1
00:00:00,047 --> 00:00:01,843
I need your advice on
these wedding invites.

2
00:00:02,055 --> 00:00:03,454
I like calligraphy option number two;

3
00:00:03,490 --> 00:00:05,030
it looks like a Bone Thugs album.

4
00:00:05,055 --> 00:00:07,358
This looks like an
ad for a bong company.

5
00:00:07,672 --> 00:00:08,747
I like option one better.

6
00:00:08,766 --> 00:00:09,699
You know what would be nice?

7
00:00:09,767 --> 00:00:10,967
A wedding invitation

8
00:00:11,035 --> 00:00:12,302
engraved on a plate.

9
00:00:15,873 --> 00:00:16,873
What a magical wedding that would be.

10
00:00:16,941 --> 00:00:18,007
You two are imbeciles.

11
00:00:18,075 --> 00:00:19,842
Anybody with taste and sophistication

12
00:00:19,910 --> 00:00:22,412
would always choose option number two.

13
00:00:22,479 --> 00:00:23,780
Are you okay?

14
00:00:23,847 --> 00:00:24,648
You look gray.

15
00:00:24,673 --> 00:00:25,539
I didn't sleep.

16
00:00:25,564 --> 00:00:28,060
I was up preparing for an
epic day of wedding decisions.

17
00:00:28,085 --> 00:00:29,018
I'm calling it D-Day.

18
00:00:29,086 --> 00:00:30,242
Of course, in this situation,

19
00:00:30,267 --> 00:00:32,398
the "D" stands for "decisions,"

20
00:00:32,423 --> 00:00:34,023
and unlike the other D-Day,

21
00:00:34,091 --> 00:00:35,658
it will not be a walk on the beach.

22
00:00:35,726 --> 00:00:36,859
That's incredibly offensive.

23
00:00:36,927 --> 00:00:37,860
I know.

24
00:00:38,929 --> 00:00:39,695
Do you guys remember

25
00:00:39,742 --> 00:00:41,982
that audition I had for gas station TV?

26
00:00:42,007 --> 00:00:42,832
Well,

27
00:00:42,900 --> 00:00:45,134
the girl they hired went missing

28
00:00:45,202 --> 00:00:47,704
- and they need me to fill in!
- Yeah! - What?

29
00:00:47,771 --> 00:00:49,381
- Oh!
- Oh, my God, we're gonna be friends

30
00:00:49,406 --> 00:00:50,673
with a gas celebrity!

31
00:00:50,741 --> 00:00:51,674
That's right!

32
00:00:52,390 --> 00:00:53,476
But it is today,

33
00:00:53,544 --> 00:00:55,712
and I know you need my help
with the wedding stuff...

34
00:00:55,779 --> 00:00:57,380
Cece, what are you talking
about? Are you crazy?

35
00:00:57,448 --> 00:00:58,514
You have to go to this.

36
00:00:58,582 --> 00:00:59,515
I can do it all by my...

37
00:00:59,583 --> 00:01:00,617
by myself.

38
00:01:03,456 --> 00:01:04,389
Are you okay?

39
00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:10,070
Wow, your mouth has been open forever.

40
00:01:11,061 --> 00:01:12,829
Okay, this is crazy.
I'm just gonna stay home.

41
00:01:12,896 --> 00:01:14,597
- No, Cece, you have to go, please.
- It's... it's...

42
00:01:14,665 --> 00:01:15,865
- Okay.
- I'll be fine. I'll be fine.

43
00:01:15,933 --> 00:01:17,428
I can help with wedding stuff.

44
00:01:17,453 --> 00:01:19,140
Just lighten the load a little bit.

45
00:01:19,414 --> 00:01:20,162
Sometimes I think

46
00:01:20,187 --> 00:01:21,838
I was bred in a lab to help people.

47
00:01:21,905 --> 00:01:23,339
You know what else they bred in the lab?

48
00:01:23,937 --> 00:01:24,954
Pugs.

49
00:01:25,776 --> 00:01:27,477
Thank you, Jess. That would be great.

50
00:01:27,544 --> 00:01:28,745
Uh, no, Cece.

51
00:01:28,812 --> 00:01:30,046
I don't have time to
bring her up to speed.

52
00:01:30,114 --> 00:01:31,681
Throwing her into the fray now

53
00:01:31,749 --> 00:01:33,249
would be like putting
a baby on a treadmill.

54
00:01:33,317 --> 00:01:34,751
She would... just shoot off.

55
00:01:34,818 --> 00:01:36,552
Baby, you're just being
protective of the wedding, okay?

56
00:01:36,620 --> 00:01:37,987
Jess is just gonna help.

57
00:01:38,055 --> 00:01:39,656
She's not gonna take over.

58
00:01:40,592 --> 00:01:41,959
Mmm...

59
00:01:41,984 --> 00:01:42,892
Jess...

60
00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:45,228
Mmm...

61
00:01:45,295 --> 00:01:47,428
mm... mm... mmm.

62
00:01:47,453 --> 00:01:48,639
What's happening here?

63
00:01:48,664 --> 00:01:49,399
Fine.

64
00:01:49,466 --> 00:01:50,435
Who's excited?

65
00:01:50,460 --> 00:01:51,200
There we go.

66
00:01:51,268 --> 00:01:53,201
Ooh, FYI, you may have to wrestle

67
00:01:53,226 --> 00:01:54,737
a rectal nutrient into him.

68
00:01:54,805 --> 00:01:56,406
- Wait, what?
- You're right. Not your job.

69
00:01:56,473 --> 00:01:57,750
I've done it before.

70
00:01:58,515 --> 00:01:59,709
I mean, I didn't like it, but...

71
00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:01,428
I did it.

72
00:02:01,945 --> 00:02:03,046
Am I proud of it? No.

73
00:02:03,113 --> 00:02:04,180
Did I do it? Yes.

74
00:02:04,248 --> 00:02:06,082
Have I done it again since? No.

