[narrator] Previously on Sister Wives.
Today's Christmas Day and we're all gathering up to have Christmas together.
[Kody] Does everybody see where their stocking is?
[Christine] It's hard for the girls to respect their Dad
when they see he has favorites.
With Kody and I right now our relationship is pretty strained.
Do I still choose plural marriage?
You know, it'd be really easy.
It's easy to walk away.
[Meri] When Kody and I were doing really, really poorly
I considered all options.
- Tell me more, Christine-- - I'm not going to--
About this feeling about moving to Utah.
What I hoped polygamy to be when I was younger
ended up being something very different.
Well, this is not a safe conversation anymore. I'm sorry, it's just not.
I'm not gonna talk to you.
[Christine] I used to be, anything you want, anything you say.
I use to be that wife.
And I'm not anymore.
[Kody] It's early January so we just got over Christmas.
And we've all been, kind of, quarantined.
Or, COVID careful for Christmas.
Robyn called us all up and said, Ari has demanded
that the whole family come and celebrate her on her birthday.
[Kody] We've been able to get the family, they can test.
So, we're able to get together for the... The whole family.
The whole family's able to get together
for this birthday party for Ariella.
[Christine] We're gonna go celebrate Ariella's birthday at Robyn's house.
So we all went and COVID tested.
It's disgusting.
The COVID tests are disgusting.
[groaning]
It's a drive thru, you have to do it yourself.
[sneezes]
[Christine] It's disgusting. You have to shove it up your nose.
And swirl it around.
Uh! The thought of it.
-[Christine] Oh, a tissue. Thank you. -Thank you so much.
[Christine] I think having the COVID test will make it so it's easier
for us to hang out.
Will it just smooth everything over?
No.
There's a lot of frustration.
That has happened with how Kody's been with COVID.
And how rigid he's been with COVID.
That's really exhausting and exasperating for a lot of the family members.
So, just because we can get COVID tests
and hang out, doesn't mean that fixes everything.
[Robyn] She's turning five.
Everybody's tested so that we can get together for her birthday,
and I'm so happy they're doing that.
[Ariella screaming]
Like, everybody's up close and personal, there's no masks.
There's no distancing. This is awesome.
[Robyn] Oh, my God!
I'm really happy that it's Ariella's birthday.
I'm glad that everybody is gathering here for her.
Cause it's attention I want her to have.
[Meri] Tell us what day is today.
[Kody] But I'm still a little bit gun-shy
from all this criticism from my older kids,
about my management of COVID.
You've got rules and regulations for work,
why can't we have that for a family staying health?
Cause we're a family. Why don't we just verbalize it and trust each other?
Oh, therein lies the problem. Right there.
It made me so upset the disrespect that I was getting
that it pretty much ruined my holiday season.
[happy birthday being sung]
Maybe some of this is resulting from me not being at Isabelle's surgery.
Um, the requirements that I had everybody make for Christmas.
Um, the fact that I've been away from Janelle's house quite a bit.
[happy birthday continues]
[Kody] I'm having this experience with Ariella here.
My job is to protect her.
And my older kids
have to start realizing that my world doesn't revolve around them
once they're adults.
My obligation is to my minor children.
And then my obligation is to those children
who decide they're gonna keep my rules, and go to school,
I can help them out anyway that I can.
[Janelle] We have never, with all of our kids,
pushed them out the door when they turned 18.
He wants his kids to come home but now all of a sudden when it doesn't suit him.
We need to push them out the door at 18.
I've done everything I can for them.
I'm like, that doesn't even compute for me.
There's adult children at Robyn's house.
That aren't being pushed out.
Because they're obeying the rules.
[Ariella] Thank you!
[Kody] Some of the kids are supporting me
and some of the kids are not supporting me.
And sometimes it feels like it's based upon what the mothers are doing.
I've got one mother who has basically
said to her children, we're all gonna do this.
We're gonna support Dad.
And we're gonna be careful about what we do.
And here's the rules.
You abide by Dad's rules.
Or you'll have to figure out some other living arrangement.
All right, Ariella, babe.
You're my sweetie.
And I love you so much.
