1 00:00:03,570 --> 00:00:05,546 All right, clockwise, honey. 2 00:00:05,570 --> 00:00:06,746 Don't fight it. 3 00:00:06,770 --> 00:00:08,276 Let me make you. 4 00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:10,586 What... is that? 5 00:00:10,610 --> 00:00:12,956 This is the only thing us Miller men know how to make. 6 00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:14,886 And we call it The Sauce. 7 00:00:14,910 --> 00:00:16,256 - It stinks. - It doesn't stink. 8 00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:18,256 Fawn is coming over for a midnight fondue supper. 9 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:20,256 There's no chocolate or cheese on this earth 10 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:22,926 that makes a cube of bread pop like The Sauce. 11 00:00:22,950 --> 00:00:24,926 Your girlfriend's coming over for the first time, 12 00:00:24,950 --> 00:00:27,266 and you asked Nick to cook? 13 00:00:27,290 --> 00:00:29,336 True, normally food à la Nick would be less appealing to me 14 00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:31,166 than licking the floor of a beach bathroom. 15 00:00:31,190 --> 00:00:33,136 But I want Fawn to have the best, 16 00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:35,576 and The Sauce is the best. 17 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:38,106 Good for you... when you said "Fawn" and then "fondue," 18 00:00:38,130 --> 00:00:39,916 I definitely thought you were headed in the direction of... 19 00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,916 Step one: fondue. 20 00:00:41,940 --> 00:00:44,316 - Step two: do Fawn. - That's not bad. 21 00:00:44,340 --> 00:00:46,256 Yeah, I was, like, "Fondue is Fawn done." 22 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,016 Th-These are all good. 23 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:49,586 Hey, has anybody heard for Cece? 24 00:00:49,610 --> 00:00:51,426 'Cause she hasn't answered any of my texts, 25 00:00:51,450 --> 00:00:52,956 and I'm starting to get worried. 26 00:00:52,980 --> 00:00:54,966 Jess is starting to find your behavior... 27 00:00:54,990 --> 00:00:56,666 "suspicious." 28 00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:57,926 That's a police word. 29 00:00:57,950 --> 00:00:59,266 It's not a police word, Winston. 30 00:00:59,290 --> 00:01:00,666 It's a very common word. 31 00:01:00,690 --> 00:01:03,166 And you know why I'm keeping my distance. 32 00:01:03,190 --> 00:01:04,336 I like Schmidt. 33 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:05,506 For the second time! 34 00:01:05,530 --> 00:01:07,306 I know how many times. 35 00:01:07,330 --> 00:01:08,506 Ah. Ah. 36 00:01:08,530 --> 00:01:09,806 If you could see my face right now, 37 00:01:09,830 --> 00:01:11,546 I'm smiling, and I'm saying, "Ah." 38 00:01:11,570 --> 00:01:13,376 And if Jess finds out, she's gonna want to get involved, 39 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:14,816 and I don't want her involved 40 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:16,346 because there's nothing that she can do. 41 00:01:16,370 --> 00:01:18,356 Look, if you act suspicious, 42 00:01:18,380 --> 00:01:19,786 then she's gonna be suspicious, all right? 43 00:01:19,810 --> 00:01:21,186 Look, don't slink your head in the dumps. 44 00:01:21,210 --> 00:01:22,526 You got to raise your hand with the sunshine 45 00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:24,526 wh-where people walk, you know? 46 00:01:24,550 --> 00:01:26,196 Because that's what the whole point of the... 47 00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:28,196 when the... if you can lead 'em to water, 48 00:01:28,220 --> 00:01:30,026 but you can't make a sound, right? 49 00:01:30,050 --> 00:01:31,196 Look, just call her. 50 00:01:31,220 --> 00:01:32,396 Fine, okay, I'll call her. 51 00:01:32,420 --> 00:01:35,036 But... and listen to me, 52 00:01:35,060 --> 00:01:38,036 she cannot find out. 53 00:01:38,060 --> 00:01:39,206 Under no circumstance. 54 00:01:39,230 --> 00:01:40,406 Okay, baby. 55 00:01:40,430 --> 00:01:42,476 Look, your secret is safe with me. 56 00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:44,206 That being said, 57 00:01:44,230 --> 00:01:46,676 - I am not a smooth man. - Yeah, I get that. 58 00:01:46,700 --> 00:01:49,246 Did I do something to piss Cece off? 59 00:01:49,270 --> 00:01:51,516 Oh, Schmidt, you have something on your pants. 60 00:01:51,540 --> 00:01:52,716 Ah! It's a spider! 61 00:01:52,740 --> 00:01:54,856 Jess, why did you do that? 62 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:56,886 You know how he gets... He turns 63 00:01:56,910 --> 00:01:58,696 into a cartoon elephant of yesteryear 64 00:01:58,720 --> 00:01:59,926 who just saw a mouse. 65 00:01:59,950 --> 00:02:01,196 Which is offensive in present day 66 00:02:01,220 --> 00:02:02,566 'cause it seems like a gay stereotype 67 00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:03,766 they tried to sneak by us. 68 00:02:05,190 --> 00:02:06,766 "Where's my balance ball? 69 00:02:06,790 --> 00:02:09,566 There's a mouse loose in the house." 70 00:02:09,590 --> 00:02:11,536 Where is it? We've got to hunt it down. 71 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,336 - We got to have a spiderhunt. - We're not having one of those. 72 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:15,106 - No, dude, no more spiderhunts. - Guys, they're all over me! 73 00:02:15,130 --> 00:02:17,506 This is childish, and you need to get over it. 74 00:02:17,530 --> 00:02:19,176 Jess, would you please? You know this fear comes 75 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:20,916 from a very real place... 