1
00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:05,637
Hey, nick?
(whispers): Shh, i'm reading.
2
00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:07,939
Can you just give me a second?
What do you want this time?!
3
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:09,608
So, i'm-i'm pitching
on the sponge account today.
4
00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:11,009
It's kind of a...
It's kind of a big deal.
5
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,477
I'm just wondering why
6
00:00:12,479 --> 00:00:14,179
My idea notebook is covered
in crimson stains.
7
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:15,647
Oh, that's a fair question.
8
00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:17,182
It's either sloppy joes,
or it's blood.
9
00:00:19,086 --> 00:00:20,485
(groans)
10
00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:24,489
You unbelievable pig person!
11
00:00:24,491 --> 00:00:27,659
You giant, fat pig
person! You sloth.
12
00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:29,695
You should be living in a tree
in costa rica, you know that?
13
00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:31,763
Hi, guys. Um, have either of you
seen the french press?
14
00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:33,265
The french press is
in cupboard 64b.
15
00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:34,866
Did you not consult
your item map?
16
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:37,035
Oh, no, i looked there.
The tagine's in 64b.
17
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:39,705
What is the tagine doing
in 64 frickin' b?!
18
00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:41,273
I used the french press.
19
00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:43,008
Everybody chill out.
So it's in here somewhere.
20
00:00:43,010 --> 00:00:44,943
Nick, you know you're not
allowed to use the french press.
21
00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:46,645
I use it to get the pulp
out of my juice.
22
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:48,013
So just give me one second,
i'll find it.
23
00:00:48,015 --> 00:00:49,681
(chuckles):
Hold on. Oh, yeah.
24
00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:51,883
I wasn't looking for it,
but i found my pulp bowl.
25
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:54,019
That is a crystal candy bowl
filled with orange goop.
26
00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:56,054
I don't need to sit here
and take this!
27
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,489
I'm going to my study.
28
00:00:57,491 --> 00:00:59,624
You are gonna get back here
and clean your room, mister!
29
00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:01,126
Jess:
Guys, i still need
the french press.
30
00:01:01,128 --> 00:01:02,828
Winston, i need my study corner!
31
00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:05,530
No, not after last time.
32
00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:12,537
Hey, winnie! You know there's
an albany in california?
(yells)
33
00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:16,475
(chuckles): Well,
hello, winston bishop.
34
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:20,011
I towel-burned my unders.
Well, i just prairie-dogged
thanks to you guys.
35
00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:22,748
Stop fighting! Now the
bathroom stinks for no reason.
36
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,983
You happy, schmidt?
You just scared coach's poop!
37
00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:27,986
No, i'm not happy. I'm poor, and
i'm living in a filthy thimble.
38
00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:30,055
I've gone from riches to rags.
It's reverse annie.
39
00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:32,858
Oh, spoiler alert.
Now you just ruined annie.
40
00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:35,727
(men arguing)
41
00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:36,895
Jess:
Guys, chill out!
42
00:01:36,897 --> 00:01:38,864
Schmidt, your people
have been selling sponges
43
00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:41,066
Since the days of abraham.
You got this.
44
00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:44,035
Nick, the pulp bowl is
real gross. Tighten up.
45
00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:47,205
Most importantly, my dad is
coming with his new girlfriend,
46
00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:49,107
And i need the french press.
47
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,042
Oh, 64b.
The tagine is in 64b.
48
00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:52,411
64b is occupied!
49
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,081
Uh, he said the tagine
is in 64b.
50
00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:58,350
It stinks in there!
What did you do?!
51
00:01:58,352 --> 00:01:59,684
You kill an animal?!
52
00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:01,753
♪ who's that girl? ♪
53
00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:05,190
♪ who's that girl? ♪
♪ it's jess. ♪
54
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:11,229
How long before you
unleash holy hell
55
00:02:11,231 --> 00:02:13,064
On your dad's
new girlfriend?
56
00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:15,300
I want to make sure i got a
good seat and plenty of snacks.
57
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:17,736
Okay, cecilia, look, i know
i've been a little bit hard
58
00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:19,104
On my dad's girlfriends
in the past...
59
00:02:19,106 --> 00:02:21,907
I know you stole my dad's
credit card, margot.
60
00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:24,142
Hit the damn road.
61
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,143
I don't have a car.
62
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,878
(whispers):
Find one.
63
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,581
I was the one
who had to pick up the pieces
64
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:30,615
When his heart got broken.
65
00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:32,617
Besides, to hear
my dad talk,
66
00:02:32,619 --> 00:02:35,287
It sounds like he has really
found someone who...
67
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:36,922
Is good for him.
68
00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:37,923
Ha!
69
00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:40,325
And you believe that?
