1 00:00:00,950 --> 00:00:03,950 (synth music) 2 00:00:07,533 --> 00:00:10,783 (mid-tempo rock music) 3 00:00:24,745 --> 00:00:26,003 - Two kedgerees, yes. 4 00:00:26,003 --> 00:00:27,303 Two kippers. 5 00:00:27,303 --> 00:00:29,189 One pancake, yeah. 6 00:00:29,189 --> 00:00:30,127 Okay, how long on the bacon? 7 00:00:30,127 --> 00:00:31,134 How long on the bacon? 8 00:00:31,134 --> 00:00:32,382 - It's coming. 9 00:00:32,382 --> 00:00:33,770 - Let's go. 10 00:00:33,770 --> 00:00:34,931 Plate it! 11 00:00:34,931 --> 00:00:36,196 Where are my pancakes? 12 00:00:36,196 --> 00:00:38,696 Where are my pancakes? 13 00:00:38,696 --> 00:00:41,061 Pancakes, I don't know. 14 00:00:41,061 --> 00:00:42,972 - Black pudding. - That's hot! 15 00:00:42,972 --> 00:00:43,846 - Come on, Cole. 16 00:00:43,846 --> 00:00:45,346 Oh, what was that? 17 00:00:46,446 --> 00:00:47,863 Pick yourself up! 18 00:00:48,733 --> 00:00:50,553 - Come on, why are you being such a dick? 19 00:00:50,553 --> 00:00:52,434 Just make me some coffee, you idiot. 20 00:00:52,434 --> 00:00:54,558 - Everything okay? 21 00:00:54,558 --> 00:00:55,418 - Look at this, 22 00:00:55,418 --> 00:00:56,251 one of the most technologically 23 00:00:56,251 --> 00:00:58,252 advanced pieces of machinery known to man, 24 00:00:58,252 --> 00:01:00,461 they expect you to operate it before you've had coffee! 25 00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:01,294 - Oh, that's right, 26 00:01:01,294 --> 00:01:03,582 Bib used to make your coffee for you, didn't he? 27 00:01:03,582 --> 00:01:06,654 Want me to see if he can pop round and do you a cup? 28 00:01:06,654 --> 00:01:08,388 He probably hasn't gone to start his brilliant 29 00:01:08,388 --> 00:01:10,490 new life in Australia quite yet. 30 00:01:10,490 --> 00:01:13,240 - Ah! (sizzling) 31 00:01:15,263 --> 00:01:17,382 - What are you doing? 32 00:01:17,382 --> 00:01:19,654 It's 20 past eight in the morning. 33 00:01:19,654 --> 00:01:20,779 - Yeah, and I've been up since five, 34 00:01:20,779 --> 00:01:22,644 cooking sausages for idiots, so if you don't mind, 35 00:01:22,644 --> 00:01:24,243 I'm going to have a little drinky. 36 00:01:24,243 --> 00:01:26,740 - You need to get it together. 37 00:01:26,740 --> 00:01:29,053 - Morning, morning, Mummy's here. 38 00:01:29,053 --> 00:01:30,636 Caroline, I just... 39 00:01:32,290 --> 00:01:35,790 Caroline, are you drinking in the kitchen? 40 00:01:36,798 --> 00:01:37,631 - Um, 41 00:01:39,686 --> 00:01:40,519 yeah, 42 00:01:42,272 --> 00:01:44,605 just a little heart-starter. 43 00:01:48,832 --> 00:01:50,582 - Well, if you are... 44 00:01:52,851 --> 00:01:53,684 Ooh! Ha! 45 00:01:54,745 --> 00:01:57,242 That'll knock the cockles off. 46 00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:59,159 Walk with me, Caroline. 47 00:02:04,256 --> 00:02:05,485 You looking forward to tonight? 48 00:02:05,485 --> 00:02:06,318 - The party? 49 00:02:06,318 --> 00:02:07,590 Yes, I'll be there. 50 00:02:07,590 --> 00:02:09,164 Robin's coming down too. 51 00:02:09,164 --> 00:02:10,418 So it'll be lovely for us to spend 52 00:02:10,418 --> 00:02:11,720 a proper evening together. 53 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:13,086 - Closey eyesies. 54 00:02:13,086 --> 00:02:13,919 - What? 55 00:02:13,919 --> 00:02:15,419 - Close your eyes. 56 00:02:18,414 --> 00:02:20,629 (door rattling) 57 00:02:20,629 --> 00:02:21,462 Open! 58 00:02:25,161 --> 00:02:26,796 - Can I close them again please? 59 00:02:26,796 --> 00:02:27,629 - Ta-dah! 60 00:02:27,629 --> 00:02:28,462 What do you think? 61 00:02:28,462 --> 00:02:30,451 It's my little surprise for tonight. 62 00:02:30,451 --> 00:02:31,562 - Little? 63 00:02:31,562 --> 00:02:32,740 - It's an elephant pinata. 64 00:02:32,740 --> 00:02:34,079 You bash it with a stick 65 00:02:34,079 --> 00:02:35,996 until sweets come out of its neck. 66 00:02:35,996 --> 00:02:38,287 - Yes, I'm familiar with pinatas. 67 00:02:38,287 --> 00:02:39,760 - But I want it to be a surprise, 68 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,677 so do you think you could sneak it in 69 00:02:41,677 --> 00:02:44,404 and hide it before the rest of the staff arrive? 70 00:02:44,404 --> 00:02:45,632 - Yes, hide it. 71 00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:47,632 Hide the giant elephant. 72 00:02:48,626 --> 00:02:49,626 - Good girl. 73 00:02:56,984 --> 00:02:58,329 - Oh, all right? 74 00:02:58,329 --> 00:02:59,162 - Hiya. 75 00:03:00,672 --> 00:03:01,935 - What are you doing? 76 00:03:01,935 --> 00:03:06,102 - Just getting Officer Trumpton ready for tonight. 77 00:03:09,081 --> 00:03:09,940 - What's that? 78 00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:12,128 - The spit valve. 