1
00:00:00,648 --> 00:00:02,181
What a Halloween!
2
00:00:02,641 --> 00:00:04,241
- Whoa! Whoa!
- Yes!
3
00:00:04,301 --> 00:00:07,018
Marcia Clark cleaned that party out.
4
00:00:07,043 --> 00:00:08,928
I can't believe nobody got our costumes.
5
00:00:08,953 --> 00:00:10,245
I know. I'm not Shapiro.
6
00:00:10,314 --> 00:00:13,515
I'm very clearly
Travolta playing Shapiro.
7
00:00:13,583 --> 00:00:14,949
Where-where is the...
Where did the Juice go?
8
00:00:15,018 --> 00:00:15,984
Is he back on the freeway?
9
00:00:16,009 --> 00:00:19,248
Three, two, one. Midnight, November 1.
10
00:00:19,273 --> 00:00:21,056
Merry Christmas season.
11
00:00:21,702 --> 00:00:22,998
- Mm.
- Okay.
12
00:00:23,983 --> 00:00:24,803
Uh, Jess,
13
00:00:24,828 --> 00:00:26,461
Winston has something he
would like to tell you.
14
00:00:26,530 --> 00:00:27,529
- Oh!
- Go ahead, Winston.
15
00:00:27,597 --> 00:00:29,030
What? Oh, yeah, yeah, from...
16
00:00:29,099 --> 00:00:31,733
We did rock-paper-scissors. Okay.
17
00:00:31,802 --> 00:00:32,873
Well, you know,
18
00:00:32,898 --> 00:00:34,035
well, we were all thinking,
19
00:00:34,104 --> 00:00:35,953
and we were all on the same page.
20
00:00:37,010 --> 00:00:38,498
We were thinking that...
21
00:00:38,523 --> 00:00:41,827
maybe we don't do Christmas this year.
22
00:00:45,425 --> 00:00:49,663
You know, that would be
a great seminar topic...
23
00:00:49,688 --> 00:00:52,230
in a school for demons!
24
00:00:52,262 --> 00:00:53,897
- Backup. I need backup. Your turn.
- Well, Jess,
25
00:00:53,922 --> 00:00:55,600
Christmas is just so stressful...
26
00:00:55,625 --> 00:00:57,585
with the lists and the lines
27
00:00:57,610 --> 00:01:00,607
and-and the dancing girls
at TV Town Song Room.
28
00:01:00,632 --> 00:01:02,197
TV Town Song Room?
29
00:01:02,265 --> 00:01:04,322
- Do you mean Radio City Music Hall?
- Yeah.
30
00:01:04,347 --> 00:01:06,342
How could you get so many
things wrong in a row?
31
00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:07,736
At Radio City Music's Hall.
32
00:01:07,804 --> 00:01:09,517
What is going on here?
33
00:01:09,542 --> 00:01:11,316
Christmas isn't stressful.
34
00:01:11,341 --> 00:01:12,058
- Babe.
- Babe.
35
00:01:12,083 --> 00:01:13,641
You get more stressed out by Christmas
36
00:01:13,710 --> 00:01:15,433
than anyone I know.
37
00:01:15,777 --> 00:01:18,878
The spirit of Christmas.
38
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Son of a whore!
39
00:01:24,157 --> 00:01:25,957
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
40
00:01:26,026 --> 00:01:29,060
In my defense, I hadn't
slept for six days.
41
00:01:29,129 --> 00:01:30,347
But I do see your point.
42
00:01:30,372 --> 00:01:31,487
- Okay. Great.
- Hmm.
43
00:01:31,512 --> 00:01:33,412
So it's official. Christmas is canceled.
44
00:01:33,437 --> 00:01:35,511
No, Christmas is not canceled.
45
00:01:35,536 --> 00:01:38,183
Christmas gifts are how
you show the people you love
46
00:01:38,208 --> 00:01:40,205
that you care in a very special, magical
47
00:01:40,274 --> 00:01:41,980
and highly mandatory way.
48
00:01:42,004 --> 00:01:44,565
You want me to shop until I
drop, and I don't want to drop.
49
00:01:44,590 --> 00:01:48,292
How about this? One
special gift, one person,
50
00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:50,058
and a guessing game at the end.
51
00:01:50,083 --> 00:01:51,394
Secret Santa!
52
00:01:51,419 --> 00:01:53,159
One moment, please.
53
00:01:55,052 --> 00:01:57,433
It's the perfect compromise. Come on.
54
00:02:01,408 --> 00:02:02,463
- General agreement.
- General agreement.
55
00:02:02,488 --> 00:02:03,487
- Sure.
- We can do it.
56
00:02:03,518 --> 00:02:05,785
Yes! It's a deal. Okay.
57
00:02:07,372 --> 00:02:08,495
- Whoa.
- Oh.
58
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:09,761
It's just me.
59
00:02:09,786 --> 00:02:11,167
I'm feeling really good.
60
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Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb
www.addic7ed.com
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00:02:15,285 --> 00:02:16,644
_
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Merry Christmas Eve Eve, everybody!
63
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Secret Santa starts
tonight at 6:00 P.M.,
64
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AKA 7:00 P.M. eve.
65
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- Snacks will be potluck.
- I call baba ghanoush.
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It brings back such good memories.
67
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My dad waking me up with hot cocoa,
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my dog Frank dressed up as Rudolph,
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00:02:33,673 --> 00:02:36,708
looking out the window,
watching for snow,
70
00:02:36,776 --> 00:02:38,447
dancing around the Christmas tree
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00:02:38,472 --> 00:02:40,480
to the sweet sounds of Darlene Love's
72
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"Christmas."
73
00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,237
Darlene what now?
74
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♪ The snow's coming down ♪
75
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Love me some Darlene.
76
00:02:46,505 --> 00:02:49,441
♪ I'm watching it fall ♪
77
00:02:49,466 --> 00:02:50,597
What am I watching now?
78
00:02:50,622 --> 00:02:52,340
Two kilos of uncut joy.
79
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Little reminder...
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00:02:53,371 --> 00:02:55,941
uh, tonight is for
Secret Santa gifts only.
