1 00:00:04,043 --> 00:00:07,043 [surf rock music] 2 00:00:07,043 --> 00:00:09,910 - SO WHEN YOU'RE WITH A GIRL, WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE BOOB MOVE? 3 00:00:09,910 --> 00:00:12,876 - OH, I LIKE TO DO THE "COMBINATION LOCK." 4 00:00:12,876 --> 00:00:15,010 RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT... 5 00:00:15,010 --> 00:00:16,076 AND PULL. 6 00:00:16,076 --> 00:00:17,143 - [laughs] 7 00:00:17,143 --> 00:00:18,576 I'M PARTIAL TO THE "PIZZA MAN," 8 00:00:18,576 --> 00:00:21,576 WHERE I LIGHTLY KNEAD THEM LIKE DOUGH AND SAUCE THEM. 9 00:00:21,576 --> 00:00:22,643 - [laughs] 10 00:00:22,643 --> 00:00:24,143 ANOTHER ONE OF MY SIGNATURE MOVES 11 00:00:24,143 --> 00:00:26,543 IS "PUTTING OUT THE CANDLE." [blows] 12 00:00:26,543 --> 00:00:27,843 - [laughs] 13 00:00:27,843 --> 00:00:29,910 AND WHEN THE LADIES WANT SOMETHING MORE ROMANTIC, 14 00:00:29,910 --> 00:00:31,976 I BREAK OUT THE "PLAYFUL KITTEN". 15 00:00:31,976 --> 00:00:34,076 [purrs like a cat] 16 00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:35,776 - [chuckles] 17 00:00:35,776 --> 00:00:37,676 SOMETIMES, WHEN I'M WITH EUROPEAN GIRLS, 18 00:00:37,676 --> 00:00:42,143 I LIKE TO GIVE THEM "THE GERMAN CIGARETTE." 19 00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:43,210 [with German accent] "VE HAVE VAYS 20 00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:46,043 OF MAKING YOU TALK." 21 00:00:46,043 --> 00:00:47,876 - THAT'S THE SCHINDLER'S TITS. 22 00:00:47,876 --> 00:00:49,610 - THOSE SOUND LIKE SOME RIGHTEOUS MOVES 23 00:00:49,610 --> 00:00:52,510 FOR A COUPLE OF MCLOVINS THAT HAVE NEVER ACTUALLY SEEN A PAIR. 24 00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:54,576 [chuckles] YEAH, BUT DON'T FORGET. 25 00:00:54,576 --> 00:00:57,876 THERE'S A HUMAN BEING ATTACHED TO THOSE BREASTS. 26 00:00:57,876 --> 00:01:01,110 AND THAT HUMAN BEING IS LOCO IN THE CABEZA, 27 00:01:01,110 --> 00:01:02,576 'CAUSE SHE'LL STEAL YOUR MONEY, 28 00:01:02,576 --> 00:01:04,176 RIP YOUR HEART OUT, 29 00:01:04,176 --> 00:01:07,743 AND TAKE THOSE CANS TO A TIME-SHARE IN LAKE HAVASU. 30 00:01:07,743 --> 00:01:12,243 [sobbing] SADIE! 31 00:01:12,243 --> 00:01:15,243 [rock music] 32 00:01:15,243 --> 00:01:23,176 * * 33 00:01:37,743 --> 00:01:39,243 - WE LEARN MORE IN THIS CAFETERIA 34 00:01:39,243 --> 00:01:40,843 FROM SOCIAL INTERACTIONS 35 00:01:40,843 --> 00:01:43,276 THAN WE DO IN ANY USELESS BRAINWASHING CLASS. 36 00:01:43,276 --> 00:01:44,710 IGNORE THE BELL, PEOPLE. 37 00:01:44,710 --> 00:01:46,743 DO NOT LET IT CONTROL YOU. 38 00:01:46,743 --> 00:01:47,776 [bell rings] 39 00:01:47,776 --> 00:01:50,110 YOU ARE ALL COGS IN THE MACHINE! 40 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,210 [gulps] 41 00:01:52,210 --> 00:01:54,843 - [whispers] I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THOSE TWO ARE SIBLINGS. 42 00:01:54,843 --> 00:01:57,376 IT'S REALLY STARTING TO MESS WITH MY HEAD. 43 00:01:57,376 --> 00:02:00,143 [groovy music] 44 00:02:00,143 --> 00:02:01,843 - [giggles] STOP, IT TICKLES. 45 00:02:01,843 --> 00:02:02,843 - [shudders] 46 00:02:02,843 --> 00:02:03,843 - HI, GUYS. 47 00:02:03,843 --> 00:02:04,910 - HEY, JEENA. 48 00:02:04,910 --> 00:02:06,276 DID YOU TRY THE CORN DOGS TODAY? 49 00:02:06,276 --> 00:02:08,010 THEY'RE THE BEST THINGS I'VE EVER PUT IN MY MOUTH. 50 00:02:08,010 --> 00:02:09,210 I MEAN, OF THE THINGS I'VE EATEN. 51 00:02:09,210 --> 00:02:10,810 I DON'T JUST PUT THINGS IN MY MOUTH. 52 00:02:10,810 --> 00:02:12,110 LIKE, IF SOMEBODY PUTS SOMETHING IN MY MOUTH 53 00:02:12,110 --> 00:02:13,576 THAT WASN'T FOOD, I'D SPIT IT OUT. 54 00:02:13,576 --> 00:02:14,843 NOT THAT I'M A SPITTER-- 55 00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:16,243 WELL, I'M NOT A SWALLOWER, EITHER, I JUST-- 56 00:02:16,243 --> 00:02:19,143 [sighs] DID YOU SAY YOU TRIED THE CORN DOGS? 57 00:02:19,143 --> 00:02:22,743 - NO, I JUST CHOKED DOWN A SAUSAGE. 58 00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:25,110 [laughter] 59 00:02:25,110 --> 00:02:26,676 - [giggling] 60 00:02:26,676 --> 00:02:29,443 - WELL, I BETTER GO TALK HIM DOWN. 61 00:02:29,443 --> 00:02:32,210 I'M IN CHARGE THIS WEEKEND SINCE OUR PARENTS ARE OUT OF TOWN. 62 00:02:32,210 --> 00:02:34,976 STOP WASHING YOURSELF IN THE DRINKING FOUNTAIN. 63 00:02:34,976 --> 00:02:37,010 - I WILL WHEN THEY INSTALL A BIDET. 64 00:02:37,010 --> 00:02:38,276 - [whispering] DUDE, DID YOU HEAR THAT? 65 00:02:38,276 --> 00:02:40,843 ALL OF MY VIRGINITY-LOSING FANTASIES START WITH, 66 00:02:40,843 --> 00:02:43,243 "MY PARENTS ARE OUT OF TOWN," AND END WITH, 67 00:02:43,243 --> 00:02:45,176 "MONDO, YOU'RE THE BEST LOVER I'VE EVER HAD. 68 00:02:45,176 --> 00:02:46,343 HERE'S A SANDWICH." 69 00:02:46,343 --> 00:02:48,143 I'VE GOT TO GET INTO THAT HOUSE. 70 00:02:48,143 --> 00:02:49,910 - TOO BAD YOU'RE NOT FROM PLANET WADSKA. 