75
00:02:06,150 --> 00:02:08,084
Synced and corrected by Chitorafa
www.addic7ed.com

76
00:02:10,570 --> 00:02:13,326
There's tons to do today, so
we're going to have to split up.

77
00:02:13,351 --> 00:02:14,959
I have to be here for a tux fitting

78
00:02:14,984 --> 00:02:16,885
and a meeting with a napkin ring genius.

79
00:02:16,953 --> 00:02:17,986
Gonna be fine.

80
00:02:18,054 --> 00:02:19,921
There's chairs to be picked and...

81
00:02:22,592 --> 00:02:24,526
...cakes to be tasted.

82
00:02:26,732 --> 00:02:27,833
Schmidt? Are you asleep?

83
00:02:28,437 --> 00:02:29,361
What?!

84
00:02:29,601 --> 00:02:31,756
No, I'm not sleeping, of
course I'm not sleeping!

85
00:02:31,781 --> 00:02:34,302
Just tons... too much
to do today to sleep.

86
00:02:34,921 --> 00:02:35,976
Jess...

87
00:02:36,226 --> 00:02:38,182
this is the most
important thing that I own.

88
00:02:38,382 --> 00:02:39,882
It is the wedding flash drive.

89
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,543
Everything that you
need to know is on this.

90
00:02:41,611 --> 00:02:42,544
It's color-coded.

91
00:02:42,612 --> 00:02:44,125
Ooh, color-coded. Gimme.

92
00:02:45,391 --> 00:02:46,429
Please do not reach for it

93
00:02:46,454 --> 00:02:48,764
like you're Winston reaching
for someone's breast.

94
00:02:48,789 --> 00:02:50,109
Treat it with respect.

95
00:02:50,134 --> 00:02:52,196
I will, and I just want to say

96
00:02:52,264 --> 00:02:53,932
I'm honored you're trusting me.

97
00:02:53,999 --> 00:02:55,033
Oh, I'm not.

98
00:02:55,312 --> 00:02:57,201
Everything I see is terrible.

99
00:02:57,226 --> 00:02:58,421
Pan left.

100
00:02:58,906 --> 00:03:00,271
This one's nice.

101
00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:02,093
Comfortable, but not too comfortable.

102
00:03:02,118 --> 00:03:04,085
- We want people to dance.
- Folding chairs?

103
00:03:04,110 --> 00:03:06,928
Jess, if I wanted my
wedding to be an AA meeting,

104
00:03:06,953 --> 00:03:08,310
I would've called my Aunt Terry.

105
00:03:08,335 --> 00:03:10,492
I don't think you
want to marry this guy.

106
00:03:10,632 --> 00:03:11,649
Who is that?

107
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:18,826
Oh, finally.

108
00:03:18,851 --> 00:03:19,657
Winston,

109
00:03:19,725 --> 00:03:20,825
where have you been?

110
00:03:20,893 --> 00:03:21,926
I've been waiting an hour.

111
00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:23,828
Work was crazy, okay?

112
00:03:23,896 --> 00:03:25,296
I busted a poker room,

113
00:03:25,364 --> 00:03:27,334
which was a front for a crack house,

114
00:03:27,359 --> 00:03:29,608
which was a front for a brothel.

115
00:03:29,723 --> 00:03:30,858
It was a crime turducken.

116
00:03:30,883 --> 00:03:33,209
This is the third time
you've stood me up.

117
00:03:33,234 --> 00:03:35,206
Meat lunch is our oldest
and proudest tradition.

118
00:03:35,695 --> 00:03:38,022
Let's do this every year
for the rest of our lives.

119
00:03:38,047 --> 00:03:39,711
I'm gonna be a lawyer.

120
00:03:40,398 --> 00:03:41,108
Let's eat.

121
00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:43,172
I can't. I had an hour,
I gotta go back to work.

122
00:03:43,414 --> 00:03:44,349
I mean...

123
00:03:44,416 --> 00:03:46,202
You know, it's a... it's a bar

124
00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:48,052
in the middle of the
day. Like, who's there?

125
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:49,721
Why are they there? Why
do you need to be there?

126
00:03:49,788 --> 00:03:51,255
'Cause it's my job.

127
00:03:51,323 --> 00:03:52,357
It runs itself.

128
00:03:52,424 --> 00:03:53,858
It's basically a big-ass fridge.

129
00:03:53,926 --> 00:03:55,259
I'm a bartender and owner.

130
00:03:55,327 --> 00:03:56,828
You know how many balls
I have to juggle now?

131
00:03:56,895 --> 00:03:58,262
Man, those are baby balls.

132
00:03:58,330 --> 00:03:59,664
- Hmm.
- I'm a cop.

133
00:03:59,732 --> 00:04:02,200
I spend my day working the city's balls.

134
00:04:02,267 --> 00:04:03,968
- Listen to yourself.
- Those balls are big.

135
00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:05,169
Listen to yourself.

136
00:04:05,237 --> 00:04:06,804
I'm listening to myself, Nick.

137
00:04:06,872 --> 00:04:08,673
Your balls, in comparison to my balls,

138
00:04:08,741 --> 00:04:10,541
that you have to deal with,
that I have to handle...

139
00:04:10,609 --> 00:04:13,678
If you think your job is
so much harder than my job,

140
00:04:13,746 --> 00:04:16,569
then why don't you
come see for yourself?

141
00:04:16,594 --> 00:04:17,715
Unless, of course, you're scared.

142
00:04:17,783 --> 00:04:18,816
- Scared?
- Scared.

143
00:04:18,884 --> 00:04:19,717
I'm a cop.

144
00:04:19,785 --> 00:04:21,419
I run a bar.

145
00:04:23,422 --> 00:04:25,256
Welcome to the nerve center.

146
00:04:25,324 --> 00:04:27,655
Over here, you've got
accounts payable...

147
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:29,342
bills, to the layperson...

