Johanna!
Astra. I came as soon as I got your text. What is it? What's happened?
We have to go. We have to get out of here now!
We will. Tell me what's happened.
He said it was an accident, like when Mum died.
Where is he?
Oi. Logue.
Hello, Johanna.
What the fuck did you do?
We was just havin' a bit of fun.
"Bit of fun"?
Summoning demons for fun?
- Who's "we"? Where are the others? - Must still be inside.
- Inside the club? - You don't wanna go in there.
No. No, I bloody don't.
But someone has to clean up your shit.
I'll come with ya.
Believe it or not, love, it's safer in here, with your father.
All right, miss. We're here.
Sorry, long day.
Mine's just getting started.
I have a feeling mine is as well.
Johanna Constantine.
Look at you, all done up.
What are you doing here, Hettie?
Same as you, I expect.
He's coming, isn't he?
- Who? - Yeah, well, you know who.
Morpheus.
The Oneiromancer.
You know, the Sandman, he's back.
"The Sandman"?
The one who puts the kids to sleep?
He's a fairy story, Hettie.
He's no fairy story, missy.
He's back, and he wants his sand.
Good to know. I'm off to work.
You'll see. I know.
I'm 280 years old, and I know.
Constantine.
Have we met?
We have business, you and I.
Get in line, bruv.
Can't keep God waiting.
Ric the Vic.
You're here! Thank God.
Not as a favor though. I'm getting paid, or I'm going to bed.
Of course you are getting paid.
This visit is strictly professional.
Unless you, um, wanna get a drink after.
Tell me what's going on. Why have I been summoned?
The usual reason. I have a soul in need.
Who is she?
Hmm?
Does it matter?
If I double your fee?
Triple it?
Her family has means.
If her family is in any way royal, the answer is no.
I'm done with that lot. I told the queen...
The queen doesn't know she's here.
Is it the princess?
She showed up about an hour ago
demanding I that marry them before the palace find out, and the press.
Why, who's she marrying?
- Kevin Brody. - Kevin Brody, the footballer?
- He's rubbish. - He's fit though.
Just because a Goldsmiths-educated princess
wants to marry some naff winger,
- does not mean she needs an exorcist. - It's not just that.
Just have a chat with her, you'll see.
- No, it's too risky with the royals. - But…
If our chat goes wrong, I've a dead princess on my hand,
a demon on the loose, and no one to pay my fee.
- Fuck off! - Jesus fuck.
- What are you doing to me? - Is that her?
Can you not smell the sulfur?
- Where is she? - Thank you. She's in my office.
You're gonna need the Rituale Roman um.
I can't barge in spouting Latin at her.
Has she been restrained, or is that why she sounds like that?
She sounds like that 'cause she's possessed by a fucking demon.
Can we at least drug her first? Get her drunk, tie her up a little bit?
She's British royalty.
They love that shit.
Any other ideas?
Yeah.
Take your top off.
Do you, Princess, take this...
I do.
Wait, babe, are you absolutely sure you wanna do this?
I said "I do" because I do, Kevin.
No, I mean, you sure you don't want a big royal-wedding-of-the-century type wedding?
With the queen and photographers and stuff?
I just want you.
Get on with it, please.
Do you, Kevin, take...
Ow. Yeah, yeah, I do.
Then repeat after me.
Sorry, I've been fasting.
Just in case there were photographers. You know what I'm saying?
- Doesn't matter. - Keep going.
Sorry, can we...
Are you going to be sick? Kevin?
Are you going to be sick during our wedding?
Kevin.
Ric!
You were right about the demon, wrong about the host.
- Fuckin' hell. - Get her out.
My God! Kevin…
Come on, love. Come on.
Come with me.
You… talk too much.
- Tell me your name and I'll stop. - Why would I do that?
When there are far more enjoyable ways to make you stop.
His name is Agilieth.
I'm flattered you remember me,
Lord Morpheus, after all your time away.
Lord Morpheus?
He is.
Though, I confess, I almost didn't recognize you without your helm.
I wonder where your helm could be.
I presume it is in Hell, with the demon to whom it was traded.
Yes, but which demon? Give me the princess and I'll tell you.
Wait.
Fine, fine!
I'll tell you where your helm is, just don't send me back.
Constantine. Stop!
I command you!
- Dream of the Endless commands you! - Stop!
Run along and fuck off back to Hell.
