1 00:00:03,043 --> 00:00:04,243 [seagull squawks] 2 00:00:04,243 --> 00:00:07,143 - DUDE, PUBE CITY COME ALIVE! 3 00:00:07,143 --> 00:00:09,276 WHAT ONCE WAS A ONE-HAIR TOWN, HAS BLOSSOMED 4 00:00:09,276 --> 00:00:12,143 INTO A BUSTLING CURLY METROPOLIS. 5 00:00:12,143 --> 00:00:14,376 - I'M STILL MAYOR OF PEACHFUZZ VILLAGE. 6 00:00:14,376 --> 00:00:15,976 NOT EVEN A CHEST HAIR, NOTHING! 7 00:00:15,976 --> 00:00:18,476 I MEAN, I'M ALMOST 16. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? 8 00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:20,443 - AH, NO WORRIES, BRO-- IT'LL ALL HAPPEN. 9 00:00:20,443 --> 00:00:21,843 - I THINK IT'S GENETIC. 10 00:00:21,843 --> 00:00:24,610 I SAW MY MOM NAKED, AND SHE'S COMPLETELY HAIRLESS. 11 00:00:24,610 --> 00:00:26,443 [pop] 12 00:00:26,443 --> 00:00:29,443 [pop rock music] 13 00:00:29,443 --> 00:00:37,376 * * 14 00:00:49,576 --> 00:00:52,543 [school bell rings] 15 00:00:52,543 --> 00:00:57,443 [laughter] 16 00:00:57,443 --> 00:00:59,543 - THE NEW KID JUST ATE MY DUCK BUTTER! 17 00:00:59,543 --> 00:01:00,843 [laughter] 18 00:01:00,843 --> 00:01:03,576 - I FINALLY FOUND A BUTTER I DIDN'T LIKE. 19 00:01:03,576 --> 00:01:05,110 WHAT KIND OF WORLD IS THIS? 20 00:01:05,110 --> 00:01:07,676 TURK GETS JEENA, AND I GET A BUTT-CAKE. 21 00:01:07,676 --> 00:01:09,276 - HUSH UP, YOU LITTLE SEX-OFFENDERS. 22 00:01:09,276 --> 00:01:12,276 TODAY I'LL BE TEACHING THE HISTORY OF THE BREAST. 23 00:01:12,276 --> 00:01:13,410 both: HUH? 24 00:01:13,410 --> 00:01:15,310 - KIDS, PUT ON YOUR 3-D GLASSES. 25 00:01:15,310 --> 00:01:16,810 [light clicks] 26 00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:18,110 HERE WE HAVE 27 00:01:18,110 --> 00:01:19,943 A PERFECT SET OF 18-YEAR-OLD BREASTS. 28 00:01:19,943 --> 00:01:22,976 [kisses, gasps, moans] 29 00:01:22,976 --> 00:01:25,110 - [rhythmic grunting] 30 00:01:25,110 --> 00:01:26,476 - BUT IF WE GO BACK INTO TIMES, 31 00:01:26,476 --> 00:01:28,943 BREASTS WEREN'T ALWAYS THAT PLUMP AND HAIRLESS. 32 00:01:28,943 --> 00:01:30,676 [revolted shouts] 33 00:01:30,676 --> 00:01:33,543 - OH, YES! SO PRIMAL! 34 00:01:33,543 --> 00:01:36,343 - PRIOR TO MODERN SCIENCE, THERE WERE MANY OUTLANDISH MYTHS 35 00:01:36,343 --> 00:01:38,110 ABOUT THE ORIGIN OF THE BREAST. 36 00:01:38,110 --> 00:01:40,843 THERE WAS THE THEORY OF A SINGLE-BOOB ORGANISM 37 00:01:40,843 --> 00:01:45,110 THAT FIRST CRAWLED UP THROUGH THE PRIMORDIAL OOZES. 38 00:01:45,110 --> 00:01:46,543 - [grunts] 39 00:01:46,543 --> 00:01:48,743 - THEN THERE'S THE MORE CREATIONIST THEORY. 40 00:01:48,743 --> 00:01:50,676 - PROCREATE! 41 00:01:50,676 --> 00:01:53,243 - [yawns] 42 00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:54,410 [thunderclap, popping] 43 00:01:54,410 --> 00:01:56,910 MMM! LET'S DO THIS. 44 00:01:56,910 --> 00:01:58,476 - AND THE ANCIENT BOOBANESIANS, 45 00:01:58,476 --> 00:02:01,343 ANCESTORS TO THE MODERN-DAY BREASTAFARIANS. 46 00:02:01,343 --> 00:02:03,976 THEY BELIEVED IN AN ALL-POWERFUL FERTILITY GODDESS 47 00:02:03,976 --> 00:02:05,976 BY THE NAME OF JUGGALOA. 48 00:02:08,376 --> 00:02:10,976 - ALL HAIL JUGGALOA. 49 00:02:10,976 --> 00:02:12,510 - TODAY, WE KNOW, OF COURSE, 50 00:02:12,510 --> 00:02:14,843 THAT FEMALES EVOLVED BREASTS TO PROVIDE SUSTENANCE 51 00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:15,976 TO THEIR OFFSPRING, 52 00:02:15,976 --> 00:02:17,910 AND TO MOTIVATE CHEAP MEN TO BUY DRINKS. 53 00:02:17,910 --> 00:02:19,943 BUT THE BREAST IS NOT ALL TITS AND JIGGLES. 54 00:02:19,943 --> 00:02:22,010 IT CAN ALSO BE A BREEDING GROUND FOR DISEASE. 55 00:02:22,010 --> 00:02:23,676 [radio plays tranquil music] 56 00:02:23,676 --> 00:02:25,843 I'M A BREAST CANCER SURVIVOR. 57 00:02:25,843 --> 00:02:28,576 BUT THANKS TO EARLY DETECTION FROM A MAMMOGRAM, 58 00:02:28,576 --> 00:02:30,276 I HAD A DOUBLE LUMPECTOMY, 59 00:02:30,276 --> 00:02:32,510 WHERE THEY REMOVED ONLY THE CANCEROUS LUMPS. 60 00:02:32,510 --> 00:02:34,510 HERE THEY ARE. [all gasp] 61 00:02:34,510 --> 00:02:36,110 - OH, MY GOD! - [clears throat] 62 00:02:36,110 --> 00:02:37,776 AS PART OF BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH, 63 00:02:37,776 --> 00:02:39,976 I'VE ARRANGED FOR A MAMMOGRAM TRUCK TO BE PARKED 64 00:02:39,976 --> 00:02:40,976 IN FRONT OF THE PIER, AND WE'RE LOOKING 65 00:02:40,976 --> 00:02:42,343 FOR STUDENT VOLUNTEERS. 66 00:02:42,343 --> 00:02:44,643 A NURSE WILL BE CONDUCTING FREE BREAST EXAMS TODAY, 67 00:02:44,643 --> 00:02:46,210 BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 4:00 AND 7:00. 68 00:02:46,210 --> 00:02:48,410 - AND I'LL BE CONDUCTING FREE VAGINA EXAMS 69 00:02:48,410 --> 00:02:51,343 WITH MY PENIS, BETWEEN THE INCHES OF SIX AND NINE. 70 00:02:51,343 --> 00:02:52,610 [snickers] 71 00:02:52,610 --> 00:02:53,876 - UH, DO I NEED A MAMMOGRAM? 