1 00:00:03,210 --> 00:00:05,843 - PLAYA DEL TORO, CALIFORNIA... 2 00:00:05,843 --> 00:00:09,576 A SUN-KISSED PLAYGROUND OF CRYSTAL-CLEAR WATERS, 3 00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:12,310 SANDY BEACHES, AND ROLLING SURF. 4 00:00:12,310 --> 00:00:13,410 A PARADISE ON-- 5 00:00:13,410 --> 00:00:14,576 - HURRY IT UP, MAN. 6 00:00:14,576 --> 00:00:17,510 OTHER DUDES GOTTA USE THE WALL, TOO. 7 00:00:19,776 --> 00:00:20,843 - [hiccup!] 8 00:00:20,843 --> 00:00:21,876 - [snoring] 9 00:00:21,876 --> 00:00:24,610 - * MONDO, WAKE UP * 10 00:00:24,610 --> 00:00:26,343 UGH, TALK ABOUT THE CRACK OF DAWN. 11 00:00:26,343 --> 00:00:27,543 - [groans] 12 00:00:27,543 --> 00:00:28,576 [yawns] 13 00:00:28,576 --> 00:00:29,743 ARE YOU JUST GETTING HOME? 14 00:00:29,743 --> 00:00:30,776 [sniffs] 15 00:00:30,776 --> 00:00:32,776 YOU SMELL LIKE OLD SPICE AND BALLS. 16 00:00:32,776 --> 00:00:35,243 - I WAS JUST GETTING A FEEL FOR OUR NEW TOWN. 17 00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:37,443 I MET A LOT OF POTENTIAL UNCLES FOR YA. 18 00:00:37,443 --> 00:00:38,443 - UGH. 19 00:00:38,443 --> 00:00:39,810 - WE'VE BEEN HERE THREE DAYS, 20 00:00:39,810 --> 00:00:41,376 AND YOU HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN TO THE BEACH YET. 21 00:00:41,376 --> 00:00:42,943 - MOM, I DON'T FIT IN HERE. 22 00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:44,476 EVEN THE BUMS ARE RIPPED. 23 00:00:44,476 --> 00:00:46,443 [wheels squeaking] 24 00:00:46,443 --> 00:00:48,810 FACE IT, IN A WORLD FULL OF KARDASHIANS, 25 00:00:48,810 --> 00:00:49,843 I'M THE KHLOE. 26 00:00:49,843 --> 00:00:51,810 - HONEY, YOU'RE JUST UNIQUE. 27 00:00:51,810 --> 00:00:56,110 THIS TOWN HAS NEVER SEEN ANYBODY LIKE MONDO BRANDO. 28 00:00:56,110 --> 00:00:57,743 - MOM, I CAN'T BREATHE. [gasps] 29 00:00:57,743 --> 00:00:59,610 - HERE, TO GET YOU STARTED, 30 00:00:59,610 --> 00:01:03,110 I MADE YOU A CALIFORNIA PREPAREDNESS KIT. 31 00:01:03,110 --> 00:01:05,110 - BOOGIE BOARD, SPRAY TANNER, 32 00:01:05,110 --> 00:01:07,376 SEASON ONE OF LAGUNA BEACH... 33 00:01:07,376 --> 00:01:08,510 A RUBBER PICKLE? 34 00:01:08,510 --> 00:01:09,676 - OOPS. [giggles] 35 00:01:09,676 --> 00:01:10,776 THAT'S MINE. 36 00:01:10,776 --> 00:01:12,610 WHAT, MOMMY CAN'T HAVE A KIT, TOO? 37 00:01:12,610 --> 00:01:15,610 [upbeat alternative music] 38 00:01:15,610 --> 00:01:23,543 * * 39 00:01:37,143 --> 00:01:40,110 - MONDO, DO NOT WASTE YOUR LAST DAYS BEFORE SCHOOL 40 00:01:40,110 --> 00:01:41,343 PLAYING A VIDEO GAME. 41 00:01:41,343 --> 00:01:43,376 - BUT I'M GOOD AT THIS. - OH, LOOK. 42 00:01:43,376 --> 00:01:44,743 IT'S LITTLE MONDO. 43 00:01:44,743 --> 00:01:46,243 - I HAD TO USE A PREGNANT WOMAN'S BODY 44 00:01:46,243 --> 00:01:49,310 AND PUT IN THE SECRET CODE TO UNLOCK JUSTIN BIEBER'S HEAD. 45 00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:51,776 - LOOK, MUNCHKIN, I KNOW IT'S HARD. 46 00:01:51,776 --> 00:01:53,710 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? OUR LIVES ARE HERE NOW. 47 00:01:53,710 --> 00:01:54,910 WE'RE NOT GOING BACK TO NEW JERSEY. 48 00:01:54,910 --> 00:01:56,110 [cell phone rings] CRAP. 49 00:01:56,110 --> 00:01:57,843 I DON'T WANNA BE LATE FOR MY FIRST DAY. 50 00:01:57,843 --> 00:01:59,210 - FAREWELL, BAYONNE. 51 00:01:59,210 --> 00:02:03,643 YOUR PEPPERONI MADE ME THE MAN I AM TODAY. 52 00:02:03,643 --> 00:02:05,710 - [humming] 53 00:02:05,710 --> 00:02:08,876 * * 54 00:02:08,876 --> 00:02:10,010 - WHAAAA! - AAAH! 55 00:02:10,010 --> 00:02:11,943 - MOM, ARE YOU OKAY? - UGH. 56 00:02:11,943 --> 00:02:13,676 - WHO ARE YOU? - I'M WOODIE. 57 00:02:13,676 --> 00:02:15,543 - WHY ARE YOU IN MY BATHROOM? 58 00:02:15,543 --> 00:02:19,143 - OH, I WAS GETTING MY FRISBEE. 59 00:02:19,143 --> 00:02:22,176 - SO, WOODIE, HOW OLD ARE YOU? ABOUT, UM, 15? 60 00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:23,376 - [erotically] YEAH. - ME, TOO! 61 00:02:23,376 --> 00:02:24,776 - MONDO, GET WOODIE SOME ICE. 62 00:02:24,776 --> 00:02:26,876 HIS FOREHEAD LOOKS A LITTLE SWOLLEN. 63 00:02:26,876 --> 00:02:28,343 - SWOLLEN. 64 00:02:28,343 --> 00:02:30,810 - OKAY, WOODIE, I KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING UP THERE. 65 00:02:30,810 --> 00:02:32,743 IT'S ALL RIGHT. I DON'T MIND. 66 00:02:32,743 --> 00:02:36,176 BUT I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WOULD DO ME A LITTLE FAVOR. 67 00:02:36,176 --> 00:02:37,976 - OH, ANYTHING FOR YOU, MONDO'S MOM. 68 00:02:37,976 --> 00:02:39,510 - CALL ME BABS. 69 00:02:39,510 --> 00:02:41,510 I WAS HOPING THAT YOU'D SHOW MONDO THE ROPES AROUND HERE. 70 00:02:41,510 --> 00:02:42,710 YOU KNOW, HELP HIM FIT IN. 71 00:02:42,710 --> 00:02:45,110 - FOR SURE...BABS. 72 00:02:45,110 --> 00:02:46,410 - THIS OUGHTA HELP WITH THE SWELLING. 73 00:02:46,410 --> 00:02:48,343 - THANKS. AHHHH. 74 00:02:48,343 --> 00:02:50,110 - YANKEES OR DODGERS? - SURFING. 75 00:02:50,110 --> 00:02:51,576 - PIZZA OR BURGERS? - BURRITOS. 76 00:02:51,576 --> 00:02:52,643 - MMM. 77 00:02:52,643 --> 00:02:54,410 OKAY, LAST ONE. THINK IT THROUGH. 78 00:02:54,410 --> 00:02:55,643 THE HILLS OR THE CITY? 79 00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:57,676 - NEITHER. I DON'T HAVE A VAGINA. 