Mordecai: [ LAUGHS ]
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
YO, RIGBY, WHAT DOES THIS REMIND YOU OF?
[ SNORING ] WHAT?
YOUR 7th-GRADE SCIENCE PROJECT
ON WHICH PIZZA BOX MAKES THE BEST PILLOW.
WHAT?
DUDE, I MADE GROUNDBREAKING DISCOVERIES WITH THAT PROJECT.
COME ON, RIGBY.
WE'VE ALL DONE EMBARRASSING STUFF.
YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A KID,
I USED TO PEEL THE PEPPERONI OFF OF PIZZA AND EAT IT SEPARATELY.
[ CHUCKLES ] GEEZ.
HMM. OKAY.
THAT'S NOT REALLY THAT EMBARRASSING, MARGARET.
I MEAN, IF YOU WANT EMBARRASSING,
THERE'S THIS MANIFESTO I WROTE IN 6th GRADE.
WAIT, I THINK I STILL HAVE IT.
[ CLATTERING ]
HERE IT IS!
"THE EILEEN PLAN."
OH, WOW.
"I, EILEEN ROBERTS, DO HEREBY SWEAR
TO ACCOMPLISH THE FOLLOWING
BY THE END OF MY FIRST QUARTER CENTURY ON PLANET EARTH."
"ONE -- LOWER AGE OF PRESIDENTIAL ELIGIBILITY TO 25.
TWO -- ACHIEVE PRESIDENCY."
[ LAUGHTER ]
TELL ME, HOW'S IT COMING WITH THOSE?
HEY, I'VE STILL GOT TIME.
YEAH, YOU CAN TOTALLY DO THAT STUFF BY THE TIME YOU'RE 44.
WHAT? NO, A QUARTER CENTURY IS 25 YEARS.
[ LAUGHS ] YEAH, I KNEW THAT.
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
"NUMBER THREE -- MARRY SOMEONE BRILLIANT,
PREFERABLY WITH SEVERAL PANTS UNDER HIS BELT"?
"PATENTS."
OH, "PATENTS."
"BUT JUST SUPER SMART IS OKAY, TOO"?
[ LAUGHTER ] OH, MAN!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYONE LIKE THAT,
MUCH LESS AM I MARRIED TO HIM.
[ CHUCKLES ] YEAH, PRETTY FUNNY.
"NUMBER FOUR -- ELIMINATE ALLERGIC RESPONSES TO PEANUTS."
[ CRICKETS CHIRPING ]
HEY, MORDECAI?
[ SNORING ]
HEY, MORDECAI? [ SNORING ]
HEY, MORDECAI. AH, WHAT?
DO YOU THINK I'M DUMB? YES. [ SNORING ]
OKAY, YEAH. I THOUGHT SO. I WAS JUST CHECKING.
[ GROANS ] NO, YOU'RE NOT DUMB.
I WAS JUST KIDDING.
YOU'RE...SMART?
IN YOUR OWN WAY?
DUDE, WHERE'S THIS COMING FROM?
YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN COOL WITH BEING DUMB.
IT'S JUST... [ SIGHS ]
THE EILEEN PLAN.
EVEN IF I WAS SMART IN MY OWN WAY,
WHICH I'M NOT, I'M STILL NOT BRILLIANT.
I HAVE ZERO PATENTS OR PANTS.
YOU'RE OVERREACTING, MAN.
EILEEN DOESN'T CARE ABOUT THAT STUFF ANYMORE.
BUT SHE DOESN'T KNOW I DIDN'T GRADUATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL.
IF I'M EVER GONNA BE THE BRILLIANT GUY OF HER DREAMS,
THAT'S THE LEAST I CAN DO.
[ SCHOOL BELL RINGS ] Principal Dean: SO, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT --
YOU, AN ADULT, WANT TO ENROLL AT THIS SCHOOL
SO YOU CAN GET YOUR DIPLOMA
BECAUSE YOU'RE CURRENTLY TOO DUMB.
