1 00:00:05,210 --> 00:00:08,243 - [sucking] 2 00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:12,276 [surf music] 3 00:00:12,276 --> 00:00:13,276 - WHO... - IS... 4 00:00:13,276 --> 00:00:14,276 - THAT... 5 00:00:14,276 --> 00:00:15,443 - PERSON? 6 00:00:15,443 --> 00:00:17,210 WHAT? I LIKE BEING PART OF SENTENCES, TOO. 7 00:00:17,210 --> 00:00:19,943 - OH, MY GOD, IT'S HIM! IT'S MONDO. 8 00:00:19,943 --> 00:00:24,010 - * WELL, I'M THE KING OF THE OCEAN * 9 00:00:24,010 --> 00:00:25,343 * THEY CALL ME MONDO MAN * 10 00:00:25,343 --> 00:00:26,510 - OH! 11 00:00:26,510 --> 00:00:27,676 - AHH! 12 00:00:27,676 --> 00:00:30,710 - * YES, I'M THE KING OF THE OCEAN * 13 00:00:30,710 --> 00:00:32,210 * THEY CALL ME MONDO MAN * 14 00:00:32,210 --> 00:00:34,510 - [sucking] 15 00:00:34,510 --> 00:00:36,910 - * LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED * 16 00:00:36,910 --> 00:00:38,743 * 'CAUSE I'M COMIN' TO YOUR SANDS * 17 00:00:38,743 --> 00:00:41,910 - [coughing] OH, YEAH. 18 00:00:41,910 --> 00:00:43,443 * * 19 00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:45,643 - * I INTOXICATE THE LADIES * 20 00:00:45,643 --> 00:00:47,943 * THEY'RE ADDICTED TO MY CRACK * 21 00:00:47,943 --> 00:00:49,310 [neon buzzing] 22 00:00:49,310 --> 00:00:52,210 * I'VE GOT A BUDDY WHO'S A SHARK * 23 00:00:52,210 --> 00:00:54,143 * HE'S ALWAYS GOT MY BACK * 24 00:00:54,143 --> 00:00:55,243 RIGHT, TERRY? 25 00:00:55,243 --> 00:00:56,843 [guitar solo] 26 00:00:56,843 --> 00:00:58,343 * I'M THE KING OF THE OCEAN * 27 00:00:58,343 --> 00:01:00,943 * THEY CALL ME MONDO MAN * 28 00:01:03,443 --> 00:01:05,110 * GET THOSE FUNBAGS READY * 29 00:01:05,110 --> 00:01:08,110 * 'CAUSE I'M COMING WITH BOTH HANDS * 30 00:01:08,110 --> 00:01:09,643 MOTORBOAT! [gurgling] 31 00:01:09,643 --> 00:01:11,410 all: * HE'S THE KING OF THE OCEAN * 32 00:01:11,410 --> 00:01:15,943 * THEY CALL HIM MONDO MAN * 33 00:01:15,943 --> 00:01:18,376 - * HE'S GOT A RED-HOT MAMA * 34 00:01:18,376 --> 00:01:20,876 - * BUT WHO THE HELL'S HIS DAD? * 35 00:01:20,876 --> 00:01:22,943 - WHAT DID YOU SAY? 36 00:01:22,943 --> 00:01:24,276 - WHO IS THE DAD? 37 00:01:24,276 --> 00:01:26,276 - I--I'M NOT SURE. 38 00:01:26,276 --> 00:01:27,543 - WHO IS THE DAD? 39 00:01:27,543 --> 00:01:29,110 - I DON'T KNOW! 40 00:01:29,110 --> 00:01:30,310 [laughter] 41 00:01:30,310 --> 00:01:32,710 - HINT, IT'S THE ONE WITH THE PENIS, DUMBASS. 42 00:01:32,710 --> 00:01:34,010 - [laughs] 43 00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:35,343 - YOU KNOW, I ALMOST DIDN'T EVEN ASK THAT QUESTION 44 00:01:35,343 --> 00:01:36,810 BECAUSE IT WAS TOO STUPID. 45 00:01:36,810 --> 00:01:40,310 [rock music] 46 00:01:40,310 --> 00:01:44,010 * * 47 00:01:46,276 --> 00:01:48,743 - MONDO, CHECK IT OUT. 48 00:01:48,743 --> 00:01:51,410 - UM, YEAH, YEAH, SKIN CANCER'S NO JOKE. 49 00:01:51,410 --> 00:01:53,710 - DUDE, WHAT IS WITH YOU TODAY? 50 00:01:53,710 --> 00:01:56,376 OH, DAD STUFF AGAIN, HUH? 51 00:01:56,376 --> 00:01:58,310 - I MEAN, MOST OF THE TIME, I'M COOL NOT HAVING A DAD, 52 00:01:58,310 --> 00:02:01,410 BUT SOMETIMES I JUST WISH I KNEW WHO HE WAS. 53 00:02:01,410 --> 00:02:03,276 - SO WEIRD THAT YOUR MOM WON'T TELL YOU. 54 00:02:03,276 --> 00:02:05,110 - WHENEVER I TRY TO TALK TO HER ABOUT IT, 55 00:02:05,110 --> 00:02:08,010 SHE THINKS SHE CAN JUST DISTRACT ME WITH ICE CREAM, 56 00:02:08,010 --> 00:02:10,676 AS IF A DEEPLY EMOTIONAL HOLE IN MY SOUL COULD BE FILLED 57 00:02:10,676 --> 00:02:13,610 WITH THE TEMPORARY SATISFACTION OF A FROZEN TREAT. 58 00:02:13,610 --> 00:02:15,576 - WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT AGAIN? 59 00:02:15,576 --> 00:02:17,243 - YOU WERE SAD ABOUT YOUR DAD. 60 00:02:17,243 --> 00:02:18,676 - REALLY? 61 00:02:18,676 --> 00:02:22,443 BECAUSE I FEEL SO HAPPY AND SATISFIED WITH THIS ICE CREAM. 62 00:02:22,443 --> 00:02:25,676 [sighs] I GUESS I'LL NEVER KNOW WHO HE IS. 63 00:02:25,676 --> 00:02:27,476 - WELL, HEY, THERE, STUDENT PEOPLE. 64 00:02:27,476 --> 00:02:28,710 - PRINCIPAL GURNIEL? 65 00:02:28,710 --> 00:02:30,176 YOU PLAY MUSIC ON THE STREET? 66 00:02:30,176 --> 00:02:32,576 - CAN'T AFFORD THE HOUSEBOAT-SWINGER LIFESTYLE 67 00:02:32,576 --> 00:02:34,110 ON A PUBLIC-SCHOOL SALARY. 