1 00:00:00,648 --> 00:00:02,181 What a Halloween! 2 00:00:02,641 --> 00:00:04,241 - Whoa! Whoa! - Yes! 3 00:00:04,301 --> 00:00:07,018 Marcia Clark cleaned that party out. 4 00:00:07,043 --> 00:00:08,928 I can't believe nobody got our costumes. 5 00:00:08,953 --> 00:00:10,245 I know. I'm not Shapiro. 6 00:00:10,314 --> 00:00:13,515 I'm very clearly Travolta playing Shapiro. 7 00:00:13,583 --> 00:00:14,949 Where-where is the... Where did the Juice go? 8 00:00:15,018 --> 00:00:15,984 Is he back on the freeway? 9 00:00:16,009 --> 00:00:19,248 Three, two, one. Midnight, November 1. 10 00:00:19,273 --> 00:00:21,056 Merry Christmas season. 11 00:00:21,702 --> 00:00:22,998 - Mm. - Okay. 12 00:00:23,983 --> 00:00:24,803 Uh, Jess, 13 00:00:24,828 --> 00:00:26,461 Winston has something he would like to tell you. 14 00:00:26,530 --> 00:00:27,529 - Oh! - Go ahead, Winston. 15 00:00:27,597 --> 00:00:29,030 What? Oh, yeah, yeah, from... 16 00:00:29,099 --> 00:00:31,733 We did rock-paper-scissors. Okay. 17 00:00:31,802 --> 00:00:32,873 Well, you know, 18 00:00:32,898 --> 00:00:34,035 well, we were all thinking, 19 00:00:34,104 --> 00:00:35,953 and we were all on the same page. 20 00:00:37,010 --> 00:00:38,498 We were thinking that... 21 00:00:38,523 --> 00:00:41,827 maybe we don't do Christmas this year. 22 00:00:45,425 --> 00:00:49,663 You know, that would be a great seminar topic... 23 00:00:49,688 --> 00:00:52,230 in a school for demons! 24 00:00:52,262 --> 00:00:53,897 - Backup. I need backup. Your turn. - Well, Jess, 25 00:00:53,922 --> 00:00:55,600 Christmas is just so stressful... 26 00:00:55,625 --> 00:00:57,585 with the lists and the lines 27 00:00:57,610 --> 00:01:00,607 and-and the dancing girls at TV Town Song Room. 28 00:01:00,632 --> 00:01:02,197 TV Town Song Room? 29 00:01:02,265 --> 00:01:04,322 - Do you mean Radio City Music Hall? - Yeah. 30 00:01:04,347 --> 00:01:06,342 How could you get so many things wrong in a row? 31 00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:07,736 At Radio City Music's Hall. 32 00:01:07,804 --> 00:01:09,517 What is going on here? 33 00:01:09,542 --> 00:01:11,316 Christmas isn't stressful. 34 00:01:11,341 --> 00:01:12,058 - Babe. - Babe. 35 00:01:12,083 --> 00:01:13,641 You get more stressed out by Christmas 36 00:01:13,710 --> 00:01:15,433 than anyone I know. 37 00:01:15,777 --> 00:01:18,878 The spirit of Christmas. 38 00:01:22,222 --> 00:01:24,089 Son of a whore! 39 00:01:24,157 --> 00:01:25,957 Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 40 00:01:26,026 --> 00:01:29,060 In my defense, I hadn't slept for six days. 41 00:01:29,129 --> 00:01:30,347 But I do see your point. 42 00:01:30,372 --> 00:01:31,487 - Okay. Great. - Hmm. 43 00:01:31,512 --> 00:01:33,412 So it's official. Christmas is canceled. 44 00:01:33,437 --> 00:01:35,511 No, Christmas is not canceled. 45 00:01:35,536 --> 00:01:38,183 Christmas gifts are how you show the people you love 46 00:01:38,208 --> 00:01:40,205 that you care in a very special, magical 47 00:01:40,274 --> 00:01:41,980 and highly mandatory way. 48 00:01:42,004 --> 00:01:44,565 You want me to shop until I drop, and I don't want to drop. 49 00:01:44,590 --> 00:01:48,292 How about this? One special gift, one person, 50 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:50,058 and a guessing game at the end. 51 00:01:50,083 --> 00:01:51,394 Secret Santa! 52 00:01:51,419 --> 00:01:53,159 One moment, please. 53 00:01:55,052 --> 00:01:57,433 It's the perfect compromise. Come on. 54 00:02:01,408 --> 00:02:02,463 - General agreement. - General agreement. 55 00:02:02,488 --> 00:02:03,487 - Sure. - We can do it. 56 00:02:03,518 --> 00:02:05,785 Yes! It's a deal. Okay. 57 00:02:07,372 --> 00:02:08,495 - Whoa. - Oh. 58 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:09,761 It's just me. 59 00:02:09,786 --> 00:02:11,167 I'm feeling really good. 60 00:02:12,558 --> 00:02:15,128 Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com 61 00:02:15,285 --> 00:02:16,644 _ 62 00:02:17,222 --> 00:02:19,666 Merry Christmas Eve Eve, everybody! 63 00:02:19,691 --> 00:02:21,933 Secret Santa starts tonight at 6:00 P.M., 64 00:02:21,958 --> 00:02:23,900 AKA 7:00 P.M. eve. 65 00:02:23,925 --> 00:02:26,191 - Snacks will be potluck. - I call baba ghanoush. 66 00:02:26,216 --> 00:02:27,665 It brings back such good memories. 67 00:02:27,734 --> 00:02:30,564 My dad waking me up with hot cocoa, 68 00:02:30,589 --> 00:02:33,604 my dog Frank dressed up as Rudolph, 69 00:02:33,673 --> 00:02:36,708 looking out the window, watching for snow, 70 00:02:36,776 --> 00:02:38,447 dancing around the Christmas tree 71 00:02:38,472 --> 00:02:40,480 to the sweet sounds of Darlene Love's 72 00:02:40,505 --> 00:02:41,870 "Christmas." 73 00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,237 Darlene what now? 74 00:02:43,269 --> 00:02:45,370 ♪ The snow's coming down ♪ 75 00:02:45,395 --> 00:02:46,480 Love me some Darlene. 