PRETTY MUCH, YEAH.
NOT A CHANCE, RIGBY.
YOU PUT ME THROUGH ENOUGH GRIEF THE FIRST TIME YOU WENT HERE.
OH, COME ON, PRINCIPAL DEAN!
I KNOW I SCREWED UP IN HIGH SCHOOL,
BUT I SWEAR I'VE CHANGED.
[ GROANS ] FINE.
I SHOULDN'T DO THIS, BUT...
HMM...
YOU STILL NEED THREE CLASSES TO GRADUATE --
A SCIENCE, A PHYS ED, AND A LANGUAGE.
CHOOSE ONE TO START, AND I SUGGEST YOU BE REALISTIC.
I WILL. THANKS, PRINCIPAL DEAN.
YOU WON'T REGRET THIS.
SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
HMM... OH, DUDE, PERFECT.
INTRO TO GEOLOGY. REMEMBER?
NOT REALLY.
"ROCKS FOR JOCKS." "NO ONE EVER FAILS."
OH, YEAH.
ALL THE ATHLETES TOOK IT 'CAUSE IT WAS BASICALLY A FREE PASS.
PIECE OF CAKE. I'LL DO IT.
YOU'RE NOT WORRIED ABOUT HANGING OUT WITH JOCKS ALL SEMESTER?
NAH, I'M GONNA RULE THAT PLACE LIKE A KING.
[ SCHOOL BELL RINGS, ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ]
SETTLE DOWN, CLASS.
WE'VE GOT A RETURNING STUDENT WITH US TODAY.
RIGBY, WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME TO THE FRONT
AND INTRODUCE YOURSELF?
HEY, DUDES, LET ME RAP TO YOU ABOUT --
[ GRUNTS ]
'SUP?
I'M RIGBY, BUT MY FRIENDS CALL ME RIGBONE.
YOU GUYS HAVE ACTUALLY PROBABLY HEARD OF ME.
I USED TO GO TO THIS SCHOOL.
OH, YEAH.
MY OLDER BROTHER STEPPED ON YOUR NECK IN GYM CLASS.
DIDN'T YOU FLUNK OUT?
N-NO.
YEAH, RIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ]
WHATEVER! I ONLY CAME BACK HERE
TO PROVE SOMETHING TO MY GIRLFRIEND, ANYWAY.
OH, COOL.
IS SHE A 100-YEAR-OLD DROPOUT, TOO?
NO.
SHE'S SUPER COOL AND, LIKE, A GENIUS.
YOU'RE OLD.
AIDEN, BRAEDEN, JAYDEN!
BEHAVE YOURSELF, OR YOU WON'T PASS THIS CLASS.
MRS. KESSLER, NOBODY'S EVER FAILED YOUR CLASS.
THAT'S TRUE. OKAY.
SO, FROM LAST WEEK, WHO KNOWS WHAT THIS IS CALLED?
AND REMEMBER, WE RULED OUT ROCK HOLE.
OHH!
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CRICKETS CHIRPING ]
WOW.
YOU NEVER STUDIED THIS HARD
WHEN YOU WERE ACTUALLY IN HIGH SCHOOL.
FAILURE'S NOT AN OPTION, DUDE.
IF EILEEN WANTS SOMEONE BRILLIANT,
SHE'S GONNA GET SOMEONE BRILLIANT.
[ CELLPHONE RINGING ] [ INHALES SHARPLY ]
[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ] HEY, EILEEN.
OHH, THAT WAS TONIGHT?
AAH. SORRY, I CAN'T.
UH...BECAUSE...
MORDECAI GOT DUMPED AGAIN. THAT GUY, RIGHT?
DUDE, WHAT THE...?
Shh. YEAH, IT'S REAL TOUCH-AND-GO RIGHT NOW.
HE NEEDS MY SUPPORT.
WE'RE STILL ON FOR FRIDAY, THOUGH!
THE BIG DANCE THING WE PLANNED FOR MONTHS!
GOT TO GO. SEE YA!
