1 00:00:00,445 --> 00:00:02,882 Who is ready to strip? 2 00:00:03,586 --> 00:00:06,653 You see you mean strip wallpaper at your new house, 3 00:00:06,689 --> 00:00:09,099 but me, myself, I always err on the side of sexy. 4 00:00:09,124 --> 00:00:11,058 Okay. 5 00:00:11,127 --> 00:00:12,422 You were up there a long time, man. 6 00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:14,429 Yeah, I was running out of imaginary dollar bills. 7 00:00:14,462 --> 00:00:17,072 Right, so we are off to buy drinking water. 8 00:00:17,099 --> 00:00:20,234 Yes, the water at Jaipur Aviv tastes like it's been fracked. 9 00:00:20,302 --> 00:00:22,587 - See you guys there. - Jaipur Aviv? 10 00:00:22,612 --> 00:00:24,730 Yeah, Schmidt named their house Jaipur Aviv 11 00:00:24,801 --> 00:00:27,967 to celebrate the union of India and Israel that their marriage represents. 12 00:00:28,037 --> 00:00:31,338 So this is the future, the three of us. 13 00:00:31,374 --> 00:00:32,641 - Do we need a name? - The winners. 14 00:00:32,665 --> 00:00:34,593 - Winston and the Cuties. - Eh, I don't think we need a name. 15 00:00:34,617 --> 00:00:36,663 But we do need a fourth roommate, because I think... 16 00:00:36,688 --> 00:00:40,165 Oh, my God! This loft is enormous. 17 00:00:40,190 --> 00:00:42,394 Thank you, Winston. I was going there, but it was gonna be a long walk. 18 00:00:42,418 --> 00:00:45,252 This place is way too big for three people. 19 00:00:45,321 --> 00:00:47,499 What about your dream of having an in-loft multipurpose room? 20 00:00:47,523 --> 00:00:49,326 Multipurpose rooms can't pay rent. 21 00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:51,870 - That's the only purpose they don't serve. - So let's get a roommate. 22 00:00:51,894 --> 00:00:53,739 Well, Cece and Schmidt'll be here another six months, 23 00:00:53,763 --> 00:00:55,701 so we have time to find someone we like. 24 00:00:55,726 --> 00:00:57,765 Someone... who's a girl. 25 00:00:57,991 --> 00:01:00,413 - A girl, hmm. - Winston, thoughts? 26 00:01:00,476 --> 00:01:01,836 Hmm? I'm in. 27 00:01:01,904 --> 00:01:05,039 I'm sorry. I was just distracted by how big this loft is. 28 00:01:05,074 --> 00:01:07,874 - First time you ever thought about it? - I'm gonna go look for echoes. 29 00:01:09,613 --> 00:01:10,931 Hello. 30 00:01:10,956 --> 00:01:12,620 - Hello. - Oh, my God! 31 00:01:12,902 --> 00:01:15,074 - You guys hearing this? - You guys hearing this? 32 00:01:15,099 --> 00:01:17,118 - Ha! Oh, my God! - Stop. He'll go all day. 33 00:01:18,491 --> 00:01:20,842 Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com 34 00:01:22,291 --> 00:01:23,757 Hello, wall. 35 00:01:23,826 --> 00:01:25,793 Prepare to be naked. 36 00:01:28,264 --> 00:01:30,731 - Hey. - Oh, hey. 37 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:31,944 What do you think about Reagan? 38 00:01:31,968 --> 00:01:34,068 Well, she's great. A-plus posture. 39 00:01:34,136 --> 00:01:35,903 I mean she's moving to L.A. next month. 40 00:01:35,972 --> 00:01:38,253 What do you think about Reagan as our roommate? 41 00:01:38,886 --> 00:01:41,010 'Cause she would live in my room, but she'd still pay rent. 42 00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:42,614 And then you could have that multipurpose room 43 00:01:42,638 --> 00:01:44,349 where you could shower and cook. 44 00:01:44,488 --> 00:01:48,347 Well, I'd still use the bathroom and the kitchen for showering and cooking, 45 00:01:48,372 --> 00:01:50,849 but I would use the multipurpose room for everything else, 46 00:01:50,874 --> 00:01:52,678 and I'd be living across the hall 47 00:01:52,702 --> 00:01:55,156 from my ex and his new girlfriend. 48 00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:57,819 Not sure why I said those two in the same tone. 49 00:01:57,859 --> 00:01:59,054 You know what, forget it actually. 50 00:01:59,078 --> 00:02:00,452 - I-I... That's on me. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 51 00:02:00,476 --> 00:02:01,821 I didn't think of the ex-girlfriend thing. 52 00:02:01,845 --> 00:02:03,945 - Forget it. - She's a girl who we like, 53 00:02:03,970 --> 00:02:05,551 - and she's lived there before. - I know. 54 00:02:05,575 --> 00:02:06,797 And then that gets us out of the whole 55 00:02:06,821 --> 00:02:08,485 "Here's what you need to know about Winston" conversation. 56 00:02:08,509 --> 00:02:10,345 - That's always a long weekend. - I know. 57 00:02:10,414 --> 00:02:12,814 She would overlap with Schmidt and Cece. 58 00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:15,550 And six people is a violation of the loft agreement. 59 00:02:15,619 --> 00:02:18,720 But loft agreements are reached to be amended. 