76 00:02:46,505 --> 00:02:49,441 ♪ I'm watching it fall ♪ 77 00:02:49,466 --> 00:02:50,597 What am I watching now? 78 00:02:50,622 --> 00:02:52,340 Two kilos of uncut joy. 79 00:02:52,365 --> 00:02:53,346 Little reminder... 80 00:02:53,371 --> 00:02:55,941 uh, tonight is for Secret Santa gifts only. 81 00:02:55,966 --> 00:02:58,087 So, married people, 82 00:02:58,112 --> 00:03:00,097 please exchange your gifts at another time. 83 00:03:00,122 --> 00:03:01,161 Oh, don't worry. Schmidt and I 84 00:03:01,186 --> 00:03:02,308 aren't getting each other gifts this year. 85 00:03:02,333 --> 00:03:03,761 - Uh-uh. - Is that 'cause of the Jew thing? 86 00:03:03,786 --> 00:03:05,025 Jew thing? 87 00:03:05,071 --> 00:03:07,995 That's just a phrase that falls out of your mouth these days. 88 00:03:09,269 --> 00:03:10,783 Oh, sorry. 89 00:03:10,808 --> 00:03:13,323 I-I took the last Jew thing. 90 00:03:14,180 --> 00:03:16,414 This will be the only gift that Cece is getting this Christmas, 91 00:03:16,483 --> 00:03:19,183 so whoever has her, please step it up. 92 00:03:19,252 --> 00:03:21,385 Right, and the same goes for my man. 93 00:03:21,454 --> 00:03:23,152 Just because he doesn't believe in the Lord, 94 00:03:23,177 --> 00:03:26,423 doesn't mean he can't have cake at the birthday party. 95 00:03:26,448 --> 00:03:29,058 So, whoever has him better bring it... 96 00:03:29,083 --> 00:03:32,263 because I know I got the perfect gift for... 97 00:03:32,332 --> 00:03:33,464 Up-bup-bup-bup! 98 00:03:33,533 --> 00:03:35,066 Secret Santa. 99 00:03:35,135 --> 00:03:36,277 Also, to that point, 100 00:03:36,302 --> 00:03:38,336 we're all in danger of revealing ourselves 101 00:03:38,404 --> 00:03:40,823 through little clues such as... 102 00:03:41,636 --> 00:03:43,167 cave man wrapping skills. 103 00:03:43,192 --> 00:03:45,320 I got mozzarella sticks for fingers. 104 00:03:45,345 --> 00:03:46,792 You're making this very stressful, Jess. 105 00:03:46,817 --> 00:03:49,644 No, it's not, because we have a Secret Santa helper, 106 00:03:49,669 --> 00:03:51,331 and his name is... 107 00:03:51,378 --> 00:03:52,230 - Robby! - Whoa! 108 00:03:52,255 --> 00:03:53,008 - Oh. - Oh. 109 00:03:53,052 --> 00:03:54,081 How long you been out there, man? 110 00:03:54,106 --> 00:03:56,087 Eh, long enough to make it weird. 111 00:03:56,156 --> 00:03:57,455 But I could hear everything, though, so... 112 00:03:57,524 --> 00:03:59,390 - Sorry about the wait. - Oh, it's okay. 113 00:03:59,459 --> 00:04:01,487 I slept in a little bit. 114 00:04:01,512 --> 00:04:03,795 Robby is going to wrap and label all of your gifts 115 00:04:03,863 --> 00:04:05,231 to ensure anonymity. 116 00:04:05,256 --> 00:04:06,395 I'm just gonna go wait in Jess' room. 117 00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:07,661 I look forward to working with you all. 118 00:04:07,685 --> 00:04:09,159 Oh, I got to get back to work. 119 00:04:09,184 --> 00:04:11,566 I told the entire staff they can have three days off 120 00:04:11,591 --> 00:04:14,161 'cause Christmas is usually dead at the bar. 121 00:04:14,497 --> 00:04:16,192 So, it's just gonna be me and the receipts. 122 00:04:16,251 --> 00:04:17,552 You haven't done those yet? 123 00:04:17,577 --> 00:04:19,089 Nick, our accountant needs them today. 124 00:04:19,114 --> 00:04:20,489 I know. It's the do date, 125 00:04:20,514 --> 00:04:22,169 So, I'm going to do them today. 126 00:04:22,194 --> 00:04:23,598 D-U-E, Nicholas. 127 00:04:23,623 --> 00:04:26,091 D-O-I-N-G-I-N-G. 128 00:04:26,116 --> 00:04:27,792 Doing. The doing date. 129 00:04:27,817 --> 00:04:30,763 And if you think about it, D-O-I-N-G 130 00:04:30,788 --> 00:04:32,425 shouldn't be doing. 131 00:04:32,450 --> 00:04:33,809 It should be freaking "doyng." 132 00:04:35,804 --> 00:04:36,837 Nick, you got 'em?! 133 00:04:36,881 --> 00:04:39,606 You look like you should be paying child support in Florida. 134 00:04:43,752 --> 00:04:45,286 I get Nick the perfect gift, 135 00:04:45,310 --> 00:04:47,020 and then he goes and buys it for himself. 136 00:04:47,052 --> 00:04:48,317 What am I supposed to get him now? 137 00:04:48,333 --> 00:04:50,020 You could get Nick some tap shoes, right? 138 00:04:50,045 --> 00:04:51,464 They do make walking fun. 139 00:04:51,489 --> 00:04:53,987 I told you that about tap shoes, you tree. 140 00:04:54,012 --> 00:04:55,338 Now think, Jessica. 141 00:04:55,407 --> 00:04:57,864 You're the greatest gift-giver of all time. 142 00:04:58,762 --> 00:04:59,972 I've got it. 143 00:04:59,997 --> 00:05:01,745 Whatever it is, I got it covered. 144 00:05:01,813 --> 00:05:05,294 Oh, no, Robby. What I'm giving him cannot be wrapped. 145 00:05:05,319 --> 00:05:07,091 Is it a memory? 146 00:05:07,425 --> 00:05:08,778 - No. - Ah. 147 00:05:09,896 --> 00:05:11,403 - A house? - No. 148 00:05:13,129 --> 00:05:14,129 Damn it, man. 149 00:05:14,966 --> 00:05:15,966 False alarm. 150 00:05:16,005 --> 00:05:18,091 I thought that was the mailman with my Secret Santa gift. 151 00:05:18,115 --> 00:05:19,347 Yes, I know, Winston. 152 00:05:19,372 --> 00:05:21,137 You've run in here at least six times. 