1
00:00:20,732 --> 00:00:22,099
Damn, man.
2
00:00:22,134 --> 00:00:23,868
You look tired.
Your eyes are puffy as hell.
3
00:00:23,902 --> 00:00:26,704
I'm unwell, Winston.
(Sighs)
4
00:00:26,738 --> 00:00:29,273
I'm just torn up about this
whole Cece and Elizabeth thing.
5
00:00:29,307 --> 00:00:31,709
I feel so guilty, I can't even
look at myself in the mirror.
6
00:00:31,743 --> 00:00:33,210
Do you think that I'm good person?
7
00:00:33,245 --> 00:00:35,112
I'm gonna...
8
00:00:35,147 --> 00:00:36,380
Hey, guys, do you guys think
that I'm a good person?
9
00:00:36,415 --> 00:00:37,381
You're a terrible person.
10
00:00:37,416 --> 00:00:40,051
- It's hilarious.
- You cheated on my best friend, Schmidt.
11
00:00:40,085 --> 00:00:43,054
F-Fair enough. Okay.
Well, I'm better than Winston.
12
00:00:43,088 --> 00:00:45,456
You're better at things than Winston,
but he's a better person.
13
00:00:45,490 --> 00:00:47,856
- Winston freakin' stinks!
- Okay, why am I being dragged into this?
14
00:00:47,883 --> 00:00:49,789
Because I'm mad, Winston.
15
00:00:50,287 --> 00:00:52,731
And I'm tired. And...
16
00:00:52,802 --> 00:00:54,306
I'm a good...
17
00:00:54,578 --> 00:00:56,234
I'm a good man.
18
00:00:56,366 --> 00:00:58,042
Are you crying?
19
00:00:58,902 --> 00:01:00,603
(Knocking on door)
20
00:01:03,607 --> 00:01:05,208
I got a package for Nick Miller.
21
00:01:05,242 --> 00:01:07,755
There's nobody here
by that name.
22
00:01:08,212 --> 00:01:10,179
(Whispers):
I got this.
23
00:01:10,214 --> 00:01:12,181
I saw that.
24
00:01:12,216 --> 00:01:13,816
- Run, Nick! Run!
- Aah!
25
00:01:13,851 --> 00:01:15,122
What?
26
00:01:15,157 --> 00:01:17,485
Relax, I'm with your late father's estate.
27
00:01:17,688 --> 00:01:19,222
- Pop-pop?
- This is for him.
28
00:01:22,726 --> 00:01:24,827
What's in there?
29
00:01:24,862 --> 00:01:26,329
It's a hand, isn't it?
Just tell me if it's a hand.
30
00:01:26,363 --> 00:01:27,897
Oh, my God!
31
00:01:27,931 --> 00:01:30,333
- It is a hand.
- It's a... I knew it.
32
00:01:30,367 --> 00:01:32,368
It's a hand.
What does that mean, though?
33
00:01:32,402 --> 00:01:34,737
Full of dollar bills, y'all!
34
00:01:34,771 --> 00:01:36,772
You are rich, man!
35
00:01:36,907 --> 00:01:39,709
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
36
00:01:39,743 --> 00:01:41,210
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
37
00:01:41,245 --> 00:01:42,912
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ It's Jess ♪
38
00:01:43,046 --> 00:01:46,048
I can't believe Nick's dad
left him $8,000.
39
00:01:46,083 --> 00:01:48,551
I've never seen someone
burn through money so fast.
40
00:01:48,585 --> 00:01:50,686
- (Laughs)
- I should say something.
41
00:01:50,721 --> 00:01:52,088
Some of these shoes
aren't even his size.
42
00:01:52,122 --> 00:01:54,857
Look, Jess, you don't want to talk
to Nick about money, okay?
43
00:01:54,892 --> 00:01:57,093
It is a very touchy subject.
44
00:01:57,127 --> 00:01:59,061
I'm gonna check out
this fancy picture place.
45
00:01:59,096 --> 00:02:01,564
Seems like rich guys always have
pictures of themselves.
46
00:02:01,598 --> 00:02:04,667
My man. Do you, baby.
(Chuckles)
47
00:02:04,701 --> 00:02:07,069
I'm gonna be honest with you.
Nick owes me
48
00:02:07,104 --> 00:02:10,339
1,900 bucks, so this here
is my opportunity to get it back.
49
00:02:10,374 --> 00:02:12,375
JESS: How are you expecting
to get your money back
50
00:02:12,409 --> 00:02:14,343
if he blows it all on stupid stuff?
51
00:02:14,378 --> 00:02:16,445
WINSTON: Oh, don't worry, Jess.
I have a plan.
52
00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,047
Hey, listen, you know you
don't have to con him
53
00:02:18,081 --> 00:02:20,683
if he actually owes you money.
You can just ask him.
54
00:02:20,717 --> 00:02:25,555
(Laughing)
55
00:02:25,589 --> 00:02:28,391
I just told you to ask him
for the money.
56
00:02:29,393 --> 00:02:30,359
Smile...
57
00:02:30,394 --> 00:02:31,527
(Laughing)
58
00:02:31,562 --> 00:02:33,729
NICK: Do the crystals make it
look too glamorous?
59
00:02:33,764 --> 00:02:35,102
It's really glamorous.
60
00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:36,903
I don't even know.
I don't know what's cool anymore.
61
00:02:36,938 --> 00:02:38,968
It could be a good time
to start a bank account.
62
00:02:39,002 --> 00:02:40,770
Yeah, or I could just flush it
down the toilet.
63
00:02:40,804 --> 00:02:42,338
It's not really the same thing, but...
64
00:02:42,372 --> 00:02:45,474
A bank is just a paper bag
but with fancier walls.
65
00:02:45,509 --> 00:02:48,344
That's all it is. I'm gonna keep
my money where my mouth is.
66
00:02:48,378 --> 00:02:50,780
Um, under my nose.
67
00:02:50,814 --> 00:02:53,249
That saying actually does work.