70
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:42,661
Your dad has terrible taste
in women.
71
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,463
That's why i love him so much.
72
00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:46,932
Remember the one who pretended
to be a paraplegic?
73
00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:48,600
Get up!
74
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,602
I can't!
75
00:02:50,604 --> 00:02:53,271
Oh, whatever.
76
00:02:53,273 --> 00:02:54,573
That's the last one
i met, and i'm lucky
77
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:55,807
He's letting me
meet this one.
78
00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:57,676
So, what? You're just gonna be
nice to her?
79
00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,344
No fireworks? No show?
80
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:01,613
I'm gonna be nice to her
no matter who she is.
81
00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:02,781
Then what the hell
am i doing here?
82
00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:04,316
(knocking)
oh.
83
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,286
Hey, sweetie. Hi. Hi.
Hi, daddy.
84
00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:10,489
Gee, i'm sorry we're late,
85
00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:12,757
You know, but we saw seal
at the airport.
86
00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:15,827
We talked to him for 20
minutes, got his autograph.
87
00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:17,429
Wasn't him.
No.
88
00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:19,264
Anyway, this is ashley.
89
00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:20,432
Hi.
90
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:27,806
I think, um, we went
to high school... Together.
91
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:29,207
You went to high school
together!
92
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,509
We went to high
school together!
93
00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:33,378
Julie berkman's
older sister ashley?
94
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,614
That's me.
(cece laughs)
95
00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:37,849
Is this fun or
what? (laughs)
96
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:42,487
(whispering):
Oh, my god!
97
00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:45,824
(whispering): Your dad is dating
trashley berkman?
98
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:46,992
Didn't she...?
99
00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:48,860
Yes. She sexually intercoursed
100
00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:50,862
My high school boyfriend george
jiang underneath the bleachers.
101
00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:53,798
While you were sitting...
Yes! While i was sitting
on those bleachers.
102
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,567
Have you ever seen sex
from above, cece?
103
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:58,637
It's horrible. That's why
god thinks it's a sin.
104
00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:01,706
Also, trashley gave him giardia
in his belly ring.
105
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:05,076
Giardia is a river disease.
She had river mouth.
106
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,978
Wasn't george jiang,
like, six-11?
107
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:09,481
Yeah. They called him
george jiang the giardia giant,
108
00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:11,650
And i never got
to hold him in my arms.
109
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:14,352
What are you gonna do?!
110
00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:16,421
Uh...
111
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,323
Uh... Nothing.
112
00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:20,258
I'm gonna be sweet
and kind and supportive.
113
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,594
Look, peop-peop...
People change.
114
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:25,063
People change.
It's been 15 years.
115
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:27,599
She had sex with
our dare officer!
No way.
116
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:30,368
There were rumors flying around
about every damn one.
117
00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:31,836
(chuckles)
118
00:04:31,838 --> 00:04:33,204
You remember the rumor about me?
119
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:35,440
Oh, that you
shaved your chin?
What?
120
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,242
Was that was the rumor about me?
121
00:04:37,244 --> 00:04:39,711
That was the rumor.
No. It was...
122
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:42,347
Definitely sexier than that.
123
00:04:42,349 --> 00:04:43,848
Thank you guys for coming. It's
really helpful that you're here.
124
00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:46,518
I'm trying to get my boss
to give me the new account.
125
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,786
I just have to figure out
126
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,387
How to sell sponges to men.
127
00:04:49,389 --> 00:04:50,422
What do i have?
128
00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:52,524
I have a blood-stained
idea notebook
129
00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:54,793
Filled with terrible ideas.
130
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,695
I don't know what to do,
you guys. Damn it!
131
00:04:56,697 --> 00:04:58,196
"spongey make wipey."
i like that.
132
00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:00,131
Okay, please.
I don't have a lot of time.
133
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,701
This is what we're gonna do.
I'm gonna say the word "sponge",
134
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:05,236
And you guys are gonna say
the first word that pops
135
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:07,272
Into your head, okay?
Ready, one, two, three. Sponge.
136
00:05:07,274 --> 00:05:09,040
Sponge! That was mine.
Yellow.
Sponge.
137
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:10,075
Okay, let's just try this.
138
00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:11,376
We're gonna try this
one more time.
139
00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:12,978
Okay?
Just clear your head, okay?
140
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,312
So i'm gonna say the word,
and you're gonna say
141
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,614
The first word
that pops in your head.
142
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:16,982
Okay, it might be "sponge."
don't say "sponge."
143
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:18,116
Sponge!
Sponge.
144
00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:20,151
Damn it! Focus!
145
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:21,820
I'm sorry.
Okay, let's just try it again.
146
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,922
Give me a shot.
