1
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:06,839
Yay, you made it.
Thanks for coming by, Dad.
2
00:00:07,032 --> 00:00:08,065
Hey.
3
00:00:08,125 --> 00:00:09,675
Well, this better be good.
4
00:00:09,826 --> 00:00:12,419
-You know how I feel about
the drug trade.
-Hmm.
5
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:16,265
Especially when I'm heading home
to get a beer.
6
00:00:18,376 --> 00:00:21,186
Quit complaining, the shop
is right on your way home.
7
00:00:21,338 --> 00:00:22,929
Well, so is Gymboree.
8
00:00:23,082 --> 00:00:26,841
Don't see me stopping by there
to practice my dismounts.
9
00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:28,252
(laughs)
10
00:00:28,353 --> 00:00:31,363
Well, you're gonna flip
when you see this.
11
00:00:31,556 --> 00:00:34,533
(laughs)
Look. Uh, Ryan made Bud's Buds
12
00:00:34,726 --> 00:00:39,187
Denver's Fastest Growing
Independent Dispensary.
13
00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:40,688
Wow, they're not kidding around.
14
00:00:40,750 --> 00:00:43,358
That thing's, uh,
made out of real mahogany.
15
00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:46,361
Getting noticed, huh?
You know what's next.
16
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:49,606
Big Cannabis will try
to shut you down.
17
00:00:49,625 --> 00:00:51,108
Oh, yeah.
Like stealing my ideas?
18
00:00:51,126 --> 00:00:52,793
-Trust me, they already are.
-Ah.
19
00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:55,036
And you know what, it's fine,
'cause I work for myself.
20
00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:56,947
I'm nimble.
I don't have to deal with, like,
21
00:00:57,007 --> 00:00:58,799
-a thousand pointless meetings
a day-- Oh.
-(phone ringing)
22
00:00:58,951 --> 00:01:00,617
Hello?
23
00:01:00,677 --> 00:01:02,803
-I got to go pick up Evelyn.
-You're going over to my house?
24
00:01:02,955 --> 00:01:05,122
Why didn't you just bring
the plaque there?
25
00:01:05,224 --> 00:01:07,882
Great idea. I'll show Mom.
26
00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:11,219
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, you-you stay here.
27
00:01:11,322 --> 00:01:13,980
Just, you know, talk to Ryan.
28
00:01:14,133 --> 00:01:15,532
What?
29
00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:19,078
Okay. Thanks.
30
00:01:19,271 --> 00:01:21,321
Sorry. One of my delivery guys.
31
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,082
I swear to God,
it would just be easier
32
00:01:23,233 --> 00:01:25,309
-for me to deliver it myself.
-Hey.
33
00:01:25,369 --> 00:01:27,735
This is what happens when
the business starts taking off.
34
00:01:27,797 --> 00:01:29,479
Yeah, it reminds me,
when our business took off,
35
00:01:29,540 --> 00:01:30,981
-Ed and I realized...
-(phone ringing)
36
00:01:31,041 --> 00:01:32,132
Hello?
37
00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:35,652
No, no. It's North Pearl Street,
not South Pearl Street.
38
00:01:35,712 --> 00:01:38,580
That's not even
in your delivery area.
39
00:01:38,641 --> 00:01:42,059
Right, so we hired
this young guy that we c...
40
00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:47,397
Do you got a minute? We c...
41
00:01:48,500 --> 00:01:49,683
I'm just kidding. I hung up.
42
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,852
I just really like
doing this to you.
43
00:01:52,004 --> 00:01:55,430
Wow. Haven't lost
your delightful sense of humor.
44
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:57,841
Um, is there something
you wanted to talk to me about?
45
00:01:57,901 --> 00:02:01,769
Uh, I wouldn't mind getting
some advice on how you and Ed
46
00:02:01,831 --> 00:02:03,938
handled Outdoor Man
when it started to take off,
47
00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:07,626
'cause this is really
starting to wear me down.
48
00:02:07,819 --> 00:02:09,586
(mouths)
49
00:02:11,156 --> 00:02:12,965
You're not even holding a phone.
50
00:02:13,158 --> 00:02:17,377
I know, but you're right.
This is really fun. This...
51
00:02:18,330 --> 00:02:20,121
Trust me,
I would only ask advice
52
00:02:20,141 --> 00:02:21,882
of my mentor
when I really needed it.
53
00:02:21,976 --> 00:02:23,049
What did you call me?
54
00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:24,959
My mentor.
55
00:02:24,979 --> 00:02:26,870
Oh, hell no, no, no, no, no, no.
56
00:02:26,930 --> 00:02:31,892
A mentor is somebody who takes
a real interest in your career.