68
00:02:59,056 --> 00:03:00,957
- What is that?
- This is my box.
69
00:03:00,991 --> 00:03:04,160
It's where I keep all my junk
that I don't feel like dealing with.
70
00:03:04,194 --> 00:03:06,729
That looks like a lot of bills.
It's... mostly bills.
71
00:03:06,763 --> 00:03:08,264
Like I said, it's junk.
72
00:03:08,298 --> 00:03:09,832
You know,
I'm just brainstorming here,
73
00:03:09,866 --> 00:03:11,267
but what if you paid some
of those bills
74
00:03:11,301 --> 00:03:12,868
with the money you just got?
75
00:03:12,903 --> 00:03:15,771
(Laughing):
Yeah. I'm gonna "pay my bill."
76
00:03:15,806 --> 00:03:19,041
And what's next? I'm gonna go
to the doctor and get a checkup.
77
00:03:19,076 --> 00:03:21,244
Give them $500 to check my bones.
78
00:03:21,278 --> 00:03:22,878
You're being funny.
79
00:03:29,753 --> 00:03:31,988
So, yeah, I was dating both
of them at the same time.
80
00:03:32,022 --> 00:03:35,391
I'm a mess. I can't sleep.
I urinate constantly.
81
00:03:35,425 --> 00:03:38,661
I cried the other day listening
to a techno song.
82
00:03:38,695 --> 00:03:40,563
My tweets have been extremely literal.
83
00:03:40,597 --> 00:03:42,298
Were the girls Jewish?
84
00:03:42,332 --> 00:03:44,300
One Indian, one regular.
Do you want to see a picture?
85
00:03:44,334 --> 00:03:46,135
I-I don't even know why you're here.
86
00:03:46,169 --> 00:03:48,604
You come in and say,
"Do you have a minute?"
87
00:03:48,639 --> 00:03:50,506
Okay, I'm-I'm sorry, Rabbi.
It's just that...
88
00:03:50,540 --> 00:03:53,509
Okay, it's much more simple.
(Sighs)
89
00:03:53,543 --> 00:03:55,344
How can I be a better person?
90
00:03:55,379 --> 00:03:57,280
Oh.
91
00:03:57,314 --> 00:03:59,682
Well, you seem awfully concerned
with yourself.
92
00:03:59,716 --> 00:04:02,752
You might want to start thinking
about the needs of others.
93
00:04:02,786 --> 00:04:04,153
I think about others all the time.
94
00:04:04,187 --> 00:04:06,789
What-what I can get from them,
how they can give me pleasure,
95
00:04:06,823 --> 00:04:07,957
do they have a silly little walk
96
00:04:07,991 --> 00:04:09,892
- that I can make fun of?
- No, th-that's...
97
00:04:09,926 --> 00:04:13,629
It's where you actually care
about somebody else.
98
00:04:13,664 --> 00:04:16,365
You put their needs ahead of your own.
99
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:18,367
This is one of the few times
that I wish I was Catholic.
100
00:04:18,402 --> 00:04:20,936
Couple Hail Marys
and I'd be off the hook.
101
00:04:20,971 --> 00:04:22,605
Huh?
102
00:04:24,308 --> 00:04:25,341
(Car horn beeping)
103
00:04:25,375 --> 00:04:27,376
(Tires screech) (Woman screams)
(Bike clatters)
104
00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:31,914
Oh, God. Whoa.
105
00:04:31,948 --> 00:04:33,983
Are you choking?
You're choking. Okay.
106
00:04:34,017 --> 00:04:37,053
Uh... What, are you biking and eating?
107
00:04:37,087 --> 00:04:39,155
All right, I got you, I got you.
108
00:04:39,189 --> 00:04:41,223
(Grunts)
Come on! Live! Live!
109
00:04:41,258 --> 00:04:42,625
Live, biker!
(Gasps)
110
00:04:42,659 --> 00:04:44,460
- Ew. Yeah!
- Thank you.
111
00:04:44,494 --> 00:04:45,761
You saved my life.
112
00:04:45,796 --> 00:04:47,330
What?
113
00:04:47,364 --> 00:04:48,631
You saved my life.
114
00:04:50,167 --> 00:04:51,233
You saved my life.
115
00:04:51,268 --> 00:04:52,902
(Panting)
116
00:04:52,936 --> 00:04:56,906
- I did. Yes. Yes.
- Thank you... Thank you...
117
00:04:56,940 --> 00:04:59,642
Yes! Dude!
118
00:04:59,676 --> 00:05:02,578
This is exactly what I needed.
Oh, my God.
119
00:05:02,612 --> 00:05:04,814
Let us rejoice in song.
120
00:05:04,848 --> 00:05:07,483
♪ Sh'ma Yis'ra'eil ♪
121
00:05:07,517 --> 00:05:09,663
♪ Adonai Eloheinu ♪
122
00:05:09,702 --> 00:05:12,483
- Please call 911. I'm hurt.
- Oh, yeah, no, that's a great idea.
123
00:05:12,622 --> 00:05:14,156
I'm gonna call 911.
(Moans)
124
00:05:14,191 --> 00:05:15,791
I hope you don't have
a dance recital later.
125
00:05:15,826 --> 00:05:17,660
I'm just kidding.
Don't look at your legs.
126
00:05:17,694 --> 00:05:19,095
(Moaning)
127
00:05:19,129 --> 00:05:22,331
(Quietly): That's, uh, $900
to the Parking Authority of Los Angeles.
128
00:05:22,366 --> 00:05:25,668
Oh, is it okay to mail cash?
129
00:05:25,702 --> 00:05:28,637
I'm gonna do it anyway.
All right, it's on its way.
130
00:05:35,512 --> 00:05:37,313
- Sliders are beautiful.
- I know, man.
131
00:05:37,347 --> 00:05:39,648
- I knew you would think that.
- I love 'em, dude.
132
00:05:39,683 --> 00:05:40,983
That's why I made 'em.
133
00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:44,520
What is that?
