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>> PAPERS.

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>> Sí.

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>> WHAT'S THE REASON FOR YOUR

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TRIP?

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>> THEY ARE TRAVELING

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ENTERTAINERS.

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>> HOW MANY WITH YOU?

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>> FOUR BIG, FOUR SMALL.

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>> YOU CAN GO THROUGH.

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>> GRACIAS.

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>> BUENOS DíAS, SEÑOR.

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[ ENGINE REVS ]

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>> Chief: IT WAS AN IMPRESSIVE

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MASSACRE.

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OVER 200 SHOTS FIRED.

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>> Chris: LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE

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REALLY HATES SCHOOL BUSES.

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>> Brett: OR REALLY LOVES TINY

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HOLES.

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>> Chris: OKAY, UH, BRETT.

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REMEMBER WHEN I DUCT-TAPED YOUR

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MOUTH SHUT THE OTHER DAY?

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>> Brett: YEAH.

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>> Chief: AND IT APPEARS THEY

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GOT AWAY WITH WHATEVER THEY

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WERE AFTER...

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EXCEPT...

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>> Chris: AH, HERE WE GO.

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>> Chief: [ BLOWS ]

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...THIS.

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>> Susie: A TINY BOW TIE?

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REALLY?

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WHAT ABOUT BULLET CASINGS?

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>> Chris: HOW ABOUT SAUSAGE

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CASINGS?

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THROW IN SOME LEMONADE, AND

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WE GOT OURSELVES A STREET FAIR.

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[ SCOFFS ] Stupid.

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>> Susie: OR WHY DON'T WE

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ANALYZE THE TIRE TRACKS AT THE

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CRIME SCENE?

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WE COULD TRACE THE VEHICLE BACK

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TO ITS OWNER.

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>> Chris: [ SIGHS ]

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OKAY, SUSIE.

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WHY DON'T YOU AND YOUR BRAINIAC

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FRIENDS GO NERD OUT IN THE CRIME

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LAB?

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THIS IS THE KIND OF LEAD

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CHRIS MONSANTO KNOWS HOW TO

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FOLLOW.

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BRETT...

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SUSAN...SWEETHEART?

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>> Susie: [ SCOFFS ] FINE.

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>> Chris: AH, IT'S ALWAYS NICE

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WHEN YOU COME ALONG.

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>> Susie: THANK YOU.

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>> THEN YOU TAKE THE HANDY-DANDY

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GREEN-AND-YELLOW KERCHIEF, WRAP

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IT AROUND YOUR HAND, AND PRESTO!

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[ GASPS ]

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WHY SO BLUE, MR. KERCHIEF?

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[ LAUGHS ]

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[ BELL DINGS ]

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>> Chris: WELL, WELL, WELL.

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CYRUS BARNABY.

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>> AFTERNOON, MARSHAL.

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STOPPING BY FOR A QUICK TUTORIAL

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OF THE LINKING RINGS?

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>> Chris: WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT

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THIS?

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>> I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING.

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>> Chris: OKAY.

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FOR SOMEBODY WHO TRICKS PEOPLE

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FOR A LIVING, YOU'RE NOT A VERY

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GOOD LIAR.

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>> DEVIN, CALL THE POLICE.

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>> Brett: YOU SHOULD STICK TO

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PEDDLING FAKE DOG SHIT

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INSTEAD OF REAL BULL SHIT!

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BARNABY!

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>> ALL RIGHT!

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FOLLOW ME.

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YES, A KID CAME IN AND SOLD THIS

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TO ME LAST WEEK.

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BUT IT WAS WORTHLESS,

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NON-FUNCTIONAL -- HAD NO

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"HAND HOLE."

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TURNS OUT A MEXICAN CARTEL USED

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IT TO SMUGGLE COCAINE INTO THE

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COUNTRY.

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>> Brett: HOW'D THEY GET THE

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DRUGS INSIDE WITHOUT A

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HAND HOLE?

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IS THERE A DRUG HOLE?

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>> NO, BUT...

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TAKE THE HANDY-DANDY ARM, AND

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THEN YOU DIP IT INTO THE

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HANDY-DANDY BASIN...

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[ FIZZLING ]

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AND PRESTO.

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>> Chris: HANDY-DANDY NOSTRIL

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CANDY.

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>> THE DUMMY IS DRUGS.

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IT'S A HIGH-IMPACT,

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PRESSURE-MOLDED COCAINE.

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AND THERE'S BEEN A WHOLE WAVE OF

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FAKE DUMMIES CROSSING THE

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BORDER.

