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00:00:00,750 --> 00:00:04,490
Friends, ex-girlfriend,
Winston, months ago I warned you

2
00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:05,920
that winter was coming.

3
00:00:05,950 --> 00:00:07,360
And for the cold and
wretched days ahead,

4
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I stressed our need to take lovers

5
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- and take them quickly.
- Your head is huge.

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Your hat's

7
00:00:12,590 --> 00:00:14,030
the size of a garbage can.

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00:00:14,060 --> 00:00:16,230
You look great in
that hat, man. What a hunk.

9
00:00:16,260 --> 00:00:17,930
You look like Jewish Pharrell.

10
00:00:17,970 --> 00:00:19,600
Th-Thank you very much.
I appreciate it. Okay,

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00:00:19,630 --> 00:00:21,200
now, winter is now here.

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00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:23,600
And I vow that we will not miss

13
00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:26,725
our final opportunity for sexual
realization in 2014.

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00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:28,740
Did you steal my belt buckle,
you Silly Billy?

15
00:00:28,780 --> 00:00:29,780
Enough out of you, Winston!

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00:00:29,810 --> 00:00:31,510
Silly Billy? Dude.

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If you unzipped your face and
an old white woman popped out,

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I would not be shocked.

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00:00:35,250 --> 00:00:36,720
- Really?
- No.

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00:00:36,750 --> 00:00:38,250
- I would.
- I would be very surprised.

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That is why this year we will not

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00:00:40,060 --> 00:00:41,690
be celebrating Thanksgiving.

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00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:43,920
Instead, we will be celebrating...

24
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:45,960
Remember last Thanksgiving
when I almost died?

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00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:50,970
Bangsgiving! We'll be
celebrating Bangsgiving!

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00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,970
Why can't you let me just
have this, you guys? Please.

27
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Okay. You've been talking about
this for, like, a week, Schmidt.

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00:00:56,740 --> 00:00:58,570
We get it. Let's just
pick names already. Jess,

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I can't believe that
you are into Bangsgiving.

30
00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:03,210
I just want to meet a guy
so I can forget about Ryan.

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- Just date him, Jess.
- 'Cause I'm his boss,

32
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and it's against the
rules for me to date him.

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00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:07,980
Just date him. It's a dumb rule.

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- It's against the rules.
- Take the hat.

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00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:12,420
- Oh.
- Now, whosever name you pick, that's who

36
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you'll be bringing a date for.

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And no date leaves
until everyone is laid.

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I just want to meet a nice fella.

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Can I have permission to send them home

40
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- without sex?
- No, you do not.

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00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:21,660
I think everybody's date
should be able to leave.

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00:01:21,700 --> 00:01:22,700
Yeah, your plan

43
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sounds a little kidnappy.

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What's the rule on that, Winston?

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Eh, gray area. We're good.

46
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Winston is in. My man.
And, okay, nobody say

47
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who you picked. It'll ruin the surprise.

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Oh, crap. You picked me.

49
00:01:36,110 --> 00:01:38,350
- No! How'd you know?
- And now

50
00:01:38,380 --> 00:01:39,950
you're gonna set me up
with you, aren't you?

51
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Cece, I-I know that this holiday

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is a bittersweet memory for your people,

53
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- Wrong kind of Indian.
- but, please, do not take that out on me.

54
00:01:44,850 --> 00:01:46,490
Okay, well, I picked you,
too, so I want to re-pick.

55
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No re-picking. And no more telling.

56
00:01:47,820 --> 00:01:50,760
So, listen up, uh,
for whoever picked me,

57
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I just want you to know that I
have really gotten into feet lately,

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- so do with that what you will.
- No one do anything with that.

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- Can I just say no mustaches?
- I'd like someone tall.

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- She's got to have an ass.
- Can I just reiterate the whole feet thing?

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I want to say who I picked so bad.

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I'm looking for a fake redhead.
With a medium-sized neck.

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I just want to be slapped around.

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Synced and corrected by backinblack
www.addic7ed.com

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00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:19,290
So, Pearl, I told Winston
that you work at my school.

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And, um, Winston is
about to become a cop,

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which you've probably
already gathered from the fact

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that he pinned his
badge to his sport coat.

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What?

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00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:29,830
How did that get there?

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Let me freshen your drink.

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Excuse me a second.

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Hey, Coach. Coach.

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00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:36,670
Look at what Jess brought me.

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Oh, Pearl? Yeah, she's great, man.

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Hey, come here. You got
something on your face.

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- Really? What is it?
- It's, like, right...

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What were you thinking,
bringing me that girl

79
00:02:42,340 --> 00:02:43,340
from the police academy?

