1
00:00:02,854 --> 00:00:05,146
THIS IS IT, MONSANTO.

2
00:00:05,229 --> 00:00:06,813
I'VE BEEN WAITING A LONG TIME
FOR THIS.

3
00:00:06,896 --> 00:00:08,146
Chris: ALL RIGHT.

4
00:00:08,229 --> 00:00:09,271
I'LL PLAY ALONG. YOU HUNGRY?

5
00:00:09,354 --> 00:00:10,813
WHA?

6
00:00:10,896 --> 00:00:13,188
Chris: EAT A PIECE.

7
00:00:13,271 --> 00:00:15,021
[ BOTH GRUNTING ]
CALM DOWN.

8
00:00:23,813 --> 00:00:26,604
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO,
NO.

9
00:00:26,688 --> 00:00:27,438
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

10
00:00:27,521 --> 00:00:29,438
IT'S QUIET TIME NOW.

11
00:00:29,521 --> 00:00:30,104
SLEEPY TIME.

12
00:00:30,188 --> 00:00:32,771
OH, AND WE'RE DRIFTING OFF...

13
00:00:32,854 --> 00:00:38,479
♪ TO FAIRYLAND
♪ WE TWO

14
00:00:38,563 --> 00:00:40,771
Shh.

15
00:00:40,854 --> 00:00:48,229
[ SIGHS ]
Chris: OH, ONE MORE THING.

16
00:00:48,313 --> 00:00:53,271
[ GUNSHOT ]
I'LL MAKE SURE TO SEND MY

17
00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:54,313
DRY-CLEANING BILL...

18
00:00:54,396 --> 00:00:55,979
TO HELL.

19
00:00:56,063 --> 00:01:03,771
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
FOLKS, POPEYE THIS -- EL PAGE-O

20
00:01:03,854 --> 00:01:04,646
UNO.

21
00:01:04,729 --> 00:01:08,063
Chief: THAT'S QUITE A HAUL,
MONSANTO.

22
00:01:08,146 --> 00:01:08,813
YOU'RE THE TOAST OF THE TOWN.

23
00:01:08,896 --> 00:01:09,646
MARSHALL CHRIS MONSANTO?

24
00:01:09,729 --> 00:01:12,313
Chris: WELL, NOW, THAT
DEPENDS ON --

25
00:01:12,396 --> 00:01:13,021
OH.

26
00:01:13,104 --> 00:01:14,396
YOU'RE FROM THE LIBRARY, RIGHT?

27
00:01:14,479 --> 00:01:15,646
THIS IS FOR YOU.

28
00:01:15,729 --> 00:01:17,229
CONGRATULATIONS.

29
00:01:17,313 --> 00:01:17,688
Chris: OH.

30
00:01:17,771 --> 00:01:20,854
WELL...THANK YOU.

31
00:01:24,854 --> 00:01:27,188
[ GASPS ]
Susie: WHAT IS IT, CHRIS?

32
00:01:27,271 --> 00:01:28,604
Chris: OH, IT'S NOTHING.

33
00:01:28,688 --> 00:01:30,521
JUST AN INVITATION TO A
SLEEPOVER AT THE CONTI TWINS'

34
00:01:30,604 --> 00:01:31,188
HOUSE TONIGHT.

35
00:01:31,271 --> 00:01:34,229
Susie: WHO ARE THE CONTI
TWINS?

36
00:01:34,313 --> 00:01:35,563
Chris: DANNY AND JOSHY CONTI.

37
00:01:35,646 --> 00:01:38,438
THEY WERE THE MOST POPULAR KIDS
IN MY ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.

38
00:01:38,521 --> 00:01:40,188
THEIR SLEEPOVERS WERE LEGENDARY.

39
00:01:40,271 --> 00:01:42,354
I MEAN, ONLY THE COOLEST KIDS IN
TOWN WERE INVITED.

40
00:01:42,438 --> 00:01:43,354
OH, MY GOD.

41
00:01:43,438 --> 00:01:46,813
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, I'VE
FINALLY MADE THE CUT.

42
00:01:46,896 --> 00:01:47,813
Brett: CAN WE GO?

43
00:01:47,896 --> 00:01:49,354
Chris: [ LAUGHS ]
OH, COME ON.

44
00:01:49,438 --> 00:01:53,771
YOU MOOKS COULDN'T GET INTO A
CONTI TWINS SLEEPOVER IF YOU HAD

45
00:01:53,854 --> 00:01:58,813
SOLID-GOLD PAJAMAS, WHICH, RUMOR
HAS IT, THE CONTI TWINS HAVE.