71 00:02:49,910 --> 00:02:51,143 HE SPENDS EVERY NIGHT WITH HER. 72 00:02:51,143 --> 00:02:53,376 - THAT'S IT. WADSKA'S THE KEY. 73 00:02:53,376 --> 00:02:57,743 OH, IF YOUR NOSE WEREN'T SO PHALLIC, I'D KISS YOU. 74 00:02:57,743 --> 00:03:00,610 [electrical buzzing] 75 00:03:00,610 --> 00:03:03,543 HEY, WADSKA. IS THAT A TIME MACHINE? 76 00:03:03,543 --> 00:03:05,443 [machine beeping] 77 00:03:05,443 --> 00:03:07,110 [explosion] 78 00:03:07,110 --> 00:03:08,343 - NOPE. 79 00:03:08,343 --> 00:03:11,110 - ANYWAY, WOODIE AND I WERE TALKING, AND WE REALIZED 80 00:03:11,110 --> 00:03:13,276 WE HARDLY EVER HANG OUT WITH YOU OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL. 81 00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:15,410 WE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE AWESOME TO HAVE A SLEEPOVER. 82 00:03:15,410 --> 00:03:17,243 UNFORTUNATELY, MY HOUSE IS BEING, 83 00:03:17,243 --> 00:03:20,343 UH, BUG-BOMBED AND WOODIE'S HOUSE IS-- 84 00:03:20,343 --> 00:03:23,410 - OH, IT'S ON FIRE. - IT'S ON HORRIBLE FIRE. 85 00:03:23,410 --> 00:03:26,510 SO, I'M NOT SURE WHERE WE CAN HAVE IT. 86 00:03:26,510 --> 00:03:29,676 - [laughs] I SEE EXACTLY WHERE THIS IS GOING. 87 00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:30,676 - YOU DO? 88 00:03:30,676 --> 00:03:31,810 - THE SAD, FAT, LITTLE NEW KID 89 00:03:31,810 --> 00:03:33,010 WANTS TO SLEEP OVER AT MY HOUSE 90 00:03:33,010 --> 00:03:35,110 AND GAIN SOME POPULARITY POINTS! 91 00:03:35,110 --> 00:03:36,110 WELL, YOU'RE IN LUCK! 92 00:03:36,110 --> 00:03:37,943 MY PARENTS ARE AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND. 93 00:03:37,943 --> 00:03:39,110 - REALLY? 94 00:03:39,110 --> 00:03:42,110 - YES, WE CAN DO WHATEVER WE WANT TO DO. 95 00:03:42,110 --> 00:03:44,243 UNSPEAKABLE THINGS. 96 00:03:44,243 --> 00:03:45,610 - SOUNDS PERFECT. 97 00:03:45,610 --> 00:03:47,610 - AND A LITTLE CREEPY. - EXCELLENT. 98 00:03:47,610 --> 00:03:49,276 THEN IT'S A THREE-WAY-SLEEP-DATE. 99 00:03:49,276 --> 00:03:50,710 - OR WE CAN CALL IT SOMETHING ELSE. 100 00:03:50,710 --> 00:03:51,710 - OH, FINE. 101 00:03:51,710 --> 00:03:54,876 THEN A THREE-MAN FUN-GASM IT IS! 102 00:03:54,876 --> 00:03:56,710 SEE YOU LATER, GENITALS! 103 00:03:56,710 --> 00:03:58,110 - FOR THE RECORD, 104 00:03:58,110 --> 00:04:00,310 I HAVE NOT AGREED TO PARTICIPATE IN ANY SLEEPOVER. 105 00:04:00,310 --> 00:04:01,943 - DUDE, I NEED YOU TO OCCUPY WADSKA 106 00:04:01,943 --> 00:04:03,410 SO I CAN HANG OUT WITH JEENA. 107 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:06,276 - FINE, I WILL BE YOUR WINGMAN ON TWO CONDITIONS: 108 00:04:06,276 --> 00:04:09,110 ONE, YOU HAVE TO WAX MY BOARD FOR A MONTH. 109 00:04:09,110 --> 00:04:11,776 AND TWO, I GET TO FEEL YOUR CHESTICLES. 110 00:04:11,776 --> 00:04:13,176 IT MAY BE AS CLOSE AS I'M GOING TO GET 111 00:04:13,176 --> 00:04:14,876 TO A GIRL FOR A WHILE AND I WANT TO TRY OUT 112 00:04:14,876 --> 00:04:16,276 SOME NEW MOVES I'VE BEEN WORKING ON. 113 00:04:16,276 --> 00:04:17,976 - ALL RIGHT, FINE. 114 00:04:17,976 --> 00:04:19,510 - PLEASURE DOING BUSINESS WITH YOU. 115 00:04:19,510 --> 00:04:21,176 SLUT. 116 00:04:21,176 --> 00:04:24,610 - AREN'T YOU EXCITED? FIRST SLEEPOVER IN THE NEW TOWN? 117 00:04:24,610 --> 00:04:26,110 - IT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL, MOM. 118 00:04:26,110 --> 00:04:27,310 IT'S JUST WADSKA'S. 119 00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:29,143 - OF COURSE IT IS, MY LITTLE CHERUB. 120 00:04:29,143 --> 00:04:30,276 GOOD LUCK. [chuckles] 121 00:04:30,276 --> 00:04:32,743 WITH JEENA. 122 00:04:32,743 --> 00:04:36,143 - SWEET EVENING, BABS. YOU'RE LOOKING FOXY AS ALWAYS. 123 00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:37,610 - OH, HI, MS. TEETS. 124 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:40,010 - WE'RE NOT IN SCHOOL, SWEETIE. CALL ME VONEETA. 125 00:04:40,010 --> 00:04:41,343 - OKAY, VONEETA. 126 00:04:41,343 --> 00:04:43,476 I'LL HAVE YOUR RENT CHECK FIRST THING ON MONDAY. 127 00:04:43,476 --> 00:04:46,110 THANKS AGAIN FOR GIVING US SUCH A REASONABLE PRICE 128 00:04:46,110 --> 00:04:47,276 ON SUCH A NICE PLACE. 129 00:04:47,276 --> 00:04:48,610 - OH, HUSH YOUR SUCKHOLE, SWEETIE. 130 00:04:48,610 --> 00:04:50,910 US YOUNG, ATTRACTIVE, SEXUALLY PROGRESSIVE WOMEN 131 00:04:50,910 --> 00:04:52,143 HAVE TO LOOK OUT FOR EACH OTHER. 132 00:04:52,143 --> 00:04:53,643 ALL RIGHT. WELL, TA-TA. 133 00:04:53,643 --> 00:04:54,876 BETTER LET YOU GO 134 00:04:54,876 --> 00:04:56,610 AND GET YOUR FREAK-END STARTED, SISTER-GIRL. 135 00:04:56,610 --> 00:04:58,143 - I'M ACTUALLY STAYING IN TONIGHT. 136 00:04:58,143 --> 00:04:59,476 - THAT'S SURPRISING. 137 00:04:59,476 --> 00:05:01,143 YOU'VE GONE OUT THE LAST FOUR FRIDAYS IN A ROW. 138 00:05:01,143 --> 00:05:03,176 THREE IN THAT LITTLE LOW-CUT BLACK DRESS. 139 00:05:03,176 --> 00:05:04,876 I'M GUESSING. 140 00:05:04,876 --> 00:05:06,210 - YEAH, I'M TAKING THE NIGHT OFF. 141 00:05:06,210 --> 00:05:07,610 YOU KNOW, WITH MONDO GONE, 142 00:05:07,610 --> 00:05:09,876 I ACTUALLY HAVE A FIGHTING CHANCE OF CLEANING THIS PLACE. 