80 00:02:57,676 --> 00:02:58,876 - RIGHT ANSWER! 81 00:02:58,876 --> 00:03:00,276 - [sexy female voice] LET'S DO OUR BACK. 82 00:03:00,276 --> 00:03:02,776 - TO THE WINDOW, HURRY! 83 00:03:02,776 --> 00:03:04,510 THEY'RE ABOUT TO TAN THEIR BACKS, 84 00:03:04,510 --> 00:03:07,110 BUT THEY DON'T WANT TAN LINES. 85 00:03:07,110 --> 00:03:08,876 WHICH MEANS THEY MUST UNHOOK THEIR STRAPS, 86 00:03:08,876 --> 00:03:10,810 AND FOR ONE BRIEF, BUT GLORIOUS MOMENT, 87 00:03:10,810 --> 00:03:11,843 YOU CAN SEE-- 88 00:03:11,843 --> 00:03:13,943 - [whispering] NIPPLE. 89 00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:15,943 I SAW IT! OH, MY GOD! I SAW IT! 90 00:03:15,943 --> 00:03:17,476 YOU'RE A GENIUS! 91 00:03:17,476 --> 00:03:20,543 - I CALL THIS MOMENT THE AURORA AREOLAS. 92 00:03:20,543 --> 00:03:23,210 - TEACH ME MORE, WOODIE. TEACH ME MORE! 93 00:03:23,210 --> 00:03:24,610 - THIS IS THE STRAND, 94 00:03:24,610 --> 00:03:25,876 PRETTY MUCH ALL THE USUAL STUFF 95 00:03:25,876 --> 00:03:28,010 YOU'D FIND IN ANY TOWN ACROSS AMERICA. 96 00:03:28,010 --> 00:03:30,510 TATTOO SHOP, SURF SHOP, WEED SHOP, 97 00:03:30,510 --> 00:03:31,576 CELEBRITY REHAB... 98 00:03:31,576 --> 00:03:33,510 - LINDSAY. - PARIS. 99 00:03:33,510 --> 00:03:35,610 - HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO ANY OTHER TOWN IN AMERICA? 100 00:03:35,610 --> 00:03:36,810 - NO, WHY? 101 00:03:36,810 --> 00:03:38,710 - NO REASON. - THREE FOR TEN DOLLAR! 102 00:03:38,710 --> 00:03:40,110 OPEN FOR BEEZNESS! 103 00:03:40,110 --> 00:03:41,876 ARROW POINT DOWN TO ANUS IS FUNNY! 104 00:03:41,876 --> 00:03:44,243 PEOPLE KNOW IT'S JOKE. YOU NOT GET TUSHY LOVE. 105 00:03:44,243 --> 00:03:45,843 BUT IF YOU DO... 106 00:03:45,843 --> 00:03:48,376 - THE BOARDWALK'S LIKE A GREAT BIG MELTING POT. 107 00:03:48,376 --> 00:03:49,810 EMPHASIS ON THE POT. 108 00:03:49,810 --> 00:03:51,910 HIPPIE DRUMMERS, STREET PERFORMERS, 109 00:03:51,910 --> 00:03:53,710 RIGHTEOUS DUDES IN VANS. 110 00:03:53,710 --> 00:03:55,776 - * SLOW RIDE * 111 00:03:55,776 --> 00:03:57,810 * TAKE IT EASY * 112 00:03:57,810 --> 00:03:58,943 [chuckles] 113 00:03:58,943 --> 00:04:00,276 - AND HERE IT IS, 114 00:04:00,276 --> 00:04:01,543 THE CENTER OF IT ALL, 115 00:04:01,543 --> 00:04:04,176 THE NATURAL FORCE THAT SUSTAINS LIFE 116 00:04:04,176 --> 00:04:05,910 AND DRAWS US ALL TOGETHER, 117 00:04:05,910 --> 00:04:07,610 THE BEACH. 118 00:04:07,610 --> 00:04:09,643 [majestic chord] 119 00:04:09,643 --> 00:04:10,943 WHAT'S UP? 120 00:04:10,943 --> 00:04:12,543 - IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, 121 00:04:12,543 --> 00:04:14,643 MY STOMACH'S MORE OF A KEG THAN A SIX-PACK. 122 00:04:14,643 --> 00:04:16,676 I HAVEN'T SEEN MY PENIS SINCE I WAS SIX. 123 00:04:16,676 --> 00:04:18,110 - THE ONLY THING HOLDING YOU BACK 124 00:04:18,110 --> 00:04:19,976 IS A LACK OF SURFING IN YOUR DIET. 125 00:04:19,976 --> 00:04:22,543 AND MAYBE THAT SWEET SET OF CHESTICLES YOU GOT THERE. 126 00:04:22,543 --> 00:04:23,743 - YOU KIDDING ME, MAN? 127 00:04:23,743 --> 00:04:26,543 GIRLS TOTALLY RELATE TO A DUDE WITH BOOBS. 128 00:04:26,543 --> 00:04:27,710 IT'S FAMILIAR TO THEM. 129 00:04:27,710 --> 00:04:29,743 IT HAS A CALMING EFFECT. 130 00:04:29,743 --> 00:04:32,243 [upbeat techno music] 131 00:04:32,243 --> 00:04:33,776 WHO IS THAT? 132 00:04:33,776 --> 00:04:36,310 - THAT'S JEENA. 133 00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:37,910 - [dreamy] JEEEENAAAA. 134 00:04:37,910 --> 00:04:41,743 * * 135 00:04:41,743 --> 00:04:43,410 [monitor beeping] 136 00:04:43,410 --> 00:04:45,210 [monitor flatlining] 137 00:04:45,210 --> 00:04:48,143 [music resumes] 138 00:04:48,143 --> 00:04:49,476 - GO INTRODUCE YOURSELF. 139 00:04:49,476 --> 00:04:50,876 SHE'S VERY APPROACHABLE. 140 00:04:50,876 --> 00:04:52,876 - I'M GONNA DO IT. 141 00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:54,176 [grunting] OW! 142 00:04:54,176 --> 00:04:55,843 I'M GOOD. I'M OKAY. OOF! 143 00:04:55,843 --> 00:04:57,310 [women laughing] 144 00:04:57,310 --> 00:05:00,676 - THAT AIN'T NO SITUATION. THAT'S A DAMN TRAGEDY. 145 00:05:00,676 --> 00:05:01,843 [keys jingling] 146 00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:03,443 - WHAT HAPPENED? 147 00:05:03,443 --> 00:05:04,876 - I PUT 17 MONTHS INTO THIS PLACE, 148 00:05:04,876 --> 00:05:06,210 AND WHAT DO THEY GIVE ME? 149 00:05:06,210 --> 00:05:09,776 A LOUSY TEN MIL IN STOCK OPTIONS AND A GOLDEN PARACHUTE. 150 00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:11,776 - IN MY EXPERIENCE, ANYTIME ANYONE OFFERS YOU 151 00:05:11,776 --> 00:05:13,576 A GOLDEN ANYTHING, 152 00:05:13,576 --> 00:05:14,643 YOU SAY NO. 153 00:05:14,643 --> 00:05:15,776 I'M BABS BRANDO. 154 00:05:15,776 --> 00:05:17,643 I WAS SUPPOSED TO START WORK HERE TODAY. 155 00:05:17,643 --> 00:05:18,876 - [chuckling] OUCH. 156 00:05:18,876 --> 00:05:20,176 - YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. 