1 00:00:01,201 --> 00:00:02,768 [Sukanya Krishnan] Previously on Sister Wives: One on One... 2 00:00:02,770 --> 00:00:09,742 There is a refusal to either communicate, to understand, or to partner. 3 00:00:09,744 --> 00:00:12,578 Like, should I respect you? You're dividing the family. 4 00:00:12,580 --> 00:00:15,147 You really are the only one that's having 5 00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:17,416 a fully functioning relationship with Kody. 6 00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:19,218 Makes me angry. 7 00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:22,154 We all came out of this scarred, all of us did. 8 00:00:25,993 --> 00:00:27,960 Can't. 9 00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:30,229 [Sukanya] In this final episode, 10 00:00:30,231 --> 00:00:35,768 I sit down individually with Kody, Janelle, Robyn, Christine, and Meri 11 00:00:35,770 --> 00:00:39,705 to discuss the most talked about events in their lives. 12 00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:42,541 I don't want polygamy 'cause I don't believe in it for me anymore. 13 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:43,742 At that point, she made a choice 14 00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:45,411 that she was never gonna have a functioning marriage. 15 00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:49,014 I didn't know things were as serious as they were. 16 00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:51,016 We've got these great memories and we've got these beautiful children, 17 00:00:51,018 --> 00:00:51,884 and you hate polygamy? 18 00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:53,619 What the crap? 19 00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:55,888 Are we ever gonna have an intimate marriage again? 20 00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:57,723 And he just said, "Probably not." 21 00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:59,725 I didn't want to be intimate 22 00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:04,129 because I had somebody who was stabbing me in the back, I felt like. 23 00:01:04,131 --> 00:01:07,299 So you can have an intimate relationship with somebody else, 24 00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:09,601 but I get nothing. 25 00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:15,641 It's a really tough place to get to where intimacy is a duty. 26 00:01:15,643 --> 00:01:19,578 I'm Sukanya Krishnan, and this is Sister Wives: One on One. 27 00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:23,982 [camera crew speaking indistinctly] 28 00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:30,089 And it felt great for me. I... It felt great because I felt like I was-- 29 00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:33,392 [director] Standby in five, four, three... 30 00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:36,595 So where are you and Kody at right now? 31 00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:40,065 Kody and I are divorced. We're completely separate. 32 00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:43,302 We're just gonna be friends eventually. 33 00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:48,841 I just realized I had to make a decision for my heart, 34 00:01:48,843 --> 00:01:51,977 and my heart was done being broken. 35 00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:53,312 And it felt... 36 00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:58,383 well, freeing. 37 00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:01,887 Well, Christine, [sighs] okay, 38 00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:04,857 so Christine's moved. She's left. 39 00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:06,191 We are... 40 00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:08,594 no longer married. 41 00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:14,366 Um, I love her, and I... I um... 42 00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:19,638 I don't know what to do 'cause I've got the grief, but I'm still angry. 43 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,640 - Yeah. - I'll take the grief right now for a little while, 44 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,909 just to be out of the anger phase, 45 00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:28,647 and then just moving on, just have a good life and find happiness. 46 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,949 And I think, to be honest with you, 47 00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:34,953 there's gonna be some relief from the rest of the family too. 48 00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:39,024 How does something like this play out in the bigger family? 49 00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:42,027 What a waste. [scoffs] 50 00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:46,865 Help me understand that. 51 00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:49,401 'Cause there's two functioning people that could figure it out. 52 00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:51,136 [Sukanya] Mmm. 53 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:54,273 And... 54 00:02:57,711 --> 00:02:59,378 sorry, I just... 55 00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:05,984 I don't see why giving up is an option 56 00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:08,187 when you haven't actually tried... 57 00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:14,026 to fix it. 58 00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:20,966 Feels like you're... You're angry a little bit. 59 00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:24,036 I am frustrated, and angry... 60 00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:27,172 and devastated by Christine's choice. 61 00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:29,174 Yeah. 62 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,376 She's part of my big picture. 63 00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:41,186 Her kids are part of my big picture... 64 00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:52,130 and I have been wanting to have a close relationship with her for years. 65 00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:58,437 Divorce just... 66 00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:00,105 [sighs] 67 00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:02,140 Just breaks everything up. 68 00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:06,111 It's just hard. 69 00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:12,150 I think that they just got to the point, that they just... 70 00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:16,722 They tried, and tried, and tried, and they have tried. 71 00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:18,757 They've been to counseling, they've tried. 72 00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:20,592 On both sides, they've tried, 73 00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,594 and I think it just got to the point where it just... 74 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,763 They just realized it didn't work anymore. 75 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,766 How do you think that dynamic is gonna affect 76 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:30,302 the whole family, the larger family? 77 00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:32,771 It's been hard because, like, you're pulling apart 78 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:37,643 something that has been for 20-plus years, 25 years. 79 00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:39,611 That's like... Who are you after that? 80 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,747 You've been something for 25 years, 81 00:04:41,749 --> 00:04:44,383 - who are you when that no longer exists? - Mmm. 82 00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:46,718 And how does that feel for you, 83 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,687 - since that has been such a bigger part of your life? - Well, so, yeah... No... 84 00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:51,790 I mean, like, Christine has been such this huge thing. 85 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:55,294 So now, I'm, like, I'm trying to figure out how to not take sides. 86 00:04:55,362 --> 00:04:56,561 So they're separated. 87 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:59,765 How does that affect you and the family, the bigger family? 88 00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:04,569 I don't even know, like, it... Literally, it's, like, so new to me, 89 00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:08,340 and I don't know what to do with it. 90 00:05:08,342 --> 00:05:11,410 -I'm still trying to wrap my head around it, -Right. 91 00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:15,113 And get it, like, it... 'Cause it makes no sense to me. 92 00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:16,882 It's not just a marriage I'm leaving, 93 00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:19,484 it's a whole family and it's sister wives, 94 00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:23,121 and what does that do to us and I don't know, 95 00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:25,857 but then you just have to make a decision for yourself anyway 96 00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,659 'cause I'm like, am I being super selfish? 