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So, you know in horror
movies when the girl's like,
2
00:00:03,940 --> 00:00:06,340
"Oh, my god.
There's something in the basement.
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00:00:06,410 --> 00:00:08,580
Let me just run down there
in my underwear
4
00:00:08,650 --> 00:00:10,010
and see what's going on,
in the dark."
5
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And you're like, "What is your problem?!
Call the police!"
6
00:00:13,020 --> 00:00:14,750
And she's like,
"Okay" but it's too late,
7
00:00:14,820 --> 00:00:16,520
because she's already
getting murdered.
8
00:00:16,590 --> 00:00:19,937
Well, uh...
my story's kind of like that.
9
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It's a surprise for Spencer.
10
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I'm just gonna walk in, and I'm
gonna drop my coat on the ground.
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He says he has this fantasy
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that I'm a stripper
with a heart of gold
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and he's helping me put
myself through college.
14
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He didn't say the college part,
did he?
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Um, no. I-I wanted to create a
3-dimensional sex character.
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Really? What's your stripper name?
17
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Uh... Rebecca Johnson.
18
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Your stripper name's Rebecca Johnson?
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Boobies Johnson.
T-two boobs Johnson.
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Look at you, in the back
of a cab, totally naked.
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I am so proud of you.
22
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Hello?
23
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I came home early.
24
00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:03,605
Jess! What --
25
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,270
Who's Jess?
26
00:01:06,620 --> 00:01:08,700
You're talking to...
27
00:01:08,770 --> 00:01:09,861
Tiger Boobs.
28
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I'm doing sexy things
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With a pillow
30
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This...
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She's doin' sexy stuff
32
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To the plant right...
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Okay.
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I'll pick that up later
35
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Who's that girl?
36
00:01:32,060 --> 00:01:34,880
Who's that girl?
37
00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:38,860
It's Jess!
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So, that happened.
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That's why I need a new apartment.
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I'm sorry.
What was the question, again?
41
00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:56,490
Do you have any pets?
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Sync by YYeTs
Correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
43
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You know, it's funny.
44
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:19,410
When I saw your ad on Craigslist,
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I thought you were women.
46
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Why would you think that?
That's crazy.
47
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I mean, well, I made the...
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Schmidt wrote the ad.
49
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Oh, I guess it was something
about the words you used.
50
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It was like, uh, like...
51
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"Sun-soaked and beige-y."
52
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What are you doing?
53
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What about these?
These look beige-y to you?
54
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Sorry.
55
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I'm his trainer, so, uh...
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It's kind of the house that
Coach built right here.
57
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What are we looking at here?
That's baby-smooth.
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This is L.L.S.
"Ladies Love Schmidt."
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What?! What did you just say?
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Go put a dollar in the jar right now.
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- Are you serious?
- Yeah! Now!
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Damn it.
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"L.L.S."?
What is wrong with you?
64
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This place is beautiful.
It gets so much light.
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Spencer hated light.
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It's hard to say his name.
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00:03:08,990 --> 00:03:11,530
It's okay.
Nick knows. He got dumped.
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00:03:11,590 --> 00:03:14,402
"Dumped"?
Yeah, I got dumped.
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I can't hear you!
That means we're not breaking up!
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00:03:16,111 --> 00:03:17,910
- Yes, we're breaking up.
- We can't break up if I can't hear you!
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I'm breaking up with you.
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I need some time away...
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Yeah, I got dumped.
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00:03:22,910 --> 00:03:24,287
She dumped me.
75
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And I'm over it.
76
00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:27,740
Okay? It was six months ago, guys.
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Get past it!
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I don't even know why we're
still talking about it!
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Why is everybody looking at me?!
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You know what?
I want to live here.
81
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Actually,
I still have some questions.
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I mean, like, no offense,
but we barely know you.
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Yeah, okay. Yeah.
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So, um... full disclosure.
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I'm kind of emotional right
now 'cause of the breakup,
86
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:52,400
so I'll probably be
watching "Dirty Dancing"
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00:03:52,470 --> 00:03:54,943
at least six or seven times a day.
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Um, I'm a teacher,
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so I bring home
a lot of popsicle sticks,
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stuff like that.
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00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:03,050
Also, I like to sing to myself a lot.
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A lot.
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I'm tired of living with my friend.
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00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:10,230
She's a model.
All her friends are models.
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00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:12,377
Uh, how soon can you move in?
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00:04:12,543 --> 00:04:14,190
- Actually, Schmidt, slow up.
- Not happening.
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Okay, uh, can you give us a second?
98
00:04:15,890 --> 00:04:18,130
I just got to...
got to talk to my boys.
