>> Chris: LET'S SHOW THEM A
BACK-TO-BACK STACK'N'JACK.
AAH!
>> Brett: IT'S OKAY, BUDDY!
>> WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL US
WHAT HAPPENED?
>> Chris: AAH!
>> Susie: I JUST WANT YOU TO
KNOW, DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.
>> Chris: OKAY, WHATEVER.
>> I KNOW EVERYTHING.
[ GUNSHOT ]
>> WE'RE GONNA BRAIN DRAIN HIM.
>> MARSHALL CHRIS.
>> Chris: JUST A SECOND.
>> Susie: "OKAY, CHRIS!"
THEY'RE CALLED AP'P'PALS.
>> BACK-TO-BACK STACK'N'JACK.
OH!
>> Susie: CHRIS, YOU MADE ME AN
APP'P'PAL.
>> Chris: YEAH.
>> Susie: "TIDAL WAVE!"
>> [ VOMITS ]
>> Susie: SON OF A BITCH.
I SAW CHRIS KILL BRETT.
>> RUN!
>> YOU ARE HEREBY STRIPPED OF
YOUR STATUS AS A U.S. MARSHAL.
[ MOTOR WHIRRING ]
>> Chris: [ CHOKING ]
>> CHRIS.
>> Chris: WAIT A SECOND.
I DIDN'T WRITE THIS.
SUSIE, IT'S CHRIS.
I GOT SET UP.
THERE AREN'T ANY BLADES IN HERE.
>> Susie: SO BRETT WASN'T KILLED
AT ALL.
>> Chris: HE MIGHT STILL BE
ALIVE.
[ MACHINE-GUN FIRE ]
>> Susie: AAH! RUN!
>> SEE YOU SOON, CHRISSY.
>> THE U.S. MARSHAL SERVICE WAS
STARTED BY A SECRET CABAL -- THE
ANCIENTS.
FIVE CHOSEN ONES.
"THE PROJECT."
BRETT WAS ONE OF THE CHOSEN
ONES.
>> WELCOME TO SHINEYTOWN, FOLKS.
[ ZAPPING ]
>> SHOE...
>> BRETT'S DEAD.
>> BRETT'S NOT REALLY DEAD.
THE ANCIENTS TOOK HIM...
TO KARTUUK.
>> FIND MOBLEY.
FINISH THIS THING ALREADY.
>> Chris: OH. [ SCOFFS ]
>> Susie: CHRIS, WHAT ARE WE
EVEN LOOKING FOR?
>> Chris: I DON'T KNOW.
FRED...SOMEBODY?
I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S BEEN TOO LONG.
>> Susie: I CAN'T DO THIS.
I'M SO TIRED, I JUST WANT TO LAY
DOWN AND BE DEAD FOR A LITTLE
WHILE.
I AM SO HUNGRY.
>> Chris: WELL, I GOT THIS.
>> Susie: IS THAT THE DINNER
ROLL YOU FOUND IN THE WOOD
CHIPPER?
>> Chris: WE COULD SPLIT IT.
>> Susie: NO, THAT'S BEEN IN
YOUR POCKET FOR LIKE 15 YEARS.
HEY -- OH!
>> Chris: MMM.
OH.
[ STOMACH RUMBLES ]
OH.
OH, BOY.
>> Susie: AAAAAAAH!
>> Chris: OKAY.
THAT WAS NOT A KEEPER.
>> Susie: CHRIS...
LOOK.
[ BELL JINGLES ]
>> Chris: LISTEN UP, LADY.
WE HAVE SPENT YEARS ROAMING THIS
EARTH, WE HAVE GIVEN UP OUR
LIVES LOOKING FOR OUR FRIEND
BRETT MOBLEY.
NOW I'M ONLY GONNA ASK YOU
ONCE -- WHERE IS H--
>> LEVEL THREE.
>> Chris: OKAY.