68 00:02:34,110 --> 00:02:36,443 ANYHOO, IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU NEED TO SEND BACK 69 00:02:36,443 --> 00:02:38,910 YOUR DOWN-IN-THE-DUMPLINGS FOR A BETTER HAPPY-TIZER. 70 00:02:38,910 --> 00:02:41,110 HERE'S A LITTLE DITTY TO PICK YOU UP. 71 00:02:41,110 --> 00:02:45,610 * A FATHERLESS SON WANDERS THE WORLD ALONE * 72 00:02:45,610 --> 00:02:49,476 * NO "DAD PICS" FOLDER ON HIS iPHONE * 73 00:02:49,476 --> 00:02:53,343 * NO ONE TO TEACH HIM HOW TO GROW UP * 74 00:02:53,343 --> 00:02:58,176 * TO SPANK IT OR CRANK IT OR PEE STANDING UP * 75 00:02:58,176 --> 00:03:00,576 - IT'S TRUE. I SPRAY ALL OVER THE PLACE, 76 00:03:00,576 --> 00:03:02,643 LIKE A HOSE WITH THE THUMB ON THE NOZZLE. 77 00:03:02,643 --> 00:03:04,210 * * 78 00:03:04,210 --> 00:03:06,676 * JUST THINK OF THE DAD THINGS THAT I'LL NEVER KNOW * 79 00:03:06,676 --> 00:03:08,743 [thump] [bell rings] 80 00:03:08,743 --> 00:03:12,576 - * BUILDING YOUR MUSCLES JUST LIKE THE PROS * 81 00:03:12,576 --> 00:03:16,543 - * HELPING TO MAKE YOUR GARDEN GROW * 82 00:03:16,543 --> 00:03:20,810 - * OR SELLING SPERMS JUST FOR THE DOUGH * 83 00:03:20,810 --> 00:03:24,643 - * BUT HAVING A DAD CAN BE A REAL SUCK-FEST * 84 00:03:24,643 --> 00:03:29,176 * WORK COMES FIRST AND THEN ALL THE REST * 85 00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:33,143 * COMING HOME DRUNK WITH ALL HIS SLUTTY GUESTS * 86 00:03:33,143 --> 00:03:37,643 - * BUT THEN THEY BUY YOU BRAND-NEW BREASTS * 87 00:03:37,643 --> 00:03:41,610 - * NO ONE TO TEACH ME HOW TO GROW UP * 88 00:03:41,610 --> 00:03:46,510 * TO SPANK IT OR CRANK IT OR PEE STANDING UP * 89 00:03:46,510 --> 00:03:49,510 - HEY! GET THE [bleep] AWAY FROM MY KID, YOU PERV! 90 00:03:49,510 --> 00:03:53,876 - GETTING OLD SUCKS, VONEETA. I MEAN, SURE I'M A MILF. 91 00:03:53,876 --> 00:03:56,810 BUT HOW LONG BEFORE I'M A GILF OR A G-GILF, 92 00:03:56,810 --> 00:03:59,776 OR WORSE, MY "ILF" DAYS ARE GONE FOREVER? 93 00:03:59,776 --> 00:04:01,543 - OH, PLUG YOUR THREE HOLES, SEX-FACE. 94 00:04:01,543 --> 00:04:03,710 I KNOW YOU'RE P.M.S.-ING ABOUT YOUR BIRTHDAY THIS WEEK, 95 00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:05,776 BUT IF YOU'RE FEELIN' OLD AND DOWN, DO WHAT I DO. 96 00:04:05,776 --> 00:04:08,643 STRAP ON THE INTERNETS AND GIVE FACEBOOK A POKE-SEE. 97 00:04:08,643 --> 00:04:09,876 - I DON'T KNOW. 98 00:04:09,876 --> 00:04:12,110 I MEAN, I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN. 99 00:04:12,110 --> 00:04:14,176 - JUST POP IN A PASSWORD. 100 00:04:14,176 --> 00:04:16,010 AND NOW ALL WE NEED IS A PHOTO. 101 00:04:16,010 --> 00:04:18,376 - HMM. I DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE A RECENT ONE. 102 00:04:18,376 --> 00:04:20,176 - OH, I HAVE A BUNCH OF YOU SLEEPING. 103 00:04:20,176 --> 00:04:22,243 OH, DID I SAY "SLEEPING"? I MEANT BLINKING... 104 00:04:22,243 --> 00:04:24,210 LATE AT NIGHT... IN BED. 105 00:04:24,210 --> 00:04:25,776 YOU LOOK REALLY PRETTY WHEN YOU BLINK. 106 00:04:27,443 --> 00:04:29,476 - UGH, HIM? AND HIM? 107 00:04:29,476 --> 00:04:32,810 EVERY HORNY CREEP I EVER DATED IS IN HERE. 108 00:04:32,810 --> 00:04:33,910 - HEY, MA... 109 00:04:33,910 --> 00:04:36,343 I WAS HOPING I COULD ASK YOU SOMETHING, 110 00:04:36,343 --> 00:04:37,743 UH, ABOUT MY DAD. 111 00:04:37,743 --> 00:04:39,843 - HONEY, IT'S NOT A GOOD TIME. 112 00:04:39,843 --> 00:04:41,843 HERE. - BUT I REALLY NEED TO-- 113 00:04:41,843 --> 00:04:43,943 OH! DULCE DE LECHE! 114 00:04:43,943 --> 00:04:45,910 [grumbling] 115 00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:47,843 - DUDE, I GOT IT! - GOT WHAT? 116 00:04:47,843 --> 00:04:49,176 - YOU HEARD BABS. 117 00:04:49,176 --> 00:04:51,443 EVERY GUY SHE EVER DATED IS ON HER FACEBOOK. 118 00:04:51,443 --> 00:04:54,443 ONE OF THOSE HORNY CREEPS COULD BE YOUR DAD! 119 00:05:01,310 --> 00:05:02,610 - BALLS! WITHOUT MY MOM'S PASSWORD, 120 00:05:02,610 --> 00:05:04,276 I CAN'T SEE ANY OF THESE GUYS' PROFILES. 121 00:05:04,276 --> 00:05:06,543 OH, MY DAD'S SO CLOSE, I CAN SMELL HIM. 122 00:05:06,543 --> 00:05:09,110 [sniffs] BABY POWDER AND CHINESE FOOD? 123 00:05:09,110 --> 00:05:10,443 - EGGROLL? [both scream] 124 00:05:10,443 --> 00:05:14,210 - WADSKA! WHAT THE [bleep] ARE YOU DOING IN MY CLOSET? 125 00:05:14,210 --> 00:05:15,776 - WE HAD A SECRET SLEEPOVER LAST NIGHT. 