97 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,528 Is it the selfish decision? 98 00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:35,867 I'm changing the whole dynamic of a huge family with so many people. 99 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,704 Is it just selfish? Is that what this is? 100 00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:42,908 And I just decided, you know what, I gotta still live my life for me too, 101 00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:45,677 and I wasn't... I just wasn't present, 102 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,245 I wasn't happy, and it wasn't... 103 00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:49,348 Just wasn't working anymore. 104 00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:52,351 All right. 105 00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:54,653 I know you want to set the record straight. 106 00:05:54,655 --> 00:05:57,289 You've got your version of the story, Christine has hers. 107 00:05:58,025 --> 00:06:00,158 There's a lot to unpack with that. 108 00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:02,961 More than I want to. 109 00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:06,965 So let's start the conversation. 110 00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:11,203 Is it hard for you to sit there and question your polygamy? 111 00:06:13,841 --> 00:06:18,343 I... I think in some ways, some people are really cut out for it... 112 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,946 and some people aren't. 113 00:06:20,948 --> 00:06:25,016 I'm sitting here going, wow, I mean, we have really messed this up, 114 00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:27,619 this call to be better than we are. 115 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,855 You know, and I... We might work it out, 116 00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:35,460 but I know people, I know fundamentalist Mormons, I know polygamists 117 00:06:35,462 --> 00:06:38,797 who are doing a much better job than me... 118 00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:44,636 and I wonder though, are they... Is it they're... Is there a disconnect? 119 00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:49,040 Are they living in that dissonance that I have experienced? 120 00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:50,509 I want you to watch this next clip. 121 00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:52,711 I think it might have surprised the audience 122 00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:55,547 because they haven't seen that side of Kody. 123 00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:58,383 Let's watch this and we'll get your reaction. 124 00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:05,957 [Kody] I've told friends, recently, that I didn't want to be 125 00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:08,393 an advocate of plural marriage anymore. 126 00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:10,662 That's a hard one to hear, that's super hard to hear. 127 00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:14,933 I've been nagged for years about the struggles in plural marriage. 128 00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:18,270 Instead of rejecting Christine's complaints about plural marriage, 129 00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:19,738 I've opened myself up to them, 130 00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:22,407 and it's very much unraveled plural marriage for me, 131 00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:24,409 and it's made me a little bit cynical. 132 00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:26,278 I've just stopped trying. 133 00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:30,115 I've just stopped trying to get the family united, 134 00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:32,117 and get us all going the same direction... 135 00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,986 'Cause I don't give a [bleep] anymore. 136 00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:43,862 It's scary because I look at Kody as the head of our family, 137 00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:48,733 and to have the leader just be like, um, I don't care anymore. 138 00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:51,036 Like, where does that leave us? 139 00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:52,470 And honestly, I'm at a point now 140 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:57,576 where I see the family, in many ways, as an obstacle to my own goals. 141 00:07:57,578 --> 00:08:01,446 I'm just looking a Kody like, what the hell planet did you just come from? 142 00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:04,449 We're in this plural marriage. You have agreed to this. 143 00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:07,519 Like, the... Considering your family an obstacle to his own goals, 144 00:08:07,521 --> 00:08:10,388 well, that's about the most selfish thing I've ever heard. 145 00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:13,825 [Kody] My wives say, you know, if you weren't in the picture, we would still get along. 146 00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:18,930 That's such bull. I've seen these women treat each other so [bleep] 147 00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:21,666 for so many years that I can't take it anymore. 148 00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,802 The struggles of plural marriage 149 00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:27,405 make me just think that it's a waste of time, 150 00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:32,010 that we have... We have embarked on an experiment that is a failure. 151 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:37,415 Wow, that sums it up big time with where I feel today. 152 00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:40,218 I... I wanted my wives to love each other. 153 00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:44,055 To me, my biggest anger with wives 154 00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,924 - is the way they treat each other. - Mmm-hmm. 155 00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:48,693 You know, if they treat me crappy, I really don't notice it. 156 00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:51,563 I went years with being treated badly... 157 00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:53,965 - Mmm-hmm. - and just really wasn't aware, 158 00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,568 but when I see how they're treating each other, 159 00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:58,870 that's a whole different story. 160 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:03,942 Honestly, there's a wake-up call that I had with moving to Flagstaff, 161 00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:06,144 and it was if I was out of the picture... 162 00:09:07,915 --> 00:09:09,080 it'd be over. 163 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,116 That's rough. 164 00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:13,418 Like, this is not... 165 00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:17,022 - This is not Kody. - Yeah. 166 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,790 This is not him, 167 00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:24,796 and I hope that he can find the strength to carry what he needs to carry, 168 00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:25,764 instead of, like, just walking away, 169 00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:27,132 because that's what it sounds like 170 00:09:27,134 --> 00:09:29,901 when I hear these kinds of things from him. 171 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,403 It's like... [sighs] 172 00:09:32,406 --> 00:09:33,771 I'm done. 173 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:37,175 We've been struggling for a long time, and I'm a plural wife, 174 00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:40,745 and the only way I'm in this family is because I'm a plural wife. 175 00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,814 Uh, yeah, and we've been struggling forever, 176 00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:44,416 so I definitely took it personally. 177 00:09:44,418 --> 00:09:45,750 Yeah, because it seemed like you were 178 00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,519 in a pretty fragile place with him anyway. 179 00:09:47,521 --> 00:09:48,886 - Yeah, and then... - Were you? 180 00:09:48,888 --> 00:09:50,689 Yeah, and then to hear that he doesn't want to try anymore, 181 00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:52,424 he doesn't want to do it anymore, and I'm like... 182 00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:55,660 okay, well, here I'm kind of holding on 183 00:09:55,662 --> 00:10:02,033 to the last shred of hope that I have with wanting to stay, 184 00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:04,869 and now you're saying that family doesn't mean much to you anymore, 185 00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:07,405 you don't want to try it anymore. 