1
00:00:01,226 --> 00:00:03,493
♪ Fourth Thursday in November ♪
2
00:00:04,061 --> 00:00:07,030
♪ That is when
we must remember ♪
3
00:00:07,097 --> 00:00:09,799
♪ How the Pilgrims
would have died ♪
4
00:00:09,866 --> 00:00:14,069
♪ If not for friendship
of a tribe... ♪
5
00:00:14,137 --> 00:00:15,370
- Hi.
- Hi.
6
00:00:15,438 --> 00:00:19,307
Thank you so much for helping
backstage. This year.
7
00:00:19,374 --> 00:00:21,209
Really, it's made
such a difference.
8
00:00:21,277 --> 00:00:22,811
- That's nice.
- Yeah.
9
00:00:22,878 --> 00:00:25,447
How... how is your boyfriend?
10
00:00:25,514 --> 00:00:27,214
- We broke up.
- Oh, sorry.
11
00:00:27,282 --> 00:00:28,549
Good riddance! Just kidding.
12
00:00:28,616 --> 00:00:30,017
Oh.
13
00:00:30,085 --> 00:00:32,219
What are you doing
for Thanksgiving?
14
00:00:32,287 --> 00:00:34,588
Well, I always spend it
with my grandmother...
15
00:00:34,656 --> 00:00:36,657
- That's so nice.
- But she just died.
16
00:00:36,724 --> 00:00:38,326
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.
17
00:00:38,393 --> 00:00:39,660
That's terrible. When?
18
00:00:39,727 --> 00:00:41,295
Well, it was about a month ago.
19
00:00:41,363 --> 00:00:42,895
It was while I was writing
the Halloween madrigal.
20
00:00:42,964 --> 00:00:44,764
No wonder it was so deep.
21
00:00:44,832 --> 00:00:46,066
♪ What's it all about? ♪
22
00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:48,134
♪ Is there any point? ♪
23
00:00:48,202 --> 00:00:50,270
♪ Do we start dying ♪
24
00:00:50,338 --> 00:00:56,209
♪ the moment we are born...? ♪
25
00:00:56,277 --> 00:00:58,910
Well, I better go
warm up the gourds.
26
00:01:02,347 --> 00:01:03,081
Paul!
27
00:01:03,148 --> 00:01:04,183
Yeah?
28
00:01:08,521 --> 00:01:10,089
Well... Oh!
29
00:01:10,156 --> 00:01:11,723
What is that?
30
00:01:11,791 --> 00:01:14,325
I went to five grocery stores,
31
00:01:14,393 --> 00:01:17,561
and I got the last turkey
in America.
32
00:01:17,629 --> 00:01:19,463
No, Jess, we're not doing
Thanksgiving, okay?
33
00:01:19,531 --> 00:01:20,331
We talked about this.
34
00:01:20,399 --> 00:01:22,365
We're just gonna
watch football, drink beer
35
00:01:22,466 --> 00:01:24,935
and then we are going
to Best Buy for Black Friday.
36
00:01:25,004 --> 00:01:26,704
Or as I like to
call it, "Friday."
37
00:01:26,771 --> 00:01:29,139
It's our thing, Jess.
It's Dudesgiving.
38
00:01:29,207 --> 00:01:31,574
Okay, no matter how many e-mails
you send, that's not a thing.
39
00:01:31,642 --> 00:01:32,976
- It's real, man. It's totally real.
- It's not real.
40
00:01:33,044 --> 00:01:34,811
We're not calling it that.
41
00:01:34,819 --> 00:01:36,486
It has been two years since I've
had an American Thanksgiving.
42
00:01:36,614 --> 00:01:38,681
- We talked about this.
- Look, it's not a big deal.
43
00:01:38,689 --> 00:01:40,757
I'm just cooking dinner
for you guys... and Paul.
44
00:01:40,885 --> 00:01:42,152
- What?
- What?
45
00:01:42,220 --> 00:01:44,021
- Hmm? What?
- Did you say "and Paul"?
46
00:01:44,788 --> 00:01:46,588
Who's Paul?
47
00:01:46,656 --> 00:01:48,924
Did you invite somebody
named Paul to our house?
48
00:01:48,992 --> 00:01:51,593
Yes, I did.
I asked someone out.
49
00:01:51,660 --> 00:01:53,229
Asked someone out?
50
00:01:53,296 --> 00:01:55,297
Jess, be honest--
is the turkey named Paul?
51
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,066
It's a real guy.
52
00:01:57,134 --> 00:01:59,068
And he teaches at my school.
53
00:01:59,136 --> 00:02:01,803
And he's really, really hot!
54
00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:06,474
And the turkey is named Hank--
Hanksgiving.
55
00:02:06,542 --> 00:02:09,944
And we are gonna eat him, so...
56
00:02:10,012 --> 00:02:11,546
Hanksgiving.
57
00:02:11,613 --> 00:02:14,349
♪ Hey, girl ♪
58
00:02:14,417 --> 00:02:17,685
♪ What you doing? ♪
59
00:02:17,753 --> 00:02:19,853
♪ Hey, girl ♪
60
00:02:19,921 --> 00:02:22,889
♪ Where you going? ♪
61
00:02:22,957 --> 00:02:24,991
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
62
00:02:25,060 --> 00:02:26,893
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
63
00:02:26,961 --> 00:02:29,096
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ It's Jess. ♪
64
00:02:29,097 --> 00:02:33,033
Sync by Alice l Corrections by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com.
65
00:02:33,534 --> 00:02:36,436
Don't worry, guys,
I will do everything.
66
00:02:36,503 --> 00:02:38,438
Are we gonna be able
to hang out with Paul or
67
00:02:38,805 --> 00:02:40,106
is he also a teacher?
68
00:02:40,174 --> 00:02:41,474
No, he's a total guy's guy.
