1 00:00:04,730 --> 00:00:06,079 (Vanessa laughing) 2 00:00:06,232 --> 00:00:07,914 -You're back! -Hey, hi. 3 00:00:08,083 --> 00:00:09,416 How did the grandkids like the park? 4 00:00:09,568 --> 00:00:11,677 Well, not much sand left in that box. 5 00:00:11,828 --> 00:00:14,755 What they didn't eat, they're probably wearing. 6 00:00:14,907 --> 00:00:15,922 (laughs) 7 00:00:16,091 --> 00:00:18,017 Look at these pictures. 8 00:00:18,168 --> 00:00:22,095 Ooh. Looks like most of them are of the inside of my pouch. 9 00:00:22,264 --> 00:00:23,430 (chuckles) 10 00:00:23,599 --> 00:00:24,356 Look, look, look. 11 00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:26,266 There you go. Look at that. 12 00:00:26,418 --> 00:00:29,269 -Look at those dirty faces. -Oh, my goodness. 13 00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:32,814 -Can you get a cavity from looking at so much sweetness? -Mm. (chuckles) 14 00:00:32,941 --> 00:00:35,534 I'm gonna send this one to my sister Nicole. 15 00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,870 Look, who can resist Sarah and Evelyn 16 00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:39,705 playing muddy patty-cake? 17 00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:42,074 Oh, here we go. 18 00:00:42,226 --> 00:00:43,876 What do you mean by that? 19 00:00:44,027 --> 00:00:47,195 Uh, Nicole and I send each other pictures of our grandbabies 20 00:00:47,289 --> 00:00:49,048 just to keep each other updated, 21 00:00:49,241 --> 00:00:51,050 and-and Mike thinks it's bragging. 22 00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:54,219 It's like bragging with really sharp knives. 23 00:00:54,371 --> 00:00:57,130 Okay, okay. I'll admit my sister and I 24 00:00:57,299 --> 00:00:59,058 have a friendly rivalry. 25 00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,301 We-we just... we push each other to be better. 26 00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:03,470 I get it, Vanessa. Like Venus and Serena. 27 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:06,381 -Yeah. -Yeah, yeah, a little less like Grand Slam tennis, 28 00:01:06,550 --> 00:01:08,734 more like a Connecticut catfight. 29 00:01:08,885 --> 00:01:10,477 (Vanessa groans) 30 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:11,904 Any minute now. 31 00:01:12,055 --> 00:01:14,298 (electronic ding) 32 00:01:14,466 --> 00:01:15,799 -Oh. -And return serve! 33 00:01:15,818 --> 00:01:17,634 (laughs) Here we go. 34 00:01:17,653 --> 00:01:19,578 Nicole sent a picture of her grandson. 35 00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:22,397 -MIKE: Mm. -"Here's our little Ben 36 00:01:22,566 --> 00:01:25,809 "having his portrait shot at a real studio. 37 00:01:25,828 --> 00:01:29,630 (mocking): The photographer thinks he could be a model." 38 00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,575 Holy Harry Styles! 39 00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:36,244 -He's gorgeous! -Oh, stop it. Come on. 40 00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:38,746 Who puts a toddler in an ascot? 41 00:01:38,841 --> 00:01:40,824 All right, you know what? It's on, it's on. 42 00:01:40,993 --> 00:01:43,918 You're gonna get so much cute, you're gonna choke on it. 43 00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:45,495 Mm. 44 00:01:45,514 --> 00:01:48,690 And they say choking on cute's the worst way to go. 45 00:01:49,852 --> 00:01:52,069 ♪ 46 00:01:57,767 --> 00:01:58,600 Okay. 47 00:01:58,768 --> 00:02:00,677 Ah. Are the girls finally asleep? 48 00:02:00,696 --> 00:02:01,769 Yes. 49 00:02:01,938 --> 00:02:04,164 -(doorbell rings) -(shushing) 50 00:02:05,851 --> 00:02:09,444 What kind of maniac rings the doorbell to get into the house? 51 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,855 Ooh, sorry. I'm guessing you just put the girls down. 52 00:02:11,948 --> 00:02:13,540 I'm glad you're here, too, though, Mandy. 53 00:02:13,692 --> 00:02:16,042 Yeah, well, that is the beauty of being a stay-at-home mom. 54 00:02:16,195 --> 00:02:17,469 I get to help out my sis 55 00:02:17,696 --> 00:02:19,396 while she does the books for the Grill. 56 00:02:19,531 --> 00:02:20,639 Yeah, we help each other. 57 00:02:20,866 --> 00:02:22,716 -Yeah. -It's who we are. 58 00:02:22,868 --> 00:02:24,534 We're beautiful. 59 00:02:24,628 --> 00:02:26,536 MANDY: What's with Dad's good camera? 60 00:02:26,630 --> 00:02:29,130 Well, I just, I think it's time we took some exceptional photos 61 00:02:29,150 --> 00:02:30,540 of Sarah and Evelyn. 62 00:02:30,634 --> 00:02:32,893 What? We've got nothing but pictures. 63 00:02:33,045 --> 00:02:36,046 We're looking into renting cloud storage from the NSA. 64 00:02:36,215 --> 00:02:38,398 Yeah, but we don't have any that are professional grade, 65 00:02:38,567 --> 00:02:40,717 perfectly lit and styled-- so come on, 66 00:02:40,810 --> 00:02:41,902 let's wake those girls up! 67 00:02:42,054 --> 00:02:43,904 -What? -Sarah? Evelyn? 68 00:02:44,056 --> 00:02:46,740 Stay away from that bedroom, lady. 69 00:02:46,892 --> 00:02:49,459 Mom, what is this really about? 