1
00:00:12,434 --> 00:00:13,601
Meow.
2
00:00:13,668 --> 00:00:14,935
Meow.
3
00:00:23,745 --> 00:00:24,978
Wait, wait.
4
00:00:25,046 --> 00:00:26,280
Are we really gonna do this?
5
00:00:26,348 --> 00:00:28,615
- Yes. Yes!
- Okay.
6
00:00:28,682 --> 00:00:31,851
♪ Intercourse,
intercourse. ♪
7
00:00:31,918 --> 00:00:33,319
Intercourse.
8
00:00:33,387 --> 00:00:34,654
Intercourse.
9
00:00:35,889 --> 00:00:37,123
Sorry, that was weird.
10
00:00:37,190 --> 00:00:38,491
No, no, no.
It's okay.
11
00:00:38,559 --> 00:00:39,692
I have to go to the loo.
12
00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:41,661
Okay.
13
00:00:43,229 --> 00:00:44,829
Hey, tiger.
14
00:00:44,897 --> 00:00:46,732
You're having sex tonight.
15
00:00:49,802 --> 00:00:52,070
Don't give me that look,
just do it.
16
00:00:54,206 --> 00:00:56,007
I'm sorry.
17
00:00:56,075 --> 00:00:57,676
No. You kidding?
18
00:00:57,744 --> 00:00:59,277
Don't worry about it.
19
00:00:59,344 --> 00:01:01,812
It's fine.
20
00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:03,781
I just haven't had
sex with anyone
21
00:01:03,848 --> 00:01:07,184
but Spencer in six years,
and I get so nervous.
22
00:01:07,252 --> 00:01:10,788
It's like starting a new job
with a really weird interview.
23
00:01:10,855 --> 00:01:12,723
Don't worry about it.
I'm good.
24
00:01:12,791 --> 00:01:14,191
I'm more than good.
25
00:01:14,259 --> 00:01:15,458
It's okay.
26
00:01:15,526 --> 00:01:16,626
You know what?
27
00:01:16,694 --> 00:01:17,761
Tomorrow night.
28
00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:18,961
Let's just go out to dinner
29
00:01:19,029 --> 00:01:20,597
and then just nail each other.
30
00:01:20,665 --> 00:01:22,031
Just pound each other.
31
00:01:22,099 --> 00:01:23,333
V-bomb on the P-bomb.
32
00:01:24,902 --> 00:01:28,571
I would have the... P-bomb,
right?
33
00:01:28,639 --> 00:01:31,140
♪ Who's that girl? Who's that girl? ♪
Sync by Alice | Corrected by gloriabg
34
00:01:31,141 --> 00:01:33,141
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
Sync by Alice | Corrected by gloriabg
35
00:01:33,209 --> 00:01:34,510
♪ Who's that girl? ♪ It's Jess. ♪
www.addic7ed.com
36
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,578
www.addic7ed.com
37
00:01:36,579 --> 00:01:38,246
Yes, I'm confirming
the appointment.
38
00:01:38,315 --> 00:01:39,848
I made the damn appointment.
39
00:01:39,916 --> 00:01:41,082
That's what. Why wouldn't...
40
00:01:41,150 --> 00:01:42,117
Yeah, okay.
41
00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:43,084
Appointment confirmed.
42
00:01:43,152 --> 00:01:45,721
Thank you. Thank you very much.
43
00:01:45,789 --> 00:01:47,388
Yeah, there's not a chance
I'm going.
44
00:01:47,456 --> 00:01:48,690
Can you not do
this to yourself?
45
00:01:48,757 --> 00:01:50,191
Look at your hair,
you look ridiculous.
46
00:01:50,258 --> 00:01:51,192
What am I supposed to talk
about for an hour?
47
00:01:51,259 --> 00:01:52,193
It's a haircut.
48
00:01:52,260 --> 00:01:53,761
No, you're trapped.
49
00:01:53,829 --> 00:01:55,430
You can't move,
and they're standing
50
00:01:55,497 --> 00:01:56,831
behind you with their hands
51
00:01:56,898 --> 00:01:57,865
in your hair, and they expect
52
00:01:57,933 --> 00:01:58,933
you to talk back.
53
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,736
Oh, yeah, it's your baby.
54
00:02:01,804 --> 00:02:03,570
He's cute.
55
00:02:03,638 --> 00:02:06,005
Yeah, your baby's cute.
56
00:02:06,073 --> 00:02:08,408
Okay, I tell you what, man,
just come to my place.
57
00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:09,976
No, I'm not going to
a black barbershop, Winston.
58
00:02:10,044 --> 00:02:13,447
I've seen the movies;
I know how fast they talk.
59
00:02:13,514 --> 00:02:15,716
I don't need to seem
any less cool than I already do.
60
00:02:15,783 --> 00:02:16,750
Want to go to my salon?
61
00:02:16,818 --> 00:02:17,818
Hey, guys.
62
00:02:17,885 --> 00:02:19,785
- Hey.
- So, um...
63
00:02:19,853 --> 00:02:21,320
heads up, Paul's
coming tonight.
64
00:02:21,388 --> 00:02:23,121
And I just wanted to tell you
65
00:02:23,189 --> 00:02:25,257
that I'm gonna tap him
like a maple tree.
66
00:02:25,325 --> 00:02:26,659
I'm gonna be searching
for some syrups.
67
00:02:28,261 --> 00:02:29,528
I'm gonna be having sex
with him.
68
00:02:29,596 --> 00:02:30,463
- All right.
