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REPORTER: A record heat wave
is melting Los Angeles,
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00:00:02,850 --> 00:00:05,561
sparking chaos in stores
across the Southland.
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00:00:05,562 --> 00:00:06,691
Riot police have been summoned
to several locations...
Oh, damn.
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00:00:06,692 --> 00:00:08,551
This heat is untenable.
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00:00:08,552 --> 00:00:11,282
It's like a Jewfro
apocalypse in here.
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00:00:11,283 --> 00:00:13,362
I look like a '70s
divorce attorney.
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00:00:13,363 --> 00:00:15,423
NICK:
So we don't have A/C.
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00:00:17,373 --> 00:00:19,282
You guys are going to love this.
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00:00:19,283 --> 00:00:21,352
I invented something even better.
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00:00:21,353 --> 00:00:23,452
It's called the Ranch System.
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00:00:23,453 --> 00:00:25,372
The Ranch System for Cooling.
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00:00:25,373 --> 00:00:27,322
This is one of my best inventions.
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Reagan's going to freak
out when she sees it.
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Check it out. We've got
a combination of cool winds,
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00:00:31,443 --> 00:00:33,442
a-a cool, chilly pond,
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00:00:33,443 --> 00:00:35,292
you wear white jeans
'cause they don't absorb heat--
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that's actually science,
I did research.
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You know, science aside, man,
you working those jeans.
Oh, thanks for saying that, man.
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00:00:40,333 --> 00:00:41,362
I was insecure
about the way they looked.
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You killing it, man.
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00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:43,472
Hey, guys.
How are you doing?
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00:00:43,473 --> 00:00:45,472
Well, everything here
looks normal.
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Welcome to The Ranch.
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I don't know what that means.
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Have a seat.
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REAGAN:
Why would I do that?
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NICK: It'll cool you
right off. You'll love it.
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Ooh. Is that chair
supposed to be wet?
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It is.
I...
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Okay.
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00:00:58,363 --> 00:01:01,452
And away we... cool!
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(laughing):
Check it out!
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Feels like somebody is learning
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00:01:04,463 --> 00:01:06,322
to whistle very close to my face.
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That's right, it does.
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She said it feels like
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00:01:08,383 --> 00:01:09,462
someone's whistling
close to her face!
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I never thought of that.
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It's another plus.
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No.
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00:01:13,363 --> 00:01:14,422
No, it's not.
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But I have a better idea.
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Why don't we all cool off...
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with the brand-new air
conditioner that I bought?
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Son of a...
Yes!
What?
What?
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00:01:22,293 --> 00:01:23,442
A/C!
Oh...
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00:01:23,443 --> 00:01:26,322
damn.
CECE:
Oh, it was so hot.
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00:01:26,323 --> 00:01:28,382
Oh, yeah, this is wet.
CECE: Having A/C.
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That's sweat from my bottom.
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♪ ♪
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SCHMIDT:
This is amazing.
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Thank you, Reagan.
Finally, we can stop living
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like people in a beer commercial
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before the beer shows up.
How did you pull this off?
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00:01:41,423 --> 00:01:43,472
It's not a big deal. That whole
riot thing's really overblown.
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00:01:43,473 --> 00:01:46,392
Get the hell back!
(screams)
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00:01:46,393 --> 00:01:49,262
I will be putting the A/C in my
room and everyone is welcome.
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00:01:49,263 --> 00:01:50,312
No, thank you. We're good.
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I speak for all of us.
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REAGAN: Okay.
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Well, we are observing gym rules,
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so make sure you wipe down
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anything you plan to sit on.
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Whatever.
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More breeze for us.
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00:02:01,333 --> 00:02:02,382
I'm gonna grab some old underpants
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00:02:02,383 --> 00:02:04,272
and I'll put a pair
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00:02:04,273 --> 00:02:05,392
in the freezer for each of you.
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Trust me, I'm wearing
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00:02:07,253 --> 00:02:08,312
frozen underwear right now,
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00:02:08,313 --> 00:02:10,272
and I feel amazing.
(crackling)
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So, I'm in good shape.
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Cece?
Mmm.
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00:02:14,303 --> 00:02:16,312
I think maybe you should go...
go hang out by the A/C.
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00:02:16,313 --> 00:02:18,412
Cece's got a big audition today
to be a reporter.
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00:02:18,413 --> 00:02:20,432
She's been taking
broadcasting classes.
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Any way you slice it,
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00:02:22,353 --> 00:02:25,342
that cafeteria pizza
is a great deal.
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You know, in fact,
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00:02:26,403 --> 00:02:27,462
I'm getting a little
hungry myself.
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00:02:27,463 --> 00:02:29,283
How about you, Carl?
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00:02:30,393 --> 00:02:32,282
I thought the next thing
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00:02:32,283 --> 00:02:33,342
I was supposed to talk about
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00:02:33,343 --> 00:02:35,302
was the rain.
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00:02:35,303 --> 00:02:36,362
It is, Carl.
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00:02:36,363 --> 00:02:38,392
I was just having a little banter.
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00:02:38,393 --> 00:02:40,312
Oh.
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00:02:40,313 --> 00:02:41,472
Um...
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00:02:41,473 --> 00:02:44,322
I... uh, I had
a sandwich
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so... I'm full.
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The audition's just for
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00:02:47,423 --> 00:02:49,272
gas station TV, okay?
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00:02:49,273 --> 00:02:50,362
Nobody watches it.
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00:02:50,363 --> 00:02:51,432
WINSTON: Don't you
dare downplay it.
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00:02:51,433 --> 00:02:53,362
I adore gas station television,
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00:02:53,363 --> 00:02:55,272
I mean, myself, personally.
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00:02:55,273 --> 00:02:57,302
It is the intersection
between information
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00:02:57,303 --> 00:02:58,442
and also gas.
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00:02:58,443 --> 00:03:00,352
That's right.
