How about "Welcome to the highway"? Now, that's the sign I'd rather see.
Looking forward to the weekend with ya, champ.
Stocked the fridge with those frozen mini pizzas you like.
-Can't wait to get home. -You're lost.
-Lost? Me? No, not lost. -Call Mom. She never gets lost.
No, we don't need Mom's help. Son of a--!
[tires squealing]
[tire popping]
[tires squealing]
[boy] Nice driving, Dad.
[sighs] Flat.
Jeez, look at this thing! No wonder I popped a tire.
I've never seen anything like it. Wonder if it's worth anything.
[grunting] Oh, man.
It'll just take me a sec to change this tire, champ.
[video game music playing]
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Hmm?
[growls]
[gasps]
[whistling] It's actually kind of fun when the tires blow. Ha!
-[continues whistling] -[whimpering]
Who needs a mechanic when you got your old man, huh?
-Bet your mom can't do that. -Dad!
Sorry, champ. Did I scare ya? [chuckles] Let's get a move on.
Okay. Well, looks like our luck is finally turning.
[chuckles]
[whistling]
-[whimpering] -[engine starts]
[tires squealing]
Well, somebody's awfully quiet back there. Buckle up, Junior.
[snarling]
Here it is. For the next 24 hours, this is your baby.
[gasps] Are we gonna learn how babies are made?
At the flour mill, apparently.
Your assignment is simple. You will name it. You will care for it.
You will never let it out of your sight.
Look who you are seated beside. That is your partner.
If it comes back in one piece, you pass.
If it doesn't...
you fail.
[chuckles]
-Piece of cake. -It's not cake! Don't eat it, Domzalski!
[students laughing]
So you cheaters don't turn in a fake,
personalize your babies to begin the joy of parenting.
Mmm... Ah...
I'm kinda worried.
Toby, I really need to pass this class,
-or else I lose my mascot position. -[door opens]
Don't worry. We're Team Darby! We got this!
I'm great with ki-- Oh!
[chuckles]
[sighs] I am totally gonna fail.
Sorry I'm, uh... late, coach. Things got a little weird.
It's about to get weirder. You're raising a baby with Pepperjack.
[both] What?
Ugh!
It has your eyes.
-It has your nose. -[chuckles]
Blech!
[chuckles] Oh...
What?
[Toby] Um...
-I think our baby looks good as a pirate. -[camera phone clicks]
Huh? Argh!
[waitress] No outside food!
[gasps] This is our son, Sir Isaac Gluten!
[scoffs]
Did you hear? Logan and Mary already killed theirs.
They gave Dwight D. Eisenflour a bath, and he turned into mush.
That's horrible! Why didn't I think of that name?
You and Jim are gonna breeze this. You're already the perfect couple.
[classic pop music playing in diner]
-[man] ♪ I hear you walk into the... ♪ -[screams]
Ooh! Milkshakes! [slurping]
Jim! Are you crazy? You let her ride on that without a helmet?
Her? I think you mean "him."
I've been calling him "Jimmy Lake, Jr. Jr."
-Great ring to it. -Her name is Petunia.
Because she's a flour.
Get it? Like "flower"?
[slurping]
Okay, maybe it's not the best name. [slurping]
Do you mind if we take Sir Isaac and Petunia to a rock show tonight?
A rock concert? Is that really appropriate?
No, a rock show at the museum. It's an exhibit of gems and minerals.
As Jim knows, I've had my own collection since I was eight,
and I'm hoping to finally get it appraised by the experts.
Look, little guy, here's anthracite, obsidian,
and, oh, this is from Bular...
-[straw squeaks] -Uh... I mean, Bular-ium-ite.
Yeah, that is a rock.
-Well, a rock show sounds kinda cool. -[phone vibrating]
-Sounds fun. -[phone dings]
Shoot. Of course.
The stupid hacky-sack team made it to semi-finals.
-I gotta mascot the match tonight. -That's okay. I can watch him.
[grunts, screams]
[gasps, grunts]
[Toby chuckles]
-[inhales deeply] Got him! -Yeah, no.
Maybe I can fit him into my mole suit.
I promise, nothing bad is going to happen to our little one.
Toby, I need to pass.
Don't worry. I will not let you and Sir Isaac down.
