1 00:00:01,176 --> 00:00:04,093 (electronic music) 2 00:00:07,455 --> 00:00:10,038 (upbeat music) 3 00:00:50,586 --> 00:00:52,684 - Morning. - Morning. 4 00:00:52,684 --> 00:00:54,276 - This is a beautiful spot. 5 00:00:54,276 --> 00:00:56,951 - Yeah, yeah, I suppose so. 6 00:00:56,951 --> 00:00:59,004 Bit creepy, though. 7 00:00:59,004 --> 00:01:01,609 The previous owner's wife, she hanged herself 8 00:01:01,609 --> 00:01:02,954 around here somewhere. 9 00:01:02,954 --> 00:01:04,428 - Oh. 10 00:01:04,428 --> 00:01:05,595 Still, pretty. 11 00:01:06,504 --> 00:01:08,558 - Yeah, really. 12 00:01:08,558 --> 00:01:11,350 Scattered her ashes all around, you know? 13 00:01:11,350 --> 00:01:13,784 And built her a bench. 14 00:01:13,784 --> 00:01:15,872 Odd choice of memorial, I've always thought, 15 00:01:15,872 --> 00:01:19,967 'cause obviously she needed some sort of chair to... 16 00:01:19,967 --> 00:01:21,557 - Oh, feel a bit awful now, 17 00:01:21,557 --> 00:01:23,772 I've been dropping my ash everywhere. 18 00:01:23,772 --> 00:01:25,856 - Oh, she wouldn't mind, keep her company. 19 00:01:25,856 --> 00:01:27,443 (laughing) 20 00:01:27,443 --> 00:01:29,360 - I'm Alison. - Roland. 21 00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:31,913 Hi. - Hi. 22 00:01:35,519 --> 00:01:37,528 - Well I'd better get to work. 23 00:01:37,528 --> 00:01:39,401 I'll leave you in the capable hands 24 00:01:39,401 --> 00:01:43,234 of Colonel Peter Everett, a lifelong villager. 25 00:01:44,630 --> 00:01:46,547 It was the wrong bench. 26 00:02:03,825 --> 00:02:04,658 - Seen that? 27 00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:06,897 Got one of those outside. 28 00:02:06,897 --> 00:02:08,897 Goes 228 miles per hour. 29 00:02:10,167 --> 00:02:11,823 - Must be handy. 30 00:02:11,823 --> 00:02:15,042 Seeing as our national speed limit is 70 miles an hour. 31 00:02:15,042 --> 00:02:17,369 - Take it on the Autobahn. 32 00:02:17,369 --> 00:02:19,786 - Yes, of course. In Germany. 33 00:02:22,165 --> 00:02:24,816 Skoose, I can see how excited you are by Top Car magazine. 34 00:02:24,816 --> 00:02:27,407 How many canapes have you actually done, please? 35 00:02:27,407 --> 00:02:28,240 - Oh, um. 36 00:02:30,226 --> 00:02:32,809 Four (mumbles) 37 00:02:40,419 --> 00:02:41,252 14. 38 00:02:42,221 --> 00:02:43,054 - 14! 39 00:02:43,957 --> 00:02:45,615 14. 40 00:02:45,615 --> 00:02:47,087 14. 41 00:02:47,087 --> 00:02:49,314 You do realize we've gotta get through 800 of these, yes? 42 00:02:49,314 --> 00:02:50,774 - I know, boring, innit? 43 00:02:50,774 --> 00:02:52,654 So what do you drive? 44 00:02:52,654 --> 00:02:54,237 Three-wheeler? - No. 45 00:02:56,058 --> 00:02:57,920 I drive a Hyundai Accent. 46 00:02:57,920 --> 00:02:59,170 What? - Nothing. 47 00:03:00,188 --> 00:03:02,036 Just a shit-- - Yeah, 48 00:03:02,036 --> 00:03:04,100 they are shit, aren't they? 49 00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:07,236 If by shit you mean getting 47.3 miles per gallon 50 00:03:07,236 --> 00:03:09,494 and being rated one of the safest European cars 51 00:03:09,494 --> 00:03:11,161 in its weight class. 52 00:03:12,769 --> 00:03:13,602 - Wow. 53 00:03:14,632 --> 00:03:17,128 That must get you laid. 54 00:03:17,128 --> 00:03:20,165 - I'm married, Skoose, don't need to get laid. 55 00:03:20,165 --> 00:03:23,411 - I tried to steal a car when I was 14. 56 00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:26,994 There was an Alsatian sleeping in the back. 57 00:03:28,706 --> 00:03:29,706 16 stitches. 58 00:03:31,723 --> 00:03:33,234 - Hmm. 59 00:03:33,234 --> 00:03:36,234 And the wheel of justice turns, hmm? 60 00:03:43,917 --> 00:03:45,167 - Missed a bit. 61 00:03:46,031 --> 00:03:46,864 - What? 62 00:03:47,753 --> 00:03:49,268 - Nothing, I just said, 63 00:03:49,268 --> 00:03:50,713 you're doing a great job. 64 00:03:50,713 --> 00:03:52,976 - What, you think I wash cars, do ya? 65 00:03:52,976 --> 00:03:55,905 - Well, only 'cause you're-- - I'm a kickboxer, I am. 66 00:03:55,905 --> 00:03:56,738 - Good. 67 00:03:59,198 --> 00:04:01,255 - Didn't expect that one, did you? 68 00:04:01,255 --> 00:04:02,157 - No, I didn't. 69 00:04:02,157 --> 00:04:03,639 - So you here for the car thing? 70 00:04:03,639 --> 00:04:05,121 - No, I'm the head chef. 71 00:04:05,121 --> 00:04:07,223 - Oh, you got any knives on you? 72 00:04:07,223 --> 00:04:09,151 - They're in the kitchen. 73 00:04:09,151 --> 00:04:09,984 Locked up. 74 00:04:10,858 --> 00:04:13,034 - This is the test car, this is. 75 00:04:13,034 --> 00:04:14,581 It's my job to keep it clean. 