[narrator] Previously on Sister Wives...
Flagstaff now has a case of coronavirus.
We always grew up thinking that we were so cool.
- That 2020 would be like be the best year... - [woman laughs]
- ...to graduate, and the coolest. - Yeah.
- And now we're all, like, hating it... - Yeah.
...because it feels like the worst.
These kids are young and they're not quite
understanding the gravity of the situation.
Their health is more important than a prom or a graduation, any day.
I think we miss the idea of us,
we don't miss each other.
Speak for yourself.
[Robyn] Kody and Meri's relationship is really sad.
I want...
wives who get along with each other and who like each other.
And who don't sit there...
and say snotty little [bleeped] things to each other
that break their hearts.
Would every one of these women be better off married to another guy?
That's the question I'm asking myself.
[theme music playing]
[Kody] Recently, Meri and I went out
for our 30th wedding anniversary.
Wasn't an easy discussion 'cause...
we essentially experienced a quasi breakup five years ago.
I mean, we honestly haven't lived together for five years, I think.
[Meri] He really doesn't come to my house very often.
And I don't know how long this is gonna last.
[Kody] I sort of unraveled a lot of the experience we've had
since we moved to Flagstaff with Meri,
in explaining sort of this struggle
that not only her, but all my wives
are having in plural marriage.
He keeps making references to the fact
that he doesn't know how he feels about...
plural marriage anymore.
Would he even do it again?
[Kody] All this unraveling and all this feedback from my wives
and all this experience that we've had...
has made me question
whether or not we can be functional in the future.
It's been a reckoning for me.
I have looked at this and I have gone, "Oh, ladies, if you are not happy,
we gotta figure something out."
[Christine] I'm recording now.
- Can I start? - I'm playing
- with my dog. - I'm recording.
[Robyn] I've seen a lot of differences
in our family culture since we moved to Flagstaff.
And COVID in this whole situation is making it even harder
to figure that out because, you know, now,
you know, seeing each other as a family is a risk.
- Hey, y'all. - Hi, guys.
- [Janelle] Hello. - Hi, guys.
[Janelle] I'm feeling the isolation a lot.
I'm starting to kind of not be mentally good with this.
- Come on, this is better than a group text. - I actually really like this
- compared to group text. - For sure.
We're gonna have a discussion now.
[Robyn] Our decisions are going to affect each other.
That may have some long-term effects on the relationship.
I just don't know.
Okay, so guys, Hunter is coming home tomorrow
or the next day.
What are we gonna do when he's home?
Are we gonna get together...
How long is he gonna be home?
He'll be here for the whole summer.
I will just be upfront.
I'm about ready to psychologically lose it
if we don't start getting together soon,
because... And my kids are kind of at that space, too.
I think my ideas of the whole family
getting together are fairly radical
for some people in the family.
'Cause there are some voices that would have us completely stay separate.
[Robyn] You know, CDC is telling you not to get into groups bigger
than, like, ten or eight or something.
I don't know what the answer is here.
I think that teleconferencing is probably our best...
the best we can do for now.
Okay, I wanna hear what everybody else has to say
'cause I sort of have my feelings about the extreme.
'Cause this decision affects us all.
We have to all be on the same page.
I don't know if we're all gonna get on the same page.
So far, we haven't really handled COVID as a team.
I think it'd be awesome to get together.
I think it'd be super, super cool.
I think it's sad to be separated.
I think it might be the safest and the most responsible thing to do, to stay separated.
Am I a fan of it? No.
I think it's ridiculous
that we're not getting together.
Just trying to be smart,
so that there are no regrets, you know.
If it's gonna save,
you know, keep our family healthy and safe,
then we can do it.
I love my family so much, I'll stay away from them.
That's kinda how I feel.
I spent some time with our family doctor, not in person.
But she even made the comment that our ICU is full of cases,
here in Flagstaff.
She has advised me
that we should still not be gathering as a family.
I don't necessarily agree with 100% of what she's saying
based on everything I'm reading.
[Robyn] I do trust our doctor.
I know that she has the best intention for our family.
I do, I do think that.