126 00:05:15,776 --> 00:05:17,243 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 127 00:05:17,243 --> 00:05:19,543 - WELL, IT WOULDN'T BE A SECRET IF YOU DID! 128 00:05:19,543 --> 00:05:20,943 NOW, DO YOU WANT MY HELP 129 00:05:20,943 --> 00:05:23,010 IN HACKING YOUR MOTHER'S ACCOUNT, OR NOT? 130 00:05:23,010 --> 00:05:24,176 - I GUESS. - [cracks knuckles] 131 00:05:24,176 --> 00:05:27,476 [giggles] OKAY, BARBARA "BABS" BRANDO, 132 00:05:27,476 --> 00:05:29,376 IT'S TIME TO GET INSIDE YOU. 133 00:05:29,376 --> 00:05:32,710 YOU'RE A WOMAN, A LADY, A MOTHER WITH BREASTS! 134 00:05:32,710 --> 00:05:34,010 AND WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT TO A MOTHER? 135 00:05:34,010 --> 00:05:36,343 YOUR CHILD, YOUR SON, YOUR LITTLE ITTY-BITTY BABY, 136 00:05:36,343 --> 00:05:38,176 YOUR MONDO, YOUR LITTLE MUNCHKIN! 137 00:05:38,176 --> 00:05:40,410 HMM, I'M CLOSE, AREN'T I, BABS? 138 00:05:40,410 --> 00:05:43,010 YOU'RE A WOMAN OF CERTAIN TASTES, CERTAIN WANTS, 139 00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:47,243 CERTAIN DESIRES! YOU CLEVER, CLEVER GIRL. 140 00:05:47,243 --> 00:05:48,676 BOOM! WE'RE IN! 141 00:05:48,676 --> 00:05:51,376 - WHAT WAS THE PASSWORD? - EH, MUNCHKINMAMA[bleep]. 142 00:05:51,376 --> 00:05:52,376 - NICE. 143 00:05:52,376 --> 00:05:54,910 - 3,000 FRIENDS? AHH! 144 00:05:54,910 --> 00:05:56,476 THIS WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER 145 00:05:56,476 --> 00:05:58,976 IF WE ONLY KNEW YOUR MOM'S MENSTRUAL CYCLE. 146 00:05:58,976 --> 00:06:00,743 - WHAT? - 15th OF EVERY MONTH, 147 00:06:00,743 --> 00:06:02,476 LIKE CLOCKWORK. 148 00:06:02,476 --> 00:06:05,110 HER BREASTS SWELL UP, AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT NOTICES? 149 00:06:05,110 --> 00:06:08,376 - ALL RIGHT, FACTORING IN A GESTATION PERIOD OF 280 DAYS 150 00:06:08,376 --> 00:06:12,510 TELLS US MONDO WAS CONCEIVED ON OR AROUND 12:05AM, 151 00:06:12,510 --> 00:06:16,443 JULY FOURTH, 1995, PLUS OR MINUS SIX DAYS. 152 00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:18,143 - THAT'S THE SUMMER SHE WORKED AT DISNEY! 153 00:06:18,143 --> 00:06:19,676 - LAND? - WORLD. 154 00:06:19,676 --> 00:06:20,743 - [whistles] - WHISTLE! 155 00:06:20,743 --> 00:06:23,110 - I KNOW, RIGHT? SHE RAN THE GELATO STAND 156 00:06:23,110 --> 00:06:24,676 IN THE INTERNATIONAL FOOD COURT. 157 00:06:24,676 --> 00:06:25,943 - AHH! EXCELLENT. 158 00:06:25,943 --> 00:06:28,943 FILTERING OUR RESULTS BY GENDER, FORMER EMPLOYERS 159 00:06:28,943 --> 00:06:32,843 AND OVERLY FRIENDLY MESSAGES, DRUM ROLL PLEASE... 160 00:06:32,843 --> 00:06:35,776 ONE OF THESE FOUR MEN IS YOUR FATHER! 161 00:06:35,776 --> 00:06:37,410 - UM, ONE OF THESE IS A CARTOON DUCK. 162 00:06:37,410 --> 00:06:40,910 - ONE OF THESE THREE MEN AND A CARTOON DUCK IS YOUR FATHER! 163 00:06:42,710 --> 00:06:44,243 - [chomps] 164 00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:52,010 - * I WAS THE NEW GIRL * 165 00:06:52,010 --> 00:06:54,543 * I WAS THE COOL GIRL * 166 00:06:54,543 --> 00:06:58,310 * NOW I'M NOTHING BUT AN OLD COUGAR * 167 00:06:58,310 --> 00:07:03,110 * I USED TO TURN HEADS, FALL OUT OF STRANGE BEDS * 168 00:07:03,110 --> 00:07:07,243 * NOW I'M STUCK WEARING MY MOM JEANS INSTEAD * 169 00:07:07,243 --> 00:07:09,210 * ALL THE BOYS USED TO SAY SUCH SWEET THINGS * 170 00:07:09,210 --> 00:07:12,643 * LIKE "GIVE US A KISS," AND "SHOW US YOUR [bleep]" * 171 00:07:12,643 --> 00:07:15,110 * NOW ALL THEY CALL ME IS "LADY" AND "MA'AM" * 172 00:07:15,110 --> 00:07:16,876 * OH, WHAT I'D GIVE TO HEAR JUST ONE-- * 173 00:07:16,876 --> 00:07:17,910 - [bleep] DAMN! 174 00:07:17,910 --> 00:07:20,210 * I'M NOT THE NEW GIRL * 175 00:07:20,210 --> 00:07:22,643 [bank alarm rings] * I'M NOT THE COOL GIRL * 176 00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:28,643 * NOW I AM ONLY AN AGING COUGAR * 177 00:07:28,643 --> 00:07:31,176 [fireworks explode] - YEAH. 178 00:07:32,443 --> 00:07:34,243 - WE GOTTA DO SOMETHING. 179 00:07:34,243 --> 00:07:36,743 WHAT IF WE THREW HER AN AWESOME PARTY? 180 00:07:36,743 --> 00:07:39,843 - YOU YOUNG HOOCHIE-COOCHIE FLAPPER GIRLS, 181 00:07:39,843 --> 00:07:41,376 THINKING ALL LIFE'S PROBLEMS 182 00:07:41,376 --> 00:07:43,310 CAN BE SOLVED WITH SOME SPIKED PUNCH 183 00:07:43,310 --> 00:07:46,110 AND AN ASSORTMENT OF PARAFFIN RAINBOW LIP COVERINGS. 