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00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:44,380
What's wrong with Pepper?

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00:02:44,380 --> 00:02:45,710
Allow me...

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00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:47,520
Arms!

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00:02:47,550 --> 00:02:49,680
She's jacked, dude.
You should've warned me

84
00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:51,720
you were setting me up with one
of the Guardians of the Galaxy.

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00:02:51,750 --> 00:02:53,520
I'm sure she's not that bad.

86
00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:55,360
Whoa.

87
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Where was she when I
was cracking walnuts for the stuffing?

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Look, she's fantastic. She's beautiful.

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You're gonna love her.

90
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:01,360
Now, if you jerks

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00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:02,760
will excuse me, this Bishop's

92
00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:04,500
got to capture himself a queen.

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She's doing push-ups.

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For your lady.

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Thank you. Thank you very much, Jess.

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Pearl, she's... Yeah, she's great.

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What grade does she teach?

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00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:14,450
Oh, she doesn't teach.
She's the lunch lady.

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00:03:16,650 --> 00:03:19,610
- You said the lunch lady?
- Yeah.

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00:03:19,650 --> 00:03:23,050
So where exactly is this "date" of mine?

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00:03:23,090 --> 00:03:25,720
All right, I invited
Lucy, like you asked.

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Your date's name is Geoff

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and he will be here. By the way,

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he spells Geoff with a "G," so
you know he comes from money.

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00:03:31,330 --> 00:03:32,760
Well, I think the real difference is

106
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crocodiles are man-eaters

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- and alligators...
- What in the bloody hell?

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00:03:37,470 --> 00:03:41,370
Uh, hey, Nick. What is Tran doing here?

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Oh, well, I picked my own name.

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So you said to bring somebody.
So I thought it'd be weird

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if I didn't bring someone.
So I just brought Tran.

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You brought an old
Asian man to my sex party

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so it wouldn't be weird?

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Relax. He didn't come empty-handed.

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He brought a game. It's
like Thailand Monopoly.

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Yeah, all the squares are jail
except for one piece of property

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which we all have to
fight each other for.

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But don't get caught in
the Red Light District.

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- This isn't a freaking game night, Nick.
- Okay, chill out.

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You... You're making a mockery
of this holiday and you know it.

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I didn't mean to make fun of Thailand,

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if that's where you're from even.

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00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,400
- Hey.
- Lucy.

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- It's so good to see you.
- How are you?

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- Oh, I'm great.
- Lucy? Lucy's here with Schmidt?

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Where's my set-up, already?
I'm looking at the menu,

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and I see a lot of skirt but no steak.

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I think that Coach
picked you, so watch out.

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'Cause I'm sure he's gonna
bring one of his clients

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or weird, like, gym buddies.

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Ryan.

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00:04:31,850 --> 00:04:33,590
- What?
- Ryan. Ryan.

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- Ryan-Ryan?
- He brought Ryan. Oh, God.

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I don't think I can even look at him,

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like, without getting pregnant.

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He just oozes sex.

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Good holiday to you!
I've come with biscuits!

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00:04:47,970 --> 00:04:49,700
Hey, hey, hey, Schmidt, Lucy?

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00:04:49,875 --> 00:04:51,550
- I-I used to date Lucy.
- Oh, I know, bro.

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I met her that day
you gave me the pass to your gym.

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00:04:54,510 --> 00:04:56,380
Hey, do you have any snacks?!

142
00:04:58,210 --> 00:04:59,980
Yeah, you blew her off. I didn't
think it would be a problem.

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00:05:00,020 --> 00:05:01,380
Oh, it's a problem. I'm
telling you it's a problem.

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00:05:01,420 --> 00:05:02,480
And I forbid you from dating her,

145
00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,290
so... cut it off.

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00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:07,960
- Grounds?
- The statute of limitation hasn't expired.

147
00:05:07,990 --> 00:05:09,360
You dated her three years ago

148
00:05:09,390 --> 00:05:10,860
for, like, two and a half months.

149
00:05:10,890 --> 00:05:13,190
The statute is very
specific. 1,000 showers.

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00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:14,960
After that, no claim. And if you think

151
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,730
I've showered 1,000 times
in the past three years,

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00:05:17,770 --> 00:05:19,470
then you're out of your mind.

153
00:05:19,500 --> 00:05:21,900
Did you ever spend more than
$65 on her, not including tip?

154
00:05:21,900 --> 00:05:23,200
It's tough.
There were a lot of coupons involved.

155
00:05:23,300 --> 00:05:24,250
Did you ever watch her dog?

156
00:05:24,375 --> 00:05:25,810
Trick question: she had
fish and I killed them.