I think our family doctor is giving her perspective
and we're taking it like gospel truth.
I absolutely am embracing everything the CDC tells us to do.
I wear a mask, I wash my hands,
I carry hand sanitizer with me. When I go to the grocery store,
I'm careful.
Like, I'm not going a lot of places.
Kody seems to be taking it to a whole different level of isolation.
I'm trying to get us together and nobody seems to
be playing ball with me and I'm just kinda like,
"Come on, guys!"
So, I guess if they wanna continue to be apart
and maybe we're apart for 18 months or two years
and maybe the family exists or not
in that, after that time period.
[Kody] Everybody just needs to stay home.
And then, I can see everybody.
If each one of you wanna be able to see me,
then I can be the only one that you see besides your,
- um, immediate children. - [dog barks]
Does that seem understandable?
I don't like telling them what to do
because they just like to put me in my place.
But right now is one of those times
when I would like to be able to say, "Hey!
These are the rules and you're gonna do 'em."
And everybody's got a choice to make and everybody gets to choose.
- Not really. - What?
Not really. We don't all get a choice to make
and get to choose.
I can't see Maddie and the kids?
I can't see Hunter?
I... I really am not willing to do that.
We have to each decide. Each household gets to decide.
Each mom gets to decide.
All of you are getting to decide what you're gonna do.
I want everybody to feel like they've got a choice.
But what they're literally doing is they're choosing
whether or not they're gonna have a relationship,
a physical relationship with me or not.
You can't have a relationship if you're not alive. [laughs]
So, I don't know. I mean that sounds morbid,
but that's really kinda what it boils down to.
I'm not gonna follow the same rules that Robyn is following.
We already made plans to go do stuff,
and we're going to go do stuff.
I will tell you that I can't go all summer
doing this.
'Cause she doesn't want to hear the facts.
She doesn't want to hear it.
Frankly, I think Janelle's lazy
about an ounce of prevention.
- I just can't. So... - That's...
- I mean I can't. - [indistinct]
[Janelle] I'm getting the impression Christine and I are kind of in the same boat.
I can at least maybe try to make small alliances
so that our kids can at least hang out this summer.
My kids are to the point where we would choose hanging out
at Christine's house over you coming, Kody.
Sorry. That's where they're at.
[Robyn] This is between Kody and Janelle.
And I just have to kind of...
[vocalizing] you know? Awkward. [laughs]
I mean, that's an extreme compliment.
I do love Janelle's children.
But I don't want them coming over
to make them not hang out with Kody.
But I really do want to see them really badly.
They're kinda up to the point where we can't keep away
from the family.
I think Janelle is full of [bleeped]
and this is why she's full of [bleeped].
Because the kids aren't seeing each other all the time anyway.
[Janelle] If he wants to throw the whole family
under the bus, that's fine.
[Kody] She doesn't want me
coming down hard on her children
for their lack of...
observation of the coronavirus protocols.
You... You make your choice.
My choice is going to be whatever I think
is going to make it so I don't live with
a life of regret for some screw-up
in a three-month time period versus the 30 years of the rest of our lives.
If Janelle and I come to a conclusion
that we're gonna let our kids hang out with each other,
that's gonna mean that Kody's not going to come over.
Everybody gets to make their choice,
but I will be making mine and,
to be honest with you, nobody's gonna dictate it
to me.
Kody is here now talking to us and just saying,
you know, you guys make your own decision,
I'm gonna make my own decision.
I would rather see us all work together,
make a decision together rather than...
him or anybody just being like, "Oh, do your thing. I'll do my thing.
Whatever, we'll just all do our own thing."
What if there's some sort of middle ground?
I mean, the weather's gonna be so beautiful.
What if the five of us, at least,
drove our cars somewhere and...
To the property? Should we go have a picnic five feet apart?
- Everybody has to bring their own food, I guess. - Six feet.
Like, I'll be, like, your own picnic lunch
that we eat together, right? or something.
Exactly. I think as adults,
we could do it just fine.
So, at least, there's a plan to see each other, physically.
That's good.
[Kody] I'm willing to try it,
but...
you know, in the midst of a pandemic,
it seems like risky behavior.