57
00:02:32,044 --> 00:02:33,377
Exactly.
58
00:02:33,395 --> 00:02:36,380
You know, if I was
to hustle to Gymboree,
59
00:02:36,398 --> 00:02:38,139
I could get
in that parachute circle
60
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:41,076
before the afternoon rush.
61
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:44,079
♪
62
00:02:47,618 --> 00:02:49,150
VANESSA:
What's wrong?
63
00:02:49,253 --> 00:02:51,077
You know wh--
G-Get this. Today, Ryan,
64
00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:55,065
he said he thinks of me
as his mentor.
65
00:02:55,125 --> 00:02:56,991
Well, yeah, y-you kind of are.
66
00:02:57,011 --> 00:02:58,177
You're always giving him advice.
67
00:02:58,370 --> 00:03:01,755
No. That's called criticism.
68
00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:03,182
Well, embrace it.
69
00:03:03,375 --> 00:03:04,908
Look, I do as a teacher,
70
00:03:04,927 --> 00:03:07,577
which is basically a mentor
who buys her own chalk.
71
00:03:07,638 --> 00:03:09,079
(laughs)
72
00:03:09,097 --> 00:03:10,689
I don't want to do this.
73
00:03:10,882 --> 00:03:12,708
It's tutoring a grown man
for free.
74
00:03:12,735 --> 00:03:16,269
If I was a mentor, I'd tell
somebody, "Don't do that."
75
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:18,088
All right, you know what?
76
00:03:18,148 --> 00:03:19,364
Let-let me, let me
tell you a story.
77
00:03:19,557 --> 00:03:22,034
Oh. I think I need
more drumsticks.
78
00:03:22,227 --> 00:03:23,685
No, look...
79
00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:26,613
One time, a student
asked me to be her mentor...
80
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,690
-Mm-hmm.
-...and I didn't want to do it,
81
00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:31,210
so I passed her off
to another colleague.
82
00:03:31,361 --> 00:03:32,786
Well, that teacher
did a bad job,
83
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:36,531
and the girl completely
lost interest in science.
84
00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:38,533
-Well, what happened to her?
-I-I wish I knew.
85
00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:40,777
But I never heard
from her again.
86
00:03:40,837 --> 00:03:43,222
You gave me a great idea,
though. That's a great idea.
87
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:44,723
-Really?
-Yeah.
88
00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:46,207
Good. Well... (chuckles)
89
00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:47,117
Once a teacher,
always a teacher.
90
00:03:47,135 --> 00:03:48,227
-Yeah.
-(laughs)
91
00:03:48,420 --> 00:03:49,803
I'm just gonna
pass off my problem
92
00:03:49,955 --> 00:03:51,455
-to some other sucker.
-What? No, no, that...
93
00:03:51,556 --> 00:03:53,565
That's not what
my story was about.
94
00:03:53,758 --> 00:03:56,217
Wow, wow, wow. Are your stories
always this smart?
95
00:03:56,278 --> 00:03:59,053
I've got to work harder
at not tuning you out.
96
00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:02,056
Just... (imitates beep)
97
00:04:02,076 --> 00:04:03,558
MANDY:
You ready to go?
98
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,135
Uh, yeah, almost, uh...
Remember how, last week,
99
00:04:05,195 --> 00:04:06,636
when my computer crashed?
100
00:04:06,655 --> 00:04:09,823
Well, Mr. Alzate gave me
a brand-new one.
101
00:04:09,959 --> 00:04:11,825
It doesn't look new.
102
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:14,068
Well, that's because it's not.
103
00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:16,813
Now, if I only knew
the password.
104
00:04:16,873 --> 00:04:18,665
Uh, maybe it's this?
105
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:21,485
"Ed-1-2-3"?
106
00:04:21,545 --> 00:04:23,487
(keys clicking)
107
00:04:23,547 --> 00:04:25,264
Hey, it worked.
108
00:04:25,457 --> 00:04:29,250
With our brainpower,
what can't we do?
109
00:04:29,353 --> 00:04:31,728
Hey, what's this file?
110
00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:36,016
"Do not open."
111
00:04:36,168 --> 00:04:37,834
Hey, let's open that.
112
00:04:37,894 --> 00:04:40,020
No. If you, if you don't want
someone to open something,
113
00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:42,022
you write, "Do not open."
114
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:44,449
-(key clicks)
-Oops, too late.
115
00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:47,694
Uh, "Bucket List."
116
00:04:47,846 --> 00:04:50,289
Aw, man, I wanted it
to be something good.
117
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:53,867
Like everyone's salary.
Or their weight.
118
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,127
No, these are all the things
119
00:04:55,278 --> 00:04:56,536
that Mr. Alzate
still wants to do.
