1 00:00:00,851 --> 00:00:03,531 Babe, can you help me finish this thank you card to Asha Auntie? 2 00:00:03,556 --> 00:00:06,289 She got us... that. 3 00:00:06,314 --> 00:00:08,060 - That porpoise porn? - Yeah. 4 00:00:08,085 --> 00:00:10,498 "Best, comma, Cece and Schimdt." 5 00:00:10,531 --> 00:00:12,170 All we're gonna give her is a "Best, comma"? 6 00:00:12,195 --> 00:00:13,295 Come on, she's my mom's sister. 7 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:15,264 Well, she should have stuck to the registry. 8 00:00:15,289 --> 00:00:17,412 You know who hasn't even gotten us a present yet? 9 00:00:17,437 --> 00:00:18,734 - I have a year. - He has a year. 10 00:00:18,759 --> 00:00:19,826 I have a year! 11 00:00:19,851 --> 00:00:20,859 All right, everyone. 12 00:00:20,884 --> 00:00:22,426 Report to the principal's office, 13 00:00:22,462 --> 00:00:25,282 where I will be sitting behind the desk because... 14 00:00:25,631 --> 00:00:26,837 I might be principal! 15 00:00:26,845 --> 00:00:27,845 - Congrats! - That's great! 16 00:00:27,870 --> 00:00:29,421 What do you mean, could be principal? 17 00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:32,527 Well, I just had a very interesting talk with my boss, Genevieve. 18 00:00:32,552 --> 00:00:33,954 Jess, 19 00:00:34,704 --> 00:00:36,534 - I am dying. - What? Oh, my God! 20 00:00:36,559 --> 00:00:38,741 Dying to leave Banyon Canyon 21 00:00:38,766 --> 00:00:41,757 and launch my own elementary school at sea. 22 00:00:41,782 --> 00:00:43,859 Oh. You scared the bejesus out of me. 23 00:00:43,884 --> 00:00:45,259 I've wanted this forever 24 00:00:45,284 --> 00:00:47,151 and I came so close at my last school. 25 00:00:47,176 --> 00:00:49,852 Like, champagne and Prosecco close. 26 00:00:49,877 --> 00:00:51,952 So, if you find marijuana in a locker, it's yours now. 27 00:00:51,977 --> 00:00:53,984 Ours now. It could just be part of the loft. 28 00:00:54,009 --> 00:00:55,751 We could just put it in a... 29 00:00:55,776 --> 00:00:56,794 Congratulations. 30 00:00:56,829 --> 00:00:58,806 You just got yourself two weeks detention, Mr. Miller. 31 00:00:58,831 --> 00:01:00,882 What? But I didn't do anything! 32 00:01:00,907 --> 00:01:03,155 I didn't do anything! 33 00:01:06,026 --> 00:01:08,063 Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com 34 00:01:08,228 --> 00:01:11,048 Principal, that's great. I'm really proud of you. 35 00:01:11,073 --> 00:01:13,048 And now you're almost gonna make what normal people make. 36 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,633 But I'm not even in it for the cabbage. 37 00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:16,077 I want to change lives. 38 00:01:16,102 --> 00:01:18,640 And finally, I can implement some of my programs school-wide, 39 00:01:18,665 --> 00:01:20,969 like the math decathlon... the demathlon. 40 00:01:20,994 --> 00:01:22,290 A-ha! 41 00:01:23,425 --> 00:01:26,728 You see this whole time, y'all thought you were having breakfast with Winston, 42 00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:30,173 but it turns out y'all been sitting with James Wonder. 43 00:01:30,957 --> 00:01:32,812 I'm talking about my alias. 44 00:01:32,837 --> 00:01:34,735 See, I'm thinking about applying for undercover work. 45 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:36,329 That sounds incredibly dangerous. 46 00:01:36,354 --> 00:01:39,319 Well, not if I go deep enough into my undercover character. 47 00:01:39,344 --> 00:01:41,610 I've been practicing on y'all unknowin' asses. 48 00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:44,343 I combined the names of my favorite singers... 49 00:01:44,368 --> 00:01:46,081 Stevie Wonder 50 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,353 and James Blunt. 51 00:01:48,378 --> 00:01:50,702 And I put those together to create a different name 52 00:01:50,727 --> 00:01:52,510 as my alias, James Wonder. 53 00:01:52,535 --> 00:01:55,149 I'm worried you're not the undercover type of guy. 54 00:01:55,174 --> 00:01:56,986 I feel like if you had the ability 55 00:01:57,011 --> 00:01:58,543 to pretend to be someone else, 56 00:01:58,568 --> 00:02:00,819 you would have made that decision a long time ago. 57 00:02:00,904 --> 00:02:02,313 I feel like that sounded harsh, 58 00:02:02,338 --> 00:02:04,549 but it's only 'cause I care about you. 59 00:02:05,538 --> 00:02:07,422 I love Parents' Day! 60 00:02:07,447 --> 00:02:09,828 Matching names to e-mail addresses, 61 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,130 puttin' big people in little chairs. 62 00:02:12,165 --> 00:02:15,667 Admiring all that sweet daddy derriere. 63 00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:18,517 - Yeah, I'm not doing that. - Good. More for me. 64 00:02:18,542 --> 00:02:20,672 Ooh. That is Ed Warner. 65 00:02:20,697 --> 00:02:21,900 President of the parent's council. 