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00:04:18,190 --> 00:04:19,630
"My boys" is not a thing around here.
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- My bros, okay?
- Okay, douchebag jar.
101
00:04:21,030 --> 00:04:22,500
For what? For "My bros"?
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00:04:22,570 --> 00:04:24,970
I'm gonna say yes.
Her friends are models.
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Okay, you guys?
Models.
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I say no.
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I need to be able to come home
from work, sit on my couch,
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and let my beans out,
let them breathe!
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00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:34,980
Nick, it's all you, buddy.
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00:04:35,810 --> 00:04:37,110
Well, first, let me say
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00:04:37,180 --> 00:04:38,680
I think you guys make some
really interesting points,
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00:04:38,750 --> 00:04:40,480
points that I respect,
but I will say this.
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00:04:40,550 --> 00:04:43,129
I have lived with a woman...
Caroline, as you guys know...
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And so I know that there are pros
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and I know that
there are real cons, guys.
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Nick, you're weak!
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Okay, pro... they smell nice.
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Cons...
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Every once in a while,
the mood changes,
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and you're not sure why.
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They'll ruin your life
if you let them.
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They'll break down your will to live.
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Pros... they're really good
at folding.
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- Make a decision!
- I'm sorry. You know what?
123
00:05:00,940 --> 00:05:02,440
But, like, another pro...
like, when you, like...
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Oh, don't do it. Don't do it.
Put it down.
125
00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:05,970
Don't... don't hood me.
126
00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:07,180
You guys don't know what
you're talking about.
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00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:08,510
Don't hood me.
Please don't hood me.
128
00:05:08,580 --> 00:05:09,540
Okay. I know what I'm talking about.
129
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Okay. Pushed him too hard.
130
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We did pushed him too hard. Damn it.
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Executive decision... she's in.
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Yay! I'm in!
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You are not gonna regret this.
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What have you done, Schmidt?
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I got to go mom.
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No, I'm not watching "Dirty Dancing."
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No, I don't think so.
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Hey, are you gonna murder me
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'cause you're a stranger
I met on the internet?
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Yes, I am.
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00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:57,983
He says no.
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00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,443
No, look, I got to go, okay?
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00:06:00,609 --> 00:06:02,190
All right. Love you.
Bye.
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00:06:02,260 --> 00:06:04,030
So, the wild west party's
on Saturday.
145
00:06:04,100 --> 00:06:05,900
I'm trying to get us in, but...
146
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You may need to call Caroline.
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I'm not calling Caroline.
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- Now, hear me out--
- Shh!
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Had the time of my life
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We are in this situation
because of you.
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00:06:16,310 --> 00:06:19,010
I hate your face, Spencer!
I love you!
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It has been a week of this madness.
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I'm going crazy, Schmidt.
I can't take it.
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You know what? I got this.
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Hi, Coach.
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Stop it.
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Stop!
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Schmidt!
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00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:39,700
Okay. All right.
160
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I got us into this.
I'm gonna get us out.
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00:06:42,070 --> 00:06:44,020
Jess, I'm gonna take the remote.
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00:06:44,910 --> 00:06:46,940
All right. All right. Hey, Jess.
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How you doin'?
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You look fantastic.
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Listen, what if you came
out with us tonight?
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00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:55,150
You know, after work.
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00:06:55,220 --> 00:06:57,320
You know, we'll fix you up.
We'll take you out.
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00:06:57,380 --> 00:06:58,960
We'll get you a rebound.
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00:06:59,650 --> 00:07:00,620
A rebound?
170
00:07:00,690 --> 00:07:01,690
Yeah.
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00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:03,960
I don't know if I'm ready.
172
00:07:04,020 --> 00:07:05,220
You're totally ready for it.
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00:07:05,290 --> 00:07:06,890
I'll take you through
the whole thing.
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00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,261
You know, I'll be...
I'll be like your guide.
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00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:12,360
Like Gandalf through Middle Earth?
176
00:07:12,430 --> 00:07:13,600
Probably not like...
177
00:07:13,670 --> 00:07:15,100
Okay, first of all, let's just...
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00:07:15,170 --> 00:07:17,100
Let's take
the "Lord Of The Rings" references...
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00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:18,970
Let's put them in a deep,
dark cave, okay,
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00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:20,640
where no one's gonna
find them... ever.
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00:07:20,710 --> 00:07:22,240
Except Smeagol.
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00:07:22,310 --> 00:07:23,640
He lives in a cave.
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00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:24,903
You know what, Jess?
Come on.
184
00:07:25,069 --> 00:07:26,910
Let's just take the head
off the... off the couch.
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00:07:27,630 --> 00:07:28,850
Come on. Sit up, girl.