You have no idea what you've done.
I do though.
I've just tripled my fee.
Oi, Ric! Whom do I invoice for this, Church of England or Buckingham Palace?
- Is this a test? Are you testing me? - No.
You're usually so careful not to mention it.
I assumed it was because my doctors told you not to.
So why now? What's happened?
You stole from him.
Nothing's happened. I just...
Do you think I don't know when you're lying?
Look, let's just say that I have it on good authority
that the ruby's owner is coming for it and for the people who stole it from him.
Then he's coming for you.
- You're the one who stole it from him. - And you're the one who stole it from me.
You're the only one who knows where it is.
He is coming, John.
You've been saying that for years.
Yes, but this time, it...
Every time,
every time you moved us to a new town and changed our last name,
wasn't because your boyfriend of the time was beating the shit out of us,
it was because the Sandman was coming...
- I was trying to protect you. - From whom?
The Sandman?
Or from my father?
I told you, John, your father died when you were a baby.
Yes. You've been saying that for years too,
but you lie about everything, lie for a living,
you're Ethel Cripps, Ethel Dee, you're Madame Daudet,
and apparently, I'm a man called John Burgess.
Who told you that?
The one… good thing about being in prison,
you do have plenty of time to read, and according to this,
according to "The History of Ritual Magic in England,"
the ruby once belonged to a rival of Aleister Crowley called Roderick Burgess.
He also kept a mistress
called Ethel Cripps.
My father didn't die when I was a baby, did he?
My father was Roderick Burgess.
Your father was a cunt who wanted me to abort you.
That may be the first honest thing you've ever said to me.
You want me to give you the ruby?
Then you tell me everything.
And this time, you tell me the truth.
Yeah. The duke and duchess are on their way to pick up the princess.
Poor thing.
She did seem possessed.
She was.
Love fucks you up.
Your new man is not unfit.
He's not my man. He's not even a man.
What is he then?
He's Endless.
I said the Sandman, and I meant the bleedin' Sandman.
It's good to have you back, milord.
Don't let her mess you about.
My gran used to tell me stories about you lot.
I've known your family for centuries.
Then you know there's not one of us that can be trusted.
What do you want with me?
Something of mine came into your possession.
A leather pouch filled with sand.
I need it back.
Oh, that was yours?
Bought it at an estate sale. Didn't even manage to get the drawstrings open.
Where is it?
- No idea. Could be anywhere. - We must find it.
Must we? Why is that?
Because without it, my realm will cease to exist,
and if dreams disappear, then so will humanity.
No offense, but… I could do without dreams for a while.
Haven't had a decent night's sleep in ages.
Nor will you.
Until we find the sand.
We must go, now.
Does this approach generally work for you? You just turn up and order people about?
Yes.
All right.
- I'll help you find your sand. - Good.
- First thing tomorrow, and I work alone. - No.
Don't want you and your friend following me all over London.
- My friend? - Is that not your raven?
- My gran said Dream always had a raven. - Not anymore.
Who are you?
Tell me your name.
It's, uh, Matthew, sir.
Matthew, I've made it clear to Lucienne
that I do not require a raven at this time.
Yeah, she told me you'd say that.
- If I need assistance, I will ask for it. - Uh, you do, actually…
She's getting away. Sir, she…
See, this… this is why you need a raven.
Go back to the Dreaming, Matthew.
The only reason I stole the tools was because I thought they'd help us.
Then your father's men came after us, so I hid the ruby,
and traded the others…
For this.
The Amulet of Protection.
It's what's kept me alive all these years.
But it won't do the same for you.
That's why I need the ruby, John.
Even if I told you where it was, it wouldn't do any good. I've altered it.
It only works for me now.
You don't believe me, you can try to use it. See what happens.
John, I have no intention of using it.
I want us to give it back to him.
- Maybe he'll forgive us. - Maybe.
But maybe we shouldn't give away a jewel
that makes dreams come true,
when we could use it to dream of a world without the Sandman.
We could start again.
I'm back.
Yes, in spite of my telling you to leave.
I… I can't. I… The boss lady told me...
Lucienne is not your master.
She told me you'd say that too.
Do you know who I am?
Not entirely, but I…
I don't even know who I am anymore.
A couple hours ago, I apparently died in my sleep,
and now I… I'm a bird.
I… I used to have thumbs. Now, I have these things.
