1
00:00:00,133 --> 00:00:01,359
I have to go.
2
00:00:01,429 --> 00:00:04,382
For once in your life, don't be afraid.
3
00:00:06,513 --> 00:00:09,583
Can anyone help me get in the building?
4
00:00:09,616 --> 00:00:11,318
Jess!
5
00:00:13,487 --> 00:00:16,456
Come on. Come on, come on.
6
00:00:16,490 --> 00:00:17,859
Jess, where'd you go?
7
00:00:17,892 --> 00:00:19,464
- Stay right there!
- Stay right there!
8
00:00:20,931 --> 00:00:22,599
- Hey, Miller.
- Hey.
9
00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:34,110
_
10
00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:35,523
Ti amo, Jessica.
11
00:00:35,554 --> 00:00:36,646
I love you, too, Ghee.
12
00:00:42,786 --> 00:00:44,488
Hey. Bathroom buds.
13
00:00:44,521 --> 00:00:46,034
Get lost?
14
00:00:50,594 --> 00:00:53,764
Look at those horny, horny hippos.
15
00:00:53,796 --> 00:00:56,366
I'm gay for you like that.
16
00:00:56,759 --> 00:00:58,727
Hey, man. Hell of a book tour.
17
00:00:58,756 --> 00:01:01,204
I mean, Pepperwood's European
sales are already spiking.
18
00:01:01,238 --> 00:01:03,099
- Hey, have a good weekend.
- See you tomorrow.
19
00:01:05,975 --> 00:01:08,076
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
20
00:01:08,131 --> 00:01:11,101
And that's why we're capping off
six months of European romance
21
00:01:11,134 --> 00:01:13,837
with the most romantic
destination of all.
22
00:01:13,870 --> 00:01:16,244
A three-year-old's birthday party.
23
00:01:16,269 --> 00:01:18,894
Wait till everyone sees
what Mama's got on her finger.
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00:01:18,919 --> 00:01:21,169
- I still can't believe it.
- Me, neither.
25
00:01:21,231 --> 00:01:23,613
"My name is Ruth Bader Parikh-Schmidt,
26
00:01:23,646 --> 00:01:24,949
and I am three today."
27
00:01:24,982 --> 00:01:26,083
Can you say that?
28
00:01:26,116 --> 00:01:28,084
Daddy's butt!
29
00:01:28,117 --> 00:01:30,636
Close enough. Okay,
but where is Daddy's butt?
30
00:01:30,661 --> 00:01:31,988
I got to get to the office.
31
00:01:32,021 --> 00:01:35,286
Daddy's butt has been bleaching
all outdoor playing surfaces.
32
00:01:37,727 --> 00:01:39,611
You could prepare a chicken
on that slide.
33
00:01:39,643 --> 00:01:41,866
Oh, great. Well, I got to go
help one of my models.
34
00:01:41,899 --> 00:01:43,134
Ooh, don't forget the cooler.
35
00:01:43,167 --> 00:01:45,102
I won't forget the cooler.
36
00:01:45,134 --> 00:01:46,703
Mommy is so good at her job,
37
00:01:46,736 --> 00:01:48,806
that she has to work on Saturdays.
38
00:01:48,839 --> 00:01:50,574
Now Daddy is gonna do his job,
39
00:01:50,607 --> 00:01:53,430
because these braids
are straight-up dock ropes.
40
00:01:53,455 --> 00:01:56,179
- Daddy, do the special braids.
- I-I know.
41
00:01:56,212 --> 00:01:57,848
They're all... honey,
they're all special.
42
00:01:57,881 --> 00:02:00,017
Ooh. I need a break.
43
00:02:00,050 --> 00:02:03,587
Ah! I cannot believe I let you
talk me into this again.
44
00:02:03,619 --> 00:02:04,855
But we got to finish, 'cause Schmidt
45
00:02:04,887 --> 00:02:06,456
is gonna wonder where I am.
46
00:02:06,489 --> 00:02:07,758
Winston!
47
00:02:07,790 --> 00:02:09,794
You rotated the mattress without me?
48
00:02:09,826 --> 00:02:11,995
Again? That is my job.
49
00:02:12,020 --> 00:02:14,451
Uh, baby? Listen, you really
shouldn't be carrying that.
50
00:02:14,498 --> 00:02:16,318
He's right. You should listen
to your husband. I'll... oh.
51
00:02:16,357 --> 00:02:17,542
Don't eve... Just don't.
52
00:02:17,615 --> 00:02:18,828
I am seven months pregnant,
53
00:02:18,853 --> 00:02:20,962
and I will rotate
as many mattresses as I want.
54
00:02:21,002 --> 00:02:22,570
Aly would prefer
that the world treat her
55
00:02:22,603 --> 00:02:24,505
like she isn't pregnant.
56
00:02:24,539 --> 00:02:25,974
Oh, which reminds me.
57
00:02:26,006 --> 00:02:27,708
BellyShots e-mailed me.
58
00:02:27,742 --> 00:02:29,711
- Mm-mm.
- Our pregnancy glamour photos are ready,
59
00:02:29,743 --> 00:02:31,979
and we got to pick one.
60
00:02:34,214 --> 00:02:35,984
So I'm mad at that.
61
00:02:36,016 --> 00:02:37,573
I mean, how'd they...
62
00:02:37,667 --> 00:02:39,119
how'd they get my e-mail?
63
00:02:42,189 --> 00:02:44,276
- Hey!
- Wait! Before hugs,
64
00:02:44,315 --> 00:02:45,993
we have something we want you to see.
65
00:02:46,027 --> 00:02:47,595
- Uh-huh?
- It's a big deal.
66
00:02:47,628 --> 00:02:49,898
We got in a Vespa accident!
67
00:02:49,931 --> 00:02:51,131
Oh...
68
00:02:51,165 --> 00:02:52,834
Look how much of my shin is missing!
69
00:02:52,867 --> 00:02:54,602
It's disgusting.
70
00:02:54,635 --> 00:02:56,104
Where'd your shin go, man?
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00:02:56,136 --> 00:02:59,404
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
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00:03:05,913 --> 00:03:08,148
Feminist icons...
very sophisticated theme.