148
00:04:29,367 --> 00:04:31,329
and over here is the schedule.

149
00:04:31,397 --> 00:04:33,116
It's a numbers game, really.

150
00:04:33,141 --> 00:04:34,732
Who works when and why,

151
00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:36,401
square pegs, round holes,

152
00:04:36,468 --> 00:04:37,735
every man is a mystery...

153
00:04:37,803 --> 00:04:38,870
That's great, Nick.

154
00:04:38,937 --> 00:04:40,238
Um, I'm a cop.

155
00:04:41,473 --> 00:04:43,553
Come in!

156
00:04:43,578 --> 00:04:45,777
Hey, Nick, what's the
schedule for the weekend?

157
00:04:45,844 --> 00:04:46,944
Oh, great, everybody's here.

158
00:04:47,012 --> 00:04:48,446
Why don't you ask my friend Winston?

159
00:04:48,514 --> 00:04:50,195
He'll be handling all questions.

160
00:04:50,516 --> 00:04:51,955
Yeah, that's easy.

161
00:04:53,185 --> 00:04:54,452
All right.

162
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:55,453
I'm ready to taste cakes.

163
00:04:55,521 --> 00:04:56,621
Okay, great.

164
00:04:56,688 --> 00:04:58,456
- This is gonna be fun.
- I'm sorry, fun?

165
00:04:58,524 --> 00:05:00,425
Baking scones with Winston is fun.

166
00:05:00,450 --> 00:05:02,045
This is serious, Jess.

167
00:05:02,241 --> 00:05:03,198
Mmm!

168
00:05:03,734 --> 00:05:04,395
Soft and sweet.

169
00:05:04,463 --> 00:05:06,845
What a relief it's not hard and salty.

170
00:05:06,870 --> 00:05:07,803
How is the nose?

171
00:05:07,828 --> 00:05:08,992
Does it have a clean finish,

172
00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:10,577
or would you say it's a long cake?

173
00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:12,641
Describe the cake's legs
in terms of mouth feel.

174
00:05:12,666 --> 00:05:15,006
Bro, I spent two hours
at the chair place.

175
00:05:15,031 --> 00:05:16,545
You picked nothing.

176
00:05:16,570 --> 00:05:17,775
You negotiated with the florist

177
00:05:17,843 --> 00:05:19,310
until all three of us were crying.

178
00:05:19,378 --> 00:05:22,580
Let's start again and put the
camera close to the frosting.

179
00:05:22,648 --> 00:05:24,405
And for God's sakes, please,

180
00:05:24,430 --> 00:05:26,405
be mindful of your friggin' shadow.

181
00:05:26,430 --> 00:05:28,805
No. I'm stopping this.

182
00:05:28,942 --> 00:05:30,209
You're stop... you're stopping what?

183
00:05:30,350 --> 00:05:31,256
J-Jess?

184
00:05:31,281 --> 00:05:32,320
What are... what are you doing?

185
00:05:32,345 --> 00:05:33,791
Why am I looking at a fountain now?

186
00:05:33,859 --> 00:05:34,792
What...

187
00:05:35,078 --> 00:05:36,812
What a relaxing water feature.

188
00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:46,070
Are they playing Christina there?

189
00:06:03,189 --> 00:06:04,924
Hey, gal pal, how is it going?

190
00:06:05,012 --> 00:06:06,680
Great! It's exactly like modeling,

191
00:06:06,705 --> 00:06:08,581
except for it's less
cold and I get to talk.

192
00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:10,177
How's Schmidt?

193
00:06:10,202 --> 00:06:12,016
He's not stress-eating
paper towels again, is he?

194
00:06:12,041 --> 00:06:13,107
No, everything's fine.

195
00:06:13,132 --> 00:06:13,799
I'm supposed to see

196
00:06:13,824 --> 00:06:14,824
a beverage guy,

197
00:06:14,849 --> 00:06:16,256
but I can't find his address.

198
00:06:16,281 --> 00:06:18,489
Seriously? I can come back and help.

199
00:06:18,514 --> 00:06:19,291
- No!
- It's fine.

200
00:06:19,316 --> 00:06:19,908
It's just...

201
00:06:19,933 --> 00:06:21,337
Schmidt has this color-coded system,

202
00:06:21,362 --> 00:06:22,962
and I can't figure out which one.

203
00:06:23,030 --> 00:06:24,197
Do you know which one
beverages would be?

204
00:06:24,264 --> 00:06:26,806
I don't know. Blue?

205
00:06:27,067 --> 00:06:28,368
You're a genius. I found it.

206
00:06:28,435 --> 00:06:29,702
Okay, I gotta go learn Spanish.

207
00:06:29,770 --> 00:06:31,537
I told him that I know it.

208
00:06:32,306 --> 00:06:32,872
Oh.

209
00:06:32,940 --> 00:06:33,925
Good luck.

210
00:06:35,323 --> 00:06:37,310
Gavin, wine sales, Calabasas.

211
00:06:37,858 --> 00:06:39,592
_

212
00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:45,315
I didn't do it!

213
00:06:46,032 --> 00:06:46,767
I'm lying.

214
00:06:46,805 --> 00:06:48,039
I obviously did it.

215
00:06:48,107 --> 00:06:49,240
Don't worry.

216
00:06:49,308 --> 00:06:51,440
We just put those there
for people to break.

217
00:06:52,211 --> 00:06:54,579
- Really?
- No, they were very expensive.

218
00:06:54,646 --> 00:06:55,947
But I own the place,

219
00:06:56,014 --> 00:06:57,515
so why don't we say this one broke, too?

220
00:06:58,935 --> 00:06:59,902
I'm Gavin.

221
00:07:00,119 --> 00:07:01,213
Let's try this one.

222
00:07:01,238 --> 00:07:02,760
Tempting, but my friends
are getting married.

223
00:07:02,785 --> 00:07:04,322
I'm kind of on a deadline.

