Okay, and this is from Eve.
I had to guess on the size. Is it too big?
MIKE: Not unless it's for Larabee.
I'd love it, except...
Marines don't wear flyboy gear.
(no audio)
-Ed, you're-you're muted again. -Yeah. Yeah,
no, yeah, you are. You got to turn on the microphone icon.
Neat trick. Do that to Ryan.
This has been so great, you guys.
Thanks for all the gifts.
Is there anything that you didn't get that you wanted?
No. No. I just...
I wish we could all be together.
Oh, honey, we will be soon enough.
As soon as the planet stops trying to kill us. (chuckles)
Technology can go kiss my ass.
Hey, lookit there. Ed's back.
(Chuck laughs)
♪ ♪
Tell your mom I got to go by Ed's house.
He, he can't figure out how to turn the audio off.
Can you imagine what we'd hear out of that guy tonight, huh?
Pretty funny, huh?
I can't believe I'm bringing a child into this world.
Come on, come on.
It's gonna be fine. Everything's gonna be fine.
-You're supposed to say that-- you're my dad.
No, no. This is not like the time I told you
I loved your shrimp jambalaya. (laughs)
(muttering)
It was delicious, it really was good.
It's just that every day there's more bad news.
It's scary out there.
Well, leave it out there.
You felt safe at the little baby shower, right?
Yeah.
Well, maybe you and Kyle can come stay here for a while.
Nothing can hurt you in here.
Why is that?
(exhales): Well, because...
"out there" would have to come through me,
and I don't see that happening.
Do you?
-No. -Damn right, no.
Well, look, if-if you're serious about this,
I'll talk to Kyle, and we might take you up on it.
I would do anything to make you feel safe, okay?
-Okay, then. Thank you. -Yeah.
That makes me feel a lot better.
(Mike sighs)
(Mandy sighs)
What are you doing?
Giving "out there" my tough guy face.
So it knows what it's dealing with in here.
-Mm. -It won't come through that window.
So far, so good. I think it's working.
Oh, yeah.
I am scaring the crap out of "out there."
If it does get in, somehow gets in here,
I'll just give it some of that...
-shrimp jambalaya. -Hey.
(door opens)
Hey, Dad.
Mom wants to know the plan for dinner.
Ooh. How about all of us sitting in a leather booth
-at Elway's Steakhouse. -Ooh.
Sounds nice, if we were allowed to eat at restaurants right now.
How about steaks at home?
Sounds good. Very little chance
of seeing Elway there, though.
This pandemic is endless. When Kyle and I moved back in,
it felt like it had been going on forever,
and now it feels like we have forever to go.
It's like time has stopped.
Just like when we go to the symphony.
Which gives me an idea for a vlog.
Give me a couple minutes, okay?
Yeah, okay.
(Mandy groans)
Hey. Mike Baxter for Outdoor Man,
where we supply you for the primal battle
of man versus nature.
Now, let's face it, lately nature's been cheating a bit.
Airborne virus?
That's against the rules!
If you kill us by windchill factor,
avalanche, grizzly bear, got no problem with you, nature.
But invisible virus?
As my buddy Chuck would say:
"Not cool."
I'm so confident in America's ability to kick ass
and quickly overcome adversity
that I won't shave until we get through this.
Hey. Mike Baxter for Outdoor Man.
As this pandemic grinds on,
I know you got what it takes to overcome it: grit.
You know, the good kind.
Not the kind when you bite into a...
sandy clam.
You know, I know we've been through this pandemic for...
months...
Really?
Uh, years?
Decades?
My wife is wishing I hadn't vowed not to shave
till this is over.
You know what I think, people?
I think I could play...
(softly): Santa Claus.
Ah.
Ha-ha! Clean-shaven Mike Baxter
for Outdoor Man...
(sighs) with my four favorite words:
Hallelujah, we did it!
I'm gonna keep this short, so you could hop on your horse
and get on down here for our "Nice Try, Nature" sale.
Baxter out.
(sighs)
You ready, Dad? Mom got us a table at Elway's.
Ah, I love the sound of that.
Grandpa!
But I really love the sound of that.
Come on.
Mom, I am not arguing with you-- I just think it's important
to rotate out Sarah's nap time blankets.
Yeah, all I'm saying is that when I was raising you girls,
you each had a special blanket.