184 00:07:46,110 --> 00:07:49,510 - LISTEN, SOMEDAY SOMEBODY'S GONNA CALL ME A COUGAR, 185 00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:52,343 OR WHATEVER PEOPLE CALL HOT OLDER CHICKS IN THE FUTURE. 186 00:07:52,343 --> 00:07:54,476 - SKANK. I'M PRETTY SURE IT'LL BE SKANK. 187 00:07:54,476 --> 00:07:55,976 THINGS TEND TO RUN IN CYCLES. 188 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,510 - SURE, AND WHEN THAT HAPPENS, ALL I KNOW 189 00:07:58,510 --> 00:08:01,543 IS THAT NOTHING WOULD MAKE ME FEEL MORE VITAL AND ALIVE 190 00:08:01,543 --> 00:08:02,910 THAN PARTYING WITH MY FRIENDS 191 00:08:02,910 --> 00:08:05,376 UNTIL I'M PASSED OUT IN A POOL OF MY OWN VOM. 192 00:08:05,376 --> 00:08:07,976 - HELLS, YEAH! MY [bleep] IS PUMPED UP RIGHT NOW! 193 00:08:07,976 --> 00:08:09,343 [bleep] DAMN, I NEED A BEAT! 194 00:08:09,343 --> 00:08:11,710 [record spins at fast speed] 195 00:08:11,710 --> 00:08:14,343 [hip-hop music] - * UH-HUH, BACK UP * 196 00:08:14,343 --> 00:08:16,410 * HERE IT COMES * 197 00:08:16,410 --> 00:08:19,110 * NOW I ROLL UP ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR DEEP * 198 00:08:19,110 --> 00:08:21,743 * BUT AIN'T NO ONE AROUND, THAT'S JUST ME * 199 00:08:21,743 --> 00:08:24,176 * THE "T" TO THE DOUBLE E-T-Z * 200 00:08:24,176 --> 00:08:25,543 * SITTING HIGH, SITTING FLY * 201 00:08:25,543 --> 00:08:27,010 * LIKE PHARCYDE SAID, I KEEP ON... 202 00:08:27,010 --> 00:08:28,710 - * PASSING YOU BY * * PASSING YOU BY * 203 00:08:28,710 --> 00:08:30,510 - * BUT IT AIN'T ABOUT ME * 204 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,910 * IT'S ABOUT "B" BIGGITY "B," BIGGITY "A," * 205 00:08:32,910 --> 00:08:34,110 * BIGGITY "B," BIGGITY "Z" * 206 00:08:34,110 --> 00:08:35,410 * I'M TALKING BABS * - WHAT? 207 00:08:35,410 --> 00:08:36,776 - * TALKIN' BABS * - WHO? 208 00:08:36,776 --> 00:08:38,976 * THE QUEEN, THE DIVA, MY REASON TO BE * 209 00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:42,010 * OUGHTA PUT THAT ASS ON MTV * 210 00:08:42,010 --> 00:08:44,710 - OKAY, OKAY, I HEAR YOU, MS. "T," BUT CHECK THIS, 211 00:08:44,710 --> 00:08:47,010 WE GOT A PARTY TO PLAN, SO... 212 00:08:47,010 --> 00:08:49,376 * SHOP 'TIL WE DROP, WE GOTS TO COP * 213 00:08:49,376 --> 00:08:51,810 * SWIPING PLASTIC, DROPPING CASH LIKE WE SLINGING ROCK * 214 00:08:51,810 --> 00:08:55,543 * BUYIN' UP THE BAR, OH, SNAP, THAT'S RIGHT * 215 00:08:55,543 --> 00:08:57,510 * BAR'S ALREADY BOUGHT * - * BOUGHT, BOUGHT, BOUGHT * 216 00:08:57,510 --> 00:09:00,310 - NOT BAD, JEENA, BUT I THINK IT'S ABOUT THAT TIME. 217 00:09:00,310 --> 00:09:02,176 YO, TANG, HIT 'EM WITH THE HOOK! 218 00:09:02,176 --> 00:09:05,410 - HEY-Y. "T" TO THE "ANG." 219 00:09:05,410 --> 00:09:07,310 YOU BETTER RECOGNIZE. 220 00:09:07,310 --> 00:09:09,576 * HAU'OLI LA HANAU IS THE WAY WE SAY * 221 00:09:09,576 --> 00:09:12,476 * GONNA GET REAL CRUNK ON BABS' BIRTHDAY * 222 00:09:12,476 --> 00:09:14,776 * HAU'OLI LA HANAU IS THE WAY WE SAY * 223 00:09:14,776 --> 00:09:17,910 * GONNA FREAK AND FUNK ALL ON YOUR FACE * 224 00:09:17,910 --> 00:09:18,910 [record scratch] 225 00:09:18,910 --> 00:09:21,343 - SENDING A MASS eVITE RIGHT NOW. 226 00:09:21,343 --> 00:09:24,110 WOW, MS. TEETS. WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO RAP LIKE THAT? 227 00:09:24,110 --> 00:09:26,676 - OH, WELL, LET'S JUST SAY I BANGED A LOT OF BLACK GUYS 228 00:09:26,676 --> 00:09:28,610 AND THEY WERE ALWAYS LISTENING TO RAP MUSIC 229 00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:31,676 SO I GOT REALLY GOOD AT RAPPING, OR SOMETHING. 230 00:09:31,676 --> 00:09:33,710 - SO WHO ARE THE THREE MAYBE-DADDIES? 231 00:09:33,710 --> 00:09:35,776 - FIRST ONE IS NICOS PETROS. 232 00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:37,976 - HE'S A YACHTING ENTHUSIAST! 233 00:09:39,643 --> 00:09:42,010 - WHAT ISLAND IS THAT-A, PAPI? 234 00:09:42,010 --> 00:09:44,110 - YEAH, THAT'S YOUR ISLAND, MY LITTLE PRINCE. 235 00:09:44,110 --> 00:09:46,376 MONDONESIA, THE ISLAND OF FORBIDDEN BIKINI. 236 00:09:46,376 --> 00:09:48,010 all: [giggle] 237 00:09:48,010 --> 00:09:49,843 - [laughs] I COULD LIVE WITH THAT. 238 00:09:49,843 --> 00:09:50,910 WHO'S NEXT? 239 00:09:50,910 --> 00:09:52,710 - JAG KNULLERBROD. 240 00:09:52,710 --> 00:09:55,476 - DUDE! HE'S AN EFFIN' SWEDISH ROCK STAR! 241 00:09:55,476 --> 00:09:57,210 [Scandinavian pop music] 242 00:09:57,210 --> 00:09:59,676 - VAT CITY ARE VE IN, FAHDER? 