60 00:02:18,789 --> 00:02:21,089 - So you're really okay with this? - Yes. 61 00:02:21,158 --> 00:02:23,512 I mean, that's how a normal person would say yes. 62 00:02:23,537 --> 00:02:25,760 I need the trademark Jessica Day yes. 63 00:02:25,796 --> 00:02:27,582 - Yes! - Okay, that's a little bit too much. 64 00:02:27,607 --> 00:02:29,052 I think it's got to be somewhere in the middle. 65 00:02:29,076 --> 00:02:30,083 Ye-yes. 66 00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:32,184 Great. 67 00:02:32,209 --> 00:02:33,778 Yeah. 68 00:02:34,638 --> 00:02:38,349 You know, there is something so familiar about this room. 69 00:02:38,374 --> 00:02:41,075 I don't know. It's like I've been here before. 70 00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:45,097 Wow... 71 00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:48,340 Babe, I know you were planning on doing all of the heavy lifting 72 00:02:48,365 --> 00:02:50,467 - when it comes to decorating... - Interior design. 73 00:02:50,492 --> 00:02:52,803 Cece, this is a home. It's not a Christmas cookie. 74 00:02:52,835 --> 00:02:54,014 So you've said. 75 00:02:54,039 --> 00:02:57,295 But this is our first joint venture, and I really want to help. 76 00:02:57,320 --> 00:03:00,295 The only thing better than realizing my interior design vision 77 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:03,103 will be realizing our interior design vision. 78 00:03:03,128 --> 00:03:06,103 Great. Okay, so this is what I'm seeing... 79 00:03:06,150 --> 00:03:10,185 A boar's head over the fireplace with a decorative pedestal backing. 80 00:03:10,254 --> 00:03:11,713 Or... 81 00:03:11,745 --> 00:03:15,423 - How did I know that? - this color for our bathroom. 82 00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:17,385 - What do you think? - I love it. 83 00:03:17,410 --> 00:03:20,695 You do? Because I know that our tastes haven't always jived. 84 00:03:23,867 --> 00:03:28,003 You think that we're greeting people in our home to "La Cucaracha"! 85 00:03:28,071 --> 00:03:31,069 This is the paint swatch choice of a serious interior designer. 86 00:03:31,094 --> 00:03:33,265 You should save that for when we renew our vows. 87 00:03:33,615 --> 00:03:34,948 I love you. 88 00:03:36,246 --> 00:03:38,246 Bathroom's going to look great. 89 00:03:38,998 --> 00:03:41,883 - Huh, that's a pretty color. - Ooh-ee, yes, it is. 90 00:03:41,919 --> 00:03:43,919 For a third world doctor's office. 91 00:03:43,987 --> 00:03:45,687 I love this. What is this, yellow? 92 00:03:45,756 --> 00:03:49,224 Nick is calling a loft meeting. 93 00:03:49,249 --> 00:03:52,727 I call to order this off-site loft meeting. 94 00:03:52,796 --> 00:03:54,293 Nick, you have the floor. 95 00:03:54,410 --> 00:03:57,533 I propose Reagan move into the loft. 96 00:03:57,697 --> 00:04:00,835 She is a... likable girl who is not Coach. 97 00:04:02,947 --> 00:04:04,112 Thank you very much for your time. 98 00:04:04,136 --> 00:04:08,033 As cosponsor of this bill, it has my full and unconditional support. 99 00:04:08,812 --> 00:04:11,012 Full and unconditional support. 100 00:04:11,463 --> 00:04:13,149 Today, we will vote to amend the... 101 00:04:13,174 --> 00:04:16,479 No More Than Five Damn People May Live in This Loft at Any One Time Act. 102 00:04:16,504 --> 00:04:17,517 Formerly the... 103 00:04:17,542 --> 00:04:20,889 No More Than Four Damn People May Live in This Loft at Any One Time Act. 104 00:04:20,958 --> 00:04:23,415 We will be voting as is our custom by secret ballot. 105 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:25,327 The vote must be unanimous. 106 00:04:25,395 --> 00:04:28,330 - What'd you write? - Shh. 107 00:04:30,833 --> 00:04:32,192 Okay. 108 00:04:32,703 --> 00:04:35,370 - Three yays, two nays? - What? 109 00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:36,538 What the hell?! 110 00:04:36,607 --> 00:04:38,240 Even after my speech? 111 00:04:44,248 --> 00:04:47,148 I really thought this was gonna cheer me up. 112 00:04:47,202 --> 00:04:48,327 Nick. 113 00:04:48,852 --> 00:04:50,919 - I swear I voted yay. - I know. 114 00:04:50,988 --> 00:04:53,955 And it means a lot to me, because I really want her to move in. 115 00:04:53,991 --> 00:04:56,224 But I don't have the votes. What can you do? 116 00:04:56,260 --> 00:04:58,426 You're only short two votes. 117 00:04:58,495 --> 00:05:00,308 - I can get you two votes. - You can do that? 118 00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:02,897 - Can a shark ruin a family vacation? - No. 119 00:05:02,933 --> 00:05:04,666 I mean if it bites someone. 120 00:05:06,049 --> 00:05:07,440 - Maybe, then yeah. - Maybe? 121 00:05:07,465 --> 00:05:08,754 It depends on the vacation, but yeah. 122 00:05:08,778 --> 00:05:10,135 Can a puppy make a baby smile? 