And you're so compassionate.
And so good at being bossy.
I think you're just really sweet,
and that's the reason I call you my sweetie.
Cheers to my sweetie.
[Janelle] So what's happening here is, we toast the birthday person.
It's a way to celebrate the person who's having the birthday.
To Ariella, for being the only woman
to ever greet me at the door with, "Wow! You're handsome."
[everyone laughing]
To the little girl who always knows how to make someone feel special,
- I love you. - Aww!
The toasting is like up there, with one of the best things ever.
It's just great. It's always great.
- You're a very, very sweet person. - You feel red.
Oh, I am red, it's hot. Oh, God.
- [boy] Are you blushing? - [Kody] Easy, easy there.
I don't even know what's going on here.
She is not [chuckles]. She is not shy.
- [boy] She's just blushing. - [girl] She's blushing.
- Will you get me something, please? - [girl] That was so mean.
[Christine] I'm 48 years old.
You'd think I'd be over blushing, for goodness sakes.
Thank you, honey. That's exactly what I was hoping for.
[Christine] Sometimes you just blush.
And if you mention that I'm red, I'm gonna get redder.
And what I love about you most is that you take care of people so well.
No, I don't have a sunburn! I just blush for some reason, okay.
Gosh, it's embarrassing.
- [boy] Cheers. - Cheers!
[Christine] Thank you Ari, I feel very special.
[Robyn] The party was great and I know Ari loved it.
And it was so nice to see everybody together.
Everybody! There's grape, chocolate, grape, chocolate.
[Kody] She's going around and she is the family's social lubricant.
She's making the experience easy.
[Robyn] She makes these by herself.
[Christine] Now that we've figured out how to get together,
I think that we should just hang out, like, once a month or so,
just like we did before COVID.
[Janelle] Okay, so we had Christmas,
now we're doing Ari's birthday,
we're talking about Kody's birthday in another week.
I'm like, okay, the saliva testing and everything, this is good.
We're moving forward.
[Robyn] We've had a lot of time away from each other.
It's making me very hopeful for the future.
[heavy sigh]
So, over the weekend we had a birthday party for Ariella.
And the whole family tested and was able to get together.
And, kinda have this time together was actually really cool.
And, um, Ari was so happy that her family was there for her birthday.
Well, after that, the next day I got a call from my childcare provider,
my nanny and tutor for the kids.
And she said that her husband and her
were testing positive for COVID.
It was... It's really scary.
Uh! We got everybody together.
If it would have just been me and my kids
doing Ari's birthday party, at our house,
the only point of exposure we would've had to worry about
was whether or not Kody was going somewhere.
And that's why he's done what he's done.
And... But we got everybody together.
And right now there's a possibility that we all have COVID.
Uh! And it's because we got together.
And I don't wanna...
I don't want this to make us all go, okay, well we can't do this anymore.
The first thing that happened when Robyn told me this is I'm like, holy cow!
She... She's been doing everything right.
How did she get exposed to COVID?
I'm going, this virus is just scary.
She was so sad, she was so upset.
And she's... They don't know for sure where they got it.
Last time the nanny was over at our house was Thursday.
We had the party on Saturday.
Um, I found out that her husband tested positive on Sunday.
And then I found out that she tested positive on Tuesday.
This just validates Kody that
you know, maybe getting together
is a little bit too much of a risk.
I don't know.
It's just really, really hard and frustrating and um...
I'm just praying that we're okay.
Can you guys tell me what we're doing today?
We're getting a COVID test.
Oh.
I know logically I haven't done anything wrong.
But it's still something that makes me feel bad.
Kody actually called us and told us that Robyn's nanny got COVID.
I'm just gonna be honest with you, and I know it's partially evil
but I just chuckled a little bit at the irony of it.
[Kody] Hey, Ariella. Hey, Sol.
Can you guys tell me what we're doing today?
Oh.
We're getting tested today because our nanny, she came down with COVID.
We haven't had any symptoms so far.
So, we just...
We're hoping that means everything is okay.
Ari do you wanna tell us what we're doing today?
[snoring]
Oh.