72 00:02:53,876 --> 00:02:55,810 I GOT THESE IN BEVERLY HILLS, 73 00:02:55,810 --> 00:02:57,643 AND I DOUBT THEY HAVE CANCER THERE. 74 00:02:57,643 --> 00:02:59,543 - YOU'RE NEVER TOO YOUNG TO GET A BREAST EXAM. 75 00:02:59,543 --> 00:03:01,310 JUST FEEL ON YOUR TITS-- IT'S REALLY SIMPLE. 76 00:03:01,310 --> 00:03:03,376 YOU FEEL FOR LUMPS, BUMPS AND CAMEL HUMPS. 77 00:03:03,376 --> 00:03:04,443 OH, CRUD! 78 00:03:04,443 --> 00:03:05,776 OH, FALSE ALARM. 79 00:03:05,776 --> 00:03:07,110 JUST A CRANBERRY SCONE. 80 00:03:07,110 --> 00:03:08,543 [school bell rings] 81 00:03:08,543 --> 00:03:12,110 - MONDO, YOU THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING? 82 00:03:12,110 --> 00:03:14,610 [techno music plays, distant crowd cheers] 83 00:03:14,610 --> 00:03:17,210 - [sighs] WHO EVER WILL EXAMINE 84 00:03:17,210 --> 00:03:19,810 ALL THESE BREASTS? 85 00:03:19,810 --> 00:03:22,710 * * 86 00:03:22,710 --> 00:03:24,576 - NEXT UP TO BE EXAMINED, 87 00:03:24,576 --> 00:03:25,843 GIVE IT UP FOR... 88 00:03:25,843 --> 00:03:29,810 SINNAMON AND DESTINI! 89 00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:31,576 - WE'VE GOT TO GET IN THAT TRUCK. 90 00:03:31,576 --> 00:03:32,976 - JEENA, WAIT UP! 91 00:03:32,976 --> 00:03:34,310 - OH, HEY, MONDO. 92 00:03:34,310 --> 00:03:36,410 - UH, I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT I REALLY ADMIRE 93 00:03:36,410 --> 00:03:37,876 WHAT YOU'RE DOING FOR BREAST AWARENESS. 94 00:03:37,876 --> 00:03:39,776 YOUR BREASTS HAVE CERTAINLY RAISED MY AWARENESS. 95 00:03:39,776 --> 00:03:41,843 I MEAN, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN AWARE OF BREASTS 96 00:03:41,843 --> 00:03:43,010 EVEN BEFORE I MET YOUR BREASTS, 97 00:03:43,010 --> 00:03:44,743 THOUGH YOU DO HAVE THE BREAST BREASTS-- 98 00:03:44,743 --> 00:03:46,643 I MEAN BEST BREASTS. 99 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:48,410 I MEANT TO SAY THAT YOU ARE THE BEST. 100 00:03:48,410 --> 00:03:50,710 CAN WOODIE AND I VOLUNTEER FOR THE TRUCK? 101 00:03:50,710 --> 00:03:52,110 - [giggles] 102 00:03:52,110 --> 00:03:54,443 THANKS, MONDO, BUT IT WOULDN'T BE APPROPRIATE 103 00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:55,510 FOR GUYS TO BE THERE. 104 00:03:55,510 --> 00:03:56,676 SEE YOU LATER. 105 00:03:56,676 --> 00:03:57,676 - I DON'T BELIEVE IT. 106 00:03:57,676 --> 00:03:58,910 MY PENIS IS PREVENTING ME 107 00:03:58,910 --> 00:04:00,843 FROM DOING THINGS MY PENIS WANTS TO DO. 108 00:04:00,843 --> 00:04:02,010 - YOU'RE RIGHT. 109 00:04:02,010 --> 00:04:03,110 IF WE'RE GOING TO SEE THOSE BOOBS, 110 00:04:03,110 --> 00:04:04,843 THESE PENISES ARE GOING TO HAVE TO GO. 111 00:04:04,843 --> 00:04:06,643 - YEAH! WHAT? 112 00:04:06,643 --> 00:04:09,576 - [scatting] 113 00:04:09,576 --> 00:04:10,743 [slowly inhales] 114 00:04:10,743 --> 00:04:12,310 [exhales] 115 00:04:12,310 --> 00:04:13,376 - HEY, LONNIE, WHAT'S SHAKING? 116 00:04:13,376 --> 00:04:15,543 - GETTING THE GUEST ROOM READY. 117 00:04:15,543 --> 00:04:18,710 MY OLD BUDDY RONNIE IS COMING TO SURF CYPRESS HILL. 118 00:04:18,710 --> 00:04:20,910 [chuckles] WE DO IT EVERY YEAR. 119 00:04:20,910 --> 00:04:23,476 UH, EXCEPT FOR ALL THOSE YEARS WE FORGOT. 120 00:04:23,476 --> 00:04:25,743 HERE WE ARE AT A GRATEFUL DEAD SHOW. 121 00:04:25,743 --> 00:04:27,910 - LONNIE, LOOK AT YOU. WOW! HMM. 122 00:04:27,910 --> 00:04:29,976 - YEAH, TIME HASN'T TOUCHED ME. 123 00:04:29,976 --> 00:04:32,410 MAN, RONNIE AND I HAVE HAD SOME GOOD TIMES. 124 00:04:32,410 --> 00:04:35,143 - * YOU'RE THE BEST FRIEND THAT I EVER HAD * 125 00:04:35,143 --> 00:04:36,210 - [laughs] 126 00:04:36,210 --> 00:04:37,976 [rapid gunfire] 127 00:04:37,976 --> 00:04:40,010 [laughs] 128 00:04:40,010 --> 00:04:41,943 [crowd gasps] 129 00:04:41,943 --> 00:04:44,210 [coughs, laughs] 130 00:04:44,210 --> 00:04:45,843 - OH, MY MOTHER TOOK ME TO THAT SHOW! 131 00:04:45,843 --> 00:04:47,110 BUT, YEAH, WE GOT OUR MONEY BACK 132 00:04:47,110 --> 00:04:49,110 BECAUSE MR. MISTOFFELEES BROKE HIS NECK. 133 00:04:49,110 --> 00:04:51,010 - BOMBDIGGITY! 134 00:04:51,010 --> 00:04:52,143 FOGHAT! 135 00:04:52,143 --> 00:04:53,743 I WAS SAVING THAT FOR LATER! 136 00:04:53,743 --> 00:04:54,910 - [slurping] 137 00:04:54,910 --> 00:04:56,343 [both slurp] 138 00:04:56,343 --> 00:04:57,710 - OKAY, I'M GOING TO GET GOING NOW. 139 00:04:57,710 --> 00:04:59,443 YOU GUYS ENJOY YOUR LUNCH. 140 00:05:02,376 --> 00:05:03,843 - ARE YOU SURE THIS IS GONNA WORK? 141 00:05:03,843 --> 00:05:04,843 - DUDE, I'M TELLING YOU, 142 00:05:04,843 --> 00:05:06,010 IT'S THE PERFECT PLAN. 143 00:05:06,010 --> 00:05:08,643 WE DISGUISE OURSELVES AS WOMEN, VOLUNTEER, 144 00:05:08,643 --> 00:05:11,243 AND WE'RE BACKSTAGE AT BOOBAPALOOZA. 