186 00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:10,275 She told me once, she hated plural marriage. 187 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:14,079 - This is after she was in Lehi with... - Yeah, yeah. 188 00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:17,482 - With Meri and Janelle, living in the basement. - Janelle, yeah. 189 00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:21,753 Christine's like, I hate plural marriage, and I hate this lifestyle. 190 00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:23,922 And she's living two lives, she's promoting, 191 00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:26,658 talking about how she loves plural marriage and all this stuff, 192 00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:28,159 and how I didn't want the husband, 193 00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:31,930 I wanted the sister wives, I wanted this family and all these things. 194 00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:34,866 At the same time, she's telling me she hates plural marriage. 195 00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:35,800 How does that make you feel? 196 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:38,970 Man, I, well... The mistake I made, 197 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,373 I can look back on this one and see the mistake, 198 00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:43,808 the mistake I made was not... Not saying, 199 00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:47,412 "I'm so sorry, I love you, and I... I validate what you're saying." 200 00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:49,547 You know, I... I didn't validate her. 201 00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:53,652 Instead, it made me angry. [laughing] It made me angry as hell. 202 00:10:53,654 --> 00:10:55,353 When you really start getting honest, 203 00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:56,821 and you start looking up to the heavens 204 00:10:56,823 --> 00:11:01,626 and going, "Jeez, Father. I mean, you inspired me to do this, 205 00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:03,528 "why is it such a mess now?" 206 00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:05,797 It really has set me on my heels 207 00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:09,167 and had me questioning the lifestyle itself. 208 00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:10,668 It's a challenge, 209 00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:12,704 - it's not like... - Are you questioning your own polygamy right now? 210 00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:14,205 Oh, hell yes. 211 00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:17,709 Yes, I question it all the time. 212 00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:19,944 When you talk to women who are struggling in it, 213 00:11:19,946 --> 00:11:21,513 - the pain in it. - Yeah. 214 00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:24,015 Yeah, I don't want polygamy, that's for sure. 215 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,116 Part of the reason I'm sure that I'm leaving 216 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:27,852 is because I don't believe in it for me anymore. 217 00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:29,921 I don't, it's not... 218 00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:32,991 God's like, "no, girl, you did it. You can go. You're... Check." You know? 219 00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:34,959 That's how it felt. 220 00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:36,661 Do you still believe in polygamy? 221 00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:38,396 Yes, I do. I'm here. 222 00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:39,931 I mean, there was a point during COVID 223 00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:41,800 - where I'm like, okay, do I still want to do this? - Yeah. 224 00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:46,905 And there was a period of time where Kody was away for about six weeks, 225 00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:49,674 and I, like, thought wow, life is really easy. 226 00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:51,676 [laughing] Life is really easy. 227 00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:54,145 And I had to really kinda do some soul-searching, 228 00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:55,880 and realize that I want to be here still. 229 00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:58,750 - Yeah. - I'm here. 230 00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:02,120 If he doesn't love plural marriage, what does he do, you know? 231 00:12:02,589 --> 00:12:04,422 What does he do? That's... 232 00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:07,092 That's... That's three of us or all of us 233 00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:09,060 that he moves on from? 234 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:10,795 And we've seen that in our... In our culture. 235 00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:15,366 We have seen that, where a man decides he's done living plural marriage, 236 00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:18,436 and he leaves all of his wives or he leaves all but one, 237 00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:22,107 and he goes and starts a new life, he's tired of it. 238 00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:25,610 I've put in a lot of work. He's put in a lot of work. 239 00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:28,747 I still see the value in it. 240 00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:31,382 - Do you think he still sees the value in it? - I don't know. 241 00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:33,651 I don't know, honestly. 242 00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:37,155 Does he get a chance to give up in the faith? Can he give up? 243 00:12:38,125 --> 00:12:40,391 Anybody can do whatever they want. 244 00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:42,127 If he wants to give up... 245 00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:44,395 he can give up. 246 00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:47,866 If he wants to walk away, he can walk away. 247 00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:50,368 Do you think they're still all in love with you? 248 00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:55,440 I don't know if... If it's about love, 249 00:12:55,942 --> 00:13:00,812 or determination, or commitment, you know. 250 00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:04,649 I know that... That... I... I'm not naive here, 251 00:13:04,651 --> 00:13:06,317 but I... [clears throat] 252 00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:10,522 I know that I've got a couple wives 253 00:13:10,524 --> 00:13:12,657 standing on a bridge with a torch, 254 00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:16,995 just wondering, you know, do I throw this in the water or do we light this thing up? 255 00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:20,031 -Mmm. -You know, 'cause there's... There's no... 256 00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:23,034 There's no... 257 00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:27,038 better awareness than reading the facts 258 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,407 from the light of a burning bridge. [laughs] 259 00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:30,975 You know what I mean? 260 00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:33,945 But then it's too late. You... You can't rescue that. 261 00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:40,485 I mean, 'cause here I am, and I'm looking at this whole experience with Christine, 262 00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:43,655 and I'm going all the way back to 12 years ago. 263 00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:47,759 I hate polygamy, and I just could've validated. You know? 264 00:13:47,761 --> 00:13:51,763 I do not like what we're doing here, I do not like this. 265 00:13:51,765 --> 00:13:56,534 And I could've just validated, instead of becoming so, 266 00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:59,771 ugh, like, righteous indignation. 267 00:13:59,773 --> 00:14:02,774 Yeah, that was some arrogance there. Yeah, some... 268 00:14:02,776 --> 00:14:05,510 Some, like... My first reaction was, 269 00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:08,646 like, I've been loving to you, and I've been this... 270 00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,582 You know, I've been this husband, and we've done this, 271 00:14:10,584 --> 00:14:11,950 and we've done all this together, 272 00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:13,318 and we've got these great memories, 273 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:14,886 and we've got these beautiful children, and you hate polygamy? 