[BEEPING]
- [SNORING]
GOOD HEAVENS. [ALARM SOUNDS]
I ALMOST FORGOT TO TURN ON MY SOUND MACHINE.
[BIRDS SQUAWKING]
[SNORING]
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. ANIMATION
- THE BANK LOST OVER $10 MILLION.
THE SECURITY GUARD, HE LOST HIS JOB.
I GUESS INSTEAD OF CATCHING Zs,
HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN CATCHING THIEVES.
HA HA HA.
THIS IS ELMER J. FUDD REPORTING.
- [TURNS TV OFF, WHISTLES]
$10 MILLION?
USUALLY I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO PAYS FOR IT
WHENEVER DAFFY GETS FIRED.
[SLURPS]
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
- UNBELIEVABLE!
FIRED FOR SLEEPING ON THE JOB.
WHAT'S NEXT? YOU CAN'T BREATHE ON THE JOB, EITHER?
WHAT DO THEY THINK I AM, A ROBOT?
DO I LOOK LIKE A ROBOT?
DO I MAKE ROBOT NOISES AND BLINK MY ROBOT LIGHTS?
DO I EAT NUTS AND BOLTS FOR BREAKFAST?
NO. I EAT A BREAKFAST BURRITO EVERY DAY.
NAME ONE ROBOT THAT EATS A BREAKFAST BURRITO EVERY DAY.
YOU CAN'T!
AND DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU CAN'T?
BECAUSE ROBOTS DON'T HAVE SOULS.
NOW, CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME
WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT?
- I DON'T KNOW. I STOPPED LISTENING
AFTER ROBOTS EAT BREAKFAST BURRITOS.
- YOU KNOW WHAT, THIS IS GOOD NEWS.
WITHOUT A JOB, I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT
WHENEVER I WANT TO DO IT.
AFTER ALL, THIS IS MY HOUSE,
MY RULES.
- UH, DAFF, THIS IS MY HOUSE.
AND MY RULE IS, IF YOU'RE GONNA LIVE HERE,
YOU HAVE TO PULL YOUR OWN WEIGHT.
- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
- YOU KNOW, HELP OUT AROUND HERE.
DO SOME CHORES, PAY FOR A FEW THINGS.
- I DO CHORES. - NO, YOU DON'T.
- WELL, I PAY FOR THINGS. - LIKE WHAT?
- I BOUGHT LEATHER SOCKS THE OTHER DAY.
- DAFFY, YOU GOT TO GET ANOTHER JOB.
- RELAX. A GUY LIKE ME? I'LL HAVE A NEW JOB TOMORROW.
- [SLURPS]
- GUARANTEED.
[GULPING]
HMM.
- HOW'S THE JOB SEARCH COMING?
- UH, I'M STILL WORKING ON MY RÉSUME.
LET ME JUST CLOSE THIS.
I MEAN, IT'S UNDER THIS.
IT'S RIGHT HERE.
HERE'S MY RÉSUME.
NOPE.
OK, HERE'S MY RÉSUME.
OH, SORRY. THAT WAS DEFINITELY NOT MY RÉSUME.
HERE IS MY RÉSUME.
- "DAFFY SHELTON DUCK.
"EDUCATION: NONE.
"REFERENCES: NONE.
"SKILLS: NONE.
WORK EXPERIENCE: LET'S NOT GO THERE."
ARE YOU A COMPLETE NITWIT?
- NO, I'M A DUNDERHEAD.
AT LEAST ACCORDING TO THIS INTERNET IQ TEST.
- DAFFY, FOR THE PAST 3 MONTHS,
I'VE BEEN PULLING YOUR WEIGHT BECAUSE I THOUGHT
- WHY WOULD I LOOK FOR A JOB IF YOU'RE PULLING MY WEIGHT?
- SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS I'M ENABLING YOU?
- YOU'RE NOT ENABLING ME.
YOU'RE SIMPLY SHIELDING ME FROM THE CONSEQUENCES
OF MY OWN SELF-DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR.
- I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.
AND I'M NOT GONNA DO IT ANYMORE.