66 00:02:21,925 --> 00:02:23,485 You're gonna need his vote 67 00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:25,164 if you want to become principal, so... 68 00:02:25,189 --> 00:02:28,146 - Okay, did you talk me up? - Absolutely not. 69 00:02:28,181 --> 00:02:31,182 School politics gets messy and as my grandmother used to say, 70 00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:33,485 "You don't get dirty till after 6:30." 71 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:35,016 Piece of cake. Parents love me. 72 00:02:35,041 --> 00:02:36,502 Ed! 73 00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:38,633 Oh, are-are you okay? 74 00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:40,825 Sorry, I was, uh, 75 00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:43,328 moved to tears by the... second grader's self-portraits. 76 00:02:43,363 --> 00:02:46,353 I cannot believe you are gonna abandon us next year. 77 00:02:46,378 --> 00:02:48,116 - Oh... - I'm like, "Ah, don't go!" 78 00:02:48,141 --> 00:02:49,394 I can keep the accent 79 00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:51,666 so you'll barely notice she's gone. 80 00:02:52,738 --> 00:02:55,219 Prince Henry, pet me corgi. 81 00:02:55,244 --> 00:02:56,268 Wow. 82 00:02:56,293 --> 00:02:58,353 Um, Ed, have you met our vice principal? 83 00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:00,095 Jessica Day. I'm a big fan of your work 84 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:02,680 and by your work, I mean the child you created. 85 00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:05,300 Not to suggest that it was work making her. 86 00:03:05,385 --> 00:03:06,601 I'm sure it was fun. 87 00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:08,303 I mean... I hope it was fun. 88 00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:10,625 Ed, if you're gonna ask me sex advice, 89 00:03:10,650 --> 00:03:12,477 please buy me a glass of wine first. 90 00:03:15,228 --> 00:03:16,455 Anyway, switching gears. 91 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:19,280 I'd love to discuss the, uh, principal vacancy. 92 00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:20,565 As would I. 93 00:03:20,590 --> 00:03:22,450 N-not now. Now's not a great time. 94 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,189 I have, um, 95 00:03:24,380 --> 00:03:25,681 uh... 96 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,588 Goodbye. 97 00:03:29,431 --> 00:03:31,283 You beefed it, love. 98 00:03:31,430 --> 00:03:32,736 You beefed it hard. 99 00:03:37,345 --> 00:03:39,918 Is that the Vitalstir 3,000 from my registry? 100 00:03:40,090 --> 00:03:41,289 Oh, no, I've had... 101 00:03:41,314 --> 00:03:42,864 - I've had this forever. - It came out last year. 102 00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:44,080 Did it? 103 00:03:44,202 --> 00:03:45,790 I've had it for a year. 104 00:03:46,830 --> 00:03:48,056 No, I'm just doing what I always do. 105 00:03:48,081 --> 00:03:49,625 Nicky Miller makin', uh, 106 00:03:49,650 --> 00:03:52,197 his famous guacamole. 107 00:03:53,174 --> 00:03:54,566 Like I always do. 108 00:03:54,601 --> 00:03:57,345 Nick Miller's famous guacamole. 109 00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:03,830 See ya later. 110 00:04:04,694 --> 00:04:07,072 I'll call you when it's done! 111 00:04:08,353 --> 00:04:09,799 Fine. 112 00:04:10,437 --> 00:04:11,805 It's from your registry. 113 00:04:11,830 --> 00:04:14,953 I bought it, I brought it home but I can't give it to you. 114 00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:17,622 I am freaking out about what to get you. 115 00:04:17,647 --> 00:04:20,806 Well, Nick why don't you just give us this blender 116 00:04:20,831 --> 00:04:22,799 that's on the list of stuff that I want? 117 00:04:22,824 --> 00:04:24,762 Because I feel trapped by this registry. 118 00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:26,214 It's a list made by robots. 119 00:04:26,239 --> 00:04:28,650 Nick, not everything is robots! 120 00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:32,127 Winston puts one walkie-talkie into a mailbox... 121 00:04:32,228 --> 00:04:34,150 Thank you for your letter. 122 00:04:34,185 --> 00:04:35,768 Yum! 123 00:04:38,955 --> 00:04:40,612 I just... you guys are like my family. 124 00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:41,980 I want to get you something great. 125 00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,705 Something unique, personal. 126 00:04:43,730 --> 00:04:45,345 Oh, Nick. 127 00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:49,572 And while you clearly don't understand what a registry is... 128 00:04:50,644 --> 00:04:52,314 I appreciate the sentiment. 129 00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,033 Nick... 130 00:04:55,635 --> 00:04:57,783 I don't say this lightly... 131 00:04:58,150 --> 00:05:00,330 - I release you from the registry. - Great. 132 00:05:00,382 --> 00:05:01,859 Buy us a gift of your choosing. 133 00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:03,119 What-what I want to get you. 134 00:05:03,169 --> 00:05:04,385 Whatever you want. 135 00:05:04,410 --> 00:05:05,470 The world is yours. 