76 00:04:14,581 --> 00:04:16,287 In case people want to have a drive in it. 77 00:04:16,287 --> 00:04:17,455 Do you want to have a drive now? 78 00:04:17,455 --> 00:04:19,246 I've got the key. 79 00:04:19,246 --> 00:04:20,413 - Maybe later. 80 00:04:21,690 --> 00:04:22,857 Thanks anyway. 81 00:04:28,294 --> 00:04:30,287 ♫ We built this city 82 00:04:30,287 --> 00:04:34,029 ♫ We built this city on rock and roll 83 00:04:34,029 --> 00:04:35,862 ♫ Oh 84 00:04:37,163 --> 00:04:40,157 ♫ Someone's always playin' 85 00:04:40,157 --> 00:04:42,673 ♫ Corporation games 86 00:04:42,673 --> 00:04:44,088 ♫ Someone 87 00:04:44,088 --> 00:04:45,129 All right? 88 00:04:45,129 --> 00:04:46,638 - Yeah, I'm good, how are you? 89 00:04:46,638 --> 00:04:49,995 - Yeah, good, just getting the stuff for your demo. 90 00:04:49,995 --> 00:04:52,449 What actually is Aslan fusion? 91 00:04:52,449 --> 00:04:55,634 - Asian. - Yeah, but what is it? 92 00:04:55,634 --> 00:04:59,097 - No, that says Asian fusion, not Aslan fusion. 93 00:04:59,097 --> 00:05:01,190 Why would there be something called Aslan fusion? 94 00:05:01,190 --> 00:05:02,183 - I don't know, you wrote it. 95 00:05:02,183 --> 00:05:04,227 - No, I wrote Asian. 96 00:05:04,227 --> 00:05:05,060 Forget it. 97 00:05:06,043 --> 00:05:09,542 - Listen, still okay without me for a couple of hours? 98 00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:10,375 - When? 99 00:05:10,375 --> 00:05:13,601 - This afternoon, my appointment. 100 00:05:13,601 --> 00:05:14,934 - Oh, the old... 101 00:05:15,976 --> 00:05:17,661 - The fertility clinic, yes. 102 00:05:17,661 --> 00:05:19,285 - Yeah, well, if you absolutely have to go, Bib, 103 00:05:19,285 --> 00:05:20,948 not much I can do about it, is there? 104 00:05:20,948 --> 00:05:23,173 - Well, I do, yes, we, 105 00:05:23,173 --> 00:05:25,170 yeah, we're trying to have a baby and it's not happening, 106 00:05:25,170 --> 00:05:27,448 Roland, and we do need to find out why, so. 107 00:05:27,448 --> 00:05:28,827 We've tried all the other stuff. 108 00:05:28,827 --> 00:05:31,730 All the Chinese herbs and lunar charts 109 00:05:31,730 --> 00:05:33,230 and ovulation sex. 110 00:05:34,228 --> 00:05:36,337 - Ovu-, what's that? 111 00:05:36,337 --> 00:05:38,283 - It's just, it's where 112 00:05:38,283 --> 00:05:40,589 you and your wife only have sexual intercourse 113 00:05:40,589 --> 00:05:43,077 when the lady is cresting, 114 00:05:43,077 --> 00:05:46,142 during her ovulation cycle. 115 00:05:46,142 --> 00:05:46,975 - Wow. 116 00:05:47,908 --> 00:05:49,792 Maybe you should get a different wife. 117 00:05:49,792 --> 00:05:50,625 - Yeah. 118 00:05:50,625 --> 00:05:52,625 Very good, very helpful. 119 00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:55,020 - You're nervous. 120 00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:20,557 You're nervous, there's no need to be. 121 00:06:20,557 --> 00:06:22,656 You've done it a million times before. 122 00:06:22,656 --> 00:06:25,156 Nice warm room, mood lighting. 123 00:06:26,085 --> 00:06:29,781 I've heard they give you literature. 124 00:06:29,781 --> 00:06:30,864 - Literature? 125 00:06:31,964 --> 00:06:33,512 - Yeah, tit mags. 126 00:06:33,512 --> 00:06:35,179 Not The Kite Runner. 127 00:06:36,202 --> 00:06:37,865 - See, the whole thing is weird. 128 00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:39,692 Cubicles, magazine, it's like some 129 00:06:39,692 --> 00:06:41,877 nightmarish Nazi sex facility. 130 00:06:41,877 --> 00:06:44,395 - Do it here, then. - What? 131 00:06:44,395 --> 00:06:46,444 - What is it, 30 minutes, the natural life of a sperm cell? 132 00:06:46,444 --> 00:06:48,124 Just do it here, drop it off. 133 00:06:48,124 --> 00:06:49,951 My mate Dave Spicer, he knocked one out at home, 134 00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:53,865 got his adopted son to drop it off on his bike. 135 00:06:53,865 --> 00:06:56,003 - Can you do that? 136 00:06:56,003 --> 00:06:57,346 - There you go. 137 00:06:57,346 --> 00:06:59,427 - Good morning, chefs. - Good morning, Caroline. 138 00:06:59,427 --> 00:07:01,319 You look all fresh. - Thank you. 139 00:07:01,319 --> 00:07:03,588 - Had your face peeled? - No, you had yours inflated? 140 00:07:03,588 --> 00:07:05,585 - Hear that, Bib? - Yeah. 141 00:07:05,585 --> 00:07:07,067 It's like an episode of Moonlighting. 142 00:07:07,067 --> 00:07:09,027 - Ah, if only you were Bruce Willis. 143 00:07:09,027 --> 00:07:11,377 Or anyone, really, Bruce Forsyth. 