1
00:00:04,730 --> 00:00:06,079
(Vanessa laughing)
2
00:00:06,232 --> 00:00:07,914
-You're back!
-Hey, hi.
3
00:00:08,083 --> 00:00:09,416
How did the grandkids
like the park?
4
00:00:09,568 --> 00:00:11,677
Well, not much sand left
in that box.
5
00:00:11,828 --> 00:00:14,755
What they didn't eat,
they're probably wearing.
6
00:00:14,907 --> 00:00:15,922
(laughs)
7
00:00:16,091 --> 00:00:18,017
Look at these pictures.
8
00:00:18,168 --> 00:00:22,095
Ooh. Looks like most of them
are of the inside of my pouch.
9
00:00:22,264 --> 00:00:23,430
(chuckles)
10
00:00:23,599 --> 00:00:24,356
Look, look, look.
11
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:26,266
There you go. Look at that.
12
00:00:26,418 --> 00:00:29,269
-Look at those dirty faces.
-Oh, my goodness.
13
00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:32,814
-Can you get a cavity from
looking at so much sweetness?
-Mm. (chuckles)
14
00:00:32,941 --> 00:00:35,534
I'm gonna send this one
to my sister Nicole.
15
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,870
Look, who can resist
Sarah and Evelyn
16
00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:39,705
playing muddy patty-cake?
17
00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:42,074
Oh, here we go.
18
00:00:42,226 --> 00:00:43,876
What do you mean by that?
19
00:00:44,027 --> 00:00:47,195
Uh, Nicole and I send each other
pictures of our grandbabies
20
00:00:47,289 --> 00:00:49,048
just to keep each other updated,
21
00:00:49,241 --> 00:00:51,050
and-and Mike thinks
it's bragging.
22
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:54,219
It's like bragging
with really sharp knives.
23
00:00:54,371 --> 00:00:57,130
Okay, okay.
I'll admit my sister and I
24
00:00:57,299 --> 00:00:59,058
have a friendly rivalry.
25
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,301
We-we just...
we push each other to be better.
26
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:03,470
I get it, Vanessa.
Like Venus and Serena.
27
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:06,381
-Yeah.
-Yeah, yeah, a little less
like Grand Slam tennis,
28
00:01:06,550 --> 00:01:08,734
more like
a Connecticut catfight.
29
00:01:08,885 --> 00:01:10,477
(Vanessa groans)
30
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:11,904
Any minute now.
31
00:01:12,055 --> 00:01:14,298
(electronic ding)
32
00:01:14,466 --> 00:01:15,799
-Oh.
-And return serve!
33
00:01:15,818 --> 00:01:17,634
(laughs)
Here we go.
34
00:01:17,653 --> 00:01:19,578
Nicole sent a picture
of her grandson.
35
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:22,397
-MIKE: Mm.
-"Here's our little Ben
36
00:01:22,566 --> 00:01:25,809
"having his portrait shot
at a real studio.
37
00:01:25,828 --> 00:01:29,630
(mocking): The photographer
thinks he could be a model."
38
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,575
Holy Harry Styles!
39
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:36,244
-He's gorgeous!
-Oh, stop it. Come on.
40
00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:38,746
Who puts a toddler in an ascot?
41
00:01:38,841 --> 00:01:40,824
All right, you know what?
It's on, it's on.
42
00:01:40,993 --> 00:01:43,918
You're gonna get so much cute,
you're gonna choke on it.
43
00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:45,495
Mm.
44
00:01:45,514 --> 00:01:48,690
And they say choking on cute's
the worst way to go.
45
00:01:49,852 --> 00:01:52,069
♪
46
00:01:57,767 --> 00:01:58,600
Okay.
47
00:01:58,768 --> 00:02:00,677
Ah. Are the girls
finally asleep?
48
00:02:00,696 --> 00:02:01,769
Yes.
49
00:02:01,938 --> 00:02:04,164
-(doorbell rings)
-(shushing)
50
00:02:05,851 --> 00:02:09,444
What kind of maniac rings the
doorbell to get into the house?
51
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,855
Ooh, sorry. I'm guessing
you just put the girls down.
52
00:02:11,948 --> 00:02:13,540
I'm glad you're here,
too, though, Mandy.
53
00:02:13,692 --> 00:02:16,042
Yeah, well, that is the beauty
of being a stay-at-home mom.
54
00:02:16,195 --> 00:02:17,469
I get to help out my sis
55
00:02:17,696 --> 00:02:19,396
while she does the books
for the Grill.
56
00:02:19,531 --> 00:02:20,639
Yeah, we help each other.
57
00:02:20,866 --> 00:02:22,716
-Yeah.
-It's who we are.
58
00:02:22,868 --> 00:02:24,534
We're beautiful.
59
00:02:24,628 --> 00:02:26,536
MANDY:
What's with Dad's good camera?
60
00:02:26,630 --> 00:02:29,130
Well, I just, I think it's time
we took some exceptional photos
61
00:02:29,150 --> 00:02:30,540
of Sarah and Evelyn.
62
00:02:30,634 --> 00:02:32,893
What? We've got
nothing but pictures.
63
00:02:33,045 --> 00:02:36,046
We're looking into renting
cloud storage from the NSA.
64
00:02:36,215 --> 00:02:38,398
Yeah, but we don't have any
that are professional grade,
65
00:02:38,567 --> 00:02:40,717
perfectly lit and styled--
so come on,
66
00:02:40,810 --> 00:02:41,902
let's wake those girls up!