Cece, today it's gas,
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00:03:00,353 --> 00:03:01,432
tomorrow, it's local news--
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00:03:01,433 --> 00:03:03,402
the next thing you know,
you're reporting
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00:03:03,403 --> 00:03:04,482
diabetes statistics
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00:03:04,483 --> 00:03:06,342
as we all watch B-roll
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00:03:06,343 --> 00:03:07,452
of fat people walking
across the street.
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I just, I don't...
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I-I don't think
I'm gonna go to the audition.
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'Cause it's...
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it's just so hot.
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You know?
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00:03:16,413 --> 00:03:18,252
Okay.
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00:03:18,253 --> 00:03:19,412
Um...
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00:03:19,413 --> 00:03:21,282
Yeah, I mean,
that's-that's cool.
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00:03:21,283 --> 00:03:23,332
Just... Look, I love you
no matter what.
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Go cool off.
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All right.
All right.
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Can I talk to you for a second?
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What the hell was
all that coddling?
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Whoa.
What are you,
a big-bosomed grandma?
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Tough love!
Make her go!
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Don't tell me what to do!
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I'm her fiancé,
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not some schnook off the street
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eating a peanut butter cookie.
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It's my job to give her
love and support.
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That's how I get her
to go to the audition.
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As a cop, do you think I would
get anyone to do anything
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if I were being
kind and supportive?
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Hell no!
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Look, I have recently
found my cop voice
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and I'll tell you this:
it is very effective.
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Is that what you've been
practicing in the bathroom?
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(loud):
Everybody stop!
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Make a left turn!
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(high, wavering):
You have the right
to remain silent! You...
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(elegant):
Freeze! Nah.
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00:04:03,263 --> 00:04:04,382
(over-enunciating):
Three hundred
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00:04:04,383 --> 00:04:07,342
and three thousand
thelonious thistles...
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(climbing vocal scale):
♪ Handcuffs, handcuffs,
handcuffs ♪
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♪ Handcuffs, handcuffs,
handcuffs, handcuffs. ♪
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(deep): Freeze!
(normal): Ooh, ooh.
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(à la Arnold Schwarzenegger): Down on the ground,
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fugitive of the law.
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♪ Handcuffs, handcuffs,
handcuffs, handcuffs ♪
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♪ Handcuffs, handcuffs. ♪
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Those were just my warmups.
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My point is this, man.
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You can't hug and kiss Cece
into doing anything.
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Your mind would melt if you knew
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what I've hugged
and kissed Cece into doing.
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Stay out of it, Winston.
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(chuckles):
My guys.
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Hey, who needs
Reagan's A/C, right?
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Here.
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Put some of my old underwear
on your face. It feels great.
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Oh, Nick...
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you're gonna make a great dad.
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I'll see you later.
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Okay.
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00:04:45,303 --> 00:04:46,392
Hey! Who needs him, huh?
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00:04:46,393 --> 00:04:48,292
Yeah.
We got each other.
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00:04:48,293 --> 00:04:49,312
Yeah.
We've been
through worse.
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Chicago!
Chicago!
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00:04:50,314 --> 00:04:51,382
(chuckles)
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City of soup, you know?
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Yes, sir.
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So I'm gonna go take a shower.
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I'll be back in a hot minute.
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Or, as we say
on a day like today...
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00:05:01,313 --> 00:05:03,432
...a minute.
(laughs) That's great, man.
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00:05:03,433 --> 00:05:05,462
That's chill, that's chill.
That's great. Thanks for
taking my back today.
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00:05:05,463 --> 00:05:07,312
I'll see you
in a sec.
All right, all right.
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You and me, all day.
You and me.
Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah.
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Look who it is!
What happened?
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The A/C fall over
and squish Winston's cat?
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00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:18,302
Oh, my God, please don't tell me
that happened. I would die.
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I just came out here to tell you
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00:05:19,423 --> 00:05:20,482
that it's actually
really nice in there.
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It's really nice right here,
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00:05:22,283 --> 00:05:23,362
with my underpants on my face.
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I think maybe
you should stop pouting
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00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:27,432
because I didn't like
whatever this is.
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00:05:27,433 --> 00:05:30,322
Wait, what?
183
00:05:30,323 --> 00:05:32,482
Why would I care if you,
specifically, didn't like it?
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00:05:32,483 --> 00:05:35,402
Nick.
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00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:37,342
Reagan.
186
00:05:37,343 --> 00:05:39,272
Nick, come on.
187
00:05:39,273 --> 00:05:40,362
You want to go there?
188
00:05:40,363 --> 00:05:42,283
I want to go where?
189
00:05:44,283 --> 00:05:46,422
What are you talking about?
190
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You wanted to impress me
191
00:05:48,323 --> 00:05:50,283
because you have a crush on me.
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00:05:51,443 --> 00:05:53,342
(laughs)
193
00:05:53,343 --> 00:05:55,372
It's nice to get a good laugh
in this heat.
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00:05:55,373 --> 00:05:57,292
(laughing)
195
00:05:57,293 --> 00:05:58,402
I need a laugh.
196
00:05:58,403 --> 00:06:00,332
It's too hot not to laugh.
197
00:06:00,333 --> 00:06:01,392
Lord knows it!
198
00:06:01,393 --> 00:06:03,372
You do.
(laughing)
199
00:06:03,373 --> 00:06:05,452
I don't have a crush on you.
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00:06:05,453 --> 00:06:07,332
You're very conceited.
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00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:09,312
And I don't mean to burst
your bubble here, missy,
202
00:06:09,313 --> 00:06:12,312
but I am not out here
203
00:06:12,313 --> 00:06:15,372
because of my
"so-called crush on you,
204
00:06:15,373 --> 00:06:16,472
"based on my actions
205
00:06:16,473 --> 00:06:18,452
that led you to believe
I have a crush on you."
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00:06:18,453 --> 00:06:20,252
I am out here
207
00:06:20,253 --> 00:06:21,412
because I have never been
208
00:06:21,413 --> 00:06:24,332
more comfortable
in my entire life.