So we just barely had Ariella's birthday party
and we could be exposed to this virus.
And we are at the fairgrounds of our county where we're doing the test.
We're gonna go get a COVID test.
- Uh! - Uh.
I don't know, there's a part of me that just feels bad
that it is coming from my household.
It's so disappointing to me
because I worked so damn hard.
We've scheduled a test and now we're gonna go get a test.
And I guess in a couple days we'll get results
and we'll see if the family has COVID,
not just us but the whole family.
[Kody] The whole family has to test.
After Ariella's birthday was over,
Kody actually called us and told us
that Robyn's nanny got COVID.
I'm just gonna be honest with you,
I know it's partially evil,
but I just chuckle a little bit at the irony of it.
I feel mostly bad for the nanny,
she's gotta just feel devastated.
- [man] How many you got in here? - [Kody] Uh...
- Six. - Six.
[man] Oh, man.
There's some irony here.
I'm sorry, I have to just say there's irony.
I've kept safe and I don't keep all of Kody's rules.
- [man] That's all of them? - That's all of them.
[Kody] They're all scheduled at the same time, too.
- [man] That's fine. - All right.
We've all been exposed to COVID now.
So I find it just absolutely ironic that it's come through the nanny,
and nothing wrong with what she's done,
I feel so bad for her, that's just gotta be tough.
Um, but yeah, we're all now exposed.
[man] You guys done this before?
- No. - No.
[man] I'll explain.
[Kody] We're literally supposed to drool down these straws
into the vial.
Hand that to Breanna.
Take the lid off the vial, take the straw out and sort of spit into the straw
so it hits into the vial.
[Meri] In the past week, I have taken two COVID tests.
One of them was the...
the brain root canal
where they shove the thing up your nose.
That was not very comfortable.
Okay, Ari.
I'm gonna need you to take your mask off
and I need you to sort of spit into that straw.
The other one was the saliva test
where you gotta spit into a... little vial.
And that was kind of nasty.
If I have to do it again,
it's definitely going to be the brain root canal.
Okay, I know, it doesn't really go up into your brain, but...
I think I prefer that than the spitting.
[giggling] Just saying.
It's gross, isn't it?
[Robyn] We got little kids we're trying to work through really fast.
We got little kids we're trying to work through.
- [man] Take you guys' time, there's no rush. - All right.
- [Robyn] Okay. - [slurping noise]
Oh, I just sucked!
Oh! I'm gonna vomit.
[laughs]
Oh, man.
You're sitting there spitting, paying attention to the kids
and you sort of lose your focus.
And I sort of sucked back up with the straw
'cause, I mean, like, a straw is designed for sucking,
not for blowing, right?
Oh!
And I suck it back up and little bit and I'm like...
"Ah! Oh, gosh!"
It was... I mean, like...
the gag reflex is so high.
And since I just did that I'm really suspicious
that Sol and Ari will do it like crazy because they're just little.
Ah, man.
Oh, it's just a gross process.
[Robyn] Spit, spit, spit. Spit some more.
[Christine] I'm just gonna tell you, to be honest,
I'm glad it wasn't me or one of my kids
that infected everybody.
'Cause then it would be, like, pointing fingers
and, "See? I told you not to travel and you did anyway..."
And honestly, Kody would just feel more vindicated
if it ended up being one of us that got everybody sick.
So...
that's terrible to even say, but...
It's a spitting competition.
Spit some more. Good girl.
- One more. - There you go, keep going.
I'm afraid now that the people who finally got to the point
where it was safe for the family to get together
will kind of, like, retrench.
"No, no more family stuff!" Because obviously we're risky.
We're done.
This is everything Kody's been worried about
and someone got COVID and...
this is gonna put enough of a fear factor into the family
that we're not gonna hang out again.
We're not.
Okay, this is her lid, I don't want anybody touching that lid.
Mama, is that enough?
I don't know, hold on.
Spit all over it.
I don't want to stop getting together,
but if somebody gets sick when they're following these extreme protocols,
I don't know that getting together is a possibility.
I just don't know how to play this.
There's mine.
Done.
I know, logically, I haven't done anything wrong
but it's still something that makes me feel bad.