144 00:07:11,377 --> 00:07:13,785 I need the canapes for the function, 145 00:07:13,785 --> 00:07:15,520 and you need to be in the marquee to set up 146 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:17,449 your mise en place for the demo. 147 00:07:17,449 --> 00:07:18,282 - You want to come and watch, Caroline? 148 00:07:18,282 --> 00:07:20,737 I'll be doing some fancy moves, might get you going. 149 00:07:20,737 --> 00:07:22,987 - Oh, sadly, I've got a restaurant to run. 150 00:07:22,987 --> 00:07:24,431 But do video it for me 151 00:07:24,431 --> 00:07:28,598 so that I can pleasure myself to it later in the bath. 152 00:07:31,156 --> 00:07:32,532 - Right, stick Skoose in charge. 153 00:07:32,532 --> 00:07:34,929 I'll see you at the marquee in five. 154 00:07:34,929 --> 00:07:38,730 - So, uh, what exactly is Aslan fusion? 155 00:07:38,730 --> 00:07:40,464 - It's basically your classic cuisine 156 00:07:40,464 --> 00:07:43,026 from CS Lewis's The Narnia Chronicles. 157 00:07:43,026 --> 00:07:46,276 So there's stag, holly, slices of horn. 158 00:07:49,144 --> 00:07:51,394 Right, Skoose, you're in... 159 00:07:52,675 --> 00:07:55,342 (upbeat music) 160 00:08:06,799 --> 00:08:08,840 - Okay, now this is a very simple, 161 00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:10,941 very beautiful Thai noodle dish. 162 00:08:10,941 --> 00:08:14,074 It's made with shiitake mushrooms and baby corn, 163 00:08:14,074 --> 00:08:16,918 from a recipe that I picked up when I was over in Bangkok. 164 00:08:16,918 --> 00:08:18,127 And I can tell you, lads, 165 00:08:18,127 --> 00:08:20,155 this one is very popular with the ladies. 166 00:08:20,155 --> 00:08:23,141 Or as I found out later that evening, with a ladyboy. 167 00:08:23,141 --> 00:08:24,484 (laughing) 168 00:08:24,484 --> 00:08:25,317 I know. 169 00:08:26,231 --> 00:08:28,711 - You okay there, Celia? - Hm? 170 00:08:28,711 --> 00:08:29,544 Oh, yes. 171 00:08:32,060 --> 00:08:33,477 Do you sell cars? 172 00:08:34,462 --> 00:08:37,784 - No, no, I'm Roland's sous chef, Bib. 173 00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:39,155 Worked here for years. 174 00:08:39,155 --> 00:08:41,158 We've met 50, 60 times. 175 00:08:41,158 --> 00:08:42,702 - (laughing) Of course. 176 00:08:42,702 --> 00:08:44,425 I didn't recognize you in your-- 177 00:08:44,425 --> 00:08:48,008 - No, of course, yes, it must be confusing. 178 00:08:49,016 --> 00:08:51,467 - He's good, isn't he? (laughing) 179 00:08:51,467 --> 00:08:52,384 Yes, he is. 180 00:08:53,232 --> 00:08:55,892 - All this Chinese-y stuff. 181 00:08:55,892 --> 00:08:57,670 Very exotic. 182 00:08:57,670 --> 00:08:59,732 My Jack used to say there are two things 183 00:08:59,732 --> 00:09:02,638 the Asians do better than anyone else. 184 00:09:02,638 --> 00:09:04,396 Food and whores. 185 00:09:04,396 --> 00:09:06,710 (audience applauding) 186 00:09:06,710 --> 00:09:08,710 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 187 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:12,913 - [Kiki] Very nice. 188 00:09:12,913 --> 00:09:14,898 - [Axel] I've had to wear it since I was about 11. 189 00:09:14,898 --> 00:09:16,648 - It's really pretty. 190 00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:20,680 I wish I was allergic to penicillin. 191 00:09:22,037 --> 00:09:23,870 - Oi, Axel, come here. 192 00:09:31,622 --> 00:09:33,059 - Yeah? 193 00:09:33,059 --> 00:09:35,267 - What do you call this? 194 00:09:35,267 --> 00:09:37,620 - Um, a Hollandaise. 195 00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:39,183 - Is it? 196 00:09:39,183 --> 00:09:40,690 Looks like custard. 197 00:09:40,690 --> 00:09:42,523 Do it again, Mr. Bean. 198 00:09:43,641 --> 00:09:46,888 - Whoa, all right, why are you being a dick? 199 00:09:46,888 --> 00:09:49,055 - Why am I being a dick... 200 00:09:50,272 --> 00:09:51,105 Chef? 201 00:09:54,811 --> 00:09:57,228 (clattering) 202 00:10:04,724 --> 00:10:06,300 - All right, Kiki? 203 00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:07,133 - Wow. 204 00:10:09,328 --> 00:10:12,071 - I've been left in charge. - Have you? 205 00:10:12,071 --> 00:10:14,345 I could tell there was something different about you. 206 00:10:14,345 --> 00:10:17,070 It's like you look taller or something. 207 00:10:17,070 --> 00:10:19,047 - That's probably the hat. 208 00:10:19,047 --> 00:10:20,187 - Maybe. 209 00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:21,187 Take it off. 210 00:10:23,639 --> 00:10:25,746 Oh, yeah, it is the hat. 211 00:10:25,746 --> 00:10:27,651 You look really weird now. 212 00:10:27,651 --> 00:10:28,484 Tiny head. 213 00:10:29,676 --> 00:10:33,759 You look like a little baby bird, put it back on. 214 00:10:35,624 --> 00:10:37,495 Oh, that's better. 