186
00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:30,020
There you go.
187
00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:32,650
Look at that.
Doesn't that feel good?
188
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,350
There we go.
189
00:07:34,420 --> 00:07:36,247
I think that sounds nice.
190
00:07:37,990 --> 00:07:41,086
She's goin' out to find a rebound
191
00:07:41,418 --> 00:07:43,171
Who's that girl? It's Jess!
192
00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:47,092
Wait. Did you just make up
a theme song for yourself?
193
00:07:48,187 --> 00:07:49,427
I-I'm gonna fix it.
194
00:07:50,670 --> 00:07:53,840
I'm not calling my ex-girlfriend
to get you into a party.
195
00:07:53,910 --> 00:07:55,770
This party is everything to me.
196
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:58,010
Please, Nick. We go every year.
197
00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,450
You have no idea what I'm
going through at work.
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00:08:00,510 --> 00:08:01,730
I'm just trying to do my work!
199
00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:03,024
I'm trying to do a good job here!
200
00:08:03,190 --> 00:08:05,860
Nice tie.
Can I borrow a tampon?
201
00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:11,420
- Schmidt, I'm not calling her.
- Listen to me.
202
00:08:11,490 --> 00:08:13,390
Knowing every year
that I will be going
203
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:15,660
to the wild wild west
charity auction for poverty
204
00:08:15,730 --> 00:08:18,630
reminds me that no matter
what, I'm still a man.
205
00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:20,930
And I can still motorboat a hot girl
206
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,770
who is also a member of
the Cherokee nation,
207
00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:26,540
Which is not racist, because
it is for a good cause.
208
00:08:26,610 --> 00:08:27,549
Somebody's in here!
209
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:29,740
We're leaving in 10 minutes.
Did you shave your legs?
210
00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:31,440
I will now.
211
00:08:31,510 --> 00:08:33,280
Front and backs?
212
00:08:33,350 --> 00:08:34,710
- Yes.
- Thank you.
213
00:08:34,780 --> 00:08:36,720
- I'm gonna kill myself now.
- Just call Caroline.
214
00:08:36,780 --> 00:08:38,580
You call her all the
time when you're drunk.
215
00:08:38,650 --> 00:08:39,811
I-I don't know to what
you are referring.
216
00:08:40,227 --> 00:08:43,090
Hello, Caroline.
217
00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:45,220
I still love you.
218
00:08:45,290 --> 00:08:47,660
So much.
219
00:08:47,730 --> 00:08:49,654
So much.
220
00:08:51,488 --> 00:08:53,000
I'm not calling her.
221
00:08:53,070 --> 00:08:55,381
Schmidt, I know you really
want to go to this party,
222
00:08:55,506 --> 00:08:56,800
but wouldn't it be better
223
00:08:56,870 --> 00:09:00,310
to find a girl who you really
care about to motorboat?
224
00:09:00,370 --> 00:09:03,126
Then maybe, if you're super-lucky,
225
00:09:03,535 --> 00:09:06,838
you might find a girl who will
motorboat you right back.
226
00:09:07,004 --> 00:09:08,620
I don't think she knows
what motorboating is.
227
00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:12,720
Jess! We are leaving in five!
228
00:09:12,790 --> 00:09:14,692
- Hey.
- Hey, Coach, what's...
229
00:09:17,460 --> 00:09:18,470
Sorry.
230
00:09:19,930 --> 00:09:23,330
Uh, m-my boss says that I don't
know how to talk to women,
231
00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:25,000
which is ridiculous.
232
00:09:25,070 --> 00:09:26,870
Sweat, woman! Sweat!
233
00:09:26,930 --> 00:09:28,670
- Aah! I'm sweating!
- Go!
234
00:09:28,740 --> 00:09:30,500
- You're so mean!
- I'm not mean!
235
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:33,198
I'm trying to help you!
I'm trying to help you!
236
00:09:33,614 --> 00:09:36,780
So I was wondering if you could,
uh, help me out with that.
237
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:38,980
Sure. Sure.
Absolutely.
238
00:09:39,050 --> 00:09:41,950
Um, well, first of all,
239
00:09:42,020 --> 00:09:43,950
maybe think about what
women like to talk about.
240
00:09:44,020 --> 00:09:46,520
You know, like...
use me for practice.
241
00:09:46,590 --> 00:09:49,275
All right, um...
242
00:09:49,528 --> 00:09:51,190
Shopping.
243
00:09:51,260 --> 00:09:54,260
Is that fun for you guys?
244
00:09:54,330 --> 00:09:56,160
Yeah, shopping's fun.
245
00:09:56,230 --> 00:09:58,600
Uh, the other day,
I bought a pair of jeggings.