DAFFY, FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, I'M KICKING YOU OUT.
- WHAT?!
WELL, GUESS WHAT?
YOU CAN'T KICK ME OUT
BECAUSE I AM LEAVING.
- GOOD.
- GREAT.
I'LL GO GET MY STUFF.
- OK.
- EVEN IF THEY GET BACK THE 5 YARDS,
THEY'RE STILL LOOKING AT A 50-YARD FIELD GOAL.
- IN THIS WIND, THAT IS NO SURE THING...
- I'M GOING.
I'M REALLY GOING.
[CHANGES CHANNEL] - MILLER DROPS BACK TO PASS,
- I PACKED MY SUITCASE, AND I'M GOING.
- THAT'S MY SUITCASE.
- WELL, THEN I'LL JUST TAKE MY STUFF.
- THAT'S MY STUFF.
- I DON'T NEED YOUR STUFF.
I DON'T NEED YOU.
I CAN MAKE IT ON MY OWN JUST FINE.
SO I'M GOING.
I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.
SEE YOU ON THE FLIP SIDE.
I AM GOING.
RIGHT NOW.
I'M...GONE.
G-O-N.
GONE.
[TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY]
ARRIVEDERCI.
I DON'T NEED NO ROOMMATE TELLING ME TO PULL MY WEIGHT.
I DON'T NEED NO JOB.
I DON'T NEED NONE OF THAT JIVE.
I'M DAFFY DUCK!
YOU HEAR THAT, WORLD?
I TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.
PLEASE TAKE CARE OF ME.
[SOBBING]
- [STRAINING]
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- PULLING MY OWN WEIGHT. [STRAINING]
- I GOT YOU A JOB.
IT REQUIRES NO EXPERIENCE,
NO REFERENCES, OR SKILLS OF ANY KIND.
YOU START TOMORROW AT ENORMOCORP.
- ENORMOCORP?
THE FIFTH LARGEST CONGLOMERATE IN THE WORLD?
DO YOU REALLY THINK I HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A CEO?
- NO. YOU'LL BE PUSHING A MUFFIN CART.
- DO YOU REALLY THINK I HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PUSH A MUFFIN CART?
LOOK OUT, ENORMOCORP,
TODAY I HAVE A MUFFIN CART,
BUT SOME DAY I JUST MIGHT HAVE THE CORNER OFFICE.
[SCATTING]
- OOH. MAY I INTEREST YOU IN A MUFFIN?
- COME ON. I HAVE A DELICIOUS BANANA NUT
WITH JUST A HINT OF CINNAMON.
NOT SO MUCH CINNAMON THAT IT'S OVERPOWERING,
OF COURSE, BUT JUST ENOUGH TO LET YOU KNOW IT'S THERE.
- I SAID NO.
- CHOCOLATE CHIP MUFFIN? - NO.
- COME ON, YOU DESERVE IT.
- I'M ON THE PHONE.
- YOU WANT ONE?
NO?
MUFFIN?
UGH. THIS IS POINTLESS.
I'M NOT CUT OUT FOR WORK.
I SHOULD JUST BE A STAY-AT-HOME MOM.
I MEAN, LOOK AT THESE PEOPLE.
THIS IS HOW THEY WANT TO SPEND THEIR DAYS?
TAKING ORDERS FROM THIS GUY?
- WHEN I, I SAY, WHEN I TOOK OVER ENORMOCORP 10 YEARS AGO,
I VOWED, I SAY, I VOWED TO MAKE ENORMOCORP
A WORLD LEADER IN INDUSTRY.
- I SAY, I SAY. I'M A BIG FAT ROOSTER
AND I RUN THE COMPANY.
LOOK AT ME WITH MY BIG FAT FINGER WOUND
LIKE I'M THE BOSS OF YOU.
I RUN THIS-- - WHAT, I SAY,
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
- I SAY, I SAY.
HA HA HA!
HOO HOO!
HA HA--
- GET IN HERE.
YES, YOU.
- WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
- THE MUFFIN MAN.
- AND WHAT DO YOU GOT HERE?