120
00:04:56,630 --> 00:05:01,041
"Run a 5K, learn Mandarin,
stop swearing."
121
00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:02,784
Wow. He hasn't
done any of these.
122
00:05:02,845 --> 00:05:05,804
Yeah, that explains
why he cussed at me today,
123
00:05:05,997 --> 00:05:08,056
and it was not in Mandarin.
124
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:12,311
Mandy, we should help Mr. Alzate
125
00:05:12,462 --> 00:05:14,962
accomplish everything
on this list.
126
00:05:15,024 --> 00:05:17,465
But he's so grouchy.
127
00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:19,967
No, but-but he's always
there for us
128
00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:21,545
any time we need anything.
129
00:05:21,563 --> 00:05:24,064
The least we can do is help him
accomplish his dreams.
130
00:05:24,216 --> 00:05:25,640
No, I'm already
raising a toddler.
131
00:05:25,701 --> 00:05:28,118
I don't want to raise
an 80-year-old.
132
00:05:33,325 --> 00:05:35,149
The puppy dog eyes?
133
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:37,085
Okay, fine.
134
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:41,731
You are making
a giant ham sandwich.
135
00:05:41,792 --> 00:05:43,249
Yep.
136
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:47,404
Also known
as your victory sandwich.
137
00:05:47,464 --> 00:05:49,422
Yep. Your idea
about pushing Ryan off
138
00:05:49,575 --> 00:05:51,332
to another mentor,
that was a great idea.
139
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,093
No, no, no.
Do not pin that on me.
140
00:05:53,245 --> 00:05:54,168
-Mm.
-That was not my idea.
141
00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:55,762
-Mike, no.
-Listen, listen.
142
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,506
Talked to Dave Elliot--
he was so impressed with Ryan
143
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:01,768
he also wants to buy
Bud's Buds, right?
144
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:05,072
So put that in your hash pipe
and smoke it.
145
00:06:06,983 --> 00:06:08,942
Wait, so...
146
00:06:09,094 --> 00:06:10,610
So, if he buys Bud's Buds,
147
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:13,205
then-then what happens
to Ryan's job?
148
00:06:13,356 --> 00:06:15,356
Oh, keeps the job. More support.
149
00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:17,283
And I don't have to keep
that store anymore,
150
00:06:17,436 --> 00:06:19,953
so I killed two birds
with one stone.
151
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:21,788
VANESSA:
Hmm.
152
00:06:21,924 --> 00:06:24,290
So, my idea
153
00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:27,386
wasn't just good, it was great.
154
00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:29,613
It really wasn't your idea,
was it?
155
00:06:29,631 --> 00:06:32,465
-(chuckles)
-No, it was.
156
00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:36,786
It was, and that is technically
157
00:06:36,847 --> 00:06:39,689
my victory sandwich.
158
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,385
Damn it.
159
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:46,312
What the hell did you do?
160
00:06:46,465 --> 00:06:49,223
You've ruined Ryan's life.
161
00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:52,452
Oh, that was your mother's idea.
162
00:06:58,610 --> 00:07:00,234
What do you mean
"ruined his life"?
163
00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:01,253
I think the words
you're looking for
164
00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:03,813
is "thank" and "you."
165
00:07:03,832 --> 00:07:06,650
Your buddy Dave Elliot
called this morning.
166
00:07:06,710 --> 00:07:09,761
Yeah. I sent him a note
with the two words in it,
167
00:07:09,954 --> 00:07:12,747
"thank" and "you."
168
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:15,600
Turns out he doesn't want Ryan
to run the new Bud's Buds.
169
00:07:15,752 --> 00:07:19,271
No, he wants him to be
his regional sales director
170
00:07:19,464 --> 00:07:22,274
-in the corporate offices.
-(laughs)
171
00:07:22,467 --> 00:07:26,336
How long did it take for Ryan
to say "Go to hell" to that?
172
00:07:26,396 --> 00:07:29,448
(laughs)
He didn't. He wants to take it.
173
00:07:29,641 --> 00:07:32,509
Hold on. Ryan wants to work
in a corporate office?
174
00:07:32,527 --> 00:07:34,286
That's like a--
like a dog on a surfboard.
175
00:07:34,479 --> 00:07:36,529
It just doesn't look right.
176
00:07:36,682 --> 00:07:39,458
Th-This job will make
Ryan miserable.
177
00:07:39,651 --> 00:07:42,586
Well, it could be worse.
He could be somebody's mentor.
178
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,116
Hey, Mr. Alzate.
179
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:50,527
You ready for your power walk?
180
00:07:50,545 --> 00:07:53,196
No, no way.