70 00:02:51,563 --> 00:02:53,463 This. 71 00:02:56,084 --> 00:02:59,428 Jumpin' Justin Timberlake, is that Ben? 72 00:03:00,830 --> 00:03:02,163 He's beautiful. 73 00:03:02,332 --> 00:03:03,757 Oh, Aunt Nicole said the photographer liked his photo 74 00:03:03,926 --> 00:03:06,351 so much that he's gonna put it in the window. That's huge. 75 00:03:06,503 --> 00:03:08,836 Mm. So is his head, but he'll grow into it. 76 00:03:09,839 --> 00:03:12,858 Uh-oh. Sounds like Aunt Nicole and Mom 77 00:03:13,085 --> 00:03:14,434 are being super competitive again. 78 00:03:14,603 --> 00:03:17,011 This is like when we were kids and Aunt Nicole's daughter 79 00:03:17,031 --> 00:03:18,605 won Little Miss Ridgefield. 80 00:03:18,774 --> 00:03:22,108 Yeah. And then to one-up her, you made us the Outdoor Toddlers 81 00:03:22,261 --> 00:03:23,443 for Dad's catalog. 82 00:03:23,612 --> 00:03:25,871 That's when I met my first love: 83 00:03:26,022 --> 00:03:27,781 the spotlight. 84 00:03:27,933 --> 00:03:30,542 You know what? That Outdoor Toddler catalog 85 00:03:30,694 --> 00:03:32,619 was one of their most popular ever, 86 00:03:32,788 --> 00:03:35,622 and you two were tiny little celebrities. 87 00:03:35,791 --> 00:03:37,549 Aunt Nicole must have hated that. 88 00:03:39,127 --> 00:03:41,303 I got to run. 89 00:03:42,372 --> 00:03:44,130 (closes door loudly) 90 00:03:44,299 --> 00:03:46,725 (babies crying) 91 00:03:46,876 --> 00:03:50,395 -I'm taking that door off its hinges. -Mm-hmm. 92 00:03:50,547 --> 00:03:53,290 ♪ ♪ 93 00:03:53,308 --> 00:03:56,735 (chuckles): Hey, good morning, Pickles. 94 00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:58,645 Really? 95 00:03:58,814 --> 00:04:00,797 I brought pickles in my lunch yesterday, now I'm Pickles? 96 00:04:00,816 --> 00:04:03,650 There was also a cupcake in there-- you want to go there? 97 00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:04,968 (sighs) 98 00:04:05,137 --> 00:04:06,078 No. 99 00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:07,971 I'll be Pickles. 100 00:04:08,140 --> 00:04:09,639 Hey, hey. 101 00:04:09,658 --> 00:04:11,975 Hey, Asparagus. 102 00:04:11,994 --> 00:04:13,810 -What? -D-Don't fight it. Just... 103 00:04:13,979 --> 00:04:15,545 just be Asparagus. 104 00:04:16,648 --> 00:04:17,314 Okay. 105 00:04:17,483 --> 00:04:19,091 Uh, hey, I need some advice. 106 00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:20,484 I gave you advice last week. 107 00:04:20,502 --> 00:04:23,153 When is this ever going to end? 108 00:04:23,171 --> 00:04:25,246 So, you know Doris Oliver, who lives on your street? 109 00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:27,157 She's a regular customer of mine. 110 00:04:27,175 --> 00:04:28,750 That old lady's into the chronic? 111 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:31,937 Well, that would explain the ill-advised halter tops. 112 00:04:32,164 --> 00:04:34,848 (singsongy): "Morning." 113 00:04:35,017 --> 00:04:36,833 Anyway, she's moving, 114 00:04:36,852 --> 00:04:40,337 and she asked me if I wanted to buy her house. 115 00:04:40,506 --> 00:04:42,430 -CHUCK: Oh. -Yeah, but why you? 116 00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:44,098 She wants it to go to somebody that she knows and someone 117 00:04:44,118 --> 00:04:46,267 who will take care of it and love it the way that she did. 118 00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:48,011 Well, y-you know, she's kind of let it go, 119 00:04:48,104 --> 00:04:50,271 but it could be nice if you put some money into it. 120 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,273 I know, and that's expensive, you know? 121 00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:55,127 I'm making more money now with the new job, but who knows? 122 00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:57,354 Like, what if people stop smoking pot? 123 00:04:57,523 --> 00:04:58,630 That ain't gonna happen. 124 00:04:59,858 --> 00:05:01,616 Listen, it-it's always a good idea 125 00:05:01,785 --> 00:05:04,952 to buy the worst house on the best block. 126 00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:06,287 And even though Baxter lives on it, 127 00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:08,140 it's still a pretty good block. 128 00:05:09,459 --> 00:05:11,292 -It's just a stretch for us right now. -Mm-hmm. 129 00:05:11,495 --> 00:05:13,294 You know, we're just bouncing back from the pandemic. 130 00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:15,463 Is right now the time to buy a house? 131 00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,465 No, man, just think of it as an investment. 132 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,467 Not a lot of places on the market these days 133 00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:21,895 have a three-car garage, huh? 134 00:05:22,064 --> 00:05:23,471 Quit pressuring the kid. 135 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,732 Ryan, are you really looking for a house, 136 00:05:25,884 --> 00:05:28,568 or is this just 'cause the opportunity came up? 137 00:05:29,646 --> 00:05:32,222 Guess it's just 'cause the opportunity came up? 138 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:33,573 Trust your instincts. 