1 00:00:00,335 --> 00:00:02,470 Last spring, I knelt, as I do now, 2 00:00:02,505 --> 00:00:04,394 and altered both of our lives forever. 3 00:00:05,226 --> 00:00:06,867 And ever since then, 4 00:00:06,868 --> 00:00:10,323 I'm sure you've been wondering when I was gonna make this part official. 5 00:00:10,731 --> 00:00:12,033 Nicholas Miller, 6 00:00:12,266 --> 00:00:14,751 will you do me the honor of being my best man? 7 00:00:16,056 --> 00:00:18,005 (groans) Oh, hey. 8 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:20,120 I'm glad you're up. I've got something important to ask you. 9 00:00:20,255 --> 00:00:21,678 - I'm ready. - Would you... 10 00:00:23,242 --> 00:00:24,723 Hold on a second. I need coffee. 11 00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:25,898 Here's one. 12 00:00:25,933 --> 00:00:26,926 Aw. 13 00:00:27,116 --> 00:00:28,160 Thanks. 14 00:00:30,998 --> 00:00:32,131 Mmm. 15 00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:35,434 Mmm. 16 00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:41,140 This just all feels so sudden that, uh... 17 00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:43,342 - I don't know what to say. - Just say yes. 18 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:44,977 Well, I want to say yes. 19 00:00:45,012 --> 00:00:46,311 I really do. 20 00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:48,311 But I'm sorry. 21 00:00:50,134 --> 00:00:51,378 I'm just not there. 22 00:00:51,537 --> 00:00:53,308 I think that you are there. 23 00:00:54,245 --> 00:00:55,821 But I think it scares the hell out of you. 24 00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:57,890 I wish that were the case. I just... 25 00:00:57,925 --> 00:01:01,894 In my heart, I don't know if I'm your best man. 26 00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:05,564 Nick... I need you to get there. 27 00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:07,799 (sighs) Do you want to be my maid of honor? 28 00:01:07,835 --> 00:01:11,270 Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes! (laughs) 29 00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:13,987 Blindsided?! How the heck you gonna feel blindsided?! 30 00:01:14,022 --> 00:01:15,725 We've been best friends ever since college! 31 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:16,563 (snickers) 32 00:01:16,598 --> 00:01:17,592 Are you snickering? 33 00:01:17,627 --> 00:01:18,938 Za-zam! (laughs) 34 00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:21,248 (laughs) Was it worth it? 35 00:01:21,283 --> 00:01:23,021 Oh, it was worth it. Would've paid double. 36 00:01:23,056 --> 00:01:24,249 (laughs) 37 00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:25,870 All right, get up. 38 00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:28,120 You stupid bastard. 39 00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:30,656 Come here. Of course I'll be your best man! 40 00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:31,727 All right! 41 00:01:32,413 --> 00:01:34,798 These rings are the first 42 00:01:35,162 --> 00:01:38,801 of a dozen accessories that are gonna unify the bridal party. 43 00:01:38,836 --> 00:01:40,832 As you can see from my preliminary vision board, 44 00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:44,336 our wedding will borrow equally from the holy trinity of Liz Taylor, 45 00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:46,325 Jackie O and The Power Gays. 46 00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:47,853 - Oh, I'm scared. - You should be. 47 00:01:47,990 --> 00:01:49,849 Guys, look at us. 48 00:01:49,884 --> 00:01:53,503 A year ago, we were spinning around like cows in the movie Twister. 49 00:01:53,676 --> 00:01:55,327 Now look at us. You guys are engaged. 50 00:01:55,362 --> 00:01:57,417 You're a minority owner of the bar. 51 00:01:57,569 --> 00:01:59,696 I'm the maid of honor who's made of honor. 52 00:01:59,731 --> 00:02:01,547 That joke works better on paper. 53 00:02:01,582 --> 00:02:03,493 - Yeah, probably. - And this guy... 54 00:02:03,691 --> 00:02:08,294 is the cop who freaking saved a freaking kid's life. 55 00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:09,027 Help! 56 00:02:09,076 --> 00:02:10,482 - I'm stuck! - Hey! 57 00:02:10,517 --> 00:02:11,530 (grunting) 58 00:02:12,099 --> 00:02:13,265 Help! 59 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,666 (shouts) 60 00:02:14,702 --> 00:02:16,535 (panting) 61 00:02:17,808 --> 00:02:19,068 Thanks, Officer. 