224
00:07:04,354 --> 00:07:07,932
And also I prefer my wine
sparkling, pink and under $11.

225
00:07:12,603 --> 00:07:13,938
Just taste it.

226
00:07:13,963 --> 00:07:15,430
Okay, one glass.

227
00:07:16,017 --> 00:07:18,267
Javier, you take the early shift

228
00:07:18,334 --> 00:07:20,302
on... Saturday.

229
00:07:20,370 --> 00:07:21,336
- Ugh.
- Come on, listen,

230
00:07:21,404 --> 00:07:23,025
I got to do what I got to do, you know?

231
00:07:23,050 --> 00:07:25,316
Uh, Gina, wait to induce

232
00:07:25,341 --> 00:07:28,237
until Sunday... afternoon.

233
00:07:28,262 --> 00:07:29,888
Gina, don't you have
something on Sunday?

234
00:07:29,913 --> 00:07:31,547
My husband has his
fantasy baseball league.

235
00:07:31,614 --> 00:07:33,482
He won't attend the birth
if it doesn't happen.

236
00:07:33,550 --> 00:07:35,284
That's not the man you
should be with, I'm sorry.

237
00:07:35,351 --> 00:07:36,285
All right, where do you want these?

238
00:07:36,352 --> 00:07:37,886
Winston, where do we want these?

239
00:07:37,954 --> 00:07:39,154
Where do we want...? Winston? No, dude.

240
00:07:39,222 --> 00:07:40,289
I don't know you like that, man.

241
00:07:40,356 --> 00:07:41,523
Put 'em where the beer goes.

242
00:07:41,591 --> 00:07:42,824
Come on, man, I got
eight more deliveries.

243
00:07:42,892 --> 00:07:44,193
Look, I don't like the early shift.

244
00:07:44,260 --> 00:07:46,675
Mercy?

245
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:49,707
Yes! Yes, yes, man.
That's what I thought.

246
00:07:49,732 --> 00:07:51,298
Cheese, the keg's gonna
go where it always goes,

247
00:07:51,323 --> 00:07:52,423
right behind the bar.

248
00:07:52,448 --> 00:07:53,368
Guys, the schedule.

249
00:07:53,436 --> 00:07:54,836
- Oh, that's perfect. Thanks.
- That works?

250
00:07:54,904 --> 00:07:56,370
Back to work, everybody. Good stuff.

251
00:07:57,135 --> 00:07:58,080
Listen, I get it.

252
00:07:58,105 --> 00:07:59,619
This is confusing and everything,

253
00:07:59,644 --> 00:08:01,276
and I can't just walk in off the street

254
00:08:01,344 --> 00:08:03,278
and do your job instantaneously.

255
00:08:03,346 --> 00:08:04,313
But come on.

256
00:08:04,380 --> 00:08:05,514
Let's be real.

257
00:08:05,582 --> 00:08:07,816
It's still not harder than being a cop.

258
00:08:07,884 --> 00:08:09,985
- Then prove it.
- Oh, I'll prove it.

259
00:08:11,721 --> 00:08:13,322
Look, I know I told you to prove it,

260
00:08:13,389 --> 00:08:15,056
but I got to get back to the bar.

261
00:08:15,081 --> 00:08:16,682
I just got a text from Javier that said,

262
00:08:16,707 --> 00:08:18,660
"fire extinguisher" question mark.

263
00:08:18,728 --> 00:08:20,662
Well, all I got to say
is, buckle up, Miller.

264
00:08:20,964 --> 00:08:22,664
It's about to be a bumpy ride.

265
00:08:25,401 --> 00:08:27,424
Uh, where... where are my sunglasses?

266
00:08:27,449 --> 00:08:28,603
How the hell should I know?

267
00:08:28,628 --> 00:08:30,339
I specifically asked you to
keep track of my sunglasses.

268
00:08:30,406 --> 00:08:32,846
And I told you I'm not
your freaking mother.

269
00:08:32,871 --> 00:08:34,769
Okay, you know what, calm
down, I'll just squint then.

270
00:08:35,503 --> 00:08:36,658
Do what you got to do, man.

271
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,547
Is this how all partners
talk to each other?

272
00:08:38,615 --> 00:08:40,847
Welcome to hell, Miller.

273
00:08:41,784 --> 00:08:43,518
I'm no good at normal life,

274
00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:47,246
but when I'm in the
ocean and drinking wine...

275
00:08:48,124 --> 00:08:49,558
...or spending time with
a beautiful stranger...

276
00:08:51,122 --> 00:08:53,137
...that's when I, uh,
truly feel like myself.

277
00:08:53,516 --> 00:08:54,450
Mmm.

278
00:08:54,475 --> 00:08:55,242
Mm-hmm.

279
00:08:57,139 --> 00:08:58,988
How do you feel about a little manchego?

280
00:09:00,183 --> 00:09:02,658
I feel very good about it.

281
00:09:02,683 --> 00:09:04,156
We're not animals.

282
00:09:04,224 --> 00:09:05,791
Or maybe we are.

283
00:09:09,496 --> 00:09:10,496
Have you ever...?

284
00:09:10,564 --> 00:09:11,497
Hmm?

285
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:15,201
I have too much manchego.

286
00:09:15,269 --> 00:09:16,435
Happens to the best of us.

287
00:09:16,503 --> 00:09:20,106
Have you ever had your eyebrows combed

288
00:09:20,173 --> 00:09:22,375
by a woman you just met?

289
00:09:26,413 --> 00:09:28,347
Yes.

290
00:09:34,683 --> 00:09:36,055
Ah.

291
00:09:36,449 --> 00:09:38,691
Jess, thank you.

292
00:09:38,759 --> 00:09:41,060
You know, I haven't had two
hours of uninterrupted sleep

293
00:09:41,128 --> 00:09:43,988
since a month ago when Cece made
me watch An Inconvenient Truth.