[ GROANS ]
THAT'S THE THIRD THING I'VE HAD TO TURN DOWN THIS WEEK.
DUDE, JUST TELL HER THE TRUTH.
NOT UNTIL I'M BRILLIANT.
[ ROCK CLACKS ] YOU HEAR THAT?
I HEARD IT, MRS. K.
I'M SURE EVERYONE DID, BUT THANKS FOR RESPONDING, RIGBY.
WELL, ANYWAY, THE HOLLOW SOUND
IS HOW YOU CAN TELL IF A ROCK IS A GEODE.
LOOK AT THAT. GORGEOUS.
WE'LL SEE PLENTY OF THESE ON OUR FIELD TRIP FRIDAY NIGHT.
UM... [ CLEARS THROAT ]
EXCUSE ME. WHAT FIELD TRIP?
THE SPELUNKING FIELD TRIP --
THE SECOND REQUIREMENT FOR THIS CLASS.
UM, WHAT'S THE FIRST?
THE BIG TEST THAT EVERYONE PASSES.
SO BASICALLY, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SHOW UP FOR THE FIELD TRIP,
AND YOU'LL PASS.
BUT I HAVE A BIG DATE WITH MY GIRLFRIEND THAT NIGHT.
I'M JUST SAYING IF YOU WANT TO PASS,
YOU GOT TO SHOW UP TO THE CAVE.
[ CELLPHONE RINGING ] HELLO.
HEY, RIGBY! YOU READY FOR OUR DATE TONIGHT?
THE MODERN DANCE U.S.A. TROUPE
ONLY COMES THROUGH TOWN ONCE A YEAR,
AND THIS YEAR, THEY'RE LETTING THE AUDIENCE PARTICIPATE.
Aah! This is so special!
Like, unprecedented, and will never be repeated.
[ COUGHS ]
ARE YOU OKAY?
I'M NOT FEELING SO HOT, EILEEN.
I CAN BRING YOU SOME LOZENGES.
NO, I DON'T EAT SHELLFISH. I'M SORRY.
I THINK I BETTER STAY IN TONIGHT,
TAKE CARE OF THE OLD RIG-BOD.
CAN WE RESCHEDULE FOR TOMORROW?
W-WELL, THE DANCE TROUPE IS ONLY HERE ONE NIGHT.
[ HACKING ]
BUT YEAH, OF COURSE.
GET SOME REST.
THANKS. I WILL.
SEE YOU TOMORROW. [ GROANS ]
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
YOU SURE YOU CAN HANDLE THIS, OLD MAN RIGBY?
YEAH, IT'S PRETTY DARK IN THERE.
OOOOH!
I'LL BE FINE.
I'M FRIENDS WITH A CAVEMAN -- GREG.
OH, OKAY. GREG THE CAVEMAN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
LEAVE RIGBY ALONE.
HE'S JUST TRYING TO GET AN EDUCATION.
LET'S TRY TO STAY FOCUSED, HUH?
IT'S EASY TO FALL DOWN A CAVE HOLE BUT HARDER TO COME OUT.
GETTING STUCK IN THE CAVE
WOULDN'T PREVENT YOU FROM PASSING THE CLASS
BUT COULD PREVENT YOU FROM BEING ALIVE.
ANYWAY, FOLLOW ME.
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
OH, HEY, EILEEN.
RIGBY'S NOT BACK FROM HIS FIELD TRIP TO THE CAVE YET.
HE'S...NOT HOME SICK?
NO, I THINK THE CLASS...UH...
THE CLASS OF...
ILLNESS HE HAS INVOLVES AN ADDICTION TO CAVES?
SO HE'S AT A CAVE NOW. HEH.
I SEE.
YOU'RE NOT BUYING THIS, ARE YOU? NO.
THEN CAN I HAVE THE SOUP?
WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
[ GRUNTS ]
[ GASPS ] THAT WAS 150,000 YEARS OLD!
[ CHUCKLES ] COOL.
All: SPORTS! SPORTS! SPORTS!