- All right, hey!
69
00:02:30,530 --> 00:02:31,497
Why are you telling us this?
70
00:02:31,498 --> 00:02:33,466
'Cause I want to.
I want to give you a heads up.
71
00:02:33,533 --> 00:02:35,000
You nervous?
You need tips?
72
00:02:35,068 --> 00:02:36,868
No, I'm not nervous.
73
00:02:36,935 --> 00:02:38,936
Just, you know,
I can drive stick.
74
00:02:39,004 --> 00:02:40,705
Yeah, 'cause it seems like
75
00:02:40,773 --> 00:02:41,806
you're freaking out
a little bit.
76
00:02:41,874 --> 00:02:43,408
With this whole activity.
77
00:02:43,476 --> 00:02:44,843
That's not stick,
that's automatic.
78
00:02:44,910 --> 00:02:46,010
That's not automatic.
79
00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:50,014
Another bathroom break,
Schmidt?
80
00:02:50,082 --> 00:02:51,615
You know, I've been
timing you all day.
81
00:02:51,683 --> 00:02:53,149
Seven minutes and 23 seconds.
82
00:02:53,217 --> 00:02:55,018
I wonder what was
going on in there.
83
00:02:55,086 --> 00:02:57,020
Hmm? You pooped.
84
00:02:57,088 --> 00:02:58,355
Can you stop timing me, please?
85
00:02:58,423 --> 00:02:59,656
It's ridiculous
that you do that.
86
00:02:59,724 --> 00:03:00,657
I will break you.
87
00:03:00,725 --> 00:03:01,958
Hey, Lisa!
88
00:03:02,026 --> 00:03:03,660
You were on fire
last night, girl!
89
00:03:03,728 --> 00:03:04,728
I'm taking her job.
90
00:03:04,796 --> 00:03:06,730
What did you do last night?
91
00:03:06,798 --> 00:03:09,131
Everyone from the office went
to Jill's bachelorette party.
92
00:03:09,199 --> 00:03:10,800
Why don't I get invited places?
93
00:03:10,868 --> 00:03:12,568
Is it because I'm the only man
in the office?
94
00:03:12,636 --> 00:03:15,037
- "Man." That's adorable.
- How is it...
95
00:03:15,105 --> 00:03:15,938
You know, Sarah got promoted.
96
00:03:16,006 --> 00:03:16,972
Sarah?
97
00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:18,374
With the, with the gums?
98
00:03:18,442 --> 00:03:19,642
- Yeah.
- So she's out of the...
99
00:03:19,710 --> 00:03:21,544
That corner cubicle is free.
100
00:03:25,114 --> 00:03:26,782
So much kick-back space.
101
00:03:26,849 --> 00:03:31,052
And, you know, Gina
personally invited me
102
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,654
to her baby shower tonight.
103
00:03:32,722 --> 00:03:37,526
So that corner cubicle--
that's all mine.
104
00:03:37,593 --> 00:03:39,060
You like a Bond villain?
105
00:03:39,128 --> 00:03:40,594
You just told me
your whole plan.
106
00:03:47,035 --> 00:03:49,737
Mr. Darcy's going to love
my new bonnet.
107
00:03:49,805 --> 00:03:52,039
Why are we here?
108
00:03:52,106 --> 00:03:53,607
You don't understand.
109
00:03:53,675 --> 00:03:55,108
You've never been
cheated on before.
110
00:03:55,176 --> 00:03:56,910
Spencer and I never
tried anything new,
111
00:03:56,977 --> 00:04:01,047
and maybe if I'd been...
more erotic...
112
00:04:01,114 --> 00:04:04,016
Spencer cheated on you
because he's a total jerk,
113
00:04:04,084 --> 00:04:05,351
not 'cause you're bad in bed.
114
00:04:05,419 --> 00:04:07,053
It's been six years.
115
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,055
Everything I know about sex,
I learned from Spencer
116
00:04:09,122 --> 00:04:10,824
or the Clinton
impeachment trial.
117
00:04:10,891 --> 00:04:12,825
He used a cigar as a sexual aid
118
00:04:12,892 --> 00:04:14,526
with her in
the Oval Office area...
119
00:04:14,594 --> 00:04:15,928
- Jess!
- Mom?!
120
00:04:16,495 --> 00:04:18,530
I'm not listening to NPR.
121
00:04:20,098 --> 00:04:21,667
No. No whistle.
122
00:04:21,734 --> 00:04:23,602
It's terrible!
123
00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:27,072
Uh, excusez-moi.
124
00:04:27,139 --> 00:04:29,139
Can I try this on, please?
125
00:04:29,207 --> 00:04:30,842
Oh, the starfish.
You can't try that on.
126
00:04:30,909 --> 00:04:31,843
Health code.
127
00:04:32,310 --> 00:04:33,911
I'll take it!
128
00:04:33,979 --> 00:04:36,013
Ha!
129
00:04:36,081 --> 00:04:38,483
I hope Paul's packing
some coral polyps,
130
00:04:38,550 --> 00:04:41,051
'cause this starfish is hungry.
131
00:04:43,188 --> 00:04:44,355
Starfish eat coral polyps.
132
00:04:44,422 --> 00:04:46,089
Just pay, Jess.
133
00:04:46,156 --> 00:04:48,725
So today I'm gonna show you
how to cut your own hair.
134
00:04:48,793 --> 00:04:50,360
Uh, I consider myself...