69
00:02:41,542 --> 00:02:42,709
He normally spends Thanksgiving
with his nana,
70
00:02:42,777 --> 00:02:43,877
but she just passed away.
71
00:02:43,945 --> 00:02:45,144
That's a great plan, Jess,
72
00:02:45,212 --> 00:02:47,313
be the girl who
replaces his dead nana.
73
00:02:47,381 --> 00:02:48,748
I know!
74
00:02:48,816 --> 00:02:51,216
Guys, look, this is a bad idea.
75
00:02:51,284 --> 00:02:52,851
He's gonna be our fifth
roommate, I'm telling you.
76
00:02:52,919 --> 00:02:54,186
It's a first date.
77
00:02:54,253 --> 00:02:56,254
We don't know him, okay?
We got to figure out
78
00:02:56,322 --> 00:02:58,023
whether or not he's
the right guy for us.
79
00:02:58,091 --> 00:02:59,725
We deserve to be happy.
80
00:02:59,793 --> 00:03:01,393
You guys, don't even get up.
81
00:03:01,461 --> 00:03:03,862
Just enjoy your beers.
It's gonna be a great meal.
82
00:03:03,930 --> 00:03:05,430
Just curious, does anybody know
anything about cooking?
83
00:03:05,498 --> 00:03:07,398
- Mm-mmm.
- No pressure.
84
00:03:07,466 --> 00:03:09,333
Just, like, cooking a turkey,
for example.
85
00:03:09,401 --> 00:03:11,202
It says you need
some kind of string.
86
00:03:11,269 --> 00:03:12,804
- Trussing string.
- Don't, Schmidt!
87
00:03:12,871 --> 00:03:14,739
That's a good turkey tip.
You got more?
88
00:03:14,807 --> 00:03:16,307
Here's a tip: don't cook
Thanksgiving dinner
89
00:03:16,374 --> 00:03:18,776
for five people in 14 hours.
90
00:03:18,844 --> 00:03:21,445
Here's another tip: don't ask
a guy out on a first date
91
00:03:21,513 --> 00:03:23,647
on the least sexy holiday
in America.
92
00:03:23,715 --> 00:03:25,383
What are the most sexy holidays?
93
00:03:25,450 --> 00:03:27,851
The most sexy holidays
are Fourth of July,
94
00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:30,353
uh, Independence Day,
obviously,
95
00:03:30,421 --> 00:03:33,624
Women's History Month
and Christmas.
96
00:03:33,691 --> 00:03:35,225
- Will you help me?
- No, definitely not.
97
00:03:35,292 --> 00:03:36,060
What if I invite Cece?
98
00:03:37,028 --> 00:03:39,795
Don't do it, Schmidt.
Beer, football, Black Friday.
99
00:03:39,863 --> 00:03:40,963
Thanksgiving with Cece.
100
00:03:41,031 --> 00:03:42,431
- No, Schmidt.
- Okay.
101
00:03:42,499 --> 00:03:43,799
- No, no, no, no!
- No, Schmidt!
102
00:03:43,867 --> 00:03:45,735
But I want to let you know
up front that I've got
103
00:03:45,802 --> 00:03:47,436
some control issues
in the kitchen,
104
00:03:47,504 --> 00:03:49,471
so I'm gonna do this,
I'm cooking the whole meal.
105
00:03:49,539 --> 00:03:50,873
I don't want you
touching anything.
106
00:03:50,941 --> 00:03:52,574
And I don't want to hear,
"Schmidt, Schmidt,
107
00:03:52,643 --> 00:03:54,209
you're using too much tarragon,"
because I'm not.
108
00:03:54,277 --> 00:03:55,677
You will never
hear that from me.
109
00:03:55,745 --> 00:03:56,511
I'm in.
110
00:03:56,578 --> 00:03:59,147
- Come on, Schmidt!
- Yes!
111
00:03:59,214 --> 00:04:01,582
So, this guy's gonna thaw out
by tomorrow, right?
112
00:04:01,651 --> 00:04:03,251
What are we, scientists?
113
00:04:06,254 --> 00:04:07,522
Oh!
114
00:04:07,589 --> 00:04:08,857
Hey, look at that, it's ready.
115
00:04:08,924 --> 00:04:11,725
What am I gonna do?!
He comes in three hours!
116
00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:14,895
Oh, God, I can't get it in!
117
00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:16,229
We've all been
here, am I right?
118
00:04:16,297 --> 00:04:17,798
Jar.
119
00:04:22,636 --> 00:04:24,972
Maybe if I take off all my
clothes and I get in bed with
120
00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:26,939
him, the heat of my body
will warm it up.
121
00:04:27,007 --> 00:04:30,043
I'm not gonna lie. This is turning
me on a little bit. - It is?
122
00:04:30,110 --> 00:04:32,378
- Hey, guys.
- Cece! Thank God. Come down here
123
00:04:32,445 --> 00:04:33,680
and lie on the turkey with me.
124
00:04:33,747 --> 00:04:35,014
Oh, hell, yeah, do that.
125
00:04:35,082 --> 00:04:37,349
Yeah, do it.
That'd be good.
126
00:04:37,417 --> 00:04:39,686
- This is a terrible idea.
- Yeah, 100%.
127
00:04:42,922 --> 00:04:44,255
I put it on permanent press.
128
00:04:44,323 --> 00:04:45,391
Good, so you don't
have to iron it.
129
00:04:47,059 --> 00:04:49,127
No! He's here early!
How do I look?
130
00:04:49,195 --> 00:04:51,563
It's better if you don't know.
131
00:04:56,135 --> 00:04:57,335
- Hi!
- Hey!
132
00:04:57,403 --> 00:04:58,769
- Come on in.
- All right.
133
00:04:58,837 --> 00:05:00,304
Paul, everybody!
