1 00:00:00,438 --> 00:00:02,000 The dream is dead. 2 00:00:02,025 --> 00:00:03,890 Say good-bye to the Schmidt Charitable Trust. 3 00:00:03,915 --> 00:00:05,016 I don't know what that is. 4 00:00:05,041 --> 00:00:07,326 But is that why you were throwing light bulbs against our garage? 5 00:00:07,351 --> 00:00:08,701 - That was unrelated. - Oh. 6 00:00:08,726 --> 00:00:11,027 It's the foundation that I was going to establish 7 00:00:11,052 --> 00:00:13,339 to take the Schmidt brand to the next level, but now I can't. 8 00:00:13,364 --> 00:00:14,968 - The name is taken. - What? 9 00:00:14,993 --> 00:00:16,039 Get a load of that. 10 00:00:16,064 --> 00:00:19,553 The Schmidt Charitable Trust was established in 1948 11 00:00:19,578 --> 00:00:21,115 by Cranston Schmidt, 12 00:00:21,140 --> 00:00:22,953 to promote nudity in restaurants. 13 00:00:22,978 --> 00:00:25,617 Cranston Schmidt and his naked waitresses. 14 00:00:25,642 --> 00:00:26,775 What am I supposed to do now? 15 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:28,800 How can I show my peers that I make so much money 16 00:00:28,825 --> 00:00:30,658 that I could just throw it away on strangers? 17 00:00:30,683 --> 00:00:33,350 There is one way that you could maybe solve your problem. 18 00:00:33,375 --> 00:00:36,101 - What? - You could use your first name. 19 00:00:39,890 --> 00:00:41,128 What did you say? 20 00:00:41,152 --> 00:00:43,838 You are not a frat boy drinking at a keg anymore, okay? 21 00:00:43,873 --> 00:00:45,992 You are an executive now. 22 00:00:46,017 --> 00:00:48,437 - You're a baller. - I am a baller. 23 00:00:48,462 --> 00:00:49,894 Also, I was never allowed in frats. 24 00:00:49,919 --> 00:00:51,752 Too much hazing that required a visible penis. 25 00:00:51,777 --> 00:00:53,367 - Oh, baby. - Just do it. 26 00:00:53,392 --> 00:00:54,849 Like, who cares? 27 00:00:54,884 --> 00:00:57,085 - How long have you been here? - Long enough, Schmidt. 28 00:00:57,110 --> 00:00:58,539 Yeah, we keep the camera running all day. 29 00:00:58,564 --> 00:01:00,664 I'm trying to keep Jess company while she's in Portland. 30 00:01:00,689 --> 00:01:03,126 Yeah, yesterday I watched Cece read for a while. 31 00:01:03,151 --> 00:01:05,959 Oh, wow, that sounds like fun, Jess, good for you. 32 00:01:05,984 --> 00:01:07,828 - Cece... - Jess needs us right now. 33 00:01:07,853 --> 00:01:09,419 She's still mopey over Nick. 34 00:01:09,469 --> 00:01:11,336 I'm not mopey. I'm rad. 35 00:01:11,370 --> 00:01:12,622 I'm gleaming the cube. 36 00:01:12,647 --> 00:01:15,016 She's lying. She's a wreck. 37 00:01:15,041 --> 00:01:16,621 Ugh, Dad! 38 00:01:16,646 --> 00:01:18,488 Ugh, I'm on the phone! 39 00:01:18,513 --> 00:01:20,511 You're so embarrassing. 40 00:01:20,546 --> 00:01:23,213 All he does is just recycle cans all day. 41 00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:25,295 I wish his child bride 42 00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:26,755 would come back from Denver 43 00:01:26,780 --> 00:01:29,185 so he'd have someone else to bother. 44 00:01:29,210 --> 00:01:30,788 Let's just get you out of this house. 45 00:01:30,823 --> 00:01:32,325 - Yeah, right. - Well, what are you going to do? 46 00:01:32,350 --> 00:01:34,074 You're gonna sit on this couch all day long? 47 00:01:34,099 --> 00:01:35,168 You'll get sofa butt. 48 00:01:35,193 --> 00:01:36,393 Come on, let's go get some ice cream. 49 00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:38,239 Ugh, I hate ice cream. Dad! 50 00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:40,425 - Nobody hates ice cream. - It's stupid. 51 00:01:40,450 --> 00:01:42,332 - I-I feel uncomfortable watching this. - Yeah, it's stupid, Dad. 52 00:01:42,368 --> 00:01:43,367 It's so stupid. 53 00:01:43,402 --> 00:01:45,060 - Hey, Cece. - Dad. 54 00:01:45,085 --> 00:01:46,708 Hi, Schmidt. How are you? 55 00:01:46,733 --> 00:01:48,400 Dad! Don't talk to my friends! 56 00:01:48,425 --> 00:01:52,003 Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com 57 00:01:53,723 --> 00:01:54,745 Achoo! 58 00:01:57,940 --> 00:01:59,510 - Oh, you're up. - You woke me up. 59 00:01:59,558 --> 00:02:00,824 Hey, do you mind if I run something by you 60 00:02:00,859 --> 00:02:02,666 that's very personal, very hot button? 61 00:02:02,691 --> 00:02:04,257 I do... I need to rest. 62 00:02:04,292 --> 00:02:06,251 - I'm working nights this week. - Oh, as a police officer? 63 00:02:06,276 --> 00:02:08,706 No, Nick, as a prostitute. Yes, as a cop. 64 00:02:08,786 --> 00:02:10,191 Now will you please leave my room? 65 00:02:10,216 --> 00:02:11,917 I'm very tired and I need to get some rest. 66 00:02:11,942 --> 00:02:13,199 I understand, but here it comes, I have to tell you. 67 00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:14,701 - I don't want to hear it. - Aly, I'm gonna tell you. 68 00:02:14,736 --> 00:02:15,855 - I swear to God. - I need to break up with Reagan 69 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:17,284 - but I don't know how to. - Damn it, Nick. 70 00:02:17,309 --> 00:02:18,371 Oh, now you're involved. 