1999. 76 00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:22,916 American Pie was sweeping the nation. 77 00:02:22,940 --> 00:02:24,716 And everybody was doing it with pies. 78 00:02:24,740 --> 00:02:27,256 I just happened to accidentally fall asleep right afterwards. 79 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,256 And when I awoke, 80 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,696 the dried apple filling was... 81 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:33,296 it just had attracted so many spiders, 82 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,966 and they were all over it, and I... 83 00:02:34,990 --> 00:02:37,026 Okay, everyone was doing it with pies? 84 00:02:37,050 --> 00:02:39,036 Well, Y2K was an uncertain time. 85 00:02:39,060 --> 00:02:41,536 - I don't know "everyone," Jess. - I might have dabbled. 86 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:43,236 - Fawn can't see me like this. - Fawn won't care. 87 00:02:43,260 --> 00:02:46,036 - Jess, I'm embarrassed... for her to see me in this state. - You're fine... 88 00:02:46,060 --> 00:02:47,706 - It's embarrassing... just a little spider! - You're fine. 89 00:02:47,730 --> 00:02:49,476 And there it is! I just saw it! 90 00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:51,276 - Get off the table. - We'll do the spiderhunt. 91 00:02:51,300 --> 00:02:53,446 - Fawn can't see you like this. - There it is! 92 00:02:53,470 --> 00:02:55,240 It's right there... It's licking it's lips. 93 00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:02,500 ☯Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17☯ ❃www.addic7ed.com❃ 94 00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:04,586 - So I'm finally e-mailing that girl, May. - Nice. 95 00:03:04,610 --> 00:03:06,256 - Here's what I got so far. - Mm-hmm. 96 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:07,896 "Dear May. 97 00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:09,466 Lay down on me." 98 00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:10,926 Well, th-then what? 99 00:03:10,950 --> 00:03:12,396 You met this woman weeks ago... I can't believe 100 00:03:12,420 --> 00:03:13,936 you haven't e-mailed her. Just text her. 101 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,906 If I had her number, I would text her. 102 00:03:15,930 --> 00:03:17,236 She gave me her e-mail. 103 00:03:17,260 --> 00:03:18,736 And now I have to write how I feel. 104 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:21,006 Which is weird, it's like... 105 00:03:21,030 --> 00:03:23,176 I-I like her. Much. 106 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:24,306 You like her much? 107 00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:25,676 All right. 108 00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:27,846 "Girl, it's warm today. 109 00:03:27,870 --> 00:03:29,446 "Yesterday was warm, too. 110 00:03:29,470 --> 00:03:31,446 Yeah." 111 00:03:31,470 --> 00:03:32,816 Yeah, I'm gonna write, "Yeah." 112 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:33,956 You're happy about this? 113 00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:35,526 Damn it, no, it doesn't feel right. 114 00:03:35,550 --> 00:03:36,986 Yeah, just hold it down, hold it down. 115 00:03:37,010 --> 00:03:38,426 Okay, you guys know the drill. 116 00:03:38,450 --> 00:03:41,196 We split up into teams, and we hunt this spider. 117 00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:43,596 - Why can't we just call an exterminator? - Yes. 118 00:03:43,620 --> 00:03:44,666 They've all blocked Schmidt's calls 119 00:03:44,690 --> 00:03:45,866 since the dandelion incident. 120 00:03:45,890 --> 00:03:47,936 It moved like a spider, Nick! 121 00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:52,506 I don't know a Cece. 122 00:03:52,530 --> 00:03:55,006 Yeah, I do. How the hell are you? 123 00:03:55,030 --> 00:03:57,606 Jess, please, hurry up, we're on a hunt! 124 00:03:57,630 --> 00:03:59,216 It could be right above our heads right now. 125 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:02,016 Hanging from its butt-rope. 126 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:03,546 Come over. 127 00:04:03,570 --> 00:04:05,516 - I can't. - Why not? 128 00:04:05,540 --> 00:04:07,156 Did I do something? 129 00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:09,156 Are we in another purse thing that I don't know about? 130 00:04:09,180 --> 00:04:11,556 No, no, Jess, of course it's not you. 131 00:04:11,580 --> 00:04:12,980 It would just be... 132 00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:18,026 an honor. 133 00:04:18,050 --> 00:04:19,836 I'll be right there. 134 00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:22,666 Great, wear shoes that you don't mind getting spider guts on. 135 00:04:22,690 --> 00:04:24,166 Bye. 136 00:04:24,190 --> 00:04:26,076 So... 137 00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:27,206 what's going on with Cece? 138 00:04:27,230 --> 00:04:28,646 Well, I had to beg her like a nerd, 139 00:04:28,670 --> 00:04:30,176 but she's finally coming over. 140 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:31,376 - Oh, she's coming over. - Yeah. 141 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,176 - Good, man. - Took a lot of cajoling. 142 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:35,186 - That's cool. - Normally, it's, like, she'll come over all the time. 143 00:04:35,210 --> 00:04:36,516 But now it's diff... I don't know why 144 00:04:36,540 --> 00:04:38,086 that would be the case at all, 145 00:04:38,110 --> 00:04:40,356 but that's cool... I respect the decision for her to come over. 146 00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:42,256 Why are you acting weird? 