79 00:03:12,128 --> 00:03:13,329 - Is that all your spit? 80 00:03:13,329 --> 00:03:14,509 - Yeah. 81 00:03:14,509 --> 00:03:16,269 That's just from practicing. 82 00:03:16,269 --> 00:03:17,102 (door clicking and creaking) 83 00:03:17,102 --> 00:03:18,269 - That's cool. 84 00:03:23,134 --> 00:03:25,329 - Oh, all right, Kiki? 85 00:03:25,329 --> 00:03:26,484 That for the talent show? 86 00:03:26,484 --> 00:03:27,356 - Yeah. 87 00:03:27,356 --> 00:03:28,492 - Nice one. 88 00:03:28,492 --> 00:03:30,645 I'm doing a song. 89 00:03:30,645 --> 00:03:32,562 What about you, Skoose? 90 00:03:33,508 --> 00:03:37,573 - I'd rather slam my cock in a car door. 91 00:03:37,573 --> 00:03:41,573 - Right, well, I'll see you back up there, Kiki. 92 00:03:45,796 --> 00:03:46,711 (door closing) 93 00:03:46,711 --> 00:03:49,969 - Are you really not doing anything tonight? 94 00:03:49,969 --> 00:03:50,974 - Can I have a go? 95 00:03:50,974 --> 00:03:51,807 - Yeah! 96 00:03:53,056 --> 00:03:56,716 (clearing throat) 97 00:03:56,716 --> 00:03:59,529 (off-tune breathy tooting) 98 00:03:59,529 --> 00:04:01,051 - Hey, that was brilliant. 99 00:04:01,051 --> 00:04:04,646 Most people can't even do the mouth right. 100 00:04:04,646 --> 00:04:05,896 - There you go. 101 00:04:07,210 --> 00:04:08,870 Got some of my spit in there now. 102 00:04:08,870 --> 00:04:09,891 - Ugh. 103 00:04:09,891 --> 00:04:12,001 All mixed together with mine. 104 00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:12,834 - Yeah. 105 00:04:23,905 --> 00:04:24,738 - Ah, 106 00:04:25,742 --> 00:04:27,075 CVs are so dull. 107 00:04:30,405 --> 00:04:35,294 Just a big, long list of milestones and achievements. 108 00:04:35,294 --> 00:04:37,180 You see, just by you handing me this 109 00:04:37,180 --> 00:04:42,100 and nothing else, you do come across as a bit of a bighead. 110 00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:43,619 Just give me the headlines. 111 00:04:43,619 --> 00:04:46,750 Everything I need to know about you in five words. 112 00:04:46,750 --> 00:04:48,608 - Uh, Barnaby Thompson. 113 00:04:48,608 --> 00:04:49,604 - Interesting. 114 00:04:49,604 --> 00:04:51,935 You use your own name for your first two words. 115 00:04:51,935 --> 00:04:56,169 Maybe the next three should be is arrogant man. 116 00:04:56,169 --> 00:04:58,084 - Can I take the first two back please, chef? 117 00:04:58,084 --> 00:04:59,258 - Go for it. 118 00:04:59,258 --> 00:05:00,425 - Uh, devoted, 119 00:05:02,448 --> 00:05:03,913 passionate, 120 00:05:03,913 --> 00:05:06,245 hard-working, with a hyphen. 121 00:05:06,245 --> 00:05:07,245 - Excellent. 122 00:05:09,595 --> 00:05:10,595 - Learnable? 123 00:05:11,682 --> 00:05:14,492 - Hmm, I'm not sure that's a word, 124 00:05:14,492 --> 00:05:15,560 I can see what you're trying to do. 125 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:18,029 Trying to say is capable of learning but 126 00:05:18,029 --> 00:05:20,212 without using up four of your words. 127 00:05:20,212 --> 00:05:21,326 - Right. 128 00:05:21,326 --> 00:05:22,858 Uh, 129 00:05:22,858 --> 00:05:23,691 talented. 130 00:05:24,626 --> 00:05:26,982 - You know what, Barnaby? 131 00:05:26,982 --> 00:05:28,429 You could very well be using those 132 00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:29,928 exact same words to describe 133 00:05:29,928 --> 00:05:32,095 someone else in this room. 134 00:05:35,493 --> 00:05:37,917 Let's spin this thing around. 135 00:05:37,917 --> 00:05:40,068 Is there anything you want to ask me? 136 00:05:40,068 --> 00:05:40,901 - Just... 137 00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:46,245 what is it you're looking for in a sous chef? 138 00:05:46,245 --> 00:05:48,307 - What is it I'm looking 139 00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:49,890 for in a sous chef? 140 00:05:53,227 --> 00:05:54,644 Hold that thought, Barnaby. 141 00:05:54,644 --> 00:05:56,657 I'll be with you in a couple of minutes. 142 00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:58,517 (laughing) 143 00:05:58,517 --> 00:05:59,971 - Yeah? 144 00:05:59,971 --> 00:06:00,999 That's fantastic. 145 00:06:00,999 --> 00:06:02,170 No, they sound great. 146 00:06:02,170 --> 00:06:04,468 Just send them over whenever you're ready. 147 00:06:04,468 --> 00:06:05,301 Later. 148 00:06:07,818 --> 00:06:09,306 You all right? 149 00:06:09,306 --> 00:06:10,453 - Yeah, I'm good. 150 00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:11,286 How are you? 151 00:06:11,286 --> 00:06:12,119 - Yeah, great. 152 00:06:12,119 --> 00:06:12,952 Really good, yeah. 153 00:06:12,952 --> 00:06:15,643 Yeah, just come down for some... 154 00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:16,726 table cloths. 