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00:03:08,182 --> 00:03:10,452
At my third birthday party,
the theme was hamburgers.
74
00:03:10,485 --> 00:03:12,754
Well, Ruth asked for
Wonder Woman, so I ran with it,
75
00:03:12,786 --> 00:03:14,922
because this party
has got to be perfect.
76
00:03:14,956 --> 00:03:16,524
You remember her first birthday.
77
00:03:22,663 --> 00:03:24,728
Which led to a downtick in attendance
78
00:03:24,768 --> 00:03:26,066
at her second birthday.
79
00:03:26,099 --> 00:03:27,968
His greatest trick
80
00:03:28,338 --> 00:03:31,150
was making us remember.
81
00:03:31,272 --> 00:03:32,540
So this year,
I invited every three-year-old
82
00:03:32,572 --> 00:03:33,952
in a ten-mile radius.
83
00:03:33,983 --> 00:03:36,044
And now you can relax and enjoy
your daughter's birthday party?
84
00:03:36,076 --> 00:03:38,045
Yeah. Uh, sure.
85
00:03:38,078 --> 00:03:40,014
"Relax and enjoy."
86
00:03:40,046 --> 00:03:41,782
- You keep me young, Cece.
- Mm.
87
00:03:41,815 --> 00:03:44,718
Thanks. Ten years in marketing,
three years in fatherhood
88
00:03:44,743 --> 00:03:46,458
and six months of planning
this party, I feel like
89
00:03:46,483 --> 00:03:48,790
my entire life has been leading
up to this very moment.
90
00:03:48,822 --> 00:03:50,791
- I'm gonna go set up the booze.
- Oh, no, no, no.
91
00:03:50,825 --> 00:03:52,026
Booze is a last resort.
92
00:03:52,058 --> 00:03:53,228
It is shocking how much
93
00:03:53,260 --> 00:03:54,729
parents drink at these things.
94
00:03:54,754 --> 00:03:56,831
Last week, I saw a drunk mommy take a...
95
00:03:56,863 --> 00:03:58,866
take a boom boom in the bounce house.
96
00:03:58,899 --> 00:04:00,902
- It was horrifying.
- Ugh.
97
00:04:00,934 --> 00:04:03,271
If you'll excuse me,
I see a little boy over there
98
00:04:03,303 --> 00:04:05,539
who doesn't understand
the meaning of "upscale casual."
99
00:04:05,572 --> 00:04:07,491
Okay.
100
00:04:07,577 --> 00:04:09,076
He made that Pocahummus from scratch?
101
00:04:09,110 --> 00:04:10,979
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, he's never going back to work.
102
00:04:11,012 --> 00:04:12,247
- Can I tell you something?
- Mm.
103
00:04:12,279 --> 00:04:13,681
I really thought
you were gonna come back
104
00:04:13,714 --> 00:04:14,983
- from Europe engaged.
- Yeah.
105
00:04:15,015 --> 00:04:16,551
It would've been nice if he'd proposed,
106
00:04:16,584 --> 00:04:17,485
but you know what happens
107
00:04:17,519 --> 00:04:18,901
when we start
talking about the future...
108
00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,221
we start freaking out.
109
00:04:20,246 --> 00:04:21,723
If the bird's stomach's full of bread,
110
00:04:21,755 --> 00:04:22,932
don't give him cheese crackers.
111
00:04:22,957 --> 00:04:24,944
Can't not say it: love the nose ring.
112
00:04:24,975 --> 00:04:25,905
Yeah, it was a big mistake.
113
00:04:25,929 --> 00:04:27,583
- Huge.
- But not as huge as the neck tattoo.
114
00:04:27,608 --> 00:04:28,880
- The what now?
- Yeah, neck tattoo.
115
00:04:28,912 --> 00:04:29,881
I've been telling people
116
00:04:29,914 --> 00:04:32,550
it stands for
"Justice Shall Eventually..."
117
00:04:32,583 --> 00:04:34,085
son of a bitch!
118
00:04:34,118 --> 00:04:35,106
Is that who I think it is?
119
00:04:35,131 --> 00:04:36,654
You invited Russell?
120
00:04:36,686 --> 00:04:37,955
- My Russell?
- Mm-hmm.
121
00:04:37,989 --> 00:04:39,524
My former Russell, my Fancyman?
122
00:04:39,556 --> 00:04:40,758
Yeah, his son's
in Ruth's tumbling class.
123
00:04:40,791 --> 00:04:42,060
Russell has a three-year-old?
124
00:04:42,092 --> 00:04:43,629
That polecat doesn't stop.
125
00:04:43,668 --> 00:04:44,669
How many kids is that?
126
00:04:44,695 --> 00:04:46,664
50. From a hundred different women.
127
00:04:46,696 --> 00:04:48,599
- Figure that one out.
- Russell.
128
00:04:50,171 --> 00:04:52,655
Hey, Jess. You look great.
129
00:04:55,210 --> 00:04:57,513
Babe, there is a helium tank.
130
00:04:57,569 --> 00:04:59,311
Why are you doing balloons by mouth?
131
00:04:59,374 --> 00:05:00,804
Eh, I should've said that differently.
132
00:05:00,845 --> 00:05:03,614
Because I can.
133
00:05:03,647 --> 00:05:06,140
Listen, Snail Eyes,
I love that I'm bringing a child
134
00:05:06,165 --> 00:05:08,345
- into this world with you.
- That is the sweetest thing...
135
00:05:08,370 --> 00:05:11,128
That is the only thing I love
about being pregnant.
136
00:05:11,153 --> 00:05:12,956
Everything else, I hate.
137
00:05:12,989 --> 00:05:14,591
My butt is sore, my back is sore.
138
00:05:14,624 --> 00:05:16,693
I spend most of my day holding in farts.
139
00:05:16,727 --> 00:05:17,996
So you're gonna have to pick
a pregnancy photo
140
00:05:18,020 --> 00:05:19,434
all by yourself, Winston.
141
00:05:19,489 --> 00:05:21,698
I would rather look
at Nick's shin X-rays again.
