- [sniffs]
IS THAT SMOKE?
AND R. KELLY?
* *
- CLOSE THE DOOR!
- OH, SORRY, HONEY.
IS THAT MY BLACK LACE BRA?
- IT'S NOT AS BAD AS IT LOOKS.
I'M NOT TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH PANDA.
THAT WOULD BE PATHETIC.
I'M JUST TRYING TO TAKE OFF PANDA'S BRA.
- OH? DO YOU WANT SOME POINTERS?
- NO, I GOT THIS. I'VE BEEN PRACTICING FOR HOURS.
WATCH ME WORK.
LOVELY EVENING, WOULDN'T YOU SAY, PANDA BEAR?
[groans]
OW.
- HERE, MUNCHKIN, LET ME SHOW YOU.
IT'S CALLED THE SECAUCUS SNAP.
I SPENT SIX YEARS OF HIGH SCHOOL DEFENDING AGAINST IT.
JUST PUT YOUR FINGERS HERE AND HERE AND...
- WHOA, I ACTUALLY DID IT! YOU'RE AMAZING!
- AND IF YOU WERE BORN A LITTLE GIRL,
I'D HAVE SOME REAL TRICKS TO SHOW YOU.
THAT'S STEP ONE OF THE HOBOKEN HAND--
- I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT.
MOM, THERE ARE SOME THINGS I DON'T WANNA HEAR.
[upbeat music]
* *
- HOW ARE YOU PICKING BETWEEN ALL THESE SCHOOLS?
- EASY, I JUST RANK THEM
BY HOW SCHOLARLY AND CONFIDENT THEIR FEMALE STUDENTS ARE,
THEN PICK THE BOTTOM THREE.
- YEAH, MAN, I WENT TO BERKELEY.
I WENT AWAY FOR FOUR YEARS
AND CAME BACK BROKE AND EMASCULATED AND POOR.
OR WAS THAT PRISON?
EITHER WAY, THE GIRLS WERE UGLY.
OHH, MY BAD.
- SO WERE ARE YOU GONNA GO TO COLLEGE?
- THE COLLEGE OF THE PACIFIC, DUDE.
- OH, THAT ONE?
- I MEAN WAVE UNIVERSITY.
- OVER THERE? - NO!
THE UNIVERSITY OF SURFING, HANGING OUT,
AND NOT DOING ANY WORK.
- UH, MY EARS ARE BURNING.
- WHY GO TO COLLEGE WHEN EVERYTHING I COULD EVER WANT
IS RIGHT HERE?
- OH, HEY, THERE'S JEENA!
I SCORED TICKETS TO THE OCEANUS MUSIC FESTIVAL,
AND I JUST HEARD TURK AND JEENA HAD A BIG FIGHT,
AND JEENA'S FAVORITE BAND'S GONNA BE THERE.
YOU KNOW, WOODIE, WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT
HAS TAKEN PATIENCE AND DEDICATION,
BUT I PERSEVERED.
WHEN IT COMES TO TRUE LOVE,
SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE.
- FORGIVE ME, BABE. LOOK WHAT I GOT.
- OH, MY GOD, BACKSTAGE PASSES?
I'M GONNA MEET OK GO?
- BALLS.
- HEY LOOK, BABE, I GOT THE LAST TWO.
- DON'T WORRY, MAN. YOU'RE A CATCH.
YOU'VE GOT GOOD HAIR, A SWEET FACE,
A GREAT PERSONALITY.
- THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT FAT GIRLS!
I'M GONNA BE ALONE FOREVER.
[cell phone beeps]
WHAT THE...
CHECK THIS OUT!
- I LIKE! I LIKE!
YOU JUST GOT YOUR FIRST SEXT.
YOU'VE GOT A SECRET ADMIRER.
- I WONDER WHO SHE IS.
- WHOA-HO, MONDO!
YOU'VE BEEN HOLDING OUT ON US.
YOU'RE A FAT LITTLE PIMP.
A "FLIMP" IF YOU WILL. [chuckles]
MAYBE I'VE BEEN UNDERESTIMATING YOU THE WHOLE TIME.
- MAYBE YOU HAVE.
- SO CALL HER BACK, FLIMP.
PUSH THE GREEN BUTTON,
AND WE'LL PUT A NAME TO THESE BOOBS.
[excited murmurs]
[beep, line rings]
- BACK UP, FOOLS!
IT'S TIME FOR THE RETURN OF THE MACK.