46
00:01:58,896 --> 00:02:00,479
ENJOY SLEEPING IN YOUR OWN HOMES
TONIGHT.

47
00:02:00,563 --> 00:02:02,813
[ CHUCKLES ]

48
00:02:06,646 --> 00:02:10,229
Both: WELCOME, CHRIS.

49
00:02:10,313 --> 00:02:11,313
Chris: HI.

50
00:02:25,563 --> 00:02:29,229
[ SIGHS ]
HEY, GUYS, WHAT'S IT LIKE BEING

51
00:02:29,313 --> 00:02:30,021
TWINS?

52
00:02:30,104 --> 00:02:32,104
WELL, IT'S A VERY SPECIAL
BOND.

53
00:02:32,188 --> 00:02:34,729
SOMETIMES WE EVEN FINISH...

54
00:02:34,813 --> 00:02:36,229
EACH OTHER'S SENTENCES...

55
00:02:36,313 --> 00:02:38,563
...CHRIS.

56
00:02:38,646 --> 00:02:39,104
Chris: WOW.

57
00:02:39,188 --> 00:02:39,938
THAT'S PRETTY AMAZING.

58
00:02:40,021 --> 00:02:43,146
DO YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT
ELSE...

59
00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:44,396
...TWINS CAN DO?

60
00:02:44,479 --> 00:02:44,896
IT'S TIME FOR...

61
00:02:44,979 --> 00:02:46,896
...THE CEREMONY...

62
00:02:47,021 --> 00:02:48,188
...CHRIS.

63
00:02:48,271 --> 00:02:49,146
Chris: OH, WELL.

64
00:02:49,229 --> 00:02:50,729
I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT.

65
00:02:50,813 --> 00:02:57,521
[ LAUGHS ]
WHAT'S THE CEREMONY?

66
00:02:57,604 --> 00:03:03,521
[ ALL MOANING ]
OKAY. UM...

67
00:03:03,604 --> 00:03:10,521
[ MOANING CONTINUES ]
AND NOW THE GRAND FINALE.

68
00:03:10,604 --> 00:03:14,938
Chris: [ SCREAMS ]
Both: BRING OUT THE PANCAKES!

69
00:03:15,021 --> 00:03:27,188
Chris: [ SCREAMING ]
[ DISTORTED VOICES ]

70
00:03:27,271 --> 00:03:29,438
[ SOBBING ]
Brett: HEY.

71
00:03:32,271 --> 00:03:33,604
HOW WAS THE BIG SLEEPOVER,
BUDDY?

72
00:03:33,688 --> 00:03:35,563
Chris: HUH?

73
00:03:35,646 --> 00:03:38,146
Brett: HOW WAS THE, UH, BIG
SLEEPOVER?

74
00:03:38,229 --> 00:03:40,771
Chris: WHY ARE YOU RIDING ME
ABOUT THIS?

75
00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:42,354
NOTHING UNUSUAL HAPPENED, OKAY?!

76
00:03:42,438 --> 00:03:46,354
WE JUST DID...SLEEPOVER STUFF,
ALL RIGHT?

77
00:03:46,438 --> 00:03:49,938
[ GAGGING ]
OH! OH!

78
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:54,313
[ RETCHING ]
[ WATER SPLASHING ]

79
00:03:54,396 --> 00:03:59,479
[ SCREAMS ]
[ TOILET FLUSHES ]

80
00:03:59,563 --> 00:04:00,854
JUST NORMAL FUN.

81
00:04:00,938 --> 00:04:02,313
Brett: COOL.

82
00:04:02,396 --> 00:04:06,396
[ SCREEEEEEEECH! ]
Chris: WHAT AM I DOING?!

83
00:04:16,729 --> 00:04:24,688
[ GRUNTS ]
WHY CAN'T I STOP MYSELF?

84
00:04:24,771 --> 00:04:28,354
MARSHAL MONSANTO! WOW!

85
00:04:28,438 --> 00:04:32,104
WHAT IS A TRUE AMERICAN HERO
DOING IN MY OFFICE?

86
00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:34,021
WHAT IS THIS?

87
00:04:34,104 --> 00:04:36,021
WHY ARE YOU DUMPING COCAINE ON
MY DESK?

88
00:04:36,104 --> 00:04:37,063
Chris: PLEASE DON'T HATE ME.

89
00:04:37,146 --> 00:04:38,646
I SWEAR TO GOD, I HAVE NO IDEA
WHY I'M DOING THIS?