142
00:05:21,732 --> 00:05:23,547
I'll go to the car and get them.
143
00:05:23,593 --> 00:05:25,594
Oh, hey, Nick. Listen, um...
144
00:05:25,635 --> 00:05:27,705
I need your help picking
a pregnancy photo.
145
00:05:27,737 --> 00:05:29,239
They're all so beautiful.
146
00:05:29,266 --> 00:05:31,142
- I can't decide.
- You came to the right man.
147
00:05:34,591 --> 00:05:36,914
Look... skip through those.
148
00:05:37,216 --> 00:05:38,698
Well, there's your winner, right there.
149
00:05:38,723 --> 00:05:39,823
It's pretty obvious.
150
00:05:39,848 --> 00:05:41,251
But I will, okay?
151
00:05:41,284 --> 00:05:43,821
Very disappointing that
you didn't bring a real monkey.
152
00:05:43,854 --> 00:05:46,791
What the hell is that?
You let him grow a mustache?
153
00:05:46,823 --> 00:05:50,093
- Relax. It's just a mustache.
- That's not just a mustache.
154
00:05:50,126 --> 00:05:52,772
That's a porn star relief pitcher.
155
00:05:52,812 --> 00:05:53,842
I gotta say something.
156
00:05:53,866 --> 00:05:54,997
- I got to say something.
- Hey, Nick.
157
00:05:54,998 --> 00:05:56,200
Hey. You're gonna tell him you hate it
158
00:05:56,232 --> 00:05:57,734
- on his daughter's birthday?
- What do you
159
00:05:57,768 --> 00:05:59,270
want me to do? You know
he's gonna ask about it.
160
00:05:59,302 --> 00:06:01,004
Be cool. Okay?
161
00:06:01,037 --> 00:06:02,907
We'll practice.
162
00:06:02,939 --> 00:06:04,207
Neck!
163
00:06:04,241 --> 00:06:06,010
Do you favor my moose-tache?
164
00:06:06,042 --> 00:06:07,311
- I hate it.
- You'll be fine.
165
00:06:07,345 --> 00:06:08,845
Okay. Okay.
166
00:06:08,878 --> 00:06:11,181
- Hey, welcome back.
- Yeah. Thanks.
167
00:06:11,215 --> 00:06:14,051
- Good to see you.
- Yep.
168
00:06:15,251 --> 00:06:17,054
So?
169
00:06:17,087 --> 00:06:18,756
So?
170
00:06:18,789 --> 00:06:20,692
See anything new?
171
00:06:20,724 --> 00:06:22,059
No.
172
00:06:22,092 --> 00:06:24,061
- On me? On my face?
- Oh!
173
00:06:24,095 --> 00:06:25,597
Y-You mean the mustache.
174
00:06:25,630 --> 00:06:26,631
Any thoughts?
175
00:06:29,066 --> 00:06:31,068
I hate it.
176
00:06:38,809 --> 00:06:41,345
You don't... you don't mean that.
177
00:06:41,378 --> 00:06:43,509
You've had a long journey,
you need to rest.
178
00:06:43,540 --> 00:06:45,690
Let's talk again
when you've had some rest.
179
00:06:45,715 --> 00:06:47,684
All right. Welcome back.
180
00:06:47,717 --> 00:06:49,186
All right, man.
181
00:06:49,220 --> 00:06:51,289
Because of a pending Justice
Department investigation,
182
00:06:51,321 --> 00:06:53,924
I can't tell you why
I left Banyon Canyon.
183
00:06:53,958 --> 00:06:56,126
But I can tell you
European Jess is a lot more fun
184
00:06:56,159 --> 00:06:57,861
than State's Witness Jess.
185
00:06:57,895 --> 00:06:59,229
It sounds to me like you need a job.
186
00:06:59,263 --> 00:07:00,864
You should come work for me.
187
00:07:00,897 --> 00:07:04,736
I don't actually know what it is you do.
188
00:07:04,768 --> 00:07:06,804
God, I was a terrible girlfriend.
189
00:07:06,837 --> 00:07:07,872
Anyway, Nick and I leave
190
00:07:07,905 --> 00:07:09,223
for the South American leg
191
00:07:09,248 --> 00:07:10,807
of his book tour soon.
192
00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:13,035
In Peru, they call Pepperwood
193
00:07:13,098 --> 00:07:15,187
El Gumbo Federalé.
194
00:07:15,212 --> 00:07:17,248
Wait, Nick? You're still together?
195
00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:19,249
I've been married and divorced
twice since I last saw you.
196
00:07:19,282 --> 00:07:22,085
Yeah, well, you know, we haven't
been together the whole time.
197
00:07:22,119 --> 00:07:24,388
We've had ups and downs,
and twists and turns,
198
00:07:24,422 --> 00:07:26,023
but about three years ago,
we figured it out
199
00:07:26,056 --> 00:07:27,357
and we've been together ever since.
200
00:07:27,390 --> 00:07:29,994
Sometimes it just takes
dating your cousin
201
00:07:30,027 --> 00:07:32,697
for things to really fall into place.
202
00:07:32,729 --> 00:07:34,831
Wow. And you're not engaged?
203
00:07:34,864 --> 00:07:36,234
Well, we just take things day by day.
204
00:07:36,267 --> 00:07:37,586
You know, don't want to rush it.
205
00:07:37,611 --> 00:07:39,404
That's right.
You've always had that problem.
206
00:07:39,429 --> 00:07:42,098
I'm sorry, what do you mean?
207
00:07:42,138 --> 00:07:43,077
Well, you and Nick.
208
00:07:43,102 --> 00:07:45,075
You were always terrified
of moving forward.
209
00:07:47,744 --> 00:07:48,986
Oh, my God.
210
00:07:49,011 --> 00:07:51,314
Did you ask me before,
like, when we were talking,
211
00:07:51,347 --> 00:07:52,635
if we were engaged?
212
00:07:52,660 --> 00:07:55,086
'Cause yes, the answer is yes.
We are engaged.