134
00:05:44,554 --> 00:05:47,022
Brotherhood.
Brotherhood, man.
135
00:05:47,057 --> 00:05:49,225
All right, man. I respect you, man,
no matter what.
136
00:05:49,259 --> 00:05:52,228
That's what it's about, man.
Yeah, and, um...
137
00:05:52,262 --> 00:05:54,230
in the spirit of brotherhood...
138
00:05:54,264 --> 00:05:56,132
just 'cause we on that level right now...
I was just thinking
139
00:05:56,166 --> 00:05:58,968
- maybe, I don't know, um...
- Anything, man. Shoot.
140
00:05:59,002 --> 00:06:00,736
Oh, man.
141
00:06:00,771 --> 00:06:03,439
Maybe you can just pay me back
that money that you owe me.
142
00:06:03,473 --> 00:06:05,441
Remember?
'Cause you owe me that money...?
143
00:06:06,810 --> 00:06:09,712
- Uh, Nick? Nick?
- Oh...
144
00:06:09,746 --> 00:06:13,716
- Nick? Nick? Hey, Nick.
- Oh, you stink!
145
00:06:13,750 --> 00:06:16,152
- Um, can we...?
- You son of...
146
00:06:16,186 --> 00:06:19,121
- You son of a bitch, Winston!
- Can we... can we...
147
00:06:19,156 --> 00:06:20,222
That's what this is about?!
148
00:06:20,257 --> 00:06:22,992
Nick, it's my money, okay?!
Give it back to me!
149
00:06:23,026 --> 00:06:24,927
I make a little bit of money
and you come
150
00:06:24,961 --> 00:06:26,462
slipping out of the "woodword"!
151
00:06:26,496 --> 00:06:28,264
You mean "woodwork"?
152
00:06:28,298 --> 00:06:29,465
What is "woodwork"?!
153
00:06:29,499 --> 00:06:30,466
What's "woodword"?!
154
00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:31,967
Wood! Word! Wood! Word!
155
00:06:32,002 --> 00:06:34,403
(Groans) That's where people like you
come crawling out of
156
00:06:34,438 --> 00:06:35,838
when people like me have money!
157
00:06:35,872 --> 00:06:37,807
- But you owe me that money!
- Stay out of my damn box
158
00:06:37,841 --> 00:06:39,742
- is the point, man!
- I'm not in your box!
159
00:06:39,776 --> 00:06:41,911
Jess gets it, right?
160
00:06:41,945 --> 00:06:43,813
Yeah, what's...
What the hell, dude?
161
00:06:43,814 --> 00:06:45,714
I'm gonna go to the bar
to blow off some steam.
162
00:06:45,782 --> 00:06:47,283
That's a great idea.
Go get loaded.
163
00:06:47,317 --> 00:06:49,118
You deserve it. Black out.
164
00:06:49,152 --> 00:06:51,387
You are the only one
that I trust around here.
165
00:07:10,173 --> 00:07:11,774
Oh...
166
00:07:11,808 --> 00:07:13,809
(Hoots)
167
00:07:13,844 --> 00:07:16,078
You went through Nick's box.
168
00:07:19,850 --> 00:07:22,850
Look, it was so much worse
than I thought.
169
00:07:22,885 --> 00:07:24,719
- (Chuckling)
- Why does he have the deed
170
00:07:24,753 --> 00:07:27,388
- to an old Mercury Cougar in there?
- Oh, yeah, he lost that.
171
00:07:27,423 --> 00:07:29,223
For crying out loud, where is it?
We've been looking for hours.
172
00:07:29,258 --> 00:07:31,426
- It's done.
- What about your car, Nick?
173
00:07:31,460 --> 00:07:34,344
I said it's done.
174
00:07:34,495 --> 00:07:35,888
I'll just get the money back.
175
00:07:35,926 --> 00:07:37,902
Bill collectors are reasonable people,
right?
176
00:07:37,973 --> 00:07:40,902
- That makes sense.
- You better keep your mouth shut!
177
00:07:40,936 --> 00:07:43,104
I'll make you a deal.
I'll keep my mouth shut
178
00:07:43,138 --> 00:07:45,273
if you pay me the money
Nick owes me.
179
00:07:45,307 --> 00:07:48,643
Are you trying to blackmail me?
180
00:07:50,212 --> 00:07:51,412
(Grunts)
181
00:07:51,447 --> 00:07:53,881
You don't scare me, Jess.
182
00:07:53,916 --> 00:07:55,817
(Shouting)
183
00:07:55,851 --> 00:07:58,252
(Both shouting)
184
00:07:59,621 --> 00:08:01,122
How much does Nick owe you?
185
00:08:01,156 --> 00:08:04,559
$1,900.
(Splutters)
186
00:08:04,593 --> 00:08:07,061
But what is money anyway?
187
00:08:07,095 --> 00:08:10,164
You know, it's just paper
that some king on the mountains
188
00:08:10,199 --> 00:08:12,433
said was worth something.
189
00:08:12,468 --> 00:08:15,069
You know? Gold, I understand.
190
00:08:15,103 --> 00:08:18,639
It's shiny and you can make
jewelry out of it.
191
00:08:18,674 --> 00:08:20,575
Silver?
192
00:08:20,609 --> 00:08:23,778
Put a werewolf in front of me,
he's dead.
193
00:08:23,812 --> 00:08:26,948
Brass creates the bells
194
00:08:26,982 --> 00:08:29,851
that make sound
throughout the land.
195
00:08:29,885 --> 00:08:33,521
But we kill each other for paper.
196
00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:36,123
I gotta tell you, man, that's sad.
197
00:08:36,158 --> 00:08:39,660
You give me $50,
I'll show you my private parts.
198
00:08:39,695 --> 00:08:42,463
(Laughs, splutters)
199
00:08:44,132 --> 00:08:46,100
Nicholas, good yontef.
200
00:08:46,134 --> 00:08:48,469
- Are you well?
- No, but good yontef.