[ SCOFFS ]
GO BACK TO PLAYING WITH YOUR STALACTITES, YOU DUMB JOCKS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU, LIKE, REMIND ME OF MY DAD. HE'S FUNNY AND OLD.
OH, YEAH, HE'S SO OLD, AND HE'S SO FUNNY.
[ GASPS ] EILEEN?!
RIGBY!
HOW DID THE OLD MAN LAND SUCH A MEGA BABE?
[ CHUCKLES ] WELL...NO!
YOU KNOW, I DON'T LIKE BEING LIED TO BY MY BOYFRIEND!
I MISSED THE DANCE SHOW TO BRING YOU SOUP!
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ] EILEEN!
WAIT! [ GRUNTS ]
NOT SO FAST, RIGBY.
BUT I HAVE TO GET MY GIRLFRIEND!
JUST SAYING, IF YOU WANT TO PASS THIS CLASS --
PASSING DOESN'T MATTER IF I DON'T HAVE EILEEN.
[ PANTING ]
HOLD UP! [ WHIMPERS ]
**
EILEEN? COME OUT AND TALK TO ME!
Eileen: GO AWAY, RIGBY!
LYING TO ME FOR WEEKS
SO YOU CAN SIT AROUND IN A CAVE WITH HIGH-SCHOOL KIDS?
YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST LEAVE ME HERE TO --
[ SCREAMING ]
EILEEN!
EILEEN, ARE YOU OKAY?!
DID YOU FALL DOWN THE ROCK HOLE?
I'M OKAY, BUT IT'S PITCH-BLACK DOWN HERE.
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET OUT.
I'M COMING DOWN.
ACTUALLY, IT WOULD BE BETTER IF YOU WENT TO GET HELP.
[ SCREAMS ] OHH.
EILEEN, I CAN EXPLAIN.
I WAS GOING TO THE HOSPITAL, BUT I GOT LOST.
RIGBY, I KNOW YOU'RE NOT SICK! JUST TELL ME THE TRUTH.
[ SIGHS ] OKAY.
I'M NOT JUST HANGING OUT IN A CAVE WITH TEENS FOR FUN.
I...
I NEVER GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL.
REALLY?
THIS WHOLE CAVE THING IS JUST FOR SCHOOL CREDIT
SO I CAN GRADUATE AND GET MY DIPLOMA.
I NEVER CARED UNTIL I SAW THE EILEEN PLAN,
BUT NOW ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT
IS HOW YOU'RE GONNA BE THE PRESIDENT,
AND I'M JUST GONNA BE SOME JERK YOU USED TO DATE.
BUT I DON'T NEED A GENIUS.
I LIKE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
YEAH? YEAH.
OHH!OHH!
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
IT'S WAY TOO DARK TO FIND A WAY OUT.
HMM... I'VE GOT AN IDEA.
NO.
RIGBY, ARE YOU DIGGING?
IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE DIGGING.
YOU KNOW CAVES ARE ALREADY UNDERGROUND, RIGHT?
AHA!
HERE! IT'S POINTY. WHAT IS IT?
IT'S QUARTZ.
NOW I JUST NEED... OHH!
PENTLANDITE!
HA! IT WORKED!
STILL NOT ENOUGH LIGHT.
WHAT NOW? Shh.
LISTEN. [ ROCK THUDS ]
IT'S HOLLOW. UH-HUH. AND CHECK THIS OUT.
OOH! PURPLE GEODE WITH JASPER BANDING.
CLASSY. THANKS.
NOW, IF I...
UH, HERE WE GO.
**
WOW! IT'S...
GORGEOUS.
RIGBY, LOOK.
[ ROMANTIC GUITAR MUSIC PLAYS ]
RIGBY, THAT WAS PRETTY AMAZING.
YEAH. I LIKE THIS FEELING.
YOU KNOW, EVEN IF I MIGHT NEVER BE BRILLIANT,
I STILL WANT TO GET MY DIPLOMA...