- Thank you! - Thank you very much.
- [woman] Have a great day. - Thanks. You, too.
[Christine] I think that this is going to make it so we don't hang out anymore.
But to be honest with you,
things are bad between Kody and I.
They're just bad.
And getting together, honestly was really difficult.
I loved being there for Ari, it was wonderful.
I loved that my kids got together.
But it was really hard for me.
Hand them to me.
All right, that wasn't so bad, was it?
[Christine] It's really hard to see Kody have functioning relationships.
And I don't need to see that.
I really don't.
It doesn't do any of us any good.
I mean, the girls talk about how he's different when I'm not around.
So it's like...
well, it may probably be easier if I wasn't there around everybody else, too.
What, so he gets to have an intimate marriage
with other wives, but not with me?
And I'm, what, gonna have nothing for the rest of my life?
I'm not...
okay with that.
She said, "I don't want you staying in my room anymore."
She's like, "My room is a special place to me
and nothing special happens there for us."
I don't know if this is a phase
or if this is just an awakening.
[Christine sighs]
Mmm.
There's a fine balance between...
[sighs]
saying too much and saying enough
and feeling like you have a voice.
And...
I haven't known how much to say.
[sighs]
Anyway.
We finished... Last week...
we finished putting in my door.
- Do you want a ladder? - Hmm.
[grunts] You know what?
I think the stairs are gonna be enough, Christine.
- Cool. - Okay...
We have a bedroom that's a loft
and part of it is where I work
and my office and stuff,
and so it's separated and stuff by a wall.
I don't know the answer here.
[Christine] All right. Well, let me get on that side.
Here, how about if we trade places
and I hold up the door and you look at it from this angle
and see what you see then.
[Kody] Yeah, it's not about that angle, it's about the threshold.
[exhales]
So we put on the door, and the whole time we're finishing...
Oh, God.
[sighs]
The whole time we're putting in the door,
he keeps talking about the cat.
And he's like, I don't want the cat to get into your inventory.
This is all about, it's to keep the cat out."
Over and over and over about the cat.
And it's true, I don't want the cat up in my room.
After we were done, we came upstairs
and he's sitting in the office area
and I said, "Okay, I need to know.
Is the door just about the cat?
And it's not about us having an intimate side of our marriage."
And he goes,
"I'm not really interested in that anymore."
I really wasn't...
Sorry, the kids are downstairs.
[distant thuds]
Anyways, like, "I really, I'm not interested
in having an intimate marriage anymore.
I don't like your behavior.
We'll see if you can be a good sister wife," and all this.
And I'm like, "Okay, so you don't want us to have an intimate marriage?"
And he goes, "No."
And I'm like, "That's not enough for me.
I can't not have an intimate marriage."
And he goes, "People do it all the time.
I know couples that don't have intimate marriages."
And... that was it.
And then... [sighs]
I don't even remember.
We talked a little bit longer but then I just...
I went to bed alone and he stayed working.
And this morning was so awkward.
And he just went downstairs,
made himself breakfast and left.
And, what? It's over?
I don't know, I don't know what to do.
[sighs wearily]
I have no interest in having a marriage...
What, so he gets to have an intimate marriage
with other wives but not with me?
And I'm, what, gonna have nothing for the rest of my life?
I don't know what to do.
I'm heartbroken.
My heart's shattered, to be honest with you.
When we went out for our anniversary,
we went out for our anniversary
and we came home and just fell asleep, and I...
I've known, of course I've known,
it's not that I'm dumb.
And he said a while ago that he wasn't attracted to me or anything.
So... [sighs]
I just thought that maybe it would get better...
But it's over.
The intimate part of our marriage is over.
And, to be honest...
[sighs]
I'm not okay with that.
I'm not okay with staying in a marriage where there's no intimacy.
That's not a real marriage.
I'm not interested in a half marriage,
or a partial marriage, or whatever we have.
And... I don't know.
[sucks teeth]
What, it's all based on my behavior?
[scoffs]
[sighs wearily]
So, I just got out of Christine's house.