71 00:02:18,396 --> 00:02:20,345 So now that you're involved, we need to talk it out 72 00:02:20,370 --> 00:02:22,141 'cause we're basically partners in this. 73 00:02:22,177 --> 00:02:24,025 - We're not partners. - Things with Reagan and I... 74 00:02:24,050 --> 00:02:27,198 haven't been working out, and last night it really came to a head. 75 00:02:27,223 --> 00:02:28,743 It's just crazy. You know, 76 00:02:28,768 --> 00:02:30,519 - I was just driving down the... - Mm-hmm. Sounds crazy. 77 00:02:30,544 --> 00:02:32,362 - Reagan. - Yes? 78 00:02:33,151 --> 00:02:35,423 I worked all day. We haven't seen each other. 79 00:02:35,448 --> 00:02:36,743 Don't you want to catch up? 80 00:02:38,356 --> 00:02:41,071 Yes. Fine, what? 81 00:02:41,096 --> 00:02:42,562 What happened to you today? 82 00:02:42,597 --> 00:02:45,526 I saw a seagull in the backseat of a moving car. 83 00:02:49,071 --> 00:02:50,542 Can we have sex now? 84 00:02:50,667 --> 00:02:52,378 Ugh, you don't get it. 85 00:02:52,768 --> 00:02:54,050 Let's get it over with. 86 00:02:54,075 --> 00:02:55,341 What does this have to do with me? 87 00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:56,843 I was hoping you'd tell me how to break up with her. 88 00:02:56,878 --> 00:02:58,738 Just pretend you're an adult... 89 00:02:58,763 --> 00:03:00,323 - and get it over with. - Yeah. 90 00:03:00,348 --> 00:03:01,642 Train's already left the station, Nick. 91 00:03:01,674 --> 00:03:03,340 The longer you wait, the worse it's gonna get. 92 00:03:03,365 --> 00:03:05,042 The train already left the station, huh? 93 00:03:05,067 --> 00:03:06,196 - Yep. - Thank you. 94 00:03:06,221 --> 00:03:07,653 You're welcome. 95 00:03:07,689 --> 00:03:09,235 Hey, say, wake up. 96 00:03:09,260 --> 00:03:11,610 Question. Excuse me. 97 00:03:11,635 --> 00:03:12,725 Yes, Nick? 98 00:03:12,761 --> 00:03:15,362 Do you think that looks like a monster's butthole? 99 00:03:16,542 --> 00:03:17,874 I kind of do, yeah. 100 00:03:17,899 --> 00:03:20,104 Yeah, me, too. It's really gross. 101 00:03:24,105 --> 00:03:26,072 What's going on, Schmidt? 102 00:03:26,107 --> 00:03:27,406 Man, are you having trouble ordering 103 00:03:27,442 --> 00:03:28,875 from that Jamaican restaurant again? 104 00:03:28,910 --> 00:03:30,604 I don't know how many times I got to tell you. 105 00:03:30,629 --> 00:03:32,422 Don't walk in there using their accent 106 00:03:32,447 --> 00:03:34,180 'cause it's kind of racist. 107 00:03:34,995 --> 00:03:36,415 The time has finally come 108 00:03:36,451 --> 00:03:38,284 for me to launch my own brand. 109 00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:40,478 - Are you really not gonna turn around? - Not yet. 110 00:03:40,503 --> 00:03:43,151 This brand will be my legacy. 111 00:03:43,885 --> 00:03:45,224 And this is where you come in. 112 00:03:45,260 --> 00:03:47,581 Ooh! You had that timed right! 113 00:03:47,606 --> 00:03:50,292 I'm going to start using my first name again. 114 00:03:51,323 --> 00:03:54,100 Schmidt, I think that is a very bad idea. 115 00:03:54,125 --> 00:03:55,182 I have no choice! 116 00:03:55,207 --> 00:03:57,454 When I was born, my parents gave me a name. 117 00:03:57,479 --> 00:03:59,038 Don't do this, Schmidt. 118 00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:01,107 Ain't nothing but pain down that road. 119 00:04:01,142 --> 00:04:05,211 It is the name that I was called for most of my life, and... 120 00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:06,971 I want my name back. 121 00:04:10,675 --> 00:04:11,884 Isn't this fun? 122 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:14,008 Remember, we used to come here all the time, 123 00:04:14,033 --> 00:04:15,721 every time you won a tennis match. 124 00:04:15,757 --> 00:04:17,838 - That was your other daughter. - Oh, yeah, yeah. 125 00:04:17,863 --> 00:04:20,860 You-You were always in a production of Annie, 126 00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:23,002 but never Annie, though. 127 00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:24,557 Priscilla, come here, come here. 128 00:04:24,582 --> 00:04:26,586 I want you to meet my daughter, Jessica. 129 00:04:26,611 --> 00:04:27,681 Remember? I told you about her. 130 00:04:27,721 --> 00:04:29,119 She's the one that doesn't play tennis. 131 00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:32,517 Oh, the teacher from Hollywood. 132 00:04:33,660 --> 00:04:36,424 Well, two rum raisin sundaes 133 00:04:36,449 --> 00:04:38,149 and whatever my daughter wants. 134 00:04:39,456 --> 00:04:40,486 You. 135 00:04:43,660 --> 00:04:46,862 Her husband fell down a spiral staircase. 136 00:04:46,887 --> 00:04:48,284 - What? - He kept falling, 137 00:04:48,309 --> 00:04:50,613 falling, continually falling. 138 00:04:50,638 --> 00:04:52,605 It was awful. He didn't die. 139 00:04:52,630 --> 00:04:54,056 But when he found out 140 00:04:54,081 --> 00:04:56,861 that he had become a viral sensation... 141 00:04:57,318 --> 00:04:59,291 - he killed himself. - Ugh. 142 00:04:59,316 --> 00:05:00,686 I know how he feels. 143 00:05:00,721 --> 00:05:02,971 Jess, are you still upset about Nick? 144 00:05:02,996 --> 00:05:04,635 You got to, you got to move past that. 145 00:05:04,659 --> 00:05:07,093 It's hard. You don't know what it's like to be alone. 