215 00:10:37,495 --> 00:10:38,495 Normal head. 216 00:10:40,494 --> 00:10:44,161 Oh, I would absolutely love a hat like that. 217 00:10:47,150 --> 00:10:50,191 (clattering) 218 00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:53,608 - I'm not gonna miss it, baby, I promise. 219 00:10:54,522 --> 00:10:56,076 What? 220 00:10:56,076 --> 00:10:59,326 No, that's fine, they've got magazines. 221 00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:03,661 Well, I have to look at something. 222 00:11:04,690 --> 00:11:08,522 I don't have a picture of you, baby. 223 00:11:08,522 --> 00:11:10,939 Yeah, excellent, text me one. 224 00:11:17,073 --> 00:11:18,990 - Who am I, who's this? 225 00:11:20,610 --> 00:11:21,800 - Tommy Cooper. 226 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:23,193 (laughing) 227 00:11:23,193 --> 00:11:24,646 - I'll give you a clue. 228 00:11:24,646 --> 00:11:27,988 I'm from Boston. (groaning) 229 00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:29,191 - The Boston Strangler? 230 00:11:29,191 --> 00:11:31,108 - Very good, 10 points. 231 00:11:33,405 --> 00:11:37,374 Be good though, wouldn't they, for strangling women? 232 00:11:37,374 --> 00:11:39,760 - Yes, yes, they would. 233 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:43,111 - The car boys just gave them to me, for free. 234 00:11:43,111 --> 00:11:44,194 Calf's belly. 235 00:11:45,768 --> 00:11:46,601 Feel. 236 00:11:50,305 --> 00:11:52,354 - Roland, I've absolutely got to get going. 237 00:11:52,354 --> 00:11:53,618 I've had Sarah on the phone-- 238 00:11:53,618 --> 00:11:54,856 - Yeah, all right. - Do what you want-- 239 00:11:54,856 --> 00:11:56,878 - All right, balloon bollocks, off you go, then. 240 00:11:56,878 --> 00:11:58,018 - Yeah. - Think of England. 241 00:11:58,018 --> 00:11:59,911 - Right, okay. - Yeah. 242 00:11:59,911 --> 00:12:01,578 - Yep, I'm doing it. 243 00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:03,742 Wait. 244 00:12:03,742 --> 00:12:04,608 - What? 245 00:12:04,608 --> 00:12:06,163 I've been chopping chilies. 246 00:12:06,163 --> 00:12:07,427 - I can't... 247 00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:08,519 - Oh. 248 00:12:08,519 --> 00:12:09,352 Yeah. 249 00:12:10,743 --> 00:12:12,173 Um, 250 00:12:12,173 --> 00:12:14,723 Celia? - Yes, darling? 251 00:12:14,723 --> 00:12:15,640 - Could Bib 252 00:12:17,289 --> 00:12:19,564 borrow your lovely new driving gloves? 253 00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:20,949 - Of course he can. 254 00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:24,048 You going somewhere nice? - Not really. 255 00:12:24,048 --> 00:12:26,179 - They're calf's belly. 256 00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:27,712 Very soft. 257 00:12:27,712 --> 00:12:30,379 (upbeat music) 258 00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:51,641 - Gonna have a wank in that? 259 00:12:51,641 --> 00:12:52,619 - What? 260 00:12:52,619 --> 00:12:55,036 How, why would you say that? 261 00:12:55,036 --> 00:12:57,544 - Just a guess, you are, though, aren't ya? 262 00:12:57,544 --> 00:12:58,961 - That is insane. 263 00:13:00,195 --> 00:13:03,782 This is for a peanut sauce that I'm making. 264 00:13:03,782 --> 00:13:04,849 - Not made much. 265 00:13:04,849 --> 00:13:06,628 - No, I haven't made much. 266 00:13:06,628 --> 00:13:10,733 And why would I, if this is for a trial taste test? 267 00:13:10,733 --> 00:13:13,483 - Why you wearing driving gloves? 268 00:13:15,124 --> 00:13:17,291 - Allergic to the peanuts. 269 00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:22,132 (upbeat music) 270 00:13:35,883 --> 00:13:38,300 (Bib groans) 271 00:13:41,323 --> 00:13:42,156 No! 272 00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:46,775 No, no, no, no, no! 273 00:13:59,820 --> 00:14:01,254 It's broken. 274 00:14:01,254 --> 00:14:03,530 - Hmm? - Look, stupid key is broken. 275 00:14:03,530 --> 00:14:06,902 I need to get to the clinic. - Ha. 276 00:14:06,902 --> 00:14:09,654 - Get Skoose to run you. 277 00:14:09,654 --> 00:14:11,337 All right, then, take a golf buggy. 278 00:14:11,337 --> 00:14:13,779 - To a fertility clinic? - It's only up the road. 279 00:14:13,779 --> 00:14:15,195 - Right, yeah, good idea, 280 00:14:15,195 --> 00:14:16,434 'cause I was thinking that the whole 281 00:14:16,434 --> 00:14:18,302 going to a municipal building 282 00:14:18,302 --> 00:14:19,877 to hand a woman I've never met before 283 00:14:19,877 --> 00:14:21,573 a cup of my still-warm semen 284 00:14:21,573 --> 00:14:23,376 might not be humiliating enough. 