67
00:02:42,054 --> 00:02:43,904
-What?
-Sarah? Evelyn?
68
00:02:44,056 --> 00:02:46,740
Stay away
from that bedroom, lady.
69
00:02:46,892 --> 00:02:49,459
Mom, what is this really about?
70
00:02:51,563 --> 00:02:53,463
This.
71
00:02:56,084 --> 00:02:59,428
Jumpin' Justin Timberlake,
is that Ben?
72
00:03:00,830 --> 00:03:02,163
He's beautiful.
73
00:03:02,332 --> 00:03:03,757
Oh, Aunt Nicole said
the photographer liked his photo
74
00:03:03,926 --> 00:03:06,351
so much that he's gonna put it
in the window. That's huge.
75
00:03:06,503 --> 00:03:08,836
Mm. So is his head,
but he'll grow into it.
76
00:03:09,839 --> 00:03:12,858
Uh-oh.
Sounds like Aunt Nicole and Mom
77
00:03:13,085 --> 00:03:14,434
are being
super competitive again.
78
00:03:14,603 --> 00:03:17,011
This is like when we were kids
and Aunt Nicole's daughter
79
00:03:17,031 --> 00:03:18,605
won Little Miss Ridgefield.
80
00:03:18,774 --> 00:03:22,108
Yeah. And then to one-up her,
you made us the Outdoor Toddlers
81
00:03:22,261 --> 00:03:23,443
for Dad's catalog.
82
00:03:23,612 --> 00:03:25,871
That's when I met
my first love:
83
00:03:26,022 --> 00:03:27,781
the spotlight.
84
00:03:27,933 --> 00:03:30,542
You know what?
That Outdoor Toddler catalog
85
00:03:30,694 --> 00:03:32,619
was one
of their most popular ever,
86
00:03:32,788 --> 00:03:35,622
and you two were
tiny little celebrities.
87
00:03:35,791 --> 00:03:37,549
Aunt Nicole
must have hated that.
88
00:03:39,127 --> 00:03:41,303
I got to run.
89
00:03:42,372 --> 00:03:44,130
(closes door loudly)
90
00:03:44,299 --> 00:03:46,725
(babies crying)
91
00:03:46,876 --> 00:03:50,395
-I'm taking that door
off its hinges.
-Mm-hmm.
92
00:03:50,547 --> 00:03:53,290
♪ ♪
93
00:03:53,308 --> 00:03:56,735
(chuckles):
Hey, good morning, Pickles.
94
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:58,645
Really?
95
00:03:58,814 --> 00:04:00,797
I brought pickles in my lunch
yesterday, now I'm Pickles?
96
00:04:00,816 --> 00:04:03,650
There was also a cupcake
in there-- you want to go there?
97
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:04,968
(sighs)
98
00:04:05,137 --> 00:04:06,078
No.
99
00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:07,971
I'll be Pickles.
100
00:04:08,140 --> 00:04:09,639
Hey, hey.
101
00:04:09,658 --> 00:04:11,975
Hey, Asparagus.
102
00:04:11,994 --> 00:04:13,810
-What?
-D-Don't fight it. Just...
103
00:04:13,979 --> 00:04:15,545
just be Asparagus.
104
00:04:16,648 --> 00:04:17,314
Okay.
105
00:04:17,483 --> 00:04:19,091
Uh, hey, I need some advice.
106
00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:20,484
I gave you advice last week.
107
00:04:20,502 --> 00:04:23,153
When is this ever going to end?
108
00:04:23,171 --> 00:04:25,246
So, you know Doris Oliver,
who lives on your street?
109
00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:27,157
She's a regular customer
of mine.
110
00:04:27,175 --> 00:04:28,750
That old lady's
into the chronic?
111
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:31,937
Well, that would explain
the ill-advised halter tops.
112
00:04:32,164 --> 00:04:34,848
(singsongy):
"Morning."
113
00:04:35,017 --> 00:04:36,833
Anyway, she's moving,
114
00:04:36,852 --> 00:04:40,337
and she asked me
if I wanted to buy her house.
115
00:04:40,506 --> 00:04:42,430
-CHUCK: Oh.
-Yeah, but why you?
116
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:44,098
She wants it to go to somebody
that she knows and someone
117
00:04:44,118 --> 00:04:46,267
who will take care of it and
love it the way that she did.
118
00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:48,011
Well, y-you know,
she's kind of let it go,
119
00:04:48,104 --> 00:04:50,271
but it could be nice
if you put some money into it.
120
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,273
I know, and that's expensive,
you know?
121
00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:55,127
I'm making more money now
with the new job, but who knows?
122
00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:57,354
Like, what if people
stop smoking pot?
123
00:04:57,523 --> 00:04:58,630
That ain't gonna happen.
124
00:04:59,858 --> 00:05:01,616
Listen, it-it's always
a good idea
125
00:05:01,785 --> 00:05:04,952
to buy the worst house
on the best block.
126
00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:06,287
And even though Baxter
lives on it,
127
00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:08,140
it's still a pretty good block.
128
00:05:09,459 --> 00:05:11,292
-It's just a stretch for us
right now.
-Mm-hmm.
129
00:05:11,495 --> 00:05:13,294
You know, we're just
bouncing back from the pandemic.
130
00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:15,463
Is right now the time
to buy a house?
131
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,465
No, man, just think of it
as an investment.
132
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,467
Not a lot of places
on the market these days
133
00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:21,895
have a three-car garage, huh?
