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00:00:03,438 --> 00:00:08,313
[ SNIFFS ]
[ BIRD SQUAWKS ]

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HEY, STRANGER.

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NICE DAY WE'RE HAVING HERE.

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PERFECT WEATHER.

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CAN'T COMPLAIN.

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FOLLOW ME.

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[ GROWLING ]
[ SCREECHING ]

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Chris: [ GROWLING ]
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,

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ALL RIGHT.

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CALM DOWN, CALM DOWN.

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IT'S JUST ME, CHRIS MONSANTO,
U.S. MARSHAL.

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YOU REALLY GAVE US QUITE A
SCARE, MARSHAL.

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Chris: WELL, I HOPE YOU
LEARNED A LESSON, TOO, FELLAS.

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YOU KNOW, THIS IS NOT THE RAMROD
WEST.

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THIS IS MOUNTAIN-LION COUNTRY,
AND THAT'S WHY WE AT THE

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U.S. MARSHALS' OFFICE URGE YOU
TO HAVE YOUR ANONYMOUS SEX AT

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PUBLIC URINALS AND REST STOPS.

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REMEMBER, FELLAS...

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"WHILE YOU'RE UP HERE CRUISING,
MOUNTAIN LIONS ARE PERUSING,

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LOOKING TO GIVE YOU A BRUISING
AT A TIME OF THEIR CHOOSING."

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YOU CAN EACH TAKE ONE.

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[ SCREECHING ]
[ BOTH GASP ]

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Chris: AAH!

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[ SCREECHING ]
ALL RIGHT. OKAY.

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[ GROANS ]
ALL RIGHT, GOOD JOB, BRETT.

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Brett: YOU SEE, FELLAS, IT'S
SO DANGEROUS UP HERE THAT YOU

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SHOULDN'T EVEN HANG AROUND AND
LISTEN TO SAFETY LECTURES FROM

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MARSHALS DISGUISED AS MOUNTAIN
LIONS.

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SO, UH, WHY DON'T YOU HOP IN
YOUR LITTLE CLOUD CARS AND FLY

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BACK HOME.

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EXCUSE ME?

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Brett: GAY PEOPLE.

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YOU LIVE IN CLOUDS AND DRIVE
CLOUD CARS.

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AM I TALKING CRAZY?

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I MEAN, NEXT THING YOU'RE GONNA
TELL ME IS THAT BLACK PEOPLE

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DON'T SHAPE-SHIFT AND JEWS
AREN'T ROCK CREATURES THAT LIVE

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UNDERGROUND.

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Chris: BRETT, THOSE ARE
HURTFUL STEREOTYPES.

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THEY HAVE NO PLACE IN
MOUNTAIN-LION COUNTRY.

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FELLAS, SERIOUSLY, THOUGH, WHY
DON'T YOU MOVE ALONG, UNLESS YOU

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WANT TO END UP LIKE THAT FAMOUS
BRITISH ACTOR CLAUDE BALLS.

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BUT, MARSHALS, WHAT WE'RE
DOING IS COMPLETELY SAFE.

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THERE HASN'T BEEN A SINGLE
MOUNTAIN LION SPOTTED UP HERE

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FOR WEEKS.

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Chris: DO WHA?

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PAPRIKA?!

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Brett: WHO'S PAPRIKA?

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Chris: ONLY THE BESTEST
FRIEND I EVER HAD, BRETT -- OR

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EVER WILL HAVE, PRESENT COMPANY
INCLUDED.

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Brett: WHY DOES HE LIVE IN A
LION'S DEN?

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Chris: 'CAUSE HE'S A MOUNTAIN
LION, BRETT.

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I BOUGHT HIM MANY YEARS AGO AT
HARROD'S DEPARTMENT STORE.

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LATER, ALONG WITH MY WIFE AND
OUR LOVER, WE FORMED

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THE FABULOUS MONSANTOS, ONE OF
THE FIRST EXOTIC-CAT PERFORMANCE

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GROUPS.

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BUT THEN HE MAULED MY WIFE AND
LOVER, AND I HAD TO LET HIM GO.

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ANYWAY, THIS MOUNTAIN-LION DEN
HAS BEEN ABANDONED FOR MONTHS.

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WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO THE
MOUNTAIN LIONS?

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AND WHERE'S PAPRIKA?

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Brett: CHRIS, LOOK.

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THERE'S SOMETHING WRITTEN ON IT.

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HUH, WHOEVER WROTE THIS HAD
TERRIBLE PENMANSHIP.

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Chris: BRETT, IT'S CHINESE.

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AND IT'S MOUNTAIN LION.