139 00:05:33,725 --> 00:05:36,126 You're a good man. They'll serve you right. 140 00:05:37,062 --> 00:05:38,745 You're right. Thank you. 141 00:05:38,897 --> 00:05:40,339 Knew I could count on you. 142 00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,758 -See you guys. -Mm. 143 00:05:44,586 --> 00:05:47,095 You don't think he's a good man. 144 00:05:48,164 --> 00:05:50,265 What are you up to? 145 00:05:51,167 --> 00:05:53,185 I'm gonna buy that house. 146 00:05:53,336 --> 00:05:54,928 (gasps) What?! 147 00:05:55,097 --> 00:05:57,263 Yeah. Come on, you talked me into it. 148 00:05:57,432 --> 00:06:00,025 You're a great salesman, Pickles. 149 00:06:00,176 --> 00:06:01,935 (stammers) 150 00:06:02,104 --> 00:06:04,738 ♪ ♪ 151 00:06:11,279 --> 00:06:12,520 (clears throat) 152 00:06:12,614 --> 00:06:15,040 Idea. A musical. 153 00:06:15,191 --> 00:06:17,376 About the man who invented the paper clip. 154 00:06:17,603 --> 00:06:19,711 Yeah. Ah, that's right. 155 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,881 Tagline: "The man who held it all together." 156 00:06:23,032 --> 00:06:25,158 -The first part... Yes? -Hi, Ed. 157 00:06:25,293 --> 00:06:26,868 -Yes, hi. -Uh, you busy? 158 00:06:26,962 --> 00:06:28,445 Oh. Sorry, but I'm never... 159 00:06:28,463 --> 00:06:30,222 never too busy for my stepdaughter. 160 00:06:30,391 --> 00:06:32,891 (chuckles) That is a handsome vest. 161 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:35,727 -It is very slimming. -Well, thank you, thank you. 162 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,304 You usually don't get that in bulletproof, you know. 163 00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:40,232 So, what can I do for you, darling? 164 00:06:40,383 --> 00:06:42,884 Uh, nothing, nothing. Uh, well, no, yeah, I was... 165 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,811 -I was just going through some old stuff. -Yeah. Uh-huh. 166 00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:48,131 -And I came across this old Outdoor Toddler catalog... -All right. 167 00:06:48,150 --> 00:06:49,241 with Kristin and Mandy. 168 00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:50,634 See? Remember this? 169 00:06:50,652 --> 00:06:52,135 Oh, do I remember? Look at that. 170 00:06:52,304 --> 00:06:54,654 Damn cute babies. Look at that. 171 00:06:54,806 --> 00:06:56,973 (chuckles): Look. In their snowsuits. 172 00:06:57,142 --> 00:06:58,658 Mm. 173 00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,310 And the actress playing their mother-- 174 00:07:00,328 --> 00:07:02,212 dated her for two months. 175 00:07:03,665 --> 00:07:07,317 -Uh, hey, uh, here's a thought. Uh... -Yeah. Yeah. 176 00:07:07,486 --> 00:07:09,928 What if we revive the Outdoor Toddler campaign? 177 00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:13,339 If we put Mandy and Kristin in those tiny snowsuits... 178 00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:16,993 well, I'm not sure what we'd be selling. 179 00:07:17,162 --> 00:07:18,678 No, not... Uh, all right, wait a... 180 00:07:18,830 --> 00:07:20,421 -Um, I mean... (chuckles) -Yeah. 181 00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:22,165 All right, look, I-- so I'm just spitballing here. 182 00:07:22,334 --> 00:07:23,424 -All right. -But, um... 183 00:07:23,444 --> 00:07:25,760 but what if the new Outdoor Toddlers 184 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,762 were Sarah and Evelyn? 185 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:28,930 Sarah and Evelyn? 186 00:07:29,098 --> 00:07:30,097 Yeah, y-you know, you-- 187 00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:32,509 your-your great-grand-stepki... 188 00:07:32,527 --> 00:07:34,844 -Yeah. -step-grand-- the babies. 189 00:07:35,013 --> 00:07:36,103 (both laugh) 190 00:07:36,272 --> 00:07:37,514 Well, they're... they're pretty cute. 191 00:07:37,532 --> 00:07:38,682 -Yeah. -They're very cute, yes, yes. 192 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,292 Yeah, yeah, it'll be like continuing 193 00:07:40,519 --> 00:07:42,294 the family legacy-- first the mothers, 194 00:07:42,521 --> 00:07:44,688 now the daughters, you know, like a circle of life. 195 00:07:44,856 --> 00:07:47,466 Yeah, well, we can't afford that song, but, uh... 196 00:07:47,617 --> 00:07:50,284 Okay, good. It sounds great. Great. Let's do it. 197 00:07:50,453 --> 00:07:52,137 -Ah. Wonderful, wonderful. -Let's do it. Let's do it. 198 00:07:52,364 --> 00:07:53,713 -Wonderful. Great. -Let's do it. 199 00:07:53,865 --> 00:07:57,058 Oh, just decide which one of the girls it should be. 200 00:07:57,961 --> 00:08:00,553 I'm sorry, wha... what? 201 00:08:00,706 --> 00:08:03,223 Well, y-you can't have both babies in the ad, you know. 202 00:08:03,375 --> 00:08:06,300 No, no. Wh-Why not? I mean, we had Kristin and Mandy. What...? 203 00:08:06,469 --> 00:08:08,728 Sure, but market research shows that it's better 204 00:08:08,897 --> 00:08:12,398 to have one face representing the brand, see? 205 00:08:12,551 --> 00:08:15,385 Even the Doublemint Twins, you see. 206 00:08:15,478 --> 00:08:18,330 Two people, one face. 207 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:21,148 But so... so I have to choose 208 00:08:21,317 --> 00:08:23,393 between my two granddaughters? 