274 00:14:14,954 --> 00:14:16,688 What the crap? 275 00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:18,756 You know, like, honestly that was my reaction, 276 00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:20,925 instead of going, "oh, I know, it's so hard." 277 00:14:20,927 --> 00:14:24,229 And I'm looking back now, and I'm going, 278 00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:25,496 - if I could go back... - Yeah. 279 00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:28,066 [clears throat] 280 00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:33,137 would I save it all with just being empathetic instead? 281 00:14:36,076 --> 00:14:37,942 I mean, do you think you would have? 282 00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:48,119 You know, now, we'll never know. 283 00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:51,522 [Sukanya] Coming up... 284 00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:52,924 [Kody] I didn't know that she was going, 285 00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:54,359 I don't want to be married to Kody anymore, 286 00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:57,829 and I'm like, why am I in the dark here? 287 00:14:57,831 --> 00:15:03,401 I didn't realize that if she didn't move to Utah, she was done. 288 00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,603 I'm not gonna stay in that. 289 00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,538 - It was like right there at that moment. - It was right there. 290 00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:11,075 It was that moment where I was like, no. 291 00:15:15,849 --> 00:15:18,816 - [director] Here we go in five, four... - [Sukanya] Oh, here we go. 292 00:15:18,818 --> 00:15:20,451 All right, deep breaths because we're gonna really 293 00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:23,054 unpack something else that's difficult, 294 00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:27,358 and that was Christine and the moment that it came to light 295 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:31,129 that you weren't on the same page with her when it comes to Utah. 296 00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:32,964 I want you to take a look at the clip 297 00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:33,498 and then we'll talk about that. 298 00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:35,600 [Kody] Mmm. 299 00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:40,104 I remember saying specifically that I would definitely move to Flagstaff 300 00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:42,006 unless the laws in Utah changed. 301 00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:43,708 The laws have changed. 302 00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:45,710 Well, you're talking about something that I want 303 00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:51,115 that I just refuse to... To even entertain now. 304 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:58,656 It's an exciting thought just 'cause all my friends are in St. George. 305 00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:04,829 Polygamy got decriminalized, and I wonder why we're still here. 306 00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:08,299 We can move back home. I want to move back. 307 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:11,402 [Janelle] There's nothing for me in Utah, nothing. 308 00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:14,572 I'm in a place where I feel like, my kids... My kids love it here. 309 00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:19,210 This is the most likely place for any of our kids to move back, our adult kids. 310 00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:24,682 I'm surprised because I thought Kody was more in favor of this. 311 00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:27,218 He's acting like we've never even talked about this and that... 312 00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:32,023 He wasn't in favor the last time we talked. 313 00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:35,293 We're not moving are we? 314 00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:38,329 [sobbing] 315 00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:41,899 [Christine] Meri, I can't be married 316 00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:43,835 to Kody anymore, I don't want to... 317 00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:45,536 [Meri] Just look at the mountain. 318 00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:47,071 [Christine] I don't want to do it anymore. 319 00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:50,008 I'm tired of feeling like I don't matter. 320 00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:52,877 I'm tired of not having his support 321 00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:54,312 when I really need it. 322 00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:58,549 I'm just tired. 323 00:16:58,551 --> 00:16:59,650 [Kody] So when we met last, 324 00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:01,919 I felt like I was cutting you off too harshly. 325 00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:03,888 I was like, "No, that'll never happen. 326 00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,123 We're not moving back to Utah." 327 00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:06,991 I was trying to be stoic. 328 00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:08,693 Um, and I feel bad. 329 00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:11,729 I'm... I want to say, I'm sorry. 330 00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:13,865 What is the stupid word he's using, stoic? 331 00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:16,768 [bleep] he was an ass. 332 00:17:16,770 --> 00:17:18,369 I don't believe him that he's sorry. 333 00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:22,106 Why would I want to live 334 00:17:22,776 --> 00:17:24,976 on the same property 335 00:17:24,978 --> 00:17:27,278 with a dysfunctional marriage 336 00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:30,782 where right over there 337 00:17:30,784 --> 00:17:32,850 he's got a full functioning marriage? 338 00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:35,053 Who in their right mind 339 00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:39,223 would ever want to live like that? 340 00:17:42,796 --> 00:17:44,095 [sighs softly] 341 00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:45,329 That's hard to watch. 342 00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:48,099 Hmm, I... 343 00:17:50,804 --> 00:17:52,970 Is it really about Utah? 344 00:17:52,972 --> 00:17:54,405 Or is it really about 345 00:17:54,808 --> 00:17:56,007 the relationship? 346 00:17:56,009 --> 00:17:59,243 Her state of affairs with her sister wives? 347 00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:00,578 What is that about? 348 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:04,348 I didn't know she said that until I saw it. 349 00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:07,518 I didn't know what was going on. 350 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:08,853 I didn't know that she was going, 351 00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:11,189 "I don't want to be married to Kody anymore." 352 00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:14,092 I mean, I'd heard rumors from my children 353 00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:17,095 that'd she'd been kind of throwing things around. 354 00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,030 Uh, and, and I... 355 00:18:19,032 --> 00:18:20,498 You know, even other wives saying, 356 00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,867 "Oh, she's always threatened that she was going to leave." 357 00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:26,237 And I'm like, "Why, why am I in the dark here?" 358 00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:28,873 We're supposed to be taking care of 359 00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:29,907 our kids that are here. 360 00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:31,809 Who like living here. 361 00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:33,744 And, and she throws that out 362 00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:36,647 like it's something simple, like it's something easy, 363 00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:39,984 something petty, and then she gets mad when we reject it. 364 00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:42,386 And walks off with petulance. 365 00:18:42,388 --> 00:18:45,056 I'm watching this... 366 00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:48,993 For her, she's just had her life 367 00:18:48,995 --> 00:18:50,895 completely controlled 368 00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:52,130 by four other people. 369 00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:54,265 I, I... That I get. 370 00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:58,002 I had no idea that, that was what was at stake. 