FOR YOU AND FOR ME.
I RESPECT THAT.
UM, HEY, EILEEN? YEAH?
CAN I TRY SOMETHING WHEN WE'RE WALKING OUT?
OKAY.
WELL, THEY'RE DEAD FOR SURE.
OH, THE PRINCIPAL'S GONNA HAVE MY HEAD FOR THIS.
LOOK!
[ ROMANTIC GUITAR MUSIC PLAYS ] YEAH!
[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]
**
I KNOW EVERYONE PASSES THIS CLASS, BUT RIGBY JUST ACED IT.
I GET TO CARRY YOU NEXT TIME.
DEAL.
[ INSECTS CHIRPING ]
[ GONG CRASHES ]
[ SLURPING ]
DID YOU ENJOY YOUR MEAL, SIR?
YOU BET!
KUNG PAO CHICKEN AND WHITE RICE --
MY FAVORITE MEAL THREE YEARS RUNNING.
AH, THANK YOU.
[ CHUCKLES ] FORTUNE COOKIE.
WOULDN'T WANT TO FORGET THAT.
IT'S THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY NIGHT.
HUH.
"ADVENTURE COMES TO THOSE WHO SEEK IT."
[ SIGHS ]
[ ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYS ]
HMM.
[ SCHOOL BELL RINGS ]
HM-HM!
TIME TO ACE A FOREIGN-LANGUAGE CLASS!
BUENOS DAY-OS! [Buenos días]
BONE JUICE! [Bonjour]
GRUNTON TOG! [Guten tag]
Principal Dean: WELL, RIGBY, YOU DID IT.
YOU FAILED ALL YOUR FOREIGN-LANGUAGE CLASSES.
MAKES ME SO SAD SEEING YOU WALKING THROUGH THE HALLS,
A GROWN MAN FLOATING AROUND LIKE A GHOST.
WHY DO I EVEN NEED A FOREIGN LANGUAGE, ANYWAY?
IT'S NOT LIKE I'LL EVER USE IT IN REAL LIFE.
I CAN GET BY ON MY STREET SMARTS --
JUST WALKIN' AROUND, TALKIN' TO PEOPLE,
TALKIN' ON THE STREET, LIKE, "HEY, HOW YOU DOIN'?"
JUST PASS A FOREIGN LANGUAGE SOMEHOW AND GRADUATE ALREADY!
I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!
AND THEN WE JUST SAT THERE CRYING FOR 10 MINUTES.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, DUDE?
Benson: HELLO, EVERYONE.
I HAVE A VERY SHOCKING ANNOUNCEMENT.
I'M GONNA GO TO CHINA AND TEACH ENGLISH FOR A MONTH.
All: WHOA!
THAT'S AWESOME! I KNOW!
THEY EVEN COVER MY PLANE TICKET.
BENSON, DO YOU EVEN KNOW ANY CHINESE?
UH, NO. BUT I'M TEACHING ENGLISH, SO...
[ STAMMERING ]
WELL, EVERYBODY, HAVE A GOOD MONTH,
AND [CHUCKLES] YOU KNOW WHAT I ALWAYS SAY,
"ADVENTURE COMES TO THOSE WHO SEEK IT."
[ CAR DOOR CLOSES ]
[ CLICKS TONGUE ]
CLOSE THE WINDOW.
[ WHIRRING ]
SO, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT YOUR FOREIGN LANGUAGE, RIGBY?
RIGBY?!
[ Echoing ] RIGBY?!
[ SNORING ]
**
[ BICYCLE BELL RINGS ]
DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHERE THE SCHOOL IS?!
UH, XUE XIAO?
XUE XIAO?
[ GONG CRASHES ]
OH, BENSON!
WE'RE SO EXCITED TO HAVE FOREIGN ENGLISH TEACHER.
THANKS SO MUCH, PRINCIPAL ZANG.
ZHANG? [Jang] ZHANG! [Jong]
OH, I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT MY OUTFIT.
THE AIRLINE LOST MY LUGGAGE.