62 00:02:19,103 --> 00:02:21,036 - Call an ambulance. - I feel fine. 63 00:02:21,071 --> 00:02:22,577 For me! 64 00:02:22,612 --> 00:02:25,670 (chuckles) You know, Channel 4 is calling me the Carport Hero. 65 00:02:25,705 --> 00:02:27,881 I just... I just really hope it sticks. 66 00:02:27,916 --> 00:02:29,376 It's not a big deal. 67 00:02:29,411 --> 00:02:32,025 This is... our year. 68 00:02:32,060 --> 00:02:34,858 The Chinese zodiac says it's the Year of the Monkey. 69 00:02:35,059 --> 00:02:37,923 I say it's the Year of... 70 00:02:38,395 --> 00:02:40,607 ♪ Us... ♪ 71 00:02:40,642 --> 00:02:42,928 (grunts) ♪ It's the Year... ♪ 72 00:02:43,138 --> 00:02:47,335 ♪ Of Us... ♪ 73 00:02:47,788 --> 00:02:48,900 ♪ It's the Year ♪ 74 00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:51,155 ♪ Of Us... ♪ 75 00:02:52,077 --> 00:02:53,171 ♪ Us... ♪ 76 00:02:53,743 --> 00:02:57,219 Sync and corrections by rickSG www.addic7ed.com 77 00:02:57,702 --> 00:02:59,697 SCHMIDT: Thanks so much for your help, Jess. 78 00:02:59,732 --> 00:03:00,564 (chuckles) 79 00:03:00,565 --> 00:03:03,901 Cece has zero idea that you're flying her mother in for the engagement party tonight. 80 00:03:03,992 --> 00:03:06,100 She is... she is alarmingly in the dark. 81 00:03:06,135 --> 00:03:07,622 Maybe it's a cultural thing. 82 00:03:07,657 --> 00:03:10,088 You know, we saw the British coming. India did not. 83 00:03:10,124 --> 00:03:11,697 Are you nervous to meet Cece's mom? 84 00:03:11,698 --> 00:03:14,200 No. Cece said her mom is really excited 85 00:03:14,201 --> 00:03:17,952 that her sexy little bronco has finally met a cowboy that can tame her. 86 00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:22,570 Paraphrasing. And I'm really excited to meet the woman that Cece came out of. 87 00:03:22,605 --> 00:03:23,602 Not paraphrasing. 88 00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:25,255 I like your confidence. 89 00:03:25,290 --> 00:03:27,618 Meeting Big Mama P is huge. 90 00:03:27,653 --> 00:03:29,814 Her approval means everything to Cece. 91 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:30,907 Mom, 92 00:03:30,942 --> 00:03:32,549 this is my new friend, Jess. 93 00:03:42,047 --> 00:03:43,526 20-minute playdate. 94 00:03:43,561 --> 00:03:44,623 (both squealing) 95 00:03:45,046 --> 00:03:47,450 Secretly, she's a romantic, 96 00:03:47,485 --> 00:03:49,708 'cause she used to be a Bollywood dancer 97 00:03:49,743 --> 00:03:52,607 and Mr. P's parents forbid them from marrying. 98 00:03:52,642 --> 00:03:54,266 Hot. Continue. 99 00:03:54,301 --> 00:03:58,103 When they saw her perform, they were so moved, they gave their blessing. 100 00:03:58,138 --> 00:03:59,871 Dance can be so powerful sometimes. 101 00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,364 Ugh, don't I know it. 102 00:04:01,365 --> 00:04:05,026 That's why I booked L.A.'s premier Bollywood dance troupe, 103 00:04:05,386 --> 00:04:07,860 - MaHotMoves Gandhi. - MaHotMoves Gandhi. 104 00:04:07,895 --> 00:04:10,214 She's gonna love you. I gotcha. 105 00:04:10,249 --> 00:04:11,906 Okay. I'm gonna go check on the best man. 106 00:04:11,941 --> 00:04:14,373 I'm sure he's handling whatever task you gave him 107 00:04:14,517 --> 00:04:15,833 just fine. 108 00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:21,660 (both laugh) 109 00:04:21,939 --> 00:04:23,968 He's so bad at everything! 110 00:04:24,003 --> 00:04:27,485 Look, he's just one of those rare heterosexual men 111 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:29,418 who does not have a knack for wedding planning. 112 00:04:29,453 --> 00:04:31,270 I'll never understand men like that. 113 00:04:31,674 --> 00:04:34,831 I can't pick up Cece's mom from the airport! 114 00:04:34,866 --> 00:04:35,812 It's too much pressure. 115 00:04:35,847 --> 00:04:37,743 You said I only had to do the easy best man stuff. 116 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,514 You're picking someone up from the airport in a car. 117 00:04:40,549 --> 00:04:42,547 Not outer space in a canoe. It is easy, Nick. 118 00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:44,889 - Then why don't you do it? - I can't pick her up. 119 00:04:44,924 --> 00:04:47,853 Tonight is one of the most important nights of my hair's life, 120 00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:49,160 and I need a shampoo. 121 00:04:49,195 --> 00:04:51,971 Not a cut. They'll try and cut it, but I won't let them. 122 00:04:52,059 --> 00:04:53,960 Getting a day-of cut would be insane. 123 00:04:53,995 --> 00:04:56,103 Unless, of course, Julian's working. (sighs) 124 00:04:56,138 --> 00:04:57,910 Julian won't be working though. 