209 00:08:23,486 --> 00:08:24,986 Yep. 210 00:08:25,154 --> 00:08:28,656 But one of my daughters is gonna hate me. 211 00:08:28,825 --> 00:08:31,426 Probably. 212 00:08:38,410 --> 00:08:40,001 Sarah... 213 00:08:40,095 --> 00:08:41,853 or Evelyn. 214 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:43,429 No, Sarah. 215 00:08:43,582 --> 00:08:45,565 Or Evelyn. 216 00:08:46,752 --> 00:08:48,175 Vanessa, 217 00:08:48,344 --> 00:08:50,862 remember when you asked me if I had "a sec" to help you 218 00:08:51,089 --> 00:08:52,438 -with something? -Yeah. 219 00:08:52,591 --> 00:08:56,034 I didn't realize it was gonna be a sec-tion of my life. 220 00:08:56,261 --> 00:08:57,869 Oh, sorry. They're just... 221 00:08:58,096 --> 00:08:59,538 just so cute. 222 00:08:59,765 --> 00:09:01,373 You know, you don't have to pick one. 223 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:03,600 You could let some other kid do the campaign. 224 00:09:03,693 --> 00:09:06,193 And let my sister Nicole win? No, thank you. 225 00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,046 No, this is to prove a point. 226 00:09:08,197 --> 00:09:09,773 To push her to be better? 227 00:09:09,866 --> 00:09:12,217 Yeah, yeah, that's-that's... 228 00:09:13,369 --> 00:09:15,295 All right, no, I can do this, I can do this. 229 00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:19,115 So, uh, on the one hand, uh, Sarah is so photogenic. 230 00:09:19,208 --> 00:09:20,967 Perfect. Let's go with her. 231 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,303 Yeah, but... but Evelyn is cute as a button, 232 00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:25,471 and she can take direction, so... 233 00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:27,566 So Evelyn it is. 234 00:09:28,627 --> 00:09:31,811 But Sarah is a "Fall," and she would look absolutely perfect 235 00:09:31,980 --> 00:09:33,813 in little hiking gear. 236 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,815 Then let's go with Sarah. 237 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,150 Yeah, but... 238 00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,560 but Evelyn is a "Winter," 239 00:09:39,654 --> 00:09:43,656 and she is the obvious choice for snowsuits, so... 240 00:09:43,825 --> 00:09:45,900 (screams) 241 00:09:45,994 --> 00:09:47,660 (exhales) 242 00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,236 (laughs): Okay. 243 00:09:49,331 --> 00:09:52,924 Maybe... maybe I'll just let Kristin and Mandy decide. 244 00:09:53,668 --> 00:09:56,336 ♪ 245 00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:59,656 Oh, let's see what I brought today. 246 00:09:59,674 --> 00:10:02,416 Ooh... 247 00:10:02,510 --> 00:10:04,436 Gumbo. 248 00:10:04,663 --> 00:10:07,513 Oh, I love gumbo. 249 00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:09,774 You know, that could be my nickname. 250 00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,092 -I like it. -Mm. 251 00:10:11,186 --> 00:10:12,652 Gumbo Pickles. 252 00:10:13,688 --> 00:10:14,838 (both chuckle) 253 00:10:14,856 --> 00:10:16,506 Why are you in such a good mood? 254 00:10:16,599 --> 00:10:18,174 You know, 'cause I'm feeling good 255 00:10:18,267 --> 00:10:19,692 about the offer I put on Mrs. Oliver's house. 256 00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:22,269 Huh. You really are a piece of work, Baxter. 257 00:10:22,364 --> 00:10:23,655 Come on, I'm not being selfish. 258 00:10:23,882 --> 00:10:25,682 Fixing up that house will give me a project. 259 00:10:25,775 --> 00:10:27,292 Besides, three-car garage-- 260 00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:30,962 -perfect for our auto restoration business. -Mm. 261 00:10:31,189 --> 00:10:33,131 You are always thinking of other people 262 00:10:33,358 --> 00:10:35,616 -and how you can screw them over. -Mm. 263 00:10:35,636 --> 00:10:38,619 -You make it sound so negative. -Mm. 264 00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:40,363 Morning, all. 265 00:10:40,456 --> 00:10:43,533 "How's your morning, Ryan?" Well, it's been interesting. 266 00:10:43,626 --> 00:10:45,869 Stopped by Mrs. Oliver's to tell her how honored I was 267 00:10:46,037 --> 00:10:47,370 to get the opportunity to buy her house 268 00:10:47,539 --> 00:10:49,205 and that I was still thinking about it. 269 00:10:49,298 --> 00:10:51,132 You're still thinking about it? 270 00:10:51,226 --> 00:10:54,319 Yeah, and then she told me the funniest thing. 