155 00:06:18,727 --> 00:06:19,996 - Right. 156 00:06:19,996 --> 00:06:23,020 - That was Kelly from HR, Human Resources, 157 00:06:23,020 --> 00:06:24,610 just chatting about all 158 00:06:24,610 --> 00:06:27,607 the applicants we're getting for sous chef. 159 00:06:27,607 --> 00:06:29,737 'Cause I've got to interview them all. 160 00:06:29,737 --> 00:06:30,999 - I'm amazed you can get reception all 161 00:06:30,999 --> 00:06:32,672 the way down here. 162 00:06:32,672 --> 00:06:34,371 Underground. 163 00:06:34,371 --> 00:06:35,247 Nobody else can. 164 00:06:35,247 --> 00:06:37,800 What network are you with? 165 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:39,598 - It's an Indian one. 166 00:06:39,598 --> 00:06:41,501 You do it online. 167 00:06:41,501 --> 00:06:42,334 Phone-Tel. 168 00:06:43,263 --> 00:06:44,263 They're new. 169 00:06:46,197 --> 00:06:48,325 What you doing here? 170 00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:50,199 - Picking up my whites. 171 00:06:50,199 --> 00:06:55,093 - Right, 'cause technically they belong to the hotel. 172 00:06:55,093 --> 00:06:56,566 Don't worry, though, I won't tell. 173 00:06:56,566 --> 00:06:57,483 Won't tell. 174 00:06:58,550 --> 00:07:00,321 No good to me anyway. 175 00:07:00,321 --> 00:07:02,551 I'm not gonna find another chef your size am I? 176 00:07:02,551 --> 00:07:03,801 Ya big galumph. 177 00:07:04,950 --> 00:07:07,033 - No, I expect you won't. 178 00:07:10,716 --> 00:07:12,012 See you later, Roland. 179 00:07:12,012 --> 00:07:13,345 - Don't go, Bib. 180 00:07:14,925 --> 00:07:15,758 - Pardon? 181 00:07:18,583 --> 00:07:20,583 - I didn't say anything. 182 00:07:21,686 --> 00:07:23,084 - Okay. 183 00:07:23,084 --> 00:07:24,066 - Come on, Bib. 184 00:07:24,066 --> 00:07:24,969 This is crazy. 185 00:07:24,969 --> 00:07:25,802 You can't go now. 186 00:07:25,802 --> 00:07:28,041 We're this close to a Michelin star! 187 00:07:28,041 --> 00:07:30,061 - No, we're not, Roland. 188 00:07:30,061 --> 00:07:31,306 There are stars in the sky 189 00:07:31,306 --> 00:07:33,368 closer to us than a Michelin star. 190 00:07:33,368 --> 00:07:34,236 - That's not true. 191 00:07:34,236 --> 00:07:35,933 - Yeah, it is. 192 00:07:35,933 --> 00:07:37,349 You don't even want one. 193 00:07:37,349 --> 00:07:38,529 - I do! 194 00:07:38,529 --> 00:07:39,800 If you do. 195 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:42,671 - What happened to you, hey? 196 00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:45,352 You used to have passion, you'd get so excited. 197 00:07:45,352 --> 00:07:48,391 You'd be in that kitchen every minute of every day. 198 00:07:48,391 --> 00:07:50,036 - Well you used to have a life, Bib. 199 00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:52,914 And I used to have a wife, and a house. 200 00:07:52,914 --> 00:07:54,588 I was young. 201 00:07:54,588 --> 00:07:55,629 Now look at me. 202 00:07:55,629 --> 00:07:56,962 What do you see? 203 00:07:59,454 --> 00:08:02,454 - A much older man with lady's hair. 204 00:08:03,436 --> 00:08:06,187 - It's this job, it's taken everything from me. 205 00:08:06,187 --> 00:08:07,600 It's given me nothing back. 206 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:11,496 - This job hasn't taken anything from you, Roland. 207 00:08:11,496 --> 00:08:14,419 Rebecca left you because you took her for granted. 208 00:08:14,419 --> 00:08:16,053 - She didn't leave me because I took her for granted. 209 00:08:16,053 --> 00:08:18,848 She left me because I knobbed a pastry chef. 210 00:08:18,848 --> 00:08:20,565 - Two pastry chefs. 211 00:08:20,565 --> 00:08:21,878 - Audrey wasn't a pastry chef. 212 00:08:21,878 --> 00:08:23,961 She was still at college. 213 00:08:27,512 --> 00:08:29,412 - Goodbye, Roland. 214 00:08:29,412 --> 00:08:30,506 - What about tonight? 215 00:08:30,506 --> 00:08:31,339 - [Bib] What about tonight? 216 00:08:31,339 --> 00:08:32,172 - The party. 217 00:08:32,172 --> 00:08:33,183 I can't do the act on my own. 218 00:08:33,183 --> 00:08:35,223 - Why? Why not? 219 00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:37,429 Means you get all the glory. 220 00:08:37,429 --> 00:08:40,762 Which is just how you like it, isn't it? 221 00:08:43,124 --> 00:08:44,642 - Go on, then! 222 00:08:44,642 --> 00:08:46,140 Go, go to Australia! 223 00:08:46,140 --> 00:08:48,140 Go to Wonga Donga Beach. 