1
00:00:00,109 --> 00:00:01,410
(sighs)
2
00:00:02,883 --> 00:00:05,118
Why are you putting spoons
in the laundry hamper?
3
00:00:05,186 --> 00:00:06,619
I'm hiding our nice stuff.
4
00:00:06,687 --> 00:00:08,655
See, my cousin Bobby and
Carol are coming in town,
5
00:00:08,723 --> 00:00:10,523
and they're gonna ask
me for money, so I'm...
6
00:00:10,591 --> 00:00:12,158
I'm trying my hardest to look poor.
7
00:00:12,226 --> 00:00:12,890
You are poor.
8
00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:14,197
Technically, yes, but I'm also
9
00:00:14,249 --> 00:00:16,554
the richest Miller in
the history of our family.
10
00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:19,085
I mean, I own part of a bar,
I have a savings account.
11
00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:21,554
I don't fully understand how
to use it, but I do have it.
12
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:22,922
Nick, you're doing great; you really been
13
00:00:22,990 --> 00:00:24,546
stepping it up lately. Calm down.
14
00:00:24,647 --> 00:00:26,147
Thanks. The other day...
15
00:00:26,351 --> 00:00:27,861
The other day, I was at a
restaurant, and they asked
16
00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:30,429
if I wanted avocado,
and... and I said, "Yeah."
17
00:00:30,539 --> 00:00:32,218
And they said, "It's
extra," and I go, "Shh.
18
00:00:32,398 --> 00:00:35,007
I know it's extra, but... but I want it."
19
00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:36,669
Uh, Winston, you ready to go?
20
00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:37,837
Born ready!
21
00:00:37,905 --> 00:00:39,939
You know, believe it or not, you guys,
22
00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:42,208
I have never been wedding
dress shopping before,
23
00:00:42,276 --> 00:00:44,437
so I didn't really know what to pack.
24
00:00:44,523 --> 00:00:46,513
- Are those whistles?
- Yeah. These are whistles.
25
00:00:46,976 --> 00:00:50,132
Oh, I even got a pocket fan so
I can blow wind in your face,
26
00:00:50,226 --> 00:00:51,609
and your hair could be all like this.
27
00:00:51,710 --> 00:00:52,318
Pocket fan.
28
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:54,087
Cece, I'm begging you,
just cancel the appointment
29
00:00:54,154 --> 00:00:55,822
and reschedule it for when Jess comes back.
30
00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:58,445
There is a six-month waiting list.
31
00:00:58,570 --> 00:01:00,260
Do you not want us to get married in June?
32
00:01:00,327 --> 00:01:01,661
Oh, no, I want to get married in August,
33
00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,229
so I can walk down the
aisle covered in flies.
34
00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:04,731
You're so concerned about these flies.
35
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:06,900
- Please, go to the appointment.
- Look, relax.
36
00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:08,568
All right? Nick is the best man,
37
00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:11,000
Jess is the maid of honor,
and myself personally,
38
00:01:11,077 --> 00:01:12,544
this is where I cut loose.
39
00:01:12,625 --> 00:01:14,367
This is where you unleash
the beast, all right?
40
00:01:14,429 --> 00:01:16,968
Speaking of which, uh, Cece,
did you bring your strapless bra,
41
00:01:17,062 --> 00:01:19,112
or should I get the booby tape? Booby tape.
42
00:01:19,179 --> 00:01:20,859
CECE: Uh, no, Winston, this is just a ride.
43
00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:22,125
It is just a ride, okay?
44
00:01:22,203 --> 00:01:24,382
Hey, guys, C-Cece, my
cousins are almost coming!
45
00:01:24,474 --> 00:01:26,275
Cece, hide your jewelry!
Winston, hide your jewelry!
46
00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:27,486
All the jewelry!
47
00:01:27,539 --> 00:01:28,888
Nick, this is insane.
48
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,757
Just tell your family that
you can't give them any money.
49
00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:32,757
Set some boundaries.
50
00:01:33,132 --> 00:01:34,160
You're right.
51
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:35,895
Time for me to put my foot down.
52
00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:37,562
- Put it down.
- I'm gonna say no.
53
00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:38,921
- Yes.
- I'm gonna set boundaries.
54
00:01:38,992 --> 00:01:40,133
No money for them.
55
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,101
(knocking)
56
00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:44,003
- Hey!
- Hey! Hey!
57
00:01:44,071 --> 00:01:45,672
- Hey, how you doing?
- I thought I smelled fish!
58
00:01:45,739 --> 00:01:47,340
- (chuckles): Oh, yeah, you smelled fish.
- Look at you, huh?
59
00:01:47,408 --> 00:01:48,575
- Yeah. Yeah.
- What, are you working out now, huh?
60
00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:50,577
- Yeah.
- Tough guy. - Ow!
61
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,779
You doing yoga? You doing yoga, huh?
62
00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:54,948
Yeah, I do... I've done,
yeah. I don't do yoga.
63
00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:56,015
BOBBY: Oh! Look at this.
64
00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:57,817
Exposed brick, dude? Really? Oh, come on.
65
00:01:57,885 --> 00:01:59,285
Yeah. Yeah, I didn't build this.
66
00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:01,656
You don't want to throw some
carpet down over the hardwood?
67
00:02:01,742 --> 00:02:02,488
Yeah, what's wrong with wallpaper?
68
00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:04,554
- I love wallpaper. I'd use...
- Don't forget about
69
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:05,959
- who you are, man. Look, he's getting weird.
- Yeah.
70
00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:07,660
(bad Boston accent): Welcome to
Los Angeles. Maybe we take a...
71
00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:09,796
a-a-a, you know, a "cah"
72
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,664
down to the "hahbah" and
check out The "Mahtian"
73
00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:14,500
on the big... on the big screen
with Matt Damon in "Mahs."
74
00:02:17,460 --> 00:02:18,357
Whose "cah" we taking?
75
00:02:18,382 --> 00:02:19,172
(whispers): Stop, Schmidt.
76
00:02:19,453 --> 00:02:21,445
Synced and corrected by Chitorafa
www.addic7ed.com
77
00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:25,178
Hey, we got you a little gift, yeah?
78
00:02:25,245 --> 00:02:26,613
- You didn't have to do that.
- Yeah.
79
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,554
Oh, I left it outside in the hall.
80
00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:29,578
Well, go get it, you moron.
81
00:02:29,632 --> 00:02:30,953
BOBBY: You're a moron, you moron.
82
00:02:31,031 --> 00:02:32,185
I'm not the one who left it in the hallway.
83
00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:33,820
Why didn't you bring it in if you saw it?
84
00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:35,321
CAROL: Because I didn't see it until now.
85
00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:36,723
Yeah, 'cause you're a maniac,
and you're controlling me
86
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:37,724
- all the time.
- Oh, my God,
87
00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:38,725
I love you so much!
88
00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:39,959
I love you, too, Peaches.
