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[Sukanya Krishnan] Previously
on Sister Wives: One on One...
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There is a refusal to either
communicate, to understand, or to partner.
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Like, should I respect you?
You're dividing the family.
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You really are the only one
that's having
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a fully functioning
relationship with Kody.
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Makes me angry.
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We all came out of this
scarred, all of us did.
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Can't.
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[Sukanya]
In this final episode,
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I sit down individually with Kody,
Janelle, Robyn, Christine, and Meri
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to discuss the most talked
about events in their lives.
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I don't want polygamy 'cause I
don't believe in it for me anymore.
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At that point, she made a choice
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that she was never gonna
have a functioning marriage.
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I didn't know things were
as serious as they were.
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We've got these great memories
and we've got these beautiful children,
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and you hate polygamy?
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What the crap?
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Are we ever gonna have
an intimate marriage again?
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And he just said,
"Probably not."
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I didn't want to be intimate
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because I had somebody who was
stabbing me in the back, I felt like.
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So you can have an intimate
relationship with somebody else,
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but I get nothing.
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It's a really tough place to
get to where intimacy is a duty.
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I'm Sukanya Krishnan, and this
is Sister Wives: One on One.
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[camera crew
speaking indistinctly]
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And it felt great for me. I... It
felt great because I felt like I was--
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[director] Standby in five,
four, three...
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So where are you
and Kody at right now?
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Kody and I are divorced.
We're completely separate.
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We're just gonna
be friends eventually.
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I just realized I had to
make a decision for my heart,
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and my heart was done
being broken.
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And it felt...
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well, freeing.
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Well, Christine, [sighs] okay,
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so Christine's moved.
She's left.
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We are...
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no longer married.
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Um, I love her,
and I... I um...
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I don't know what to do 'cause
I've got the grief, but I'm still angry.
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- Yeah.
- I'll take the grief right now for a little while,
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just to be
out of the anger phase,
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and then just moving on, just
have a good life and find happiness.
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And I think,
to be honest with you,
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there's gonna be some relief
from the rest of the family too.
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How does something like this
play out in the bigger family?
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What a waste. [scoffs]
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Help me understand that.
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'Cause there's two functioning
people that could figure it out.
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[Sukanya] Mmm.
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And...
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sorry, I just...
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I don't see why giving up
is an option
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when you haven't
actually tried...
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to fix it.
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Feels like you're...
You're angry a little bit.
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I am frustrated, and angry...
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and devastated
by Christine's choice.
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Yeah.
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She's part of my big picture.
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Her kids are part
of my big picture...
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and I have been wanting to have a
close relationship with her for years.
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Divorce just...
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[sighs]
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Just breaks everything up.
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It's just hard.
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I think that they just got
to the point, that they just...
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They tried, and tried, and
tried, and they have tried.
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They've been to counseling,
they've tried.
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On both sides, they've tried,
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and I think it just got
to the point where it just...
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They just realized
it didn't work anymore.
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How do you think that dynamic
is gonna affect
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the whole family,
the larger family?
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It's been hard because, like,
you're pulling apart
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something that has been
for 20-plus years, 25 years.
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That's like...
Who are you after that?
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You've been something
for 25 years,
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- who are you when that no longer exists?
- Mmm.
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And how does that feel for you,
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- since that has been such a bigger part of your life?
- Well, so, yeah... No...
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I mean, like, Christine
has been such this huge thing.
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So now, I'm, like, I'm trying to
figure out how to not take sides.
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So they're separated.
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How does that affect you and
the family, the bigger family?
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I don't even know, like, it...
Literally, it's, like, so new to me,
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and I don't know
what to do with it.
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-I'm still trying to wrap
my head around it, -Right.
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And get it, like, it... 'Cause
it makes no sense to me.
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It's not just
a marriage I'm leaving,
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it's a whole family
and it's sister wives,
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and what does that do to us
and I don't know,
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but then you just have to make
a decision for yourself anyway
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'cause I'm like,
am I being super selfish?
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Is it the selfish decision?
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I'm changing the whole dynamic of
a huge family with so many people.
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Is it just selfish?
Is that what this is?
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And I just decided, you know what,
I gotta still live my life for me too,
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and I wasn't...
I just wasn't present,
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I wasn't happy, and it wasn't...
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Just wasn't working anymore.
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All right.
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I know you want
to set the record straight.
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You've got your version of
the story, Christine has hers.
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There's a lot
to unpack with that.
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More than I want to.
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So let's start the conversation.
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Is it hard for you to sit there
and question your polygamy?
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I... I think in some ways, some
people are really cut out for it...
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and some people aren't.
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I'm sitting here going, wow, I
mean, we have really messed this up,
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this call to be
better than we are.
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You know, and I...
We might work it out,
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but I know people, I know fundamentalist
Mormons, I know polygamists
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who are doing
a much better job than me...
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and I wonder though, are they...
Is it they're... Is there a disconnect?
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Are they living in that dissonance
that I have experienced?
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I want you to watch
this next clip.
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I think it might have
surprised the audience
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because they haven't seen
that side of Kody.
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Let's watch this
and we'll get your reaction.
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[Kody] I've told friends,
recently, that I didn't want to be
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an advocate
of plural marriage anymore.
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That's a hard one to hear,
that's super hard to hear.
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I've been nagged for years about
the struggles in plural marriage.
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Instead of rejecting Christine's
complaints about plural marriage,
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I've opened myself up to them,
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and it's very much unraveled
plural marriage for me,
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and it's made me
a little bit cynical.
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I've just stopped trying.
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I've just stopped trying
to get the family united,
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and get us all going
the same direction...
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'Cause I don't
give a [bleep] anymore.
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It's scary because I look at
Kody as the head of our family,
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and to have the leader just be
like, um, I don't care anymore.
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Like, where does that leave us?
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And honestly, I'm at a point now
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where I see the family, in many
ways, as an obstacle to my own goals.
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I'm just looking a Kody like, what
the hell planet did you just come from?
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We're in this plural marriage.
You have agreed to this.
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Like, the... Considering your
family an obstacle to his own goals,
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well, that's about the most
selfish thing I've ever heard.
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[Kody] My wives say, you know, if you weren't
in the picture, we would still get along.
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That's such bull. I've seen these
women treat each other so [bleep]
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for so many years
that I can't take it anymore.
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The struggles of plural marriage
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make me just think
that it's a waste of time,
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that we have... We have embarked
on an experiment that is a failure.
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Wow, that sums it up big time
with where I feel today.
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I... I wanted my wives
to love each other.
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To me, my biggest anger
with wives
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- is the way they treat each other.
- Mmm-hmm.
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You know, if they treat me
crappy, I really don't notice it.
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I went years
with being treated badly...
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- Mmm-hmm.
- and just really wasn't aware,
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but when I see how
they're treating each other,
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that's a whole different story.
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Honestly, there's a wake-up call
that I had with moving to Flagstaff,
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and it was
if I was out of the picture...
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it'd be over.
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That's rough.
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Like, this is not...
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- This is not Kody.
- Yeah.
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This is not him,
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and I hope that he can find the
strength to carry what he needs to carry,
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instead of, like,
just walking away,
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because that's
what it sounds like
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when I hear these kinds
of things from him.
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It's like... [sighs]
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I'm done.
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We've been struggling for a
long time, and I'm a plural wife,
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and the only way I'm in this
family is because I'm a plural wife.
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Uh, yeah, and we've been
struggling forever,
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so I definitely
took it personally.
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Yeah, because it seemed
like you were
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in a pretty fragile place
with him anyway.
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- Yeah, and then...
- Were you?
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Yeah, and then to hear that
he doesn't want to try anymore,
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he doesn't want to do it
anymore, and I'm like...
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okay, well, here
I'm kind of holding on
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to the last shred of hope that
I have with wanting to stay,
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00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:04,869
and now you're saying that family
doesn't mean much to you anymore,
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you don't want
to try it anymore.