271 00:10:55,213 --> 00:10:56,896 That another party, 272 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,882 someone who lives on the street, 273 00:10:58,975 --> 00:11:02,143 had stopped by and made an offer. 274 00:11:02,237 --> 00:11:05,146 And it was substantially more than she was asking. 275 00:11:05,314 --> 00:11:06,723 Before you get angry about this-- 276 00:11:06,816 --> 00:11:08,667 And that other party was one 277 00:11:08,852 --> 00:11:10,960 Charles Larabee. 278 00:11:13,899 --> 00:11:15,748 You tried to steal that house from me? 279 00:11:15,901 --> 00:11:17,901 Well, if you steal from a thief, 280 00:11:17,994 --> 00:11:19,903 is it really stealing? 281 00:11:19,996 --> 00:11:22,422 Wait, you both tried to steal the house from me? 282 00:11:22,574 --> 00:11:25,758 I didn't want it. He talked me into it-- shame on you. 283 00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,686 -Shame on you. -RYAN: Wow. 284 00:11:27,913 --> 00:11:29,211 I... all I wanted was an opinion 285 00:11:29,338 --> 00:11:30,980 from people that I thought I could trust. 286 00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:33,416 God, now I know how Julius Caesar felt 287 00:11:33,509 --> 00:11:35,101 when Brutus stabbed in the back. 288 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,677 I mean, of course, historians point out that 289 00:11:36,771 --> 00:11:38,863 Decimus was really the-the-- actually, you know, 290 00:11:39,090 --> 00:11:40,273 it doesn't matter! 291 00:11:40,425 --> 00:11:42,659 The point is, I have been stabbed. 292 00:11:45,113 --> 00:11:46,854 (sighs) 293 00:11:47,023 --> 00:11:49,457 Et tu, Pickles. 294 00:11:53,529 --> 00:11:55,121 Ah, I can't believe our little girls are gonna be 295 00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,123 in the new Outdoor Toddler campaign. 296 00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,050 First us, now them. 297 00:11:59,202 --> 00:12:00,885 It's the circle of life. 298 00:12:01,037 --> 00:12:03,204 Like that movie Chinatown. 299 00:12:03,298 --> 00:12:06,132 You mean The Lion King? 300 00:12:06,301 --> 00:12:09,060 Yes. 301 00:12:09,212 --> 00:12:11,137 Mmm, oh, my gosh, I love this. 302 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,973 Mom, you hardly ever share your good wine. 303 00:12:14,142 --> 00:12:16,401 Well, it is a special occasion. (chuckles) 304 00:12:16,552 --> 00:12:19,720 Uh, but, but there is just one little problem. (clears throat) 305 00:12:19,740 --> 00:12:23,316 Ed said there can only be one Outdoor Toddler. (chuckles) 306 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,577 Oh, wow. 307 00:12:25,804 --> 00:12:27,487 That's a bummer. 308 00:12:27,655 --> 00:12:29,080 Who did Ed pick? 309 00:12:29,232 --> 00:12:31,975 Well, he insisted that you guys decide. 310 00:12:31,993 --> 00:12:33,826 I mean, you know Ed. (chuckles) 311 00:12:33,995 --> 00:12:36,129 Such a coward. 312 00:12:37,315 --> 00:12:38,798 Ooh, this is tough. 313 00:12:38,984 --> 00:12:43,486 I mean, Sarah's mom was really looking forward to her doing it. 314 00:12:43,505 --> 00:12:45,579 That's you. 315 00:12:45,673 --> 00:12:49,100 Just say you were looking forward to her doing it. 316 00:12:49,327 --> 00:12:52,178 Not if you really want Evelyn to. 317 00:12:53,348 --> 00:12:55,223 -No, no, it-it's fine. -Thank you! Thank you! 318 00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,757 -Sarah can... -Thank you! 319 00:12:56,851 --> 00:12:58,167 ...do it. 320 00:12:58,186 --> 00:12:59,927 Ah, this is great, this is just... 321 00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:01,762 Now I wish I'd brought the really good wine. 322 00:13:01,856 --> 00:13:04,857 Besides, I got too much to do at work, you know? 323 00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:08,269 I'm just, I'm too busy to spend all day at a photo shoot, so... 324 00:13:08,363 --> 00:13:09,770 What's that supposed to mean? 325 00:13:09,864 --> 00:13:12,123 Oh, come on, don't make any more of this than it is. 326 00:13:12,350 --> 00:13:13,850 I just mean that I'm busy. 327 00:13:13,943 --> 00:13:15,518 I'm just as busy as you, Kris. 328 00:13:15,687 --> 00:13:18,129 I'm cooking, cleaning, taking my kid to the park. 329 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,822 Taking your kid to the park. 330 00:13:19,874 --> 00:13:21,024 KRISTIN: It's not like I'm sitting 331 00:13:21,192 --> 00:13:23,359 around-- I'm-I'm running a restaurant. 332 00:13:23,452 --> 00:13:24,785 You-you know what, we're all busy. 333 00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:26,195 Each in our own way. 334 00:13:26,289 --> 00:13:29,382 (stammers) I wish men did more! 335 00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,534 There it is-- running a restaurant. 336 00:13:31,703 --> 00:13:35,038 Any chance you get to throw the "working mom" thing in my face. 337 00:13:35,131 --> 00:13:36,981 I am not throwing anything. 338 00:13:37,133 --> 00:13:38,708 It's not my fault if you're unhappy 339 00:13:38,877 --> 00:13:40,467 with the choices that you've made. 340 00:13:40,562 --> 00:13:42,879 Being a stay-at-home mom is the most important job in the world! 