123 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:11,618 I mean, there's a lot of factors. 124 00:05:11,642 --> 00:05:13,241 - Just... - Depends on... 125 00:05:13,692 --> 00:05:15,946 Thanks for helping is what I meant to say. 126 00:05:16,828 --> 00:05:19,930 So the two votes against Reagan moving in must be Schmidt and Winston. 127 00:05:20,543 --> 00:05:22,240 Thank God you had these magnets. 128 00:05:22,528 --> 00:05:24,850 Yeah, well they're a backup housewarming gift for Schmidt and Cece 129 00:05:24,874 --> 00:05:27,331 in case my quilt guy screws me again. 130 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:30,301 Thank God you found this mysteriously sticky wall. 131 00:05:30,336 --> 00:05:32,536 Let's go get Schmidt and Winston and change their votes. 132 00:05:32,572 --> 00:05:34,541 - I can't believe those two. - You stay here and wait. 133 00:05:34,565 --> 00:05:36,584 I can't. I'm going too crazy. I'm coming with you. 134 00:05:36,609 --> 00:05:39,844 Nick, you're way too invested. Plus, it's tacky to whip your own votes. 135 00:05:39,879 --> 00:05:42,179 We both know that never works with these guys. 136 00:05:42,653 --> 00:05:45,549 Schmidt, Winston... prepare to be buttonholed. 137 00:05:45,618 --> 00:05:47,151 Did you just say "buttonholed"? 138 00:05:47,186 --> 00:05:50,221 I mean whatever you got to do, Jess, but gross. 139 00:05:50,289 --> 00:05:53,057 It's only one room, one flaw. 140 00:05:53,126 --> 00:05:56,927 Every beautiful thing has one flaw. Marilyn Monroe has her beauty mark. 141 00:05:57,370 --> 00:06:00,064 - "Thriller" has its Vincent Price poem. - Babe. 142 00:06:02,092 --> 00:06:03,847 Do you like this ceiling fan? 143 00:06:03,872 --> 00:06:05,364 Wicker... wicker blades! 144 00:06:05,389 --> 00:06:07,271 They are made from reclaimed hampers. 145 00:06:07,340 --> 00:06:09,287 It's like a dirty laundry propeller above our bed. 146 00:06:09,311 --> 00:06:10,919 - Yes. - Okay! 147 00:06:11,154 --> 00:06:13,621 I love that we're on the same page. 148 00:06:13,646 --> 00:06:15,012 That's right. 149 00:06:16,082 --> 00:06:18,449 Two flaws. Okay. Two flaws. 150 00:06:18,518 --> 00:06:21,754 No beautiful thing has two flaws, only ugly things. It's spreading. 151 00:06:22,889 --> 00:06:24,731 Thank you, Winston. Now I feel validated. 152 00:06:24,756 --> 00:06:28,006 No, no, no, no. I just figured out why I know this house. 153 00:06:28,031 --> 00:06:29,953 You see, it's in my favorite... 154 00:06:33,094 --> 00:06:34,656 school district. 155 00:06:34,681 --> 00:06:36,422 - That's nice. - Yeah. 156 00:06:37,829 --> 00:06:39,236 Hey, Nick. 157 00:06:39,305 --> 00:06:41,250 - Sorry about the vote. - I don't want to talk about it. 158 00:06:41,274 --> 00:06:42,718 Cool. I need your help with a situation. 159 00:06:42,742 --> 00:06:46,225 There is no situation you could possibly describe compelling enough 160 00:06:46,295 --> 00:06:48,748 - to get me to want to help you. - Schmidt and Cece's house 161 00:06:48,773 --> 00:06:52,783 was the location for the 1971 pornographic film, Daddy's Longleg. 162 00:06:52,852 --> 00:06:55,978 Okay, maybe there's one situation. I'm 100% in. 163 00:06:56,789 --> 00:06:58,422 - That piece is exquisite. - Oh! 164 00:06:58,465 --> 00:07:00,664 May I see it from another angle? 165 00:07:00,689 --> 00:07:02,344 He was my best friend... 166 00:07:02,369 --> 00:07:04,243 - until he became my enemy. - The boar goes up, 167 00:07:04,267 --> 00:07:07,017 and the robe comes... down. That's porn. 168 00:07:07,042 --> 00:07:09,578 - You got this on a heavy rotation. - Super heavy rotation. 169 00:07:09,602 --> 00:07:11,596 Please don't dance while we're watching porn videos together. 170 00:07:11,620 --> 00:07:14,806 Oh, sorry about that. But I mean this is Schmidt and Cece's fireplace, right? 171 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:16,340 It looks like it, doesn't it? 172 00:07:16,711 --> 00:07:18,116 But if it is... 173 00:07:18,147 --> 00:07:20,039 - he can never know. - Oh, come on... Nick. 174 00:07:20,063 --> 00:07:21,663 You know that. He can never know. 175 00:07:21,688 --> 00:07:23,813 Yes, but we're already keeping five secrets from him. 176 00:07:23,838 --> 00:07:26,017 - The secret vault is full. - That's not true. We only have four. 177 00:07:26,041 --> 00:07:27,721 - We have a slot open. - You always forget. 178 00:07:27,753 --> 00:07:30,022 - Lost umbrella. - I forgot about lost umbrella. 179 00:07:30,047 --> 00:07:32,156 - Mm. - I always forget about lost umbrella. 180 00:07:32,191 --> 00:07:33,335 That's why it was lost. 181 00:07:33,359 --> 00:07:35,626 So we're at maximum capacity. So what do we do? 182 00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:37,956 Okay, so pornographic house has to go into the vault. 