143 00:05:09,876 --> 00:05:11,543 - MUST BE NICE TO HAVE CHOICES. 144 00:05:11,543 --> 00:05:13,343 FOR ME, FRIDAY NIGHT MEANS RERUNS OF WIFE SWAP 145 00:05:13,343 --> 00:05:14,976 AND A LEAN POCKET. 146 00:05:14,976 --> 00:05:17,243 I DON'T EVEN BOTHER DEFROSTING THEM ANYMORE. 147 00:05:17,243 --> 00:05:18,943 AFTER THAT, I CALL THE COMMUNITY COLLEGE 148 00:05:18,943 --> 00:05:21,310 RADIO STATION AND DEDICATE A CARRIE UNDERWOOD SONG 149 00:05:21,310 --> 00:05:23,976 TO MYSELF, JUST TO PRETEND THERE'S SOMEONE OUT THERE 150 00:05:23,976 --> 00:05:25,443 WHO CARES ABOUT ME. 151 00:05:25,443 --> 00:05:28,710 THEN I CRY INTO MY PILLOW, PASS OUT, AND IF I'M LUCKY, 152 00:05:28,710 --> 00:05:30,843 I WAKE UP, AND IT'S MONDAY. 153 00:05:30,843 --> 00:05:32,776 SO ANYHOO... 154 00:05:32,776 --> 00:05:34,910 - WAIT. YOU KNOW WHAT, VONEETA? 155 00:05:34,910 --> 00:05:37,476 WHY DON'T WE HAVE A GIRLS' NIGHT OUT? 156 00:05:37,476 --> 00:05:38,976 - REALLY? - YEAH. 157 00:05:38,976 --> 00:05:41,510 WE'LL BE LIKE A COUPLE OF SEX IN THE CITY GIRLS. 158 00:05:41,510 --> 00:05:42,610 - OKAY, I'LL GO. 159 00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:44,476 EVERYONE SAYS I'M JUST LIKE SAMANTHA, 160 00:05:44,476 --> 00:05:45,743 BUT WITHOUT THAT MANNISH VOICE. 161 00:05:45,743 --> 00:05:46,943 - HMM, RIGHT. 162 00:05:46,943 --> 00:05:49,476 - OH, FANTASTIC, I'LL WEAR MY "DO ME" MUUMUU. 163 00:05:49,476 --> 00:05:50,710 - GREAT. I WONDER WHAT I SHOULD WEAR. 164 00:05:50,710 --> 00:05:52,010 - THE LOW-CUT BLACK DRESS! 165 00:05:52,010 --> 00:05:54,443 OR SOMETHING ELSE. IT'S ALL REALLY THE SAME TO ME. 166 00:05:54,443 --> 00:05:55,943 BUT WEAR IT. 167 00:05:55,943 --> 00:05:58,210 - I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE ABOUT TO ENTER JEENA'S HOUSE. 168 00:05:58,210 --> 00:06:00,943 SHE SLEEPS HERE. SHE SHOWERS NAKED HERE. 169 00:06:00,943 --> 00:06:01,943 - SHE ALSO POOPS HERE. 170 00:06:01,943 --> 00:06:02,976 - I KNOW! 171 00:06:02,976 --> 00:06:04,110 [doorbell rings] 172 00:06:04,110 --> 00:06:05,110 [door creaks open] 173 00:06:05,110 --> 00:06:07,610 [sinister laughter] 174 00:06:07,610 --> 00:06:10,143 - WELCOME, BEST FRIENDS FROM SCHOOL. 175 00:06:10,143 --> 00:06:11,276 [door slams shut] 176 00:06:11,276 --> 00:06:15,276 THAT WAS THE WIND. [laughs wickedly] 177 00:06:15,276 --> 00:06:16,510 I'LL BE WITH YOU IN A MINUTE. 178 00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:17,876 MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME. 179 00:06:17,876 --> 00:06:19,343 WE HAVE PREMIUM CABLE 180 00:06:19,343 --> 00:06:22,443 AND VARIOUS HETEROSEXUAL MAGAZINES. 181 00:06:22,443 --> 00:06:24,476 [evilly laughs] 182 00:06:24,476 --> 00:06:27,443 [upbeat music] 183 00:06:27,443 --> 00:06:30,276 [dove coos] 184 00:06:30,276 --> 00:06:31,376 NAILED IT! 185 00:06:31,376 --> 00:06:33,176 NOW THAT THE BIRD HAS DIED IN VAIN, 186 00:06:33,176 --> 00:06:36,710 WE CAN COMMENCE THE GREATEST SLEEPOVER OF YOUR LIVES. 187 00:06:36,710 --> 00:06:38,610 - YOU GOT TO ADMIT, HE REALLY COMMITS. 188 00:06:38,610 --> 00:06:41,810 - WE HAVE A LOT TO DO. FOLLOW ME. 189 00:06:41,810 --> 00:06:45,476 WELCOME TO MY BEDROOM, AKA, MR. MAGORIUM'S MASTURBATORIUM. 190 00:06:45,476 --> 00:06:47,910 - I JUST REALIZED I'M NOT SLEEPY. 191 00:06:47,910 --> 00:06:49,110 - I SHOULD TELL YOU I LOST TRACK 192 00:06:49,110 --> 00:06:51,010 OF MY BABY RATTLESNAKE A FEW WEEKS AGO. 193 00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:51,976 I'M PRETTY SURE HE'S DEAD BY NOW, 194 00:06:51,976 --> 00:06:53,310 BUT IF NOT, NO WORRIES. 195 00:06:53,310 --> 00:06:54,810 YOU'LL HAVE THREE HOURS BEFORE YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM 196 00:06:54,810 --> 00:06:57,643 COMPLETELY SHUTS DOWN. 197 00:06:57,643 --> 00:07:01,110 NOW, HERE ARE YOUR BEST FRIEND WALKIE-TALKIES. 198 00:07:01,110 --> 00:07:02,676 PLEASE ONLY USE THESE IN CASE OF EMERGENCY 199 00:07:02,676 --> 00:07:04,710 OR IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT ROOM SOMEONE IS IN. 200 00:07:04,710 --> 00:07:07,810 TONIGHT, I'M GOING TO BLOW YOU BOTH-- 201 00:07:07,810 --> 00:07:08,810 LET ME FINISH-- 202 00:07:08,810 --> 00:07:10,443 AWAY! 203 00:07:10,443 --> 00:07:13,310 I HAVE CREATED A SCHEDULE OF ACTIVITIES TO MAXIMIZE 204 00:07:13,310 --> 00:07:15,710 MAN-ON-MAN-ON-MAN JOY 205 00:07:15,710 --> 00:07:18,343 AND RAISE OUR BEST-FRIENDSHIP TO ANOTHER LEVEL. 206 00:07:18,343 --> 00:07:20,310 - WHAT'S "CHIPMUNKING"? 207 00:07:20,310 --> 00:07:21,476 - PATIENCE. 208 00:07:21,476 --> 00:07:23,476 YOU WILL FIND OUT AT CLOSING CEREMONIES, 209 00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:24,976 IF YOU CAN LAST THAT LONG. 210 00:07:24,976 --> 00:07:26,343 I WILL BE RIGHT BACK. 211 00:07:26,343 --> 00:07:29,310 I'M GOING TO SLIP INTO SOMETHING MORE POWERFUL. 212 00:07:29,310 --> 00:07:30,776 - WHAT'S IN THAT ROOM? - JUST A CLOSET. 