243 00:09:59,676 --> 00:10:03,176 - YOUR CITY, SONNY. MONDOSTADT. [crowd cheers] 244 00:10:03,176 --> 00:10:05,210 NOW TAKE YOUR STAGE DIVE. 245 00:10:05,210 --> 00:10:06,710 - YEAH! 246 00:10:06,710 --> 00:10:10,010 SERIOUSLY, YOU GUYS GOTTA GET IN ON THESE FANTASIES. 247 00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:11,843 I'M KILLING IT IN HERE. 248 00:10:11,843 --> 00:10:13,210 AND THE LAST ONE? 249 00:10:13,210 --> 00:10:17,476 - LORD CLIVE GOODSPEED, OF THE BUCKINGHAMSHIRE GOODSPEEDS. 250 00:10:17,476 --> 00:10:19,110 - OH, LOOK AT THE RESEMBLANCE! 251 00:10:19,110 --> 00:10:20,476 IT'S LIKE I'M STARING INTO A MIRROR. 252 00:10:21,410 --> 00:10:23,410 [classical music] 253 00:10:23,410 --> 00:10:25,410 YOUR TURN, DADDY! 254 00:10:25,410 --> 00:10:29,410 BEST OF LUCK HITTING A GOOGLY ON THAT STICKY WICKET. 255 00:10:29,410 --> 00:10:31,343 - PISH POSH. TEA? [rings bell] 256 00:10:31,343 --> 00:10:33,210 all: [giggle] 257 00:10:33,210 --> 00:10:34,810 - YOU HIT THE JACKPOT, DUDE. 258 00:10:34,810 --> 00:10:36,476 NOW WE JUST NEED A WAY TO NARROW THEM DOWN. 259 00:10:36,476 --> 00:10:38,276 - MMM... MAMMA MIA! 260 00:10:39,743 --> 00:10:43,276 HELLO, MAMMA MIA? THE CLASSIC SWEDE-POP MUSICAL 261 00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:45,476 AND MOTION PICTURE OF THE SAME NAME? 262 00:10:45,476 --> 00:10:47,910 BUT THE SINGING, THE DANCING, 263 00:10:47,910 --> 00:10:52,443 THE SEQUINED SPANDEX THAT LINE THE BODY. OH! 264 00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:53,910 NOTHING? 265 00:10:53,910 --> 00:10:56,610 IT'S SIMPLE. WE SEND A FACEBOOK MESSAGE FROM "BABS BRANDO," 266 00:10:56,610 --> 00:10:57,843 INVITING THE POTENTIAL PAPAS 267 00:10:57,843 --> 00:10:59,443 TO YOUR MOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY THIS WEEKEND, 268 00:10:59,443 --> 00:11:00,776 WE DO A LITTLE PRIVATE DICK WORK, 269 00:11:00,776 --> 00:11:02,610 AND FASTER THAN YOU CAN SING DANCING QUEEN, 270 00:11:02,610 --> 00:11:04,410 YOU WILL KNOW WHO YOUR DADDY IS! 271 00:11:04,410 --> 00:11:06,910 - THAT'S ACTUALLY A REALLY GREAT IDEA. 272 00:11:06,910 --> 00:11:09,843 - AND TO PUT US IN THE MOOD, I JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE 273 00:11:09,843 --> 00:11:11,776 A DVD OF MAMMA MIA! 274 00:11:13,376 --> 00:11:16,343 LOOK MOMMY, I'M A LADY NOW! PRETTY, PRETTY LADY! 275 00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,010 OOPS, WRONG ONE. 276 00:11:20,510 --> 00:11:22,110 - WE STILL GOT SOME TIME TO KILL BEFORE THE PARTY, 277 00:11:22,110 --> 00:11:25,676 SO WHAT ARE YOU GUYS IN THE MOOD FOR--COKE, LSD? 278 00:11:25,676 --> 00:11:29,110 - HEROIN? - OH, WE ALWAYS DO HEROIN. 279 00:11:29,110 --> 00:11:30,210 LET'S JUST PUT IT ON RANDOM. 280 00:11:32,510 --> 00:11:33,576 PERFECT! 281 00:11:33,576 --> 00:11:35,410 - AND UNO, DOS, TRES, QUATRO! 282 00:11:35,410 --> 00:11:37,643 [rock music] 283 00:11:37,643 --> 00:11:41,376 - * JERSEY GIRL AND HER LITTLE BRAT * 284 00:11:41,376 --> 00:11:44,676 * THEY HEADED WEST AND THAT WAS THAT * 285 00:11:44,676 --> 00:11:48,143 * HUNGRY HEART AND BORN TO RUN * 286 00:11:48,143 --> 00:11:52,110 * LEFT THE SHORE TO HAVE SOME FUN * 287 00:11:52,110 --> 00:11:55,376 * WELL, WE GOT EACH OTHER AND THAT'S ALL WE NEED * 288 00:11:55,376 --> 00:11:58,710 * ALL DADDY DID WAS PLANT THE SEED * 289 00:11:58,710 --> 00:12:01,710 * HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY * 290 00:12:01,710 --> 00:12:03,010 * LITTLE BASTARD * 291 00:12:03,010 --> 00:12:04,710 [saxophone solo] 292 00:12:04,710 --> 00:12:06,143 - HEY! 293 00:12:06,143 --> 00:12:08,743 - * HE'LL KEEP SEARCHIN' THOSE BACK STREETS * 294 00:12:08,743 --> 00:12:12,710 * FOR THE ONLY MAN TO MAKE HIS FAMILY COMPLETE * 295 00:12:12,710 --> 00:12:15,876 * DREAMS OF THE REUNION OF THE JERSEY DAD * 296 00:12:15,876 --> 00:12:20,543 * AND THE CALIFORNIA SON, BUT UNTIL THAT DAY COMES * 297 00:12:20,543 --> 00:12:23,710 * WELL, WE GOT EACH OTHER AND THAT'S ALL WE NEED * 298 00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:26,810 * ALL DADDY DID WAS PLANT THE SEED * 299 00:12:26,810 --> 00:12:29,610 - * HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY * 300 00:12:29,610 --> 00:12:31,710 - * LITTLE BASTARD * 301 00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:34,110 - VERY HEARTFELT, VERY THEMATICAL. 