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So, married people,
82
00:02:58,112 --> 00:03:00,097
please exchange your
gifts at another time.
83
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Oh, don't worry. Schmidt and I
84
00:03:01,186 --> 00:03:02,308
aren't getting each
other gifts this year.
85
00:03:02,333 --> 00:03:03,761
- Uh-uh.
- Is that 'cause of the Jew thing?
86
00:03:03,786 --> 00:03:05,025
Jew thing?
87
00:03:05,071 --> 00:03:07,995
That's just a phrase that falls
out of your mouth these days.
88
00:03:09,269 --> 00:03:10,783
Oh, sorry.
89
00:03:10,808 --> 00:03:13,323
I-I took the last Jew thing.
90
00:03:14,180 --> 00:03:16,414
This will be the only gift that
Cece is getting this Christmas,
91
00:03:16,483 --> 00:03:19,183
so whoever has her, please step it up.
92
00:03:19,252 --> 00:03:21,385
Right, and the same goes for my man.
93
00:03:21,454 --> 00:03:23,152
Just because he doesn't
believe in the Lord,
94
00:03:23,177 --> 00:03:26,423
doesn't mean he can't have
cake at the birthday party.
95
00:03:26,448 --> 00:03:29,058
So, whoever has him better bring it...
96
00:03:29,083 --> 00:03:32,263
because I know I got
the perfect gift for...
97
00:03:32,332 --> 00:03:33,464
Up-bup-bup-bup!
98
00:03:33,533 --> 00:03:35,066
Secret Santa.
99
00:03:35,135 --> 00:03:36,277
Also, to that point,
100
00:03:36,302 --> 00:03:38,336
we're all in danger
of revealing ourselves
101
00:03:38,404 --> 00:03:40,823
through little clues such as...
102
00:03:41,636 --> 00:03:43,167
cave man wrapping skills.
103
00:03:43,192 --> 00:03:45,320
I got mozzarella sticks for fingers.
104
00:03:45,345 --> 00:03:46,792
You're making this very stressful, Jess.
105
00:03:46,817 --> 00:03:49,644
No, it's not, because we
have a Secret Santa helper,
106
00:03:49,669 --> 00:03:51,331
and his name is...
107
00:03:51,378 --> 00:03:52,230
- Robby!
- Whoa!
108
00:03:52,255 --> 00:03:53,008
- Oh.
- Oh.
109
00:03:53,052 --> 00:03:54,081
How long you been out there, man?
110
00:03:54,106 --> 00:03:56,087
Eh, long enough to make it weird.
111
00:03:56,156 --> 00:03:57,455
But I could hear
everything, though, so...
112
00:03:57,524 --> 00:03:59,390
- Sorry about the wait.
- Oh, it's okay.
113
00:03:59,459 --> 00:04:01,487
I slept in a little bit.
114
00:04:01,512 --> 00:04:03,795
Robby is going to wrap
and label all of your gifts
115
00:04:03,863 --> 00:04:05,231
to ensure anonymity.
116
00:04:05,256 --> 00:04:06,395
I'm just gonna go wait in Jess' room.
117
00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:07,661
I look forward to working with you all.
118
00:04:07,685 --> 00:04:09,159
Oh, I got to get back to work.
119
00:04:09,184 --> 00:04:11,566
I told the entire staff
they can have three days off
120
00:04:11,591 --> 00:04:14,161
'cause Christmas is
usually dead at the bar.
121
00:04:14,497 --> 00:04:16,192
So, it's just gonna
be me and the receipts.
122
00:04:16,251 --> 00:04:17,552
You haven't done those yet?
123
00:04:17,577 --> 00:04:19,089
Nick, our accountant needs them today.
124
00:04:19,114 --> 00:04:20,489
I know. It's the do date,
125
00:04:20,514 --> 00:04:22,169
So, I'm going to do them today.
126
00:04:22,194 --> 00:04:23,598
D-U-E, Nicholas.
127
00:04:23,623 --> 00:04:26,091
D-O-I-N-G-I-N-G.
128
00:04:26,116 --> 00:04:27,792
Doing. The doing date.
129
00:04:27,817 --> 00:04:30,763
And if you think about it, D-O-I-N-G
130
00:04:30,788 --> 00:04:32,425
shouldn't be doing.
131
00:04:32,450 --> 00:04:33,809
It should be freaking "doyng."
132
00:04:35,804 --> 00:04:36,837
Nick, you got 'em?!
133
00:04:36,881 --> 00:04:39,606
You look like you should be
paying child support in Florida.
134
00:04:43,752 --> 00:04:45,286
I get Nick the perfect gift,
135
00:04:45,310 --> 00:04:47,020
and then he goes and
buys it for himself.
136
00:04:47,052 --> 00:04:48,317
What am I supposed to get him now?
137
00:04:48,333 --> 00:04:50,020
You could get Nick
some tap shoes, right?
138
00:04:50,045 --> 00:04:51,464
They do make walking fun.
139
00:04:51,489 --> 00:04:53,987
I told you that about
tap shoes, you tree.
140
00:04:54,012 --> 00:04:55,338
Now think, Jessica.
141
00:04:55,407 --> 00:04:57,864
You're the greatest
gift-giver of all time.
142
00:04:58,762 --> 00:04:59,972
I've got it.
143
00:04:59,997 --> 00:05:01,745
Whatever it is, I got it covered.
144
00:05:01,813 --> 00:05:05,294
Oh, no, Robby. What I'm
giving him cannot be wrapped.
145
00:05:05,319 --> 00:05:07,091
Is it a memory?
146
00:05:07,425 --> 00:05:08,778
- No.
- Ah.
147
00:05:09,896 --> 00:05:11,403
- A house?
- No.
148
00:05:13,129 --> 00:05:14,129
Damn it, man.
149
00:05:14,966 --> 00:05:15,966
False alarm.
150
00:05:16,005 --> 00:05:18,091
I thought that was the mailman
with my Secret Santa gift.
151
00:05:18,115 --> 00:05:19,347
Yes, I know, Winston.
152
00:05:19,372 --> 00:05:21,137
You've run in here at least six times.