147 00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:44,280 I'm acting weird? 148 00:04:45,420 --> 00:04:47,256 - Mm. - Do you know something? 149 00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:48,526 Do...? 150 00:04:48,550 --> 00:04:50,526 You... I'm not a smooth man. 151 00:04:50,550 --> 00:04:51,526 Is she mad at someone? 152 00:04:51,550 --> 00:04:53,166 Ah... no. 153 00:04:53,190 --> 00:04:54,366 No. 154 00:04:54,390 --> 00:04:56,006 No, she's not mad at anyone. 155 00:04:56,030 --> 00:04:57,166 It's the opposite. 156 00:04:57,190 --> 00:04:58,576 Mm. 157 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:00,506 - It's the opposite? - That's not what I said. 158 00:05:00,530 --> 00:05:03,506 You said, "No, no, she's not mad at anyone. 159 00:05:03,530 --> 00:05:05,046 It's the opposite." 160 00:05:05,070 --> 00:05:07,446 I said, "Whoa, whoa. 161 00:05:07,470 --> 00:05:09,086 "Cheese is bad e'ryone. 162 00:05:09,110 --> 00:05:11,016 Let's stop and spit." 163 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:13,686 The opposite of mad is... 164 00:05:13,710 --> 00:05:15,456 Does she like someone? 165 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:16,880 What would make you assume that would be...? 166 00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:19,556 I can hear it. 167 00:05:19,580 --> 00:05:21,396 I can hear it building its house. 168 00:05:21,420 --> 00:05:23,026 Building its sticky, deadly house 169 00:05:23,050 --> 00:05:24,426 that you can never leave. 170 00:05:24,450 --> 00:05:26,266 Building it. 171 00:05:26,290 --> 00:05:28,290 With its ass. 172 00:05:33,237 --> 00:05:36,156 - We're breaking up into two-person teams. - Cece. 173 00:05:36,180 --> 00:05:38,696 Each team has one Smusher and one Jar-Man. 174 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:40,656 Nick, I'm gonna make you a Smusher since you have to stir. 175 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,196 Hey, am I stirring right now? 176 00:05:42,220 --> 00:05:44,866 Or is my arm still, and the world is stirring? 177 00:05:44,890 --> 00:05:46,796 Coach, you're a Jar-Man. 178 00:05:46,820 --> 00:05:48,866 - Mm. - You're with Schmidt. 179 00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:52,176 Cece, with your delicate little hands, you're a born Jar-Man. 180 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,746 - Okay. - Which means I need to pair you up with a Smusher. 181 00:05:54,770 --> 00:05:56,206 - I smush. - That'd be me. 182 00:05:56,230 --> 00:05:58,216 - Smusher for life. - You're such a Jar-Man. 183 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:00,916 You don't even know you're a Jar-Man, Jar-Man. 184 00:06:00,940 --> 00:06:02,686 - Yeah, you are. - You're a born J-man. Come on, Winston. 185 00:06:02,710 --> 00:06:04,516 - Uh, Cece. - Yeah. 186 00:06:04,540 --> 00:06:06,716 Before we get started, you want to have a quick 187 00:06:06,740 --> 00:06:08,156 Jar-Man strategy session? 188 00:06:08,180 --> 00:06:10,156 A little Jar-Jar strat sesh? 189 00:06:10,180 --> 00:06:11,826 Are you winking or farting? 190 00:06:11,850 --> 00:06:14,326 The only strategy is... find the spider, kill the spider, 191 00:06:14,350 --> 00:06:16,026 mount the spider's head on top of the roof 192 00:06:16,050 --> 00:06:17,566 so all the other spiders know. 193 00:06:17,590 --> 00:06:19,736 All right. And spiderhunt! 194 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:20,736 - Spiderhunt! - Spiderhunt! 195 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:21,760 You find that thing... 196 00:06:24,190 --> 00:06:26,030 - you-you make sure that it's done. - That's the plan, that's... 197 00:06:26,900 --> 00:06:28,230 Okay. 198 00:06:31,370 --> 00:06:33,746 Hey, what do you think Jess and Cece are talking about? 199 00:06:33,770 --> 00:06:37,186 Oh, probably that stupid movie theater popcorn machine 200 00:06:37,210 --> 00:06:39,216 that Cece wants me to get for the bar. 201 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:40,616 She keeps haranguing me about it. 202 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:42,726 "Popcorn machine, popcorn machine." 203 00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:44,126 Look, I don't know what void 204 00:06:44,150 --> 00:06:45,796 Cece's trying to fill in her life... 205 00:06:45,820 --> 00:06:47,156 I don't know, either. Why would I know? 206 00:06:47,180 --> 00:06:48,566 You know, I don't know what void she's trying to fill. 207 00:06:48,590 --> 00:06:50,766 - It's all she wants to talk about. - Oh. 208 00:06:50,790 --> 00:06:52,596 Stupid movie theater popcorn machine. 209 00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:54,936 I'm like, "Shut up, dude." 210 00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:56,636 You put bologna in your Bolognese? 211 00:06:56,660 --> 00:06:58,136 Where else would it get its name? 212 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:00,730 Trick question... it gets it from the mayonnaise. 213 00:07:04,270 --> 00:07:06,170 Yeah, yeah. 214 00:07:08,410 --> 00:07:10,546 You got it. 215 00:07:10,570 --> 00:07:14,216 Do you think a good subject line is, "The Inside of You"? 216 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:15,456 Hey, you know, I bet I could spot this spider 217 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:16,656 a lot better if I was on your shoulders. 218 00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:17,656 Do not ask me again 219 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:18,796 to get on my shoulders. 