1
00:00:06,642 --> 00:00:08,416
- Whoa, whoa.
- Whoa.
2
00:00:08,417 --> 00:00:09,993
- Hey.
- What are you doing in here?
3
00:00:09,994 --> 00:00:12,205
Thursday Night Football, baby.
4
00:00:12,206 --> 00:00:14,923
Oh, Terry, no, no. No, Thursday
Night Football is over.
5
00:00:14,924 --> 00:00:17,646
What do you mean it's over?
Why would the networks do that?
6
00:00:17,647 --> 00:00:18,980
- That's crazy.
- Listen.
7
00:00:18,981 --> 00:00:20,682
Networks do a lot of weird stuff.
8
00:00:20,683 --> 00:00:23,652
Uh, they're based in California.
That's all I'm gonna say.
9
00:00:23,653 --> 00:00:26,362
I guess I will just have
to do some binge-watching!
10
00:00:26,363 --> 00:00:28,221
- Oh...
- Hey, have you ever seen that show
11
00:00:28,222 --> 00:00:29,723
Downtown Abby?
12
00:00:30,276 --> 00:00:33,068
- What is that girl all about?
- Oh, no,
13
00:00:33,069 --> 00:00:35,185
no, look, no. Uh, Mike and I...
14
00:00:35,186 --> 00:00:37,193
we're gonna watch our favorite show.
15
00:00:37,194 --> 00:00:39,076
- Really? What's it about?
- Yeah.
16
00:00:39,077 --> 00:00:41,578
It's about a real funny
dad and-and other people,
17
00:00:41,579 --> 00:00:44,248
but mostly about the funny dad.
18
00:00:44,249 --> 00:00:46,341
Well, the dad has a wife, too,
19
00:00:46,342 --> 00:00:48,326
and she's-she's smoking hot.
20
00:00:48,327 --> 00:00:52,422
Uh... uh, she's on that
and, like, seven other shows.
21
00:00:52,423 --> 00:00:56,149
Then maybe I'll just
have to find somebody else
22
00:00:56,150 --> 00:00:57,544
to hang out with, won't I?
23
00:00:57,545 --> 00:00:58,579
There you go.
24
00:00:58,580 --> 00:00:59,838
Howie Long.
25
00:00:59,839 --> 00:01:01,548
You got his number?
26
00:01:01,549 --> 00:01:04,718
Terry, he asked us
not to give it to you.
27
00:01:04,719 --> 00:01:06,925
Well, I'll see you next Thursday.
28
00:01:06,926 --> 00:01:08,460
Next Thursday.
29
00:01:08,461 --> 00:01:11,054
Thursday Night Football. All right?
30
00:01:11,055 --> 00:01:13,264
By the way, I'd like a little bigger TV.
31
00:01:13,265 --> 00:01:14,649
That's way too small.
32
00:01:14,650 --> 00:01:17,060
Thursday!
33
00:01:17,061 --> 00:01:18,828
We're gonna have to move.
34
00:01:24,401 --> 00:01:26,778
Whoa, whoa, boy. What is all this?
35
00:01:26,779 --> 00:01:28,938
Oh, I made breakfast for Vanessa.
36
00:01:28,939 --> 00:01:30,999
You are the most thoughtful
exchange student ever.
37
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,633
Now get rid of all of it.
38
00:01:33,577 --> 00:01:35,119
Why?
39
00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:37,286
Just, okay, listen,
she's a little cranky.
40
00:01:37,287 --> 00:01:39,212
Doesn't happen often,
but when she gets cranky,
41
00:01:39,213 --> 00:01:41,188
this is all too much for
her. It'll be too much.
42
00:01:41,189 --> 00:01:42,847
You got to back off. She's like a...
43
00:01:42,848 --> 00:01:44,625
like a coiled snake in a bathrobe
44
00:01:44,626 --> 00:01:46,994
she thinks is cashmere.
45
00:01:46,995 --> 00:01:49,421
Backing off might be
best for those of you
46
00:01:49,422 --> 00:01:52,607
who are cuteness-challenged,
but I think I'll be fine.
47
00:01:53,593 --> 00:01:55,260
Good morning, Vanessa.
48
00:01:55,261 --> 00:01:58,305
I made you breakfast to
start your New Year off right.
49
00:01:58,306 --> 00:02:01,359
Yeah, I'll still have
to clean up the mess,
50
00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:03,827
so it's the same old,
same old, isn't it?
51
00:02:05,146 --> 00:02:06,663
I tried to warn you.
52
00:02:07,598 --> 00:02:09,157
"The stove is hot".
53
00:02:09,158 --> 00:02:11,225
"Oh, oh, this stove? Ow!"
54
00:02:12,779 --> 00:02:14,433
Look, I'm sor... I'm sorry, Jen.
55
00:02:14,434 --> 00:02:16,364
I'm just a little upset about something,
56
00:02:16,365 --> 00:02:17,375
so I think it would be best
57
00:02:17,376 --> 00:02:19,618
if everyone would just
leave me alone for a bit.
58
00:02:19,619 --> 00:02:22,220
Absolutely... not!
59
00:02:23,169 --> 00:02:25,818
No one walks away from
Jen until they have a smile
60
00:02:25,819 --> 00:02:27,835
on their face and a song in their heart.
61
00:02:27,836 --> 00:02:29,628
Jen, Jen, Jen, look at the muffin.