146 00:05:07,118 --> 00:05:08,751 I do know what it's like. 147 00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:10,564 - Ashley and I broke up. - What?! 148 00:05:10,589 --> 00:05:11,630 - Yeah. - When? 149 00:05:11,666 --> 00:05:13,065 Yeah, about six months ago. 150 00:05:13,101 --> 00:05:15,246 Uh, but I-I didn't want to worry you. 151 00:05:15,271 --> 00:05:18,377 Dad. It's my job to worry. 152 00:05:19,173 --> 00:05:21,440 Was it the 40-year age difference? 153 00:05:21,476 --> 00:05:24,243 Were you tired of waiters just asking again and again 154 00:05:24,278 --> 00:05:26,178 if it was a daddy-daughter dinner? 155 00:05:26,214 --> 00:05:28,147 Sorry, no, that's not... 156 00:05:28,822 --> 00:05:30,737 You said that the pill sold itself, 157 00:05:30,762 --> 00:05:32,752 so let me ask you, is the pill a cure 158 00:05:32,787 --> 00:05:34,053 for a kick in the balls? 159 00:05:34,078 --> 00:05:35,385 Because you're gonna need it. 160 00:05:35,410 --> 00:05:37,502 - Oh, no. - Hey, Nicky, what's up? 161 00:05:39,152 --> 00:05:40,390 Uh, I can wait. 162 00:05:40,415 --> 00:05:42,750 No, it's okay, go ahead, I'm sorry. 163 00:05:46,546 --> 00:05:48,761 I want to tell you... 164 00:05:52,761 --> 00:05:54,507 - What? - I said what I needed to say. 165 00:05:54,542 --> 00:05:56,048 Nothing came out of your mouth. 166 00:05:56,073 --> 00:05:57,933 I feel like we're on a train. 167 00:05:58,503 --> 00:06:00,331 Where are we going? 168 00:06:00,356 --> 00:06:01,814 We're going to San Diego. 169 00:06:01,849 --> 00:06:03,597 - What? - I panicked and it just came out. 170 00:06:03,622 --> 00:06:05,722 Let me tell you something, sister, your plan didn't work. 171 00:06:05,747 --> 00:06:06,996 This wasn't my plan. 172 00:06:07,021 --> 00:06:08,487 Well, you brought up trains, didn't you? 173 00:06:08,523 --> 00:06:09,555 And you got in my head. 174 00:06:09,590 --> 00:06:11,490 San Diego part? Well, that's on me. 175 00:06:11,526 --> 00:06:12,964 I'm not engaging with you over this. 176 00:06:12,989 --> 00:06:14,612 - So, what do we do now? - I don't know, Nick. 177 00:06:14,637 --> 00:06:17,206 I've never experienced a person trying to break up with someone, 178 00:06:17,231 --> 00:06:19,698 and instead inviting them on a beach vacation. 179 00:06:19,734 --> 00:06:21,967 I didn't do this on purpose. I feel like you led me here. 180 00:06:22,003 --> 00:06:23,378 - This is not on me. - So what do you want me to do? 181 00:06:23,403 --> 00:06:26,259 You want me to go break up with her down in San Diego? 182 00:06:26,284 --> 00:06:27,417 I don't, I don't care at this point. 183 00:06:27,442 --> 00:06:29,159 - Why? Because it's private? - Live your life, man. 184 00:06:29,184 --> 00:06:30,876 Because the weather is really nice? 185 00:06:30,912 --> 00:06:32,292 And what happens if it doesn't work out? 186 00:06:32,317 --> 00:06:34,547 I'm just gonna go move down to Mexico and start a new life? 187 00:06:34,582 --> 00:06:35,915 No one's suggesting any of this. 188 00:06:35,950 --> 00:06:37,261 You're a genius. 189 00:06:38,372 --> 00:06:39,418 Thank you, Aly. 190 00:06:39,454 --> 00:06:41,722 I knew I came to the right person. I'll do it. 191 00:06:41,747 --> 00:06:43,778 That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, 192 00:06:43,803 --> 00:06:45,436 and I feel like I should call San Diego 193 00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:46,869 to warn them about you. 194 00:06:46,894 --> 00:06:48,175 But you seem convinced, 195 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,886 so if it gets you out of here faster, God bless. 196 00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:53,411 - Do you believe in God, Aly? - I believe in hell and I'm in it. 197 00:06:53,446 --> 00:06:54,846 - Oh, this is hell? - Yes! 198 00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:56,481 Then why don't you stay out of my business?! 199 00:06:56,516 --> 00:06:57,531 That's all I'm trying to do, 200 00:06:57,556 --> 00:06:59,083 but you keep bringing me your business! 201 00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:01,110 Ah, to hell with you! We're going to San Diego! 202 00:07:01,135 --> 00:07:02,797 - Fine! - Fine! 203 00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,524 - Go! - I'm going! 204 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:05,931 Don't say anything. 205 00:07:09,189 --> 00:07:10,735 I should have known right from the start. 206 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:12,831 On our honeymoon, we're in the ocean, 207 00:07:12,856 --> 00:07:15,777 a-a-and Ashley sees a shark coming towards us. 208 00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:17,073 You know what she does? 209 00:07:17,098 --> 00:07:18,564 She pushes me in front of it and says, 210 00:07:18,589 --> 00:07:20,144 "Eat him! Eat him!" 211 00:07:20,169 --> 00:07:21,440 - What? - That-that was a clue. 212 00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:23,209 - That was a clue. - I just hate thinking of you 213 00:07:23,244 --> 00:07:24,410 all alone in that house. 214 00:07:24,445 --> 00:07:26,471 I'm fine. I got my cans. 215 00:07:26,531 --> 00:07:27,947 Gets me out of bed in the morning. 