136 00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:07,525 Fly, my little hummingbird. 137 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,447 'Cause I can get you anything. 138 00:05:13,263 --> 00:05:15,924 Oh... this was a double-edged coin. 139 00:05:19,517 --> 00:05:20,852 Excuse me? 140 00:05:20,937 --> 00:05:23,299 Can you tell me where I can find my son's cubby? 141 00:05:23,337 --> 00:05:25,073 Winston! What are you doing here? 142 00:05:25,097 --> 00:05:27,325 And before you answer that question, get out of here! 143 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:29,337 Winston? Can't you read? 144 00:05:29,362 --> 00:05:31,696 You said I couldn't do it, but I did it. 145 00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:33,666 I am deep undercover right now. 146 00:05:33,691 --> 00:05:35,700 No one's gonna believe you're a parent here. 147 00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:37,118 Jimmy-dubs! 148 00:05:37,143 --> 00:05:39,598 - Where'd you go? - I needed a refill on the java, E-dawg. 149 00:05:39,630 --> 00:05:41,814 Oh, my goodness! 150 00:05:41,839 --> 00:05:43,374 I see you've already met 151 00:05:43,399 --> 00:05:46,094 and also, already have '90s hip-hop nicknames for each other. 152 00:05:46,119 --> 00:05:48,055 Genevieve, this is James Wonder. 153 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:49,689 - Hey. - A potential new dad. 154 00:05:49,714 --> 00:05:51,192 He's a landscape architect. 155 00:05:51,217 --> 00:05:52,852 - Oh.... - And father of Asher. 156 00:05:52,877 --> 00:05:54,552 And husband of? 157 00:05:55,252 --> 00:05:57,430 I... I'm a widower. 158 00:05:57,455 --> 00:05:58,773 Oh, oh... 159 00:05:58,798 --> 00:05:59,914 Yeah. Yeah, 160 00:05:59,939 --> 00:06:01,416 she, um... 161 00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:03,394 she got squished. 162 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:04,946 - Squished? - Mm-hmm. 163 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,861 Did she? Did she? 164 00:06:06,886 --> 00:06:09,367 Okay, James. Uh, let's leave now 165 00:06:09,392 --> 00:06:11,429 so I can show you the school's landscaping. 166 00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:14,055 Wait, actually, I have a stubborn back yard. 167 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:15,672 Uh, I don't want to bring in frogs, 168 00:06:15,697 --> 00:06:18,095 but if I could attract frogs... 169 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:20,953 Very common situation in our business. 170 00:06:20,978 --> 00:06:22,997 - You need a well. - A well? 171 00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:25,111 Oh. Well, 172 00:06:25,136 --> 00:06:27,603 you need to let me buy you a bottle of wine 173 00:06:27,628 --> 00:06:29,235 and pick your brain about all this. 174 00:06:29,260 --> 00:06:31,306 That sounds good, E-dawg. We should... 175 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,891 But... but right now, 176 00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:35,560 - I should get going. - Yeah. 177 00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:38,930 I got a butt load of koi fish in the back of my truck that need bonding. 178 00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:41,392 Please, let me show you out. 179 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:43,662 Take my hand. Oh, God. Did I say breast? 180 00:06:43,687 --> 00:06:45,361 I meant... I meant hand. 181 00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:47,227 Uh, hey. Hey, Ed. 182 00:06:47,252 --> 00:06:50,274 I'd love to circle back around to that principal conversation. 183 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:51,720 Let me just stop you there, Miss Day. 184 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,661 Um, I appreciate your enthusiasm, 185 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:58,333 but I think I speak for every parent at Banyon Canyon when I say, 186 00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,008 you're just not a good fit. 187 00:07:00,033 --> 00:07:02,420 Wh-what? I am a perfect fit. 188 00:07:02,455 --> 00:07:04,367 I have my reasons. 189 00:07:04,392 --> 00:07:05,861 Excuse me, I have, uh... 190 00:07:06,918 --> 00:07:08,034 Goodbye. 191 00:07:10,379 --> 00:07:12,096 I'm making this for Genevieve. I'm... 192 00:07:12,152 --> 00:07:14,603 I gotta convince her to make my case to Ed. 193 00:07:14,628 --> 00:07:16,363 My man, Ed. 194 00:07:16,388 --> 00:07:17,502 Listen Jess, 195 00:07:17,527 --> 00:07:19,713 I could go ahead and give him a call if you like. 196 00:07:19,738 --> 00:07:20,936 All you have to do is say the word. 197 00:07:20,961 --> 00:07:24,275 No, no, no, no. This is no country for James Wonder. 198 00:07:24,300 --> 00:07:26,104 I'm not having you go undercover at school again. 