153
00:05:21,162 --> 00:05:23,380
You know, now you can
just track the package.
154
00:05:23,405 --> 00:05:25,145
- I can?
- Yes.
155
00:05:25,170 --> 00:05:29,669
Let's see. KXHD136.
156
00:05:29,694 --> 00:05:31,777
You memorized the
package tracking number,
157
00:05:31,802 --> 00:05:34,482
but you didn't know that you could
use that number to track the package?
158
00:05:34,507 --> 00:05:35,945
What?!
159
00:05:36,184 --> 00:05:39,258
9:18 A.M. refused delivery?
160
00:05:39,326 --> 00:05:41,160
Did you refuse a package
161
00:05:41,228 --> 00:05:43,887
to Retired Rear Admiral
Jay Garage-A-Roo?
162
00:05:43,912 --> 00:05:46,524
Listen to what you just
asked. Of course I did.
163
00:05:46,861 --> 00:05:48,286
Damn it!
164
00:05:48,311 --> 00:05:50,069
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
165
00:05:50,094 --> 00:05:51,364
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
166
00:05:51,389 --> 00:05:52,856
Damn it, Schmidt!
167
00:05:52,881 --> 00:05:55,886
I am Retired Rear
Admiral Jay Garage-A-Roo!
168
00:05:55,911 --> 00:05:57,332
It is my secret Santa alias.
169
00:05:57,348 --> 00:05:58,277
- Oh.
- Yeah.
170
00:05:58,312 --> 00:06:00,675
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Damn
it! Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
171
00:06:00,700 --> 00:06:02,379
I don't have a gift for tonight now.
172
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:03,699
Well, this is not my problem, Winston.
173
00:06:03,724 --> 00:06:05,465
Oh, no, it is your problem.
174
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:06,589
Oh, you had me?
175
00:06:06,614 --> 00:06:09,800
I did not have Jess, I did not
have Nick, I do not have you.
176
00:06:10,699 --> 00:06:14,957
It's fairly obvious who I do have.
177
00:06:17,698 --> 00:06:19,761
I figured it out. You have Cece.
178
00:06:19,786 --> 00:06:20,832
- Oh.
- My Cece.
179
00:06:20,857 --> 00:06:21,964
My Cece can't go gift-less.
180
00:06:21,989 --> 00:06:23,886
I like to think of her as our Cece.
181
00:06:23,911 --> 00:06:25,527
You screwed the pooch
on this one, Winston.
182
00:06:25,574 --> 00:06:26,941
Me? I didn't screw the pooch.
183
00:06:26,966 --> 00:06:28,527
- Yes, you did.
- You didn't sign for it!
184
00:06:28,552 --> 00:06:31,076
How was I supposed to sign
for Garage-A-Roo's package?
185
00:06:31,145 --> 00:06:32,832
You and your dang old aliases.
186
00:06:32,857 --> 00:06:34,543
You have a new alias every day, Winston.
187
00:06:34,568 --> 00:06:36,541
- Yes, but you should know it's me!
- Garage-A-Roo, Kenneth.
188
00:06:36,566 --> 00:06:38,918
But it was me clearly! Kenneth, Kenneth.
189
00:06:38,943 --> 00:06:41,457
Rick Smits, Big Poppy Jones.
190
00:06:41,482 --> 00:06:43,222
These are the dumbest
names I've ever heard!
191
00:06:43,247 --> 00:06:45,682
- Pontius Pilate.
- AKA idiot.
192
00:06:45,707 --> 00:06:47,159
Maybe that truck is
still in the neighborhood.
193
00:06:47,228 --> 00:06:48,863
- Let's go out and try and get it.
- Wait!
194
00:06:48,888 --> 00:06:53,457
This just became a Schmidt and
a Jay Garage-A-Roo mess-around.
195
00:06:53,482 --> 00:06:55,168
Freakin' Jay Garage-A-Roo.
196
00:06:55,193 --> 00:06:57,894
So I fly you down. You
are my gift to Nick.
197
00:06:57,919 --> 00:06:59,049
What do you say?
198
00:06:59,074 --> 00:07:00,268
I don't know, Jess.
199
00:07:00,293 --> 00:07:02,214
I mean, I have a really
big pitch tomorrow.
200
00:07:02,239 --> 00:07:03,535
It's a treatment for...
201
00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:07,089
I mean, the polite term is
"gravelly bowel syndrome."
202
00:07:07,114 --> 00:07:09,091
So fly down for one night.
203
00:07:09,116 --> 00:07:11,941
What could be more romantic or magical?
204
00:07:11,966 --> 00:07:13,762
I will orchestrate the whole surprise.
205
00:07:13,787 --> 00:07:14,816
Lighting, blocking,
206
00:07:14,841 --> 00:07:15,879
- costumes...
- Okay, you know what?
207
00:07:15,904 --> 00:07:18,158
- I... I'm in.
- You are?
208
00:07:18,183 --> 00:07:19,963
I thought I was gonna have
to give you the hard sell.
209
00:07:19,988 --> 00:07:21,933
That's part of the
reason why I'm in. But...
210
00:07:21,958 --> 00:07:24,035
also, I haven't seen
Nick in a couple weeks,
211
00:07:24,060 --> 00:07:25,464
and I really miss his nonsense.
212
00:07:25,489 --> 00:07:27,285
And that ass... am I right?
213
00:07:27,310 --> 00:07:28,443
She's in!
214
00:07:28,468 --> 00:07:29,634
Whoo!
215
00:07:29,659 --> 00:07:31,926
Pope Francis, we have a miracle worker.
216
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:35,019
The only thing left to do is...
217
00:07:36,277 --> 00:07:37,605
Hey, Nick.
218
00:07:37,630 --> 00:07:40,279
I, um, just am doing a little laundry.
219
00:07:40,347 --> 00:07:43,048
I got just enough room
for your bedsheets.
220
00:07:43,117 --> 00:07:44,418
May I do the honors?
221
00:07:44,443 --> 00:07:46,574
But don't touch them...
they're exactly how I like them.
222
00:07:46,599 --> 00:07:49,871
But I'm really glad you called.
The bar is an absolute zoo.