145 00:05:11,243 --> 00:05:12,476 - HEY, LOOK! 146 00:05:12,476 --> 00:05:14,443 - DUDE, WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO SPANK IT. 147 00:05:14,443 --> 00:05:16,376 - NO, MAN, THERE'S WORDS IN HERE. 148 00:05:16,376 --> 00:05:18,643 WORDS WE CAN USE. 149 00:05:18,643 --> 00:05:19,810 [sighs] 150 00:05:19,810 --> 00:05:21,110 - I GUESS WE DID HAVE TIME TO SPANK IT. 151 00:05:21,110 --> 00:05:22,410 - NOW WE CAN FOCUS. 152 00:05:22,410 --> 00:05:26,143 - * NA, NA, DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY * 153 00:05:26,143 --> 00:05:28,610 * NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER... * 154 00:05:28,610 --> 00:05:31,943 * OR WHO YOU GONNA LOVE BY YOUR LOVER * 155 00:05:31,943 --> 00:05:33,143 [both scream] 156 00:05:33,143 --> 00:05:35,643 both: MMM, MM-MM. 157 00:05:35,643 --> 00:05:36,976 - * LOVE IN DISGUISE * 158 00:05:36,976 --> 00:05:38,976 * SHE HAS THE BODY OF A VENUS * 159 00:05:38,976 --> 00:05:40,976 * LORD, IMAGINE MY SURPRISE * 160 00:05:40,976 --> 00:05:45,243 * NA, NA, DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY * 161 00:05:45,243 --> 00:05:47,543 * NA, NA, DUDE * [needle screeches over LP] 162 00:05:47,543 --> 00:05:49,710 - UH-OH. 163 00:05:49,710 --> 00:05:51,410 [air-brush blasts] 164 00:05:51,410 --> 00:05:52,610 - BOMBDIGGITY! 165 00:05:52,610 --> 00:05:55,243 THIS MUST BE MY PROACTIV STARTER KIT. 166 00:05:55,243 --> 00:05:58,776 IT'S THREE SIMPLE STEPS TO SKIN LIKE KATY PERRY. 167 00:05:58,776 --> 00:06:00,343 MUSKOGEE, OKLAHOMA? 168 00:06:00,343 --> 00:06:04,110 LOOKS LIKE WE GOT SOMETHING FROM RONNIE! 169 00:06:04,110 --> 00:06:05,276 AN URN? 170 00:06:05,276 --> 00:06:06,643 ASHES? 171 00:06:06,643 --> 00:06:08,443 "THIS IS YOUR BUD RONNIE." 172 00:06:08,443 --> 00:06:09,710 OH, MY GOD! 173 00:06:09,710 --> 00:06:11,676 RONNIE! NO! 174 00:06:11,676 --> 00:06:14,710 WHY? [sobs] 175 00:06:19,243 --> 00:06:21,110 [both grunt] 176 00:06:21,110 --> 00:06:22,110 - HEY, LESBIANS! 177 00:06:22,110 --> 00:06:23,110 LOOK! 178 00:06:23,110 --> 00:06:24,710 "JAM OUT WITH YOUR CLAM OUT." 179 00:06:24,710 --> 00:06:27,543 CLAM METAPHOR FOR VAGINA-- VERY HUMOROUS. 180 00:06:27,543 --> 00:06:30,176 - [grunts] THESE HEELS ARE TRYING TO KILL ME. 181 00:06:30,176 --> 00:06:32,110 - I THINK I JUST FLOSSED MY BUNGUS. 182 00:06:32,110 --> 00:06:33,776 I CAN'T BELIEVE WOMEN DRESS LIKE THIS. 183 00:06:33,776 --> 00:06:36,676 - I KNOW. SO MUCH WAXING AND PLUCKING. 184 00:06:36,676 --> 00:06:38,643 - GIRLS CARE ABOUT THE WEIRDEST THINGS. 185 00:06:38,643 --> 00:06:39,710 - TOTALLY. 186 00:06:39,710 --> 00:06:41,310 CAN YOU SEE MY CAMEL TOE? 187 00:06:41,310 --> 00:06:44,210 - GET YOUR FREE MAMMIES AND BREAST EXAMMIES RIGHT HERE! 188 00:06:44,210 --> 00:06:45,210 STEP ON UP! 189 00:06:45,210 --> 00:06:46,976 BIG OR SMALL, SAVE THEM ALL! 190 00:06:46,976 --> 00:06:48,176 HEY, LADIES, ARE YOU HERE 191 00:06:48,176 --> 00:06:50,110 FOR A FREE MAMMOGRAM OR BREAST EXAM? 192 00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,143 - NO, WE'RE GOOD. 193 00:06:51,143 --> 00:06:52,343 - BUT WE'RE TOTALLY INTERESTED 194 00:06:52,343 --> 00:06:53,610 IN VOLUNTEERING. 195 00:06:53,610 --> 00:06:54,776 - OH, AWESOME. 196 00:06:54,776 --> 00:06:56,643 WE'RE EXPECTING A HUGE TURNOUT, 197 00:06:56,643 --> 00:06:58,710 AND COULD TOTALLY USE SOME EXTRA HANDS. 198 00:07:00,843 --> 00:07:03,410 WE'VE GOT A COUPLE OF VOLUNTEERS. 199 00:07:03,410 --> 00:07:04,476 - HELLO! 200 00:07:04,476 --> 00:07:06,276 I'M NURSE NACHAMA FINGERMAN, 201 00:07:06,276 --> 00:07:07,910 OF THE TEL AVIV FINGERMANS. 202 00:07:07,910 --> 00:07:09,110 - I'M SCARLETT, 203 00:07:09,110 --> 00:07:12,010 AND THIS IS...SNACKI. 204 00:07:12,010 --> 00:07:14,643 - OKAY, LET'S BLAST SOME LUMPS. 205 00:07:16,876 --> 00:07:19,610 - NOT MY FIRST CHOICE, BUT I'LL TAKE IT. 206 00:07:19,610 --> 00:07:22,143 - WOULD ONE OF YOU MIND HOLDING THE BABIES WHILE I PUMP? 207 00:07:22,143 --> 00:07:24,743 - UM, OKAY. 208 00:07:24,743 --> 00:07:26,876 - SHE HAS TO DRAIN HER BREASTS OF MILK 209 00:07:26,876 --> 00:07:28,810 SO WE CAN GIVE HER AN ACCURATE EXAM. 210 00:07:28,810 --> 00:07:29,876 - GROSS! 211 00:07:29,876 --> 00:07:32,110 I MEAN, BEAUTIFUL. VERY NATURAL. 212 00:07:32,110 --> 00:07:34,810 [both coo] 213 00:07:34,810 --> 00:07:36,143 - OW! 214 00:07:36,143 --> 00:07:39,343 - AW, CUERVO AND PATRON LIKE YOUSE. 215 00:07:39,343 --> 00:07:42,343 [both grunt] 216 00:07:42,343 --> 00:07:43,743 - EVERYTHING FELT GREAT. 217 00:07:43,743 --> 00:07:46,510 BREAST OF LUCK TO YOU AND YOURS. 218 00:07:46,510 --> 00:07:47,843 - WELL, I'M BUMMED TOO, BUDDY, 219 00:07:47,843 --> 00:07:49,443 BUT THE NEXT SET WILL BE GREAT. 220 00:07:49,443 --> 00:07:50,410 I KNOW IT. 221 00:07:50,410 --> 00:07:52,110 - IT'S NOT THAT. 222 00:07:52,110 --> 00:07:54,776 [sniffles] I MISS THOSE LITTLE BAMBINOS. 223 00:07:54,776 --> 00:07:57,110 - RONNIE, RONNIE, RONNIE. 