246
00:09:58,670 --> 00:10:01,851
They look like jeans, but
they're really leggings.
247
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:06,740
You...
248
00:10:06,810 --> 00:10:07,607
I...
249
00:10:09,149 --> 00:10:10,390
Who cares?!
250
00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:12,250
Sorry.
251
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:15,650
Um, good job.
252
00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:18,150
Uh, a couple things
you could work on.
253
00:10:18,220 --> 00:10:21,390
Uh, one... lowering your voice.
254
00:10:21,450 --> 00:10:22,820
Right on.
255
00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:25,590
Um, two... listening.
256
00:10:25,660 --> 00:10:27,260
Uh, three... rage.
257
00:10:27,330 --> 00:10:28,630
Absolutely.
258
00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:30,160
Um, four...
259
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:32,230
Your hair is on fire.
260
00:10:37,100 --> 00:10:38,500
Beers and a rosé?
261
00:10:39,340 --> 00:10:42,680
Pink wine makes me... slutty.
262
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:46,010
Whoa. Cute-guy alert.
263
00:10:48,780 --> 00:10:51,650
Okay, Jess, game time. Let's do this.
264
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,150
You want to forget about Spencer,
265
00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:56,560
you're gonna have to do some
very, very bad things...
266
00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:00,520
With that man right over there.
267
00:11:01,630 --> 00:11:03,030
How bad?
268
00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:06,100
Real bad, Jess. Real bad.
269
00:11:06,170 --> 00:11:08,167
Like, uh, make-out session, no tops.
270
00:11:09,700 --> 00:11:11,870
Okay, this is what... this
is what's gonna happen.
271
00:11:11,940 --> 00:11:13,370
Y-you're gonna go over there.
272
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,633
You're gonna stand next to
him, and you're gonna smile.
273
00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:18,678
You're not gonna smile like that.
274
00:11:20,210 --> 00:11:21,806
You look like a hungry badger.
275
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:24,980
Stop that.
276
00:11:25,050 --> 00:11:26,350
O-okay, I got this. I got this.
277
00:11:26,420 --> 00:11:27,790
You got... you got it.
Just go make it happen.
278
00:11:27,850 --> 00:11:29,050
Get 'em up! Grind it out!
279
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:30,220
Go do it! Grind it out!
280
00:11:34,690 --> 00:11:36,200
Hey, sailor.
281
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:39,670
Oh. All right. That's okay.
282
00:11:39,671 --> 00:11:40,960
You can come back from that.
283
00:11:40,961 --> 00:11:42,330
Maybe he didn't hear that.
You're all good.
284
00:11:42,331 --> 00:11:45,540
Holy Schmidt! It's Schmidt!
285
00:11:45,610 --> 00:11:47,840
Oh, it is all about the Benjamin!
286
00:11:47,910 --> 00:11:49,680
- What's up?!
- What's up, man?
287
00:11:49,740 --> 00:11:51,310
All right. P-funk, what's up, dude?
288
00:11:51,380 --> 00:11:52,410
This is Coach.
289
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:53,379
What's up, Coach?
290
00:11:58,820 --> 00:12:00,450
You like parties?
291
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:01,550
Don't talk to me.
292
00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:02,750
Yeah, okay.
293
00:12:02,820 --> 00:12:04,520
You know who likes
to party hard, right?
294
00:12:04,590 --> 00:12:05,920
So, you coming on Saturday?
295
00:12:05,990 --> 00:12:07,990
I hear there's gonna be
some fine ladies there.
296
00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:09,290
Uh, maybe. Yeah.
297
00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:10,900
I heard it's not gonna be
that good this year. No?
298
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,230
Are you not on the list?
299
00:12:12,300 --> 00:12:14,430
Man, I'm on the... list.
You know that.
300
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,300
Ah, that sucks, man.
301
00:12:16,370 --> 00:12:18,270
That sucks.
302
00:12:18,340 --> 00:12:19,640
Keep your head up, all right?
303
00:12:19,641 --> 00:12:20,470
All right, player.
304
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:22,240
Do your thing, man.
It was good seeing you.
305
00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:24,827
All right, man. P-funk, always.
306
00:12:25,380 --> 00:12:27,250
- Nick, please
- Why are you friends with those guys?
307
00:12:27,310 --> 00:12:28,680
Nick, please get me in the party.
308
00:12:28,750 --> 00:12:29,920
I'm begging you, please.
309
00:12:29,980 --> 00:12:30,875
No, I'm not calling Caroline.
310
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:33,419
Do you know what a cute cowboy I am?
Do you have any idea?
311
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:37,760
Well, I guess I can't hide my crazy.