201
00:08:48,504 --> 00:08:49,837
You know, I'm all steamed up.
202
00:08:49,872 --> 00:08:52,206
This money thing is
tearing me apart, Schmidt.
203
00:08:52,241 --> 00:08:54,475
All right, if it's bothering you that much,
why don't you just give it away?
204
00:08:54,510 --> 00:08:55,977
Son of a bitch!
205
00:08:56,011 --> 00:08:57,879
Not, not to me, Nick, to charity,
206
00:08:57,913 --> 00:08:59,814
or tzedakah as my people call it.
207
00:08:59,848 --> 00:09:01,449
- That's what your people do?
- Yeah.
208
00:09:01,483 --> 00:09:03,851
- You beautiful genius.
- (Laughs)
209
00:09:03,886 --> 00:09:06,287
I like that.
That frees me of my worries.
210
00:09:06,321 --> 00:09:07,989
Oh, look at that! Another mitzvah!
I'm two for two today.
211
00:09:08,023 --> 00:09:10,291
- Yeah! Mitzvah!
- I saved a man.
212
00:09:10,325 --> 00:09:12,059
You know, there was a lowly
bike messenger.
213
00:09:12,094 --> 00:09:13,895
Was just riding along,
choking on his gum.
214
00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:16,797
And I performed Heimlich's
maneuver on him, rescued him.
215
00:09:16,832 --> 00:09:18,299
- Great.
- Yeah, who's the good man now?
216
00:09:18,333 --> 00:09:20,386
You're almost forced to admit it.
217
00:09:21,336 --> 00:09:24,171
Almost...
You're almost forced to admit it.
218
00:09:24,206 --> 00:09:26,040
- Yeah, I know.
- I'm a hero, Nick, now...
219
00:09:26,074 --> 00:09:27,375
Just tell me that I'm a good man.
220
00:09:27,409 --> 00:09:28,743
I really need to hear it.
221
00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:31,112
I don't even know if I'm a good person.
I'm not the guy to ask.
222
00:09:31,146 --> 00:09:33,047
- I have my moods.
- But we're not talking about you.
223
00:09:33,081 --> 00:09:35,283
We're talking about me right
now and how I'm a good person,
224
00:09:35,317 --> 00:09:36,851
so it'd be really nice
if you could say that.
225
00:09:36,885 --> 00:09:37,919
- I'm ready to do a tzatziki.
- Tzedakah.
226
00:09:37,953 --> 00:09:39,620
This is not about tzedakah right now.
227
00:09:39,655 --> 00:09:41,722
This is about me being a good man
and you telling me that.
228
00:09:41,757 --> 00:09:43,558
- Absolutely.
- So, well, say it.
229
00:09:43,592 --> 00:09:45,860
- You got it.
- S-Say that I'm a good man.
230
00:09:45,894 --> 00:09:47,395
I'm giving away my money.
I've been trying to listen
231
00:09:47,429 --> 00:09:48,696
- to you this whole time!
- Damn it, Nick,
232
00:09:48,730 --> 00:09:51,065
you are so drunk right now
233
00:09:51,099 --> 00:09:52,600
- and at the bar you work at, no less.
- Yeah.
234
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:53,868
What happens with
the rest of your day?
235
00:09:53,902 --> 00:09:55,102
Do you even think about that?
236
00:09:55,137 --> 00:09:57,071
You don't understand drinking at all.
237
00:09:59,341 --> 00:10:00,775
Don't go.
238
00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:03,911
Heathcliff.
239
00:10:03,946 --> 00:10:07,548
Hi, I'd like to unpay
some parking tickets.
240
00:10:07,583 --> 00:10:09,250
- Excuse me?
- Well, I sent in a payment
241
00:10:09,284 --> 00:10:10,952
earlier for some tickets
242
00:10:10,986 --> 00:10:13,454
and I decided I don't
want to pay them.
243
00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:14,789
Well, just cancel the checks.
244
00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:16,490
Can't do that 'cause I paid cash
245
00:10:16,525 --> 00:10:18,426
'cause my boyfriend
doesn't believe in banks.
246
00:10:18,460 --> 00:10:20,227
It's early in the relationship.
247
00:10:20,262 --> 00:10:22,496
Still shaving above the knee
if you know what I mean.
248
00:10:22,531 --> 00:10:24,098
Mm-hmm.
(Clicks tongue)
249
00:10:24,132 --> 00:10:26,601
Let me get this straight...
You want me to watch the mail
250
00:10:26,635 --> 00:10:29,070
and let you know if I see
anything from your boyfriend.
251
00:10:29,104 --> 00:10:31,772
- Exactly.
- Fantastic. Should I call you or...?
252
00:10:31,807 --> 00:10:33,240
- Text, text would be great.
- Perfect.
253
00:10:33,275 --> 00:10:36,944
Let me put your number
into my phone.
254
00:10:36,979 --> 00:10:39,847
- I didn't give you my number yet.
- Oh, I think you did.
255
00:10:41,183 --> 00:10:42,416
NICK:
It's your lucky day, old friend.
256
00:10:42,451 --> 00:10:43,417
I had an interesting
talk with Schmidt,
257
00:10:43,452 --> 00:10:45,353
and I've decided
to give away my fortune.
258
00:10:45,387 --> 00:10:46,921
So, what do I owe you?
259
00:10:46,955 --> 00:10:49,690
- How much money d...? Uh...
- Hey, guys, what's going on?
260
00:10:49,725 --> 00:10:51,292
Hey, Jess, um...
261
00:10:51,326 --> 00:10:52,426
It's tzatziki is what it's called.
262
00:10:52,461 --> 00:10:55,162
It's a Jewish charity.
263
00:10:57,165 --> 00:11:00,368
Nick was just about to pay me
the money that he owes me.
264
00:11:00,402 --> 00:11:02,570
Wait!
265
00:11:10,212 --> 00:11:11,212
Come on, what are you doing?
266
00:11:11,246 --> 00:11:14,482
I'm, uh, I'm lubing up, Sally...