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She told me once,
she hated plural marriage.
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- This is after she was in Lehi with...
- Yeah, yeah.
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- With Meri and Janelle, living in the basement.
- Janelle, yeah.
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00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:21,753
Christine's like, I hate plural
marriage, and I hate this lifestyle.
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00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:23,922
And she's living two lives,
she's promoting,
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00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:26,658
talking about how she loves
plural marriage and all this stuff,
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and how I didn't want
the husband,
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I wanted the sister wives, I wanted
this family and all these things.
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00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:34,866
At the same time, she's telling
me she hates plural marriage.
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00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:35,800
How does that make you feel?
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00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:38,970
Man, I, well...
The mistake I made,
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00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,373
I can look back on this one
and see the mistake,
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00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:43,808
the mistake I made was not...
Not saying,
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00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:47,412
"I'm so sorry, I love you, and
I... I validate what you're saying."
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00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:49,547
You know, I...
I didn't validate her.
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00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:53,652
Instead, it made me angry.
[laughing] It made me angry as hell.
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When you really start
getting honest,
203
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:56,821
and you start looking
up to the heavens
204
00:10:56,823 --> 00:11:01,626
and going, "Jeez, Father. I
mean, you inspired me to do this,
205
00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:03,528
"why is it such a mess now?"
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00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:05,797
It really has set me on my heels
207
00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:09,167
and had me questioning
the lifestyle itself.
208
00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:10,668
It's a challenge,
209
00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:12,704
- it's not like...
- Are you questioning your own polygamy right now?
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00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:14,205
Oh, hell yes.
211
00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:17,709
Yes, I question it all the time.
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00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:19,944
When you talk to women
who are struggling in it,
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00:11:19,946 --> 00:11:21,513
- the pain in it.
- Yeah.
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00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:24,015
Yeah, I don't want polygamy,
that's for sure.
215
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,116
Part of the reason
I'm sure that I'm leaving
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00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:27,852
is because I don't believe
in it for me anymore.
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00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:29,921
I don't, it's not...
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00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:32,991
God's like, "no, girl, you did it. You
can go. You're... Check." You know?
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00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:34,959
That's how it felt.
220
00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:36,661
Do you still believe
in polygamy?
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00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:38,396
Yes, I do. I'm here.
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00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:39,931
I mean, there was a point
during COVID
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00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:41,800
- where I'm like, okay, do I still want to do this?
- Yeah.
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And there was a period of time where
Kody was away for about six weeks,
225
00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:49,674
and I, like, thought
wow, life is really easy.
226
00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:51,676
[laughing] Life is really easy.
227
00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:54,145
And I had to really
kinda do some soul-searching,
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00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:55,880
and realize that I want
to be here still.
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00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:58,750
- Yeah.
- I'm here.
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00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:02,120
If he doesn't love plural marriage,
what does he do, you know?
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00:12:02,589 --> 00:12:04,422
What does he do? That's...
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00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:07,092
That's... That's three of us
or all of us
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00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:09,060
that he moves on from?
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00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:10,795
And we've seen that
in our... In our culture.
235
00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:15,366
We have seen that, where a man
decides he's done living plural marriage,
236
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:18,436
and he leaves all of his wives
or he leaves all but one,
237
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:22,107
and he goes and starts
a new life, he's tired of it.
238
00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:25,610
I've put in a lot of work.
He's put in a lot of work.
239
00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:28,747
I still see the value in it.
240
00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:31,382
- Do you think he still sees the value in it?
- I don't know.
241
00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:33,651
I don't know, honestly.
242
00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:37,155
Does he get a chance to give
up in the faith? Can he give up?
243
00:12:38,125 --> 00:12:40,391
Anybody can do
whatever they want.
244
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:42,127
If he wants to give up...
245
00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:44,395
he can give up.
246
00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:47,866
If he wants to walk away,
he can walk away.
247
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:50,368
Do you think they're still
all in love with you?
248
00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:55,440
I don't know if...
If it's about love,
249
00:12:55,942 --> 00:13:00,812
or determination,
or commitment, you know.
250
00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:04,649
I know that... That...
I... I'm not naive here,
251
00:13:04,651 --> 00:13:06,317
but I... [clears throat]
252
00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:10,522
I know that I've got
a couple wives
253
00:13:10,524 --> 00:13:12,657
standing on a bridge
with a torch,
254
00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:16,995
just wondering, you know, do I throw this
in the water or do we light this thing up?
255
00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:20,031
-Mmm.
-You know, 'cause there's... There's no...
256
00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:23,034
There's no...
257
00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:27,038
better awareness
than reading the facts
258
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,407
from the light
of a burning bridge. [laughs]
259
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:30,975
You know what I mean?
260
00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:33,945
But then it's too late.
You... You can't rescue that.
261
00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:40,485
I mean, 'cause here I am, and I'm looking
at this whole experience with Christine,
262
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:43,655
and I'm going all the way back
to 12 years ago.
263
00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:47,759
I hate polygamy, and I just
could've validated. You know?
264
00:13:47,761 --> 00:13:51,763
I do not like what we're
doing here, I do not like this.
265
00:13:51,765 --> 00:13:56,534
And I could've just validated,
instead of becoming so,
266
00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:59,771
ugh, like,
righteous indignation.
267
00:13:59,773 --> 00:14:02,774
Yeah, that was some
arrogance there. Yeah, some...
268
00:14:02,776 --> 00:14:05,510
Some, like...
My first reaction was,
269
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:08,646
like, I've been loving to you,
and I've been this...
270
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,582
You know, I've been this
husband, and we've done this,
271
00:14:10,584 --> 00:14:11,950
and we've done
all this together,
272
00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:13,318
and we've got
these great memories,
273
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:14,886
and we've got these beautiful
children, and you hate polygamy?
274
00:14:14,954 --> 00:14:16,688
What the crap?
275
00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:18,756
You know, like, honestly
that was my reaction,
276
00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:20,925
instead of going,
"oh, I know, it's so hard."
277
00:14:20,927 --> 00:14:24,229
And I'm looking back now,
and I'm going,
278
00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:25,496
- if I could go back...
- Yeah.
279
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:28,066
[clears throat]
280
00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:33,137
would I save it all with
just being empathetic instead?
281
00:14:36,076 --> 00:14:37,942
I mean, do you think
you would have?
282
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:48,119
You know, now, we'll never know.
283
00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:51,522
[Sukanya] Coming up...
284
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:52,924
[Kody] I didn't know
that she was going,
285
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:54,359
I don't want to be married
to Kody anymore,
286
00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:57,829
and I'm like,
why am I in the dark here?
287
00:14:57,831 --> 00:15:03,401
I didn't realize that if she didn't
move to Utah, she was done.
288
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,603
I'm not gonna stay in that.
289
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,538
- It was like right there at that moment.
- It was right there.
290
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:11,075
It was that moment
where I was like, no.
291
00:15:15,849 --> 00:15:18,816
- [director] Here we go in five, four...
- [Sukanya] Oh, here we go.
292
00:15:18,818 --> 00:15:20,451
All right, deep breaths
because we're gonna really
293
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:23,054
unpack something else
that's difficult,
294
00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:27,358
and that was Christine and
the moment that it came to light
295
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:31,129
that you weren't on the same
page with her when it comes to Utah.
296
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:32,964
I want you
to take a look at the clip
297
00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:33,498
and then we'll talk about that.
298
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:35,600
[Kody] Mmm.
299
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:40,104
I remember saying specifically that
I would definitely move to Flagstaff
300
00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:42,006
unless the laws in Utah changed.
301
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:43,708
The laws have changed.
302
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:45,710
Well, you're talking
about something that I want
303
00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:51,115
that I just refuse to...
To even entertain now.
304
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:58,656
It's an exciting thought just 'cause
all my friends are in St. George.
305
00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:04,829
Polygamy got decriminalized,
and I wonder why we're still here.