125 00:04:58,092 --> 00:04:59,556 You keep fireworks in your car? 126 00:04:59,591 --> 00:05:00,698 What are you, a little Chinese boy? 127 00:05:00,733 --> 00:05:02,830 Hey, you guys! Just saying hey! 128 00:05:02,865 --> 00:05:05,193 - ♪ He's your carport hero, baby ♪ - ♪ Carport hero, baby ♪ 129 00:05:05,228 --> 00:05:07,456 - ♪ He can take away your pain ♪ - ♪ Stand by you forever ♪ 130 00:05:07,491 --> 00:05:09,490 ♪ He can take ♪ 131 00:05:09,525 --> 00:05:11,356 ♪ Your breath away. ♪ 132 00:05:11,391 --> 00:05:13,859 Stop treating me like this, okay? I'm no different from anyone else. 133 00:05:13,894 --> 00:05:15,119 (horn honks) Officer Bishop, 134 00:05:15,154 --> 00:05:18,243 it is an honor to live in your building, sir. 135 00:05:19,590 --> 00:05:21,086 (horn honks fanfare) 136 00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:24,179 That's Glen, too, man. Glen hates everybody. 137 00:05:24,214 --> 00:05:25,354 Glen flips off kids. 138 00:05:25,355 --> 00:05:26,740 WINSTON: Guys, look, quit it, okay? 139 00:05:26,775 --> 00:05:28,188 Ever since I became the Carport Hero, 140 00:05:28,223 --> 00:05:30,025 you're treating me like I'm special, and I'm not. 141 00:05:30,060 --> 00:05:33,269 It's me. Winnie the Bish! The Bish with the wish! 142 00:05:33,304 --> 00:05:35,220 And my wish is to have fun! 143 00:05:35,221 --> 00:05:38,003 Which is exactly why I'm not gonna confiscate the fireworks behind your back. 144 00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:40,222 Yeah, you got me, Officer Bishop. 145 00:05:40,584 --> 00:05:41,984 You can have it. 146 00:05:42,651 --> 00:05:45,109 I also want you to have this Jesus wig. 147 00:05:45,144 --> 00:05:46,639 - You know, wigs aren't illegal. - I know. 148 00:05:46,674 --> 00:05:47,826 But I think it would look awesome on you. 149 00:05:47,861 --> 00:05:49,193 - So do I. - Put it on. 150 00:05:49,228 --> 00:05:51,116 Fine. 151 00:05:52,039 --> 00:05:54,052 - Whoa. Whoa! - Whoa. Whoa! 152 00:05:54,630 --> 00:05:57,288 - Beautiful! - Winston, you look so handsome. 153 00:05:57,323 --> 00:05:59,491 - Oh, my God. - It looks even better than I thought. 154 00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:01,612 MAN (over P.A.): Flight 262 from Mumbai, 155 00:06:01,647 --> 00:06:04,225 your luggage is now arriving at baggage claim 2. 156 00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:09,034 (upbeat Indian music playing) 157 00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:13,438 (music ends) 158 00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:15,073 Yes! Yes! 159 00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:16,517 - Take five. - Hey. 160 00:06:16,518 --> 00:06:17,496 - Hey. - Hey, hey. 161 00:06:17,642 --> 00:06:20,397 So, I just got a voice mail from my mom, 'cause she is at the airport. 162 00:06:20,432 --> 00:06:23,203 Did you... did you fly her in for the party? 163 00:06:23,898 --> 00:06:24,889 Yes. 164 00:06:25,443 --> 00:06:28,002 Yeah, I did. It was supposed to be a surprise, but... 165 00:06:28,037 --> 00:06:30,204 Are you so happy? Oh, excuse me. (phone rings) 166 00:06:30,239 --> 00:06:32,640 - Oh, it's just... um... - Hey, Nick. 167 00:06:32,675 --> 00:06:33,612 NICK: Hey, Jess. 168 00:06:33,647 --> 00:06:35,470 Guess who did it. Me. 169 00:06:35,505 --> 00:06:38,029 I got Cece's mom. I was even on time. 170 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,333 Oh, she's there. Put her on. 171 00:06:39,368 --> 00:06:40,832 Really? You can speak with her? How? 172 00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:42,074 What are you talking about? 173 00:06:42,075 --> 00:06:43,535 No, Jess, I-I need to talk to you now. 174 00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,339 Um, okay. I got to go. 175 00:06:45,761 --> 00:06:47,362 Jess says hi! 176 00:06:47,724 --> 00:06:50,072 Do you prefer the windows down or the AC? 177 00:06:50,107 --> 00:06:52,501 Wow, you look just like Cece! 178 00:06:52,536 --> 00:06:55,205 (speaking Hindi) 179 00:06:56,275 --> 00:06:57,148 Yeah. 180 00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:59,694 It's amazing, yeah. I own it myself. 181 00:06:59,729 --> 00:07:01,507 MAN (over P.A.): White zone is for the immediate loading 182 00:07:01,542 --> 00:07:03,670 and unloading of passengers only. 183 00:07:03,705 --> 00:07:04,456 (groaning) 184 00:07:04,741 --> 00:07:06,525 What is going on? 185 00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:08,335 Whatever it is, it can't be that bad. 186 00:07:08,482 --> 00:07:11,989 Jess, I haven't told my mom that I'm getting married. 