135
00:04:50,427 --> 00:04:52,462
Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hell
are you doing, Nick?
136
00:04:52,530 --> 00:04:54,698
It's a haircut!
Human interaction.
137
00:04:54,765 --> 00:04:57,200
You're a bartender, you talk
to strangers every single day.
138
00:04:57,267 --> 00:04:59,102
I don't like when they
touch my head, Winston.
139
00:04:59,169 --> 00:05:00,402
I don't like it.
140
00:05:00,470 --> 00:05:02,471
Go to the damn salon!
141
00:05:02,539 --> 00:05:04,039
No, it's fine, okay?
142
00:05:04,107 --> 00:05:05,541
I'm learning
how to do it myself.
143
00:05:05,609 --> 00:05:06,876
I'm learning from this video.
144
00:05:09,713 --> 00:05:11,279
- Oh!
- Oh, my God, man!
145
00:05:14,084 --> 00:05:15,584
I was wondering why
it had so many views.
146
00:05:15,651 --> 00:05:16,985
Let's watch it again.
147
00:05:18,052 --> 00:05:18,720
Hey.
148
00:05:18,787 --> 00:05:19,888
What?
149
00:05:19,955 --> 00:05:21,990
You know, Gina, I was
just walking by and, I mean,
150
00:05:22,058 --> 00:05:25,560
I was literally pulled in here
by the glow.
151
00:05:25,628 --> 00:05:28,363
- What do you want, Schmidt?
- I was just working my tail off
152
00:05:28,431 --> 00:05:30,465
at my cubicle, which, between
you and me, is surrounded
153
00:05:30,533 --> 00:05:32,333
by a couple of chatty Cathys.
154
00:05:32,401 --> 00:05:33,567
I mean, that's really
their names.
155
00:05:33,635 --> 00:05:34,801
It's Cathy S. and Cathy G.
156
00:05:34,869 --> 00:05:35,936
Anyway, they won't shut up
157
00:05:36,004 --> 00:05:37,438
about a baby shower tonight
158
00:05:37,506 --> 00:05:39,940
for a certain VP VP.
159
00:05:40,008 --> 00:05:43,911
"Very pregnant vice presidente."
160
00:05:43,978 --> 00:05:45,946
You're the worst.
Seriously, the worst.
161
00:05:45,954 --> 00:05:46,954
Get out.
162
00:05:46,981 --> 00:05:49,049
Gina, honestly,
it would mean so much to me
163
00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:51,418
if you would just let me
come to your baby shower.
164
00:05:51,485 --> 00:05:53,520
Okay, fine.
Come to my baby shower.
165
00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:55,388
I can come? - Yeah.
So I'm invited?
166
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:56,722
- Yeah, you're invited.
- All right.
167
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:57,824
I saw your registry.
168
00:05:57,891 --> 00:05:59,125
I'm gonna get you one of those
portable baby pumps.
169
00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:00,560
You're just out there
170
00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:02,361
in every day life,
but you're pumping yourself
171
00:06:02,429 --> 00:06:03,495
at the same time, you know.
172
00:06:03,563 --> 00:06:05,263
Just milking away. Just...
173
00:06:05,330 --> 00:06:06,997
- Get out.
- Okay, I'm gonna go.
174
00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:10,469
Why don't we meet here at 8:00?
175
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:11,470
Great. Okay.
176
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:12,904
Uh, where's the place?
177
00:06:12,972 --> 00:06:15,507
Um, I think it's in Koreatown.
178
00:06:16,175 --> 00:06:17,342
Let me check.
179
00:06:17,609 --> 00:06:18,944
Ooh, exotic.
180
00:06:20,045 --> 00:06:21,879
Let me see here.
181
00:06:24,849 --> 00:06:26,383
Jess?
182
00:06:26,451 --> 00:06:27,451
What?
183
00:06:27,518 --> 00:06:29,687
Oh, um...
184
00:06:29,754 --> 00:06:31,221
Sorry, uh...
185
00:06:31,289 --> 00:06:32,556
Can I call you back?
186
00:06:32,624 --> 00:06:34,024
Yeah.
187
00:06:37,527 --> 00:06:39,495
Hey, Schmidt!
188
00:06:39,563 --> 00:06:42,098
Can I borrow your computer?
189
00:06:43,266 --> 00:06:45,134
Nick? Winston?
190
00:06:53,610 --> 00:06:54,710
What?
191
00:06:58,380 --> 00:07:00,348
What?
192
00:07:03,885 --> 00:07:05,086
Hey, do you have my comput...
193
00:07:05,154 --> 00:07:07,188
Oh, my computer.
194
00:07:07,256 --> 00:07:08,823
- I have your computer.
- I can see that.
195
00:07:08,890 --> 00:07:11,025
Hey, I got to cram
for this baby shower.
196
00:07:11,093 --> 00:07:12,760
Can I, can I have it back?
197
00:07:12,828 --> 00:07:14,795
I've been watching porn.
198
00:07:14,863 --> 00:07:17,064
You...
199
00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:19,299
I found your red folder.
200
00:07:19,367 --> 00:07:20,901
How-how long you been doing that for?
Are you okay?
201
00:07:20,969 --> 00:07:22,937
Five and a half hours.
202
00:07:26,173 --> 00:07:27,974
Wow. Uh, you went deep, Jess.
203
00:07:28,042 --> 00:07:28,975
Real deep.
204
00:07:29,043 --> 00:07:30,110
Help me, guys.
205
00:07:30,177 --> 00:07:31,177
I have 15 minutes.