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>> Susie: SO, OUR BLOODBATH WAS

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A DRUG DEAL GONE BAD.

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>> Chris: I WANT A NAME.

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>> DOMINIC SALDíVAR.

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HE OWNS THE FACTORY THAT MAKES

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THESE IN GUADALAJARA.

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>> Chris: WELL, KIDS, YOU KNOW

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WHAT THIS MEANS?

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>> Susie: WE'RE GONNA REPORT

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THIS TO THE D.E.A.?

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>> Chris: NOT QUITE.

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WE'RE GOING DOWN TO MEXICO TO

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FIND THIS SALDíVAR FELLOW AND

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MAKE HIM D.E.A...D.

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[ MARIACHI MUSIC PLAYS ]

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>> Brett: GUYS, LET ME ASK YOU

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SOMETHING.

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DO YOU THINK IT WAS A GOOD OR A

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BAD IDEA FOR ME TO TRADE MY GUN

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IN FOR THIS CHURRO?

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>> Chris: [ SIGHS ]

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BRETT, YOUR MOUTH IS MOVING

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AGAIN AND THERE ARE NOISES

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COMING OUT OF IT.

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>> Brett: JUST BIT MY TONGUE.

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>> Chris: HEY, SHH. QUIET.

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HEY, GUYS, COME HERE.

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TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.

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ALL RIGHT, THINK WE FOUND OUR

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SOURCE.

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IT'S TIME TO GO UNDERCOVER.

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>> WELCOME, MY FRIENDS.

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I AM DOMINIC SALDíVAR.

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YOU HAVE TRAVELED A LONG WAY TO

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GET HERE.

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>> Brett: HE'S ONTO US.

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LET'S BAIL.

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>> Chris: [ CLEARS THROAT ]

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UH, MY, UH, ASSOCIATE SPEAKS

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VERY HIGHLY OF YOUR PRODUCT.

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PRODUCT, HE

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MEANS -- COCAINE,

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REVERSE-SNEEZING DUST.

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WE'RE HERE TO TAKE A LOT OF IT

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OFF YOUR HANDS.

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>> LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT WE DO

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HERE.

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MY PROCESS CHANGED THE ENTIRE

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INDUSTRY.

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THE U.S. CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO

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COMBAT US.

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>> Help!

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>> Susie: CHRIS!

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>> Chris: WHAT?

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>> AND THIS IS WHAT MAKES IT ALL

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POSSIBLE -- "LA MáQUINA"...

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ROUGHLY TRANSLATED, "THE

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MACHINE."

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IT CAN PRESSURE-MOLD COCAINE

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INTO ANY SHAPE -- NOT ONLY

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DUMMIES BUT BOOKS, TROPHIES,

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SPORTING EQUIPMENT...

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DREIDELS.

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YOU NAME IT.

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[ FIZZLING ]

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>> Susie: THAT'S AMAZING.

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>> Brett: CAN YOU MAKE A COCAINE

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VERSION OF MY SHOE?

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>> SURE.

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>> Brett: HOW ABOUT MY OTHER

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SHOE?

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>> YES.

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>> Brett: HOW ABOUT MY MARSHAL'S

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BADGE?

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>> MARSHALS?

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THIS IS A TRAP!

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>> Chris: OH, BOY, HERE WE GO.

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OKAY.

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>> iES UN EMBOSCADA!

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>> Brett: DAMN IT.

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I HAD MORE SHOE-RELATED

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QUESTIONS.

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>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, LOOK,

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UH, I'M GONNA PUMP SOME MEXICAN

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KILLING BEANS INTO THAT GUY.

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I'LL MEET YOU GUYS SOMEWHERE

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NEAR THE FRONT, OKAY?

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[ GUNSHOTS IN DISTANCE ]

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>> HI.

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>> Chris: WELL, HELLO, THERE,

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LITTLE LADY.

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>> I'M ROSA.

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>> Chris: I'M CHRIS MONSANTO,

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U.S. MARSHAL.

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>> SALDíVAR IS MY EX-HUSBAND.

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HE IS A VERY JEALOUS MAN, AND HE

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WILL NOT LET ME LEAVE, EVEN

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THOUGH I DO NOT FEEL FOR HIM.

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>> Chris: I GET IT.

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SAVE YOU FROM THE BIG, BAD WOLF,

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HUH?

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OKAY, HONEY. COME ON.

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I'LL TAKE YOU WITH ME.

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UH, SUSIE, BRETT, I'D LIKE YOU

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TO MEET -- HONEY, WHAT'S YOUR

215
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NAME AGAIN?