209
00:06:24,333 --> 00:06:26,322
Okay, you know what?
Just go get!
210
00:06:26,323 --> 00:06:28,322
Winston and I
don't need you, sister.
211
00:06:28,323 --> 00:06:29,432
REAGAN:
Oh, you mean Winston,
like, this Winston?
212
00:06:29,433 --> 00:06:32,333
What do you mean, like this...
213
00:06:34,353 --> 00:06:35,382
Oh, Winston.
214
00:06:35,383 --> 00:06:37,422
I'm really sorry.
215
00:06:37,423 --> 00:06:39,402
It's fine, it's fine.
Who needs you?
216
00:06:39,403 --> 00:06:41,322
'Cause the hottest part
of the day is already over.
217
00:06:41,323 --> 00:06:42,342
It's 9:30 in the morning.
218
00:06:42,343 --> 00:06:43,372
Then tell me this:
219
00:06:43,373 --> 00:06:44,463
why did I just eat lunch?
220
00:06:46,293 --> 00:06:47,343
Why did I just eat lunch?
221
00:06:49,973 --> 00:06:51,842
(chuckling):
Another guy just
collapsed out there.
222
00:06:51,843 --> 00:06:52,942
Oh!
223
00:06:52,943 --> 00:06:55,812
But the Good Samaritan
to the rescue!
224
00:06:55,813 --> 00:06:58,842
(thudding)
Oh, damn.
Good Samaritan just collapsed.
225
00:06:58,843 --> 00:07:00,782
Oh!
226
00:07:00,783 --> 00:07:03,892
And UPS guy to the rescue!
227
00:07:03,893 --> 00:07:06,842
(thudding)
And the UPS guy just collapsed.
228
00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:10,852
Ah, lady stealing packages...
229
00:07:10,853 --> 00:07:12,882
Ah...
230
00:07:12,883 --> 00:07:15,772
(thudding)
Oh! And the lady just collapsed.
231
00:07:15,773 --> 00:07:17,932
Whoo. You know, I'm actually
kind of getting chilly in here.
232
00:07:17,933 --> 00:07:19,812
Look, guys.
233
00:07:19,813 --> 00:07:20,982
I got this box of Jess's
weird old ski clothes.
234
00:07:20,983 --> 00:07:22,893
Oh!
Ooh...
235
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:25,772
Hello, 1989.
236
00:07:25,773 --> 00:07:26,782
WINSTON:
Check me out,
237
00:07:26,783 --> 00:07:27,802
I'm Picabo Street.
238
00:07:27,803 --> 00:07:28,872
You know who that is, right?
239
00:07:28,873 --> 00:07:29,932
I don't know who that is.
240
00:07:29,933 --> 00:07:31,792
Real après-ski vibe.
241
00:07:31,793 --> 00:07:32,982
I feel like I'm in Gstaad.
242
00:07:32,983 --> 00:07:34,792
Gstaad's all about après-ski.
243
00:07:34,793 --> 00:07:35,872
Well, it's nice
in the summer, too.
244
00:07:35,873 --> 00:07:36,833
Oh, have you been?
245
00:07:36,833 --> 00:07:37,833
Have you?
246
00:07:37,834 --> 00:07:38,912
Have you?
247
00:07:38,913 --> 00:07:40,822
Have you been,
is the real question.
248
00:07:40,823 --> 00:07:42,922
Have-have you been to Gstaad?
249
00:07:42,923 --> 00:07:43,982
Wh... I...
What does it matter?
Just tell the truth.
250
00:07:43,983 --> 00:07:45,872
Have you been there?
Have you been there?
251
00:07:45,873 --> 00:07:46,972
I'm sorry, have you?
No, I haven't been there.
252
00:07:46,973 --> 00:07:48,902
Well... (laughs)
Should I be
ashamed of that,
253
00:07:48,903 --> 00:07:50,772
or can we all just tell the truth
254
00:07:50,773 --> 00:07:51,972
about whether
we've been to... "Shtaad."
255
00:07:51,973 --> 00:07:53,952
Please. It's "Gstaad."
256
00:07:53,953 --> 00:07:55,782
Shaad.
Shtaad.
257
00:07:55,783 --> 00:07:56,932
No one in this room
has been to Gstaad.
258
00:07:56,933 --> 00:07:58,892
Yeah, one more fan.
259
00:07:58,893 --> 00:08:00,752
Just a little closer.
260
00:08:00,753 --> 00:08:01,942
Okay, that'll do it.
261
00:08:01,943 --> 00:08:03,902
You guys are suckers in
there! This is great!
262
00:08:03,903 --> 00:08:05,842
Should we be worried about him?
263
00:08:05,843 --> 00:08:07,842
Worried about Nick? Oh, no,
this is just what he does.
264
00:08:07,843 --> 00:08:09,802
Okay, but being exposed
to the heat for that long
265
00:08:09,803 --> 00:08:10,902
is actually super-dangerous,
266
00:08:10,903 --> 00:08:13,862
so... maybe I should go
reason with him.
267
00:08:13,863 --> 00:08:14,892
(others laughing)
268
00:08:14,893 --> 00:08:16,882
"Reason."
269
00:08:16,883 --> 00:08:19,902
Please excuse our immediate
but correct response.
270
00:08:19,903 --> 00:08:21,822
(Nick grunts)
271
00:08:21,823 --> 00:08:22,872
(grunts)
272
00:08:22,873 --> 00:08:24,762
Oh, hey, hey.
273
00:08:24,763 --> 00:08:26,762
Please just come into my room?
It's right there.
274
00:08:26,763 --> 00:08:27,912
It's not even hot in reality.
275
00:08:27,913 --> 00:08:29,882
You're obviously suffering
from heat exhaustion.
276
00:08:29,883 --> 00:08:31,942
It's like a crisp
Vermont November.
277
00:08:31,943 --> 00:08:34,752
Apple cider, football weather.