157
00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:26,670
You ever get her a gift?

158
00:05:26,710 --> 00:05:28,340
Every time we had sex.

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00:05:28,380 --> 00:05:30,980
- No claim.
- No claim?

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00:05:31,010 --> 00:05:32,550
Hi, Nick. It's been a long time.

161
00:05:32,580 --> 00:05:35,180
Lucille. Great to see you.

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00:05:35,220 --> 00:05:38,490
Do you still like to eat, uh... popcorn?

163
00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:41,420
- I guess so.
- Oh, you see that? I know her foods.

164
00:05:41,460 --> 00:05:43,690
You must have spoiled her, huh?

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00:05:43,730 --> 00:05:46,090
You know, if you'll excuse us,
I'm gonna give Lucy the tour.

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00:05:46,090 --> 00:05:47,360
Come on, Lucy.

167
00:05:48,730 --> 00:05:51,900
I'm calling my penis "the tour."

168
00:05:51,930 --> 00:05:54,340
My tour's more satisfying.

169
00:05:54,370 --> 00:05:57,710
His is all about him.
Mine's about you sometimes.

170
00:05:57,740 --> 00:05:59,040
Hi.

171
00:05:59,070 --> 00:06:01,040
Hi. Uh, thanks for inviting me tonight.

172
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:03,380
I-I didn't realize this
was a singles party.

173
00:06:03,410 --> 00:06:05,210
Oh. No. Uh, s-sorry.

174
00:06:05,250 --> 00:06:07,775
Did Coach say that with
a Sean Connery accent?

175
00:06:07,850 --> 00:06:09,975
Did he say "shingles"?
'Cause he was...

176
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:13,175
He actually meant shingles.
Like the... Like...

177
00:06:13,250 --> 00:06:15,975
The... Everybody here is a roofer.

178
00:06:21,225 --> 00:06:24,175
Look, the last time I saw you,
I kissed you.

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00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:26,825
I know that.
We both know that.

180
00:06:26,900 --> 00:06:30,250
But this can't happen.
Are we attracted to each other? Yes!

181
00:06:30,375 --> 00:06:32,000
Do I sing Oasis songs to myself,

182
00:06:32,150 --> 00:06:34,675
and pretend that they were
inspired by your love for me? I do.

183
00:06:34,750 --> 00:06:36,925
But my job is to enforce the rules.

184
00:06:37,075 --> 00:06:40,650
And I love my job, and I worked hard
to get it. So this cannot happen.

185
00:06:40,725 --> 00:06:43,775
Is that why you locked me in your bedroom,
and undone the top button of your dress?

186
00:06:43,875 --> 00:06:45,600
I didn't undo the top...

187
00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:49,825
Well, I did...

188
00:06:50,950 --> 00:06:53,975
But that was an accident.
That wasn't for you.

189
00:06:54,700 --> 00:06:55,875
It was for me.

190
00:06:58,375 --> 00:07:00,975
I just need to know
that you will respect the rules

191
00:07:01,450 --> 00:07:04,450
- and that this will go no further.
- I'll do my best.

192
00:07:06,575 --> 00:07:07,725
Looks like you missed a few.

193
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:09,850
What?

194
00:07:10,350 --> 00:07:13,275
Okay, I summoned everyone to the roof
because Bangsgiving is in peril.

195
00:07:13,380 --> 00:07:15,020
All of you are focusing on things

196
00:07:15,050 --> 00:07:16,620
that have nothing to
do with getting laid.

197
00:07:16,650 --> 00:07:18,820
Let us please not repeat
the mistakes that we made

198
00:07:18,860 --> 00:07:20,560
at my Eight Nights of Hump-akah party.

199
00:07:20,590 --> 00:07:23,060
Now, what is the freakin' problem?

200
00:07:23,090 --> 00:07:24,990
Coach did the opposite of what I asked.

201
00:07:25,030 --> 00:07:26,800
Come on, Jess, you guys
would be great together.

202
00:07:26,830 --> 00:07:28,900
It's a dumb rule, all right? Dumb rule.

203
00:07:28,930 --> 00:07:30,330
At least he turns you on.
Pepper makes my ding-dong

204
00:07:30,370 --> 00:07:32,070
and my ping-pongs go into my body.

205
00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:33,800
Can somebody help me with this keg?

206
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:36,040
- Yeah, sure.
- Pepper's got it.

207
00:07:39,780 --> 00:07:41,925
What if she doesn't know her own strength
down there, and she mushes it, or,

208
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,625
- Be a nightmare.
- like, rips it off

209
00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:45,580
and throws it across
the room like a hot dog?