199 00:07:26,129 --> 00:07:27,912 No offense, but you kind of fell out of your dress 200 00:07:27,998 --> 00:07:29,381 when Genevieve came on to you. 201 00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:31,560 I did get rattled. I have a girlfriend, 202 00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:32,967 and I adore Ally. 203 00:07:32,992 --> 00:07:35,253 But everything else I'm doing seems to be working 204 00:07:35,305 --> 00:07:37,863 because Ed loves me. 205 00:07:37,974 --> 00:07:40,268 You know, he wants James to landscape his yard. 206 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,824 So I drew him four sketches. 207 00:07:42,871 --> 00:07:45,764 Wow. Winston, these are actually really good. 208 00:07:45,849 --> 00:07:48,400 I don't remember drawing these. 209 00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:51,527 I woke up this morning, and they were under my pillow. 210 00:07:54,451 --> 00:07:55,644 - Hey, Nick... - Would you be interested 211 00:07:55,669 --> 00:07:57,575 in rubble from old Yankee Stadium? 212 00:07:57,611 --> 00:07:59,855 What, for my rubble collection? 213 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,447 I'm having a really hard time finding something for you. 214 00:08:02,532 --> 00:08:04,032 I thought I was just gonna go on the Internet, 215 00:08:04,057 --> 00:08:05,947 but the Internet is so different now. 216 00:08:05,972 --> 00:08:07,900 Have you been on the Internet lately? 217 00:08:07,925 --> 00:08:08,978 - How drunk are you? - I remember 218 00:08:09,003 --> 00:08:10,288 when the Internet used to just be 219 00:08:10,340 --> 00:08:12,128 a naked lady and a bunch of dancing hamsters. 220 00:08:12,153 --> 00:08:13,168 How drunk are you, Nick? 221 00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:14,603 I literally haven't had one thing to drink. 222 00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:15,894 - How many drinks have you had? - Give me a breathalyzer. 223 00:08:15,919 --> 00:08:19,377 - It feels like you're drunk. - Z-Y-X-N-L-P-A. 224 00:08:19,402 --> 00:08:20,652 - You're hammered. - I'm drunk. 225 00:08:20,677 --> 00:08:22,467 Nick, whatever you get us, we're going to love. 226 00:08:22,519 --> 00:08:24,018 It... it doesn't matter. 227 00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,804 I don't know what to get you, 228 00:08:25,856 --> 00:08:27,222 - and it matters, it matters! - It doesn't matter. 229 00:08:27,247 --> 00:08:28,747 It doesn't matter! 230 00:08:28,859 --> 00:08:30,275 Just get us something! 231 00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:31,918 There's a registry. 232 00:08:31,943 --> 00:08:35,313 You go on it, and you pick something! 233 00:08:35,338 --> 00:08:37,282 - Now you've got Schmidt all cranked up. - You're cranked up? 234 00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:39,451 Yeah, I got to go to the arcade now and blow off steam! 235 00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:41,503 I didn't mean to crank you up. 236 00:08:42,164 --> 00:08:44,298 - Hey, Cece. - Hey, hey. 237 00:08:44,749 --> 00:08:46,799 I don't know what to do. 238 00:08:46,862 --> 00:08:49,054 I want to get you something great, 239 00:08:49,079 --> 00:08:50,628 but I can't find anything on the Internet. 240 00:08:50,672 --> 00:08:52,340 Here's the truth. I'd give you my heart. 241 00:08:52,364 --> 00:08:54,316 I'd rip it out of my chest but... 242 00:08:54,341 --> 00:08:56,668 but then I would literally die. 243 00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:58,970 But you know that, you're studying to be a nurse. 244 00:08:59,005 --> 00:09:00,816 - No, I'm not. - You're already a nurse? 245 00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,640 - Not a nurse. - But you went to college didn't you? 246 00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:04,332 Why didn't you just give us the Vitalstir? 247 00:09:04,357 --> 00:09:07,191 Because then it would just end up in a landfill in a year 248 00:09:07,216 --> 00:09:09,791 when they come out with a Vitalstir 3001. 249 00:09:09,816 --> 00:09:12,152 Well, I imagine they'd go to 4000. 250 00:09:12,238 --> 00:09:13,912 Do you think that they have made 251 00:09:13,937 --> 00:09:15,730 3,000 different Vitalstir models? 252 00:09:15,755 --> 00:09:20,358 Do you really think they've perfected this blender in four tries? 253 00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:22,753 You're not a nurse. 254 00:09:23,316 --> 00:09:24,996 Look, I know what you're struggling with right now, okay? 255 00:09:25,050 --> 00:09:27,910 You want to get us something that's unique. 256 00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:30,168 It's got to be great. It's got to be from me to you. 257 00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:32,203 Alright, here's a little exercise... close your eyes. 258 00:09:32,255 --> 00:09:34,689 Now, first thing that comes to your mind. 259 00:09:34,714 --> 00:09:38,683 Imagine something that is unique, it's permanent. 260 00:09:38,708 --> 00:09:40,290 I got it! 261 00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:44,299 Okay, you got to open your eyes before you go, you drunk. 