267
00:11:14,516 --> 00:11:15,683
From ankles to ears?
268
00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:17,652
The door's locked...
You want me to bust in?
269
00:11:17,686 --> 00:11:20,554
Son of a...
270
00:11:20,589 --> 00:11:21,822
It opened!
271
00:11:21,857 --> 00:11:24,191
Where are you?
272
00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:27,995
Um, I just was hot,
I wanted some shade.
273
00:11:28,030 --> 00:11:29,664
Oh, done that.
274
00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:33,134
He take my money?
275
00:11:33,168 --> 00:11:34,502
Winston!
276
00:11:34,536 --> 00:11:36,003
It was me, it was me, it was me.
277
00:11:36,038 --> 00:11:38,372
I'm so sorry,
I went through your box...
278
00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:40,007
I just couldn't help it...
and I paid some
279
00:11:40,042 --> 00:11:42,643
of your bills, and I'm so sorry I...
280
00:11:42,678 --> 00:11:45,413
Hey, Nick...
281
00:11:45,447 --> 00:11:47,314
You gonna leave me here?
282
00:11:47,349 --> 00:11:49,896
Nick... That's fair.
283
00:11:52,827 --> 00:11:55,181
There he is, alive and well.
284
00:11:55,216 --> 00:11:55,767
Yeah.
285
00:11:55,802 --> 00:11:56,768
Mazel.
286
00:11:56,803 --> 00:11:57,803
I br-brought you these.
287
00:11:59,005 --> 00:12:01,106
How's my brave little soldier doing, huh?
288
00:12:01,140 --> 00:12:03,041
Not great.
289
00:12:03,076 --> 00:12:05,544
They said that I'm never gonna
be able to ride a bike again,
290
00:12:05,578 --> 00:12:07,612
- so there goes my job.
- Sure, sure.
291
00:12:07,647 --> 00:12:09,281
Do you think that I'm a good person?
292
00:12:09,315 --> 00:12:13,051
I... I don't really know you.
293
00:12:13,086 --> 00:12:14,586
Well, what more do you need to know?
294
00:12:14,620 --> 00:12:16,488
If not for me, you probably
would have died today.
295
00:12:16,522 --> 00:12:18,323
Well, somebody probably
would have come along.
296
00:12:18,357 --> 00:12:19,991
Just say that I'm a good person.
297
00:12:20,026 --> 00:12:22,027
- Well, I mean...
- Why is that so hard for you to say?
298
00:12:22,061 --> 00:12:24,362
- Ow!
- I'm sorry. I am so sorry.
299
00:12:24,397 --> 00:12:26,331
- You're, you're a good person.
- I am? You really think so?
300
00:12:26,365 --> 00:12:27,666
Very good.
301
00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:28,667
Thank you for saying that.
302
00:12:28,701 --> 00:12:29,968
- Yeah.
- That really means...
303
00:12:30,002 --> 00:12:31,536
It means a lot.
(Chuckles)
304
00:12:31,571 --> 00:12:33,805
I finally feel
like I can breathe again.
305
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,640
Good.
(Sighs)
306
00:12:35,675 --> 00:12:37,375
What happ...
What happened to him?
307
00:12:37,410 --> 00:12:39,811
Well, he got smoked by a bus
while he was having a bake sale
308
00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:41,379
for cancer kids.
309
00:12:41,414 --> 00:12:43,315
For, for canc... for cancer kids?
310
00:12:43,349 --> 00:12:45,917
- Yeah.
- But he-he's, he's a great person.
311
00:12:45,952 --> 00:12:48,186
Bad things happen to good people
all the time.
312
00:12:49,222 --> 00:12:51,490
Of course they do.
313
00:12:51,524 --> 00:12:53,558
What am I even chasing here?
314
00:12:53,593 --> 00:12:55,861
What is the point
of being a good person?
315
00:12:55,895 --> 00:12:59,164
Some say moral integrity is
the cornerstone to humanity.
316
00:12:59,198 --> 00:13:01,666
What do you know, you idiot?
You choked on a piece of gum today.
317
00:13:01,701 --> 00:13:03,835
Hey, man, don't shoot
the bike messenger.
318
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:06,271
That is a terrible joke!
319
00:13:06,305 --> 00:13:08,306
And none of this makes any sense!
320
00:13:20,286 --> 00:13:22,220
Hey, Nick.
321
00:13:22,255 --> 00:13:24,222
(Sighs)
Look,
322
00:13:24,257 --> 00:13:26,792
I know you're really angry
and you have a right to be.
323
00:13:26,826 --> 00:13:28,293
I have the right to be?
324
00:13:28,327 --> 00:13:30,695
I mean, why do you feel
like you need to fix me?
325
00:13:30,730 --> 00:13:32,364
It's like you think you know better.
326
00:13:32,398 --> 00:13:35,367
Well, I m... I might know
better than you.
327
00:13:35,401 --> 00:13:37,569
(Scoffs)
Did you start a corporation?
328
00:13:39,238 --> 00:13:41,606
- Was it Fat Face?
- I think so.
329
00:13:41,641 --> 00:13:43,074
Yeah.
330
00:13:43,109 --> 00:13:44,709
Well, you're getting taxed like crazy.
331
00:13:44,744 --> 00:13:46,244
Well, that's because I thought
I was filing a patent.
332
00:13:46,279 --> 00:13:47,879
Fat Face is an invention?
333
00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:51,283
Kind of... in its intention
It was suppo... it... (Grunts)
334
00:13:51,317 --> 00:13:54,452
- Are you a lifeguard?
- No, that is a false certificate.
335
00:13:54,487 --> 00:13:56,154
Just a classic beach prank.
336
00:13:56,189 --> 00:13:57,289
That seems dangerous.
337
00:13:57,323 --> 00:13:59,491
It's funny, 'cause I...
I can't swim.
338
00:13:59,525 --> 00:14:02,137
Everyone was watching me, and
I'm like, "I don't know..."