Honey, remember yours? It was... it was blue with little moons.
You called it Moony. (laughs)
Do you remember what happened to Moony?
Uh, uh, you-you grew out of it?
You left it at the Pepperoni Grill.
-I know. Okay... -It broke my heart. It's why I hate pepperoni.
Girls. Girls.
-Can I say something? -Honey, kids are gonna lose things all the time,
and they get upset-- it's just, that's normal.
Well, I'm teaching my daughter
that she has lots of blanket options,
-so she doesn't emotionally attach to one object. -Okay, all right, hey...
I will not have my daughter growing up hating pepperoni.
All right, all right.
Unbelievable. Did you hear that?
Yeah. She's insane.
She doesn't like pepperoni? Wow.
Once again, Mandy doesn't think I have anything to offer her
when it comes to being a mom.
She act-- she acts like nothing I did was right.
Okay, once again, talk to her.
Tell her what's bugging you.
No, no. Look, I love having them here,
and I don't want there to seem like I have a problem with it.
So you're lying.
Look, it is called "being nice."
And if I say something and they decide to leave,
(sighs): I would miss them like crazy.
So me venting a few times a week
-is a small price to pay. -Yeah, it's not a small price
since you're not the one paying for it.
-Do you want me to talk to her? -No, absolutely not.
Right. "Absolutely not" code word for "do it"?
No, Mike, do not.
-I'm hearing "do it." -No.
I'm warning you.
Do not say a word.
I'm gonna have to talk to Mandy.
-Mmm... -Yeah, don't you love the way the, the lavender syrup
just laces with the light and dark rum?
-(chuckles) -Yeah, it's-it's just magic.
It's magic.
What's that one flavor I'm tasting?
It's kind of like a...
-like a penny. -Yeah.
That's turmeric.
Ah...
Oh, these new recipes of yours, Ed.
We got to be getting near the end, right?
No. Nowhere near the end.
So glad to be sharing it with my good friend Chuck.
-(chuckles) -So go ahead, now, finish that up.
My next concoction will be a real doozy.
-Oh. Okay. -Oh, yeah. Go ahead.
KRISTIN: Hello? Chuck?
-It's Kristin. Kristin! -You don't have to go.
Kristin!
Hi. Uh, off to spend some time with Evelyn.
(quietly): Take me with you?
You don't even know where we're going.
I don't care, as long as there's no fruity drinks.
(chuckles) You used to love
having the occasional drink with Ed after work.
-A drink... -Yeah.
...used to be Scotch.
Booze the way God intended it to be.
These are the kind of drinks
tourists barf over the railing of cruise ships.
Come on, Chuck.
Round two. Come on.
(chuckles) Two words:
-See ya. -Okay.
God, what happened?
Oh, it's a healthy snack for Sarah that I came up with.
Yeah. It tastes like leafy pudding.
(grunts)
I'll take your word for it.
I was just telling Mom earlier that it's super important
for Sarah to get her nutrients in the first couple of years
to build up her immune system.
Wow. Nutrition for kids. Crazy.
'Cause your mom used to just feed you guys packing peanuts.
Yeah. My mom used to feed us candy bars and beans.
And Popsicles, of course.
For the fruit.
Dad, childhood nutrition is serious.
Yeah. I think your mom and I know
a little about raising kids.
We raised three of you.
You know, and every now and then it might be nice
for you to admit that, "Hey, you guys are being a great mom."
Subtle.
Look, I-I know that me and Mom have been butting heads a lot.
I'm really not trying to be difficult.
There's always friction between the generations,
how to raise kids.
It's annoying, but it's very normal.
Yeah. My mom and grandma used to fight
over whether or not I should go back to grade school
or keep helping my mom's boyfriend
-with his exterminator business. -(chuckles)
I really hate how much me and Mom have been...
(imitates explosion)
"Mom and I."
Oh, Dad, I know.
Everyone's been fighting with her.
Honey, listen.
This is very common, and on top of that,
the pandemic had you guys cooped up in this space for too long.
Mm. Well, that's true-- I hadn't thought about it like that.
Yeah, believe me, it made everybody tense.
I mean, there's a lot of times I'd tell your mom
I was going to work, and, literally, I was in the driveway
watching soccer on my phone.