134
00:05:00,371 --> 00:05:01,505
- Hey.
- Hey-yo.
135
00:05:01,573 --> 00:05:03,574
- Welcome to our home.
- Thank you. Hey.
136
00:05:05,641 --> 00:05:07,878
♪ It ain't so quirky
to eat a lot of turkey ♪
137
00:05:07,946 --> 00:05:11,248
♪ On this Thanksgiving
Day-ay-ay. ♪
138
00:05:13,651 --> 00:05:14,484
♪ My belly's wanting
something ♪
139
00:05:14,552 --> 00:05:16,519
♪ A pie made out of pumpkin ♪
140
00:05:16,587 --> 00:05:18,788
♪ In every gobble-gobble
way-ay-ay. ♪
141
00:05:21,157 --> 00:05:23,425
I didn't know you were
going back to back.
142
00:05:23,492 --> 00:05:24,493
Happy Thanksgiving.
143
00:05:24,494 --> 00:05:25,794
Oh, my God,
there's two of them.
144
00:05:25,862 --> 00:05:26,829
It's good to see you.
145
00:05:27,062 --> 00:05:28,129
Um...
146
00:05:28,774 --> 00:05:30,241
So, I'm just gonna freshen up.
147
00:05:30,609 --> 00:05:31,776
Oh, thanks.
148
00:05:32,344 --> 00:05:33,578
And I'll be right back.
149
00:05:35,414 --> 00:05:38,716
I forgot to tell you,
Paul brought his violin,
150
00:05:38,784 --> 00:05:41,485
and with a little coaxing, he
fiddle with the old horsehairs.
151
00:05:41,552 --> 00:05:44,221
Only if you don't mind
being enchanted.
152
00:05:46,258 --> 00:05:47,557
I just want to watch the game.
153
00:05:47,625 --> 00:05:49,894
Hey, Nick, can I talk to you?
154
00:05:49,961 --> 00:05:52,296
I just need you not to do
that thing that you do.
155
00:05:52,364 --> 00:05:53,898
What thing?
I don't do a thing.
156
00:05:53,965 --> 00:05:56,100
Yes, you get all mean and you
make that little turtle face.
157
00:05:56,167 --> 00:05:57,835
Okay, I don't think
I make a turtle face.
158
00:05:57,903 --> 00:05:59,637
Just talk to him
like a normal human being.
159
00:05:59,905 --> 00:06:01,938
Not about politics
or small business loans
160
00:06:02,306 --> 00:06:03,806
or the Google
conspiracy thing, okay?
161
00:06:03,874 --> 00:06:05,308
I've only seen him at school,
162
00:06:05,376 --> 00:06:07,443
and I really want
to wow him tonight, okay?
163
00:06:07,511 --> 00:06:09,980
Please, he's the only guy
I've liked since Spencer.
164
00:06:10,047 --> 00:06:12,681
I'm not good at this stuff,
so please just help me.
165
00:06:14,217 --> 00:06:16,018
All right, fine, I'll help you.
166
00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:17,685
Shake on that, pardner?
167
00:06:17,753 --> 00:06:19,721
I don't want to do it
like that, though.
168
00:06:19,789 --> 00:06:21,723
- Fair enough.
- Fair enough.
169
00:06:21,791 --> 00:06:23,058
Can I sit here?
170
00:06:28,531 --> 00:06:31,098
Parsley?
171
00:06:32,166 --> 00:06:33,734
Guy roommates.
172
00:06:34,002 --> 00:06:35,536
Three guys.
173
00:06:36,603 --> 00:06:37,971
It's intimidating.
174
00:06:38,639 --> 00:06:39,807
I gotta be honest,
175
00:06:39,874 --> 00:06:42,675
it's intimidating coming
to that arena.
176
00:06:43,243 --> 00:06:44,745
It's hard to get to know people.
177
00:06:45,612 --> 00:06:48,248
It's like Goldilocks
and the Three Bears.
178
00:06:48,316 --> 00:06:51,552
Bet you're the bear who has the
bed that's just right.
179
00:06:51,816 --> 00:06:52,652
Hmm.
180
00:06:53,019 --> 00:06:54,300
It's a teacher joke, sorry.
181
00:06:54,319 --> 00:06:55,420
Okay, here's what
we're gonna do, Paul.
182
00:06:55,488 --> 00:06:57,622
Um, just so I get to
know you a little better
183
00:06:57,690 --> 00:06:59,057
- and you can know me better,
- Yeah.
184
00:06:59,124 --> 00:07:00,126
We're gonna play a little game.
185
00:07:00,127 --> 00:07:02,627
- Oh, great. Fun, yeah.
- All right, I'm gonna say something,
186
00:07:02,695 --> 00:07:04,763
and you're gonna say the first
thing that pops in your head.
187
00:07:04,831 --> 00:07:06,598
Kazoo.
188
00:07:06,666 --> 00:07:08,868
Okay, we haven't
even started yet.
189
00:07:09,136 --> 00:07:11,336
Okay. I'm gonna stick
with kazoo.
190
00:07:12,903 --> 00:07:15,572
Right, okay, um,
"boundaries."
191
00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:17,375
Important.
192
00:07:17,443 --> 00:07:19,042
Okay, um,
"other people's stuff."
193
00:07:19,110 --> 00:07:20,144
Private.
194
00:07:20,512 --> 00:07:24,782
Good. Uh, "loud
early morning sex."
195
00:07:24,850 --> 00:07:26,918
Nice work if you can get some.
196
00:07:30,254 --> 00:07:31,655
- Hey, Paul.
- Hey, Nicholas.
197
00:07:31,723 --> 00:07:32,990
What's going on, guys?
Nicholas, wow.