339
00:14:02,295 --> 00:14:03,662
I was 13!
340
00:14:03,696 --> 00:14:05,030
I was 26.
341
00:14:05,064 --> 00:14:07,499
This is the problem with the box.
It's my private stuff.
342
00:14:07,533 --> 00:14:10,502
You've never once done
jury duty or paid your taxes.
343
00:14:10,536 --> 00:14:12,404
Not until gay marriage
is legal everywhere.
344
00:14:13,206 --> 00:14:15,507
I stand by that.
345
00:14:15,541 --> 00:14:18,276
And I don't want to do
jury duty or pay taxes.
346
00:14:18,311 --> 00:14:20,612
Nick, you're in so much debt,
it's crazy.
347
00:14:20,646 --> 00:14:24,683
- You have to deal with this stuff.
- No, I don't, Jess, it's in my box.
348
00:14:24,717 --> 00:14:25,750
That's not true, though.
349
00:14:25,785 --> 00:14:28,520
It's not a perfect system, Jess,
350
00:14:28,554 --> 00:14:31,056
but it's mine, okay?
And it's private.
351
00:14:31,090 --> 00:14:32,757
Well, I'm sorry I went
through your damn box,
352
00:14:32,792 --> 00:14:34,292
but I was just
trying to help you, Nick.
353
00:14:34,327 --> 00:14:35,627
So maybe I'll try to help you.
354
00:14:35,661 --> 00:14:37,262
What if I went into your box?
355
00:14:37,296 --> 00:14:38,630
Not that.
356
00:14:38,664 --> 00:14:41,499
- Stop it!
- I like that box, but I'm mad at you...!
357
00:14:41,534 --> 00:14:42,801
(Snaps fingers)
358
00:14:42,835 --> 00:14:44,936
I'm back to "You disrespected me."
359
00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:46,857
- I was just trying to help.
- Well, then, how about this...
360
00:14:46,892 --> 00:14:49,001
Two can help. Okay?
361
00:14:49,036 --> 00:14:51,142
And if two are going to help,
then I'll be one of them
362
00:14:51,177 --> 00:14:53,478
'cause two can tango
on this dance, okay?
363
00:14:53,512 --> 00:14:56,748
So, you want to waltz?
Well, you picked the wrong dance partner.
364
00:14:56,782 --> 00:14:58,083
Two can play.
365
00:14:58,117 --> 00:14:59,651
What? It's not a...
366
00:14:59,685 --> 00:15:02,454
Who needs changing, huh,
who needs fixing?
367
00:15:02,488 --> 00:15:04,789
I'm gonna go through
your personal drawers
368
00:15:04,824 --> 00:15:07,125
and see what needs changing.
369
00:15:10,529 --> 00:15:11,863
What are you, a zoo elephant?
370
00:15:11,898 --> 00:15:12,964
Those are my night peanuts.
371
00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:15,100
There shouldn't be day peanuts
and night peanuts!
372
00:15:15,134 --> 00:15:16,434
They're just peanuts!
373
00:15:16,469 --> 00:15:18,136
I'm sorry, why is that weird?
374
00:15:18,170 --> 00:15:20,538
You just have a bunch of boxes?
I would change that.
375
00:15:20,573 --> 00:15:24,142
- Oh, you have a bunch of metal toothpicks.
- They're bobby pins.
376
00:15:24,176 --> 00:15:26,111
- What's a bobby pin?
- It keeps your hair back.
377
00:15:26,145 --> 00:15:27,846
You need Bobby's pins
to put your hair up?
378
00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:30,649
It's bobby pins, not Bobby's pins.
379
00:15:30,683 --> 00:15:32,651
- What is this?!
- Yarn.
380
00:15:32,685 --> 00:15:34,319
What are you knitting,
a mansion?!
381
00:15:34,353 --> 00:15:36,554
Oh, look at this.
What do we have here?
382
00:15:36,589 --> 00:15:38,456
A bunch of beat-up old sacks.
383
00:15:38,491 --> 00:15:40,625
- My vintage purses.
- Well, you know what?
384
00:15:40,660 --> 00:15:44,129
- They could be sexier.
- You want my purses to be sexier?
385
00:15:44,163 --> 00:15:46,031
Would it kill you to
get something sleek,
386
00:15:46,065 --> 00:15:47,565
covered in gems for once?
387
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:50,568
You want my purses
to be covered in gemstones?
388
00:15:50,603 --> 00:15:52,737
All guys do!
That's what we think is sexy!
389
00:15:52,772 --> 00:15:54,806
We want to be playing a
saxophone in an alley
390
00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:58,143
and have you walk by
in a miniskirt with a purse with gems.
391
00:15:58,177 --> 00:16:00,512
- But you girls don't listen!
- What?!
392
00:16:00,546 --> 00:16:02,814
- Changing!
- No! Nick, no!
393
00:16:02,848 --> 00:16:05,383
- This all is changing.
- No, no, stop! That's disrespectful!
394
00:16:05,418 --> 00:16:06,851
- Gone!
- Nick, stop it!
395
00:16:06,886 --> 00:16:09,554
No! This is the grossest thing
I've ever seen in my life!
396
00:16:09,588 --> 00:16:11,556
- I got that for a nickel.
- It's disgusting.
397
00:16:11,590 --> 00:16:13,158
You're just trying
to get a rise out of me.
398
00:16:13,192 --> 00:16:15,060
Oh, my God!
399
00:16:15,094 --> 00:16:17,128
I've gotten a lot
of compliments on that one.
400
00:16:17,163 --> 00:16:18,129
- Gone!
- Nick!
401
00:16:18,164 --> 00:16:19,597
What?
402
00:16:19,632 --> 00:16:22,233
Stop it! Look, I like you
the way you are.
403
00:16:22,268 --> 00:16:24,402
I'm just asking you to grow a little.
404
00:16:24,437 --> 00:16:28,039
Are we ever gonna get to a point
where you stop working on me?