312
00:12:37,820 --> 00:12:40,290
I don't think you're
trying that hard.
313
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,700
Well, I've never really been
great at this stuff, so...
314
00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:46,870
What if god was one of us?
315
00:12:46,930 --> 00:12:48,330
Make it stop!
316
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:51,270
Just a slob like one of us
317
00:12:52,810 --> 00:12:54,970
Look at us... couple of losers.
318
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,540
We both got dumped.
319
00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:57,580
Geesh.
320
00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:58,780
I'm fine.
321
00:12:58,850 --> 00:13:00,980
It was six months ago, so...
322
00:13:01,050 --> 00:13:02,310
Do you know why she dumped you?
323
00:13:02,380 --> 00:13:03,980
I mean,
she must have hurt you pretty bad.
324
00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:05,420
No, no. It made no difference to me.
325
00:13:05,490 --> 00:13:07,220
I just wanted to set her
trash cans on fire.
326
00:13:07,290 --> 00:13:09,920
So you're always just, like,
wondering, like, "What was it?
327
00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:12,520
Was there something I could
have done differently?"
328
00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:16,260
You know what happens to
people who keep it all inside?
329
00:13:16,330 --> 00:13:19,257
They get old and they get
sad and they get weird,
330
00:13:19,423 --> 00:13:21,700
and then you're the old man,
and you're yelling at the kids
331
00:13:21,770 --> 00:13:23,140
who are running across your yard,
332
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,200
and you're telling them,
"Don't run across my yard.
333
00:13:25,270 --> 00:13:26,639
My life's filled with regret."
334
00:13:27,940 --> 00:13:30,518
You know, you can't just
pretend like it didn't happen.
335
00:13:31,980 --> 00:13:34,280
Or I could pretend to
be more like you, Jess,
336
00:13:34,350 --> 00:13:36,232
and live on a sparkly rainbow
337
00:13:36,620 --> 00:13:39,819
and drive a unicorn around
and just sing all the time.
338
00:13:40,184 --> 00:13:42,029
Yeah, I think you should
sing all the time.
339
00:13:42,390 --> 00:13:44,240
No, I was being mean.
I'm not gonna do that, Jess.
340
00:13:44,579 --> 00:13:46,200
Why not? It's fun.
341
00:13:46,366 --> 00:13:47,618
Because I have a penis.
342
00:13:47,784 --> 00:13:50,288
My name is Nick, I have a penis
343
00:13:50,454 --> 00:13:53,330
and I'm not gonna
let any feelings out.
344
00:13:53,999 --> 00:13:55,430
Okay, Jess...
345
00:13:55,500 --> 00:13:58,040
Your left boob is resting on
a plate of chicken wings.
346
00:13:58,100 --> 00:14:00,006
Yeah. I know.
347
00:14:01,870 --> 00:14:03,240
Hey.
348
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:04,630
I'm Peter.
349
00:14:05,610 --> 00:14:07,680
What are you drinking?
350
00:14:07,750 --> 00:14:09,580
Oh, I'll have another pink wine.
351
00:14:09,650 --> 00:14:11,480
I like your glasses.
352
00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:12,750
They help me see.
353
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:16,990
She's doing all right.
354
00:14:17,060 --> 00:14:18,720
Schmidt stain!
355
00:14:18,790 --> 00:14:20,690
Hey, man, I was thinking...
356
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,930
It's probably better that you
don't come to the party.
357
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,720
That means more breasts for me.
358
00:14:25,630 --> 00:14:26,830
You better step down, son.
359
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,170
You're taking this
whole thing too far.
360
00:14:28,230 --> 00:14:29,470
I'm seri... hold me back, Coach.
361
00:14:29,540 --> 00:14:31,740
I-I'm serious.
Hold me back. Hold me back!
362
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:33,450
- Coach, would you please hold me back?
- No.
363
00:14:33,451 --> 00:14:36,210
Schmidt, we're going to the party.
Relax.
364
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:37,240
Nice. See you there, Schmidty.
365
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:38,550
Ah, totally, Broseph!
366
00:14:39,380 --> 00:14:40,880
Yeah, I texted Caroline.
367
00:14:40,950 --> 00:14:42,280
You texted Caroline?
368
00:14:43,150 --> 00:14:43,780
It's no big deal.
369
00:14:43,850 --> 00:14:45,580
It's behind me.
It's in the past, so...
370
00:14:45,650 --> 00:14:47,449
Thank you. I love you, bro.
371
00:14:47,450 --> 00:14:49,000
Yeah. There it is.
372
00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:50,690
Did you just kiss my arm a little?
373
00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:51,890
You bet I did. It felt right.
374
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,990
So, I'll see you tomorrow, sailor.