89
00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:41,227
- You're the best!
- (sighs)
90
00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:43,463
Regular Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, these two.
91
00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:45,231
This is how it starts. There's three stages
92
00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:47,734
to a Miller asking for
money: okay, it's compliments,
93
00:02:47,804 --> 00:02:49,406
it's ply with food, and
then it's go in for the kill.
94
00:02:49,476 --> 00:02:50,236
- SCHMIDT: Be strong.
- I'm trying to be strong.
95
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:51,337
CAROL: Seems like there's
96
00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:53,867
a space theme. You guys like space?
97
00:02:53,945 --> 00:02:54,807
Outer space? Yes.
98
00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:57,468
- Yeah.
- Ah, you didn't have to do this.
99
00:02:57,554 --> 00:02:58,734
- I got it at the airport.
- Yeah. Hey.
100
00:02:58,828 --> 00:02:59,718
- SCHMIDT: There it is.
- It's popcorn.
101
00:02:59,789 --> 00:03:02,937
- Oh!
- Yeah. Comes all fancy-like in its own trash can.
102
00:03:02,977 --> 00:03:04,640
That's too much. That's too nice.
103
00:03:04,695 --> 00:03:06,187
- No, come on.
- I love this kind of popcorn.
104
00:03:06,258 --> 00:03:07,125
You're totally hooked up, brother.
105
00:03:07,203 --> 00:03:07,890
'Cause you can mix and match.
106
00:03:07,922 --> 00:03:09,189
- That's right.
- Easy. Nick's not hungry.
107
00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:10,790
- Oh, that's right.
- Is he your life coach?
108
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:13,140
- Thank you for the offer, but...
- Nick, eat the popcorn.
109
00:03:13,194 --> 00:03:14,962
- He just ate.
- I just ate. - Just one piece.
110
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,934
- Nick, it's popcorn.
- Do it. Do it. - I don't want it.
111
00:03:17,002 --> 00:03:18,369
It's good for you. It's corn!
112
00:03:18,436 --> 00:03:20,371
You're trying to give me
popcorn so that I give you money!
113
00:03:20,438 --> 00:03:22,139
It's not gonna happen!
I'm not giving you money!
114
00:03:22,207 --> 00:03:23,656
I'm setting boundaries!
115
00:03:24,265 --> 00:03:26,610
Oh, Nicky, we don't want your money.
116
00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:28,879
- You don't?
- No!
117
00:03:28,947 --> 00:03:30,881
No, no.
118
00:03:33,668 --> 00:03:35,101
We want your sperm.
119
00:03:36,031 --> 00:03:36,654
What?
120
00:03:36,721 --> 00:03:38,022
Yeah, we're trying to start a family,
121
00:03:38,089 --> 00:03:39,189
and Bob's army's down.
122
00:03:39,257 --> 00:03:41,592
I need your troops to storm my beaches.
123
00:03:42,015 --> 00:03:44,028
S-So no money?
124
00:03:44,095 --> 00:03:45,796
- No.
- Just sperm?
125
00:03:45,864 --> 00:03:47,665
- Yep.
- Don't tell anybody, all right?
126
00:03:47,732 --> 00:03:50,750
Guys, this is excellent.
I got a lot of that.
127
00:03:50,843 --> 00:03:52,117
If I had a dollar for every sperm,
128
00:03:52,203 --> 00:03:53,270
my room would be covered in dollar bills.
129
00:03:53,338 --> 00:03:54,805
- Nick, a word, please. A word.
- CAROL: Right? Right?
130
00:03:54,873 --> 00:03:55,839
- NICK: Yeah. Yeah.
- A word.
131
00:03:55,907 --> 00:03:57,109
Yeah. Thanks for the popcorn, too.
132
00:03:57,187 --> 00:03:58,120
One minute.
133
00:03:58,218 --> 00:03:59,944
What's that guy, like, his manager?
134
00:04:00,011 --> 00:04:02,279
Doesn't quite feel like the one,
135
00:04:02,347 --> 00:04:03,948
and it doesn't really feel like it's me.
136
00:04:04,015 --> 00:04:05,716
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it is you.
137
00:04:05,784 --> 00:04:07,618
It is beautiful.
138
00:04:07,686 --> 00:04:09,119
It has an attachment for a leash.
139
00:04:09,187 --> 00:04:09,987
No judgments.
140
00:04:10,055 --> 00:04:12,171
Wink, wink, right? (laughs)
141
00:04:12,273 --> 00:04:13,490
But it does.
142
00:04:13,558 --> 00:04:16,140
Do you mind if I just take
one minute to think about it?
143
00:04:16,242 --> 00:04:17,828
Pass.
144
00:04:17,896 --> 00:04:21,460
Pass. Pass. Pass.
145
00:04:21,539 --> 00:04:22,366
CECE: Winston, I just
146
00:04:22,434 --> 00:04:24,134
asked you to drop me off.
147
00:04:24,202 --> 00:04:26,304
- Sir, what is your role here?
- I am her friend.
148
00:04:26,390 --> 00:04:29,974
My job is to protect her,
so, please, cut the caca,
149
00:04:30,041 --> 00:04:32,687
and bring us some dresses
with an A-line cut.
150
00:04:32,781 --> 00:04:34,278
I may or may not have
done an extensive amount
151
00:04:34,346 --> 00:04:36,280
of research on wedding dresses.
152
00:04:36,348 --> 00:04:38,148
I never thought that I would say this,
153
00:04:38,216 --> 00:04:40,117
but I am really glad that you're here.
154
00:04:40,185 --> 00:04:41,785
So you're gonna take his word over my word?
155
00:04:41,853 --> 00:04:42,953
(whistle blows)
156
00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:45,322
(laughs, whoops)
157
00:04:45,390 --> 00:04:47,524
♪ I'm wearing a new
dress, new hair... ♪
158
00:04:47,592 --> 00:04:48,993
Show me some clavicle!
159
00:04:49,060 --> 00:04:51,762
♪ Brand-new ideas as a matter of fact ♪
160
00:04:51,830 --> 00:04:54,031
- More legs.
- ♪ I've changed... ♪
161
00:04:54,099 --> 00:04:55,032
- I love it.
- I hate it.
162
00:04:55,100 --> 00:04:56,000
I love it.
163
00:04:56,067 --> 00:04:57,034
- I hate it.
- It's perfect.
164
00:04:57,102 --> 00:04:58,202
It's imperfect.
165
00:04:58,269 --> 00:05:00,037
♪ Know where I'm going ♪
166
00:05:00,105 --> 00:05:02,406
♪ And I know what to do ♪
167
00:05:02,474 --> 00:05:04,174
♪ I've tidied up my point of view... ♪
168
00:05:04,242 --> 00:05:05,776
Am I crazy to want a hat?
169
00:05:05,844 --> 00:05:08,412
♪ I got a new attitude... ♪
170
00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:09,880
Forget the hat. Forget the hat.