[ ELEVATOR BELL DINGS ]
WHAT THE HELL?
>> WOOP.
HOLD IT.
>> Chris: SUGALSKI.
>> CHRIS.
>> Chris: SUSAN, GRAB MY HEAD
SHAVER.
I'M ABOUT TO GO ROMPER STOMPER
ON THIS MOTHER.
>> HANG ON.
I MIGHT AS WELL TELL YOU THE
TRUTH.
YOU'RE TOO LATE TO STOP IT NOW.
FIRST OFF, I'M SORRY WE TOOK
BRETT, BUT HE WAS NEEDED FOR A
HIGHER PURPOSE.
>> Chris: THE "PROJECT"?
>> THAT'S RIGHT -- THE PROJECT.
THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO, IT WAS
PROPHESIZED THAT THERE WOULD BE
FIVE "CHOSEN ONES."
THE ANCIENTS STARTED THE MARSHAL
SERVICE IN ORDER TO FIND THESE
CHOSEN ONES, AND WE'VE BEEN
COLLECTING THESE CHOSEN ONES
EVER SINCE.
WE HAD FOUR CHOSEN ONES.
BRETT WAS THE FIFTH.
CHOSEN ONE.
>> Chris: BUT...WHAT IS THE
PROJECT?
>> OH, YOU'RE JUST IN TIME TO
SEE IT.
THE PROJECT.
[ ELEVATOR BELL DINGS ]
>> Susie: OH, MY GOD.
CHRIS, LOOK.
>> Brett: HEY, BUDDIES!
>> Chris: BRETT!
>> Brett: HEY, CHECK OUT MY NEW
ROCK FRIEND.
BACK
MASSAGE.
OOH, OOH!
AAH!
>> Chris: NO!
NO, STOP!
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
>> SOUL SUCK!
[ CHOSEN ONES SCREAMING ]
>> Susie: OH, MY GOD.
>> Chris: IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]
HUH?
>> OKAY, WHO GOT PINK GOOP ALL
OVER MY YOGA MAT?
>> Brett: YOGA MAT?
MY BAD.
I THOUGHT YOU SAID IT WAS A
MAT.
[ STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGHS ]
>> UM, I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S
NOT A THING.
>> Brett: NOTE TO SELF -- INVENT
YOGURT MAT AFTER YOU STRIKE IT
RICH WITH THE PIZZA PILLOW.
>> WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
>> Brett: IT GIVES YOUR DREAMS
EXTRA SAUSAGE, INSTEAD OF EXTRA
NAKED BRYANT GUMBELS.
>> UM, YOU WENT THERE.
>> Chris: WHY ARE YOU DOING
THIS?
>> DISTRACTION, CHRIS.
WE HAVE TO KEEP THE MASSES
APPEASED, OR ELSE, CHAOS.
>> Chris: AND YOU GUYS WROTE
THIS?
>> WELL, THERE IS A SCRIPT, BUT
WE JUST USE IT AS A JUMPING-OFF
POINT.
WE'LL SHOOT A FEW TAKES AS
WRITTEN AND THEN KIND OF MESS
AROUND A LITTLE BIT.
>> GUYS, VALENTINE'S DAY IS
TOMORROW, AND YOU PROMISED YOU'D
HELP WITH MY Match.com PROFILE!
>> Brett: AND SOMEONE NEEDS TO
LIGHT A match.com IN THE
bathroom.stink.
[ STUDIO AUDIENCE GROANS ]
>> WHERE'S THAT SOUND COMING
FROM?
>> THIS SUCKS!
[ CROWD BOOING ]
[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> Susie: SO, THAT'S IT?
>> UH, WE'VE DECIDED TO PULL IT
FOR RETOOLING.
>> THIS SUCKS!
>> Chris: YOU TOOK BRETT AWAY
FROM US FOR THAT?
>> Susie: YOU KILLED HIM FOR
NOTHING.
>> THAT SUCKED!