220 00:07:18,820 --> 00:07:19,956 That's a once-a-year thing, 221 00:07:19,980 --> 00:07:21,396 and you already used it on Halloween, 222 00:07:21,420 --> 00:07:23,196 when we were ten-foot-tall Ralph Macchio. 223 00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:30,236 Ow! Damn it! 224 00:07:30,260 --> 00:07:31,976 That was cool. 225 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,576 I didn't like that. I could feel 226 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:34,676 your genitals on the back of my neck 227 00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:36,146 like an airplane pillow. 228 00:07:36,170 --> 00:07:37,176 Okay, you know what? How about this? 229 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,616 I'm not sure why he did it 230 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:39,816 but I sure am glad that God rearranged 231 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:41,416 the letters in yam to... 232 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,686 create something even sweeter. 233 00:07:43,710 --> 00:07:45,516 - What? - May. 234 00:07:45,540 --> 00:07:47,986 Oh, May, yeah. Yeah, all right. 235 00:07:48,010 --> 00:07:50,456 Keep going, keep going. 236 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:52,696 Oh, dear God. 237 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:54,426 It's left the web to feed. 238 00:07:54,450 --> 00:07:55,966 All right, I'll put that. 239 00:07:55,990 --> 00:07:57,666 Seems like a weird thing to say. 240 00:07:57,690 --> 00:07:59,696 Lots of bars have popcorn machines. 241 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:01,266 I really think that people would dig it. 242 00:08:01,290 --> 00:08:02,636 They're not that expensive. 243 00:08:02,660 --> 00:08:04,606 And everybody loves fresh popcorn. 244 00:08:04,630 --> 00:08:06,030 Do you like somebody in the loft? 245 00:08:07,060 --> 00:08:08,806 Winston. 246 00:08:08,830 --> 00:08:11,446 Okay, what did he tell you? 247 00:08:11,470 --> 00:08:12,976 He told me you like someone but he won't name names. 248 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,476 Is it Schmidt? Do you like Schmidt again? 249 00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:15,646 No. No, no, no, no, no, no, 250 00:08:15,670 --> 00:08:16,686 no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 251 00:08:16,710 --> 00:08:18,686 Absolutely not. No. 252 00:08:18,710 --> 00:08:20,156 Who is it then? Who? 253 00:08:20,180 --> 00:08:22,326 I want to tell you. I want to tell you so, 254 00:08:22,350 --> 00:08:23,856 like, so badly... You know me... 255 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:25,396 I want to tell you so bad, I just, um, 256 00:08:25,420 --> 00:08:27,126 I'm very sorry, but I can't. 257 00:08:27,150 --> 00:08:28,726 Right, right, right, right, you can't tell anybody... 258 00:08:28,750 --> 00:08:30,826 except freaking Winston! 259 00:08:30,850 --> 00:08:32,566 That slow puzzler! 260 00:08:32,590 --> 00:08:34,666 I know. I'm lower down on the food chain 261 00:08:34,690 --> 00:08:36,066 - No! - Than Officer Cat Fancy?! 262 00:08:36,090 --> 00:08:38,006 No. No, no, no, no. It's just I know 263 00:08:38,030 --> 00:08:40,036 that you would do anything to help me, 264 00:08:40,060 --> 00:08:41,976 and in this situation, 265 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,046 you know, there's just nothing to be done. 266 00:08:44,070 --> 00:08:45,516 And we both know that 267 00:08:45,540 --> 00:08:47,016 you would just want to get involved. 268 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:49,016 Well, I can stay uninvolved. 269 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:50,246 I want to tell you, but I can't. 270 00:08:50,270 --> 00:08:51,410 I just can't. 271 00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:56,026 Okay. That's fine. Okay. 272 00:08:56,050 --> 00:08:58,610 That's cool, that's cool. New teams! 273 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,436 You have to tell me who she likes. 274 00:09:05,460 --> 00:09:07,096 There are no secrets between Jar-Man and Smusher. 275 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:08,536 Please! 276 00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:10,766 She's my best friend. You have to tell me. 277 00:09:10,790 --> 00:09:12,206 Okay. 278 00:09:12,230 --> 00:09:14,176 Look, Jess... 279 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:16,206 she likes me. 280 00:09:16,230 --> 00:09:18,930 It's me she wants. 281 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:27,786 Not even for a second. 282 00:09:27,810 --> 00:09:29,186 - I thought I was convincing. - Yeah. 283 00:09:29,210 --> 00:09:31,556 I need you to close your eyes and taste it. 284 00:09:31,580 --> 00:09:33,050 Okay. 285 00:09:35,650 --> 00:09:37,396 Oh... 286 00:09:37,420 --> 00:09:39,596 Oh, Nick... 287 00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:41,436 It's legit terrible. 288 00:09:41,460 --> 00:09:44,776 Well, you taste for texture not taste you big old... 289 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:46,576 Not really what I was looking for at this stage. 290 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:48,630 Definitely affects my confidence. 291 00:09:54,340 --> 00:09:56,416 Wait. Wait! 292 00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:59,086 The only person that Cece could like that she wouldn't 293 00:09:59,110 --> 00:10:00,586 want to tell me about... 