171
00:05:09,948 --> 00:05:12,116
♪ I'm in control, my
worries are few... ♪
172
00:05:12,183 --> 00:05:13,417
No!
173
00:05:13,485 --> 00:05:14,752
♪ 'Cause I got love ♪
174
00:05:14,819 --> 00:05:17,054
♪ Like I never knew ♪
175
00:05:17,122 --> 00:05:19,490
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
176
00:05:19,557 --> 00:05:21,025
♪ I got a new attitude. ♪
177
00:05:21,092 --> 00:05:22,993
(whistle blows)
178
00:05:27,281 --> 00:05:28,518
That's the one!
179
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:29,600
That's the one! We got dibs!
180
00:05:29,667 --> 00:05:32,002
NICK: Schmidt, this is great.
They just want my sperm.
181
00:05:32,070 --> 00:05:33,504
What about setting boundaries?
182
00:05:33,571 --> 00:05:36,006
They're not just reaching into
your wallet this time, Nick.
183
00:05:36,074 --> 00:05:37,941
They're reaching into your skin wallet.
184
00:05:39,177 --> 00:05:40,944
- That's your scrotum.
- I got it.
185
00:05:41,012 --> 00:05:42,346
I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to veto this.
186
00:05:42,414 --> 00:05:44,953
Yeah, well, you have no standing to veto.
187
00:05:45,031 --> 00:05:45,703
It's my sperm.
188
00:05:45,781 --> 00:05:47,684
You're my best friend in
the whole entire world.
189
00:05:47,752 --> 00:05:49,078
We've been through a lot together,
190
00:05:49,155 --> 00:05:52,250
so I just do feel like...
191
00:05:52,885 --> 00:05:55,987
your sperm are partly my sperm.
192
00:05:57,750 --> 00:05:58,896
Mi leche es su leche.
193
00:05:58,963 --> 00:06:00,397
No! No!
194
00:06:00,465 --> 00:06:02,232
Nick, you've been doing so well lately.
195
00:06:02,300 --> 00:06:03,934
- Thank you.
- Right on track with the plan.
196
00:06:04,002 --> 00:06:06,484
My... What plan? What
are you talking about?
197
00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:12,276
I-I may have your entire life
planned out on my computer.
198
00:06:12,867 --> 00:06:13,744
I made a spreadsheet and everything.
199
00:06:13,812 --> 00:06:14,978
I worked on it this morning.
200
00:06:15,046 --> 00:06:16,080
You-You've got to be kidding me.
201
00:06:16,147 --> 00:06:18,007
I don't... It's not...
202
00:06:18,265 --> 00:06:19,650
"Nick's Life Plan"?
203
00:06:19,717 --> 00:06:21,018
What is that?!
204
00:06:21,086 --> 00:06:22,953
I'm just trying to keep you on track, Nick.
205
00:06:23,021 --> 00:06:24,875
Look, we've always done
everything together,
206
00:06:24,937 --> 00:06:27,224
and I'm just worried that
we're gonna drift apart.
207
00:06:27,292 --> 00:06:29,159
You know, I'm gonna get
married and have kids,
208
00:06:29,227 --> 00:06:31,395
and you're gonna be wandering
around the grocery store,
209
00:06:31,463 --> 00:06:33,730
holding a bottle of
Scotch and an ear of corn.
210
00:06:33,798 --> 00:06:35,065
Okay, you know what?
211
00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:37,501
You know what I have to say
to you, Schmidt? Boundaries.
212
00:06:37,975 --> 00:06:39,308
You know, you and me.
213
00:06:39,351 --> 00:06:40,625
Boundaries.
214
00:06:43,038 --> 00:06:45,272
All right, let's do this.
215
00:06:45,335 --> 00:06:46,844
- We're having a baby!
- Yes. - Yeah.
216
00:06:46,911 --> 00:06:48,112
CAROL: Oh, my God, my boobs are
217
00:06:48,179 --> 00:06:49,789
- gonna get huge! (laughs)
- Unbelievable!
218
00:06:49,851 --> 00:06:51,460
They're gonna be like, "Get out of my way.
219
00:06:51,546 --> 00:06:52,483
Here come my boobs."
220
00:06:52,550 --> 00:06:57,203
BOBBY and CAROL: Yankees suck!
Yankees suck! Yankees suck!
221
00:06:58,657 --> 00:06:59,813
This really means a lot to me, man.
222
00:06:59,893 --> 00:07:01,461
I'm sorry I couldn't do it myself.
223
00:07:01,571 --> 00:07:02,471
Yeah, you know what I think it was?
224
00:07:02,538 --> 00:07:03,872
One time, I got stung in the penis
225
00:07:03,940 --> 00:07:06,703
five different times by five different bees
226
00:07:06,797 --> 00:07:07,899
five days in a row.
227
00:07:07,984 --> 00:07:09,311
What were you doing
228
00:07:09,379 --> 00:07:13,715
that your naked penis
was exposed to bumblebees?
229
00:07:13,783 --> 00:07:14,695
Why is he here?
230
00:07:14,753 --> 00:07:16,253
You know, even though
I don't approve of this,
231
00:07:16,313 --> 00:07:18,859
I would never, ever leave
you in your time of need.
232
00:07:18,969 --> 00:07:19,888
Schmidt, I don't want you here.
233
00:07:19,956 --> 00:07:21,256
I told him I didn't want him here.
234
00:07:21,324 --> 00:07:22,724
I can't be any more clear on that.
235
00:07:24,883 --> 00:07:25,961
I botched it!
236
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:28,352
Botched it good! Three
strikes, and you're out!
237
00:07:28,484 --> 00:07:29,531
How do you botch it?
238
00:07:29,599 --> 00:07:30,766
You do not have my blessing.
239
00:07:30,833 --> 00:07:31,833
I don't need your blessing.
240
00:07:31,901 --> 00:07:33,539
I don't want it. I don't care.
241
00:07:33,649 --> 00:07:34,436
I don't even want you here.
242
00:07:34,504 --> 00:07:36,250
NURSE: Mr. Miller, we're ready for you.
243
00:07:36,673 --> 00:07:38,297
Thank you so much.
244
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:39,207
Here I go.
245
00:07:39,275 --> 00:07:40,442
- Nicky, give 'em hell, huh?
- Yeah.
246
00:07:40,510 --> 00:07:41,810
- Get me a winner.
- All right? You got it.
247
00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,512
- CAROL: All right. - All right.
- Go get 'em, Nicky.
248
00:07:43,579 --> 00:07:45,781
We believe in you. Come
on, make a smart one.
249
00:07:45,848 --> 00:07:47,783
- Here we go!
- BOBBY: Yeah!
250
00:07:53,122 --> 00:07:55,438
- Hey, Schmidt, can I have a...
- So you do need my blessing!
251
00:07:55,531 --> 00:07:56,992
I don't need you! Just please
come back in here with me.