Give me a shot. Give me a shot.
147
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:25,624
I'm gonna say "sponge"
one more time, first word
148
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:26,992
That pops into your head. Ready?
One, two, three, sponge.
149
00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:28,827
Sponge. Aah!
150
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:29,728
Winston!
151
00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:31,096
Sorry. So much pressure, man.
152
00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:33,064
Okay, you know what?
Let's move on to coach.
153
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:35,266
Coach, here we go.
You're the man of the group.
154
00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:37,102
You should be good at this.
We're selling sponges to men.
155
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:38,603
Ready, one, two, three, sponge.
156
00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:40,605
Sponge.
Why would you say that?
157
00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:42,073
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, come on, come on.
158
00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:43,341
One more time.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, sponge.
159
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,076
Cake.
What?
160
00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:45,944
Cake.
161
00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,445
Sponge cake.
No!
162
00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:49,314
We all know
that men are idiots.
163
00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:51,916
How long have you been
in my office?
164
00:05:51,918 --> 00:05:56,354
But what we don't know
is how much they love to clean.
165
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:57,789
You're wasting my time,
schmidt. Go.
166
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,457
Come on, gina, you have
to give me this account.
167
00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:00,959
They want
to market sponges to men.
168
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:02,127
I'm the only man in the office.
169
00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:04,763
Oh, speaking of. Sherri,
you got the sponge account!
170
00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:07,465
Touchdown!
Yeah.
171
00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:08,667
Just hear me out here.
172
00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:10,168
The reason why men don't talk
173
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:11,836
About how much
they love to clean is
174
00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:13,471
Because they're afraid
to admit it.
175
00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:14,773
Give me a chance here.
176
00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:17,108
Be the one to put schmidt
on the map.
177
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:19,110
Let's blast america
right in the face
178
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:20,945
With a little bit
of schmidt.
Oh!
179
00:06:20,947 --> 00:06:22,447
God in heaven! Fine!
180
00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:24,182
Put together
a focus group, okay?
181
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:25,550
I will do that.
This is exciting.
182
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:26,951
All right. Maybe next week
183
00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:28,453
We'll start it?
No. Today, 3:00.
184
00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:30,388
Today... Today at 3:00?
185
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:31,790
Today at 3:00?
Mm-hmm.
186
00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:33,458
3:00 today--
that sounds great.
187
00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:34,959
I love that idea.
188
00:06:34,961 --> 00:06:37,162
Mm-hmm, you just... You just
earned a special thank you
189
00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:38,563
In my autobiography.
190
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:41,866
Working title:
Punting the sweet fantastic.
191
00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:43,968
I feel like you kind of
have to do something
192
00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:45,403
To write a book about yourself.
193
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:49,174
Sports!
194
00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:50,408
(screams)
195
00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:55,213
Oh, it's just so great
to see you guys again.
196
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:56,715
Will you please
remind me?
197
00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:59,751
Were you there my first
senior year or my second?
198
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,853
I was not good
at high school.
199
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,188
(bob and ashley laugh)
200
00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:04,489
Oh, the early 2000s.
201
00:07:04,491 --> 00:07:05,857
God, i did so much e.
202
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:09,394
Just doing e,
watching that show ed.
203
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:12,097
I would love to know
how you two lovers met.
204
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,698
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah, sure.
205
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,500
Okay, so i was listening
206
00:07:15,502 --> 00:07:18,069
To him sing with his
band, the co-pays.
Yeah, well...
207
00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:21,339
I didn't know you were
in a band, dad.
Yeah, just-just me
208
00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:22,841
And a few other pharmacists.
209
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:24,776
You know, we do alt rock covers.
210
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:27,512
Oh, man, when he started
singing "she's so high"...
211
00:07:27,514 --> 00:07:33,084
♪ she's so high... ♪
212
00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:36,121
Stop. Because i'm gonna
fall in love again.
213
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:39,357
Okay, go, i want to.
♪ she's so high... ♪
214
00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:41,793
Ashley (sighs):
Oh.
215
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,762
Oh, man.
216
00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:45,697
That was it.
I was done.
217
00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:47,866
Ashley, have you kept in touch
with our dare officer?
218
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,100
Oh! Cece.
219
00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:51,136
Oh. Okay, i-i get it.
220
00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:52,737
You guys heard
about that rumor
221
00:07:52,739 --> 00:07:54,639
That i had sex with
the dare officer?
222
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:56,875
No! Only a crazy person...
223
00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:58,309
That rumor was true.
224
00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,577
(stammers)
225
00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:01,446
Crazy fun person.
226
00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:02,547
Oh, yeah, that guy.
227
00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:04,115
Wow, i did not
just say no.