206
00:07:31,245 --> 00:07:33,446
Teach me how to be good at sex.
207
00:07:34,351 --> 00:07:36,851
I just, I have to
go on this date right now
208
00:07:36,919 --> 00:07:40,188
and I can't do it.
I'm freaking out, okay?
209
00:07:40,255 --> 00:07:42,290
I need all of you
to sit in front of me
210
00:07:42,357 --> 00:07:44,425
and tell me what guys like
in bed, right now.
211
00:07:45,092 --> 00:07:45,893
What do you want to know?
212
00:07:45,961 --> 00:07:46,927
Okay.
213
00:07:46,994 --> 00:07:49,229
Um, when you're...
214
00:07:49,297 --> 00:07:50,697
if you're in the...
215
00:07:50,764 --> 00:07:53,399
if you're holding the...
216
00:07:53,467 --> 00:07:54,467
Start over.
217
00:07:54,535 --> 00:07:56,169
Um...
218
00:07:56,237 --> 00:07:58,071
when you reach...
219
00:08:01,242 --> 00:08:02,375
...completion...
220
00:08:02,443 --> 00:08:03,608
- Yeah, that was it.
- Completion?
221
00:08:03,676 --> 00:08:04,776
- No! No, wait.
- I can't do this, Jess.
222
00:08:04,845 --> 00:08:06,078
Come on. Come back here.
223
00:08:06,146 --> 00:08:08,513
Jess, guys want to
be whisked away.
224
00:08:08,581 --> 00:08:09,715
They want to be enchanted.
225
00:08:09,782 --> 00:08:10,883
Just take your
clothes off, Jess.
226
00:08:10,951 --> 00:08:12,451
Do you think that Paul
227
00:08:12,518 --> 00:08:14,286
watches stuff like that?
228
00:08:14,354 --> 00:08:15,754
- All the time.
- For sure.
229
00:08:15,822 --> 00:08:16,722
Probably watching it right now.
230
00:08:16,789 --> 00:08:17,723
Really? Okay.
231
00:08:17,790 --> 00:08:18,957
I put this on mute,
232
00:08:19,024 --> 00:08:20,124
because this girl's...
233
00:08:20,192 --> 00:08:21,592
like, pretty loud.
234
00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:23,427
And, um, my main thing
235
00:08:23,495 --> 00:08:24,729
that I took away was,
236
00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:26,898
gosh, that young lady can
237
00:08:26,966 --> 00:08:27,999
really multitask.
238
00:08:28,067 --> 00:08:29,167
- Super normal.
- She's a pro.
239
00:08:29,235 --> 00:08:30,168
- What she's doing.
- I don't know
240
00:08:30,236 --> 00:08:31,570
if every girl's like that,
but she's a pro.
241
00:08:31,637 --> 00:08:33,772
Was wondering if there
are any trendy moves.
242
00:08:33,839 --> 00:08:35,173
'Cause I've been
doing the same four
243
00:08:35,241 --> 00:08:38,576
for the last six years, like...
244
00:08:39,743 --> 00:08:41,711
Uh, and you know, like, uh...
245
00:08:42,780 --> 00:08:44,081
That one.
246
00:08:44,148 --> 00:08:45,415
And I don't know.
247
00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:47,017
Do you think that Paul would be
248
00:08:47,085 --> 00:08:49,319
into, like,
something like that?
249
00:08:49,387 --> 00:08:50,720
What, a little light choking?
250
00:08:50,788 --> 00:08:52,955
I'm gonna bet Paul is into
some pretty dark stuff.
251
00:08:53,023 --> 00:08:55,091
- Light choking, really?
- No one's doing that.
252
00:08:55,158 --> 00:08:57,093
You know what, Nick, maybe you're
hooking up with the wrong kind of girl.
253
00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,061
Apparently, I'm hooking up
with the right girl, Schmidt,
254
00:08:59,129 --> 00:09:00,830
because they don't choke me.
255
00:09:00,898 --> 00:09:02,831
Nick is a meat and potatoes
kind of guy.
256
00:09:02,832 --> 00:09:04,233
- Winston and I...
- Don't want to be a part of this.
257
00:09:04,301 --> 00:09:05,568
- ...we're sushi.
- So you guys really think
258
00:09:05,636 --> 00:09:06,635
you're better at sex than me.
259
00:09:06,703 --> 00:09:07,537
- Yeah.
- Absolutely.
260
00:09:07,605 --> 00:09:09,971
What did you do after you lost your
virginity? What did you say to me?
261
00:09:10,039 --> 00:09:11,639
Don't say that right now.
You're taking it out of context.
262
00:09:11,707 --> 00:09:13,174
He said, "Winston,
is it okay that
263
00:09:13,242 --> 00:09:14,476
I didn't get my pants
all the way off?"
264
00:09:14,544 --> 00:09:15,977
That's a true story.
That really happened.
265
00:09:16,045 --> 00:09:18,213
I was 16 years old.
266
00:09:18,281 --> 00:09:20,115
And I've gotten a lot better.
267
00:09:20,182 --> 00:09:21,950
You haven't gotten that much
better. I used to listen
268
00:09:22,018 --> 00:09:23,784
to you and Caroline
all the time in college.
269
00:09:23,851 --> 00:09:25,452
It was like listening
to a rescue crew
270
00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:28,522
trying to communicate
with a stranded miner.
271
00:09:28,589 --> 00:09:30,757
"Are you okay?"