216 00:07:27,982 --> 00:07:29,849 - What if you met someone new? - Oh, no. 217 00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:31,055 - Really. - Aw, no. 218 00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:32,589 Dad, what about... 219 00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:34,386 - what about Priscilla? - What? 220 00:07:34,422 --> 00:07:36,355 - What? Come on. - No. No. 221 00:07:36,390 --> 00:07:37,957 I'm an old man. She doesn't want an old man. 222 00:07:37,992 --> 00:07:40,526 Look. I've got a Band-Aid on my hand. 223 00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:42,394 Not on the finger, the hand. 224 00:07:42,430 --> 00:07:44,129 That is an old-man thing. 225 00:07:44,165 --> 00:07:45,965 Okay. Hey, Priscilla. 226 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,790 Oh, no, no, no, no. 227 00:07:47,815 --> 00:07:50,649 Hi. I was wondering if you would like 228 00:07:50,674 --> 00:07:53,883 to get a decaf coffee and talk about local news with my dad. 229 00:07:53,908 --> 00:07:55,441 Really, Bob? You want to take me out? 230 00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:58,190 Ha, ha, ha, you... 231 00:07:58,215 --> 00:07:59,405 Let's do it. Let's do it. 232 00:07:59,430 --> 00:08:02,548 Yeah, I have a new jean jacket I've been wanting to break out. 233 00:08:02,904 --> 00:08:04,567 It's stone-washed. 234 00:08:04,592 --> 00:08:05,985 Okay. 235 00:08:06,020 --> 00:08:07,887 Okay. 236 00:08:07,922 --> 00:08:10,004 Well, that was just about 237 00:08:10,029 --> 00:08:11,790 the cutest thing I've ever seen. 238 00:08:11,815 --> 00:08:13,673 Even though this morning I thought you were married. 239 00:08:13,698 --> 00:08:14,838 What about you? 240 00:08:14,863 --> 00:08:16,462 I'm supposed to be cheering you up. 241 00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:17,565 You did cheer me up. 242 00:08:17,590 --> 00:08:19,129 You got me off of the couch. 243 00:08:19,596 --> 00:08:21,000 It's good to be out of the house. 244 00:08:21,035 --> 00:08:22,101 You kids have fun. 245 00:08:22,136 --> 00:08:23,698 Okay, thanks. 246 00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:26,464 So this is a surprise. 247 00:08:26,489 --> 00:08:27,604 Where do you think we should go? 248 00:08:27,629 --> 00:08:28,974 Where do you think we should go? 249 00:08:29,010 --> 00:08:31,577 Look, Schmidt, we both know there's only room for one Winston. 250 00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:33,479 And we found that out the hard way, didn't we? 251 00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:35,681 Homecoming weekend, 2002. 252 00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:37,516 - I'm Winston! I'm Winston! - I'm Winston! I'm Winston! 253 00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:39,107 We can't live like this! 254 00:08:39,132 --> 00:08:40,953 - Only one Winston. - Body slam! 255 00:08:41,544 --> 00:08:43,155 Get off! Get off! 256 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,356 You'll kill him! 257 00:08:44,392 --> 00:08:47,259 We have tried every single variation. 258 00:08:47,295 --> 00:08:48,466 Fat Winston, Thin Winston. 259 00:08:48,491 --> 00:08:49,608 Too derogatory. 260 00:08:49,633 --> 00:08:51,183 Black Winston, Jew Winston. 261 00:08:51,208 --> 00:08:52,699 Obviously problematic. 262 00:08:52,724 --> 00:08:54,542 Hot Winston, Ugly Winston. 263 00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:56,635 Now... that nearly tore us apart. 264 00:08:56,682 --> 00:08:59,762 Which is why we came up with the one-Winston rule. 265 00:08:59,787 --> 00:09:02,238 Yeah, but those were angry times. 266 00:09:02,263 --> 00:09:04,830 Let's make it double W's. 267 00:09:14,032 --> 00:09:16,532 Welcome back, Winston. 268 00:09:17,751 --> 00:09:20,509 It's good to be back, Winston. 269 00:09:21,181 --> 00:09:23,629 - San Diego. - The wonderful San Diego. 270 00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:25,497 - Where are we staying? - Not sure. 271 00:09:25,533 --> 00:09:28,601 Maybe we're gonna get the nicest hotel in the city, huh? 272 00:09:28,876 --> 00:09:30,506 Maybe you're gonna stay there, 273 00:09:30,531 --> 00:09:32,789 and maybe I'm gonna head back to Los Angeles today. 274 00:09:32,814 --> 00:09:34,976 I'm gonna stay in San Diego, and you're gonna go back? 275 00:09:35,001 --> 00:09:37,076 Who knows what's gonna happen down there? 276 00:09:37,111 --> 00:09:39,250 That's the fun of a trip like this. 277 00:09:39,275 --> 00:09:40,980 Nick, you would tell me 278 00:09:41,015 --> 00:09:42,181 if you were gonna murder me, right? 279 00:09:42,216 --> 00:09:44,986 No, 'cause then you could prepare for it, 280 00:09:45,011 --> 00:09:46,150 you silly. 281 00:09:46,175 --> 00:09:47,553 What is wrong with you? 282 00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:48,845 - What is wrong with me? - Yeah. 283 00:09:48,870 --> 00:09:50,389 The guy taking you to San Diego... 284 00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:52,491 the Paris of Southern California? 285 00:09:52,526 --> 00:09:53,592 - Okay. - You're losing it. 286 00:09:53,627 --> 00:09:55,227 I'm acting totally normal. 287 00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:56,895 You need a drink just to chill out. 288 00:09:56,931 --> 00:09:58,841 - What is wrong with you? - Getting those drinks. 