278
00:08:34,753 --> 00:08:35,902
Don't jump in a pile of leaves.
279
00:08:35,903 --> 00:08:37,882
(chuckling): There might be
a dead dog in there.
280
00:08:37,883 --> 00:08:39,802
You're slurring your speech.
281
00:08:39,803 --> 00:08:40,962
Soon you're gonna get dizzy,
you're gonna get cramps.
282
00:08:40,963 --> 00:08:42,962
Why do you care so much, Reagan?
283
00:08:42,963 --> 00:08:45,772
Because you look like
a dying man on a hospital show.
284
00:08:45,773 --> 00:08:47,953
Oh, I know why.
285
00:08:48,973 --> 00:08:50,952
Because you have a crush on me.
286
00:08:50,953 --> 00:08:53,812
No.
(laughs)
Yeah.
287
00:08:53,813 --> 00:08:54,912
That's... that...
288
00:08:54,913 --> 00:08:56,842
I... You're...
you're a human being
289
00:08:56,843 --> 00:08:59,762
and I'm worried about...
You have a crush on me.
290
00:08:59,763 --> 00:09:01,872
No.
That's why you're always
thinking about me...
291
00:09:01,873 --> 00:09:02,952
That has nothing to do with that.
292
00:09:02,953 --> 00:09:04,802
...giving me my medicals,
293
00:09:04,803 --> 00:09:06,842
checking on me,
giving me my medicals...
294
00:09:06,843 --> 00:09:08,812
You said that twice.
You are hallucinating.
295
00:09:08,813 --> 00:09:11,802
No, Reagan, I'm
"ha-truth-inating."
296
00:09:11,803 --> 00:09:12,952
Okay, you know what, I'm
gonna have to smoke you out.
297
00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:14,843
Ooh-hoo! Smoke me out?
298
00:09:20,963 --> 00:09:22,932
Turn 'em all on, great.
299
00:09:22,933 --> 00:09:25,763
I love it hot.
300
00:09:27,963 --> 00:09:29,782
NICK:
Great, turn 'em up.
301
00:09:29,783 --> 00:09:31,782
I got the sticks
if you got the melons.
302
00:09:31,783 --> 00:09:32,852
Marsh-melons.
303
00:09:32,853 --> 00:09:33,972
Marshmallows.
304
00:09:33,973 --> 00:09:35,783
Sorry.
305
00:09:36,893 --> 00:09:37,962
♪ ♪
306
00:09:37,963 --> 00:09:39,822
(imitates whooshing)
307
00:09:39,823 --> 00:09:41,762
(laughing):
Hey, Deborah.
308
00:09:41,763 --> 00:09:43,902
Hey, Cece, now that...
now that we're...
What?
309
00:09:43,903 --> 00:09:45,902
Now that we're in the cool,
have you rethought the audition?
310
00:09:45,903 --> 00:09:47,762
Maybe you'll go now?
311
00:09:47,763 --> 00:09:48,932
I mean, either way I
love you, I just...
312
00:09:48,933 --> 00:09:50,892
Um, no.
No, okay.
313
00:09:50,893 --> 00:09:52,763
Mm-mm.
Okay, I still
love you though.
314
00:09:53,973 --> 00:09:55,882
(whispering):
You leave me with no choice.
315
00:09:55,883 --> 00:09:56,883
(whispering):
What are you doing?
316
00:09:56,884 --> 00:09:58,802
Ma'am! I'm gonna ask
that you please
317
00:09:58,803 --> 00:10:01,802
remove your headphones now!
What?
318
00:10:01,803 --> 00:10:03,782
Do you know why I asked you
to remove your headphones?
319
00:10:03,783 --> 00:10:04,822
Why are you talking so loud?
320
00:10:04,823 --> 00:10:05,982
Do you have a cranberry
stuck in your ear again?
321
00:10:05,983 --> 00:10:07,952
Winston found
his cop voice.
Oh...
322
00:10:07,953 --> 00:10:10,872
Ma'am! Why are you
avoiding an audition
323
00:10:10,873 --> 00:10:12,852
when you know damn well
it's important to you?
324
00:10:12,853 --> 00:10:14,972
Don't do this.
Get back in your vehicle,
immediately!
325
00:10:14,973 --> 00:10:16,952
Ma'am, please answer the question.
326
00:10:16,953 --> 00:10:18,892
Why are you avoiding an audition?
327
00:10:18,893 --> 00:10:21,892
And do not say that you are not,
because I know that you are,
328
00:10:21,893 --> 00:10:22,983
so tell me why!
329
00:10:24,893 --> 00:10:26,893
Why?! Why?!
330
00:10:27,853 --> 00:10:29,792
Why?!
331
00:10:29,793 --> 00:10:30,892
Now, damn it, speak!
332
00:10:30,893 --> 00:10:31,893
What if I'm not good enough?
333
00:10:31,893 --> 00:10:32,893
It's my dream job,
334
00:10:32,894 --> 00:10:33,912
and what if I can't do it, okay?
335
00:10:33,913 --> 00:10:35,892
What?
336
00:10:35,893 --> 00:10:37,792
Cece, you're the most talented...
337
00:10:37,793 --> 00:10:38,872
Sir, stand down!
338
00:10:38,873 --> 00:10:40,852
Winston, you stand down.
339
00:10:40,853 --> 00:10:42,812
Go play softball against
the fire department
340
00:10:42,813 --> 00:10:44,962
or whatever it is you do.
That's not till Wednesday.
341
00:10:44,963 --> 00:10:46,782
Honey, I was terrified.
Don't worry... don't...
342
00:10:46,783 --> 00:10:47,862
My hands are shaking.
Block that out.
343
00:10:47,863 --> 00:10:49,772
I'm freaking out. Yeah.
Block that
out.
344
00:10:49,773 --> 00:10:50,802
SCHMIDT: Okay,
let's plan a trip.