Soccer?
I love Mom. I don't want to fight with her.
Right. I-I think all we're talking about
is a little more consideration.
Dad, you're right.
Thanks. I know.
Well, Kyle and I should move out.
No. No, not that.
No. As-as long as we're in Mom's house,
she's gonna want to give me her opinions,
and I'm gonna wind up snapping at her.
All I'm talking about is being a little more honest
with each other.
Honest? How am I supposed to explain to Mom
that too much Mom is a problem?
I have a little experience in that area.
Would you like me to talk to her for you?
No. Definitely not.
What I'm hearing is "I want you to talk to her."
No, Dad, I love Mom too much to hurt her feelings.
Moving out will be best for everyone.
Just do not say anything to her, okay?
(quietly): I think I need to talk to Vanessa.
You're probably wondering what I'm working on.
-Mm. A-Actually, I'm reading. -(sighs)
I'd be happy to.
It's about a plan that I'm thinking of implementing
-at Outdoor Man. -Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Listen, I-I got to thinking,
why am I always telling people what to do and how to do it?
Obviously, as the boss, I have every right to do that.
But, by doing so, am I hurting those that I love?
(exhales) I mean hurting those that work for me.
Because, when you think about it,
isn't letting the employees figure it out on their own
the best way for them to be...
-the mother of their own ideas? -(sighs)
What did you do?
-Mandy wants to move out. -(sighs)
You talked to her?
She thinks you're fighting all the time
-because she can't get away from your constant... -(sighs)
helpfulness.
Look, I-I do that out of love.
You don't need to convince me.
You're full of love.
I can't believe you talked to her after I asked you not to.
Honey...
let's not look backwards.
Let's look forwards.
To the part where you say, "I'm gonna try to be less...
helpful."
Look, I...
I hate that she and I argue so much.
I really do.
Well, so does she.
As does the innocent victim.
Me. I hate it the most.
Mandy is a good mom.
And she,
she deserves the chance to parent the way she wants.
And you are amazing.
-Well... -Really amazing.
Listen, I'm gonna take that information
and I'm gonna go tell Mandy that you are going to back off
-a little bit, all right? -No, I think they should move out.
No. (stammers)
That-That's not a good-- Nobody wants that.
What? What are you talking about?
Look, every night you say, "This entire situation
is a giant pain in my ass."
(chuckles softly) Wow. First off,
-that's a terrible impression of me. -Well...
And, second off, it is a... big pain in my ass.
Mm-hmm.
But I, uh... I told Mandy that I was going to protect her.
And for you to do that, she has to stay in here?
-Y-Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, generally. -Aw.
You know what?
You are a great dad, Mike Baxter.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Yeah.
Okay, listen,
if-if you really want them to stay,
then I will tell Mandy that I will try to be less...
-Helpful. -...helpful.
But you-- This is b-- this...
No, no, no, no. (mutters)
(sighs)
I like the sensitive Mike Baxter.
(sighs)
He... he gives me the creeps.
(laughs)
You know, the Blue Hawaii was invented at a hotel
in Waikiki in 1957.
-1957? -Yeah.
-Not to be confused with the Blue Hawaiian. -Mm.
(mutters) So I made both.
Ah.
No.
What?
I can't do this anymore, Ed. I'm done.
Wait a minute. Wait, y-you're not happy with our happy hour?
I was at first, but...
this has gone on too long.
I hate blender drinks.
I'm getting zits, Ed.
Zits.
I haven't had zits since high school!
Sounds like-like you really hate it.
I passed hate a long time ago, Ed.
I'm in hell.
Ah.
Good.
Then we're even.
Wait, we're...
We're even? For what?
Mm-hmm. For making me stand in my front yard
waving to an endless line of cars.
This is because of the quarantine caravan
I organized for your birthday?
Mm-hmm. For Bonnie's birthday
and Mother's Day
and Arbor Day.
Arbor Day, for God's sake?
Look, you-you-you love trees.
Yes, I do. What I don't love is traffic in front of my house.
And signs and well-wishing and... (mutters)
But, um...
during the quarantine, I read that elderly people
were getting lonely, all cooped up in their houses.
I live in an 8,500-square-foot Mediterranean
with a man-made lake.
-You think I feel cooped up? -Huh.