- HI, YOU'VE REACHED BABS BRANDO.
IF THIS IS THE DOCTOR CALLING ABOUT MONDO'S RASH,
IT'S SPREAD FROM HIS ARMS TO HIS THIGHS.
[laughter]
- BALLS.
- SORRY I'M LATE.
I CAME STRAIGHT FROM WORK.
- OH, IS THIS MR. BRANDO?
- NO, NO, NO, IT'S SMILIN' MIKE.
HE'S A REGULAR AT THE BAR.
HE'S IN NO SHAPE TO DRIVE TO HIS KID'S SOCCER PRACTICE.
- I'M THE COACH.
- SO WHAT DID MONDO DO THIS TIME?
- RECOGNIZE THIS?
- AH! [laughs]
THAT'S JUST ME IN MY NEW BATHING SUIT.
I SENT IT TO MY GIRLFRIENDS WHO ARE BACK IN NEW JERSEY
FREEZING THEIR ASSES OFF.
I MUST HAVE SENT IT TO MONDO BY MISTAKE.
I MEAN, NO BIG WHOOP, RIGHT?
- ACTUALLY, IT WAS A HUGE, HUGE WHOOP.
AND UNFORTUNATELY, THIS ISN'T MONDO'S FIRST GO-ROUND
IN THE TROUBLEMAKER'S RODEO.
AND I CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER IF HIS HOME ENVIRONMENT
MIGHT BE THE REASON WHY.
- EXCUSE ME.
- FOR ONE THING,
HE'S BEEN FALLING ASLEEP IN HIS MORNING CLASSES.
[cheering]
HE MISSED THE PSATs TO GO TO A MONSTER TRUCK RALLY.
[cheering]
- CRUSH IT!
GRAVE DIGGER WAS THERE,
AND HE WAS SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS.
- AND HE SEEMS TO BE OVERLY FAMILIAR
WITH SOME RATHER MATURE MATERIAL.
- I THOUGHT IT WAS A ROB SCHNEIDER MOVIE.
- MAKING COPIES.
- DID YOU KNOW THAT MONDO HAS CHOSEN HIS COLLEGE APPLICATIONS
BY THE SLUT-TO-TEACHER RATIO?
AND WHILE I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST THE SCHOOLS IN ARIZONA,
WE THINK HE CAN DO A LITTLE BETTER.
BUT NOT IF THIS BEHAVIOR CONTINUES.
- MAYBE THIS IS MY FAULT.
EXCUSE ME, I HAVE A LOT TO THINK ABOUT.
- WELL, THIS TURNED INTO A REAL SAUSAGE PARTY.
- WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE THINKING?
- CHILL, DUDE.
YOU NEED TO STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR MOM'S BOOBS.
LET ME CARRY THAT BURDEN FOR YOU.
LET'S JUST FOCUS ON THE CONCERT,
HORNY CHICKS, LOUD MUSIC,
AND WE'RE GONNA GET SO WASTED
WE'LL HAVE TO BUY OVERPRICED T-SHIRTS
TO REMEMBER WE WERE EVEN THERE.
- OCEAN ANUS.
TYPO OR GENIUS. EITHER WAY, $45!
- TRUST ME, MONDO.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE THE BEST NIGHT EVER.
- WELL, THE BEST NIGHT A COUPLE OF SUCKERS CAN HAVE.
I, FOR ONE, WILL NEVER PAY TICKET TYRANT'S
$3.75 INCONVENIENCE FEE.
IF I'M GOING, I'M GOING ON MY OWN TERMS
LIKE A TRUE AMERICAN,
BY SCALING A FENCE!
- HEY, BLONDIE.
- I THINK SHE'S TALKING TO ME.
THIS CONCERT IS GONNA BE AWESOME.
- HEY, LONNIE. SETTING UP FOR THE FESTIVAL?
- BEST SEATS IN THE HOUSE, MAN.
WHY ELSE YOU THINK I PARK HERE
THE OTHER 364 DAYS OF THE YEAR,
THE VIEW?
- [imitates drumming]
[classical piano music]
WHERE AM I?
* *
OUR CARPET IS BEIGE?
ALSO, WE HAVE CARPET?
* *
[beep, buzzing sound]
* *
NO!
WHY WOULD I WANT TO SEE A BIG BLACK CARP
GET A BLOWFISH?
- CYBER PRUDE!
PROTECTING YOU FROM THE BEST PARTS OF THE INTERNET
FOR OVER 20 YEARS.