[man] ♪ Baby, uh-va-va-voom ♪
[wheels squeaking]
[Jim] It's okay. Doesn't mean we're gonna fail as flour parents.
Isn't it kind of crazy to think...
we might be parents someday?
Not like that.
I'm just saying, have you ever thought about what it'd be like,
raising a teenager?
All I know is, I won't be like mine.
My mom can't even remember my birthday without checking her schedule first.
[grunts]
Well, closest thing to a dad I ever had turned out to be a changeling.
-And then he tried to kill me. -Comin' through!
-[chuckles] -At least we have parents.
[cooing]
[Claire] What about you, T.P.?
-Do you remember your mom and dad? -Only the stuff Nana tells me.
You know, when Tobes was two, they won the state lottery.
For reals?
They didn't win bazillions, but it was enough.
To celebrate, they went on a cruise together around the world.
There was a storm, and...
they never made it back.
I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to--
It's okay. My nana says they're always watching over me.
Sometimes, when good things happen, I like to think it's because of them.
[sighs]
[ominous music playing]
[Jim] Come on, I'll walk you home.
[creature snarling]
-You don't need to, Mr. Macho. -I'm doing it for Petunia.
See you tomorrow, Tobes. Don't eat the baby.
Don't bake yours.
[humming]
♪ She wants to go back ♪
♪ Sally, go back ♪
-♪ On a space jet plane ♪ -[creature snarling]
[indistinct chatter in distance]
♪ Astro Four, roll call ♪
♪ Astro Four, sound off ♪
♪ Sally! Bu-bum! Uh! Tom! Uh-uh-uh! ♪
♪ Gate ten ♪
[creature growling]
[gasps]
Claire? Jim?
[inhales deeply]
[panting]
[whimpering]
[panting]
-[continues panting] -[creature snarling]
[yells]
[grunts]
[creature snarling]
[gasps]
[suspenseful music playing]
-[creature shrieks] -[screaming]
-[gasps] -Oh, no.
-Toby! -[screaming continues]
For the glory of Merlin, Daylight is mine to command.
[screaming continues]
-Take Petunia! -Whoa!
[grunts]
[panting, whimpering]
[yells]
Eat hammer, buttsnack!
[chuckles]
[creature growling]
[screaming] Ow! Ow!
-Sir Isaac Gluten! Ahh! -[creature snarling]
I'll grab him!
-What are you? -[snarling]
[gasps] Oh, man, you are ugly.
-Ah! [grunts] -[creature growling]
Oh, boy.
-[grunts] -[grunts]
Why's it coming after me? You're the one slicing it! [grunts]
[screaming]
[moaning, growling]
It wasn't trying to hurt you. It only wanted what's in your bag.
-My rock collection? -What is that thing?
Something that doesn't belong in Arcadia.
Let's get it to Trollmarket. Blinky will know what to do.
[tires squealing]
Jim, your armor!
[all screaming]
[in slow-motion on car radio] ♪ Round and round, round and round ♪
♪ Round and round ♪
-[tires squealing] -[Toby sighs]
You think they saw anything?
Huh.
-[creature snarls] -Well, that happened. Is everyone okay?
[scoffs] Besides our kids needing therapy, I think they'll live.
We need Blinky.
[dog barking in distance]
[suspenseful music playing]
Adventurers, you both stand before a massive cathedral.
Magic fills the air. Clearly, the chalice you seek is inside.
If we are to conquer this realm, we must show no mercy!
I'll charge the doors and tear the men limb from limb!
Careful. Guards will notice.
That does not matter if none survive to tell the tale!
I will split them with my axe!
-[shaking dice] -This role-playing game is addictive.
Ah! That strategy works.
-My, you are on a killing streak today. -[footsteps approaching]
-Next time, I get to be the wizard. -[chuckles]
-[Jim] Blinky! -Ah! Master Jim.
Tobes was just attacked near his house by some thing.
It was like sludge, but smart. Smart sludge?
I'm concerned about this smart sludge, but more alarmed you're stockpiling flour.
Are you expecting a shortage?
No, it's my baby! It's for a health class. About babies.
Ah! So, that's why they always refer to it as "a bun in the oven."
No, this smart sludge, it was slime.
-Ate my rock collection. -[gasps]
Uh-oh.
Happen to have troll remains amongst your collection?
Yeah, a piece of Bular. Why?