294 00:10:00,610 --> 00:10:02,350 is Nick! 295 00:10:03,580 --> 00:10:05,156 Uh... 296 00:10:05,180 --> 00:10:07,996 Does Cece like Nick? 297 00:10:08,020 --> 00:10:09,126 Does Cece like...? 298 00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:10,190 Oh, my... 299 00:10:11,490 --> 00:10:13,636 No... 300 00:10:13,660 --> 00:10:15,766 you guessed it. 301 00:10:15,790 --> 00:10:17,990 How you did that? 302 00:10:20,301 --> 00:10:24,296 Oh, my God. My ex-boyfriend and my best friend? 303 00:10:25,390 --> 00:10:27,066 I feel like... Brenda 304 00:10:27,090 --> 00:10:28,936 when Kelly dated Dylan! 305 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:30,896 Or the other way around. 306 00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:32,466 Now I know those are the characters 307 00:10:32,490 --> 00:10:34,106 from the original 90210. 308 00:10:34,130 --> 00:10:36,236 But that's about my ceiling. Dylan... was his nickname 309 00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:37,876 the Peach Pit? 'Cause I remember... 310 00:10:37,900 --> 00:10:39,476 I remember that being a whole thing. 311 00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:41,116 I'm sorry, I'm a little wound up. 312 00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:42,746 You should be wound up because the Peach Pit used 313 00:10:42,770 --> 00:10:45,116 to be yours, but now Brenda want a slice. 314 00:10:45,140 --> 00:10:46,616 Everybody trying to get a slice of that Peach Pit. 315 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:47,646 You have every right to be mad, 316 00:10:47,670 --> 00:10:49,456 Jess, but just do it quietly. 317 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,756 You know, just do it on the low, do it in here. 318 00:10:51,780 --> 00:10:54,596 30 seconds, and you haven't brought up the popcorn machine. 319 00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:57,096 Yeah, well, I guess I'm just gonna have to drop it. 320 00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:59,266 You know, even Jess didn't want to hear about it, 321 00:10:59,290 --> 00:11:01,636 and she'll listen to Schmidt discussing Andy Cohen 322 00:11:01,660 --> 00:11:03,936 discussing Bethenny discussing NeNe. 323 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:05,936 Well, great, I'm glad that's behind us. 324 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:07,466 Yeah. 325 00:11:07,490 --> 00:11:09,836 Now let's never speak of popcorn machines again. 326 00:11:09,860 --> 00:11:11,746 Cece and Nick? 327 00:11:11,770 --> 00:11:13,330 Cece likes Nick? 328 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,416 Cece likes Nick?! 329 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:17,916 I mean, I guess I understand it 330 00:11:17,940 --> 00:11:19,916 'cause they're at the bar together 331 00:11:19,940 --> 00:11:21,516 and once you start sharing tips, 332 00:11:21,540 --> 00:11:22,986 - where does the sharing end? - Look... 333 00:11:23,010 --> 00:11:24,826 Jess, it's not that big of a deal. 334 00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:27,256 Because we all just cats and dogs at the end of the day. 335 00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,596 What about Schmidt? Schmidt's Nick's best friend, 336 00:11:29,620 --> 00:11:32,026 and Schmidt and Cece have a history. 337 00:11:32,050 --> 00:11:33,596 Look at the memory on you. 338 00:11:33,620 --> 00:11:35,096 - I'm gonna have to help Schmidt through this. - No, no, no, no, no, no. 339 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:37,806 Look, Jess, you can't talk to Schmidt about Cece liking Nick. 340 00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:39,836 - Come on. - No, you're right. I have to talk to Cece first. 341 00:11:39,860 --> 00:11:42,036 Right, you got to talk to Ce... No, wait, no. No, no, no, no, 342 00:11:42,060 --> 00:11:44,446 no, no, no. Jess, you can't talk to Cece 343 00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:47,446 because Cece, you know, and Nick, 344 00:11:47,470 --> 00:11:50,146 they just won't work. 'Cause I was talking to Nick. 345 00:11:50,170 --> 00:11:52,986 He said, "Winston." I was like, "What's up, Nick?" He said... 346 00:11:53,010 --> 00:11:54,816 What? 347 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,186 He said she ugly. 348 00:11:56,210 --> 00:11:58,526 He said what?! 349 00:11:58,550 --> 00:12:00,986 Yeah, he said she look like a dang ol' meatball with hair. 350 00:12:01,010 --> 00:12:02,196 New teams! 351 00:12:02,220 --> 00:12:03,296 You know who's great? 352 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:05,196 Cece. One of our finest. 353 00:12:05,220 --> 00:12:06,420 Lovely woman. 354 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:10,990 And she has so much to offer. 355 00:12:12,930 --> 00:12:14,536 Is that what this is about? 356 00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:16,536 She sends you to sell me on it? 357 00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:19,806 No, Nick. She doesn't know I'm talking to you at all. Wait. 358 00:12:19,830 --> 00:12:21,816 You guys have talked about it? 359 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,076 All the time. 360 00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:24,316 But I thought 361 00:12:24,340 --> 00:12:26,246 she and I had come to a decision. 362 00:12:26,270 --> 00:12:28,816 - Which is? - It's not happening. 363 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:31,526 Well, why not? 'Cause I'm not interested. 364 00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:33,026 And I know it's not cool to say, but... 365 00:12:33,050 --> 00:12:36,196 I don't like the way it would look. 366 00:12:36,220 --> 00:12:39,026 People are gonna say what they're gonna say. They're not reasons 367 00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:41,936 - not to go through with it. - Fine. You want to know my biggest concern? 