228
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:05,817
I said yes.
Oh, yeah.
229
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:09,087
I just said,
"yes, yes, yes."
oh, she said yes a lot.
230
00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:11,589
(laughs)
she's had sex
with hundreds of guys.
231
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:13,792
Yeah.
You know, we spent
some time trying
232
00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:15,460
To total them all up.
It was fun.
233
00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:17,996
Killed a whole saturday. Yeah.
We couldn't even
get through the list.
234
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,564
We got to the "ls."
(laughs)
235
00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:22,000
But that was
in the past.
236
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,669
And then i was diagnosed
with a sex addiction.
237
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,171
Oh, great.
Thankfully,
238
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:28,006
I attended rehab.
239
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,275
Which... Did not
take the first time.
240
00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:31,776
Or the second.
241
00:08:31,778 --> 00:08:32,911
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
242
00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:34,479
But third time's the charm.
243
00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:35,747
For a lot of people.
Not for me.
244
00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:37,582
For me, it took
four. Four times.
245
00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:40,084
Well, bobby, we should get
ready to go to the beach.
246
00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:41,753
Okay.
Yeah.
247
00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:43,521
Thank you so much for this
delicious brunch, jess.
248
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,190
It was wonderful.
249
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:47,258
I ate so much, i'm gonna
have to bang nine guys
250
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:48,359
Just to work
it off. (laughs)
251
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,128
Oh, my goodness.
(bob laughs)
252
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:51,496
I'm kidding. I
did do that once,
253
00:08:51,498 --> 00:08:52,997
But i'm not gonna
do it this time.
254
00:08:52,999 --> 00:08:54,699
It's all in the past
for me.
255
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:55,967
Isn't she great?
256
00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,535
I just love her.
257
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,037
She makes me
laugh so much.
258
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,672
(groaning)
259
00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:02,841
What? What-what,
are you humming?
260
00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:06,344
Mm... Dad, just so we
have this conversation...
261
00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:08,646
No, no, jess.
She seems like the type of girl
who might hurt you.
262
00:09:08,648 --> 00:09:11,149
Jessica...
I've seen you get hurt
by a lot less.
263
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:12,650
Please, don't-don't
go there.
264
00:09:12,652 --> 00:09:16,054
No matter what you say, you're
not gonna change my mind.
265
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:19,524
I'm in love with her,
and i'm gonna marry her.
266
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,429
Gonna... Get a new mom, jess.
267
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:30,201
Bob:
♪ she's so high... ♪
268
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:33,504
Hey, are you okay? Because
i am not sure if you heard that,
269
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:35,406
But there is going to be
a wedding.
270
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,675
Oh...
271
00:09:37,677 --> 00:09:41,579
There will be no wedding.
272
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,315
And it begins.
273
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,985
Why are we meeting
in a parking garage?
274
00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:48,553
Because what we are
doing is unsavory
275
00:09:48,555 --> 00:09:50,255
And we're hiding from god.
And you also...
276
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:51,689
You promised winston and
everybody pizza, so...
277
00:09:51,691 --> 00:09:53,057
Yeah, you definitely did.
278
00:09:53,059 --> 00:09:55,159
Yes, there'll be pizza.
Just do one thing for me first.
279
00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:56,561
Here, memorize these.
280
00:09:56,563 --> 00:09:59,230
That's yours.
That's yours.
281
00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:02,934
"i love sponges because they
connect my heart to my hand."
282
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,535
Look, i had to scramble,
you guys.
283
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:06,838
I told my bosses how much
men love to clean.
284
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,406
What are talking about?
Only you.
285
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:10,041
Yeah, only... Yeah.
I know!
286
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:12,277
Why do you think
i'm rigging this focus group?
287
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:15,113
"sponges make me feel
more exhilarated
288
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,881
"than any home run
or touchdown
289
00:10:16,883 --> 00:10:18,182
Ever could."
290
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:19,517
This is ridiculous, man.
291
00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:21,519
I'm out!
292
00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:23,288
I can buy my own pizza.
293
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:25,757
Can somebody please
loan me $15?
294
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:27,525
And maybe like 20, 25,
depending on toppings,
295
00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:28,860
'cause i'd love to get
a bunch of ham.
296
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,595
Ham.
What about the tip, dude?
What about tip?
297
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:32,030
I don't give tips.
It's for delivery.
298
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:33,131
You don't tip
delivery people, ever.
299
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,365
You definitely tip
delivery people, but...
300
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:35,967
Guys. Guys.
301
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:38,436
I get sponges, this solves
all our problems. Okay?
302
00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:40,271
I make more money,
nick gets his room back,
303
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:41,973
I get my life
back on track.
304
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,942
Punting the sweet fantastic.