No, we did that yesterday.
181
00:07:53,215 --> 00:07:54,473
And I only went
because I thought
182
00:07:54,624 --> 00:07:57,291
you were throwing me
a surprise party.
183
00:07:57,311 --> 00:08:00,595
Well, surprise.
Another power walk.
184
00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:03,389
I have a better idea.
You tell me where you're going,
185
00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:05,725
and I'll meet you there
in my Bentley, all right?
186
00:08:05,877 --> 00:08:08,320
All right,
we'll give you today off,
187
00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:10,805
but that means
two power walks tomorrow.
188
00:08:10,866 --> 00:08:14,475
Before you know it,
you'll be able to run a 5K.
189
00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:17,496
I'll tell you what, I'll give
you 5K to leave me alone.
190
00:08:17,647 --> 00:08:20,740
-Deal.
-Uh, uh, no. No deal, no deal.
191
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:25,212
Uh, but we'll see you tomorrow,
which is míngtian in Mandarin.
192
00:08:26,364 --> 00:08:28,155
(chuckles)
For the record,
193
00:08:28,217 --> 00:08:30,583
I'll leave you alone
for a hundred bucks.
194
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:32,326
I-I don't know
what they're doing.
195
00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:34,346
They want me to run a 5K,
learn Mandarin
196
00:08:34,497 --> 00:08:36,181
and stop swearing.
What the...?
197
00:08:36,374 --> 00:08:38,241
Wait. H-Hang on.
Didn't you just give Kyle
198
00:08:38,260 --> 00:08:40,243
-your old computer?
-Yes.
199
00:08:40,303 --> 00:08:42,503
W-Well, that used to be
my computer.
200
00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:45,023
(laughs)
They found my old bucket list
201
00:08:45,216 --> 00:08:46,916
and think it's yours.
202
00:08:46,935 --> 00:08:48,434
I never saw that.
203
00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:51,345
Oh, uh, that's because
I marked it "Do not open."
204
00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:54,924
I see. You should have marked it
"Top Ten Shoe Inserts."
205
00:08:54,943 --> 00:08:56,426
And you're the security guy?
206
00:08:56,486 --> 00:08:58,537
I can't believe they did that.
You know what?
207
00:08:58,688 --> 00:09:02,599
I have access to everyone's
computer through the network.
208
00:09:02,617 --> 00:09:05,451
I'm gonna create
a new folder on Kyle's.
209
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:07,937
-Bucket list number two?
-(laughs) Yep.
210
00:09:07,998 --> 00:09:13,885
And this one I'll mark,
"Really, really do not open."
211
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,779
(laughs)
212
00:09:15,797 --> 00:09:18,497
Well, uh, name something
you always wanted to do, Ed.
213
00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:21,876
Well, I've never seen
Shakespeare in the Park.
214
00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:23,970
Aha. Well, well, how about, uh,
215
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,972
Shakespeare in the office?
216
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,624
-(chuckles)
-Ooh.
217
00:09:27,642 --> 00:09:30,551
"To do or not to do,
there is no trying."
218
00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:33,905
Uh, that's not Shakespeare;
that's Star Wars.
219
00:09:34,098 --> 00:09:35,632
(English accent):
I know.
220
00:09:35,650 --> 00:09:39,744
I find your lack of faith
disturbing.
221
00:09:39,937 --> 00:09:42,372
Impressive.
222
00:09:46,870 --> 00:09:48,086
Wait a minute.
223
00:09:48,237 --> 00:09:51,256
This isn't
Republican headquarters.
224
00:09:51,449 --> 00:09:55,051
Probably put the wrong app
on my phone.
225
00:09:55,912 --> 00:09:57,320
Hello, Mike.
226
00:09:57,422 --> 00:09:59,005
Hey, there.
Heard about the new job offer.
227
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,824
Pretty exciting news.
228
00:10:00,842 --> 00:10:02,750
Thanks. Yeah, it was actually
pretty gratifying.
229
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:05,328
And you know what?
I owe it all to my mentor.
230
00:10:05,388 --> 00:10:08,089
Right. Dave Elliot.
231
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,757
Perfect guy for the job.
232
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:12,277
-No. You're always
gonna be my mentor.
-Hmm.
233
00:10:12,428 --> 00:10:14,354
No, but it was cool.
234
00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:16,931
Dave said, uh, "I really like
what you're doing,
235
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,524
and I want you on my team."
236
00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:21,102
(laughs) Something you never
heard in high school.
237
00:10:21,163 --> 00:10:24,122
I accept that men
of Mike's generation
238
00:10:24,273 --> 00:10:25,531
display affection
through mockery.
239
00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:28,275
I will not be hurt
by his ridicule.