272
00:09:30,825 --> 00:09:33,760
"Yeah. Are you okay?"
273
00:09:33,828 --> 00:09:34,995
- "Yeah."
- Hey, guys,
274
00:09:35,063 --> 00:09:36,030
I don't have much time.
275
00:09:36,097 --> 00:09:37,264
Can we get this back on track?
276
00:09:37,332 --> 00:09:39,365
I need to know what to do.
277
00:09:39,433 --> 00:09:41,834
Would flicking be,
like, a cool thing?
278
00:09:41,902 --> 00:09:43,169
No.
279
00:09:43,237 --> 00:09:44,304
- No!
- Absolutely not.
280
00:09:44,371 --> 00:09:45,371
How about role play?
281
00:09:45,439 --> 00:09:46,572
Do you know any voices?
282
00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:47,607
Yes. I can do
283
00:09:47,675 --> 00:09:50,176
an old-timey newscaster, like,
"Hey there, son,
284
00:09:50,244 --> 00:09:52,311
I'm gonna kick you
into next Tuesday, see?"
285
00:09:52,378 --> 00:09:54,580
You're telling me,
for the last 15 years, you've been
286
00:09:54,648 --> 00:09:57,015
thinking I'm bad at sex.
I'm fantastic at sex.
287
00:09:57,083 --> 00:09:58,783
Dude, you're scared
to get a haircut.
288
00:09:58,851 --> 00:09:59,952
Yeah, I don't like
getting a haircut!
289
00:10:00,019 --> 00:10:01,554
It's too intimate. What does
that have to do with sex?
290
00:10:01,621 --> 00:10:02,455
Okay, Jess, here's
what you're gonna do.
291
00:10:02,522 --> 00:10:03,990
You got a question,
just come to me because
292
00:10:04,058 --> 00:10:06,859
- I'm obviously the best.
- No, you're not the best.
293
00:10:06,927 --> 00:10:09,562
Jess, who do you think, of the
three of us, is the best at sex?
294
00:10:09,629 --> 00:10:10,613
Yes.
295
00:10:10,629 --> 00:10:11,763
And take emotion out of it.
296
00:10:11,831 --> 00:10:13,965
No one's feelings
are gonna get hurt.
297
00:10:14,032 --> 00:10:15,867
- Go with your gut. - Especially,
you know, Nick and Winston's.
298
00:10:15,935 --> 00:10:17,335
No, I'm not doing this.
299
00:10:17,402 --> 00:10:18,937
- Say a name.
- Go with your gut.
300
00:10:20,305 --> 00:10:21,439
Oh. Oh!
301
00:10:22,007 --> 00:10:23,040
Hey! Paul!
302
00:10:23,108 --> 00:10:24,808
Hey, Paul.
303
00:10:26,578 --> 00:10:28,111
- Hey.
- Hey.
304
00:10:29,179 --> 00:10:30,480
Hey, goose.
305
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:32,615
Hey, goose.
306
00:10:34,852 --> 00:10:36,086
I'm gonna go get
ready in my room.
307
00:10:36,153 --> 00:10:37,321
- Okay.
- I'll be back.
308
00:10:37,389 --> 00:10:39,456
- I'll just hang out with the guys.
- Cool.
309
00:10:40,223 --> 00:10:40,857
Hey, guys.
310
00:10:40,924 --> 00:10:41,625
- What's up?
- What's up?
311
00:10:41,693 --> 00:10:42,825
- What's up, Paul?
- Oh, you're
312
00:10:42,893 --> 00:10:43,826
looking at me like, "what?"
313
00:10:43,994 --> 00:10:45,027
I should tell you.
314
00:10:45,096 --> 00:10:47,863
Um, "Goose" is short for
"me gusta Jess."
315
00:10:47,930 --> 00:10:49,465
- Of course.
- Come here, sit down, man.
316
00:11:10,184 --> 00:11:13,787
- Thank you. - I am so tired of
people being so careful with me.
317
00:11:13,855 --> 00:11:15,788
It's like, I am 40
and I am pregnant.
318
00:11:15,856 --> 00:11:17,257
I am not made out of crackers.
319
00:11:19,293 --> 00:11:21,694
Hey, ladies
What are you guys talking about?
320
00:11:21,762 --> 00:11:23,630
- Afterbirth.
- Afterbirth.
321
00:11:23,697 --> 00:11:25,165
That's like the,
the party you guys have
322
00:11:25,233 --> 00:11:27,100
after you have the baby...
323
00:11:27,201 --> 00:11:29,403
- Sort of. - You know, I'd like
to be invited to that.
324
00:11:29,470 --> 00:11:31,370
You know what they say,
"An afterbirth ain't an afterbirth
325
00:11:31,438 --> 00:11:32,906
without some Schmidt
up I in there."
326
00:11:32,907 --> 00:11:33,907
Schmidt? Come here.
327
00:11:34,408 --> 00:11:35,707
I'm gonna talk to you
in a little bit.
328
00:11:35,808 --> 00:11:37,143
- What are you doing?
- I'm rocking this party, Beth.
329
00:11:37,210 --> 00:11:38,411
Watch this.
330
00:11:42,214 --> 00:11:44,716
Hi. How's everyboby doing?
331
00:11:44,784 --> 00:11:48,386
You know, I just, I just wanted
to take a moment to, well,
332
00:11:48,454 --> 00:11:50,121
to say how honored I am
to celebrate
333
00:11:50,189 --> 00:11:52,457
the journey of Bogart
334
00:11:52,525 --> 00:11:54,926
through Gina,
and out and into the light.