306
00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:08,299
We can move back home.
I want to move back.
307
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:11,402
[Janelle] There's nothing
for me in Utah, nothing.
308
00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:14,572
I'm in a place where I feel like,
my kids... My kids love it here.
309
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:19,210
This is the most likely place for any of
our kids to move back, our adult kids.
310
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:24,682
I'm surprised because I thought
Kody was more in favor of this.
311
00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:27,218
He's acting like we've never
even talked about this and that...
312
00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:32,023
He wasn't in favor
the last time we talked.
313
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:35,293
We're not moving are we?
314
00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:38,329
[sobbing]
315
00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:41,899
[Christine] Meri,
I can't be married
316
00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:43,835
to Kody anymore,
I don't want to...
317
00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:45,536
[Meri] Just look at
the mountain.
318
00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:47,071
[Christine] I don't want
to do it anymore.
319
00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:50,008
I'm tired of feeling
like I don't matter.
320
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:52,877
I'm tired of
not having his support
321
00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:54,312
when I really need it.
322
00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:58,549
I'm just tired.
323
00:16:58,551 --> 00:16:59,650
[Kody] So when we met last,
324
00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:01,919
I felt like I was cutting
you off too harshly.
325
00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:03,888
I was like,
"No, that'll never happen.
326
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,123
We're not moving back
to Utah."
327
00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:06,991
I was trying to be stoic.
328
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:08,693
Um, and I feel bad.
329
00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:11,729
I'm... I want to say,
I'm sorry.
330
00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:13,865
What is the stupid word
he's using, stoic?
331
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:16,768
[bleep] he was an ass.
332
00:17:16,770 --> 00:17:18,369
I don't believe him
that he's sorry.
333
00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:22,106
Why would I want to live
334
00:17:22,776 --> 00:17:24,976
on the same property
335
00:17:24,978 --> 00:17:27,278
with a dysfunctional marriage
336
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:30,782
where right over there
337
00:17:30,784 --> 00:17:32,850
he's got
a full functioning marriage?
338
00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:35,053
Who in their right mind
339
00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:39,223
would ever want
to live like that?
340
00:17:42,796 --> 00:17:44,095
[sighs softly]
341
00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:45,329
That's hard to watch.
342
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:48,099
Hmm, I...
343
00:17:50,804 --> 00:17:52,970
Is it really about Utah?
344
00:17:52,972 --> 00:17:54,405
Or is it really about
345
00:17:54,808 --> 00:17:56,007
the relationship?
346
00:17:56,009 --> 00:17:59,243
Her state of affairs
with her sister wives?
347
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:00,578
What is that about?
348
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:04,348
I didn't know she said that
until I saw it.
349
00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:07,518
I didn't know what was going on.
350
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:08,853
I didn't know
that she was going,
351
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:11,189
"I don't want to be married
to Kody anymore."
352
00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:14,092
I mean, I'd heard rumors
from my children
353
00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:17,095
that'd she'd been kind of
throwing things around.
354
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,030
Uh, and, and I...
355
00:18:19,032 --> 00:18:20,498
You know,
even other wives saying,
356
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,867
"Oh, she's always threatened
that she was going to leave."
357
00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:26,237
And I'm like, "Why, why
am I in the dark here?"
358
00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:28,873
We're supposed to
be taking care of
359
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:29,907
our kids that are here.
360
00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:31,809
Who like living here.
361
00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:33,744
And, and she throws that out
362
00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:36,647
like it's something simple,
like it's something easy,
363
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:39,984
something petty, and then
she gets mad when we reject it.
364
00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:42,386
And walks off with petulance.
365
00:18:42,388 --> 00:18:45,056
I'm watching this...
366
00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:48,993
For her, she's just had her life
367
00:18:48,995 --> 00:18:50,895
completely controlled
368
00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:52,130
by four other people.
369
00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:54,265
I, I... That I get.
370
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:58,002
I had no idea that,
that was what was at stake.
371
00:18:58,004 --> 00:19:00,138
Like, I didn't realize that
372
00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:01,639
if she didn't move to Utah
373
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,575
she was done.
374
00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:06,577
Did you even know that they were
struggling at this point, like that?
375
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:09,280
I knew there was
some stuff going on,
376
00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:12,950
but, you know, it's like also, like, it's
supposed to be none of my business.
377
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:13,851
Right.
378
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:14,852
You know, even though
379
00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:18,089
it affects life completely,
and, and I...
380
00:19:18,091 --> 00:19:20,424
She's someone I love,
and he's someone I love and...
381
00:19:24,230 --> 00:19:25,963
It's very, very...
382
00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:28,132
Um...
383
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:30,234
Hard to watch.
384
00:19:31,104 --> 00:19:32,970
Why is it hard to watch?
385
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:38,409
Because that...
386
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:45,850
It's one thing
to be in your room
387
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:49,353
all quiet and alone and going, "I don't
want to be in this marriage anymore."
388
00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:52,290
It's a wholly different thing to
389
00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:56,194
be on camera and say it
390
00:19:58,164 --> 00:19:59,397
to your sister wife.
391
00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:08,072
And I was just...
392
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:14,078
Had no idea
I was sitting in a chair...
393
00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:20,384
I was sitting in a chair
chatting with Kody and Janelle,
394
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:22,987
you know, just thinking...
395
00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:24,255
You know, Meri is...
396
00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:26,424
You know, helping her.
397
00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:30,595
She'll be okay, we'll figure
this out kind of a thing.
398
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:33,998
So in a way, you feel like you
failed your sister wife at this point?
399
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,033
I didn't know
what was happening, but yeah.
400
00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:40,972
I didn't know
401
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,309
things were as serious
as they were.
402
00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:50,915
The other part
that struck me was
403
00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:51,949
Christine saying, you know,
404
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:53,851
"Over here you have
a fully functioning marriage.
405
00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:56,854
And why would I ever want
to live on a piece of property
406
00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:59,624
- where mine isn't fully functioning."
- Yeah.
407
00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:01,859
I feel like at that point
she made a choice
408
00:21:01,861 --> 00:21:03,227
that she was never gonna have
a functioning marriage.
409
00:21:03,229 --> 00:21:04,528
Wow.
410
00:21:04,530 --> 00:21:07,298
And look, I get that sometimes
you just work, and work, and work,
411
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:09,333
and you get to the place
where it just doesn't work.
412
00:21:09,736 --> 00:21:11,068
And that's okay.
413
00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:13,070
- Mmm.
- But, you know, I mean...
414
00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:16,107
So I think at this point she must
have already maybe decided
415
00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:17,742
that she was gonna move?
416
00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:19,610
- Yeah.
- I don't know.
417
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:22,880
'Cause I think that's a choice
that you make by labelling it
418
00:21:22,882 --> 00:21:26,784
as a not functioning never
gonna be functioning relationship
419
00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:28,185
that says a lot.
420
00:21:28,721 --> 00:21:30,421
Were you not in tune
421
00:21:30,423 --> 00:21:34,125
to what she was feeling?
422
00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:37,628
- How she needs you--
- Well, yes, I feel...
423
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,196
Oh, man.
424
00:21:39,198 --> 00:21:43,067
Suki, she's been complaining
from the time we moved
425
00:21:43,069 --> 00:21:44,435
to Las Vegas.
426
00:21:44,437 --> 00:21:47,204
That's nine years, ten years.
427
00:21:47,206 --> 00:21:50,708
She's been complaining about
everything in her life.
428
00:21:50,710 --> 00:21:52,009
Like, remember
429
00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:55,212
years ago, she shrugged.
430
00:21:55,815 --> 00:21:58,282
She did not like
her life anymore.
431
00:21:58,685 --> 00:22:00,685
This is a singular moment
432
00:22:00,687 --> 00:22:03,354
that has been building up
for years.