Well, I wasn't in the house, I was in the backyard
visiting with Truely and Ysabel.
And when I was wrapping up Christine was like,
"Hey, I need to talk to you
so can we have a little visit?"
And I'm like, "Sure."
And she drops a bomb on me.
Now I gotta admit this isn't totally unexpected
because honestly, she...
hell, we've had serious troubles in our marriage for 12 years.
[Christine] I've reached a point where
almost every day is hard.
Almost every day is hard.
It's just hard to see a silver lining every day.
[Kody] When you don't have trust, you don't have intimacy.
And what became apparent to Christine was the lack of intimacy.
I'm miserable.
I'm jealous as can be.
I didn't know that I would be a jealous person.
And I am so jealous.
Why are you not looking at me?
I don't know. I don't know.
I just... Whatever.
Okay, I'll make the orders and everybody else do it.
Well, that's kind of how we have to do it.
Then you'll have somebody to blame.
'Cause if we disagree, you'll just get mad.
'Cause you guys don't like it when you're blamed.
No, I've been yelled at for four days.
You haven't been yelled at.
Crybaby.
I felt like I was cutting you off too harshly.
I was like, "No, that'll never happen,
we're not moving back to Utah."
And I feel bad, and I wanna say I'm sorry.
[Christine] I don't believe him that he's sorry.
[Kody sighs] Okay...
I'm not gonna talk to you.
Meri, I can't do marriage with Kody anymore.
I don't wanna...
Just look at the mountain.
[crying] I don't wanna do it anymore.
She said, "I don't want you to stay in my room anymore."
She's like, "My room is a special place to me
and nothing special happens there for us."
I'm like...
"Okay.
I know a lot of people have marriages that are like this.
Romance-free marriage."
Um...
She says, "Not for me.
So I don't want you in my room.
Go ahead and go on out.
You can come visit the kids, but don't plan on staying in my room."
So, I don't know what this really means.
I don't know if this is a phase
or if this is just an awakening.
[snorts]
The reason I wonder if this is a phase with Christine
or something else
is because she's been telling wives and adult children
that she's wanted to leave me for years.
She tells me nothing special happens in her room.
Well, that's because she's murdered our intimacy
with betrayal.
And the betrayal is the fact
that I keep hearing from other people
that she's threatening to leave.
And so I'm wondering if that's just gonna pass.
But the only thing I can speculate on
is the fact that I don't feel intimate
because I've been betrayed,
because I'm constantly hearing this thing.
Every experience that we've had this year,
for years even, has been an awakening.
And I guess I'm sitting here just...
sort of dumbfounded.
Why am I surprised?
[Kody] And here we go.
There's the house.
- Wow. - [girl] That's a big house.
[Christine] I mean, bottom line,
I think the biggest reason why I don't really want to live all in one big house,
I just like who I am more now.
And everybody else is for it and I'm the odd one out,
I'm just gonna speak louder.
I'm not gonna do it.
I'm not.
But I don't know right now how serious to take her.
I just don't know how serious to take her
when she says, "Don't stay in my place,
don't stay in my room anymore."
I don't even know how to interpret that.
I just... I just basically said, "Okay.
All right, uh..."
Well, I wanted to think about it
before I discussed it any further with her.
I'm shocked and dumbfounded,
I gotta admit that while I'm shocked, I shouldn't be surprised.
It's weird. I just...
Right now, right this moment, I just don't know what to think.
It is so heartbreaking
to have his stuff everywhere.
So I just decided to pack up his stuff.
And I put it all in the garage.
[Kody] Something weird's going on.
"Kody's books."
"Kody's clothes."
I guess I've been moved out of the house.
[Robyn] Everybody came over for Ari's birthday.
And then right after we were all together
I found out that my nanny
had tested positive for COVID.
I told everybody and I just said,
"Everybody needs to test because this is a possibility."
And now we're just waiting for the results.
[clears throat]
So, good news.
Our tests came back negative,
the whole family.
The whole family's tests came back negative.
Um...
[sighs] I'm just so relieved.
It was scary, it was a scary few days
of just, like, wondering whether or not we all had COVID,
or at least some of us.