335
00:11:54,993 --> 00:11:56,694
Here's to elective C-sections!
336
00:12:02,734 --> 00:12:04,801
Just face it, baby.
337
00:12:04,869 --> 00:12:06,570
You don't know the
first thing about women.
338
00:12:06,637 --> 00:12:09,239
Ah, you're the best, Beth.
I don't know if you know this
339
00:12:09,307 --> 00:12:12,176
about me, but I was in
two frats in college.
340
00:12:12,243 --> 00:12:13,977
Want to know why?
341
00:12:14,045 --> 00:12:15,645
'Cause I just couldn't decide.
342
00:12:15,713 --> 00:12:18,848
Hey, ladies!
Let's get this party started!
343
00:12:20,451 --> 00:12:24,087
♪ ♪
344
00:12:24,154 --> 00:12:26,355
We're all getting drunk tonight!
Except for you, Gina.
345
00:12:26,423 --> 00:12:28,124
Horribly irresponsible.
346
00:12:35,198 --> 00:12:37,199
So, I'm looking forward
to having sex tonight.
347
00:12:37,266 --> 00:12:39,468
Yeah. Me, too.
348
00:12:39,535 --> 00:12:42,070
Sex is the bomb.
349
00:12:42,138 --> 00:12:45,740
Sorry. That sounded like
a guy from Entourage.
350
00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:47,041
Do you like porn?
351
00:12:48,410 --> 00:12:49,644
No. Do you?
352
00:12:51,714 --> 00:12:53,380
Yeah, I mean, I... Yeah.
353
00:12:53,448 --> 00:12:55,349
I do, I do like pornos.
354
00:12:55,417 --> 00:12:57,218
Yeah, you know,
when my imagination
355
00:12:57,285 --> 00:12:59,286
isn't really working...
356
00:12:59,354 --> 00:13:02,824
or I've exhausted, uh,
the bullpen.
357
00:13:02,891 --> 00:13:04,659
I just find it very erotic.
358
00:13:04,727 --> 00:13:07,428
And then I just love, like...
359
00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:10,764
everything that's erotic.
360
00:13:17,271 --> 00:13:18,872
Yeah, party!
361
00:13:18,940 --> 00:13:20,107
Party, yeah!
362
00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:21,374
Yeah, Gina! Yeah!
363
00:13:21,442 --> 00:13:23,510
Baby wants his bottle! Yeah!
364
00:13:24,577 --> 00:13:26,274
Party!
365
00:13:33,819 --> 00:13:35,652
Schmidt! Schmidt! Schmidt!
366
00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:37,654
Schmidt! Schmidt! Schmidt!
Schmidt! Schmidt!
367
00:13:42,659 --> 00:13:44,328
Ah-ha! Yeah!
368
00:13:44,395 --> 00:13:46,562
This is so weird!
369
00:13:46,630 --> 00:13:47,631
I love it!
370
00:13:59,477 --> 00:14:01,578
I'm having a baby!
371
00:14:03,180 --> 00:14:04,314
She's having a baby!
372
00:14:09,519 --> 00:14:11,086
Yeah!
373
00:14:15,525 --> 00:14:18,593
...the things people say
sometimes, I don't really...
374
00:14:18,661 --> 00:14:20,194
write it, but I think...
375
00:14:20,262 --> 00:14:21,696
Are we going to do this?
376
00:14:21,764 --> 00:14:24,198
- Yeah. Definitely.
- Sit down.
377
00:14:25,266 --> 00:14:26,368
Okay.
378
00:14:29,372 --> 00:14:32,074
Whoa, wow.
379
00:14:32,141 --> 00:14:34,242
You are hot, hot, hot.
380
00:14:34,309 --> 00:14:36,810
Thank you.
Hello, weather service? Oh!
381
00:14:36,879 --> 00:14:41,281
There's a heat wave from
Portsmouth to Port, Kansas!
382
00:14:41,349 --> 00:14:43,550
I don't know, I don't...
what is happening.
383
00:14:43,618 --> 00:14:44,585
We're talking dirty, slim.
384
00:14:44,652 --> 00:14:46,754
Oh, okay. You want me to do...
you're doing a voice.
385
00:14:46,821 --> 00:14:49,190
You want me to do a voice?
Okay, um...
386
00:14:49,258 --> 00:14:52,492
Well, I'm so happy to be here!
387
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:54,261
Jimmy Stewart?
388
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:57,931
You look ravishing in your...
389
00:14:58,999 --> 00:14:59,366
netting...
390
00:14:59,433 --> 00:15:01,268
- Thank you very much.
- ...contraption.
391
00:15:01,335 --> 00:15:03,569
Now, why don't you let me
see your little caboose?
392
00:15:03,637 --> 00:15:05,305
Okay, here.
Let me go ahead and...
393
00:15:05,373 --> 00:15:06,738
- Your caboose.
- Oh, okay.
394
00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:08,340
- Your butt.
- Oh, my butt! Okay.
395
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,509
Here's my caboose!
396
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,544
Oh, happy birthday, me!
397
00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:15,414
- I... Oh.
- Oh, my God, oh, my God.
398
00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:17,917
- I'm so sorry. Is that okay?
- No, it was great.
399
00:15:17,984 --> 00:15:20,286
I just it felt
so good, and sensual.
400
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:22,153
- Hey!
- You want me to wiggle it around?