305
00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:46,077
For the last time, schmidt,
that doesn't mean anything!
306
00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:47,445
Fine. But i'm gonna
need one hour
307
00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:48,913
In a quiet room
to get into character.
308
00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:50,381
No.
Right on.
309
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:53,551
After long and thoughtful
and careful consideration,
310
00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:54,953
Winston is in.
311
00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:58,122
Okay.
Assuming pizza
is still on the table.
312
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,629
Say "pizza" one more
time, winston.
313
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:05,763
No, just don't.
Just don't.
314
00:11:05,765 --> 00:11:07,165
No, we just never talked about
315
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,800
When we're gonna...
Don't.
316
00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:10,802
Just don't bring it up.
He's getting really mad.
317
00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:12,437
Like, delivery of...
Say "pizza." say
"pizza" one more time.
318
00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:14,072
Don't say it again.
Say "pizza" again.
319
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:15,340
Pizza.
Say "pizza"
one more time,
320
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,008
I'm gonna k-kill you!
I just thought
321
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,977
Maybe we'd talk about toppings,
perhaps, or something.
322
00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:21,512
Okay.
323
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,114
Not a mirror.
324
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:24,682
Not a mirror,
you idiot.
325
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:25,917
Not a mirror.
326
00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:30,421
Sponges make me feel exhilarated
more than any...
327
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:33,157
Did you just say "sponges
make me feel exhilarated"?
328
00:11:33,159 --> 00:11:35,159
(chuckles):
No, no. I-i..
329
00:11:35,161 --> 00:11:36,627
What do you think of sponges?
330
00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:39,130
They're stupid.
That's how i feel.
(laughs)
331
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,532
I mean, who cares?
Ex... That's
exactly how i feel.
332
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,267
What do you think
of this whole place?
333
00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:45,003
I'd rather not be here.
334
00:11:45,005 --> 00:11:46,671
"be here" is what
i was about to say.
335
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:48,673
I'm nick.
I'm brittany.
336
00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:50,708
Oh, my god, we have
so much in common.
337
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:51,642
Okay.
338
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:53,311
My dad can't marry her.
339
00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:55,346
He gets hurt in relationships
with normal women.
340
00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:57,782
Yeah.
He can't handle
a recovering sex addict.
341
00:11:57,784 --> 00:11:59,784
No.
What if she relapses?
342
00:11:59,786 --> 00:12:02,320
It would crush him.
It would crush his heart.
343
00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:04,522
I can't let this happen.
I have to protect him.
344
00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:08,026
So what are you gonna do?
I could write him a letter
about my feelings.
345
00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:10,828
We... Yeah, but her
phone is in her purse,
346
00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:13,631
And we could check her
phone for dirt on her.
347
00:12:16,002 --> 00:12:17,735
But he hates letters.
348
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,737
He always gets so frustrated
opening the envelope.
349
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,807
You know you want to check her
phone. You know you want to.
350
00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:24,809
Cece, we're adults; we're gonna
handle this like adults.
351
00:12:24,811 --> 00:12:25,877
We're not snooping.
352
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:27,078
You're right,
you're right.
353
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,312
That is...
That's a huge violation
354
00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:30,048
Of privacy;
you can't do that.
355
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:31,916
Put that...
What does it say?
356
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:33,351
It's bad.
357
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:35,420
Mm.
Give that to me.
358
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:36,721
(gasps)
359
00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:38,890
Dad, she's cheating on you!
360
00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:40,324
What?
361
00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:41,426
Yeah, just ask jim.
362
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,494
At 10:40, jim heard
she was in town.
363
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:45,897
At 11:52,
364
00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:48,599
Jim had his hands
down his pants.
365
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:49,934
And at 11:53...
366
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:51,736
Cumin?
367
00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:53,771
What, is he
cooking cumin?
368
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,006
(clears throat)
369
00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:56,407
Oh, my god.
370
00:12:56,409 --> 00:12:58,876
My dad is the best guy in
the world, and you better
371
00:12:58,878 --> 00:13:01,546
Hit the damn road, unless
you want to say hello to
372
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:04,082
My old friends
crabtree and evelyn.
373
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:07,085
That's my work phone.
I'm a sex therapist.
374
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,053
Jim is my client.
375
00:13:09,055 --> 00:13:11,389
Your... Your client?
376
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:13,724
Client!
Client.
377
00:13:13,726 --> 00:13:15,193
Client.
Client.
378
00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:18,062
Am i supposed
to say "client" now?
379
00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:20,364
I'm gonna go.
This was clearly a mistake.
380
00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:22,266
No.
381
00:13:22,268 --> 00:13:23,301
And for the record,
382
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,203
George jiang gave me giardia.