62
00:02:33,650 --> 00:02:35,453
Look at the time!
63
00:02:35,454 --> 00:02:39,035
I think I'll get to school
early and help the janitor...
64
00:02:39,036 --> 00:02:40,697
mop.
65
00:02:43,810 --> 00:02:45,644
I wish you wouldn't do that.
66
00:02:45,645 --> 00:02:48,406
What? Protect children from danger?
67
00:02:48,407 --> 00:02:52,226
No, no, pretend like I'm some
kind of ticking time bomb.
68
00:02:52,227 --> 00:02:54,183
I'm sorry if I was up late trying
69
00:02:54,184 --> 00:02:56,463
to-to finish the New
Year's jigsaw puzzle
70
00:02:56,464 --> 00:02:58,282
that I always do with
the girls, but this year
71
00:02:58,283 --> 00:03:00,568
I had to do all by myself,
because apparently
72
00:03:00,569 --> 00:03:03,662
they have fancy lives and
are too busy to stop by.
73
00:03:03,663 --> 00:03:05,089
Uh-huh.
74
00:03:05,090 --> 00:03:06,776
Just because they
don't live here anymore,
75
00:03:06,777 --> 00:03:08,272
does that mean everything has to change?
76
00:03:08,273 --> 00:03:09,744
I mean, I barely get
to see them as it is,
77
00:03:09,745 --> 00:03:11,429
and now I don't even
get them on New Year's?
78
00:03:11,430 --> 00:03:13,902
That sucks.
79
00:03:13,903 --> 00:03:15,353
That's it?
80
00:03:15,354 --> 00:03:16,896
That's it? That's all you have to say?
81
00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:18,906
Just "Uh-huh" and "That sucks"?
82
00:03:19,784 --> 00:03:21,676
Yeah.
83
00:03:21,677 --> 00:03:25,604
I've been burned by that stove
way too many times, honey.
84
00:03:25,605 --> 00:03:27,699
- Oh, you know what? Forget it. Forget it.
- No. Hey, babe.
85
00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:29,766
- No, I don't want to talk to you. Forget it. No, I...
- Come on, come on, stop, stop...
86
00:03:29,767 --> 00:03:31,110
I-I know you're upset
because you don't get
87
00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:33,095
to spend enough time with the girls.
88
00:03:33,096 --> 00:03:35,955
It's something that we're gonna
get used to, I promise. We will.
89
00:03:35,956 --> 00:03:37,597
Yeah?
90
00:03:37,598 --> 00:03:39,340
Yeah. Yeah.
91
00:03:39,341 --> 00:03:41,148
You know why you're saying that?
92
00:03:41,149 --> 00:03:42,966
Well, let's be honest.
I say a lot of stuff
93
00:03:42,967 --> 00:03:44,699
that I get punished for later.
94
00:03:44,700 --> 00:03:46,217
You're saying that
95
00:03:46,218 --> 00:03:48,693
because you get to see the
girls at work all the time.
96
00:03:48,694 --> 00:03:51,900
Kristin works for you and
now Mandy works for you.
97
00:03:51,901 --> 00:03:54,286
And I bet once Eve
graduates from the Academy,
98
00:03:54,287 --> 00:03:56,404
you're gonna steal
her away from me, too.
99
00:03:56,405 --> 00:03:58,047
- Don't even...
- That sucks.
100
00:04:02,387 --> 00:04:05,263
I'm gonna go help mop at the school.
101
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,999
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
102
00:04:14,215 --> 00:04:15,924
So, as you can see,
103
00:04:15,925 --> 00:04:17,809
I have enough designs
in my athleisure line
104
00:04:17,810 --> 00:04:19,928
to fill any and all parts of the store,
105
00:04:19,929 --> 00:04:22,889
up to and including these offices.
106
00:04:22,890 --> 00:04:24,391
It's brilliant, just brilliant.
107
00:04:24,392 --> 00:04:26,318
It's as if da Vinci created clothes
108
00:04:26,319 --> 00:04:28,395
for women who want to look athletic...
109
00:04:28,396 --> 00:04:30,897
but aren't.
110
00:04:30,898 --> 00:04:32,732
You don't need to treat
her like she's my daughter.
111
00:04:32,733 --> 00:04:34,416
Treat her like any other supplier.
112
00:04:34,417 --> 00:04:36,109
All right.
113
00:04:37,405 --> 00:04:39,572
I like your stuff,
114
00:04:39,573 --> 00:04:42,242
but if it struggles for
two consecutive quarters,
115
00:04:42,243 --> 00:04:43,243
you're out on your ass.
116
00:04:44,078 --> 00:04:45,320
- Yeah? Good.
- Okay.
117
00:04:45,321 --> 00:04:47,747
And don't bitch about shelf space.
118
00:04:47,748 --> 00:04:49,457
And always remember rule number one:
119
00:04:49,458 --> 00:04:51,309
make me money, or I make you gone.
120
00:04:52,628 --> 00:04:54,663
Yes, sir.
121
00:04:54,664 --> 00:04:56,423
Welcome aboard, kiddo.
122
00:04:56,424 --> 00:04:58,281
- Thank you.
- Good.
123
00:04:58,282 --> 00:05:00,802
Oh, and, uh, one more rule...
124
00:05:00,803 --> 00:05:03,263
no fish in the microwave.
125
00:05:03,264 --> 00:05:05,765
Okay? No.