371 00:18:58,004 --> 00:19:00,138 Like, I didn't realize that 372 00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:01,639 if she didn't move to Utah 373 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,575 she was done. 374 00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:06,577 Did you even know that they were struggling at this point, like that? 375 00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:09,280 I knew there was some stuff going on, 376 00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:12,950 but, you know, it's like also, like, it's supposed to be none of my business. 377 00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:13,851 Right. 378 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:14,852 You know, even though 379 00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:18,089 it affects life completely, and, and I... 380 00:19:18,091 --> 00:19:20,424 She's someone I love, and he's someone I love and... 381 00:19:24,230 --> 00:19:25,963 It's very, very... 382 00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:28,132 Um... 383 00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:30,234 Hard to watch. 384 00:19:31,104 --> 00:19:32,970 Why is it hard to watch? 385 00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:38,409 Because that... 386 00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:45,850 It's one thing to be in your room 387 00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:49,353 all quiet and alone and going, "I don't want to be in this marriage anymore." 388 00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:52,290 It's a wholly different thing to 389 00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:56,194 be on camera and say it 390 00:19:58,164 --> 00:19:59,397 to your sister wife. 391 00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:08,072 And I was just... 392 00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:14,078 Had no idea I was sitting in a chair... 393 00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:20,384 I was sitting in a chair chatting with Kody and Janelle, 394 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:22,987 you know, just thinking... 395 00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:24,255 You know, Meri is... 396 00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:26,424 You know, helping her. 397 00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:30,595 She'll be okay, we'll figure this out kind of a thing. 398 00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:33,998 So in a way, you feel like you failed your sister wife at this point? 399 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,033 I didn't know what was happening, but yeah. 400 00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:40,972 I didn't know 401 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,309 things were as serious as they were. 402 00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:50,915 The other part that struck me was 403 00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:51,949 Christine saying, you know, 404 00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:53,851 "Over here you have a fully functioning marriage. 405 00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:56,854 And why would I ever want to live on a piece of property 406 00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:59,624 - where mine isn't fully functioning." - Yeah. 407 00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:01,859 I feel like at that point she made a choice 408 00:21:01,861 --> 00:21:03,227 that she was never gonna have a functioning marriage. 409 00:21:03,229 --> 00:21:04,528 Wow. 410 00:21:04,530 --> 00:21:07,298 And look, I get that sometimes you just work, and work, and work, 411 00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:09,333 and you get to the place where it just doesn't work. 412 00:21:09,736 --> 00:21:11,068 And that's okay. 413 00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:13,070 - Mmm. - But, you know, I mean... 414 00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:16,107 So I think at this point she must have already maybe decided 415 00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:17,742 that she was gonna move? 416 00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:19,610 - Yeah. - I don't know. 417 00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:22,880 'Cause I think that's a choice that you make by labelling it 418 00:21:22,882 --> 00:21:26,784 as a not functioning never gonna be functioning relationship 419 00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:28,185 that says a lot. 420 00:21:28,721 --> 00:21:30,421 Were you not in tune 421 00:21:30,423 --> 00:21:34,125 to what she was feeling? 422 00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:37,628 - How she needs you-- - Well, yes, I feel... 423 00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,196 Oh, man. 424 00:21:39,198 --> 00:21:43,067 Suki, she's been complaining from the time we moved 425 00:21:43,069 --> 00:21:44,435 to Las Vegas. 426 00:21:44,437 --> 00:21:47,204 That's nine years, ten years. 427 00:21:47,206 --> 00:21:50,708 She's been complaining about everything in her life. 428 00:21:50,710 --> 00:21:52,009 Like, remember 429 00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:55,212 years ago, she shrugged. 430 00:21:55,815 --> 00:21:58,282 She did not like her life anymore. 431 00:21:58,685 --> 00:22:00,685 This is a singular moment 432 00:22:00,687 --> 00:22:03,354 that has been building up for years. 433 00:22:03,923 --> 00:22:05,623 And you've been trying to help her-- 434 00:22:05,625 --> 00:22:07,458 Oh, I've been trying to make her happy 435 00:22:07,460 --> 00:22:10,661 all the time, it's this constant burden. 436 00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:12,930 There's something missing, there's some problem. 437 00:22:12,932 --> 00:22:15,399 Something's going on and it... 438 00:22:15,401 --> 00:22:17,501 Frankly, it just could be plural marriage. 439 00:22:17,503 --> 00:22:19,403 I don't know. 440 00:22:19,405 --> 00:22:22,940 When she and I were out on the property... 441 00:22:22,942 --> 00:22:25,843 At that moment I thought that she was just mad 442 00:22:25,911 --> 00:22:27,211 or upset. 443 00:22:27,213 --> 00:22:29,280 I thought I knew who she was, 444 00:22:29,282 --> 00:22:30,514 and how she was, 445 00:22:30,516 --> 00:22:31,948 and how, 446 00:22:31,950 --> 00:22:35,052 you know, committed she was to the family and stuff like that. 447 00:22:35,054 --> 00:22:37,421 Because of, you know, so many years together. 448 00:22:37,423 --> 00:22:38,855 - Mmm-hmm. - You know, 449 00:22:38,857 --> 00:22:42,960 so I went to her and I'm like, "Come on, you're stronger than this." 450 00:22:42,962 --> 00:22:46,597 "You have to do the work. If there's a hiccup with him, 451 00:22:46,599 --> 00:22:49,033 if there's a hiccup with a sister wife, 452 00:22:49,035 --> 00:22:52,703 if there's a... You know, any issues anywhere you have to do the work." 453 00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:54,705 And it's really, really, really hard to look 454 00:22:54,707 --> 00:22:56,774 inward at yourself. 455 00:22:56,776 --> 00:22:59,944 It's really hard to put a mirror up in front of yourself 456 00:22:59,946 --> 00:23:04,248 and be like, "Okay, these are my issues. I need to fix them." 457 00:23:05,184 --> 00:23:08,252 You can't just always put blame elsewhere. 458 00:23:08,554 --> 00:23:10,187 Here's this woman 459 00:23:10,189 --> 00:23:12,590 - who is also in a relationship with Kody-- - Yeah. 460 00:23:12,592 --> 00:23:16,827 that could possibly mirror your future if you choose to stay. 461 00:23:16,829 --> 00:23:19,196 Did you have that kind of moment where, "Wow, 462 00:23:19,332 --> 00:23:20,798 this is not what I want." 463 00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:24,135 Yeah, no, as soon as she said, "You know, it's really hard for us. 464 00:23:24,137 --> 00:23:26,704 You know hard it's been. How separate it's been." 465 00:23:26,706 --> 00:23:29,640 I was like, "Yeah." 466 00:23:29,642 --> 00:23:31,342 And that's not what I'm going to have. 467 00:23:31,577 --> 00:23:33,711 I'm not going to stay in that. 468 00:23:33,713 --> 00:23:35,946 - It was like right there, at that moment. - It was right there. 469 00:23:35,948 --> 00:23:38,082 It was at that moment where I was like, 470 00:23:38,851 --> 00:23:40,851 "No, that's actually not... 471 00:23:40,853 --> 00:23:42,953 I can't do that. That can't be my future." 472 00:23:42,955 --> 00:23:45,022 There's no hope in a future like that. 473 00:23:45,024 --> 00:23:47,057 There's no hope. I can't even look at those mountains 474 00:23:47,059 --> 00:23:48,526 where I first heard the angels sing. 475 00:23:48,528 --> 00:23:49,827 I can't even... No. 476 00:23:49,829 --> 00:23:52,730 - Mmm-hmm. - Yeah, that was almost kind of like a... 477 00:23:52,732 --> 00:23:55,232 -Reverse, you know, I think that she meant to be -Yeah. 478 00:23:55,234 --> 00:23:56,767 Like all embracing and... 479 00:23:56,769 --> 00:23:58,102 God bless her, I know she tried to be. 480 00:23:58,104 --> 00:23:59,336 And I completely honor that 481 00:23:59,338 --> 00:24:00,671 that's not the way that... 482 00:24:00,673 --> 00:24:04,041 Of course, that's absolute polar opposite what she meant and... 483 00:24:05,945 --> 00:24:07,678 Yeah, I'm sure, and I never want her to feel bad 484 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,580 for trying to include me at all. 485 00:24:09,582 --> 00:24:11,115 - No. - 'Cause I know that wasn't her intention. 