224 00:08:49,689 --> 00:08:52,356 I hope you get caught in a rip! 225 00:08:56,090 --> 00:08:59,340 (tablecloths thumping) 226 00:09:01,544 --> 00:09:03,539 (door slamming) 227 00:09:03,539 --> 00:09:06,813 (table slamming) 228 00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:10,230 (picture frame slamming) 229 00:09:18,126 --> 00:09:20,126 - [Barnaby] Should I go? 230 00:09:23,167 --> 00:09:26,417 (air canister hissing) 231 00:09:37,498 --> 00:09:41,014 (balloon squeaking) 232 00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:44,014 - Hello! (laughing) 233 00:09:45,722 --> 00:09:48,722 (balloon squeaking) 234 00:09:55,149 --> 00:09:57,302 - Caroline, there you are. 235 00:09:57,302 --> 00:09:58,135 Oh, god. 236 00:09:58,135 --> 00:10:01,468 I just wanted to see you before I leave. 237 00:10:03,534 --> 00:10:06,034 Well, I guess this is goodbye. 238 00:10:10,064 --> 00:10:12,000 Oh, come here. 239 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:12,833 - Oh. 240 00:10:14,963 --> 00:10:17,713 - I am gonna miss this old place. 241 00:10:19,093 --> 00:10:20,409 Well, stop it. 242 00:10:20,409 --> 00:10:23,077 You're gonna start me off in a minute. 243 00:10:23,077 --> 00:10:25,367 Thank you, Caroline. 244 00:10:25,367 --> 00:10:26,784 I shall miss you. 245 00:10:28,435 --> 00:10:29,268 Goodbye. 246 00:10:31,776 --> 00:10:32,609 - Bye. 247 00:10:38,035 --> 00:10:41,202 (upbeat bluesy music) 248 00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:56,489 - Weird seeing you in your civvies. 249 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,440 It's like when you're young and you 250 00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:00,192 see one of your teachers in the pub. 251 00:11:00,192 --> 00:11:02,187 - I guess it's nice you think of me as a teacher. 252 00:11:02,187 --> 00:11:04,889 - That's not what I said. 253 00:11:04,889 --> 00:11:06,361 - It's kind of strange seeing you in a suit. 254 00:11:06,361 --> 00:11:07,877 I feel like I'm at a juvenile court. 255 00:11:07,877 --> 00:11:11,025 - My mum did actually buy me this for a court appearance. 256 00:11:11,025 --> 00:11:13,702 - Is that true or is that a joke? 257 00:11:13,702 --> 00:11:16,953 - You'll never know, will you? 258 00:11:16,953 --> 00:11:18,385 - Good luck, Skoose. 259 00:11:18,385 --> 00:11:20,462 - You too, Bib. 260 00:11:20,462 --> 00:11:22,629 Don't bum too many blokes. 261 00:11:24,207 --> 00:11:28,374 - Yeah, I'll try and keep the bumming to a minimum. 262 00:11:34,358 --> 00:11:36,191 - See you later, chef. 263 00:11:49,065 --> 00:11:51,086 - Oh hey, Celia. 264 00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:52,887 Just want to say thank you. 265 00:11:52,887 --> 00:11:55,438 For well, everything. 266 00:11:55,438 --> 00:11:57,618 - Ah, you're very welcome. 267 00:11:57,618 --> 00:12:00,370 Did you have a nice stay? 268 00:12:00,370 --> 00:12:03,190 - No, Celia it's, it's... 269 00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:05,116 Yes, I had a lovely time. 270 00:12:05,116 --> 00:12:05,949 Thank you. 271 00:12:05,949 --> 00:12:06,782 - Ha! 272 00:12:12,985 --> 00:12:17,152 (upbeat pop/rock music) 273 00:12:27,599 --> 00:12:29,241 - Bib! 274 00:12:29,241 --> 00:12:30,074 Bib! 275 00:12:50,957 --> 00:12:52,548 - Stupid. 276 00:12:52,548 --> 00:12:53,381 Stupid. 277 00:13:01,749 --> 00:13:02,999 - Pinata works. 278 00:13:08,656 --> 00:13:09,855 What, are we not talking about 279 00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:10,838 the elephant in the room? 280 00:13:10,838 --> 00:13:12,077 - Don't make jokes! 281 00:13:12,077 --> 00:13:14,198 Celia is gonna go mental when she sees what you did. 282 00:13:14,198 --> 00:13:15,438 - It was gonna happen tonight, anyway, 283 00:13:15,438 --> 00:13:17,206 in front of a baying lunatics. 284 00:13:17,206 --> 00:13:20,539 I was just putting it out of its misery. 285 00:13:22,804 --> 00:13:24,277 - Roland, come on. 286 00:13:24,277 --> 00:13:25,160 Pull yourself together. 287 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:26,715 You're meant to be interviewing. 288 00:13:26,715 --> 00:13:28,433 I don't want another sous chef, Caroline. 289 00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:29,453 I want Bib. 290 00:13:29,453 --> 00:13:31,623 - Bib's gone, Roland, face it. 291 00:13:31,623 --> 00:13:34,474 He's not coming back and then you need to move on. 292 00:13:34,474 --> 00:13:35,307 - Move on? 293 00:13:35,307 --> 00:13:36,362 I can't move on! 294 00:13:36,362 --> 00:13:38,012 It's too soon. 295 00:13:38,012 --> 00:13:40,285 - There's another applicant in your office right now 296 00:13:40,285 --> 00:13:41,817 and you need to do your job. 297 00:13:41,817 --> 00:13:43,001 - You're gonna have to get rid of them, Caroline. 298 00:13:43,001 --> 00:13:44,072 I'm not seeing anyone else today. 299 00:13:44,072 --> 00:13:44,905 I can't. 300 00:13:44,905 --> 00:13:45,904 It's way too soon. 301 00:13:45,904 --> 00:13:48,571 I'm not interested in another... 