294
00:09:44,013 --> 00:09:46,308
Everything's under control.
The bakery's sending over

295
00:09:46,333 --> 00:09:48,371
- three cakes for you to try.
- Okay.

296
00:09:48,396 --> 00:09:52,027
And Gavin from the winery in
Calabasas gave me a great deal.

297
00:09:55,108 --> 00:09:57,043
Uh, you met Gavin in Calabasas?

298
00:09:57,110 --> 00:09:59,345
I didn't just meet
him, we kissed a little.

299
00:10:01,275 --> 00:10:02,675
No!

300
00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:04,350
Ugh!

301
00:10:04,418 --> 00:10:05,685
Schmidt, what happened? What's wrong?

302
00:10:08,121 --> 00:10:10,056
You just made out with my dad.

303
00:10:22,934 --> 00:10:24,201
Schmidt.

304
00:10:28,684 --> 00:10:30,807
Can I just say one thing?

305
00:10:34,004 --> 00:10:35,523
Hey, guys.

306
00:10:35,910 --> 00:10:38,043
So, how did it go today?

307
00:10:38,311 --> 00:10:39,582
Good.

308
00:10:39,825 --> 00:10:42,468
We got a lot accomplished.

309
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:44,963
But, um...

310
00:10:45,030 --> 00:10:46,865
how do I say this? Um...

311
00:10:47,198 --> 00:10:49,301
I made out with Schmidt's dad.

312
00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:53,836
You did what?

313
00:10:55,523 --> 00:10:58,109
She lulled me to sleep
and then went rogue.

314
00:10:58,177 --> 00:10:59,978
- You did what?
- If your files had been clearly marked,

315
00:11:00,045 --> 00:11:01,646
none of this would be happening.

316
00:11:01,714 --> 00:11:02,914
You need better labels.

317
00:11:02,982 --> 00:11:04,409
Everything is perfectly clear.

318
00:11:04,434 --> 00:11:06,457
Chairs are color-coded
under chartreuse,

319
00:11:06,482 --> 00:11:09,502
because it sounds like "chair truths."

320
00:11:09,527 --> 00:11:11,322
Salmon mongers are filed under fuchsia,

321
00:11:11,390 --> 00:11:13,825
because I "re-fuchsia" to
serve salmon at this wedding.

322
00:11:13,893 --> 00:11:16,494
The groomsmen tuxes are under magenta,

323
00:11:16,562 --> 00:11:19,910
because "ma-gentlemen" will
be wearing the dope tuxes.

324
00:11:19,935 --> 00:11:20,668
Is he a good kisser?

325
00:11:20,692 --> 00:11:22,692
Don't ask that, plea...
And don't you answer it.

326
00:11:22,768 --> 00:11:25,035
It's withdrawn. I'm just
freaking out right now.

327
00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:27,695
Okay, why don't we take this horrible,

328
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:31,096
horrible, gross mistake
into something positive?

329
00:11:31,121 --> 00:11:32,377
What if this is a sign

330
00:11:32,444 --> 00:11:35,387
that maybe you should reach
out and talk to your dad again?

331
00:11:35,412 --> 00:11:36,345
Why?

332
00:11:36,370 --> 00:11:37,904
Why would I talk to my dad?

333
00:11:37,929 --> 00:11:40,582
He left my mom and basically
missed my entire childhood.

334
00:11:40,607 --> 00:11:41,874
And every time I did
invite him to something,

335
00:11:41,899 --> 00:11:44,398
he never showed up:
middle school graduation,

336
00:11:44,423 --> 00:11:45,879
high school graduation,

337
00:11:45,911 --> 00:11:47,512
when I played the titular role

338
00:11:47,580 --> 00:11:49,380
in a stage adaptation of Uncle Buck.

339
00:11:49,447 --> 00:11:50,647
Well, he's taken up surfing now.

340
00:11:50,715 --> 00:11:52,349
Oh, he's taken up surfing? How nice.

341
00:11:52,417 --> 00:11:54,785
A middle-aged man who surfs
and French-kisses his customers.

342
00:11:54,853 --> 00:11:56,186
What a hero.

343
00:11:56,254 --> 00:11:59,087
Why did you have his number
in the wedding drive at all?

344
00:12:00,525 --> 00:12:03,794
Because I was maybe...

345
00:12:03,862 --> 00:12:06,130
warming up to the idea of inviting him,

346
00:12:06,197 --> 00:12:07,798
but now that the nightmare

347
00:12:07,866 --> 00:12:10,134
called "this afternoon" has happened,

348
00:12:10,418 --> 00:12:13,470
I can very well see that I'm not ready.

349
00:12:13,538 --> 00:12:16,807
So I'm sorry, Jess, but
there will be no papa nah-nah

350
00:12:16,875 --> 00:12:18,509
at the wedding for you.

351
00:12:18,576 --> 00:12:20,144
I'm sorry! He was feeding
me cheese, and I...

352
00:12:20,211 --> 00:12:21,812
- I d... Ugh.
- Please stop.

353
00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:23,480
- Please. So many details.
- Please.

354
00:12:23,548 --> 00:12:25,182
- And-and God for... if you...
- Just...

355
00:12:25,250 --> 00:12:27,851
if the words "he unbuttoned
my" comes out of your mouth,

356
00:12:27,919 --> 00:12:29,419
I'm gonna freak out!

357
00:12:29,487 --> 00:12:32,089
Oh, thank God, Winston.

358
00:12:32,157 --> 00:12:35,058
You're saving the
city from a palm frond.

359
00:12:35,126 --> 00:12:37,587
Los Angeles can sleep
soundly tonight, everybody.

360
00:12:37,612 --> 00:12:39,517
All right, it was a slow-ass day.

361
00:12:39,542 --> 00:12:40,931
Aly, will you tell him
it's a slow-ass day?

362
00:12:40,999 --> 00:12:43,867
No, I'm not getting involved in this.

363
00:12:43,935 --> 00:12:46,770
I'm not gonna be the yardstick
in a penis measuring contest.