383
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:27,238
I saved you from
a hideous river disease.
384
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:29,607
Thank you.
385
00:13:33,279 --> 00:13:35,246
Damn it. She won't answer
any of my calls.
386
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:37,115
I left ten voice mails.
387
00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:39,884
Two of them, i'm screaming.
Three, i'm crying.
388
00:13:39,886 --> 00:13:42,620
One is a long silent one.
Nothing!
389
00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:44,755
And it's all your fault--
both of you guys.
390
00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:46,057
But mostly you.
391
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:47,391
Look, dad, i'm so sorry.
392
00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:49,060
Is there anything i can do...
393
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:50,962
There's nothing more
that you can do.
394
00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:53,631
I-i knew this was a mistake
bringing her here.
395
00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:55,733
Wait, dad.
396
00:13:55,735 --> 00:13:57,635
(door slams)
397
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:01,639
Schmidt: So, uh, why
don't you tell me
398
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:03,474
What you think about
that sponge there, coach.
399
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:05,643
I mean... (clears throat)
ernie.
400
00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:07,478
I don't know why
i would call you coach.
401
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:08,813
Okay.
402
00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:10,448
Um...
(clears throat)
403
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:11,916
Well, i love sponges
404
00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:14,118
Because they connect
my heart to my hand.
405
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,821
Wow, thank you so much for that.
I wish my buddies
could see me now.
406
00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:18,956
What?
They'd be all like, "hey, man,
407
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:21,159
Let me get a hit of
that squishy whip."
408
00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:24,128
Right on. Way to, uh,
add your own take.
409
00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:26,330
Uh, to-to your...
To your own take.
410
00:14:26,332 --> 00:14:28,032
Winston: You know, i-i have
something i'd like to add.
411
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:29,534
Please.
Um, i like cleaning.
412
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:30,868
You like cleaning.
It is the only thing
413
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,804
I can control in a world
filled with chaos.
414
00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:35,106
Thank you.
May i add,
415
00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:40,344
I am thor, and this is
my hammer, mjölnir.
416
00:14:40,346 --> 00:14:42,146
M... Melnir. Mjölnir.
417
00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:45,049
Okay, wonderful detail.
Thank you so much for that.
418
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:47,185
Uh, how about you down there,
mayor of the corner?
419
00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:48,519
(chuckles)
420
00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:50,021
(pounds table) nick.
What?
421
00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:52,056
How does cleaning
make you feel?
422
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,891
Uh, like i-i'm cleaning. Move on
to somebody else, please.
423
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,060
(quietly): Read the cards that
i gave you. Remember the cards?
424
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:57,628
Not now.
(pounds table) read your cards!
425
00:14:57,630 --> 00:14:59,864
You want to know what i
think about your sponges?!
426
00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:01,299
(imitates farting)
427
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:02,833
(laughs)
428
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:04,135
(laughs)
429
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:05,803
Well, this is
clearly rigged.
430
00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:06,971
My office.
431
00:15:06,973 --> 00:15:08,639
Now, schmidt.
432
00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:10,041
Schmidt...
433
00:15:12,312 --> 00:15:14,245
Schmidt, i'm sorry.
(door closes)
434
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:17,682
Dad.
435
00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:19,550
Thanks for waiting.
436
00:15:19,552 --> 00:15:22,186
I wasn't waiting. I just can't
get this damn thing started.
437
00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:24,055
You're just pressing buttons.
438
00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:27,258
This was supposed to be a big
weekend for me and ashley.
439
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,359
I had everything
planned.
440
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:32,196
I-i even wrote new
lyrics to our-our song.
441
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:37,969
(high-pitched):
♪ ashley, marry me... ♪
442
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:42,940
(engine starts)
443
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,009
Y-you didn't have to
do that, you know.
444
00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:46,344
I can take care of myself.
445
00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:48,212
Can you?
446
00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:49,847
Dad, if i hadn't
447
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:52,283
Protected you after
you and mom's divorce,
448
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:54,619
You would've ended up
with nancy zimmerman.
449
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,854
Oh, nancy zimmerman.
She was bad news, dad.
450
00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:58,756
Ooh, v-very bad. You don't
know the half of it.
451
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:01,058
That woman made me
try cocaine in 2005.
452
00:16:01,060 --> 00:16:01,892
What, dad?!
453
00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:03,527
Booger sugar?
Yes.
454
00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:05,062
Nicaraguan yazz.
455
00:16:05,064 --> 00:16:07,198
Are you kidding me?
It was a very
expensive evening.
456
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:10,301
I wound up buying
his and her jet skis.
457
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:13,437
The point is i'm
still standing,
458
00:16:13,439 --> 00:16:16,240
And i can take
care of myself.