302 00:13:50,903 --> 00:13:51,736 Hello. 303 00:13:59,598 --> 00:14:02,181 Marvelous, Beatrice, marvelous. 304 00:14:03,967 --> 00:14:06,172 Well, look, it's been wonderful, 305 00:14:06,172 --> 00:14:08,143 really wonderful to meet you. 306 00:14:08,143 --> 00:14:08,976 - Thank you. 307 00:14:08,976 --> 00:14:09,976 - Thank you. 308 00:14:15,443 --> 00:14:16,360 Wowa-weewa. 309 00:14:21,933 --> 00:14:22,842 You got a funeral? 310 00:14:22,842 --> 00:14:23,960 Who died? 311 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:27,127 - Er, I'm here for my interview, chef. 312 00:14:28,460 --> 00:14:29,293 - Oh, yes. 313 00:14:31,717 --> 00:14:32,550 Look, 314 00:14:35,077 --> 00:14:38,185 I've been giving this a lot of thought. 315 00:14:38,185 --> 00:14:39,352 I really have. 316 00:14:42,023 --> 00:14:43,773 An incredible amount. 317 00:14:44,697 --> 00:14:45,864 Ooh, my knees. 318 00:14:48,959 --> 00:14:53,055 Thing is, I'm not sure you're ready yet. 319 00:14:53,055 --> 00:14:55,805 Maybe in a couple of years, yeah? 320 00:14:57,957 --> 00:14:59,548 - Yes, chef. 321 00:14:59,548 --> 00:15:00,548 - That's it. 322 00:15:01,685 --> 00:15:03,018 The Skoosinator! 323 00:15:12,295 --> 00:15:14,067 (plates clattering) 324 00:15:14,067 --> 00:15:16,984 (blender whirring) 325 00:15:18,527 --> 00:15:20,340 ♫ She was a showgirl 326 00:15:20,340 --> 00:15:22,924 ♫ With yellow feathers in her hair 327 00:15:22,924 --> 00:15:24,783 ♫ And a dress cut down to there 328 00:15:24,783 --> 00:15:26,743 ♫ She would merengue 329 00:15:26,743 --> 00:15:28,631 ♫ And do the cha-cha 330 00:15:28,631 --> 00:15:29,529 - [Caroline] Hi, Celia. 331 00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:30,921 - Welcome to Hot Bananas. 332 00:15:30,921 --> 00:15:32,453 What's your poison? 333 00:15:32,453 --> 00:15:35,852 - Uh, I'll have an orange juice and lemonade, please. 334 00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:37,452 - Well, you can have one, can't you? 335 00:15:37,452 --> 00:15:38,952 We're celebrating. 336 00:15:40,659 --> 00:15:41,560 - You have one, though. 337 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:44,464 Don't want to be a fun sponge. 338 00:15:44,464 --> 00:15:45,297 - No. 339 00:15:46,375 --> 00:15:47,979 I'll have a large gin and tonic, please, Celia. 340 00:15:47,979 --> 00:15:50,196 - No dice, toots. 341 00:15:50,196 --> 00:15:51,349 - Beg your pardon? 342 00:15:51,349 --> 00:15:52,662 - We only do what's on the board. 343 00:15:52,662 --> 00:15:53,734 - Oh. 344 00:15:53,734 --> 00:15:57,309 In that case, I'll go for a Rum-Bongo. 345 00:15:57,309 --> 00:15:58,142 - Ah-ha. 346 00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:03,213 - Oh, Poppet, that was the farm. 347 00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:04,861 Candida's dilated. 348 00:16:04,861 --> 00:16:05,729 - I'm sorry? 349 00:16:05,729 --> 00:16:07,202 - Candida? 350 00:16:07,202 --> 00:16:09,255 My Hampshire sow? 351 00:16:09,255 --> 00:16:10,392 She's been ready to pop for days. 352 00:16:10,392 --> 00:16:11,494 You know this. 353 00:16:11,494 --> 00:16:12,914 - Okay, so what does that mean? 354 00:16:12,914 --> 00:16:14,164 - I have to go. 355 00:16:16,070 --> 00:16:17,153 She needs me. 356 00:16:18,515 --> 00:16:19,432 - Does she? 357 00:16:20,687 --> 00:16:22,640 Look, if I can, 358 00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:25,951 I'll try and come back after I've... (mimics sucking) 359 00:16:25,951 --> 00:16:26,784 You know? 360 00:16:28,818 --> 00:16:30,235 Mwah, mwah, mwah. 361 00:16:43,013 --> 00:16:45,520 - You know what they put in those, don't you? 362 00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:46,353 Skin, 363 00:16:47,305 --> 00:16:48,669 hair, 364 00:16:48,669 --> 00:16:49,502 teats. 365 00:16:50,496 --> 00:16:54,592 Sometimes a bit of arsehole finds its way in there. 366 00:16:54,592 --> 00:16:55,884 ♫ Sometimes you're better off dead 367 00:16:55,884 --> 00:16:57,128 ♫ There's a gun in your hand 368 00:16:57,128 --> 00:16:59,949 ♫ It's pointing at your head 369 00:16:59,949 --> 00:17:02,626 - Nice though, ain't they? 370 00:17:02,626 --> 00:17:05,227 ♫ In restaurants in a west-end town 371 00:17:05,227 --> 00:17:06,060 ♫ Call the police 372 00:17:06,060 --> 00:17:07,131 ♫ There's a mad man around 373 00:17:07,131 --> 00:17:09,235 ♫ Running down, underground 374 00:17:09,235 --> 00:17:11,358 ♫ To a dive bar 375 00:17:11,358 --> 00:17:12,467 ♫ In a west-end town 376 00:17:12,467 --> 00:17:14,624 ♫ A dead-end world 377 00:17:14,624 --> 00:17:18,791 ♫ East-end boys and west-end girls 378 00:17:19,926 --> 00:17:21,282 ♫ In a west-end town 379 00:17:21,282 --> 00:17:22,375 ♫ A dead-end world 380 00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:25,557 (canister hissing) 381 00:17:25,557 --> 00:17:26,390 - Party! 