>> LET'S TRASH THIS PLANET!
[ ALL SHOUTING ]
>> Chris: GREAT. YOUR LITTLE
GARBAGE SKY SHOW PISSED
EVERYBODY OFF SO MUCH THEY WANT
TO DESTROY THE WORLD.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO HERE?
THINK. WHAT DO WE GOT?
UH...
[ EXPLOSION ]
OH! DO YOU STILL HAVE THOSE
DUMBASS APPLES?
>> Susie: WHY?
>> Chris: USE THEM!
>> Susie: WHAT? NO!
YOU TOLD ME THEY WERE STUPID!
>> Chris: NO, NO, NO, THEY'RE
GREAT!
DO YOUR DUMB SHOW!
>> Susie: REALLY?
>> Chris: YEAH!
OKAY, I BELIEVE IN YOU.
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
GO DO IT.
>> MARSHMALLOWS! MARSHMALLOWS!
MARSHMALLOWS!
>> ♪ PURPOSE, THEN BELIEVING
>> Susie: "HEY, EVERYONE'S REAL
MAD AND THEY WANT TO DESTROY
THE WORLD!"
"OH, WHAT SHOULD WE DO?"
"USE YOUR DUMB APPLES!"
"REALLY?"
"I BELIEVE IN YOU, YOU STUPID
DUNCE!"
"OH!
THANK YOU!"
>> THIS SUCKS!
>> BOOOOOOO!
>> Susie: "OH, THAT MAKES ME
SAD!"
>> YEAH, BUT IT'S SO BAD,
IT'S...GOOD!
>> Susie: "HEY, HOW ARE YOU
DOING?"
"HEY, YOU'RE A DUMMY!"
>> IT'S SO BAD, IT'S GOOD!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Chris: SUSIE! SUSIE!
YOU DID IT!
YOU SAVED THE PLANET WITH YOUR
STUPID, DUMB, WEIRD, ROTTEN
THINGS.
THEY LOVE IT!
>> Susie: THEY LIKE IT
IRONICALLY.
>> Chris: SO WHO CARES?
THEY'RE ALL IDIOTS.
I'M PROUD OF YOU.
BUT I'M AFRAID THIS IS FAREWELL.
>> Susie: WHAT? NO!
>> Chris: YEAH, I HAVE TO GO
AVENGE OUR FALLEN FRIEND BRETT.
>> Susie: WELL, LET ME GO WITH
YOU.
>> Chris: NO. Y-YOU BELONG HERE,
DOING YOUR SHOW FOR THE WORLD TO
LIVE-SNARK.
I'M GONNA GO MAKE SOME BLOOD.
AU REVOIR.
OH.
OKAY.
>> Susie: GOODBYE, CHRIS.
"HEY, SUSIE, BYE-BYE.
>> ...JUST TAKING THE SAME
ELEMENTS THAT WE HAVE.
HEY, CHRIS.
ME AND THE OTHER ANCIENTS ARE
GONNA DO A LITTLE NOTE SESH ON
THE SKYLET IF YOU WANT TO STICK
AROUND OR...
>> Chris: YOU'RE AN ANCIENT?
>> YEAH.
YOU NEVER WONDERED WHY I ALWAYS
WEAR MY HAT SO LOW?
>> Chris: [ CHUCKLES ]
YOU'RE GONNA DIE BAD.
>> AS BAD AS YOUR FRIEND QUINT?
>> Chris: YOU KILLED QUINT?
>> AND GRINT.
>> Chris: OKAY, I'M SORRY. WHO?
>> LONG STORY.
BUT IT ENDS WITH ME KILLING
QUINT.
AND GRINT.
>> Chris: SAY HELLO TO MY
SIZE-12 BUSTER BRAINS.
>> OHH!
GO AHEAD.
DO IT, CHRIS.
BUT YOU'LL NEVER GET PAST THE
OTHERS.
YOU'LL NEVER GET TO THE HEAD
HON...