157 00:05:20,176 --> 00:05:22,876 I SPENT EVERY LAST PENNY TO GET HERE. 158 00:05:22,876 --> 00:05:24,110 I FINALLY THOUGHT I HAD A JOB 159 00:05:24,110 --> 00:05:26,110 WHERE I DIDN'T HAVE TO WORK THE POLE. 160 00:05:26,110 --> 00:05:29,110 [Warrant's Cherry Pie] - * SHE'S MY CHERRY PIE * 161 00:05:29,110 --> 00:05:30,110 * COOL DRINK OF WATER * 162 00:05:30,110 --> 00:05:31,710 * SUCH A SWEET SURPRISE * 163 00:05:31,710 --> 00:05:33,943 * TASTES SO GOOD MAKE A GROWN MAN CRY * 164 00:05:33,943 --> 00:05:34,943 * SWEET CHERRY PIE * 165 00:05:34,943 --> 00:05:36,243 - OH, LOOK. 166 00:05:36,243 --> 00:05:38,543 I GOT A FRIEND AT AN ACCOUNTING FIRM IN TOWN. 167 00:05:38,543 --> 00:05:39,610 - THANKS. 168 00:05:39,610 --> 00:05:40,976 YOU KNOW, A SLEAZIER GUY WOULD HAVE TRIED 169 00:05:40,976 --> 00:05:42,243 TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME. 170 00:05:42,243 --> 00:05:44,176 - OH! I COULD'VE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF YOU? 171 00:05:44,176 --> 00:05:45,710 BOY, DID I MISREAD THAT ONE! 172 00:05:45,710 --> 00:05:47,110 NO WONDER THIS BANK WENT UNDER. 173 00:05:47,110 --> 00:05:48,976 - ALL RIGHT, LET'S WET UP. 174 00:05:48,976 --> 00:05:49,976 [engines rumbling] 175 00:05:49,976 --> 00:05:51,643 - LOCALS ONLY, PUSSY. 176 00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:53,443 [laughter] 177 00:05:53,443 --> 00:05:55,676 - WHO ARE THOSE DIRTBALLS? - SHH. 178 00:05:55,676 --> 00:05:56,676 KEEP IT DOWN, BRO. 179 00:05:56,676 --> 00:05:58,310 THAT'S TURK AND HIS CREW. 180 00:05:58,310 --> 00:06:00,810 TRUST ME, YOU WANT TO STAY UNDER THEIR RADAR. 181 00:06:00,810 --> 00:06:02,110 - THERE SHE IS AGAIN. 182 00:06:02,110 --> 00:06:04,743 GIRLS AROUND HERE DIG SURFERS, RIGHT? 183 00:06:04,743 --> 00:06:07,310 WELL, I'M GONNA SHOW HER WHAT A BADASS I AM. 184 00:06:07,310 --> 00:06:08,843 WATCH THIS AWESOMENESS. 185 00:06:08,843 --> 00:06:10,810 HEE-YAAAA--OOF! 186 00:06:10,810 --> 00:06:12,743 [laughter] 187 00:06:12,743 --> 00:06:13,876 [bird squawks] 188 00:06:13,876 --> 00:06:15,010 [farting sound] - UGH! 189 00:06:15,010 --> 00:06:16,310 [bang!] 190 00:06:16,310 --> 00:06:17,310 - [screams] 191 00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:18,843 [screams louder] - OH. 192 00:06:18,843 --> 00:06:21,210 YOU KOOKS ARE DEAD. 193 00:06:21,210 --> 00:06:22,576 [Mondo and Woodie scream] 194 00:06:22,576 --> 00:06:24,310 - I COULDN'T HAVE POSSIBLY MADE A WORSE IMPRESSION. 195 00:06:24,310 --> 00:06:25,676 [siren wailing] 196 00:06:25,676 --> 00:06:27,610 - LOOK, MA'AM, IT'S ILLEGAL TO GO TOPLESS 197 00:06:27,610 --> 00:06:28,610 AT THE BEACH. 198 00:06:28,610 --> 00:06:29,943 - OH, OFFICER, I'M AFRAID YOU-- 199 00:06:29,943 --> 00:06:32,176 - MA'AM, TELL YOUR HIPPIE BOYFRIEND TO ZIP IT, 200 00:06:32,176 --> 00:06:33,876 OR YOU'RE BOTH GOING DOWNTOWN. 201 00:06:33,876 --> 00:06:36,943 [laughter] 202 00:06:39,843 --> 00:06:40,843 - [ringtone] * HE'S CLIMBING * 203 00:06:40,843 --> 00:06:42,310 * IN YOUR WINDOW EACH NIGHT * 204 00:06:42,310 --> 00:06:44,243 - HELLO? - OH, MAN, ARE YOU READY? 205 00:06:44,243 --> 00:06:45,443 YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO THIS SCHOOL. 206 00:06:45,443 --> 00:06:48,243 SO EVERY GIRL IS LIKE TWO NEW BOOBS TO YOU. 207 00:06:48,243 --> 00:06:50,743 - NEW BOOBS? OH, MY GOD! I'M ON MY WAY! 208 00:06:52,310 --> 00:06:55,676 [grunting] 209 00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:57,143 GOOD MORNING, LADIES. 210 00:06:57,143 --> 00:06:58,376 [feminine voice] "WHO IS THAT NEW STUD 211 00:06:58,376 --> 00:06:59,510 AT SCHOOL, JEENA?" 212 00:06:59,510 --> 00:07:00,710 "I DON'T KNOW, BRIANNA, 213 00:07:00,710 --> 00:07:03,110 BUT I'M GONNA GET ME SOME OF THAT." 214 00:07:03,110 --> 00:07:06,876 [macho voice] LADIES, I CAN HEAR YOU. 215 00:07:06,876 --> 00:07:08,376 I'M FAT. 216 00:07:08,376 --> 00:07:09,410 - * HEY GIRL * 217 00:07:09,410 --> 00:07:10,410 * DO YOU KNOW MY NAME * 218 00:07:10,410 --> 00:07:11,410 - LIKE ANY SCHOOL, 219 00:07:11,410 --> 00:07:12,676 PLAYA HAS YOUR BASIC CLIQUES. 220 00:07:12,676 --> 00:07:13,776 (surfers) - 'SUP, WOODIE. 221 00:07:13,776 --> 00:07:14,843 (cheerleaders) - HEY, WOODIE. 222 00:07:14,843 --> 00:07:17,776 (twi-hards) - GREETINGS, WOODFORD. 223 00:07:17,776 --> 00:07:19,110 - OH, NO! GLEEKS! 224 00:07:19,110 --> 00:07:22,343 - * JUST A YELLOW-HAIRED BOY * 225 00:07:22,343 --> 00:07:23,343 [chorus harmonizing] 226 00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:25,243 - * WHO GOT A CHUBBY FRIEND * 227 00:07:25,243 --> 00:07:28,110 - * FROM OLD BAYONNE * 228 00:07:28,110 --> 00:07:29,376 [Kesha's Sleazy] 229 00:07:29,376 --> 00:07:30,976 [Gleeks scream] 230 00:07:30,976 --> 00:07:32,810 - * LOOKIN' LIKE DIAMONDS * 231 00:07:32,810 --> 00:07:33,843 - CHECK IT OUT. 232 00:07:33,843 --> 00:07:35,376 MY FIRST CELEBRITY SIGHTING. 233 00:07:35,376 --> 00:07:39,110 THAT'S MILAN STONE, THE STAR OF MTV'S 16 AND BITCHY. 234 00:07:39,110 --> 00:07:40,976 - YOU CALL THESE DOUBLE Ds? 235 00:07:40,976 --> 00:07:42,110 UGH. - AGH! 236 00:07:42,110 --> 00:07:43,443 - OH, MY GOD, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME 237 00:07:43,443 --> 00:07:45,376 I'VE EVER MET A CELEBRITY THAT I SPANKED IT TO. 238 00:07:45,376 --> 00:07:47,176 WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I SAY? 239 00:07:47,176 --> 00:07:48,443 - HEY, SIS. 240 00:07:48,443 --> 00:07:50,643 - SIS? - 'SUP, "KOONTZ" TWINS. 