210
00:07:45,620 --> 00:07:47,750
That's nothing. Jess
brought me a hot lunch lady.

211
00:07:47,780 --> 00:07:49,750
What am I supposed to do with that?

212
00:07:49,790 --> 00:07:51,850
Do sex with the lunch lady.

213
00:07:51,890 --> 00:07:53,260
- Wait.
- That's obvious. I have a real...

214
00:07:53,290 --> 00:07:55,090
I know how it sounds.
I know how it sounds,

215
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:57,390
- but she's a... like, a real lunch lady.
- That's hot.

216
00:07:57,430 --> 00:07:59,160
- A woman that's willing, ready and able...
- That's not an issue.

217
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,000
After she has sex with you,
she can put food in your mouth.

218
00:08:01,030 --> 00:08:02,560
That's not a problem at all.
I do have a real problem.

219
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:05,170
Schmidt is trying to sleep with
a woman I've already slept with.

220
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:08,670
Well, at least he has a date,
because mine never showed up.

221
00:08:08,710 --> 00:08:10,570
Geoff is coming! Apparently,
a wild peacock got loose

222
00:08:10,610 --> 00:08:12,250
on the freeway, and
is holding up traffic.

223
00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:14,880
Now, you guys, we
have guests downstairs.

224
00:08:14,910 --> 00:08:18,550
And if we don't get back to them
soon, they're gonna get spooked.

225
00:08:20,950 --> 00:08:24,150
Um, so, have you always
been from England?

226
00:08:26,060 --> 00:08:27,420
I'm not going downstairs

227
00:08:27,460 --> 00:08:28,860
until Schmidt agrees
to not sleep with Lucy.

228
00:08:28,890 --> 00:08:30,360
Okay, yeah, sure. Never!

229
00:08:30,390 --> 00:08:32,060
According to the statute,

230
00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:34,460
if you two can't agree,
we take it to a vote.

231
00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:36,530
The winner gets the girl, the loser

232
00:08:36,570 --> 00:08:38,200
gets five grilled cheese sandwiches.

233
00:08:38,230 --> 00:08:39,370
- I'll agree to that.
- Let's do it.

234
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,200
All right, all those in favor

235
00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:44,110
of Schmidt not sleeping with
Lucy, raise your hand now.

236
00:08:44,140 --> 00:08:45,040
- I don't care.
- Couldn't care less.

237
00:08:45,070 --> 00:08:45,970
Raise 'em up.

238
00:08:46,010 --> 00:08:48,280
Put 'em up.

239
00:08:48,310 --> 00:08:50,110
Huzzah! Warning: tonight
things will get loud with Lucy.

240
00:08:50,150 --> 00:08:52,480
But don't worry. I'll have
her jam a sock in my mouth

241
00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:53,980
right before I see angels.

242
00:08:54,020 --> 00:08:56,720
- Okay, guys, what about me?
- Get your own sock.

243
00:08:56,750 --> 00:08:58,720
No. What am I gonna do about Ryan?

244
00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:00,390
Just have sex with him.

245
00:09:00,420 --> 00:09:02,260
Look, bang one out, get
it out of your system.

246
00:09:02,290 --> 00:09:04,060
- I don't do that.
- You should do that.

247
00:09:04,090 --> 00:09:05,560
- You should bang one out.
- Yeah, makes the most sense.

248
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,260
- What?! - Nothing else has
worked, okay, and the best way

249
00:09:07,300 --> 00:09:09,900
to get over a crush is just
to do something about it.

250
00:09:09,930 --> 00:09:13,400
- I don't know. - Plus, he's British, so
you know the sex will be weirdly polite.

251
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:15,970
Do you mind if I finish now?

252
00:09:16,010 --> 00:09:17,740
He doesn't sound like Oliver Twist.

253
00:09:17,770 --> 00:09:19,680
Do you like that? Is that good, eh?

254
00:09:19,710 --> 00:09:22,580
All right. Here we go.

255
00:09:22,610 --> 00:09:24,980
One... really? Two... what?

256
00:09:25,010 --> 00:09:26,750
Do you mind if I do it like that?

257
00:09:26,780 --> 00:09:29,020
Hey, you like it when
I do it like that, eh?

258
00:09:29,050 --> 00:09:30,190
That was spot-on.

259
00:09:30,220 --> 00:09:31,620
All those in favor

260
00:09:31,650 --> 00:09:33,570
of Jess doing Ryan, raise your hand.

261
00:09:41,460 --> 00:09:43,130
Oh, he's trying to mess with me?

262
00:09:43,170 --> 00:09:45,470
Here I go.