252
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,226
Thank you.
253
00:07:58,294 --> 00:08:01,029
Never seen two guys so
close like that, you know.
254
00:08:01,097 --> 00:08:02,564
My dad and his...
255
00:08:02,632 --> 00:08:05,100
and his friend Joe were close like that.
256
00:08:05,168 --> 00:08:06,668
- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
257
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,003
Well, you got in my head.
258
00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:09,604
You got in my head.
259
00:08:09,672 --> 00:08:11,440
Why'd you have to tell me
about the plan, Schmidt?
260
00:08:11,507 --> 00:08:13,108
Now I need to know what happens.
261
00:08:13,176 --> 00:08:15,677
Why am I not supposed
to have a baby this way?
262
00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:19,014
As I saw it, your first
child was to be born
263
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:22,469
between you and a small Italian woman.
264
00:08:22,883 --> 00:08:23,852
Like a Maria?
265
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:24,920
- Yes, like a Maria.
- Okay.
266
00:08:24,988 --> 00:08:26,288
She makes meatballs and soup,
267
00:08:26,356 --> 00:08:27,522
and does laundry in a wooden bucket.
268
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,624
- Yeah, she does.
- You guys have a child.
269
00:08:29,692 --> 00:08:31,193
It's a boy. I'm incredibly involved.
270
00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:33,695
I give him the other half of
a walkie-talkie just in case
271
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:35,397
he ever has a question in
the middle of the night.
272
00:08:35,465 --> 00:08:37,024
(imitates static) Yes, I'm here.
273
00:08:37,274 --> 00:08:39,016
He hides his broccoli in
a planter during dinner.
274
00:08:39,117 --> 00:08:40,736
I wink. I look the other way.
275
00:08:40,803 --> 00:08:42,500
- You mean e-broccoli.
- What?
276
00:08:42,578 --> 00:08:43,739
'Cause it's the future.
277
00:08:43,806 --> 00:08:45,719
How far in the future are you
planning on having a child?
278
00:08:45,766 --> 00:08:47,242
Well, if we're talking
about me meeting a woman,
279
00:08:47,310 --> 00:08:48,677
falling in love and having a kid?
280
00:08:48,745 --> 00:08:51,079
A very, very, very, very long time.
281
00:08:51,147 --> 00:08:51,945
So many "verys."
282
00:08:52,016 --> 00:08:53,367
And let's face the facts.
283
00:08:53,422 --> 00:08:55,930
My love life is a disaster.
284
00:08:56,016 --> 00:08:58,520
Schmidt, this might be my
only chance of having a kid.
285
00:08:58,588 --> 00:09:00,289
- Don't say that.
- I'm saying it.
286
00:09:00,380 --> 00:09:02,147
And if I can't have a kid with a woman,
287
00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:03,984
then maybe I'll have one with my cousin.
288
00:09:04,234 --> 00:09:06,261
Horrifying wording
289
00:09:06,329 --> 00:09:09,364
for what actually is,
well, a beautiful sentiment.
290
00:09:09,432 --> 00:09:11,400
I-I want to do this.
291
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:13,402
I want to experience this.
292
00:09:14,266 --> 00:09:15,537
You know, and I know I
won't be able to raise him,
293
00:09:15,605 --> 00:09:18,874
and... and that's disappointing, but...
294
00:09:18,941 --> 00:09:21,576
I'll still see the little
guy at parties and such.
295
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,412
Say hi. He'll say hi.
296
00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:25,914
Give him some fireworks to pop off, or...
297
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,482
or e-fireworks.
298
00:09:27,550 --> 00:09:28,917
Man, I'm just...
299
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,919
I'm getting excited
just thinking about this.
300
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:32,487
Look, it's not how I originally planned it,
301
00:09:32,555 --> 00:09:34,589
but it's still another
Nick Miller in the world,
302
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:37,159
and I'll take that any way I can get it.
303
00:09:37,226 --> 00:09:38,593
You have my blessing.
304
00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:39,861
Well, it's embarrassing to admit, but...
305
00:09:39,929 --> 00:09:41,363
thanks, man, I kind of needed it.
306
00:09:41,431 --> 00:09:42,964
Yeah, absolutely.
307
00:09:43,032 --> 00:09:44,299
(laughs)
308
00:09:44,797 --> 00:09:46,835
You should get out of here,
man. I'm gonna go masturbate.
309
00:09:46,903 --> 00:09:47,803
Okay.
310
00:09:47,870 --> 00:09:49,805
- (groaning)
- We...
311
00:09:49,872 --> 00:09:52,641
really got after it there.
312
00:09:52,708 --> 00:09:54,476
I am so happy I could help.
313
00:09:54,544 --> 00:09:56,078
Like, I don't want to be...
314
00:09:56,145 --> 00:09:58,246
greedy about it, 'cause
I know I've already put on
315
00:09:58,314 --> 00:10:01,049
the most perfect dress once
today, and I should wait...
316
00:10:01,117 --> 00:10:03,251
- You thinking what I'm thinking?
- I really want to put it on again.
317
00:10:03,319 --> 00:10:04,653
- You should put it on again.
- I know!
318
00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:05,887
Okay, I'm going to go try it on.
319
00:10:05,955 --> 00:10:06,922
- Okay, try it on again.
- Okay.
320
00:10:06,989 --> 00:10:09,039
CECE: Oh, no!
321
00:10:09,117 --> 00:10:10,649
Oh, no.
322
00:10:11,555 --> 00:10:13,172
What did we do?
323
00:10:13,563 --> 00:10:14,696
What is this?
324
00:10:14,764 --> 00:10:15,964
Oh, my God!
325
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:17,365
How drunk were we?
326
00:10:17,433 --> 00:10:18,533
- No.
- No. Okay.
327
00:10:18,601 --> 00:10:19,901
You know what, no, no, no, no.
328
00:10:19,969 --> 00:10:22,237
This is, you know what,
this is, this is good.
329
00:10:22,297 --> 00:10:23,516
Everything's all right.
330
00:10:23,579 --> 00:10:24,980
I mean, look, you got mirrors.
331
00:10:25,039 --> 00:10:26,539
You know, no one's ever done that before.
332
00:10:26,642 --> 00:10:28,143
I like it, you know. I like the...
333
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:30,345
Again, I can't talk
enough about the mirrors.
334
00:10:30,413 --> 00:10:32,514
Why is there a spot for batteries?
335
00:10:32,582 --> 00:10:34,583
So the glass can light up.
336
00:10:34,650 --> 00:10:36,318
We were really excited about that feature.
337
00:10:38,121 --> 00:10:40,489
Yeah. You look like a
prostitute for wizards.
338
00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:42,557
I look like a bullfighter in space.
339
00:10:42,625 --> 00:10:44,726
I cannot get married in this dress.
340
00:10:44,794 --> 00:10:46,094
Okay, so what do you need me to do?
341
00:10:46,162 --> 00:10:48,630
Nothing. I don't need your help.