We... We haven't solved this problem.
There's some underlying lack of trust
within the family.
Those who don't believe that coronavirus can cause harm
are not trusting those who are following
sort of the draconian recommendations
of the government.
Guys, I need to get going.
Bye, everybody.
[Kody] This car is buried.
- It's impossible. - [Christine] Wow, she really is stuck.
All I know is that I wish I owned a tractor.
[Kody] Coyote Pass is a reference that we make to the property
that we bought here in Flagstaff.
That's kind of where the family likes to go
when we socialize. We do picnics out there.
We hang out there a little bit.
But we plan to build homes there.
But because it's really a year process for building,
and then you've also gotta finance,
we are really not in a position to do it yet.
Gwendlyn took her car out to the property
'cause her and Ysabel want to go out there and have fun.
And I gave her this little lecture about um...
you know, how muddy it was out there and to stay on the road.
[chuckles] It's funny.
She went out and got stuck.
Mine and Christine's daughters decide they needed to go do a picnic.
So, Ysabel, Gwendlyn and Truely
went out to Coyote Pass when it was muddy,
and they got themselves stuck so bad
that you know, they... They can't get it out.
Christine's been out to check it out.
She's, like, "I can't get it out."
So, we're going today now, to see if we can't
pull them out with... With more tools.
Get them out of that mess.
[Kody] Here we are at Coyote Pass.
Coming up on Gwendlyn's handiwork.
[laughs]
[Robyn] There's this car out there, just kind of
halfway sunk into ground.
I actually drove over there to see it.
And it is like deep, deep in the mud.
[Kody laughs]
Looks like they tried to get out.
Oh-oh!
It is up to the axle.
This car is buried.
[laughing] I mean, It's... It's impossible.
[laughing]
Coming out here... I'm sorry.
Literally, the frame of the car
is floating on the ground,
and the tires are spinning freely.
[Christine] I came out here a few days ago.
[Kody] Why do you blame the tractors?
Not yourself for not staying on the road?
If I had a tractor, I'd use a tractor.
But to ask my neighbor to come and do it
would be sheer embarrassment for me.
It needs a tractor.
[engine whirring]
[Janelle] Wow, my God. She really is stuck.
- Wow. - [engine whirring]
All I know is that I wish I owned a tractor.
- [Christine] We dug through... - Is there a shovel in there?
Did you bring a shovel?
If I am unsuccessful here, she will go get the neighbor
and she will tell the neighbor that she did all this stupid.
- [laughs] - And that she needs
the neighbor to rescue her from stupid because...
- And if she mentions my name... - I won't. I will not.
I would not betray you.
Don't you have a husband?
- Oh. - Oh, he looked at this and said...
And I wouldn't even say that.
He'd go, "Don't you have a husband?" I'd just go,
"He's at another woman's house."
- Oh yeah, that one would work. - [laughs]
This area needs to be cleared out.
[Robyn] You know what's ironic? Kody...
used to say all the time in Las Vegas,
that he wanted to move somewhere so he could go with his kids
and play in the dirt and mud.
[Kody] Yeah, go ahead and start it, Christine.
The battery's dead?
Yeah, I don't know if it could get any worse than this right now.
[Kody] Go.
[engine revving]
I mean, the car, it is so old. Like, it was 15 years old
when we bought it for Maddie in high school.
It's been through its kids.
- I'm not sure it will survive beyond Gwen. - [indistinct]
- Tell Mom to give it a little bit of gas. - Okay,
give it a little bit of gas!
[engine whirring]
Oh, yeah, baby.
That was a blast.
Mom, you did so good. How are you feeling right now?
- I was so excited! - How are you feeling right now?
Did you see that?
[Kody] I realized the girls are congratulating Mom
on the great job she did.
I don't care who gets the praise.
Now I get to go home.
Yeah, I'm getting a tractor out of this.
A pickup out of this,
- and maybe a four-wheeler. - [Christine] And maybe I'll get a kiss out of this.
There's my kiss.
[Janelle] You know, I've been thinking a lot
about how our communication as a family is going.
And I had brought that up at dinner with the adults a little while ago.