341 00:13:43,048 --> 00:13:44,580 Just ask Oprah! 342 00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:45,973 You can't ask Oprah. 343 00:13:46,067 --> 00:13:47,975 She's too busy with her career. 344 00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,476 Okay, all right, please, girls... 345 00:13:49,571 --> 00:13:51,571 Well, since you're just super working mom, 346 00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:53,647 who can do everything on her own, 347 00:13:53,741 --> 00:13:55,649 next time you're doing the books, watch your own kid! 348 00:13:55,743 --> 00:13:59,320 Gladly! That'll give you more time to watch your stories. 349 00:13:59,414 --> 00:14:01,840 No! No, girls, wait! Oh, come on! 350 00:14:02,067 --> 00:14:04,551 If you should be mad at anybody, it's men! 351 00:14:13,078 --> 00:14:15,228 MIKE: Pickles? 352 00:14:16,764 --> 00:14:18,431 (Mike chuckles) 353 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:21,508 You really need to stop calling me Pickles. 354 00:14:21,677 --> 00:14:24,178 How bad do you want me to stop calling you Pickles? 355 00:14:24,272 --> 00:14:26,272 I've learned to avoid conversations 356 00:14:26,424 --> 00:14:27,940 like this with you, Baxter. 357 00:14:28,109 --> 00:14:30,943 They always end with my wife asking me, 358 00:14:31,112 --> 00:14:33,520 "How did you not see that coming?" 359 00:14:33,689 --> 00:14:35,615 How about this? I stop calling you Pickles... 360 00:14:35,783 --> 00:14:38,209 -Mm-hmm. -...you drop your offer on the house. 361 00:14:38,361 --> 00:14:39,860 Done. 362 00:14:39,954 --> 00:14:42,196 No, that was too quick. 363 00:14:42,290 --> 00:14:46,033 Nah, I dropped my offer this morning. 364 00:14:46,127 --> 00:14:47,969 How did you not see that coming? 365 00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,464 So now you get to steal Ryan's house all by yourself. 366 00:14:51,633 --> 00:14:54,450 Wrong, I already dropped my bid on the house. 367 00:14:54,469 --> 00:14:56,636 But that's a nice thing. 368 00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:59,288 Well, I'm hoping Ryan will take another look at the house. 369 00:14:59,307 --> 00:15:01,307 Told Mrs. Oliver he's got a beautiful young family 370 00:15:01,476 --> 00:15:04,293 and they deserve a wonderful house like hers. 371 00:15:04,462 --> 00:15:05,294 Oh. 372 00:15:05,313 --> 00:15:07,155 Hey, Ryan. 373 00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,800 Just got off the phone with Doris Oliver. 374 00:15:10,893 --> 00:15:13,761 "Why was she calling, Ryan?" Well, it's interesting. 375 00:15:14,730 --> 00:15:16,247 She wanted to let me know that I am exactly 376 00:15:16,399 --> 00:15:17,582 who she wants buying her house. 377 00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:19,584 Oh, is that so? 378 00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:22,011 Oh, yeah, that is so. 379 00:15:22,013 --> 00:15:23,421 Even though the other offers were higher, 380 00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:26,649 because, in her own words, I have "a beautiful young family 381 00:15:26,818 --> 00:15:28,501 that deserves a wonderful home." 382 00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:32,096 That is something you'd only hear an old lady say. 383 00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,580 RYAN: Yeah. 384 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,082 Kris and I talked about it, and now we're 385 00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:36,583 -looking into financing. -CHUCK: Hmm. 386 00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,177 You two clowns better watch out. 387 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:39,996 Because my beautiful family and I 388 00:15:40,165 --> 00:15:41,847 are gonna be moving onto your block. 389 00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:46,260 Oh, uh, this-- the feeling you're feeling right now? 390 00:15:46,429 --> 00:15:48,671 It's a little thing called karma. 391 00:15:48,690 --> 00:15:51,407 And it's supposed to sting. 392 00:15:53,269 --> 00:15:55,102 You know, I'm getting the feeling I might miss 393 00:15:55,271 --> 00:15:57,288 that old lady in the halter top. 394 00:16:01,277 --> 00:16:03,610 Hey, Mike Baxter for Outdoor Man. 395 00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:06,280 With a word about friendly competition. 396 00:16:06,449 --> 00:16:08,466 Hmm, actually that word is an oxymoron. 397 00:16:08,693 --> 00:16:11,803 Because you're either being friendly or you're competing. 398 00:16:12,030 --> 00:16:13,454 I don't think you can have both. 399 00:16:13,622 --> 00:16:15,548 Taylor Swift and Katy Perry started out 400 00:16:15,717 --> 00:16:18,125 in a friendly competition, then they punished us all 401 00:16:18,294 --> 00:16:19,477 by writing a thousand songs 402 00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,628 about how much they hated each other. 