90
00:04:38,729 --> 00:04:39,854
Susie: FREEZE!

91
00:04:39,938 --> 00:04:42,938
Brett: WE GOT TWO ANONYMOUS,
SIMULTANEOUS TIPS THAT SOMEBODY

92
00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:44,396
IN THIS OFFICE WAS HOLDING A
HUGE STASH OF COCAINE.

93
00:04:44,479 --> 00:04:47,563
Susie: LOOKS LIKE WE CAUGHT
OUR MAN WHITE-HANDED.

94
00:04:47,646 --> 00:04:48,021
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

95
00:04:48,104 --> 00:04:49,521
THIS ISN'T MINE.

96
00:04:49,604 --> 00:04:50,688
I'VE BEEN SET UP.

97
00:04:50,771 --> 00:04:54,354
Brett: YOU SHOULDN'T TELL
WHITE

98
00:04:54,438 --> 00:04:55,229
LIES.

99
00:04:55,313 --> 00:04:56,771
[ GRUNTS ]
Susie: ANOTHER GREAT COLLAR,

100
00:04:56,854 --> 00:04:57,688
CHRIS.

101
00:04:57,771 --> 00:04:58,521
COLLAR.

102
00:04:58,604 --> 00:05:00,729
Susie: HOW DID YOU GET HERE
SO FAST?

103
00:05:00,813 --> 00:05:03,771
Chris: I GUESS I HAVE SOME
SORT OF SPECIAL...POWER?

104
00:05:03,854 --> 00:05:04,646
I...

105
00:05:04,729 --> 00:05:06,229
POWER.

106
00:05:06,313 --> 00:05:07,729
Susie: STOP TALKING.

107
00:05:07,813 --> 00:05:10,479
[ TV TURNS ON ]
AS TWIN GOVERNORS, WE'LL WORK

108
00:05:10,563 --> 00:05:13,729
TWICE AS HARD TO IMPROVE OUR
SCHOOLS, CREATE JOBS...

109
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:16,063
...AND BALANCE THE STATE
BUDGET.

110
00:05:16,146 --> 00:05:17,646
SO WHY SETTLE FOR ONE
GOVERNOR...

111
00:05:17,729 --> 00:05:20,229
...WHEN YOU CAN HAVE TWO
WEIRD GOVERNORS?

112
00:05:20,313 --> 00:05:23,771
VOTE CONTI TWINS FOR
GOVERNORS.

113
00:05:23,854 --> 00:05:26,521
Chris: GOVERNORS?

114
00:05:29,646 --> 00:05:30,479
WELCOME BACK...

115
00:05:30,563 --> 00:05:31,354
...BROTHER.

116
00:05:31,438 --> 00:05:33,146
Chris: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING
ON HERE?

117
00:05:33,229 --> 00:05:34,396
EVER SINCE YOU TOOK...

118
00:05:34,479 --> 00:05:36,646
...PART IN THE CEREMONY, WE
CONTROL YOU.

119
00:05:36,729 --> 00:05:40,229
Chris: W-WAIT, IS THAT WHY
YOU GUYS INVITED ME OVER?

120
00:05:40,313 --> 00:05:41,146
YES.

121
00:05:41,229 --> 00:05:42,729
Chris: YOU MEAN YOU DON'T
THINK I'M COOL?

122
00:05:42,813 --> 00:05:43,604
Both: NO.

123
00:05:43,688 --> 00:05:46,771
COUNCILMAN WILCOX WAS JUST
THE BEGINNING.

124
00:05:46,854 --> 00:05:47,771
YOU'RE GOING TO ELIMINATE...

125
00:05:47,854 --> 00:05:50,604
...EACH AND EVERY
GUBERNATORIAL CANDIDATE UNTIL

126
00:05:50,688 --> 00:05:51,771
DANNY...

127
00:05:51,854 --> 00:05:53,771
Chris: [ As Conti twin ]
...AND YOU WALTZ INTO THE

128
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,188
GOVERNOR'S OFFICE COMPLETELY...

129
00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:56,521
...UNOPPOSED.

130
00:05:57,771 --> 00:06:04,521
[ ZAP! ZAP! ]
[ SCREEEEEEEECH! ]

131
00:06:04,604 --> 00:06:17,146
[ DOOR CREAKS ]
[ SCREEEEEEEECH! ]

132
00:06:17,229 --> 00:06:21,479
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]
HEY, PERP!

133
00:06:21,563 --> 00:06:23,396
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]

134
00:06:30,438 --> 00:06:33,979
Chris: I'VE RUINED ANOTHER
INNOCENT MAN'S LIFE.