134
00:05:22,064 --> 00:05:23,471
Quit pressuring the kid.
135
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,732
Ryan, are you really looking
for a house,
136
00:05:25,884 --> 00:05:28,568
or is this just 'cause
the opportunity came up?
137
00:05:29,646 --> 00:05:32,222
Guess it's just 'cause
the opportunity came up?
138
00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:33,573
Trust your instincts.
139
00:05:33,725 --> 00:05:36,126
You're a good man.
They'll serve you right.
140
00:05:37,062 --> 00:05:38,745
You're right. Thank you.
141
00:05:38,897 --> 00:05:40,339
Knew I could count on you.
142
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,758
-See you guys.
-Mm.
143
00:05:44,586 --> 00:05:47,095
You don't think he's a good man.
144
00:05:48,164 --> 00:05:50,265
What are you up to?
145
00:05:51,167 --> 00:05:53,185
I'm gonna buy that house.
146
00:05:53,336 --> 00:05:54,928
(gasps)
What?!
147
00:05:55,097 --> 00:05:57,263
Yeah. Come on,
you talked me into it.
148
00:05:57,432 --> 00:06:00,025
You're a great salesman,
Pickles.
149
00:06:00,176 --> 00:06:01,935
(stammers)
150
00:06:02,104 --> 00:06:04,738
♪ ♪
151
00:06:11,279 --> 00:06:12,520
(clears throat)
152
00:06:12,614 --> 00:06:15,040
Idea. A musical.
153
00:06:15,191 --> 00:06:17,376
About the man
who invented the paper clip.
154
00:06:17,603 --> 00:06:19,711
Yeah. Ah, that's right.
155
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,881
Tagline: "The man
who held it all together."
156
00:06:23,032 --> 00:06:25,158
-The first part... Yes?
-Hi, Ed.
157
00:06:25,293 --> 00:06:26,868
-Yes, hi.
-Uh, you busy?
158
00:06:26,962 --> 00:06:28,445
Oh. Sorry, but I'm never...
159
00:06:28,463 --> 00:06:30,222
never too busy
for my stepdaughter.
160
00:06:30,391 --> 00:06:32,891
(chuckles)
That is a handsome vest.
161
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:35,727
-It is very slimming.
-Well, thank you, thank you.
162
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,304
You usually don't get that
in bulletproof, you know.
163
00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:40,232
So, what can I do for you,
darling?
164
00:06:40,383 --> 00:06:42,884
Uh, nothing, nothing.
Uh, well, no, yeah, I was...
165
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,811
-I was just going through
some old stuff.
-Yeah. Uh-huh.
166
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:48,131
-And I came across this old
Outdoor Toddler catalog...
-All right.
167
00:06:48,150 --> 00:06:49,241
with Kristin and Mandy.
168
00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:50,634
See? Remember this?
169
00:06:50,652 --> 00:06:52,135
Oh, do I remember?
Look at that.
170
00:06:52,304 --> 00:06:54,654
Damn cute babies.
Look at that.
171
00:06:54,806 --> 00:06:56,973
(chuckles):
Look. In their snowsuits.
172
00:06:57,142 --> 00:06:58,658
Mm.
173
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,310
And the actress playing
their mother--
174
00:07:00,328 --> 00:07:02,212
dated her for two months.
175
00:07:03,665 --> 00:07:07,317
-Uh, hey, uh,
here's a thought. Uh...
-Yeah. Yeah.
176
00:07:07,486 --> 00:07:09,928
What if we revive
the Outdoor Toddler campaign?
177
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:13,339
If we put Mandy and Kristin
in those tiny snowsuits...
178
00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:16,993
well, I'm not sure
what we'd be selling.
179
00:07:17,162 --> 00:07:18,678
No, not...
Uh, all right, wait a...
180
00:07:18,830 --> 00:07:20,421
-Um, I mean... (chuckles)
-Yeah.
181
00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:22,165
All right, look, I--
so I'm just spitballing here.
182
00:07:22,334 --> 00:07:23,424
-All right.
-But, um...
183
00:07:23,444 --> 00:07:25,760
but what if
the new Outdoor Toddlers
184
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,762
were Sarah and Evelyn?
185
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:28,930
Sarah and Evelyn?
186
00:07:29,098 --> 00:07:30,097
Yeah, y-you know, you--
187
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:32,509
your-your great-grand-stepki...
188
00:07:32,527 --> 00:07:34,844
-Yeah.
-step-grand-- the babies.
189
00:07:35,013 --> 00:07:36,103
(both laugh)
190
00:07:36,272 --> 00:07:37,514
Well, they're...
they're pretty cute.
191
00:07:37,532 --> 00:07:38,682
-Yeah.
-They're very cute, yes, yes.
192
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,292
Yeah, yeah,
it'll be like continuing
193
00:07:40,519 --> 00:07:42,294
the family legacy--
first the mothers,
194
00:07:42,521 --> 00:07:44,688
now the daughters, you know,
like a circle of life.
195
00:07:44,856 --> 00:07:47,466
Yeah, well, we can't afford
that song, but, uh...
196
00:07:47,617 --> 00:07:50,284
Okay, good. It sounds great.
Great. Let's do it.
197
00:07:50,453 --> 00:07:52,137
-Ah. Wonderful, wonderful.
-Let's do it. Let's do it.
198
00:07:52,364 --> 00:07:53,713
-Wonderful. Great.
-Let's do it.
199
00:07:53,865 --> 00:07:57,058
Oh, just decide which one
of the girls it should be.