241 00:07:50,643 --> 00:07:51,843 - [together] IT'S "KUNTZ". 242 00:07:51,843 --> 00:07:54,410 - WOODIE! YOU HAVE A FRIEND? INCREDIBLE. 243 00:07:54,410 --> 00:07:56,676 THIS BRINGS THE TOTAL TO, WHAT, ONE? 244 00:07:56,676 --> 00:07:57,910 [giggles] 245 00:07:57,910 --> 00:08:02,310 WELL, HE'S FAT ENOUGH TO MAKE IT 1 1/2. 246 00:08:02,310 --> 00:08:03,476 - HILARIOUS. 247 00:08:03,476 --> 00:08:04,676 MS. STONE, I'M YOUR BIGGEST-- 248 00:08:04,676 --> 00:08:06,110 - SHUT UP, WHITE PRECIOUS. 249 00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:08,110 - W...WHITE PRECIOUS? 250 00:08:08,110 --> 00:08:10,010 - IF EITHER OF YOU, LIKE, GET WITHIN 15 FEET OF ME, 251 00:08:10,010 --> 00:08:13,210 I WILL TASE YOUR ASS. 252 00:08:13,210 --> 00:08:15,743 - AH, SHE'S EVEN NICER IN PERSON. 253 00:08:15,743 --> 00:08:17,343 [splat!] - ACK! 254 00:08:17,343 --> 00:08:18,843 [upbeat techno music] 255 00:08:18,843 --> 00:08:19,843 - OH, THERE SHE IS. 256 00:08:19,843 --> 00:08:20,876 I WASN'T GONNA TELL YOU, 257 00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:22,343 BUT LAST NIGHT I HAD A DREAM 258 00:08:22,343 --> 00:08:24,310 THAT INVOLVED A BOTTLE OF LAVENDER BODY BUTTER, 259 00:08:24,310 --> 00:08:26,010 THE BACKSEAT OF A PURPLE PT CRUISER, 260 00:08:26,010 --> 00:08:27,943 AND JEENA'S DOWNSTAIRS AREA. 261 00:08:27,943 --> 00:08:29,410 - VERY COOL. 262 00:08:29,410 --> 00:08:30,510 VERY SEXUAL. 263 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:31,843 - I KNOW, RIGHT? SHE'S PERFECT FOR ME. 264 00:08:31,843 --> 00:08:32,910 CHECK IT OUT. 265 00:08:32,910 --> 00:08:34,376 SHE'S WEARING SNEAKERS. 266 00:08:34,376 --> 00:08:35,643 I'M WEARING SNEAKERS. 267 00:08:35,643 --> 00:08:37,110 SHE'S LISTENING TO MUSIC. 268 00:08:37,110 --> 00:08:38,543 I LOVE MUSIC! 269 00:08:38,543 --> 00:08:40,143 AND HER T-SHIRT SAYS "FREE TIBET". 270 00:08:40,143 --> 00:08:41,376 WHAT WAS I TELLING YOU THIS MORNING? 271 00:08:41,376 --> 00:08:42,843 - THAT MORE STUFF SHOULD BE FREE. 272 00:08:42,843 --> 00:08:44,110 - IT'S MEANT TO BE! 273 00:08:44,110 --> 00:08:45,410 - GO TALK TO HER, MAN. 274 00:08:45,410 --> 00:08:46,476 - AHEM. 275 00:08:46,476 --> 00:08:47,943 HI, I'M MONDO. 276 00:08:47,943 --> 00:08:50,243 I'M NEW TO TOWN, AS YOU CAN PROBABLY TELL. 277 00:08:50,243 --> 00:08:52,543 I'M ONE OF THOSE OFFBEAT, GOOD-LOOKING MEN. 278 00:08:52,543 --> 00:08:53,576 - HI. 279 00:08:53,576 --> 00:08:55,476 - HI, I BEAT OFF GOOD-LOOKING MEN. 280 00:08:55,476 --> 00:08:58,243 - IT LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON. 281 00:08:58,243 --> 00:08:59,510 - [laughing shrilly] 282 00:08:59,510 --> 00:09:01,876 - WHOA, KOOK, YOU JUST CROSSED INTO TURKISTAN, 283 00:09:01,876 --> 00:09:04,276 WHERE TRESPASSING IS A PUNISHABLE OFFENSE. 284 00:09:04,276 --> 00:09:06,476 I'M ABOUT TO LAUNCH A DORK-SEEKING FIST MISSILE. 285 00:09:06,476 --> 00:09:07,576 - OH, TURK. 286 00:09:07,576 --> 00:09:09,276 WHAT DID I TELL YOU? 287 00:09:09,276 --> 00:09:10,543 - BOOKS DON'T CAUSE CANCER. 288 00:09:10,543 --> 00:09:11,843 TARGET ACQUIRED! 289 00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:13,610 - NO, THE OTHER THING. 290 00:09:13,610 --> 00:09:15,643 - OH, IF I DON'T STOP PUMMELING DWEEBS, 291 00:09:15,643 --> 00:09:17,543 I'LL NEVER GET WITH YOU. 292 00:09:17,543 --> 00:09:18,843 - OH, DON'T BE SO BUMMED. 293 00:09:18,843 --> 00:09:20,710 THIS IS THE LONGEST A NEW KID'S EVER GONE 294 00:09:20,710 --> 00:09:22,276 WITHOUT A WEDGIE AT THIS SCHOOL. 295 00:09:22,276 --> 00:09:24,343 - AGH! - 11 MINUTES! 296 00:09:24,343 --> 00:09:26,143 - WHAT IS THAT? 297 00:09:26,143 --> 00:09:27,443 [ominous chord] 298 00:09:27,443 --> 00:09:30,110 - WIPE THOSE HORNY SMILES OFF YOUR PIMPLY FACES. 299 00:09:30,110 --> 00:09:31,910 THIS IS HUMAN SEXUALITY. 300 00:09:31,910 --> 00:09:33,976 BEFORE YOU THINK THAT THIS IS ALL FUN AND GAMES 301 00:09:33,976 --> 00:09:35,376 AND HOT CARLS-- 302 00:09:35,376 --> 00:09:36,810 - [giggles] YES, PLEASE. 303 00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:39,776 - WADSKA, SETTLE DOWN, OR I'LL SEND YOU TO DETENTION. 304 00:09:39,776 --> 00:09:41,143 - MS. TEETS, I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW 305 00:09:41,143 --> 00:09:42,243 THAT ALTHOUGH THIS IS AN INSTITUTION 306 00:09:42,243 --> 00:09:44,110 PAID FOR BY U.S. TAX DOLLARS, 307 00:09:44,110 --> 00:09:46,343 I AM UNFIT FOR CAPTIVITY WITHIN ITS WALLS. 308 00:09:46,343 --> 00:09:48,543 I AM NOT PROGRAMMED FOR PUBLIC EDUCATION. 309 00:09:48,543 --> 00:09:49,976 - WELL, IT SEEMS LIKE YOU ARE PROGRAMMED 310 00:09:49,976 --> 00:09:51,743 FOR VANDALIZING THE MARQUIS 311 00:09:51,743 --> 00:09:53,610 WITH FILTHY SHENANIGANS. 312 00:09:53,610 --> 00:09:55,243 - MM, FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION! 313 00:09:55,243 --> 00:09:56,810 MY CULTURE OF POETRY IS BEING SHOT DOWN 314 00:09:56,810 --> 00:09:57,910 BY CHARACTER ASSASSINS. 315 00:09:57,910 --> 00:09:59,143 AN UPRISING IS IN ORDER! 316 00:09:59,143 --> 00:10:00,410 - SORRY, MS. TEETS. 317 00:10:00,410 --> 00:10:01,976 OUR PARENTS HAVE HIM ON NEW MEDS. 318 00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:03,243 - SORRY, SORRY, SORRY. 319 00:10:03,243 --> 00:10:04,643 - THAT'S JEENA'S BROTHER? 