382 00:17:33,361 --> 00:17:34,337 - Thanks for that. 383 00:17:34,337 --> 00:17:35,587 Ruined my suit. 384 00:17:36,643 --> 00:17:38,899 - Sorry, I thought it would be funny. 385 00:17:38,899 --> 00:17:40,149 - Oh, ha-ha-ha! 386 00:17:41,391 --> 00:17:43,823 - Why are you so sad? 387 00:17:43,823 --> 00:17:44,848 - I'm not the sad one. 388 00:17:44,848 --> 00:17:46,904 Look at this tit. 389 00:17:46,904 --> 00:17:49,345 - At least he's up there doing something. 390 00:17:49,345 --> 00:17:51,111 Not just sitting there sulking, 391 00:17:51,111 --> 00:17:54,463 like a kitten stuck in a teapot. 392 00:17:54,463 --> 00:17:55,488 - I'm not sulking. 393 00:17:55,488 --> 00:17:56,623 - I'm not sulking. 394 00:17:56,623 --> 00:17:57,522 - I'm not. - I'm not. 395 00:17:57,522 --> 00:17:58,688 - Kiki. - Kiki. 396 00:17:58,688 --> 00:17:59,986 - Look! 397 00:17:59,986 --> 00:18:02,413 I just want to be left alone, all right, Kiki? 398 00:18:02,413 --> 00:18:04,382 I just want to have a drink on my own. 399 00:18:04,382 --> 00:18:06,049 I'm not in the mood. 400 00:18:07,884 --> 00:18:09,997 - You're never in the mood. 401 00:18:09,997 --> 00:18:11,864 ♫ West-end girls 402 00:18:11,864 --> 00:18:15,864 (crowd applauding and cheering) 403 00:18:16,722 --> 00:18:17,976 - Wonderful, wonderful! 404 00:18:17,976 --> 00:18:20,483 Now then, let's keep this train 405 00:18:20,483 --> 00:18:22,446 chugging along to Funland 406 00:18:22,446 --> 00:18:24,044 and welcome our next act 407 00:18:24,044 --> 00:18:26,520 to the stage, which is Kiki! 408 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:30,520 (crowd applauding and cheering) 409 00:18:38,927 --> 00:18:41,594 - This is my favorite ever song. 410 00:18:44,844 --> 00:18:48,094 ("Black Beauty theme") 411 00:19:10,213 --> 00:19:11,213 - Underwear. 412 00:19:12,274 --> 00:19:15,003 - [Roland] Oh, Caroline. 413 00:19:15,003 --> 00:19:18,503 - What's more important, a woman or a pig? 414 00:19:19,723 --> 00:19:20,556 - What? 415 00:19:21,504 --> 00:19:22,807 - Nothing. 416 00:19:22,807 --> 00:19:24,544 Just my fiance would rather go and 417 00:19:24,544 --> 00:19:26,586 shove his arm up a pig's vagina 418 00:19:26,586 --> 00:19:29,169 than spend the evening with me. 419 00:19:30,781 --> 00:19:31,614 - Right. 420 00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:34,589 Decisions, decisions. 421 00:19:35,870 --> 00:19:37,527 Why aren't you at the party? 422 00:19:37,527 --> 00:19:39,509 - I'm getting changed for my act. 423 00:19:39,509 --> 00:19:42,733 - Thought I'd come and find you. 424 00:19:42,733 --> 00:19:43,816 Ah, Beatrice. 425 00:19:46,133 --> 00:19:48,027 She was nice, wasn't she? 426 00:19:48,027 --> 00:19:49,526 - Yeah, she was good, actually. 427 00:19:49,526 --> 00:19:51,672 Trained under Pierre at Bridge House. 428 00:19:51,672 --> 00:19:52,505 - Under? 429 00:19:53,701 --> 00:19:54,534 - Sorry? 430 00:19:57,017 --> 00:19:59,350 - She's very pretty, Roland. 431 00:20:01,940 --> 00:20:04,077 - Yeah, I need to get changed. 432 00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:06,660 So can you just close the door? 433 00:20:09,877 --> 00:20:10,710 - Sure. 434 00:20:16,764 --> 00:20:19,431 (door slamming) 435 00:20:23,967 --> 00:20:25,717 - What are you doing? 436 00:20:30,272 --> 00:20:31,105 - Nothing. 437 00:20:34,111 --> 00:20:36,028 He loves you, you know. 438 00:20:37,109 --> 00:20:37,942 - What? 439 00:20:37,942 --> 00:20:38,775 - Bib. 440 00:20:39,736 --> 00:20:41,140 He's the best thing that's ever happened to you, 441 00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:44,451 and you just took his heart and crr, phh, 442 00:20:44,451 --> 00:20:47,063 and trample, trample, trample, trample, 443 00:20:47,063 --> 00:20:48,719 trample, trample, trample, trample. 444 00:20:48,719 --> 00:20:50,646 - Yeah, yeah, all right. 445 00:20:50,646 --> 00:20:51,479 I get it. 446 00:20:53,414 --> 00:20:54,247 - Right. 447 00:20:55,082 --> 00:20:55,921 I feel sick. 448 00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:58,213 So I'm going to go and deal with that 449 00:20:58,213 --> 00:21:01,380 and then I'm gonna have another drink. 450 00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:15,213 - All set? 451 00:21:15,213 --> 00:21:16,849 - No, no, this is ridiculous. 452 00:21:16,849 --> 00:21:18,741 I should have just pulled out. 453 00:21:18,741 --> 00:21:19,947 - Oh, don't be silly. 454 00:21:19,947 --> 00:21:22,530 Darling, you'll be soopy-doops. 455 00:21:28,259 --> 00:21:29,509 - Shit. 456 00:21:29,509 --> 00:21:31,676 I can't do this by myself. 