183 00:07:37,981 --> 00:07:40,431 - Agreed. - So what do we declassify? 184 00:07:40,499 --> 00:07:43,267 - Jalapeño 19? - Jalapeño 19? No way. 185 00:07:43,336 --> 00:07:45,212 Uh... Duck, Duck, Gavin? 186 00:07:45,237 --> 00:07:46,525 Oh, Duck, Duck, Gavin has to stay a secret. 187 00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:48,317 I would love to keep Upper Deck Timeshare 188 00:07:48,341 --> 00:07:50,574 between us and the guy we paid off. 189 00:07:50,643 --> 00:07:53,149 There are no good options. Are you sure this is the house? 190 00:07:53,174 --> 00:07:55,035 I think so, but maybe not. 191 00:07:55,060 --> 00:07:57,427 Okay, so here's what we're gonna do. I'm going to watch with fresh eyes 192 00:07:57,451 --> 00:07:59,088 and I'm gonna see what my gut tells me, 193 00:07:59,119 --> 00:08:00,155 - okay? - Yeah. 194 00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:01,875 You go around the house, you take photos... 195 00:08:01,900 --> 00:08:03,483 - for comparison. - Mm-hmm. Yes. 196 00:08:03,508 --> 00:08:05,391 We'll look at all the pics, we'll come back here later, 197 00:08:05,415 --> 00:08:07,336 - Mm-hmm. - We'll make a, you know, a final call. 198 00:08:07,383 --> 00:08:08,459 Boom. 199 00:08:08,494 --> 00:08:10,150 - I need the phone for pictures. - I need it to watch the porn. 200 00:08:10,174 --> 00:08:11,690 - Use your phone. - It already started buffering. 201 00:08:11,714 --> 00:08:12,993 - It's two minutes in. - It's buffering. 202 00:08:13,017 --> 00:08:14,844 Take mine... and take pictures with that. 203 00:08:14,875 --> 00:08:16,267 Makes sense. It's very smart, 204 00:08:16,292 --> 00:08:19,307 and that is why we are The Keepers of the Five Secrets. 205 00:08:19,376 --> 00:08:20,504 Keepers of the Five Secrets. 206 00:08:26,479 --> 00:08:28,312 - Shh. - Don't say a word. 207 00:08:32,629 --> 00:08:33,680 Gah! 208 00:08:33,705 --> 00:08:36,494 Secret ballots are never really secret. You know that, right? 209 00:08:36,519 --> 00:08:38,022 Okay fine. You got me. 210 00:08:38,150 --> 00:08:39,323 I voted nay. 211 00:08:39,392 --> 00:08:41,358 It would just be six people for too long. 212 00:08:41,427 --> 00:08:44,361 We would continue to be a married couple living with three roommates. 213 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:49,461 You want to make it four, increasing our humiliation by 33%. 214 00:08:49,593 --> 00:08:52,849 Mr. Miller has no interest in seeing you humiliated. 215 00:08:52,874 --> 00:08:56,780 And as such, I've been empowered to offer you the following. 216 00:08:57,265 --> 00:08:58,342 I'm listening. 217 00:08:58,418 --> 00:09:00,034 As a symbolic gesture, 218 00:09:00,059 --> 00:09:03,673 Reagan cannot list the loft as her official residence. 219 00:09:03,698 --> 00:09:05,649 - Where will her mail go? - A P.O. Box. 220 00:09:05,718 --> 00:09:07,158 Oh, yeah. All right, keep going. 221 00:09:07,183 --> 00:09:10,254 When asked where you live, you and Reagan will say the following. 222 00:09:10,289 --> 00:09:13,462 "Geez, beats us. We're just dumb kids living paycheck to paycheck. 223 00:09:13,487 --> 00:09:16,660 "Thank gosh for our upwardly mobile friends Schmidt and Cece, 224 00:09:16,696 --> 00:09:18,574 "and the three guest rooms in their loft. 225 00:09:18,599 --> 00:09:20,942 "We're crashing with them until we get our lives together 226 00:09:20,966 --> 00:09:22,824 "and we remain there at their pleasure." 227 00:09:22,849 --> 00:09:24,013 Do I have to memorize all that? 228 00:09:24,037 --> 00:09:25,936 No, you can just read it from the toilet paper. 229 00:09:25,971 --> 00:09:28,003 And finally... 230 00:09:30,071 --> 00:09:32,876 you will allow Schmidt to buy you one pair of jeans. 231 00:09:32,945 --> 00:09:34,378 Oh, he's serious. 232 00:09:40,686 --> 00:09:42,219 Hey, Jess. 233 00:09:42,914 --> 00:09:44,654 Did Schmidt tell you I was gonna be in here? 234 00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:47,078 - No. - Then how come you didn't get scared? 235 00:09:47,103 --> 00:09:49,287 Before I enter any bathroom, 236 00:09:49,312 --> 00:09:53,530 I take a moment to myself and say, "No matter what happens in there, 237 00:09:53,885 --> 00:09:56,127 "don't get scared." 238 00:09:56,510 --> 00:09:59,767 And it works, you know, except for that one time when I was at the Cubs... 239 00:10:01,470 --> 00:10:03,807 Okay Jess, don't move. 240 00:10:03,876 --> 00:10:05,070 - What's happening? - Don't worry about it. 241 00:10:05,094 --> 00:10:06,225 Hey, do me a favor. 242 00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,212 Put an arch in your back, just... 243 00:10:08,998 --> 00:10:10,028 Got it. Okay. 244 00:10:10,053 --> 00:10:11,415 Let's take one together. 