320 00:10:04,643 --> 00:10:06,276 - WOODFORD. NEW CHILD. 321 00:10:06,276 --> 00:10:08,276 QUIT YOUR JIBBER JABBERS, NOW! 322 00:10:08,276 --> 00:10:10,310 HMM, YOU'RE A PORTLY ONE, AREN'T YOU? 323 00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:11,443 DON'T WORRY. 324 00:10:11,443 --> 00:10:12,943 YOU'LL GROW INTO YOUR FRAME. 325 00:10:12,943 --> 00:10:14,210 I DID. 326 00:10:14,210 --> 00:10:15,610 [wheezes] 327 00:10:15,610 --> 00:10:18,010 NOW, TODAY'S LESSON IS ABOUT SOMETHING 328 00:10:18,010 --> 00:10:19,443 THAT THREATENS US ALL: 329 00:10:19,443 --> 00:10:21,976 SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES. 330 00:10:21,976 --> 00:10:24,276 SO PLEASE PUT ON YOUR 3-D GLASSES. 331 00:10:24,276 --> 00:10:25,710 [old-timey organ music] 332 00:10:25,710 --> 00:10:27,176 - [on video] STD IN 3-D. 333 00:10:27,176 --> 00:10:28,243 [crab screeches] 334 00:10:28,243 --> 00:10:29,276 [students scream] 335 00:10:29,276 --> 00:10:33,776 - OLD FOE, WE MEET AGAIN. 336 00:10:33,776 --> 00:10:35,543 - SO HOW DO I KNOW WHAT KIND OF BOARD I NEED? 337 00:10:35,543 --> 00:10:38,176 - PICKING A BOARD ISN'T LIKE PICKING A GIRLFRIEND. 338 00:10:38,176 --> 00:10:40,010 YOU HAVE TO BE CHOOSY. 339 00:10:40,010 --> 00:10:41,143 YOU HAVE TO LET IT COME TO YOU. 340 00:10:41,143 --> 00:10:42,510 - LIKE HARRY POTTER CHOOSING HIS WAND? 341 00:10:42,510 --> 00:10:45,010 OR THE NA'VI CHOOSING THEIR IKRAN IN AVATAR? 342 00:10:45,010 --> 00:10:46,243 - YEAH, JUST LIKE THAT. 343 00:10:46,243 --> 00:10:47,343 EXCEPT COOL. 344 00:10:47,343 --> 00:10:49,276 - HMM, HOW 'BOUT THIS ONE? 345 00:10:51,843 --> 00:10:53,543 OW! 346 00:10:53,543 --> 00:10:55,743 [ethereal chorus] 347 00:10:55,743 --> 00:10:57,376 [singing operatically] 348 00:10:57,376 --> 00:10:59,410 THIS IS MY BOARD. 349 00:10:59,410 --> 00:11:02,410 - ARE YOU SURE? - THIS IS MY BOARD! 350 00:11:02,410 --> 00:11:04,143 MAYBE IT'S NOT MY BOARD. 351 00:11:04,143 --> 00:11:05,810 - HERE, $100. 352 00:11:05,810 --> 00:11:07,110 - I DON'T KNOW. 353 00:11:07,110 --> 00:11:09,110 MY MOM TOLD ME TO ONLY USE THE CREDIT CARD 354 00:11:09,110 --> 00:11:10,543 FOR EMERGENCIES. 355 00:11:10,543 --> 00:11:11,610 - WE'RE IN CALIFORNIA. 356 00:11:11,610 --> 00:11:15,110 NOT HAVING A SURFBOARD IS AN EMERGENCY. 357 00:11:15,110 --> 00:11:16,743 ALL RIGHT, YOU GOT YOUR BOARD, AND YOU'RE READY TO HIT-- 358 00:11:16,743 --> 00:11:18,210 - HEY, GIMME THAT. 359 00:11:18,210 --> 00:11:20,343 [clack-clack] 360 00:11:20,343 --> 00:11:23,276 MUCH BETTER. 361 00:11:25,243 --> 00:11:26,876 - IT SAYS YOU'VE BEEN A COCKTAIL WAITRESS, 362 00:11:26,876 --> 00:11:29,476 A HOOTERS WAITRESS, A COYOTE UGLY WAITRESS-- 363 00:11:29,476 --> 00:11:30,543 - WELL, IN MY DEFENSE, 364 00:11:30,543 --> 00:11:31,776 WAITRESSING WAS A HELL OF A LOT BETTER 365 00:11:31,776 --> 00:11:33,576 THAN MAKING A LIVING ON MY KNEES. 366 00:11:33,576 --> 00:11:36,243 - * SHE'S MY CHERRY PIE * 367 00:11:36,243 --> 00:11:37,276 * PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE * 368 00:11:37,276 --> 00:11:38,776 * TEN MILES WIDE * 369 00:11:38,776 --> 00:11:40,643 [music stops] 370 00:11:40,643 --> 00:11:41,943 - [sighs] 371 00:11:41,943 --> 00:11:44,110 - I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD IDEA. 372 00:11:44,110 --> 00:11:45,376 I'M HOLDING A DICK BOARD. 373 00:11:45,376 --> 00:11:49,310 A DICK BOARD, WOODIE. 374 00:11:49,310 --> 00:11:50,410 - TRUST ME. 375 00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:51,876 JUST ONE WAVE, AND ALL YOUR TROUBLES 376 00:11:51,876 --> 00:11:53,343 WILL DISAPPEAR. 377 00:11:53,343 --> 00:11:55,343 - EAT IT, LOSERS! 378 00:11:55,343 --> 00:11:57,610 HA, HA! YO, JEENA. 379 00:11:57,610 --> 00:11:59,143 WHAT'S UP, BABY? 380 00:11:59,143 --> 00:12:01,210 - HEY, TURK. - OKAY. 381 00:12:01,210 --> 00:12:02,610 IT'S SURF TIME. 382 00:12:02,610 --> 00:12:05,110 TIME FOR THE SURFING TO COMMENCE. 383 00:12:05,110 --> 00:12:06,210 UM, WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO SAY 384 00:12:06,210 --> 00:12:07,210 WHEN WE WANNA SURF? 385 00:12:07,210 --> 00:12:09,410 - BOOSTAMUUCHA! 386 00:12:09,410 --> 00:12:10,476 [fast punk music] 387 00:12:10,476 --> 00:12:13,910 - * SURF CITY U.S.A. * 388 00:12:13,910 --> 00:12:15,110 [laughter] 389 00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:17,010 - WOO-HOO! 390 00:12:17,010 --> 00:12:19,576 - [meows] - [barks] 391 00:12:19,576 --> 00:12:20,710 - HEADS UP, NEWBIE. 392 00:12:20,710 --> 00:12:22,876 - * SURF CITY U.S.A. * 393 00:12:22,876 --> 00:12:24,610 - YEAH! - * SURF CITY * 394 00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:25,610 - UGH! 395 00:12:25,610 --> 00:12:27,310 - THAT IS IT, BLUE CRUSH. 396 00:12:27,310 --> 00:12:28,376 YOU'RE DEAD. 397 00:12:28,376 --> 00:12:29,376 - AHEM. - HUH? 398 00:12:29,376 --> 00:12:30,876 OH. 399 00:12:30,876 --> 00:12:32,676 YOU'RE LUCKY I'M MORE HORNY THAN ANGRY. 400 00:12:32,676 --> 00:12:33,976 I'M GONNA LET YOU LIVE. 401 00:12:33,976 --> 00:12:35,676 BUT YOU'RE BANNED FROM SURFING THIS BEACH 402 00:12:35,676 --> 00:12:37,110 EVER AGAIN. 403 00:12:37,110 --> 00:12:39,110 - HEY, TURK, COME ON, MAN. HE'S LOCAL. 