263
00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:50,270
Cecilia.

264
00:09:50,310 --> 00:09:51,940
No, you cannot have my beer.

265
00:09:53,380 --> 00:09:54,710
You think I'm going after the beer.

266
00:09:54,740 --> 00:09:56,140
- You okay?
- Mm.

267
00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:58,180
Okay, great.

268
00:10:10,330 --> 00:10:12,230
Happy Bangsgiving.

269
00:10:12,260 --> 00:10:14,060
Close the door.

270
00:10:15,330 --> 00:10:17,900
Oh, my God.

271
00:10:17,930 --> 00:10:20,370
Is there nothing underneath that apron?

272
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:24,010
Just a little white meat
looking for some gravy.

273
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,210
That probably wasn't very sexy.
I shouldn't have said that!

274
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:29,310
No, it was very becoming.

275
00:10:29,350 --> 00:10:32,250
I'm totally confused
about these oven mitts.

276
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:35,250
How else am I supposed to take
a hot dish out of the oven?

277
00:10:35,290 --> 00:10:37,390
These mitts were a bad idea.

278
00:10:37,420 --> 00:10:42,420
What, uh, got you in the-the,
uh, holiday, uh, sp-spirit?

279
00:10:42,460 --> 00:10:45,090
Well, I like you, you like me.

280
00:10:45,130 --> 00:10:48,660
Why don't we just... bang
one out of our system?

281
00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:51,000
Bang one out of our system?

282
00:10:51,030 --> 00:10:54,000
It sounds really bad. I get that.

283
00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:55,540
And I hear it now, it sounds awful.

284
00:10:55,570 --> 00:10:59,240
But we just bang one out
of our system, and then,

285
00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,840
we can go back to our strictly
professional relationship,

286
00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:04,510
and I can stop thinking about
you all the time, which I do.

287
00:11:04,550 --> 00:11:06,350
I didn't come here to bang one out.

288
00:11:06,380 --> 00:11:07,950
Well, you know what I mean.

289
00:11:07,980 --> 00:11:09,220
- Look...
- I care about you.

290
00:11:09,250 --> 00:11:10,750
- Well...
- Jess, I'm crazy about you.

291
00:11:10,790 --> 00:11:13,120
Ryan, look. Oh, God,
it's so complicated.

292
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:15,240
Can I just put some pants
on when we talk about this?

293
00:11:15,260 --> 00:11:16,730
It is complicated.

294
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,290
This would have been worth it.

295
00:11:19,330 --> 00:11:21,130
Oh, God. Ryan. Ryan!

296
00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:22,560
Oh, God!

297
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:23,970
Oh! Yeah!

298
00:11:26,140 --> 00:11:28,800
Oh, no!

299
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:31,410
Freaking Bangsgiving.

300
00:11:32,610 --> 00:11:35,080
No, I actually put those
in there myself.

301
00:11:36,750 --> 00:11:38,280
I'll tell you, I wouldn't
eat asparagus though.

302
00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:39,520
It makes your pee smell.

303
00:11:39,550 --> 00:11:40,830
Mmm.

304
00:11:42,890 --> 00:11:45,730
Hey, Cece, I got that $20 I owe you.

305
00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:48,090
It's, uh... it's in my bedroom.

306
00:11:48,130 --> 00:11:50,530
Okay.

307
00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:52,570
Yeah, it's right this way.

308
00:11:56,970 --> 00:12:00,240
You're really sexy for a Jew.

309
00:12:00,270 --> 00:12:02,680
Not now, woman!

310
00:12:02,710 --> 00:12:04,680
Wait. What?

311
00:12:04,710 --> 00:12:07,010
Who needs men? You don't need a man.

312
00:12:07,050 --> 00:12:09,250
- You can lift your own furniture.
- Hey, Pepper.

313
00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:12,500
- Oh, God.
- Oh, my God, are you okay?

314
00:12:12,575 --> 00:12:14,550
I am so sorry.
You approached my blind spot.

315
00:12:15,825 --> 00:12:17,625
Your money is in her somewhere.
Let me just find it.

316
00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:18,750
Great.

317
00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:21,300
- Oh!
- What's the matter? Did you hurt yourself?

318
00:12:21,375 --> 00:12:24,800
No, it's just not there.
Let me... Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh...

319
00:12:24,900 --> 00:12:27,100
Ooh, ohh, that feels so good!

320
00:12:27,175 --> 00:12:28,925
When I'm looking for your money,
it feels so good.

321
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:31,575
I love that!

322
00:12:31,700 --> 00:12:35,500
You nasty woman! Cause you
are making me give the money to you.