289 00:09:58,866 --> 00:10:00,599 This stop, Anaheim. 290 00:10:11,078 --> 00:10:12,147 You should have seen him. 291 00:10:12,172 --> 00:10:13,866 The only time my dad gets that nervous 292 00:10:13,891 --> 00:10:16,215 is when he doesn't know where to print out his boarding pass. 293 00:10:16,250 --> 00:10:18,083 It's so weird to think of him dating again. 294 00:10:18,119 --> 00:10:20,119 - Oh! Oh... - Wait. 295 00:10:20,154 --> 00:10:23,222 What is that? It sounds like someone's moving a washing machine. 296 00:10:23,475 --> 00:10:25,457 Oh, my God, my dad's boning! 297 00:10:25,493 --> 00:10:27,292 - My dad's boning! My dad's boning! - Oh, my God, listen to me. 298 00:10:27,328 --> 00:10:29,628 Get out of the house. Get out of the house! 299 00:10:30,933 --> 00:10:33,196 - Jess? Is that you? - No. Yes. 300 00:10:33,221 --> 00:10:35,801 I mean, no, it's the cans. I just, um... 301 00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:38,046 Finish what you're doing. No, don't finish. 302 00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:40,472 I mean, everyone deserves to finish... oh, God! 303 00:10:40,508 --> 00:10:42,441 Oh, cans! 304 00:10:43,734 --> 00:10:45,507 - Can we talk about this? - Yeah, just one sec. 305 00:10:45,531 --> 00:10:47,758 I'm just replacing the sound of your skin 306 00:10:47,783 --> 00:10:49,499 slapping against someone else's 307 00:10:49,524 --> 00:10:51,054 with the sound of crushing metal. 308 00:10:51,079 --> 00:10:52,502 I didn't know you were gonna be home. 309 00:10:52,527 --> 00:10:54,515 I thought you were gonna be out having a day. 310 00:10:54,540 --> 00:10:56,863 And you were supposed to be having coffee. 311 00:10:56,898 --> 00:10:58,581 You just put out on the first date? 312 00:10:58,606 --> 00:11:00,378 We had a connection. 313 00:11:00,403 --> 00:11:01,768 I-I think I'm in love with her. 314 00:11:01,803 --> 00:11:03,569 Oh, my God, I need more cans. 315 00:11:03,594 --> 00:11:04,714 I got to have more cans. 316 00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:07,011 Hey, you know, I'm a passionate guy. 317 00:11:07,370 --> 00:11:09,034 - All right. - What are you doing, Dad? 318 00:11:09,059 --> 00:11:11,794 Well, I mean, you were nice enough to help me to move on. 319 00:11:11,819 --> 00:11:14,916 Now I'm gonna see if I can find somebody for you. 320 00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:17,269 Got it. My best friend Ray. 321 00:11:17,294 --> 00:11:19,394 His son John. Well, he's a little heavyset, 322 00:11:19,419 --> 00:11:20,636 but, you know, he makes a good living. 323 00:11:20,661 --> 00:11:22,224 Dad, put the Rolodex down. 324 00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:25,391 Look, we're not in the same boat, okay? 325 00:11:26,076 --> 00:11:28,568 I can't move on. I love him. 326 00:11:28,763 --> 00:11:31,826 Nick? What do you see in him? 327 00:11:31,851 --> 00:11:33,885 I mean, he looks like the only white waiter 328 00:11:33,910 --> 00:11:35,748 at a Chinese restaurant. 329 00:11:38,173 --> 00:11:41,328 There isn't a logical explanation, 330 00:11:42,242 --> 00:11:44,656 but it is what it is. 331 00:11:44,681 --> 00:11:47,765 I love him. I wish I didn't, but I do. 332 00:11:48,820 --> 00:11:51,190 - Come here. - Dad, if you'll excuse me, 333 00:11:51,215 --> 00:11:53,108 I have to go to the recycling plant. 334 00:11:53,133 --> 00:11:55,205 It closes in an hour. 335 00:11:55,863 --> 00:11:58,898 From now on, I will be Winston Schmidt, 336 00:11:58,923 --> 00:12:00,856 and he will be Winston Bishop. 337 00:12:00,881 --> 00:12:02,274 We are both Winstons. 338 00:12:02,299 --> 00:12:04,841 Wait, your first name is Winston? 339 00:12:04,866 --> 00:12:06,465 - Did I know that? - No. 340 00:12:06,501 --> 00:12:08,219 I have not slept in 36 hours. 341 00:12:08,244 --> 00:12:10,313 Well, you should get some sleep. 342 00:12:10,338 --> 00:12:12,275 - Isn't that right, Winston? - Oh, absolutely, Winston. 343 00:12:12,300 --> 00:12:13,566 Sleep is very important. 344 00:12:13,591 --> 00:12:15,447 It is the most important, Winston. 345 00:12:15,472 --> 00:12:16,939 Okay, this is already too much. 346 00:12:16,964 --> 00:12:18,783 In my head it wasn't this annoying. 347 00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:21,056 Winston, why don't you just go by "The Bish"? 348 00:12:21,092 --> 00:12:22,954 - I'm sorry, are you talking to me? - You know I'm talking to you. 349 00:12:22,979 --> 00:12:24,078 I knew she was talking to you. 350 00:12:24,103 --> 00:12:25,197 - You knew the whole time? - Yeah. 351 00:12:25,222 --> 00:12:26,639 Ooh, I couldn't tell. 352 00:12:26,664 --> 00:12:27,829 Wait a minute, why does Winston... 353 00:12:27,865 --> 00:12:29,781 - Yes? - Oh, my God. 354 00:12:29,806 --> 00:12:32,167 Why does my Winston have to change his name? 355 00:12:32,202 --> 00:12:34,436 - Schmidt, don't you have a middle name? - I do have a middle name. 356 00:12:34,471 --> 00:12:36,271 - It's Saint-Marie. - Hmm. 357 00:12:36,306 --> 00:12:38,705 - And obviously I can't go by that. - That's hilarious. 358 00:12:38,730 --> 00:12:40,409 Oh, hello, hello! 