200
00:07:57,961 --> 00:08:00,553
I'm sorry, wha... what?
201
00:08:00,706 --> 00:08:03,223
Well, y-you can't have
both babies in the ad, you know.
202
00:08:03,375 --> 00:08:06,300
No, no. Wh-Why not? I mean, we
had Kristin and Mandy. What...?
203
00:08:06,469 --> 00:08:08,728
Sure, but market research shows
that it's better
204
00:08:08,897 --> 00:08:12,398
to have one face representing
the brand, see?
205
00:08:12,551 --> 00:08:15,385
Even the Doublemint Twins,
you see.
206
00:08:15,478 --> 00:08:18,330
Two people, one face.
207
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:21,148
But so... so I have to choose
208
00:08:21,317 --> 00:08:23,393
between my two granddaughters?
209
00:08:23,486 --> 00:08:24,986
Yep.
210
00:08:25,154 --> 00:08:28,656
But one of my daughters
is gonna hate me.
211
00:08:28,825 --> 00:08:31,426
Probably.
212
00:08:38,410 --> 00:08:40,001
Sarah...
213
00:08:40,095 --> 00:08:41,853
or Evelyn.
214
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:43,429
No, Sarah.
215
00:08:43,582 --> 00:08:45,565
Or Evelyn.
216
00:08:46,752 --> 00:08:48,175
Vanessa,
217
00:08:48,344 --> 00:08:50,862
remember when you asked me
if I had "a sec" to help you
218
00:08:51,089 --> 00:08:52,438
-with something?
-Yeah.
219
00:08:52,591 --> 00:08:56,034
I didn't realize it was gonna be
a sec-tion of my life.
220
00:08:56,261 --> 00:08:57,869
Oh, sorry.
They're just...
221
00:08:58,096 --> 00:08:59,538
just so cute.
222
00:08:59,765 --> 00:09:01,373
You know,
you don't have to pick one.
223
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:03,600
You could let some other kid do
the campaign.
224
00:09:03,693 --> 00:09:06,193
And let my sister Nicole win?
No, thank you.
225
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,046
No, this is to prove a point.
226
00:09:08,197 --> 00:09:09,773
To push her to be better?
227
00:09:09,866 --> 00:09:12,217
Yeah, yeah, that's-that's...
228
00:09:13,369 --> 00:09:15,295
All right, no, I can do this,
I can do this.
229
00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:19,115
So, uh, on the one hand,
uh, Sarah is so photogenic.
230
00:09:19,208 --> 00:09:20,967
Perfect. Let's go with her.
231
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,303
Yeah, but... but Evelyn
is cute as a button,
232
00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:25,471
and she can take direction,
so...
233
00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:27,566
So Evelyn it is.
234
00:09:28,627 --> 00:09:31,811
But Sarah is a "Fall," and she
would look absolutely perfect
235
00:09:31,980 --> 00:09:33,813
in little hiking gear.
236
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,815
Then let's go with Sarah.
237
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,150
Yeah, but...
238
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,560
but Evelyn is a "Winter,"
239
00:09:39,654 --> 00:09:43,656
and she is the obvious choice
for snowsuits, so...
240
00:09:43,825 --> 00:09:45,900
(screams)
241
00:09:45,994 --> 00:09:47,660
(exhales)
242
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,236
(laughs):
Okay.
243
00:09:49,331 --> 00:09:52,924
Maybe... maybe I'll just let
Kristin and Mandy decide.
244
00:09:53,668 --> 00:09:56,336
♪
245
00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:59,656
Oh, let's see
what I brought today.
246
00:09:59,674 --> 00:10:02,416
Ooh...
247
00:10:02,510 --> 00:10:04,436
Gumbo.
248
00:10:04,663 --> 00:10:07,513
Oh, I love gumbo.
249
00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:09,774
You know,
that could be my nickname.
250
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,092
-I like it.
-Mm.
251
00:10:11,186 --> 00:10:12,652
Gumbo Pickles.
252
00:10:13,688 --> 00:10:14,838
(both chuckle)
253
00:10:14,856 --> 00:10:16,506
Why are you in such a good mood?
254
00:10:16,599 --> 00:10:18,174
You know,
'cause I'm feeling good
255
00:10:18,267 --> 00:10:19,692
about the offer I put
on Mrs. Oliver's house.
256
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:22,269
Huh. You really are
a piece of work, Baxter.
257
00:10:22,364 --> 00:10:23,655
Come on, I'm not being selfish.
258
00:10:23,882 --> 00:10:25,682
Fixing up that house
will give me a project.
259
00:10:25,775 --> 00:10:27,292
Besides, three-car garage--
260
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:30,962
-perfect for our
auto restoration business.
-Mm.
261
00:10:31,189 --> 00:10:33,131
You are always thinking
of other people
262
00:10:33,358 --> 00:10:35,616
-and how you can
screw them over.
-Mm.
263
00:10:35,636 --> 00:10:38,619
-You make it sound so negative.
-Mm.
264
00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:40,363
Morning, all.
265
00:10:40,456 --> 00:10:43,533
"How's your morning, Ryan?"
Well, it's been interesting.
266
00:10:43,626 --> 00:10:45,869
Stopped by Mrs. Oliver's
to tell her how honored I was
267
00:10:46,037 --> 00:10:47,370
to get the opportunity
to buy her house
268
00:10:47,539 --> 00:10:49,205
and that I was still thinking
about it.