[electrical zap] AHHH!
[mechanical whirring]
WHAT'S THAT NOISE?
MOM?
- HEY, MUNCH-- I MEAN, MONTGOMERY.
- WHAT THE [bleep]?
- AH-AH, MISTER.
SWEAR JAR.
- YOU TAKE AWAY MY VIDEO GAMES,
MY INTERNET, MY UNDERWEAR PILE.
THIS IS BULL--
THIS IS TERRIBLE!
- LOOK, HONEY, THINGS ARE GONNA HAVE TO CHANGE AROUND HERE.
NOW START IN ON YOUR HOMEWORK,
AND WHEN YOU'RE DONE YOU CAN TACKLE SOME OF YOUR NEW CHORES.
- SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
FIRST YOU HUMILIATE ME,
AND NOW YOU'RE GONNA PUNISH ME FOR HUMILIATING ME?
THAT'S LIKE RONNIE BREAKING UP WITH SAMMI SWEETHEART
AFTER HE CHEATED ON HER.
- THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM RIGHT THERE,
NOT ENOUGH BOOKS, TOO MUCH JERSEY SHORE.
- UNH! I'M JUST GONNA SIT HERE AND READ MY COMIC BOOK.
SUPERMANNERS?
OH, COME ON, MOM! YOU CHANGED MY COMICS TOO?
- MONDO, I SUGGEST YOU GET BUSY, OR--
- OR WHAT?
THERE'S NOTHING LEFT YOU CAN TAKE AWAY FROM ME.
- HA. OR NO CONCERT.
- WELL PLAYED, BARBARA.
BUT FIRST, I HAVE A FEW CHOICE WORDS FOR YOU
AND "POOP" AND "DARN" ARE NOT GONNA COVER IT.
- OH, NOTHING, JUST TUTORING THIS STUPID KID IN FRENCH.
KEEP GOING, SWEETHEART.
- [badly] VOULEZ VOUS COUCHEZ AVEC MOI, CE SOIR.
- IT'S LIKE I CLOSE MY EYES AND I'M IN PARIS.
I SWEAR, DESIREE, THIS BOY'S GOT, LIKE, A SOLID "B" CUP.
- HEY, MAN, HOW'S IT GOING?
- HOW'S IT GOING?
LET ME SHOW YOU.
[strumming harp]
I CAN DO THAT NOW, WHICH IS GREAT
BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS THAT CHICKS LINE UP
AROUND THE BLOCK TO BANG THE HARP PLAYER.
THE ONLY THING THAT'S GOTTEN ME THROUGH THE LIVING HELL
OF THE LAST FEW DAYS HAVE BEEN THIS CONCERT.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE O-MAMA BIN LADEN
MAKES ME BALANCE HER CHECKBOOK.
MOM, I DID ALL THE DUMP CRAP. I'M GOING TO THE CONCERT.
- I'M ALMOST READY!
- WHAT?
- CAN'T LEAVE WITHOUT YOUR CHAPERONE.
- [groans]
- * LET THE SUN BURN MY EYES *
* LET IT BURN MY BACK *
[girls giggle]
- UGH.
- SORRY, HONEY, BUT YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO STAY
BY MY SIDE TONIGHT.
- I KNOW, I KNOW.
[bell dings]
- AH.
* *
- YOU GOT THOSE BACKSTAGE PASSES?
- RIGHT HERE, BABE.
YOU WON'T REGRET TAKING ME BACK.
I'M A NEW MAN.
NO MORE DRINKING, NO MORE NAME CALLING,
NO MORE TEMPER.
HANDS OFF THE FLASK, SCROTE-SMOKER!
- I KNEW THIS WAS A MISTAKE.
- WAIT, BABE, I CAN CHANGE.
AGAIN!
* *
[cheers and applause]
- OKAY, BOYS, NOW LET'S HAVE SOME GOOD, WHOLESOME FUN.
[upbeat music]
* *
[baby cries]
[baby coos]
- AH-HA!
THIS'LL TEACH TICKET TYRANT
TO CHARGE ME AN EXTRA 3.75.
OH, I DID HAVE TO SHELL OUT SIX HUNDRY FOR THIS RIG,
BUT AMORTIZED OVER A LIFETIME OF AIRBORNE SCHEMES,
WE'RE DOWN TO, LIKE, FOUR BUCKS A SCHEME.
AHH! AH-AH-AH-AH!
IT'S RAINING MEN!