224 00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:59,210 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE GONE, MAN. 225 00:07:59,210 --> 00:08:01,810 [sniffles] NO, YOU KNOW WHAT? 226 00:08:01,810 --> 00:08:04,776 I'M NOT GOING TO LET A LITTLE THING LIKE YOU DYING 227 00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:07,310 GET IN THE WAY OF OUR LAST WEEKEND EVER! 228 00:08:07,310 --> 00:08:09,876 - * WE HAD SOME GOOD DAYS * 229 00:08:09,876 --> 00:08:12,576 * WE HAD SOME BAD TIMES * 230 00:08:12,576 --> 00:08:17,143 * BUT NOTHING REALLY MATTERS NOW AS LONG AS WE'RE TOGETHER * 231 00:08:17,143 --> 00:08:19,943 - HEY, EVERYBODY, THIS IS TANG. 232 00:08:19,943 --> 00:08:21,110 - 0 FOR 2. 233 00:08:21,110 --> 00:08:23,976 - THE CHANGING AREA IS-- OH, MY GOD! 234 00:08:23,976 --> 00:08:25,243 - UH-OH. 235 00:08:25,243 --> 00:08:27,110 - YOU DON'T NEED TO TAKE YOUR DRESS OFF, TANG. 236 00:08:27,110 --> 00:08:28,443 - WHAT'S DONE IS DONE. 237 00:08:28,443 --> 00:08:31,176 - UGH, HER BOOBS LOOK LIKE TUBE SOCKS 238 00:08:31,176 --> 00:08:32,743 FILLED WITH GROUND BEEF. 239 00:08:32,743 --> 00:08:35,176 - HER BUTT LOOKS LIKE DIRTY WAFFLES. 240 00:08:35,176 --> 00:08:37,243 - ALOHA, DARLINGS. 241 00:08:37,243 --> 00:08:38,743 [both panting] 242 00:08:38,743 --> 00:08:41,543 - DUDE, I CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT ALL PRETTY FOR NOTHING. 243 00:08:41,543 --> 00:08:43,343 - YOU'LL FEEL BETTER AFTER WE EAT. 244 00:08:43,343 --> 00:08:45,243 WE HAVE TO HANG ON! 245 00:08:45,243 --> 00:08:48,343 - OH, FACE IT, BRO, MAYBE REAL-LIFE BOOBS 246 00:08:48,343 --> 00:08:49,943 ARE NEVER GOING TO BE AS AWESOME 247 00:08:49,943 --> 00:08:51,943 AS THE ONES WE SEE IN MAGAZINES. 248 00:08:51,943 --> 00:08:54,010 [techno music plays, stops] 249 00:08:58,143 --> 00:08:59,876 - [moaning] 250 00:08:59,876 --> 00:09:01,376 - HAY QUE LINDA! 251 00:09:01,376 --> 00:09:04,743 - ALL HAIL JUGGALOA. 252 00:09:04,743 --> 00:09:05,743 CHECK IT OUT! 253 00:09:05,743 --> 00:09:07,310 IT'S A MIRACLE! 254 00:09:07,310 --> 00:09:10,143 OUR QUEST FOR BREASTS HAS BEEN BLESSED! 255 00:09:10,143 --> 00:09:11,810 - WE GOTTA GET BACK IN THERE! 256 00:09:11,810 --> 00:09:13,776 - * BIM, BOM * 257 00:09:13,776 --> 00:09:15,510 - WHERE ARE ALL THE GIRLS? 258 00:09:15,510 --> 00:09:17,143 - OH, YE OF LITTLE FAITH. 259 00:09:17,143 --> 00:09:19,210 [knocking] TOLD YOU. 260 00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:22,476 - GIVE ME A CARNE ASADA BURRITO, POR FAVOR. 261 00:09:22,476 --> 00:09:25,110 - THE TOOL THINKS THIS IS A TACO TRUCK. 262 00:09:25,110 --> 00:09:26,976 [laughs] SHOULD I TELL HIM? 263 00:09:26,976 --> 00:09:28,543 - AFTER EVERYTHING HE'S DONE TO YOU? 264 00:09:30,876 --> 00:09:32,643 - YOU JUST DRANK MY SNOT ROCKET. 265 00:09:32,643 --> 00:09:33,876 [laughter] 266 00:09:33,876 --> 00:09:35,110 - [yawns] - [flatulence] 267 00:09:35,110 --> 00:09:36,810 YOU JUST ATE MY FART. 268 00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:38,710 [laughter] 269 00:09:38,710 --> 00:09:40,110 - [muffled groan] 270 00:09:40,110 --> 00:09:41,843 - YOU JUST GOT TEA-BAGGED. [laughter] 271 00:09:41,843 --> 00:09:43,576 - ENGLISH BREAKFAST? 272 00:09:43,576 --> 00:09:45,410 I'LL BE UP ALL NIGHT! 273 00:09:48,310 --> 00:09:49,943 [with Spanish accent] HERE YOU GO, SENOR. 274 00:09:49,943 --> 00:09:52,310 EXTRA SOUR CREAMS. 275 00:09:52,310 --> 00:09:53,976 - [gulps] MMM, YEAH. 276 00:09:53,976 --> 00:09:55,576 JUST LIKE MY MOM USED TO MAKE. 277 00:09:55,576 --> 00:09:56,743 - YES! 278 00:09:56,743 --> 00:09:58,576 - DOES ONE OF YOU WANT TO HELP ME DISINFECT 279 00:09:58,576 --> 00:09:59,843 THE MAMMA-TRON 3,000? 280 00:09:59,843 --> 00:10:02,376 - GO FOR IT, DUDE! 281 00:10:02,376 --> 00:10:05,976 - YOU ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL I'VE EVER SEEN. 282 00:10:05,976 --> 00:10:09,476 I MEAN, NEXT TO ME, SWEET CHEEKS. 283 00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:11,810 YOU'RE HOT, BUT YOU AIN'T GOT THE SNACKI CAKES. 284 00:10:11,810 --> 00:10:13,276 [laughter] 285 00:10:13,276 --> 00:10:15,610 - THANKS FOR THE VERY ODD COMPLIMENT. 286 00:10:15,610 --> 00:10:17,976 - SO...YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND? 287 00:10:17,976 --> 00:10:19,576 - YEAH, BUT IT'S NOT THAT SERIOUS. 288 00:10:19,576 --> 00:10:20,843 - THAT'S AWESOME! 289 00:10:20,843 --> 00:10:24,343 I MEAN THAT YOU'RE KEEPING YOUR OPTIONS OPEN, 290 00:10:24,343 --> 00:10:26,610 LIKE, FOR SHORT GUYS, GUYS FROM OUT OF STATE, 291 00:10:26,610 --> 00:10:29,343 GUYS WHO SWIM IN T-SHIRTS, AND THE LIKE. 292 00:10:29,343 --> 00:10:31,410 - YEAH, BUT THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THIS ONE. 293 00:10:31,410 --> 00:10:33,876 I MEAN, HE CAN TOTALLY BE AN ASS. 294 00:10:33,876 --> 00:10:37,143 BUT WHEN WE'RE ALONE, HE DOES THESE CRAZY THINGS 295 00:10:37,143 --> 00:10:39,010 THAT ARE ACTUALLY KIND OF ROMANTIC, 296 00:10:39,010 --> 00:10:40,376 AND MAKE ME LAUGH. 