213
00:07:55,119 --> 00:07:56,953
There was a ring and everything,
214
00:07:56,986 --> 00:07:59,636
and-and thank God,
because it was the only thing
215
00:07:59,675 --> 00:08:02,727
holding my finger to my hand
for the entire
216
00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:05,763
18-hour ambulance ride
to the hospital in Warsaw.
217
00:08:05,796 --> 00:08:09,034
So suck on that.
Right, Billie Jean King?
218
00:08:12,384 --> 00:08:14,254
- This party is a disaster.
- I know.
219
00:08:14,287 --> 00:08:16,235
Our guests have no questions
for the panel.
220
00:08:17,723 --> 00:08:18,858
Wait, no, wait, look.
221
00:08:20,346 --> 00:08:22,649
- This is for anyone.
- Mm-hmm.
222
00:08:22,699 --> 00:08:24,668
Daddy's butt?
223
00:08:27,277 --> 00:08:29,058
It's just, this is
the first birthday party
224
00:08:29,097 --> 00:08:30,906
that our daughter
is actually going to remember.
225
00:08:30,939 --> 00:08:32,227
If it's anything less than perfect,
226
00:08:32,252 --> 00:08:33,910
I'm going to hire a professional samurai
227
00:08:33,943 --> 00:08:36,313
- to chop me in half.
- That seems proportional.
228
00:08:36,367 --> 00:08:37,387
Okay, fine. You know what? You're right.
229
00:08:37,412 --> 00:08:39,211
- Let's break out the booze.
- Thank you.
230
00:08:39,236 --> 00:08:41,251
Put some toilet tissue
in the bounce house.
231
00:08:41,284 --> 00:08:44,130
Vodka Soda-Mayor. Right here.
232
00:08:44,193 --> 00:08:46,556
Here you go, sir. A Rosé the Riveter.
233
00:08:47,450 --> 00:08:50,526
A Ruth Bader Gin-sberg. I did that one.
234
00:08:50,559 --> 00:08:52,088
You two have a good time.
Have a good time.
235
00:08:52,113 --> 00:08:53,207
All right.
236
00:08:56,732 --> 00:08:57,901
Oh...
237
00:08:59,901 --> 00:09:01,304
Hey, bub. What's the holdup?
238
00:09:01,337 --> 00:09:02,439
It's been six months
239
00:09:02,472 --> 00:09:03,906
since I gave you my blessing.
240
00:09:03,939 --> 00:09:05,809
When am I gonna hear my daughter cry?
241
00:09:05,842 --> 00:09:09,215
Huh? I think I deserve
to hear my daughter cry.
242
00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:10,579
Bob, I'm proposing tonight.
243
00:09:10,612 --> 00:09:12,549
I've been planning on doing it all along
244
00:09:12,582 --> 00:09:14,451
- when we got back home to the loft.
- The loft?
245
00:09:14,483 --> 00:09:16,819
You visit every possible
246
00:09:16,853 --> 00:09:19,955
romantic proposal spot on the planet,
247
00:09:19,988 --> 00:09:21,324
and you pick that dump?
248
00:09:21,357 --> 00:09:23,526
Because it's where we met, Bob.
249
00:09:23,559 --> 00:09:25,594
Look, I've got a whole plan.
I haven't told anybody.
250
00:09:25,627 --> 00:09:27,930
So I mailed the ring from Europe.
251
00:09:27,963 --> 00:09:30,266
So when we're looking
at the mail, I'll say, like,
252
00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:31,700
"Check this one out.
This one's from Turkey.
253
00:09:31,733 --> 00:09:33,402
You should open it, Jess."
254
00:09:33,435 --> 00:09:35,405
You mailed my grandmother's ring
from Turkey?
255
00:09:35,438 --> 00:09:37,607
I hired an Au pair.
He was going there, anyhow.
256
00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,506
- A male Au pair?
- Yes, a boy Au pair.
257
00:09:39,531 --> 00:09:41,578
Look, look, I better get
a phone call tonight
258
00:09:41,611 --> 00:09:43,847
with the news that my daughter
259
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:45,949
- has a fiancé.
- Bob...
260
00:09:45,982 --> 00:09:48,985
I don't even care if it's not you. Okay?
261
00:09:49,017 --> 00:09:50,353
So you told Russell you're engaged.
262
00:09:50,394 --> 00:09:52,496
Well, that's simple.
I'll just tell him that I'm engaged,
263
00:09:52,521 --> 00:09:53,956
so what was once interesting
264
00:09:53,989 --> 00:09:55,858
will now become commonplace.
265
00:09:55,891 --> 00:09:57,526
I'm so mad at myself.
266
00:09:57,559 --> 00:09:59,862
But he was hectoring me.
I felt completely hectored.
267
00:09:59,896 --> 00:10:01,964
Forgot about "hector." That's
a good word, real good word.
268
00:10:01,997 --> 00:10:03,666
Which reminds me, um,
269
00:10:03,699 --> 00:10:06,665
may I hector you to pick a favorite?
270
00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:10,774
Hmm. Aw. Easy.
271
00:10:10,806 --> 00:10:11,882
- This one.
- Oh, nice.
272
00:10:11,907 --> 00:10:12,909
- I have to fix this.
- Okay.
273
00:10:12,941 --> 00:10:14,076
If Nick finds out
274
00:10:14,109 --> 00:10:15,811
that I told Russell we're engaged,
275
00:10:15,844 --> 00:10:18,480
he's gonna spin out,
and he'll tell me he's fine,
276
00:10:18,513 --> 00:10:21,383
then I'll get a call a week
later with him on a bus,
277
00:10:21,416 --> 00:10:23,752
crying somewhere, and he's
gonna ask me to marry him.
278
00:10:23,785 --> 00:10:25,487
And then I'll never know
if he wanted to marry me
279
00:10:25,521 --> 00:10:27,623
or if he just asked me
'cause I lied to my ex
280
00:10:27,648 --> 00:10:29,091
at a children's birthday party.
281
00:10:29,125 --> 00:10:31,528
- That was a lot.
- You know what?
282
00:10:31,560 --> 00:10:33,062
I just need to march right up to Russell
283
00:10:33,096 --> 00:10:34,397
and I need to tell him the truth.