126
00:05:07,189 --> 00:05:08,527
- Thanks, Dad.
- Congratulations.
127
00:05:08,528 --> 00:05:10,645
Thank you. This is so exciting.
128
00:05:10,646 --> 00:05:13,182
- 2020 is gonna be the Year of Mandy.
- Yeah?
129
00:05:13,183 --> 00:05:15,517
I have a new apartment, my
clothing line's expanding.
130
00:05:15,518 --> 00:05:17,485
- Uh-huh.
- And Kyle's finally got...
131
00:05:17,486 --> 00:05:19,379
♪ A healthy sperm count! ♪
132
00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:25,676
Oh, grow up, Dad.
133
00:05:25,677 --> 00:05:26,976
You don't get another grandchild
134
00:05:26,977 --> 00:05:30,382
unless some guy's swimmers
meet your daughter's floaters.
135
00:05:30,383 --> 00:05:32,534
You've done the impossible.
136
00:05:32,535 --> 00:05:35,128
You've ruined the
concept of grandchildren.
137
00:05:35,129 --> 00:05:36,629
Hey.
138
00:05:36,630 --> 00:05:38,006
- Hey.
- Thank God you showed up
139
00:05:38,007 --> 00:05:40,892
before I willed myself to have a stroke.
140
00:05:40,893 --> 00:05:44,304
Okay. Uh, why did you
need to see both of us?
141
00:05:44,305 --> 00:05:46,381
You're coming over for
dinner Saturday night.
142
00:05:46,382 --> 00:05:49,017
Your mom says we don't
see enough of you girls.
143
00:05:49,018 --> 00:05:50,477
Now get out. I'm busy.
144
00:05:50,478 --> 00:05:53,021
I have plans Saturday.
145
00:05:53,022 --> 00:05:56,332
Ryan's taking me to a bluegrass
concert called Cornstock.
146
00:05:57,335 --> 00:06:00,028
Marriage is compromise.
147
00:06:00,029 --> 00:06:01,730
And I got plans, too, Dad.
148
00:06:01,731 --> 00:06:05,825
They involve Kyle and a
little bow-chicka-bow-bow.
149
00:06:05,826 --> 00:06:08,191
Eve is coming up from
the Air Force Academy.
150
00:06:08,192 --> 00:06:09,704
You're coming, too, okay?
151
00:06:09,705 --> 00:06:11,498
Your mom is having a hard time.
152
00:06:11,499 --> 00:06:14,760
Apparently she misses all of this.
153
00:06:14,761 --> 00:06:16,658
Well, I talk to Mom all the time.
154
00:06:16,659 --> 00:06:18,534
Yeah, me, too. I just
texted her this morning.
155
00:06:18,535 --> 00:06:19,881
That's not the same thing.
156
00:06:19,882 --> 00:06:21,671
She wants to be with you.
157
00:06:21,672 --> 00:06:23,384
You know your mom.
158
00:06:23,385 --> 00:06:26,012
An emotional connection to
her is a physical connection.
159
00:06:26,013 --> 00:06:27,496
Which is why, around our house,
160
00:06:27,497 --> 00:06:30,016
there's so much bom-chicka-bow-bow.
161
00:06:34,113 --> 00:06:36,564
- Thanks for doing this, honey.
- Mm.
162
00:06:36,565 --> 00:06:38,382
- Sorry I was so tough on you lately. Mmm.
- Mmm.
163
00:06:38,383 --> 00:06:40,468
Yeah. It was nothing.
I didn't do anything.
164
00:06:40,469 --> 00:06:42,825
The girls just wanted to spend
some time with you, right, guys?
165
00:06:42,826 --> 00:06:46,407
We're just gonna pretend
you didn't order us here?
166
00:06:46,408 --> 00:06:49,628
I thought you military types
were good at "Don't tell".
167
00:06:49,629 --> 00:06:51,873
No, no, no. It's okay, it's okay.
168
00:06:51,874 --> 00:06:53,965
I'm just thrilled to be
surrounded by my girls again.
169
00:06:53,966 --> 00:06:55,416
And we are happy to be here.
170
00:06:55,417 --> 00:06:58,253
It's better than a bluegrass hootenanny.
171
00:06:58,254 --> 00:06:59,337
I want some credit, too.
172
00:06:59,338 --> 00:07:01,530
I gave up a night of hot baby-making.
173
00:07:01,531 --> 00:07:04,257
Wow, you just got to stop this.
174
00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:06,600
Otherwise, I'm gonna start
mashing with your mom right now.
175
00:07:09,056 --> 00:07:11,483
I-I don't appreciate
that as a threat, Mike.
176
00:07:11,484 --> 00:07:13,802
Um, hey, you know what?
177
00:07:13,803 --> 00:07:15,395
How about I open a bottle of champagne,
178
00:07:15,396 --> 00:07:17,173
and we can toast this fabulous night?
179
00:07:17,174 --> 00:07:19,107
- I'm in.
- Yeah. None for me, though, thanks.
180
00:07:19,108 --> 00:07:20,976
Oh, come on. It's a special bottle
181
00:07:20,977 --> 00:07:24,479
I didn't get to open on New
Year's because I was alone.
182
00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:25,880
You were with me, honey.
183
00:07:27,408 --> 00:07:30,451
Which is alone-adjacent.
184
00:07:30,452 --> 00:07:32,078
I'm gonna have to pass on the champagne.