213 00:07:30,776 --> 00:07:31,810 [door slams shut] 214 00:07:31,810 --> 00:07:34,410 [locks clicking] 215 00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:36,176 - LOOK, WE MADE HIS HERO WALL. 216 00:07:36,176 --> 00:07:38,343 [suspenseful music] 217 00:07:38,343 --> 00:07:39,543 - THIS ISN'T A HERO WALL. 218 00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:40,876 IT'S A HIT LIST. 219 00:07:40,876 --> 00:07:42,643 WADSKA IS THE MESSENGER OF DEATH, 220 00:07:42,643 --> 00:07:44,010 AND WE'RE NEXT. 221 00:07:44,010 --> 00:07:46,776 - [on walkie-talkie] I'M COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET. 222 00:07:46,776 --> 00:07:49,543 LADIES AND GENTLE-LADIES, 223 00:07:49,543 --> 00:07:51,976 IT IS TIME FOR OUR FIRST ACTIVITY: 224 00:07:51,976 --> 00:07:53,776 PANDORA PAINTBALL! 225 00:07:53,776 --> 00:07:55,610 BUT I ONLY HAVE ONE AVATAR AMP SUIT 226 00:07:55,610 --> 00:07:56,976 AND ONE PAINTBALL GUN. 227 00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:59,843 SO I WILL BE THE HUNTER AND YOU WILL BE MY NA'VI PREY. 228 00:07:59,843 --> 00:08:01,210 RUN! [paintball gunshots] 229 00:08:01,210 --> 00:08:03,710 [rapid gunfire] 230 00:08:03,710 --> 00:08:07,776 - * INTO A CIRCLE WAS NO LIFE * 231 00:08:07,776 --> 00:08:13,343 * I DEFY * 232 00:08:13,343 --> 00:08:17,510 both: * LET THE RAIN FALL DOWN AND WAKE MY DREAMS * 233 00:08:17,510 --> 00:08:21,543 * LET IT WASH AWAY MY SANITY * 234 00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:24,110 - * 'CAUSE I WANNA FEEL THE THUNDER * 235 00:08:24,110 --> 00:08:25,276 * I WANNA SCREAM * 236 00:08:25,276 --> 00:08:26,376 - MONDO? - [screams] 237 00:08:26,376 --> 00:08:27,510 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE? 238 00:08:27,510 --> 00:08:28,910 THIS IS MY BEDROOM. - [clears throat] 239 00:08:28,910 --> 00:08:31,210 SORRY, I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO HIDE. 240 00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:33,710 WADSKA'S RUNNING AROUND WITH A GUN, HUNTING US. 241 00:08:33,710 --> 00:08:35,376 YOU SHOULD PROBABLY TAKE COVER. 242 00:08:35,376 --> 00:08:36,476 - [laughs] I'LL BE SAFE. 243 00:08:36,476 --> 00:08:37,710 HE LOVES HIS SISTER. 244 00:08:37,710 --> 00:08:39,243 [gun clicks] AND HE DON'T WANT TO GET GOT. 245 00:08:39,243 --> 00:08:43,110 - [laughs] 246 00:08:43,110 --> 00:08:45,143 SO WHAT ARE YOU UP TO TONIGHT? 247 00:08:45,143 --> 00:08:46,843 - I HAVE A LOT OF STUDYING TO DO. 248 00:08:46,843 --> 00:08:48,910 - WELL, IF YOU NEED HELP WITH ANYTHING, 249 00:08:48,910 --> 00:08:50,576 I CAN TAKE A BREAK FROM THE SLEEPOVER-- 250 00:08:50,576 --> 00:08:51,576 [doorbell rings] 251 00:08:51,576 --> 00:08:52,576 - WOULD YOU MIND ANSWERING THAT? 252 00:08:52,576 --> 00:08:54,210 - SURELY. 253 00:08:54,210 --> 00:08:57,210 - HEY, BABE. HOW'S THIS FOR ROMANCE? 254 00:08:57,210 --> 00:08:58,210 - [screams] 255 00:08:58,210 --> 00:09:00,210 WHY DO YOU HAVE A ROSE IN YOUR ASS? 256 00:09:00,210 --> 00:09:01,343 - OW! 257 00:09:01,343 --> 00:09:03,710 WHY ARE YOU STARING AT MY ASS, PROP 8? 258 00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:04,943 AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 259 00:09:04,943 --> 00:09:06,110 - UM, UM... 260 00:09:06,110 --> 00:09:08,510 HAVING A SLEEPOVER WITH WADSKA. 261 00:09:08,510 --> 00:09:11,276 - [chuckles] THAT SOUNDS SUPER AWESOME, 262 00:09:11,276 --> 00:09:13,376 IF "AWESOME" MEANT "GAY," 263 00:09:13,376 --> 00:09:16,110 AND "SUPER" MEANT... "SUPER." 264 00:09:16,110 --> 00:09:17,676 WHERE'S JEENA? 265 00:09:17,676 --> 00:09:18,876 - OH, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WANT 266 00:09:18,876 --> 00:09:20,176 TO HANG OUT WITH HER, TONIGHT. 267 00:09:20,176 --> 00:09:22,910 SHE CAUGHT A TERRIBLE... 268 00:09:22,910 --> 00:09:24,810 PERIOD. 269 00:09:24,810 --> 00:09:25,943 - [sniffs] 270 00:09:25,943 --> 00:09:27,976 NICE TRY, CHODE. THAT'S PAINT. 271 00:09:27,976 --> 00:09:29,276 I'LL SHOW YOU SOME BLOOD. 272 00:09:29,276 --> 00:09:31,143 IT'S YOUR FACE'S TIME OF THE MONTH. 273 00:09:31,143 --> 00:09:32,710 - OH, IS THAT FOR ME? 274 00:09:32,710 --> 00:09:33,976 THAT'S SWEET. 275 00:09:33,976 --> 00:09:35,476 THE FIRST ROSE YOU'VE GIVEN ME 276 00:09:35,476 --> 00:09:36,910 THAT DIDN'T COME OUT OF YOUR ASS. 277 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:41,410 BUT DON'T FORGET, THIS IS A STUDY DATE. 278 00:09:41,410 --> 00:09:44,443 - SUCK IT. 279 00:09:44,443 --> 00:09:45,976 - [laughing] 280 00:09:45,976 --> 00:09:48,110 TARGET DESTROYED. 281 00:09:48,110 --> 00:09:49,310 - I FOUND ANOTHER GUN. 282 00:09:49,310 --> 00:09:51,510 [giggles] SORRY. 283 00:09:54,176 --> 00:09:57,643 - [strumming ukulele] 284 00:09:57,643 --> 00:09:59,910 - DAMN, NOT A LOT OF SEX OPTIONS UP IN HERE. 285 00:09:59,910 --> 00:10:01,143 - WHAT ABOUT LONNIE? 286 00:10:01,143 --> 00:10:02,510 - I HAD THAT FOOL. 287 00:10:02,510 --> 00:10:04,776 BUT HE WASN'T QUITE, YOU KNOW, MAN ENOUGH FOR ME. 288 00:10:04,776 --> 00:10:06,476 - WELL, THAT DOESN'T LOOK VERY SMALL. 