459
00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:20,077
Yes, i might get hurt,
but that'll be my problem.
460
00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:22,647
You don't need to
do it anymore, jess.
461
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:25,449
I should be taking
care of you.
462
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:30,755
Ashley is different from
any woman i've ever dated.
463
00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:33,591
She-she makes
every day better.
464
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:37,595
I-i want to spend the
rest of my life with her.
465
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:41,098
Aw, dad, that's so sweet.
466
00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:42,300
(car alarm chirps)
hey!
467
00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:43,434
Hey, th... Ashley!
468
00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:44,902
Jess:
What did she do?
469
00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:47,104
She went out and found a guy?
470
00:16:47,106 --> 00:16:48,439
She's gonna relapse. Um...
471
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,241
Oh, we have to turn her off.
Ashley...
472
00:16:50,243 --> 00:16:52,710
Let's turn on npr
and blare it.
Oh...
473
00:16:56,983 --> 00:16:58,249
Ashley, wait.
Wait a minute. Please.
474
00:16:58,251 --> 00:16:59,817
Please don't do this. Please.
475
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:01,085
Jess: Ashley, if
you're gonna relapse,
476
00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:02,453
Relapse with my dad.
477
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:04,789
I'm not relapsing.
478
00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:06,857
This is roy.
He's my l.A. Sponsor.
479
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,659
Bob:
This is roy? Oh!
480
00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:11,095
You know, i-i always wanted
to meet you. Hi.
481
00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:13,531
Jess, he's not a strange man.
482
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,533
He's a sex addict.
483
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:18,102
Former sex addict.
Uh, current chocoholic.
484
00:17:18,104 --> 00:17:20,671
I'd be in trouble
if you were black.
485
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:22,273
Thank you?
486
00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:25,176
Ashley, look, i screwed up.
487
00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:27,311
I have to let my dad
make mistakes.
488
00:17:27,313 --> 00:17:28,446
Oh, i'm a mistake?
489
00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:29,613
No, you are not a mistake.
490
00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:30,881
That came out wrong.
491
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,717
I'm sorry, bob.
492
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:35,219
I never meant to come
between you and your daughter.
493
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:36,620
I love you
so damn much.
494
00:17:36,622 --> 00:17:39,623
You're my big, round, bald,
495
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:41,125
Fuzzy weeble-wobble.
496
00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:44,528
But i just...
I just need a little space.
497
00:17:49,635 --> 00:17:51,235
It's not over, dad.
498
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,636
Get the ring.
499
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:53,838
I'm sorry, schmidt.
500
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,206
What can i say?
501
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:57,007
You're just not really built
to play with the big girls.
502
00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:58,876
Don't fire him!
Oh, god.
503
00:17:58,878 --> 00:18:01,512
What the... Why?
Give him the account.
504
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:04,482
He's a hard worker,
and he's a neat freak.
505
00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:07,585
How do i know that?
'cause i share a room with him.
506
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:08,686
You two share a room?
507
00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:10,054
And you should see
his side.
508
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:13,557
It is so clean. It looks like
the inside of a japanese subway.
509
00:18:13,559 --> 00:18:15,926
Speaking of sharing a bedroom,
brittany's coming over tonight.
510
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:19,497
Uh, so i'm gonna need ten
to 15 minutes of privacy for...
511
00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:21,198
I don't need 15 minutes.
That's excessive.
512
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,500
Give me five to ten.
513
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:24,902
That feels braggy.
Give me three to five,
514
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:26,937
But no less than three
'cause that's rude to girls.
515
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,873
Do you really think that
she's gonna have sex with you
516
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:31,175
In that pulp-covered
filth bunker?
I'll throw a tarp down.
517
00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:32,576
Oh, god.
Schmidt:
What if she's turned off
518
00:18:32,578 --> 00:18:35,246
By the mess?
What if she's turned off by...
519
00:18:37,183 --> 00:18:39,617
What if she's turned
off by the mess?
520
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,285
Hey, gina, why don't you hear me
out here for a second.
521
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:43,087
That's all right.
If nick cleans his room
522
00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:44,889
Before brittany comes
over, he might get laid.
523
00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:47,391
I don't know.
It seems like a lot of work.
524
00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:49,193
Not with the right tool.
525
00:18:49,195 --> 00:18:50,928
We open up
on a modern man
526
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:52,730
With a nose that only
america could love.
527
00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:53,697
This might seem obvious,
528
00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:55,232
But what side does
the dirty stuff go on?
529
00:18:55,234 --> 00:18:56,567
He doesn't know a lot,
530
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,702
But he's about to discover
the ultimate wingman.