Oh...
Uh...
Ooh...
Stop with the looks! You always do that when you're hiding something.
[sighs] Sounds like a gruesome to me.
-What's a gruesome? -[Blinky] Feeders of the dead.
At the first signs of war, they gather to await the carnage.
After the bloodshed, gruesomes would devour the troll remains
left on the battlefield.
They are the carrion of trolls.
There haven't been any battles in Arcadia. Why is there a gruesome here now?
Because Gunmar could be out.
[gasps] I told you, Master Jim, that's impossible.
-First the blood goblins, and now this? -How do we know for sure?
The odds are beyond miniscule, but we can investigate later.
Currently, we have a gruesome that must be dealt with.
But how do we find it?
What if my rock collection was just an appetizer?
He could be going for the main course. Look! The rock show at the museum!
The jewel of the collection is some large piece
that I swore looked like some troll arm.
A guy found it outside of town last week!
[Blinky] Great Gorgus! That is a troll arm!
Who could be so careless to lose an arm?
Not mine.
Then we're gonna be there tonight to make our stand.
There's gonna be people at the museum, people that can't see this thing.
We have to stop it.
Then I know just the thing to get rid of it.
-[Barbara] Jim, I'm home! -I'll be right up!
Just working on my assignment! Don't come down!
-[metal clattering, rustling] -Hm?
[dog barking in distance]
Hm...
[projector whirring]
Gunmar the Black, the Vicious, the Skullcrusher.
-[growls, roars] -Welcome to the 20th century.
-[grunts] -Wait, My Lord!
What magic is this? How did the impure become so large?
This is just a projection.
Bitte, we made this for you, My Dark Underlord.
-[Gunmar] Ah... -Much has changed over the centuries.
Today, there are over six billion humans...
-Closer to 7.4 billion. -More to eat.
Humans now live in cities, kingdoms that stretch past the horizon.
I understand the world is different, but my plan remains unchanged!
Why isn't the Heartstone mine? [growling]
Machinations have already been put in place.
We have a spy within Trollmarket,
who knows a way to disrupt the Trollhunter and his team.
Your Heartstone will be unguarded und ripe for the taking.
-[sighs] -Mm, my only concern is Dictatious.
A trusted advisor must be able to foresee all possibilities,
but alas, Dictatious cannot see anything.
[chuckling]
-[door opens] -My Dark Underlord, I have had visions.
My brother may have stolen my eyes, but she has blessed me with sight!
-[laughing] -She? She's spoken... to you?
-Tell me what you see. -[growls]
-Blink, did you go to RotGut's? -Did I ever!
Feast your eyes on this!
-A rock? -Not a rock. Dwärkstone.
-Dork-stone? -Dwärkstone.
-Dork-stone? -Close enough.
Dwärkstone is incredibly rare, highly volatile,
and the only guaranteed way to expel a gruesome.
All I'm hearing is "dork-stone."
However you pronounce it, how does it work?
A firm shake will activate it, but once it begins glowing... run.
Goes "kaboom."
[Blinky] Now, very delicately tuck it away and make sure it counts.
-We only have one. -[Toby] Come on.
Let's go rock this rock show! [chuckles]
[man] You see that paragenetic series last time?
[woman] I did. They had a whole section on metamorphic rocks.
[laughs]
This should be easy. There's only six people here.
I know. Crazy turnout.
-Okay, let's fan out and find this thing. -[Darci] There you are, T.P.!
Oh, hey, Darce! What are you doing here?
Well, the footbag tourney ended.
I thought I'd join you and little Sir Isaac.
Oh, better put him to bed right now. Looks tuckered.
-Go home with Mommy. -Really?
Well, I thought we'd stay and check out the show with you.
Spend some quality family time.
Then allow me introduce you to the wonderful world of quartz.
I'll take the north wing.
-You check the south. -Got it.
-[woman] Jason, oh, they've got sulfides! -[girl] Oh, here it is.
-Hey, ugly! -Uh?
Oh, sorry! I thought you were someone... uglier.
-Hm... Hm... -You're fine. You're beautiful.
[man growls, sighs]
-You... die! -Ugh! Watch where you're go--
Steve? What are you doing here? And-- Ugh! What is this?
What? Why didn't you, uh...?
I mean, you ruined my protein shake from...