198
00:07:33,057 --> 00:07:34,525
Just two dudes playing
word-association games,
199
00:07:34,593 --> 00:07:36,393
kicking back
a couple of pumpkin ales.
200
00:07:36,461 --> 00:07:37,828
I think that's a lager, right?
201
00:07:37,896 --> 00:07:39,697
Mm-mm, this is an ale.
It has to do
202
00:07:39,764 --> 00:07:42,365
- with the fermentation process.
- Could be, could be.
203
00:07:42,432 --> 00:07:44,400
Uh, hey, do you want
to watch football, the Lions?
204
00:07:44,468 --> 00:07:48,337
Ah, yes! The mighty,
mighty Lions of Des Moines.
205
00:07:48,405 --> 00:07:50,039
They play every
Thanksgiving, right,
206
00:07:50,107 --> 00:07:52,174
because they're the most
ferocious of the teams.
207
00:07:52,242 --> 00:07:54,343
Lions from Detroit.
Detroit Lions.
208
00:07:54,411 --> 00:07:55,478
That's another...
209
00:07:55,546 --> 00:07:58,847
What you gobbling about,
turkeys?
210
00:08:06,856 --> 00:08:08,457
Anyone who tells you
the future of gravy
211
00:08:08,526 --> 00:08:12,093
is nitrogen-based is cooking
with blinders on, Cece.
212
00:08:12,161 --> 00:08:15,362
What is...? Are you...?
Did you wash your hands?
213
00:08:15,430 --> 00:08:16,296
I'll wash them after.
214
00:08:16,364 --> 00:08:17,331
Okay, no.
215
00:08:17,399 --> 00:08:19,166
See, just, can you just stop?
216
00:08:19,234 --> 00:08:22,503
Because now the entire bowl
of walnuts is compromised.
217
00:08:22,571 --> 00:08:23,604
Wow. You're very sanitary.
218
00:08:23,672 --> 00:08:25,272
Do you wash your hands
ten times a day?
219
00:08:25,340 --> 00:08:26,741
Okay, look, don't worry, Cece.
220
00:08:26,808 --> 00:08:28,843
If I need to,
I can get my hands dirty.
221
00:08:28,911 --> 00:08:30,476
I mean, I get dirty all over.
222
00:08:32,146 --> 00:08:34,447
Would you eat
this filthy walnut?
223
00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:36,616
Yeah, I mean,
I'd eat the... yeah.
224
00:08:36,684 --> 00:08:38,652
Okay, open your mouth.
Open your mouth, Schmidt.
225
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:40,520
No!
226
00:08:42,056 --> 00:08:44,057
Beautiful savage.
227
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:47,860
- Oh, intermission.
- No, it's halftime.
228
00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:50,362
It's parade time.
229
00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:51,897
It's robot turkey.
230
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:53,231
You know, it was
Grandma's favorite.
231
00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:56,001
We used to love watching
the parade together.
232
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:58,303
She was the best.
233
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:00,172
Check it out.
Here she is.
234
00:09:00,239 --> 00:09:01,773
Here's the lady.
235
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:04,308
- Oh, she's beautiful!
- Yeah. We used to get
236
00:09:04,376 --> 00:09:06,644
in the funniest
arm-wrestling matches.
237
00:09:07,913 --> 00:09:09,948
Hey, can I show you something?
238
00:09:10,015 --> 00:09:14,819
Uh, picture here.
That's my grandpa.
239
00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:16,420
- Aw...
- Died last year.
240
00:09:16,488 --> 00:09:17,654
I'm so sorry.
Sorry, Winston.
241
00:09:17,722 --> 00:09:20,156
Thanks. Thanks, man.
It's okay.
242
00:09:20,224 --> 00:09:21,959
This picture right here
was when he tried
243
00:09:22,026 --> 00:09:25,295
to quit drinking.
That was a bad idea for everybody.
244
00:09:25,362 --> 00:09:27,263
This is the first time
he tried gelatto.
245
00:09:27,331 --> 00:09:28,599
He did not like that.
246
00:09:28,666 --> 00:09:30,667
What was his name?
247
00:09:30,735 --> 00:09:32,769
His name was Nelson.
248
00:09:32,837 --> 00:09:34,269
Hey, Schmidt, how's it going?
249
00:09:34,337 --> 00:09:36,639
Well, I need some walnuts.
I have no walnuts.
250
00:09:36,707 --> 00:09:38,674
I should go get those.
You should stay here with the turkey.
251
00:09:38,742 --> 00:09:42,244
Though, shoot.
I have had two pumpkin ales.
252
00:09:42,312 --> 00:09:44,446
I probably shouldn't get
behind the wheel of a car.
253
00:09:44,514 --> 00:09:46,548
Nick, how many pumpkin ales
have you had?
254
00:09:46,617 --> 00:09:48,517
Oh, I've had zero pumpkin ale.
255
00:09:48,585 --> 00:09:50,819
Then can you take Paul
to the store, right?
256
00:09:53,555 --> 00:09:55,824
♪ Getting some walnuts,
getting some walnuts. ♪
257
00:09:55,891 --> 00:09:57,391
I'm sorry, man,
258
00:09:57,459 --> 00:10:00,394
are you singing about
what we're doing?
259
00:10:00,462 --> 00:10:02,497
Yeah, guess I was.
260
00:10:02,564 --> 00:10:04,198
Sometimes I don't even realize
I'm doing it.
261
00:10:04,266 --> 00:10:05,500
Where are you from?
262
00:10:05,567 --> 00:10:07,167
Chicago.
263
00:10:07,235 --> 00:10:08,235
Oh, land of plenty.
264
00:10:08,302 --> 00:10:09,970
It's weird being in L.A.
265
00:10:10,038 --> 00:10:11,104
It doesn't feel like
Thanksgiving.