433
00:22:03,923 --> 00:22:05,623
And you've been
trying to help her--
434
00:22:05,625 --> 00:22:07,458
Oh, I've been trying
to make her happy
435
00:22:07,460 --> 00:22:10,661
all the time,
it's this constant burden.
436
00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:12,930
There's something missing,
there's some problem.
437
00:22:12,932 --> 00:22:15,399
Something's going on and it...
438
00:22:15,401 --> 00:22:17,501
Frankly, it just could be
plural marriage.
439
00:22:17,503 --> 00:22:19,403
I don't know.
440
00:22:19,405 --> 00:22:22,940
When she and I were out
on the property...
441
00:22:22,942 --> 00:22:25,843
At that moment I thought
that she was just mad
442
00:22:25,911 --> 00:22:27,211
or upset.
443
00:22:27,213 --> 00:22:29,280
I thought I knew who she was,
444
00:22:29,282 --> 00:22:30,514
and how she was,
445
00:22:30,516 --> 00:22:31,948
and how,
446
00:22:31,950 --> 00:22:35,052
you know, committed she was
to the family and stuff like that.
447
00:22:35,054 --> 00:22:37,421
Because of, you know,
so many years together.
448
00:22:37,423 --> 00:22:38,855
- Mmm-hmm.
- You know,
449
00:22:38,857 --> 00:22:42,960
so I went to her and I'm like,
"Come on, you're stronger than this."
450
00:22:42,962 --> 00:22:46,597
"You have to do the work.
If there's a hiccup with him,
451
00:22:46,599 --> 00:22:49,033
if there's a hiccup
with a sister wife,
452
00:22:49,035 --> 00:22:52,703
if there's a... You know, any issues
anywhere you have to do the work."
453
00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:54,705
And it's really, really,
really hard to look
454
00:22:54,707 --> 00:22:56,774
inward at yourself.
455
00:22:56,776 --> 00:22:59,944
It's really hard to put a
mirror up in front of yourself
456
00:22:59,946 --> 00:23:04,248
and be like, "Okay, these are
my issues. I need to fix them."
457
00:23:05,184 --> 00:23:08,252
You can't just always
put blame elsewhere.
458
00:23:08,554 --> 00:23:10,187
Here's this woman
459
00:23:10,189 --> 00:23:12,590
- who is also in a
relationship with Kody-- - Yeah.
460
00:23:12,592 --> 00:23:16,827
that could possibly mirror
your future if you choose to stay.
461
00:23:16,829 --> 00:23:19,196
Did you have that kind
of moment where, "Wow,
462
00:23:19,332 --> 00:23:20,798
this is not what I want."
463
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:24,135
Yeah, no, as soon as she said,
"You know, it's really hard for us.
464
00:23:24,137 --> 00:23:26,704
You know hard it's been.
How separate it's been."
465
00:23:26,706 --> 00:23:29,640
I was like, "Yeah."
466
00:23:29,642 --> 00:23:31,342
And that's not
what I'm going to have.
467
00:23:31,577 --> 00:23:33,711
I'm not going to stay in that.
468
00:23:33,713 --> 00:23:35,946
- It was like right there, at that moment.
- It was right there.
469
00:23:35,948 --> 00:23:38,082
It was at that moment
where I was like,
470
00:23:38,851 --> 00:23:40,851
"No, that's actually not...
471
00:23:40,853 --> 00:23:42,953
I can't do that.
That can't be my future."
472
00:23:42,955 --> 00:23:45,022
There's no hope
in a future like that.
473
00:23:45,024 --> 00:23:47,057
There's no hope. I can't even
look at those mountains
474
00:23:47,059 --> 00:23:48,526
where I first heard
the angels sing.
475
00:23:48,528 --> 00:23:49,827
I can't even... No.
476
00:23:49,829 --> 00:23:52,730
- Mmm-hmm.
- Yeah, that was almost kind of like a...
477
00:23:52,732 --> 00:23:55,232
-Reverse, you know, I think
that she meant to be -Yeah.
478
00:23:55,234 --> 00:23:56,767
Like all embracing and...
479
00:23:56,769 --> 00:23:58,102
God bless her,
I know she tried to be.
480
00:23:58,104 --> 00:23:59,336
And I completely honor that
481
00:23:59,338 --> 00:24:00,671
that's not the way that...
482
00:24:00,673 --> 00:24:04,041
Of course, that's absolute polar
opposite what she meant and...
483
00:24:05,945 --> 00:24:07,678
Yeah, I'm sure, and I
never want her to feel bad
484
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,580
for trying to include me at all.
485
00:24:09,582 --> 00:24:11,115
- No.
- 'Cause I know that wasn't her intention.
486
00:24:11,117 --> 00:24:13,217
Um, but for me
it was kind of like
487
00:24:13,986 --> 00:24:16,053
a little bit of a wake-up call.
488
00:24:16,823 --> 00:24:19,123
I'm like, "Oh, gosh. No."
489
00:24:19,926 --> 00:24:20,791
[Sukanya] Coming up...
490
00:24:20,793 --> 00:24:21,826
I didn't know her.
491
00:24:21,828 --> 00:24:22,693
She didn't know me.
492
00:24:22,695 --> 00:24:23,928
He didn't hear you.
493
00:24:23,930 --> 00:24:26,730
He heard, but he had no idea
what to do.
494
00:24:26,732 --> 00:24:28,799
'Cause I'd changed so much.
495
00:24:28,801 --> 00:24:32,002
- I'm gonna ask you now, Suki.
- Yeah.
496
00:24:32,004 --> 00:24:34,104
I don't want to talk
about Christine anymore.
497
00:24:39,812 --> 00:24:41,011
[Sukanya] With the separation
of Kody and Christine,
498
00:24:41,013 --> 00:24:43,347
let's take a look back
at the ups and downs
499
00:24:43,349 --> 00:24:45,950
of their 27 year relationship.
500
00:24:47,086 --> 00:24:49,386
- You ready for your surprise?
- Yes, you're killing me here.
501
00:24:50,957 --> 00:24:52,089
Are you serious?
502
00:24:52,157 --> 00:24:53,991
- We're gonna go on the-- Yes.
- It's the helicopter.
503
00:24:54,093 --> 00:24:55,292
["Your Firefly" playing]
504
00:24:55,294 --> 00:24:57,127
♪ You're my shade ♪
505
00:24:57,663 --> 00:24:59,396
♪ When the moon comes ♪
506
00:25:00,633 --> 00:25:01,832
[Kody] When
I first met Christine
507
00:25:01,834 --> 00:25:03,467
I felt this great bolt
of energy.
508
00:25:03,469 --> 00:25:04,935
I just really, really liked her.
509
00:25:04,937 --> 00:25:07,571
So at one point I told Kody,
"Out of all the guys that I know
510
00:25:07,573 --> 00:25:09,874
you're the one
that I'd want to marry."
511
00:25:09,876 --> 00:25:12,576
[Kody] So I called her dad, the
head of our church, in order to
512
00:25:12,578 --> 00:25:13,744
court Christine,
513
00:25:13,746 --> 00:25:16,080
and we were married
two months later.
514
00:25:16,082 --> 00:25:18,082
- [Christine] Perfect date.
- [Kody] Perfect date.
515
00:25:18,084 --> 00:25:19,850
♪ Ooh ooh ♪
516
00:25:19,852 --> 00:25:21,318
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
517
00:25:21,854 --> 00:25:23,954
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
518
00:25:23,956 --> 00:25:25,656
♪ Ooh ooh ♪
519
00:25:25,658 --> 00:25:26,891
[Christine] Some of
my best memories
520
00:25:26,893 --> 00:25:29,026
with Kody have been
driving in the car
521
00:25:29,028 --> 00:25:30,828
listening to super loud music
522
00:25:30,830 --> 00:25:32,763
singing along and just
523
00:25:32,765 --> 00:25:34,732
having a blast
in the car together.
524
00:25:34,734 --> 00:25:36,166
Those are my favorite memories.