153 00:05:21,162 --> 00:05:23,380 You know, now you can just track the package. 154 00:05:23,405 --> 00:05:25,145 - I can? - Yes. 155 00:05:25,170 --> 00:05:29,669 Let's see. KXHD136. 156 00:05:29,694 --> 00:05:31,777 You memorized the package tracking number, 157 00:05:31,802 --> 00:05:34,482 but you didn't know that you could use that number to track the package? 158 00:05:34,507 --> 00:05:35,945 What?! 159 00:05:36,184 --> 00:05:39,258 9:18 A.M. refused delivery? 160 00:05:39,326 --> 00:05:41,160 Did you refuse a package 161 00:05:41,228 --> 00:05:43,887 to Retired Rear Admiral Jay Garage-A-Roo? 162 00:05:43,912 --> 00:05:46,524 Listen to what you just asked. Of course I did. 163 00:05:46,861 --> 00:05:48,286 Damn it! 164 00:05:48,311 --> 00:05:50,069 Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! 165 00:05:50,094 --> 00:05:51,364 Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! 166 00:05:51,389 --> 00:05:52,856 Damn it, Schmidt! 167 00:05:52,881 --> 00:05:55,886 I am Retired Rear Admiral Jay Garage-A-Roo! 168 00:05:55,911 --> 00:05:57,332 It is my secret Santa alias. 169 00:05:57,348 --> 00:05:58,277 - Oh. - Yeah. 170 00:05:58,312 --> 00:06:00,675 Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! 171 00:06:00,700 --> 00:06:02,379 I don't have a gift for tonight now. 172 00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:03,699 Well, this is not my problem, Winston. 173 00:06:03,724 --> 00:06:05,465 Oh, no, it is your problem. 174 00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:06,589 Oh, you had me? 175 00:06:06,614 --> 00:06:09,800 I did not have Jess, I did not have Nick, I do not have you. 176 00:06:10,699 --> 00:06:14,957 It's fairly obvious who I do have. 177 00:06:17,698 --> 00:06:19,761 I figured it out. You have Cece. 178 00:06:19,786 --> 00:06:20,832 - Oh. - My Cece. 179 00:06:20,857 --> 00:06:21,964 My Cece can't go gift-less. 180 00:06:21,989 --> 00:06:23,886 I like to think of her as our Cece. 181 00:06:23,911 --> 00:06:25,527 You screwed the pooch on this one, Winston. 182 00:06:25,574 --> 00:06:26,941 Me? I didn't screw the pooch. 183 00:06:26,966 --> 00:06:28,527 - Yes, you did. - You didn't sign for it! 184 00:06:28,552 --> 00:06:31,076 How was I supposed to sign for Garage-A-Roo's package? 185 00:06:31,145 --> 00:06:32,832 You and your dang old aliases. 186 00:06:32,857 --> 00:06:34,543 You have a new alias every day, Winston. 187 00:06:34,568 --> 00:06:36,541 - Yes, but you should know it's me! - Garage-A-Roo, Kenneth. 188 00:06:36,566 --> 00:06:38,918 But it was me clearly! Kenneth, Kenneth. 189 00:06:38,943 --> 00:06:41,457 Rick Smits, Big Poppy Jones. 190 00:06:41,482 --> 00:06:43,222 These are the dumbest names I've ever heard! 191 00:06:43,247 --> 00:06:45,682 - Pontius Pilate. - AKA idiot. 192 00:06:45,707 --> 00:06:47,159 Maybe that truck is still in the neighborhood. 193 00:06:47,228 --> 00:06:48,863 - Let's go out and try and get it. - Wait! 194 00:06:48,888 --> 00:06:53,457 This just became a Schmidt and a Jay Garage-A-Roo mess-around. 195 00:06:53,482 --> 00:06:55,168 Freakin' Jay Garage-A-Roo. 196 00:06:55,193 --> 00:06:57,894 So I fly you down. You are my gift to Nick. 197 00:06:57,919 --> 00:06:59,049 What do you say? 198 00:06:59,074 --> 00:07:00,268 I don't know, Jess. 199 00:07:00,293 --> 00:07:02,214 I mean, I have a really big pitch tomorrow. 200 00:07:02,239 --> 00:07:03,535 It's a treatment for... 201 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:07,089 I mean, the polite term is "gravelly bowel syndrome." 202 00:07:07,114 --> 00:07:09,091 So fly down for one night. 203 00:07:09,116 --> 00:07:11,941 What could be more romantic or magical? 204 00:07:11,966 --> 00:07:13,762 I will orchestrate the whole surprise. 205 00:07:13,787 --> 00:07:14,816 Lighting, blocking, 206 00:07:14,841 --> 00:07:15,879 - costumes... - Okay, you know what? 207 00:07:15,904 --> 00:07:18,158 - I... I'm in. - You are? 208 00:07:18,183 --> 00:07:19,963 I thought I was gonna have to give you the hard sell. 209 00:07:19,988 --> 00:07:21,933 That's part of the reason why I'm in. But... 210 00:07:21,958 --> 00:07:24,035 also, I haven't seen Nick in a couple weeks, 211 00:07:24,060 --> 00:07:25,464 and I really miss his nonsense. 212 00:07:25,489 --> 00:07:27,285 And that ass... am I right? 213 00:07:27,310 --> 00:07:28,443 She's in! 214 00:07:28,468 --> 00:07:29,634 Whoo! 215 00:07:29,659 --> 00:07:31,926 Pope Francis, we have a miracle worker. 216 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:35,019 The only thing left to do is... 217 00:07:36,277 --> 00:07:37,605 Hey, Nick. 218 00:07:37,630 --> 00:07:40,279 I, um, just am doing a little laundry. 219 00:07:40,347 --> 00:07:43,048 I got just enough room for your bedsheets. 220 00:07:43,117 --> 00:07:44,418 May I do the honors? 221 00:07:44,443 --> 00:07:46,574 But don't touch them... they're exactly how I like them. 222 00:07:46,599 --> 00:07:49,871 But I'm really glad you called. The bar is an absolute zoo. 223 00:07:49,896 --> 00:07:51,504 I haven't even gotten to the receipts yet. 224 00:07:51,529 --> 00:07:52,574 Wait-wait, what? 225 00:07:52,599 --> 00:07:53,637 The point is, I'm swamped, 226 00:07:53,662 --> 00:07:55,364 and I'm not gonna make it for Secret Santa. 