266
00:10:11,105 --> 00:10:12,105
It feels like there should be,
267
00:10:12,140 --> 00:10:13,573
like, a little nip in the air,
you know?
268
00:10:13,642 --> 00:10:16,510
A little bit like...
269
00:10:16,577 --> 00:10:18,278
- Yeah, totally.
- ...an autumn crisp.
270
00:10:18,346 --> 00:10:21,214
So, Jess said you're
a lawyer, right?
271
00:10:21,282 --> 00:10:24,250
I dropped out of law school.
I had three semesters to go.
272
00:10:24,317 --> 00:10:26,218
Oh, what?!
So close!
273
00:10:26,986 --> 00:10:28,487
So you're still trying
to figure it out, right?
274
00:10:28,555 --> 00:10:29,989
That's what your 20s are for.
275
00:10:30,057 --> 00:10:31,357
I'm 30, so...
276
00:10:36,995 --> 00:10:38,897
Oh, Mr. Copycat.
277
00:10:38,898 --> 00:10:40,532
That's where
I get my copies made.
278
00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:41,800
No way!
Yep!
279
00:10:41,868 --> 00:10:43,334
You get your copies there?!
280
00:10:43,402 --> 00:10:45,570
I don't, I don't.
It was the other one.
281
00:10:45,638 --> 00:10:47,806
Oh, you have got to be
kidding me, man. - No.
282
00:10:47,874 --> 00:10:50,142
That's right.
283
00:10:50,209 --> 00:10:51,576
I need long sustained mashes.
284
00:10:54,012 --> 00:10:56,147
Oh, hey, you've got
something on your nose right...
285
00:10:56,214 --> 00:10:58,582
What?! What?!
286
00:10:58,650 --> 00:10:59,817
No!
287
00:10:59,885 --> 00:11:01,786
What is wrong with you?
288
00:11:01,853 --> 00:11:03,520
Look at this recipe.
Look at the recipe.
289
00:11:03,588 --> 00:11:05,255
Where in this recipe
290
00:11:05,323 --> 00:11:07,224
does it say "put mashed
potatoes on Schmidt's nose"?
291
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:09,459
Look at it. No.
Here? Here? Here?
292
00:11:09,527 --> 00:11:10,593
- Go on, show me!
- Schmidt!
293
00:11:12,462 --> 00:11:13,563
- Oh, hey. Hey.
- Look, Paul, move.
294
00:11:13,630 --> 00:11:15,832
We got the nuts, Jess.
295
00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:17,300
I don't think Nick
likes me very much.
296
00:11:17,367 --> 00:11:18,835
No.
297
00:11:20,738 --> 00:11:22,405
Turkey!
298
00:11:23,874 --> 00:11:25,941
Turkey's on fire! Fire!
299
00:11:31,180 --> 00:11:32,214
Jar.
300
00:11:32,781 --> 00:11:34,282
It's like a Prince video.
301
00:11:34,350 --> 00:11:36,484
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
302
00:11:36,552 --> 00:11:38,486
I really wanted you
to have a good time.
303
00:11:38,554 --> 00:11:39,955
Remember when it was
only dudes living here,
304
00:11:40,023 --> 00:11:41,723
- and we had no fires?
- This is ridiculous.
305
00:11:41,790 --> 00:11:43,557
Three months ago we didn't
even know this girl.
306
00:11:43,625 --> 00:11:45,626
My Lasik'd eye is freaking out.
307
00:11:45,694 --> 00:11:47,929
Okay, that's it. We're leaving.
Guys, let's get out of here.
308
00:11:47,996 --> 00:11:50,397
- I've had a great time.
- Paul, I am so sorry.
309
00:11:50,465 --> 00:11:52,633
We're going to the bar.
We can't get rid of the smoke.
310
00:11:52,701 --> 00:11:54,102
Wait.
311
00:11:54,169 --> 00:11:55,436
Wait, wait, wait!
Hold on,
312
00:11:55,503 --> 00:11:57,904
we can still do this.
What are you guys doing?
313
00:11:57,972 --> 00:11:59,505
I have been dying
to try that food
314
00:11:59,573 --> 00:12:00,807
you've been cooking all day.
315
00:12:00,875 --> 00:12:02,008
You've been slaving
away in there.
316
00:12:02,076 --> 00:12:03,409
- What's your name again?
- Schmidt.
317
00:12:03,477 --> 00:12:05,478
- Right.
- You know, it's my last name.
318
00:12:05,546 --> 00:12:07,680
Well, my last name
is Genzlinger,
319
00:12:07,749 --> 00:12:09,616
and I'd like to eat
the food that you've been
320
00:12:09,683 --> 00:12:11,118
making all day, Schmidt.
321
00:12:11,185 --> 00:12:13,486
Yeah, all right.
Genzlinger.
322
00:12:13,554 --> 00:12:15,454
- I'm with Genzlinger.
- I have an idea!
323
00:12:15,521 --> 00:12:18,323
Let's go next door.
324
00:12:18,391 --> 00:12:20,993
Mrs. Beverly's really great.
She's visiting her sister,
325
00:12:21,061 --> 00:12:23,162
but she gave me her
spare key for emergencies.
326
00:12:23,230 --> 00:12:25,430
So we're breaking and entering.
That's a felony, FYI.
327
00:12:25,498 --> 00:12:27,066
Hey, law school! Nice!
328
00:12:27,134 --> 00:12:29,135
No, we're not breaking in.
329
00:12:29,202 --> 00:12:31,002
I gave her a key
to our place, too.
330
00:12:31,070 --> 00:12:33,838
She sometimes has
a problem with her shower.
331
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:37,809
No, not you.
332
00:12:37,877 --> 00:12:40,378
What are you doing? You promised
me you'd be nice to him.
333
00:12:40,445 --> 00:12:43,148
I was nice to him!