375
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:56,610
Yeah, cool. I'll call... cool.
376
00:14:57,260 --> 00:14:58,731
What's happening tomorrow, sailor?
377
00:14:58,897 --> 00:15:01,100
You know what?
You guys were totally right.
378
00:15:01,170 --> 00:15:03,670
I talked in short sentences,
I didn't sing,
379
00:15:03,740 --> 00:15:06,200
I laughed, I smiled, I
said I needed rebound sex,
380
00:15:06,270 --> 00:15:08,783
and it totally worked.
He asked me out.
381
00:15:10,140 --> 00:15:12,080
Dinner... with food.
382
00:15:13,662 --> 00:15:15,310
- I'm so proud of you.
- You got it, girl.
383
00:15:15,380 --> 00:15:16,950
You did good. Yeah, you put it...
384
00:15:17,020 --> 00:15:18,120
Date!
385
00:15:18,180 --> 00:15:19,720
It's Jess!
386
00:15:19,790 --> 00:15:22,100
She's on fire
387
00:15:23,220 --> 00:15:24,460
She's on fire
388
00:15:25,660 --> 00:15:27,230
She got some big panties!
389
00:15:27,290 --> 00:15:28,150
All right, should we tell her?
390
00:15:28,151 --> 00:15:29,887
Ah, I think we let
her have her moment.
391
00:15:41,010 --> 00:15:42,470
Do the shoes fit, Jess?
392
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:45,280
I'm okay!
393
00:15:45,340 --> 00:15:47,250
What, are you a model or something?
394
00:15:47,310 --> 00:15:49,330
Yeah.
395
00:15:49,650 --> 00:15:52,820
Yes, mostly print right now, so...
396
00:15:52,890 --> 00:15:54,790
What is it?
Cece? Cecelia?
397
00:15:56,220 --> 00:15:57,930
"Chechelia"?
398
00:15:58,830 --> 00:16:00,167
Tell me,
what are your hopes and dreams?
399
00:16:00,333 --> 00:16:02,790
You know, are you warm? I'm a
little I'm a little warm right now.
400
00:16:02,860 --> 00:16:03,800
Don't, Schmidt.
401
00:16:03,860 --> 00:16:05,130
All right.
402
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:06,630
Oh, yeah, there it is.
403
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:09,970
Please put your shirt back on.
404
00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:11,520
Please don't make me laugh at you.
405
00:16:11,521 --> 00:16:14,910
Can I hit you up with some tea?
A little herb tea?
406
00:16:15,980 --> 00:16:17,680
Oh, my god.
407
00:16:17,740 --> 00:16:19,540
How good is that?
For real. What?
408
00:16:19,610 --> 00:16:21,210
Little P-mint tea?
409
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:22,850
Yum, right?
410
00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:25,020
Hot, sweet.
411
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:26,750
Little tea-bag action.
412
00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:28,690
I know... oh.
413
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:32,920
I wasn't talking about putting
anything on your face.
414
00:16:32,990 --> 00:16:34,380
There it is.
415
00:16:34,830 --> 00:16:35,600
Douchebag.
416
00:16:35,601 --> 00:16:37,184
Listen to me, you guys.
417
00:16:37,309 --> 00:16:40,130
Jess is by far the best
person that I know.
418
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,080
So if you guys let
anything happen to her,
419
00:16:42,081 --> 00:16:45,004
I'm gonna come here
and crazy murder you.
420
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:48,840
I'm gonna be honest with you.
421
00:16:48,910 --> 00:16:51,510
I did not hear a word
that you just said,
422
00:16:51,580 --> 00:16:53,410
'cause I can kinda see
your party hats right now.
423
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:54,410
Here you go.
424
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:55,510
Jess!
425
00:16:57,380 --> 00:16:59,352
Why are you talking like this?
426
00:17:02,490 --> 00:17:05,090
- I fell off my heels.
- Okay. All right.
427
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:07,430
No. Come on. Get up.
428
00:17:07,490 --> 00:17:08,690
Oh, what am I doing?
429
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,660
I can't go on a date.
What if it's horrible?
430
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:12,060
What if I have nothing to talk about?
431
00:17:12,061 --> 00:17:14,770
Then you go to the
bathroom and you call me
432
00:17:14,830 --> 00:17:16,330
and you tell me all about it.
433
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,900
Maybe I just shouldn't go.
434
00:17:18,970 --> 00:17:20,470
Babe, you got hurt.
435
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,210
That doesn't mean you stop trying.
436
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:23,940
Okay?
437
00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:26,580
Okay. Let's go. Come on.
438
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,620
You got to take off those overalls.