359 00:12:40,444 --> 00:12:42,119 Wait, what are you doing here? 360 00:12:42,144 --> 00:12:44,279 Oh, well, I couldn't break up with Reagan, 361 00:12:44,314 --> 00:12:46,982 - so I jumped off the train. - Hmm? 362 00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:48,750 - Problem, problem solved. - What's up with you guys? 363 00:12:48,786 --> 00:12:50,573 - Why didn't I know about this? - I don't know, Schmidt, 364 00:12:50,598 --> 00:12:51,839 'cause you weren't around, I guess. 365 00:12:51,864 --> 00:12:53,745 Well, actually, I'm Winston now. 366 00:12:53,770 --> 00:12:54,902 I'm using my first name again. 367 00:12:54,927 --> 00:12:57,478 Uh... actually there can't be two Winstons. 368 00:12:57,503 --> 00:12:58,671 It nearly destroyed us. 369 00:12:58,696 --> 00:13:00,284 Nick, hold up, can we go back to that moment 370 00:13:00,309 --> 00:13:01,456 where you jumped off a train? 371 00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:03,031 Sure. You find that part interesting? 372 00:13:03,067 --> 00:13:05,402 Okay, I don't care about the answer, but I feel like I got to ask, 373 00:13:05,427 --> 00:13:07,628 as someone who works in law enforcement... 374 00:13:07,653 --> 00:13:09,606 where is Reagan? 375 00:13:09,646 --> 00:13:11,446 Well, she's probably getting off at the next stop, 376 00:13:11,471 --> 00:13:12,718 and then she'll be on her way here 377 00:13:12,743 --> 00:13:14,432 for some sort of a reckoning, 378 00:13:14,457 --> 00:13:15,711 I would imagine. 379 00:13:15,746 --> 00:13:17,846 "Problem solved" was probably 380 00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:19,614 a bit of a, an overstatement. 381 00:13:19,650 --> 00:13:21,149 The good news is that I don't have to break up with her 382 00:13:21,185 --> 00:13:22,784 'cause now she's gonna break up with me. 383 00:13:22,820 --> 00:13:24,184 - Oh, Nick. - What is wrong with you? 384 00:13:24,209 --> 00:13:26,262 It's gonna be okay, Nick. Give Winston a hug. 385 00:13:26,287 --> 00:13:27,289 - Come on. Here we go. - Here you go, Winston. 386 00:13:27,324 --> 00:13:28,365 I meant "me Winston." 387 00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:30,170 - I'm "me Winston," too! - Hey, guys! 388 00:13:30,194 --> 00:13:31,193 Reagan's on her way. 389 00:13:31,228 --> 00:13:32,394 I've got too much to deal with 390 00:13:32,429 --> 00:13:33,560 to deal with this two Winstons thing. 391 00:13:33,585 --> 00:13:34,795 What, I can't have a first name 392 00:13:34,820 --> 00:13:36,621 because you left some woman on a train? 393 00:13:36,646 --> 00:13:37,857 Don't put that on me, man! 394 00:13:37,882 --> 00:13:40,145 I'm not calling you Winston, Schmidt. 395 00:13:40,170 --> 00:13:42,654 'Cause if I do, then what am I gonna call the real Winston? 396 00:13:42,679 --> 00:13:43,701 Call him I don't care! I don't care! 397 00:13:43,726 --> 00:13:45,137 - Hey, Winston, you want to get a drink? - Sure. 398 00:13:45,162 --> 00:13:46,356 - I'm down. - I was talking to that Winston. 399 00:13:46,381 --> 00:13:47,381 - Oh. - After the drink, 400 00:13:47,406 --> 00:13:48,353 you want to get some dinner, Winston? 401 00:13:48,378 --> 00:13:49,277 - Ooh, you know your boy hungry. - Yes. 402 00:13:49,313 --> 00:13:50,378 That time I was talking to this Winston. 403 00:13:50,414 --> 00:13:51,881 - So, I can come if you want. - I'm down to go. 404 00:13:51,906 --> 00:13:53,459 No, I'm trying to figure it out, okay? 405 00:13:53,484 --> 00:13:55,389 Wait, time out. Are we eating, or are we not eating? 406 00:13:55,414 --> 00:13:57,319 They're both real Winstons, 407 00:13:57,354 --> 00:13:59,821 but the old Winston is now The Bish. 408 00:13:59,857 --> 00:14:01,890 I'm not calling my fiancé "The" anything. 409 00:14:01,925 --> 00:14:03,525 Nah, man, this is taking me to a bad place. 410 00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:05,594 - I'm having... I'm having cold feet. - What? 411 00:14:05,629 --> 00:14:08,497 Yeah, the two Winstons thing is not gonna work... Nick is right. 412 00:14:08,532 --> 00:14:10,265 You've had Winston for 15 years. 413 00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:12,678 It's my turn. I'm Winston. 414 00:14:13,217 --> 00:14:14,836 You will never be Winston. 415 00:14:15,686 --> 00:14:17,506 - Oh, you want to dance? Yeah. - Oh, yeah? 416 00:14:17,541 --> 00:14:18,639 Okay. 417 00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:20,588 - Come on. - Come on. 418 00:14:20,613 --> 00:14:21,679 Come on. 419 00:14:21,704 --> 00:14:22,903 - Okay, what is happening? - Come on. 420 00:14:22,928 --> 00:14:24,412 - Come on. - I used to live by myself. 421 00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:25,452 - Come on. - Come on. 422 00:14:25,477 --> 00:14:26,663 I had covered parking, I was happy. 423 00:14:26,688 --> 00:14:27,949 - I'm Winston. - Guys, no. 424 00:14:27,985 --> 00:14:29,384 It's not about you, man. I am Winston. 425 00:14:29,419 --> 00:14:30,472 Shut up! 426 00:14:30,497 --> 00:14:32,564 I'll kill you! I'll murder you! 427 00:14:32,589 --> 00:14:33,730 I can't do this right now. 428 00:14:33,755 --> 00:14:34,890 I got too much on my plate. 429 00:14:34,925 --> 00:14:36,095 - I'm Winston. - I'm Winston. 430 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:37,692 - Nah, I'm Winston. - Ah, I'm Winston. 