342
00:10:48,698 --> 00:10:50,298
Okay. 'Cause I'm just...
343
00:10:50,366 --> 00:10:52,200
I'm gonna do it by myself.
344
00:10:56,727 --> 00:10:57,706
Well...
345
00:10:57,773 --> 00:10:59,040
- Yeah, well, no, I...
- You washed?
346
00:10:59,108 --> 00:11:00,308
Yeah, of course I washed.
347
00:11:00,376 --> 00:11:02,043
Hey, why the...
348
00:11:02,111 --> 00:11:03,478
why the long faces?
349
00:11:03,546 --> 00:11:05,113
Shouldn't we be celebrating here, guys?
350
00:11:05,181 --> 00:11:08,250
Listen, we, uh, we talked
to the doctor and, uh,
351
00:11:08,317 --> 00:11:10,485
turns out we can't afford the procedure.
352
00:11:10,553 --> 00:11:12,554
Are you kidding me?
353
00:11:12,622 --> 00:11:14,789
So I just masturbated for nothing?
354
00:11:14,857 --> 00:11:15,757
SCHMIDT: You-you guys flew
355
00:11:15,825 --> 00:11:16,750
across the country.
356
00:11:16,852 --> 00:11:18,627
You didn't think about
any of this beforehand?
357
00:11:18,694 --> 00:11:20,195
We did little to no research.
358
00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:21,363
But we still want to have
359
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:23,231
- a family, you know.
- Yeah.
360
00:11:23,299 --> 00:11:25,767
We already fell in love
with the little bastard.
361
00:11:25,835 --> 00:11:27,369
Anyway, there is one other option
362
00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:28,603
we could explore.
363
00:11:29,297 --> 00:11:30,672
What is it? Anything.
364
00:11:30,768 --> 00:11:32,102
Nick...
365
00:11:32,842 --> 00:11:34,727
I want you to have sex with my wife.
366
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:37,145
- What?
- CAROL: Yeah, we don't just
367
00:11:37,213 --> 00:11:38,880
need your reindeer, we need Santa.
368
00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:40,882
- SCHMIDT: What? What?
- Yeah, come down the chimney.
369
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:42,284
- Feet first.
- White Christmas.
370
00:11:42,351 --> 00:11:43,785
Bring a sackful of gifts.
371
00:11:47,674 --> 00:11:49,291
This is nuts. I can't do this.
372
00:11:49,315 --> 00:11:51,183
This might be your only
chance to have a kid.
373
00:11:51,251 --> 00:11:52,627
Yeah, but then I have to
have sex with my cousin.
374
00:11:52,674 --> 00:11:54,002
I don't want to have... I don't
want to have sex with my cousin.
375
00:11:54,052 --> 00:11:55,877
It's not your cousin.
It's your cousin's wife.
376
00:11:55,963 --> 00:11:58,190
That's like letting a dog
drink water out of your mouth.
377
00:11:58,258 --> 00:12:00,025
You know, it's not great, but it's legal.
378
00:12:00,093 --> 00:12:01,693
The point I'm trying to make is,
379
00:12:01,761 --> 00:12:03,929
is I think I'd like another
Nick Miller in the world.
380
00:12:03,997 --> 00:12:05,697
- All right.
- Can you imagine?
381
00:12:05,765 --> 00:12:07,182
(chuckles)
382
00:12:07,338 --> 00:12:09,434
Come on, man, what do you say?
383
00:12:09,502 --> 00:12:11,737
(sighs)
384
00:12:11,804 --> 00:12:12,971
SCHMIDT: I think the best thing
385
00:12:13,039 --> 00:12:14,540
to do here is to just look at this
386
00:12:14,607 --> 00:12:16,041
like a medical procedure.
387
00:12:16,109 --> 00:12:18,310
Why is this guy in this conversation here?
388
00:12:18,378 --> 00:12:20,045
Bobby, it's a losing
battle. Just move past it.
389
00:12:20,113 --> 00:12:22,807
And, Carol, look, I
don't want this to feel,
390
00:12:22,862 --> 00:12:24,063
I-I don't know, romantic.
391
00:12:24,088 --> 00:12:25,385
I don't want you getting confused.
392
00:12:25,424 --> 00:12:27,452
- There's a zero percent chance of that happening.
- Yeah.
393
00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:28,854
If you're suggesting
that I can't be romantic,
394
00:12:28,922 --> 00:12:30,355
then you're out of your mind.
395
00:12:30,423 --> 00:12:31,356
SCHMIDT: Yeah, excuse me,
396
00:12:31,424 --> 00:12:32,691
Nick is very romantic, okay?
397
00:12:32,759 --> 00:12:34,626
He does romantic things
for me all the time.
398
00:12:34,694 --> 00:12:36,595
Schmidt, what are you talking about?
399
00:12:36,663 --> 00:12:38,297
Just the other week, you
were very romantic to me.
400
00:12:38,364 --> 00:12:40,866
When I fell down in the parking
lot and you picked me up?
401
00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:42,968
(talking indistinctly)
402
00:12:43,036 --> 00:12:45,404
- (grunts)
- Get up, dude!
403
00:12:45,471 --> 00:12:46,872
How was that romantic?!
404
00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:48,540
It was beautiful and it was kind.
405
00:12:48,608 --> 00:12:50,208
You know, romance doesn't
always have to be sexual,
406
00:12:50,276 --> 00:12:52,210
- you idiot.
- You're the idiot!
407
00:12:52,941 --> 00:12:54,141
Don't. Don't.
408
00:12:54,197 --> 00:12:56,033
Honestly, you want to do this right now?
409
00:12:56,229 --> 00:12:57,616
Give me one shot at that big head,
410
00:12:57,684 --> 00:12:59,918
I'm gonna knock you out. (chuckles)
411
00:12:59,986 --> 00:13:02,154
- Dominated you physically. Admit it.
- Yeah, defense.
412
00:13:02,986 --> 00:13:04,823
Can we put something over the windows?
413
00:13:04,891 --> 00:13:07,359
I want it to be pitch black
in here, so I can't see...
414
00:13:07,427 --> 00:13:09,628
I don't like the way you look at
my body when you say that, Carol.
415
00:13:09,696 --> 00:13:10,862
- Well...
- SCHMIDT: Okay, we got to keep it positive.
416
00:13:10,930 --> 00:13:12,664
- I agree.
- I think what Nick is trying to say
417
00:13:12,732 --> 00:13:14,700
- Uh-huh.
- Is that he'd like to be completely naked.
418
00:13:14,767 --> 00:13:17,603
- Where are you getting this from?!
- Objection, Your Honor! Strongly!
419
00:13:17,670 --> 00:13:19,304
'Cause I will be wearing clothes!
420
00:13:19,372 --> 00:13:20,772
- Overruled. Yeah.
- Overruled.
421
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:22,244
- Yeah, stand down.