403 00:16:21,797 --> 00:16:24,131 I never heard the songs. People have told me. 404 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,558 (clears throat) 405 00:16:25,710 --> 00:16:27,210 I have three daughters, so trust me, 406 00:16:27,261 --> 00:16:29,562 I had "Bad Blood" coming out of my ears. 407 00:16:29,731 --> 00:16:31,547 Joe Frazier and Muhammad Ali 408 00:16:31,716 --> 00:16:33,807 actually were good friends in the '60s. 409 00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:36,810 After they beat each other's brains out three times? 410 00:16:36,979 --> 00:16:39,146 Not so close. 411 00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:40,481 It's true in all arenas. 412 00:16:40,575 --> 00:16:42,241 You start out in a civil discourse 413 00:16:42,393 --> 00:16:43,776 about the size of government. 414 00:16:43,928 --> 00:16:45,895 Next thing you know, you're Alexander Hamilton, 415 00:16:45,988 --> 00:16:48,914 lying in a pool of his own blood. 416 00:16:49,067 --> 00:16:50,416 In the book The Art of War, 417 00:16:50,585 --> 00:16:52,826 Sun Tzu said, "Choose your enemies well, 418 00:16:52,995 --> 00:16:55,571 for you will come to resemble them." 419 00:16:55,664 --> 00:16:57,256 (chuckles softly) 420 00:16:57,408 --> 00:16:59,500 So, before you win an unfriendly competition, 421 00:16:59,594 --> 00:17:01,594 you ask yourself, would you rather resemble 422 00:17:01,763 --> 00:17:04,080 the bigger cutthroat 423 00:17:04,098 --> 00:17:06,599 or the bigger person? 424 00:17:06,751 --> 00:17:08,568 Baxter out. 425 00:17:09,604 --> 00:17:11,178 Pretty brilliant, right? 426 00:17:11,272 --> 00:17:13,514 (exhales) You know, when I was talking to Mike about the girls, 427 00:17:13,608 --> 00:17:16,108 I didn't even think he was listening. 428 00:17:17,111 --> 00:17:19,871 Mr. Baxter can hear without listening. 429 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,540 It's freaky. 430 00:17:24,952 --> 00:17:26,285 -Hey, Mama. -Hey. 431 00:17:26,454 --> 00:17:28,046 -You wanted to see me? What's up? -Hi. Yeah. 432 00:17:28,197 --> 00:17:30,131 Uh, you know what, let's just wait till Kris gets here. 433 00:17:30,958 --> 00:17:32,032 Hey. 434 00:17:32,126 --> 00:17:33,776 Oh, hey, Mom. (chuckles softly) 435 00:17:33,795 --> 00:17:35,219 You said there'd be wine. 436 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:36,128 Not a whiner. 437 00:17:36,297 --> 00:17:38,389 Oh. Stellar pun. (chuckles) 438 00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,283 (stammers) But... 439 00:17:40,301 --> 00:17:42,226 Puns are meant for good, not for evil. 440 00:17:42,378 --> 00:17:43,452 So just... (stammers) 441 00:17:43,621 --> 00:17:44,787 Sit down. 442 00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:47,231 You guys remember that Outdoor Toddler photo shoot? 443 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,068 You know what picture everyone loved the most? 444 00:17:50,295 --> 00:17:52,128 Yeah, sure. Any one with me in it. 445 00:17:52,297 --> 00:17:55,131 Uh, you wish. I invented smizing. 446 00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:57,724 Tyra Banks stole it from me. 447 00:17:57,893 --> 00:18:00,578 No, it was the one of you guys making s'mores. 448 00:18:00,729 --> 00:18:04,974 Everyone just could see how much you guys loved working together. 449 00:18:04,992 --> 00:18:06,826 You had a-a whole system. 450 00:18:06,994 --> 00:18:09,754 Yeah, well, Mandy's really good at toasting the marshmallow 451 00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:11,480 without setting it on fire. 452 00:18:11,499 --> 00:18:13,091 Kristin melts the chocolate just right. 453 00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:14,592 All right, well, you guys just-- you just seemed 454 00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,320 to naturally love doing things together. 455 00:18:17,488 --> 00:18:19,672 And then, somewhere along the way, 456 00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:20,798 that changed. 457 00:18:21,025 --> 00:18:23,326 And I think I know why. 458 00:18:23,494 --> 00:18:24,493 Yeah. 459 00:18:24,662 --> 00:18:26,562 Eve was born. 460 00:18:27,665 --> 00:18:28,898 Frickin' Eve. 461 00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:33,427 Okay, no, I am talking about sisters competing. 462 00:18:33,596 --> 00:18:38,007 Look, I think you learned that from watching me and Nicole. 463 00:18:38,176 --> 00:18:40,100 Um, and I-I told myself 464 00:18:40,269 --> 00:18:43,028 that we were pushing each other to be better, but... 465 00:18:43,181 --> 00:18:45,105 it ruined our relationship. 466 00:18:45,274 --> 00:18:47,350 And you don't want that happening to us. 467 00:18:47,443 --> 00:18:50,110 No. No. And-and I really, really don't want it happening 468 00:18:50,279 --> 00:18:52,946 to Sarah and Evelyn. 469 00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:53,965 Oh. 470 00:18:55,042 --> 00:18:56,542 (chuckles softly) That would be awful. 471 00:18:56,694 --> 00:18:58,427 -Mm-hmm. -MANDY: Yeah. 472 00:18:59,530 --> 00:19:01,197 I'm really sorry. 