289 00:10:06,476 --> 00:10:08,210 - OH, MY ARMS ONLY GO THIS CLOSE. 290 00:10:08,210 --> 00:10:09,476 HAVEN'T CLAPPED IN YEARS. 291 00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:11,910 - PUPU PLATTER FOR SIX? 292 00:10:11,910 --> 00:10:13,443 - I SAID FOR EIGHT. WHAT THE EFF? 293 00:10:13,443 --> 00:10:15,443 BUT I GUESS THIS WILL HAVE TO DO. 294 00:10:15,443 --> 00:10:18,243 ALAS, I'M PROBABLY ALWAYS GONNA BE SINGLE. 295 00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:20,276 IT'S NO SECRET WHY. 296 00:10:20,276 --> 00:10:22,476 [belches] HOMEGIRL CAN'T COMMIT. 297 00:10:22,476 --> 00:10:23,543 OH, [bleep]. 298 00:10:23,543 --> 00:10:25,343 I GOT PUPU ON MY "DO ME" MUUMUU. 299 00:10:25,343 --> 00:10:26,476 OH, GOD. 300 00:10:26,476 --> 00:10:28,710 - OH, IT'S JUST A LITTLE STAIN, HONEY. 301 00:10:28,710 --> 00:10:29,710 IT'LL COME OUT. 302 00:10:29,710 --> 00:10:30,776 - OH, IT'S NOT THAT. 303 00:10:30,776 --> 00:10:31,910 WHO AM I KIDDING? 304 00:10:31,910 --> 00:10:34,110 I KNOW IT SEEMS LIKE I'VE GOT IT ALL-- 305 00:10:34,110 --> 00:10:36,510 SEX ED TEACHER, INCOME RENTAL PROPERTY, 306 00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:38,776 KARDASHIAN BOOTY-- 307 00:10:38,776 --> 00:10:40,676 BUT THE TRUTH IS, BABS... 308 00:10:40,676 --> 00:10:42,476 [sobs] I'M VERY LONELY. 309 00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:43,810 - YOU POOR THING. 310 00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,910 YOU KNOW, I'M GOING TO MAKE IT MY PERSONAL QUEST 311 00:10:45,910 --> 00:10:47,876 TO FIND YOU A GOOD GUY TONIGHT. 312 00:10:47,876 --> 00:10:48,876 [shrieks] 313 00:10:48,876 --> 00:10:50,243 - ORDER YOUR OWN, BITCH! 314 00:10:50,243 --> 00:10:52,176 [chuckles] JUST KIDDING. 315 00:10:52,176 --> 00:10:54,343 BUT GET YOUR OWN. 316 00:10:54,343 --> 00:10:56,076 - [groans] 317 00:10:56,076 --> 00:10:57,843 AH. [gasps] 318 00:10:57,843 --> 00:10:58,976 WOODIE, WAKE UP. 319 00:10:58,976 --> 00:11:00,610 - HMM. WHERE ARE WE? 320 00:11:00,610 --> 00:11:01,943 WHAT'S GOING ON? 321 00:11:01,943 --> 00:11:04,910 - HELLO AGAIN, BEST FRIENDS. DON'T BE ALARMED. 322 00:11:04,910 --> 00:11:06,676 I ASSURE YOU ARE BOTH IN POSSESSION 323 00:11:06,676 --> 00:11:08,676 OF YOUR ORIGINAL KIDNEYS AND YOUR UNCONSCIOUS BODIES 324 00:11:08,676 --> 00:11:12,643 WERE NOT VIOLATED BY ANYONE OUTSIDE OF THIS RESIDENCE. 325 00:11:12,643 --> 00:11:15,276 IT IS TIME FOR OUR NEXT ACTIVITY! 326 00:11:15,276 --> 00:11:17,676 SUSPENDED ABOVE EACH-- 327 00:11:17,676 --> 00:11:19,443 [breaking up] DAMN IT! SON OF A-- 328 00:11:19,443 --> 00:11:21,676 THIS FU--THING--BALLS! 329 00:11:21,676 --> 00:11:24,176 EVERY DAMN TIME! UGH! 330 00:11:24,176 --> 00:11:25,643 OKAY, WHERE WAS I? 331 00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:26,643 OH, YEAH. 332 00:11:26,643 --> 00:11:28,210 SUSPENDED ABOVE-- 333 00:11:28,210 --> 00:11:29,276 MOTHER-- 334 00:11:29,276 --> 00:11:31,776 DAMN IT-- PIECE OF-- 335 00:11:31,776 --> 00:11:32,876 [sighs] SUSPENDED ABOVE EACH OF YOU 336 00:11:32,876 --> 00:11:34,476 IS YOUR KEY TO FREEDOM. 337 00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:36,376 HOWEVER, TAKING SAID KEY WILL CAUSE THE TUB 338 00:11:36,376 --> 00:11:38,243 OF POISONOUS SPIDERS, CENTIPEDES, AND WORMS 339 00:11:38,243 --> 00:11:39,543 TO SPILL DOWN ON YOUR COMRADE. 340 00:11:39,543 --> 00:11:41,410 YOU HAVE 60 SECONDS. THAT'S ALL. 341 00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:42,710 [timer beeps] 342 00:11:42,710 --> 00:11:44,510 - WOODIE, YOU KNOW YOU'RE MY BEST BUD AND ALL, 343 00:11:44,510 --> 00:11:47,576 BUT I NEED TO GET TURK OUT OF HERE SO I CAN GET WITH JEENA. 344 00:11:47,576 --> 00:11:50,243 - FINE, BUT IT'S UNLIMITED CHESTICLES, UNDER THE SHIRT, 345 00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:52,843 BARE SKIN TO BARE SKIN. 346 00:11:52,843 --> 00:11:53,910 - DONE. 347 00:11:53,910 --> 00:11:56,143 - YOU HAVE NO SELF-ESTEEM. 348 00:11:56,143 --> 00:11:57,810 [timer beeping] HMM. 349 00:11:57,810 --> 00:12:00,110 I GUESS WADSKA'S-- 350 00:12:00,110 --> 00:12:01,943 [screams] 351 00:12:01,943 --> 00:12:04,376 HOW'D I GET IN A BATHING SUIT? 352 00:12:04,376 --> 00:12:07,276 - JEENA, STOP BEING SUCH A STICK IN THE MUFF. 353 00:12:07,276 --> 00:12:08,776 WE'LL GET TO STUDYING IN A MINUTE. 354 00:12:08,776 --> 00:12:11,276 HEY, I WROTE A SONG FOR YOU. YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT. 355 00:12:11,276 --> 00:12:15,576 * YOU'RE A LUCKY GIRL, YOU GET TO BE WITH ME * 356 00:12:15,576 --> 00:12:19,576 * YOU GOT SOME LUCKY EYES, 'CAUSE IT'S ME THAT YOU SEE * 357 00:12:19,576 --> 00:12:22,876 * MY HAIR, MY ABS, MY RIPPLING PECS * 358 00:12:22,876 --> 00:12:26,676 * THEY'D EVEN MAKE GOD ERECT * 359 00:12:26,676 --> 00:12:29,976 * YOU'RE A LUCKY GIRL, I'D GIVE YOU ME FOR FREE * 360 00:12:29,976 --> 00:12:34,343 * I'M JEALOUS OF YOU, YOU GET TO MAKE LOVE TO ME * 361 00:12:36,610 --> 00:12:38,910 - IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. 