187 00:07:16,219 --> 00:07:17,901 Okay. 188 00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:21,907 Okay. 189 00:07:24,789 --> 00:07:27,081 It's gonna be fine, 'cause... 190 00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:29,007 I'm your maid of honor, 191 00:07:29,042 --> 00:07:30,947 and I will be there with you tonight 192 00:07:30,982 --> 00:07:32,584 every step of the way. 193 00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:35,387 ♪ 'Cause this is the Year of, of... ♪ 194 00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:36,254 Oh! 195 00:07:36,879 --> 00:07:38,315 Oh, my God! 196 00:07:38,350 --> 00:07:40,258 (screaming, grunting) Oh, Jess! Oh! Oh! 197 00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:41,426 (gasps) 198 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,329 (grunting continues) 199 00:07:46,105 --> 00:07:47,307 I'm fine. 200 00:07:47,417 --> 00:07:50,988 Don't worry about me. The doctor said I'll be good as new in no time. 201 00:07:51,223 --> 00:07:52,587 I know I don't look like somebody 202 00:07:52,622 --> 00:07:55,591 who should be questioning somebody else's judgment, but... 203 00:07:55,827 --> 00:07:57,808 maybe you should have told your mom you were getting married. 204 00:07:57,843 --> 00:08:01,775 I know. I'm just so worried that she is not gonna like Schmidt. 205 00:08:01,810 --> 00:08:04,357 And then she won't give us her blessing... 206 00:08:05,410 --> 00:08:06,470 which would kill me. 207 00:08:06,505 --> 00:08:08,186 Oh, she'll love him when she meets him. 208 00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:10,836 Schmidt is not exactly what my mom had imagined for me. 209 00:08:10,871 --> 00:08:13,996 You know, she wanted someone maybe not so... 210 00:08:16,102 --> 00:08:17,258 white? 211 00:08:17,312 --> 00:08:18,996 (laughs): Oh, he is so white. 212 00:08:19,031 --> 00:08:20,644 Remember when the power went out, 213 00:08:20,679 --> 00:08:22,716 and we put him in the window to keep the planes away? 214 00:08:22,751 --> 00:08:24,973 What is Schmidt gonna think when he finds out? 215 00:08:25,117 --> 00:08:29,152 We are gonna get her blessing, or I'm not your maid of H. 216 00:08:29,187 --> 00:08:31,164 Those stairs may have broken my body, 217 00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:33,951 but they did not break my spirit. 218 00:08:34,112 --> 00:08:36,090 And with that, I rise. 219 00:08:40,903 --> 00:08:43,383 Honey, you're not... You just need to... Yeah, relax. Okay. 220 00:08:43,418 --> 00:08:45,071 You definitely can't go to this party. 221 00:08:45,106 --> 00:08:46,273 (sighs) I got to go and tell him. 222 00:08:46,308 --> 00:08:48,133 I got to go tell him before she gets there. 223 00:08:48,168 --> 00:08:50,258 I'll call Nick, and I'll have him stall her. 224 00:08:50,493 --> 00:08:51,412 Okay. 225 00:08:51,602 --> 00:08:55,549 I don't think I can. You have no idea how anxious this woman is to get to the party. 226 00:08:55,584 --> 00:08:57,769 No, no, no, I told you, we're not there yet. 227 00:08:58,053 --> 00:08:59,486 You got to stay plugged in. 228 00:08:59,522 --> 00:09:01,189 You're such a pill. 229 00:09:01,224 --> 00:09:03,824 Well, just take her to the mall, get her some soft serve. 230 00:09:03,859 --> 00:09:07,018 Be sure to save your receipts. I'll reimburse you from the party fund. 231 00:09:07,053 --> 00:09:08,562 Got to go. 232 00:09:08,964 --> 00:09:12,799 Mrs. Parikh, can you keep a secret? 233 00:09:12,835 --> 00:09:16,003 I'm going to kill this soft serve nonsense. 234 00:09:16,038 --> 00:09:17,704 (whimpers) You know what we're gonna do? 235 00:09:17,740 --> 00:09:19,303 We're gonna play laser tag! (screaming) 236 00:09:19,338 --> 00:09:20,590 (shouting in Hindi) What are you doing?! 237 00:09:20,625 --> 00:09:21,775 We're gonna play laser tag! 238 00:09:21,810 --> 00:09:24,278 It's a fun American game! It's a fun game! 239 00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:26,313 BOTH: Groomsmen! Yeah. (whoops) 240 00:09:26,348 --> 00:09:28,248 Mmm. 241 00:09:28,284 --> 00:09:30,951 Ah. Love each and every one of you sons of bitches. 242 00:09:30,986 --> 00:09:33,174 Now, who are you? I'm Groomsman Number Two. 243 00:09:33,209 --> 00:09:35,389 (chuckles) Big Schmidt, Schmidt's cousin. 244 00:09:35,424 --> 00:09:37,658 I'm Robby, Groomsman Number Four. 245 00:09:37,693 --> 00:09:39,800 I am the ex-boyfriend of the bride, 246 00:09:39,835 --> 00:09:41,995 and a weirdly close friend of the groom. 247 00:09:42,031 --> 00:09:45,132 I'm Number Five, J. Cronkite Valley-Forge. 