I've been very nice to Paul.
334
00:12:43,215 --> 00:12:44,614
The whole car ride
over I was nice to him.
335
00:12:44,615 --> 00:12:45,816
You know what he tells me about?
336
00:12:45,817 --> 00:12:47,118
He likes Air Bud 2.
337
00:12:47,186 --> 00:12:48,452
He loves dogs.
I know where
338
00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:51,021
he gets his copies made.
He likes to whistle.
339
00:12:51,089 --> 00:12:52,990
He wanted to open
the door with me,
340
00:12:53,057 --> 00:12:54,792
so when my hand
went up, so did his.
341
00:12:54,859 --> 00:12:56,093
Oh, I get it.
342
00:12:56,161 --> 00:12:58,528
He's not cool enough for you.
343
00:12:58,596 --> 00:13:00,563
'Cause nobody can be cool
enough for cool Nick Miller.
344
00:13:00,631 --> 00:13:02,364
I'm Nick Miller.
345
00:13:02,432 --> 00:13:04,667
I'm so cool,
I'll make my cool face.
346
00:13:04,734 --> 00:13:05,935
Why don't you like him?
347
00:13:06,003 --> 00:13:07,236
Who cares? Do you like him?
348
00:13:07,304 --> 00:13:08,971
Of course I like him.
349
00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:11,007
Okay, fine! It doesn't matter
what I think, does it?
350
00:13:11,074 --> 00:13:12,641
'Cause I don't have
to have sex with him.
351
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:14,877
I do. I want to.
352
00:13:14,945 --> 00:13:18,646
I want to have sex
with him big-time.
353
00:13:18,714 --> 00:13:19,981
- Great.
- You heard me!
354
00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:21,549
Big-time! Okay?
355
00:13:21,617 --> 00:13:23,551
I want to take him down
to Chinatown
356
00:13:23,619 --> 00:13:26,688
and slice him off a piece
of this pumpkin pie, okay?
357
00:13:26,755 --> 00:13:29,024
- What is pumpkin pie?
- I want to do all the things that you do
358
00:13:29,091 --> 00:13:31,193
in a bedroom, with him, okay?
359
00:13:31,260 --> 00:13:33,161
I want to do it standing up
and sitting down,
360
00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:34,862
and half-up and half-down,
361
00:13:34,930 --> 00:13:36,530
and the wiggly one,
and the Bear Attack,
362
00:13:36,597 --> 00:13:38,365
and the claws in the head,
363
00:13:38,433 --> 00:13:41,068
and the one the figure skaters do,
and the What's For Lunch,
364
00:13:41,136 --> 00:13:43,704
and the... Give Me That Hat.
Let's just say
365
00:13:43,771 --> 00:13:45,840
that I'm good.
I'm really, really good.
366
00:13:45,907 --> 00:13:48,976
- And I don't care what you think!
- Then why did you ask me?
367
00:13:50,945 --> 00:13:52,745
Hey, Jess.
368
00:13:52,813 --> 00:13:55,081
Uh... just want you to know
everyone really loves Paul.
369
00:13:55,149 --> 00:13:57,116
And also, we can hear
everything you're saying.
370
00:13:57,684 --> 00:13:58,551
What?
371
00:13:58,618 --> 00:14:00,220
Play through.
372
00:14:01,621 --> 00:14:03,890
After you, Jess.
373
00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:08,560
Excuse me.
374
00:14:11,397 --> 00:14:14,099
So, um... just a heads-up.
375
00:14:14,167 --> 00:14:15,901
Uh... we're just rehearsing
a play that, uh,
376
00:14:15,969 --> 00:14:18,403
Nick is writing.
It's called...
377
00:14:18,971 --> 00:14:20,138
"Big-Time."
378
00:14:20,206 --> 00:14:22,173
It's... it's about a man
379
00:14:22,241 --> 00:14:27,979
who, um, loves another man
named Paul
380
00:14:28,046 --> 00:14:31,682
and it's not very good.
381
00:14:32,918 --> 00:14:35,152
I'm so sorry.
382
00:14:39,122 --> 00:14:41,191
I've done Give Me That Hat.
383
00:14:41,259 --> 00:14:43,693
Only for me it was like,
I, you know, I was like,
384
00:14:43,761 --> 00:14:45,561
I was like, "Here, take my hat."
385
00:14:45,629 --> 00:14:47,163
Do you know what I mean?
386
00:14:55,727 --> 00:14:59,163
So how bad was it,
on a scale from one to bad?
387
00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:00,964
Let's put it this way:
a normal guy
388
00:15:01,032 --> 00:15:03,234
would've left a long time ago
and he's still here, right?
389
00:15:03,301 --> 00:15:04,602
He's not normal.
390
00:15:09,740 --> 00:15:12,242
Schmidt yelled at me earlier.
391
00:15:12,309 --> 00:15:14,310
Oh, I'm so sorry.
392
00:15:14,378 --> 00:15:16,045
Did he get weird?
He's weird about cooking.
393
00:15:16,113 --> 00:15:17,947
Did you touch his whisk?
394
00:15:18,015 --> 00:15:19,382
No, the thing is, Jess...
395
00:15:19,450 --> 00:15:20,916
is I think I'm into him.
396
00:15:20,984 --> 00:15:22,784
What? Oh, God.
397
00:15:22,852 --> 00:15:24,919
Yeah, he's got this rage
inside of him, this fury,
398
00:15:24,987 --> 00:15:26,121
- and I just love it.
- Hey, Schmidt?
399
00:15:26,189 --> 00:15:28,390
It's hour nine.
I'm starving.
400
00:15:28,458 --> 00:15:30,559
Well, I can blanch or I can talk,
but I can't do both.
401
00:15:30,627 --> 00:15:32,994
I'm going in.