And it... It was interesting how it was taken.
Do you want to have a relationship
with your sister wife?
[Janelle] I think maybe that's why I've started to think about this.
'Cause I want something different than what we have.
This pandemic has sort of... underscored this breakdown
that we have in how we communicate with each other
as adults in the family.
What can I change that makes the communication go better?
[Robyn] Today, Janelle was asking me
to come over to her house and just kind of chat,
like talk to me a little bit about,
I don't know, what's been going on.
I'm not really sure, exactly.
- [Janelle] Hey. - Hey, I'm here. Do you want...
[Janelle] Oh, cool. Do you know what? come through the RV gate.
- On the side of the house, if you want. - Okay.
[Janelle] Since we had a conversation
via video-conferencing or whatever, and
we all decided that it would be potentially workable
for us all to get together and meet, socially distanced.
- Hi! - [Janelle] Hi.
I felt like this was a great opportunity to kinda
give that a test run.
I'm actually really grateful
that we have figured out a way for us to see each other.
- [Robyn] Tomatoes. - Tomatoes. Look, how good they're doing.
[Robyn] Those peppers,
- right there? - No, basil.
- [Robyn] Basil... - [Janelle] One change sometimes, is a catalyst
for other changes.
We signed up for plural marriage
because we thought that this made us better.
And if you don't ever take advantages of trying to be better yourself,
then why are you doing it?
I've realized...
at 51, I think I'm ready to turn over a new leaf
as far as some of my communication skills.
And so that's kinda what I really was gonna...
There's no really easy way to bring this up.
I think I get so excited about what I want.
I think maybe, my conversations get...
They probably come off as aggressive.
I need to be more willing to hear what everybody has to say, you know, just...
And that's hard 'cause we all have,
there's a lot of opinions.
I think it's a culture in plural families, too.
-With women. -You think? [both] Yeah.
I think they... They feel like they've gotta fight for their,
um, their position.
The conversations with the five of us are,
like, I go home with a stomachache,
- like, almost every single time. - Mmm-hmm.
COVID is really...
magnifying our communication breakdown issues.
You know, there's a lot of unsafe conversations that happen in this family.
We're just not really talking to each other about COVID.
We're talking at each other.
I think sometimes,
you just are quiet and I'm just like,
- ram, ram, ram! - [laughs]
This is great, this is great, this is great.
It's all exuberance.
But I know it can seem like I'm forcing.
- So... - [Robyn] I'm just, uh,
I'm a little more quiet. I, um...
I have a tendency to be... cautious
- of what I'm saying. - I would like if you would say more.
[laughs]
[Robyn] More than likely when I have a beef with Kody...
Okay, let's just say that.
It's rare that I fight with him,
I... I probably could name
five real fights in the last...
10, 11 years we've been together
on my hand, like, probably five real fights.
Maybe not even that.
You know, I was, I was married before.
And in that marriage,
there was a lot of fighting and there was a lot of pain.
I promised myself that as I came out of my divorce,
that I was like, if I ever marry again,
I'm just gonna be more cautious and more careful.
I think we need to figure out how to have
these conversations.
- Yeah. - Not, not the actual conversation,
but, like, how to have a conversation. [laughs]
I mean, you're talking about
changing the way we communicate.
I would love to change it dramatically.
I'm relieved that Janelle's saying, hey, let's...
you know, maybe what we're doing isn't working.
Can we figure out a better way?
I mean, yes, I'm 100%, you know,
feel the same way.
The next time we all get together,
we need to
have a real discussion about some ground rules
for our conversations.
- Yeah. - [Janelle] I feel really good
after the conversation I had with Robyn.
We are coming at everything that's going on
with a little bit different perspective.
But the one core thing that we do agree on
is that we want the family to be long term.
'Cause I think the whole idea that we're a unit
and we continue to make these decisions together
is what defines our family structure.
Otherwise, we're just a bunch of monogamists who share a husband.
We've had a rough relationship for a couple of years.
Plural marriage is a challenge that she doesn't enjoy.
I'll be frank,
plural marriage is not a challenge that I enjoy.