[ CHUCKLES ] UH, NO, IT'S A GOOD SHIRT.
SO, DO I GET REIMBURSED FOR MY TICKET NOW, OR...?
OH, YOU ONLY GET PLANE TICKET IF YOUR KIDS IMPRESS
AT THE BIG ENGLISH PERFORMANCE AT END OF SEMESTER.
HUGE ASSEMBLY -- WHOLE SCHOOL WATCHING!
[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ] SERIOUSLY?
[ Chuckling ] YES. VERY FUNNY. BUT IT'S VERY SERIOUS.
WELL -- STICK TO THE BOOK AND YOU'LL BE FINE.
UH...
[ LAUGHTER ]
UH...HELLO?
All: HI!
[ GIGGLING ]
HEH HEH. ALL RIGHT.
WELL, UH...
MY NAME IS BENSON DUNWOODY.
YOU CAN CALL ME BENSON OR MR. BENSON.
[ ALL GIGGLING ]
I WAS TOLD YOU ALREADY HAVE ENGLISH NAMES,
SO WE'LL START WITH THE CLASS LIST.
KOBE? PRESENT.
LeBRON? PRESENT.
APPLE? PRESENT.
RIGBY?
YEAH-UH! [ ALL GIGGLING ]
[ HORROR MUSIC PLAYS ]
RIGBY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!
I NEED A FOREIGN-LANGUAGE CLASS.
YOU'RE TEACHING A FOREIGN-LANGUAGE CLASS.
IT'S REALLY THE MOST CONVENIENT OPTION.
HOW DID YOU EVEN GET HERE?!
[ GASPS, PANTING ]
I'LL GIVE YOU ALL THIS STUFF IF YOU TAKE ME TO...
THIS SCHOOL!
OKAY!
RIGBY, GO HOME NOW.
COME ON, BENSON. ALL I NEED IS A PASSING GRADE.
[ GROANS ]
I'LL PASS YOU IF YOU EARN IT.
NICE! UP TOP!
[ SIGHS ]
ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE.
IN THIS CLASS, WE'LL BE LEARNING HOW TO WRITE A FORMAL LETTER.
SO, NATURALLY, WE'LL START WITH KEEPING CONCISE SYNTAX.
LO SHI! UH, WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU -- WHAT ARE YOU SAYING TO ME?
All: TEACHER!
TEACHER!
[ STAMMERING ] UH, TEACHER BENSON -- TEACHER!
YES, UH, APPLE?
WHAT DOES EGG-SKELLENT MEAN?
EXCUSE ME?
EH?
WELL, "EGGSCELLENT" IS MORE LIKE SLANG,
SO, YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT REALLY APPLICABLE TO THIS LESSON.
IT KIND OF MEANS LIKE "REALLY COOL," BUT WITH EGGS.
All: AH!
SHENME, SHENME, SHENME.
[ GIGGLING ]
UH...
WELL, UH, MAYBE IF WE HAVE TIME AT THE END OF CLASS.
RIGBY, DO YOU HAVE GIRLFRIEND?
WHY, YES, I DO, KOBE.
All: WOW!
WHAT ABOUT YOU, MR. BENSON?
UH, WELL, I'M...
NOT REALLY OFFICIALLY SEEING ANYONE RIGHT NOW.
All: WHA?!
DO YOU WANT ONE?
I DON'T...
UH, NO.
IT'S NOT -- IT'S NOT REALLY RELEVANT.
RIGBY, HOW MANY HOT DOGS CAN YOU EAT?
FIVE -- THREE WITH BUNS!
WOW! ME TOO!
YOU'RE PRETTY EGGSCELLENT, RIGBY.
[ CHUCKLES ] HM-HM-HM!
[ SIGHS ]
LOOK, IF WE COULD JUST --
[ SCHOOL BELL RINGS ] HUH?
[ ALL CLAMORING ]
OH, IT'S THE BELL.
UH, REMEMBER TO READ YOUR BOOKS FOR TOMORROW, EVERYBODY.