185
00:07:32,079 --> 00:07:33,961
Oh. You don't want a drink with dinner?
186
00:07:33,962 --> 00:07:36,515
Looks like Ryan had the
intervention without us.
187
00:07:36,516 --> 00:07:38,119
Really?
188
00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:39,752
I am not an alcoholic.
189
00:07:39,753 --> 00:07:42,797
Exactly what an alcoholic would say.
190
00:07:42,798 --> 00:07:48,094
But maybe there's an-another
reason I'm... not... drinking?
191
00:07:48,095 --> 00:07:51,113
You're... al... ready... drunk?
192
00:07:52,283 --> 00:07:53,766
Wait, wait.
193
00:07:53,767 --> 00:07:56,644
- Kristin, are you... ?
- Pregnant.
194
00:07:56,645 --> 00:07:58,513
Oh!
195
00:07:58,514 --> 00:08:00,365
Almost four months. Surprise!
196
00:08:00,366 --> 00:08:01,941
Oh, fantastic!
197
00:08:01,942 --> 00:08:03,776
Oh, my God! Congratulations!
198
00:08:03,777 --> 00:08:05,920
Swear to God, I knew it.
199
00:08:07,323 --> 00:08:10,825
Wow. That is really low, Kris.
200
00:08:10,826 --> 00:08:13,195
- What?!
- You know, you can't just
201
00:08:13,196 --> 00:08:15,288
blurt something like that
out in front of everyone.
202
00:08:15,289 --> 00:08:17,549
Did you even think about
how that would make me feel?
203
00:08:17,550 --> 00:08:19,667
I'm-I'm sorry. I'm
spending most of my time
204
00:08:19,668 --> 00:08:21,502
growing a human being inside of me.
205
00:08:21,503 --> 00:08:23,671
- Come on.
- Ugh, stop talking like that,
206
00:08:23,672 --> 00:08:25,398
or I'll start mashing with Mom.
207
00:08:27,485 --> 00:08:29,895
You're just... you're
s-so inconsiderate.
208
00:08:29,896 --> 00:08:31,204
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
- No, Mandy, honey.
209
00:08:31,205 --> 00:08:32,714
No, listen, listen, listen. I... Look,
210
00:08:32,715 --> 00:08:34,173
I don't think it's wrong for your sister
211
00:08:34,174 --> 00:08:36,625
to want to share this wonderful
news with the entire family.
212
00:08:36,626 --> 00:08:38,519
Yeah, okay. And now you're on her side.
213
00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:41,314
Whoever wins, I've got next.
214
00:08:41,315 --> 00:08:42,741
Eve, it's not funny.
215
00:08:42,742 --> 00:08:43,859
Right. That... I'm sorry.
216
00:08:43,860 --> 00:08:45,668
I read the room wrong.
217
00:08:45,669 --> 00:08:49,229
Hey, how's the big family dinner going?
218
00:08:49,230 --> 00:08:51,157
I can't even talk to you.
219
00:08:51,158 --> 00:08:54,085
Well...
220
00:08:54,086 --> 00:08:56,238
it... it really was going quite well,
221
00:08:56,239 --> 00:08:58,639
you know, until you showed up.
222
00:09:05,857 --> 00:09:07,507
This is so sad.
223
00:09:07,508 --> 00:09:10,248
Uh, I mean, tonight should
have been a-a joyous time
224
00:09:10,249 --> 00:09:12,604
for our family. Kristin's having a baby.
225
00:09:12,605 --> 00:09:16,608
And this time she's married
and not in high school.
226
00:09:16,609 --> 00:09:18,760
Honey, honey. Yeah.
227
00:09:18,761 --> 00:09:21,263
Look, I-I usually find your ability
228
00:09:21,264 --> 00:09:23,856
to lighten the mood kind of sexy.
229
00:09:23,857 --> 00:09:26,359
- Usually?
- Huh? Yeah, but one more joke,
230
00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:28,502
I'm gonna hit you in
the nuts with the lamp.
231
00:09:31,031 --> 00:09:34,742
Mandy is upset because
Kris just gets pregnant,
232
00:09:34,743 --> 00:09:37,446
and she and Kyle have been
working so hard to get pregnant.
233
00:09:37,447 --> 00:09:39,414
And there, you made me acknowledge it.
234
00:09:39,415 --> 00:09:43,251
I know, I know, but-but
what Mandy did was not okay,
235
00:09:43,252 --> 00:09:44,877
and I'm gonna talk to her about it.
236
00:09:44,878 --> 00:09:46,455
You know what? I'm
gonna talk to Kris, too,
237
00:09:46,456 --> 00:09:48,139
because I-I'm sure she feels robbed
238
00:09:48,140 --> 00:09:50,925
of what should have been
an exciting family moment.
239
00:09:50,926 --> 00:09:53,311
This is probably a risky thing to say
240
00:09:53,312 --> 00:09:55,696
with you so close to that lamp.
241
00:09:57,483 --> 00:09:59,651
I think you should stay out of it.
242
00:09:59,652 --> 00:10:02,654
By "stay out of it",
you mean what exactly?
243
00:10:02,655 --> 00:10:04,664
What? Stop mothering my children?
244
00:10:05,825 --> 00:10:07,875
Hmm. Excuse me. Uh...
245
00:10:10,446 --> 00:10:12,447
You've done a great job
mothering those girls
246
00:10:12,448 --> 00:10:14,165
- while they were living here.
- Mm-hmm.