[Janelle] It's been nice. Kody's been here for a few days.
He was gone for five weeks.
I have some kids that are working outside the home,
and seeing people outside of the home.
So I asked him to stay away long enough for me to kind of get a handle on
if they were gonna be bringing COVID home or,
and it seems like it's all been fine.
Kody and I both feel like it's okay for him to come home now.
Christine's birthday date is way overdue,
and he needs to leave and kind of go there.
But you know, Hunter will be home shortly,
and it will be very...
It will be a real bright spot for my household.
[Kody] Today, I made it to, uh, Christine's house.
Um, left Janelle's.
And our reunion was lovely. It was not...
I was getting all vulnerable and silly because I was,
it'd been so long since we'd seen each other.
But we tried to figure out how long it had been since...
if we had ever gone that long before,
without seeing each other.
I'm pretty independent.
Like, when he's gone, I miss him but it's not like,
I kind of enjoy my freedom.
But then I realize that when he comes back
how much I kinda miss him.
I'm sort of making up for Christine's birthday today.
Because on her birthday,
I was with Janelle for Hunter's graduation.
I'm just picking Christine up.
We're just... She's just gonna come out.
We're just gonna go on a date.
- Hey. How's it going? - Want to come in? Hey.
[Christine] About the only thing you can do during COVID
are long drives for birthday dates.
So, that's what we are doing today. I'm super excited.
We love road trips. It'll be great.
- All right. - [Christine] Excited?
We are out of here, Mrs. Brown.
- Are you excited? - [Christine] Yes, yes,
- I'm really excited. - Alrighty.
Christine and I have a lot of fun
adventuring together.
And we have a lot of fun when we don't have a plan.
We're just hitting the road,
and we're gonna look for the prettiest spots we can find.
[Christine] All of the adults went to Sedona years ago.
And I think it was one of the first times
we ever met Nancy, who's our therapist.
I mean, it wasn't fun.
[Kody] I want all of us to put our arms around each other.
- And I want all of us to put our foreheads together. - [Janelle laughs]
So that everybody is connected.
And is that what you guys really want?
- Yes. - [Kody] I think that is our ultimate goal.
I hope today is more fun.
We're just gonna look at scenery.
We're not taking Nancy with us.
It's just gonna be the two of us.
Do you think we're going too far with our family?
What do you mean?
I think that we're just, I don't think we should be separated.
What I feel like my family is constantly doing
is using emotion against... science.
The virus doesn't care about our emotion.
Everybody has to be accountable for it.
And everybody has to accept the question...
Have you been accountable?
Are you being... are you social distancing?
It feels like I'm policing the entire situation.
And I'm like this lifeguard that keeps
kicking kids out of the pool.
Because they can't sit and play nice in the pool.
Even if Maddie and the grandkids come,
Kody, I'm not staying away from them.
I have a lot of other kids in my life, too.
And some of those other kids belong to other moms.
But if Maddie comes and brings Axel and Evie,
What? I can't hold them?
I mean, by Kody's rules, I shouldn't even see them, then.
- Maddie asked me to... - Christine, you're talking about a dilemma
that is more confusing for people than polygamy is.
- [laughs] - Okay?
- I just think... - No, really. This is a dilemma
that is extremely confusing for all people.
It's not more complicated than polygamy.
I'm sorry, that's ridiculous.
If it was illegal to visit people,
then maybe I'd have to think about it differently.
- [Kody] All right. Let's put the top up? - [Christine] Okay.
- We might still get a sunset. - Okay, we're gonna get a sunset.
Tell you what, it's all about a convertible,
magical song and the sunset.
That's the magic.
[Christine] See the sunset? Run.
[indistinct]
Watch the cars.
Oh, God. I think the sunset's going to be good.
[Christine] This is epic. It's beautiful, right? We're just looking over Sedona.
It's gorgeous here. It's beautiful.
[Christine] We've had a rough relationship for a couple of years.
Ever since, well...
I guess, the big blow-up about living in one house.
And it's really been strained since then.
It honestly has. It's been strained since then.
So, and here we go.
- There's the house. - Wow...
- Wow. - [Truely] That's a big house.