135
00:06:34,063 --> 00:06:36,813
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?

136
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:37,979
IT'S LIKE I'M OUT OF CONTROL.

137
00:06:38,063 --> 00:06:41,313
[ Voice breaking ] I-I...

138
00:06:41,396 --> 00:06:47,188
[ GASPS ]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I'M

139
00:06:47,271 --> 00:06:49,813
SURROUNDED BY DANGER!

140
00:06:49,896 --> 00:06:50,729
STRESS.

141
00:06:50,813 --> 00:06:52,063
POOR DIET.

142
00:06:52,146 --> 00:06:52,771
TOXINS.

143
00:06:52,854 --> 00:06:54,229
AND OTHERS.

144
00:06:54,313 --> 00:06:56,146
ENOUGH!

145
00:06:56,229 --> 00:06:58,604
HERE'S ACAI IN YOUR EYE!

146
00:06:58,688 --> 00:07:05,188
[ GRUNTING ]
NUTRICAI!

147
00:07:05,271 --> 00:07:07,688
[ LAUGHS ]
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

148
00:07:07,771 --> 00:07:12,063
FOLKS, I'VE JUST DEMONSTRATED
THE ANTIOXIDANT POWER OF

149
00:07:12,146 --> 00:07:13,354
NUTRICAI.

150
00:07:13,438 --> 00:07:18,104
AND NOW I INVITE YOU TO BECOME
PART OF THE AMAZING NUTRICAI

151
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:21,229
MULTI-LEVEL MARKETING SYSTEM AND
FINALLY HAVE THE FINANCIAL

152
00:07:21,313 --> 00:07:23,896
FREEDOM TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR
LIFE!

153
00:07:23,979 --> 00:07:26,438
NOW WHO'S INTERESTED?

154
00:07:26,521 --> 00:07:27,354
Chris: ME!

155
00:07:27,438 --> 00:07:28,521
YES, YOU, SIR!

156
00:07:28,604 --> 00:07:30,854
[ CHUCKLES ]
HE'S TAKING CONTROL...

157
00:07:30,938 --> 00:07:33,188
...OF HIS LIFE.

158
00:07:33,271 --> 00:07:35,313
HE MUST BE...ELIMINATED.

159
00:07:35,396 --> 00:07:38,521
...STOPPED.

160
00:07:38,604 --> 00:07:43,938
STRESS, AGGRAVATION, TOXINS
IN OUR AIR, WATER, AND FOOD.

161
00:07:44,021 --> 00:07:46,354
NOW YOU CAN FIGHT BACK WITH
NUTRICAI.

162
00:07:46,438 --> 00:07:48,604
NUTRICAI ISN'T JUST A BERRY
DRINK.

163
00:07:48,688 --> 00:07:49,771
IT'S A WAY OF LIFE.

164
00:07:49,854 --> 00:07:52,021
VISIT YOUR LOCAL NUTRICAI
REPRESENTATIVE AND START FEELING

165
00:07:52,104 --> 00:07:55,771
BETTER TODAY AND FOREVER.

166
00:07:58,354 --> 00:08:00,229
LADIES, IF YOU WOULD.

167
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:03,563
SAY HELLO TO THE PX-400
INDUSTRIAL JUICE PRESS!

168
00:08:03,646 --> 00:08:08,854
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS
THE FUTURE OF NUTRICAI!

169
00:08:08,938 --> 00:08:10,729
[ APPLAUSE ]
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

170
00:08:10,813 --> 00:08:15,229
PLEASE WELCOME THIS MONTH'S
TOP-SELLING NUTRICAI SALES REP,

171
00:08:15,313 --> 00:08:17,771
MARSHAL CHRIS MONSANTO!

172
00:08:17,854 --> 00:08:22,229
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
Chris: OH.

173
00:08:22,313 --> 00:08:26,146
OH, YOU KNOW, FOLKS, TWO WEEKS
AGO, I DIDN'T KNOW AN ACAI BERRY

174
00:08:26,229 --> 00:08:27,521
FROM MY LEFT NUT.

175
00:08:27,604 --> 00:08:29,813
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT, SERIOUSLY...

176
00:08:29,896 --> 00:08:33,646
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
...UH, TWO WEEKS AGO, I DIDN'T

177
00:08:33,729 --> 00:08:35,938
KNOW AN ACAI BERRY FROM MY LEFT
NUT.

178
00:08:36,021 --> 00:08:39,729
AND THEN I HAD...

179
00:08:39,813 --> 00:08:42,313
[ GUN COCKS ]
WOW!