525
00:25:37,803 --> 00:25:40,337
I'm looking for love.
526
00:25:40,339 --> 00:25:42,840
- That's right, you are looking for love.
- [chuckles]
527
00:25:42,842 --> 00:25:45,809
[Kody] I'm looking for solid
foundation and structure.
528
00:25:45,811 --> 00:25:48,546
- Honor the entire family and I will love you.
- That's--
529
00:25:48,548 --> 00:25:49,680
[Christine] Almost every day
is hard.
530
00:25:49,682 --> 00:25:53,717
It's just hard to see
a silver lining every day.
531
00:25:53,719 --> 00:25:55,953
[Kody] When you don't have
trust, you don't have intimacy.
532
00:25:55,955 --> 00:25:58,889
- Uh-uh.
- And what became apparent to Christine was
533
00:25:58,891 --> 00:26:00,824
the lack of intimacy.
534
00:26:00,826 --> 00:26:01,492
I'm miserable.
535
00:26:01,494 --> 00:26:03,093
I'm jealous as can be.
536
00:26:03,095 --> 00:26:05,696
I didn't know that I would be
a jealous person.
537
00:26:05,698 --> 00:26:08,065
And I am so jealous.
538
00:26:09,001 --> 00:26:10,033
Why are you not looking at me?
539
00:26:10,035 --> 00:26:11,835
I don't know, I don't know,
I just... Whatever.
540
00:26:11,837 --> 00:26:14,805
- Let's just do it your way.
- Okay, I'll make the orders and everybody else do it.
541
00:26:14,807 --> 00:26:16,407
Well, that's kind of
how we have to do it.
542
00:26:16,409 --> 00:26:17,641
Then you've got
somebody to blame.
543
00:26:17,643 --> 00:26:19,810
You really are calling, Ken?
544
00:26:19,812 --> 00:26:21,378
Listen, I don't need
to talk to you about that.
545
00:26:22,081 --> 00:26:22,780
He owes me an apology.
546
00:26:22,782 --> 00:26:24,515
For what?
547
00:26:24,517 --> 00:26:25,816
For saying, "Yeah, you're
welcome back to the church
548
00:26:25,818 --> 00:26:28,385
but you have to leave
three of your wives behind."
549
00:26:28,387 --> 00:26:30,888
I swear, this is all driven
by her pride,
550
00:26:30,890 --> 00:26:32,323
and now I'm pissed.
551
00:26:33,693 --> 00:26:34,525
I don't want to talk to him.
552
00:26:34,527 --> 00:26:36,927
I don't trust a word, there.
553
00:26:36,929 --> 00:26:39,129
'Cause I don't trust a word
coming out of his mouth.
554
00:26:39,131 --> 00:26:41,765
This is not
a safe conversation anymore.
555
00:26:41,767 --> 00:26:43,167
I'm sorry, it's just not.
556
00:26:44,570 --> 00:26:46,270
And I'm not gonna talk to you.
557
00:26:48,941 --> 00:26:50,975
Feels like a bit of a crossroads
558
00:26:50,977 --> 00:26:52,209
and I don't know what to do.
559
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:56,113
[sobbing]
560
00:26:58,884 --> 00:27:00,818
For me the real reality is, is
561
00:27:00,820 --> 00:27:01,986
I didn't know her.
562
00:27:01,988 --> 00:27:03,219
She didn't know me.
563
00:27:04,590 --> 00:27:06,991
When we got married we
just didn't know each other.
564
00:27:07,860 --> 00:27:10,728
And, and we have
never seen each other
565
00:27:10,730 --> 00:27:12,229
in tough situations.
566
00:27:12,732 --> 00:27:14,098
So when we got married
567
00:27:14,100 --> 00:27:15,733
frankly it was a bad match.
568
00:27:15,735 --> 00:27:17,401
But within a year
569
00:27:18,104 --> 00:27:20,004
I was like,
"Man, this is magical."
570
00:27:20,006 --> 00:27:22,973
And she had lifted
the burden that
571
00:27:22,975 --> 00:27:25,409
we were struggling with so much.
572
00:27:25,411 --> 00:27:28,045
In a relationship
between Janelle and Meri
573
00:27:28,047 --> 00:27:30,981
that I was like really, just
so I was just in love with her
574
00:27:30,983 --> 00:27:33,050
for 10, 12 years.
575
00:27:33,653 --> 00:27:34,918
It was a breath of fresh air?
576
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:35,752
Yeah, a breath of fresh air.
577
00:27:35,754 --> 00:27:37,888
Yeah, and,
and she was, [giggles]
578
00:27:37,890 --> 00:27:39,156
You know, kind of
happy, go-lucky
579
00:27:39,158 --> 00:27:41,225
and she sort of, um...
580
00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:43,060
Um...
581
00:27:43,062 --> 00:27:45,696
Sort of brought a brightness
to the experience.
582
00:27:45,698 --> 00:27:48,065
I just had to be
always positive, and upbeat,
583
00:27:48,067 --> 00:27:50,401
and whatever you need,
and absolutely, and...
584
00:27:51,003 --> 00:27:52,369
Yeah, that's... And I...
585
00:27:52,371 --> 00:27:54,405
It's so funny and it's like
I didn't mind.
586
00:27:54,407 --> 00:27:57,775
It's what was what I did and it
was completely fine until it wasn't.
587
00:27:57,777 --> 00:27:58,609
All of a sudden I just realized
588
00:27:58,611 --> 00:28:00,110
I couldn't anymore.
589
00:28:00,112 --> 00:28:01,679
My dad talked to me,
it was actually my dad.
590
00:28:01,681 --> 00:28:03,080
My dad's a very...
591
00:28:03,683 --> 00:28:05,582
Sweetest most loving guy,
and he's like,
592
00:28:05,584 --> 00:28:07,885
"At what point are you
gonna start saying, no?"
593
00:28:07,887 --> 00:28:10,921
And he goes, "You're always
saying, yes, to everything.
594
00:28:10,923 --> 00:28:12,856
When are you gonna
start saying, no?"
595
00:28:12,858 --> 00:28:14,425
And I'm like, "Oh, gosh."
596
00:28:14,427 --> 00:28:15,993
So the next day you woke up
597
00:28:15,995 --> 00:28:17,528
and you said, " You know what?
I'm gonna change this dynamic."
598
00:28:17,530 --> 00:28:20,531
- Yeah. Yep. Yeah.
- And then, "I'm gonna start standing up for myself."
599
00:28:20,533 --> 00:28:22,966
And the moment you started
standing up for yourself
600
00:28:22,968 --> 00:28:24,968
Kody didn't like that change
in personality.
601
00:28:24,970 --> 00:28:26,070
No.
602
00:28:26,172 --> 00:28:27,438
He didn't hear you.
603
00:28:28,507 --> 00:28:31,675
I think that
604
00:28:31,677 --> 00:28:34,812
- [Sukanya] He didn't hear-- - he
heard, but he had no idea what to do.
605
00:28:34,814 --> 00:28:37,715
'Cause I had changed so much
in a blink.
606
00:28:37,783 --> 00:28:39,683
Everything changed.
607
00:28:39,685 --> 00:28:44,722
And Kody withdrew, and then I
withdrew, and we just withdrew.
608
00:28:44,724 --> 00:28:48,292
I know that your time in
therapy is a very private time.
609
00:28:49,428 --> 00:28:50,527
What did that unearth?
610
00:28:50,529 --> 00:28:52,830
Like what did that peel back
for you guys?
611
00:28:52,832 --> 00:28:56,934
- Awful. Yes.
- [Sukanya] Early stuff that just never healed?
612
00:28:56,936 --> 00:28:58,969
Stuff where I was like,
"Oh, my gosh.
613
00:28:58,971 --> 00:29:01,038
You hold grudges
way longer than I do."
614
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:02,139
Way longer.
615
00:29:02,141 --> 00:29:05,442
- Mmm-hmm.