297 00:10:40,376 --> 00:10:43,810 CHECK OUT THIS VIDEO HE SENT ME. 298 00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,610 - YOU LOVE ME, BABE. 299 00:10:45,610 --> 00:10:47,843 - HUH! IRRESISTIBLE! 300 00:10:47,843 --> 00:10:50,143 BUT YOU SHOULD HOLD OUT FOR A GUY WHO'LL PEE 301 00:10:50,143 --> 00:10:51,576 "I HEART YOU." 302 00:10:51,576 --> 00:10:52,910 OR NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT, 303 00:10:52,910 --> 00:10:55,343 A VIDEO WITHOUT URINE IN IT AT ALL. 304 00:10:55,343 --> 00:10:56,543 - SNACKI! 305 00:10:56,543 --> 00:10:58,976 - UH, WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME ONE LITTLE MOMENT? 306 00:10:58,976 --> 00:11:00,210 [grunts] 307 00:11:00,210 --> 00:11:01,610 - WHERE IS SHE? - WHERE'S WHO? 308 00:11:01,610 --> 00:11:02,776 - OH, NO. 309 00:11:02,776 --> 00:11:04,643 DUDE, YOU GAVE TURK THE SACRED TORTILLA! 310 00:11:04,643 --> 00:11:06,743 JUGGALOA WILL CURSE US FOR SURE! 311 00:11:06,743 --> 00:11:09,210 - COME ON, YOU DON'T REALLY BELIEVE THAT, DO YOU? 312 00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:10,443 - I HAVE TO SAY, JEENA, 313 00:11:10,443 --> 00:11:12,610 THOSE WERE THE HEALTHIEST, MOST SUPPLE BOSOMS 314 00:11:12,610 --> 00:11:15,210 I'VE EVER HAD THE PLEASURE OF EXAMINING. 315 00:11:15,210 --> 00:11:17,110 - NO! 316 00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:18,943 JUGGALOA! 317 00:11:18,943 --> 00:11:21,710 WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME? 318 00:11:21,710 --> 00:11:25,643 I MEAN, HIGH-FIVE, GIRLFRIEND. 319 00:11:27,943 --> 00:11:30,943 - UH, IT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR ANGERING THE GODS. 320 00:11:30,943 --> 00:11:32,410 OH, NO! 321 00:11:32,410 --> 00:11:33,810 - OH, YES. 322 00:11:33,810 --> 00:11:36,110 I'M GOING TO SEE YOUR SISTER'S RACK OF LAMB. 323 00:11:36,110 --> 00:11:37,610 - OVER MY DEAD BODY! 324 00:11:37,610 --> 00:11:39,976 - WOULD IT BE EASIER IF I TOOK MY IMPLANTS OUT? 325 00:11:39,976 --> 00:11:41,110 I HAD ZIPPERS PUT IN, 326 00:11:41,110 --> 00:11:43,010 SO I CAN SWAP OUT DIFFERENT SIZES. 327 00:11:43,010 --> 00:11:44,143 [zipper rasps] 328 00:11:44,143 --> 00:11:45,976 THESE ARE MY 34Bs. 329 00:11:45,976 --> 00:11:47,643 MY GO-TO SIZE IS DDs, 330 00:11:47,643 --> 00:11:49,343 BUT I'M GOING TRAMPOLINING LATER, 331 00:11:49,343 --> 00:11:51,476 AND THE BIG GUNS GIVE ME BLACK EYES. 332 00:11:51,476 --> 00:11:52,776 - COME ON, MAN! 333 00:11:52,776 --> 00:11:54,610 AT LEAST LET ME SEE THE IMPLANT. 334 00:11:54,610 --> 00:11:55,843 - NO WAY! 335 00:11:55,843 --> 00:11:57,743 IT'S A VIOLATION OF BUDDY RULE NUMBER ONE-- 336 00:11:57,743 --> 00:11:59,810 "NO OGLING OF, OR SPANKING IT TO 337 00:11:59,810 --> 00:12:01,610 YOUR BEST FRIEND'S FAMILY MEMBERS." 338 00:12:01,610 --> 00:12:03,310 - HI, IS THERE ROOM FOR ME, LADIES? 339 00:12:03,310 --> 00:12:05,143 [gasps] [tape ripping] 340 00:12:05,143 --> 00:12:06,976 - COME ON IN. THE MORE THE MERRIER. 341 00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:09,610 - WHAT HAPPENED TO BUDDY RULE NUMBER ONE? 342 00:12:09,610 --> 00:12:11,376 - MOVEMENT TO AMEND RULE NUMBER ONE. 343 00:12:11,376 --> 00:12:12,576 - MOVEMENT DENIED. - [screams] 344 00:12:12,576 --> 00:12:14,543 - YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF. 345 00:12:14,543 --> 00:12:16,143 [both grunting] 346 00:12:16,143 --> 00:12:19,143 OOH! WHAT FULSOME BOSOMS! 347 00:12:19,143 --> 00:12:20,710 - I'M SO LUCKY THEY'VE HELD UP. 348 00:12:20,710 --> 00:12:22,943 MY SON MONDO NURSED TILL HE WAS FIVE. 349 00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:24,776 ALMOST RUINED MY NIPS. 350 00:12:24,776 --> 00:12:25,810 HE SUCKED SO HARD, 351 00:12:25,810 --> 00:12:27,410 THEY LOOKED LIKE CHEWED BUBBLE GUM 352 00:12:27,410 --> 00:12:28,443 STUCK TO A BALLOON. 353 00:12:28,443 --> 00:12:29,843 - UGH. 354 00:12:29,843 --> 00:12:31,776 - ALL RIGHT, EVERYTHING LOOKS PEACHY. 355 00:12:33,310 --> 00:12:34,876 - GIVE IT UP, MAN. 356 00:12:34,876 --> 00:12:37,110 - I GUESS QUEEN JUGGALOA HAS DONE HER WORST. 357 00:12:37,110 --> 00:12:39,643 [booming footsteps] 358 00:12:43,443 --> 00:12:44,676 - IT'S SO ROCKIN' IN HERE, 359 00:12:44,676 --> 00:12:46,776 YOU'D THINK CARRIE UNDERWOOD WAS PERFORMING. 360 00:12:46,776 --> 00:12:47,943 UH, HELLO, BABSTER. 361 00:12:47,943 --> 00:12:49,710 CHECK IT-- WE HAVE THE SAME BRAS. 362 00:12:49,710 --> 00:12:50,943 SHAZAM! 363 00:12:50,943 --> 00:12:52,710 - WE'RE BEING PUNISHED. 364 00:12:52,710 --> 00:12:54,376 both: WHOA! 365 00:12:54,376 --> 00:12:57,210 - HELLO, GENTLEMEN. both: WADSKA? 366 00:12:57,210 --> 00:13:00,143 - I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE SOME HOOTERS! 