245 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:13,102 - Oh, like a prom picture. - Yeah, kind of. 246 00:10:13,126 --> 00:10:14,792 Here we... 247 00:10:14,820 --> 00:10:16,620 Got it. 248 00:10:17,006 --> 00:10:19,748 I actually might need to retake that. I think my eyes were closed. 249 00:10:19,773 --> 00:10:23,764 But first, let me see if any of this pork makes your tummy rumble. 250 00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:25,420 Winston would like you and Reagan 251 00:10:25,445 --> 00:10:28,839 to spend a mutually agreed upon amount of time as a couple with Ferguson. 252 00:10:28,901 --> 00:10:30,167 We're talking about the cat? 253 00:10:30,202 --> 00:10:33,161 The only couples that Ferguson knows are interracial. 254 00:10:33,186 --> 00:10:35,154 And while Winston views this as progress, 255 00:10:35,179 --> 00:10:38,397 he knows that it's not an accurate portrayal of... the world. 256 00:10:38,422 --> 00:10:40,148 You even think that cat knows Winston exists? 257 00:10:40,172 --> 00:10:42,346 Definitely not. Next, Winston would like to be 258 00:10:42,415 --> 00:10:45,231 the first person to see you in your new jeans. 259 00:10:45,264 --> 00:10:46,802 And he will see you under these circumstances, 260 00:10:46,826 --> 00:10:48,452 and these circumstances only: 261 00:10:48,521 --> 00:10:51,088 descending a grand spiral staircase, 262 00:10:51,157 --> 00:10:53,157 as Winston waits at the bottom, 263 00:10:53,225 --> 00:10:55,626 weeping with pride, holding your new belt. 264 00:10:55,694 --> 00:10:57,928 He wants me to go upstairs without a belt. 265 00:10:57,997 --> 00:10:59,924 Some... We rent a really nice mansion. 266 00:10:59,949 --> 00:11:01,596 Hey, you could do it, like, a museum... 267 00:11:01,621 --> 00:11:04,302 I'm not going to a public place and doing this with him. 268 00:11:04,336 --> 00:11:05,869 Do you want the yays or not? 269 00:11:06,430 --> 00:11:07,996 I need the yays. 270 00:11:08,674 --> 00:11:10,707 The motion on the floor is the same, 271 00:11:10,776 --> 00:11:13,177 with some riders, most notably... 272 00:11:13,378 --> 00:11:15,612 the Furguson Bishop, White Immersion Program. 273 00:11:19,444 --> 00:11:22,719 Um, four yays, one nay? 274 00:11:22,788 --> 00:11:24,709 - Who's this nay? - I asked you what you wanted. 275 00:11:24,734 --> 00:11:26,523 And I voted yay. 276 00:11:26,664 --> 00:11:27,758 That was about the vote? 277 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:30,000 I thought y'all just wanted to get to know me better. 278 00:11:30,062 --> 00:11:31,267 I was already a yay. 279 00:11:31,292 --> 00:11:33,664 Well, that's everybody. Who's left? 280 00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:38,188 Parikh, prepare to be buttonholed. 281 00:11:39,395 --> 00:11:41,128 I'm sorry I took your yay for granted. 282 00:11:41,153 --> 00:11:42,641 Let me wet your beak a little bit... 283 00:11:42,673 --> 00:11:44,582 you want sink time, you want fridge space, 284 00:11:44,607 --> 00:11:47,723 you want Schmidt and Winston to let you in on this whole jeans thing? 285 00:11:47,966 --> 00:11:49,745 No, I don't want anything, okay. 286 00:11:49,770 --> 00:11:52,127 I voted nay because I'm trying to protect you. 287 00:11:52,196 --> 00:11:54,970 - From who? - From you, you lunatic. 288 00:11:54,995 --> 00:11:57,477 You were being a good friend to Nick by letting Reagan move in, 289 00:11:57,502 --> 00:12:00,368 but I wouldn't be a good friend to you if I just let that happen. 290 00:12:00,437 --> 00:12:03,818 If Nick wants Reagan to move in, then I want Reagan to move in. 291 00:12:03,843 --> 00:12:06,485 I mean, I don't want her to move in, but I... I support it. 292 00:12:06,510 --> 00:12:09,256 You can support something without being the poster child for it, okay, 293 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:11,553 so just maybe take a step back. 294 00:12:11,578 --> 00:12:14,890 I can't do that because my love for Nick exists, so it has to come out somewhere. 295 00:12:14,914 --> 00:12:16,714 If you put water in Bugs Bunny's hole, 296 00:12:16,783 --> 00:12:19,250 it's gonna shoot out some other hole 297 00:12:19,285 --> 00:12:21,352 where Elmer Fudd least expects it. 298 00:12:21,421 --> 00:12:23,654 Is this other hole friendship? 299 00:12:23,723 --> 00:12:28,026 Exactly. So I can't express my feelings for Nick through my romance hole, 300 00:12:28,061 --> 00:12:31,429 so I need to express them through my friendship hole. 301 00:12:31,498 --> 00:12:34,532 And I really regret hitching my wagon to "hole." 302 00:12:34,567 --> 00:12:36,991 But you... you get it, okay? 303 00:12:37,272 --> 00:12:40,215 I want you to know I'm gonna be fine, okay? 304 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:43,174 - You promise? - I promise. 