269
00:10:49,298 --> 00:10:51,132
You're still thinking about it?
270
00:10:51,226 --> 00:10:54,319
Yeah, and then she told me
the funniest thing.
271
00:10:55,213 --> 00:10:56,896
That another party,
272
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,882
someone who lives on the street,
273
00:10:58,975 --> 00:11:02,143
had stopped by
and made an offer.
274
00:11:02,237 --> 00:11:05,146
And it was substantially
more than she was asking.
275
00:11:05,314 --> 00:11:06,723
Before you get angry
about this--
276
00:11:06,816 --> 00:11:08,667
And that other party was one
277
00:11:08,852 --> 00:11:10,960
Charles Larabee.
278
00:11:13,899 --> 00:11:15,748
You tried to steal
that house from me?
279
00:11:15,901 --> 00:11:17,901
Well, if you steal from a thief,
280
00:11:17,994 --> 00:11:19,903
is it really stealing?
281
00:11:19,996 --> 00:11:22,422
Wait, you both tried
to steal the house from me?
282
00:11:22,574 --> 00:11:25,758
I didn't want it. He talked me
into it-- shame on you.
283
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,686
-Shame on you.
-RYAN: Wow.
284
00:11:27,913 --> 00:11:29,211
I... all I wanted was an opinion
285
00:11:29,338 --> 00:11:30,980
from people
that I thought I could trust.
286
00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:33,416
God, now I know
how Julius Caesar felt
287
00:11:33,509 --> 00:11:35,101
when Brutus stabbed in the back.
288
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,677
I mean, of course,
historians point out that
289
00:11:36,771 --> 00:11:38,863
Decimus was really the-the--
actually, you know,
290
00:11:39,090 --> 00:11:40,273
it doesn't matter!
291
00:11:40,425 --> 00:11:42,659
The point is,
I have been stabbed.
292
00:11:45,113 --> 00:11:46,854
(sighs)
293
00:11:47,023 --> 00:11:49,457
Et tu, Pickles.
294
00:11:53,529 --> 00:11:55,121
Ah, I can't believe
our little girls are gonna be
295
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,123
in the new
Outdoor Toddler campaign.
296
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,050
First us, now them.
297
00:11:59,202 --> 00:12:00,885
It's the circle of life.
298
00:12:01,037 --> 00:12:03,204
Like that movie Chinatown.
299
00:12:03,298 --> 00:12:06,132
You mean The Lion King?
300
00:12:06,301 --> 00:12:09,060
Yes.
301
00:12:09,212 --> 00:12:11,137
Mmm, oh, my gosh, I love this.
302
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,973
Mom, you hardly ever share
your good wine.
303
00:12:14,142 --> 00:12:16,401
Well, it is a special occasion.
(chuckles)
304
00:12:16,552 --> 00:12:19,720
Uh, but, but there is just one
little problem. (clears throat)
305
00:12:19,740 --> 00:12:23,316
Ed said there can only be
one Outdoor Toddler. (chuckles)
306
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,577
Oh, wow.
307
00:12:25,804 --> 00:12:27,487
That's a bummer.
308
00:12:27,655 --> 00:12:29,080
Who did Ed pick?
309
00:12:29,232 --> 00:12:31,975
Well, he insisted
that you guys decide.
310
00:12:31,993 --> 00:12:33,826
I mean, you know Ed.
(chuckles)
311
00:12:33,995 --> 00:12:36,129
Such a coward.
312
00:12:37,315 --> 00:12:38,798
Ooh, this is tough.
313
00:12:38,984 --> 00:12:43,486
I mean, Sarah's mom was really
looking forward to her doing it.
314
00:12:43,505 --> 00:12:45,579
That's you.
315
00:12:45,673 --> 00:12:49,100
Just say you were looking
forward to her doing it.
316
00:12:49,327 --> 00:12:52,178
Not if you really want
Evelyn to.
317
00:12:53,348 --> 00:12:55,223
-No, no, it-it's fine.
-Thank you! Thank you!
318
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,757
-Sarah can...
-Thank you!
319
00:12:56,851 --> 00:12:58,167
...do it.
320
00:12:58,186 --> 00:12:59,927
Ah, this is great,
this is just...
321
00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:01,762
Now I wish I'd brought
the really good wine.
322
00:13:01,856 --> 00:13:04,857
Besides, I got too much
to do at work, you know?
323
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:08,269
I'm just, I'm too busy to spend
all day at a photo shoot, so...
324
00:13:08,363 --> 00:13:09,770
What's that supposed to mean?
325
00:13:09,864 --> 00:13:12,123
Oh, come on, don't make any more
of this than it is.
326
00:13:12,350 --> 00:13:13,850
I just mean that I'm busy.
327
00:13:13,943 --> 00:13:15,518
I'm just as busy as you, Kris.
328
00:13:15,687 --> 00:13:18,129
I'm cooking, cleaning,
taking my kid to the park.
329
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,822
Taking your kid to the park.
330
00:13:19,874 --> 00:13:21,024
KRISTIN:
It's not like I'm sitting
331
00:13:21,192 --> 00:13:23,359
around--
I'm-I'm running a restaurant.
332
00:13:23,452 --> 00:13:24,785
You-you know what,
we're all busy.
333
00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:26,195
Each in our own way.
334
00:13:26,289 --> 00:13:29,382
(stammers)
I wish men did more!
335
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,534
There it is--
running a restaurant.
336
00:13:31,703 --> 00:13:35,038
Any chance you get to throw the
"working mom" thing in my face.