- SON, DO YOU, I SAY, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M THINKING?
- I KNOW WHAT I'M THINKING.
- I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'M THINKING.
I'M THINKING THAT'S A BLUEBERRY MUFFIN.
I LOVE ME SOME MUFFINS.
WHY, LAND SAKES, LEMON POPPY SEED.
MY GRANDMAMMY USED TO MAKE A LEMON POPPY SEED.
BUT THOSE OLD POPPY SEEDS LOVE TO GET
ALL STUCK IN YOUR TEETH NOW, DON'T THEY?
[GASPS] IS THAT A JAM-FILLED?
OH, MY STARS, IT IS!
IT IS A JAM-FILLED!
YOU KNOW, AS A BOY, I USED TO SUCK THE JAM OUT
WITH A STRAW.
TRUE STORY, THAT IS.
BUT, YOU KNOW, I KEEP GOING BACK TO THE--
I SAY, I KEEP GOING BACK TO THAT BLUEBERRY.
- JUST PICK ONE.
[ALL GASP]
- SON, I'M GONNA TELL YOU SOMETHING.
YOU GOT--I SAY YOU GOT CHUTZPAH.
- I'M SURROUNDED, I SAY, I'M SURROUNDED
BY BOOTLICKERS AND TOADIES, STOOGES AND SUCK-UPS.
I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU, TOO, CAROL.
BUT YOU, I SAY, YOU, YOU'RE NOT LIKE THESE OTHER LACKEYS.
THEY TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO HEAR.
YOU TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO HEAR.
WELL, SON, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY?
- MAYBE YOU OUGHT TO LAY OFF THE MUFFINS FOR A WHILE.
[ALL GASP]
- HEH HEH HEH.
- HA HA HA!
- COME WITH ME, MUFFIN MAN.
NOW, LET'S SEE ABOUT GETTING YOU A CORNER OFFICE.
- HMM. THAT HAPPENED EVEN FASTER THAN I THOUGHT.
- ♪ PIZZARRIBA!
♪ PIZZARRIBA!
- ♪ COME TO SPEEDY'S PIZZA PLACE ♪
♪ AND PUT BOTH YOUR FEET UP
♪ BRING 100 FRIENDS WITH YOU ♪
♪ THERE'S PLENTY OF ROOM
♪ I'LL BRING YOU MORE PIZZA ♪
♪ THAN YOUR TUMMY CAN EAT UP ♪
♪ ONCE YOU TASTE MY PIZZA, YOUR TASTE BUDS WILL GO BOOM ♪
- ♪ PIZZARRIBA!
♪ PIZZARRIBA!
- ♪ I READ ALL YOUR COMMENT CARDS ♪
♪ AND TAKE IN YOUR FEEDBACK
♪ OF ALL THE THINGS YOU'RE LOOKING FOR ♪
♪ IN A PIZZA PLACE
♪ SO STEP INTO THE KITCHEN
♪ WHERE MY COUSIN GUSTAVO
♪ IS HELPING LAUNCH MY RESTAURANT ♪
♪ INTO CYBERSPACE!
♪ THAT'S RIGHT, WE HAVE A WEBSITE ♪
♪ JUST LIKE YOU ALL REQUESTED ♪
♪ NOW YOU CAN GO ONLINE AND ORDER FROM YOUR PC ♪
♪ IF YOU CAN JUST BEAR WITH US ♪
♪ OUR CONNECTION IS SPOTTY
♪ I SWEAR IT WILL BE WORTH IT ♪
♪ TO GET PIZZA FROM ME
♪ SO PLEASE BE PATIENT
- ♪ PIZZARRIBA!
♪ PIZZARRIBA!
- WOW. IS THIS THING STILL LOADING, GUSTAVO?
- SI, 88%. - OH, THERE IT GOES.
WE'RE ALMOST UP! [BEEPS]
WAIT. DID IT FREEZE AGAIN?
GUSTAVO, YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME, MAN!
YOU SAID YOU WERE GOOD WITH COMPUTERS!
- ♪ PIZZARRIBA!