405
00:16:28,074 --> 00:16:31,042
Instead of changing me,
406
00:16:31,077 --> 00:16:34,612
maybe once, Jess, see it my way.
407
00:16:34,647 --> 00:16:37,322
Well, your way's crazy and illegal.
408
00:16:37,357 --> 00:16:39,780
This is me, take it or leave it.
409
00:16:39,815 --> 00:16:42,556
I'm not changing for anyone.
410
00:16:45,758 --> 00:16:47,892
Hey, where are you going?
411
00:16:47,927 --> 00:16:49,394
If you have something to say,
just say it.
412
00:16:49,428 --> 00:16:50,795
Don't write me a note or...
413
00:16:50,830 --> 00:16:52,297
(Sighs)
414
00:16:53,833 --> 00:16:56,134
That's the money I spent.
415
00:16:56,168 --> 00:16:58,970
Do what you want with it.
416
00:16:59,005 --> 00:17:01,139
Thank you.
417
00:17:03,776 --> 00:17:06,044
Couple of best friend horses.
That's neat.
418
00:17:06,078 --> 00:17:08,079
What else can you get on...?
419
00:17:10,182 --> 00:17:12,751
(Sighs)
420
00:17:18,684 --> 00:17:20,018
It doesn't make any sense.
421
00:17:20,053 --> 00:17:22,688
Can you not see I'm in the middle
of a bar mitzvah class here?
422
00:17:22,722 --> 00:17:24,089
Yeah, well,
they should hear this.
423
00:17:24,123 --> 00:17:27,225
A man helping cancer kids
got creamed by a bus today.
424
00:17:27,260 --> 00:17:29,728
Everything happens for a reason.
425
00:17:29,762 --> 00:17:31,396
But what if it doesn't happen
for a reason?
426
00:17:31,431 --> 00:17:33,732
Maybe... Maybe there aren't
any good guys and bad guys.
427
00:17:33,766 --> 00:17:35,767
Maybe there are just winners and losers.
428
00:17:35,802 --> 00:17:37,936
I was beating myself up,
but maybe I should... (Laughs)
429
00:17:37,970 --> 00:17:39,905
Maybe I should have been celebrating.
430
00:17:39,939 --> 00:17:42,874
- Have you ever dated two women at once?
- What are you talking about?
431
00:17:42,909 --> 00:17:45,177
I went to camp...
They used to call me the Octopus.
432
00:17:45,211 --> 00:17:47,423
- Clearly, you have not, sir.
- That's enough.
433
00:17:47,462 --> 00:17:48,884
You get out of here right now!
434
00:17:48,915 --> 00:17:50,549
- Out.
- Don't you "out" me.
435
00:17:50,583 --> 00:17:52,217
- Get out, get...
- Getting a little handsy there, Rabbi.
436
00:17:52,251 --> 00:17:53,719
- Get out!
- You know what I realize?
437
00:17:53,753 --> 00:17:55,420
Nothing matters, and that's great.
You know why?
438
00:17:55,455 --> 00:17:58,221
Because if nothing matters,
we can do whatever we want, Rabbi.
439
00:17:58,256 --> 00:18:00,792
- (Laughter)
- Avram! Julio!
440
00:18:00,827 --> 00:18:01,960
Get away from me, man.
441
00:18:01,994 --> 00:18:03,261
Kick his ass!
442
00:18:03,296 --> 00:18:05,297
All right, okay.
443
00:18:05,331 --> 00:18:07,299
YOLO! YOLO!
444
00:18:07,333 --> 00:18:09,167
Nick's right.
445
00:18:09,202 --> 00:18:11,103
I have too many purses.
446
00:18:11,137 --> 00:18:12,537
You're addicted to purses.
447
00:18:12,572 --> 00:18:16,141
I'm addicted to development fluid.
I get it.
448
00:18:16,175 --> 00:18:18,543
This one's for meat,
and this one's for shells.
449
00:18:18,578 --> 00:18:20,145
You know what?
450
00:18:20,179 --> 00:18:23,615
- Keep them. They're yours.
- Okay, thanks.
451
00:18:23,649 --> 00:18:25,450
Also, heads up...
The ass of your pants is missing.
452
00:18:25,485 --> 00:18:27,119
It's for the kitty cats.
453
00:18:27,153 --> 00:18:29,221
(Phone ringing)
454
00:18:29,255 --> 00:18:31,056
- My phone's ringing.
- Sure.
455
00:18:31,090 --> 00:18:32,491
- (Laughs)
- Hello?
456
00:18:32,525 --> 00:18:35,026
I'm like a pretty lady.
457
00:18:35,061 --> 00:18:37,395
What's happening?
458
00:18:37,430 --> 00:18:38,897
I'm sorry to bother you, Miss Day,
459
00:18:38,931 --> 00:18:40,866
but this man was trying
to open an account
460
00:18:40,900 --> 00:18:43,835
with a check in your name
and a paper bag full of money.
461
00:18:43,870 --> 00:18:46,338
Would you please stop hovering?
I'm being cooperative.
462
00:18:46,372 --> 00:18:47,539
It's fine. He's okay.
463
00:18:47,573 --> 00:18:48,807
Thank you, though.
464
00:18:51,711 --> 00:18:54,045
Opening a bank account, huh?
465
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:55,981
Yeah, I, uh...
466
00:18:56,015 --> 00:18:58,116
- I realized something.
- What?
467
00:18:58,151 --> 00:19:01,987
I'd do anything for you, Jess.
468
00:19:02,021 --> 00:19:04,422
Hey.
469
00:19:06,192 --> 00:19:09,127
Thank you.
470
00:19:09,162 --> 00:19:12,898
All right, Mr. Miller,
your checking account is good to go.
471
00:19:12,932 --> 00:19:15,267
Oh, there's just
an eight dollar processing fee.
472
00:19:15,301 --> 00:19:16,034
Eight dollars?
473
00:19:16,068 --> 00:19:19,136
That's a very specific amount.
474
00:19:23,176 --> 00:19:25,544
That's fine...