368 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:44,960 My biggest concern is the smell. 369 00:12:46,290 --> 00:12:48,276 The smell? 370 00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:49,506 The smell of it. 371 00:12:49,530 --> 00:12:51,276 Yeah, and it's not Cece's fault. 372 00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:54,916 I mean, they all smell. I've told her that. 373 00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:57,516 - You told Cece you think all women... - Don't make this 374 00:12:57,540 --> 00:13:00,346 - a feminist thing... - It... I'm not making it a feminist thing. 375 00:13:00,370 --> 00:13:03,056 How? They smell terrible. It's common knowledge. 376 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:06,056 I thought your biggest concern would be how it affected the people around you. 377 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:08,226 - I mean, sure, a bunch of old drunks will grab at it... - But if your biggest concern 378 00:13:08,250 --> 00:13:12,296 is the smell, I'm sure that's highly manageable. 379 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:14,896 Yeah, I guess there's, like, special solvents and soaps. 380 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,766 I-I haven't read up on it that much. 381 00:13:17,790 --> 00:13:21,376 You know, but you got to really get in there and scrub it out. 382 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,576 It's disgusting. 383 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:27,916 You know, 'cause of the daily wear and tear and... oil 384 00:13:27,940 --> 00:13:30,746 and grease just cooking in there. 385 00:13:30,770 --> 00:13:34,316 It's enough to make a man barf thinking about it. 386 00:13:34,340 --> 00:13:36,486 I mean, they get really hot. 387 00:13:36,510 --> 00:13:38,156 - I know what temperature it gets. - Hot.. 388 00:13:38,180 --> 00:13:39,826 But if I'm being honest, you know... 389 00:13:39,850 --> 00:13:41,756 And I haven't talked to her about this... but... 390 00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:44,426 I do have good memories associated with the smell. 391 00:13:44,450 --> 00:13:46,566 Ball games, the circus, 392 00:13:46,590 --> 00:13:48,296 hanging with my dad. 393 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,566 Listen here, you idiot. I've known Cece 394 00:13:50,590 --> 00:13:52,236 a very long time, and I can promise you 395 00:13:52,260 --> 00:13:54,306 - the smell will not be a problem. - That's really easy 396 00:13:54,330 --> 00:13:56,076 for you to say 'cause you're not the one who's gonna have 397 00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:57,406 to remind her to clean it all the time. 398 00:13:57,430 --> 00:13:59,406 I promise you, 399 00:13:59,430 --> 00:14:01,316 if it becomes a problem... 400 00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:04,146 - I will remind her. - Well, 401 00:14:04,170 --> 00:14:07,346 if you remind her and she doesn't do it, 402 00:14:07,370 --> 00:14:10,986 I don't want you sneaking around and cleaning it yourself. 403 00:14:11,010 --> 00:14:12,686 Nick. 404 00:14:12,710 --> 00:14:15,626 I'm a good friend, but I am not that good of a friend. 405 00:14:15,650 --> 00:14:16,996 "...that a dream house is a house, 406 00:14:17,020 --> 00:14:18,526 but a dreamboat is a person." 407 00:14:18,550 --> 00:14:20,766 I mean, it does speak to the soul. 408 00:14:20,790 --> 00:14:24,036 Hey, what are these? I've always wondered. 409 00:14:24,060 --> 00:14:26,336 - Those are grapes. - Uh, they're our glass grapes, bro. 410 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:28,336 - Grapes? - Brings the whole, like, room together. 411 00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:30,036 What the hell they doing in the loft? 412 00:14:30,060 --> 00:14:33,146 Cece, um, do ladies have loins? 413 00:14:33,170 --> 00:14:35,546 You know, it's like I've never looked around this house before. 414 00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:38,346 Skimboards, a boxing glove. 415 00:14:38,370 --> 00:14:40,346 Who in this loft has been to a single Coachella, 416 00:14:40,370 --> 00:14:41,956 let alone six of them? 417 00:14:41,980 --> 00:14:43,956 Don't tell Cece that we talked. 418 00:14:43,980 --> 00:14:45,726 She doesn't want me getting involved. 419 00:14:45,750 --> 00:14:47,356 Of course she does, she just didn't think 420 00:14:47,380 --> 00:14:48,996 you were into the idea, okay? 421 00:14:49,020 --> 00:14:50,380 She really values your opinion. 422 00:14:54,420 --> 00:14:56,036 What if you guys had a r... 423 00:14:56,060 --> 00:14:58,036 a r-real talk? 424 00:14:58,060 --> 00:15:00,466 You know, outside of the bar. 425 00:15:00,490 --> 00:15:01,876 All right. 426 00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:04,476 We'll talk, just the two of us, outside the bar. 427 00:15:04,500 --> 00:15:05,576 I'm proud of you, Nick. 428 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,576 Just make sure she makes her case 429 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:09,576 about facts and figures. 430 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,216 And no more of this, "Come on, Nick, 431 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:12,746 it tastes so yummy" crap. 432 00:15:12,770 --> 00:15:14,110 New teams! 433 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:20,826 ♪ I want to do something freaky to you... ♪ 434 00:15:20,850 --> 00:15:22,726 No one can resist 435 00:15:22,750 --> 00:15:24,826 my "Get Frisky" playlist, guys. 436 00:15:24,850 --> 00:15:27,226 Just give in. 437 00:15:27,250 --> 00:15:28,236 Give in. 438 00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:29,496 I support it. 439 00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:32,706 "To whom it may concern." 