402
00:15:41,570 --> 00:15:42,870
Nick...
403
00:15:43,437 --> 00:15:45,206
I gotta just say
something to you.
404
00:15:45,274 --> 00:15:47,240
I feel like... you think
I'm kind of annoying.
405
00:15:47,308 --> 00:15:48,709
You didn't have to
come here to say that.
406
00:15:48,777 --> 00:15:50,478
You could've done it
from over there. - Okay.
407
00:15:50,546 --> 00:15:52,513
And if that's the case--
which I don't know that it is--
408
00:15:52,581 --> 00:15:53,980
- It is.
- I don't care.
409
00:15:54,048 --> 00:15:55,715
I actually feel
sort of sorry for you,
410
00:15:55,783 --> 00:15:57,617
because at this point
in your life I know
411
00:15:57,685 --> 00:15:59,852
that you'll never dislike me
more than you dislike yourself.
412
00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:01,954
Really? That's what
you're going with, Violin?
413
00:16:04,124 --> 00:16:06,959
Want a little, um,
napkin-folding music?
414
00:16:08,396 --> 00:16:09,495
Kind of need it.
415
00:16:15,235 --> 00:16:16,935
I can't believe
you're still here.
416
00:16:17,003 --> 00:16:18,704
What do you mean?
Of course I'm still here.
417
00:16:19,471 --> 00:16:21,240
Why wouldn't I be here?
418
00:16:21,308 --> 00:16:23,008
Hey.
419
00:16:23,076 --> 00:16:25,876
Let's talk about
what happened earlier.
420
00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:29,080
'Cause you made me feel
like I was a really bad girl.
421
00:16:29,147 --> 00:16:30,348
I know I did, and...
422
00:16:30,416 --> 00:16:32,783
I'm really sorry, Cece.
423
00:16:32,851 --> 00:16:34,385
I'll never yell at you
like that again.
424
00:16:36,388 --> 00:16:37,622
How about now?
425
00:16:37,690 --> 00:16:40,592
Please...
Please don't do that.
426
00:16:40,659 --> 00:16:42,992
Got my dirty little hands
in your pudding. - Can you...
427
00:16:43,060 --> 00:16:44,828
So gross...
428
00:16:44,895 --> 00:16:46,697
It's so gross, please...
Oh, God.
429
00:16:46,764 --> 00:16:47,964
Mmm...
430
00:16:49,500 --> 00:16:50,900
- So gross.
- Yell.
431
00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:52,636
I really... I'd really
rather you not do that.
432
00:16:52,704 --> 00:16:54,238
I haven't washed
my hands since 3:00,
433
00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:56,005
- and I'm gonna double-dip.
- It's so gross...
434
00:16:56,073 --> 00:16:57,406
How about now?
435
00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:02,311
It's all the way, it's all the
way in there, with all the...
436
00:17:02,379 --> 00:17:05,080
it's so unsanitary.
Please, just put it...
437
00:17:05,148 --> 00:17:07,450
I'm-I'm begging you to...
Please just take the towel!
438
00:17:07,517 --> 00:17:09,285
This may be none
of my business,
439
00:17:09,353 --> 00:17:11,920
but I-I-I really
have to ask you:
440
00:17:11,988 --> 00:17:13,555
Did anything happen
between you and Nick?
441
00:17:13,623 --> 00:17:14,922
- Like, did you guys go out, or--
- What?
442
00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:17,292
'Cause I, I really
don't want to get
443
00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:18,460
- in the middle of anything.
- No. No.
444
00:17:18,527 --> 00:17:19,927
No, no, no, no.
445
00:17:19,995 --> 00:17:21,730
- No.
- Good.
446
00:17:21,797 --> 00:17:24,065
Because I really
want to see you again.
447
00:17:24,433 --> 00:17:25,300
Big-time.
448
00:17:28,504 --> 00:17:30,036
- Big-time.
- Big-time.
449
00:17:30,104 --> 00:17:31,272
- Like the play.
- Yeah.
450
00:17:31,339 --> 00:17:32,673
- Cool play.
- It is.
451
00:17:32,741 --> 00:17:34,308
Do you really like him, Winston?
452
00:17:34,376 --> 00:17:37,144
Yes, man! He asked me
my grandpa's name.
453
00:17:37,211 --> 00:17:39,680
- You've never asked me my grandpa's name.
- I don't know, Winston,
454
00:17:39,748 --> 00:17:41,348
I always just thought
he was your grandpa.
455
00:17:41,416 --> 00:17:43,317
I mean, you don't know
my grandpa's name.
456
00:17:43,385 --> 00:17:45,351
You mean Mason on your dad's,
or Charles on your mom's?
457
00:17:45,919 --> 00:17:47,420
Yeah, it's Mason and Charles.
458
00:17:47,488 --> 00:17:48,655
Ho, ho, ho, baby.
459
00:17:49,722 --> 00:17:51,291
Oh, that looks lovely.
460
00:17:51,358 --> 00:17:52,958
- Genzlinger!
- Schmidt!
461
00:17:53,026 --> 00:17:54,294
- Yeah, buddy.
- You kidding me?
462
00:17:54,361 --> 00:17:56,262
- Oh, it looks incredible.
- It really does.
463
00:17:56,330 --> 00:17:58,631
What if you play something
for us before we start?
464
00:17:58,699 --> 00:17:59,932
- Before? Oh, no, no.
- Yes!
465
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,167
- Please?
- Play.
466
00:18:01,234 --> 00:18:03,502
You're all hungry.
You know you want to do it.
467
00:18:03,569 --> 00:18:06,204
- Just do it. - Okay. - Please?
468
00:18:06,272 --> 00:18:08,173
Twist my arm. - Okay.
All right. - Yeah.
469
00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:10,909
- Uh, duet from the pageant, huh?
- Oh.