323
00:12:35,575 --> 00:12:37,825
Oh, Cece, you love this!

324
00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:40,100
- Getting your money.
- What exactly are you doing right now?

325
00:12:40,225 --> 00:12:42,325
- Getting your money.
- You are definitely not getting my money,

326
00:12:42,375 --> 00:12:43,950
in no world you have my money.

327
00:12:44,825 --> 00:12:47,900
I was flirting with you to give Schmidt
a taste of his own medicine,

328
00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:51,075
okay, and it's a huge mistake and insulting
to everyone involved, and I'm sorry.

329
00:12:51,150 --> 00:12:53,400
Yeah, and also
he would never fall for that,

330
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:54,550
at all, okay...

331
00:12:54,850 --> 00:12:57,350
- You are a dead man Miller!
- Don't, don't.

332
00:12:57,475 --> 00:13:00,375
- I'll choke you to dead.
- I'll choke you to...

333
00:13:00,425 --> 00:13:02,700
Barely fighting.
Schmidt, nothing was going on.

334
00:13:02,825 --> 00:13:05,125
- He was just trying to make you jealous.
- Please, I know that!

335
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,650
He would never hit on you.

336
00:13:06,925 --> 00:13:08,750
- You are on my Never List.
- I know she...

337
00:13:08,850 --> 00:13:11,250
Whoa! Whoa!
What are you doing?

338
00:13:11,325 --> 00:13:13,500
You pissed me for bringing Lucy,
and you bring Tran as a date?

339
00:13:13,575 --> 00:13:15,925
Leave Tran out of this,
he fought in Korea.

340
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:17,850
I don't know which side,
but I know he is a war hero.

341
00:13:17,925 --> 00:13:19,600
You couldn't find one of those
drunk girls at the bar?

342
00:13:19,725 --> 00:13:22,275
The ones with no family or friends.
That's your sweet spot, man.

343
00:13:22,325 --> 00:13:24,650
- I know, I could have. I didn't want to.
- Why not?

344
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:29,075
What kind of women have you been
sleeping since you and Jess broke up?

345
00:13:31,125 --> 00:13:33,750
- Terrible ones.
- And how does that make you feel?

346
00:13:33,975 --> 00:13:34,900
Terrible.

347
00:13:35,450 --> 00:13:38,825
- Then reaaly good.
- Expected, expected.

348
00:13:38,925 --> 00:13:41,075
- There you go.
- And then immediately after terrible.

349
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:43,200
Just gonna put this out there,
but I think you'd probably

350
00:13:43,275 --> 00:13:46,525
rather like to sleep with someone
who doesn't make you feel terrible,

351
00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:49,550
but, you're just a little
afraid of getting hurt again.

352
00:13:51,175 --> 00:13:52,425
Nah, it didn't sound right.

353
00:13:55,625 --> 00:13:58,475
You know, growing up
we had this lunch lady named Miss Wheaton.

354
00:13:58,625 --> 00:14:01,675
One day, I cut in line,
so I can get actual tater tots.

355
00:14:01,775 --> 00:14:04,775
And as punishment,
she made me eat the entire tray.

356
00:14:05,075 --> 00:14:06,125
In front of her.

357
00:14:06,575 --> 00:14:09,250
While she's stared at me,
for a long period of time.

358
00:14:09,550 --> 00:14:12,275
And I'm not sure if you know
how hard that is for a growing boy.

359
00:14:13,050 --> 00:14:14,425
- How old were you?
- I was 18.

360
00:14:16,425 --> 00:14:19,500
If it helps,
we're called lunch monitor now.

361
00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:21,725
No one says lunch lady anymore.

362
00:14:21,775 --> 00:14:26,375
Kind of like how you can't call
little people "shrinkies".

363
00:14:26,850 --> 00:14:30,000
Oh, lunch monitor Pearl, I like you.

364
00:14:35,950 --> 00:14:37,300
Excellent form.

365
00:14:38,475 --> 00:14:40,300
You don't have a hard job.

366
00:14:42,325 --> 00:14:45,775
So, I saw your butt earlier.
It's been holding up nicely.

367
00:14:46,025 --> 00:14:47,100
It does the trick.

368
00:14:49,790 --> 00:14:51,760
And I noticed, uh, Ryan left.

369
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:55,500
Yeah. Ugh! It's so embarrassing.

370
00:14:55,530 --> 00:14:57,300
I kind of came onto him,

371
00:14:57,330 --> 00:15:01,370
and he told me he wanted
more than just sex.

372
00:15:01,410 --> 00:15:04,470
He wanted more than sex
and that's a bad thing? How?

373
00:15:04,510 --> 00:15:06,180
Well, look, I'm his boss.