227 00:07:55,389 --> 00:07:56,488 - What? - I'm sorry. 228 00:07:56,513 --> 00:07:57,974 I'm just not gonna make it. 229 00:07:58,005 --> 00:08:00,222 Jess, Nick is still gonna enjoy seeing Reagan, 230 00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:02,808 even if it means she's just gonna hang out with him at the bar. 231 00:08:02,833 --> 00:08:04,589 - Yeah, it's the thought that counts. - Yeah. 232 00:08:04,599 --> 00:08:06,638 If you're in the lump of coal business! 233 00:08:06,698 --> 00:08:08,208 I have to go help Nick... 234 00:08:08,233 --> 00:08:10,208 so he can be here for the surprise. 235 00:08:10,233 --> 00:08:11,684 Did you get... No, you don't have a drink. 236 00:08:11,709 --> 00:08:12,811 - You got hot chocolate? - What do you want, a beer? 237 00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:14,651 I'll get you in a second there, buddy. 238 00:08:14,676 --> 00:08:16,114 Weirdly, this is not the first time 239 00:08:16,183 --> 00:08:17,649 Nick has failed to mention elves 240 00:08:17,725 --> 00:08:19,410 in a crisis situation. 241 00:08:20,059 --> 00:08:22,621 This is way worse than you said. 242 00:08:22,690 --> 00:08:25,020 I'm out of here... it's my day off, and... 243 00:08:25,121 --> 00:08:26,449 you know what, actually, I don't need more than that. 244 00:08:26,474 --> 00:08:28,160 Wait, wait, no. Cece, I need your help. 245 00:08:28,185 --> 00:08:29,284 I need your help. 246 00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:31,343 We have to get Nick home for Secret Santa. 247 00:08:31,391 --> 00:08:33,358 Ooh, you have him. 248 00:08:33,395 --> 00:08:35,418 Yes, I got Nick. I got Nick. 249 00:08:35,443 --> 00:08:36,934 Reagan's flying out from Seattle. 250 00:08:36,959 --> 00:08:38,419 Oh... 251 00:08:38,770 --> 00:08:40,784 And we're double-teaming him. 252 00:08:40,816 --> 00:08:42,582 Okay, listen to me very carefully, okay? 253 00:08:42,607 --> 00:08:44,710 You mean "tag-teaming." 254 00:08:44,735 --> 00:08:46,377 This is the exact same thing that happened 255 00:08:46,402 --> 00:08:48,347 when you handed that checkout guy coupons, 256 00:08:48,415 --> 00:08:50,246 and said that we'd been scissoring all day. 257 00:08:50,271 --> 00:08:53,352 Oh. He helped us with our bags. He was such a gentleman. 258 00:08:53,832 --> 00:08:55,231 No, he was not. 259 00:08:55,256 --> 00:08:56,848 Hey, what are you two doing here? 260 00:08:56,873 --> 00:08:58,208 What are all these elves doing here? 261 00:08:58,233 --> 00:08:59,982 They just got off a shift at the mall. 262 00:09:00,027 --> 00:09:03,061 You know, I've been thinking, since they're all regular size, 263 00:09:03,122 --> 00:09:05,161 my theory is it's a mall for giants. 264 00:09:05,194 --> 00:09:07,410 Let us help. We'll man the bar. You can hit the receipts. 265 00:09:07,435 --> 00:09:08,450 Ah, it'll be fine. 266 00:09:08,475 --> 00:09:10,840 Someone just has to give my Secret Santa gift. It's for... 267 00:09:10,865 --> 00:09:12,965 No! Sorry. 268 00:09:13,507 --> 00:09:15,660 Look, I know you don't love Secret Santa, but... 269 00:09:15,685 --> 00:09:18,010 don't be alone on Christmas Eve Eve. 270 00:09:18,078 --> 00:09:19,988 Be with the people you love. 271 00:09:22,012 --> 00:09:23,473 All right, you're right. 272 00:09:23,712 --> 00:09:25,113 I'll take the help. 273 00:09:25,363 --> 00:09:27,580 Uh, time for the receipts, I guess. 274 00:09:27,605 --> 00:09:29,305 Let me go grab my calculator. 275 00:09:31,792 --> 00:09:33,923 We have a lot of work to do. 276 00:09:34,792 --> 00:09:37,693 One, two, three, four... 277 00:09:39,309 --> 00:09:41,433 - Whoa! Whoa. - Excuse me, uh, 278 00:09:41,502 --> 00:09:43,735 Deb, we need to check your trunk... we're looking for a package. 279 00:09:43,804 --> 00:09:47,172 It is addressed to Retired Rear Admiral Jay Garage-A-Roo. 280 00:09:47,241 --> 00:09:48,465 What a stupid name. 281 00:09:48,490 --> 00:09:50,293 Tell it to your stupid wife, man... it's one of our inside jokes. 282 00:09:50,318 --> 00:09:51,965 You two don't have inside jokes. 283 00:09:51,990 --> 00:09:54,395 Man, we got loads of inside jokes! 284 00:09:54,420 --> 00:09:57,113 My turtleneck, uh, my trick hip, 285 00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:59,238 that "Hok-fooey, Jean Luc!" 286 00:09:59,263 --> 00:10:00,563 Get off my truck. 287 00:10:00,588 --> 00:10:03,690 Please, it is Christmas Eve... Eve. 288 00:10:03,715 --> 00:10:05,098 - That's right. - Yes. 289 00:10:05,123 --> 00:10:07,670 That's my night. So go home, 290 00:10:07,695 --> 00:10:09,465 and wait for your package. 291 00:10:09,490 --> 00:10:10,661 All right, fine. 292 00:10:10,864 --> 00:10:12,264 Okay, whatever. 293 00:10:13,870 --> 00:10:15,674 You know what, Deb, that's where you're wrong. 