I don't know, it was just really scary.
And I just feel like we're super, super lucky our tests are negative
and I'm just so grateful.
And...
um, I guess we just need to be really diligent about being careful.
And... yeah.
We're lucky, we're blessed. God's taking care of us.
We've been planning Mykelti's baby shower for months now.
So we went to St. George, Utah,
where the baby shower is.
And it's... it's kinda nice to get away right now.
Mine and Kody's relationship could use a little bit of... distance right now.
But more than anything, I'm just really excited
to be in St. George for Mykelti and support her.
Hello!
[posh voice] Hello!
Hello, lovelies!
Your gift's there.
[Christine] We wanted to make it accommodating
so everybody in the family could come to the baby shower if they wanted to.
But they're not gonna make it.
It's just gonna be me and my girls that are going.
And Aspyn'll come down for it too.
I was just saying...
- [laughs] - You need a garbage bag?
I know to some people, my view on COVID,
and certainly some of my kids' view on COVID,
is very lax to some people's standards.
To Kody's, to be honest with you.
But we followed all of the CDC regulations,
we followed the party regulations with this outdoor party...
To me, I'm being completely responsible.
Guess what?
None of my kids and I have gotten COVID.
So, we're not being irresponsible at all.
All right, now we have another game, it's bingo.
There's bingo cards on every table.
Yeah, home life is... stressful right now.
It's hard to be home, it's hard to be around Kody.
It's nice to get away sometimes, it really honestly is.
Gwendlyn and Ysabel both know that things are hard,
but Truely doesn't really clock anything is different.
I mean, for her,
Kody's around just as much as he was before.
She hasn't even asked why he's not around or anything like that.
Thank you for coming!
Whoo!
I feel like I'm in a transitionary
kind of a space right now.
Like, I don't know what my future looks like.
I don't know what anything looks like.
I don't wanna stay in Flagstaff anymore,
and I wanna go.
I asked Kody not to stay in my room anymore
and not to sleep in my bed anymore a few weeks ago.
And he was shocked, he's like,
"Okay, let's talk about this later."
And I said, "No."
Um...
"You're really not welcome in my bedroom anymore."
I just told him that flat-out.
I'm like, "You don't wanna be there."
So I just said, "I don't want you to stay in there."
And he's like, "Well, we'll discuss it later."
And I'm like, "No. No, there's no discussing it later.
This is a final
'I don't want you in my bed'."
And then I got to thinking about what it would look like
if he came back to pack up all of his stuff.
So that would mean that every time he's over at my house, what,
he's gonna be packing
and not spending time with the girls?
So I just decided to pack up his stuff.
And I put it all in the garage.
It is so heartbreaking
to have his stuff everywhere
and know that he doesn't want me, he doesn't love me.
He says he'll take care of me. Anyway...
He's not. He doesn't.
And I promised myself our last anniversary...
It ended so sad.
You know, I just told myself I wouldn't do it again.
I wouldn't have another anniversary with him.
So I guess what I want to do is...
[exhales]
Keep it nebulous
and "normal" looking as long as possible.
I don't know what to tell my kids.
[crying]
What did I do so wrong?
I've always wanted
romantic marriage and...
it's been so hard for so long.
I feel like I don't have a choice but to throw his stuff out.
'Cause I can't...
It's too heartbreaking to be around his stuff.
And it's too heartbreaking to be around him,
and watch him with Robyn and Janelle
and the kids and...
[crying]
I have to pack up his stuff...
because it's too heartbreaking to have it around.
Anyway, this is it. [chuckles]
The last of his stuff.
God.
This is hell.
I don't know what to do.
I don't wanna live in Flagstaff any more, I wanna move.
I wanna go somewhere...
where people wanna be around us.
Anyway. God.
It's hard.
Next time he comes over,
he's gonna see that his stuff isn't here,
and that it's all empty, and all of his boxes in the garage.
And then, I guess he'll find out.
So last week, Garrison started feeling really crappy.
And then, the next day, Gabe did.
So they both went and got tested for COVID, uh, five days ago or so.
And a couple days later, it came back that they were positive.
