>> Both: CARTER! BRIGGS!
CARTER! BRIGGS!
>> HEY!
>> LOOKY WHAT WE GOT HERE,
CARTER.
>> WHY AM I BEING ARRESTED?
>> "ATTEMPTED" HIT AND RUN...
>> AH, "SLAMMY FENDERBEND."
>> THAT'S NOT MY NAME!
>> WE KNOW YOU WORK FOR
ESCOBEDO, SAMMY.
>> Carter and Briggs, this is
Commissioner Davis!
YOU TWO ARE LOOSE CANNONS!
>> WHATEVER,
COMMISSIONER LAME-IS.
>> CARTER!
BRIGGS!
>> Both: AW, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
YE-A-A-AH!
>> NEXT WEEK ON
"CARTER AND BRIGGS"...
>> Both: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
YE-A-A-AH!
>> ESCOBED-O-O-O-O-O-O!
>> Rigby: YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE
ABOUT THIS SHOW?
THE REALISM.
>> Mordecai: AND THEIR CUSTOM
1985 POLICE CRUISER.
"ENGINEERED FOR DOING DONUTS."
>> Rigby: DONUTS FO' SHO'-NUTS!
BEST COP SHOW EVER!
>> WOULD YOU LIKE TO MEET CARTER
AND BRIGGS?
>> Rigby: YES.
>> THEY'LL BE AT
HORTON MOTOR ARENA THIS
WEEKEND, JUDGING THE 8th ANNUAL
DONUT SPINATHON!
SPINATHON!
>> Rigby: DONUTS?
>> Mordecai: WE DO DONUTS ALL
THE TIME!
>> Rigby: FO' SHO'-NUTS!
>> WHOEVER HOLDS THE LONGEST
SPIN WILL WIN!
WIN!
>> Rigby: WIN WHAT?
WIN WHAT?!
>> YOU AND A FRIEND COULD WIN...
A GUEST-STARRING ROLE ON
"CARTER AND BRIGGS"!
>> Rigby: AWESOME!
>> Mordecai: WE GOT TO GO!
>> Rigby: I THINK WE SHOULD --
YOU GO FIRST!
>> Mordecai: DUDE, DUDE, DUDE...
WE GOT TO ENTER THAT CONTEST!
>> Rigby: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I
WAS GONNA SAY!
ARE WE ON THE SAME LEVEL OR
WHAT?!
>> Both: OHHHHH!
>> NOW IT'S TIME FOR
"CRIMES, SHE TYPED."
>> Pops: OOOOOOH!
WHAT'S SHE GOING TO TYPE THIS
TIME?
>> Both: WH-O-O-O-OA!
OHHH!
WH-O-O-O-OA!
>> Mordecai: AWW, MAN!
>> Rigby: DUDE, MAYBE WE'RE NOT
AS GOOD AT THIS AS WE THOUGHT.
>> Mordecai: YEAH.
WHO DO WE KNOW THAT'S REALLY
GOOD AT SPINNING DONUTS?
MUSCLE MAN, WE NEED YOUR HELP.
>> Muscle Man: CAN'T YOU
TOOLBOXES SEE I'M BUSY
ORGANIZING MY TOOLBOXES?!
>> Rigby: THERE'S A
DONUT-SPINNING CONTEST, AND WE
NEED TO WIN!
>> Muscle Man: BUT DONUT SPORTS
ARE OFF-SEASON.
>> Mordecai: BUT CARTER AND
BRIGGS ARE HOLDING IT.
>> Muscle Man: WHAT?!
THAT SHOW'S FOR BABIES, BRO.
>> Both: COME ON.
WITHOUT YOUR HELP, WE CAN'T --
>> Muscle Man: BUT I DO LOVE
SPINNING DONUTS.
YOUR FIRST LESSON IS TOMORROW AT
DAWN.
>> Rigby: WHY DO WE HAVE TO GET
UP SO EARLY?
>> Mordecai: I'M GONNA NEED MORE
COFFEE.
>> Muscle Man: COFFEE'S FOR
PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE
ADRENALINE!