294 00:10:15,736 --> 00:10:18,582 There was a time when we didn't need people like you. 295 00:10:18,607 --> 00:10:20,520 There was a time where a man could go into a place, 296 00:10:20,545 --> 00:10:23,141 buy a thing and leave with that thing. 297 00:10:23,210 --> 00:10:24,856 And you weren't involved at all. 298 00:10:24,881 --> 00:10:26,512 You lost me, Schmidt. What are you talking about? 299 00:10:26,537 --> 00:10:29,135 - Stores, Winston! - Oh, stores! 300 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:30,926 - I remember those. - Stores? 301 00:10:30,951 --> 00:10:33,410 What are you gonna do? Pay sales tax? 302 00:10:33,435 --> 00:10:34,465 Park? 303 00:10:36,248 --> 00:10:37,848 - Stores! - Oh! 304 00:10:38,158 --> 00:10:39,758 Brick and mortar, baby! 305 00:10:39,783 --> 00:10:41,731 I know that she loves me, 306 00:10:41,756 --> 00:10:43,606 so why won't she touch me? 307 00:10:43,631 --> 00:10:46,159 Larry, you've got to go home, okay? 308 00:10:46,184 --> 00:10:47,660 Why isn't Nick gone? 309 00:10:47,685 --> 00:10:49,152 It's been four hours. 310 00:10:49,177 --> 00:10:51,473 Reagan's on a plane, Secret Santa's in an hour, 311 00:10:51,498 --> 00:10:52,697 I'm freaking out... 312 00:10:52,722 --> 00:10:54,793 Well, you can call me Ice Cube. 313 00:10:55,725 --> 00:10:57,225 Because I'm done wrapping. 314 00:10:57,250 --> 00:10:58,676 That is how you won me over. 315 00:10:58,701 --> 00:11:00,987 Look, the missing piece of the puzzle is Nick. 316 00:11:01,012 --> 00:11:02,434 I'm gonna go check in. 317 00:11:02,606 --> 00:11:04,223 One hour till Secret Santa! 318 00:11:04,248 --> 00:11:05,283 Great. 319 00:11:05,308 --> 00:11:06,738 You ever done any Santa work 320 00:11:06,763 --> 00:11:08,863 at the Chatsworth Penney's? 321 00:11:10,051 --> 00:11:11,629 - Larry? - Robby! 322 00:11:15,639 --> 00:11:16,559 Come in. 323 00:11:16,584 --> 00:11:18,887 A little North Pole knock-knock. 324 00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:19,965 - I finished. - Oh. 325 00:11:19,990 --> 00:11:22,096 Thank you, Jess. And thank you for what you said 326 00:11:22,121 --> 00:11:24,177 about being with the people you care about on Christmas. 327 00:11:24,202 --> 00:11:25,935 Oh, you're welcome. I-I meant it. 328 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,380 And that is why I bought a ticket... 329 00:11:28,405 --> 00:11:31,286 to go to Seattle to be with Reagan tonight. 330 00:11:31,311 --> 00:11:33,575 Oh... Fa... 331 00:11:33,592 --> 00:11:36,247 ♪ La-la, la-la, la-la, la-la. ♪ 332 00:11:37,743 --> 00:11:39,076 All right. How do I surprise Reagan. 333 00:11:39,101 --> 00:11:40,467 Here's what I'm thinking. 334 00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:41,965 I'm thinking I go dressed as a fireman, 335 00:11:41,990 --> 00:11:43,005 I knock on the door, 336 00:11:43,053 --> 00:11:44,779 I reveal myself to be a stripper, 337 00:11:44,804 --> 00:11:46,704 and then I reveal myself to be Nick. 338 00:11:46,729 --> 00:11:48,529 How does that even... uh... 339 00:11:48,865 --> 00:11:50,708 Are you sure you want to go to Seattle? 340 00:11:50,733 --> 00:11:52,490 I mean, it's Seattle. Ew. 341 00:11:52,515 --> 00:11:55,215 I mean, it was... it was basically your idea, right? 342 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:56,638 Why don't we just get you home to... 343 00:11:56,663 --> 00:11:57,663 I got no time. 344 00:11:57,740 --> 00:11:59,505 I'm on a no-fly list, so I need to leave right now. 345 00:11:59,530 --> 00:12:00,763 Checking in is very difficult. 346 00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:03,168 Why not just take that name literally, 347 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,247 and you no fly? 348 00:12:04,272 --> 00:12:06,443 - Off to Seattle. - Wait, Nick! No! No! 349 00:12:06,468 --> 00:12:09,392 I can't let you go! Your hair looks so stupid! 350 00:12:09,417 --> 00:12:11,115 - What? - You look like a total dork. 351 00:12:11,140 --> 00:12:12,880 My hair looks stupid, I look like a total dork? 352 00:12:12,905 --> 00:12:14,575 We can't let TSA see you like this. 353 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,044 But I've had this haircut for a little bit now. 354 00:12:16,128 --> 00:12:17,568 - I know. - You let me go to work, though? 355 00:12:17,593 --> 00:12:19,702 It just looks particularly bad right this minute. 356 00:12:19,727 --> 00:12:20,780 Then I'll just go like this. 357 00:12:20,805 --> 00:12:23,272 - How about now? - No. Mm-mm. Didn't fix it. 358 00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:29,113 I get the impression you don't want me to go to Seattle. 359 00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:32,327 That's because I don't want you to go to Seattle. 360 00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:34,710 - Well, why not? - I can't tell you. 361 00:12:34,812 --> 00:12:36,297 I mean, I-is this about Reagan? 362 00:12:36,322 --> 00:12:37,488 Do you not like her? 363 00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:38,749 No, I like Reagan... 