[Christine] Why didn't he listen to everything that I said
for the past, like, five or six years?
I don't want to live together again.
I told him point blank that was something I would never do again.
And then it's like he didn't even care.
I just thought, okay, well, I'm just last
on his list of important people.
[wind blowing]
[Kody] Instead of rejecting Christine's complaints about plural marriage,
I've opened myself up to them
so that I can validate where she's at,
and have a deeper understanding.
And it's very much unraveled plural marriage for me.
And it's made me a little bit cynical.
There's this... This belief
in our religion of this sort of thought process
of endure to the end.
I'm looking back at nearly 30 years of plural marriage,
of marriage, in general, of our family.
And it has been sort of
an endure to the end experience.
Looking forward to your death
so you can meet the Almighty and go see how I endured
all the personalities here?
[Christine] He always talks about his big picture,
and I just think that if I am in that big picture,
I'm just a really small spot.
It seems more and more that
plural marriage is a challenge that she doesn't enjoy.
And I'll be frank,
plural marriage is not a challenge that I enjoy.
More than anything with Kody is...
I don't feel like I'm very important to him.
[Kody] Some of the difficulties that we have
in marriage or in plural marriage
may be unreconcilable.
I just don't know what this means for our future.
[Robyn] I have days when I'm baby hungry
and I really want another baby.
[Kody] If you're trying to commit me,
like right now, and I'd have to really focus.
What she's doing is, "You gotta decide if you wanna have more kids."
[Robyn] So, are you okay to have a discussion?
[Kody] You know, like, a lot of times, when any of my wives would say,
"Hey, I need to have a chat with you." I'd be like,
"Okay, what have I... Am I in trouble?"
- [Robyn] Let's just sit right over here. - Okay.
Robyn's always really good about taking the time
to get me to understand the paradigms
and understanding the viewpoints of others.
So... [laughs]
- Darling... [laughs] - Yes, dear?
I actually don't know what Robyn wants to talk about today.
You know how, like a couple years ago,
when we went back to Vegas for a little, you know,
a little like, trip and I said,
I said, "Are we done having kids?"
We both kind of went, uh, "I think no. I think we're done."
I'm 41 years old.
We need to decide this now.
Like, there is a biological clock ticking.
I'm not getting younger. We can't sit here and stall out on this
if this is what we're gonna do.
I have days when I'm baby hungry
and I really want another baby.
And you keep making comments and jokes
and then, "I don't know if I'm done."
- Are you calling me out sort of? - A little... yeah. [laughs]
I brought you out to say...
What is going on?
I feel 100% like I want to have Kody's commitment
'cause he is older.
He's got wives that are, like, completely done.
If we're gonna have a baby, we're both gonna be committed
and you're gonna be holding a baby.
If you're trying to commit me, like, right now,
and I'd have to really focus.
What she's doing is,
"You gotta decide if you want to have more kids."
I'm caught in a conundrum, completely.
You know, this is what I've always done.
This is what I've always been.
I've always been
fathering and having special experiences with little people
- 'cause they're just, they're just... - Yeah.
They're sweet.
Logan was born in two... in '94.
We have 18 children between basically all the adults.
Children from 26 years old, down to four years old.
[indistinct chatter]
I'm pretty sure that I've been having kids for 26 years.
There's this real joy about having a little one.
Ari's been such a... just a wonderful experience.
But at the same time, I'm caught in this conflict.
Because Ari's been weaned for a year
and she's still keeping us up at night.
- Started to get better once she was weaned and stuff. - No, it's not better.
Ari is four years old. She just turned four,
and she is, uh, she's a night owl.
She doesn't like to go to bed.
And she's active through the night.
[Kody] She's a night owl.
I'm literally having a hard time keeping my head from wobbling.
Ariella's jumping on the couch
trying to find out how high she can go.
If I looked in the mirror,
I would just see this guy that looks like bloodshot eyes,
hair is just frazzled.
Can you just go to sleep? [chuckles]
It's mental exhaustion.
You're arguing with a four-year-old
who has the words of a 10-year-old,
and the logic of an idiot.