457 00:21:33,512 --> 00:21:35,345 - [Bib] Hello, Roland. 458 00:21:38,801 --> 00:21:39,634 - Bib. 459 00:21:39,634 --> 00:21:40,467 What? 460 00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:42,370 You said you weren't coming. 461 00:21:42,370 --> 00:21:43,203 - I know. 462 00:21:44,376 --> 00:21:45,429 - But... 463 00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:46,346 - Roland... 464 00:21:46,346 --> 00:21:47,429 - Look, wait. 465 00:21:48,443 --> 00:21:50,780 Don't say anything. 466 00:21:50,780 --> 00:21:52,863 You were right, Bib, okay? 467 00:21:52,863 --> 00:21:54,058 I'm a dick. 468 00:21:54,058 --> 00:21:55,531 I did take you for granted. 469 00:21:55,531 --> 00:21:56,698 And I'm sorry. 470 00:21:57,922 --> 00:22:00,725 And I want to wish you and Sarah 471 00:22:00,725 --> 00:22:02,676 good luck in Australia 472 00:22:02,676 --> 00:22:05,191 and in life together. 473 00:22:05,191 --> 00:22:07,539 I want you to be happy. 474 00:22:07,539 --> 00:22:08,671 You deserve it. 475 00:22:08,671 --> 00:22:09,809 - [Celia] Now ladies and gentlemen, 476 00:22:09,809 --> 00:22:12,440 here comes the moment we've all been waiting for. 477 00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:13,405 - Sarah's pregnant. 478 00:22:13,405 --> 00:22:15,093 - Welcome to the stage our very own 479 00:22:15,093 --> 00:22:16,510 head chef Roland. 480 00:22:18,308 --> 00:22:22,308 (crowd applauding and cheering) 481 00:22:23,334 --> 00:22:24,167 - Gay! 482 00:22:28,217 --> 00:22:30,448 - Bib's pregnant, everyone! 483 00:22:30,448 --> 00:22:32,914 (crowd cheering) 484 00:22:32,914 --> 00:22:33,890 - Thank you, thanks, guys. 485 00:22:33,890 --> 00:22:35,582 Thank you very much. 486 00:22:35,582 --> 00:22:38,836 It took a while but we got there in the end, yes? 487 00:22:38,836 --> 00:22:40,341 And there's more good news. 488 00:22:40,341 --> 00:22:41,854 Sarah doesn't want our children 489 00:22:41,854 --> 00:22:44,487 to have Australian accents, 490 00:22:44,487 --> 00:22:48,512 so which means that I'm gonna be staying put in my old job. 491 00:22:48,512 --> 00:22:49,834 I'm not going anywhere! 492 00:22:49,834 --> 00:22:52,249 (crowd applauding and cheering) 493 00:22:52,249 --> 00:22:53,082 Hit it! 494 00:22:54,438 --> 00:22:57,838 ♫ Call me good, call me bad 495 00:22:57,838 --> 00:23:01,319 ♫ Call me anything you want to, baby 496 00:23:01,319 --> 00:23:03,781 (microphone feedback) 497 00:23:03,781 --> 00:23:04,917 - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 498 00:23:04,917 --> 00:23:06,742 You didn't mention anything about that before. 499 00:23:06,742 --> 00:23:07,575 - Pardon? 500 00:23:07,575 --> 00:23:08,988 - Do you think we should talk about this in private? 501 00:23:08,988 --> 00:23:10,009 - What are you doing? 502 00:23:10,009 --> 00:23:11,449 - When we spoke earlier you were pretty much 503 00:23:11,449 --> 00:23:13,001 definite you weren't coming back. 504 00:23:13,001 --> 00:23:14,609 - Yeah, I was angry. 505 00:23:14,609 --> 00:23:17,045 - I know but the fact remains 506 00:23:17,045 --> 00:23:18,971 that I've had to move on. 507 00:23:18,971 --> 00:23:19,804 - Move on? 508 00:23:19,804 --> 00:23:21,628 I've been gone 14 hours! 509 00:23:21,628 --> 00:23:22,461 - Bib. 510 00:23:22,461 --> 00:23:26,044 (curtain pulley squeaking) 511 00:23:30,043 --> 00:23:31,423 I didn't know you were going to get pregnant! 512 00:23:31,423 --> 00:23:32,432 - Neither did I! 513 00:23:32,432 --> 00:23:33,721 - That thing's not supposed to work. 514 00:23:33,721 --> 00:23:37,895 - It's a low sperm count Roland, not a no-sperm count. 515 00:23:37,895 --> 00:23:38,728 Who is it? 516 00:23:40,170 --> 00:23:41,711 It's him, isn't it? 517 00:23:41,711 --> 00:23:42,544 Skoose? 518 00:23:42,544 --> 00:23:43,696 - Of course it's not Skoose. 519 00:23:43,696 --> 00:23:45,296 I'm not gonna make Skoose the sous chef. 520 00:23:45,296 --> 00:23:46,256 He's about 12! 521 00:23:46,256 --> 00:23:48,385 - Well, who is it then? 522 00:23:48,385 --> 00:23:49,631 - Her name's Beatrice. 523 00:23:49,631 --> 00:23:50,739 - Beatrice? 524 00:23:50,739 --> 00:23:52,467 - Caroline made me do it. 525 00:23:52,467 --> 00:23:53,300 - What? 526 00:23:53,300 --> 00:23:56,313 - I absolutely begged her not to get someone else in, 527 00:23:56,313 --> 00:23:57,644 and she made me. 528 00:23:57,644 --> 00:23:58,568 You know what she's like. 529 00:23:58,568 --> 00:23:59,891 Walks around with a stick up her arse. 530 00:23:59,891 --> 00:24:01,045 Do this, do that. 531 00:24:01,045 --> 00:24:03,760 - I promised Sarah that I would get my job back, Roland. 532 00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:05,481 - Don't panic. 533 00:24:05,481 --> 00:24:07,490 This Beatrice woman is gorgeous. 