364 00:12:38,774 --> 00:12:41,458 she looks like the front of a ship come alive. Heh. 365 00:12:41,483 --> 00:12:43,560 Is that why you've been acting so weird? 366 00:12:43,585 --> 00:12:45,538 I haven't been acting weird. 367 00:12:45,563 --> 00:12:47,732 You've been weird since the day I got back from New Orleans. 368 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,632 You're acting really squirrelly. 369 00:12:50,530 --> 00:12:52,585 You don't think I've noticed, but I've noticed. 370 00:12:52,702 --> 00:12:54,358 Okay, you're way off base. 371 00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:55,888 I mean, what is it? I took your advice... 372 00:12:55,913 --> 00:12:58,624 I'm gonna be with somebody who I find really special on Christmas. 373 00:12:58,649 --> 00:12:59,741 - Nick... - But, surprise, 374 00:12:59,766 --> 00:13:00,912 I've still done something wrong. 375 00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,585 Don't go to Seattle. Trust me. 376 00:13:02,610 --> 00:13:05,583 Why is nothing I do ever good enough for you? 377 00:13:05,625 --> 00:13:07,273 What do you want from me? 378 00:13:07,298 --> 00:13:09,794 I'm doing everything I can here! 379 00:13:09,819 --> 00:13:13,658 Nick, I'm flying Reagan out from Seattle to surprise you. 380 00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:16,468 I'm your Secret Santa, you jerk. 381 00:13:19,202 --> 00:13:22,633 So this is what it feels like to be instantly sorry. 382 00:13:23,233 --> 00:13:24,303 Where is everyone? 383 00:13:24,328 --> 00:13:26,504 - I thought this place would be crazy. - Ha-ha-ha! 384 00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:28,022 Yeah, those were the days. 385 00:13:28,062 --> 00:13:30,095 Now people prefer to shop online. 386 00:13:30,131 --> 00:13:31,512 My grandfather opened this store. 387 00:13:31,537 --> 00:13:34,325 Now it closes with me. So, to answer your question, 388 00:13:34,350 --> 00:13:35,616 yes, I do drink. 389 00:13:35,641 --> 00:13:37,960 Um... hey, we're looking for a beanbag chair. 390 00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:39,319 Hey! We have one. 391 00:13:39,344 --> 00:13:40,819 Nice! 392 00:13:41,075 --> 00:13:43,156 Heck, I'll go get it for you. I'm not doing anything. 393 00:13:43,181 --> 00:13:44,280 Great, great. 394 00:13:44,561 --> 00:13:46,327 Brick and mortar, baby. 395 00:13:47,915 --> 00:13:49,948 - A beanbag chair, Winston? - Yeah. 396 00:13:49,984 --> 00:13:53,118 You thought that would be a... a suitable gift for my bride? 397 00:13:53,161 --> 00:13:54,530 You wouldn't get it. I mean, it's a reference 398 00:13:54,555 --> 00:13:57,069 to a classic Winston-Cece mess-around. 399 00:13:58,025 --> 00:13:59,632 Beanbag chair! 400 00:14:00,382 --> 00:14:02,257 Never in my life have I heard 401 00:14:02,282 --> 00:14:04,139 of a game of one-on-one Pictionary. 402 00:14:04,164 --> 00:14:06,108 - We had a moment. - Unmoved. 403 00:14:06,133 --> 00:14:07,933 - Okay. - Had you drawn a picture poo-poo, 404 00:14:07,968 --> 00:14:09,264 would that have been a good gift for my Cece? 405 00:14:09,289 --> 00:14:10,833 It would have been hilarious. 406 00:14:10,858 --> 00:14:11,913 Look, Schmidt, I get it 407 00:14:11,938 --> 00:14:13,936 that you are closer to her than I am. 408 00:14:14,075 --> 00:14:15,089 - Uh-huh. - However, 409 00:14:15,114 --> 00:14:16,952 I got my own thing going on with her. 410 00:14:16,977 --> 00:14:19,132 And I feel like you don't respect that. 411 00:14:19,157 --> 00:14:20,569 - Closer to her? - You are. 412 00:14:20,594 --> 00:14:22,466 That's a good way to describe our relationship, 413 00:14:22,491 --> 00:14:24,280 - comparatively to yours. - Yeah. Yeah. 414 00:14:24,305 --> 00:14:27,023 Yes, considering we are man and wife. 415 00:14:27,048 --> 00:14:28,155 Yeah. 416 00:14:29,090 --> 00:14:31,721 Winston, this is a very cozy, 417 00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:33,981 inoffensive blanket. 418 00:14:34,006 --> 00:14:34,927 Get it. 419 00:14:34,962 --> 00:14:36,730 Has no relevance towards our relationship. 420 00:14:36,755 --> 00:14:38,053 - Why would I do that? - Get the blanket. 421 00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:39,215 - No. - Winston, please. 422 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:40,683 Just get the blanket and let's go. 423 00:14:40,708 --> 00:14:42,293 Well, since you asked nicely, no. 424 00:14:42,318 --> 00:14:44,215 - Just get the blanket. - No. I don't want the damn blanket. 425 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:45,504 Here's the beanbag chair. 426 00:14:45,539 --> 00:14:47,306 Yeah, stores are the best. 427 00:14:47,341 --> 00:14:48,774 Hey, you guys want to go get lunch or something? 428 00:14:48,809 --> 00:14:49,908 Nah. How much is it? 429 00:14:49,944 --> 00:14:51,176 It's $249.99. 430 00:14:51,212 --> 00:14:52,769 - What? For a beanbag chair? - For a beanbag chair? 431 00:14:52,794 --> 00:14:55,152 Well, we have a cheaper one... we're just, we're out of stock. 