- But I'll-I'll tell ya,
422
00:13:22,307 --> 00:13:25,377
I'm not wearing a
condom! End of discussion.
423
00:13:25,916 --> 00:13:27,050
(laughs)
424
00:13:27,455 --> 00:13:28,880
Guys...
425
00:13:28,948 --> 00:13:30,983
such a clearly great joke.
426
00:13:31,050 --> 00:13:32,217
Because obviously I can't wear,
427
00:13:32,285 --> 00:13:33,783
- you know...
- Oh.
428
00:13:33,846 --> 00:13:35,916
We got to loosen the vibe a little.
429
00:13:35,978 --> 00:13:38,065
- Can we do something about this smell?
- Oh, yeah.
430
00:13:38,157 --> 00:13:39,191
(sniffs) It is a little rank, yeah.
431
00:13:39,258 --> 00:13:40,359
- There is an odor.
- Yeah.
432
00:13:40,426 --> 00:13:41,526
Well, I lost a glass of milk.
433
00:13:41,594 --> 00:13:43,541
You lost a glass of milk? Was it full?
434
00:13:43,635 --> 00:13:44,643
Yeah, it was to the top.
435
00:13:44,697 --> 00:13:45,430
I could barely carry it.
436
00:13:45,498 --> 00:13:46,698
Oh, that's outrageous!
437
00:13:46,766 --> 00:13:48,433
- Oh, God.
- Now, if you don't mind,
438
00:13:48,501 --> 00:13:50,836
I'd just like to bring
things down for a second here.
439
00:13:50,903 --> 00:13:53,643
Bob, Carol, um, I originally
bought this for Nick,
440
00:13:53,729 --> 00:13:56,375
but since he may never
have someone to give it to,
441
00:13:57,283 --> 00:13:58,777
I'd like for you guys to have it.
442
00:13:58,845 --> 00:14:00,045
- Mm-mm.
- No, dude, no.
443
00:14:00,113 --> 00:14:01,780
We're Pats fan. We hate the Bears.
444
00:14:01,848 --> 00:14:03,715
- You don't like the onesie?
- Pats are number onesie.
445
00:14:03,783 --> 00:14:05,283
Where did we land on me being in the room?
446
00:14:05,351 --> 00:14:06,818
- Get out, Schmidt!
- Get the hell out of here!
447
00:14:06,886 --> 00:14:08,987
Look, I-I know that you
have a "no return" policy,
448
00:14:09,055 --> 00:14:10,822
but you have to take this dress back, okay?
449
00:14:10,890 --> 00:14:12,824
I look like a rich person
in The Hunger Games.
450
00:14:12,892 --> 00:14:14,259
Yeah, I know. (chuckles)
451
00:14:14,327 --> 00:14:16,028
I was gonna stop you from buying it,
452
00:14:16,095 --> 00:14:18,233
but I didn't, so we're done here.
453
00:14:18,865 --> 00:14:20,569
Wrong!
454
00:14:21,768 --> 00:14:23,435
See, you may be done
with her, but you're not
455
00:14:23,503 --> 00:14:25,270
done with the law.
456
00:14:25,338 --> 00:14:27,439
Winston Bishop, LAPD.
457
00:14:27,507 --> 00:14:29,390
You're a cop? The guy
who was spinning around
458
00:14:29,475 --> 00:14:31,109
singing Patti LaBelle songs yesterday?
459
00:14:31,177 --> 00:14:33,445
(high-pitched): ♪ I tidied
up my point of view ♪
460
00:14:33,513 --> 00:14:35,881
♪ I got a new attitude.
461
00:14:35,948 --> 00:14:39,319
And you must be the one
who was serving champagne
462
00:14:39,397 --> 00:14:40,852
without a liquor license.
463
00:14:41,201 --> 00:14:42,468
We don't charge for it.
464
00:14:42,543 --> 00:14:43,943
It's legal.
465
00:14:47,597 --> 00:14:50,475
Uh, not if it's being served to a-a minor.
466
00:14:50,585 --> 00:14:51,329
Oh.
467
00:14:51,397 --> 00:14:52,864
Yeah. Oh, that's right.
468
00:14:52,932 --> 00:14:55,867
I'm 17 years old. I'm a kid.
469
00:14:55,935 --> 00:14:57,669
You're a 17-year-old police officer?
470
00:14:57,737 --> 00:14:58,837
I'm a cop prodigy.
471
00:14:58,905 --> 00:15:00,605
You see, my school is the streets.
472
00:15:00,673 --> 00:15:03,366
But my other school is school.
473
00:15:03,468 --> 00:15:04,776
'Cause-'cause I go to school.
474
00:15:04,844 --> 00:15:06,845
Like a school-school, for learning.
475
00:15:06,913 --> 00:15:07,929
You are so stupid.
476
00:15:07,988 --> 00:15:09,255
No return policy
477
00:15:09,311 --> 00:15:10,655
is more important than the love
478
00:15:10,733 --> 00:15:12,951
that brings us here today, so...
479
00:15:13,019 --> 00:15:16,121
This means a lot to her,
so please help her out.
480
00:15:19,459 --> 00:15:21,522
Well, that didn't work.
481
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:24,329
Look, Cece, I'm-I'm no good at this.
482
00:15:24,397 --> 00:15:26,331
I'm no help. I'm just gonna...
483
00:15:26,399 --> 00:15:28,333
I'm just gonna take a
backseat to the wedding.
484
00:15:28,401 --> 00:15:29,601
No. Look...
485
00:15:29,669 --> 00:15:32,337
what you did in there
made me realize how much
486
00:15:32,405 --> 00:15:35,507
you... really care about me.
487
00:15:39,245 --> 00:15:42,114
I know that you're already
one of Schmidt's groomsmen,
488
00:15:42,181 --> 00:15:46,718
um, but I was hoping you
would maybe also consider
489
00:15:46,786 --> 00:15:49,287
being one of my bridesmaids.
490
00:15:50,186 --> 00:15:52,991
You want me to be a bridesmaid?
491
00:15:53,292 --> 00:15:54,726
If you don't want to, I...
492
00:15:54,794 --> 00:15:56,728
- Do you know who you're talking to?
- Yes?
493
00:15:56,796 --> 00:15:58,396
- You're talking to Winnie the Bish!
- Yeah.
494
00:15:58,464 --> 00:16:00,465
I would love to be your bridesmaid!
495
00:16:00,533 --> 00:16:01,833
- Yes?
- Yes!
496
00:16:01,901 --> 00:16:03,235
- Yes?
- Yes!
497
00:16:03,302 --> 00:16:04,402
- Oh...
- Girl, you are
498
00:16:04,470 --> 00:16:06,404
under arrest for taking my breath away!
499
00:16:06,472 --> 00:16:07,572
(laughs)
500
00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:09,474
What's with this parachute top?
501
00:16:09,542 --> 00:16:11,358
It's good for movement, hard to stain.