367 00:13:00,143 --> 00:13:01,310 - OH, DARN IT! 368 00:13:01,310 --> 00:13:03,143 DOES ANYBODY HAVE AN EXTRA MAXI PAD? 369 00:13:03,143 --> 00:13:05,476 I FORGET OT PUT ONE IN MY FANNY PACK THIS MORNING. 370 00:13:05,476 --> 00:13:06,776 - OH, I'M MENSTRUATING TOO. 371 00:13:06,776 --> 00:13:08,143 I CAN LOAN YOU A TAMPY. 372 00:13:08,143 --> 00:13:10,143 BUT I ONLY HAVE THE KIND YOU INSERT WITH YOUR FINGER, 373 00:13:10,143 --> 00:13:11,910 TO REDUCE YOUR CARBON FOOTPRINT. 374 00:13:11,910 --> 00:13:13,543 IT'S NOT RIGHT TO LEAVE THOSE PLASTIC APPLICATORS AROUND 375 00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:15,743 FOR OUR CHILDREN. 376 00:13:15,743 --> 00:13:17,743 - I'VE BEEN GIVING THE NEW SPORTS TAMPONS A WHIRL, 377 00:13:17,743 --> 00:13:21,110 BUT I DON'T HAVE AN EXTRA, SORRY. 378 00:13:21,110 --> 00:13:22,943 - OH, TAMPONS ARE A NO-GO. 379 00:13:22,943 --> 00:13:25,010 I DON'T LIKE ANYTHING GOING INSIDE ME 380 00:13:25,010 --> 00:13:26,376 SINCE MORTY DIED. 381 00:13:26,376 --> 00:13:27,810 WH--WHAT DO YOU GIRLS USE? 382 00:13:27,810 --> 00:13:30,843 - UH, YOU KNOW, I JUST ROLL UP SOME NEWSPAPER. 383 00:13:30,843 --> 00:13:33,310 - UH, OLD PIZZA CRUST FOR ME. 384 00:13:33,310 --> 00:13:35,443 - [loud flatulence] 385 00:13:35,443 --> 00:13:37,476 OOPS, SORRY, I BLARTED. 386 00:13:37,476 --> 00:13:39,976 I GET THE WORST GAS WHEN FLO-RIDA'S IN THE HEEZY. 387 00:13:39,976 --> 00:13:41,210 CAN I GET A "WOO, WOO"? 388 00:13:41,210 --> 00:13:42,610 - I HEAR YA, SISTER. 389 00:13:42,610 --> 00:13:44,110 - THIS TRUCK SUCKS. 390 00:13:44,110 --> 00:13:45,776 I'M OUTIE. 391 00:13:45,776 --> 00:13:51,110 - [in slow motion] OH, NO! 392 00:13:51,110 --> 00:13:53,876 - DUDE, WE SHOULD HAVE BAILED AFTER THE "BLART." 393 00:13:56,576 --> 00:13:57,710 - WELL, OLD FRIEND... [sniffles] 394 00:13:57,710 --> 00:13:59,810 WE ALWAYS SAID THAT IF ONE OF US 395 00:13:59,810 --> 00:14:01,910 WERE TO BREAK ON THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE, 396 00:14:01,910 --> 00:14:05,676 THE OTHER WOULD MAKE SURE HE WENT OUT IN A BLAZE OF GLORY. 397 00:14:09,510 --> 00:14:11,376 [strong inhale] 398 00:14:11,376 --> 00:14:13,010 - HEY, I'VE GOT AN IDEA. 399 00:14:13,010 --> 00:14:15,976 LET'S NOT VOLUNTEER FOR THE PAP SMEAR BUS. 400 00:14:15,976 --> 00:14:17,576 - THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE. 401 00:14:17,576 --> 00:14:19,143 - LET'S STICK TO WATCHING BOOBS 402 00:14:19,143 --> 00:14:22,243 IN THEIR NATURAL HABITAT-- THE INTERNET. 403 00:14:22,243 --> 00:14:23,943 UH-OH. UH-OH. 404 00:14:23,943 --> 00:14:25,376 OH--OH, NO! 405 00:14:25,376 --> 00:14:27,110 - WHAT? - I'VE... 406 00:14:27,110 --> 00:14:28,743 GOT A LUMP! 407 00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:30,443 I CAN'T BELIEVE THE TRUCK IS GONE! 408 00:14:30,443 --> 00:14:32,110 THIS IS A NIGHTMARE! 409 00:14:32,110 --> 00:14:33,576 - YOU'VE GOT TO CHILL. 410 00:14:33,576 --> 00:14:35,610 I TOOK ONE OF THESE BROCHURES. 411 00:14:35,610 --> 00:14:39,110 - DUDE, WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO SPANK IT. 412 00:14:39,110 --> 00:14:40,876 - NO, MAN, THERE'S WORDS IN HERE-- 413 00:14:40,876 --> 00:14:42,810 WORDS WE CAN USE. 414 00:14:42,810 --> 00:14:45,443 - [sighs] I GUESS WE DID HAVE TIME TO SPANK IT. 415 00:14:45,443 --> 00:14:47,110 - NOW WE CAN FOCUS. 416 00:14:47,110 --> 00:14:49,443 OKAY, DO YOU HAVE ANY OF THE FOLLOWING SYMPTOMS: 417 00:14:49,443 --> 00:14:51,176 "REDNESS, SWELLING, 418 00:14:51,176 --> 00:14:53,310 SKIN DIMPLING OR PUCKERING, AND DISCHARGE?" 419 00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:54,843 - FROM WHERE? - IT DOESN'T SAY. 420 00:14:54,843 --> 00:14:56,143 - THEN YES! 421 00:14:56,143 --> 00:14:57,576 MM-HMM, UH-HUH, UH-HUH. 422 00:14:57,576 --> 00:15:00,776 WELL, IT COULD EITHER BE A MOSQUITO BITE OR... 423 00:15:00,776 --> 00:15:03,310 STAGE FOUR CANCER! [gasps] 424 00:15:03,310 --> 00:15:05,976 OH, MY GOD! I'M GOING TO DIE! 425 00:15:05,976 --> 00:15:08,776 OR WORSE, I CAN LOSE A MOOB! 426 00:15:08,776 --> 00:15:11,876 WILL YOU STILL LOVE ME IF I ONLY HAVE ONE BOOBIE? 427 00:15:11,876 --> 00:15:13,110 - CALM DOWN, MAN. 428 00:15:13,110 --> 00:15:15,743 I KNOW ONE THING THAT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. 429 00:15:15,743 --> 00:15:16,910 [bubbling] 430 00:15:16,910 --> 00:15:18,310 - ALL I KNOW IS THAT YOU HAVE 431 00:15:18,310 --> 00:15:19,810 TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST. 432 00:15:19,810 --> 00:15:22,376 CHERISH EACH MOMENT LIKE IT'S YOUR LAST. 433 00:15:22,376 --> 00:15:24,476 RONNIE EVEN HAD A BUCKET LIST. 434 00:15:24,476 --> 00:15:26,143 "STAY UP ALL NIGHT. 435 00:15:26,143 --> 00:15:28,910 "TRANSFER OLD ALBUMS TO CASSETTE TAPE. 436 00:15:28,910 --> 00:15:32,176 LIVE FOREVER." [sobs] 437 00:15:32,176 --> 00:15:34,210 HE'D HAVE DONE IT TOO, IF HE HADN'T DIED. 438 00:15:35,676 --> 00:15:38,443 - LONNIE'S STONE-COLD CRAZY. 