404 00:12:39,110 --> 00:12:41,376 - YOU'RE BANNED, TOO. - NOOOO! 405 00:12:41,376 --> 00:12:42,776 - THIS IS A PUBLIC BEACH. 406 00:12:42,776 --> 00:12:44,643 YOU CAN'T BAN PEOPLE FROM SURFING. 407 00:12:44,643 --> 00:12:45,776 - MONDO, SHUT UP. 408 00:12:45,776 --> 00:12:46,776 - I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. 409 00:12:46,776 --> 00:12:48,410 YOU SURVIVE BABY BEACH, 410 00:12:48,410 --> 00:12:50,176 AND I'LL LET YOU TWO SURF HERE. 411 00:12:50,176 --> 00:12:52,243 - BABY BEACH? THAT SOUNDS EASY ENOUGH. 412 00:12:52,243 --> 00:12:53,643 WHERE IS IT? 413 00:12:53,643 --> 00:12:55,243 [ominous chord] 414 00:12:55,243 --> 00:12:56,676 - USED TO BE CALLED JAGGED DEATH ROCKS. 415 00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:59,010 CHAMBER OF COMMERCE THOUGHT IT WAS BAD FOR TOURISM. 416 00:12:59,010 --> 00:13:00,310 WE SHOULD PROBABLY CHANGE IT BACK. 417 00:13:00,310 --> 00:13:01,676 COULD'VE SAVED A LOT OF LIVES. 418 00:13:01,676 --> 00:13:03,776 - YOU GOT 'TIL 4:00 TOMORROW. 419 00:13:03,776 --> 00:13:05,210 HIGH TIDE. 420 00:13:05,210 --> 00:13:06,343 [grunts] 421 00:13:06,343 --> 00:13:07,976 - MY DICK BOARD! 422 00:13:10,710 --> 00:13:12,643 - I-IF I BACK OUT, YOU THINK I MIGHT STILL HAVE 423 00:13:12,643 --> 00:13:13,643 A CHANCE WITH JEENA? 424 00:13:13,643 --> 00:13:14,910 - OH, SURE. 425 00:13:14,910 --> 00:13:16,643 WOMEN ALWAYS PREFER THE SENSIBLE, STABLE COWARD 426 00:13:16,643 --> 00:13:18,576 TO THE FEARLESS, SEXY RISK-TAKER. 427 00:13:18,576 --> 00:13:21,376 - GENTLEMEN, FORGIVE MY TARDINESS. 428 00:13:21,376 --> 00:13:22,510 NOW, I'VE TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF PREPARING 429 00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:24,510 A COMPUTER SIMULATION OF BABY BEACH. 430 00:13:24,510 --> 00:13:25,943 - HEY, IT'S LITTLE MONDO. 431 00:13:25,943 --> 00:13:27,343 - BUT I JUST USED THE BODY OF A PREGNANT WOMAN 432 00:13:27,343 --> 00:13:28,710 AND ADDED JUSTIN BIEBER'S HEAD. 433 00:13:28,710 --> 00:13:30,176 OKAY, YOU DROP IN AT THE END OF THE PIER. 434 00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:32,110 FROM HERE IT'S UP TO YOU TO MAKE IT OUT ALIVE. 435 00:13:32,110 --> 00:13:33,243 YOUR BEST BET IS TO GO LEFT, 436 00:13:33,243 --> 00:13:34,643 SURF BETWEEN THE FIRST THREE ROWS OF ROCKS, 437 00:13:34,643 --> 00:13:36,443 AND YOUR EXIT WILL HAVE TO BE THROUGH MILEY'S HOLE, 438 00:13:36,443 --> 00:13:38,010 SO NAMED BECAUSE IT'S NEVER BEEN PENETRATED 439 00:13:38,010 --> 00:13:39,543 BY MAN NOR JONAS. 440 00:13:39,543 --> 00:13:40,743 - [breathing heavily] 441 00:13:40,743 --> 00:13:42,376 - ARE YOU HYPERVENTILATING? - A LITTLE BIT. 442 00:13:42,376 --> 00:13:43,910 I THINK THIS BAG HAD A HAMBURGER IN IT, 443 00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:44,943 AND I LIKE THE SMELL. 444 00:13:44,943 --> 00:13:46,143 - ARE YOU REALLY GONNA SURF IT? 445 00:13:46,143 --> 00:13:47,176 - I DON'T KNOW. 446 00:13:47,176 --> 00:13:48,176 ONE MINUTE I THINK I SHOULD. 447 00:13:48,176 --> 00:13:49,676 THE NEXT MINUTE I THINK ABOUT BOOBS. 448 00:13:49,676 --> 00:13:51,110 THEN THE NEXT MINUTE, I THINK I SHOULDN'T. 449 00:13:51,110 --> 00:13:53,510 - OKAY, YOUR PROBLEM IS THAT YOUR HEAD 450 00:13:53,510 --> 00:13:54,676 IS ALL OVER THE PLACE. 451 00:13:54,676 --> 00:13:56,876 YOU NEED TO RELAX AND GET YOUR MIND RIGHT 452 00:13:56,876 --> 00:13:58,943 SO YOU CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. 453 00:13:58,943 --> 00:14:01,143 - HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT? 454 00:14:01,143 --> 00:14:02,310 (Woodie and Wadska) - LONNIE'S VAN. 455 00:14:02,310 --> 00:14:05,776 [esoteric music] 456 00:14:05,776 --> 00:14:07,776 - [sighs] I NEED A DRINK. 457 00:14:07,776 --> 00:14:10,776 [island-themed music] 458 00:14:10,776 --> 00:14:14,876 * * 459 00:14:14,876 --> 00:14:16,110 - SEAT YOURSELF, DARLING. 460 00:14:16,110 --> 00:14:17,410 I'VE GOT MY HANDS FULL. 461 00:14:17,410 --> 00:14:19,443 - THANKS. - OOF! 462 00:14:21,810 --> 00:14:25,143 TABLE FIVE! GO, GO! 463 00:14:25,143 --> 00:14:26,743 [water gurgling] 464 00:14:26,743 --> 00:14:27,976 - HEY, LONNIE. 465 00:14:27,976 --> 00:14:29,943 YOU EVER FOUND YOURSELF FACED WITH A TOUGH, 466 00:14:29,943 --> 00:14:32,176 POTENTIALLY LIFE-ENDING DECISION? 467 00:14:32,176 --> 00:14:33,710 - YEAH, MAN. 468 00:14:33,710 --> 00:14:37,410 IT WAS THE THIRD AND FINAL MONTH OF DESERT STORM. 469 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:39,243 OIL FIRES RAGED. 470 00:14:39,243 --> 00:14:42,576 THE SKIES WERE BLACK AT NOON. 471 00:14:42,576 --> 00:14:44,876 THREE CLICKS NORTH OF KUWAIT CITY, 472 00:14:44,876 --> 00:14:47,576 I GOT SEPARATED FROM MY PLATOON. 473 00:14:47,576 --> 00:14:48,843 - WHAT DID YOU DO? 474 00:14:48,843 --> 00:14:50,610 - I FREAKED THE EFF OUT! 475 00:14:50,610 --> 00:14:53,110 I WAS IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL FOR THREE YEARS. 476 00:14:53,110 --> 00:14:55,943 HOW THE HELL DO YOU THINK I ENDED UP LIVING IN A VAN? 477 00:14:55,943 --> 00:14:58,410 AH-HA! I CAN STILL SMELL THE HUMMUS! 478 00:14:58,410 --> 00:14:59,510 AH-HA! 479 00:14:59,510 --> 00:15:01,676 - YOU GUYS WANT SOME PITA? 480 00:15:01,676 --> 00:15:04,643 - ARE YOU STILL WORRIED ABOUT SURFING BABY BEACH? 