362 00:12:38,910 --> 00:12:41,143 HOW AM I GOING TO COMPETE WITH THAT? 363 00:12:41,143 --> 00:12:44,410 UGH! AND WHY AM I SO FAT? 364 00:12:44,410 --> 00:12:47,310 OOH. 365 00:12:48,743 --> 00:12:50,810 - HOW ABOUT THAT GUY? 366 00:12:50,810 --> 00:12:53,210 - PASS. I'LL JUST BE HORNY AN HOUR LATER. 367 00:12:53,210 --> 00:12:54,576 DELICATE WRISTS. 368 00:12:54,576 --> 00:12:56,276 IT'D BE LIKE BOUNCING A HOT DOG DOWN A HALLWAY. 369 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,276 NO, HE'S A FAT PERSON. 370 00:12:58,276 --> 00:13:01,376 - WHAT ABOUT THAT EUROPEAN GUY? 371 00:13:01,376 --> 00:13:03,510 - OH, YO-DEE-LAY-ME-NEVER. 372 00:13:03,510 --> 00:13:04,743 - WELL, HELLO, THERE, WET DREAM. 373 00:13:04,743 --> 00:13:06,610 I SEE YOU'RE ALMOST DONE WITH YOUR DRINK. 374 00:13:06,610 --> 00:13:08,643 HOW ABOUT I GET YOU A FRESHIE? 375 00:13:08,643 --> 00:13:10,376 - MY FRIEND AND I ALWAYS DRINK TOGETHER, 376 00:13:10,376 --> 00:13:12,476 SO MAYBE YOU BOTH COULD JOIN US? 377 00:13:12,476 --> 00:13:14,476 - [munching loudly] 378 00:13:14,476 --> 00:13:15,643 - WHOA, WHOA! GOD, NO. 379 00:13:15,643 --> 00:13:17,010 I-I-I FORGOT THAT I'M GAY. 380 00:13:17,010 --> 00:13:18,976 - UH, ME TOO. 381 00:13:18,976 --> 00:13:23,343 - PROVE IT. 382 00:13:23,343 --> 00:13:25,276 PUT YOUR TONGUES IN EACH OTHER'S MOUTH, BITCHES. 383 00:13:25,276 --> 00:13:28,343 [both groaning] 384 00:13:28,343 --> 00:13:30,543 LOOKS LIKE WE GOT ALL STRIKES, AND NO BALLS. 385 00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:32,176 WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GO BACK TO MY PLACE, 386 00:13:32,176 --> 00:13:35,276 OPEN UP SOME CHERRY WINE, AND TAKE A DIP IN THE HOT TUB? 387 00:13:35,276 --> 00:13:38,110 YOU KNOW HOW TO WORK A HYDRAULIC LIFT, RIGHT? 388 00:13:38,110 --> 00:13:43,743 - HANG ON, BABS BRANDO DOES NOT GIVE UP THAT EASY. 389 00:13:43,743 --> 00:13:45,376 - AH! 390 00:13:45,376 --> 00:13:46,310 AH, THANKS. 391 00:13:46,310 --> 00:13:47,976 - HMM, ROUGH ONE, HUH? 392 00:13:47,976 --> 00:13:49,943 - THEY DON'T HAVE TO SET ME ON FIRE. 393 00:13:49,943 --> 00:13:51,343 THEY COULD JUST SAY, "NO." 394 00:13:51,343 --> 00:13:52,843 OH, WELL. 395 00:13:52,843 --> 00:13:54,610 - HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT COMING HOME 396 00:13:54,610 --> 00:13:58,510 WITH ME AND MY FRIEND? 397 00:13:58,510 --> 00:14:00,176 - SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. 398 00:14:00,176 --> 00:14:05,110 TO GET TO THE PRINCESS, I HAVE TO GO THROUGH BOWSER. 399 00:14:05,110 --> 00:14:07,643 - COME ON, TURK. WE HAVE TO STUDY. 400 00:14:07,643 --> 00:14:09,343 - WE NEED TO BE IN A RELAXED STATE 401 00:14:09,343 --> 00:14:11,443 IN ORDER TO SOAK UP THE INFORMATION. 402 00:14:11,443 --> 00:14:14,676 YOU KNOW, STUDIES SHOW WE SHOULD PROBABLY TAKE OUR SHIRTS OFF. 403 00:14:18,810 --> 00:14:21,110 - AH! 404 00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:22,743 WHOA. WET T-SHIRT CONTEST. 405 00:14:22,743 --> 00:14:24,010 - GROW UP. 406 00:14:24,010 --> 00:14:25,876 LET'S GO TO MY BEDROOM SO I CAN CHANGE. 407 00:14:25,876 --> 00:14:27,143 - [laughs] I'LL RACE YA. 408 00:14:27,143 --> 00:14:30,010 - BALLS. 409 00:14:35,110 --> 00:14:37,376 BALLS. 410 00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:40,943 [leaf blower whirring] 411 00:14:40,943 --> 00:14:44,510 - [gasps] HOW BEAUTIFUL. 412 00:14:44,510 --> 00:14:45,910 - [quietly] BALLS. 413 00:14:52,643 --> 00:14:54,110 - AH! OOF! 414 00:14:54,110 --> 00:14:56,276 - IF YOU SMELL SOMETHING, IT'S NOT ME. 415 00:14:56,276 --> 00:14:58,943 LITTLE SLIPPERY SHRIMP SLIPPED DOWN THERE EARLIER. 416 00:14:58,943 --> 00:15:00,610 - A LITTLE MOOD LIGHTING, 417 00:15:00,610 --> 00:15:03,843 SOME "POUND SOUNDS," AND IF YOU GET HUNGRY... 418 00:15:03,843 --> 00:15:05,843 MY SEX MIX, CHEX MIX. 419 00:15:05,843 --> 00:15:09,243 IT'S GOT CRAISINS. MMM. 420 00:15:09,243 --> 00:15:11,510 - YOU HAD ME AT "POUND SOUNDS." 421 00:15:11,510 --> 00:15:12,576 [imitating cell phone ring] 422 00:15:12,576 --> 00:15:13,843 - OH, IS THAT MY PHONE? 423 00:15:13,843 --> 00:15:15,310 HELLO? OH, MY GOD. 424 00:15:15,310 --> 00:15:17,210 MY SON MONDO IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK? 425 00:15:17,210 --> 00:15:20,243 I SHOULD STOP WHAT I'M DOING NO MATTER HOW EROTIC IT MAY BE? 426 00:15:20,243 --> 00:15:21,243 YEAH, OKAY. 427 00:15:21,243 --> 00:15:23,476 ALL RIGHT, SORRY. I GOTTA GO. 428 00:15:23,476 --> 00:15:24,710 [TV powers on] 429 00:15:24,710 --> 00:15:26,776 - [over TV] I'M GOING TO JERSEY SHORE, BITCH! 430 00:15:26,776 --> 00:15:27,776 - I HOPE HER KID'S OKAY. 431 00:15:27,776 --> 00:15:29,243 OH! 432 00:15:29,243 --> 00:15:31,876 - I THINK WE BOTH ENTERED THIS THREESOME UNDER FALSE PRETENSES. 