240
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,203
Hey, you know what I like
about you?
241
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:33,256
You're a man
who knows who he is.
242
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:37,135
Wow. Thank you.
243
00:10:37,286 --> 00:10:39,620
It's actually
rather annoying. Um...
244
00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:41,956
Do you recall
Boyd's 12th birthday party?
245
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,366
You were the only one
246
00:10:43,426 --> 00:10:45,051
that wouldn't wear
one of those silly hats.
247
00:10:45,203 --> 00:10:47,203
Look, I am not gonna wear
something that both mocks
248
00:10:47,263 --> 00:10:49,222
and appropriates
the traditional bashlyk hat
249
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:51,057
of the Turkic peoples.
250
00:10:51,193 --> 00:10:52,967
And who would, right?
251
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,319
You're a nonconformist.
252
00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:56,546
Uh, annoyingly nonconformist.
253
00:10:56,606 --> 00:10:58,323
Okay, is there a point
to all this?
254
00:10:58,516 --> 00:10:59,824
'Cause your affection is
really starting
255
00:11:00,017 --> 00:11:01,326
to hurt my self-esteem.
256
00:11:01,477 --> 00:11:03,828
Do you know what corporations
don't like
257
00:11:04,021 --> 00:11:05,889
about nonconformists?
258
00:11:05,907 --> 00:11:07,314
Is that they're nonconformist.
259
00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:08,741
You know what they do
with nonconformists?
260
00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:11,077
They make them conform.
261
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,654
Yeah, I know.
262
00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:15,489
Let me put it this way.
263
00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:18,826
I think taking this job
is a really bad idea.
264
00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:20,737
I disagree.
265
00:11:20,797 --> 00:11:23,089
(scoffs)
Okay.
266
00:11:23,225 --> 00:11:25,332
Let's say I'm your mentor.
267
00:11:25,394 --> 00:11:27,911
As your mentor, I'm telling you
268
00:11:27,971 --> 00:11:30,021
don't take the job, don't do it.
269
00:11:30,214 --> 00:11:31,856
No.
270
00:11:32,049 --> 00:11:33,507
What do you mean "no"?
271
00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:35,694
-What-what's going on here?
-Okay, look.
272
00:11:35,887 --> 00:11:39,531
During the pandemic, I saw
people lose everything they had.
273
00:11:39,724 --> 00:11:43,609
Hardworking small businessmen
like me just...
274
00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:45,278
wiped out.
275
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,447
I am not gonna let that
happen to my family.
276
00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:50,266
-You have never done better.
-Yeah, sure.
277
00:11:50,285 --> 00:11:53,861
Now. But I think what
the pandemic showed us is
278
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:56,131
we can't count on anything.
279
00:11:57,500 --> 00:12:00,885
This is about security
for your family.
280
00:12:01,078 --> 00:12:03,446
I respect that.
Damn it.
281
00:12:03,506 --> 00:12:05,465
You're gonna have to tell Kris.
282
00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:08,117
I did. I couldn't convince her.
283
00:12:08,219 --> 00:12:09,452
Why not?
You convinced me.
284
00:12:09,554 --> 00:12:12,956
I have no idea.
She wouldn't say.
285
00:12:13,016 --> 00:12:16,142
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
286
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,811
When they don't say...
287
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:21,322
BOTH:
It's really bad.
288
00:12:29,065 --> 00:12:31,065
-Hey, love.
-Hey.
289
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,642
Let me ask you a question.
290
00:12:32,702 --> 00:12:35,144
When you're unhappy with me
but won't tell me why,
291
00:12:35,163 --> 00:12:36,403
what are you really mad at?
292
00:12:36,465 --> 00:12:40,258
Oh, dear God,
what have you done?
293
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:43,152
It's not about me.
This is about Ryan.
294
00:12:43,213 --> 00:12:46,914
-Okay, what did "Ryan" do?
-(chuckles)
295
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:50,935
He told me that Kris is unhappy
about his new job
296
00:12:51,128 --> 00:12:53,587
but she won't tell him why.
297
00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:54,998
(groans)
298
00:12:55,016 --> 00:12:57,258
Well, if she won't tell him,
must be...
299
00:12:57,319 --> 00:12:59,569
BOTH:
Really bad.
300
00:13:01,323 --> 00:13:03,097
Why don't you talk to her?
301
00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:05,024
Oh, no. I don't know.
I don't know.
302
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,934
Look, i-if this is
something that Kris
303
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:08,620
isn't even comfortable
sharing with her husband,
304
00:13:08,813 --> 00:13:11,122
then-then maybe
we should respect that.
305
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,458
I'll go halfway with you.