180
00:08:45,313 --> 00:08:48,271
YOU MADE THAT MUCH MONEY SELLING
SOME FRUIT DRINK?

181
00:08:48,354 --> 00:08:50,479
IT'S NOT JUST ANOTHER FRUIT
DRINK.

182
00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:53,896
IT'S NUTRICAI, PACKED WITH
AMAZING ANTIOXIDANT POWER --

183
00:08:53,979 --> 00:08:55,896
[ GUNSHOT ]
[ PEOPLE SCREAMING ]

184
00:08:55,979 --> 00:08:59,146
OH SHIT!
[ MACHINERY WHIRRING ]

185
00:09:12,354 --> 00:09:18,271
[ SQUISHING ]
Chris: WELL, FOLKS, UH, LOOKS

186
00:09:18,354 --> 00:09:20,979
LIKE THE CONTI TWINS HAVE
SWITCHED FROM DOUBLEMINT TO

187
00:09:21,063 --> 00:09:21,896
JUICY FRUIT.

188
00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:24,146
[ LAUGHS ]
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

189
00:09:24,229 --> 00:09:26,854
Susie: CONGRATULATIONS,
CHRIS.

190
00:09:26,938 --> 00:09:27,479
YOU KILLED THE CONTI TWINS.

191
00:09:27,563 --> 00:09:30,271
Chris: WRONG AGAIN, SUSIE.

192
00:09:34,229 --> 00:09:37,479
[ CROWD GASPS, MURMURS ]

193
00:09:41,313 --> 00:09:41,979
Brett: FUCK

194
00:09:42,063 --> 00:09:44,146
Chief: WHERE'D THE OTHER
CONTI GO?

195
00:09:44,229 --> 00:09:45,979
Chris: BUT, CHIEF, THIS IS
BOTH CONTIS.

196
00:09:46,063 --> 00:09:47,104
Chief: BOTH CONTIS?

197
00:09:47,188 --> 00:09:50,229
Chris: YOU SEE, CHIEF, THE
CONTIS, LIKE ALL TWINS, WERE

198
00:09:50,313 --> 00:09:53,146
INHERENTLY EVIL BECAUSE THEY
WERE EACH ONLY HALF A PERSON.

199
00:09:53,229 --> 00:09:54,688
BUT BY SMOOSHING DANNY AND JOSHY
TOGETHER, I TURNED TWO

200
00:09:54,771 --> 00:09:57,521
HALF-SCUMBAGS INTO ONE COMPLETE,
DECENT HUMAN BEING...

201
00:09:57,604 --> 00:10:01,396
WHO MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE SEVERE
MENTAL PROBLEMS.

202
00:10:01,479 --> 00:10:05,771
Chief: WELL, SOMEDAY,
HOPEFULLY, SCIENCE WILL ALLOW US

203
00:10:05,854 --> 00:10:08,479
TO LIVE IN A WORLD WITHOUT
TWINS.

204
00:10:08,563 --> 00:10:10,729
[ APPLAUSE ]
Chris: WE'LL GET THERE,

205
00:10:10,813 --> 00:10:11,646
CHIEF.

206
00:10:11,729 --> 00:10:12,146
WE'LL GET THERE.

207
00:10:12,229 --> 00:10:14,354
THANK YOU, CHRIS.

208
00:10:14,438 --> 00:10:16,438
YOU'VE FINALLY MADE ME WHOLE.

209
00:10:16,521 --> 00:10:18,188
Chris: HOLD ON THERE.

210
00:10:18,271 --> 00:10:21,271
YOU'RE NOT WHOLE QUITE YET.

211
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:24,479
CHRIS, I CAN'T THANK YOU
ENOUGH FOR INTRODUCING ME TO THE

212
00:10:24,563 --> 00:10:28,771
AMAZING ANTIOXIDANT POWERS OF
NUTRICAI.

213
00:10:28,854 --> 00:10:29,938
Chris: [ SLURPS ]

214
00:10:30,021 --> 00:10:33,396
AND I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH,
DanJoshy, FOR ALLOWING ME TO

215
00:10:33,479 --> 00:10:39,104
ENDORSE YOUR CANDIDACY FOR
GOVERNOR.

216
00:10:39,188 --> 00:10:49,146
[ SOMBER PIANO MUSIC PLAYS ]
[ GUNSHOT, PEOPLE SCREAMING ]

217
00:10:49,229 --> 00:11:12,688
[ SOMBER PIANO MUSIC PLAYS ]
[ GUNSHOT, PEOPLE SCREAMING ]