-Now that you mention it, no. -Mm-hmm.
But if you didn't like it, why didn't you tell me?
The same reason you couldn't tell me
you didn't like the drinks.
(chuckles) The reason why I couldn't tell you, Ed,
is because you're my boss.
And when my boss offers me a gift,
I can't tell him I hate it.
Your boss?
We're friends, Chuck.
That's why I'm so comfortable busting your bongos.
Okay.
Thanks.
And?
And if...
there's another pandemic...
Oh, God forbid.
...God forbid,
I won't organize another drive-by waving party.
That's what I wanted to hear, huh?
And I'll never make you ingest another one of these.
Hey, I'll drink to that.
No, no, no, no, no, no. They're-they're awful.
I'll pour us a real drink, a Scotch.
And do me a favor-- would you dump those out
in that plant where you dumped the others?
Would you do that?
Mm, I can't do that, Ed. The plant died.
It was a suicide.
Ah.
I'll look.
Nope. No monsters under there.
But what if they come later?
-They won't. -But what if they do?
Um, if they do,
I will scare them away like this...
(giggles): Okay.
(Mandy chuckles)
♪ Night night, baby ♪
♪ The sun has set ♪
♪ Sleep right, angel ♪
♪ Don't you fret ♪
♪ Listen to this song ♪
♪ No need to sing along... ♪
I heard you singing the "Night Night" song to Sarah.
Yeah. Baxter fam tradition.
Bet it brought back some memories.
Oh, it sure did.
How much I hate that song.
All 12 damn verses of it.
Well, personally, I always preferred your version.
BOTH: ♪ Night night, turn out the light ♪
♪ Now get the hell to bed. ♪
Yep.
Seven seconds. Perfect song.
(chuckles)
Sarah's a little young for that one.
We're still in the checking-for-monsters phase.
I like that stage.
When a kid really believes
that you can protect them from monsters.
Definitely.
It's hard giving up that feeling that you're a superhero.
Yeah, but...
you know you're always gonna be my superhero, right?
You don't need one. (sniffs)
Well, monsters don't scare me anymore, okay?
And I'm not letting 'em get to my kid.
I learned that from an old superhero I know.
-That's very sweet of you. -Mm.
"Old"?
Wise?
You okay moving back home?
(inhales)
Yes, I am.
Are you okay with it?
I really liked having you here.
It's been great.
Thanks for scaring away the monsters, Dad.
Mm.
Dad?
♪ Night night, turn out the light ♪
♪ Now get the hell to bed. ♪
(laughing)
I am so happy we're having these Sunday dinners again.
Yeah. I can't believe I used to bail out of these
to go watch a football game in the living room. (sighs)
Which reminds me, I have a phone call in the living room
-in ten minutes. -(Chuck laughs)
Hey. Thanks for having me over, Baxters.
And, uh, remember,
-we got ten dollars on that call. -Yep.
-See you, Kris, Ryan. -Bye! -Bye!
Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa. You're supposed to be holding on
to that for Sarah. You're not supposed to be wearing it.
Well... (sighs)
I'm breaking it in for her. (chuckles)
And, uh, don't tell any Marines I've been wearing this.
-It's just so cozy. -VANESSA: Yeah.
-Bye. -Bye, Chuck. See you later.
Okay, the girls are asleep.
-And so was Kyle. -Yeah.
There's just something about that big red dog
that knocks me out.
All right. I got to go teach Bible study.
Anybody want to go?
(singsongy): Leviticus.
No?
All right, next week it is.
Well, I am gonna go check on my grandbabies.
And, don't worry, I'm not gonna wake them up.
No, you won't, because we are going with you.
It's so weird that they call this football.
I mean, soccer is football.
You know, they should call this "throwing ball."
Oh, or-or "throwing and running ball."
One thing I loved about the pandemic,
if you didn't want to talk to somebody,
you would just say the Wi-Fi is getting wonky.
Did you actually do that?
(chuckling)
What?
Didn't quite hear you.
I said, did you actually do that?
No, you're breaking up. Somehow, your-your signal--
You know what I'm gonna do?
Um, if you can hear me,
what I'm gonna do is reset my router!
It's-it's in here! It's in the--
I'll be in the den!
Ah.
Soccer.
The real fútbol.
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(chicken clucks)
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