306
00:13:13,651 --> 00:13:16,294
I'll respect it,
you talk to her.
307
00:13:16,487 --> 00:13:19,280
(laughs): You know... you know
when I'm upset with you
308
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,965
and I won't tell you why?
309
00:13:21,158 --> 00:13:25,211
It's usually because you're
trying to manipulate me. Uh-huh.
310
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,955
How would I manipulate
a loving mother
311
00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:31,643
who only cares about her family
312
00:13:31,794 --> 00:13:34,053
and wouldn't even sleep at night
unless her children were...
313
00:13:34,189 --> 00:13:36,797
Oh, damn it, you know,
314
00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:40,151
you are an evil, evil man.
315
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,228
You are a wonderful woman.
316
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,047
All right, stop.
You got what you wanted.
317
00:13:44,065 --> 00:13:45,398
Get out. Go.
Just get out. Go.
318
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:48,576
-Out, out! Get out.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
319
00:13:51,389 --> 00:13:53,389
I haven't heard from Kyle
this morning.
320
00:13:53,491 --> 00:13:55,274
You think he opened the file?
321
00:13:55,426 --> 00:13:56,984
Well, let me take a look.
322
00:13:57,087 --> 00:14:00,246
(singing fanfare)
323
00:14:00,398 --> 00:14:01,898
Oh, my goodness!
(laughs)
324
00:14:01,958 --> 00:14:03,675
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I got to make sure
325
00:14:03,826 --> 00:14:05,492
the security cameras
are getting all this.
326
00:14:05,554 --> 00:14:08,404
Kind gentlemen and gentlewomen,
gather round.
327
00:14:08,464 --> 00:14:11,257
We present for ye a merry play.
328
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:14,501
-Ooh...
-This is incredible. Incredible.
329
00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:16,412
Having Shakespeare performed
at the office
330
00:14:16,431 --> 00:14:17,689
is on my bucket list.
331
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:21,192
Yes, you have always
talked about that.
332
00:14:21,385 --> 00:14:23,886
Then so be it.
We present for ye
333
00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:26,013
the tale of Romeo and Juliet,
334
00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:28,274
star-crossed lovers
who die at...
335
00:14:28,426 --> 00:14:31,611
Pretend you didn't hear that.
336
00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:35,582
Uh, but don't get
too attached to them.
337
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:39,193
-(Chuck chortles)
-Look at that. Look at that.
338
00:14:39,254 --> 00:14:42,529
O Romeo, Romeo!
Wherefore art thou Romeo?
339
00:14:42,591 --> 00:14:45,550
Deny thy father
and refuse thy name.
340
00:14:45,701 --> 00:14:47,886
Or, if thou wilt not,
be but sworn my love.
341
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:51,280
I'll no longer be a Capulet.
342
00:14:52,267 --> 00:14:55,134
Shall I hear more,
or shall I speak at this?
343
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:59,972
'Tis but thy name
that is my enemy. Ah!
344
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:03,626
Why doth tuggeth
at thy dress, milady?
345
00:15:03,686 --> 00:15:09,240
Uh, 'tis itchy,
and it haveth B.O.
346
00:15:10,318 --> 00:15:11,558
Kyle, where did you get this?
347
00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:13,394
Well, I got it
from my friend Josh.
348
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:14,913
He works at Medieval Buffet.
349
00:15:15,064 --> 00:15:16,155
The, uh... the girl who sells
350
00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:17,657
turkey legs from a horse
wears it.
351
00:15:17,809 --> 00:15:19,158
What?! Ew.
352
00:15:19,310 --> 00:15:20,977
That's what I'm smelling?
I am not wearing this.
353
00:15:21,037 --> 00:15:23,663
No, no, no, no, just wear it
until after the death scene.
354
00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,498
I mean-- Dang it!
355
00:15:26,635 --> 00:15:28,334
I hate this, I hate this,
I hate this.
356
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,486
All right, just so you
understand, this last part
357
00:15:30,546 --> 00:15:32,096
was not written by Shakespeare.
358
00:15:32,289 --> 00:15:35,007
In his version,
she likes her dress.
359
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,009
Hers wasn't covered
in turkey juice.
360
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:38,752
Just wear it for
a little bit longer.
361
00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:40,104
-You look beautiful.
-Why don't you try it on?
362
00:15:40,256 --> 00:15:41,588
I would love to see
how you feel in it.
363
00:15:41,650 --> 00:15:43,166
Okay, that's enough.
Enough, enough, enough.
364
00:15:43,184 --> 00:15:44,500
-That's okay. Please.
-What do you mean?
365
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:45,668
This really wasn't
on my bucket list.
366
00:15:45,770 --> 00:15:47,019
This is just a prank.