223
00:07:49,896 --> 00:07:51,504
I haven't even gotten
to the receipts yet.
224
00:07:51,529 --> 00:07:52,574
Wait-wait, what?
225
00:07:52,599 --> 00:07:53,637
The point is, I'm swamped,
226
00:07:53,662 --> 00:07:55,364
and I'm not gonna make
it for Secret Santa.
227
00:07:55,389 --> 00:07:56,488
- What?
- I'm sorry.
228
00:07:56,513 --> 00:07:57,974
I'm just not gonna make it.
229
00:07:58,005 --> 00:08:00,222
Jess, Nick is still
gonna enjoy seeing Reagan,
230
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:02,808
even if it means she's just gonna
hang out with him at the bar.
231
00:08:02,833 --> 00:08:04,589
- Yeah, it's the thought that counts.
- Yeah.
232
00:08:04,599 --> 00:08:06,638
If you're in the lump of coal business!
233
00:08:06,698 --> 00:08:08,208
I have to go help Nick...
234
00:08:08,233 --> 00:08:10,208
so he can be here for the surprise.
235
00:08:10,233 --> 00:08:11,684
Did you get... No,
you don't have a drink.
236
00:08:11,709 --> 00:08:12,811
- You got hot chocolate?
- What do you want, a beer?
237
00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:14,651
I'll get you in a second there, buddy.
238
00:08:14,676 --> 00:08:16,114
Weirdly, this is not the first time
239
00:08:16,183 --> 00:08:17,649
Nick has failed to mention elves
240
00:08:17,725 --> 00:08:19,410
in a crisis situation.
241
00:08:20,059 --> 00:08:22,621
This is way worse than you said.
242
00:08:22,690 --> 00:08:25,020
I'm out of here...
it's my day off, and...
243
00:08:25,121 --> 00:08:26,449
you know what, actually, I
don't need more than that.
244
00:08:26,474 --> 00:08:28,160
Wait, wait, no. Cece, I need your help.
245
00:08:28,185 --> 00:08:29,284
I need your help.
246
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:31,343
We have to get Nick
home for Secret Santa.
247
00:08:31,391 --> 00:08:33,358
Ooh, you have him.
248
00:08:33,395 --> 00:08:35,418
Yes, I got Nick. I got Nick.
249
00:08:35,443 --> 00:08:36,934
Reagan's flying out from Seattle.
250
00:08:36,959 --> 00:08:38,419
Oh...
251
00:08:38,770 --> 00:08:40,784
And we're double-teaming him.
252
00:08:40,816 --> 00:08:42,582
Okay, listen to me very carefully, okay?
253
00:08:42,607 --> 00:08:44,710
You mean "tag-teaming."
254
00:08:44,735 --> 00:08:46,377
This is the exact same
thing that happened
255
00:08:46,402 --> 00:08:48,347
when you handed that
checkout guy coupons,
256
00:08:48,415 --> 00:08:50,246
and said that we'd
been scissoring all day.
257
00:08:50,271 --> 00:08:53,352
Oh. He helped us with our
bags. He was such a gentleman.
258
00:08:53,832 --> 00:08:55,231
No, he was not.
259
00:08:55,256 --> 00:08:56,848
Hey, what are you two doing here?
260
00:08:56,873 --> 00:08:58,208
What are all these elves doing here?
261
00:08:58,233 --> 00:08:59,982
They just got off a shift at the mall.
262
00:09:00,027 --> 00:09:03,061
You know, I've been thinking,
since they're all regular size,
263
00:09:03,122 --> 00:09:05,161
my theory is it's a mall for giants.
264
00:09:05,194 --> 00:09:07,410
Let us help. We'll man the
bar. You can hit the receipts.
265
00:09:07,435 --> 00:09:08,450
Ah, it'll be fine.
266
00:09:08,475 --> 00:09:10,840
Someone just has to give my
Secret Santa gift. It's for...
267
00:09:10,865 --> 00:09:12,965
No! Sorry.
268
00:09:13,507 --> 00:09:15,660
Look, I know you don't
love Secret Santa, but...
269
00:09:15,685 --> 00:09:18,010
don't be alone on Christmas Eve Eve.
270
00:09:18,078 --> 00:09:19,988
Be with the people you love.
271
00:09:22,012 --> 00:09:23,473
All right, you're right.
272
00:09:23,712 --> 00:09:25,113
I'll take the help.
273
00:09:25,363 --> 00:09:27,580
Uh, time for the receipts, I guess.
274
00:09:27,605 --> 00:09:29,305
Let me go grab my calculator.
275
00:09:31,792 --> 00:09:33,923
We have a lot of work to do.
276
00:09:34,792 --> 00:09:37,693
One, two, three, four...
277
00:09:39,309 --> 00:09:41,433
- Whoa! Whoa.
- Excuse me, uh,
278
00:09:41,502 --> 00:09:43,735
Deb, we need to check your trunk...
we're looking for a package.
279
00:09:43,804 --> 00:09:47,172
It is addressed to Retired
Rear Admiral Jay Garage-A-Roo.
280
00:09:47,241 --> 00:09:48,465
What a stupid name.
281
00:09:48,490 --> 00:09:50,293
Tell it to your stupid wife,
man... it's one of our inside jokes.
282
00:09:50,318 --> 00:09:51,965
You two don't have inside jokes.
283
00:09:51,990 --> 00:09:54,395
Man, we got loads of inside jokes!
284
00:09:54,420 --> 00:09:57,113
My turtleneck, uh, my trick hip,
285
00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:59,238
that "Hok-fooey, Jean Luc!"
286
00:09:59,263 --> 00:10:00,563
Get off my truck.
287
00:10:00,588 --> 00:10:03,690
Please, it is Christmas Eve... Eve.
288
00:10:03,715 --> 00:10:05,098
- That's right.
- Yes.
289
00:10:05,123 --> 00:10:07,670
That's my night. So go home,
290
00:10:07,695 --> 00:10:09,465
and wait for your package.
291
00:10:09,490 --> 00:10:10,661
All right, fine.
292
00:10:10,864 --> 00:10:12,264
Okay, whatever.