439 00:15:38,443 --> 00:15:41,110 - BUT HE'S ALSO STONE-COLD RIGHT. 440 00:15:41,110 --> 00:15:42,976 I MEAN, I STILL THINK YOU'RE GONNA SURVIVE, 441 00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:46,876 BUT IT DOES MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT WHAT'S IMPORTANT. 442 00:15:46,876 --> 00:15:49,110 - * THERE'S A FINE LINE BETWEEN * 443 00:15:49,110 --> 00:15:52,143 * LIVING A LIE, AND FEELING ALIVE * 444 00:15:52,143 --> 00:15:54,610 * THERE ARE TIMES THAT I'VE BEEN * 445 00:15:54,610 --> 00:15:57,810 * LISTENING TO THE SOUNDTRACK OF MY LIFE... * 446 00:15:57,810 --> 00:15:59,510 - [imitating plane engine] 447 00:15:59,510 --> 00:16:02,310 - [laughing] 448 00:16:02,310 --> 00:16:05,143 - AND I WANTED TO SAY THAT FROM THE FIRST TIME WE MET. 449 00:16:09,143 --> 00:16:10,610 WE STAYED UP ALL NIGHT. 450 00:16:10,610 --> 00:16:12,943 THAT ONE'S FOR RONNIE. 451 00:16:16,910 --> 00:16:18,543 [keys clicking] 452 00:16:18,543 --> 00:16:19,743 - UGH. 453 00:16:21,110 --> 00:16:22,676 MMM. 454 00:16:22,676 --> 00:16:24,610 - ACTION! - DEAR JEENA-- 455 00:16:24,610 --> 00:16:26,143 - CUT! I DON'T BELIEVE A WORD YOU'RE SAYING. 456 00:16:26,143 --> 00:16:27,243 - SHUT UP! 457 00:16:27,243 --> 00:16:28,643 [sighs] DEER JEENA, 458 00:16:28,643 --> 00:16:30,110 I AM SICK. 459 00:16:30,110 --> 00:16:31,176 - TELL HER IT'S NOT AIDS. 460 00:16:31,176 --> 00:16:32,810 - I GOT THIS! 461 00:16:32,810 --> 00:16:34,110 IT'S NOT AIDS. 462 00:16:34,110 --> 00:16:35,443 JEENA, SHOULD THE WORST HAPPEN, 463 00:16:35,443 --> 00:16:37,643 I WANT TO TELL YOU, YOU'RE SO COOL! 464 00:16:37,643 --> 00:16:40,710 AND I LIKE YOU, I MEAN, LIKE-LIKE YOU-- 465 00:16:40,710 --> 00:16:42,943 AS IN A 2 1/2-YEAR RELATIONSHIP IN HIGH SCHOOL, 466 00:16:42,943 --> 00:16:45,243 THEN WE REEVALUATE THINGS AFTER GRADUATION, 467 00:16:45,243 --> 00:16:47,243 AND THAT FIRST THANKSGIVING HOME FROM COLLEGE 468 00:16:47,243 --> 00:16:49,343 IS KIND OF WEIRD, BUT THEN WE REKINDLE, 469 00:16:49,343 --> 00:16:51,576 AND IT'S EVEN STRONGER THAN BEFORE. 470 00:16:51,576 --> 00:16:53,910 THATKIND OF LIKE. 471 00:16:53,910 --> 00:16:56,310 I KNOW YOU LIKE CRAZY, ROMANTIC VIDEOS. 472 00:16:56,310 --> 00:16:58,976 SO I COME TO YOU IN DANCE. 473 00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:01,143 [imitating echo-effect] DANCE, DANCE, DANCE, DANCE, 474 00:17:01,143 --> 00:17:02,976 DANCE, DANCE, DANCE. 475 00:17:02,976 --> 00:17:05,976 [R&B music] 476 00:17:05,976 --> 00:17:10,976 [rhythmic grunting] 477 00:17:10,976 --> 00:17:15,643 AND I WANTED TO SAY THAT FROM THE FIRST TIME WE MET. 478 00:17:15,643 --> 00:17:17,110 - [chanting] HEAL-A-CHI-CHI, JUGGALOA! 479 00:17:17,110 --> 00:17:19,543 BYE-BYE-LUMPY, JUGGALOA! 480 00:17:19,543 --> 00:17:20,676 - MONDO. - JEENA! 481 00:17:20,676 --> 00:17:21,676 - WHAT'S GOING ON? 482 00:17:21,676 --> 00:17:23,543 - GUYS, SOME PRIVACY, PLEASE? 483 00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:25,443 - OKAY, BUT SOMEBODY'S PAYING ME BACK 484 00:17:25,443 --> 00:17:27,210 FOR THESE LEECHES. 485 00:17:27,210 --> 00:17:28,310 - ARE YOU OKAY? 486 00:17:28,310 --> 00:17:30,210 I SAW YOUR VIDEO WITH THE OTTOMAN. 487 00:17:30,210 --> 00:17:31,243 IS IT SERIOUS? 488 00:17:31,243 --> 00:17:32,610 - VERY SERIOUS. 489 00:17:32,610 --> 00:17:34,110 I MEAN, THE DISEASE IS SERIOUS, 490 00:17:34,110 --> 00:17:35,743 BUT THE OTTOMAN SEX IS JUST CASUAL. 491 00:17:35,743 --> 00:17:37,110 NOT THAT I HAVE CASUAL SEX. 492 00:17:37,110 --> 00:17:38,143 UNLESS YOUWANT TO. 493 00:17:38,143 --> 00:17:39,543 BUT THEN IT WOULDN'T BE CASUAL, 494 00:17:39,543 --> 00:17:41,110 IT WOULD BE MEANINGFUL. 495 00:17:41,110 --> 00:17:43,176 I MIGHT HAVE CANCER. 496 00:17:43,176 --> 00:17:44,576 - OH, MONDO! 497 00:17:44,576 --> 00:17:46,676 - I LOVE YOU TOO. 498 00:17:46,676 --> 00:17:49,110 - UGH. IT SMELLS LIKE THE DALAI LAMA 499 00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:50,276 TOOK A DUMP OUT HERE. 500 00:17:50,276 --> 00:17:52,443 THERE YOU ARE, MY LITTLE TATER TOT. 501 00:17:52,443 --> 00:17:53,576 WHOOP, SORRY. 502 00:17:53,576 --> 00:17:55,176 I DIDN'T MEAN TO MOM-BLOCK. 503 00:17:55,176 --> 00:17:56,576 - I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE. 504 00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,343 [sighs] I THINK I'VE FOUND... 505 00:17:58,343 --> 00:18:00,576 SOME BREAST CANCER. 506 00:18:00,576 --> 00:18:01,676 - WHAT? WHERE? WHERE? 507 00:18:01,676 --> 00:18:04,310 SHOW ME. 508 00:18:04,310 --> 00:18:05,810 WHOOP. THERE WE GO. 509 00:18:05,810 --> 00:18:07,810 SEE? IT'S JUST AN INGROWN HAIR. 510 00:18:07,810 --> 00:18:09,343 CONGRATULATIONS, SWEETIE. 511 00:18:09,343 --> 00:18:12,143 YOU GOT THE FIRST THREAD IN YOUR MAN-SWEATER. 