- Yeah, no, stuff that shocked me completely.
616
00:29:05,778 --> 00:29:07,578
We get to a point where
617
00:29:07,580 --> 00:29:09,947
it's a great experience
and it's a struggle,
618
00:29:09,949 --> 00:29:11,415
and it's a great experience
and it's a struggle.
619
00:29:11,984 --> 00:29:13,617
And...
620
00:29:13,619 --> 00:29:16,019
Um, and then we end up
in Las Vegas
621
00:29:16,021 --> 00:29:18,889
after she has told me
she hates plural marriage
622
00:29:18,891 --> 00:29:20,357
while she's at the same time,
623
00:29:21,060 --> 00:29:22,693
pretty much,
624
00:29:22,695 --> 00:29:24,962
you know, telling the whole
world how awesome it is.
625
00:29:24,964 --> 00:29:27,397
She had mentioned
to me, grudges.
626
00:29:27,399 --> 00:29:30,367
- That you could never let go of some grudges.
- I don't carry grudges.
627
00:29:30,703 --> 00:29:32,035
No, if somebody says
628
00:29:32,772 --> 00:29:34,338
I hold a grudge, they're full of
it. They don't know who I am.
629
00:29:34,907 --> 00:29:36,006
They don't know me.
630
00:29:36,609 --> 00:29:38,175
She also shared with me
631
00:29:38,644 --> 00:29:42,045
that the moment
that she started saying, no,
632
00:29:42,047 --> 00:29:45,816
and not being the happy
Christine that you liked
633
00:29:45,818 --> 00:29:46,650
that you fell in love with,
634
00:29:46,652 --> 00:29:50,120
the woman
that lifted your burden,
635
00:29:50,122 --> 00:29:53,023
that, that became
a heavy lift for you.
636
00:29:53,392 --> 00:29:54,324
Hmm...
637
00:29:54,527 --> 00:29:57,895
Is it fair to say that?
638
00:29:57,897 --> 00:29:59,863
- We can... We can-- - [Sukanya]
Can you validate what she said?
639
00:29:59,865 --> 00:30:01,698
We can sit and, um,
640
00:30:01,700 --> 00:30:03,100
say that, um,
641
00:30:03,102 --> 00:30:06,203
the he said, she says that's
'till the cows come home.
642
00:30:06,205 --> 00:30:09,506
- She told you-- She-- - She'd told you
things that I fundamentally disagree with.
643
00:30:09,508 --> 00:30:11,742
- Okay.
- And all I'm doing now is defending myself.
644
00:30:11,744 --> 00:30:14,778
-Okay. Yeah
-I'm gonna ask you now, Suki.
645
00:30:14,780 --> 00:30:17,047
I don't want to talk about
Christine anymore.
646
00:30:21,954 --> 00:30:22,953
[Sukanya] Coming up...
647
00:30:22,955 --> 00:30:23,720
Are we ever gonna have
648
00:30:23,722 --> 00:30:24,955
an intimate marriage again?
649
00:30:24,957 --> 00:30:27,558
And he just said,
"Probably not."
650
00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:28,759
[Sukanya] And later...
651
00:30:28,761 --> 00:30:31,228
It's so weird. So now I have
a new text thread.
652
00:30:31,230 --> 00:30:32,396
I feel like somebody's missing.
653
00:30:32,398 --> 00:30:33,964
Yeah.
654
00:30:33,966 --> 00:30:36,934
So you can have an intimate
relationship with somebody else,
655
00:30:36,936 --> 00:30:38,969
but I get nothing.
656
00:30:43,776 --> 00:30:45,976
[indistinct chatter]
657
00:30:47,012 --> 00:30:48,078
[man] Who you got?
658
00:30:48,914 --> 00:30:51,281
[indistinct chatter]
659
00:30:54,053 --> 00:30:55,319
Okay.
660
00:30:57,056 --> 00:30:59,323
[Kody] Sorry, I'm a little
angry, I'm not anger with you.
661
00:30:59,959 --> 00:31:01,158
I get it, I get it.
662
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:03,393
[director] Cameras
are still rolling, stand by.
663
00:31:04,063 --> 00:31:06,263
[indistinct chatter]
664
00:31:08,868 --> 00:31:10,801
Let's talk about intimacy
in a relationship.
665
00:31:10,803 --> 00:31:12,402
-Okay.
-[Sukanya] It's a... It's a very
666
00:31:12,404 --> 00:31:13,837
- strong foundation.
- [Christine] Yeah.
667
00:31:13,839 --> 00:31:16,406
It's a foundation
that most couples need...
668
00:31:16,408 --> 00:31:19,076
- Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
- [Sukanya] ...want, desire.
669
00:31:19,712 --> 00:31:20,377
This next clip...
670
00:31:21,714 --> 00:31:25,082
It's a really raw look
671
00:31:25,084 --> 00:31:27,017
at your relationship
672
00:31:27,519 --> 00:31:29,086
and the lack of intimacy.
673
00:31:29,088 --> 00:31:30,921
That was being had
between the two of you.
674
00:31:30,923 --> 00:31:32,055
Okay.
675
00:31:32,725 --> 00:31:35,392
So we put on the door
676
00:31:35,394 --> 00:31:39,763
and he goes, "I'm not really
interested in that anymore."
677
00:31:39,765 --> 00:31:42,366
[sighs] "I'm not interested in
having an intimate marriage anymore.
678
00:31:43,702 --> 00:31:45,802
"I don't like your behavior.
679
00:31:45,804 --> 00:31:47,304
I don't like how you act.
680
00:31:47,306 --> 00:31:49,506
We'll see how, what you do.
681
00:31:49,508 --> 00:31:53,744
We'll see if you can be a good
sister wife," and all this and I'm like,
682
00:31:53,746 --> 00:31:57,080
"Okay, first and foremost, I didn't
know I was being a bad sister wife."
683
00:31:57,082 --> 00:31:59,049
I had no idea, I don't know
what you're talking about.
684
00:31:59,285 --> 00:32:01,285
I didn't know I was being bad.
685
00:32:01,287 --> 00:32:05,389
What, so he gets to have an intimate
with other wives, but not with me?
686
00:32:05,391 --> 00:32:08,992
And I'm what gonna have
nothing for the rest of my life?
687
00:32:10,596 --> 00:32:11,595
And what? It's over?
688
00:32:14,633 --> 00:32:16,733
So I don't know
what this really means.
689
00:32:16,735 --> 00:32:18,769
[clears throat] I don't know
if this is a phase
690
00:32:18,771 --> 00:32:20,971
or if this is just an awakening.
691
00:32:21,874 --> 00:32:23,173
I don't know
what to tell my kids.
692
00:32:23,175 --> 00:32:24,241
[sobbing]
693
00:32:28,981 --> 00:32:32,816
[crying]
694
00:32:32,818 --> 00:32:34,351
What did I do so wrong?
695
00:32:38,257 --> 00:32:40,424
I've always wanted
696
00:32:40,993 --> 00:32:44,194
romantic marriage and...
697
00:32:46,498 --> 00:32:51,101
That's been so hard for so long.
698
00:32:56,141 --> 00:32:59,242
I feel like I don't have a
choice, but to move his stuff out.
699
00:32:59,845 --> 00:33:00,610
'Cause I can't.
700
00:33:00,612 --> 00:33:02,846
It's too heartbreaking
701
00:33:02,848 --> 00:33:06,183
to be around his stuff
and it's too heartbreaking
702
00:33:06,919 --> 00:33:11,621
to be around him
and watch him with
703
00:33:11,623 --> 00:33:15,125
Robyn, and Janelle,
and the kids and...
704
00:33:21,633 --> 00:33:23,367
I mean honestly there has been
rumors in the family
705
00:33:23,369 --> 00:33:26,069
that she has been saying
she's gonna leave.
706
00:33:26,071 --> 00:33:28,338
Right now, right this moment,
I just don't know what to think...