>> Rigby: YEAH, GET SOME
ADRENA--
UH -- MY COFFEE!
>> Muscle Man: NOW, LISTEN UP!
DONUTS ARE AN ANCIENT PRACTICE
THAT PROBABLY STARTED IN SOME
FOREIGN COUNTRY BY OLD WIZARDS
OR SOMETHING.
THE NUMBER-ONE RULE IS TO KEEP
YOUR TURN RADIUS SMALL.
>> Rigby: TURN RADIUS?
>> Muscle Man:
KEEP YOUR FRONT WHEEL IN THIS
CIRCLE.
THE SMALLER THE RADIUS, THE
LONGER YOU CAN HOLD SPIN.
SO, LET'S GET TO WORK ON YOUR
RADIUS!
>> Both: AWW!
>> Muscle Man: UGH! I TOLD YOU!
HOLD THE TURN RADIUS!
NOW, DO IT AGAIN!
HOLD IT! HOLD IT!
MASTER THE RADIUS.
THE SMALLER THE RADIUS, THE
LONGER YOU HOLD.
WHOOOO!
GOOD FORM, NICE CIRCLE WORK,
AND YOU CUT YOUR TURN RADIUS IN
HALF.
>> Rigby: ALL RIGHT!
LET'S GET IT DOWN TO ZERO!
>> Muscle Man: WHOA.
YOU WANT TO DRIVE IN A VORTEX,
BRO?
>> Rigby: HUH?
>> Muscle Man: ZERO TURNING
RADIUS IS ONLY THEORETICAL.
WHEN YOU FIND THAT SWEET SPOT --
INFINITE DONUTS.
BUT YOU GOT TO SPIN IN A VORTEX.
IT'S TOO DANGEROUS TO ATTEMPT.
I THINK YOU GUYS ARE READY NOW.
CONGRATULATIONS, LOSERS.
>> Skips: ALL RIGHT, FELLAS.
THE CART IS READY TO GO.
GOT IT ALL TUNED UP -- REFRESHED
THE FLUIDS, FILLED 'ER WITH
SPECIAL HIGH-OCTANE FUEL, AND
INSTALLED EXTRA-BALD,
NO-FRICTION TIRES.
WITH THESE BABIES, YOU'LL BE
SPINNIN' DONUTS FOR DAYS.
>> Both: THANKS, SKIPS.
>> Skips: DON'T MENTION IT.
GOOD LUCK OUT THERE.
>> Benson: NOT SO FAST.
I HEARD ALL ABOUT YOUR LITTLE
CONTEST.
THERE'S NO WAY I'LL LET YOU GUYS
DO IT.
>> Mordecai: WAIT, WHA--
>> Rigby: WHY NOT?
>> Benson: UNLESS YOU WEAR THESE
ON TV IF YOU WIN.
>> Mordecai: OH. LET ME SEE.
WOW. GREAT DESIGN.
HEH.
OH, MAN.
THESE GUYS ARE PRETTY SERIOUS.
>> Muscle Man: DON'T GET PSYCHED
OUT, BRO.
IT'S NOT ABOUT THE EQUIPMENT.
IT'S ABOUT HEART.
WAIT, THAT DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT.
IT'S ABOUT TURN RADIUS.
AND YOU TWO GOT THAT DOWN.
>> Mordecai: THANKS, MUSCLE MAN.
>> Rigby: DUDE, LOOK!
IT'S CARTER AND BRIGGS!
>> ALL RIGHT.
YOU GUYS READY FOR SOME DONUTS?!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
I SAID, ARE YOU READY?!
THANK YOU!
MY HEARING'S NOT SO GOOD!
AND NOW, WHOEVER HOLDS THE
LONGEST SPIN WILL WIN!
>> WELCOME TO THE FINAL ROUND!
>> Rigby: IT'S REALLY YOU GUYS!
>> WHAT ARE YOUR NAMES,
CONTESTANTS?
>> Mordecai: MORDECAI AND RIGBY,
SIR.
>> YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S GREAT.
ANYWAY...
>> LET'S SEE WHO YOU'LL BE UP
AGAINST.