216
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>> ROSA.

217
00:06:48,896 --> 00:06:50,479
>> ROSA. ISN'T THAT BEAUTIFUL?

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OH, WATCH IT.

219
00:06:53,063 --> 00:06:55,104
OKAY, COME ON.

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>> Susie: AT THIS RATE, WE

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SHOULD BE AT THE BORDER BY

222
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2:00 A.M.

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THEN WE CAN GET A MOTEL AND GET

224
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SOME SLEEP.

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>> THANK YOU, CHRIS.

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I DON'T KNOW HOW I WILL EVER BE

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ABLE TO REPAY YOU.

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>> Chris: WELL, YOU CAN START BY

229
00:07:06,938 --> 00:07:08,021
PAYING FOR HALF THE MOTEL ROOM.

230
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THEN WE'LL FIGURE OUT THINGS AS

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WE GO ALONG.

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>> [ CHUCKLES ] YOU'RE SILLY.

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>> Brett: WHAT STATE IS MEXICO

234
00:07:13,396 --> 00:07:13,979
IN?

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>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, BRETT, I

236
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WANT YOU TO SHUT UP.

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>> Brett: WHAT?

238
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>> Chris: THIS IS WHAT A LUXURY

239
00:07:20,688 --> 00:07:22,646
AMERICAN HOTEL LOOKS LIKE.

240
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>> IT'S VERY...ACCOMMODATING.

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>> Chris: HECK, LOOK.

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>> [ GASPS ]

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>> Chris: THEY EVEN PUT

244
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CHOCOLATES ON THE PILLOWS HERE.

245
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ISN'T THAT SOMETHING?

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[ CHUCKLES SOFTLY ]

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ANYHOO, UH, WHEN WE GET BACK

248
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INTO TOWN, I'M GONNA HELP YOU

249
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GET STARTED WITH YOUR NEW LIFE.

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[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

251
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BRETT, I TOLD YOU, YOU CAN'T

252
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COME IN AND WATCH ME SLEEP.

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>> WE'RE HERE FOR THE

254
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MERCHANDISE.

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>> Chris: OH, SORRY.

256
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YOU GOT THE WRONG ROOM.

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>> THE MERCHANDISE.

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THIS IS THE LAST TIME WE'LL ASK

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NICELY.

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>> Chris: HONEY, DO YOU KNOW

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ANYTHING ABOUT MERCHANDISE?

262
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ROSA.

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ROSA?

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[ DOOR CLOSES ]

265
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ROSA! ROSA!

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[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

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>> I'M SORRY, CHRIS!

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>> Chris: ROSA, OPEN UP!

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COME ON!

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WE SHARE THE BATHROOM.

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THAT'S PART OF THE DEAL.

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COME ON. LET --

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[ FIZZLING ]

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YOU'RE THE MERCHANDISE.

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YOU'RE COCAINE.

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>> I'M SO SORRY, CHRIS.

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YOU WERE SET UP TO SMUGGLE ME

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ACROSS THE BORDER.

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>> Chris: NO.

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NO.

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>> FLUSH ME, CHRIS.

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DON'T LET THEM GET ME.

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PROMISE ME YOU WILL FLUSH ME!

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[ POUNDING ON DOOR ]

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>> SORRY, CHRIS.

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I HAD NO CHOICE.

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>> Chris: OH.

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[ FIZZLING CONTINUES ]

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[ TOILET FLUSHES ]

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>> PRESTO...

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CHANGE-O.

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>> Chris: THERE'S SOMETHING I

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HAVE TO DO.

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[ GUN COCKS ]

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>> GOOD WORK TODAY, GUYS.

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SEE YOU TOMORROW!

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>> Chris: HEY, SALDíVAR.

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>> WELL, WELL.

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LOOK WHO IT IS.

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CHRIS MONSANTO.

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WHERE'S YOUR SNORT-UP DOLL?

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[ LAUGHS ]

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>> Chris: CHEW ON SOME DEATH.

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>> ADIóS, AMIGO.

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[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

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[ RAIN FALLING ]

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[ FIZZLING ]

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>> Chris: YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE

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GIVEN ME A GUIDED TOUR,

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SALDíVAR.

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I PICKED MYSELF UP A FACTORY

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REJECT.

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[ BONES CRACK ]

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MMM.

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THAT'S SOME PRIMO ME.

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PURE, UNCUT VENGEANCE.

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[ DOOR HINGES CREAK ]

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[ MARIACHI MUSIC PLAYS ]

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[ MAN SINGING IN SPANISH ]