302 00:12:34,110 --> 00:12:37,443 - I KNOW, RIGHT? - ENCORE! ENCORE! 303 00:12:37,443 --> 00:12:38,743 - IS THIS YOUR UNDERWEAR? 304 00:12:38,743 --> 00:12:39,910 - MAYBE. 305 00:12:39,910 --> 00:12:41,376 - WE'VE GOTTA GET OVER TO THE PARTY! 306 00:12:41,376 --> 00:12:44,576 I'VE GOT SOME DADS TO MEET! 307 00:12:44,576 --> 00:12:48,010 - * NOW ALL THEY CALL ME IS "LADY" AND "MA'AM" * 308 00:12:48,010 --> 00:12:50,676 * WHAT I WOULD GIVE TO HEAR JUST ONE-- * 309 00:12:50,676 --> 00:12:52,143 - [bleep] DAMN! 310 00:12:52,143 --> 00:12:53,976 [club music] - * YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. * 311 00:12:53,976 --> 00:12:57,443 * * 312 00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:58,810 - SO WHAT'S YOUR STRATEGY? 313 00:12:58,810 --> 00:13:00,443 HOW ARE YOU GONNA KNOW WHO YOUR DAD IS? 314 00:13:00,443 --> 00:13:02,943 - I'LL JUST KNOW, WOODIE. I'LL FEEL IT IN MY HEART. 315 00:13:02,943 --> 00:13:06,276 - BUT THE HEART LIES. SEMEN DOESN'T. 316 00:13:06,276 --> 00:13:08,110 - * YEAH! * 317 00:13:08,110 --> 00:13:09,410 - WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? 318 00:13:09,410 --> 00:13:12,110 - OH, IT'S JUST MY DAVID CARUSO SUNGLASSES. 319 00:13:12,110 --> 00:13:14,976 THEY CAME WITH MY "CSI JR. DNA TESTING KIT," 320 00:13:14,976 --> 00:13:18,276 WHICH I'M GONNA USE TO DETERMINE WHO YOUR FATHER IS! 321 00:13:18,276 --> 00:13:20,610 - * YEAH! * 322 00:13:20,610 --> 00:13:21,743 [door opens] 323 00:13:21,743 --> 00:13:23,276 [door closes] 324 00:13:23,276 --> 00:13:26,876 - OKAY, THERE'S PAPA NICOS. LET'S GO. 325 00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:32,210 both: [chomp] [burp] 326 00:13:34,610 --> 00:13:35,943 BALLS! 327 00:13:35,943 --> 00:13:37,343 - DUDE, THAT'S EERIE. 328 00:13:37,343 --> 00:13:39,543 - I KNOW! WE COULDN'T BE MORE DIFFERENT. 329 00:13:39,543 --> 00:13:41,210 LIKE, MY POLAR OPPOSITE IN EVERY WAY-- 330 00:13:41,210 --> 00:13:43,776 OOH, I LOVE THIS TUNE! 331 00:13:43,776 --> 00:13:46,776 [folk music] 332 00:13:46,776 --> 00:13:49,676 * * 333 00:13:49,676 --> 00:13:51,776 - LOOKS LIKE THE CATCH OF THE DAY... 334 00:13:51,776 --> 00:13:54,843 IS YOU. - * YEAH! * 335 00:13:57,210 --> 00:13:58,610 - [sighs] 336 00:13:58,610 --> 00:13:59,776 [door closes] 337 00:14:01,210 --> 00:14:04,010 HEY! CHECK IT OUT! WE HAVE THE SAME PENIS! 338 00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:05,910 WE'RE PENIS TWINS! 339 00:14:05,910 --> 00:14:08,443 [taser zapping] OH! 340 00:14:08,443 --> 00:14:09,543 [zipper sound] 341 00:14:12,376 --> 00:14:16,276 - IF IT'S YELLOW, WADSKA SAYS "HELLO." 342 00:14:16,276 --> 00:14:18,443 - * YEAH! * 343 00:14:18,443 --> 00:14:21,143 - HEY, SMALL WONDER, WANT SOME PUNCH? 344 00:14:21,143 --> 00:14:23,143 - OKAY, YOU'RE EITHER GOING TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE, 345 00:14:23,143 --> 00:14:24,643 OR DUNK MY HEAD IN THE PUNCH. 346 00:14:24,643 --> 00:14:26,610 - ACTUALLY, I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE NICE, 347 00:14:26,610 --> 00:14:29,210 BUT THOSE IDEAS ARE HARD TO RESIST. 348 00:14:29,210 --> 00:14:31,476 - UNFIST THAT LAD. - WHAT? 349 00:14:31,476 --> 00:14:33,743 - I SAID UNFIST! 350 00:14:33,743 --> 00:14:35,676 HA! [thumping] 351 00:14:35,676 --> 00:14:37,343 - GENTLEMAN NINJA! RUN! 352 00:14:37,343 --> 00:14:38,843 all: [whimper and moan] 353 00:14:38,843 --> 00:14:40,810 - YOU ALL RIGHT THERE, SON? - SON? 354 00:14:40,810 --> 00:14:42,376 - QUITE A HOOLIGAN, THAT ONE. 355 00:14:42,376 --> 00:14:44,176 I'M GUESSING THERE'S A GIRL INVOLVED? 356 00:14:44,176 --> 00:14:45,610 - THERE IS! 357 00:14:45,610 --> 00:14:47,243 JEENA! SHE'S AWESOME, 358 00:14:47,243 --> 00:14:49,676 BUT WHENEVER I'M AROUND HER I GET ALL TONGUE-TIED. 359 00:14:49,676 --> 00:14:51,176 - OH, TONGUE-TIED IS GOOD! 360 00:14:51,176 --> 00:14:53,876 YOU JUST NEED TO BLEND IT WITH A PROPER BRITISH ACCENT 361 00:14:53,876 --> 00:14:56,543 AND YOU'LL BE A HOBBIT-SIZED HUGH GRANT IN NO TIME. 362 00:14:56,543 --> 00:14:58,210 [laughs] NOW GET TO IT! 363 00:14:58,210 --> 00:15:00,410 - 'ELLO, JEENA. 364 00:15:00,410 --> 00:15:03,210 - UM, THAT'S THE WORST ACCENT I'VE EVER HEARD. 365 00:15:03,210 --> 00:15:05,710 - BOLLOCKS! 