>> Muscle Man: OH, NO, BRO!
A MINT-CONDITION 1985 POLICE
CRUISER?!
300 HORSEPOWER V-8?
EXTRA-BALD TIRE SLICKS?
AERODYNAMIC CHASSIS?!
>> Both: AAAH!
>> HEY, BRIGGS, THOSE GUYS LOOK
LIKE US!
>> IT IS AN HONOR, CARTER AND
BRIGGS.
AND AS FOR YOU TWO POSERS,
YOU'RE GOING DOWN!
>> Mordecai: POSERS?!
WE DON'T NEED HALLOWEEN COSTUMES
TO BE FANS!
>> AS ESCOBEDO SAID
IN THE TV MOVIE
"CARTER AND BRIGGS BUST RUSSIA,"
"WE WILL DESTROY THEM,
YOUR HOLINESS."
>> Mordecai: WELL, AS BRIGGS
SAID IN EPISODE 238, "SHUT YOUR
CRIME HOLE!"
>> EPISODE 129 -- "EAT TASER!"
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> WHICH TEAM WILL WIN THE
CHANCE TO BE ON
"CARTER AND BRIGGS"?
>> PROBABLY THE ONE THAT'S AN
EXACT REPLICA OF A POLICE
CRUISER.
AM I RIGHT?
>> Both: AW, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
YE-A-A-AH!
>> TEAMS, TO YOUR VEHICLES!
>> Muscle Man: BROS, BROS, DON'T
LISTEN TO THEM.
FOCUS.
THEY HAVE A 1985 POLICE CRUISER
REPLICA, WHICH IS PRETTY MUCH
THE PERFECT DONUT-SPINNING
WINNING MACHINE.
BUT I DON'T TRAIN LOSERS TO
LOSE.
I TRAIN WINNERS TO WIN!
NOW, GO WIN THIS DONUT
SPINATHON, LOSERS!
>> Mordecai: THANKS...I GUESS.
>> Muscle Man: UP THE ANTE,
BROS!
>> HIT THE GREASE!
>> Benson: COME ON!
>> WHOA!
IS THAT STREET-LEGAL, BRAD?
>> DOES IT MATTER?
>> Mordecai: YOU'LL NEVER BREAK
OUR SPIN!
>> Rigby: WE GOT MAD SKILLS!
>> WHO NEEDS SKILLS?!
>> Muscle Man:
>> HUH! RESISTING DEFEAT?
WE HAVE WAYS OF DEALING WITH
YOU!
>> Both: NO!
>> THE SOONER YOU DIE, THE
SOONER WE'LL BE ON
"CARTER AND BRIGGS."
>> Mordecai: YOU GUYS ARE
PSYCHO!
HUH?
>> OW!
>> THAT HURT!
>> Rigby: WE'RE GONNA WIN!
>> Rigby: WE'RE GONNA DIE!
>> Mordecai: WHAT DO WE DO?!
>> Rigby:
>> Muscle Man: YOU GONNA DRIVE
IN THE MIDDLE OF A VORTEX, BRO?
>> Rigby: DUDE, WE GOT TO DO
ZERO TURNING RADIUS!
SPIN WITH THE VORTEX!
>> Mordecai: BUT THAT'S CRAZY!
>> Rigby: HAVE ANY BETTER IDEAS?
>> Mordecai: HOLD I-I-I-T!
IT'S WORK-I-I-I-ING!
>> Rigby: ZERO TURNING
RADI-U-U-US!
>> WE HAVE A WINNER!
>> CONGRATS...
MOTOR-CAI AND SPINS-BY.
>> SEE YOU TWO ON SET.
>> Benson: THIS FREE PUBLICITY
IS GONNA BE SO GOOD FOR THE
PARK!
>> Mordecai: Shh! BE QUIET.
OUR SCENE IS NEXT.
>> Rigby: P-PULLING US OFF THE
STREETS WON'T D-DO A THING,
CARTER AND BRIGGS.
>> Mordecai: YEAH!
CRIME...I-IS LIKE A LIZARD'S
TAIL.
IT ALWAYS --
IT ALWAYS GROWS...BACK?