470
00:18:10,976 --> 00:18:13,645
- Big entrance.
- Okay.
471
00:18:14,213 --> 00:18:17,048
Native Americans,
gather ye round
472
00:18:17,116 --> 00:18:19,750
for I have a new friend
I've met in the forest.
473
00:18:21,286 --> 00:18:23,321
Dead body! Dead body!
474
00:18:23,388 --> 00:18:25,956
Holy God!
475
00:18:26,024 --> 00:18:27,325
There's a dead body in there.
476
00:18:27,392 --> 00:18:29,560
I think there's a dead body.
There's a dead body!
477
00:18:29,628 --> 00:18:30,861
There's a dead body!
478
00:18:30,929 --> 00:18:32,663
Oh! That is real.
479
00:18:32,731 --> 00:18:33,863
- Ooh.
- Oh! God.
480
00:18:33,931 --> 00:18:35,164
- That's a real thing.
- What?
481
00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:40,303
Poor Mrs. Beverly.
482
00:18:40,371 --> 00:18:43,306
Oh, Ms. Beverly
from the mailboxes.
483
00:18:49,813 --> 00:18:51,246
I'm so sorry, Paul.
484
00:18:51,314 --> 00:18:53,248
Oh, it was so fun.
I had a great time.
485
00:18:53,316 --> 00:18:54,817
Anytime, bro.
486
00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:56,652
Hey, listen, we're gonna
go to a Best Buy, later,
487
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,854
and grab a new dryer. Totally
stop by if you need anything.
488
00:18:58,921 --> 00:19:01,824
Oh, good, good.
Okay. Thank you.
489
00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:03,124
Oh. Okay.
490
00:19:03,192 --> 00:19:05,360
All right.
491
00:19:05,427 --> 00:19:07,395
Cool. Thank you.
No, no, no, no, no.
492
00:19:07,463 --> 00:19:09,897
Coming in.
Coming in.
493
00:19:09,965 --> 00:19:10,734
Guys...
494
00:19:11,765 --> 00:19:13,134
- No, no, no.
- Get clear.
495
00:19:16,891 --> 00:19:19,026
At least she died
doing what she loved.
496
00:19:19,094 --> 00:19:20,793
She was on the toilet, Jess.
497
00:19:20,861 --> 00:19:22,394
I'm starving.
498
00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:24,296
Really? Even after that
great meal we didn't have?
499
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:26,165
Oh, come on, Jess.
500
00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:28,267
Are you going to be
mad at me all night?
501
00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:30,336
Are you cold?
502
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,071
Do you want my cardie?
503
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,485
- You came.
- Yeah.
504
00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:49,721
When I was on that
elevator ride from hell,
505
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,723
the coroners told me
to stop crying like a girl.
506
00:19:51,790 --> 00:19:53,090
I told them that was sexist.
507
00:19:53,158 --> 00:19:54,825
- You're right.
- I am right.
508
00:19:54,893 --> 00:19:57,228
And then I decided,
life is too short.
509
00:19:57,295 --> 00:19:59,396
So I went around the corner,
picked up a couple of
510
00:19:59,464 --> 00:20:00,731
turkey subs for your friends--
511
00:20:00,798 --> 00:20:02,132
- Yup.
- They're foot-longers--
512
00:20:02,199 --> 00:20:03,734
and... here I am.
513
00:20:03,801 --> 00:20:05,201
Just a man and his violin.
514
00:20:06,837 --> 00:20:08,938
- You're amazing.
- Hey, no cutting!
515
00:20:09,006 --> 00:20:10,407
- Is he cutting?
- He's not cutting. Relax.
516
00:20:10,475 --> 00:20:11,975
Guys! We got a cutter here!
517
00:20:12,042 --> 00:20:13,209
Calm down, pal. Stop.
518
00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:14,511
He's not cutting.
519
00:20:14,579 --> 00:20:15,711
He's not cutting.
520
00:20:15,779 --> 00:20:17,146
He's... I saved his spot.
521
00:20:17,213 --> 00:20:19,315
- Calm down.
- False alarm!
522
00:20:19,383 --> 00:20:21,651
He's just doing fair tradesies.
523
00:20:21,718 --> 00:20:24,487
Honestly, stop overreacting
to cutting!
524
00:20:24,554 --> 00:20:27,690
I'm going to the back of the line.
This spot's for Paul.
525
00:20:27,758 --> 00:20:29,091
- Thanks, Nick.
- Thank you, Nick.
526
00:20:32,060 --> 00:20:33,295
Hey. Nick.
527
00:20:35,497 --> 00:20:36,598
Wait.
528
00:20:41,704 --> 00:20:42,771
Let's go. Come on.
529
00:20:42,838 --> 00:20:45,106
Hey, I'll go back there, too.
530
00:20:46,676 --> 00:20:50,010
♪ Thursday in November ♪
531
00:20:50,077 --> 00:20:51,578
♪ That's the day we remember ♪
532
00:20:51,646 --> 00:20:53,146
♪ How the Pilgrims
would have died... ♪
533
00:20:53,214 --> 00:20:56,717
It's gonna get a lot worse
before it gets better.
534
00:20:56,785 --> 00:20:58,118
♪ If not for friendship
of a tribe ♪
535
00:20:58,186 --> 00:21:00,487
♪ Oh, oh, oh... ♪
536
00:21:00,555 --> 00:21:03,489
♪ Why don't you
take the fiddle ♪
537
00:21:03,557 --> 00:21:05,591
♪ Fiddle it up
and fiddle it down ♪
538
00:21:06,159 --> 00:21:08,260
♪ Fiddle it all over town. ♪
539
00:21:28,514 --> 00:21:30,281
Where the hell are they going?
540
00:21:30,366 --> 00:21:35,600
Sync by Alice l Corrections by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com