293
00:10:13,870 --> 00:10:15,674
You know what, Deb,
that's where you're wrong.
294
00:10:15,736 --> 00:10:18,582
There was a time when we
didn't need people like you.
295
00:10:18,607 --> 00:10:20,520
There was a time where a
man could go into a place,
296
00:10:20,545 --> 00:10:23,141
buy a thing and leave with that thing.
297
00:10:23,210 --> 00:10:24,856
And you weren't involved at all.
298
00:10:24,881 --> 00:10:26,512
You lost me, Schmidt.
What are you talking about?
299
00:10:26,537 --> 00:10:29,135
- Stores, Winston!
- Oh, stores!
300
00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:30,926
- I remember those.
- Stores?
301
00:10:30,951 --> 00:10:33,410
What are you gonna do? Pay sales tax?
302
00:10:33,435 --> 00:10:34,465
Park?
303
00:10:36,248 --> 00:10:37,848
- Stores!
- Oh!
304
00:10:38,158 --> 00:10:39,758
Brick and mortar, baby!
305
00:10:39,783 --> 00:10:41,731
I know that she loves me,
306
00:10:41,756 --> 00:10:43,606
so why won't she touch me?
307
00:10:43,631 --> 00:10:46,159
Larry, you've got to go home, okay?
308
00:10:46,184 --> 00:10:47,660
Why isn't Nick gone?
309
00:10:47,685 --> 00:10:49,152
It's been four hours.
310
00:10:49,177 --> 00:10:51,473
Reagan's on a plane,
Secret Santa's in an hour,
311
00:10:51,498 --> 00:10:52,697
I'm freaking out...
312
00:10:52,722 --> 00:10:54,793
Well, you can call me Ice Cube.
313
00:10:55,725 --> 00:10:57,225
Because I'm done wrapping.
314
00:10:57,250 --> 00:10:58,676
That is how you won me over.
315
00:10:58,701 --> 00:11:00,987
Look, the missing piece
of the puzzle is Nick.
316
00:11:01,012 --> 00:11:02,434
I'm gonna go check in.
317
00:11:02,606 --> 00:11:04,223
One hour till Secret Santa!
318
00:11:04,248 --> 00:11:05,283
Great.
319
00:11:05,308 --> 00:11:06,738
You ever done any Santa work
320
00:11:06,763 --> 00:11:08,863
at the Chatsworth Penney's?
321
00:11:10,051 --> 00:11:11,629
- Larry?
- Robby!
322
00:11:15,639 --> 00:11:16,559
Come in.
323
00:11:16,584 --> 00:11:18,887
A little North Pole knock-knock.
324
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:19,965
- I finished.
- Oh.
325
00:11:19,990 --> 00:11:22,096
Thank you, Jess. And
thank you for what you said
326
00:11:22,121 --> 00:11:24,177
about being with the people
you care about on Christmas.
327
00:11:24,202 --> 00:11:25,935
Oh, you're welcome. I-I meant it.
328
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,380
And that is why I bought a ticket...
329
00:11:28,405 --> 00:11:31,286
to go to Seattle to
be with Reagan tonight.
330
00:11:31,311 --> 00:11:33,575
Oh... Fa...
331
00:11:33,592 --> 00:11:36,247
♪ La-la, la-la, la-la, la-la. ♪
332
00:11:37,743 --> 00:11:39,076
All right. How do I surprise Reagan.
333
00:11:39,101 --> 00:11:40,467
Here's what I'm thinking.
334
00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:41,965
I'm thinking I go dressed as a fireman,
335
00:11:41,990 --> 00:11:43,005
I knock on the door,
336
00:11:43,053 --> 00:11:44,779
I reveal myself to be a stripper,
337
00:11:44,804 --> 00:11:46,704
and then I reveal myself to be Nick.
338
00:11:46,729 --> 00:11:48,529
How does that even... uh...
339
00:11:48,865 --> 00:11:50,708
Are you sure you want to go to Seattle?
340
00:11:50,733 --> 00:11:52,490
I mean, it's Seattle. Ew.
341
00:11:52,515 --> 00:11:55,215
I mean, it was... it was
basically your idea, right?
342
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:56,638
Why don't we just get you home to...
343
00:11:56,663 --> 00:11:57,663
I got no time.
344
00:11:57,740 --> 00:11:59,505
I'm on a no-fly list, so
I need to leave right now.
345
00:11:59,530 --> 00:12:00,763
Checking in is very difficult.
346
00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:03,168
Why not just take that name literally,
347
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,247
and you no fly?
348
00:12:04,272 --> 00:12:06,443
- Off to Seattle.
- Wait, Nick! No! No!
349
00:12:06,468 --> 00:12:09,392
I can't let you go! Your
hair looks so stupid!
350
00:12:09,417 --> 00:12:11,115
- What?
- You look like a total dork.
351
00:12:11,140 --> 00:12:12,880
My hair looks stupid, I
look like a total dork?
352
00:12:12,905 --> 00:12:14,575
We can't let TSA see you like this.
353
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,044
But I've had this haircut
for a little bit now.
354
00:12:16,128 --> 00:12:17,568
- I know.
- You let me go to work, though?
355
00:12:17,593 --> 00:12:19,702
It just looks particularly
bad right this minute.
356
00:12:19,727 --> 00:12:20,780
Then I'll just go like this.
357
00:12:20,805 --> 00:12:23,272
- How about now?
- No. Mm-mm. Didn't fix it.
358
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:29,113
I get the impression you
don't want me to go to Seattle.
359
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:32,327
That's because I don't
want you to go to Seattle.
360
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:34,710
- Well, why not?
- I can't tell you.
361
00:12:34,812 --> 00:12:36,297
I mean, I-is this about Reagan?
362
00:12:36,322 --> 00:12:37,488
Do you not like her?
363
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:38,749
No, I like Reagan...
364
00:12:38,774 --> 00:12:41,458
she looks like the front
of a ship come alive. Heh.
365
00:12:41,483 --> 00:12:43,560
Is that why you've been acting so weird?
366
00:12:43,585 --> 00:12:45,538
I haven't been acting weird.