364
00:12:46,838 --> 00:12:48,705
Did you say "yard"?
Wow, who are you dating?

365
00:12:48,773 --> 00:12:49,940
Tape measure, fine.

366
00:12:50,008 --> 00:12:51,408
Okay, look, this has been great,

367
00:12:51,476 --> 00:12:52,943
uh, but I got to get back to the bar.

368
00:12:53,011 --> 00:12:54,278
7-8-6-3.

369
00:12:54,345 --> 00:12:57,611
Possible 4-5-9 at 2-7-3
Elm Cross and Fairbanks.

370
00:12:57,636 --> 00:12:59,068
Hell yes.

371
00:12:59,093 --> 00:13:00,861
4-2-4 responding. Over.

372
00:13:00,886 --> 00:13:01,718
Bar boy, get in.

373
00:13:01,786 --> 00:13:03,387
Aly, let's lock and load.

374
00:13:03,454 --> 00:13:05,255
Is your gun not loaded?

375
00:13:05,323 --> 00:13:08,042
You have to load your gun, Winston.

376
00:13:29,347 --> 00:13:30,280
Oh, no.

377
00:13:30,348 --> 00:13:33,317
Schmidt, um, that's your dad.

378
00:13:33,384 --> 00:13:34,190
What?

379
00:13:34,215 --> 00:13:36,796
What-what is my dad
doing at our front door?

380
00:13:36,821 --> 00:13:38,322
He thinks we're going on a date.

381
00:13:38,389 --> 00:13:39,756
Why would he think that, Jess?

382
00:13:39,824 --> 00:13:41,825
Because I said, "Let's go on a date."

383
00:13:41,893 --> 00:13:43,493
I'll get rid of him. Go to
your room and close the door.

384
00:13:43,561 --> 00:13:45,495
Do not tell me what to
do; you are not my mom.

385
00:13:45,563 --> 00:13:46,997
Oh, that's disgusting.

386
00:13:47,065 --> 00:13:48,448
Just go. Go.

387
00:13:48,473 --> 00:13:49,666
Wait. Wait, wait.

388
00:13:49,734 --> 00:13:50,834
I don't trust you.

389
00:13:52,718 --> 00:13:55,368
Hey, Gavin!

390
00:13:58,624 --> 00:13:59,608
I know what this is.

391
00:13:59,625 --> 00:14:01,092
I'm not falling for it.

392
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,762
You don't have to stage a crime
to make your job look hard.

393
00:14:03,830 --> 00:14:05,765
Stay here. Make yourself as
small a target as possible.

394
00:14:05,832 --> 00:14:06,899
I'll just be here

395
00:14:06,967 --> 00:14:09,268
napping out of boredom.

396
00:14:09,617 --> 00:14:11,251
I see signs of forced entry.

397
00:14:11,547 --> 00:14:13,306
Wait, wait, wait, wait! I got movement!

398
00:14:13,373 --> 00:14:15,274
I'm shaking in my boots!

399
00:14:15,692 --> 00:14:17,092
Oh, yeah, right, he's ru... No!

400
00:14:17,117 --> 00:14:18,272
Halt! Police!

401
00:14:22,849 --> 00:14:24,617
Aah!

402
00:14:24,685 --> 00:14:27,253
No! Get away! Get out!

403
00:14:28,355 --> 00:14:29,758
Okay, I get it!

404
00:14:29,783 --> 00:14:31,667
Your job is way harder than mine!

405
00:14:31,692 --> 00:14:33,764
Just make the bad man go away!

406
00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:35,294
- What?
- Put the gun down!

407
00:14:35,362 --> 00:14:37,496
Yeah, my job is much harder!

408
00:14:37,564 --> 00:14:40,594
We're gonna make him go away!

409
00:14:40,648 --> 00:14:42,635
Can't stand to see Nick
like this, you know.

410
00:14:42,703 --> 00:14:44,337
At least now, he understands being a cop

411
00:14:44,404 --> 00:14:46,672
is much harder than being a bartender.

412
00:14:47,307 --> 00:14:48,841
We all got to learn
that lesson sometime.

413
00:14:48,909 --> 00:14:51,210
Idiot, he doesn't
think his job is harder.

414
00:14:51,278 --> 00:14:52,345
He just wants you to see

415
00:14:52,412 --> 00:14:53,946
that he's grown and changed

416
00:14:54,014 --> 00:14:55,982
and whatever else stupid
stuff people care about.

417
00:14:56,963 --> 00:14:57,759
Oh.

418
00:15:01,503 --> 00:15:02,455
Why are you looking at me like that?

419
00:15:02,522 --> 00:15:03,923
No, no, I...

420
00:15:03,991 --> 00:15:05,958
That's why I need my
damn sunglasses, man!

421
00:15:06,026 --> 00:15:07,259
You shouldn't have them

422
00:15:07,327 --> 00:15:09,328
if you can't keep
track of them, Winston.

423
00:15:09,396 --> 00:15:10,830
Come on, yeah.

424
00:15:11,166 --> 00:15:12,498
- No! No!
- Hey, scoot over.

425
00:15:12,566 --> 00:15:13,699
No, not in here! Not in here, no! No!

426
00:15:13,767 --> 00:15:15,387
- You have the right to remain silent.
- No! No!

427
00:15:16,729 --> 00:15:18,537
What are you doing with a
video camera on your head?

428
00:15:18,605 --> 00:15:19,839
He is handsome.

429
00:15:19,906 --> 00:15:21,007
- That's a good question.
- Oh, hey, look.

430
00:15:21,074 --> 00:15:22,641
That's-that's good news for you, okay.

431
00:15:22,709 --> 00:15:24,043
- It's for work.
- I still hate him.

432
00:15:24,111 --> 00:15:26,045
They want to make sure that
we don't teach evolution.

433
00:15:26,113 --> 00:15:27,179
I'm an educator, so...