374
00:15:06,210 --> 00:15:08,610
We could get sued,
and I could get fired.

375
00:15:08,650 --> 00:15:10,650
There's a reason it's against the rules.

376
00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:12,180
You gotta br... okay.

377
00:15:12,220 --> 00:15:13,880
Remember when we tried to
watch Ferris Bueller's Day Off?

378
00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:16,790
Okay, I stick by that...
that kid is not a hero.

379
00:15:16,820 --> 00:15:19,060
All he does is break rules.
What's so great about that?

380
00:15:19,090 --> 00:15:21,790
You're taking Rooney's side.
No one takes Rooney's side.

381
00:15:21,830 --> 00:15:23,390
I'm a vice principal...
Rooney is my people.

382
00:15:23,430 --> 00:15:26,000
Ferris hijacks a parade.

383
00:15:26,030 --> 00:15:27,500
That is an act of terror.

384
00:15:27,530 --> 00:15:29,230
You want to know what I
think, 'cause you're not going

385
00:15:29,270 --> 00:15:30,730
- to like it.
- What?

386
00:15:30,770 --> 00:15:32,700
I don't think this is
about breaking rules.

387
00:15:32,740 --> 00:15:34,200
I think Ryan scares you.

388
00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:36,740
You like him, and you're
going to have to put yourself

389
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:39,180
out there again, and that scares you.

390
00:15:39,210 --> 00:15:41,750
But look,

391
00:15:41,780 --> 00:15:44,810
life moves really fast.

392
00:15:44,850 --> 00:15:49,850
And if you don't stop and
look around once in a while,

393
00:15:49,890 --> 00:15:52,490
you just might miss it.

394
00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:54,760
Is that from Ferris Bueller?

395
00:15:54,790 --> 00:15:56,030
- Yes, it is.
- Okay.

396
00:15:56,060 --> 00:15:57,560
- It's a terrific movie.
- All right.

397
00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,230
And I delivered it perfectly.

398
00:15:59,260 --> 00:16:01,030
It was pretty good.

399
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,370
What are you doing here?

400
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,100
You're fired.

401
00:16:09,140 --> 00:16:11,110
Just kidding.

402
00:16:11,140 --> 00:16:13,040
Oh, God.

403
00:16:13,725 --> 00:16:16,175
You left without eating
so I thought, um...

404
00:16:16,275 --> 00:16:18,450
I'd bring you a pie.
Well, most of a pie.

405
00:16:18,500 --> 00:16:20,500
The guys ate some of it. That's a lie.

406
00:16:20,530 --> 00:16:23,200
I ate-I ate-I ate a
piece on the way over.

407
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:24,500
I-I ate two pieces.

408
00:16:24,540 --> 00:16:25,800
Three pieces.

409
00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:27,340
Thank you.

410
00:16:27,370 --> 00:16:28,710
You're welcome.

411
00:16:28,740 --> 00:16:30,910
Would you like to come inside?

412
00:16:30,940 --> 00:16:32,080
No, um, I came here to say something

413
00:16:32,110 --> 00:16:34,480
and that this...

414
00:16:34,510 --> 00:16:36,510
I want more, too.

415
00:16:40,190 --> 00:16:41,390
This dish is empty.

416
00:16:41,420 --> 00:16:44,160
Okay. I ate the whole pie.

417
00:16:44,190 --> 00:16:46,020
Look, I don't know what I'm doing

418
00:16:46,060 --> 00:16:47,360
or where this is going

419
00:16:47,390 --> 00:16:50,430
and I'm scared, but...

420
00:16:50,460 --> 00:16:53,600
it's worth it 'cause it feels big.

421
00:16:53,630 --> 00:16:56,600
And that's why I'm
going to leave right now,

422
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,570
and we're going to take it slow.

423
00:17:06,310 --> 00:17:07,880
Wow.

424
00:17:07,910 --> 00:17:11,080
Well, tonight is Bangsgiving,

425
00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:13,080
and I have to honor
my American traditions.

426
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:15,890
It's my duty as an American...

427
00:17:18,420 --> 00:17:21,730
I think I'm going to stop
being afraid and start dating.

428
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:24,800
You probably knew all along, didn't you?

429
00:17:24,830 --> 00:17:27,970
If only I could meet
a girl like you, Tran.

430
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,200
Your face, your brain...
throw it in a dress.

431
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:32,940
Oh, daddy, I'd be with her forever.

432
00:17:32,970 --> 00:17:34,410
I'm getting off topic.

433
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:37,170
Thanks for the talk.
I feel a lot better.