486 00:24:11,117 --> 00:24:13,217 Um, but for me it was kind of like 487 00:24:13,986 --> 00:24:16,053 a little bit of a wake-up call. 488 00:24:16,823 --> 00:24:19,123 I'm like, "Oh, gosh. No." 489 00:24:19,926 --> 00:24:20,791 [Sukanya] Coming up... 490 00:24:20,793 --> 00:24:21,826 I didn't know her. 491 00:24:21,828 --> 00:24:22,693 She didn't know me. 492 00:24:22,695 --> 00:24:23,928 He didn't hear you. 493 00:24:23,930 --> 00:24:26,730 He heard, but he had no idea what to do. 494 00:24:26,732 --> 00:24:28,799 'Cause I'd changed so much. 495 00:24:28,801 --> 00:24:32,002 - I'm gonna ask you now, Suki. - Yeah. 496 00:24:32,004 --> 00:24:34,104 I don't want to talk about Christine anymore. 497 00:24:39,812 --> 00:24:41,011 [Sukanya] With the separation of Kody and Christine, 498 00:24:41,013 --> 00:24:43,347 let's take a look back at the ups and downs 499 00:24:43,349 --> 00:24:45,950 of their 27 year relationship. 500 00:24:47,086 --> 00:24:49,386 - You ready for your surprise? - Yes, you're killing me here. 501 00:24:50,957 --> 00:24:52,089 Are you serious? 502 00:24:52,157 --> 00:24:53,991 - We're gonna go on the-- Yes. - It's the helicopter. 503 00:24:54,093 --> 00:24:55,292 ["Your Firefly" playing] 504 00:24:55,294 --> 00:24:57,127 ♪ You're my shade ♪ 505 00:24:57,663 --> 00:24:59,396 ♪ When the moon comes ♪ 506 00:25:00,633 --> 00:25:01,832 [Kody] When I first met Christine 507 00:25:01,834 --> 00:25:03,467 I felt this great bolt of energy. 508 00:25:03,469 --> 00:25:04,935 I just really, really liked her. 509 00:25:04,937 --> 00:25:07,571 So at one point I told Kody, "Out of all the guys that I know 510 00:25:07,573 --> 00:25:09,874 you're the one that I'd want to marry." 511 00:25:09,876 --> 00:25:12,576 [Kody] So I called her dad, the head of our church, in order to 512 00:25:12,578 --> 00:25:13,744 court Christine, 513 00:25:13,746 --> 00:25:16,080 and we were married two months later. 514 00:25:16,082 --> 00:25:18,082 - [Christine] Perfect date. - [Kody] Perfect date. 515 00:25:18,084 --> 00:25:19,850 ♪ Ooh ooh ♪ 516 00:25:19,852 --> 00:25:21,318 ♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪ 517 00:25:21,854 --> 00:25:23,954 ♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪ 518 00:25:23,956 --> 00:25:25,656 ♪ Ooh ooh ♪ 519 00:25:25,658 --> 00:25:26,891 [Christine] Some of my best memories 520 00:25:26,893 --> 00:25:29,026 with Kody have been driving in the car 521 00:25:29,028 --> 00:25:30,828 listening to super loud music 522 00:25:30,830 --> 00:25:32,763 singing along and just 523 00:25:32,765 --> 00:25:34,732 having a blast in the car together. 524 00:25:34,734 --> 00:25:36,166 Those are my favorite memories. 525 00:25:37,803 --> 00:25:40,337 I'm looking for love. 526 00:25:40,339 --> 00:25:42,840 - That's right, you are looking for love. - [chuckles] 527 00:25:42,842 --> 00:25:45,809 [Kody] I'm looking for solid foundation and structure. 528 00:25:45,811 --> 00:25:48,546 - Honor the entire family and I will love you. - That's-- 529 00:25:48,548 --> 00:25:49,680 [Christine] Almost every day is hard. 530 00:25:49,682 --> 00:25:53,717 It's just hard to see a silver lining every day. 531 00:25:53,719 --> 00:25:55,953 [Kody] When you don't have trust, you don't have intimacy. 532 00:25:55,955 --> 00:25:58,889 - Uh-uh. - And what became apparent to Christine was 533 00:25:58,891 --> 00:26:00,824 the lack of intimacy. 534 00:26:00,826 --> 00:26:01,492 I'm miserable. 535 00:26:01,494 --> 00:26:03,093 I'm jealous as can be. 536 00:26:03,095 --> 00:26:05,696 I didn't know that I would be a jealous person. 537 00:26:05,698 --> 00:26:08,065 And I am so jealous. 538 00:26:09,001 --> 00:26:10,033 Why are you not looking at me? 539 00:26:10,035 --> 00:26:11,835 I don't know, I don't know, I just... Whatever. 540 00:26:11,837 --> 00:26:14,805 - Let's just do it your way. - Okay, I'll make the orders and everybody else do it. 541 00:26:14,807 --> 00:26:16,407 Well, that's kind of how we have to do it. 542 00:26:16,409 --> 00:26:17,641 Then you've got somebody to blame. 543 00:26:17,643 --> 00:26:19,810 You really are calling, Ken? 544 00:26:19,812 --> 00:26:21,378 Listen, I don't need to talk to you about that. 545 00:26:22,081 --> 00:26:22,780 He owes me an apology. 546 00:26:22,782 --> 00:26:24,515 For what? 547 00:26:24,517 --> 00:26:25,816 For saying, "Yeah, you're welcome back to the church 548 00:26:25,818 --> 00:26:28,385 but you have to leave three of your wives behind." 549 00:26:28,387 --> 00:26:30,888 I swear, this is all driven by her pride, 550 00:26:30,890 --> 00:26:32,323 and now I'm pissed. 551 00:26:33,693 --> 00:26:34,525 I don't want to talk to him. 552 00:26:34,527 --> 00:26:36,927 I don't trust a word, there. 553 00:26:36,929 --> 00:26:39,129 'Cause I don't trust a word coming out of his mouth. 554 00:26:39,131 --> 00:26:41,765 This is not a safe conversation anymore. 555 00:26:41,767 --> 00:26:43,167 I'm sorry, it's just not. 556 00:26:44,570 --> 00:26:46,270 And I'm not gonna talk to you. 557 00:26:48,941 --> 00:26:50,975 Feels like a bit of a crossroads 558 00:26:50,977 --> 00:26:52,209 and I don't know what to do. 559 00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:56,113 [sobbing] 560 00:26:58,884 --> 00:27:00,818 For me the real reality is, is 561 00:27:00,820 --> 00:27:01,986 I didn't know her. 562 00:27:01,988 --> 00:27:03,219 She didn't know me. 563 00:27:04,590 --> 00:27:06,991 When we got married we just didn't know each other. 564 00:27:07,860 --> 00:27:10,728 And, and we have never seen each other 565 00:27:10,730 --> 00:27:12,229 in tough situations. 566 00:27:12,732 --> 00:27:14,098 So when we got married 567 00:27:14,100 --> 00:27:15,733 frankly it was a bad match. 568 00:27:15,735 --> 00:27:17,401 But within a year 569 00:27:18,104 --> 00:27:20,004 I was like, "Man, this is magical." 570 00:27:20,006 --> 00:27:22,973 And she had lifted the burden that 571 00:27:22,975 --> 00:27:25,409 we were struggling with so much. 572 00:27:25,411 --> 00:27:28,045 In a relationship between Janelle and Meri 573 00:27:28,047 --> 00:27:30,981 that I was like really, just so I was just in love with her 574 00:27:30,983 --> 00:27:33,050 for 10, 12 years. 575 00:27:33,653 --> 00:27:34,918 It was a breath of fresh air? 576 00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:35,752 Yeah, a breath of fresh air. 577 00:27:35,754 --> 00:27:37,888 Yeah, and, and she was, [giggles] 578 00:27:37,890 --> 00:27:39,156 You know, kind of happy, go-lucky 579 00:27:39,158 --> 00:27:41,225 and she sort of, um... 580 00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:43,060 Um... 581 00:27:43,062 --> 00:27:45,696 Sort of brought a brightness to the experience. 582 00:27:45,698 --> 00:27:48,065 I just had to be always positive, and upbeat, 583 00:27:48,067 --> 00:27:50,401 and whatever you need, and absolutely, and... 584 00:27:51,003 --> 00:27:52,369 Yeah, that's... And I... 585 00:27:52,371 --> 00:27:54,405 It's so funny and it's like I didn't mind. 586 00:27:54,407 --> 00:27:57,775 It's what was what I did and it was completely fine until it wasn't. 587 00:27:57,777 --> 00:27:58,609 All of a sudden I just realized 588 00:27:58,611 --> 00:28:00,110 I couldn't anymore. 589 00:28:00,112 --> 00:28:01,679 My dad talked to me, it was actually my dad. 590 00:28:01,681 --> 00:28:03,080 My dad's a very... 591 00:28:03,683 --> 00:28:05,582 Sweetest most loving guy, and he's like, 592 00:28:05,584 --> 00:28:07,885 "At what point are you gonna start saying, no?" 593 00:28:07,887 --> 00:28:10,921 And he goes, "You're always saying, yes, to everything. 594 00:28:10,923 --> 00:28:12,856 When are you gonna start saying, no?" 595 00:28:12,858 --> 00:28:14,425 And I'm like, "Oh, gosh." 596 00:28:14,427 --> 00:28:15,993 So the next day you woke up 597 00:28:15,995 --> 00:28:17,528 and you said, " You know what? I'm gonna change this dynamic." 598 00:28:17,530 --> 00:28:20,531 - Yeah. Yep. Yeah. - And then, "I'm gonna start standing up for myself." 599 00:28:20,533 --> 00:28:22,966 And the moment you started standing up for yourself 600 00:28:22,968 --> 00:28:24,968 Kody didn't like that change in personality. 601 00:28:24,970 --> 00:28:26,070 No. 602 00:28:26,172 --> 00:28:27,438 He didn't hear you. 603 00:28:28,507 --> 00:28:31,675 I think that 604 00:28:31,677 --> 00:28:34,812 - [Sukanya] He didn't hear-- - he heard, but he had no idea what to do. 605 00:28:34,814 --> 00:28:37,715 'Cause I had changed so much in a blink. 606 00:28:37,783 --> 00:28:39,683 Everything changed. 607 00:28:39,685 --> 00:28:44,722 And Kody withdrew, and then I withdrew, and we just withdrew. 608 00:28:44,724 --> 00:28:48,292 I know that your time in therapy is a very private time. 609 00:28:49,428 --> 00:28:50,527 What did that unearth? 610 00:28:50,529 --> 00:28:52,830 Like what did that peel back for you guys? 611 00:28:52,832 --> 00:28:56,934 - Awful. Yes. - [Sukanya] Early stuff that just never healed? 612 00:28:56,936 --> 00:28:58,969 Stuff where I was like, "Oh, my gosh. 613 00:28:58,971 --> 00:29:01,038 You hold grudges way longer than I do." 614 00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:02,139 Way longer. 615 00:29:02,141 --> 00:29:05,442 - Mmm-hmm. - Yeah, no, stuff that shocked me completely. 616 00:29:05,778 --> 00:29:07,578 We get to a point where 617 00:29:07,580 --> 00:29:09,947 it's a great experience and it's a struggle, 618 00:29:09,949 --> 00:29:11,415 and it's a great experience and it's a struggle. 