>> TAKE YOUR LAST BREATH OF
FRESH AIR, PUNKS, 'CAUSE YOU
WON'T BE BREATHIN' IT FOR A
LONG TIME!
>> Rigby: HEY, THAT ACTUALLY
HURT!
>> Mordecai: SO, WHAT DID
EVERYBODY THINK?
>> Muscle Man: ...TRAIN THEM TO
ACT.
>> Mordecai: DUDE...
THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
>> Rigby: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I
WAS GONNA SAY!
>> Skips: AHH.
>> Mordecai: HEY, SKIPS, COULD
YOU HELP US FIX THE PUMP IN THE
FOUNTAIN?
>> Skips: I'M KIND OF BUSY HERE.
>> Rigby: BUT, SKIPS, WE DON'T
KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING!
>> Skips:
ALL RIGHT!
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
>> Benson: SKIPS, CAN YOU HELP
ME PUT A NEW COAT OF PAINT ON
THE BENCHES?
>> Skips: MM.
YEAH, SURE.
>> Pops: SKIPS, CAN YOU HELP ME
PLANT MY CHRYSANTHEMUMS?
>> Skips:
NGH.
>> Pops: SKIPS?
>> Skips: SURE, SURE, POPS!
>> Benson: SKIPS, WHAT'S GOING
ON WITH THOSE BENCHES?
>> Skips: YEAH, I HAD TO HELP --
>> Muscle Man: SKIPS, WE
RUPTURED ANOTHER GAS LINE.
>> Skips: OH --
>> Both: SKIPS, SKIPS, SKIPS!
>> Skips: WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?!
>> Both: LUNCH, LUNCH, LUNCH.
>> Skips: WHY DON'T YOU GUYS GO
ON AHEAD WITHOUT ME?
I'VE GOT TOO MUCH TO DO TODAY.
>> Mordecai: COME ON, DUDE, YOU
LOOK LIKE YOU COULD USE SOME
LUNCH.
>> Muscle Man: OKAY, OKAY.
HOW MUCH MONEY WOULD IT TAKE FOR
YOU TO WALK UP TO A SHARK AND
PUNCH IT IN THE FACE?
GO!
>> Mordecai: HMM.
I'D DO IT FOR HALF A MILLION,
BUT ONLY IF I GET TO PICK THE
SHARK.
>> Rigby: I'D DO IT FOR $500 AND
GET ME A PAIR OF GENUINE LEATHER
BIKER BOOTS!
WHAT ABOUT YOU, SKIPS?
>> Skips: LOOK, I DON'T KNOW,
GUYS.
CAN WE JUST GET BACK TO THE
PARK?
I GOT A LOT TO DO TODAY.
>> Rigby: OH! OH! I GOT ONE!
>> Skips:
>> Benson: YOU SHOULD GET A
MOTORCYCLE BEFORE YOU GET BIKER
BOOTS.
>> Rigby: YEAH, I'M GONNA LISTEN
TO THE GUY WHO DOESN'T DRIVE A
HOG TO WORK EVERY DAY.
>> Muscle Man: HEY!
EVERYBODY STOP LEAVING AND COME
LOOK AT THIS!
>> Skips:
>> Muscle Man: A STRESS-TEST
MACHINE.
I ALWAYS ACE THESE THINGS.
YOU KNOW WHO ELSE ALWAYS ACES
THESE THINGS?
MY MOM!
>> STRESS LEVEL -- MODERATE.
SUGGESTION -- CUT BACK ON THE
LATE-NIGHT PIES.
>> Muscle Man: AW, WHAT?
>> Together: WHOA!
>> Rigby: YOU SHOULD DO IT,
SKIPS!
YOU'D BE ALL, "STRESS?
NEVER HEARD OF IT."
>> Skips: EH, CAN WE JUST GO?
>> Rigby: COME ON, SKIPS!
>> Mordecai: DO IT!
>> Muscle Man: WHOO!
>> Skips: FINE!
IF IT'LL GET US OUT OF HERE
QUICKER, I'LL DO IT!
>> STRESS LEVEL -- CRITICAL!