433 00:15:31,876 --> 00:15:33,343 BUT I DID TAKE A WHOLE FLIGHT OF STAIRS, 434 00:15:33,343 --> 00:15:36,310 AND YOU'RE OUT 36 BUCKS ON DRINKS SO... 435 00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:38,176 [bed creaking] 436 00:15:38,176 --> 00:15:40,276 LET'S DO THIS THING. 437 00:15:40,276 --> 00:15:41,510 - [screams] 438 00:15:41,510 --> 00:15:45,010 - OH, AND YOU SHOULD REALLY HAVE A SAFE WORD. 439 00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:47,743 - AH! 440 00:15:47,743 --> 00:15:49,576 - [sighs] DOES THIS HAVE SOMETHING 441 00:15:49,576 --> 00:15:51,110 TO DO WITH CHIPMUNKING? 442 00:15:51,110 --> 00:15:52,410 - BE PATIENT. 443 00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:53,743 THE TIME WILL COME. 444 00:15:53,743 --> 00:15:54,843 IN THE MEANTIME, HERE. 445 00:15:54,843 --> 00:15:56,376 TAKE YOUR SWORDS. 446 00:15:56,376 --> 00:15:57,676 - NO! 447 00:15:57,676 --> 00:16:00,243 WADSKA, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SUCH A SPAZ? 448 00:16:00,243 --> 00:16:02,976 CAN'T WE JUST WATCH A MOVIE, OR MAKE CRANK CALLS, 449 00:16:02,976 --> 00:16:04,676 OR BREAK INTO YOUR PARENTS' LIQUOR CABINET, 450 00:16:04,676 --> 00:16:08,176 AND STEAL THEIR CAR LIKE OTHER NORMAL TEENAGE KIDS? 451 00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:10,376 - OKAY. WOW. 452 00:16:10,376 --> 00:16:11,910 I MEAN, COULD HAVE DONE ALL THE NORMAL STUFF, 453 00:16:11,910 --> 00:16:13,576 BUT I WANTED TONIGHT TO BE EXTRA SPECIAL. 454 00:16:13,576 --> 00:16:17,110 I PROGRAMMED EVERY EVENT BASED ON YOUR PERSONAL INTERESTS. 455 00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:18,543 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 456 00:16:18,543 --> 00:16:21,110 I GOT SHOT IN THE FACE WITH A PAINTBALL. 457 00:16:21,110 --> 00:16:22,443 - [groans] WHAT AM I TALKING-- 458 00:16:22,443 --> 00:16:24,476 YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE IS AVATAR. 459 00:16:24,476 --> 00:16:27,310 ANYONE CAN WATCH IT! I LET YOU LIVE IT. 460 00:16:27,310 --> 00:16:31,410 SHOT LIKE A NA'VI TRYING TO PROTECT HIS TREE OF SOULS. 461 00:16:31,410 --> 00:16:32,543 AND YOU... 462 00:16:32,543 --> 00:16:35,110 YOUR FAVORITE GORE FRANCHISE IS SAW. 463 00:16:35,110 --> 00:16:37,976 - BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BUCKET FULL OF BUGS AND WORMS? 464 00:16:37,976 --> 00:16:41,676 - THEY'RE GUMMI WORMS. IT'S YOUR FAVORITE CANDY. 465 00:16:41,676 --> 00:16:43,343 - THIS ONE'S SO LIFELIKE. 466 00:16:43,343 --> 00:16:44,843 - I'LL TAKE THAT. THANK YOU. 467 00:16:44,843 --> 00:16:47,143 - WHOA, I GUESS WE MISJUDGED YOU, BRO. 468 00:16:47,143 --> 00:16:50,010 - YEAH, YOU'RE NOT REALLY THAT CREEPY AFTER ALL. 469 00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,476 - ALL I DO... 470 00:16:51,476 --> 00:16:54,976 * I DO FOR YOU * 471 00:16:54,976 --> 00:16:57,176 - AND WE'RE RIGHT BACK TO CREEPY. 472 00:16:57,176 --> 00:16:59,810 - DULY NOTED. 473 00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:01,476 [swords clang] 474 00:17:01,476 --> 00:17:02,876 - WAIT, GUYS. SHUSH. 475 00:17:02,876 --> 00:17:05,010 [passionate moaning] - OH, YEAH! 476 00:17:05,010 --> 00:17:08,510 - EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT. 477 00:17:08,510 --> 00:17:10,643 OH, HA-HA! 478 00:17:10,643 --> 00:17:11,743 - MONDO! 479 00:17:11,743 --> 00:17:12,943 - OH, I'M SORRY. I HEARD SCREAMING. 480 00:17:12,943 --> 00:17:15,943 I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU WERE IN DANGER, SO I... 481 00:17:15,943 --> 00:17:18,843 SHOT YOU WITH PAINTBALLS. 482 00:17:18,843 --> 00:17:19,910 WHERE IS TURK? 483 00:17:19,910 --> 00:17:21,543 - HE LEFT A WHILE AGO. 484 00:17:21,543 --> 00:17:23,343 HE DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO STUDY. 485 00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:25,410 HE DIDN'T EVEN BRING ANY BOOKS. 486 00:17:25,410 --> 00:17:27,543 ONLY THIS PORN VIDEO. 487 00:17:27,543 --> 00:17:29,510 I'VE NEVER SEEN ONE OF THESE BEFORE. 488 00:17:29,510 --> 00:17:30,610 HAVE YOU? 489 00:17:30,610 --> 00:17:32,143 - UH, NO. NOT REALLY. 490 00:17:32,143 --> 00:17:33,543 WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE I'VE NEVER SEEN ONE. 491 00:17:33,543 --> 00:17:34,910 I'VE WATCHED ONE FOR, LIKE, A MINUTE. 492 00:17:34,910 --> 00:17:36,110 WELL, I MEAN, I WATCHED MORE THAN A MINUTE. 493 00:17:36,110 --> 00:17:37,543 I CAN WATCH FOR HOURS SOMETIMES. 494 00:17:37,543 --> 00:17:39,110 UH, I DON'T MEAN I WATCH PORN FOR HOURS. 495 00:17:39,110 --> 00:17:40,510 YOU'RE TWISTING MY WORDS. 496 00:17:40,510 --> 00:17:41,810 - [giggles] 497 00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:44,110 I JUST WANTED TO SEE WHAT THE BIG FUSS WAS ABOUT. 498 00:17:44,110 --> 00:17:46,910 BUT I FEEL LIKE A PERV WATCHING IT ALONE. 499 00:17:46,910 --> 00:17:49,110 DO YOU WANNA WATCH WITH ME? 500 00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:52,176 - AH, YEAH. SURE. 501 00:17:52,176 --> 00:17:54,443 [animalistic moaning] GROSS. 502 00:17:54,443 --> 00:17:55,910 THERE'S NO STORY WHATSOEVER. 503 00:17:55,910 --> 00:17:57,110 THEY'RE JUST GOING FOR SHOCK VALUE. 