284
00:10:34,430 --> 00:10:35,464
- Yeah.
- I can do that.
285
00:10:35,497 --> 00:10:36,565
I've been to Europe.
286
00:10:36,598 --> 00:10:37,733
I can do anything.
287
00:10:37,766 --> 00:10:39,845
- Hey, Mr. Europe.
- Hey, man.
288
00:10:39,870 --> 00:10:41,805
You know, I thought you were
gonna propose for sure.
289
00:10:41,838 --> 00:10:42,906
- I was waiting for it.
- Yeah.
290
00:10:42,939 --> 00:10:44,947
Uh? Look who it is.
291
00:10:44,972 --> 00:10:47,010
It's Mr. Sun.
292
00:10:50,829 --> 00:10:53,817
I tell you, I was sure
293
00:10:53,849 --> 00:10:56,552
That you were gonna pop the question.
294
00:10:56,585 --> 00:11:00,164
Instead, you just sent me
a bunch of Instagram pictures.
295
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:03,104
Pasta, bread,
296
00:11:03,135 --> 00:11:06,411
cheese, sorts of nonsense really.
297
00:11:06,450 --> 00:11:08,614
- I mean, I get it, you're in Europe.
- You have to know that's disgusting.
298
00:11:08,654 --> 00:11:10,489
Relax. It'll soak in.
299
00:11:10,521 --> 00:11:11,756
No, not the sunscreen. The mustache.
300
00:11:11,789 --> 00:11:13,767
Your mustache is disgusting.
301
00:11:13,792 --> 00:11:15,761
- Stop touching it.
- I'm rubbing it in.
302
00:11:15,794 --> 00:11:17,329
You're just doing the mustache. Just...
303
00:11:18,831 --> 00:11:20,800
If you hate my mustache, sir,
then you hate me.
304
00:11:20,833 --> 00:11:22,501
That's not true. I just don't
like the mustache.
305
00:11:22,534 --> 00:11:24,370
It never would've happened
if I was here!
306
00:11:24,403 --> 00:11:25,538
It never would've happened!
307
00:11:25,570 --> 00:11:26,905
Don't make this about the mustache!
308
00:11:28,406 --> 00:11:29,775
Schmidt.
309
00:11:29,808 --> 00:11:32,544
Thank you. Yep. Mm-hmm. Uh, so,
310
00:11:32,578 --> 00:11:34,547
Timmy's mom just started climbing a tree
311
00:11:34,579 --> 00:11:35,647
with some very high heels
312
00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:36,915
and musical chairs is turning
313
00:11:36,948 --> 00:11:38,818
into an adult drinking game.
314
00:11:38,851 --> 00:11:40,785
- Darn it.
- Yeah.
315
00:11:40,818 --> 00:11:43,521
Well, at least Ruth's having fun
with Maya Angelou.
316
00:11:43,554 --> 00:11:48,660
Bubblegum, bubblegum, in a dish.
317
00:11:48,693 --> 00:11:50,128
Okay, you know what, maybe you're right.
318
00:11:50,161 --> 00:11:51,830
Let's get rid of the booze
before everybody goes
319
00:11:51,863 --> 00:11:53,531
from children's-birthday-party drunk
320
00:11:53,564 --> 00:11:55,434
- to Winston-and-Aly's-wedding drunk.
- -Mm.
321
00:11:55,467 --> 00:11:57,136
♪ Groove on, before you go ♪
322
00:11:57,169 --> 00:11:58,404
Go! Go! Go!
323
00:11:58,437 --> 00:12:00,597
Oh! Oh, come on, man.
324
00:12:00,622 --> 00:12:02,808
You see, this is why we need a referee.
325
00:12:02,841 --> 00:12:04,844
Give me my chair!
326
00:12:04,876 --> 00:12:07,592
- Russell, I need to come clean.
- Hey, you two.
327
00:12:07,623 --> 00:12:08,583
- Hey.
- Oh, hey, Nick.
328
00:12:08,608 --> 00:12:09,725
- Nick, congratulations.
- Hey.
329
00:12:09,750 --> 00:12:12,016
Thank you, thank you.
Yeah, MagaTween Magazine is calling it
330
00:12:12,049 --> 00:12:13,852
"This year's longest Pepperwood."
331
00:12:13,886 --> 00:12:15,538
No, I meant about the proposal.
332
00:12:15,563 --> 00:12:16,975
Ah, you are such a sweetheart.
333
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,857
Nobody ever talks
about my book proposals.
334
00:12:18,890 --> 00:12:20,311
So, thank you. Some of my best work.
335
00:12:20,336 --> 00:12:22,389
No, Nick, I just wanted
to congratulate you
336
00:12:22,414 --> 00:12:23,420
on your engagement.
337
00:12:23,462 --> 00:12:26,832
The Rio de Janeiro Civic Center
next month.
338
00:12:26,865 --> 00:12:28,467
That sounds cool. Can I come?
339
00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:30,436
- I'm in and out of Rio all the time.
- It's sold out.
340
00:12:30,468 --> 00:12:32,537
- It's all full?
- Mm, maybe next time. Look,
341
00:12:32,570 --> 00:12:34,873
Nick, I just wanted
to tell you how happy I am
342
00:12:34,906 --> 00:12:36,817
that you're finally getting married.
343
00:12:39,044 --> 00:12:42,982
Aw, screw it. Nick, I'm sorry,
I told Russell we're engaged.
344
00:12:44,650 --> 00:12:45,717
- That's not cool, man!
- No, you're...
345
00:12:45,751 --> 00:12:46,952
Settle down! Settle down
346
00:12:46,985 --> 00:12:48,454
or I'm gonna turn off the music!
347
00:12:48,487 --> 00:12:49,855
Try playing musical chairs
with no music!
348
00:12:49,887 --> 00:12:51,723
It's just chairs.
349
00:12:54,626 --> 00:12:55,995
What are you doing?
350
00:12:59,063 --> 00:13:00,732
Hey!
351
00:13:00,765 --> 00:13:03,035
GUEST: Oh, she's pregnant.
352
00:13:04,903 --> 00:13:06,973
Stop treating me special!