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IT'S NOT PAPRIKA, BUT IT'S
MOUNTAIN LION.

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WELL, I DON'T SEE ANY MOUNTAIN
LION ON THE MENU, UNLESS

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"DELIGHT" MEANS "MOUNTAIN LION,"
IN WHICH CASE, EVERYTHING IS

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MOUNTAIN LION.

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UH, GARCON.

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[ FINGERS SNAP ]
ARE YOU WAITING TO ORDER?

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Chris: UH-HUH.

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LET'S START WITH AN ORDER OF,
UM, BAN QUAI DEI DAN QUAN QUAN

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QUAN DEI BAN QUAI QUANG DEI.

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AND THEN, UM, LET'S GET, FOR THE
TABLE, JUST ONE BIG BAN QUA GEI

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HEY HEY BA QUA KONG QUANG QUANG
HENG WAN AH.

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I, UM -- I GO GET MANAGER.

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Susie: CHRIS, WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?

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Chris: COME ON.

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EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THE CHINESE
LANGUAGE IS JUST A SERIES OF

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MADE-UP NONSENSE SOUNDS.

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AND NOW THIS GUY KNOWS THAT
WE'RE NOT AMATEURS RIGHT OFF THE

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BANANA BOAT.

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BELIEVE ME -- THIS IS ALL
WORKING ACCORDING TO MY PLAN,

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OKAY?

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IS THERE A PROBLEM WITH THE
SERVICE?

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Susie: UH...WE'RE INTERESTED
IN ORDERING...OFF THE MENU,

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SOMETHING COOKED
TO...PURRFECTION.

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Brett: MOUNTAIN LIONS.

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WE DO NOT SERVE MOUNTAIN
LION, SIR.

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Chris: HONEY, ONE OF THOSE
MOUNTAIN LIONS YOU SWIPED FROM

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THAT DEN HAPPENS TO BE A DEAR
OLD BOSOM MATE OF MINE.

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NOW, WHERE IS HE?

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ENOUGH.

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FOR YEARS, PEOPLE SAY, "CHINESE
EAT DOGS.

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CHINESE EAT CATS."

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NOW MOUNTAIN LIONS?

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YOU KNOW HOW MANY YEARS WE'VE
FOUGHT THESE UGLY STEREOTYPES?

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SHAME ON YOU!

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Chris: [ SCOFFS ]
DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT WAS ALL

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ABOUT.

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[ CHUCKLES ]
Susie: YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GO

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APOLOGIZE TO HER.

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Chris: I'M NOT -- I...

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OH, FINE.

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I'LL GO SPRINKLE A LITTLE SUGAR
ON HER ASS.

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[ SIGHS ]
HEY, LADY, LADY.

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I DIDN'T MEAN IT. COME ON.

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YOU SEE TOO MUCH!

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Susie: CHRIS, I THOUGHT YOU
SAID YOU WERE APOLOGIZING.

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Chris: HEY, THAT MANAGER PAL
OF YOURS JUST WALKED THROUGH

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THAT WALL.

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HERE, WATCH.

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I'M COMING, PAPRIKA.

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Susie: I GUESS THAT'S CHINESE
ONLY.

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Chris: WELL, OKAY, FINE.

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THEN I'LL JUST TAKE THE
CHINESE EXPRESS.

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[ Echoing ] I MEANT
ORIENT EXPRESS.

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Susie: [ GASPS ]
Chris: [ GROANS ]

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I SWEAR I'LL FIND YOU, PAPRIKA,
IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO

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TODAY.

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NOW, WHERE AM I?

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OH, HEY, PAL, PAL.

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[ SCOFFS ]
HELLO, CHRIS.

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WHAT'S THE MATTER?

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DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE ME?

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Chris: I DON'T -- I DON'T
KNOW.

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DID WE BONE OR SOMETHING?

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PERHAPS THIS WILL REMIND YOU.

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IS THERE A PROBLEM WITH THE
SERVICE?

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Chris: HOLD ON. I'M SORRY.

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ARE YOU PEOPLE CHINESE OR WHAT?

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[ LAUGHS ]
THE QUESTION ITSELF IS

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FLAWED, CHRIS.

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Chris: OKAY, W-WHAT ARE YOU
BABBLING ABOUT, SNOWCAP?

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PERHAPS I EXPLAIN.

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ME SEBASTIAN.

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ME EMPEROR OF THIS LAND.

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CHINESE PEOPLE AS YOU KNOW THEM
DO NOT EXIST.

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WHAT YOU SEE UP THERE ON THE
SURFACE IS JUST OUR DISGUISE.

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DOWN HERE, WE LOOK REGULAR.