531
00:18:58,704 --> 00:18:59,904
Nick:
I bet this side is
532
00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:01,205
Really good for tough areas.
533
00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:02,873
The man sponge.
534
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:04,975
Because the dirtiest
thing in your room...
535
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,710
Probably be her.
(chuckles)
536
00:19:06,712 --> 00:19:08,479
Yay. We're doing a pitch.
537
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:09,780
Yeah.
(chuckles)
538
00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:13,717
I... Can't believe
i'm saying this,
539
00:19:13,719 --> 00:19:15,085
But i like it.
540
00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:16,887
All right, you get
the sponge account, schmidt.
541
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:18,489
Sponges.
We got sponges.
542
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,491
We got sponges.
We got sponges.
We got sponges.
543
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:22,092
Jess:
Wait!
544
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:24,929
Ashley! My dad loves you!
545
00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:25,896
No matter what! Wait!
546
00:19:25,898 --> 00:19:28,165
♪ ashley... ♪
547
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,167
On your right!
Left side!
On your right.
On your left.
548
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:30,935
(jess whimpering)
549
00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:32,770
On your right!
Left!
550
00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:34,138
Right!
Bread and butter.
551
00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:35,406
On your left.
On your right.
552
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:36,407
(jess continues whimpering)
553
00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:37,408
Oh, my god!
554
00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:39,743
Left side!
Left side!
555
00:19:39,745 --> 00:19:41,812
♪ ashl... ♪
on your right!
556
00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:43,147
Bob:
Jess!
557
00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:45,316
Jess, baby, baby, are you okay?
Oh.
558
00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:48,252
You... Here, come on, come on.
Let's get you to a hospital.
Yeah. Yes.
559
00:19:48,254 --> 00:19:50,020
Oh, my god!
Is she okay?
I don't know.
560
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,021
I mean, are you okay?
561
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:52,823
You need to do
it now, dad,
562
00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:55,259
Before we get flattened
by a parade. Come on.
563
00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:01,332
Ashley... Will you marry me?
564
00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:04,602
And be the stepmom
to a very crazy
565
00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:07,605
But-but very lovable woman?
566
00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:09,940
(chuckles):
Yes.
567
00:20:09,942 --> 00:20:13,644
Yes. Yes!
568
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:14,845
Oh, yes!
569
00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:17,715
Jess, you're
my little girl now.
570
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:18,983
Oh, jess.
571
00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:20,951
You go to your room.
(laughs): I'm just kidding.
572
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:24,288
I'm kidding. But you should
go to a-a hospital.
573
00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:28,459
Here's to attending a wedding
with everyone from high school
574
00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:30,327
And my dad's side of the family.
575
00:20:30,329 --> 00:20:32,129
It's gonna be great.
It's like going to prom
576
00:20:32,131 --> 00:20:33,731
With all my dad's friends.
Nick: Hear, hear!
577
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:34,698
(cheering)
578
00:20:34,700 --> 00:20:36,634
Oh.
Oh.
579
00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:37,801
No, no, no, no.
Don't worry, don't worry.
580
00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:39,303
I got it. I got it.
I'll just clean it.
581
00:20:39,305 --> 00:20:40,504
Coach:
Dude, there's a sponge
582
00:20:40,506 --> 00:20:42,540
In your hand.
Schmidt: No, let him go.
583
00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:44,341
He's my inspiration.
You know, living with him
584
00:20:44,343 --> 00:20:47,845
In that slovenly hellhole
has been a secret blessing.
585
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:48,812
It's made me stronger.
586
00:20:48,814 --> 00:20:49,914
Without ash to rise from,
587
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:52,049
The phoenix would just be
a bird getting up.
588
00:20:52,051 --> 00:20:53,984
I am a phoenix, and i will rise.
589
00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:56,053
He usually says that speech
before sex.
590
00:20:56,055 --> 00:20:57,988
By 2015, i will have
my own room.
591
00:20:57,990 --> 00:21:00,224
And by 2016...
592
00:21:02,328 --> 00:21:03,761
Coach:
What is he looking at?
I don't know.
593
00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:06,096
...I will be a millionaire.
(all groaning)
594
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:08,799
(piano playing gentle music)
595
00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:21,612
(gasps)
596
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:23,914
Spongey make wipey.
597
00:21:23,916 --> 00:21:26,050
Announcer:
The man sponge.
598
00:21:26,052 --> 00:21:28,719
Because the dirtiest thing
in your room...
599
00:21:28,721 --> 00:21:31,755
Should be me.
600
00:21:31,757 --> 00:21:33,691
Sponge. Sponge. Sponge.
Sponge. Sponge.
Sponge. Sponge. Sponge.
601
00:21:33,693 --> 00:21:36,293
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
access.Wgbh.Org