512 00:18:12,143 --> 00:18:13,710 WHAT MADE YOU THINK YOU HAD BREAST CANCER? 513 00:18:13,710 --> 00:18:16,210 - WELL, I GOT A PAMPHLET FROM NURSE FINGERMAN. 514 00:18:16,210 --> 00:18:17,710 LET ME BACK UP. 515 00:18:17,710 --> 00:18:19,510 WOODIE AND I DRESSED UP IN YOUR CLOTHES 516 00:18:19,510 --> 00:18:21,210 TO VOLUNTEER AT THE MAMMOGRAM TRUCK. 517 00:18:21,210 --> 00:18:22,943 WELL, LET ME BACK UP FURTHER. 518 00:18:22,943 --> 00:18:25,410 IT'S NO SECRET THAT I LIKE BOOBS. 519 00:18:25,410 --> 00:18:28,210 - I WONDERED WHY THERE WAS DUCT TAPE ON MY PANTY HOSE. 520 00:18:28,210 --> 00:18:29,510 - YOU WERE SNACKI? 521 00:18:29,510 --> 00:18:31,376 AND YOU WERE SCARLETT? 522 00:18:31,376 --> 00:18:33,276 - WELL, FIDDLE-DEE-DEE. 523 00:18:33,276 --> 00:18:34,810 - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THAT. 524 00:18:34,810 --> 00:18:36,210 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY. 525 00:18:36,210 --> 00:18:37,910 - BUT WE DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING. 526 00:18:37,910 --> 00:18:39,276 - LOOK, I'M GLAD YOU'RE OKAY, 527 00:18:39,276 --> 00:18:41,110 BUT BREAST CANCER IS NOT A JOKE. 528 00:18:41,110 --> 00:18:44,176 - JEENA, I-I JUST REALLY-- 529 00:18:44,176 --> 00:18:45,310 [sighs] 530 00:18:45,310 --> 00:18:46,876 - SHE'S RIGHT, SWEETIE. 531 00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:49,143 BUT I HAVE A FEELING YOU KNOW THAT NOW. 532 00:18:49,143 --> 00:18:51,243 - [sighs] THIS IS GOING TO BE 533 00:18:51,243 --> 00:18:53,143 A HARD ONE TO COME BACK FROM. 534 00:18:53,143 --> 00:18:54,976 - UH-HUH. 535 00:18:54,976 --> 00:18:57,110 BUT, DUDE! YOU GOT A CHEST HAIR! 536 00:18:57,110 --> 00:18:58,576 - I KNOW, RIGHT? 537 00:18:58,576 --> 00:19:00,876 AND HE'S GOT A FRIEND! 538 00:19:00,876 --> 00:19:03,576 - MY LITTLE BOY'S BECOMING A MAN. 539 00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:08,810 - * IT'S EASY TO GET BY * 540 00:19:08,810 --> 00:19:13,010 [knocking on door] * WHEN I DON'T EVEN TRY... * 541 00:19:13,010 --> 00:19:14,410 - OH. HEY, RONNIE'S GHOST. 542 00:19:14,410 --> 00:19:15,410 - [coughs] 543 00:19:15,410 --> 00:19:16,410 - OH, MY GOD! 544 00:19:16,410 --> 00:19:17,843 IT'S REAL RONNIE! 545 00:19:17,843 --> 00:19:20,876 - LONNIE, MAN, YOUR SKIN LOOKS FLAWLESS! 546 00:19:20,876 --> 00:19:22,010 - THANKS, MAN. 547 00:19:22,010 --> 00:19:23,343 I'M ON STEP THREE. 548 00:19:23,343 --> 00:19:26,243 DUDE, I GOT YOUR URN, AND THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD. 549 00:19:26,243 --> 00:19:27,510 SO I SMOKED YOU. 550 00:19:27,510 --> 00:19:28,810 - NO, MAN! 551 00:19:28,810 --> 00:19:31,110 THAT WAS MY STASH! 552 00:19:31,110 --> 00:19:32,976 IT WAS THE ONLY WAY I COULD GET IT HERE. 553 00:19:32,976 --> 00:19:34,776 WE SPOKE TWO DAYS AGO, 554 00:19:34,776 --> 00:19:35,976 AND I TOLD YOU I WAS SENDING 555 00:19:35,976 --> 00:19:37,743 AN URN FILLED WITH WEED, 556 00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:41,276 AND NOT TO MISTAKE IT FOR MY ASHES. 557 00:19:41,276 --> 00:19:42,843 - AH...WHAT? 558 00:19:42,843 --> 00:19:44,343 - I WROTE ON THE CARD, 559 00:19:44,343 --> 00:19:47,176 "THIS IS YOUR BUD, RONNIE." 560 00:19:47,176 --> 00:19:50,276 - OH! I THOUGHT IT SAID, "THIS IS YOUR BUD RONNIE." 561 00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:52,776 [laughter] 562 00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:54,110 BOMBDIGGITY! 563 00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:56,776 - BY THE WAY, YOUR FATHER DIED. 564 00:19:56,776 --> 00:19:59,643 - I'M A SURVIVOR. 565 00:19:59,643 --> 00:20:01,443 - I'M A SURVIVOR. 566 00:20:01,443 --> 00:20:03,176 - I'M A SURVIVOR. 567 00:20:03,176 --> 00:20:04,976 - I'M A SURVIVOR. 568 00:20:04,976 --> 00:20:06,543 - I'M A SURVIVOR TOO. 569 00:20:06,543 --> 00:20:08,876 WELL, NOT AN ACTUAL FOR-REAL SURVIVOR, 570 00:20:08,876 --> 00:20:10,510 BUT A SURVIVOR OF BEING REALLY SCARED 571 00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:11,810 OF HAVING BREAST CANCER. 572 00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:13,710 IT WAS A PIMPLE. 573 00:20:13,710 --> 00:20:17,143 BUT ONE IN EIGHT WOMEN WILL BE DIAGNOSED THIS YEAR. 574 00:20:17,143 --> 00:20:18,210 AND DUDES CAN GET IT TOO. 575 00:20:18,210 --> 00:20:19,810 HERE'S THE THING. 576 00:20:19,810 --> 00:20:23,110 IF YOU CATCH IT EARLY, IT'S LIKE 98% CURABLE! 577 00:20:23,110 --> 00:20:25,976 SO SEE YOUR DOCTOR REGULARLY FOR CHECKUPS. 578 00:20:25,976 --> 00:20:27,776 IT'S THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO 579 00:20:27,776 --> 00:20:30,876 FOR YOUR BREAST FRIENDS. 580 00:20:30,876 --> 00:20:33,343 - CUT! OKAY! PLACES, PEOPLE! 581 00:20:33,343 --> 00:20:36,743 THESE OTTOMANS AREN'T GOING TO HUMP THEMSELVES! 582 00:20:36,743 --> 00:20:39,743 [R&B music] 583 00:20:39,743 --> 00:20:44,843 [rhythmic grunting]