401
00:15:22,221 --> 00:15:25,723
How about you help me get
a little more comfortable?
402
00:15:25,791 --> 00:15:28,092
Oh. Oh, all right, dear.
403
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:29,327
Okay, I just don't know...
404
00:15:29,395 --> 00:15:31,862
- I'm going to try something different.
- Oh. Okay, great.
405
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,631
Young man!
406
00:15:33,698 --> 00:15:36,834
Young man, the things
I'm gonna do to you!
407
00:15:36,902 --> 00:15:41,104
- Well, I can't wait to...
- Young man, don't take all day.
408
00:15:41,172 --> 00:15:44,741
Well, I-I understand, ma'am, but
you're wearing chain mail here.
409
00:15:44,809 --> 00:15:46,243
I am not getting any younger.
410
00:15:46,311 --> 00:15:48,278
It's like an erotic
rope course.
411
00:15:48,346 --> 00:15:50,747
Okay, I...
let me try up here.
412
00:15:50,815 --> 00:15:52,715
I think it's...
I can't do the voice
413
00:15:52,783 --> 00:15:54,817
- and get this off at the same time...
- Okay.
414
00:15:54,884 --> 00:15:57,586
- Oh. Is that, are you okay?
- Yes.
415
00:15:57,654 --> 00:15:59,655
Wow, this is a...
416
00:15:59,722 --> 00:16:02,959
I'm gonna split you like a log!
417
00:16:04,627 --> 00:16:06,128
Okay. What are you...
wait, hold on. What is that?
418
00:16:07,696 --> 00:16:08,897
It's a lumberjack.
419
00:16:08,966 --> 00:16:10,198
Hold on one second.
420
00:16:10,766 --> 00:16:12,232
Can we just... start over,
421
00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:13,734
and just kind of go back
to basics for a minute?
422
00:16:13,802 --> 00:16:15,703
Just you and me.
423
00:16:15,771 --> 00:16:16,938
- Okay.
- Okay.
424
00:16:17,006 --> 00:16:19,307
Just our regular voices.
425
00:16:19,375 --> 00:16:21,642
All right.
426
00:16:35,889 --> 00:16:36,723
See? So nice.
427
00:16:38,493 --> 00:16:41,628
So nice...
428
00:16:43,463 --> 00:16:44,497
Ah, you're hurting me.
429
00:16:44,564 --> 00:16:46,299
Oh, my God!
430
00:16:46,367 --> 00:16:48,301
Oh, God.
431
00:16:48,369 --> 00:16:49,902
- Are you okay?
- Oh, yeah, I'm good, I'm good!
432
00:16:49,970 --> 00:16:51,504
Let me get you some water.
433
00:16:51,571 --> 00:16:53,106
Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna
get some water at home.
434
00:16:53,173 --> 00:16:55,975
- I-I have good water at home.
- No, no, no, I have water here.
435
00:16:56,043 --> 00:16:58,310
I have a filter,
it's a special ionized filter...
436
00:16:58,378 --> 00:16:59,311
I got at home.
437
00:17:03,631 --> 00:17:06,364
Oh, I'm so glad you convinced me
to go to your barbershop.
438
00:17:06,432 --> 00:17:09,566
Wow, man. I...
it actually looks really good.
439
00:17:09,634 --> 00:17:11,702
Right? I look good.
440
00:17:11,770 --> 00:17:14,171
And I loved it in there.
You think they liked me in there?
441
00:17:14,239 --> 00:17:15,539
I think they loved
you in there, man.
442
00:17:15,607 --> 00:17:17,041
Okay, good.
443
00:17:17,109 --> 00:17:19,243
- How'd it go?
- Is he still in there, Jess?
444
00:17:22,912 --> 00:17:24,114
No more tea.
445
00:17:25,181 --> 00:17:26,449
I forgot to buy tea.
446
00:17:39,494 --> 00:17:40,862
Hello.
447
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:46,468
Where's...
448
00:17:46,535 --> 00:17:48,102
where's the door?
449
00:17:51,206 --> 00:17:51,907
Hey.
450
00:17:51,975 --> 00:17:55,109
What's up, Jess?
451
00:17:55,177 --> 00:17:57,145
You okay, Jess?
452
00:17:57,212 --> 00:17:58,980
I messed up.
453
00:17:59,247 --> 00:18:01,215
He ran away. He got scared.
454
00:18:01,283 --> 00:18:02,783
Why would he be scared?
455
00:18:02,851 --> 00:18:04,785
Because I choked him.
456
00:18:04,853 --> 00:18:06,954
I lightly choked him.
457
00:18:07,022 --> 00:18:08,522
Wow.
458
00:18:08,590 --> 00:18:10,723
That's what happens
when you listen to Schmidt.
459
00:18:10,791 --> 00:18:12,392
It's just...
when I was with Spencer,
460
00:18:12,460 --> 00:18:14,461
I just didn't even think
about this stuff, you know?
461
00:18:14,528 --> 00:18:17,364
- Just did it.
- Okay.
462
00:18:17,431 --> 00:18:19,299
Here's the thing.
463
00:18:19,367 --> 00:18:21,034
You gotta stop
thinking about it.
464
00:18:21,102 --> 00:18:22,735
Just relax, and be yourself.
465
00:18:22,803 --> 00:18:23,970
You're awesome.
466
00:18:24,038 --> 00:18:25,271
What do you think, Winston?
467
00:18:25,339 --> 00:18:27,306
Why are you asking Winston?