>> OH, MY GOODNESS!
UH-OH.
OH, NO, NO, NO.
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.
SIR, ARE THESE YOUR STRESS-TEST
RESULTS?
>> Skips: UH, YEAH.
WHY?
>> THEN I REGRET TO INFORM YOU
THAT YOUR STRESS LEVELS ARE OFF
THE CHARTS!
>> Mordecai: WHOA!
HOW DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN?
>> Rigby: YEAH, SKIPS, WHAT MADE
YOU SO STRESSED?
>> Skips: LOOK, I'M FINE!
CAN WE JUST GO?
>> NO, I'M AFRAID YOU'RE NOT
FINE.
NOW, MAY I?
>> Pops: THAT LOOKS SERIOUS.
>> THESE ARE INDICATORS OF
SEVERE STRESS.
>> Skips: I GUESS I HAVE BEEN
A LITTLE STRESSED OUT.
>> SIR, IF YOU FAIL TO REDUCE
YOUR STRESS LEVEL, YOU WILL DIE.
>> Pops: BUT HE'S IMMORTAL!
>> WHO'S THE PHARMACIST HERE?
IMMORTALITY WON'T SAVE HIM ON
THIS ONE!
I'M SORRY, SIR, BUT IF YOU DON'T
TAKE IMMEDIATE ACTION TO REDUCE
YOUR STRESS LEVELS, YOU WILL
DIE.
NOW, CAN I INTEREST YOU IN ANY
BANDAGES OR BREATH STRIPS?
>> Benson: I'M WORRIED ABOUT
YOU, SKIPS.
I THINK YOU SHOULD TAKE THE REST
OF THE DAY OFF.
>> Skips: I CAN'T.
I GOT TOO MUCH TO DO TODAY.
>> Benson: NO, SKIPS, YOU'RE
TAKING THE DAY OFF.
DOCTOR'S ORDERS.
>> Skips: FINE!
AHH.
UNH!
>> Rigby: SKIPS! SKIPS! SKIPS!
SKIPS!
>> Mordecai: SKIPS, YOU GOT TO
HELP US!
QUICK -- PUT THIS ON!
>> Benson: SKIPS!
SKIPS, I GOT TO START MY SHOW!
WHERE'S MY FISH?!
>> Pops:
SKIPS, YOU MUST PLAY AT MY
BOOTH!
TRY TO HIT THE TARGET!
>> Muscle Man: SKIPS!
TEST YOUR STRENGTH, BRO.
RING THE BELL, SKIPS.
RING THE BELL.
>> Skips: AAH!
>> Benson: ALL RIGHT, GUYS,
HERE'S WHAT'S LEFT TO DO TODAY.
SKIPS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
>> Skips: I'M WORKING.
>> Benson: NO, YOU'RE NOT.
THE DOCTOR SAID YOU NEED TO TAKE
IT EASY.
>> Skips: HE WAS A PHARMACIST AT
A SHOPPING MALL!
TRUST ME -- I'M FINE!
>> Benson: YOU SURE?
>> Skips: YEAH, I'M FINE.
>> Benson: ALL RIGHT, BUT LET ME
KNOW IF IT'S TOO MUCH.
OKAY, SO, WE HAVE THE ICE CREAM
SOCIAL TODAY.
SKIPS, YOU'RE SETTING UP THE
BOOTHS, THE ICE CREAM --
>> Skips: AAAAAH!
OOH!
>> Rigby: SKIPS!
SKIPS! SKIPS!
SKIPS, SKIPS!
>> Mordecai: SKIPS, ARE YOU
ALL RIGHT?!
>> Rigby: YEAH, WHAT'S THAT
BLACK GUNK?
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE GONNA DIE!
OW!
>> Skips: IT'S JUST STRESS.
I-I'M OKAY.
>> Pops: SKIPS, YOU'RE NOT OKAY!
YOU CAN'T PUT IT OFF ANY LONGER.
YOU MUST VISIT THE BELL.
>> Mordecai: BELL?
WHAT BELL?
>> Pops: THERE IS AN ANCIENT
STRESS BELL THAT LIES ATOP THE
HIMALAYAN MOUNTAINS.