Yes. And you must use them to fly back to the Dreaming.
- This world is not safe. - You think I don't know that?
I lived my whole life here. That's why Lucienne sent me to help you.
My last raven came here to help me.
Yeah? Where is he now?
Her name was Jessamy.
She died. Trying to help me.
I'm sorry.
Look, let me at least help you find this woman.
If she's asleep,
we've probably got five or six hours before she's on the move again.
If she is asleep, then I know exactly where to find her.
Johanna!
Astra! Astra! Go back, now!
- No! - Astra!
No!
Don't let go!
Astra! Astra!
No!
For fuck's sake.
How did you find me?
You were dreaming.
But it wasn't only a dream, was it?
It's a memory.
No wonder you do not sleep.
Maybe I don't deserve to.
Perhaps not.
But I could make it go away.
Only if I help you find your sand.
Though, finding anything in this place may require more magic
than even you can muster.
I'll look in the office.
- Try not to clean up while I'm gone. - I'm coming with you.
You have a gift for disappearing.
All right.
But if the mess in here offends you, wait till you see my office.
Why do you humans love objects so much?
They do come in handy sometimes.
You seem pretty attached to your sand.
It's not just an object, it's a part of me.
If that's true, how'd you happen to lose it?
It was stolen by another magic user called Burgess.
Wait, not Roderick Burgess?
The old Demon King himself, eh?
Everyone used to say he was a fake.
Said he had the Devil locked up in his basement. How the fuck did you…
Shit.
Wasn't the Devil he had locked up in his basement, was it?
Were you down there? All this time?
Is this you?
Why? Do I look that different?
Or younger?
No.
Happy.
Shit.
I know where your sand is.
I've missed you, Mother.
We were always very close, you and I.
Especially when it was just the two of us.
- It never was just the two of us, was it? - Well, when you were between boyfriends.
No. I meant the ruby.
Well, you only ever showed it to me on birthdays.
You'd tell me to make a wish and a pony would appear in the garden
or there'd be snow in… in July in my bedroom.
I should never have done that.
No, it was wonderful.
I should never have stolen it from you.
I should never have stolen it.
You did what you had to do to keep us both alive.
I understand that now.
And I'm just glad I can return the favor.
If you bring me the ruby.
I don't think that's a good idea.
I told you I fixed it.
The only reason those people got hurt the last time was...
People didn't get hurt, John. People died.
You killed them.
They were trying to take it from me. I was defending myself.
And now I can use it to defend you.
But I don't need defending.
I've got this. It's you I'm trying to save.
Is it?
What can I do to make you believe me?
What are you doing?
What I should have done long ago.
Protecting my son.
If I give you this, you won't need the ruby.
Who is she? The woman in the picture.
Her name's Rachel, Rachel Moodie.
Does she deal in magic as well?
God, no.
No, she's actually a decent person.
Proper job, nice family.
Fuckin' hated all the magic stuff.
And yet you left the sand with her.
No, I did not leave it with her.
Sort of left it.
And her.
I was staying at her place.
She interpreted that as us living together, which we weren't, so,
one night, I just went on a job and… never went back.
Why?
Because it never ends well, does it?
What?
Love?
No. I suppose it doesn't.
I don't know if you've noticed,
but people around me tend to get ripped in half or cast down to Hell.
Safer for her if I left.
Did you tell her that?
No. I suppose I'll have to now.
This is her. Or it used to be.
It's been six months. Maybe she might've moved house.
Please, have moved house.
Oh, bollocks.
Maybe we'll get lucky and she won't be...
That's weird. She didn't even ask who it is.
Maybe she's expecting someone. This could get awkward.
More… awkward.
- Wait here. No, you're not. - I'm coming with you.
Do you have any idea how much she probably hates me?
Do you have any ex-girlfriends?
- I will not wait long. - You won't have to.
She's gonna slam the door in my face, like I'm about to do with you… right now.
Just get on with it.
- Oh, my God. - Hiya, Rach.
- What are you doing here? - I probably should have called… first.
Sorry. Um…
- Hi. - Hi.
I had all of these, um… things planned, what I wanted to say.
Go on then. Don't let me stop you.
You look well.
Uh, right, well, um…
Sorry to bother you.
I left some things behind when we broke up, and I was wondering if...
Did we… break up… exactly?
Yeah. Uh, no, fair point.