440 00:15:32,730 --> 00:15:34,006 - That's good. - I like that. 441 00:15:34,030 --> 00:15:37,236 Wait a minute, is your e-mail address owwMeSoErnie@coolidge? 442 00:15:37,260 --> 00:15:39,076 - Still? - Yeah, man. Picked it in college. 443 00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:42,116 It's just gonna follow me from job to job, ISP to ISP. 444 00:15:42,140 --> 00:15:44,216 We've been everywhere together, brotha. 445 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:46,046 - Never done .org or a .gov. - Oh. 446 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,546 - I would never do that. - Right. 447 00:15:47,570 --> 00:15:48,556 But every other damn domain. 448 00:15:48,580 --> 00:15:50,516 You can't e-mail a girl like May 449 00:15:50,540 --> 00:15:53,286 from an e-mail address like owwMeSoErnie. 450 00:15:53,310 --> 00:15:56,226 Although, you did got a job at a school, so, what do I know? 451 00:15:56,250 --> 00:15:59,696 I must really like this girl, huh? 452 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:01,636 Okay, it says here, 453 00:16:01,660 --> 00:16:04,266 we need "a murder of peppercorn," and a... 454 00:16:04,290 --> 00:16:06,636 and "some of that flat Jew bread"? 455 00:16:06,660 --> 00:16:10,106 Miller family! 456 00:16:10,130 --> 00:16:11,400 Murder is over there. 457 00:16:15,670 --> 00:16:17,946 it could be something really beautiful, 458 00:16:17,970 --> 00:16:19,886 and you-you won't know unless you try. 459 00:16:19,910 --> 00:16:21,956 Okay! Jess! 460 00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:24,086 You don't have to trap me in your room. 461 00:16:24,110 --> 00:16:28,056 We will, on a trial basis, rent a popcorn machine. 462 00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:30,096 Okay? 463 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,836 Something's wrong with my Sauce. 464 00:16:34,860 --> 00:16:36,066 My Sauce! 465 00:16:36,090 --> 00:16:38,266 Hey. 466 00:16:38,290 --> 00:16:39,406 Hey. 467 00:16:39,430 --> 00:16:41,736 - You...? - I... 468 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:44,676 With him? 469 00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:46,746 Winston. 470 00:16:46,770 --> 00:16:48,570 Wh-Where'd it go? 471 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,086 How long has this been unstirred?! 472 00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:52,746 40 seconds. 45 tops. 473 00:16:52,770 --> 00:16:53,870 Is it 40 or 45? 474 00:16:58,380 --> 00:16:59,656 Spider! 475 00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:02,096 - Schmidt! Schmidt! - Whoa! 476 00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:03,796 - Come on, man! - No! Aah! 477 00:17:03,820 --> 00:17:05,196 Hey! Hey! 478 00:17:05,220 --> 00:17:06,696 - Hey, it's gone. - Get him! 479 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:07,996 It's gone. It's gone. It's gone. It can't hurt you. 480 00:17:08,020 --> 00:17:09,666 - It can't hurt you. - Where is... where is the body?! 481 00:17:09,690 --> 00:17:11,506 He was headed straight for The Sauce! 482 00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:13,266 Can you imagine how powerful that spider would've become 483 00:17:13,290 --> 00:17:14,690 had he entered my Sauce? 484 00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:18,206 - Did I break it? - You sent all 15 drafts 485 00:17:18,230 --> 00:17:19,876 of my e-mail to May. 486 00:17:19,900 --> 00:17:22,116 She's gonna think I'm crazy. 487 00:17:22,140 --> 00:17:23,346 Way I see it, 488 00:17:23,370 --> 00:17:25,046 we got two options. 489 00:17:25,070 --> 00:17:26,686 All right, well, what are the two options, man? 490 00:17:26,710 --> 00:17:28,716 I mean, you know, just, you got to just dive in, you know? 491 00:17:28,740 --> 00:17:31,126 No, you don't have any options. I don't have any options. 492 00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:33,056 - Sometimes you don't have to talk. - I'm really sorry, Coach. 493 00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:34,826 I-I'll make it up to you. 494 00:17:34,850 --> 00:17:37,726 But the good news is, is we got that spider, huh? 495 00:17:37,750 --> 00:17:39,820 Don't have to worry about that thing anymore. 496 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:45,166 What? What are you guys trying to tell me? 497 00:17:45,190 --> 00:17:47,036 So, it is Schmidt? 498 00:17:47,060 --> 00:17:49,830 Yeah. 499 00:17:55,170 --> 00:17:58,046 - I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but... - No, it's okay. It's okay. 500 00:17:58,070 --> 00:17:59,816 Look, I promise I won't tell him. 501 00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:01,186 - Nobody's gonna tell him. - Okay. 502 00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:02,586 Hey, somebody tell him. 503 00:18:02,610 --> 00:18:04,326 You tell him, but easy. 504 00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:06,226 - Tell him. I don't want to tell him, dude. You tell him. 505 00:18:06,250 --> 00:18:07,486 We're all his best friends. Tell him. 506 00:18:07,510 --> 00:18:08,756 I think I'm pretty good with it now. 507 00:18:08,780 --> 00:18:09,926 Hey, Schmidt, I... 508 00:18:09,950 --> 00:18:10,896 - I mean, spiders and all. - Tell him! 509 00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:12,066 I don't want to tell him. 510 00:18:12,090 --> 00:18:13,166 Somebody just tell him! 511 00:18:13,190 --> 00:18:15,096 Guys, just tell me. 512 00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:17,396 - You're being so dramatic right now. - You have a spider on your face. 513 00:18:17,420 --> 00:18:18,690 What are you talking about? 