285 00:14:23,376 --> 00:14:26,439 - Just a suggestion. - Well, 286 00:14:26,439 --> 00:14:27,843 I've got another suggestion. 287 00:14:27,843 --> 00:14:29,144 Why don't we call my nan, 288 00:14:29,144 --> 00:14:32,811 see if she wants to come along for the ride? 289 00:14:33,786 --> 00:14:35,240 - I think I might be able to help you, Bib. 290 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:38,061 Just give me five minutes. - Five minutes? 291 00:14:38,061 --> 00:14:41,450 Roland, I haven't got five, the clock is ticking. 292 00:14:41,450 --> 00:14:44,663 - Just knock another one out. - Another one, what are you... 293 00:14:44,663 --> 00:14:47,080 I'm not Tom Jones! - Come on, 294 00:14:48,434 --> 00:14:49,267 there's gotta be little bit left 295 00:14:49,267 --> 00:14:51,934 in the old tank for emergencies. 296 00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:59,396 (engine revving) 297 00:15:13,488 --> 00:15:15,281 - Going my way? 298 00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:16,781 - Oh, hello again. 299 00:15:19,751 --> 00:15:20,796 - Nice car. 300 00:15:20,796 --> 00:15:23,225 - Yes, yes, it is indeed. 301 00:15:23,225 --> 00:15:24,770 Pretty quick, these things. 302 00:15:24,770 --> 00:15:28,628 I don't know if you know anything about cars at all. 303 00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:31,555 Air bags both sides, twin valves, 304 00:15:31,555 --> 00:15:33,564 overhead cam shaft. 305 00:15:33,564 --> 00:15:36,147 Does nought to 60 very quickly. 306 00:15:37,379 --> 00:15:38,212 - Right. 307 00:15:39,367 --> 00:15:42,562 - Listen to this. (creaking) 308 00:15:42,562 --> 00:15:43,812 That's leather. 309 00:15:44,759 --> 00:15:46,770 - Wow, you really know your cars. 310 00:15:46,770 --> 00:15:47,603 - Uh huh. 311 00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:51,633 (pop music) 312 00:16:03,693 --> 00:16:04,526 Loud. 313 00:16:05,653 --> 00:16:07,570 Have to get that fixed. 314 00:16:08,682 --> 00:16:11,733 - Congratulations on your demo, by the way. 315 00:16:11,733 --> 00:16:13,856 - Oh, you saw that? 316 00:16:13,856 --> 00:16:15,876 - You were very funny. 317 00:16:15,876 --> 00:16:17,546 - Thank you. 318 00:16:17,546 --> 00:16:19,350 So you work for these guys, then? 319 00:16:19,350 --> 00:16:22,100 - I'm head of European promotion. 320 00:16:24,112 --> 00:16:25,634 - Wow. 321 00:16:25,634 --> 00:16:27,154 - Yeah, I booked the whole thing. 322 00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:29,404 This place, all these cars, 323 00:16:30,826 --> 00:16:31,659 you. 324 00:16:33,928 --> 00:16:36,928 - Well, thank you. - You're welcome. 325 00:16:39,695 --> 00:16:42,787 - Well, since you've booked me, um, perhaps 326 00:16:42,787 --> 00:16:44,707 I could cook you dinner tonight? 327 00:16:44,707 --> 00:16:46,990 - Well, we have paid for the whole day, so-- 328 00:16:46,990 --> 00:16:49,811 - No, I mean a special dinner, just for you. 329 00:16:49,811 --> 00:16:53,317 Separate table, away from all the plebs. 330 00:16:53,317 --> 00:16:55,361 - That would be nice. 331 00:16:55,361 --> 00:16:56,194 Thank you. 332 00:16:57,946 --> 00:17:01,113 (knocking at window) 333 00:17:07,437 --> 00:17:09,573 - That it, then? 334 00:17:09,573 --> 00:17:11,106 - Yes, yes, it is. 335 00:17:11,106 --> 00:17:13,361 - Did you get much? - Fair bit. 336 00:17:13,361 --> 00:17:16,130 - Told you, how were the gloves? 337 00:17:16,130 --> 00:17:17,797 - Can we just drive? 338 00:17:20,427 --> 00:17:22,283 - Amazing, innit? 339 00:17:22,283 --> 00:17:24,247 The serum of life. 340 00:17:24,247 --> 00:17:27,564 Just think, there could be millions of little Bibs in there. 341 00:17:27,564 --> 00:17:31,760 I suppose for you, just one would be nice. 342 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,868 Why don't you work? 343 00:17:33,868 --> 00:17:35,501 Swim, you little bastards. 344 00:17:35,501 --> 00:17:37,373 Stop giving your old man a hard time. 345 00:17:37,373 --> 00:17:40,147 - Okay, suddenly got a bit weird. 346 00:17:40,147 --> 00:17:42,183 (tires squealing) 347 00:17:42,183 --> 00:17:43,620 (quacking) 348 00:17:43,620 --> 00:17:46,370 (both groaning) 349 00:17:57,391 --> 00:18:00,866 - Right, Kiki, we've got 63 in today, so if we-- 350 00:18:00,866 --> 00:18:05,490 - Hello, Calorine, my name's Hank Da Handkerchief. 351 00:18:05,490 --> 00:18:06,925 - All right, yes. 352 00:18:06,925 --> 00:18:09,257 If we could just fold them into rectangles. 