367
00:15:47,172 --> 00:15:48,688
Yeah, I put that file
on your computer
368
00:15:48,823 --> 00:15:52,008
-after I found out
you guys were snooping.
-Yes.
369
00:15:52,068 --> 00:15:53,952
(laughs):
That's really funny.
370
00:15:54,103 --> 00:15:56,245
I might have scabies!
371
00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:00,441
I'm-I'm really sorry,
Mr. Alzate.
372
00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:04,253
We thought we were supporting
someone we care about.
373
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:07,382
Our deepest apologies.
374
00:16:08,459 --> 00:16:11,210
(speaking Mandarin)
375
00:16:11,362 --> 00:16:13,454
Wow, you are really good
at that.
376
00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:15,807
Yeah, it's a surprisingly
easy language to learn.
377
00:16:15,958 --> 00:16:17,976
It's just a series of pictures
that mean phrases
378
00:16:18,169 --> 00:16:20,720
that then turn into words
that you memorize and draw.
379
00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:23,464
I'll tell you, I-I was
a little irritated at first,
380
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:27,043
but I'm really touched
about how much trouble
381
00:16:27,061 --> 00:16:28,987
you went through
to do this for me.
382
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:31,155
Aw, it wasn't any trouble.
383
00:16:31,307 --> 00:16:34,742
No trouble?
This dress is alive!
384
00:16:37,539 --> 00:16:39,747
(knock on door)
385
00:16:42,193 --> 00:16:44,227
-Mom. Hi.
-Hey. Hey.
386
00:16:44,287 --> 00:16:46,062
I wasn't expecting you.
387
00:16:46,122 --> 00:16:47,338
Uh, now that you're here, uh,
388
00:16:47,490 --> 00:16:48,731
would you mind staying
with the baby
389
00:16:48,791 --> 00:16:51,400
so I can go to a bar
and get drunk?
390
00:16:51,461 --> 00:16:54,178
Oh, come on, honey,
you don't want to do that.
391
00:16:54,371 --> 00:16:56,514
Look. I brought wine.
392
00:16:56,665 --> 00:17:00,518
Aha, your, uh,
conversation starter kit.
393
00:17:00,669 --> 00:17:02,578
Yeah. I want to talk about
Ryan's new job.
394
00:17:02,638 --> 00:17:05,081
Yeah, well, I don't,
so we're not.
395
00:17:05,099 --> 00:17:06,357
-Well, I do, so we are.
-Mom, no.
396
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,192
I really-- I don't feel
like talking about it.
397
00:17:08,344 --> 00:17:09,527
Well, I'm not leaving
until we do, so...
398
00:17:09,678 --> 00:17:11,178
Mom, I don't want
to talk about it,
399
00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:12,363
'cause you're gonna think
I'm a terrible person.
400
00:17:12,515 --> 00:17:14,681
Honey, I am your mother.
401
00:17:14,743 --> 00:17:17,535
I have seen you
in good situations and bad,
402
00:17:17,728 --> 00:17:20,371
and I can say that I have never
and will never think
403
00:17:20,523 --> 00:17:22,957
that you are a terrible person.
404
00:17:27,238 --> 00:17:29,088
Fine.
405
00:17:30,741 --> 00:17:34,886
I don't want Ryan
to take the corporate job
406
00:17:35,079 --> 00:17:36,411
because...
407
00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:39,039
You're afraid
he's gonna hate it.
408
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:41,450
No.
409
00:17:41,552 --> 00:17:44,562
I'm afraid he's gonna love it.
410
00:17:45,923 --> 00:17:47,482
Go on.
411
00:17:49,385 --> 00:17:51,402
I'm afraid he's gonna love it
412
00:17:51,595 --> 00:17:54,463
and he's gonna love it so much
that he changes.
413
00:17:54,524 --> 00:17:57,149
And-and I don't know
who he's gonna change into.
414
00:17:57,302 --> 00:17:59,393
Wh-What if we grow apart?
What-what if...
415
00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:01,470
What if we're not
good enough for him anymore?
416
00:18:01,489 --> 00:18:03,706
Wh-What if I'm not enough?
417
00:18:05,493 --> 00:18:08,828
(chuckles)
Terrible person, right?
418
00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:10,329
(sighs)
419
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:13,816
Well, if... if you're
a terrible person,
420
00:18:13,876 --> 00:18:16,969
then so am I.
421
00:18:20,049 --> 00:18:22,517
Go on.
422
00:18:25,129 --> 00:18:27,254
When, uh, when I was younger,
423
00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:29,181
I fell in love with a hippie
424
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:32,017
who was knocking on doors
for McGovern.
425
00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:35,029
Then he died and you met Dad?