- NO, I SAID I HAD A COMPUTER.
- ♪ PIZZARRIBA!
[BEEPS] - OH, HERE WE GO, IT'S UP!
- ♪ PIZZARRIBA!
- I TOLD YOU I COULD DO IT.
- ♪ PIZZARRIBA!
- YOU SPELLED IT WRONG!
- ♪ PIBBARRIZA!
- WHAT IS PIBBA? IT'S---
- ♪ PIZZARRIBA!
- NOT ACCORDING TO YOUR WEBSITE.
- YOU'RE RUNNING FROM ME? YOU ARE RUNNING FROM--
I'M SPEEDY GONZALES! SPEEDY IS IN MY NAME!
I'M THE FASTEST. EVER!
- AND THAT'S WHY I DON'T WEAR CLOTHES.
[CHUCKLES]
- I CAN LEARN A LOT FROM YOU, BOY.
- SIR, WE'RE HEARING THAT MURPHY DOESN'T WANT TO SELL.
DO WE WITHDRAW OUR OFFER OR ATTEMPT A HOSTILE TAKEOVER?
- HMM. THAT'S A TOUGH-- I SAY, THAT'S A TOUGH QUESTION.
WITHDRAW OUR OFFER,
OR ATTEMPT A HOSTILE TAKEOVER. HMM.
- MAN. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
JUST GO WITH YOUR GUT. YOU GOT A BIG ENOUGH ONE.
- MY GUT, HUH?
- [GROANS] HOSTILE TAKEOVER.
- YOU HEARD--I SAY, YOU HEARD THE MUFFIN MAN--
HOSTILE TAKEOVER.
- SO, WHERE YOU TAKING ME TO LUNCH?
- I THINK I'LL LET YOU MAKE THE DECISIONS FROM NOW ON.
LEMON MERINGUE OR TIRAMISU?
- WE'LL TAKE THE WHOLE CART.
- POMERANIAN OR PEKINGESE?
- CHEETAH. WORLD'S FASTEST LAND ANIMAL.
- RENEE OR ANNABEL?
- THE ONE WEARING GLASSES. YOU LOOK SMARTER.
- WELL, DAFFY, WHAT DO YOU THINK--
I SAY, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ENORMOCORP?
- I DON'T KNOW. IT'S FINE?
- I'M HAPPY--I SAY, I'M HAPPY TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT,
BECAUSE IT'S YOURS. - WHAT?
- I'VE BEEN--I SAY, I'VE BEEN WANTING TO HAND OVER THE COMPANY FOR SOME TIME NOW,
AND THERE'S ONLY ONE KIND OF MAN I TRUST TO RUN ENORMOCORP--
A MUFFIN MAN.
AND I SHOULD KNOW.
AFTER ALL, I WAS ONCE A MUFFIN MAN MYSELF.
[CHUCKLES]
LATER, GATOR.
REMEMBER--I SAY, REMEMBER THESE WORDS, SON!
YOU CAN ALWAYS TRUST A MUFFIN MAN!
[BELL DINGS]
- GOOD MORNING, MR. DUCK.
- HOLD MY CALLS, CAROL.
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY "HOLD MY CALLS."
AND NOW, SOMEONE'S HOLDING MY CALLS!
WHO'S CALLING ME? I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T CARE!
I'M CEO. CEO OF ENORMOCORP!
NOW, WHAT WILL BE MY FIRST OFFICIAL ACT AS CEO?
[SEAGULLS CRYING AND OCEAN ROARING]
OHH. THAT'S THE STUFF.
[BELL DINGS]
[TYPING]
- I'M NOT SURE IF YOU CAN HELP ME.
I'M VISITING A FRIEND OF MINE.
HE JUST STARTED WORKING HERE.
- WHAT'S HIS NAME? - DAFFY DUCK.
- OH, MR. DUCK. HE'S IN THE CORNER OFFICE.
- CORNER OFFICE?
YOU GUYS MUST REALLY LOVE YOUR MUFFINS AROUND HERE.
- MR. DUCK IS THE CEO OF ENORMOCORP.
