYOTA.
519
00:21:35,686 --> 00:21:37,369
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
520
00:21:37,463 --> 00:21:39,130
(chicken clucks)