[groans]
IS THAT THE BEST YOU GOT, TICKET TYRANT?
OKAY, THAT ONE WAS PRETTY GOOD.
- [groans]
- OH, HELLO.
- IS THAT YOU, GOD?
IT'S ME, TURK.
- NO, IT'S ME, WADSKA, BUT I GET THAT A LOT.
WHERE'S MY SISTER?
- JEENA'S INSIDE.
AND THIS WASN'T WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE.
I WAS JUST SWEATING FROM MY EYES.
OH, WHO AM I KIDDING?
I'VE LOST HER, MAN, 'CAUSE OF MY STUPID TEMPER.
SHE MEANS MORE TO ME THAN ANY GIRLFRIEND I'VE EVER HAD.
- OH, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU FELT THIS WAY.
WELL, HELP ME DOWN FROM HERE, TURK-IN-LAW.
WE'LL SEE IF WE CAN GET HER BACK.
AGH! LITTLE HIGHER.
AGH!
- OH, MY GOD, BABS BRANDO.
- OH, HUH, CANDY, TONI. YEAH, HI.
- I KNEW MY BIFFKEN WAS TINGLING.
- I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE YOU WERE GETTING NINE-INCH NAILED
IN THE BATHROOM AT GIANTS STADIUM.
- I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
AND BY THE WAY, IT WAS MORE LIKE FIVE-INCH NAILED.
- SHE'S DISTRACTED BY THESE CRAZY BITCHES.
NOW'S OUR CHANCE TO ESCAPE.
- DID YOU MEET MY SON, MONTGOMERY?
- LADY, I'LL BE WHATEVER YOU WANT ME TO BE.
- OH, WE DID IT.
WE LOST HER.
- YES, FINALLY THE GREATEST NIGHT
OF OUR LIVES BEGINS, JUST THE TWO OF US.
- HEY, MONDO.
- HEY, BLONDIE, WANT AN EXTRA BEER?
- OR WE CAN SPLIT UP FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
- YEAH, WE COULD TOTALLY MEET UP LATER.
- MONDO!
MONDO?
[screams]
- SORRY TO HEAR THAT TURK GOT KICKED OUT.
- ARE YOU REALLY?
- NOPE. [both laughing]
- SUCKS FOR US BEING A COUPLE OF SHORTIES, HUH?
I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING.
- YOU--YOU WANNA GET UP ON MY SHOULDERS?
- WHOA. [chuckles]
- [wheezes]
- YOU GOT ME THERE, FELLA?
- WHO, ME? YEAH, I CAN DO THIS ALL DAY.
OR FOR AT LEAST UNTIL THE END OF THE NEXT SONG.
- YOU GUYS READY FOR A 17-MINUTE JAM?
[cheering]
- BALLS.
- [coughs]
- SO WHERE DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL, BEER-WASTER?
- PEN.
- IVY LEAGUE, THAT'S HOT.
[rock music]
* *
- THOSE PEOPLE ARE INSANE.
- I KNOW. LET'S GET IN THERE.
- AGH!
I SAID THROW ME OVER THE FENCE.
- THROUGH IT'S FUNNIER.
- YOU ARE A HARD MAN TO LOVE, DIRK KIRK TURKPATRICK.
IT'S NO USE.
WE HAVE COVERED THE WHOLE PERIMETER.
IT'S IMPENETRABLE.
IF ONLY THEY'D STOP SLAMMING THAT CURSED DOOR,
I COULD THINK!
- DAMN, IT ONLY OPENS FROM THE INSIDE.
YOU GOTTA BUY A TICKET AND THEN LET ME IN.
- WHAT?
THAT WOULD MEAN GOING AGAINST EVERYTHING I STAND FOR.
- PLEASE, I CAN'T LOSE HER, WADSKA.
THINK ABOUT HER IN THERE ALL ALONE,
BEING PASSED AROUND BY STRANGE MEN.
I ALWAYS WANTED A BROTHER.
A LITTLE HALF-MUSTACHED PSYCHO BROTHER.
- LET IT BE SAID THAT ON THIS DAY
WADSKA STOOD ON THE SIDE OF LOVE.
- WHOO!
YEAH, THAT WAS AWESOME!
- ESPECIALLY THE PART WHEN YOU FLASHED YOUR PUPPIES,
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
I GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE MOMENT.
HEY, YOU WANT A BEER?
- WHOA, THAT'S A CRAZY TASTE.