262 00:09:44,324 --> 00:09:46,691 Let me give you the, uh, keys so you can close up. 263 00:09:47,604 --> 00:09:51,139 Oh, no. I put two hands in at the same time again. 264 00:09:53,666 --> 00:09:55,175 I did it again. 265 00:09:56,336 --> 00:09:58,925 I can't find this James Wonder anywhere. 266 00:09:58,950 --> 00:10:01,032 I just wanted to say hi, 267 00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:03,451 and I want to send him a password-protected video 268 00:10:03,537 --> 00:10:04,986 I thought he might enjoy. 269 00:10:05,011 --> 00:10:07,222 Well, I just brought you a little gift. 270 00:10:07,791 --> 00:10:10,058 I know what you're doing. Jess, I have told you 271 00:10:10,083 --> 00:10:12,105 I can't afford to get involved in school politics. 272 00:10:12,130 --> 00:10:13,889 Please, Genevieve. I'm begging you. 273 00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:17,081 There's no delicate way to say this so I'm going to be... 274 00:10:17,133 --> 00:10:19,535 incredibly cruel. 275 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,957 They don't like you. 276 00:10:22,339 --> 00:10:23,660 - At all. - Ow. 277 00:10:23,685 --> 00:10:25,761 - They despise you. - All right. I got it. 278 00:10:25,786 --> 00:10:27,769 - "Get rid of Jess." - Yikes. 279 00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:29,510 These aren't my words, Jess. 280 00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:32,430 I'm just repeating what I'm hearing. 281 00:10:32,482 --> 00:10:34,228 "Jess is the worst." 282 00:10:34,253 --> 00:10:36,184 - Okay. - "Can't stand the sight of her." 283 00:10:36,209 --> 00:10:38,082 - Don't need all of it. - Do you understand what I am saying? 284 00:10:38,107 --> 00:10:39,118 - Yeah. - They've asked me 285 00:10:39,143 --> 00:10:41,089 to move on with my search. 286 00:10:41,942 --> 00:10:44,152 - Wait a minute. - Huh? 287 00:10:44,455 --> 00:10:45,935 Would you talk me up to Ed 288 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:48,780 if I could tell you where he was having dinner? 289 00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:51,074 With James Wonder? 290 00:10:55,768 --> 00:10:57,169 Winston. 291 00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:59,403 You need to say the words, Jess. 292 00:10:59,833 --> 00:11:01,241 I need your help. 293 00:11:01,266 --> 00:11:04,325 I need your help, who? 294 00:11:06,164 --> 00:11:09,067 I need your help, James Wonder. 295 00:11:10,943 --> 00:11:13,341 Well, then, my help you shall have. 296 00:11:13,886 --> 00:11:16,505 What'd he say? Is he going to help? 297 00:11:17,153 --> 00:11:18,247 Here is your mission. 298 00:11:18,272 --> 00:11:20,027 You're going too down to Brickfield 299 00:11:20,052 --> 00:11:23,466 and you're going to facilitate a conversation about me... 300 00:11:23,491 --> 00:11:24,971 - with Ed... - My man. 301 00:11:25,007 --> 00:11:26,473 - ... and Genevieve. - I'm out. 302 00:11:26,508 --> 00:11:28,310 Please, Winst... 303 00:11:29,302 --> 00:11:31,286 - James Wonder. - She wants to have sex with me. 304 00:11:31,311 --> 00:11:35,709 I know you love Ally, but James Wonder is still grieving. 305 00:11:35,734 --> 00:11:37,349 Lean into the character. 306 00:11:37,374 --> 00:11:41,028 This is your chance to prove that you can do undercover work. 307 00:11:41,317 --> 00:11:42,880 Please? 308 00:11:43,348 --> 00:11:46,685 All right, I'll do it. Under one condition. 309 00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:48,466 That I... 310 00:11:48,491 --> 00:11:50,741 - No, I don't have any conditions. - Okay. 311 00:11:51,458 --> 00:11:54,284 I design all the landscaping, 312 00:11:54,370 --> 00:11:56,739 and my crew... my crew, they do all the dirty work. 313 00:11:56,764 --> 00:11:58,591 If you were my boss 314 00:11:58,616 --> 00:12:01,167 I would be employee of the month 315 00:12:01,192 --> 00:12:03,739 every single day. 316 00:12:03,764 --> 00:12:04,855 All right then. 317 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:07,881 Oh, jeez, Genevieve, stop flirting, get to me! 318 00:12:07,933 --> 00:12:09,716 Are you shouting at a podcast again, Jess? 319 00:12:09,741 --> 00:12:10,934 You know it can't hear you, right? 320 00:12:10,959 --> 00:12:12,576 Shh! 321 00:12:12,601 --> 00:12:14,268 Speaking of bosses, 322 00:12:14,293 --> 00:12:16,617 Ms. Day has done some amazing work. 323 00:12:16,642 --> 00:12:19,169 - Strong disagree. - Uh, what is your ish with her? 324 00:12:19,194 --> 00:12:21,395 She sets our kids up for failure. 325 00:12:21,447 --> 00:12:22,349 What?! 326 00:12:22,374 --> 00:12:24,007 This ridiculous... 327 00:12:24,032 --> 00:12:26,066 math decathlon... ugh! 328 00:12:26,091 --> 00:12:28,378 It is competitive and demeaning. 329 00:12:28,403 --> 00:12:30,904 It is hard enough out there for these kids. 330 00:12:30,956 --> 00:12:33,763 Affluent children in Los Angeles do have it hard. 331 00:12:33,788 --> 00:12:34,875 Exactly. 332 00:12:34,910 --> 00:12:37,244 Samanthia bombed that dumb thing, never got a medal, 333 00:12:37,296 --> 00:12:38,745 and now she's lost her appetite for soosh! 