353
00:13:09,208 --> 00:13:11,477
Ooh... whoo!
354
00:13:11,510 --> 00:13:13,112
- Nick, I can explain.
- Look out.
355
00:13:17,538 --> 00:13:20,008
I'm sorry, Jess,
she came out of nowhere.
356
00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:23,299
- Hey, are you okay?
- Yeah, no, I'm okay.
357
00:13:23,369 --> 00:13:26,799
I'm so sorry about what I did.
I just, I feel so stupid.
358
00:13:26,908 --> 00:13:29,338
I was just defensive and
we're happy the way we are.
359
00:13:29,385 --> 00:13:31,423
I don't want you to get in your
head and think we're not happy.
360
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:33,214
No, I don't, I'm great.
361
00:13:33,247 --> 00:13:36,101
Jess, you do not have to worry
about ol' Nicky Blue Eyes.
362
00:13:36,126 --> 00:13:37,790
I'm good.
363
00:13:37,822 --> 00:13:40,094
You told Russell we're engaged,
that's hilarious.
364
00:13:40,149 --> 00:13:41,735
- Friggin' hilarious.
- Really? You're not in your head?
365
00:13:41,790 --> 00:13:43,190
Because you kind of seem like you are.
366
00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:44,703
I'm good. We cool. Are you cool?
367
00:13:44,728 --> 00:13:46,597
- Yeah.
- Table for two at the We Cool café.
368
00:13:46,629 --> 00:13:48,131
This is hilarious.
369
00:13:48,164 --> 00:13:51,101
- If you say so.
- I say so.
370
00:13:51,134 --> 00:13:53,504
Cool. I'm gonna go lie on Ruth's
bed and pretend I'm a giant.
371
00:13:53,537 --> 00:13:56,507
Like a friggin' giant.
372
00:13:58,742 --> 00:14:01,645
Wow, this got away from us fast.
373
00:14:01,677 --> 00:14:04,114
Oh, excuse me. Where is Schmidt?
374
00:14:04,148 --> 00:14:06,383
What could possibly be more important?
375
00:14:06,417 --> 00:14:09,253
I know why you hate my mustache.
376
00:14:09,286 --> 00:14:12,690
You look at me and see
a stay-at-home father.
377
00:14:12,723 --> 00:14:16,093
Just like I look at you and see
a globe-trotting author
378
00:14:16,125 --> 00:14:18,495
who has thrice appeared on Book TV's
379
00:14:18,528 --> 00:14:20,813
- Watchu Readin' with PP Jilbi.
- Yeah.
380
00:14:20,838 --> 00:14:22,566
Have our lives changed?
Yeah, sure they have.
381
00:14:22,599 --> 00:14:25,805
- But, like my mustache...
- There's no deeper level.
382
00:14:25,830 --> 00:14:26,879
I don't like your mustache
383
00:14:26,904 --> 00:14:28,038
because I think it looks ugly
on your face.
384
00:14:28,071 --> 00:14:29,273
There's always a deeper level, Nick.
385
00:14:29,306 --> 00:14:31,075
- There's no deeper level.
- There's always a deeper level, Nick!
386
00:14:31,108 --> 00:14:32,980
That's what I'm saying,
there's no deeper level!
387
00:14:33,005 --> 00:14:35,003
There's always a deeper level, Nick!
388
00:14:39,349 --> 00:14:40,551
Fine, Schmidt.
389
00:14:40,584 --> 00:14:41,719
I hate your mustache
390
00:14:41,752 --> 00:14:44,188
because I miss your upper lip. Okay?
391
00:14:44,220 --> 00:14:47,490
You happy now?
392
00:14:47,523 --> 00:14:50,594
No, Nick, not happy now.
393
00:14:50,627 --> 00:14:53,698
Happy forever.
394
00:14:56,444 --> 00:14:58,334
Ugh. I can't wait to lie down.
395
00:14:58,368 --> 00:14:59,983
What? Are you crazy?
396
00:15:00,038 --> 00:15:02,606
We got all this mail to open.
Let's open it, I'll lay it out.
397
00:15:02,638 --> 00:15:04,508
But it's, like, 4:00 a.m. for us.
398
00:15:04,541 --> 00:15:07,210
And a grown woman just fell on me.
399
00:15:07,244 --> 00:15:09,713
Well, let's just open one to get
the mailman off our backs.
400
00:15:09,745 --> 00:15:11,889
- Okay.
- I mean, not that one.
401
00:15:11,914 --> 00:15:13,022
That's not the one to pick.
402
00:15:13,047 --> 00:15:15,350
Pick one that looks really cool
and interesting, right?
403
00:15:15,375 --> 00:15:17,453
That one? Not that one.
I'm gonna open this one.
404
00:15:17,521 --> 00:15:19,489
You want to open an appointment reminder
from my gynecologist?
405
00:15:19,523 --> 00:15:20,644
Yes, of course I do.
406
00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:22,669
I like to keep track of you
and what's going on with your thing.
407
00:15:22,708 --> 00:15:24,622
So just... pick one that...
You know what,
408
00:15:24,660 --> 00:15:26,341
I'm gonna pick one. Do you mind
if I pick one for you?
409
00:15:26,372 --> 00:15:28,075
Is that weird? I'll just pick one.
410
00:15:28,114 --> 00:15:29,867
H-How about this one?
411
00:15:29,899 --> 00:15:31,734
Oh, this one's from Turkey.
How mysterious.
412
00:15:31,768 --> 00:15:33,303
You want to open that one?
413
00:15:33,336 --> 00:15:35,138
Sure.
414
00:15:41,391 --> 00:15:43,614
I'm gonna get that. Will you wait?
'Cause I'm-I'm...
415
00:15:43,657 --> 00:15:44,681
Just please wait. Thanks.
416
00:15:47,750 --> 00:15:49,619
Russell, what are you doing here?
417
00:15:49,653 --> 00:15:51,287
Well, I would've called, but my ex-wife
418
00:15:51,321 --> 00:15:53,490
deleted all the female numbers
from my phone.