So I'm in the car and I'm waiting for Savannah to come out. [clears throat]
We, uh, have to go do our tests today
'cause it's been the right amount of days
since Gabriel test... Gabriel and Garrison tested positive.
Savannah and I are still feeling fine.
I... I've picked up a little bit of a cough today,
but I don't feel like it's COVID.
It's just one of those real productive things.
Anyway, I'm not too worried about it.
But, uh, I guess...
I guess we'll see.
And so... I mean, Savannah and I have kept our distance.
We've been... I've been taking every immune booster thing I can think of.
I'm hoping I've escaped it.
But, we'll know soon I guess.
[Kody] Okay.
The weirdest thing just happened.
I came out to the garage while I was at Christine's house.
And something weird is going on.
Kody's books.
Kody's clothes.
Uh.
I guess I've been moved out of the house.
Personally, I don't know what to think about this.
[chuckles]
This is not something we discussed.
I'm having a hard time not being a little frustrated by this.
[Kody] So I came over to Christine's again.
And I noticed more, uh... More boxes.
Kody's nightstand. Kody's clothes from dresser. Kody's bathroom stuff.
I guess it's time for me to talk to her about it.
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine.
Kody's dresser. Fragile.
So I have been moved out of my house.
[clears throat]
Now that we're here,
and now that Kody's not sleeping here anymore,
I feel like I can take a breath.
And get myself grounded.
And get my head in a good place.
And...
just rest for a bit.
And just settle for a bit here...
independent.
I don't know how I feel about this.
Oh, there's another box.
Jeez.
Huh.
I don't wanna take any of it even out of here yet 'cause...
Um...
I honestly didn't know she was this serious.
I've had times past where she's said something.
I didn't feel like she was serious.
I don't know. I don't know what it all means.
I don't know what the future looks like.
I don't know what tomorrow looks like.
I don't know what next week looks like.
I don't know, I...
There's so many uncertainties.
Look, uh, Kody will come over and he'll spend time with the kids.
And then, he'll leave and go somewhere else.
And he won't sleep here any more.
Um, I think I need to talk to her about how serious she is...
Um, before I really decide how I feel.
Because if I decide...
I mean, honestly, I'm...
Thinking about it a little bit, I'm...
not angry.
It appears to be a game.
But it might not be, I don't know.
Throwing my clothes out. Taking my stuff out. Taking everything.
My clothes from the dresser.
My books.
Looks like a lot of books.
I didn't know I read that much.
My nightstand.
Room stuff, and then fragile stuff.
Um...
I don't know why.
Uh...
But I'm...
ambivalent.
I...
Uh, almost don't care.
You can leave marriage in our church.
If it's a marriage like mine and Kody had, where it's just a spiritual marriage,
then they release you spiritually.
And they... You go through them.
As far as I'm concerned, that's just between me and God.
I think I'm more afraid of what karmic value this has.
The idea of divorce seems tragic.
Seems terrible on my faith.
My belief system is kind of anti-divorce, I suppose.
I guess that's hypocritical.
But I'm not bothered by this.
Maybe it's just my initial reaction.
I should be bothered by it, right?
One first thought I have is this is my house.
This is my stuff.
We never discussed this.
Second thought I have is...
relief.
Some kind of relief from the burden
and the woe of a loveless marriage.
And the fear of the culpability
for my behalf here and my actions,
and things that I've done wrong in this that have led to this point.
I'm not really talking about how I really feel.
Because I don't know what that is right now.
[host] Next time, on Sister Wives: One on One.
I'm sitting down with each one of the Browns individually
to talk about the biggest events of this season.
You emotionally have abandoned them.
I take offense to that word.
- Emotionally-- - When Meri had an affair...
If he wants to give up, he can give up.
I have been moved out of my house.
What? So he gets to have an intimate marriage
with other wives but not with me?
I never said no, that we weren't going to be intimate again.
Where are you and Kody right now?
Kody and I are divorced.
I don't see why giving up is an option when you haven't actually tried.
She made a choice that she was never gonna have a functioning marriage.
Did she ever hear you say I don't want you to leave?
No.
The hardest time of my life.