439
00:17:32,690 --> 00:17:34,200
I was going for, like, a...
440
00:17:35,290 --> 00:17:37,560
Like a "Hot farmer's
daughter" kind of thing.
441
00:17:37,620 --> 00:17:38,660
You know, like...
442
00:17:39,830 --> 00:17:42,060
"I'm going to go milk my cows...
443
00:17:42,130 --> 00:17:43,700
With my bucket."
444
00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:45,299
Take them off.
445
00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:46,530
Okay.
446
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:47,942
What am I gonna wear?
447
00:18:01,450 --> 00:18:03,624
Thanks, Coach.
448
00:18:07,090 --> 00:18:08,850
And then she does that.
449
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:12,060
I'm gonna text him, tell
him I'm headed over.
450
00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:13,690
Wait.
Have you been texting him?
451
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:14,760
Is that bad?
452
00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:19,400
No. It's nice.
453
00:18:19,470 --> 00:18:21,000
Have a good night.
454
00:18:21,070 --> 00:18:22,600
This is gonna be great.
455
00:18:23,700 --> 00:18:26,400
Coach, you don't look
anything like an Indian.
456
00:18:26,470 --> 00:18:28,470
Look, man, I got your back.
You got to have mine, too.
457
00:18:28,540 --> 00:18:29,840
Coach, I got your back.
458
00:18:29,910 --> 00:18:31,610
No, Nick,
I want to hear it from him.
459
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,080
Coach, what sort of
Indian wears bike shorts?
460
00:18:34,150 --> 00:18:36,250
Excuse me, is, uh, Caroline,
I'm looking for Caroline.
461
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:37,580
We're supposed to be on some list.
462
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:38,440
Hey. Nick.
463
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:41,650
That's her.
464
00:18:42,660 --> 00:18:44,760
Sorry. I'm wearing this stupid thing.
465
00:18:44,820 --> 00:18:46,020
Schmidt made me do it.
466
00:18:46,090 --> 00:18:47,400
Thank you so much for getting us in.
467
00:18:47,401 --> 00:18:49,090
Yeah. No problem.
468
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:52,060
Um, maybe to pay me back,
you can stop prank-calling me.
469
00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:53,230
What?
470
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:55,370
"Hello, Caroline."
471
00:18:55,430 --> 00:18:56,927
"I still loves you, I do."
472
00:18:57,093 --> 00:18:58,190
Yeah, you got to figure that out.
473
00:18:58,191 --> 00:18:59,800
Some crazy person's calling you.
474
00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:02,210
You look nice.
It's good to see you.
475
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:07,180
I-I think I'm almost
finished out here if you...
476
00:19:07,250 --> 00:19:10,120
Do you want to go... grab a drink?
477
00:19:10,690 --> 00:19:11,905
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
478
00:19:12,030 --> 00:19:12,950
Sure. Yeah.
479
00:19:13,020 --> 00:19:15,890
Let's you and I just get a
drink, be normal about it.
480
00:19:16,863 --> 00:19:18,510
Actually, hold on.
I'm sorry. I just...
481
00:19:18,511 --> 00:19:20,760
I have to ask you
something so that one day
482
00:19:20,830 --> 00:19:23,400
I'm not an old man
filled with regret.
483
00:19:23,460 --> 00:19:25,330
But why did you dump me?
484
00:19:28,030 --> 00:19:31,837
Do-- okay, are we doing
this here, like, now?
485
00:19:33,310 --> 00:19:34,610
Yeah.
486
00:19:34,670 --> 00:19:36,010
Why did you dump me?
487
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:43,450
Honestly, I-I didn't even
realize that you cared about me
488
00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:45,559
until we broke up.
489
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:50,060
Okay.
490
00:19:51,060 --> 00:19:52,120
Let's get that drink.
491
00:19:52,190 --> 00:19:54,330
Get along, little doggie!
492
00:19:54,390 --> 00:19:57,560
Well, howdy, there, muchachos.
493
00:19:57,630 --> 00:20:00,039
Hey, where's Jess?
494
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,370
Oh, dude,
she texted me seven times...
495
00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:03,600
Like, long ones.
496
00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:05,170
I just wanted to hook up.
497
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,870
So, is she waiting for you to
show up, or did you call her?
498
00:20:08,940 --> 00:20:11,380
Yeah, that's what I did.
I called her.
499
00:20:14,110 --> 00:20:16,280
Stay in touch, Schmidt!
500
00:20:18,780 --> 00:20:19,950
Nick.
501
00:20:20,020 --> 00:20:21,428
Want to get that drink?
502
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,450
No, I got to go help a friend,
Caroline.