248 00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:48,042 CFO of Associated Strategies, LLC. 249 00:09:48,477 --> 00:09:50,837 I'm 62 years of age, was recently widowed, 250 00:09:50,873 --> 00:09:52,506 and I believe earnestly 251 00:09:52,541 --> 00:09:55,208 that if we can all work together this wedding season, 252 00:09:55,243 --> 00:09:58,775 we will get more boom-boom than a TNT factory. 253 00:09:58,810 --> 00:09:59,646 Yeah! (men laughing) 254 00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:02,583 Thank you for your time. Thank you for your time. 255 00:10:02,618 --> 00:10:05,887 I have a brief statement from G3, who could not make it here tonight. 256 00:10:05,922 --> 00:10:09,758 It says, "Dear Jess, I can't fly in for every damn party. 257 00:10:09,793 --> 00:10:12,111 "I will see you at... (imitates Coach): the wedding." 258 00:10:12,146 --> 00:10:13,560 If you know Coach, that's exactly how he... 259 00:10:13,596 --> 00:10:14,962 - "Wedding." - Yeah, yeah. 260 00:10:14,997 --> 00:10:16,998 And then he always goes, "Coach." 261 00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:17,764 (laughs) 262 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,900 Now, me, myself, I am Winston Bishop. 263 00:10:19,935 --> 00:10:21,368 Officer Winston Bishop? 264 00:10:21,403 --> 00:10:23,923 The Winston Bishop? The Carport Hero? 265 00:10:23,958 --> 00:10:26,134 I knew it was you. I saw you on TV, man. 266 00:10:26,169 --> 00:10:28,942 Officer, you make me want to be a better man. 267 00:10:28,978 --> 00:10:31,545 I'm gonna stop, uh, peeing in my ex-wife's mailbox. 268 00:10:31,580 --> 00:10:33,471 WINSTON: No, seriously, everybody, calm down. 269 00:10:33,506 --> 00:10:35,084 Act normal around me. 270 00:10:35,119 --> 00:10:37,345 I'm a fun guy. I do pranks. 271 00:10:37,380 --> 00:10:39,419 Uh, Cece's last wedding? The badger that fell down 272 00:10:39,455 --> 00:10:41,767 and almost killed a bunch of people... that was me! 273 00:10:41,802 --> 00:10:42,522 (chuckles) 274 00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:43,950 I'm Prank Sinatra, baby! 275 00:10:43,985 --> 00:10:45,259 Old Brown Eyes. 276 00:10:45,294 --> 00:10:47,294 Ain't no prank like a badger prank, 277 00:10:47,329 --> 00:10:49,764 because a badger prank got badgers, 278 00:10:49,799 --> 00:10:51,692 and it's dangerous as hell! 279 00:11:00,765 --> 00:11:02,321 Ms. Parikh. 280 00:11:08,699 --> 00:11:10,350 Who are you? 281 00:11:11,180 --> 00:11:13,306 Oh. My goodness. Of course. 282 00:11:13,341 --> 00:11:15,355 I must be completely unrecognizable to you 283 00:11:15,391 --> 00:11:17,858 from the countless photos you must have seen. 284 00:11:17,893 --> 00:11:19,993 In honor of your visit, I stood 285 00:11:20,029 --> 00:11:23,030 the humble recipient of a professional shampoo. 286 00:11:23,065 --> 00:11:25,165 So you're the man who's marrying my daughter? 287 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:26,054 Sure am. 288 00:11:26,055 --> 00:11:28,992 No wonder she didn't tell me that she was engaged. 289 00:11:29,173 --> 00:11:29,936 Oh. 290 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:31,972 Oh, no, then. 291 00:11:32,007 --> 00:11:34,676 I'm assuming she was afraid I would disapprove. 292 00:11:34,711 --> 00:11:36,773 - But now that you've met me... - I disapprove. 293 00:11:36,808 --> 00:11:38,413 Strong disapprove. 294 00:11:39,114 --> 00:11:41,315 Let's take a moment to applaud your daughter's instincts. 295 00:11:41,350 --> 00:11:43,268 No, no, no. Look, Schmidt. Mom. 296 00:11:44,174 --> 00:11:46,116 I'm sorry. I can explain everything. 297 00:11:46,151 --> 00:11:47,395 Presenting... 298 00:11:48,382 --> 00:11:49,895 Cece's mom! (Schmidt groans) 299 00:11:50,349 --> 00:11:52,259 - Except for that. - I'm her mom. 300 00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:53,327 - You're her mom? - That's my mom. 301 00:11:53,362 --> 00:11:54,961 - Then who are you?! - Not her mom. 302 00:11:54,997 --> 00:11:56,201 That's her mom! 303 00:11:56,236 --> 00:11:57,497 A dumb little boy you are! 304 00:11:57,533 --> 00:11:59,399 (phone ringing) 305 00:12:00,327 --> 00:12:01,479 Yeah. Hello. 306 00:12:01,514 --> 00:12:03,570 So, does Cece's mom love Schmidt, or what? 307 00:12:03,605 --> 00:12:06,962 Which Cece's mom? The real one or the one I may have kidnapped? 308 00:12:08,985 --> 00:12:11,812 Th-The real one? 309 00:12:11,847 --> 00:12:12,475 (elevator bell dings) 310 00:12:12,619 --> 00:12:14,655 GLEN: Anything for Officer Bishop! 