432 00:14:55,177 --> 00:14:58,324 I could order it for you, but it would take seven to ten days. 433 00:14:58,349 --> 00:14:59,952 Man, stores are the worst. 434 00:14:59,987 --> 00:15:01,433 The admiral will take this. 435 00:15:01,458 --> 00:15:02,521 Whatever happened to Hanukkah? 436 00:15:02,556 --> 00:15:04,465 Hey, Jess, about that... the-the stuff I s... 437 00:15:04,490 --> 00:15:06,660 Oh, wait, it's fine... I... 438 00:15:06,826 --> 00:15:08,560 I must have seemed so crazy. 439 00:15:08,596 --> 00:15:10,863 Let's just enjoy the holiday, okay? 440 00:15:11,918 --> 00:15:14,066 Okay, Secret Santa. 441 00:15:14,101 --> 00:15:16,869 By now, the suspense must be killing you. 442 00:15:16,894 --> 00:15:18,003 As you all know, 443 00:15:18,038 --> 00:15:20,449 uh, Nick knows his Secret Santa gift 444 00:15:20,474 --> 00:15:22,416 is Reagan flying out 445 00:15:22,441 --> 00:15:23,942 from Seattle to surprise him. 446 00:15:23,978 --> 00:15:25,535 All right. 447 00:15:25,551 --> 00:15:27,022 Merry Christmas, Nick. 448 00:15:27,047 --> 00:15:29,681 All right, Cece. That big boy's for you. 449 00:15:29,717 --> 00:15:31,418 What in the hell is that? 450 00:15:31,443 --> 00:15:33,261 Winston, what'd you do with the thing we just bought? 451 00:15:35,599 --> 00:15:36,972 Beanbag chair! 452 00:15:37,230 --> 00:15:40,526 Beanbag chair! It's from Winston! 453 00:15:40,561 --> 00:15:41,924 They had to make it out of this dumb blanket. 454 00:15:41,949 --> 00:15:44,754 Winston, you remembered our game night. I love it. 455 00:15:44,816 --> 00:15:45,847 You do? 456 00:15:45,872 --> 00:15:47,504 - She does. - I do. 457 00:15:48,394 --> 00:15:49,627 Well, you know what, Winston? 458 00:15:49,652 --> 00:15:51,494 You were right... it's the perfect gift. 459 00:15:51,519 --> 00:15:53,539 I guess I just have to come to terms with the fact 460 00:15:53,574 --> 00:15:55,777 that my wife is a little bit weirder than I thought she was. 461 00:15:55,802 --> 00:15:57,253 It's a prototype, you know? 462 00:15:57,278 --> 00:15:58,610 The real one's on its way. 463 00:15:58,646 --> 00:16:00,012 Didn't have a lot of beans, 464 00:16:00,047 --> 00:16:02,074 so I had to pad it with rice and oatmeal. 465 00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:03,379 - It's a great gift. Thank you. - It's perfect! 466 00:16:03,387 --> 00:16:04,387 Good job. 467 00:16:04,412 --> 00:16:06,582 All right, well, whoever got Schmidt better have brought it, 468 00:16:06,607 --> 00:16:08,722 'cause Winston set the bar really high. 469 00:16:08,747 --> 00:16:10,861 Oh, here we go, here we go. 470 00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:12,457 - Here we go. Ooh... - Ooh... 471 00:16:12,493 --> 00:16:15,361 Cashmere socks! Dayanu! 472 00:16:15,386 --> 00:16:17,283 Well, it's not Winston, it's not Jess. 473 00:16:17,308 --> 00:16:19,831 - Cece? - No. No, it's not me. 474 00:16:19,867 --> 00:16:21,567 - I got you, boy. - No way. 475 00:16:21,602 --> 00:16:23,168 - I got you. This is me. - This is you? 476 00:16:23,204 --> 00:16:25,737 - Nicholas! - Yeah, come on. 477 00:16:25,773 --> 00:16:27,239 I don't know why I'm finding the image 478 00:16:27,274 --> 00:16:30,309 of you mispronouncing the word "cashmere" in a store... 479 00:16:30,344 --> 00:16:31,881 to be so joyful. 480 00:16:31,906 --> 00:16:32,931 "Cadsh-mer." 481 00:16:32,956 --> 00:16:34,423 - Winston. - Oh. 482 00:16:34,454 --> 00:16:36,058 Ha-ha! I get one? 483 00:16:36,083 --> 00:16:38,016 - Oh, man. - Yeah. Everybody gets one. 484 00:16:38,052 --> 00:16:39,484 That's crazy. I get one, too. 485 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:40,953 - You know. - Yeah, everybody does. 486 00:16:40,988 --> 00:16:42,287 Aah! For me? 487 00:16:42,323 --> 00:16:45,621 Oh, my stars! A check made out to my phone company? 488 00:16:45,646 --> 00:16:48,293 Cece, girl, is this for that night we got bombed and called Iceland? 489 00:16:48,329 --> 00:16:49,494 You know it is! 490 00:16:49,530 --> 00:16:52,771 Okay, hold on, wait a minute, I had... I had Winston, too. 491 00:16:52,865 --> 00:16:54,740 Somebody got left out. Who didn't get one? 492 00:16:54,765 --> 00:16:56,920 Oh, Winnie got two gifts? 493 00:16:57,832 --> 00:16:59,802 - That's for Winston. - Yeah. 494 00:17:02,037 --> 00:17:04,076 Oh... no, no, it's... 495 00:17:04,111 --> 00:17:05,344 it's fine. 496 00:17:05,379 --> 00:17:07,312 It's... it's my fault. 497 00:17:07,550 --> 00:17:09,629 I must have gotten so tipsy on Halloween, 498 00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:11,450 I forgot to write down my own name. 499 00:17:11,485 --> 00:17:13,318 See? It's right there in the song. 500 00:17:13,354 --> 00:17:15,045 He makes a list, 501 00:17:15,070 --> 00:17:16,622 he checks it twice. 502 00:17:16,864 --> 00:17:19,184 See, this is probably why Santa stopped drinking. 503 00:17:19,218 --> 00:17:20,492 Well, here, you know what? 504 00:17:20,527 --> 00:17:22,084 Have this one. 505 00:17:23,961 --> 00:17:28,063 Oh, my God, a hamster?! 