345
00:10:50,803 --> 00:10:51,812
Something to look forward to.
346
00:10:51,813 --> 00:10:52,813
Yeah, that'd be great.
347
00:10:52,813 --> 00:10:53,813
Mother freckles.
348
00:10:53,814 --> 00:10:56,822
Winston's wild.
349
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:57,872
CECE:
God, that was so scary.
350
00:10:57,873 --> 00:11:00,812
It was so terrible.
351
00:11:00,813 --> 00:11:01,813
It's okay.
352
00:11:02,813 --> 00:11:04,813
(grunting)
353
00:11:06,853 --> 00:11:08,802
Can you just admit
that it's hot in here?
354
00:11:08,803 --> 00:11:10,972
There's no way that you
are not hot. I'm hot.
355
00:11:10,973 --> 00:11:12,962
Why are you so worried
about old Nicky pots and pans?
356
00:11:12,963 --> 00:11:14,842
I don't have a crush on you.
357
00:11:14,843 --> 00:11:15,932
You have a crush on me,
it's obvious.
358
00:11:15,933 --> 00:11:17,892
Why would I have a crush on you?
359
00:11:17,893 --> 00:11:20,762
You are the most stubborn,
annoying, frustrating person
360
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:21,922
I have ever met in my entire life.
361
00:11:21,923 --> 00:11:23,922
Why don't you tell that
to the judge in your pants?
362
00:11:23,923 --> 00:11:25,833
Verdict's in. You're guilty.
363
00:11:26,893 --> 00:11:28,812
Where are you going?!
364
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:29,912
I'm shutting down your ranch.
365
00:11:29,913 --> 00:11:32,972
Leave my ranch out of it!
366
00:11:32,973 --> 00:11:35,912
Well, then I'm gonna
do this, you idiot.
367
00:11:35,913 --> 00:11:36,982
Whoa.
368
00:11:36,983 --> 00:11:38,772
No, don't.
369
00:11:38,773 --> 00:11:39,940
Leave it alone.
REAGAN: Stop.
370
00:11:40,863 --> 00:11:42,942
REAGAN:
No, you don't...
371
00:11:42,943 --> 00:11:45,772
(beeping)
(beeping)
372
00:11:45,773 --> 00:11:46,852
What is going on?!
Damn! Damn!
373
00:11:46,853 --> 00:11:47,943
Reagan, please, let...
374
00:11:58,963 --> 00:12:01,842
Look, she's the one...
Wh... No, you're the one.
375
00:12:01,843 --> 00:12:03,822
SCHMIDT:
Now, get down to the basement
and fix our power.
376
00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:05,772
But the basement?
There are so many rats.
377
00:12:05,773 --> 00:12:06,932
She'll probably try
to make out with me.
378
00:12:06,933 --> 00:12:08,782
Please, I would rather
make out with a rat.
379
00:12:08,783 --> 00:12:09,822
Gross. Did you hear
what she just said?
380
00:12:09,823 --> 00:12:11,752
Stop! Go to the basement
381
00:12:11,753 --> 00:12:13,932
and stay there
until the power is fixed!
Yes, sir.
382
00:12:13,933 --> 00:12:15,963
(bell dinging)
383
00:12:17,843 --> 00:12:19,842
Now, I have accidentally
pressed all of the buttons,
384
00:12:19,843 --> 00:12:21,802
but you will stay on the elevator
385
00:12:21,803 --> 00:12:23,792
until you get to the basement!
386
00:12:23,793 --> 00:12:25,893
And when you get to
that basement... Aw, damn...
387
00:12:29,187 --> 00:12:30,313
How is it even hotter down here?
388
00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:32,177
Because the heat
stays low, you dummy.
389
00:12:32,175 --> 00:12:33,277
It's bad enough
that we're down here,
390
00:12:33,270 --> 00:12:34,353
I can't explain science to you.
391
00:12:34,357 --> 00:12:36,229
I hope that the Chicago Cubs
392
00:12:36,229 --> 00:12:38,227
win the World Series
while you're in a coma.
393
00:12:38,228 --> 00:12:41,315
That's one of the meanest things
anybody has ever said to me.
394
00:12:41,313 --> 00:12:43,352
We are visitors,
let's act like it.
395
00:12:46,363 --> 00:12:49,232
Hello, rats?
396
00:12:49,233 --> 00:12:51,272
Hello?! (grunts)
397
00:12:51,273 --> 00:12:53,273
I come to hurt ya.
398
00:12:55,273 --> 00:12:58,362
Okay, for those who
have not been scared off,
399
00:12:58,363 --> 00:13:00,352
I actually come in peace.
400
00:13:00,353 --> 00:13:03,152
My name is Nick.
401
00:13:03,153 --> 00:13:05,152
I've been down here a lot.
(high-pitched):
Hello, Nicholas.
402
00:13:05,153 --> 00:13:06,242
I'm Jeremiah.
403
00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:07,352
Sorry.
Why would you...?
404
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:10,282
It's funny.
Very clever.
405
00:13:10,283 --> 00:13:11,283
You got really scared.
406
00:13:11,284 --> 00:13:13,152
I'm not so scared,
407
00:13:13,153 --> 00:13:14,272
but don't ever do that again.
408
00:13:14,273 --> 00:13:16,312
It's also a very good rat voice.
409
00:13:16,313 --> 00:13:18,292
Thank you
But it is a terrible rat name.
410
00:13:18,293 --> 00:13:21,242
Jeremiah? That would never
be the name of a rat.
411
00:13:21,243 --> 00:13:23,242
It's name is, like, Sushi.
412
00:13:23,243 --> 00:13:24,313
Or "Ma-cushi."
413
00:13:25,283 --> 00:13:27,152
Now, follow me.
414
00:13:27,153 --> 00:13:29,362
I want to leave
one set of footprints.
415
00:13:29,363 --> 00:13:32,202
That is a perfect plan,
but I'm not going to do that.