353 00:18:09,257 --> 00:18:11,894 - Please don't fold me into rectangle-eez. 354 00:18:11,894 --> 00:18:14,271 - Kiki-- - It kills me. 355 00:18:14,271 --> 00:18:16,933 - Right, give me that. - No, stop, you're hurting me! 356 00:18:16,933 --> 00:18:18,787 - Give me-- - You're pulling my hair! 357 00:18:18,787 --> 00:18:20,138 Ow, ow! 358 00:18:20,138 --> 00:18:20,971 Ow! 359 00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:24,850 (Kiki gasping) 360 00:18:26,164 --> 00:18:28,997 (Kiki whimpering) 361 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,632 - Do you think they got enough? 362 00:18:45,632 --> 00:18:47,242 You know, to do their tests? 363 00:18:47,242 --> 00:18:49,096 - Yeah, course, they only need a couple, don't they? 364 00:18:49,096 --> 00:18:51,216 - How'd it feel? 365 00:18:51,216 --> 00:18:52,739 - What? 366 00:18:52,739 --> 00:18:53,906 - Nice, innit? 367 00:18:55,238 --> 00:18:56,821 - Oh, the car, yes. 368 00:18:57,729 --> 00:18:59,162 Yeah, good, nice, brilliant. 369 00:18:59,162 --> 00:19:00,988 Red. - Lovely and fast. 370 00:19:00,988 --> 00:19:02,988 - I'm a kickboxer, I am. 371 00:19:04,421 --> 00:19:05,254 - Good. 372 00:19:07,743 --> 00:19:09,493 - You a chef an' all? 373 00:19:11,732 --> 00:19:13,115 What's your favorite food? 374 00:19:13,115 --> 00:19:16,666 - Uh, grilled sea bass. - Second-favorite food? 375 00:19:16,666 --> 00:19:18,325 - Lemon tart. - First favorite drink? 376 00:19:18,325 --> 00:19:21,575 - We've got to get back to the kitchen. 377 00:19:29,634 --> 00:19:32,444 - [Kickboxer] Oi, what's this on the seat? 378 00:19:32,444 --> 00:19:33,277 - What? 379 00:19:33,277 --> 00:19:34,724 - [Kickboxer] There's a big mark on the leather. 380 00:19:34,724 --> 00:19:36,385 - That was there when we got in. 381 00:19:36,385 --> 00:19:38,218 - It's not comin' out! 382 00:19:49,923 --> 00:19:52,127 - Check on, chef. 383 00:19:52,127 --> 00:19:53,673 - All right, listen up, ca marche. 384 00:19:53,673 --> 00:19:55,028 Two veal, one John Dory, 385 00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:57,235 two ravioli, one duck terrine, yes? 386 00:19:57,235 --> 00:19:59,735 - Yes, chef. - Check on, chef. 387 00:20:02,945 --> 00:20:06,064 - [Bib] On order, three monkfish, one beef medium, yes? 388 00:20:06,064 --> 00:20:07,897 - [Several] Yes, chef. 389 00:20:10,768 --> 00:20:12,395 - Looks good, what are you making? 390 00:20:12,395 --> 00:20:14,897 - I'm doing Wagyu beef with a garlic shallot confit 391 00:20:14,897 --> 00:20:17,393 and a stack of boulanger potatoes. 392 00:20:17,393 --> 00:20:19,599 - Wow, that your dinner? 393 00:20:19,599 --> 00:20:20,432 - No. 394 00:20:21,903 --> 00:20:24,486 - Is it for Alison? - Might be. 395 00:20:25,376 --> 00:20:28,528 - Look at you, pulling out the big guns. 396 00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:30,579 Haven't seen you this gaga over a lady since-- 397 00:20:30,579 --> 00:20:32,643 - I'm only making her a meal, Bib. 398 00:20:32,643 --> 00:20:35,001 It's hardly a proposal. 399 00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:36,933 - Chef's got a girlfriend! 400 00:20:36,933 --> 00:20:38,827 - Ooh! - Yes, all right, 401 00:20:38,827 --> 00:20:41,880 boys, thank you, because we're all 12. 402 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:44,102 Maybe I'll get to snog her later down the disco. 403 00:20:44,102 --> 00:20:45,497 Or if I'm really lucky, I get 404 00:20:45,497 --> 00:20:48,645 to finger her behind the big bins. 405 00:20:48,645 --> 00:20:49,978 Hello, Caroline. 406 00:20:51,489 --> 00:20:52,966 - The function are being seated. 407 00:20:52,966 --> 00:20:54,939 Can I have the entrees, please? 408 00:20:54,939 --> 00:20:56,179 - Yep. 409 00:20:56,179 --> 00:20:57,374 - And Alison Harries is with them 410 00:20:57,374 --> 00:20:59,873 but saying something about a separate table. 411 00:20:59,873 --> 00:21:02,779 - Yeah, um, give her table six. 412 00:21:02,779 --> 00:21:06,161 And send out a bottle of Cristal, compliments of the chef. 413 00:21:06,161 --> 00:21:06,994 - What? 414 00:21:06,994 --> 00:21:08,948 - A little gift from me, I'm paying. 415 00:21:08,948 --> 00:21:11,865 - It's 180 quid a bottle. - Really? 416 00:21:12,875 --> 00:21:14,058 What have we got around 70 quid? 417 00:21:14,058 --> 00:21:16,824 - Moet. - A bottle of Moet. 418 00:21:16,824 --> 00:21:17,657 - Service! 419 00:21:19,437 --> 00:21:21,770 (murmuring) 420 00:21:26,816 --> 00:21:28,700 - [Roland] You won't be needing that. 421 00:21:28,700 --> 00:21:30,043 - Won't I? 422 00:21:30,043 --> 00:21:31,845 - Not tonight. 423 00:21:31,845 --> 00:21:35,363 As promised, I've prepared you something very special. 