502
00:16:11,436 --> 00:16:12,577
I thought it was appropriate.
503
00:16:12,645 --> 00:16:14,513
Okay. I don't know what you think
504
00:16:14,580 --> 00:16:17,082
we're about to do, but I'm
keeping this very simple.
505
00:16:17,150 --> 00:16:19,484
- I want to keep it simple.
- Uh-huh. Great.
506
00:16:19,552 --> 00:16:21,586
Should we... should we
just make love now, then?
507
00:16:21,654 --> 00:16:22,988
"Make love"?
508
00:16:23,055 --> 00:16:25,056
What, are we riding horses
around on a beach topless?
509
00:16:25,124 --> 00:16:26,424
No, thank you.
510
00:16:26,492 --> 00:16:28,326
Just tip me over and pour me out!
511
00:16:28,394 --> 00:16:30,562
Tip you over and pour you out?
512
00:16:30,630 --> 00:16:33,498
Yeah. It's that children's
rhyme that's also very sexual.
513
00:16:33,566 --> 00:16:35,467
It is not sexual at all.
514
00:16:35,535 --> 00:16:37,068
It is in this case.
515
00:16:37,136 --> 00:16:38,403
Carol, I'm g... I'm gonna need you
516
00:16:38,471 --> 00:16:39,971
to be a little bit nicer to me, please.
517
00:16:40,039 --> 00:16:41,740
- Oh, my God, are you serious?
- I can't p...
518
00:16:41,808 --> 00:16:44,176
Listen, I can't perform
sexually if I don't feel
519
00:16:44,243 --> 00:16:46,645
a-at least a little desired.
520
00:16:46,712 --> 00:16:48,647
- Okay.
- Could you give me any sort of a compliment? Anything.
521
00:16:48,714 --> 00:16:50,849
We'll go and then we'll just...
That will get me started.
522
00:16:50,917 --> 00:16:52,951
I'll say something nice about
you then and we can get into it.
523
00:16:53,019 --> 00:16:54,886
(groans)
524
00:16:55,337 --> 00:16:56,837
Just one compliment.
525
00:16:57,061 --> 00:16:59,147
Nothing on the front. Can you turn around?
526
00:16:59,859 --> 00:17:01,694
No. Keep turning.
527
00:17:01,929 --> 00:17:02,638
No.
528
00:17:02,663 --> 00:17:03,862
Stop. Ah!
529
00:17:03,930 --> 00:17:05,819
- Okay, I won't... Okay.
- Please.
530
00:17:05,866 --> 00:17:06,798
Um...
531
00:17:06,866 --> 00:17:08,466
First thing that pops in your head.
532
00:17:08,534 --> 00:17:10,068
(sighs)
533
00:17:10,136 --> 00:17:13,138
Oh, Nicky, you're such a sexy boy.
534
00:17:13,206 --> 00:17:14,406
(groans)
535
00:17:14,473 --> 00:17:16,641
It felt crazy coming
out of my mouth. Right?
536
00:17:16,709 --> 00:17:18,116
- Just some... just something simple.
- Oh, my God.
537
00:17:18,179 --> 00:17:19,611
Just take your pants off and get in bed.
538
00:17:19,679 --> 00:17:20,779
Okay, yeah. All right!
539
00:17:20,847 --> 00:17:22,747
- Okay?
- (breathing deeply)
540
00:17:24,874 --> 00:17:26,418
Come on!
541
00:17:28,387 --> 00:17:30,322
(sportscast playing over TV)
542
00:17:32,936 --> 00:17:35,554
Any plans to go to the beach
while you're in Los Angeles?
543
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:36,995
CAROL: Bob! He's freaking out!
544
00:17:37,063 --> 00:17:39,331
- Oh.
- Nick?
545
00:17:39,398 --> 00:17:41,233
I'm not freaking out. I'm fine.
Just my heart's beating really fast.
546
00:17:41,300 --> 00:17:42,901
- I feel a bit dizzy.
- CAROL: Are you freaking kidding me?
547
00:17:42,969 --> 00:17:44,202
- Just need one sec.
- This is ridiculous!
548
00:17:44,270 --> 00:17:45,737
All I did was take my shoes off.
549
00:17:45,805 --> 00:17:46,972
- Stand up and deliver!
- What happened? What happened?
550
00:17:47,039 --> 00:17:48,929
- Is it over? Did you like it?
- No! Look at him.
551
00:17:48,983 --> 00:17:50,575
I just need one minute.
I just need one minute.
552
00:17:50,643 --> 00:17:52,644
Everything's cool! Deal's
on. I just need one minute.
553
00:17:52,712 --> 00:17:55,022
- Get ahold of yourself, man!
- Hey, I'm ovulating
554
00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:56,848
for two more hours. I need to get plowed!
555
00:17:56,916 --> 00:17:57,983
You're dressed like you're
gonna run a marathon!
556
00:17:58,050 --> 00:17:59,184
Take off your windbreaker!
557
00:17:59,252 --> 00:18:00,619
Schmidt, tell them to stop yelling at me!
558
00:18:00,686 --> 00:18:02,621
No! You compose yourself
and you make a miracle,
559
00:18:02,688 --> 00:18:05,457
or I will squeeze one out of
you like a bottle of mustard!
560
00:18:05,524 --> 00:18:07,025
- What?!
- Take your pants off!
561
00:18:07,093 --> 00:18:08,585
There's not even a belt or a button!
562
00:18:08,671 --> 00:18:09,761
Just pull 'em down!
563
00:18:09,829 --> 00:18:11,897
- Yeah, let's go with the miracle already!
- Come on, man!
564
00:18:11,964 --> 00:18:14,065
- (all shouting)
- No! Stop! Stop!
565
00:18:14,133 --> 00:18:15,533
- Just take your pants off!
- Five minutes, and it's done.
566
00:18:15,601 --> 00:18:17,068
I don't like this! I don't like this!
567
00:18:17,136 --> 00:18:18,737
- Take your pants off!
- Do it! Do it, Nick!
568
00:18:18,804 --> 00:18:19,704
Come on, man! Do it!
569
00:18:19,772 --> 00:18:21,206
Take it out and do it!
570
00:18:21,274 --> 00:18:22,774
Boundaries! I said I need boundaries!
571
00:18:22,842 --> 00:18:24,042
Get out of my way!
572
00:18:24,110 --> 00:18:25,310
I need boundaries!
573
00:18:25,378 --> 00:18:27,145
Unbelievable.
574
00:18:27,213 --> 00:18:28,313
Wow. So typical.
575
00:18:28,381 --> 00:18:29,538
(sighs)
576
00:18:31,264 --> 00:18:32,417
Oh, look at that.
577
00:18:32,485 --> 00:18:33,985
There's the glass of milk.
578
00:18:34,053 --> 00:18:36,319
Really is filled to the brim.
It's like an infinity pool.