534 00:24:07,490 --> 00:24:08,351 You know what I'm like. 535 00:24:08,351 --> 00:24:09,715 We'll be working late one night, 536 00:24:09,715 --> 00:24:10,865 prepping a function or something, 537 00:24:10,865 --> 00:24:11,781 I'll end up knobing her. 538 00:24:11,781 --> 00:24:12,835 She'll be gone in a month. 539 00:24:12,835 --> 00:24:13,925 (coughing in background) 540 00:24:13,925 --> 00:24:14,758 - Roland. 541 00:24:15,673 --> 00:24:16,506 - What? 542 00:24:17,696 --> 00:24:20,779 - I think everyone can still hear us. 543 00:24:26,155 --> 00:24:28,988 (crowd murmuring) 544 00:24:35,734 --> 00:24:36,567 - Shit! 545 00:24:37,894 --> 00:24:40,293 - [Man] One, two, three... 546 00:24:40,293 --> 00:24:43,210 (upbeat pop music) 547 00:24:47,104 --> 00:24:48,166 Oh, shit. 548 00:24:48,166 --> 00:24:48,999 Oh, shit, 549 00:24:50,103 --> 00:24:51,763 Oh, shit. 550 00:24:51,763 --> 00:24:53,513 Oh, shit, shit, shit. 551 00:24:56,620 --> 00:24:57,942 This is bad. 552 00:24:57,942 --> 00:24:59,490 - It's really, really bad. 553 00:24:59,490 --> 00:25:00,907 - This is so bad. 554 00:25:03,968 --> 00:25:06,301 (laughing) 555 00:25:20,473 --> 00:25:23,556 ♫ Those weepin' eyes 556 00:25:24,414 --> 00:25:27,497 ♫ Those weepin' eyes 557 00:25:28,521 --> 00:25:31,604 ♫ Those weepin' eyes 558 00:25:32,789 --> 00:25:35,872 ♫ Those weepin' eyes 559 00:25:36,737 --> 00:25:39,654 (crowd applauding) 560 00:25:44,110 --> 00:25:45,110 - All right? 561 00:25:46,044 --> 00:25:48,877 (crowd murmuring) 562 00:25:56,130 --> 00:25:59,047 (upbeat pop music) 563 00:26:12,486 --> 00:26:15,986 ♫ I never can say goodbye 564 00:26:17,471 --> 00:26:20,256 ♫ No, no, no, no, I 565 00:26:20,256 --> 00:26:23,756 ♫ I never can say goodbye 566 00:26:25,917 --> 00:26:30,259 ♫ Every time I think I've had enough 567 00:26:30,259 --> 00:26:33,943 ♫ And start heading for the door 568 00:26:33,943 --> 00:26:37,347 ♫ There's a very strange vibration 569 00:26:37,347 --> 00:26:41,454 ♫ Piercing me right to the core 570 00:26:41,454 --> 00:26:44,819 ♫ It says turn around you fool 571 00:26:44,819 --> 00:26:48,977 ♫ You know you love her more and more 572 00:26:48,977 --> 00:26:51,177 ♫ Tell me why 573 00:26:51,177 --> 00:26:54,427 ♫ Tell me why is it so 574 00:26:55,721 --> 00:26:58,923 ♫ Don't want to let you go 575 00:26:58,923 --> 00:27:02,929 ♫ No, I never can say goodbye, boy 576 00:27:02,929 --> 00:27:06,212 ♫ Ooh, no, no 577 00:27:06,212 --> 00:27:08,855 ♫ I never can say goodbye 578 00:27:08,855 --> 00:27:09,906 ♫ No, no, no 579 00:27:09,906 --> 00:27:11,781 ♫ No, no, no, no, no, no 580 00:27:11,781 --> 00:27:14,227 ♫ Ooh, ooh 581 00:27:14,227 --> 00:27:18,023 ♫ I never can say goodbye, boy 582 00:27:18,023 --> 00:27:20,773 ♫ Ooh, never, no 583 00:27:21,726 --> 00:27:23,999 ♫ I never can say goodbye 584 00:27:23,999 --> 00:27:25,047 ♫ No, no, no 585 00:27:25,047 --> 00:27:26,878 ♫ No, no, no, no, no, no 586 00:27:26,878 --> 00:27:28,594 ♫ Ooh, ooh 587 00:27:28,594 --> 00:27:32,594 (crowd applauding and cheering) 588 00:27:33,999 --> 00:27:35,249 - The thing is, 589 00:27:37,017 --> 00:27:38,017 in Australia 590 00:27:41,086 --> 00:27:43,796 everything is dangerous. 591 00:27:43,796 --> 00:27:44,629 Sharks, 592 00:27:45,474 --> 00:27:46,307 snakes, 593 00:27:47,460 --> 00:27:49,690 murderers in the outback. 594 00:27:49,690 --> 00:27:52,788 That couple who disappeared? 595 00:27:52,788 --> 00:27:55,288 Could have been you and Sarah. 596 00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:00,708 - Dingoes steal our baby! 597 00:28:00,708 --> 00:28:02,771 (laughing) 598 00:28:02,771 --> 00:28:03,604 - Yes! 599 00:28:03,604 --> 00:28:04,521 See, dingo. 600 00:28:06,380 --> 00:28:07,713 Steal your baby. 601 00:28:09,099 --> 00:28:09,932 - Hmm. 602 00:28:12,937 --> 00:28:17,104 - You don't want to go all the way out there, Bib. 603 00:28:18,822 --> 00:28:20,739 Much better right here. 604 00:28:23,965 --> 00:28:26,632 It's good to have you back, Bib. 605 00:28:30,891 --> 00:28:35,110 - It's good to have you, too, back, Roland. 606 00:28:35,110 --> 00:28:37,945 (glasses clinking) 607 00:28:37,945 --> 00:28:39,028 The nice you. 608 00:28:59,968 --> 00:29:01,301 - Love you, Bib. 609 00:29:05,284 --> 00:29:07,201 - Love you too, Roland. 610 00:29:09,781 --> 00:29:12,864 - You'll do breakfast tomorrow, yeah? 611 00:29:17,052 --> 00:29:20,302 ♫ Oh, what do you know 612 00:29:22,459 --> 00:29:25,623 ♫ Since there's nothing above 613 00:29:25,623 --> 00:29:29,623 ♫ There must be something below 614 00:29:30,808 --> 00:29:34,975 ♫ So take those pictures off the wall 615 00:29:37,385 --> 00:29:40,357 ♫ No one will believe you till 616 00:29:40,357 --> 00:29:44,524 ♫ Your world starts to fall down