434
00:17:38,410 --> 00:17:39,940
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

435
00:17:41,180 --> 00:17:43,080
Tran, are these all yours?

436
00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:44,620
Come on, man.

437
00:17:44,650 --> 00:17:46,280
I thought you were
switching to white wine.

438
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:48,290
How do you think you're
going to get home now?

439
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,960
You're not driving, so how
are you going to get home?

440
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:54,890
Hey.

441
00:17:54,930 --> 00:17:57,230
Are you Nick?

442
00:17:57,260 --> 00:18:01,200
You the guy who's obsessed
with my grandfather?

443
00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:04,980
Grandpaps, you ready to go?

444
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:12,980
Hey.

445
00:18:13,010 --> 00:18:16,180
Ah, ah, ha... hey.

446
00:18:16,210 --> 00:18:18,080
I'm taking off. Um...

447
00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:19,750
sorry I body-slammed you

448
00:18:19,790 --> 00:18:21,950
but this doesn't feel
like it's working out

449
00:18:21,990 --> 00:18:23,450
so I don't really
want to waste our time.

450
00:18:23,490 --> 00:18:26,090
Look, Pepper, um...

451
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:27,360
I think you're beautiful,

452
00:18:27,390 --> 00:18:29,460
and very nice.

453
00:18:29,490 --> 00:18:31,100
I just, uh...

454
00:18:31,130 --> 00:18:33,600
You know, I'm not used to...

455
00:18:33,630 --> 00:18:36,170
dating women that are stronger than me.

456
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,370
How do you know that
I'm stronger than you?

457
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,140
Do you want to arm wrestle?

458
00:18:40,170 --> 00:18:41,710
Yeah, like I'm that
insecure that I have to prove

459
00:18:41,740 --> 00:18:44,140
my masculinity by arm wrestling a girl.

460
00:18:44,180 --> 00:18:46,510
Come on.

461
00:18:46,550 --> 00:18:48,050
- Ready?
- Yeah.

462
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:49,550
One, two, three.

463
00:18:55,190 --> 00:18:57,220
Yes! That's how you do it!

464
00:18:57,260 --> 00:19:00,290
That's how it's
uh-uh-uh done!

465
00:19:03,930 --> 00:19:05,300
Thank you for letting me win.

466
00:19:05,330 --> 00:19:07,000
Sure. Anytime.

467
00:19:13,210 --> 00:19:14,510
Well, Lucy left.

468
00:19:14,540 --> 00:19:16,670
Turns out she's a
bit of an anti-Semite.

469
00:19:16,710 --> 00:19:19,140
- Hmm.
- Yeah, looks like we both struck out.

470
00:19:19,180 --> 00:19:20,710
Okay, Schmidt, there is no Geoff.

471
00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:23,710
Come on. But to honest, I'm
kind of glad there isn't.

472
00:19:23,750 --> 00:19:25,020
You know, Thanksgiving should be spent

473
00:19:25,050 --> 00:19:27,050
with the people that you care about.

474
00:19:28,450 --> 00:19:30,050
Let me get you a beer.

475
00:19:30,090 --> 00:19:31,420
By the way...

476
00:19:31,460 --> 00:19:33,360
you're on my Never List, too.

477
00:19:40,530 --> 00:19:42,770
Hi.

478
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:44,340
Are you Cece?

479
00:19:44,370 --> 00:19:46,100
I'm Geoff.

480
00:19:46,140 --> 00:19:47,380
Um, I'm Schmidt's friend.

481
00:19:47,410 --> 00:19:48,570
I'm sorry I'm late.

482
00:19:48,610 --> 00:19:50,680
I hit a peacock on my way here

483
00:19:50,710 --> 00:19:53,710
and then I held it in
my arms until it died.

484
00:19:53,750 --> 00:19:56,880
It was horrible, but
also kind of uplifting.

485
00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:59,450
Um, anyway, I brought creamed spinach.

486
00:20:22,540 --> 00:20:25,180
Yeah!

487
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,180
There's my number. Gr...

488
00:20:31,220 --> 00:20:33,250
Tran! Hey, would you hit that. Maybe...

489
00:20:33,290 --> 00:20:34,890
Yeah.

490
00:21:01,375 --> 00:21:02,250
Ed Rooney.

491
00:21:02,375 --> 00:21:04,910
Ed. This is George Peterson.

492
00:21:05,325 --> 00:21:07,600
How are you today, sir?

493
00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:09,350
It's not him Rooney.

494
00:21:10,300 --> 00:21:13,550
This movie should be called
"The Day Rooney Trying To Do His Job".

495
00:21:15,450 --> 00:21:18,425
Synced and corrected by backinblack
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