366 00:15:05,710 --> 00:15:07,510 EXCUSE ME, PARTY-GUEST, WOULD YOU MIND 367 00:15:07,510 --> 00:15:09,576 SIGNING THIS BIRTHDAY CARD FOR BABS? 368 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:10,876 - BE MY PLEASURE. 369 00:15:10,876 --> 00:15:12,510 BLAST! PAPER CUT. 370 00:15:12,510 --> 00:15:14,576 - OH I'M SO SORRY, HERE. 371 00:15:14,576 --> 00:15:17,610 LET'S JUST DAB THAT UP WITH THIS GLASS SPECIMEN SLIDE. 372 00:15:17,610 --> 00:15:19,743 NOW LET'S SEE IF YOU'VE MADE... 373 00:15:19,743 --> 00:15:20,910 THE CUT. 374 00:15:20,910 --> 00:15:22,643 - * YEAH! * 375 00:15:25,410 --> 00:15:26,743 - WELL, I THINK IT'S PRETTY CLEAR 376 00:15:26,743 --> 00:15:28,476 WHO MY FATHER IS. 377 00:15:28,476 --> 00:15:29,510 - CLIVE. - NICOS. 378 00:15:29,510 --> 00:15:30,876 - JAG. 379 00:15:30,876 --> 00:15:33,876 SO IT'S OFFICIAL--CARTOON DUCK HAS BEEN ELIMINATED, 380 00:15:33,876 --> 00:15:36,510 AND THE DNA RESULTS WILL BE READY IN TEN MINUTES. 381 00:15:36,510 --> 00:15:39,343 - UH, WE MAY NOT HAVE TO WAIT THAT LONG, DUDE. 382 00:15:39,343 --> 00:15:41,543 all: HAPPY BIRTHDAY. 383 00:15:41,543 --> 00:15:43,010 - FELIZ CUMPLEAÑOS, BABS! 384 00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:46,343 - OH, MY GOD, NICOS? JAG? CLIVE? 385 00:15:46,343 --> 00:15:48,710 I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU GUYS IN, WHAT, FIFTEEN YEARS? 386 00:15:48,710 --> 00:15:51,210 UH, MONDO, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? 387 00:15:51,210 --> 00:15:53,543 - 'KAY, AND I THINK YOU'LL GET A KICK OUT OF THIS, 388 00:15:53,543 --> 00:15:56,243 SO I HACKED INTO YOUR FACEBOOK ACCOUNT--SORRY-- 389 00:15:56,243 --> 00:15:58,776 PRETENDED TO BE YOU-- AGAIN SORRY-- 390 00:15:58,776 --> 00:16:01,376 SENT LASCIVIOUS MESSAGES PROMISING SEX-- 391 00:16:01,376 --> 00:16:02,676 - OH. - MMM. 392 00:16:02,676 --> 00:16:03,876 - SUPER SORRY-- 393 00:16:03,876 --> 00:16:07,143 AND INVITED THESE GUYS HERE FOR YOUR HAPPY DAY! 394 00:16:07,143 --> 00:16:08,743 SO WHICH ONE'S MY DADDY? 395 00:16:11,576 --> 00:16:12,643 - [chomps] 396 00:16:12,643 --> 00:16:13,743 - YOUR DADDY? 397 00:16:13,743 --> 00:16:17,710 [sighs] OH, MONDO HONEY, NONE OF THEM ARE. 398 00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:20,776 - BUT I WAS GONNA BE A YACHTSMAN WITH NICOS. 399 00:16:20,776 --> 00:16:22,776 YACHTSMAN? OH, NO, NO, NO. 400 00:16:22,776 --> 00:16:24,743 I'M AFRAID YOU HAVE THE WRONG IMPRESSION OF ME. 401 00:16:24,743 --> 00:16:27,343 I STEAL BOATS, BUT ONLY TO SMUGGLE DRUGS. 402 00:16:27,343 --> 00:16:30,410 - OH, OKAY, BUT I COULD HAVE LIVED THE ROCK STAR LIFE 403 00:16:30,410 --> 00:16:31,843 WITH MY PENIS TWIN JAG! 404 00:16:31,843 --> 00:16:33,810 [taser zapping] - [gags] 405 00:16:33,810 --> 00:16:37,110 - HE'LL BE FINE. ALSO, I AM NO ROCK STAR, 406 00:16:37,110 --> 00:16:38,676 UNLESS YOU CALL HAVING THE WORLD'S ONLY 407 00:16:38,676 --> 00:16:41,810 ONE-MAN ABBA TRIBUTE BAND BEING A ROCK STAR. 408 00:16:41,810 --> 00:16:43,776 - SO I GUESS YOU'RE NOT A REAL LORD 409 00:16:43,776 --> 00:16:44,943 WITH HUNDREDS OF ACRES, 410 00:16:44,943 --> 00:16:47,010 TEEMING WITH A BEVY OF TOPLESS TEA MAIDENS? 411 00:16:47,010 --> 00:16:49,210 - ACTUALLY, IT'S THOUSANDS OF ACRES, 412 00:16:49,210 --> 00:16:51,676 AND THE TEA MAIDENS ARE COMPLETELY NUDE. 413 00:16:51,676 --> 00:16:53,610 BUT I AM NOT YOUR FATHER. 414 00:16:53,610 --> 00:16:56,743 - I'M SORRY, HONEY, THESE GUYS ARE JUST MY FRIENDS. 415 00:16:56,743 --> 00:16:58,976 I DIDN'T SLEEP WITH ANY OF THEM. 416 00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:01,576 ALTHOUGH IF YOU HAVE AN OPENING AS A TEA MAIDEN... 417 00:17:01,576 --> 00:17:04,010 [laughs] ANYWAY, 418 00:17:04,010 --> 00:17:06,410 YOU KNOW WHAT, I THINK WE NEED TO TALK. 419 00:17:06,410 --> 00:17:08,476 - WAIT! NO ONE'S GOING ANYWHERE! 420 00:17:08,476 --> 00:17:14,543 I'VE GOT A POSITIVE MATCH. YOUR FATHER IS... 421 00:17:14,543 --> 00:17:16,710 - [chomps] YEAH, UH, MMM. 422 00:17:16,710 --> 00:17:20,476 - ME! THERE'S TRACES OF MY DNA IN EVERY SAMPLE. 423 00:17:20,476 --> 00:17:22,376 - WADSKA, THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. 424 00:17:22,376 --> 00:17:27,376 - I ALWAYS SUSPECTED I WAS SOME SORT OF TIME-TRAVELING LOTHARIO. 425 00:17:27,376 --> 00:17:29,110 THIS CASE IS... 426 00:17:29,110 --> 00:17:30,376 CLOSED. 