707
00:33:29,508 --> 00:33:30,607
or say.
708
00:33:30,609 --> 00:33:33,777
Okay, I've just come out
to Christine's house.
709
00:33:33,779 --> 00:33:35,712
Kody's nightstand, Kody's
clothes from the dresser,
710
00:33:35,714 --> 00:33:38,081
Kody's bathroom stuff.
711
00:33:38,751 --> 00:33:41,051
I have been moved out
of my house.
712
00:33:41,053 --> 00:33:42,419
I don't know why. Uh...
713
00:33:43,389 --> 00:33:44,421
But I'm...
714
00:33:45,391 --> 00:33:46,423
ambivalent.
715
00:33:46,425 --> 00:33:47,958
I...
716
00:33:50,562 --> 00:33:52,896
almost don't care.
717
00:33:52,898 --> 00:33:56,166
And the first thought I have is
this is my house. This is my stuff.
718
00:33:57,002 --> 00:33:58,969
We never discussed this.
719
00:34:00,172 --> 00:34:01,405
Second thought I have is...
720
00:34:03,642 --> 00:34:04,774
relief.
721
00:34:07,713 --> 00:34:13,050
Some kind of relief
from the burden and the woe
722
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:15,085
of a loveless marriage.
723
00:34:18,757 --> 00:34:19,990
The hardest time of my life.
724
00:34:21,527 --> 00:34:23,193
Hardest decision
725
00:34:23,195 --> 00:34:26,229
was to ask him
to not be around anymore.
726
00:34:28,067 --> 00:34:29,232
It was so hard.
727
00:34:29,535 --> 00:34:31,034
[sighs]
728
00:34:32,938 --> 00:34:36,907
I mean, yeah, what question
do you want first?
729
00:34:36,909 --> 00:34:38,141
Well, tell me
where you wanna start?
730
00:34:38,410 --> 00:34:39,609
I don't know.
731
00:34:39,677 --> 00:34:41,611
Well, the conversation
about not being intimate, right?
732
00:34:41,613 --> 00:34:42,846
- Oh, gosh.
- [Sukanya] That seemed like that was
733
00:34:42,848 --> 00:34:46,383
the hardest thing
for you to kind of understand.
734
00:34:46,385 --> 00:34:49,453
Good, 'cause we put that door,
we put a door downstairs.
735
00:34:49,455 --> 00:34:54,791
We shut the door and I said, are
we ever really going to need privacy?
736
00:34:54,793 --> 00:34:58,061
Are we ever going to have
an intimate marriage again?
737
00:34:58,063 --> 00:35:01,131
And he just said,
"Probably not."
738
00:35:01,633 --> 00:35:03,033
I've...
739
00:35:03,469 --> 00:35:06,636
actually never seen
her side of this.
740
00:35:06,638 --> 00:35:10,907
My perspective of that
experience was she came to me
741
00:35:10,909 --> 00:35:14,111
and she said, hey, we
did this work on the house.
742
00:35:14,113 --> 00:35:16,279
Wasn't that for our intimacy?
743
00:35:16,849 --> 00:35:19,783
And I went, um, no.
744
00:35:19,785 --> 00:35:22,085
It was just stuff
we needed to do
745
00:35:22,087 --> 00:35:24,187
and she goes well, are we
going to be intimate, again.
746
00:35:24,423 --> 00:35:25,989
And I said...
747
00:35:27,759 --> 00:35:31,128
I never said no, that we
weren't gonna be intimate again.
748
00:35:31,930 --> 00:35:34,331
I was at a point
where I wanted her...
749
00:35:35,434 --> 00:35:36,599
to address...
750
00:35:38,804 --> 00:35:41,338
the rumors that I'd been
hearing from the kids...
751
00:35:42,574 --> 00:35:45,142
that she was threatening
to leave.
752
00:35:45,144 --> 00:35:49,913
That discussion that she
just had to her video journal
753
00:35:49,915 --> 00:35:52,048
never happened with me.
754
00:35:52,784 --> 00:35:56,186
I never said we weren't
going to be intimate anymore.
755
00:35:57,456 --> 00:36:01,558
But I didn't wanna be intimate
because I had somebody
756
00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:05,428
who was basically stabbing me
in the back, I felt like.
757
00:36:05,430 --> 00:36:07,898
But why wouldn't
you ever question that?
758
00:36:07,900 --> 00:36:09,733
Like, this is what I'm hearing.
759
00:36:09,735 --> 00:36:12,402
This isn't sitting well with me.
760
00:36:12,404 --> 00:36:15,739
Help me understand why you
would never reach out to her
761
00:36:15,741 --> 00:36:17,707
and tell her
why you're so hurt by that.
762
00:36:17,709 --> 00:36:19,876
FOMO, fear of missing out.
763
00:36:19,878 --> 00:36:24,414
Something, like, if she really, if
we really have this conversation
764
00:36:24,416 --> 00:36:25,515
how frank are we gonna get.
765
00:36:25,517 --> 00:36:27,984
I don't want her to leave.
766
00:36:27,986 --> 00:36:30,954
Did she ever hear you say
I don't want you to leave?
767
00:36:32,391 --> 00:36:33,990
No.
768
00:36:41,533 --> 00:36:44,501
I found out he wasn't attracted
to me when we got married.
769
00:36:44,503 --> 00:36:47,804
And I just thought, oh,
gosh, well, that's terrible.
770
00:36:47,806 --> 00:36:50,240
But then he said, you know,
he loved me now and everything,
771
00:36:50,242 --> 00:36:53,743
so I thought it was fine,
and I thought we were fine.
772
00:36:53,745 --> 00:36:58,014
And then it just became more and more
apparent, certainly the last few years,
773
00:36:58,016 --> 00:36:59,349
he just wasn't interested.
774
00:36:59,351 --> 00:37:00,750
He just wasn't.
775
00:37:00,752 --> 00:37:03,954
And we basically just had a
non-intimate marriage, completely.
776
00:37:03,956 --> 00:37:05,689
I mean, like, we didn't even
touch, we didn't even hold hands.
777
00:37:05,691 --> 00:37:08,425
Nothing, not even
a hug, nothing.
778
00:37:08,427 --> 00:37:12,929
And after he just laid it out
point blank that I'm not interested
779
00:37:12,931 --> 00:37:15,599
in, like, an intimate, romantic
marriage with you anymore,
780
00:37:15,601 --> 00:37:19,236
and then he goes, I have friends
that have had relationships like this.
781
00:37:19,238 --> 00:37:21,805
They have slept separate
on the couch for years.
782
00:37:21,807 --> 00:37:25,442
And I'm, like, so you can have an
intimate relationship with somebody else,
783
00:37:25,444 --> 00:37:27,811
but I get nothing.
784
00:37:27,813 --> 00:37:30,614
And you think it's fine that
we have a marriage like this.
785
00:37:30,616 --> 00:37:32,048
It's insulting.
786
00:37:32,050 --> 00:37:35,552
And why would he expect me
to stay in a marriage like that?
787
00:37:35,554 --> 00:37:37,554
It feels, like, at some point,
788
00:37:37,556 --> 00:37:39,556
you never thought
she would really leave.
789
00:37:39,558 --> 00:37:41,625
- [Sukanya] And that's why-- - No,
I wanted her to talk to me about it
790
00:37:41,627 --> 00:37:43,893
and, uh, and go do
some counselling.
791
00:37:43,895 --> 00:37:46,029
That what I really thought
would happen.
792
00:37:46,031 --> 00:37:48,698
So, when I found my boxes
in the garage...
793
00:37:48,700 --> 00:37:49,799
You said relief.
794
00:37:49,801 --> 00:37:53,903
Well, I was, I was,
I was shocked,
795
00:37:53,905 --> 00:37:59,075
but there was, uh, like a
balloon, like lifting, like...