473 00:19:01,366 --> 00:19:03,382 I know that you weren't trying to put me down. 474 00:19:03,551 --> 00:19:06,627 It's just that, ever since I left my job, 475 00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:07,720 I guess... 476 00:19:07,872 --> 00:19:09,630 I'm a little sensitive. 477 00:19:09,798 --> 00:19:11,131 I'm sorry, too. 478 00:19:11,184 --> 00:19:13,634 I guess I... am still feeling pretty guilty 479 00:19:13,802 --> 00:19:16,303 that I don't get to see Evelyn as much as you get to see Sarah, 480 00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:18,063 which I totally shouldn't. (chuckles) 481 00:19:18,232 --> 00:19:20,140 I mean, I shouldn't, right? 482 00:19:20,309 --> 00:19:21,217 Mm. 483 00:19:21,386 --> 00:19:23,143 And-and I just never should have made 484 00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:24,645 this whole thing a competition. 485 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:28,574 So... I think that I am going to recommend 486 00:19:28,726 --> 00:19:31,560 that the Outdoor Toddler... 487 00:19:31,695 --> 00:19:33,562 be Ben. 488 00:19:33,656 --> 00:19:34,988 -Ben, huh? -Yeah. 489 00:19:35,157 --> 00:19:37,233 -Wow, Mom. That's a good idea. -VANESSA: Yeah. 490 00:19:37,326 --> 00:19:39,159 That'll really mean a lot to Aunt Nicole. 491 00:19:39,328 --> 00:19:41,161 Yeah. And Ben's smize game? 492 00:19:41,330 --> 00:19:43,072 (exhales) Fierce. 493 00:19:43,165 --> 00:19:44,515 Hey, it's no better than Sarah and Evelyn... 494 00:19:44,667 --> 00:19:46,425 No. (stammers) Not gonna go there. 495 00:19:46,594 --> 00:19:48,202 Uh... (chuckles) 496 00:19:48,204 --> 00:19:50,837 I started this competition, and I just need to end it. 497 00:19:50,932 --> 00:19:52,356 -Mm. -Okay. That's nice, Mom. 498 00:19:52,583 --> 00:19:54,099 -Now let me at those marshmallows. -Yeah. 499 00:19:54,268 --> 00:19:57,528 -Make-up s'mores are the best. (chuckles) -Yeah. 500 00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,923 You guys look so cute. 501 00:20:01,092 --> 00:20:02,200 -(chuckles) -(shutter sound effect) 502 00:20:02,351 --> 00:20:03,776 I am gonna send this picture to Aunt Nicole. 503 00:20:03,928 --> 00:20:05,277 She's gonna be so jealous. 504 00:20:05,446 --> 00:20:06,871 Mom. 505 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:10,208 Oh, come on. I can't just quit cold turkey. 506 00:20:11,026 --> 00:20:13,294 (chuckles) 507 00:20:21,170 --> 00:20:24,630 But how do we get a star attached without a script? 508 00:20:24,799 --> 00:20:27,132 Because it's a killer idea. 509 00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:29,060 All right? First we get a star attached, 510 00:20:29,211 --> 00:20:30,469 then we get some funding, 511 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,288 then we commission a script. 512 00:20:32,381 --> 00:20:33,430 Seems backwards. 513 00:20:33,583 --> 00:20:35,683 Scripts are overrated. 514 00:20:37,295 --> 00:20:39,904 You get the right actor, they make up their own lines anyway. 515 00:20:40,055 --> 00:20:41,480 Let me see now. Uh... 516 00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:43,466 I was thinking, for the, uh-- for the younger daughter, 517 00:20:43,559 --> 00:20:46,485 how about that plucky pitcher from The Bad News Bears? 518 00:20:46,654 --> 00:20:47,820 Tatum O'Neal? 519 00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:48,821 Yes! Yes, yes. 520 00:20:48,990 --> 00:20:50,748 She's got to be in her 50s. 521 00:20:50,975 --> 00:20:52,157 No way. No way. 522 00:20:52,326 --> 00:20:54,234 That fresh-faced little ragamuffin? 523 00:20:54,403 --> 00:20:55,995 Just because you saw a movie yesterday 524 00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:58,923 doesn't mean that's when it was made. 525 00:20:59,074 --> 00:21:00,424 Oh, for the father, how about the-- 526 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:01,926 how about the-- aha-- 527 00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:04,262 the dashing concierge from Pretty Woman? 528 00:21:04,489 --> 00:21:06,264 Never heard of it. 529 00:21:06,415 --> 00:21:07,673 All right. 530 00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:11,494 The urbane limo driver from, from Princess Diaries. 531 00:21:11,512 --> 00:21:15,439 I'm pretty sure that isn't a real movie. 532 00:21:16,501 --> 00:21:19,610 Okay. The sophisticated doctor from Chicago Hope. 533 00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:21,003 -Hmm? Yes. -Yes. 534 00:21:21,096 --> 00:21:22,446 -I love him! -Great, great. 535 00:21:22,673 --> 00:21:25,341 -Mandy Patinkin! I'll make some calls. -Yes. 536 00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:26,951 Yes. All right. 537 00:21:27,102 --> 00:21:28,344 Note to myself: 538 00:21:28,362 --> 00:21:31,497 consider another casting director. 539 00:21:33,017 --> 00:21:34,517 (chicken clucks) 540 00:21:34,610 --> 00:21:35,459 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 541 00:21:35,686 --> 00:21:36,752 and TOYOTA.