OHH!
...CHO.
CHRIS.
[ BONES CRACK ]
[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]
[ GUN COCKS ]
>> Chris: AAH!
OH, DAMN IT! I'M BLIND!
OH, GOD. UH...
[ GUN COCKS ]
AH! OKAY. UH...
COME ON, COME ON.
[ SPEAKING GERMAN ]
A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-
AAH!
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
OKAY, HONCH, I FOUND YOU.
NO MORE SEARCHING, NO MORE
QUESTIONS.
IT'S JUST KILL TIME NOW.
>> Brett: HOW TERRIBLE IS WISDOM
WHEN IT BRINGS NO PROFIT TO THE
WISE, CHRIS?
>> Chris: DO WHA?
>> Brett: [ CHUCKLES ]
OH, BUDDY...
WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS SO MANY
TIMES BEFORE.
>> ♪ I HAVE BEEN HERE BEFORE
♪ HOW LONG...
>> Brett: YOU DON'T REMEMBER,
DO YOU?
YOU NEVER REMEMBER.
>> Chris: REMEMBER WHAT?
>> Brett: THIS, YOU AND ME...
THIS DANCE WE DO.
>> Brett: WE'VE BEEN DOING IT
FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS, CHRISSY.
WE'LL DO IT FOR THOUSANDS MORE.
I MESS AROUND WITH YOU UNTIL I
GET BORED.
I LEAVE.
YOU COME AND FIND ME.
WE HAVE THIS TALK.
AND THEN WE DO IT ALL...
OVER...
AGAIN.
>> Chris: ARE YOU, UM, THE...?
>> Brett: YEAH.
>> Chris: WHY DID YOU PICK ME?
>> Brett: WELL, IT'S FUN BEING
THE DEVIL, BUT...
YOU STILL GOT TO LIVE IN HELL.
I'M STUCK HERE, TOO.
YOU'RE GOOD TO PLAY WITH.
YOU MAKE ME LAUGH.
>> Chris: UGH. OH, NO.
UGH. OKAY.
WELL, HOW DOES THIS END?
>> Brett: Shh.
AHHHHHHH.
>> Chris: MARSHALS,
ANCIENT ROME, THE FUTURE,
NAZI GERMANY, THE WILD WEST, AND
GRAB BAG.
>> Brett: I'LL BE THAT CAB
DRIVER YOU CAN'T STAND.
I'LL BE THAT ANNOYING ROBOT THAT
WON'T SCRAM AND LET YOU JUST
ENJOY A GOOD OLD SPACE BEER.
I'LL BE THAT IDIOT SON YOU WISH
YOU NEVER HAD.
WHEREVER YOU ARE...
I'LL BE THERE.
>> Chris: OKAY.
ALL RIGHT. I'M READY.
THERE'S JUST ONE THING.
>> Brett: HMM?
>> Chris: YOU'RE GOING FOR A
LITTLE RIDE.
AND I HOPE YOU PACKED YOUR LAGS.
>> Brett: OHH.
YOU LAGGED ME.
>> Chris: MM.
>> Brett: WHEN?
>> Chris: IT'S BEEN A LITTLE PET
PROJECT OF MINE, BRETT -- LITTLE
STAB HERE, LITTLE SLICE HERE,
LITTLE CUT THERE.
>> Brett: [ LAUGHS ]
>> Chris: SWEETHEART, I HAVE
BEEN SCORING YOU FOR YEARS.
>> Brett: N-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!
>> Chris: HMM.
[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]
OKAY.
[ CHOKING ]
[ MOTOR WHIRRING ]
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
[ INSTRUMENTS TUNING ]
>> LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, LET ME
LAY ON YOU A SO-SO U.S. MARSHAL,
NOT MUCH OF A HUMANITARIAN, AND
THIS CAT WAS NEVER NOBODY'S
FRIEND.