- NOTHING'S TOO GOOD FOR M'LADY.
YOU LIKE THAT? IT'S LIKE I DID IT BRITISH,
BUT I WASN'T BEING POSSESSIVE WHEN I SAID "MY LADY."
I DON'T OWN YOU.
[both laugh]
- I GOTTA FIND MONDO.
- IF HE'S ANYTHING LIKE BACKSTAGE BABS WAS AT 15,
YOU SHOULD PROBABLY CALL THE COPS.
- I HATE TO DISAPPOINT YOU GIRLS,
BUT I'M A RESPECTABLE WOMAN NOW.
[both laugh]
SERIOUSLY, I'VE CHANGED MY WAYS.
- LOOK!
all: OHH!
- IN MY DEFENSE, I STOLE THOSE DRUGS.
LOOK, I'M JUST TRYING TO TONE IT DOWN
AND SET AN EXAMPLE FOR MY SON.
YOU KNOW, I'M WORRIED HE'S HEADING DOWN THE WRONG PATH.
- I HEAR YOU.
MY PETEY GOT HIS DRUG DEALER PREGNANT
AT A GANG INITIATION.
- SO WHAT'S YOUR BOY INTO?
- UM, WELL, YOU KNOW, FOR ONE THING
HIS TOP COLLEGE CHOICES ARE ALL PARTY SCHOOLS.
- COLLEGE? - CHOICES?
- SOUNDS LIKE A REAL HELL-RAISER.
- I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS.
- OKAY, BLONDIE,
THEN YOU CAN JUST STAY OVER HERE
WHERE YOU'LL BE SAFE AND BORING.
WHOO!
OHH!
- AHH!
FROM THE OUTSIDE, THE PIT LOOKS TERRIFYING.
BUT ONCE YOU GET IN HERE,
IT'S JUST REALLY NOT--AHH!
- BLONDIE, ARE YOU OKAY?
- WELL, I HAVE A CONCUSSION
AND, OH, THAT'S A CRACKED RIB.
BUT THAT WAS AWESOME!
- COME ON, I THINK WE SHOULD PROBABLY HEAD--
- BACKSTAGE!
- WHAT? WE DON'T HAVE PASSES.
- OKAY THEN, YOU CAN JUST STAY HERE
WHERE IT'S SAFE AND BORING.
FOLLOW MY LEAD.
- YO, BLONDE DYNAMITE, SLOW YOUR ROLL.
- [cockney accent] WHAT, GOT A PROBLEM, GOVERNOR?
I'M JUST TAKING THIS RUMPTY-DUMPTY BACKSTAGE
FOR A BIT OF THE OLD FLIRTY DUCK.
- DO YOU WANNA HEAR SOMETHING EMBARRASSING?
- ABSOLUTELY.
- MY FIRST CONCERT WAS THE WIGGLES.
- THEY WERE MY FIRST CONCERT TOO.
THAT'S CRAZY.
- WE WERE ON A FAMILY VACATION TO NEW YORK,
AND WE SAW THEM AT RADIO CITY MUSIC HALL.
- THAT'S WHERE I SAW THEM, MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND.
- NO WAY! 1998?
- SATURDAY?
- YES! OH, MY GOD, 7:00 P.M. SHOW?
- NO, THE MATINEE.
DAMN IT.
[both laugh]
- WELL, AT LEAST WE'RE AT THE SAME CONCERT TOGETHER TODAY.
- KISS HER.
- [chuckles]
- MONDO!
MONDO!
HAS ANYBODY SEEN THE CUTEST LITTLE BOY AT THE CONCERT?
- [whimpers]
- YOU HAVE A PICTURE, MA'AM?
- I DON'T REALLY HAVE A RECENT ONE.
DOES THIS HELP?
[laughter]
- SWEET ASS.
- I'M SORRY, I JUST HAD TO FIND YOU RIGHT AWAY.
- WHAT WAS SO IMPORTANT
THAT JUST WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO HAVE
THE GREATEST NON-FOOD-RELATED MOMENT OF MY LIFE
YOU HAD TO EMBARRASS ME YET AGAIN?
LOOK AROUND! I'M NOT THAT GUY.
OR THAT GUY.
OR--THAT GUY--
THAT GUY NEEDS MEDICAL ATTENTION.
IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED,
I'M A PRETTY DAMN GOOD KID.
AND YOU USED TO BE A PRETTY DAMN GOOD MOM.
- MONDO, I KNOW.
- AND--WAIT, WHAT?