305 00:12:43,243 --> 00:12:46,144 Okay, all right, I'll vote yay. 306 00:12:46,375 --> 00:12:51,049 If Nick and Reagan aren't physical outside of their room. 307 00:12:51,351 --> 00:12:53,963 I'm sorry, but I have to protect you a little, okay, so just deal with it. 308 00:12:53,987 --> 00:12:56,921 That's a really great rider, Cece. 309 00:12:56,990 --> 00:13:01,097 You see, I think this is the tub where Daddy bathes the Soviet dissident. 310 00:13:01,122 --> 00:13:05,029 And this has to be the window seat where he spanks the Aztec twins. 311 00:13:05,445 --> 00:13:09,300 Hey, side note, thank you for voting yay on the Reagan vote. 312 00:13:09,369 --> 00:13:11,580 I really want her to move in. I think I'm ready for this. 313 00:13:11,604 --> 00:13:14,372 She will, and you are very much so ready. 314 00:13:15,675 --> 00:13:17,375 Yeah. Yeah. 315 00:13:17,944 --> 00:13:21,746 So many close-ups. It's so frustrating. I mean, for our purposes of today. 316 00:13:21,815 --> 00:13:23,692 You know, mostly when they cut to wide I'm thinking 317 00:13:23,716 --> 00:13:24,994 why the hell are you showing me the room? 318 00:13:25,018 --> 00:13:27,530 But now I want to see the room. I don't want to see the close-ups. 319 00:13:27,554 --> 00:13:29,253 Well, there's only one thing left. 320 00:13:30,323 --> 00:13:32,490 Search the locations manager 321 00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:36,227 for the 1971 adult film Daddy's Longleg. 322 00:13:36,397 --> 00:13:37,397 Very smart. 323 00:13:37,534 --> 00:13:39,014 Searching now. 324 00:13:42,373 --> 00:13:43,871 - Secrets. - Secrets. 325 00:13:43,896 --> 00:13:46,943 Cece, this is the hardest thing that I've ever had to say to you. 326 00:13:47,232 --> 00:13:51,951 I had always assumed that when you got serious about interior design, 327 00:13:52,083 --> 00:13:54,145 I was going to love your ideas. 328 00:13:54,214 --> 00:13:56,271 Because I love you. 329 00:13:56,529 --> 00:14:00,410 I hate your ideas. I hate them almost as much as I love you, which is so much. 330 00:14:00,435 --> 00:14:01,608 I have to stop you right there. 331 00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:04,188 I appreciate the fact that you are a very dramatic man, 332 00:14:04,257 --> 00:14:07,099 but the next time you start a conversation with, 333 00:14:07,365 --> 00:14:10,933 "This is the hardest thing that I have ever had to say to you," 334 00:14:10,958 --> 00:14:15,214 it better end with, "I'm gay now," "I found a lump in my nut," 335 00:14:15,239 --> 00:14:18,336 or, "He came out of nowhere, help me get the blood off of my car." 336 00:14:18,361 --> 00:14:20,605 I can't live in a house that you don't love. 337 00:14:20,673 --> 00:14:23,417 And I also can't live in a house of horrors! 338 00:14:23,442 --> 00:14:26,310 Thank you for taking my note about being dramatic. 339 00:14:26,379 --> 00:14:29,651 Next time you don't like one of my suggestions, 340 00:14:29,676 --> 00:14:31,494 - just tell me. - I don't like your suggestions. 341 00:14:31,518 --> 00:14:34,652 Okay, well, then you suggest something, and then I suggest something, 342 00:14:34,721 --> 00:14:37,307 and eventually we reach a compromise. 343 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:40,490 So let's try it. Let's try it with the cabinets. 344 00:14:40,818 --> 00:14:43,928 I suggest a lighter wood, like birch. 345 00:14:43,997 --> 00:14:45,303 Absolutely not. 346 00:14:47,367 --> 00:14:49,033 - I mean... - Mm-hmm. 347 00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:52,170 I suggest a darker wood, like walnut. 348 00:14:52,238 --> 00:14:56,893 So now we try to find something in the middle, like, how about oak? 349 00:14:56,936 --> 00:14:59,557 That's fine, that's fine, I'm willing to go darker. 350 00:14:59,620 --> 00:15:01,422 Cherry? Mahogany? 351 00:15:01,909 --> 00:15:03,493 - Walnut? - I love that suggestion! 352 00:15:03,518 --> 00:15:05,483 It was your suggestion. It's not a compromise. 353 00:15:05,552 --> 00:15:06,951 - Okay, fine, birch. - No! 354 00:15:07,020 --> 00:15:09,153 That was my suggestion. That's still not a compromise. 355 00:15:09,205 --> 00:15:10,471 Now you're confusing me! 356 00:15:10,557 --> 00:15:12,918 Emergency off-site loft meeting! 357 00:15:13,574 --> 00:15:17,328 Nick. Nick, it's time for the final vote. Where are you? 358 00:15:18,831 --> 00:15:22,033 The motion now includes the Cece Parikh Hallway Decency Act. 359 00:15:25,659 --> 00:15:28,310 Ugh! There's still one nay in here! 360 00:15:28,335 --> 00:15:30,219 - Okay, I voted yay, I swear. - Then who was it? 361 00:15:30,243 --> 00:15:31,720 Roughstuff Productions. 