311 00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:16,528 The Carport Hero! 312 00:12:16,563 --> 00:12:20,176 Thanks, Glen. Sorry to army crawl into your home like that. 313 00:12:25,848 --> 00:12:28,880 We come from a country of 400 million men. 314 00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:30,515 Let's say half of them are no good. 315 00:12:30,551 --> 00:12:32,284 Another half, very ugly. 316 00:12:32,319 --> 00:12:35,710 That's still 100 million eligible men. 317 00:12:36,793 --> 00:12:38,865 Sure, ten percent are gay. 318 00:12:38,900 --> 00:12:40,258 Puts us at 90 million men. 319 00:12:40,294 --> 00:12:42,828 Ms. Parikh, I love Cece. 320 00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:45,132 Cut it in half again just for fun. 321 00:12:45,299 --> 00:12:47,475 45 million men. 322 00:12:53,374 --> 00:12:55,607 - Cece, when were you gonna tell her? - I'm sorry. 323 00:12:55,642 --> 00:12:58,777 On our wedding day when we were standing beneath our custom hybrid mandap-chuppah? 324 00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:02,280 (crying): I'm so sorry. I just... I wanted the moment to be right. 325 00:13:02,316 --> 00:13:03,885 I'm sorry. 326 00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:09,821 (tires screech) 327 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,894 We meet again. 328 00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:18,430 (shouting): Hello! Is anyone here?! 329 00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,132 (horn honks fanfare) 330 00:13:20,692 --> 00:13:22,016 Jess? 331 00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:23,931 Winston! Oh, thank God! 332 00:13:23,966 --> 00:13:24,970 I need your help. 333 00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:26,171 Hey, Jess, let me ask you something. 334 00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:28,875 Uh, I'm a fun guy, right? I mean, I have a way about me. 335 00:13:29,032 --> 00:13:31,042 Winston, look at me, look around. 336 00:13:31,359 --> 00:13:33,410 Does your thing seem important now? 337 00:13:33,793 --> 00:13:36,148 You're the Carport Hero. Now I need your help. 338 00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:37,883 No more Carport Hero! 339 00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:40,318 Tonight, I'm Prank Sinatra. 340 00:13:40,354 --> 00:13:42,521 No. No! You didn't play a prank... 341 00:13:42,556 --> 00:13:45,109 You are the worst prankster in the world! 342 00:13:45,144 --> 00:13:48,467 Every prank you do turns out either too big... 343 00:13:48,624 --> 00:13:49,948 What is it? 344 00:13:50,579 --> 00:13:53,765 Did you register me as a sex offender? (snickers) 345 00:13:54,030 --> 00:13:55,658 or too small. 346 00:13:56,709 --> 00:13:58,905 How'd this blueberry get in here? 347 00:13:59,192 --> 00:14:00,412 (mumbles): I don't... 348 00:14:00,447 --> 00:14:02,374 (laughs) 349 00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:04,409 (whoops) 350 00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:06,845 You should have saw your face! 351 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:08,446 He did not see that coming. 352 00:14:08,482 --> 00:14:11,183 Just like no one's gonna see what's coming tonight. 353 00:14:11,218 --> 00:14:12,784 Nothing should be coming tonight. 354 00:14:12,819 --> 00:14:13,885 I'm sorry, Jess. 355 00:14:13,921 --> 00:14:16,217 The fuse has already been lit. 356 00:14:16,252 --> 00:14:19,124 The lion has spotted the gazelle. 357 00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:22,394 The doo-doo is already mid-flight to the fan. 358 00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:25,404 The silly hounds have been released. 359 00:14:25,439 --> 00:14:29,301 I repeat: the silly hounds have been released. 360 00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:31,369 What did you d... You know what, never mind. 361 00:14:31,405 --> 00:14:33,138 Just take me to Cece and Schmidt, please. 362 00:14:33,173 --> 00:14:34,762 I did a prank. I did a... Oh. 363 00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:38,677 (Winston grunting) 364 00:14:41,644 --> 00:14:42,896 (grunting continues) 365 00:14:43,099 --> 00:14:44,956 I hope the scooter fits in the elevator. 366 00:14:44,991 --> 00:14:46,569 There's an elevator? 367 00:14:46,604 --> 00:14:47,619 (speaking Hindi) 368 00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:49,888 I'm trying to find out where to return you. 369 00:14:49,923 --> 00:14:50,981 (speaking Hindi) 370 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:52,557 You have pepper spray? 371 00:14:52,593 --> 00:14:54,125 Why didn't you use that on me? 372 00:14:54,161 --> 00:14:56,461 (speaking Hindi angrily) 373 00:14:58,498 --> 00:15:00,198 All right, I'll talk to you later. 