468
00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:29,041
Because, Nick,
look at your hair.
469
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:30,976
You really don't look like
someone who's good at sex.
470
00:18:31,044 --> 00:18:32,878
I can't believe
you just said that.
471
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,679
Here's what you do. You're
gonna stop worrying about it.
472
00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:37,383
- Completely.
- Yeah. That's really good.
473
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:38,950
That's literally
what I just said.
474
00:18:39,019 --> 00:18:40,185
What are you worried about,
anyway?
475
00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:42,420
Paul doesn't care what you do.
476
00:18:42,488 --> 00:18:44,222
I've seen the way
that boy looks at you.
477
00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:46,124
And he is crazy about you.
478
00:18:46,191 --> 00:18:47,392
- I agree, I...
- Shh.
479
00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:49,793
I'm trying to listen
to Winston.
480
00:18:53,697 --> 00:18:54,665
- Oh, hi!
- Hi.
481
00:18:54,733 --> 00:18:56,467
- Paul.
- Hey, Winston.
482
00:18:56,535 --> 00:18:57,835
Could I talk to you
for a minute?
483
00:18:57,903 --> 00:18:59,703
Yeah.
484
00:18:59,771 --> 00:19:01,939
We'll...
step into my office.
485
00:19:02,007 --> 00:19:03,641
- Okay. Hey, Nick.
- Okay.
486
00:19:06,878 --> 00:19:09,212
Um...
487
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,415
- Hi.
- Hi.
488
00:19:13,184 --> 00:19:15,919
- So, last night was, um...
- No, I'm so sorry.
489
00:19:15,986 --> 00:19:18,221
- No, no, don't, please...
- Unacceptable.
490
00:19:18,289 --> 00:19:20,723
I'm really intimidated
by you, Jess.
491
00:19:20,791 --> 00:19:23,226
You're so experienced, and I've
never done any of that stuff,
492
00:19:23,294 --> 00:19:26,263
that S and M style...
bondage stuff.
493
00:19:26,330 --> 00:19:28,598
It scares me a little, but I...
494
00:19:28,666 --> 00:19:30,900
want to do it, because I know
that you're into it.
495
00:19:30,968 --> 00:19:34,003
Just please be gentle
with me at first, okay?
496
00:19:35,071 --> 00:19:36,372
I really like you.
497
00:19:36,940 --> 00:19:38,740
Really?
498
00:19:38,808 --> 00:19:40,642
Yeah, I do.
499
00:19:40,710 --> 00:19:42,511
And nothing else matters.
500
00:19:43,879 --> 00:19:45,247
Except, just...
501
00:19:45,315 --> 00:19:48,083
no fire, and no handcuffs, please.
Please, please, please.
502
00:19:48,150 --> 00:19:50,418
Okay? And I'm allergic to felt.
503
00:19:50,486 --> 00:19:52,053
And most polyurethanes.
504
00:19:52,821 --> 00:19:54,755
Okay, well, that's it.
505
00:19:57,592 --> 00:19:59,159
And no bugs, too,
I don't know if that was...
506
00:19:59,227 --> 00:20:00,394
Paul.
507
00:20:00,462 --> 00:20:01,596
Wait. Um...
508
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:08,335
Last night was kind of a...
low point for me. I mean...
509
00:20:09,403 --> 00:20:12,639
I'm not really into that stuff.
I just... I thought that
510
00:20:12,707 --> 00:20:15,308
whatever I used to do
wouldn't be good enough,
511
00:20:15,375 --> 00:20:17,978
or sexy enough,
or advanced enough,
512
00:20:18,045 --> 00:20:19,746
- and that's why I did that...
- Oh no!
513
00:20:19,814 --> 00:20:21,614
- Sorry. - Oh, no. No, it's okay,
it just surprised me
514
00:20:21,615 --> 00:20:24,884
- a little bit.
- I just...
515
00:20:24,952 --> 00:20:26,218
I like you.
516
00:20:29,756 --> 00:20:32,691
Well, good.
517
00:20:32,759 --> 00:20:34,727
I'll walk you down.
518
00:20:34,794 --> 00:20:36,029
Okay.
519
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,301
Oh! Um, the new trombones
came in...
520
00:20:44,369 --> 00:20:46,638
Paul...
521
00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:16,064
You know that doesn't speed it up
when you do that.
522
00:21:16,132 --> 00:21:16,999
I know, I know.
523
00:21:20,370 --> 00:21:21,403
We're about to go see a movie.
524
00:21:21,471 --> 00:21:22,505
You guys want to come?
525
00:21:22,573 --> 00:21:24,407
- Sure.
- Sure.
526
00:21:25,475 --> 00:21:27,677
Hey, Jess?
Is that your shoe?
527
00:21:31,814 --> 00:21:33,615
Boy, your haircut
look like a high-rise.
528
00:21:36,419 --> 00:21:38,420
Where the penthouse at?
529
00:21:38,488 --> 00:21:40,822
Hey, old man, what,
did you steal those pants
530
00:21:40,890 --> 00:21:42,357
off of Danny Glover's
grandfather?
531
00:21:47,362 --> 00:21:51,031
I am Danny Glover's grandfather.
532
00:21:51,799 --> 00:21:52,966
I'm a big fan of his work.
533
00:21:53,034 --> 00:21:54,802
He's great
in the Lethal Weapons.
534
00:21:56,369 --> 00:21:58,305
No, I'm not.
535
00:22:00,972 --> 00:22:06,274
Sync by Alice | Corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com