434
00:15:27,247 --> 00:15:28,214
Oh, you told me.

435
00:15:28,281 --> 00:15:29,348
I believe you had me pressed up

436
00:15:29,416 --> 00:15:30,883
against a cask of Merlot at the time.

437
00:15:30,951 --> 00:15:33,486
He's a bottom?

438
00:15:33,553 --> 00:15:35,321
You want to give me the tour?

439
00:15:36,143 --> 00:15:37,990
Or should we just crack
this open and make out?

440
00:15:39,198 --> 00:15:40,665
What a line.

441
00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:41,971
Who is this clown?

442
00:15:42,190 --> 00:15:44,430
- Bottle opener in here?
- Well... oh.

443
00:15:45,698 --> 00:15:47,087
Oh, actually,

444
00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:49,568
um, change of plans... I
can't go on a date tonight,

445
00:15:49,636 --> 00:15:52,338
because I have to have dinner
with one of my friends' fathers,

446
00:15:52,406 --> 00:15:53,472
coincidentally.

447
00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:54,339
No pressure.

448
00:15:56,132 --> 00:15:57,810
It's just that I had a lot of fun today.

449
00:15:58,198 --> 00:15:59,478
And, uh,

450
00:16:00,065 --> 00:16:01,911
I'd like to see you again.

451
00:16:06,421 --> 00:16:07,688
- What was that?
- Oh.

452
00:16:07,713 --> 00:16:10,512
Gunshots... the
neighborhood's in a real slide.

453
00:16:13,580 --> 00:16:14,393
This is my son's name.

454
00:16:14,461 --> 00:16:15,561
7 billion people.

455
00:16:15,629 --> 00:16:17,003
There's got to be some overlap.

456
00:16:17,027 --> 00:16:19,141
We'd better get you back
to Calabasas, mister.

457
00:16:19,166 --> 00:16:19,899
- Wait a minute.
- 'Cause...

458
00:16:19,966 --> 00:16:21,555
This is my son!

459
00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:23,298
Oh, my God, do you know my son?

460
00:16:23,323 --> 00:16:24,570
Kind of.

461
00:16:24,638 --> 00:16:27,121
- Does he live here?
- Uh...

462
00:16:27,531 --> 00:16:28,617
Is he here right now?

463
00:16:28,642 --> 00:16:31,438
I didn't know you were
Schmidt's dad when we kissed.

464
00:16:31,463 --> 00:16:32,912
And you didn't know I was his roommate.

465
00:16:32,979 --> 00:16:35,414
And those are facts that
will haunt us forever.

466
00:16:37,424 --> 00:16:38,946
But I can't let you go in there.

467
00:16:38,971 --> 00:16:41,337
Because... he's not ready to see you.

468
00:16:41,362 --> 00:16:43,852
- And for once today, I...
- Okay.

469
00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:45,391
I want to respect his wishes.

470
00:16:45,815 --> 00:16:46,808
I get it.

471
00:16:47,588 --> 00:16:49,328
Um, wait, wait, wait, wait.

472
00:16:49,396 --> 00:16:50,629
- No, I'll go.
- Wait, wait.

473
00:16:50,697 --> 00:16:51,764
What?

474
00:16:51,832 --> 00:16:53,165
He's in there.

475
00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:58,037
Shh.

476
00:16:58,347 --> 00:16:59,651
She told him.

477
00:17:04,346 --> 00:17:05,251
Son?

478
00:17:05,276 --> 00:17:06,879
- Babe, I think you should watch.
- I don't...

479
00:17:06,947 --> 00:17:08,080
- Son.
- You should watch.

480
00:17:08,148 --> 00:17:09,715
I know you're mad. I get it.

481
00:17:09,783 --> 00:17:11,083
Do you want me to take this off?

482
00:17:11,151 --> 00:17:12,718
I didn't do a good
job being your father.

483
00:17:12,786 --> 00:17:14,671
You're in a zone. I'm
just gonna sit tight.

484
00:17:14,696 --> 00:17:16,024
And now you're getting married.

485
00:17:16,049 --> 00:17:16,789
I get it.

486
00:17:16,857 --> 00:17:18,424
I wouldn't have invited me, either.

487
00:17:18,492 --> 00:17:19,592
I've missed a lot.

488
00:17:20,714 --> 00:17:21,893
I'm sorry.

489
00:17:22,612 --> 00:17:23,929
In my defense,

490
00:17:23,997 --> 00:17:25,431
I was stoned for most of the '90s.

491
00:17:25,499 --> 00:17:26,799
And the 2000s.

492
00:17:26,867 --> 00:17:29,168
Full disclosure... I
was stoned this morning.

493
00:17:29,994 --> 00:17:31,103
I like weed.

494
00:17:31,776 --> 00:17:33,174
But the point is,

495
00:17:34,424 --> 00:17:36,976
if you can forgive me even a little,

496
00:17:37,284 --> 00:17:38,838
I'd love to have a drink with you.

497
00:17:39,924 --> 00:17:42,114
And meet the man that you've become.

498
00:17:46,847 --> 00:17:47,800
Come on.

499
00:17:56,752 --> 00:17:58,020
Gavin.

500
00:17:58,409 --> 00:17:59,999
That's okay... Gavin, not Dad.

501
00:18:00,066 --> 00:18:00,799
That's just where I'm at right now.

502
00:18:00,867 --> 00:18:02,168
Understood.

503
00:18:02,235 --> 00:18:04,737
I'm grateful you're
calling me anything at all.

504
00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:07,139
I wanted to say I'm sorry.

505
00:18:08,776 --> 00:18:10,844
And I know that it
might not seem genuine,

506
00:18:10,869 --> 00:18:11,911
because the only
reason I came here today

507
00:18:11,978 --> 00:18:14,180
was to do stuff with your roommate.