579
00:18:36,397 --> 00:18:38,023
Wow, how the hell did he carry that thing?
580
00:18:40,343 --> 00:18:42,343
Bobby, I'm sorry. I feel terrible.
581
00:18:42,381 --> 00:18:43,948
No, no, no, no. It was a bad call.
582
00:18:44,016 --> 00:18:46,150
Yeah, I guess it's weird to
have sex with your cousin's wife.
583
00:18:47,709 --> 00:18:48,857
No. I...
584
00:18:49,302 --> 00:18:50,506
I just can't stomach my kid
585
00:18:50,592 --> 00:18:51,639
coming from a Bears fan, that's all.
586
00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:52,957
There's nothing wrong
with being a Bears fan.
587
00:18:53,025 --> 00:18:54,459
- That's all I'm gonna say to that.
- There kind of is.
588
00:18:54,526 --> 00:18:56,394
No, it's weird to have sex
with your cousin's wife.
589
00:18:56,462 --> 00:18:57,962
- That's what's weird.
- We're gonna ask Cousin Terry.
590
00:18:58,030 --> 00:19:00,123
He's got no arm past his elbow,
591
00:19:00,193 --> 00:19:01,632
but it was an accident; it's not genetic.
592
00:19:01,700 --> 00:19:03,034
It's a good call. He's very good-looking.
593
00:19:03,102 --> 00:19:06,490
Uh, excuse me. So we're not having a baby?
594
00:19:06,725 --> 00:19:07,364
Well, this is...
595
00:19:07,389 --> 00:19:08,529
this is just great.
596
00:19:08,623 --> 00:19:09,887
If you can't tell,
597
00:19:09,975 --> 00:19:12,256
I am being sarcastic.
598
00:19:14,475 --> 00:19:15,445
What's with that guy?
599
00:19:15,498 --> 00:19:18,139
(sighs) He was really fat as a kid.
600
00:19:18,232 --> 00:19:19,779
- Now I get it.
- Ah, that makes sense.
601
00:19:19,869 --> 00:19:20,869
Yeah.
602
00:19:24,068 --> 00:19:26,023
We need to have a talk about today.
603
00:19:26,294 --> 00:19:28,654
- I know. Boundaries.
- No.
604
00:19:28,748 --> 00:19:29,678
It's...
605
00:19:30,850 --> 00:19:32,130
I want you to have something.
606
00:19:42,498 --> 00:19:43,667
What's this for?
607
00:19:43,740 --> 00:19:45,443
I want you to save that
and give it back to me
608
00:19:45,511 --> 00:19:46,911
when I have my own kid.
609
00:19:48,686 --> 00:19:49,914
What do you mean, you're
gonna have your own kid?
610
00:19:49,982 --> 00:19:52,016
When I have my own kid.
Don't make a big deal of it.
611
00:19:52,084 --> 00:19:54,857
I just... I don't...
I don't hate your plan.
612
00:19:54,923 --> 00:19:56,057
I kind of like it.
613
00:19:56,131 --> 00:19:57,522
Things have been going pretty good
614
00:19:57,597 --> 00:20:01,068
for me lately, and I-I would
like to meet my own Maria.
615
00:20:01,147 --> 00:20:01,934
With-a the meatballs.
616
00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:03,201
With-a the red sauce.
617
00:20:03,269 --> 00:20:04,970
(laughs): With-a the red sauce.
618
00:20:05,038 --> 00:20:06,772
I want to see that plan you got for me.
619
00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:07,631
Well, come on, man.
620
00:20:07,705 --> 00:20:09,272
It's a rough draft, but
you should check it out.
621
00:20:09,536 --> 00:20:11,061
What do we got here, chief?
622
00:20:11,144 --> 00:20:13,662
"Nick has a boy. He calls him Gio."
623
00:20:14,303 --> 00:20:17,382
We die on the same day in 2098?
624
00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:19,151
You murder me and then kill yourself.
625
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:21,520
There's not a chance I make it to 2098.
626
00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:22,754
Not a chance.
627
00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:25,457
I don't want to see the 2050s.
628
00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:27,593
Oddly enough, you won't.
629
00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:32,197
See? I freeze you from 2050 to 2064.
630
00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:34,600
That's why you're the genius.
That's why you're the genius.
631
00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:35,601
- Thank you.
- (chuckles)
632
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:37,603
- Can you see her?
- Jess?
633
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:39,204
Hey. Hey, guys. I pulled some strings.
634
00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:40,772
I got her a note that says we're here.
635
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,874
You are amazing. I don't
know why every wedding
636
00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:44,309
doesn't have a bridesman.
637
00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:46,311
Ooh, I'm-a get so naked
at that bachelorette party!
638
00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:47,746
That's one reason.
639
00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:48,814
(all cheering)
640
00:20:48,881 --> 00:20:50,482
CECE and NICK: Jess!
641
00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:52,351
Okay, Nick, the bag, the bag,
the bag, the bag. Okay. Okay.
642
00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:53,819
I got it, I got it. I got the
bag. What do you mean, the bag?
643
00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:55,420
- Oh, come on! Just one peek!
- No!
644
00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:56,989
No, no, no, no, no, no.
645
00:20:57,056 --> 00:20:58,323
Okay. We good?
646
00:20:58,391 --> 00:20:59,825
- Yeah, we're good.
- Okay.
647
00:20:59,892 --> 00:21:01,760
(exhales)
648
00:21:01,828 --> 00:21:03,996
Hey. Hey, hey, guys.
She's writing something.
649
00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:06,765
- Wait for it. Oh...
- _
650
00:21:06,833 --> 00:21:09,334
- What? What's happening?
- Don't worry. Nothing.
651
00:21:09,402 --> 00:21:11,036
I think she's writing something else.
652
00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:13,171
- Okay. All right. That's something.
- _
653
00:21:13,239 --> 00:21:14,573
- What's going on?!
- Nice.
654
00:21:14,641 --> 00:21:16,508
- _ - NICK: We miss you, too!
- CECE: Aw, we miss you, too!
655
00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:18,310
- All right, I can't take it anymore!
- CECE: No!
656
00:21:18,378 --> 00:21:20,412
No, no, no. No, no,
no. No, Jess can fix it.
657
00:21:20,490 --> 00:21:21,779
- Jess can fix it.
- Schmidt? Schmidt?
658
00:21:21,834 --> 00:21:22,981
CECE: Just... No, no.
659
00:21:23,049 --> 00:21:24,850
Cover up. It's not gonna look like this.
660
00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:26,418
I got him. I got him.
661
00:21:26,486 --> 00:21:29,054
- You got him? Okay.
- Winston, I got him. It's fine.
662
00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:31,590
- See? Everything's fine!
- This isn't romantic?
663
00:21:31,658 --> 00:21:33,592
- NICK: Come back soon!
- WINSTON: I love you!
664
00:21:33,660 --> 00:21:35,660
Synced and corrected by Chitorafa
www.addic7ed.com