362 00:15:31,744 --> 00:15:34,067 You have a real guilty look on your face... a real nay face. 363 00:15:34,091 --> 00:15:35,658 This is not my nay face. This is... 364 00:15:35,682 --> 00:15:37,882 this is how does a man compromise his vision face. 365 00:15:37,951 --> 00:15:39,691 Roughstuff Productions, this is Clem. 366 00:15:39,715 --> 00:15:42,687 Uh, yeah, Clem, um. I'm calling about the whereabou... 367 00:15:42,762 --> 00:15:44,062 Winston! 368 00:15:44,122 --> 00:15:46,275 - Sir, are you auditioning? - Admit it! 369 00:15:46,308 --> 00:15:48,957 - Why? - Oh... Aah... 370 00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:51,277 - Why? - It doesn't matter who voted nay. 371 00:15:51,324 --> 00:15:53,613 The message is clear, somebody doesn't want Reagan in the loft. 372 00:15:53,637 --> 00:15:55,177 So who cares who did it? Let's move on. 373 00:15:55,201 --> 00:15:57,268 Who is that person? I hate that person. 374 00:15:57,337 --> 00:16:00,346 Also, maybe somebody realized moments before the vote that, 375 00:16:00,371 --> 00:16:03,413 if you think about it, my bed... it-it tilts west. 376 00:16:03,538 --> 00:16:06,584 And so she could roll off the bed in the middle of the night, and on the floor, 377 00:16:06,608 --> 00:16:08,771 - and my floor tilts east... - Nick. 378 00:16:08,796 --> 00:16:12,296 Which means she could roll under my bed and be lost forever. 379 00:16:12,321 --> 00:16:15,124 - Did you vote nay? - Yeah, of course I did. 380 00:16:15,655 --> 00:16:17,855 I don't know what I want. I'm confused. 381 00:16:18,088 --> 00:16:21,322 Ooh-whee! Politics! 382 00:16:23,492 --> 00:16:27,541 Schmidt, you need to take these design blinders off and look around. 383 00:16:27,799 --> 00:16:30,500 We compromise all the time. 384 00:16:30,569 --> 00:16:32,902 We named our house Jaipur Aviv. 385 00:16:32,971 --> 00:16:34,642 That's right. 386 00:16:34,667 --> 00:16:38,025 I wanted to call it Ghatak/Mossad HQ, and you wanted to call it... 387 00:16:38,189 --> 00:16:39,830 - Our House. - Our House, yes. 388 00:16:39,855 --> 00:16:41,729 We met in the middle and we called it Jaipur Aviv. 389 00:16:41,753 --> 00:16:45,107 You know what, every compromise doesn't have to be 50-50. 390 00:16:45,383 --> 00:16:47,217 I've been looking at cabinets online. 391 00:16:47,285 --> 00:16:50,019 They all look exactly the same to me. 392 00:16:50,088 --> 00:16:51,350 - No, they don't. - They really do. 393 00:16:51,374 --> 00:16:55,342 Birch, walnut, mahogany, fiberglass, stainless steel. 394 00:16:55,367 --> 00:16:57,371 You can't tell the difference between metal and wood? 395 00:16:57,395 --> 00:16:58,761 Not when it comes to a cabinet. 396 00:16:58,830 --> 00:17:01,163 I just see cabinet, and then I go, like, "Oh, my plate's in there." 397 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,678 I think this is a bigger issue than interior design. 398 00:17:03,702 --> 00:17:05,079 I think it just applies to cabinets. 399 00:17:05,103 --> 00:17:09,439 And I accept the fact that I am not good at interior design, 400 00:17:09,507 --> 00:17:11,274 and you're brilliant at it. 401 00:17:11,343 --> 00:17:13,655 So you should take the lead on that. 402 00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:15,613 Just like I'm no good at cooking Indian food. 403 00:17:15,638 --> 00:17:17,747 - Mm. - You take the lead on that. 404 00:17:17,772 --> 00:17:19,415 You always let me make dessert. 405 00:17:19,731 --> 00:17:22,719 - I always burn it. - I just want you to feel included. 406 00:17:22,787 --> 00:17:25,288 Even if it's in just some small, symbolic way. 407 00:17:39,871 --> 00:17:41,104 Okay. 408 00:17:42,207 --> 00:17:44,993 - Hey. - Do you know how anything works? 409 00:17:45,018 --> 00:17:47,377 I know you whipped and you buttonholed 410 00:17:47,445 --> 00:17:49,879 and you swing-setted your tail off to get all these votes. 411 00:17:49,904 --> 00:17:52,849 - Who did I swing-set? - Once I got the votes, I panicked. 412 00:17:52,917 --> 00:17:56,176 Because I realized that now I have to ask her, and what if she says no? 413 00:17:56,201 --> 00:18:00,020 Or worse, what if she says yes, moves in with me, and then regrets it? 414 00:18:00,045 --> 00:18:02,518 I wish we'd had this conversation at the beginning of the day, 415 00:18:02,543 --> 00:18:04,650 but yeah, I mean, I get it, it's scary. 416 00:18:04,675 --> 00:18:06,674 Well, tell me I'm wrong to be scared. 417 00:18:06,947 --> 00:18:10,600 - You know, tell me I should vote yay. - Nick, I whipped everyone's votes. 418 00:18:10,669 --> 00:18:12,560 I'm not gonna whip yours. 