424 00:21:35,363 --> 00:21:36,863 - Okay. - Trust me? 425 00:21:38,034 --> 00:21:39,318 - Sure. 426 00:21:39,318 --> 00:21:40,151 Why not? 427 00:21:41,543 --> 00:21:43,126 - You look amazing. 428 00:21:44,661 --> 00:21:45,494 Sorry. 429 00:21:49,215 --> 00:21:51,382 - Compliments of the chef. 430 00:21:52,513 --> 00:21:53,346 - Me. 431 00:21:56,153 --> 00:21:57,228 Bib, that VIP entree, 432 00:21:57,228 --> 00:21:59,313 I want see it before it goes out, yeah? 433 00:21:59,313 --> 00:22:00,813 - [Bib] Yes, chef. 434 00:22:03,235 --> 00:22:04,068 - Hello. 435 00:22:04,985 --> 00:22:05,852 - Hello. 436 00:22:05,852 --> 00:22:07,723 - Planning on doing any work today? 437 00:22:07,723 --> 00:22:08,556 - What? 438 00:22:08,556 --> 00:22:10,728 - Well, you've been gone half the afternoon already, 439 00:22:10,728 --> 00:22:13,375 leaving Skoose in charge of the kitchen, might I add, 440 00:22:13,375 --> 00:22:15,311 which, to me, seems a bit like leaving Keith Moon 441 00:22:15,311 --> 00:22:17,047 at the controls of a helicopter gunship, 442 00:22:17,047 --> 00:22:18,872 and now you seem to be planning on spending 443 00:22:18,872 --> 00:22:22,115 the entire evening fraternizing with a guest. 444 00:22:22,115 --> 00:22:25,593 - Don't worry Caroline, I'll take you out one night. 445 00:22:25,593 --> 00:22:27,117 What's your scene? 446 00:22:27,117 --> 00:22:30,534 Indoor climbing, scampi at a lesbian pub? 447 00:22:32,276 --> 00:22:33,109 - Look, 448 00:22:34,383 --> 00:22:36,454 just be careful, Roland. 449 00:22:36,454 --> 00:22:37,287 - Pardon? 450 00:22:37,287 --> 00:22:39,254 - Alison Harries is a lovely girl. 451 00:22:39,254 --> 00:22:40,713 - Yeah, I know she is. 452 00:22:40,713 --> 00:22:41,546 - So, 453 00:22:42,970 --> 00:22:44,303 don't be a dick. 454 00:22:45,357 --> 00:22:46,190 - Okay. 455 00:22:46,190 --> 00:22:48,225 - Just treat her like a normal person. 456 00:22:48,225 --> 00:22:49,767 - She is a normal person, Caroline. 457 00:22:49,767 --> 00:22:52,404 - Exactly, that's all I'm saying. 458 00:22:52,404 --> 00:22:56,060 Don't make a big issue of it, she's very sensitive. 459 00:22:56,060 --> 00:23:00,408 Don't make any silly jokes, and don't stare at it. 460 00:23:00,408 --> 00:23:01,566 - Hmm? 461 00:23:01,566 --> 00:23:02,733 Stare at what? 462 00:23:05,077 --> 00:23:08,160 - Oh, for God's sake, Roland. - What? 463 00:23:09,664 --> 00:23:11,247 - The missing limb. 464 00:23:13,752 --> 00:23:14,669 - The what? 465 00:23:17,733 --> 00:23:19,766 - Can I take your sweater, madam? 466 00:23:19,766 --> 00:23:21,933 - No, I'm fine, thank you. 467 00:23:24,854 --> 00:23:26,187 - [Bib] Service! 468 00:23:33,404 --> 00:23:35,778 - She's got one arm. 469 00:23:35,778 --> 00:23:37,230 - Hmm? 470 00:23:37,230 --> 00:23:39,572 - She's only got one arm. 471 00:23:39,572 --> 00:23:41,020 - Who's only got one arm? 472 00:23:41,020 --> 00:23:43,618 - Alison, the lady that I like. 473 00:23:43,618 --> 00:23:44,451 - Okay. 474 00:23:45,301 --> 00:23:47,745 Is that a problem, why would that be a problem? 475 00:23:47,745 --> 00:23:50,995 - Well, because she's only got one arm. 476 00:23:51,829 --> 00:23:54,202 - Well, it doesn't matter, does it? 477 00:23:54,202 --> 00:23:55,726 Who cares if she's got only one arm? 478 00:23:55,726 --> 00:23:58,204 It doesn't make her any less pretty, does it? 479 00:23:58,204 --> 00:24:00,096 Doesn't make her any less funny or clever, 480 00:24:00,096 --> 00:24:04,077 all those things you said she was in the car. 481 00:24:04,077 --> 00:24:06,628 Doesn't make her any less of a woman. 482 00:24:06,628 --> 00:24:08,028 - Little bit less. 483 00:24:08,028 --> 00:24:09,084 - I thought you said you liked her. 484 00:24:09,084 --> 00:24:11,612 - Yeah, no, I do, I do like her. 485 00:24:11,612 --> 00:24:12,850 - Well then what's the problem? 486 00:24:12,850 --> 00:24:15,040 What are you waiting for? 487 00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:16,783 Don't be such a silly. 488 00:24:16,783 --> 00:24:19,054 Take the lady her dinner. 489 00:24:19,054 --> 00:24:21,301 - Yeah, no, you're right, Bib, who cares about that? 490 00:24:21,301 --> 00:24:23,177 It's only an arm. 491 00:24:23,177 --> 00:24:24,918 She's got another one. - There you go. 492 00:24:24,918 --> 00:24:26,313 - This the girl with the cardie? 493 00:24:26,313 --> 00:24:27,405 - Yeah. 494 00:24:27,405 --> 00:24:29,323 - She's fit, Chef, nice-looking woman. 495 00:24:29,323 --> 00:24:30,615 I'd get her down on all threes. 496 00:24:30,615 --> 00:24:31,448 - Service! 497 00:24:35,060 --> 00:24:36,643 - Hi. - Hello again. 498 00:24:38,766 --> 00:24:40,417 - How's the bread? 