- THAT MAKES SENSE.
[SNORING]
- I SEE YOU FINALLY FOUND A JOB WHERE THEY PAY YOU TO SLEEP.
- THEY DON'T PAY ME TO SLEEP.
[SEAGULL CRIES]
- WHAT DO THEY PAY YOU TO DO?
- TO RUN THE PLACE.
- DAFFY, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO RUN THE DISHWASHER.
- THAT'S BECAUSE YOU DO IT FOR ME. WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS!
I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP ANYMORE.
WHY IS MY PERSONAL GROWTH SO THREATENING TO YOU?
THAT'S SOMETHING FOR YOU TO DISCUSS WITH A THERAPIST.
I'M AT WORK RIGHT NOW.
I--I CAN'T BE DOING THIS.
[DOOR OPENS] - MR. DUCK.
I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT.
- SEE? AT WORK! TALK TO ME.
- SIR, THE MARKETS HAVE TURNED.
SHOULD WE DELAY THE MERGER OR PROCEED AS PLANNED?
- DELAY THE MERGER.
- I THINK THAT'S THE RIGHT DECISION.
- WAIT. PROCEED AS PLANNED.
- PROCEED AS PLANNED. - DELAY THE MERGER.
- WHICH ONE? - I DON'T KNOW!
I'M NOT USED TO BEING THE GUY WHO'S ASKED TO MAKE A DECISION!
I'M USED TO STANDING NEXT TO THE GUY WHO'S ASKED TO MAKE A DECISION!
THAT'S WHEN I CAN MAKE A DECISION!
I NEED THAT BIG, FAT ROOSTER!
BIG, FAT ROOSTER!
DO I DELAY THE MERGER, OR PROCEED AS PLANNED?
- ALWAYS TRUST A MUFFIN MAN!
- SIR, WE NEED A DECISION.
- I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
- HOW YOU DOING?
- MUFFIN MAN. - HEY, DAFFY.
- THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.
DO WE DELAY THE MERGER OR PROCEED AS PLANNED?
- OH, RIGHT. THIS IS THE GUY TO ASK.
- HMM.
HMM. LET'S SEE.
UH, PROCEED AS PLANNED.
- YOU HEARD THE MUFFIN MAN. DO NOT DELAY THE MERGER.
PROCEED AS PLANNED. - YOU'RE SURE?
- I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE SURE OF ANYTHING IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
- WHOA.
THANKS FOR WATCHING MY MUFFIN CART.
- NO PROBLEM.
- OOH. I WOULD HAVE DELAYED THE MERGER.
- YEP. ME, TOO.
MMM. BLUEBERRY.
- [WHIMPERS]
[BEEPING]
[AIRCRAFT APPROACHES]
- BEEP BEEP!
BEEP BEEP!
[BEEPS]
BEEP BEEP!
[CLINKS]
[SQUEAKING]
[CRACKING]
[SQUEAKING]
BEEP BEEP!
[CLINKS]
[SQUEAKING]
THE WORST BUSINESS DECISION IN THE HISTORY OF BUSINESS,
ENORMOCORP HAS GONE OUT OF BUSINESS.
AS A RESULT, MORE THAN 100,000 HAVE LOST THEIR JOBS,
AND EXPERTS FEAR THE WORLD ECONOMY COULD COLLAPSE.
DISGRACED CEO DAFFY DUCK COULD NOT BE REACHED FOR COMMENT.
- UGH. IF I'D HAVE KNOWN ALL THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN,
I'D HAVE KEPT ENABLING YOU.
- WELL, AT LEAST I LEARNED A BIG LESSON.
- WHAT'S THAT? - WHEN I PULL MY OWN WEIGHT,
I PULL A LOT OF STUFF DOWN WITH ME.
WHOA! [CRASHING]
WHOA! OH! WHOA!
[GLASS SHATTERS] CALL DR. WEISBERG.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. ANIMATION
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--
- CAN I INTEREST YOU IN A MUFFIN?
I ATE HALF OF IT. IT'S NOT VERY GOOD.