619 00:29:11,984 --> 00:29:13,617 And... 620 00:29:13,619 --> 00:29:16,019 Um, and then we end up in Las Vegas 621 00:29:16,021 --> 00:29:18,889 after she has told me she hates plural marriage 622 00:29:18,891 --> 00:29:20,357 while she's at the same time, 623 00:29:21,060 --> 00:29:22,693 pretty much, 624 00:29:22,695 --> 00:29:24,962 you know, telling the whole world how awesome it is. 625 00:29:24,964 --> 00:29:27,397 She had mentioned to me, grudges. 626 00:29:27,399 --> 00:29:30,367 - That you could never let go of some grudges. - I don't carry grudges. 627 00:29:30,703 --> 00:29:32,035 No, if somebody says 628 00:29:32,772 --> 00:29:34,338 I hold a grudge, they're full of it. They don't know who I am. 629 00:29:34,907 --> 00:29:36,006 They don't know me. 630 00:29:36,609 --> 00:29:38,175 She also shared with me 631 00:29:38,644 --> 00:29:42,045 that the moment that she started saying, no, 632 00:29:42,047 --> 00:29:45,816 and not being the happy Christine that you liked 633 00:29:45,818 --> 00:29:46,650 that you fell in love with, 634 00:29:46,652 --> 00:29:50,120 the woman that lifted your burden, 635 00:29:50,122 --> 00:29:53,023 that, that became a heavy lift for you. 636 00:29:53,392 --> 00:29:54,324 Hmm... 637 00:29:54,527 --> 00:29:57,895 Is it fair to say that? 638 00:29:57,897 --> 00:29:59,863 - We can... We can-- - [Sukanya] Can you validate what she said? 639 00:29:59,865 --> 00:30:01,698 We can sit and, um, 640 00:30:01,700 --> 00:30:03,100 say that, um, 641 00:30:03,102 --> 00:30:06,203 the he said, she says that's 'till the cows come home. 642 00:30:06,205 --> 00:30:09,506 - She told you-- She-- - She'd told you things that I fundamentally disagree with. 643 00:30:09,508 --> 00:30:11,742 - Okay. - And all I'm doing now is defending myself. 644 00:30:11,744 --> 00:30:14,778 -Okay. Yeah -I'm gonna ask you now, Suki. 645 00:30:14,780 --> 00:30:17,047 I don't want to talk about Christine anymore. 646 00:30:21,954 --> 00:30:22,953 [Sukanya] Coming up... 647 00:30:22,955 --> 00:30:23,720 Are we ever gonna have 648 00:30:23,722 --> 00:30:24,955 an intimate marriage again? 649 00:30:24,957 --> 00:30:27,558 And he just said, "Probably not." 650 00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:28,759 [Sukanya] And later... 651 00:30:28,761 --> 00:30:31,228 It's so weird. So now I have a new text thread. 652 00:30:31,230 --> 00:30:32,396 I feel like somebody's missing. 653 00:30:32,398 --> 00:30:33,964 Yeah. 654 00:30:33,966 --> 00:30:36,934 So you can have an intimate relationship with somebody else, 655 00:30:36,936 --> 00:30:38,969 but I get nothing. 656 00:30:43,776 --> 00:30:45,976 [indistinct chatter] 657 00:30:47,012 --> 00:30:48,078 [man] Who you got? 658 00:30:48,914 --> 00:30:51,281 [indistinct chatter] 659 00:30:54,053 --> 00:30:55,319 Okay. 660 00:30:57,056 --> 00:30:59,323 [Kody] Sorry, I'm a little angry, I'm not anger with you. 661 00:30:59,959 --> 00:31:01,158 I get it, I get it. 662 00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:03,393 [director] Cameras are still rolling, stand by. 663 00:31:04,063 --> 00:31:06,263 [indistinct chatter] 664 00:31:08,868 --> 00:31:10,801 Let's talk about intimacy in a relationship. 665 00:31:10,803 --> 00:31:12,402 -Okay. -[Sukanya] It's a... It's a very 666 00:31:12,404 --> 00:31:13,837 - strong foundation. - [Christine] Yeah. 667 00:31:13,839 --> 00:31:16,406 It's a foundation that most couples need... 668 00:31:16,408 --> 00:31:19,076 - Mmm-hmm. Yeah. - [Sukanya] ...want, desire. 669 00:31:19,712 --> 00:31:20,377 This next clip... 670 00:31:21,714 --> 00:31:25,082 It's a really raw look 671 00:31:25,084 --> 00:31:27,017 at your relationship 672 00:31:27,519 --> 00:31:29,086 and the lack of intimacy. 673 00:31:29,088 --> 00:31:30,921 That was being had between the two of you. 674 00:31:30,923 --> 00:31:32,055 Okay. 675 00:31:32,725 --> 00:31:35,392 So we put on the door 676 00:31:35,394 --> 00:31:39,763 and he goes, "I'm not really interested in that anymore." 677 00:31:39,765 --> 00:31:42,366 [sighs] "I'm not interested in having an intimate marriage anymore. 678 00:31:43,702 --> 00:31:45,802 "I don't like your behavior. 679 00:31:45,804 --> 00:31:47,304 I don't like how you act. 680 00:31:47,306 --> 00:31:49,506 We'll see how, what you do. 681 00:31:49,508 --> 00:31:53,744 We'll see if you can be a good sister wife," and all this and I'm like, 682 00:31:53,746 --> 00:31:57,080 "Okay, first and foremost, I didn't know I was being a bad sister wife." 683 00:31:57,082 --> 00:31:59,049 I had no idea, I don't know what you're talking about. 684 00:31:59,285 --> 00:32:01,285 I didn't know I was being bad. 685 00:32:01,287 --> 00:32:05,389 What, so he gets to have an intimate with other wives, but not with me? 686 00:32:05,391 --> 00:32:08,992 And I'm what gonna have nothing for the rest of my life? 687 00:32:10,596 --> 00:32:11,595 And what? It's over? 688 00:32:14,633 --> 00:32:16,733 So I don't know what this really means. 689 00:32:16,735 --> 00:32:18,769 [clears throat] I don't know if this is a phase 690 00:32:18,771 --> 00:32:20,971 or if this is just an awakening. 691 00:32:21,874 --> 00:32:23,173 I don't know what to tell my kids. 692 00:32:23,175 --> 00:32:24,241 [sobbing] 693 00:32:28,981 --> 00:32:32,816 [crying] 694 00:32:32,818 --> 00:32:34,351 What did I do so wrong? 695 00:32:38,257 --> 00:32:40,424 I've always wanted 696 00:32:40,993 --> 00:32:44,194 romantic marriage and... 697 00:32:46,498 --> 00:32:51,101 That's been so hard for so long. 698 00:32:56,141 --> 00:32:59,242 I feel like I don't have a choice, but to move his stuff out. 699 00:32:59,845 --> 00:33:00,610 'Cause I can't. 700 00:33:00,612 --> 00:33:02,846 It's too heartbreaking 701 00:33:02,848 --> 00:33:06,183 to be around his stuff and it's too heartbreaking 702 00:33:06,919 --> 00:33:11,621 to be around him and watch him with 703 00:33:11,623 --> 00:33:15,125 Robyn, and Janelle, and the kids and... 704 00:33:21,633 --> 00:33:23,367 I mean honestly there has been rumors in the family 705 00:33:23,369 --> 00:33:26,069 that she has been saying she's gonna leave. 706 00:33:26,071 --> 00:33:28,338 Right now, right this moment, I just don't know what to think... 707 00:33:29,508 --> 00:33:30,607 or say. 708 00:33:30,609 --> 00:33:33,777 Okay, I've just come out to Christine's house. 709 00:33:33,779 --> 00:33:35,712 Kody's nightstand, Kody's clothes from the dresser, 710 00:33:35,714 --> 00:33:38,081 Kody's bathroom stuff. 711 00:33:38,751 --> 00:33:41,051 I have been moved out of my house. 712 00:33:41,053 --> 00:33:42,419 I don't know why. Uh... 713 00:33:43,389 --> 00:33:44,421 But I'm... 714 00:33:45,391 --> 00:33:46,423 ambivalent. 715 00:33:46,425 --> 00:33:47,958 I... 716 00:33:50,562 --> 00:33:52,896 almost don't care. 717 00:33:52,898 --> 00:33:56,166 And the first thought I have is this is my house. This is my stuff. 718 00:33:57,002 --> 00:33:58,969 We never discussed this. 719 00:34:00,172 --> 00:34:01,405 Second thought I have is... 720 00:34:03,642 --> 00:34:04,774 relief. 721 00:34:07,713 --> 00:34:13,050 Some kind of relief from the burden and the woe 722 00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:15,085 of a loveless marriage. 723 00:34:18,757 --> 00:34:19,990 The hardest time of my life. 724 00:34:21,527 --> 00:34:23,193 Hardest decision 725 00:34:23,195 --> 00:34:26,229 was to ask him to not be around anymore. 726 00:34:28,067 --> 00:34:29,232 It was so hard. 727 00:34:29,535 --> 00:34:31,034 [sighs] 728 00:34:32,938 --> 00:34:36,907 I mean, yeah, what question do you want first? 729 00:34:36,909 --> 00:34:38,141 Well, tell me where you wanna start? 730 00:34:38,410 --> 00:34:39,609 I don't know. 731 00:34:39,677 --> 00:34:41,611 Well, the conversation about not being intimate, right? 732 00:34:41,613 --> 00:34:42,846 - Oh, gosh. - [Sukanya] That seemed like that was 733 00:34:42,848 --> 00:34:46,383 the hardest thing for you to kind of understand. 734 00:34:46,385 --> 00:34:49,453 Good, 'cause we put that door, we put a door downstairs. 735 00:34:49,455 --> 00:34:54,791 We shut the door and I said, are we ever really going to need privacy? 736 00:34:54,793 --> 00:34:58,061 Are we ever going to have an intimate marriage again? 737 00:34:58,063 --> 00:35:01,131 And he just said, "Probably not." 738 00:35:01,633 --> 00:35:03,033 I've... 739 00:35:03,469 --> 00:35:06,636 actually never seen her side of this. 740 00:35:06,638 --> 00:35:10,907 My perspective of that experience was she came to me 741 00:35:10,909 --> 00:35:14,111 and she said, hey, we did this work on the house. 742 00:35:14,113 --> 00:35:16,279 Wasn't that for our intimacy? 743 00:35:16,849 --> 00:35:19,783 And I went, um, no. 744 00:35:19,785 --> 00:35:22,085 It was just stuff we needed to do 745 00:35:22,087 --> 00:35:24,187 and she goes well, are we going to be intimate, again. 746 00:35:24,423 --> 00:35:25,989 And I said... 747 00:35:27,759 --> 00:35:31,128 I never said no, that we weren't gonna be intimate again. 748 00:35:31,930 --> 00:35:34,331 I was at a point where I wanted her... 749 00:35:35,434 --> 00:35:36,599 to address... 750 00:35:38,804 --> 00:35:41,338 the rumors that I'd been hearing from the kids... 751 00:35:42,574 --> 00:35:45,142 that she was threatening to leave. 752 00:35:45,144 --> 00:35:49,913 That discussion that she just had to her video journal 753 00:35:49,915 --> 00:35:52,048 never happened with me. 754 00:35:52,784 --> 00:35:56,186 I never said we weren't going to be intimate anymore. 755 00:35:57,456 --> 00:36:01,558 But I didn't wanna be intimate because I had somebody 756 00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:05,428 who was basically stabbing me in the back, I felt like. 757 00:36:05,430 --> 00:36:07,898 But why wouldn't you ever question that? 758 00:36:07,900 --> 00:36:09,733 Like, this is what I'm hearing. 