426
00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:38,507
(laughs):
Kind of. Yeah.
427
00:18:38,526 --> 00:18:40,952
Yeah, and after
we got married and-and had kids,
428
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:44,789
uh, your father's priorities
changed.
429
00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:46,791
And that scared you?
430
00:18:46,984 --> 00:18:49,185
Yeah. Yeah.
431
00:18:49,245 --> 00:18:51,963
Whenever somebody
you love changes,
432
00:18:52,114 --> 00:18:53,780
it's, uh, it's scary.
433
00:18:53,842 --> 00:18:58,302
I, uh... I didn't know who
your father was gonna become.
434
00:18:58,454 --> 00:19:00,954
How did you deal with that?
435
00:19:01,015 --> 00:19:03,641
I talked to him.
436
00:19:03,792 --> 00:19:05,476
How am I supposed to have
that conversation?
437
00:19:05,669 --> 00:19:08,871
I mean, Ryan is
doing this for us.
438
00:19:08,931 --> 00:19:11,298
How am I gonna make it about me?
439
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:13,300
But, honey, no, no, no, no.
440
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:14,485
It is about you.
441
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,320
It's about you
and it's about him
442
00:19:16,513 --> 00:19:18,156
and it's about your family.
443
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:20,324
And the only way
you can get through that
444
00:19:20,517 --> 00:19:23,402
is you guys have to talk.
445
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,070
You have to.
446
00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:27,481
(quiet laugh)
447
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:30,751
You're right. You're right.
448
00:19:33,956 --> 00:19:36,090
I love you.
449
00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:39,427
I love you.
450
00:19:48,712 --> 00:19:49,745
Oh.
451
00:19:49,805 --> 00:19:52,481
Really, Mom, one bottle?
452
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:56,360
(laughs)
453
00:20:01,725 --> 00:20:03,926
Well, now that
the swelling has gone down...
454
00:20:03,945 --> 00:20:05,519
(clears throat)
455
00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:08,264
...you have to admit,
it was a really great prank, Ed.
456
00:20:08,324 --> 00:20:10,691
-You really got us.
-Well, it was still appreciated.
457
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:14,045
No easy task to tackle
Romeo and Juliet.
458
00:20:14,238 --> 00:20:16,105
Yeah, it was so hard.
459
00:20:16,123 --> 00:20:19,717
Can you imagine if Shakespeare
had been written in English?
460
00:20:19,910 --> 00:20:21,277
I'll tell you what,
461
00:20:21,337 --> 00:20:23,888
it is itchy in any language.
462
00:20:24,081 --> 00:20:26,115
Well, it is English, Kyle.
463
00:20:26,175 --> 00:20:28,117
-It's written in verse.
-Hmm?
464
00:20:28,219 --> 00:20:29,635
But what do I know?
465
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:30,953
I'm just a Marine.
466
00:20:30,972 --> 00:20:32,288
It's all I can do to remember
467
00:20:32,348 --> 00:20:33,956
the Pledge of Allegiance,
you know?
468
00:20:34,016 --> 00:20:36,308
On that, I bid you all adieu.
469
00:20:36,461 --> 00:20:37,718
Okay, I'm not sure
what that means,
470
00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:39,553
but if you're leaving,
we're right behind you.
471
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,313
Yeah, you guys go ahead.
I'll lock up.
472
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:42,982
-I got this.
-Good night.
473
00:20:43,117 --> 00:20:45,451
Good night.
474
00:20:49,198 --> 00:20:51,749
(exhales)
475
00:20:52,609 --> 00:20:55,586
(chuckles)
"Alas, poor Yorick."
476
00:20:55,738 --> 00:20:58,047
(laughs)
477
00:21:00,969 --> 00:21:02,593
"I knew him, Horatio.
478
00:21:02,786 --> 00:21:06,747
"A fellow of infinite jest,
of most excellent fancy.
479
00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:09,842
"He hath borne me on his back
a thousand times.
480
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:13,329
"Here hung those lips that
I kissed I know not how oft.
481
00:21:13,389 --> 00:21:16,089
"Where be your gibes now?
482
00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:17,833
"Your gambols? Your songs?
483
00:21:17,852 --> 00:21:20,519
Your flashes of merriment
that were wont to set the--"
484
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:23,096
Hey! Hey.
485
00:21:23,157 --> 00:21:25,024
Just 'cause I'm a Marine
doesn't mean,
486
00:21:25,176 --> 00:21:28,193
uh, we didn't have a talent
show every once in a while.
487
00:21:28,288 --> 00:21:30,454
-You know?
-Yeah!
488
00:21:37,171 --> 00:21:39,088
(chicken clucks)