416
00:13:32,203 --> 00:13:34,203
♪ ♪
417
00:13:37,253 --> 00:13:39,252
Oh, hello, old friend.
418
00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:41,283
Funny seeing you here.
419
00:13:42,283 --> 00:13:43,382
Tick-tock.
420
00:13:43,383 --> 00:13:45,263
Almost audition time.
421
00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:47,382
Hey, Cece.
Huh?
422
00:13:47,383 --> 00:13:49,342
You know that thing
you said before
423
00:13:49,343 --> 00:13:51,342
about you not being
talented enough?
424
00:13:51,343 --> 00:13:53,202
You didn't mean that, right?
425
00:13:53,203 --> 00:13:54,302
(laughing):
Yeah, I did.
426
00:13:54,303 --> 00:13:56,202
Newscasters are amazing.
427
00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:57,203
But so are you.
428
00:13:57,204 --> 00:13:59,202
Come on, Schmidt, okay?
429
00:13:59,203 --> 00:14:01,163
I'm a bartender and a model.
430
00:14:06,373 --> 00:14:08,362
(Southern accent):
Ma'am, I'm gonna need you
to step out of the vehicle.
431
00:14:08,363 --> 00:14:11,252
(quietly): Yes, do it, baby.
"Vehicle"? What vehicle?
432
00:14:11,253 --> 00:14:13,222
The metaphorical vehicle
that is holding you back.
433
00:14:13,223 --> 00:14:15,232
Oh.
Don't explain yourself.
Just go with it.
434
00:14:15,233 --> 00:14:17,352
You are a brilliant,
amazing woman,
435
00:14:17,353 --> 00:14:20,292
who is capable of anything.
Okay, maybe drop
the Southern accent.
436
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:22,302
(New York accent):
What, you got mozzarell
in your ears?
437
00:14:22,303 --> 00:14:24,352
You're, uh, get out
of your own way, lady, huh?
438
00:14:24,353 --> 00:14:26,372
Uh, tr-try, Law & Order...
uh, Hargitay.
439
00:14:26,373 --> 00:14:29,222
I've got a past
and it affects my job.
440
00:14:29,223 --> 00:14:31,292
And my relationships--
I can't really do a Mariska.
441
00:14:31,293 --> 00:14:34,292
What is happening here?
Cece, I know the audition
is scary for you.
442
00:14:34,293 --> 00:14:38,182
I would not be doing my job
as the man who loves you
443
00:14:38,183 --> 00:14:39,352
if I let you walk away from this.
444
00:14:39,353 --> 00:14:42,192
Don't blow it, Cece!
445
00:14:42,193 --> 00:14:45,153
You are not walking away
from this opportunity!
446
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:48,352
Okay...
I'm gonna need
less talking out of you
447
00:14:48,353 --> 00:14:50,263
and more action, damn it!
448
00:14:52,343 --> 00:14:54,343
(quietly):
Wow.
449
00:14:57,193 --> 00:14:59,152
Wait, no, Cece, I'm sorry.
450
00:14:59,153 --> 00:15:00,262
Did I take it too far?
(door opens)
451
00:15:00,263 --> 00:15:02,352
I took it too far, didn't I?
Oh, God.
452
00:15:02,353 --> 00:15:04,162
It's fine.
453
00:15:04,163 --> 00:15:06,272
I have been down this road
many a-times.
454
00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:09,182
She's gonna come walking
back through that door
455
00:15:09,183 --> 00:15:11,192
in three, two...
456
00:15:11,193 --> 00:15:13,203
(chuckles)
457
00:15:17,343 --> 00:15:20,322
Look, Schmidt, not for nothing,
458
00:15:20,323 --> 00:15:24,232
man, you got so many good
characters inside of you.
459
00:15:24,233 --> 00:15:27,302
(chuckles):
Oh, my gosh.
460
00:15:27,303 --> 00:15:29,382
Did you already bind the 120s?
Yeah, this should do it.
461
00:15:29,383 --> 00:15:32,342
Do what? (scoffs)
Cook you like barbecue chicken?
462
00:15:32,343 --> 00:15:35,192
I traced it back. It's fine.
I wouldn't do that
if I were you.
463
00:15:35,193 --> 00:15:37,192
It's not safe.
Can you admit
that I might actually
464
00:15:37,193 --> 00:15:38,252
be right about something for once?
465
00:15:38,253 --> 00:15:40,202
It's your own funeral;
you win.
Great.
466
00:15:40,203 --> 00:15:41,322
Don't do it!
Nick!
467
00:15:41,323 --> 00:15:43,152
Fine, let's just say
you are right.
468
00:15:43,153 --> 00:15:44,312
Then at least let me do it, okay?
469
00:15:44,313 --> 00:15:47,152
You don't have to do that.
470
00:15:47,153 --> 00:15:49,232
I want to do it.
471
00:15:49,233 --> 00:15:53,192
I mean, I don't, like, want
to do it, obviously, but...
472
00:15:53,193 --> 00:15:54,352
(stammers)
What if I'm wrong?
473
00:15:54,353 --> 00:15:56,362
If you think this is right,
it's probably right.
474
00:15:56,363 --> 00:15:59,272
You've been, you've been right
about a lot of stuff today.
475
00:15:59,273 --> 00:16:01,332
Like what?
What else was I right about?
476
00:16:01,333 --> 00:16:03,272
Just a lot of stuff. I don't
want to talk about what
477
00:16:03,273 --> 00:16:05,232
you were actually right about
at this moment. Okay, ready?
478
00:16:05,233 --> 00:16:07,192
Uh...
If I get burned up
479
00:16:07,193 --> 00:16:08,352
and die this way, it would be
480
00:16:08,353 --> 00:16:10,202
such an embarrassing way to go.
481
00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:12,192
But what would be nice about it is
482
00:16:12,193 --> 00:16:13,202
that I would technically
have been right.
483
00:16:13,203 --> 00:16:14,362
Here we go.