337
00:13:35,131 --> 00:13:36,981
I am not throwing anything.
338
00:13:37,133 --> 00:13:38,708
It's not my fault
if you're unhappy
339
00:13:38,877 --> 00:13:40,467
with the choices
that you've made.
340
00:13:40,562 --> 00:13:42,879
Being a stay-at-home mom is the
most important job in the world!
341
00:13:43,048 --> 00:13:44,580
Just ask Oprah!
342
00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:45,973
You can't ask Oprah.
343
00:13:46,067 --> 00:13:47,975
She's too busy with her career.
344
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,476
Okay, all right,
please, girls...
345
00:13:49,571 --> 00:13:51,571
Well, since you're
just super working mom,
346
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:53,647
who can do everything
on her own,
347
00:13:53,741 --> 00:13:55,649
next time you're doing
the books, watch your own kid!
348
00:13:55,743 --> 00:13:59,320
Gladly! That'll give you more
time to watch your stories.
349
00:13:59,414 --> 00:14:01,840
No! No, girls, wait!
Oh, come on!
350
00:14:02,067 --> 00:14:04,551
If you should be mad at anybody,
it's men!
351
00:14:13,078 --> 00:14:15,228
MIKE:
Pickles?
352
00:14:16,764 --> 00:14:18,431
(Mike chuckles)
353
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:21,508
You really need to stop
calling me Pickles.
354
00:14:21,677 --> 00:14:24,178
How bad do you want me
to stop calling you Pickles?
355
00:14:24,272 --> 00:14:26,272
I've learned
to avoid conversations
356
00:14:26,424 --> 00:14:27,940
like this with you, Baxter.
357
00:14:28,109 --> 00:14:30,943
They always end
with my wife asking me,
358
00:14:31,112 --> 00:14:33,520
"How did you not see
that coming?"
359
00:14:33,689 --> 00:14:35,615
How about this?
I stop calling you Pickles...
360
00:14:35,783 --> 00:14:38,209
-Mm-hmm.
-...you drop your offer
on the house.
361
00:14:38,361 --> 00:14:39,860
Done.
362
00:14:39,954 --> 00:14:42,196
No, that was too quick.
363
00:14:42,290 --> 00:14:46,033
Nah, I dropped my offer
this morning.
364
00:14:46,127 --> 00:14:47,969
How did you not see that coming?
365
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,464
So now you get to steal
Ryan's house all by yourself.
366
00:14:51,633 --> 00:14:54,450
Wrong, I already dropped
my bid on the house.
367
00:14:54,469 --> 00:14:56,636
But that's a nice thing.
368
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:59,288
Well, I'm hoping Ryan will take
another look at the house.
369
00:14:59,307 --> 00:15:01,307
Told Mrs. Oliver he's got
a beautiful young family
370
00:15:01,476 --> 00:15:04,293
and they deserve
a wonderful house like hers.
371
00:15:04,462 --> 00:15:05,294
Oh.
372
00:15:05,313 --> 00:15:07,155
Hey, Ryan.
373
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,800
Just got off the phone
with Doris Oliver.
374
00:15:10,893 --> 00:15:13,761
"Why was she calling, Ryan?"
Well, it's interesting.
375
00:15:14,730 --> 00:15:16,247
She wanted to let me know
that I am exactly
376
00:15:16,399 --> 00:15:17,582
who she wants buying her house.
377
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:19,584
Oh, is that so?
378
00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:22,011
Oh, yeah, that is so.
379
00:15:22,013 --> 00:15:23,421
Even though the other offers
were higher,
380
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:26,649
because, in her own words,
I have "a beautiful young family
381
00:15:26,818 --> 00:15:28,501
that deserves a wonderful home."
382
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:32,096
That is something you'd
only hear an old lady say.
383
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,580
RYAN:
Yeah.
384
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,082
Kris and I talked about it,
and now we're
385
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:36,583
-looking into financing.
-CHUCK: Hmm.
386
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,177
You two clowns better watch out.
387
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:39,996
Because my beautiful family
and I
388
00:15:40,165 --> 00:15:41,847
are gonna be moving
onto your block.
389
00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:46,260
Oh, uh, this-- the feeling
you're feeling right now?
390
00:15:46,429 --> 00:15:48,671
It's a little thing
called karma.
391
00:15:48,690 --> 00:15:51,407
And it's supposed to sting.
392
00:15:53,269 --> 00:15:55,102
You know, I'm getting
the feeling I might miss
393
00:15:55,271 --> 00:15:57,288
that old lady in the halter top.
394
00:16:01,277 --> 00:16:03,610
Hey, Mike Baxter
for Outdoor Man.
395
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:06,280
With a word
about friendly competition.
396
00:16:06,449 --> 00:16:08,466
Hmm, actually that word is
an oxymoron.
397
00:16:08,693 --> 00:16:11,803
Because you're either being
friendly or you're competing.
398
00:16:12,030 --> 00:16:13,454
I don't think you can have both.
399
00:16:13,622 --> 00:16:15,548
Taylor Swift and Katy Perry
started out
400
00:16:15,717 --> 00:16:18,125
in a friendly competition,
then they punished us all
401
00:16:18,294 --> 00:16:19,477
by writing a thousand songs
402
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,628
about how much
they hated each other.
403
00:16:21,797 --> 00:16:24,131
I never heard the songs.
People have told me.
404
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,558
(clears throat)
405
00:16:25,710 --> 00:16:27,210
I have three daughters,
so trust me,
406
00:16:27,261 --> 00:16:29,562
I had "Bad Blood" coming
out of my ears.