HMM.
**
AND SO, LIKE THE BOOK SAYS,
SIMILAR TO ESSAY FORM, WE SUMMARIZE IN PARAGRAPH THR-- [ CLICKING ]
LeBRON, I TOLD YOU TO PUT THAT PHONE AWAY!
All: OHHHHHHHHHHH!
STOP TALKING! HM-HM-HM! HM-HM!
HM-HM-HM-HM-HM!
[ GROANS ] THIS IS NOT ENGLISH!
THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE LEARNING!
BUT WHY NOT? IT SEEM VERY USEFUL.
YEAH, WE WANT STREET SMARTS.
'CAUSE IT'S NOT IN THE BOOK!
IT'S JUST A BUNCH OF JUNK RIGBY SAYS,
AND HE'S FAILING THE CLASS!
NOW, QUIT MESSING AROUND, OR YOU'RE EXPELLED!
All: OHHHHHHHHHHH!
Apple: [ SPEAKING CHINESE ]
[ GROANS ]
AAH! [ CHUCKLES ]
BENSON. BIG PERFORMANCE TOMORROW.
IT'S VERY GREAT. YOU GREAT TEACHER.
[ CHUCKLES ]
YOU REALLY EARN THAT PLANE TICKET, EH?
[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ] I HOPE SO.
OTHERWISE I'LL BE TRAPPED IN CHINA FOREVER.
[ CHUCKLES ] VERY FUNNY.
BUT VERY SERIOUS.
[ GROANS ]
[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]
HELLO.
YES, I'LL HAVE, UM...
WELL, YOU DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY PICTURES,
SO I GUESS I'LL HAVE THIS ONE.
[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]
MM. THAT IS LIKE BLOOD CURD AND STOMACH.
MAYBE YOU DON'T LIKE IT.
OH, JUST GIVE IT TO ME.
I'M SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING AN ADVENTURE IN CHINA, RIGHT?
OKAY, OKAY. [ GASPS ]
BENSON! HI!
I CAN SEE YOU!
YES, YES, I SEE YOU.
I'M GONNA COME INSIDE, OKAY?
NO. DON'T COME INSIDE.
[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ] [ GROANS ]
HEY, BENSON. TEACHER BENSON.
S'UP, DUDE? WHAT FOOD DID YOU ORDER?
I GOT THE TRADITIONAL MOW SHOOEY WANG.
SHéN ME? [ LAUGHING ]
THAT'S WHAT MY GRANDPARENTS EAT.
[ SIGHS ] SHOULDN'T YOU TWO BE STUDYING?
I'D REALLY LIKE TO BE ALONE RIGHT NOW.
OH, MY BAD. I'LL CATCH YOU OUTSIDE, RIGBY.
SO, BENSON, YOU SEEMED STRESSED. [ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]
[ SIGHS ] THE SCHOOL ASSEMBLY IS TOMORROW,
AND IF YOU HAVEN'T LEARNED ANYTHING,
WE WON'T GET THE PLANE TICKET HOME.
BENSON, COME ON.
YOU GOT TO RELAX. LIFE TENDS TO WORK OUT.
YOU JUST GOT TO LEARN HOW TO COAST.
THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING, AND I'M HAVING A GREAT TIME!
NO! RIGBY, DON'T YOU SEE?!
IF YOU DON'T STUDY, YOU'RE GONNA FAIL,
AND YOU'LL NEVER TURN INTO SOMEONE BETTER!
YOU'RE STILL MAKING THE SAME MISTAKES AS BACK HOME.
DO YOU REALLY WANT TO HAVE FLOWN HALFWAY AROUND THE WORLD
ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU'RE ALWAYS GONNA BE THE SAME
NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO?!
[ SIZZLING, BUBBLING ]
OKAY. WELL, UH, I'M GONNA LET YOU EAT YOUR FOOD.
I'LL SEE YOU AT THE PERFORMANCE TOMORROW.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH TEACHER?