419
00:15:53,523 --> 00:15:55,002
Might've been nice to say good-bye
420
00:15:55,027 --> 00:15:56,660
to my aunt before she passed.
421
00:15:56,692 --> 00:15:59,562
Anyway, Jess.
Uh, can we, uh... can we talk?
422
00:15:59,595 --> 00:16:00,986
Uh, we're a little bit busy.
We're opening mail right now.
423
00:16:01,011 --> 00:16:02,298
It's only gonna take a minute, Nick.
424
00:16:02,331 --> 00:16:04,414
Sure. We'll be opening mail
425
00:16:04,439 --> 00:16:05,914
- before you know it.
- But don't open that one.
426
00:16:05,939 --> 00:16:06,871
It might have a bomb in it.
427
00:16:06,903 --> 00:16:08,538
So...
428
00:16:08,571 --> 00:16:09,539
Okay.
429
00:16:09,572 --> 00:16:11,708
- Okay. Thanks.
- Come on in.
430
00:16:11,742 --> 00:16:13,144
How'd you even know we still lived here?
431
00:16:13,177 --> 00:16:15,446
- I just knew.
- Ooh. Russy.
432
00:16:16,662 --> 00:16:19,372
This used to be Nick's room,
but now it's his home office.
433
00:16:19,435 --> 00:16:22,462
Listen, about earlier today,
when I lied about me and Nick...
434
00:16:22,502 --> 00:16:25,205
Jess, I don't think I can spend
another second of my day
435
00:16:25,238 --> 00:16:27,708
and possibly my life
talking about you and Nick.
436
00:16:27,740 --> 00:16:30,675
Oh. Most people
find us adorable, but okay.
437
00:16:30,700 --> 00:16:31,701
Come to work for me.
438
00:16:31,726 --> 00:16:32,979
I was being serious earlier.
439
00:16:33,012 --> 00:16:35,355
I've spent a year
looking for the right person,
440
00:16:35,380 --> 00:16:36,805
and I think you'd be perfect.
441
00:16:36,830 --> 00:16:38,985
I know you're planning a trip,
so hear me out.
442
00:16:39,018 --> 00:16:40,987
- I'd...
- Wait.
443
00:16:41,012 --> 00:16:44,088
I don't know what you do, still.
444
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:47,494
Yes. I was going to cover that
in the "hear me out" portion.
445
00:16:47,527 --> 00:16:49,930
I think at our kid's party,
we go cash bar.
446
00:16:49,955 --> 00:16:52,077
Cash bar would solve a lot of problems.
447
00:16:52,102 --> 00:16:54,467
Yeah. Coach, listen, I'm still waiting
for your vote for those pictures
448
00:16:54,501 --> 00:16:55,959
that I sent you, so...
449
00:16:55,990 --> 00:16:57,703
Winston, just pick your favorite.
450
00:16:57,728 --> 00:17:00,165
Baby, they're all my favorite.
Why can't you see
451
00:17:00,212 --> 00:17:01,493
that you being pregnant has made you
452
00:17:01,535 --> 00:17:02,984
more beautiful than ever?
453
00:17:04,392 --> 00:17:06,747
You know what? Fine.
I'll pick one, okay?
454
00:17:13,887 --> 00:17:15,822
Oh, my God, I am beautiful.
455
00:17:17,023 --> 00:17:19,391
Mother Earth. Creator. Giver of life.
456
00:17:19,425 --> 00:17:20,427
Give that life.
457
00:17:20,459 --> 00:17:22,667
I'm a walking miracle with magic inside.
458
00:17:22,722 --> 00:17:23,956
Well, I mean,
it happens to a lot of people,
459
00:17:23,990 --> 00:17:25,258
so it's not really a miracle,
but I get it.
460
00:17:25,291 --> 00:17:28,360
Look at that body.
And there's a human inside of it?
461
00:17:28,394 --> 00:17:31,263
- Yeah.
- Why have you been so casual about that?
462
00:17:31,297 --> 00:17:32,665
This is crazy, babe.
463
00:17:32,697 --> 00:17:34,600
W-What are you doing just sitting there?
464
00:17:34,634 --> 00:17:37,061
Get a chair. Help me get off my feet.
465
00:17:37,092 --> 00:17:39,071
I've got the beginning
of our family in here.
466
00:17:40,249 --> 00:17:42,083
Baby, can I get you anything?
467
00:17:42,115 --> 00:17:44,126
- Anything at all?
- Yes!
468
00:17:44,165 --> 00:17:45,333
Like what?
469
00:17:45,366 --> 00:17:47,805
- Everything.
- Coming right up.
470
00:17:47,845 --> 00:17:49,180
Bye, Russell.
471
00:17:49,375 --> 00:17:51,465
Hey. Did he like my home office?
472
00:17:51,528 --> 00:17:54,175
Yes. He said it reminded him
of his home office.
473
00:17:54,209 --> 00:17:56,823
Well, that's because I copied
his home office exactly.
474
00:17:56,848 --> 00:17:58,995
- Uh, now onto the mail.
- Oh, wait.
475
00:17:59,020 --> 00:18:00,644
He offered me a job. He's starting
476
00:18:00,676 --> 00:18:02,823
an education-based nonprofit
and wants me to run it.
477
00:18:02,848 --> 00:18:03,831
But I wouldn't be able to go
478
00:18:03,856 --> 00:18:05,387
- with you to South America.
- Who cares?
479
00:18:05,412 --> 00:18:07,174
You should take that job.
It's a big opportunity.
480
00:18:07,199 --> 00:18:08,690
Do you want to open the mail?
Let's just see what's inside.
481
00:18:08,715 --> 00:18:09,692
- Just open it.
- Okay.
482
00:18:09,724 --> 00:18:11,193
I'm wondering if you'll get excited.
483
00:18:11,225 --> 00:18:12,252
Oh, come on.
484
00:18:12,276 --> 00:18:13,813
Sorry, we have to do
the cake at your house.
485
00:18:13,838 --> 00:18:15,274
Someone stole all our knives.
486
00:18:15,299 --> 00:18:17,445
- Hi, Uncle Nick.
- And a nightstand.