It's your world, your rules, so...
475
00:19:25,578 --> 00:19:26,611
Excellent.
476
00:19:26,646 --> 00:19:28,980
You go to the castle,
you got to pay the king.
477
00:19:32,018 --> 00:19:34,886
What is processing?
What does that mean?
478
00:19:34,921 --> 00:19:38,390
It's just a word you use
to make more money off of us.
479
00:19:38,424 --> 00:19:40,525
- That makes me mad!
- Me, too, yeah.
480
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,694
Hey, how about this?
What's a bank?
481
00:19:42,728 --> 00:19:44,062
- Yeah.
- It's just a paper bag...
482
00:19:44,096 --> 00:19:45,764
- That's right. Yes!
- ...with walls.
483
00:19:45,798 --> 00:19:48,767
You're making some really,
really, really good points, ma'am.
484
00:19:48,801 --> 00:19:51,369
You are the puppeteers
that puppet the world.
485
00:19:51,404 --> 00:19:52,571
NICK:
No more banks!
486
00:19:52,605 --> 00:19:53,905
Or some banks... I don't care!
487
00:19:53,940 --> 00:19:55,574
But I want my money on a boat!
488
00:19:55,608 --> 00:19:57,008
JESS:
I understood at least 30%
489
00:19:57,043 --> 00:19:58,410
of the financial crisis,
490
00:19:58,444 --> 00:19:59,845
and guess what I got from that?
491
00:19:59,879 --> 00:20:02,147
- You... suck!
- Yeah.
492
00:20:02,181 --> 00:20:04,516
You suck so hard.
493
00:20:04,550 --> 00:20:06,918
And now, I'm gonna process
this man's face,
494
00:20:06,953 --> 00:20:09,054
'cause I think he's great.
495
00:20:09,088 --> 00:20:12,057
And I'm crazy about him.
496
00:20:13,559 --> 00:20:15,427
Fine, I'll waive the fee.
497
00:20:15,461 --> 00:20:17,095
Yeah!
498
00:20:17,129 --> 00:20:19,030
We won eight dollars!
499
00:20:19,065 --> 00:20:20,498
Just wait till you have children.
500
00:20:20,533 --> 00:20:22,801
(Bitter laugh)
You'll never touch each other again.
501
00:20:22,835 --> 00:20:25,904
- (Wry laugh)
- JESS: Banks suck! Banks suck!
502
00:20:25,938 --> 00:20:26,872
(Nick guffaws)
503
00:20:29,608 --> 00:20:31,142
What the hell happened to you?
504
00:20:31,176 --> 00:20:33,478
Got beat up by some rabbis.
505
00:20:33,512 --> 00:20:36,147
Well, Winston, we're all alone.
506
00:20:36,181 --> 00:20:38,416
Nothing matters.
507
00:20:38,450 --> 00:20:40,284
But you know what?
Look Schmidt, stop, all right?
508
00:20:40,319 --> 00:20:42,053
You're a good man.
509
00:20:42,087 --> 00:20:44,555
You did a bad thing...
doesn't make you bad.
510
00:20:44,590 --> 00:20:48,092
We just have to try to be better,
you know?
511
00:20:48,127 --> 00:20:51,129
Been waiting all day for
somebody to tell me that.
512
00:20:51,163 --> 00:20:54,098
I... I really appreciate it.
Thank you.
513
00:20:54,133 --> 00:20:55,700
I want you to have something.
514
00:20:55,734 --> 00:20:58,069
Winston, literally,
a gift is the last thing I des...
515
00:21:00,072 --> 00:21:02,140
- This is...
- There you go.
516
00:21:02,174 --> 00:21:04,409
This is a candelabra.
517
00:21:04,443 --> 00:21:05,877
Yeah.
518
00:21:05,911 --> 00:21:07,945
I bought it with the money
that Nick owed me.
519
00:21:07,980 --> 00:21:10,214
- This is what you spent it on?
- And now it's yours.
520
00:21:10,249 --> 00:21:13,484
Uh-huh.
May it illuminate your path
521
00:21:13,519 --> 00:21:16,254
and lead you...
out of the darkness.
522
00:21:16,288 --> 00:21:18,956
That's what it says on the bottom.
523
00:21:18,991 --> 00:21:21,426
May it illuminate your path,
lead you out of darkness.
524
00:21:21,460 --> 00:21:24,295
Uh, uh, thank you for this... really.
525
00:21:24,329 --> 00:21:26,964
Look at it every single day
and tell yourself...
526
00:21:26,999 --> 00:21:29,634
"I'm a good person," 'cause you are.
527
00:21:29,668 --> 00:21:30,935
You know what I might do, though?
528
00:21:30,969 --> 00:21:32,603
And it might seem like
the opposite, but...
529
00:21:32,638 --> 00:21:33,738
what I'm actually thinking is,
530
00:21:33,772 --> 00:21:35,306
maybe I'll just put it
away somewhere, like in...
531
00:21:35,340 --> 00:21:37,175
I don't know...
in the back of my closet...
532
00:21:37,209 --> 00:21:38,576
so to keep it away from thieves.
533
00:21:38,610 --> 00:21:40,144
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
534
00:21:40,179 --> 00:21:41,579
- Can you be honest with me real quick?
- Mm-hmm.
535
00:21:41,613 --> 00:21:43,981
How many times did you rub this thing
and think a genie was gonna come out?
536
00:21:44,016 --> 00:21:45,450
I ain't gonna lie to you man.
537
00:21:45,484 --> 00:21:47,218
- I rubbed it, like, three times.
- Yeah.
538
00:21:47,252 --> 00:21:48,873
- I thought so.
- You know, I'm not...
539
00:21:48,908 --> 00:21:51,428
If a genie did come out,
what would you wish for?
540
00:21:51,831 --> 00:21:54,383
- More candelabras.
- Yeah, I bet.
541
00:21:54,784 --> 00:21:59,360
Sync and corrected by ScreamingPanda
www.addic7ed.com