IN HIS FINAL APPEARANCE ON THE
GREAT STAGE OF LIFE,
MR. CHRIS MONSANTO!
[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ]
[ ORGAN PLAYING ]
>> Chris: ♪ BYE-BYE, LIFE
[ FLUTE PLAYING ]
♪ BYE BYE, HAPPINESS
[ FLUTE PLAYING ]
♪ HELLO, LONELINESS
[ FLUTE PLAYING ]
♪ I THINK I'M GONNA DIE
[ LAUGHS ]
♪ I THINK I'M GONNA DIE
[ TEMPO INCREASES ]
>> ♪ BYE-BYE, LOVE
♪ BYE-BYE, SWEET CARESS
>> Chris: ♪ HELLO, EMPTINESS
♪ I FEEL LIKE I COULD DIE
>> ♪ BYE-BYE, YOUR LIFE,
GOODBYE ♪
>> Chris: ♪ BYE-BYE, MY LIFE,
GOODBYE ♪
>> ♪ BYE-BYE, YOUR LIFE,
GOODBYE ♪
>> Chris: 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]
>> ♪ UNH
♪ UNH
>> ♪ BYE-BYE, LIFE
♪ BYE-BYE, HAPPINESS
♪ HELLO, LONELINESS
>> Chris: ♪ I THINK I'M GONNA
DIE ♪
>> ♪ I THINK HE'S GONNA DIE
♪ I THINK HE'S GONNA DIE
♪ BYE-BYE, YOUR LIFE, GOODBYE
>> Chris: ♪ BYE-BYE, MY LIFE,
GOODBYE ♪
>> ♪ BYE-BYE, YOUR LIFE,
GOODBYE ♪
♪ BYE-BYE, YOUR LIFE, GOODBYE
DUDE'S ANNOYING!
HALLELUJAH!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OH!
GIVE IT TO ME!
OH!
GIVE IT TO ME!
♪ BYE, BYE, BYE, BYE
♪ BYE-BYE, HAPPINESS
♪ HELLO
♪ I THINK HE'S GONNA DIE
>> ♪ I THINK HE'S GONNA DIE
>> Both: ♪ LA LA LA LA LA LA,
LA LA LA ♪
>> ♪ BYE-BYE, YOUR LIFE,
GOODBYE ♪
>> Both: ♪ LA LA LA LA LA LA,
LA LA LA ♪
>> ♪ I THINK HE'S GONNA DIE
>> Both: ♪ LA LA LA LA LA LA
>> Chris: ♪ BYE-BYE
>> [ FINGERS CLICK ]
>> Chris: ♪ MY LIFE
>> OH, YEAH!
>> Chris: ♪ GOODB-Y-Y-Y-Y-YE
[ BEEPING ]
[ FINALE PLAYS ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ BEEPING CONTINUES ]
[ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> ♪ BYE-BYE, YOUR LIFE,
GOODBYE ♪
♪ BYE-BYE, YOUR LIFE, GOODBYE
THANK YOU!
♪ BYE-BYE, YOUR LIFE, GOODBYE
DUDE'S ANNOYING!
HALLELU--
[ MOTOR WHIRRING ]
[ POUNDING ON DOOR ]
[ DOOR OPENS ]
[ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> ♪ BABE
>> KERPLUMP!
>> ♪ BABY
♪ CHRISTMAS IS SOONER
♪ SUMMER'S SOONER
♪ SOONER THAN YOU THINK
♪ YEAH, BABY
♪ IT WILL BE HERE IN A BLINK
♪ WELL, CHRISTMAS
IS SOONER THAN YOU THINK ♪
♪ MM
♪ DECORATE YOUR HOUSE WITH THE
LIGHTS ♪
♪ THERE'S CHRISTMAS CARDS TO
LIGHT ♪
♪ GOT YOURSELF A CHRISTMAS
TREE ♪
♪ AND THE MISTLETOE FOR YOU
AND ME ♪
>> UNH!