334 00:12:38,797 --> 00:12:40,028 That's what he's mad at? 335 00:12:40,053 --> 00:12:42,749 My version of the demathlon is way less rigorous 336 00:12:42,774 --> 00:12:44,567 than the South Korean teacher I copied it from. 337 00:12:44,592 --> 00:12:47,488 Either bring the phone over here where we can hear it, 338 00:12:47,513 --> 00:12:48,889 or stop talking to it. 339 00:12:48,924 --> 00:12:51,591 He's saying that unless I drop the demathlon, 340 00:12:51,677 --> 00:12:52,759 I'll never be principal. 341 00:12:52,811 --> 00:12:54,497 James. 342 00:12:54,685 --> 00:12:58,122 I am trouble after two glasses. 343 00:12:58,567 --> 00:13:00,021 So why don't you pour me a third? 344 00:13:03,338 --> 00:13:05,238 - Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. - Okay. Mm-hmm. O-okay. 345 00:13:05,274 --> 00:13:06,808 - Do it. Do it! - Okay. Okay. 346 00:13:09,111 --> 00:13:11,495 Stop it! Stop it! 347 00:13:11,580 --> 00:13:13,830 I'm going to get crazy. 348 00:13:13,916 --> 00:13:15,058 You're making me crazy. 349 00:13:15,083 --> 00:13:16,449 I did it. 350 00:13:16,474 --> 00:13:17,976 Best present ever. 351 00:13:18,003 --> 00:13:20,099 Please. I'm trying to eavesdrop on Winston's alter ego. 352 00:13:20,124 --> 00:13:21,162 Oh... 353 00:13:21,187 --> 00:13:22,920 - James. - Hmm? 354 00:13:22,945 --> 00:13:24,578 - You seem troubled. - No, I don't. 355 00:13:24,603 --> 00:13:26,979 You must be holding a lot of sadness 356 00:13:27,004 --> 00:13:28,420 in your legs. 357 00:13:28,445 --> 00:13:31,116 I have hands like a bonobo... strong. 358 00:13:31,934 --> 00:13:33,633 Oh, wow. 359 00:13:33,719 --> 00:13:34,843 There we go. 360 00:13:34,868 --> 00:13:36,155 - Ooh. Very good. - Aah! 361 00:13:36,180 --> 00:13:39,445 Ow! Now, no! I have a girlfriend. 362 00:13:39,470 --> 00:13:41,593 - Her name is Ally. - No. No. No. No. No. 363 00:13:41,618 --> 00:13:44,194 Wasn't your wife recently squished? 364 00:13:44,279 --> 00:13:46,265 Yeah. That-that happened. 365 00:13:46,290 --> 00:13:48,064 She was indeed... 366 00:13:48,150 --> 00:13:50,650 But then, we cremated her. 367 00:13:50,702 --> 00:13:51,868 And we, we, 368 00:13:51,954 --> 00:13:54,054 we had to dry her out first. 369 00:13:54,079 --> 00:13:56,624 Ugh. He's scrambling like a damn egg! 370 00:13:56,718 --> 00:13:59,636 - I got to get in there. - Wait, you got to see my gift! 371 00:13:59,661 --> 00:14:01,663 Who are you, James Wonder? 372 00:14:05,913 --> 00:14:10,437 I'm just a... a combination of my two favorite singers. 373 00:14:10,462 --> 00:14:12,679 I'm about to gift your brains to pieces. 374 00:14:12,704 --> 00:14:15,687 You got to real pull-the-rip-cord-while- still-in-the-plane kind of vibe, Nick. 375 00:14:15,712 --> 00:14:19,912 It's a little something from me... to you. 376 00:14:19,937 --> 00:14:23,187 - All right. - Or, more accurately, on me. 377 00:14:23,212 --> 00:14:25,151 Check it out. 378 00:14:25,187 --> 00:14:27,132 I got the best gift. 379 00:14:29,312 --> 00:14:30,560 It is your faces, 380 00:14:30,585 --> 00:14:31,691 but it's not your bodies. 381 00:14:31,743 --> 00:14:34,013 - I didn't have a full body shot so... - Wow! 382 00:14:34,038 --> 00:14:35,579 they picked the bodies. 383 00:14:35,664 --> 00:14:37,185 - Is that Pretty Woman? - This is from the movie 384 00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:38,974 Pretty Woman and it's on me forever. 385 00:14:40,984 --> 00:14:42,435 Say something. 386 00:14:44,039 --> 00:14:45,193 Say something. 387 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,216 It-it's cute, it's really cute. 388 00:14:47,241 --> 00:14:48,542 I really did it. 389 00:14:48,594 --> 00:14:50,343 Talk to me about how happy you are. 390 00:14:50,379 --> 00:14:51,630 It's on me forever. 391 00:14:51,655 --> 00:14:53,046 I know we're on you forever and ever, 392 00:14:53,071 --> 00:14:55,248 until you're buried in a non-Jewish cemetery. 393 00:14:55,273 --> 00:14:57,959 And now we-we owe you a... a thank you card. 394 00:14:57,993 --> 00:14:59,613 Just don't know where I'm gonna find the words to express 395 00:14:59,638 --> 00:15:02,188 all of the emotions that I'm feeling right now. 396 00:15:04,226 --> 00:15:08,155 I can't find anything about you online, James. 397 00:15:08,390 --> 00:15:09,726 Not even the darknet. 398 00:15:09,751 --> 00:15:11,565 Oh, I was gonna say, you checked the darknet, yeah? 399 00:15:11,617 --> 00:15:13,804 I'm usually on there, they usually got some stuff about me. 400 00:15:13,829 --> 00:15:15,133 Hey! 401 00:15:15,158 --> 00:15:18,273 Oh, thank God. Jess... ica Day. 402 00:15:18,298 --> 00:15:20,890 I can't believe you guys are all at my favorite restaurant. 403 00:15:20,915 --> 00:15:22,959 Hey, does anyone have a red landscaping truck? 404 00:15:23,045 --> 00:15:24,244 'Cause it's getting towed. 405 00:15:24,329 --> 00:15:26,329 Anyone? Red landscaping truck? 406 00:15:26,354 --> 00:15:27,719 No, mine's white. 407 00:15:27,752 --> 00:15:29,304 Well, it could be white. 408 00:15:30,168 --> 00:15:31,216 It's getting towed. 