407
00:16:29,731 --> 00:16:31,547
Joe Frazier and Muhammad Ali
408
00:16:31,716 --> 00:16:33,807
actually were good friends
in the '60s.
409
00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:36,810
After they beat each other's
brains out three times?
410
00:16:36,979 --> 00:16:39,146
Not so close.
411
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:40,481
It's true in all arenas.
412
00:16:40,575 --> 00:16:42,241
You start out
in a civil discourse
413
00:16:42,393 --> 00:16:43,776
about the size of government.
414
00:16:43,928 --> 00:16:45,895
Next thing you know,
you're Alexander Hamilton,
415
00:16:45,988 --> 00:16:48,914
lying in a pool
of his own blood.
416
00:16:49,067 --> 00:16:50,416
In the book The Art of War,
417
00:16:50,585 --> 00:16:52,826
Sun Tzu said,
"Choose your enemies well,
418
00:16:52,995 --> 00:16:55,571
for you will come
to resemble them."
419
00:16:55,664 --> 00:16:57,256
(chuckles softly)
420
00:16:57,408 --> 00:16:59,500
So, before you win
an unfriendly competition,
421
00:16:59,594 --> 00:17:01,594
you ask yourself,
would you rather resemble
422
00:17:01,763 --> 00:17:04,080
the bigger cutthroat
423
00:17:04,098 --> 00:17:06,599
or the bigger person?
424
00:17:06,751 --> 00:17:08,568
Baxter out.
425
00:17:09,604 --> 00:17:11,178
Pretty brilliant, right?
426
00:17:11,272 --> 00:17:13,514
(exhales) You know, when I was
talking to Mike about the girls,
427
00:17:13,608 --> 00:17:16,108
I didn't even think
he was listening.
428
00:17:17,111 --> 00:17:19,871
Mr. Baxter can hear
without listening.
429
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,540
It's freaky.
430
00:17:24,952 --> 00:17:26,285
-Hey, Mama.
-Hey.
431
00:17:26,454 --> 00:17:28,046
-You wanted to see me?
What's up?
-Hi. Yeah.
432
00:17:28,197 --> 00:17:30,131
Uh, you know what, let's
just wait till Kris gets here.
433
00:17:30,958 --> 00:17:32,032
Hey.
434
00:17:32,126 --> 00:17:33,776
Oh, hey, Mom.
(chuckles softly)
435
00:17:33,795 --> 00:17:35,219
You said there'd be wine.
436
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:36,128
Not a whiner.
437
00:17:36,297 --> 00:17:38,389
Oh. Stellar pun.
(chuckles)
438
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,283
(stammers)
But...
439
00:17:40,301 --> 00:17:42,226
Puns are meant for good,
not for evil.
440
00:17:42,378 --> 00:17:43,452
So just...
(stammers)
441
00:17:43,621 --> 00:17:44,787
Sit down.
442
00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:47,231
You guys remember that
Outdoor Toddler photo shoot?
443
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,068
You know what picture
everyone loved the most?
444
00:17:50,295 --> 00:17:52,128
Yeah, sure.
Any one with me in it.
445
00:17:52,297 --> 00:17:55,131
Uh, you wish.
I invented smizing.
446
00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:57,724
Tyra Banks stole it from me.
447
00:17:57,893 --> 00:18:00,578
No, it was the one
of you guys making s'mores.
448
00:18:00,729 --> 00:18:04,974
Everyone just could see how much
you guys loved working together.
449
00:18:04,992 --> 00:18:06,826
You had a-a whole system.
450
00:18:06,994 --> 00:18:09,754
Yeah, well, Mandy's really good
at toasting the marshmallow
451
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:11,480
without setting it on fire.
452
00:18:11,499 --> 00:18:13,091
Kristin melts the chocolate
just right.
453
00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:14,592
All right, well, you guys just--
you just seemed
454
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,320
to naturally love
doing things together.
455
00:18:17,488 --> 00:18:19,672
And then,
somewhere along the way,
456
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:20,798
that changed.
457
00:18:21,025 --> 00:18:23,326
And I think I know why.
458
00:18:23,494 --> 00:18:24,493
Yeah.
459
00:18:24,662 --> 00:18:26,562
Eve was born.
460
00:18:27,665 --> 00:18:28,898
Frickin' Eve.
461
00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:33,427
Okay, no, I am talking
about sisters competing.
462
00:18:33,596 --> 00:18:38,007
Look, I think you learned that
from watching me and Nicole.
463
00:18:38,176 --> 00:18:40,100
Um, and I-I told myself
464
00:18:40,269 --> 00:18:43,028
that we were pushing each other
to be better, but...
465
00:18:43,181 --> 00:18:45,105
it ruined our relationship.
466
00:18:45,274 --> 00:18:47,350
And you don't want that
happening to us.
467
00:18:47,443 --> 00:18:50,110
No. No. And-and I really, really
don't want it happening
468
00:18:50,279 --> 00:18:52,946
to Sarah and Evelyn.
469
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:53,965
Oh.
470
00:18:55,042 --> 00:18:56,542
(chuckles softly)
That would be awful.
471
00:18:56,694 --> 00:18:58,427
-Mm-hmm.
-MANDY: Yeah.
472
00:18:59,530 --> 00:19:01,197
I'm really sorry.
473
00:19:01,366 --> 00:19:03,382
I know that you weren't trying
to put me down.