504 00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:58,443 - OH, NO. I PAUSED IT. 505 00:17:58,443 --> 00:18:00,210 THIS IS FAMILY GUY. 506 00:18:00,210 --> 00:18:03,376 [groovy music] 507 00:18:03,376 --> 00:18:04,876 RELAX. 508 00:18:04,876 --> 00:18:10,210 COME UP HERE. 509 00:18:10,210 --> 00:18:12,110 - [laughs nervously] OOPSIE. 510 00:18:15,976 --> 00:18:17,943 - ARE YOU ENJOYING THIS? 511 00:18:17,943 --> 00:18:20,110 - YES. I MEAN, NO. 512 00:18:20,110 --> 00:18:21,610 OF COURSE NOT. NO, NO, NO. 513 00:18:21,610 --> 00:18:23,476 I MEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE MORE FUN? 514 00:18:23,476 --> 00:18:24,710 [clears throat] 515 00:18:24,710 --> 00:18:26,743 [as man on TV] EXCUSE ME MA'AM. PANTS DETECTIVE. 516 00:18:26,743 --> 00:18:28,443 IT SEEMS YOUR PANTS HAVE GONE MISSING. 517 00:18:28,443 --> 00:18:29,743 - [laughs] 518 00:18:29,743 --> 00:18:31,910 [as woman on TV] WHY, YES, I KEEP TOUCHING MYSELF 519 00:18:31,910 --> 00:18:34,410 TO CHECK, BUT THEY'RE STILL GONE. 520 00:18:34,410 --> 00:18:35,976 [laughter] 521 00:18:35,976 --> 00:18:38,143 - [as man on TV] ALSO, I BROUGHT YOU A PIZZA. 522 00:18:38,143 --> 00:18:39,643 - [as woman on TV] IT SHOULD BE FREE. 523 00:18:39,643 --> 00:18:42,810 IT TOOK MORE THAN A HALF HOUR, AND THERE'S A PENIS IN IT. 524 00:18:42,810 --> 00:18:44,210 [laughter] 525 00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:46,776 - [as man on TV] AH, MA'AM, YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY ME 526 00:18:46,776 --> 00:18:47,943 WITH ORAL SEX. 527 00:18:47,943 --> 00:18:51,310 I ACCEPT CASH, CREDIT CARDS, AND REGULAR SEX. 528 00:18:51,310 --> 00:18:54,443 [laughter] 529 00:19:01,576 --> 00:19:02,843 - [on walkie-talkie] BEST FRIEND NUMBER TWO, 530 00:19:02,843 --> 00:19:04,010 THIS IS BEST FRIEND NUMBER ONE. 531 00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:06,310 CLOSING CEREMONIES ARE ABOUT TO COMMENCE. 532 00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:07,576 WHAT'S YOUR 20? 533 00:19:07,576 --> 00:19:10,543 - WOW, HE GAVE YOU THE "BEST FRIEND" WALKIES. 534 00:19:10,543 --> 00:19:12,310 HE'S HAD THEM FOR, LIKE, EIGHT YEARS, 535 00:19:12,310 --> 00:19:14,410 AND YOU'RE THE FIRST FRIENDS HE'S HAD OVER TO USE THEM. 536 00:19:14,410 --> 00:19:16,243 - OH, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. 537 00:19:16,243 --> 00:19:18,443 - YEAH, YOU GUYS MUST MEAN A LOT TO HIM. 538 00:19:21,110 --> 00:19:23,010 - BEST FRIEND NUMBER TWO TO BEST FRIEND NUMBER ONE. 539 00:19:23,010 --> 00:19:24,543 I'M FLYING IN. 540 00:19:24,543 --> 00:19:27,676 AH, THAT WAS THE MOST FUN I'VE EVER HAD PLAYING "PORNEOKE." 541 00:19:27,676 --> 00:19:29,843 - [chuckles] 542 00:19:33,910 --> 00:19:37,010 [triumphant music] 543 00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:40,243 - OKAY, WELCOME TO THE CLOSING CEREMONIES OF THE 544 00:19:40,243 --> 00:19:44,310 THREE-WAY-SLEEP-DATE-MAN- LOVE-FEST! 545 00:19:44,310 --> 00:19:47,310 ALSO KNOWN AS THE EVERYDAY AVERAGE DUDES' SLUMBER-BANG. 546 00:19:47,310 --> 00:19:48,710 - CLOSE ENOUGH. 547 00:19:48,710 --> 00:19:50,976 - AND NOW, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, 548 00:19:50,976 --> 00:19:52,110 CHIPMUNKING! 549 00:19:52,110 --> 00:19:54,276 - FINALLY! - COOL. 550 00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:55,410 WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING? 551 00:19:55,410 --> 00:19:57,410 - HUMAN BEINGS DON'T BEND THAT WAY. 552 00:19:57,410 --> 00:19:59,410 - OH, MY GOD! GET THOSE OUT OF THERE! 553 00:19:59,410 --> 00:20:02,510 - WHAT'S HAPPENING? [both screaming] 554 00:20:02,510 --> 00:20:05,276 - SO HOW DID THINGS WORK OUT WITH JEENA LAST NIGHT? 555 00:20:05,276 --> 00:20:07,443 - AWESOME. WE WATCHED PORN TOGETHER. 556 00:20:07,443 --> 00:20:08,943 - SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE LAYING THE FOUNDATION 557 00:20:08,943 --> 00:20:10,843 TO A GREAT RELATIONSHIP. 558 00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:12,043 SO WHAT ELSE DID YOU GUYS DO? 559 00:20:12,043 --> 00:20:13,710 - WELL, I WATCHED A LITTLE WEIRD DUDE 560 00:20:13,710 --> 00:20:15,076 STUFF HIS NUTS IN HIS MOUTH. 561 00:20:15,076 --> 00:20:17,810 - OH, YEAH. CHIPMUNKING. 562 00:20:17,810 --> 00:20:20,143 - SO...WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? 563 00:20:20,143 --> 00:20:22,076 - AH, NOTHING MUCH. IT WAS A QUIET NIGHT. 564 00:20:22,076 --> 00:20:23,243 [door slams open] 565 00:20:23,243 --> 00:20:27,210 - YOU SHOULD PROBABLY BURN THAT MATTRESS. 566 00:20:27,210 --> 00:20:29,776 - THEY'RE SO LADYLIKE. 567 00:20:29,776 --> 00:20:31,010 - OKAY, DUDE. THAT'S ENOUGH. 568 00:20:31,010 --> 00:20:33,143 - DON'T MAKE THIS WEIRD FOR ME. 569 00:20:33,143 --> 00:20:34,243 - UH-UH. 570 00:20:34,243 --> 00:20:35,776 I NEVER AGREED TO THE GERMAN CIGARETTE. 571 00:20:35,776 --> 00:20:36,943 - YAH. - NEIN. 572 00:20:36,943 --> 00:20:38,876 - YAH. - NEIN!