WHEN IT IS RUNG, IT RELIEVES YOU
OF ALL YOUR STRESS.
>> Benson: THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU
VISIT THE BELL SOONER?
>> Skips: IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE.
RINGING THE BELL IS FIVE TIMES
MORE DANGEROUS THAN STRESS
ITSELF.
USUALLY, I CAN KEEP MY STRESS
UNDER CONTROL, BUT I GUESS I LET
IT GET OUT OF HAND.
>> Rigby: WELL, OKAY, YOU GOT TO
RING THIS BELL.
BUT HOW DO WE GET TO THE
HIMALAYAS?
>> Pops: LEAVE IT TO ME.
>> Skips: THERE IT IS --
THE ANCIENT STRESS BELL.
>> Benson: HERE, SKIPS, WE'LL
HELP YOU UP THERE.
>> Rigby: WHOA.
WHO ARE ALL THESE DEAD GUYS?
>> Skips: THEY MUST'VE LOST
THEIR BATTLES AGAINST THEIR
STRESS.
>> Skips: THANKS.
NOW, WHAT I'M ABOUT TO TELL YOU
IS VERY IMPORTANT.
YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR EARS
COVERED FOR AS LONG AS THE BELL
IS RINGING.
>> Mordecai: OKAY, SKIPS.
>> Skips: RIGBY, WHAT DID I JUST
SAY?
>> Rigby: KEEP OUR EARS COVERED.
>> Skips: FOR AS LONG AS THE
BELL RINGS, GOOD.
NOW GO! GO! GET OUT OF HERE!
FAR AWAY!
>> Rigby: GOOD LUCK, SKIPS!
>> Skips:
>> Rigby: COOL!
>> Skips: GRRR!
YAAAAAAAAAH!
>> Rigby: SKIPS, YOU FORGOT YOUR
NINJA SWORD!
>> Mordecai: RIGBY, NO!
>> Benson: COVER YOUR EARS!
>> Muscle Man: STOP, RIGBY, YOUR
EARS!
>> Rigby: YAAAAAAH!
>> Skips: NO!
>> Mordecai: WHAT THE HECK?!
>> Rigby: I GOT TO GET THE
NINJA SWORD!
SKIPS!
>> Skips: LET ME HANDLE THIS!
RAAA--
AAAAH!
>> Rigby: WE'VE GOT TO HELP HIM!
>> Benson: YEAH!
LET'S GET THIS THING!
>> Benson: LEAVE POPS ALONE!
>> Pops: IT'S TOO POWERFUL!
>> Skips: WE GOT TO CUT OFF ALL
OF ITS HEADS!
>> Mordecai: TIME TO DE-STRESS.
>> Benson: AAAAAAH!
>> Rigby: HOLD ON!
>> Benson: NO! NO! NO!
RIGBY, DON'T!
AAH!
THANKS!
>> Rigby: NO PROBLEM.
AAAH!
>> Pops: BENSON, TAKE THESE!
>> All: SKIPS!
>> Skips:
>> Mordecai: YEAH, WAY TO GO,
SKIPS!
WE'RE SORRY WE MADE YOU SO
STRESSED OUT, SKIPS.
>> Skips: AH, FORGET IT.
AND THANKS FOR HELPING ME OUT
BACK THERE.
>> Benson: THIS ISN'T GOING TO
HAPPEN AGAIN.
WE COULD ALL STAND TO DO MORE OF
OUR OWN WORK WITHOUT BOTHERING
YOU FOR HELP.
>> Skips: I ENJOY HELPING MY
FRIENDS, BUT THAT MIGHT NOT BE
SUCH A BAD IDEA.
>> Pops: OH, MY.
>> Mordecai: WHAT'S WRONG?
>> Pops: WE'VE GOT A FLAT TIRE.
>> Skips: I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.
>> Pops: HERE'S THE TIRE IRON.
>> Rigby: I'LL GRAB THE JACK.
>> Mordecai: I GOT THE SPARE.
>> Benson: OH, LET ME HELP YOU
WITH THAT.