484
00:16:14,363 --> 00:16:16,282
Heroes don't wear capes.
485
00:16:16,283 --> 00:16:18,242
No, no, no...
486
00:16:18,243 --> 00:16:20,243
(whirring)
487
00:16:21,363 --> 00:16:23,382
Those sons of bitches did it.
488
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:26,242
(chuckling)
489
00:16:26,243 --> 00:16:28,162
Hey, great!
490
00:16:28,163 --> 00:16:30,342
Really good.
491
00:16:30,343 --> 00:16:32,343
That was really great.
492
00:16:39,363 --> 00:16:41,332
(whispers):
What are you looking at?
493
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:43,283
Huge... rat.
494
00:16:51,183 --> 00:16:53,322
(squeaking)
(screaming)
495
00:16:53,323 --> 00:16:55,292
(screaming)
No! No! No!
496
00:16:55,293 --> 00:16:57,283
This is my nightmare!
497
00:17:01,373 --> 00:17:04,292
(people shouting indistinctly)
498
00:17:04,293 --> 00:17:07,253
It's time.
499
00:17:09,773 --> 00:17:11,662
(groans)
500
00:17:11,663 --> 00:17:13,752
(grunting)
501
00:17:13,753 --> 00:17:15,662
How did I...?
502
00:17:15,663 --> 00:17:17,702
Did you carry me out
like a firefighter?
503
00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:19,672
No, you woke up right away.
504
00:17:19,673 --> 00:17:20,782
And then you were like,
"Ooh, I need some fresh air."
505
00:17:20,783 --> 00:17:22,692
So we came outside,
I bought you a muffin
506
00:17:22,693 --> 00:17:23,742
and then you passed out again.
507
00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:25,742
Oh, yeah, I remember that muffin.
508
00:17:25,743 --> 00:17:27,612
I feel like you had
a pretty bad shock,
509
00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:29,682
so let's ask a few questions.
510
00:17:29,683 --> 00:17:31,672
What day of the week is it?
511
00:17:31,673 --> 00:17:33,712
That's not something
I typically know.
512
00:17:33,713 --> 00:17:35,742
I would guess Monday.
513
00:17:35,743 --> 00:17:36,782
Okay.
514
00:17:36,783 --> 00:17:38,642
Blackout.
515
00:17:38,643 --> 00:17:40,552
ATM's are down.
516
00:17:40,553 --> 00:17:41,762
Cash is king
517
00:17:41,763 --> 00:17:43,772
and batteries is queen.
518
00:17:43,773 --> 00:17:46,683
What? Stop being
so whimsical, Winston.
519
00:17:48,563 --> 00:17:50,562
Cece still hasn't called me back.
520
00:17:50,563 --> 00:17:51,672
(sighs)
521
00:17:51,673 --> 00:17:53,562
I think I pushed her too far.
522
00:17:53,563 --> 00:17:55,692
No, Schmidt,
you did the right thing, man.
523
00:17:55,693 --> 00:17:57,582
Look, people get mad
at police officers
524
00:17:57,583 --> 00:17:59,682
because we tell them
what they don't want to hear.
525
00:17:59,683 --> 00:18:01,632
Yet, everyone loves
526
00:18:01,633 --> 00:18:03,592
police officer...
(horns honking)
527
00:18:03,593 --> 00:18:04,762
(deep voice):
Hey, it's a blackout,
528
00:18:04,763 --> 00:18:05,782
not the Rapture!
529
00:18:05,783 --> 00:18:06,783
You yield!
530
00:18:06,784 --> 00:18:08,602
All right!
531
00:18:08,603 --> 00:18:09,742
(people shouting)
Hey, hey, hey, sir, sir!
532
00:18:09,743 --> 00:18:11,642
Keep it moving! Keep it moving!
Keep it moving!
533
00:18:11,643 --> 00:18:13,582
Come on, right this way, ma'am.
534
00:18:13,583 --> 00:18:15,572
Right this way, ma'am.
Right this way, ma'am.
535
00:18:15,573 --> 00:18:17,612
Right that way, ma'am.
Sir, go, go, go!
536
00:18:17,613 --> 00:18:18,622
We ain't got all day!
537
00:18:18,623 --> 00:18:19,682
WINSTON:
Sir!
538
00:18:19,683 --> 00:18:21,722
Cece.
Right this way, ma'am.
Right that way, ma'am.
539
00:18:21,723 --> 00:18:23,602
Thank God you're here.
540
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,632
Look... I'm-I'm sorry.
541
00:18:25,633 --> 00:18:26,772
Yeah, well, you should be.
You really pissed me off.
542
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:29,652
I wrote something rude
on your car.
543
00:18:29,653 --> 00:18:30,742
It was that stupid cop voice.
544
00:18:30,743 --> 00:18:32,552
I shouldn't have
pushed you that hard.
545
00:18:32,553 --> 00:18:33,622
No, you should've.
546
00:18:33,623 --> 00:18:34,772
'Cause you were right.
547
00:18:34,773 --> 00:18:37,702
I was chickening out.
548
00:18:37,703 --> 00:18:39,782
So I went.
You did?
549
00:18:39,783 --> 00:18:41,712
Mm-hmm.
Well, that's amazing.
How did it go?
550
00:18:41,713 --> 00:18:43,652
Real bad. Yeah.
It went real bad?
551
00:18:43,653 --> 00:18:45,572
Okay, well, you know what?
about it, baby, I'm sure...
552
00:18:45,573 --> 00:18:47,572
No, no, no, no.
They just didn't...
553
00:18:47,573 --> 00:18:48,722
It was, it was
legitimately terrible
554
00:18:48,723 --> 00:18:52,672
but not because I'm not talented.
555
00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:54,632
I went to the bar first
556
00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:56,602
so I was wasted
and wearing shorts,
557
00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:59,552
which I won't do next time.
558
00:18:59,553 --> 00:19:00,642
(both laugh)
559
00:19:00,643 --> 00:19:02,552
Thank you for pushing me.