508
00:18:14,247 --> 00:18:16,649
But in the past ten years,

509
00:18:16,716 --> 00:18:19,534
I must've picked up that
phone to call you and apologize

510
00:18:20,244 --> 00:18:21,893
a hundred times.

511
00:18:23,996 --> 00:18:25,530
I really am sorry.

512
00:18:27,260 --> 00:18:31,030
Gavin, this is my fiancée Cece.

513
00:18:31,695 --> 00:18:34,732
She is the reason that I
am the man that I am today.

514
00:18:34,801 --> 00:18:36,302
It's wonderful to meet you, Cece.

515
00:18:36,795 --> 00:18:38,037
I'm the terrible father.

516
00:18:39,149 --> 00:18:40,009
Thank you.

517
00:18:40,034 --> 00:18:41,040
Because whatever you did

518
00:18:41,107 --> 00:18:42,374
or didn't do,

519
00:18:43,343 --> 00:18:45,144
Schmidt turned out amazing.

520
00:18:51,098 --> 00:18:51,987
All right.

521
00:18:52,012 --> 00:18:53,152
I'm gonna head out.

522
00:18:54,324 --> 00:18:56,199
I'm sure it will be a beautiful wedding.

523
00:18:58,863 --> 00:19:00,459
I wasn't very good at being married.

524
00:19:01,449 --> 00:19:04,121
But thankfully you seem
like you're nothing like me.

525
00:19:07,512 --> 00:19:09,116
For what it's worth,

526
00:19:11,695 --> 00:19:13,838
I like the second option.

527
00:19:14,747 --> 00:19:16,040
Timeless.

528
00:19:16,943 --> 00:19:18,334
I agree.

529
00:19:22,816 --> 00:19:24,218
Good-bye.

530
00:19:28,016 --> 00:19:29,555
Okay, wa... uh...

531
00:19:30,342 --> 00:19:31,557
Wait, uh...

532
00:19:33,603 --> 00:19:35,231
Here, that's for you.

533
00:19:38,237 --> 00:19:40,266
Let's see if you can show up this time.

534
00:19:40,815 --> 00:19:42,268
I hope that you do.

535
00:19:44,104 --> 00:19:45,611
Thank you.

536
00:19:46,870 --> 00:19:48,838
There's no plus one, so don't even ask.

537
00:19:49,414 --> 00:19:50,681
I'll be there.

538
00:19:55,579 --> 00:19:57,882
Back to square one on the seating chart.

539
00:19:59,928 --> 00:20:00,928
Oh!

540
00:20:01,074 --> 00:20:03,292
Sorry, I'm a little bit jumpy.

541
00:20:03,317 --> 00:20:04,290
God, they should really make

542
00:20:04,357 --> 00:20:06,759
a TV show based off what you guys do.

543
00:20:06,826 --> 00:20:09,161
You know, I've been telling
that to Aly since forever!

544
00:20:09,229 --> 00:20:10,329
It'd be a great idea.

545
00:20:10,397 --> 00:20:11,664
Hello, Hollywood!

546
00:20:11,731 --> 00:20:12,364
It's a big show!

547
00:20:12,432 --> 00:20:13,365
Yeah, it's a hit.

548
00:20:14,061 --> 00:20:16,013
I want to apologize.

549
00:20:16,038 --> 00:20:18,671
I'm sorry that I thought my
job was harder than yours.

550
00:20:18,738 --> 00:20:20,506
It's not. I'm just making schedules

551
00:20:20,573 --> 00:20:22,141
and buying beer.

552
00:20:22,208 --> 00:20:23,609
Look, man.

553
00:20:23,677 --> 00:20:25,844
The whole thing has been pretty idiotic.

554
00:20:25,912 --> 00:20:28,480
You know, uh, my job
is harder than yours.

555
00:20:28,548 --> 00:20:29,982
Yes, that's a fact. We all know it.

556
00:20:30,050 --> 00:20:32,017
But I got to say,
man, this is first time

557
00:20:32,085 --> 00:20:34,153
I've seen you really
care about your job.

558
00:20:35,106 --> 00:20:37,245
You're killing it.

559
00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:39,024
It means a lot to me that you said that.

560
00:20:39,092 --> 00:20:40,893
- So thank you.
- Yeah, yeah.

561
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,562
So, look, I got... I got us burgers.

562
00:20:43,630 --> 00:20:45,073
- Oh!
- You know,

563
00:20:45,098 --> 00:20:46,699
I figured we're both too busy for steak.

564
00:20:46,766 --> 00:20:48,919
The tradition!

565
00:20:50,309 --> 00:20:52,071
Nick, I need a drink.

566
00:20:52,575 --> 00:20:54,673
It'd better be green,
sweet and in a fun glass.

567
00:20:54,741 --> 00:20:55,774
Schmidt, are you okay?

568
00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:57,676
I mean, you look a little freaked...

569
00:20:57,744 --> 00:20:59,278
Oh... oh-oh, Cece!

570
00:20:59,346 --> 00:21:00,589
Cece's pregnant!

571
00:21:00,614 --> 00:21:01,513
- No.
- Ow.

572
00:21:01,581 --> 00:21:03,184
Jess made out with Schmidt's dad.

573
00:21:03,489 --> 00:21:04,817
Oh, my God!

574
00:21:04,884 --> 00:21:07,386
So many emotions.

575
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:17,896
Well, I mean, did you like it?

576
00:21:17,964 --> 00:21:20,366
- Don't answer that.
- Ew, it was Schmidt's dad.

577
00:21:20,433 --> 00:21:21,833
You're not answering the question.

578
00:21:21,857 --> 00:21:22,968
No, she's not answering the question.

579
00:21:22,969 --> 00:21:24,703
Sweetie, you don't have to say anything.

580
00:21:26,794 --> 00:21:28,107
I liked it a little bit.

581
00:21:28,174 --> 00:21:31,110
Dude.

582
00:21:31,177 --> 00:21:33,078
Synced and corrected by Chitorafa
www.addic7ed.com