247
00:10:14,166 --> 00:10:15,834
But now they're grown-ups,
they're out on their own.
248
00:10:15,835 --> 00:10:17,618
They got to figure
this out by themselves.
249
00:10:17,619 --> 00:10:20,655
- Well, what if they don't?
- Then you're a lousy mother.
250
00:10:20,656 --> 00:10:22,802
Hand me the lamp.
251
00:10:22,803 --> 00:10:23,883
- Listen, listen...
- I...
252
00:10:23,884 --> 00:10:25,844
Mandy's gonna figure out
she did something wrong
253
00:10:25,845 --> 00:10:27,962
and she's gonna fix it...
I'm 100% sure of that.
254
00:10:27,963 --> 00:10:29,331
Look, I hope you're right
255
00:10:29,332 --> 00:10:31,299
because I would really miss that lamp.
256
00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:32,851
Come on, you'd really miss...
257
00:10:32,852 --> 00:10:34,527
I'd miss the lamp.
258
00:10:38,524 --> 00:10:41,009
- Yeah.
- Hey, Mr. B.
259
00:10:41,010 --> 00:10:44,179
Hey, you got a minute for
a couple of sons-in-laws-es?
260
00:10:44,180 --> 00:10:45,605
"Sons-in-laws-eez"? Sons-in... ?
261
00:10:45,606 --> 00:10:48,660
Listen, hey, um... congratulations.
262
00:10:48,661 --> 00:10:49,854
You and Boyd must be happy.
263
00:10:49,855 --> 00:10:51,202
- Thank you. Yeah, we are.
- Yeah.
264
00:10:51,203 --> 00:10:53,355
- Um, that's actually why we came by.
- Okay.
265
00:10:53,356 --> 00:10:56,046
We heard the announcement last
night was a... little tense.
266
00:10:56,047 --> 00:10:57,541
Little tense. Yes, I don't think
267
00:10:57,542 --> 00:10:59,462
a dinner's gone that badly
since the Last Supper.
268
00:11:01,121 --> 00:11:03,548
Uh, this is all my fault.
269
00:11:03,549 --> 00:11:05,333
I'm not sure how,
270
00:11:05,334 --> 00:11:08,127
but when I say that,
people usually feel better.
271
00:11:08,128 --> 00:11:10,004
Actually, it was your fault, you know.
272
00:11:10,005 --> 00:11:12,057
Mandy wouldn't have
anything to be jealous over
273
00:11:12,058 --> 00:11:15,134
had you kept your sperm count low,
274
00:11:15,135 --> 00:11:18,070
where evolution wisely put it.
275
00:11:20,307 --> 00:11:22,475
Damn my boxer shorts.
276
00:11:22,476 --> 00:11:25,265
Look, Kris has been trying
to get hold of Mandy,
277
00:11:25,266 --> 00:11:26,303
but she's not answering.
278
00:11:26,304 --> 00:11:28,073
So now Kris is walking around all mad.
279
00:11:28,074 --> 00:11:30,650
And this time she's mad for two.
280
00:11:30,651 --> 00:11:32,722
And even though we're their husbands,
281
00:11:32,723 --> 00:11:33,970
we don't feel like it's right for us
282
00:11:33,971 --> 00:11:35,621
to tell 'em they have to talk.
283
00:11:38,676 --> 00:11:40,418
Oh, oh.
284
00:11:40,419 --> 00:11:42,237
You want me to say something?
285
00:11:42,238 --> 00:11:44,305
- Yes.
- No.
286
00:11:46,425 --> 00:11:48,410
But they'll listen to
you. Everybody does.
287
00:11:48,411 --> 00:11:50,503
He doesn't listen to me.
288
00:11:50,504 --> 00:11:52,731
If he did, the only person
he could get pregnant
289
00:11:52,732 --> 00:11:54,457
would be himself.
290
00:11:57,553 --> 00:11:59,254
I don't follow.
291
00:11:59,255 --> 00:12:00,680
Oh, I'll explain it to you later.
292
00:12:00,681 --> 00:12:03,775
It's super hilarious.
293
00:12:03,776 --> 00:12:05,658
They're adults. I want
them to act like adults.
294
00:12:05,659 --> 00:12:06,778
I don't want them doing stuff
295
00:12:06,779 --> 00:12:08,654
because their dad tells them to do it.
296
00:12:08,655 --> 00:12:10,765
Come on, Mike. There's got to
be something that you can do.
297
00:12:10,766 --> 00:12:12,450
I've already done it.
298
00:12:12,451 --> 00:12:15,270
I-I've spent 20-some-odd
years raising those girls.
299
00:12:15,271 --> 00:12:18,380
I-It's got to be enough.
That's it. Dismissed.
300
00:12:20,459 --> 00:12:23,411
Oh, now I get it. Because he's
always telling you to go...
301
00:12:23,412 --> 00:12:25,304
Yeah, super hilarious.
302
00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:30,843
- Hey, Chuck.
- Oh, hey.
303
00:12:30,844 --> 00:12:33,239
I know you're not Dad's
secretary, but is he in?
304
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:34,589
He told me to come up at 3:00.
305
00:12:34,590 --> 00:12:36,716
Everyone says they know
I'm not his secretary,
306
00:12:36,717 --> 00:12:38,977
but everyone acts like I am.
307
00:12:38,978 --> 00:12:41,487
Go on in. Go ahead.