367
00:12:45,563 --> 00:12:47,732
You've been weird since the
day I got back from New Orleans.
368
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,632
You're acting really squirrelly.
369
00:12:50,530 --> 00:12:52,585
You don't think I've
noticed, but I've noticed.
370
00:12:52,702 --> 00:12:54,358
Okay, you're way off base.
371
00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:55,888
I mean, what is it?
I took your advice...
372
00:12:55,913 --> 00:12:58,624
I'm gonna be with somebody who I
find really special on Christmas.
373
00:12:58,649 --> 00:12:59,741
- Nick...
- But, surprise,
374
00:12:59,766 --> 00:13:00,912
I've still done something wrong.
375
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,585
Don't go to Seattle. Trust me.
376
00:13:02,610 --> 00:13:05,583
Why is nothing I do
ever good enough for you?
377
00:13:05,625 --> 00:13:07,273
What do you want from me?
378
00:13:07,298 --> 00:13:09,794
I'm doing everything I can here!
379
00:13:09,819 --> 00:13:13,658
Nick, I'm flying Reagan out
from Seattle to surprise you.
380
00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:16,468
I'm your Secret Santa, you jerk.
381
00:13:19,202 --> 00:13:22,633
So this is what it feels
like to be instantly sorry.
382
00:13:23,233 --> 00:13:24,303
Where is everyone?
383
00:13:24,328 --> 00:13:26,504
- I thought this place would be crazy.
- Ha-ha-ha!
384
00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:28,022
Yeah, those were the days.
385
00:13:28,062 --> 00:13:30,095
Now people prefer to shop online.
386
00:13:30,131 --> 00:13:31,512
My grandfather opened this store.
387
00:13:31,537 --> 00:13:34,325
Now it closes with me. So,
to answer your question,
388
00:13:34,350 --> 00:13:35,616
yes, I do drink.
389
00:13:35,641 --> 00:13:37,960
Um... hey, we're looking
for a beanbag chair.
390
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:39,319
Hey! We have one.
391
00:13:39,344 --> 00:13:40,819
Nice!
392
00:13:41,075 --> 00:13:43,156
Heck, I'll go get it for
you. I'm not doing anything.
393
00:13:43,181 --> 00:13:44,280
Great, great.
394
00:13:44,561 --> 00:13:46,327
Brick and mortar, baby.
395
00:13:47,915 --> 00:13:49,948
- A beanbag chair, Winston?
- Yeah.
396
00:13:49,984 --> 00:13:53,118
You thought that would be a...
a suitable gift for my bride?
397
00:13:53,161 --> 00:13:54,530
You wouldn't get it. I
mean, it's a reference
398
00:13:54,555 --> 00:13:57,069
to a classic Winston-Cece mess-around.
399
00:13:58,025 --> 00:13:59,632
Beanbag chair!
400
00:14:00,382 --> 00:14:02,257
Never in my life have I heard
401
00:14:02,282 --> 00:14:04,139
of a game of one-on-one Pictionary.
402
00:14:04,164 --> 00:14:06,108
- We had a moment.
- Unmoved.
403
00:14:06,133 --> 00:14:07,933
- Okay.
- Had you drawn a picture poo-poo,
404
00:14:07,968 --> 00:14:09,264
would that have been a
good gift for my Cece?
405
00:14:09,289 --> 00:14:10,833
It would have been hilarious.
406
00:14:10,858 --> 00:14:11,913
Look, Schmidt, I get it
407
00:14:11,938 --> 00:14:13,936
that you are closer to her than I am.
408
00:14:14,075 --> 00:14:15,089
- Uh-huh.
- However,
409
00:14:15,114 --> 00:14:16,952
I got my own thing going on with her.
410
00:14:16,977 --> 00:14:19,132
And I feel like you don't respect that.
411
00:14:19,157 --> 00:14:20,569
- Closer to her?
- You are.
412
00:14:20,594 --> 00:14:22,466
That's a good way to
describe our relationship,
413
00:14:22,491 --> 00:14:24,280
- comparatively to yours.
- Yeah. Yeah.
414
00:14:24,305 --> 00:14:27,023
Yes, considering we are man and wife.
415
00:14:27,048 --> 00:14:28,155
Yeah.
416
00:14:29,090 --> 00:14:31,721
Winston, this is a very cozy,
417
00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:33,981
inoffensive blanket.
418
00:14:34,006 --> 00:14:34,927
Get it.
419
00:14:34,962 --> 00:14:36,730
Has no relevance
towards our relationship.
420
00:14:36,755 --> 00:14:38,053
- Why would I do that?
- Get the blanket.
421
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:39,215
- No.
- Winston, please.
422
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:40,683
Just get the blanket and let's go.
423
00:14:40,708 --> 00:14:42,293
Well, since you asked nicely, no.
424
00:14:42,318 --> 00:14:44,215
- Just get the blanket.
- No. I don't want the damn blanket.
425
00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:45,504
Here's the beanbag chair.
426
00:14:45,539 --> 00:14:47,306
Yeah, stores are the best.
427
00:14:47,341 --> 00:14:48,774
Hey, you guys want to go
get lunch or something?
428
00:14:48,809 --> 00:14:49,908
Nah. How much is it?
429
00:14:49,944 --> 00:14:51,176
It's $249.99.
430
00:14:51,212 --> 00:14:52,769
- What? For a beanbag chair?
- For a beanbag chair?
431
00:14:52,794 --> 00:14:55,152
Well, we have a cheaper one...
we're just, we're out of stock.
432
00:14:55,177 --> 00:14:58,324
I could order it for you, but
it would take seven to ten days.
433
00:14:58,349 --> 00:14:59,952
Man, stores are the worst.
434
00:14:59,987 --> 00:15:01,433
The admiral will take this.
435
00:15:01,458 --> 00:15:02,521
Whatever happened to Hanukkah?
436
00:15:02,556 --> 00:15:04,465
Hey, Jess, about that...
the-the stuff I s...
437
00:15:04,490 --> 00:15:06,660
Oh, wait, it's fine... I...
438
00:15:06,826 --> 00:15:08,560
I must have seemed so crazy.