374 00:15:00,234 --> 00:15:01,733 Well, Cece's mom hates me. 375 00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:04,035 Like Jay Z, I have 99 problems. 376 00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:07,138 But unlike Jay Z, I have zero caveats. 377 00:15:07,174 --> 00:15:08,907 I know, and I'm sorry. 378 00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:12,177 Okay? I'm sorry I screwed up my easy job. 379 00:15:12,212 --> 00:15:13,612 (speaking Hindi angrily) 380 00:15:15,716 --> 00:15:17,549 And stop being so mean to me, 381 00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,684 or I swear to God I'm gonna fall in love with you! 382 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:21,353 (speaking Hindi angrily) 383 00:15:23,290 --> 00:15:26,191 Where you going? Come back. 384 00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:28,059 (sighs) 385 00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:30,328 Let me make it up to you. 386 00:15:30,364 --> 00:15:33,398 I know that I said I wanted the easy job. 387 00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:34,699 But screw that. 388 00:15:34,735 --> 00:15:37,269 I'm the best man, Schmidty. 389 00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:38,603 I want the hard jobs. 390 00:15:38,639 --> 00:15:40,071 I can handle it. 391 00:15:40,447 --> 00:15:42,073 So what do we got? What do we need? 392 00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:43,775 We're past hard at this point. 393 00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:46,044 We're well into impossible. 394 00:15:46,079 --> 00:15:47,985 It's an unfixable situa... (horn honks fanfare) 395 00:15:48,107 --> 00:15:52,884 Schmidt, I did not just drive 15 miles on a gout throne 396 00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:54,731 to watch you give up. 397 00:15:54,766 --> 00:15:55,839 Especially not... 398 00:15:55,874 --> 00:15:59,444 ♪ In the Year... of Us. ♪ 399 00:15:59,479 --> 00:16:00,597 Look at yourself. 400 00:16:00,632 --> 00:16:01,660 Look around us. 401 00:16:01,695 --> 00:16:03,962 - Maybe this isn't our year. - I have a plan. 402 00:16:04,063 --> 00:16:05,845 And whatever it is, I'm in. I got this guy's back. 403 00:16:05,846 --> 00:16:06,805 Don't think we actually need... 404 00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:09,083 - I know, but I'm in, is what I'm saying. - That... I mean... 405 00:16:09,241 --> 00:16:10,675 ♪ Whatever it is, I want in. ♪ 406 00:16:10,710 --> 00:16:11,938 - Okay, whatever. - I want in. 407 00:16:11,972 --> 00:16:13,889 - Schmidt, how important is this to you? - Have I made that clear? 408 00:16:13,924 --> 00:16:15,974 - That I want to be, like, a third. - You can be in. You're in. 409 00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:16,975 - You're in. - Thanks. 410 00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:18,476 That's all I wanted her to say. 411 00:16:18,512 --> 00:16:20,494 Are you willing to do whatever it takes? 412 00:16:20,529 --> 00:16:21,557 Of course. 413 00:16:21,592 --> 00:16:25,110 I also didn't love the tone that, like, "I'm in, but who cares that I'm in?" 414 00:16:25,145 --> 00:16:26,318 JESS (over speakers): Ladies and gentlemen, 415 00:16:26,353 --> 00:16:28,820 could I have your attention please? 416 00:16:29,294 --> 00:16:30,121 Hello. 417 00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:31,562 I'm Jessica Day. 418 00:16:31,692 --> 00:16:34,092 I'm the maid of honor, but when I fell down the stairs, 419 00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:36,176 I wished I was made of rubber. 420 00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:37,962 (laughs) 421 00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:40,332 (man coughing quietly) 422 00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:43,001 Uh... 423 00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:45,603 This one goes out to the secret romantic in the audience. 424 00:16:45,639 --> 00:16:48,340 Just a little reminder that love... 425 00:16:48,855 --> 00:16:50,307 (chuckles) conquers all. 426 00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:53,866 And without further ado, MaHotMoves Gandhi. 427 00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:56,781 Follow me, follow me. 428 00:16:56,817 --> 00:16:57,782 Follow me! 429 00:16:57,818 --> 00:16:59,484 (upbeat Indian music playing) 430 00:17:14,735 --> 00:17:16,735 (upbeat Indian music continues) 431 00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:23,408 Think they're all really friends? 