474
00:19:03,551 --> 00:19:06,627
It's just that,
ever since I left my job,
475
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:07,720
I guess...
476
00:19:07,872 --> 00:19:09,630
I'm a little sensitive.
477
00:19:09,798 --> 00:19:11,131
I'm sorry, too.
478
00:19:11,184 --> 00:19:13,634
I guess I... am still
feeling pretty guilty
479
00:19:13,802 --> 00:19:16,303
that I don't get to see Evelyn
as much as you get to see Sarah,
480
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:18,063
which I totally shouldn't.
(chuckles)
481
00:19:18,232 --> 00:19:20,140
I mean, I shouldn't, right?
482
00:19:20,309 --> 00:19:21,217
Mm.
483
00:19:21,386 --> 00:19:23,143
And-and I just never
should have made
484
00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:24,645
this whole thing a competition.
485
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:28,574
So... I think
that I am going to recommend
486
00:19:28,726 --> 00:19:31,560
that the Outdoor Toddler...
487
00:19:31,695 --> 00:19:33,562
be Ben.
488
00:19:33,656 --> 00:19:34,988
-Ben, huh?
-Yeah.
489
00:19:35,157 --> 00:19:37,233
-Wow, Mom. That's a good idea.
-VANESSA: Yeah.
490
00:19:37,326 --> 00:19:39,159
That'll really mean a lot
to Aunt Nicole.
491
00:19:39,328 --> 00:19:41,161
Yeah. And Ben's smize game?
492
00:19:41,330 --> 00:19:43,072
(exhales)
Fierce.
493
00:19:43,165 --> 00:19:44,515
Hey, it's no better
than Sarah and Evelyn...
494
00:19:44,667 --> 00:19:46,425
No. (stammers)
Not gonna go there.
495
00:19:46,594 --> 00:19:48,202
Uh...
(chuckles)
496
00:19:48,204 --> 00:19:50,837
I started this competition,
and I just need to end it.
497
00:19:50,932 --> 00:19:52,356
-Mm.
-Okay. That's nice, Mom.
498
00:19:52,583 --> 00:19:54,099
-Now let me at
those marshmallows.
-Yeah.
499
00:19:54,268 --> 00:19:57,528
-Make-up s'mores are the best.
(chuckles)
-Yeah.
500
00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,923
You guys look so cute.
501
00:20:01,092 --> 00:20:02,200
-(chuckles)
-(shutter sound effect)
502
00:20:02,351 --> 00:20:03,776
I am gonna send this picture
to Aunt Nicole.
503
00:20:03,928 --> 00:20:05,277
She's gonna be so jealous.
504
00:20:05,446 --> 00:20:06,871
Mom.
505
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:10,208
Oh, come on.
I can't just quit cold turkey.
506
00:20:11,026 --> 00:20:13,294
(chuckles)
507
00:20:21,170 --> 00:20:24,630
But how do we get a star
attached without a script?
508
00:20:24,799 --> 00:20:27,132
Because it's a killer idea.
509
00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:29,060
All right?
First we get a star attached,
510
00:20:29,211 --> 00:20:30,469
then we get some funding,
511
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,288
then we commission a script.
512
00:20:32,381 --> 00:20:33,430
Seems backwards.
513
00:20:33,583 --> 00:20:35,683
Scripts are overrated.
514
00:20:37,295 --> 00:20:39,904
You get the right actor, they
make up their own lines anyway.
515
00:20:40,055 --> 00:20:41,480
Let me see now. Uh...
516
00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:43,466
I was thinking, for the, uh--
for the younger daughter,
517
00:20:43,559 --> 00:20:46,485
how about that plucky pitcher
from The Bad News Bears?
518
00:20:46,654 --> 00:20:47,820
Tatum O'Neal?
519
00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:48,821
Yes! Yes, yes.
520
00:20:48,990 --> 00:20:50,748
She's got to be in her 50s.
521
00:20:50,975 --> 00:20:52,157
No way. No way.
522
00:20:52,326 --> 00:20:54,234
That fresh-faced
little ragamuffin?
523
00:20:54,403 --> 00:20:55,995
Just because you saw
a movie yesterday
524
00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:58,923
doesn't mean
that's when it was made.
525
00:20:59,074 --> 00:21:00,424
Oh, for the father,
how about the--
526
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:01,926
how about the-- aha--
527
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:04,262
the dashing concierge
from Pretty Woman?
528
00:21:04,489 --> 00:21:06,264
Never heard of it.
529
00:21:06,415 --> 00:21:07,673
All right.
530
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:11,494
The urbane limo driver
from, from Princess Diaries.
531
00:21:11,512 --> 00:21:15,439
I'm pretty sure
that isn't a real movie.
532
00:21:16,501 --> 00:21:19,610
Okay. The sophisticated doctor
from Chicago Hope.
533
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:21,003
-Hmm? Yes.
-Yes.
534
00:21:21,096 --> 00:21:22,446
-I love him!
-Great, great.
535
00:21:22,673 --> 00:21:25,341
-Mandy Patinkin!
I'll make some calls.
-Yes.
536
00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:26,951
Yes. All right.
537
00:21:27,102 --> 00:21:28,344
Note to myself:
538
00:21:28,362 --> 00:21:31,497
consider
another casting director.
539
00:21:33,017 --> 00:21:34,517
(chicken clucks)
540
00:21:34,610 --> 00:21:35,459
Captioning sponsored by
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541
00:21:35,686 --> 00:21:36,752
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