796
00:37:59,778 --> 00:38:00,777
[Kody exhales]
797
00:38:00,779 --> 00:38:02,245
I mean there's pressure
798
00:38:02,914 --> 00:38:04,948
in a bad relationship...
799
00:38:06,184 --> 00:38:08,518
that's still intimate.
800
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:14,024
It's a really tough place to
get to where intimacy is a duty.
801
00:38:14,593 --> 00:38:19,195
And... and I'm sitting there
well aware of it.
802
00:38:19,197 --> 00:38:22,966
And I'm sitting there
without the tools...
803
00:38:23,635 --> 00:38:24,901
to say
804
00:38:24,903 --> 00:38:27,237
what's, what's going wrong here?
805
00:38:27,839 --> 00:38:30,407
And I'm like I know
where she's been
806
00:38:30,409 --> 00:38:33,610
for 10 years,
12 years, 13 years.
807
00:38:33,612 --> 00:38:37,681
She sat here
and said I hate polygamy.
808
00:38:37,683 --> 00:38:41,384
And she's told other wives
that she was going to leave me
809
00:38:41,386 --> 00:38:43,053
- or that she wanted to.
- Well--
810
00:38:43,055 --> 00:38:49,092
And then to sit and do the
dance in Las Vegas trying
811
00:38:49,528 --> 00:38:52,495
so hard to work it out with her,
812
00:38:52,497 --> 00:38:55,865
doing the counselling,
having the conversations,
813
00:38:55,867 --> 00:38:59,436
and never really feeling like
she was ever being accountable.
814
00:39:01,540 --> 00:39:03,707
I'm done pretending.
815
00:39:03,709 --> 00:39:06,042
I've been showing the kids
that everything is fine.
816
00:39:06,044 --> 00:39:08,912
I've been showing everybody
that everything is fine.
817
00:39:08,914 --> 00:39:11,414
And I can't pretend anymore.
818
00:39:11,416 --> 00:39:13,049
If when he comes into my room,
819
00:39:13,051 --> 00:39:14,984
he really doesn't
wanna be there,
820
00:39:14,986 --> 00:39:16,319
I don't want him there.
821
00:39:16,555 --> 00:39:17,954
I don't want him there.
822
00:39:18,690 --> 00:39:21,991
And I tell you it felt really good
when he wasn't there anymore.
823
00:39:22,661 --> 00:39:24,427
My biggest problem...
824
00:39:25,464 --> 00:39:30,200
for all of this experience
is that I'm angry.
825
00:39:31,837 --> 00:39:36,306
Well, fast forward to this
moment and the grief...
826
00:39:37,743 --> 00:39:39,409
that settled in,
the heartbreak
827
00:39:40,345 --> 00:39:41,344
and the awareness.
828
00:39:47,753 --> 00:39:48,818
[exclaims]
829
00:39:48,820 --> 00:39:50,353
It's not that simple.
830
00:39:50,956 --> 00:39:52,389
It's not that simple.
831
00:39:52,391 --> 00:39:54,691
It's... I can't look
at those moments
832
00:39:54,693 --> 00:39:57,594
and just go,
oh, oh, oh, I regret
833
00:39:57,596 --> 00:40:02,065
because there's so much pain
in the 10 years before.
834
00:40:03,034 --> 00:40:06,136
As we're wrapping this up,
like, I have to ask you,
835
00:40:06,138 --> 00:40:07,404
what do you wish for her?
836
00:40:07,939 --> 00:40:09,739
I hope she gets married.
837
00:40:09,741 --> 00:40:11,408
I hope she has
a wonderful relationship.
838
00:40:11,410 --> 00:40:13,042
I hope she's happy.
839
00:40:13,412 --> 00:40:14,577
- Future.
- Yeah.
840
00:40:14,579 --> 00:40:16,413
What does it look like for you?
841
00:40:16,415 --> 00:40:18,715
Will there be dating?
Will there be marriage?
842
00:40:18,717 --> 00:40:21,985
I'm dating me.
I'm getting to know me better.
843
00:40:21,987 --> 00:40:26,122
And I'm like why don't I just
figure out this awesome life
844
00:40:26,124 --> 00:40:30,627
and be present in it
and just love it.
845
00:40:30,629 --> 00:40:31,694
- I feel light.
- Yeah.
846
00:40:31,696 --> 00:40:34,364
And I didn't know
life could be like this.
847
00:40:35,434 --> 00:40:40,236
You know, we're still
the one big happy family.
848
00:40:40,238 --> 00:40:45,942
But she gets to find somebody that
she really loves or, you know, whatever.
849
00:40:45,944 --> 00:40:47,110
Yeah.
850
00:40:47,112 --> 00:40:51,181
And we, we just make it bigger.
851
00:40:51,316 --> 00:40:52,582
It's so weird.
852
00:40:52,584 --> 00:40:54,517
- So, now I have a new text thread...
- [Sukanya laughs]
853
00:40:54,519 --> 00:40:57,220
- that's just Kody, Robyn and Meri.
- [Sukanya] Meri.
854
00:40:58,223 --> 00:41:01,658
And we have now had
to start having conversations
855
00:41:01,660 --> 00:41:03,426
about the property
and all these things
856
00:41:03,428 --> 00:41:04,861
- with just the four of us.
- Right.
857
00:41:04,863 --> 00:41:07,430
And it feels like, I feel like
somebody is missing.
858
00:41:07,432 --> 00:41:10,166
- Yeah.
- I don't know if it's really sunk in, yet.
859
00:41:11,570 --> 00:41:12,602
Does it hurt?
860
00:41:12,604 --> 00:41:14,137
I feel, like, maybe,
it was a good move
861
00:41:14,139 --> 00:41:15,405
- 'cause she is happier.
- [Sukanya] Yeah.
862
00:41:15,407 --> 00:41:17,674
She is a lot happier.
863
00:41:17,676 --> 00:41:23,546
And so, I'm like how can I be sorry for
something that she is so happy about.
864
00:41:23,548 --> 00:41:27,750
Now, I just look forward
to healing process of
865
00:41:27,752 --> 00:41:34,057
managing it and coming to a place
where we're, we're friends again.
866
00:41:34,059 --> 00:41:38,995
And it's just, you know, you
know, we had this experience
867
00:41:38,997 --> 00:41:40,096
and that's over.
868
00:41:40,098 --> 00:41:41,331
And...
869
00:41:43,268 --> 00:41:44,767
have a good life
870
00:41:44,769 --> 00:41:45,768
and uh...
871
00:41:45,837 --> 00:41:47,604
be well, be happy.
872
00:41:47,606 --> 00:41:52,141
You know, like, but I'm still
in a grieving process now.
873
00:41:53,311 --> 00:41:55,879
If you could
look at that person,
874
00:41:55,881 --> 00:41:57,380
- you, today, look at that
person-- - [Christine] Mmm-hmm.
875
00:41:57,382 --> 00:41:59,148
what would you say to her?
876
00:41:59,150 --> 00:42:01,818
Can I look back in the past and be
like I wish Kody would have done this,
877
00:42:01,820 --> 00:42:03,753
I wish I would have done this,
I wish I would...
878
00:42:03,755 --> 00:42:04,988
Well, I'm not
that person anymore,
879
00:42:04,990 --> 00:42:05,822
and neither is he.
880
00:42:05,824 --> 00:42:07,857
Nor do I want to be.
881
00:42:07,859 --> 00:42:10,026
So it's kind of, when I
look back in the past...
882
00:42:10,862 --> 00:42:12,762
I mean
what would have I told her.
883
00:42:12,764 --> 00:42:13,630
I don't know.
884
00:42:13,632 --> 00:42:15,231
Like, I'm here now.
885
00:42:16,034 --> 00:42:18,001
I thank you
for your honesty today.
886
00:42:18,003 --> 00:42:20,303
- You're welcome.
- I appreciate it.
887
00:42:20,305 --> 00:42:21,938
You're welcome.