481 00:15:04,643 --> 00:15:06,210 - WHAT BEACH? I'M TOTALLY CHILL. 482 00:15:06,210 --> 00:15:07,443 I'M TOTALLY FREAKED! 483 00:15:07,443 --> 00:15:08,543 I'M TOTALLY HUNGRY. 484 00:15:08,543 --> 00:15:10,376 YOUR NOSE LOOKS LIKE A PENIS. 485 00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:13,110 THIS VAN'S AWESOME. 486 00:15:14,543 --> 00:15:17,943 - HMM, YOU LIKE MY TROPHIES, DAHLING? 487 00:15:17,943 --> 00:15:21,276 YOU ONE SPECIAL WAHINI, BABS BRANDO. 488 00:15:21,276 --> 00:15:23,576 YOU HAVE BEEN BORN WITH A SPECIAL GIFT 489 00:15:23,576 --> 00:15:24,976 FOR WAITING TABLES, 490 00:15:24,976 --> 00:15:27,443 AND YOU MUST SHARE DAT GIFT WITH THE WORLD. 491 00:15:27,443 --> 00:15:28,543 - THANKS, TANG. 492 00:15:28,543 --> 00:15:30,843 BUT I CAME OUT HERE FOR A CAREER. 493 00:15:30,843 --> 00:15:33,610 ONE WHERE I DIDN'T HAVE TO WORK ON MY BACK FOR ONCE. 494 00:15:33,610 --> 00:15:36,176 - * SHE'S MY CHERRY PIE * 495 00:15:36,176 --> 00:15:37,576 * SMILE ON YOUR FACE * 496 00:15:37,576 --> 00:15:38,910 * TEN MILES WIDE * 497 00:15:38,910 --> 00:15:41,243 - SOMETIMES WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU ROTTEN PAPAYA-- 498 00:15:41,243 --> 00:15:42,543 - YOU MAKE PAPAYA-ADE? 499 00:15:42,543 --> 00:15:45,376 - NO, YOU MIX IT WITH CHEAP RUM, ADD A COCKTAIL UMBRELLA, 500 00:15:45,376 --> 00:15:48,010 AND YOU SELL IT TO SUNBURNED RUBES FOR $9. 501 00:15:48,010 --> 00:15:49,610 WHAT THE HELL IS PAPAYA-ADE? 502 00:15:49,610 --> 00:15:51,643 LOOK, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LEARN DESE TINGS 503 00:15:51,643 --> 00:15:52,776 IF YOU'RE GONNA WORK HERE. 504 00:15:52,776 --> 00:15:54,176 - [sighs] I DON'T KNOW. 505 00:15:54,176 --> 00:15:56,143 [kids laughing hysterically] 506 00:15:56,143 --> 00:15:57,443 - OW! - OOH! 507 00:15:57,443 --> 00:15:59,410 [all laughing] 508 00:15:59,410 --> 00:16:01,376 - I'LL TAKE IT. 509 00:16:01,376 --> 00:16:03,476 - HERE'S YOUR UNIFORM. 510 00:16:03,476 --> 00:16:05,976 - HERE, I FOUND A DEAD SEA LION. 511 00:16:05,976 --> 00:16:07,310 LET'S DUMP HIM IN THE WATER AND SEE WHERE HE GOES. 512 00:16:07,310 --> 00:16:08,610 - WHY? 513 00:16:08,610 --> 00:16:09,910 - HE'LL TAKE THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE, 514 00:16:09,910 --> 00:16:11,376 THAT'S THE ONE YOU WANT TO TAKE. 515 00:16:11,376 --> 00:16:12,843 - WHERE DID YOU GET A DEAD SEA LION? 516 00:16:12,843 --> 00:16:15,210 - * YOU ASK TOO MANY QUESTIOOONS * 517 00:16:17,743 --> 00:16:18,976 [giggles] OKAY. 518 00:16:18,976 --> 00:16:20,376 WE'VE LEARNED SOMETHING HERE. 519 00:16:20,376 --> 00:16:22,110 THOSE SHARKS ARE HUNGRY. 520 00:16:22,110 --> 00:16:23,310 [soft whistle blows] 521 00:16:23,310 --> 00:16:24,443 - OH, CRAP, IT'S HIGH TIDE. I GOT-- 522 00:16:24,443 --> 00:16:25,476 I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE. 523 00:16:25,476 --> 00:16:27,410 - WUSSING OUT? WUSS. 524 00:16:27,410 --> 00:16:29,443 - NO, I'D LOVE TO SURF THIS. 525 00:16:29,443 --> 00:16:33,110 BUT I DON'T HAVE A SURFBOARD, THANKS TO SOMEBODY. 526 00:16:33,110 --> 00:16:34,510 SO, YOU KNOW, MAYBE ANOTHER DAY. 527 00:16:34,510 --> 00:16:35,676 - MONDO! 528 00:16:35,676 --> 00:16:36,710 HERE. 529 00:16:36,710 --> 00:16:38,343 YOU'VE BEEN A REAL BRO TO ME. 530 00:16:38,343 --> 00:16:40,476 AND I'VE NEVER HAD A BRO BEFORE. 531 00:16:40,476 --> 00:16:42,676 I'VE ALWAYS BEEN KIND OF A LONER. 532 00:16:42,676 --> 00:16:45,910 BUT IT'S BEEN FUN BEING LONERS TOGETHER. 533 00:16:45,910 --> 00:16:47,210 - WOW, THANKS, MAN. 534 00:16:47,210 --> 00:16:49,610 WOODIE, THIS MEANS A LOT TO ME. 535 00:16:49,610 --> 00:16:50,610 - IT'S NOTHING. 536 00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:52,476 - BUT YOUR TIMING SUCKS. 537 00:16:52,476 --> 00:16:55,110 (all but Jeena) - BABY BEACH, BABY BEACH. 538 00:16:55,110 --> 00:16:58,943 BABY BEACH, BABY BEACH. 539 00:16:58,943 --> 00:17:00,510 - GIMME THAT BOARD. 540 00:17:00,510 --> 00:17:02,210 I GOT US INTO THIS MESS. 541 00:17:02,210 --> 00:17:03,543 I'M GONNA GET US OUT. 542 00:17:03,543 --> 00:17:05,943 I CAME TO THIS TOWN TO MAKE A NAME FOR MYSELF, 543 00:17:05,943 --> 00:17:08,010 AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M GONNA DO. 544 00:17:08,010 --> 00:17:09,843 EVEN IF I DIE, 545 00:17:09,843 --> 00:17:13,776 AT LEAST THE LOVE OF MY LIFE WILL REMEMBER MY NAME FOREVER. 546 00:17:13,776 --> 00:17:15,776 - BE CAREFUL, MONGO. 547 00:17:15,776 --> 00:17:18,276 - CLOSE ENOUGH. 548 00:17:18,276 --> 00:17:19,876 - WAIT. 549 00:17:19,876 --> 00:17:21,143 GOOD LUCK. 550 00:17:21,143 --> 00:17:24,143 [dramatic music] 551 00:17:24,143 --> 00:17:25,410 * * 552 00:17:25,410 --> 00:17:26,676 - WRONG WAY! 553 00:17:26,676 --> 00:17:30,710 * * 554 00:17:33,276 --> 00:17:36,010 [Weezer's Brave New World] 555 00:17:36,010 --> 00:17:37,110 - OHHH! 556 00:17:37,110 --> 00:17:39,610 - * THIS IS THE DAWNING * 557 00:17:39,610 --> 00:17:42,676 * OF A BRAVE NEW WORLD * 558 00:17:42,676 --> 00:17:44,576 - WOO-HOO! - YEAH! 559 00:17:44,576 --> 00:17:45,910 - * I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING * 560 00:17:45,910 --> 00:17:48,576 * BUT I KNOW I'LL FIGURE IT OUT * 561 00:17:48,576 --> 00:17:49,976 - [coughing] 562 00:17:49,976 --> 00:17:51,276 WHOA. 563 00:17:51,276 --> 00:17:53,710 THIS IS HOW LEGENDS ARE BORN. 564 00:17:53,710 --> 00:17:54,710 MM. 565 00:17:54,710 --> 00:17:57,243 [coughing] THIS IS--HM. 566 00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:59,276 - * THIS IS THE DAWNING * 567 00:17:59,276 --> 00:18:02,543 * OF A BRAVE NEW WORLD * 568 00:18:02,543 --> 00:18:05,010 - MILEY'S HOLE! 569 00:18:05,010 --> 00:18:06,876 - HUH? 570 00:18:06,876 --> 00:18:08,443 BALLS! 