419 00:18:12,585 --> 00:18:15,038 But whatever you decide, I support you. 420 00:18:17,208 --> 00:18:18,771 We all do. 421 00:18:25,127 --> 00:18:29,719 If I vote yay, all that means is is that I can ask her. 422 00:18:29,795 --> 00:18:31,361 Emphasis on "can." 423 00:18:31,423 --> 00:18:33,651 And that I don't have to. Emphasis on "have." 424 00:18:33,709 --> 00:18:36,326 Wow. Well, no one loves parsing more than I do, 425 00:18:36,394 --> 00:18:39,862 and even I find this tedious, but... yes. 426 00:18:41,612 --> 00:18:42,733 All right, slide me over. 427 00:18:42,758 --> 00:18:45,125 - Okay. - Okay. 428 00:18:46,771 --> 00:18:50,441 Whoa, is this wall just sticky, or is it... 429 00:18:51,428 --> 00:18:52,886 magnetic? 430 00:18:54,683 --> 00:18:57,187 We have got to get a magnetic wall. 431 00:18:57,247 --> 00:18:59,381 We will never buy another coil of wires 432 00:18:59,417 --> 00:19:00,983 connected to a battery again in our lives. 433 00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:03,720 It'll pay for itself in a week. 434 00:19:25,176 --> 00:19:28,644 Okay, Roughstuff Productions referred me 435 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:32,048 to their former subsidiary Tick Tock Erotica, LLC, 436 00:19:32,117 --> 00:19:34,450 which split from Roughstuff back in '09. 437 00:19:34,486 --> 00:19:38,454 But here's the thing. Tick Tock is in the app space now, 438 00:19:38,523 --> 00:19:42,024 but they still use the same headhunter. 439 00:19:42,093 --> 00:19:44,994 And they still had the number 440 00:19:45,063 --> 00:19:48,931 for a Mr. Mort Capaco, locations manager, 441 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,247 Daddy's Longleg. 442 00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:52,864 - Did he know where they shot it? - He did not. 443 00:19:52,889 --> 00:19:54,397 All right, we've got to give up a secret. 444 00:19:54,421 --> 00:19:55,725 The only question is who breaks the news. 445 00:19:55,749 --> 00:19:58,141 I'll break the news if I get to pick the secret. 446 00:19:58,707 --> 00:20:01,769 Deal. But I really recommend that you tell him about 447 00:20:01,794 --> 00:20:03,212 - Halloween 2004. - Halloween 2004. 448 00:20:03,237 --> 00:20:04,747 That's what I was gonna say. 449 00:20:08,286 --> 00:20:11,524 - Secrets exchanged. - Secrets exchanged. 450 00:20:11,549 --> 00:20:13,482 Shh. 451 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,759 I could never say no to the man that saved my sled dogs. 452 00:20:25,069 --> 00:20:27,470 Schmidt, I need to tell you something 453 00:20:27,505 --> 00:20:30,139 unpleasant about some candy you ate. 454 00:20:30,175 --> 00:20:31,175 - What? - Many years... 455 00:20:31,209 --> 00:20:32,429 It was shot in Seattle. 456 00:20:32,454 --> 00:20:34,734 Daddy's Longleg was shot in Seattle. 457 00:20:34,759 --> 00:20:35,867 What's Daddy's Longleg? 458 00:20:35,892 --> 00:20:37,385 A pornographic movie Winston and I really like. 459 00:20:37,409 --> 00:20:39,252 - You don't have to worry about it. - Because... 460 00:20:39,276 --> 00:20:42,243 it was... not filmed in your home. 461 00:20:42,268 --> 00:20:43,953 So congratulations! 462 00:20:44,022 --> 00:20:45,597 - Wow, we did it, honey. - Was that in question? 463 00:20:45,621 --> 00:20:46,857 Hey, did you ask Reagan? 464 00:20:46,925 --> 00:20:49,859 I've decided to ask her, but I haven't asked her yet. 465 00:20:49,928 --> 00:20:51,321 I don't know how to. 466 00:20:51,346 --> 00:20:54,121 All I've got right now is, "Hey, Nickname"... 467 00:20:54,146 --> 00:20:56,881 that's what we're calling each other until we can think of something better. 468 00:20:56,905 --> 00:20:58,701 Uh... and after that, I'm a little stumped. 469 00:20:58,726 --> 00:21:00,937 Well, why do you want Reagan to move in? 470 00:21:00,972 --> 00:21:02,650 Because I want to spend a lot of time with her, 471 00:21:02,674 --> 00:21:04,854 and if she moves in, I'll be able to spend more time with her. 472 00:21:04,878 --> 00:21:07,736 Well, if she moved in, how would that make you feel, Nick? 473 00:21:07,761 --> 00:21:09,689 - I'd feel honored. - Honored or happy? 474 00:21:09,714 --> 00:21:11,280 Both. 475 00:21:11,316 --> 00:21:12,852 - And what's your name? - My name is Nick. 476 00:21:12,876 --> 00:21:15,078 - Probably could've got that on my own. - Noted. 477 00:21:17,062 --> 00:21:18,354 Wow. 478 00:21:18,423 --> 00:21:20,758 I mean, that's perfect. And it's already on my phone. 479 00:21:21,539 --> 00:21:24,623 But there's just some things I want to agonize over out loud with you guys. 480 00:21:24,648 --> 00:21:26,523 - And send. - I wanted to agonize, 481 00:21:26,548 --> 00:21:28,982 - I said I needed to agonize - I've to tell you. That was great. 482 00:21:29,006 --> 00:21:30,656 - God bless you. - You're welcome everyone. 483 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,883 About this porn you watched together... 484 00:21:32,969 --> 00:21:36,117 Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com