499 00:24:40,417 --> 00:24:42,881 - (laughing) Really nice. 500 00:24:42,881 --> 00:24:43,964 - Good, good. 501 00:24:45,423 --> 00:24:47,930 What a lovely cardigan. 502 00:24:47,930 --> 00:24:49,058 - Thanks. 503 00:24:49,058 --> 00:24:51,971 - Really nice, really nice cardigan. 504 00:24:51,971 --> 00:24:54,827 What color would you call that? 505 00:24:54,827 --> 00:24:56,484 - Green. - Green. 506 00:24:56,484 --> 00:24:57,734 Good old green. 507 00:24:59,893 --> 00:25:01,476 Do you mind if I... 508 00:25:02,512 --> 00:25:04,370 That's gorgeous. 509 00:25:04,370 --> 00:25:05,703 - Yes, you said. 510 00:25:08,026 --> 00:25:09,892 - Kiki, excellent. 511 00:25:09,892 --> 00:25:11,341 - Your dinner, madam. 512 00:25:11,341 --> 00:25:13,950 - Ooh, what could it be? 513 00:25:13,950 --> 00:25:18,033 - Like I said, a special meal for a special lady. 514 00:25:23,811 --> 00:25:24,644 - Wow. 515 00:25:25,776 --> 00:25:28,443 - Wagyu beef, best in the world. 516 00:25:29,435 --> 00:25:30,268 - Right. 517 00:25:31,660 --> 00:25:35,827 And do you normally cut it up into bite-sized cubes? 518 00:25:38,374 --> 00:25:39,907 - Just thought it'd be easier. 519 00:25:39,907 --> 00:25:41,483 - Easier? 520 00:25:41,483 --> 00:25:44,057 - Y'know, with the old... 521 00:25:44,057 --> 00:25:45,848 - Are you joking? - Hmm? 522 00:25:45,848 --> 00:25:49,733 - Well, cutting up my food for me, like I'm a child. 523 00:25:49,733 --> 00:25:51,033 - No, I just thought-- - Roland, I broker 524 00:25:51,033 --> 00:25:53,149 multimillion-pound deals every week. 525 00:25:53,149 --> 00:25:55,560 I am capable of cutting up my own food. 526 00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:56,393 - How? 527 00:25:58,915 --> 00:26:01,174 I mean, it's not risotto, is it? 528 00:26:01,174 --> 00:26:03,338 Some of these steaks can be tough customers. 529 00:26:03,338 --> 00:26:06,652 - Roland, thank you, that's very sweet. 530 00:26:06,652 --> 00:26:09,115 But I'd rather just be treated like a normal person. 531 00:26:09,115 --> 00:26:12,216 - I think you are a normal person. 532 00:26:12,216 --> 00:26:14,203 I didn't even notice it. 533 00:26:14,203 --> 00:26:15,212 - It? 534 00:26:15,212 --> 00:26:17,052 - Seriously, I wouldn't even have even known 535 00:26:17,052 --> 00:26:19,834 till somebody in the kitchen told me. 536 00:26:19,834 --> 00:26:21,698 I admit, initially, 537 00:26:21,698 --> 00:26:23,639 I probably had the same reaction as most people, 538 00:26:23,639 --> 00:26:25,377 bit of a freak-out, 539 00:26:25,377 --> 00:26:27,119 but I chatted it over with my sous chef, 540 00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:30,227 and I feel much better about it. 541 00:26:30,227 --> 00:26:31,849 - You had a little chat, did you? 542 00:26:31,849 --> 00:26:33,447 - Yep. 543 00:26:33,447 --> 00:26:35,278 And you know what? 544 00:26:35,278 --> 00:26:39,445 I realized something about myself, Alison Harries. 545 00:26:40,882 --> 00:26:43,494 It's not a problem for me. 546 00:26:43,494 --> 00:26:44,911 I'm okay with it. 547 00:26:47,358 --> 00:26:48,191 - Wow. 548 00:26:49,678 --> 00:26:50,845 What a relief. 549 00:26:54,054 --> 00:26:55,573 - Where are you going? 550 00:26:55,573 --> 00:26:57,981 - I think I just lost my appetite. 551 00:26:57,981 --> 00:26:58,883 - What, why? 552 00:26:58,883 --> 00:27:00,306 - Goodbye, Roland. - No, Alison, look, 553 00:27:00,306 --> 00:27:04,343 I didn't know what to say, I didn't mean... 554 00:27:04,343 --> 00:27:06,926 I just think that you're really 555 00:27:08,785 --> 00:27:10,165 brave. 556 00:27:10,165 --> 00:27:11,165 - Excuse me? 557 00:27:12,808 --> 00:27:14,725 - You and everything... 558 00:27:16,277 --> 00:27:17,826 - You mean this? 559 00:27:17,826 --> 00:27:19,780 - Oh, there she blows. 560 00:27:19,780 --> 00:27:21,642 - Roland, this happened when I came off a jet ski 561 00:27:21,642 --> 00:27:24,120 in Gran Canaria when I was 22. 562 00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:25,620 How is that brave? 563 00:27:29,406 --> 00:27:31,656 - Jet skiing, that's brave. 564 00:28:11,352 --> 00:28:13,685 (Bib sighs) 565 00:28:36,804 --> 00:28:38,887 How does she change gear? 566 00:28:41,812 --> 00:28:45,062 ♫ Oh, what do you know 567 00:28:47,244 --> 00:28:50,537 ♫ Since there's nothing above 568 00:28:50,537 --> 00:28:54,537 ♫ There must be something below 569 00:28:56,088 --> 00:29:00,255 ♫ So take those pictures off the wall 570 00:29:02,315 --> 00:29:04,699 ♫ No one will believe you 571 00:29:04,699 --> 00:29:08,816 ♫ Till your world starts to fall 572 00:29:08,816 --> 00:29:10,816 ♫ Down