427 00:17:32,776 --> 00:17:34,176 CHEAP-ASS BATTERIES. 428 00:17:34,176 --> 00:17:37,210 * YEAH! * 429 00:17:38,710 --> 00:17:42,143 - I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU ABOUT YOUR FATHER A LONG TIME AGO. 430 00:17:42,143 --> 00:17:45,510 YOUR FATHER WAS PART OF A POWERFUL FAMILY. 431 00:17:45,510 --> 00:17:46,643 - THE MOB? 432 00:17:46,643 --> 00:17:48,676 - HE DIDN'T LIKE TO SAY, BUT YEAH. 433 00:17:48,676 --> 00:17:51,643 ANYWAY, YOUR FATHER WAS WHAT THEY CALL A CLEANER. 434 00:17:51,643 --> 00:17:53,476 [car explodes] 435 00:17:53,476 --> 00:17:54,876 - HE GOT RID OF BODIES? 436 00:17:54,876 --> 00:17:58,010 NO! IT WAS MOSTLY CUSTODIAL. 437 00:17:58,010 --> 00:17:59,676 [vacuum cleaner runs] - WHOA. 438 00:17:59,676 --> 00:18:01,343 all: [giggle] - AND NO, THERE WEREN'T ANY 439 00:18:01,343 --> 00:18:03,710 TOPLESS MAIDS THERE, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. 440 00:18:03,710 --> 00:18:07,143 ANYWAY, HE SAW SOME THINGS THAT HE SHOULDN'T HAVE SEEN. 441 00:18:11,643 --> 00:18:14,276 AND AFTER THAT, HIS LIFE WAS IN DANGER. 442 00:18:14,276 --> 00:18:16,510 [beeps] [explosion] 443 00:18:16,510 --> 00:18:17,643 - BALLS. 444 00:18:17,643 --> 00:18:19,743 - SINCE I WAS PREGNANT, HE WENT INTO HIDING, 445 00:18:19,743 --> 00:18:21,643 AND I SPENT THE SUMMER IN THE NICEST, 446 00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:23,776 SAFEST PLACE I COULD THINK OF-- 447 00:18:23,776 --> 00:18:25,743 ORLANDO, FLORIDA. 448 00:18:25,743 --> 00:18:29,776 OH, HE'S NOT YOUR DAD, BUT I DID SMUSH THE HELL OUTTA THAT DUCK. 449 00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:33,310 AT THE END OF THE SUMMER, I WENT BACK TO JERSEY, 450 00:18:33,310 --> 00:18:37,110 WHERE I HAD YOU, THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. 451 00:18:37,110 --> 00:18:39,443 NOW COME ON, LET'S GET BACK INSIDE. 452 00:18:39,443 --> 00:18:41,310 YOUR PLAN MAY HAVE BEEN STUPID, 453 00:18:41,310 --> 00:18:43,010 BUT IT DID SHOW ME THAT GUYS WILL STILL 454 00:18:43,010 --> 00:18:46,810 TRAVEL ACROSS THE WORLD FOR A LITTLE SLICE OF THIS. 455 00:18:46,810 --> 00:18:47,776 [glasses clink] 456 00:18:48,943 --> 00:18:50,210 [buttons rip] - OY. 457 00:18:50,210 --> 00:18:53,110 - WHAT EXACTLY DID YOU PROMISE THOSE GUYS ANYWAY? 458 00:18:53,110 --> 00:18:56,643 [synthesizer music] I AM JAG, AND THIS IS... 459 00:18:56,643 --> 00:18:57,876 ABBA-ORTION! 460 00:18:57,876 --> 00:19:01,910 [pop music]] 461 00:19:01,910 --> 00:19:08,710 - * GOT MY LADIES HERE WITH ME AND WE'RE GONNA SET IT OFF * 462 00:19:08,710 --> 00:19:11,776 * A MILF, A GILF, AND A FUTURE SKANK, * 463 00:19:11,776 --> 00:19:15,943 * AND WHATEVER MS. TEETS IS CALLED * 464 00:19:15,943 --> 00:19:18,376 - * I'M A B.B. DUBZ WHO'S D.T.F. * 465 00:19:18,376 --> 00:19:21,743 * THAT STANDS FOR BIG-BONED WOMAN WHO'S DOWN TO [bleep] * 466 00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:23,110 - OKAY. 467 00:19:23,110 --> 00:19:29,576 all: * SO RAISE A GLASS AND BABY GET SOME ASS * 468 00:19:29,576 --> 00:19:36,310 - * I'M GONNA GET SUPER DRUNK AND PASS OUT BEHIND THE STAGE * 469 00:19:36,310 --> 00:19:39,510 * IF ANY LADIES WANT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE * 470 00:19:39,510 --> 00:19:43,543 * OF A BOY THAT'S UNDERAGE * 471 00:19:43,543 --> 00:19:46,510 * I'D SAY THAT YOU'RE ON THIN ICE, MISTER * 472 00:19:46,510 --> 00:19:49,210 * IF I WASN'T GONNA PASS OUT FIRST * 473 00:19:49,210 --> 00:19:50,476 - AWESOME! 474 00:19:50,476 --> 00:19:57,376 all: * SO RAISE A GLASS AND BABY GET SOME ASS * 475 00:19:57,376 --> 00:19:59,110 - * WE CAME HERE FOR A BRANDO BANG * 476 00:19:59,110 --> 00:20:01,076 * WE'LL SETTLE FOR SOME TEETS AND TANG * 477 00:20:01,076 --> 00:20:02,843 - OH, IT'S ON. - YEAH. 478 00:20:02,843 --> 00:20:04,543 * * 479 00:20:04,543 --> 00:20:11,610 all: * SO RAISE A GLASS AND BABY GET SOME ASS * 480 00:20:11,610 --> 00:20:18,443 * SO RAISE A GLASS AND BABY GET SOME ASS * 481 00:20:18,443 --> 00:20:25,443 * SO RAISE A GLASS AND BABY GET SOME ASS * 482 00:20:25,443 --> 00:20:27,576 - SO GO GETCHA SOME. 483 00:20:29,110 --> 00:20:32,076 - * I'D LOVE TO TEACH HIM HOW TO GROW UP * 484 00:20:32,076 --> 00:20:39,010 * TO SPANK IT, OR CRANK IT, OR PEE STANDING UP * 485 00:20:39,010 --> 00:20:40,543 [chomp] 486 00:20:40,543 --> 00:20:44,643 * OH! *