431 00:14:37,728 --> 00:14:39,528 Yet, somehow, all the Michaels in the world 432 00:14:39,563 --> 00:14:40,956 manage to deal with this every day. 433 00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:42,063 Mm-hmm. 434 00:14:42,099 --> 00:14:44,132 Go to sleep, go to sleep. 435 00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:48,144 - Hello? - Mr. Day. It's Nick Miller. 436 00:14:48,169 --> 00:14:49,457 - Is Jess there? - She's out. 437 00:14:49,482 --> 00:14:52,073 Can I take what I assume will be an idiotic message? 438 00:14:52,109 --> 00:14:53,742 Ah, it's actually, it's kind of private. 439 00:14:53,777 --> 00:14:55,877 Okay, fine. Talk to you later. 440 00:14:55,905 --> 00:14:58,150 Fine, I'll tell you, I'll tell you. I'm breaking up with Reagan 441 00:14:58,183 --> 00:15:00,189 and it didn't quite go as planned. 442 00:15:00,214 --> 00:15:02,030 I'm, I'm in a really bad situation 443 00:15:02,055 --> 00:15:04,455 and Jess always says the right thing 444 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:06,613 and I, I really need her. 445 00:15:08,195 --> 00:15:10,120 Let me, let me ask you a question. 446 00:15:10,222 --> 00:15:12,430 You're in the ocean with Jess, 447 00:15:12,465 --> 00:15:14,783 and a shark starts coming towards you. 448 00:15:14,808 --> 00:15:16,160 - What do you do? - Which ocean? 449 00:15:16,185 --> 00:15:17,464 I-I don't know, Pacific. 450 00:15:17,489 --> 00:15:19,355 - What type of shark? - What the hell difference does it make? 451 00:15:19,380 --> 00:15:20,464 Well if it's a hammerhead, 452 00:15:20,489 --> 00:15:22,183 you just tickle it between the sideways eyes 453 00:15:22,208 --> 00:15:23,503 and you have a companion for life. 454 00:15:23,528 --> 00:15:25,687 Then you got tiger sharks, you got whale sharks, 455 00:15:25,723 --> 00:15:27,545 you got trumpet sharks, which I believe are a thing... 456 00:15:27,570 --> 00:15:28,635 if not, it definitely should be. 457 00:15:28,660 --> 00:15:30,692 It's just a regular shark. 458 00:15:30,717 --> 00:15:31,983 You know what? Good-bye. 459 00:15:32,018 --> 00:15:33,662 Okay, vague premise aside, 460 00:15:33,687 --> 00:15:35,953 I don't know what I would do, but if Jess was with me, 461 00:15:35,978 --> 00:15:39,170 I'm sure... I'm sure we'd be okay. 462 00:15:39,709 --> 00:15:42,004 She's got that giant heart that's, 463 00:15:42,029 --> 00:15:44,495 that's part compass and, and part flashlight 464 00:15:44,531 --> 00:15:48,900 and... she's just the greatest person I have ever met. 465 00:15:49,607 --> 00:15:51,764 Bob? Does that answer your question or what? 466 00:15:51,789 --> 00:15:53,123 It does. 467 00:15:54,341 --> 00:15:56,076 Weirdly enough, it does. 468 00:15:56,101 --> 00:15:58,186 But I also don't accept your weird-ass premise, man, 469 00:15:58,211 --> 00:15:59,744 'cause it's absolutely preposterous... 470 00:15:59,779 --> 00:16:01,787 - Nick. - Oh, my God. She's here. 471 00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:05,383 Nick. 472 00:16:06,740 --> 00:16:08,638 Nicholas, I can see you. 473 00:16:08,663 --> 00:16:10,857 Hey. How was San Diego? 474 00:16:12,350 --> 00:16:13,546 Hey, 475 00:16:13,571 --> 00:16:17,280 so... Reagan's in your room, packing up her stuff. 476 00:16:17,803 --> 00:16:19,116 What'd you say to her? 477 00:16:19,141 --> 00:16:21,100 Nothing. I-I didn't say anything. 478 00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,860 I just, uh, crawled out from under the bed 479 00:16:23,885 --> 00:16:25,051 where I was hiding. 480 00:16:25,076 --> 00:16:27,584 She said, "It's over," which makes sense, 481 00:16:27,609 --> 00:16:30,973 and then I came in here, and this is now my fifth beer 482 00:16:30,998 --> 00:16:32,218 in as many minutes. 483 00:16:32,254 --> 00:16:34,120 - I'm impressed. - No, you shouldn't be. 484 00:16:34,156 --> 00:16:36,364 I once drank nine beers in five minutes. 485 00:16:36,389 --> 00:16:38,983 I hear that cry for help, but I meant the breakup. 486 00:16:39,008 --> 00:16:42,076 You ended a relationship without any confrontation. 487 00:16:42,101 --> 00:16:43,296 You got what you wanted. 488 00:16:43,331 --> 00:16:44,976 Then why do I feel so terrible? 489 00:16:45,001 --> 00:16:48,124 Maybe you feel bad because your relationship with Reagan 490 00:16:48,149 --> 00:16:50,313 actually meant something to you, 491 00:16:50,338 --> 00:16:52,530 and you ended it like it didn't. 492 00:16:53,140 --> 00:16:54,312 Right. 493 00:16:54,337 --> 00:16:56,504 I'm sorry I put you in the middle of this, Aly. 494 00:16:56,529 --> 00:16:58,695 But I'm also glad you were here 'cause I feel like we bonded. 495 00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:01,163 It was one of the most frustrating days of my entire life. 496 00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:02,265 I'm exhausted. 497 00:17:02,290 --> 00:17:04,960 I feel like a single mom in a mop commercial. 498 00:17:04,985 --> 00:17:06,551 Welcome to the loft. 499 00:17:11,034 --> 00:17:12,538 Hey. 500 00:17:12,833 --> 00:17:14,479 Taking a little trip? 501 00:17:15,146 --> 00:17:17,313 I hear San Diego's lovely. 502 00:17:18,175 --> 00:17:19,823 I regret that. 503 00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:23,722 I'm sorry I left you on the train, Reagan. 