514 00:18:26,197 --> 00:18:29,006 I touched it! 515 00:18:29,030 --> 00:18:30,336 - Get it off! - Okay. - Oh! 516 00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:31,706 Don't touch me! 517 00:18:31,730 --> 00:18:33,676 Don't touch me! Get it off! Get it off of me! 518 00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:36,076 Get it away from me! Get it off! 519 00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:37,376 - Get it off! - Hey, hey, the spider. 520 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:38,616 Get it off! Don't touch! 521 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:40,846 - Hello. - Don't touch! Get it off of me! 522 00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:42,286 Get it...! 523 00:18:42,310 --> 00:18:43,346 Schmidt. 524 00:18:43,370 --> 00:18:44,756 - Hold still. - Aah! 525 00:18:44,780 --> 00:18:46,956 - Oh! Oh! - Oh... 526 00:18:46,980 --> 00:18:48,010 Ah! 527 00:18:49,050 --> 00:18:51,596 What's up now, spider? 528 00:18:51,620 --> 00:18:53,056 Vote Moscato! 529 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,526 Well, it can't hear you. 530 00:18:55,550 --> 00:18:57,196 But, seriously, vote Moscato. 531 00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:59,036 So, that guy, huh? 532 00:18:59,060 --> 00:19:00,436 Yeah. Can you blame me? 533 00:19:00,460 --> 00:19:02,366 He's perfect. 534 00:19:02,390 --> 00:19:03,776 - And when is dinner? - Is it, um...? 535 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:05,706 - The Sauce! Sauce. - The Sauce. 536 00:19:05,730 --> 00:19:07,246 - Yeah. 'Cause Fawn's hungry. My e-mails. 537 00:19:07,270 --> 00:19:09,246 I'm about to pick you up with a tissue like you wouldn't believe! 538 00:19:09,270 --> 00:19:10,576 So, what's the plan? 539 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:11,916 Jess. I'm gonna pick you up 540 00:19:11,940 --> 00:19:12,976 with a tissue so hard! 541 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:14,386 He's happy. He has a girlfriend. 542 00:19:14,410 --> 00:19:15,786 Yeah, spi-spider! 543 00:19:15,810 --> 00:19:17,616 I know, but it's you, 544 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:19,756 and Fawn kind of scares me. 545 00:19:19,780 --> 00:19:22,386 Let this be a warning to all your other little, uh, 546 00:19:22,410 --> 00:19:24,826 spider friends hiding out, too. 547 00:19:24,850 --> 00:19:26,926 I know that would do anything for anybody, 548 00:19:26,950 --> 00:19:29,366 but right now, I just need you to... 549 00:19:29,390 --> 00:19:32,536 be there for me and hold my hand, okay? 550 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:33,906 That's all. 551 00:19:33,930 --> 00:19:35,766 Little half-insects, half-lobsters. 552 00:19:35,790 --> 00:19:37,676 Ah... 553 00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:40,006 I really want to do something. 554 00:19:40,030 --> 00:19:43,006 Don't go up the spout if you can't handle the rain, s-spider! 555 00:19:43,030 --> 00:19:44,676 Okay, well, you've done it. 556 00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:46,116 The perfect burn of the dead bug. 557 00:19:46,140 --> 00:19:48,810 - Yeah, that's right. - Now stop. : Okay. 558 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:52,316 The Sauce is shockingly great. 559 00:19:52,340 --> 00:19:53,586 This tastes 560 00:19:53,610 --> 00:19:57,496 like the inside of a bear, 561 00:19:57,520 --> 00:20:00,056 and that is a compliment, my friend. 562 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:01,366 All right. 563 00:20:01,390 --> 00:20:02,690 I... Oh. 564 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:06,290 Oh. May responded to my e-mails. 565 00:20:07,330 --> 00:20:10,536 "I appreciate how much effort you put into these. 566 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:12,476 I'd love to go out." 567 00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:13,476 - Hey. - Great. 568 00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:14,446 All right. 569 00:20:14,470 --> 00:20:16,106 - There you go. - Yeah! 570 00:20:16,130 --> 00:20:17,016 Uh, you're welcome. 571 00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:18,700 This is great guys, right? 572 00:20:19,740 --> 00:20:21,486 - To Fawn. - Oh. 573 00:20:21,510 --> 00:20:22,816 A woman who likes me 574 00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:24,216 not in spite, 575 00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,816 but because of my flaws. 576 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:27,680 I do like you. 577 00:20:28,580 --> 00:20:30,250 But I hate your flaws. 578 00:20:31,180 --> 00:20:32,726 And to all my friends. 579 00:20:32,750 --> 00:20:35,650 In the spiderhunt of life... 580 00:20:39,690 --> 00:20:41,566 I sure am glad that we're a team of six. 581 00:20:41,590 --> 00:20:42,906 - Cheers! - Hey! Hey! 582 00:20:42,930 --> 00:20:43,876 To those who... 583 00:20:43,900 --> 00:20:45,306 Okay. No, that's good. 584 00:20:45,330 --> 00:20:47,060 - And thank you. - Thank you. Thank you. 585 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:02,356 All right, here we go. 586 00:21:02,380 --> 00:21:04,010 - Ow. - Oh. 587 00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:15,560 Yeah, sweep the leg, Johnny. 588 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,000 ☯Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17☯ ❃www.addic7ed.com❃ 589 00:21:24,970 --> 00:21:26,020 Oh, God. 590 00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:28,230 All right. 591 00:21:29,790 --> 00:21:31,210 Get off of me.