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Chris: SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING
IS --

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YES, CHRIS.

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WE CHINESE -- WE PLAY JOKE.

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Chris: I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT,
I KNEW IT.

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WOW.

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OUR MISSION, CHRIS, IS TO
PROTECT PLANET FROM ENEMY

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FORCES.

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SOMETIMES, WE HAVE TO GO UP TO
THE SURFACE FOR PROVISIONS.

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WE CREATE CHINESE FACADE SO WE
RECOGNIZE EACH OTHER UP THERE.

150
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ONLY SELECT BILLION KNOW REAL
SECRET.

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Chris: WOW.

152
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AND SO HERE, WE HAVE
EVERYTHING ONE MIGHT NEED TO

153
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BECOME CHINESE.

154
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AN "L"-TO-"R" CONVERSION KIT...

155
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SILLY STRAW HATS...

156
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AH, AND ONE OF MY FAVORITE,
CARTOON BUCKTEETH.

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Chris: [ LAUGHS ]
THESE ARE WONDERFUL.

158
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OH, MY. [ LAUGHS ]
BUT I GOT TO TELL YOU -- IT'S

159
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NOT WHY I CAME DOWN HERE.

160
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I CAME DOWN FOR ONE REASON AND
ONE REASON ALONE -- TO FIND

161
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MOUNTAIN LIONS.

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I AM AFRAID, CHRIS, THERE ARE
SOME THINGS YOU MUST NEVER KNOW.

163
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ME SO SORRY...

164
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SINCERELY.

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Chris: WELL, ME SO HORNY...

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FOR JUSTICE.

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OHH!

168
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STOP HIM!

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WE MUST PROTECT THE RUBY!

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Chris: [ GASPS ]
IT'S BEAUTIFUL...

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IN A GAUDY NOUVEAU-RICHE SORT OF
WAY.

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[ GROWLS ]
Chris: [ GASPS ] HI, FELLAS.

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HI.

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[ HOWLING ]

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[ GROWLS ]
Chris: OH, GOD, I HOPE SHE

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HASN'T BEEN EATEN ALREADY.

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OKAY, ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT?

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LET'S BLOW THIS POP STAND.

179
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WATCH OUT.

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[ GUN COCKS ]
GOOD. YOU'RE FREE. GO, RUN, RUN.

181
00:09:09,021 --> 00:09:10,313
OH, BOY.

182
00:09:10,396 --> 00:09:13,271
YOU DAMN FOOL.

183
00:09:13,354 --> 00:09:15,688
THAT'S THE RUBY OF LIFE.

184
00:09:15,771 --> 00:09:17,896
IT POWER ALL OF EARTH.

185
00:09:17,979 --> 00:09:19,521
WITHOUT IT, NO LIFE EXISTS.

186
00:09:19,604 --> 00:09:23,688
THE MOUNTAIN LIONS WERE
PROTECTING RUBY.

187
00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:28,771
Chris: UH, PROTECTING RUBY
FROM WHAT?

188
00:09:28,854 --> 00:09:31,896
FROM THEM.

189
00:09:31,979 --> 00:09:32,938
ROCK JEWS.

190
00:09:33,021 --> 00:09:35,479
Brett: NEXT THING YOU'RE
GONNA TELL ME IS THAT JEWS

191
00:09:35,563 --> 00:09:40,104
AREN'T ROCK CREATURES THAT LIVE
UNDERGROUND.

192
00:09:40,188 --> 00:09:44,688
Chris: OY-OY, OY-OY-OY.

193
00:09:48,979 --> 00:09:51,396
OKAY, STRETCH, WHAT DO WE DO
NOW, HUH?

194
00:09:51,479 --> 00:09:52,188
NOTHING.

195
00:09:52,271 --> 00:09:55,521
WE...POWERLESS.

196
00:09:55,604 --> 00:09:58,771
[ GROWLS ]
Chris: PAPRIKA!

197
00:09:58,854 --> 00:10:00,979
[ GROWLING ]
WE SAVED.

198
00:10:07,313 --> 00:10:08,688
Chris: PAPRIKA!

199
00:10:08,771 --> 00:10:11,146
PAPRIKA, IT'S ME. IT'S ME.

200
00:10:11,229 --> 00:10:15,313
YEAH. [ LAUGHS ]
OH, OH!

201
00:10:15,396 --> 00:10:19,521
[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]
OH, HOW I MISSED YOU SO MUCH,

202
00:10:19,604 --> 00:10:21,813
PAPRIKA.

203
00:10:26,813 --> 00:10:36,771
[ CLOUD WHIRS ]
[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]