432 00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:26,478 You know, I mean, when the dancing day is done? 433 00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:31,249 (crowd cheering) 434 00:17:33,387 --> 00:17:34,919 (upbeat Indian music continues) 435 00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:52,036 (crowd laughing, cheering) 436 00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:10,021 (upbeat Indian music continues) 437 00:18:25,345 --> 00:18:26,971 (music ends, crowd cheering) 438 00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:31,476 (whoops) 439 00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:38,750 (Jess laughs) 440 00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,385 Hey. 441 00:18:40,575 --> 00:18:41,845 That was great. 442 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:43,151 Fantastic. 443 00:18:43,306 --> 00:18:44,923 Wonderful. 444 00:18:49,205 --> 00:18:50,665 JESS: Where'd she go? 445 00:18:52,836 --> 00:18:54,302 JESS: Mrs. Parikh? Please, wait. 446 00:18:54,337 --> 00:18:56,104 Stop. Look. (sighs) 447 00:18:56,139 --> 00:18:57,906 It was my idea. 448 00:18:57,941 --> 00:19:00,156 I thought we could sway you with the power of dance. 449 00:19:00,191 --> 00:19:02,476 You really think a dance is all it takes? 450 00:19:02,511 --> 00:19:05,649 CECE: Mom, I know that Schmidt is not what you imagined. 451 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,132 Or what I imagined. 452 00:19:07,167 --> 00:19:10,885 I never thought I would fall for the slim-hipped ghost of Tom Cruise. 453 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:12,156 None of us did. 454 00:19:12,191 --> 00:19:13,249 Quiet, Chair. 455 00:19:14,003 --> 00:19:15,654 But I love him. 456 00:19:16,526 --> 00:19:19,583 He makes me so happy, and I'm gonna marry him. 457 00:19:22,966 --> 00:19:25,133 I will not give my blessing. 458 00:19:32,408 --> 00:19:35,100 Cece, Schmidt... 459 00:19:36,646 --> 00:19:38,680 (groaning): Oh, God. 460 00:19:39,404 --> 00:19:40,712 Crunch. Ah... 461 00:19:41,339 --> 00:19:42,634 Shoot me. 462 00:19:43,954 --> 00:19:45,086 (sighs) 463 00:19:45,316 --> 00:19:46,821 You have my blessing. 464 00:19:49,262 --> 00:19:51,693 You have my blessing, too. 465 00:19:52,090 --> 00:19:53,378 Mine, too. 466 00:19:54,666 --> 00:19:57,254 Oh, come on, Not-Cece's mom. 467 00:19:57,289 --> 00:19:58,495 That would've been awesome. 468 00:19:58,530 --> 00:19:59,834 It was a natural three. 469 00:19:59,869 --> 00:20:01,228 You got to finish. 470 00:20:06,929 --> 00:20:08,409 We'll get her on board. 471 00:20:08,572 --> 00:20:09,644 I promise. 472 00:20:09,679 --> 00:20:10,912 Oh, she's gonna get hers. 473 00:20:10,947 --> 00:20:12,080 No, no, Winston, no. 474 00:20:12,115 --> 00:20:13,581 What did you do? No pranks. 475 00:20:13,616 --> 00:20:14,637 Such bad timing. 476 00:20:14,672 --> 00:20:16,105 Hey, Mrs. Parikh. 477 00:20:16,442 --> 00:20:18,221 Check your shoe. 478 00:20:21,891 --> 00:20:24,158 (Winston snickers) 479 00:20:24,355 --> 00:20:26,111 Tickle foot! (laughs) 480 00:20:26,443 --> 00:20:28,984 I put a feather in your shoe! 481 00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:30,235 (laughing) 482 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:34,256 Too small, dude. 483 00:20:35,088 --> 00:20:36,472 Way too small. 484 00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:38,906 I've revised my vision. 485 00:20:38,942 --> 00:20:40,208 Honey, without my mom's help, 486 00:20:40,243 --> 00:20:42,710 I don't think we can afford to parachute the rabbi in. 487 00:20:42,746 --> 00:20:45,075 Well, that's why I've pared it down to only the things that matter. 488 00:20:45,110 --> 00:20:45,993 That's great. 489 00:20:46,028 --> 00:20:47,914 We can throw a wedding on a budget. 490 00:20:48,053 --> 00:20:49,314 This is our year. 491 00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:50,884 We can do anything. 492 00:20:52,754 --> 00:20:54,276 Now, who's gonna take me to the john? 493 00:20:54,311 --> 00:20:55,280 - Not it! - Really? 494 00:20:55,281 --> 00:20:56,591 - You're the only girl here. - I can't. It hurts my back. 495 00:20:56,626 --> 00:20:57,792 Who keeps giving her juice? 496 00:20:57,827 --> 00:21:00,080 You're in a senility scooter; use a diaper! 497 00:21:01,410 --> 00:21:04,298 ♪ And it took a long time ♪ 498 00:21:04,915 --> 00:21:06,471 ♪ To find you ♪ 499 00:21:08,336 --> 00:21:11,157 ♪ But I finally found you. ♪ 500 00:21:12,842 --> 00:21:14,142 (laughs quietly) 501 00:21:14,329 --> 00:21:15,643 That's a good tickle. 502 00:21:15,678 --> 00:21:17,478 (laughs): Oh. 503 00:21:26,596 --> 00:21:28,148 Easy, Winnie.