409 00:15:31,241 --> 00:15:33,803 I-I did take the red one today. 410 00:15:33,889 --> 00:15:35,055 Yeah, can't let that get towed. 411 00:15:35,090 --> 00:15:36,723 - My crew is napping in the back. - Yup. 412 00:15:37,843 --> 00:15:38,843 Well... 413 00:15:38,868 --> 00:15:40,060 Hey. 414 00:15:40,095 --> 00:15:43,346 - This is an unexpected treat. - Well, I'm happy to have ran into you 415 00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:45,468 because, um... 416 00:15:45,493 --> 00:15:48,280 I've been thinking, and... 417 00:15:48,804 --> 00:15:52,070 I'm canceling the demathlon. 418 00:15:53,325 --> 00:15:55,609 - Really? - Yeah. 419 00:15:57,079 --> 00:16:00,080 But I thought you loved the math decathlon? 420 00:16:00,115 --> 00:16:02,709 It's a holdover from my old public school days. 421 00:16:02,734 --> 00:16:04,976 It's unnecessarily competitive. 422 00:16:05,601 --> 00:16:07,568 Old habits die hard. 423 00:16:07,593 --> 00:16:08,601 That's true, you know, 424 00:16:08,626 --> 00:16:12,663 I still eat a ton of meat and I've been vegetarian for years. 425 00:16:12,688 --> 00:16:14,188 Like, a ton. 426 00:16:14,513 --> 00:16:15,741 A ton of meat. 427 00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:17,849 I mean, I didn't realize you were so amenable. 428 00:16:17,874 --> 00:16:19,405 Hey, actually, 429 00:16:19,551 --> 00:16:21,935 Samanthia loves puppets. 430 00:16:21,970 --> 00:16:23,447 What would you say if I asked you 431 00:16:23,472 --> 00:16:25,462 to introduce ventriloquism into the curriculum? 432 00:16:25,487 --> 00:16:27,453 And do less math? 433 00:16:28,810 --> 00:16:30,632 I'd say... 434 00:16:32,788 --> 00:16:34,317 You got it! 435 00:16:35,450 --> 00:16:36,453 Great. 436 00:16:39,134 --> 00:16:40,962 "Sincerely"? 437 00:16:41,407 --> 00:16:43,281 "Sincerely"? 438 00:16:43,883 --> 00:16:46,016 "Dear Nick, thanks for the tattoo. 439 00:16:46,041 --> 00:16:47,837 "Sincerely, S and Cece." 440 00:16:47,862 --> 00:16:48,937 You guys hate my gift? 441 00:16:48,962 --> 00:16:51,070 No, we don't hate it, we love it, I see it every time I blink. 442 00:16:51,122 --> 00:16:52,142 You guys want to see it? 443 00:16:52,167 --> 00:16:54,056 - It's okay. - Ah, I'll show it anyhow. 444 00:16:54,825 --> 00:16:56,585 Check it out. There's an ingrown hair 445 00:16:56,610 --> 00:16:59,079 that gives Cece a bit of a Rudolph nose. 446 00:16:59,104 --> 00:17:01,663 And when I flex my feet it makes you guys fatter. Look. 447 00:17:01,749 --> 00:17:03,882 Fat, look how fat your face looks, Schmidt. 448 00:17:03,918 --> 00:17:05,751 You have the fattest face in the world. 449 00:17:05,776 --> 00:17:07,920 All right, stop it! Stop the horror! 450 00:17:07,945 --> 00:17:08,901 We hate the gift. 451 00:17:08,926 --> 00:17:10,305 - It's disgusting. - It is disgusting. 452 00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:11,400 You've ruined your leg. 453 00:17:11,425 --> 00:17:13,337 It is like you stole our souls. 454 00:17:13,362 --> 00:17:15,765 You depicted my wife as a common street whore. 455 00:17:15,790 --> 00:17:17,040 Fine, you don't want it? 456 00:17:17,065 --> 00:17:18,940 You can't have it. 457 00:17:19,198 --> 00:17:21,823 I'll get it removed and we can go about our lives again in a week. 458 00:17:21,848 --> 00:17:23,602 You know it costs, like, two grand 459 00:17:23,654 --> 00:17:25,737 and takes a year or something, right? 460 00:17:26,041 --> 00:17:30,359 Well, I did not know that. 461 00:17:30,444 --> 00:17:31,610 Okay? 462 00:17:31,695 --> 00:17:33,529 I didn't know that. 463 00:17:33,614 --> 00:17:35,915 Well, that really sucks for me. 464 00:17:35,940 --> 00:17:37,776 But fine, then that's your present. 465 00:17:37,801 --> 00:17:39,395 That's not a present. Look Nick, 466 00:17:39,420 --> 00:17:41,681 I appreciate you trying to do something meaningful for us, 467 00:17:41,706 --> 00:17:43,159 but just give us the blender you bought. 468 00:17:43,184 --> 00:17:45,032 Well, the jokes on you, I burnt out the motor 469 00:17:45,057 --> 00:17:46,424 making a bubble gum smoothie. 470 00:17:46,449 --> 00:17:47,596 You're back on the registry then. 471 00:17:47,621 --> 00:17:49,627 I won't do it! It's a list made by robots. 472 00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:51,627 Idiot! Trying to get me something meaningful! 473 00:17:51,659 --> 00:17:54,209 The only thing meaningful to me is the blender! 474 00:17:54,245 --> 00:17:56,831 Remember to bring your pets to school next week 475 00:17:56,856 --> 00:17:58,868 for human zoo day. 476 00:17:58,893 --> 00:18:00,017 Yeah. 477 00:18:00,042 --> 00:18:01,737 Oh, and I'd also like to let everyone know 478 00:18:01,762 --> 00:18:05,504 that we are switching back from this soap to this soap, okay? 479 00:18:05,589 --> 00:18:06,672 So just be aware. 480 00:18:06,757 --> 00:18:07,792 Next, 481 00:18:07,817 --> 00:18:10,924 I would like to offer my personal endorsement 482 00:18:10,949 --> 00:18:14,083 of Jessica Day as our next principal. 