759 00:36:09,735 --> 00:36:12,402 This isn't sitting well with me. 760 00:36:12,404 --> 00:36:15,739 Help me understand why you would never reach out to her 761 00:36:15,741 --> 00:36:17,707 and tell her why you're so hurt by that. 762 00:36:17,709 --> 00:36:19,876 FOMO, fear of missing out. 763 00:36:19,878 --> 00:36:24,414 Something, like, if she really, if we really have this conversation 764 00:36:24,416 --> 00:36:25,515 how frank are we gonna get. 765 00:36:25,517 --> 00:36:27,984 I don't want her to leave. 766 00:36:27,986 --> 00:36:30,954 Did she ever hear you say I don't want you to leave? 767 00:36:32,391 --> 00:36:33,990 No. 768 00:36:41,533 --> 00:36:44,501 I found out he wasn't attracted to me when we got married. 769 00:36:44,503 --> 00:36:47,804 And I just thought, oh, gosh, well, that's terrible. 770 00:36:47,806 --> 00:36:50,240 But then he said, you know, he loved me now and everything, 771 00:36:50,242 --> 00:36:53,743 so I thought it was fine, and I thought we were fine. 772 00:36:53,745 --> 00:36:58,014 And then it just became more and more apparent, certainly the last few years, 773 00:36:58,016 --> 00:36:59,349 he just wasn't interested. 774 00:36:59,351 --> 00:37:00,750 He just wasn't. 775 00:37:00,752 --> 00:37:03,954 And we basically just had a non-intimate marriage, completely. 776 00:37:03,956 --> 00:37:05,689 I mean, like, we didn't even touch, we didn't even hold hands. 777 00:37:05,691 --> 00:37:08,425 Nothing, not even a hug, nothing. 778 00:37:08,427 --> 00:37:12,929 And after he just laid it out point blank that I'm not interested 779 00:37:12,931 --> 00:37:15,599 in, like, an intimate, romantic marriage with you anymore, 780 00:37:15,601 --> 00:37:19,236 and then he goes, I have friends that have had relationships like this. 781 00:37:19,238 --> 00:37:21,805 They have slept separate on the couch for years. 782 00:37:21,807 --> 00:37:25,442 And I'm, like, so you can have an intimate relationship with somebody else, 783 00:37:25,444 --> 00:37:27,811 but I get nothing. 784 00:37:27,813 --> 00:37:30,614 And you think it's fine that we have a marriage like this. 785 00:37:30,616 --> 00:37:32,048 It's insulting. 786 00:37:32,050 --> 00:37:35,552 And why would he expect me to stay in a marriage like that? 787 00:37:35,554 --> 00:37:37,554 It feels, like, at some point, 788 00:37:37,556 --> 00:37:39,556 you never thought she would really leave. 789 00:37:39,558 --> 00:37:41,625 - [Sukanya] And that's why-- - No, I wanted her to talk to me about it 790 00:37:41,627 --> 00:37:43,893 and, uh, and go do some counselling. 791 00:37:43,895 --> 00:37:46,029 That what I really thought would happen. 792 00:37:46,031 --> 00:37:48,698 So, when I found my boxes in the garage... 793 00:37:48,700 --> 00:37:49,799 You said relief. 794 00:37:49,801 --> 00:37:53,903 Well, I was, I was, I was shocked, 795 00:37:53,905 --> 00:37:59,075 but there was, uh, like a balloon, like lifting, like... 796 00:37:59,778 --> 00:38:00,777 [Kody exhales] 797 00:38:00,779 --> 00:38:02,245 I mean there's pressure 798 00:38:02,914 --> 00:38:04,948 in a bad relationship... 799 00:38:06,184 --> 00:38:08,518 that's still intimate. 800 00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:14,024 It's a really tough place to get to where intimacy is a duty. 801 00:38:14,593 --> 00:38:19,195 And... and I'm sitting there well aware of it. 802 00:38:19,197 --> 00:38:22,966 And I'm sitting there without the tools... 803 00:38:23,635 --> 00:38:24,901 to say 804 00:38:24,903 --> 00:38:27,237 what's, what's going wrong here? 805 00:38:27,839 --> 00:38:30,407 And I'm like I know where she's been 806 00:38:30,409 --> 00:38:33,610 for 10 years, 12 years, 13 years. 807 00:38:33,612 --> 00:38:37,681 She sat here and said I hate polygamy. 808 00:38:37,683 --> 00:38:41,384 And she's told other wives that she was going to leave me 809 00:38:41,386 --> 00:38:43,053 - or that she wanted to. - Well-- 810 00:38:43,055 --> 00:38:49,092 And then to sit and do the dance in Las Vegas trying 811 00:38:49,528 --> 00:38:52,495 so hard to work it out with her, 812 00:38:52,497 --> 00:38:55,865 doing the counselling, having the conversations, 813 00:38:55,867 --> 00:38:59,436 and never really feeling like she was ever being accountable. 814 00:39:01,540 --> 00:39:03,707 I'm done pretending. 815 00:39:03,709 --> 00:39:06,042 I've been showing the kids that everything is fine. 816 00:39:06,044 --> 00:39:08,912 I've been showing everybody that everything is fine. 817 00:39:08,914 --> 00:39:11,414 And I can't pretend anymore. 818 00:39:11,416 --> 00:39:13,049 If when he comes into my room, 819 00:39:13,051 --> 00:39:14,984 he really doesn't wanna be there, 820 00:39:14,986 --> 00:39:16,319 I don't want him there. 821 00:39:16,555 --> 00:39:17,954 I don't want him there. 822 00:39:18,690 --> 00:39:21,991 And I tell you it felt really good when he wasn't there anymore. 823 00:39:22,661 --> 00:39:24,427 My biggest problem... 824 00:39:25,464 --> 00:39:30,200 for all of this experience is that I'm angry. 825 00:39:31,837 --> 00:39:36,306 Well, fast forward to this moment and the grief... 826 00:39:37,743 --> 00:39:39,409 that settled in, the heartbreak 827 00:39:40,345 --> 00:39:41,344 and the awareness. 828 00:39:47,753 --> 00:39:48,818 [exclaims] 829 00:39:48,820 --> 00:39:50,353 It's not that simple. 830 00:39:50,956 --> 00:39:52,389 It's not that simple. 831 00:39:52,391 --> 00:39:54,691 It's... I can't look at those moments 832 00:39:54,693 --> 00:39:57,594 and just go, oh, oh, oh, I regret 833 00:39:57,596 --> 00:40:02,065 because there's so much pain in the 10 years before. 834 00:40:03,034 --> 00:40:06,136 As we're wrapping this up, like, I have to ask you, 835 00:40:06,138 --> 00:40:07,404 what do you wish for her? 836 00:40:07,939 --> 00:40:09,739 I hope she gets married. 837 00:40:09,741 --> 00:40:11,408 I hope she has a wonderful relationship. 838 00:40:11,410 --> 00:40:13,042 I hope she's happy. 839 00:40:13,412 --> 00:40:14,577 - Future. - Yeah. 840 00:40:14,579 --> 00:40:16,413 What does it look like for you? 841 00:40:16,415 --> 00:40:18,715 Will there be dating? Will there be marriage? 842 00:40:18,717 --> 00:40:21,985 I'm dating me. I'm getting to know me better. 843 00:40:21,987 --> 00:40:26,122 And I'm like why don't I just figure out this awesome life 844 00:40:26,124 --> 00:40:30,627 and be present in it and just love it. 845 00:40:30,629 --> 00:40:31,694 - I feel light. - Yeah. 846 00:40:31,696 --> 00:40:34,364 And I didn't know life could be like this. 847 00:40:35,434 --> 00:40:40,236 You know, we're still the one big happy family. 848 00:40:40,238 --> 00:40:45,942 But she gets to find somebody that she really loves or, you know, whatever. 849 00:40:45,944 --> 00:40:47,110 Yeah. 850 00:40:47,112 --> 00:40:51,181 And we, we just make it bigger. 851 00:40:51,316 --> 00:40:52,582 It's so weird. 852 00:40:52,584 --> 00:40:54,517 - So, now I have a new text thread... - [Sukanya laughs] 853 00:40:54,519 --> 00:40:57,220 - that's just Kody, Robyn and Meri. - [Sukanya] Meri. 854 00:40:58,223 --> 00:41:01,658 And we have now had to start having conversations 855 00:41:01,660 --> 00:41:03,426 about the property and all these things 856 00:41:03,428 --> 00:41:04,861 - with just the four of us. - Right. 857 00:41:04,863 --> 00:41:07,430 And it feels like, I feel like somebody is missing. 858 00:41:07,432 --> 00:41:10,166 - Yeah. - I don't know if it's really sunk in, yet. 859 00:41:11,570 --> 00:41:12,602 Does it hurt? 860 00:41:12,604 --> 00:41:14,137 I feel, like, maybe, it was a good move 861 00:41:14,139 --> 00:41:15,405 - 'cause she is happier. - [Sukanya] Yeah. 862 00:41:15,407 --> 00:41:17,674 She is a lot happier. 863 00:41:17,676 --> 00:41:23,546 And so, I'm like how can I be sorry for something that she is so happy about. 864 00:41:23,548 --> 00:41:27,750 Now, I just look forward to healing process of 865 00:41:27,752 --> 00:41:34,057 managing it and coming to a place where we're, we're friends again. 866 00:41:34,059 --> 00:41:38,995 And it's just, you know, you know, we had this experience 867 00:41:38,997 --> 00:41:40,096 and that's over. 868 00:41:40,098 --> 00:41:41,331 And... 869 00:41:43,268 --> 00:41:44,767 have a good life 870 00:41:44,769 --> 00:41:45,768 and uh... 871 00:41:45,837 --> 00:41:47,604 be well, be happy. 872 00:41:47,606 --> 00:41:52,141 You know, like, but I'm still in a grieving process now. 873 00:41:53,311 --> 00:41:55,879 If you could look at that person, 874 00:41:55,881 --> 00:41:57,380 - you, today, look at that person-- - [Christine] Mmm-hmm. 875 00:41:57,382 --> 00:41:59,148 what would you say to her? 876 00:41:59,150 --> 00:42:01,818 Can I look back in the past and be like I wish Kody would have done this, 877 00:42:01,820 --> 00:42:03,753 I wish I would have done this, I wish I would... 878 00:42:03,755 --> 00:42:04,988 Well, I'm not that person anymore, 879 00:42:04,990 --> 00:42:05,822 and neither is he. 880 00:42:05,824 --> 00:42:07,857 Nor do I want to be. 881 00:42:07,859 --> 00:42:10,026 So it's kind of, when I look back in the past... 882 00:42:10,862 --> 00:42:12,762 I mean what would have I told her. 883 00:42:12,764 --> 00:42:13,630 I don't know. 884 00:42:13,632 --> 00:42:15,231 Like, I'm here now. 885 00:42:16,034 --> 00:42:18,001 I thank you for your honesty today. 886 00:42:18,003 --> 00:42:20,303 - You're welcome. - I appreciate it. 887 00:42:20,305 --> 00:42:21,938 You're welcome.