308
00:12:43,741 --> 00:12:46,225
What are you doing here?
309
00:12:46,226 --> 00:12:47,636
I have a meeting with Dad.
310
00:12:47,637 --> 00:12:49,137
What are you doing here?
311
00:12:49,138 --> 00:12:51,230
Oh, well, news flash, Dad's not in here.
312
00:12:51,231 --> 00:12:52,623
And neither am I.
313
00:12:53,901 --> 00:12:56,444
Well, I won't be.
314
00:12:56,445 --> 00:12:58,070
You know what, shut up!
315
00:12:58,071 --> 00:13:00,256
Oh.
316
00:13:01,333 --> 00:13:03,409
Nobody is going anywhere.
317
00:13:03,410 --> 00:13:04,749
Your dad said you two were supposed
318
00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:07,172
to have a meeting at 3:00.
319
00:13:07,173 --> 00:13:08,931
So have a meeting.
320
00:13:12,937 --> 00:13:15,563
And I am not his damn secretary.
321
00:13:24,177 --> 00:13:26,599
I can't believe you.
You're not talking to me
322
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,834
because you think that I
deliberately got pregnant
323
00:13:28,835 --> 00:13:31,312
just to ruin the "Year of Mandy"?
324
00:13:31,313 --> 00:13:34,106
Wow. You don't even know what
you did; that's even worse.
325
00:13:34,107 --> 00:13:35,647
I would ask you what's even worse,
326
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,185
but I know you won't talk to me.
327
00:13:37,186 --> 00:13:39,654
Yeah, because we don't
talk, Kris, we-we chat.
328
00:13:39,655 --> 00:13:42,467
The diet soda of conversation.
329
00:13:42,468 --> 00:13:45,860
And even though I love diet
soda, that is a bad thing.
330
00:13:45,861 --> 00:13:49,330
Well, I am the whole milk of confused.
331
00:13:49,331 --> 00:13:51,700
Talking would be stuff like, uh,
332
00:13:51,701 --> 00:13:54,321
"Hey, Mandy, you're my best friend
333
00:13:54,322 --> 00:13:56,221
so you should be the first to know
334
00:13:56,222 --> 00:13:58,105
that you're going to be an aunt again".
335
00:14:01,009 --> 00:14:04,637
Wh... So-so you're not
jealous, you're hurt?
336
00:14:04,638 --> 00:14:06,305
That's even crazier.
337
00:14:06,306 --> 00:14:07,478
Yeah, well, we're supposed
338
00:14:07,479 --> 00:14:09,509
to share important
stuff with each other.
339
00:14:09,510 --> 00:14:11,310
Who was the first person I told
340
00:14:11,311 --> 00:14:14,572
when Kyle's low sperm
count skyrocketed? You!
341
00:14:14,573 --> 00:14:16,224
Yes, yes, that was me.
342
00:14:16,225 --> 00:14:20,061
Quite the honor.
343
00:14:20,062 --> 00:14:22,822
But I guess you don't want
to do that anymore. Fine.
344
00:14:22,823 --> 00:14:26,701
I don't, I don't want to be
the first person you tell.
345
00:14:26,702 --> 00:14:28,886
Mandy...
346
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,577
Do you remember a couple of years ago
347
00:14:35,578 --> 00:14:39,647
when you were the first
person I told I was pregnant?
348
00:14:43,233 --> 00:14:44,533
And then you weren't.
349
00:14:47,439 --> 00:14:49,760
I'm really sorry, I didn't
mean to remind you of that.
350
00:14:49,761 --> 00:14:51,426
It's okay.
351
00:14:51,427 --> 00:14:53,185
It was really early in the pregnancy,
352
00:14:53,186 --> 00:14:55,730
and miscarriages happen sometimes.
353
00:14:55,731 --> 00:14:57,748
Yeah.
354
00:15:00,402 --> 00:15:02,453
I remember how sad it made you.
355
00:15:02,454 --> 00:15:05,130
And I remember how sad it made you.
356
00:15:06,718 --> 00:15:10,820
I wished I had waited
longer to tell you.
357
00:15:10,821 --> 00:15:12,985
So that's why you waited this time.
358
00:15:12,986 --> 00:15:15,082
And just so you know, you were gonna be
359
00:15:15,083 --> 00:15:16,898
the first person I told this time, too.
360
00:15:16,899 --> 00:15:18,419
But the other night,
361
00:15:18,420 --> 00:15:21,765
Wineboat Annie started
pushing the bubbly and...
362
00:15:21,766 --> 00:15:24,626
it just came out, you know.
363
00:15:24,627 --> 00:15:26,461
I couldn't help myself.
364
00:15:26,462 --> 00:15:29,263
Okay, wait, I have a great idea.
365
00:15:29,264 --> 00:15:31,966
Why don't we have an
announcement do-over right now.
366
00:15:31,967 --> 00:15:34,435
Isn't that kind of silly?
367
00:15:34,436 --> 00:15:35,820
No, no, no, it'll be great.
368
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,975
♪ La-la, la-la-la-la, la, la. ♪
369
00:15:40,976 --> 00:15:43,328
Hey, Kris. Hey.
370
00:15:43,329 --> 00:15:45,112
What did you want to talk to me about?
371
00:15:45,113 --> 00:15:48,574
Okay, fine, Mandy.
372
00:15:48,575 --> 00:15:52,987
Uh, I wanted you to be the
first to know... I'm pregnant.