439
00:15:08,596 --> 00:15:10,863
Let's just enjoy the holiday, okay?
440
00:15:11,918 --> 00:15:14,066
Okay, Secret Santa.
441
00:15:14,101 --> 00:15:16,869
By now, the suspense
must be killing you.
442
00:15:16,894 --> 00:15:18,003
As you all know,
443
00:15:18,038 --> 00:15:20,449
uh, Nick knows his Secret Santa gift
444
00:15:20,474 --> 00:15:22,416
is Reagan flying out
445
00:15:22,441 --> 00:15:23,942
from Seattle to surprise him.
446
00:15:23,978 --> 00:15:25,535
All right.
447
00:15:25,551 --> 00:15:27,022
Merry Christmas, Nick.
448
00:15:27,047 --> 00:15:29,681
All right, Cece. That big boy's for you.
449
00:15:29,717 --> 00:15:31,418
What in the hell is that?
450
00:15:31,443 --> 00:15:33,261
Winston, what'd you do with
the thing we just bought?
451
00:15:35,599 --> 00:15:36,972
Beanbag chair!
452
00:15:37,230 --> 00:15:40,526
Beanbag chair! It's from Winston!
453
00:15:40,561 --> 00:15:41,924
They had to make it out
of this dumb blanket.
454
00:15:41,949 --> 00:15:44,754
Winston, you remembered
our game night. I love it.
455
00:15:44,816 --> 00:15:45,847
You do?
456
00:15:45,872 --> 00:15:47,504
- She does.
- I do.
457
00:15:48,394 --> 00:15:49,627
Well, you know what, Winston?
458
00:15:49,652 --> 00:15:51,494
You were right... it's the perfect gift.
459
00:15:51,519 --> 00:15:53,539
I guess I just have to
come to terms with the fact
460
00:15:53,574 --> 00:15:55,777
that my wife is a little bit
weirder than I thought she was.
461
00:15:55,802 --> 00:15:57,253
It's a prototype, you know?
462
00:15:57,278 --> 00:15:58,610
The real one's on its way.
463
00:15:58,646 --> 00:16:00,012
Didn't have a lot of beans,
464
00:16:00,047 --> 00:16:02,074
so I had to pad it
with rice and oatmeal.
465
00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:03,379
- It's a great gift. Thank you.
- It's perfect!
466
00:16:03,387 --> 00:16:04,387
Good job.
467
00:16:04,412 --> 00:16:06,582
All right, well, whoever got
Schmidt better have brought it,
468
00:16:06,607 --> 00:16:08,722
'cause Winston set the bar really high.
469
00:16:08,747 --> 00:16:10,861
Oh, here we go, here we go.
470
00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:12,457
- Here we go. Ooh...
- Ooh...
471
00:16:12,493 --> 00:16:15,361
Cashmere socks! Dayanu!
472
00:16:15,386 --> 00:16:17,283
Well, it's not Winston, it's not Jess.
473
00:16:17,308 --> 00:16:19,831
- Cece?
- No. No, it's not me.
474
00:16:19,867 --> 00:16:21,567
- I got you, boy.
- No way.
475
00:16:21,602 --> 00:16:23,168
- I got you. This is me.
- This is you?
476
00:16:23,204 --> 00:16:25,737
- Nicholas!
- Yeah, come on.
477
00:16:25,773 --> 00:16:27,239
I don't know why I'm finding the image
478
00:16:27,274 --> 00:16:30,309
of you mispronouncing the
word "cashmere" in a store...
479
00:16:30,344 --> 00:16:31,881
to be so joyful.
480
00:16:31,906 --> 00:16:32,931
"Cadsh-mer."
481
00:16:32,956 --> 00:16:34,423
- Winston.
- Oh.
482
00:16:34,454 --> 00:16:36,058
Ha-ha! I get one?
483
00:16:36,083 --> 00:16:38,016
- Oh, man.
- Yeah. Everybody gets one.
484
00:16:38,052 --> 00:16:39,484
That's crazy. I get one, too.
485
00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:40,953
- You know.
- Yeah, everybody does.
486
00:16:40,988 --> 00:16:42,287
Aah! For me?
487
00:16:42,323 --> 00:16:45,621
Oh, my stars! A check made
out to my phone company?
488
00:16:45,646 --> 00:16:48,293
Cece, girl, is this for that night
we got bombed and called Iceland?
489
00:16:48,329 --> 00:16:49,494
You know it is!
490
00:16:49,530 --> 00:16:52,771
Okay, hold on, wait a minute,
I had... I had Winston, too.
491
00:16:52,865 --> 00:16:54,740
Somebody got left out.
Who didn't get one?
492
00:16:54,765 --> 00:16:56,920
Oh, Winnie got two gifts?
493
00:16:57,832 --> 00:16:59,802
- That's for Winston.
- Yeah.
494
00:17:02,037 --> 00:17:04,076
Oh... no, no, it's...
495
00:17:04,111 --> 00:17:05,344
it's fine.
496
00:17:05,379 --> 00:17:07,312
It's... it's my fault.
497
00:17:07,550 --> 00:17:09,629
I must have gotten
so tipsy on Halloween,
498
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:11,450
I forgot to write down my own name.
499
00:17:11,485 --> 00:17:13,318
See? It's right there in the song.
500
00:17:13,354 --> 00:17:15,045
He makes a list,
501
00:17:15,070 --> 00:17:16,622
he checks it twice.
502
00:17:16,864 --> 00:17:19,184
See, this is probably why
Santa stopped drinking.
503
00:17:19,218 --> 00:17:20,492
Well, here, you know what?
504
00:17:20,527 --> 00:17:22,084
Have this one.
505
00:17:23,961 --> 00:17:28,063
Oh, my God, a hamster?!
506
00:17:28,231 --> 00:17:29,264
You're a pet guy, man.
507
00:17:29,289 --> 00:17:31,256
I am. I am.
508
00:17:31,912 --> 00:17:33,705
But... Jess, you...
509
00:17:33,741 --> 00:17:34,935
you should have him.
510
00:17:34,967 --> 00:17:38,013
No. I-I got the best gift of all.