503
00:20:27,730 --> 00:20:28,960
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
504
00:20:29,030 --> 00:20:30,560
Guys, this is the party
of the year, you guys.
505
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:31,960
This is our night.
This is our night!
506
00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:33,330
I'm going with Nick, man.
You coming?
507
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:34,600
I thought you guys were my boys!
508
00:20:34,670 --> 00:20:36,490
"Boys" is not a thing, Schmidt!
Stop!
509
00:21:03,100 --> 00:21:05,030
Do you have anything else
510
00:21:05,100 --> 00:21:08,000
that is free but
also has bread in it?
511
00:21:08,070 --> 00:21:10,800
Because the... the, like,
good bread, I ate,
512
00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:12,840
and that's... all
that's left is like a...
513
00:21:12,910 --> 00:21:14,710
It's like... it's kind
of like a health bread.
514
00:21:14,770 --> 00:21:16,140
I'm sorry.
515
00:21:16,210 --> 00:21:18,277
We're gonna have to ask
you to give up the table.
516
00:21:21,950 --> 00:21:24,720
Can I please just stay
just a little bit longer?
517
00:21:24,780 --> 00:21:25,920
We're here!
518
00:21:25,990 --> 00:21:27,550
Yeah!
519
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:29,250
We're here, Jess! We're here.
520
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:32,060
Here for the date... date thing.
521
00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:33,260
You're all on a date?
522
00:21:33,330 --> 00:21:35,530
Yeah. We, uh, we're her boyfriends.
523
00:21:35,590 --> 00:21:36,760
We are reverse mormons.
524
00:21:36,830 --> 00:21:38,839
- One man just isn't enough for her.
- Okay.
525
00:21:41,030 --> 00:21:43,970
Hey, Jess, that guy was a jerk.
526
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:46,040
The guy's a clown.
527
00:21:46,110 --> 00:21:49,110
You guys missed your party
to come here and...
528
00:21:49,180 --> 00:21:50,880
See me?
529
00:21:50,940 --> 00:21:54,050
Yeah. We, uh... we care about you.
530
00:21:54,110 --> 00:21:55,610
We like you.
531
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:57,280
That's so nice!
532
00:21:57,350 --> 00:21:58,420
What is that?
533
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:00,450
- Don't start crying.
- Come on.
534
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:01,890
It's cool. It's very, very cool.
535
00:22:01,950 --> 00:22:03,150
Come on, Jess. Come on.
536
00:22:03,220 --> 00:22:04,590
- Please--
- Stop it!
537
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:08,460
It's okay. Hey, don't cry.
538
00:22:08,530 --> 00:22:13,050
For I've had the time of my life
539
00:22:13,700 --> 00:22:14,380
What is he doing?
540
00:22:14,381 --> 00:22:17,540
And I've never felt this way before
541
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:20,370
Yes, it's true
542
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:23,980
And it's something
something something
543
00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:27,650
There's bears in my house
544
00:22:27,710 --> 00:22:29,680
And it's the song that makes
you really, really happy
545
00:22:29,750 --> 00:22:31,280
I'm not, uh,
I'm not participating in this.
546
00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:33,450
Just remember
547
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:36,250
You're the one thing
548
00:22:37,260 --> 00:22:40,330
I can't get enough of
549
00:22:42,152 --> 00:22:44,960
And I'll tell you something
550
00:22:45,030 --> 00:22:48,740
This could be love, because
551
00:22:49,540 --> 00:22:51,870
- I've had.
- Had
552
00:22:51,940 --> 00:22:54,170
The time of my life
553
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,710
And I owe it all to you
554
00:22:56,780 --> 00:22:57,980
Come on! What time is it?!
555
00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:00,796
The time of my life
556
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,551
You have to leave... now.
All of you.
557
00:23:22,770 --> 00:23:25,770
You're right, Jess.
This movie's pretty good.
558
00:23:27,270 --> 00:23:29,310
Seriously, thank you, guys,
so much for tonight.
559
00:23:29,380 --> 00:23:31,080
That was really cool.
560
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,480
Listen, Jess, I know you've
had a really rough go of it,
561
00:23:37,550 --> 00:23:40,310
and... I just want you to know that...
562
00:23:41,690 --> 00:23:43,760
I mean, for me, at least,
563
00:23:43,820 --> 00:23:46,220
n-no matter what...
564
00:23:46,290 --> 00:23:49,090
I would still totally do you.
565
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:51,030
Oh, that's so sweet.
566
00:23:51,100 --> 00:23:52,760
Yeah. Absolutely.
567
00:23:52,830 --> 00:23:54,120
- Jar.
- Yeah. Jar.
568
00:23:56,768 --> 00:24:00,606
Sync by YYeTs
Correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com