483 00:18:19,151 --> 00:18:22,154 All right, well, first, I'd love to open up the floor to questions. Anybody? 484 00:18:22,179 --> 00:18:23,471 Oh, wow, okay. 485 00:18:23,496 --> 00:18:25,823 Can you get rid of the white lines in the parking lot? 486 00:18:25,848 --> 00:18:27,722 - They're very restrictive. - I think they're for... 487 00:18:27,747 --> 00:18:30,620 Shouldn't we designate the green space for European-style football? 488 00:18:30,645 --> 00:18:31,971 And for Tofu Tuesday, 489 00:18:32,032 --> 00:18:34,081 can we get a more balanced juice pairing? 490 00:18:34,106 --> 00:18:36,262 Didn't think I'd ever see you again. 491 00:18:36,287 --> 00:18:38,306 I came to say goodbye. 492 00:18:38,331 --> 00:18:40,799 Asher and I are moving to Colorado. 493 00:18:40,824 --> 00:18:42,885 - Is that where Ally lives? - No. 494 00:18:42,910 --> 00:18:46,295 The city of Denver wants me to landscape an entire mountain. 495 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:48,260 - It's a whole thing. - How about once a week 496 00:18:48,285 --> 00:18:50,618 in the dining hall we serve sushi omakase? 497 00:18:50,650 --> 00:18:51,831 - Oh, oh, okay. - Guys, uh, 498 00:18:51,886 --> 00:18:54,065 plenty of time to run our suggestions by her. 499 00:18:54,090 --> 00:18:57,139 But I assure you she will be very amenable. 500 00:18:57,191 --> 00:19:00,081 She is a principal for the parents. 501 00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:01,605 Hmm? 502 00:19:04,732 --> 00:19:07,917 Uh, actually, um, no. 503 00:19:07,942 --> 00:19:09,979 I-I have to be honest here. 504 00:19:10,004 --> 00:19:11,518 I... 505 00:19:12,156 --> 00:19:13,596 That's not who I am. 506 00:19:13,621 --> 00:19:16,135 I'm not gonna be a principal for the parents. 507 00:19:18,799 --> 00:19:21,190 I'm gonna be a principal for the kids. 508 00:19:21,215 --> 00:19:23,565 Look, you all love your kids 509 00:19:23,590 --> 00:19:26,026 and they're yours to raise, 510 00:19:26,190 --> 00:19:29,319 but I'm an educator and I know how to educate. 511 00:19:29,344 --> 00:19:31,640 Colby, your son Vince had the handwriting 512 00:19:31,675 --> 00:19:33,675 - of a Hungarian doctor. - Mm-hmm. 513 00:19:33,700 --> 00:19:35,399 And that's why I encouraged him 514 00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:38,180 to sign up for calligraphy comics after school. 515 00:19:38,232 --> 00:19:40,120 He didn't want to do it, but look at him now. 516 00:19:40,145 --> 00:19:42,471 I can finally read the captions for his disturbing images. 517 00:19:42,519 --> 00:19:44,649 And Molly, do you remember how terrified 518 00:19:44,674 --> 00:19:47,213 Beatrice was of public speaking in the second grade? 519 00:19:47,238 --> 00:19:49,393 That's why I bumped her up to fourth grade debate team. 520 00:19:49,418 --> 00:19:51,713 Yeah, she made a toast at my brother's wedding. 521 00:19:51,738 --> 00:19:54,760 I mean, besides one racist joke, she killed. 522 00:19:54,785 --> 00:19:57,282 Ed, when I met Samanthia, 523 00:19:57,307 --> 00:19:59,260 math was her least favorite subject. 524 00:19:59,285 --> 00:20:01,837 Now she's doing fractions and loving it. 525 00:20:01,862 --> 00:20:04,206 And yeah, she's didn't win a demathlon medal 526 00:20:04,231 --> 00:20:05,713 and I know that stung, 527 00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:07,659 but it made her want to get better. 528 00:20:07,684 --> 00:20:09,799 And isn't that what school is for? 529 00:20:09,824 --> 00:20:11,923 Look, I think challenging your children 530 00:20:11,948 --> 00:20:14,026 prepares them for the real world. 531 00:20:14,051 --> 00:20:18,220 And if given the chance, I think I can help your kids 532 00:20:18,272 --> 00:20:21,229 and this school reach its full potential. 533 00:20:21,559 --> 00:20:24,995 And if that's not what you want, and I'm not the right fit, 534 00:20:25,362 --> 00:20:27,549 then I can live with that. 535 00:20:44,250 --> 00:20:46,642 Genevieve, I got you something. 536 00:20:46,667 --> 00:20:48,936 Something to remember me by. 537 00:20:50,989 --> 00:20:52,822 Oh. 538 00:21:01,941 --> 00:21:03,640 Shouldn't this be in a pot? 539 00:21:03,665 --> 00:21:05,405 Oh, Genevieve. 540 00:21:05,441 --> 00:21:07,178 You don't know anything. 541 00:21:09,658 --> 00:21:11,992 I'm so glad I'm doing this. 542 00:21:12,017 --> 00:21:14,008 You know, it was weird this morning in the shower... 543 00:21:14,033 --> 00:21:15,819 just me and tattoo you. 544 00:21:15,844 --> 00:21:17,946 I was the only one who was naked 545 00:21:18,165 --> 00:21:20,436 You know, we could loan you the money to remove it. 546 00:21:20,499 --> 00:21:22,967 I don't like debts. 547 00:21:22,992 --> 00:21:24,259 All finished, guys. 548 00:21:24,335 --> 00:21:25,561 Glad we all talked ourselves 549 00:21:25,586 --> 00:21:26,874 into thinking that this somehow 550 00:21:26,890 --> 00:21:28,164 makes the nightmare better. 551 00:21:28,189 --> 00:21:29,242 Nick, I just want to say... 552 00:21:29,267 --> 00:21:31,734 - I really think... - I'm not getting a damn cat on my leg. 553 00:21:31,766 --> 00:21:32,766 Drop it.