373
00:15:52,988 --> 00:15:54,914
I can't believe you're having a baby
374
00:15:54,915 --> 00:15:56,682
and ruining the Year of Mandy.
375
00:15:59,011 --> 00:16:00,511
You know what?
376
00:16:00,512 --> 00:16:02,054
You weren't even the
first person I told.
377
00:16:02,055 --> 00:16:05,607
I told Eve and... and
I don't even like her.
378
00:16:06,635 --> 00:16:08,594
This is so great.
379
00:16:08,595 --> 00:16:10,262
I can't wait to be pregnant now
380
00:16:10,263 --> 00:16:11,639
so we can go through it together.
381
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:15,526
Yeah, it's a blast.
382
00:16:15,527 --> 00:16:17,436
Next time something's bothering you,
383
00:16:17,437 --> 00:16:19,347
will you please just tell me?
384
00:16:19,348 --> 00:16:21,532
Because you-you are my best friend.
385
00:16:21,533 --> 00:16:24,202
I promise.
386
00:16:24,203 --> 00:16:25,687
Also, this is, like,
387
00:16:25,688 --> 00:16:27,279
the best meeting I've ever had.
388
00:16:30,158 --> 00:16:31,693
Ooh. Oh.
389
00:16:31,694 --> 00:16:34,720
The world needs more of this.
390
00:16:43,814 --> 00:16:46,374
Ugh.
391
00:16:46,375 --> 00:16:49,135
Ugh, why haven't they called?
392
00:16:49,136 --> 00:16:50,678
Not knowing is killing me.
393
00:16:50,679 --> 00:16:53,061
It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be fine.
394
00:16:53,062 --> 00:16:55,216
Look, they're either still talking,
395
00:16:55,217 --> 00:16:57,402
or one of them tried
to get rid of the body.
396
00:16:57,403 --> 00:17:00,182
I'm calling them.
397
00:17:00,183 --> 00:17:01,556
- Don't do it, please, honey...
- No, no, no, look.
398
00:17:01,557 --> 00:17:03,343
You know, I don't feel
good about Mandy dealing
399
00:17:03,344 --> 00:17:05,478
- with this by herself.
- Just put it down for me.
400
00:17:08,530 --> 00:17:10,064
Remember the time that she begged us
401
00:17:10,065 --> 00:17:11,699
to make the family dinner? Hmm?
402
00:17:11,700 --> 00:17:15,570
- She made soup out of grass.
- Mm.
403
00:17:15,571 --> 00:17:18,706
- Come on. She was a child.
- Ah.
404
00:17:18,707 --> 00:17:21,375
- She was a child, right?
- Mm.
405
00:17:21,376 --> 00:17:23,399
Yeah. And Kristin actually ate it
406
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,096
because she didn't
want Mandy to feel bad.
407
00:17:25,097 --> 00:17:26,931
Yeah, but then Kristin felt horrible
408
00:17:26,932 --> 00:17:30,768
'cause I'd just fertilized the lawn.
409
00:17:30,769 --> 00:17:32,887
Yeah, those two have
always been so close.
410
00:17:32,888 --> 00:17:35,773
I don't think I can handle
it if they lose that.
411
00:17:35,774 --> 00:17:36,840
It's not gonna happen.
412
00:17:36,841 --> 00:17:38,259
Listen, I know their mom.
413
00:17:38,260 --> 00:17:39,260
Thanks.
414
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,838
Can I confess something that's, uh...
415
00:17:43,839 --> 00:17:45,767
that's gonna sound horrible?
416
00:17:45,768 --> 00:17:47,602
Sure. As long as you
don't finish the sentence
417
00:17:47,603 --> 00:17:49,169
and say, "Your turn".
418
00:17:52,741 --> 00:17:55,610
There is a... part of me
419
00:17:55,611 --> 00:17:57,795
that almost hopes they don't work it out
420
00:17:57,796 --> 00:18:00,114
because then that'll mean
421
00:18:00,115 --> 00:18:02,842
that they no longer need me.
422
00:18:04,636 --> 00:18:06,645
That make me an awful person?
423
00:18:07,714 --> 00:18:10,124
Good parent, you raise them
424
00:18:10,125 --> 00:18:12,143
and they don't need you.
425
00:18:12,144 --> 00:18:14,261
And it sucks. You know?
426
00:18:14,262 --> 00:18:18,265
You're a great parent,
they still want you.
427
00:18:18,266 --> 00:18:20,392
- Hmm.
- Hey, anybody home?
428
00:18:20,393 --> 00:18:22,102
I got a pregnant lady here who's hungry.
429
00:18:22,103 --> 00:18:25,898
And it's not me.
430
00:18:25,899 --> 00:18:28,907
Oh, my goodness. What are
you guys, uh, doing here?
431
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:31,646
Well, I went by Dad's office to
straighten these two clowns out,
432
00:18:31,647 --> 00:18:34,448
but they had figured everything
out before I could hit anybody.
433
00:18:34,449 --> 00:18:38,077
Well, um, we wanted to
come over and apologize.
434
00:18:38,078 --> 00:18:40,004
Yeah, Dad said that you
really missed seeing us,
435
00:18:40,005 --> 00:18:42,657
and we went and screwed it up.
436
00:18:42,658 --> 00:18:43,992
I didn't.
437
00:18:43,993 --> 00:18:45,793
I did what I always do...