571 00:18:08,443 --> 00:18:10,576 OOF! 572 00:18:10,576 --> 00:18:11,576 [ethereal rock music] 573 00:18:11,576 --> 00:18:19,510 * * 574 00:18:24,610 --> 00:18:25,643 - MM. 575 00:18:25,643 --> 00:18:27,910 - WHA? 576 00:18:27,910 --> 00:18:30,243 - MMMM. 577 00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:32,743 [guys cheering] - MONDO, MONDO. 578 00:18:32,743 --> 00:18:34,143 - [coughing] 579 00:18:34,143 --> 00:18:35,410 - YOU'RE ALIVE. 580 00:18:35,410 --> 00:18:37,110 - [coughing] WHA--WHAT HAPPENED? 581 00:18:37,110 --> 00:18:39,243 - YOU ATE IT ON THAT MONSTER WAVE. 582 00:18:39,243 --> 00:18:40,910 THEN YOU FRENCH KISSED LONNIE FOR, LIKE, FOUR MINUTES. 583 00:18:40,910 --> 00:18:43,110 - OH, GOD! 584 00:18:43,110 --> 00:18:44,676 [gagging] 585 00:18:44,676 --> 00:18:46,676 - AH, BUT THE BADASS NEWS, YO, 586 00:18:46,676 --> 00:18:49,243 IS AT LEAST YOUR REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS REMAIN FUNCTIONAL. 587 00:18:49,243 --> 00:18:51,110 - [laughing] MONDO HAS A BONER. 588 00:18:51,110 --> 00:18:52,310 - THAT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. 589 00:18:52,310 --> 00:18:53,343 WELL, IT IS. 590 00:18:53,343 --> 00:18:54,710 BUT IT'S NOT BECAUSE LONNIE 591 00:18:54,710 --> 00:18:57,143 STUCK HIS TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT. 592 00:18:57,143 --> 00:18:59,510 - DUDE, I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW HARD YOU ATE IT. 593 00:18:59,510 --> 00:19:01,010 - TURK. - OH. 594 00:19:01,010 --> 00:19:03,710 AND YOU'RE OFFICIALLY UN-BANNED FROM MY BEACH. 595 00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:05,776 - YOU WERE INCREDIBLE OUT THERE. 596 00:19:05,776 --> 00:19:06,876 AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, 597 00:19:06,876 --> 00:19:08,410 BUT SOMETHING ABOUT YOU 598 00:19:08,410 --> 00:19:10,476 HAS A CALMING EFFECT ON ME. 599 00:19:10,476 --> 00:19:13,876 - AW, DUDE, SHE'S SUCKED IN BY THE CHESTICLES. 600 00:19:13,876 --> 00:19:17,343 - SO, JEENA, CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING? 601 00:19:17,343 --> 00:19:20,543 DO YOU MAYBE, YOU KNOW, ONE TIME WANNA-- 602 00:19:20,543 --> 00:19:22,543 UM, WHAT DO YOU THINK 603 00:19:22,543 --> 00:19:24,310 OF LAVENDER BODY BUTTER? 604 00:19:24,310 --> 00:19:26,476 - OH, I USE IT TO MOISTURIZE MY THIGHS. 605 00:19:26,476 --> 00:19:27,643 SEE YOU IN CLASS, MONDO. 606 00:19:27,643 --> 00:19:29,610 - SUCKER! 607 00:19:29,610 --> 00:19:30,876 - [coughing] 608 00:19:30,876 --> 00:19:32,176 - SHE KNOWS YOUR NAME. 609 00:19:32,176 --> 00:19:34,110 STEP ONE, DUDE. 610 00:19:34,110 --> 00:19:37,343 COME ON, LET'S GO SURFING. 611 00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:39,576 - BOOSTAMUUCHA! 612 00:19:41,576 --> 00:19:43,710 EVERYONE WAS GATHERED AROUND ME, 613 00:19:43,710 --> 00:19:45,110 AND EVEN TURK GAVE ME RESPECT. 614 00:19:45,110 --> 00:19:46,176 KIND OF. 615 00:19:46,176 --> 00:19:47,110 - THAT'S GREAT, HONEY. 616 00:19:47,110 --> 00:19:49,510 I'M GLAD YOU'RE LIKING IT HERE. 617 00:19:51,110 --> 00:19:52,110 - WAHHH! 618 00:19:52,110 --> 00:19:53,210 [glass shattering] OOF. 619 00:19:53,210 --> 00:19:54,510 I WAS LOOKING FOR MY FRISBEE. 620 00:19:54,510 --> 00:19:56,910 - THAT ONE? 621 00:19:56,910 --> 00:19:57,876 - UM, YEAH. 622 00:19:57,876 --> 00:19:59,143 - I'LL FIX ANOTHER PLATE. 623 00:19:59,143 --> 00:20:00,710 - SO, MS. BRANDO, 624 00:20:00,710 --> 00:20:02,176 MONDO SAYS YOU'RE WORKING AT TIKI TACO. 625 00:20:02,176 --> 00:20:03,176 HOW DO YOU LIKE IT? 626 00:20:03,176 --> 00:20:04,443 - IT'S ALL RIGHT. 627 00:20:04,443 --> 00:20:05,910 - I'M JUST GRATEFUL THAT I DON'T HAVE TO BE 628 00:20:05,910 --> 00:20:06,910 A HOOKER ANYMORE. 629 00:20:06,910 --> 00:20:07,910 - [choking] 630 00:20:07,910 --> 00:20:10,643 - * SHE'S MY CHERRY PIE * 631 00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:13,110 * SWEET CHERRY PIE * 632 00:20:13,110 --> 00:20:16,610 - SO IS CALIFORNIA EVERYTHING YOU THOUGHT IT'D BE? 633 00:20:16,610 --> 00:20:17,710 - NO. 634 00:20:17,710 --> 00:20:18,710 IT'S BETTER. 635 00:20:18,710 --> 00:20:20,010 - MONDO, LOOK! 636 00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:22,976 THE BOOB SOLAR CYCLE IS NEARLY COMPLETE. 637 00:20:22,976 --> 00:20:25,410 AS THEY PREPARE TO RE-HOOK THEIR BIKINI TOPS-- 638 00:20:25,410 --> 00:20:26,510 - SCREW THIS. 639 00:20:26,510 --> 00:20:28,876 LET'S DO IT JERSEY STYLE. 640 00:20:28,876 --> 00:20:30,443 HUH! IT'S A RAT! 641 00:20:30,443 --> 00:20:32,510 [girls screaming] 642 00:20:32,510 --> 00:20:35,176 - AND THE STUDENT HAS BECOME THE MASTER. 643 00:20:35,176 --> 00:20:38,110 Captioned by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com