487
00:18:17,470 --> 00:18:19,312
Uh, I'm sorry, you guys can't be here.
488
00:18:19,337 --> 00:18:20,750
We're opening mail right now.
489
00:18:20,775 --> 00:18:23,070
Nick's really into mail all of a sudden.
490
00:18:23,095 --> 00:18:24,940
You never know
what Europe's gonna do to a guy.
491
00:18:24,972 --> 00:18:27,715
Yeah, so...
Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
492
00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:30,846
You guys will never believe
what's happening right now.
493
00:18:30,878 --> 00:18:32,473
Okay, fine, I'll tell you.
494
00:18:32,498 --> 00:18:34,275
Aly is taking a nap.
495
00:18:34,330 --> 00:18:37,066
I was watching her,
and then I left, and...
496
00:18:38,610 --> 00:18:40,379
That's one big-ass cake.
497
00:18:40,411 --> 00:18:42,252
I guess we're gonna open mail
in front of everybody.
498
00:18:43,380 --> 00:18:45,950
Great. Uh...
499
00:18:45,984 --> 00:18:47,285
Jess, you want to go ahead?
500
00:18:47,319 --> 00:18:48,460
Yeah.
501
00:18:48,485 --> 00:18:51,538
I just want to say
we really missed you guys.
502
00:18:51,585 --> 00:18:54,593
And Nick, I don't need to be married
to know who we are.
503
00:18:54,626 --> 00:18:56,265
- Really?
- Really.
504
00:18:56,313 --> 00:18:58,062
I love you,
and I love our life together,
505
00:18:58,103 --> 00:18:59,841
and I don't want anything to change.
506
00:18:59,866 --> 00:19:01,890
And the moment that someone suggested
507
00:19:01,921 --> 00:19:04,866
that we weren't where
we should be, I went crazy.
508
00:19:04,929 --> 00:19:06,338
Because we're great.
509
00:19:06,370 --> 00:19:08,072
And why risk messing that up?
510
00:19:08,942 --> 00:19:10,444
We don't need to get married,
511
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:12,792
and that's okay with us. Right, Nick?
512
00:19:14,269 --> 00:19:15,947
Yeah, right.
513
00:19:17,916 --> 00:19:19,484
So, let's see what Turkey wants.
514
00:19:19,516 --> 00:19:21,331
Ah, enough of that. Give me that.
515
00:19:21,356 --> 00:19:22,847
Who cares what Turkey wants?
516
00:19:22,872 --> 00:19:25,386
Cake beats mail.
We got a hungry birthday girl
517
00:19:25,411 --> 00:19:26,399
right here, I don't want to bore her
518
00:19:26,424 --> 00:19:28,543
- with foreign mail.
- I like mail.
519
00:19:28,574 --> 00:19:30,293
Oh, you don't know what you
like. You're three years old.
520
00:19:31,996 --> 00:19:33,364
Excuse me.
521
00:19:33,398 --> 00:19:36,368
I got to go wash my hands.
I've been in Europe.
522
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:38,536
Is he suggesting
523
00:19:38,570 --> 00:19:42,107
that he hasn't washed his hands
since Europe?
524
00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:43,274
Bob, I can't do it tonight.
525
00:19:45,310 --> 00:19:47,245
I'm sorry, but this thing
526
00:19:47,279 --> 00:19:49,181
has been ten years in the making,
527
00:19:49,214 --> 00:19:51,283
and everything about
the proposal has to be perfect.
528
00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:53,284
- And I'll know when the time is right.
- You know what?
529
00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:55,287
I'm rescinding my blessing.
530
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,623
You want to marry my daughter?
You got to resubmit
531
00:19:57,656 --> 00:19:59,524
for a new blessing.
532
00:19:59,556 --> 00:20:01,525
And it better be as good
as the first time you asked.
533
00:20:01,559 --> 00:20:04,129
Okay.
534
00:20:04,684 --> 00:20:08,121
Bob, I am in love with your daughter,
535
00:20:08,229 --> 00:20:11,003
and I will be for the rest of my life.
536
00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:13,537
I want to ask her to marry me,
537
00:20:13,571 --> 00:20:16,041
but only with your blessing.
538
00:20:16,073 --> 00:20:19,645
All right, all right.
Yeah, y-you got it.
539
00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:21,679
But this time
there's a time limit on it.
540
00:20:21,713 --> 00:20:23,181
One month. You hear me?
541
00:20:23,214 --> 00:20:25,850
- One month!
- One month.
542
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,422
♪ Happy birthday ♪
543
00:20:31,456 --> 00:20:33,524
♪ Dear Ruth ♪
544
00:20:33,579 --> 00:20:37,258
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
545
00:20:41,733 --> 00:20:43,432
Good job, baby.
546
00:20:43,457 --> 00:20:44,971
- Hey, hey.
- Good job.
547
00:20:44,996 --> 00:20:47,606
♪ Never lived for nobody ♪
548
00:20:47,639 --> 00:20:50,141
♪ But I live for you ♪
549
00:20:50,175 --> 00:20:51,576
♪ Ooh ♪
550
00:20:51,609 --> 00:20:56,091
♪ Babe, lost in love ♪
551
00:20:56,116 --> 00:20:59,120
♪ Is what I feel ♪
552
00:20:59,145 --> 00:21:03,220
♪ When I'm with you ♪
553
00:21:04,456 --> 00:21:09,056
♪ Maybe it's the way you touch me ♪
554
00:21:09,103 --> 00:21:12,238
♪ With the warmth of a sun ♪
555
00:21:12,269 --> 00:21:15,466
♪ Maybe it's the way you smile ♪
556
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:18,253
♪ I come all undone ♪
557
00:21:18,285 --> 00:21:20,438
♪ Ooh, baby... ♪
558
00:21:20,472 --> 00:21:23,075
It's so great having everyone
back in the loft.
559
00:21:23,108 --> 00:21:25,210
I hope this never ends.
560
00:21:25,243 --> 00:21:27,446
♪ Feel ♪
561
00:21:27,478 --> 00:21:30,756
♪ When I'm with you ♪
562
00:21:30,780 --> 00:21:35,580
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com