Forget it! I'm out of here, weirdo! [yells]
-[creature snarling] -What the...?
[woman] That refers to the chemical makeup of the gem.
Hm...
-Hm. [gasps] -[light switch clicks]
[gasps]
Ahh! Hm...
I know you're still here...
[grunts] and I know you're hungry.
But you have to leave. I will protect Arcadia.
[snarling]
[grunts, groans]
[growls]
[grunts]
For the glory of Merlin, Daylight is mine to command!
-[snarling] -Ha-ha!
[grunting]
-[grunts] -[snarling]
Hm, this is highly unhygienic.
[gasps] Oh, no.
-[snarls] -[screams]
[screams, grunts]
[groans]
[snarling, growling]
Ha-ha! Ah! Stay.
-[gasps] -[snarling]
You like rocks? Rock this!
Mm?
-[Jim gasps] -[grunts]
[snarling]
[stone vibrating]
-[snarling] -[whimpering]
-Mm? -[stone vibrating]
Uh, I don't gotta go that bad.
[coughing] Ugh!
[creature snarling]
[snarling]
-Mm? -Uh...
Where's the gruesome? [gasps] Did you just blow up our child?
I'm sorry, but she did not die in vain. The flour in the air, it hurt it.
-We need more flour. -But we only had one.
[gasps] Sir Isaac Gluten!
[automated voice] This is not a test.
-Where's Claire? -I don't know, we should go.
[Jim] Tobes, where are you?
-Did you get it? -The gruesome's hurt,
and flour can kill it.
We need your baby.
-[chuckles] -[chuckles]
No way! Darci needs the passing grade.
If I give it to you, she'll never speak to me again. You ask too much.
[Claire] What do you think she'll say when she meets a gruesome?
[sighs] Good point.
-[siren wailing] -[sighs]
Darci, there's no good way to say this, so...
-What? -[both grunting]
[screams] Help, my baby!
-[alarm blaring] -Whoa!
I'm sorry, I can't let you go in there. Big emergency.
-Jim, I got him. Where are you? -[Jim] We're trying to find it.
[gasps] Bingo!
-[snarling] -[whimpering]
[panting]
[whimpers]
-[Jim] Tobes, where are-- -[beeps off]
Come on, Toby, you can do this.
[sighs] I'll never forget you, Sir Isaac Gluten.
[snarling]
[whimpering]
[Jim] Tobes, where is it?
[snarling]
[screams]
[yells in slow-motion]
-[grunts] -[snarling]
[gasping]
[whimpering]
[screams, whimpers]
[panting]
-Tobes! -[screams]
-You killed it! -Oh, it wasn't me. It was Sir Isaac.
[sighs] Now to break the news to his mother...
-[siren wailing] -[indistinct chatter]
-Darci... -What was that?
Why did you run off? And where is our child?
-There's something I need to tell-- -There's Mama.
-Sir Isaac! -When the fire alarm went off,
Toby's first instinct was to get his child to safety.
After handing him off to me, he ran back in to try to save Petunia.
Uh, unfortunately, it was too late. The sprinklers got her.
You hear that? Your daddy's a hero. Thanks, T.P. I misjudged you.
You're a pretty good partner.
And an above-average kisser?
Easy. One step at a time, T.P.
Was that Sir Isaac?
-I thought he killed the gruesome. -He did.
Then how did I find him on the floor inside?
-No, it can't be. -There has to be another side to this.
Then how do you explain? I told you, when good things happen...
[Claire] Gotta be a logical explanation.
[Jim] Let's chalk it up to, "It's been a weird day," huh?
[Toby] Mmm...
One baby survived?
It was a bag of flour!
And no one could keep it alive for 24 hours?
I'm sorry. My mom threw it away 'cause I'm allergic to gluten.
-She wrote a note to explain. -[paper rustling]
You all fail, except for Scott and Domzalski.
Congratulations. You're competent enough to just barely pass this assignment.
I weep for your offspring
and pray I'm retired by the time they reach high school.
-[school bell rings] -[weeping]
I don't know. Maybe Toby's parents are watching over him.
And we weren't so bad.
It was hard work, but despite all the hardships,
I enjoyed being a father.
Who knows? Maybe, one day, I'll be a good dad.
-You blew up our baby. -[chuckles]
Pretty much.