- I LET OTHER PEOPLE MAKE ME THINK I WASN'T A GOOD PARENT,
AND I TOOK IT OUT ON YOU.
I'M SORRY, HONEY. WE'RE DOING FINE.
I JUST HAD TO TELL YOU THAT.
NOW, COME ON, I GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
- THANKS, BRO-EN-STEIN.
HANG ON, BABE. I'M COMING FOR YOU.
OH, YEAH. I LOVE YOU, BABE.
NEVER LEAVE ME AGAIN.
- THIS WHOLE THING WAS ABOUT A FLASK?
I COMPROMISED MY INTEGRITY FOR A FLASK?
A [bleep] FLASK?
- I ASSUMED YOU KNEW.
I MEAN, THERE WAS ONE MOMENT WHERE I WAS AFRAID
YOU THOUGHT I MIGHT BE TALKING ABOUT JEENA,
BUT THEN I WAS LIKE, HE'S A SMART KID.
HE'S INTO COMPUTERS AND STUFF.
BESIDES, WHAT DO YOU THINK I MEANT
WHEN I SAID I WANTED TO TAKE HER TOP OFF
AND LET HER HOT JUICES RUN DOWN MY CHIN?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
THAT'S YOUR SISTER, MAN.
WE ARE NOT BROS.
- FROM THIS DAY HENCE,
I SHALL NEVER AGAIN COMPROMISE MY MORALS FOR LOVE!
OOH.
HAVE I TOLD YOU WHAT A FAN I AM
OF YOUR CORPORATION?
- WHERE ARE WE GOING, MONDO?
- YOU'LL SEE.
- AH, WHAT'S UP, FLIMP?
- WE'RE BACKSTAGE!
MONDO, THIS IS AMAZING.
HOW DID YOU PULL THIS OFF?
- I DIDN'T. MY AWESOME MOM DID.
- HEY, KIDS, LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO SOME OF MY OLD FRIENDS,
DAMIAN KULASH AND OK GO.
- SON, SO HAPPY TO MEET YOU AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.
I CAN SEE THE RESEMBLANCE.
NAH, I'M JUST MESSING.
OR AM I?
YES, I AM. - DAMIAN.
- COME ON, HE'S A KULASH, HE CAN TAKE IT.
JUST KIDDING, MAN. JUST KIDDING.
I'M GUESSING YOU'RE A FAN?
- [speaking gibberish] HABBIDYHABBA.
- VERY SMOOTH.
- THESE HOT DOGS LOOK [bleep] AWESOME.
- YEAH, JUST NEED SOME CONDIMENTS.
- SERIOUSLY, THERE'S GOT TO BE A BETTER WAY.
- [chuckles] I JUST-- I WISH WOODIE WERE HERE
TO SEE ALL THIS.
- [cockney accent] HEY, BE WITH YOU IN A JIFF, MATE.
- YOUR ACCENT'S GETTING BETTER.
- THAT'S 'CAUSE I'M AN ENGLISH MAJOR.
- YEAH, ABOUT THAT, BLONDIE,
I KNOW YOU'RE IN HIGH SCHOOL.
- WHAT GAVE IT AWAY?
- WELL, YOUR FRIEND LOOKS LIKE HE'S 11,
YOU BOTH CAME HERE WITH HIS MOM,
AND YOU WOULDN'T SHUT UP
ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU HATE YOUR PRINCIPAL.
BUT WE STILL HAVE TONIGHT.
- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
OK GO!
- THAT'S OUR BAND. - LET'S DO THIS, MAN, YEAH.
- HAVE A GOOD SHOW, ALL RIGHT.
- CAN I GET ONE MORE WHISKEY?
- * MAYBE IT'S NOT SO BAD *
* JUST LET YOUR HAIR GO DOWN NOW *
- DUDE, I CHANGED MY MIND.
I AM SO GOING TO COLLEGE.
- WHERE?
- "ART MOUTH."
- I'D LIKE TO PERSONALLY DEDICATE THIS ONE
TO AN OLD FRIEND, BABS BRANDO,
AND TO MY NEW FRIEND, HABBIDYHABBA.
- THAT'S ME!
- * OOH *
- MY FAVORITE SONG.
THANK YOU, MONDO.
THIS WAS THE BEST NIGHT EVER.
THAT'S WEIRD, MY BRA IS UNHOOKED.
- SECAUCUS SNAP.
- THAT'S MY BOY.
* *
[cheers and applause]