That was bad of me, and… wrong.
I should have phoned or at least texted.
Do you wanna come in?
And apologize properly?
I say this as someone who was recently human.
Human beings cannot be trusted.
No.
If I were Johanna Constantine, I'd be up there cutting a deal with Rachel
to keep the sand, then cut the dream sand with real sand
and sell it to the highest bidder.
But then, I wasn't the best person when I was a person.
We can't all be Jessamy, who was apparently perfect in every way.
Matthew, I...
No, I get that you don't think you need a raven, but if you're out here,
waiting for human beings to help anyone but themselves,
you're gonna be sitting out here in the rain forever.
Whatever they're doing up there, they're not thinking about you.
Shall we, um,
take this apology into the bedroom?
It's going well, isn't it?
Yes, but you have a lot to apologize for.
I know.
- When you left that night... - Rach.
- When you left that night… - Do we have to?
…and you didn't come home,
I was terrified.
I'm sorry.
I called everyone.
Chas and Renee, Ric the Vic.
I even called your exes.
You did not.
Which ones?
Sarah.
- Oliver. - Oh, shit.
And Kit Ryan.
But they all told me to just get over you.
Because you're a selfish, ruthless coward.
Who ruins everything she touches.
- Rach. - Constantine.
Wake up.
What did you do to me?
It was the sand.
Where's Rachel?
Rachel?
- Rach? - Jo?
Jo? Is that you?
That's such a wonderful dream.
What's happened to her?
It was not meant for humans.
No, no! No, give it back.
Please. It hurts.
We can go.
What?
What? We can't go. We can't leave her like this.
We can't help her.
The sand was the only thing keeping her alive.
You have to do something.
If it wasn't for your sand, she wouldn't be like this.
I'm not the one who left her with it.
What is wrong with you?
You want your sand back so that you can save all of humanity, well, here she is!
But we're all just Roderick Burgess to you.
All you care about is your sand. Your power.
What is the point of you?
Well, you got your sand back. Why are you still here if you won't help?
Wait outside.
Rach…
I'm sorry, Jo. I'm so sorry.
It's my fault.
All of it.
Should never have left it with you.
Should never have left.
Well, you came back, though. Didn't you?
No. No, put it back on.
I've seen what happens to people who get on the wrong side of you and that thing.
I am trying to save you, not hurt you. Here.
This kept me alive for 116 years so far.
I hope it keeps you alive forever.
It's all a mother wants, really. Take it.
One last thing.
I'm sorry I was such a shit mum.
No. Mother.
Take it back.
It's too late now, love.
No.
Guard!
Mother.
You don't need the ruby.
No one can hurt you now.
What did you do to her?
Nothing. I didn't do anything.
I need you to step away from her. Okay?
You don't want to point that gun at me, I promise you.
Security requesting backup.
Why don't you just let me go?
For your own sake.
I'm warning you, John, I will shoot.
You'll only be hurting yourself.
I'm sorry.
- Freeze! - Hold it right there!
Don't move!
Don't you fucking move!
It's too cold for you to be out here without a coat.
Well, that's very kind of you.
No, please. I insist. Yeah.
What about you?
Oh, I don't mind the cold.
There, much better.
May I return it to you when I get to where I'm going?
The only thing that matters to me is that you get to where you're going.
Thank you.
She died in peace. In her sleep.
I'll let her dad know.
You know, she was actually a good person.
There are a few of them out there, you know.
They're not all like me and Roderick Burgess.
You are not Roderick Burgess.
And what's your friend's name?
- His name is Matthew, but he is not my... - Look after him, Matthew.
He needs it.
Constantine!
That nightmare won't trouble you anymore.
That was… nice, what you did up there.
Don't ever spy on me again.
I wasn't spying.
If I were spying on you, you'd never know it.
So what's our next move?
I'm going in search of my helm.
And you are going to the Dreaming.
Or, hear me out, you could take me with you,
and we'll never have to have this conversation ever again.
That does sound tempting.
In fact, where I am going, I may have need of you.
Yeah? Where are we going?
Hell.
Hell. As in Hell-Hell, or were you being metaphorical?
Because either way, we should probably check in with Lucienne first, right?
See how she's feeling about it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb, which is something birds actually do,
and say she will not be in favor of Hell-going.
But I don't get a sense you're listening, so, fuck it, let's go to Hell!