504 00:17:24,617 --> 00:17:26,517 You deserve better than that. 505 00:17:27,362 --> 00:17:29,509 The truth is, is I wanted to break up with you, 506 00:17:29,544 --> 00:17:31,159 and I didn't know how to. 507 00:17:33,128 --> 00:17:34,180 Okay. 508 00:17:34,216 --> 00:17:36,249 I mean, I'm not mad anymore, 509 00:17:36,284 --> 00:17:39,085 more just... scared of what it must be like 510 00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:41,134 to have to live inside of your head. 511 00:17:41,159 --> 00:17:42,954 Look, I'm sorry. 512 00:17:43,376 --> 00:17:44,587 It's okay. 513 00:17:44,612 --> 00:17:47,026 I've been thinking about breaking up with you for a while. 514 00:17:47,062 --> 00:17:50,050 So, we just wanted really different things. 515 00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:53,901 I'm not good at good-byes, Nick. 516 00:17:53,939 --> 00:17:56,272 I'm not good at good-byes either. 517 00:18:01,487 --> 00:18:04,704 I think I'm gonna go stand in the closet for a little bit. 518 00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:06,946 Okay. 519 00:18:06,982 --> 00:18:08,767 - Okay. - Okay. 520 00:18:18,126 --> 00:18:19,602 Bye, Nick. 521 00:18:20,734 --> 00:18:22,403 Yeah, bye, Reagan. 522 00:18:32,388 --> 00:18:33,687 What do you want? 523 00:18:34,203 --> 00:18:35,868 To be your friend. 524 00:18:36,788 --> 00:18:38,976 If you need the name Winston... 525 00:18:39,180 --> 00:18:41,547 to get you to where you're going, then... 526 00:18:42,132 --> 00:18:43,835 I'm not gonna stand in your way. 527 00:18:45,070 --> 00:18:46,516 You're a good friend. 528 00:18:48,189 --> 00:18:51,558 Uh, uh, what will I call you? 529 00:18:51,583 --> 00:18:53,791 Well, I was gonna give Saint-Marie a whirl, 530 00:18:53,816 --> 00:18:55,395 but then I was like, nah, 531 00:18:55,430 --> 00:18:56,930 that's a girl's name. 532 00:18:56,965 --> 00:18:58,731 And I thought about Two-Shoes. 533 00:18:58,767 --> 00:19:00,333 - Two-Shoes. - Two-Shoes, yeah. 534 00:19:00,368 --> 00:19:02,526 But then, in certain shoes that I have, 535 00:19:02,551 --> 00:19:04,776 I have three of them, so... 536 00:19:04,801 --> 00:19:06,850 so I'm just gonna stick with The Bish. 537 00:19:06,875 --> 00:19:08,019 Come here. 538 00:19:09,136 --> 00:19:10,577 Thank you, The Bish. 539 00:19:11,260 --> 00:19:12,551 Thanks, Winston. 540 00:19:15,674 --> 00:19:18,303 Hey, you know what? Why don't you come on inside... 541 00:19:21,288 --> 00:19:22,455 Very weird. 542 00:19:22,490 --> 00:19:23,983 Strange man. 543 00:19:24,162 --> 00:19:25,829 I love Wednesday nights. 544 00:19:25,854 --> 00:19:28,216 And this one's even more special, 545 00:19:28,241 --> 00:19:29,991 'cause I got my name back. 546 00:19:30,936 --> 00:19:32,098 I love you, Cece. 547 00:19:32,133 --> 00:19:34,421 I love you so much, Winston. 548 00:19:35,725 --> 00:19:37,138 Oh, God. 549 00:19:37,764 --> 00:19:39,973 I don't like it! I don't like it! I don't like it! 550 00:19:40,008 --> 00:19:41,850 - Damn it! - Ugh... 551 00:19:42,350 --> 00:19:43,622 Take your name back. 552 00:19:43,647 --> 00:19:44,811 I don't want it. 553 00:19:44,846 --> 00:19:47,442 - What's wrong with the name Winston? - It's horrible, just take it back. 554 00:19:47,467 --> 00:19:49,382 Worst name in the entire history of names. 555 00:19:49,407 --> 00:19:51,052 What'd you say about my name? 556 00:19:51,077 --> 00:19:53,430 Stop. N... You know what, I don't care. 557 00:19:53,455 --> 00:19:54,609 Come on. 558 00:19:58,363 --> 00:19:59,660 Cha-ching. 559 00:19:59,685 --> 00:20:01,160 Hey, hey, Jess! 560 00:20:01,188 --> 00:20:03,268 Jess! I've been trying to call you. 561 00:20:03,293 --> 00:20:05,164 I-I talked to Nick. 562 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:07,965 - What? - He called looking for you, and... 563 00:20:07,990 --> 00:20:11,449 you know, oddly, I-I see what you see in him. 564 00:20:11,996 --> 00:20:14,474 It doesn't matter. He has a girlfriend. 565 00:20:14,910 --> 00:20:17,168 He and Reagan broke up. 566 00:20:18,488 --> 00:20:20,113 And you know something? 567 00:20:20,148 --> 00:20:22,597 I don't even think he realizes it, 568 00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:25,855 but he's still in love with you. 569 00:20:32,937 --> 00:20:34,418 I got you, I got you! 570 00:20:34,443 --> 00:20:36,295 I got you! Got your arm! 571 00:20:36,331 --> 00:20:37,597 I'm gonna break it. 572 00:20:37,632 --> 00:20:39,558 Aah, that's my arm! 573 00:20:39,583 --> 00:20:42,035 I need it, I need it! 574 00:20:55,364 --> 00:20:56,645 There she goes. 575 00:20:56,670 --> 00:20:58,146 Off to college. 576 00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:00,544 Circle of life. 577 00:21:01,154 --> 00:21:02,434 Okay. 578 00:21:10,177 --> 00:21:11,895 This is right. 579 00:21:12,404 --> 00:21:15,200 I'm gonna go home and I'm gonna profess my love to Nick. 580 00:21:15,583 --> 00:21:18,302 - I'm very proud of you, sweetie. - Thanks, Dad. 581 00:21:19,130 --> 00:21:20,654 I'm proud of you, too. 582 00:21:22,622 --> 00:21:23,969 You really just... 583 00:21:23,994 --> 00:21:26,617 humped your way right into things, didn't you, Priscilla? 584 00:21:29,367 --> 00:21:33,046 - I kinda wanted the front seat. - I called it.