511
00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:40,888
Watching you guys give each
other gifts that show you care.
512
00:17:40,913 --> 00:17:42,725
Well, you can't not have a gift.
513
00:17:42,750 --> 00:17:44,616
Besides, Ferguson's
gonna eat him, anyway.
514
00:17:44,641 --> 00:17:46,340
Oh. Well, if...
515
00:17:46,365 --> 00:17:48,287
if Ferguson will eat him, then I...
516
00:17:48,322 --> 00:17:49,699
I'll take him.
517
00:17:49,724 --> 00:17:51,599
- Thanks, Winston.
- Of course.
518
00:17:51,872 --> 00:17:53,711
Great Secret Santa, everyone.
519
00:17:54,051 --> 00:17:56,412
You want to go to bed, little guy?
520
00:17:57,382 --> 00:17:59,396
You want to see your new room?
521
00:18:01,835 --> 00:18:02,990
I feel horrible.
522
00:18:03,015 --> 00:18:04,951
You have no idea. She
and I got in a thing.
523
00:18:04,976 --> 00:18:06,515
I said something so stupid.
524
00:18:06,540 --> 00:18:08,871
Sleigh!
525
00:18:08,896 --> 00:18:09,941
Hey, Reagan.
526
00:18:09,977 --> 00:18:11,537
- Hey.
- Really?
527
00:18:11,754 --> 00:18:14,770
Do you know how hard it was to put
this thing on in an airplane bathroom?
528
00:18:14,804 --> 00:18:16,232
Do I.
529
00:18:21,762 --> 00:18:23,837
If you don't get off
that wheel right now,
530
00:18:23,862 --> 00:18:25,628
there's gonna be hell to pay.
531
00:18:25,653 --> 00:18:27,391
Now!
532
00:18:27,423 --> 00:18:29,368
Whoa. Did you understand me?
533
00:18:35,368 --> 00:18:36,798
Oh, you're awa...
534
00:18:36,823 --> 00:18:37,954
you're awake. Great.
535
00:18:37,979 --> 00:18:40,618
Nick, how often do you sneak into
my room in the middle of the night?
536
00:18:40,643 --> 00:18:43,438
Uh, that you're awake,
uh, this is a first.
537
00:18:43,463 --> 00:18:44,688
- Here.
- Weird.
538
00:18:44,713 --> 00:18:46,227
Here's some cocoa.
539
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:49,915
Hey, I wanted to say that
I'm sorry about what I said.
540
00:18:50,823 --> 00:18:53,224
I know you are. Thanks.
541
00:18:53,416 --> 00:18:55,618
I also want to say thank you.
542
00:18:55,643 --> 00:18:57,877
Even though I knew Reagan
was coming, when I saw her
543
00:18:57,902 --> 00:19:00,969
I felt like it was Christmas
morning and I was ten.
544
00:19:01,190 --> 00:19:03,696
But a ten-year-old about to have sex...
545
00:19:03,721 --> 00:19:05,587
with Santa!
546
00:19:06,030 --> 00:19:07,930
And it was... yeah,
this is getting weird.
547
00:19:07,955 --> 00:19:10,040
Anyway, I just wanted to say...
548
00:19:10,276 --> 00:19:12,032
I'm sorry and thank you.
549
00:19:36,375 --> 00:19:37,965
Come with me.
550
00:19:38,653 --> 00:19:41,050
Uh, actually, do you want
to put a bra on first?
551
00:19:41,083 --> 00:19:43,400
Cue the music.
552
00:19:43,425 --> 00:19:45,645
- Surprise!
- Merry Christmas, Jess.
553
00:19:46,543 --> 00:19:48,202
- We got something for you.
- Ta-da!
554
00:19:48,237 --> 00:19:49,670
Robby set it all up.
555
00:19:49,706 --> 00:19:51,254
What?!
556
00:19:51,279 --> 00:19:52,879
This is for you.
557
00:19:57,144 --> 00:19:58,548
♪ Christmas ♪
558
00:19:58,573 --> 00:20:00,301
♪ The snow's coming down ♪
559
00:20:00,326 --> 00:20:02,192
♪ Christmas ♪
560
00:20:02,217 --> 00:20:04,650
♪ I'm watching it fall ♪
561
00:20:04,675 --> 00:20:06,004
♪ Christmas ♪
562
00:20:06,029 --> 00:20:08,511
♪ Lots of people around ♪
563
00:20:08,593 --> 00:20:09,832
♪ Christmas ♪
564
00:20:09,857 --> 00:20:12,525
♪ Baby, please come home ♪
565
00:20:12,550 --> 00:20:14,416
What is Darlene Love doing here?
566
00:20:14,558 --> 00:20:16,524
Uh, we used to do hot yoga together.
567
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:17,715
Oh.
568
00:20:17,740 --> 00:20:20,140
♪ All ringing in song ♪
569
00:20:20,165 --> 00:20:21,397
♪ Christmas ♪
570
00:20:21,422 --> 00:20:23,465
♪ What a happy sound ♪
571
00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:25,285
This is amazing!
572
00:20:25,310 --> 00:20:27,852
♪ Baby, please come home ♪
573
00:20:28,255 --> 00:20:31,730
♪ They're singing "Deck the Halls" ♪
574
00:20:32,091 --> 00:20:35,359
♪ But it's not like Christmas at all ♪
575
00:20:35,855 --> 00:20:37,871
♪ 'Cause I remember when you... ♪
576
00:20:37,896 --> 00:20:39,829
How much longer do I have to do this?
577
00:20:40,161 --> 00:20:41,496
I'm almost out of litter.
578
00:20:41,521 --> 00:20:43,394
It's shredded receipts.
579
00:20:43,419 --> 00:20:44,519
♪ Christmas ♪
580
00:20:44,544 --> 00:20:45,958
This is the best gift.
581
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:49,728
- Thank you.
- Merry Christmas, Jess.
582
00:20:49,753 --> 00:20:51,953
Bar elves! Come on in!
583
00:20:56,038 --> 00:20:59,238
♪ Baby, please come home ♪
584
00:21:29,306 --> 00:21:32,539
Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb
www.addic7ed.com