560
00:19:02,553 --> 00:19:03,642
We need to do that
kind of thing for each other.
561
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,552
Yes, please.
562
00:19:05,553 --> 00:19:07,552
I agree, unless,
563
00:19:07,553 --> 00:19:09,602
of course, it's about me using
face wash all over my body.
564
00:19:09,603 --> 00:19:12,572
Ah, this again, really?
I don't care that
it's expensive.
565
00:19:12,573 --> 00:19:14,742
I know that you don't care.
I'm just gonna keep on doing it.
566
00:19:14,743 --> 00:19:16,732
(music playing)
Oh, ice cream truck! Oh!
567
00:19:16,733 --> 00:19:18,552
Right this way!
568
00:19:18,553 --> 00:19:19,642
Here we go, sir.
Here we go, sir.
569
00:19:19,643 --> 00:19:21,562
Here we go, sir.
All right, stop!
570
00:19:21,563 --> 00:19:23,762
(music playing)
571
00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:25,742
Ice cream, man, open up.
572
00:19:25,743 --> 00:19:27,682
Where the ice cream at?
573
00:19:27,683 --> 00:19:29,692
Can I buy you some ice cream?
574
00:19:29,693 --> 00:19:32,552
First, uh, I just want
to revisit that little moment
575
00:19:32,553 --> 00:19:33,632
in the basement
where you were like,
576
00:19:33,633 --> 00:19:35,722
"Hey, Reagan, you've been right
about a lot of stuff today."
577
00:19:35,723 --> 00:19:38,592
Really?
I just want you
to specifically tell me what
578
00:19:38,593 --> 00:19:39,742
You are out of control.
I've been right about.
579
00:19:39,743 --> 00:19:41,702
You're a grown man.
I just think you should be
580
00:19:41,703 --> 00:19:43,573
able to say it.
(laughs)
You dick.
581
00:19:46,633 --> 00:19:48,592
I have a crush on you.
582
00:19:48,593 --> 00:19:49,682
Hmm.
583
00:19:49,683 --> 00:19:50,762
There it is.
584
00:19:50,763 --> 00:19:51,782
I have a crush on you.
585
00:19:51,783 --> 00:19:53,592
Isn't that better?
586
00:19:53,593 --> 00:19:54,722
Now we can just put it behind us,
587
00:19:54,723 --> 00:19:57,672
move on, don't have to be weird.
588
00:19:57,673 --> 00:20:00,592
No, I, obviously, I-I know it's
not gonna be a problem, Reagan.
589
00:20:00,593 --> 00:20:01,732
I don't have any illusion
590
00:20:01,733 --> 00:20:03,662
that you're gonna go
for a guy like me.
591
00:20:03,663 --> 00:20:05,592
I am a total mess.
I understand that.
592
00:20:05,593 --> 00:20:07,692
I mean, you're-you're
beautiful,
593
00:20:07,693 --> 00:20:09,552
and-and you're smart,
594
00:20:09,553 --> 00:20:11,622
and you're-you're mean,
595
00:20:11,623 --> 00:20:12,752
but in a hot way.
596
00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:15,682
And-and you have the-the
mind of a electrician,
597
00:20:15,683 --> 00:20:18,732
which is so confusingly hot,
because that is not, like,
598
00:20:18,733 --> 00:20:19,783
a sexy...
599
00:20:21,603 --> 00:20:23,662
♪ We could both be stars ♪
600
00:20:23,663 --> 00:20:25,602
♪ Yeah, who knows? ♪
601
00:20:25,603 --> 00:20:27,622
♪ We could fall apart ♪
602
00:20:27,623 --> 00:20:29,643
♪ Yeah, who knows? ♪
603
00:20:31,583 --> 00:20:33,703
♪ Who knows? ♪
604
00:20:34,713 --> 00:20:37,592
♪ ♪
605
00:20:37,593 --> 00:20:39,552
♪ All the things
that we wanna be ♪
606
00:20:39,553 --> 00:20:41,562
Excuse me, is your name Stephanie?
607
00:20:41,563 --> 00:20:43,673
I'm supposed to be
meeting somebody here.
608
00:20:45,613 --> 00:20:47,682
It's Nick.
609
00:20:47,683 --> 00:20:50,722
So, not Stephanie.
610
00:20:50,723 --> 00:20:53,612
Hey, yo, Nick, you coming, man?
611
00:20:53,613 --> 00:20:55,712
♪ All that we do is,
ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪
612
00:20:55,713 --> 00:20:57,552
Great.
613
00:20:57,553 --> 00:20:58,682
♪ Follow the world
as it goes... ♪
614
00:20:58,683 --> 00:21:00,672
What is this, a frozen banana,
Winston?
615
00:21:00,673 --> 00:21:02,795
Okay.
616
00:21:02,796 --> 00:21:03,905
While you're gassing up,
617
00:21:03,906 --> 00:21:08,036
let's look at the stock merkins.
618
00:21:08,037 --> 00:21:10,016
Marts... Nope!
619
00:21:10,017 --> 00:21:11,996
Is this...
is this here?
620
00:21:11,997 --> 00:21:13,578
Or is it more here?
Your frame?
621
00:21:13,579 --> 00:21:15,548
Because I don't want
to just be like,
622
00:21:15,549 --> 00:21:18,358
you know, a head that's like...
623
00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:19,478
Scientists have discovered
624
00:21:19,479 --> 00:21:21,678
a new kind of butter.
625
00:21:21,679 --> 00:21:24,588
Fly in the Amazon.
626
00:21:24,589 --> 00:21:26,548
What the crap does that mean?
627
00:21:26,549 --> 00:21:28,548
I'm so sorry.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
628
00:21:28,549 --> 00:21:29,688
You don't...
629
00:21:29,689 --> 00:21:32,689
Is this...? I don't know
who I borrowed this from.
630
00:21:32,690 --> 00:21:34,690
http://subtitles.do.am/