506 00:17:28,231 --> 00:17:29,264 You're a pet guy, man. 507 00:17:29,289 --> 00:17:31,256 I am. I am. 508 00:17:31,912 --> 00:17:33,705 But... Jess, you... 509 00:17:33,741 --> 00:17:34,935 you should have him. 510 00:17:34,967 --> 00:17:38,013 No. I-I got the best gift of all. 511 00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:40,888 Watching you guys give each other gifts that show you care. 512 00:17:40,913 --> 00:17:42,725 Well, you can't not have a gift. 513 00:17:42,750 --> 00:17:44,616 Besides, Ferguson's gonna eat him, anyway. 514 00:17:44,641 --> 00:17:46,340 Oh. Well, if... 515 00:17:46,365 --> 00:17:48,287 if Ferguson will eat him, then I... 516 00:17:48,322 --> 00:17:49,699 I'll take him. 517 00:17:49,724 --> 00:17:51,599 - Thanks, Winston. - Of course. 518 00:17:51,872 --> 00:17:53,711 Great Secret Santa, everyone. 519 00:17:54,051 --> 00:17:56,412 You want to go to bed, little guy? 520 00:17:57,382 --> 00:17:59,396 You want to see your new room? 521 00:18:01,835 --> 00:18:02,990 I feel horrible. 522 00:18:03,015 --> 00:18:04,951 You have no idea. She and I got in a thing. 523 00:18:04,976 --> 00:18:06,515 I said something so stupid. 524 00:18:06,540 --> 00:18:08,871 Sleigh! 525 00:18:08,896 --> 00:18:09,941 Hey, Reagan. 526 00:18:09,977 --> 00:18:11,537 - Hey. - Really? 527 00:18:11,754 --> 00:18:14,770 Do you know how hard it was to put this thing on in an airplane bathroom? 528 00:18:14,804 --> 00:18:16,232 Do I. 529 00:18:21,762 --> 00:18:23,837 If you don't get off that wheel right now, 530 00:18:23,862 --> 00:18:25,628 there's gonna be hell to pay. 531 00:18:25,653 --> 00:18:27,391 Now! 532 00:18:27,423 --> 00:18:29,368 Whoa. Did you understand me? 533 00:18:35,368 --> 00:18:36,798 Oh, you're awa... 534 00:18:36,823 --> 00:18:37,954 you're awake. Great. 535 00:18:37,979 --> 00:18:40,618 Nick, how often do you sneak into my room in the middle of the night? 536 00:18:40,643 --> 00:18:43,438 Uh, that you're awake, uh, this is a first. 537 00:18:43,463 --> 00:18:44,688 - Here. - Weird. 538 00:18:44,713 --> 00:18:46,227 Here's some cocoa. 539 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:49,915 Hey, I wanted to say that I'm sorry about what I said. 540 00:18:50,823 --> 00:18:53,224 I know you are. Thanks. 541 00:18:53,416 --> 00:18:55,618 I also want to say thank you. 542 00:18:55,643 --> 00:18:57,877 Even though I knew Reagan was coming, when I saw her 543 00:18:57,902 --> 00:19:00,969 I felt like it was Christmas morning and I was ten. 544 00:19:01,190 --> 00:19:03,696 But a ten-year-old about to have sex... 545 00:19:03,721 --> 00:19:05,587 with Santa! 546 00:19:06,030 --> 00:19:07,930 And it was... yeah, this is getting weird. 547 00:19:07,955 --> 00:19:10,040 Anyway, I just wanted to say... 548 00:19:10,276 --> 00:19:12,032 I'm sorry and thank you. 549 00:19:36,375 --> 00:19:37,965 Come with me. 550 00:19:38,653 --> 00:19:41,050 Uh, actually, do you want to put a bra on first? 551 00:19:41,083 --> 00:19:43,400 Cue the music. 552 00:19:43,425 --> 00:19:45,645 - Surprise! - Merry Christmas, Jess. 553 00:19:46,543 --> 00:19:48,202 - We got something for you. - Ta-da! 554 00:19:48,237 --> 00:19:49,670 Robby set it all up. 555 00:19:49,706 --> 00:19:51,254 What?! 556 00:19:51,279 --> 00:19:52,879 This is for you. 557 00:19:57,144 --> 00:19:58,548 ♪ Christmas ♪ 558 00:19:58,573 --> 00:20:00,301 ♪ The snow's coming down ♪ 559 00:20:00,326 --> 00:20:02,192 ♪ Christmas ♪ 560 00:20:02,217 --> 00:20:04,650 ♪ I'm watching it fall ♪ 561 00:20:04,675 --> 00:20:06,004 ♪ Christmas ♪ 562 00:20:06,029 --> 00:20:08,511 ♪ Lots of people around ♪ 563 00:20:08,593 --> 00:20:09,832 ♪ Christmas ♪ 564 00:20:09,857 --> 00:20:12,525 ♪ Baby, please come home ♪ 565 00:20:12,550 --> 00:20:14,416 What is Darlene Love doing here? 566 00:20:14,558 --> 00:20:16,524 Uh, we used to do hot yoga together. 567 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:17,715 Oh. 568 00:20:17,740 --> 00:20:20,140 ♪ All ringing in song ♪ 569 00:20:20,165 --> 00:20:21,397 ♪ Christmas ♪ 570 00:20:21,422 --> 00:20:23,465 ♪ What a happy sound ♪ 571 00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:25,285 This is amazing! 572 00:20:25,310 --> 00:20:27,852 ♪ Baby, please come home ♪ 573 00:20:28,255 --> 00:20:31,730 ♪ They're singing "Deck the Halls" ♪ 574 00:20:32,091 --> 00:20:35,359 ♪ But it's not like Christmas at all ♪ 575 00:20:35,855 --> 00:20:37,871 ♪ 'Cause I remember when you... ♪ 576 00:20:37,896 --> 00:20:39,829 How much longer do I have to do this? 577 00:20:40,161 --> 00:20:41,496 I'm almost out of litter. 578 00:20:41,521 --> 00:20:43,394 It's shredded receipts. 579 00:20:43,419 --> 00:20:44,519 ♪ Christmas ♪ 580 00:20:44,544 --> 00:20:45,958 This is the best gift. 581 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:49,728 - Thank you. - Merry Christmas, Jess. 582 00:20:49,753 --> 00:20:51,953 Bar elves! Come on in! 583 00:20:56,038 --> 00:20:59,238 ♪ Baby, please come home ♪ 584 00:21:29,306 --> 00:21:32,539 Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com