438
00:18:45,794 --> 00:18:47,773
cracked a couple of jokes
439
00:18:47,774 --> 00:18:50,832
and snuck two beers into the den.
440
00:18:50,833 --> 00:18:53,668
You still can't drink
here unless you're 21.
441
00:18:53,669 --> 00:18:55,936
I am 21.
442
00:18:55,937 --> 00:18:57,595
Ha.
443
00:18:57,596 --> 00:18:59,655
Swear to God, I knew that.
444
00:19:01,527 --> 00:19:05,604
Uh, real smooth having Chuck
lock us in your office, Dad.
445
00:19:05,605 --> 00:19:07,773
Yeah, why was he
crying when I got there?
446
00:19:07,774 --> 00:19:11,185
Yeah... we did that.
447
00:19:11,186 --> 00:19:13,754
Marines.
448
00:19:15,541 --> 00:19:17,658
I am just glad you're here
449
00:19:17,659 --> 00:19:20,820
because I really miss this.
450
00:19:20,821 --> 00:19:23,497
Oh, Mommy, you-you finished the
New Year's puzzle by yourself.
451
00:19:23,498 --> 00:19:25,216
Yeah, well, I... it wasn't as much fun,
452
00:19:25,217 --> 00:19:27,793
but-but it was quicker.
453
00:19:27,794 --> 00:19:29,810
Well, next year we'll be sure to come by
454
00:19:29,811 --> 00:19:31,039
and do it all together.
455
00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:33,875
- You know what, it's not quite done.
- Hey! No!
456
00:19:33,876 --> 00:19:35,636
No, really, there's
a little bit left here.
457
00:19:35,637 --> 00:19:37,177
- Come on. Oh, look.
- Oh, no!
458
00:19:37,178 --> 00:19:39,179
- Look, I tell you what.
- What are you doing?
459
00:19:39,180 --> 00:19:41,307
I'm going to the garage.
That's what I'm gonna do.
460
00:19:41,308 --> 00:19:43,142
You want to help us?
461
00:19:43,143 --> 00:19:45,236
I think I already put
my puzzle together.
462
00:19:46,738 --> 00:19:48,856
You do realize next year
463
00:19:48,857 --> 00:19:51,392
this will be a choking hazard?
464
00:19:51,393 --> 00:19:55,229
Or you could give it to
Mandy and make it one now.
465
00:19:55,230 --> 00:19:57,615
Hey, uh, Eve, why don't you let me
466
00:19:57,616 --> 00:20:00,592
whip you up a cup of soup?
467
00:20:01,828 --> 00:20:03,754
You missed this?
468
00:20:03,755 --> 00:20:05,907
Absolutely.
469
00:20:14,215 --> 00:20:16,100
Hey, Mike Baxter for Outdoor Man,
470
00:20:16,101 --> 00:20:18,586
where we're all about
passing down traditions.
471
00:20:18,587 --> 00:20:21,221
That's why we're having
a Grandparents Day sale,
472
00:20:21,222 --> 00:20:23,284
where, if you come
in with your grandkid,
473
00:20:23,285 --> 00:20:24,926
I'll give you 20% off
474
00:20:24,927 --> 00:20:26,594
on all of our camping
equipment, all right?
475
00:20:26,595 --> 00:20:28,187
But don't just borrow a neighbor kid
476
00:20:28,188 --> 00:20:30,932
to just save a little dough.
477
00:20:30,933 --> 00:20:32,733
You try that move and you're gonna get
478
00:20:32,734 --> 00:20:35,861
a butt full of hot buckshot.
479
00:20:35,862 --> 00:20:38,205
And nothing makes me
happier than thinking
480
00:20:38,206 --> 00:20:40,407
about being a grandpa again.
481
00:20:40,408 --> 00:20:43,294
And nothing makes me less
happy than thinking about
482
00:20:43,295 --> 00:20:46,413
what had to happen to make that happen.
483
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:51,761
Why couldn't the stork
have been real, man?
484
00:20:51,762 --> 00:20:53,971
It's easier, cleaner, better.
485
00:20:53,972 --> 00:20:55,589
I prefer that story.
486
00:20:55,590 --> 00:20:59,293
Of course, in nature storks
are real but they're mean.
487
00:20:59,294 --> 00:21:01,963
They're mean. Mean damn birds.
488
00:21:01,964 --> 00:21:04,298
They kick their kids out
of the nest after 60 days
489
00:21:04,299 --> 00:21:05,967
and don't give a flying fork
490
00:21:05,968 --> 00:21:08,486
if they visit at New Year's.
491
00:21:08,487 --> 00:21:11,218
The best thing about pushing
humans out of the nest
492
00:21:11,219 --> 00:21:13,273
is that they circle
back and often hand you
493
00:21:13,274 --> 00:21:16,902
a smaller, cuter version
of themselves to look after.
494
00:21:16,903 --> 00:21:20,831
It's a beautiful tradition
called "free babysitting".
495
00:21:20,832 --> 00:21:23,515
And, listen, I take my responsibility
496
00:21:23,516 --> 00:21:25,244
as a grandfather very seriously.
497
00:21:25,245 --> 00:21:27,579
Someone has to teach
the youngest generation
498
00:21:27,580 --> 00:21:31,099
the right way to insert
an M-80 in a watermelon.
499
00:21:32,252 --> 00:21:34,345
Baxter out.
500
00:21:34,346 --> 00:21:36,546
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