Women talk about that feeling of, like,
"Oh, I'm done." I've never really got that.
You know when you're young and, um...
And you're just thinking about having children and people will say,
"How many kids you're gonna have?"
I would always say, "Just as many as I'm supposed to have.
As many as I've made promises to."
It is, it's a big deal to me.
[sniffles]
[tearfully] To make sure...
To make sure all my babies are here with me.
That's all.
In my head, I made promises to a certain amount of children
to be their mother, you know, in the pre-life,
and I wanna fulfill all those promises.
I wanna have a life with you that's not just all about our kids.
- Okay. - What do you think about that, though?
Do you feel like, hallelujah?
I feel relieved and sad at the same time.
[Kody] She's mixed on this.
I'm walking on eggshells here, in a way,
because I don't want to discourage Robyn
from us having a baby,
if she feels a premonition that we should.
I don't know what it was but I...
had something, someone, hanging around our room all day.
I believe that we exist in a spiritual form
before we are born and come to earth.
I believe that I have had interactions
with some of my children you know, when they were a spirit
just to, you know, before they were born.
Just a little dark-haired boy.
- Really? - [Robyn] Mmm-hmm.
There's this crazy fear in my head... [sighs]
That I'll leave somebody behind.
- You have not helped me answer this question. - [laughs]
[Kody] I felt like we... The decision's made
and then she blows me out of the water
with a visual of a dark-haired boy.
Now, if we got a blonde girl... [laughs]
If we decide to do it and we got a blonde girl...
we'd go, "All right",
"we have somebody from somebody else's pile now," you know?
My blond hair really comes out in the kids.
So, I doubt that we'd have a dark-haired boy.
Maybe we're supposed to adopt, I have no idea.
Adoption was never an option 'cause we were having our own children.
But now that we're winding up here,
the idea of adoption is something that would be
more appealing to me.
And well, if you don't feel done,
maybe we need to think about this some more.
If I don't know that I'm done, maybe we need to make sure.
I don't know what else to do with it.
Because I don't have a strong answer either way.
It's hard to get together and feel like I still matter,
I'm still important.
If we don't start taking care of our community now,
it's not gonna exist.
[cow mooing]
- [Janelle] Oh, he's back! - Hi, guys.
[Gabriel] Get him!
Oh, you're really back.
[Janelle] So, Hunter's just graduated from the Air Force Academy.
And he'll be home for three months, for the whole summer,
which is the longest he's been home since he graduated...
like, right after he graduated from high school
and went to the Academy.
[indistinct chatter]
[dog barking]
I'm actually really excited.
As my children have gotten older and they come back,
I've realized how much I...
my life is about having them home.
-[dog growls] -Get down. [indistinct chatter]
Hunter just is kind of the life of the party.
You definitely don't miss that Hunter has come in the door.
- Yeah, that's fine... Oh. - [Gabriel laughs]
[Janelle] Because we're trying to be really careful about exposure risk,
Kody is going to stay away for a couple of weeks.
[Hunter] Oh, it's good to be home.
[Janelle] It's a very rare occurrence that he's home
for more than two weeks.
And so I think that's just an impetus for us to finally
figure out how we're gonna get together as a family this summer.
[Christine] Janelle called me and asked me
if we could talk today.
I don't like conversations that are heavy, no,
but when you're with four other adults,
together, in a family,
you have to have serious conversations.
So I have to put on my adult panties today.
- [Janelle] This is nice. - [Christine] It's a nice backyard, huh?
Yeah, I haven't been out here for a long time.
This is really awkward 'cause I can't really figure out how, I can't,
I can't figure out the greatest way,
so, I'm just gonna jump in.
- I'm always a good fan of jumping in. - [laughs]
So, it's about communication styles,
and I've realized, I think, there's something I wanna change
about my communication style.
And I think it's when I tend to get so excited
about what I want, that I can't let it alone.
[Christine] Janelle's very stubborn. Like, she has blinders on.
And that's what she's aiming for,
and that's what she's going for. She does do that.
I think I'm gonna try to change that.
'Cause we do have some big things that we have to
communicate about as a family,
in the next several months.