APPLE, DO YOU KNOW WHAT "PULLING AN ALL-NIGHTER" IS?
LET'S GO!
Man: UP NEXT, WE HAVE CLASS SEVEN.
[ SIGHS ]
UH, BENSON, UH, WHERE IS YOUR CLASS?
UH, LOOK, MR. ZHANG, I'M REALLY SORRY, BUT --
Rigby: YO, WE ABOUT TO SHOWCASE ENGLISH UP IN THIS JOINT!
[ POP MUSIC PLAYS ] [ TYPING RHYTHMICALLY ]
* DEAR BENSON, HERE'S A LETTER, WE BEGIN WITH "MY BAD" *
* MY BAD * WE'D LIKE TO KEEP IT FORMAL
* BUT LIVING IN THE MODERN WORLD *
* HAS FRESHENED UP THE NORMAL WAY *
* OF SAYIN' WHAT WE WANNA SAY
* IN TEXT, E-MAIL, AND CHAT
* AND WE SHOULD KEEP IT CONCISE *
* THAT'S THE PRICE TO WRITE A LETTER *
* BUT WHATEVER, S'ALL GOOD *
* 'CAUSE SLANG CAN DO IT BETTER *
YO, WHAT'S UP, APPLE?
YOU READY TO BREAK THIS THING DOWN?!
[ Distorted ] * DR-DR-DROP THE BEAT!
* OUR HISTORY, YOU SEE, IS STUDY ONLY FOR A TEST *
* NO BIGGIE, BUT LIKE A MUSIC NOTE, WE NEED A REST *
* AHH, SLANG IS A'IGHT
* MY STRAIGHT-UP CHILLIN' SWAGGER'S KILLIN' *
* STREET TALK, AND IT'S TIGHT
* SO, DEAR BENSON, HERE'S A LETTER *
* WHERE WITHIN WE BUST OUT
* BUST OUT
* INFORMAL LANGUAGE LIVIN'
LAO SHI, LAO-CHIC!
* YO, DON'T BE STRESSIN' TIX!
* WE'LL HELP YOU GET A BOO
* 'CAUSE WE KNOW SOME ADULT CHICKS *
* PARAGRAPH THREE, IT'S THE SUMMARIZATION *
* FORMAL HAS A PLACE, BUT IT'LL FACE STAGNATION *
Boy #1: * SLANG'S GOT A BANG
Boy #2: * IT'S A LITTLE SLICE OF HEAVEN *
* SO, SINCERELY, CATCH YOU LATER, AND PEACE OUT *
* WE'RE CLASS SEVEN
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
AH, BENSON, I'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH AMAZING DISPLAY.
OH!
AND THE VULGAR SLANG THAT MOST AMERICANS USE!
UH... MR. BENSON WORK VERY HARD
TO TEACH US ALL FACETS OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.
THIS PERFORMANCE IS DEDICATED TO MR. BENSON,
TO WHOM WE OWE ALL THE CREDIT.
PLEASE RETURN NEXT YEAR
AND SHARE MORE OF YOUR VULGAR RAPS WITH OUR STUDENTS.
I'D LOVE TO. RIGBY, YOU PASS.
YOU ALL PASS.
[ SCHOOL BELL RINGS ]
WELL, RIGBY, NORMALLY LEAVING SCHOOL FOR A MONTH
WOULD BE GROUNDS FOR EXPULSION,
BUT I WANT YOU OUT OF HERE,
AND YOU TECHNICALLY DID PASS A FOREIGN-LANGUAGE CLASS.
SO, WHATEVER.
YOU CAN HAVE YOUR CREDITS. YOU PASS.
TAI HAO LE!
ONLY ONE MORE CREDIT, AND YOU'RE OUT OF HERE.
YOU KNOW, I ADMIT TO BEING A BIT TOUCHED BY YOUR RESOLVE.
IN FACT, YOU KIND OF REMIND ME OF A YOUNG ME.
I PAAAAAASSED!
[ SCREAMS ]
RIGBYYYYY!
**