And I wanna make sure that we're good
because with the one house conversation,
- you and I were definitely very loud on opposite ends. - Yeah.
Janelle was way in favor of
living in one house all together,
and she was at one end of the spectrum
and I was at completely the other end of the spectrum
saying, "No, I'm not gonna live together in one house."
And I really have no hard feelings about...
everything and I wanna just make sure that,
- I wanna clear the air. - I'm good with you now.
But when we were in the one house,
there's a few reasons why I don't want to.
One of the reasons was, I felt like everybody, like, what you and Kody wanted me to do
was more important than what I wanted to do.
I just look back and wish I would've taken better care
of my kids.
I just wish I would've stood up for myself more.
I got overwhelmed, and I know myself.
And I know that if I was in a one-house again,
it'd be the same thing.
That's fair. I could, I could see that.
This is kind of a long-standing deep hurt, I think.
And I think that it could have been handled so much better
if we would've been communicating,
and really listening and really saying
what we needed to say.
- Sometimes it just feels awkward... - Yeah.
...when we are all together.
- I wonder why. - Feels awkward?
I'm always a little nervous. I'm always a little nervous.
Like nauseous, to the point of being nauseous.
It's hard to get together and feel like I still matter,
that I'm still important.
'Cause I think when it comes down to it...
I don't matter that much, not really.
So, it's hard to come into a place where...
I think I'm gonna have equal say 'cause I won't.
I won't have equal voice, 'cause I won't.
Do you think that the communication methods or styles
could help you feel like you were more heard?
I think so. I hope so.
I don't feel like we're at the point
where we can be completely honest.
- Why not? Why not make it that point? - Oh, God.
I just think that it's time to talk about some of that stuff.
Are you thinking I'm nuts?
I don't think you're nuts, but I think it's unrealistic.
There's a fine line between being honest
and being safe,
and that can be crossed easily.
Bring the fall-out. Bring it.
'Cause we're never gonna make progress until we get through the mess.
I'm willing to give it a try, just so you know.
- I'm completely willing. - Okay, you're not hopeful.
No, well...
um... I hate to say that but yes.
No, not really.
It's easy to just live separate.
- Like, it's really easy, I feel like thinking I should... - It is easy.
Like, I could just focus on my kids and I don't want...
part of me is that's so easy.
But part of me is like, you know, that's really not what I signed up for.
No, it's not what any of us signed up for.
So I don't wanna do what we have now,
I don't think it's sustainable.
Well, it's stupid. It's separate.
It's not what we signed up for.
I really truly believe at my core
that if we can't figure this out,
nobody's wanna stick together
if we're not communicating effectively,
who wants to stick around?
That's way too much work and it's not very much fun.
[sniffs] So, I think it is the key to our ultimate
long-term survival as a family unit.
I think we are at a crossroads. I think Janelle's 100% right.
We are at a crossroads and...
what she doesn't know is another crossroad
of moving back to Utah.
I just think that we need to move back to Utah.
[Christine] I would love to move back to Utah with all of us.
We have a community there.
Twenty years from now, us just living by ourselves
as the only polygamists in this area,
together on Coyote Pass,
it just sounds really, really lonely.
I'm in a place where I want something different.
But what we've been doing hasn't been working.
So, I'd like to try something different.
And I guess the communication is the biggest piece of it.
So...
I think so, too.
I really truly believe that if we don't start taking care of
our quote, unquote community now,
uh, it's not gonna exist.
[narrator] Next time on Sister Wives...
Well, the pandemic's been going on for about seven weeks.
I'm the only one that's going from home to home.
So, all I'm trying to do is say, "Let's wait."
This will not go away until they have a vaccine.
We'll get together when it's safe.
We'll be lucky if we have a family at that...
at the end of that time.
"Oh, Dad! You know, you're so stupid, Dad.
I'd rather be around the kids than you anyway."
[indistinct chatter]
[Christine] A little bit of distance for Kody and I is okay.
Things are just hard at home when he's there.
Just seeing him for a couple of hours a week isn't enough.
I just really wanna move back to Utah.
One, two, three, four wives said, "No.
We're never moving back to Utah."