(I WAS MADE FOR LOVIN' YOU PLAYING)
Mmm, yeah
FIRST AD: (OVER RADIO) Back to ones.
SECOND AD: Let's get it quiet, please.
Everyone, stay off channel one now.
FIRST AD: This is a take, not a rehearsal.
Picture is up.
CAMERA OPERATOR: Camera 's set.
FIRST AD: Let's roll sound!
SOUND RECORDIST: Sound speed.
FIRST AD: Let's speed cameras.
CAMERA OPERATOR: Camera one speeding.
SECOND CAMERA OPERATOR: Camera two speeding.
FIRST ASSISTANT CAMERA: "B” camera mark.
I want to give it all to you
SECOND ASSISTANT CAMERA: "C” mark.
FIRST AD: Stunts ready?
In the darkness
STUNT COORDINATOR: Ready.
There's so much I want to do
DIRECTOR: In three, two, one, action.
(GROANING)
And tonight
(GRUNTING)
I want to lay it At your feet...
(GROANING)
COLT SEAVERS: They're in almost every movie.
(GRUNTS)
You just don't know that they're there.
(ENGINE REVS) 'Cause that's the job.
I was made For lovin' you, baby
COLT: They're the unknown stunt performers.
You were made for lovin' me
COLT: And they get paid to do the cool stuff.
And I can't get enough Of you, baby
Can you get enough...
COLT: They also get paid to take it on the chin.
(HORN HONKS)
(PERSON SCREAMS) (DING)
And everywhere else, if you know what I mean.
Feel the magic...
COLT: Oh, that's... that's me.
Colt Seavers.
Getting blown up and hiding my face in a muddy puddle.
Which isn't ideal
when you're trying to look cool in front of Jody.
Who you just so happen to have a major crush on.
She's a camera operator. (GIGGLING)
P.A: (OVER RADIO) Looking for Tom Ryder's stunt double.
COLT: She's definitely gonna achieve her goal
of being a big-time Hollywood movie director. (KNOCKING)
You're so uncoordinated.
COLT: I don't want to overromanticize it or anything,
but I think what Jody and I got's the kind of thing
you can only really find in the movies.
Hey. Jody. Thank you.
Hey, Colt. Thanks so much for the stunt chat.
Stunt chats. I love 'em. Anytime.
Hey, uh, Tom needs to see you at the monitor.
Uh-oh. Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
Am I in trouble?
She's talking about Tom Ryder,
who happens to be the biggest action star on the pl--
Wait, why am I explaining this?
You know who Tom Ryder is. He's Tom Ryder.
Anyway, I've been his stunt double for six years now.
Uh... flying in.
What happened? What's up?
Guess we're going again.
You know Tom and Gail.
There's a lot of grumbling and a bunch of hand gestures
over at the monitor, so I'm not sure what's going on there,
but... Let me guess-- too much face.
JODY: Okay, guys. Go to one for me.
Um...
Jody, right? What's your name again?
As you can see, that is not my chin.
When you look at my face, look at my jaw compared to his jaw,
it's like his chin is off.
It's like... Yeah, we can't replace his face.
It's like Mr. Potato Head.
I mean, no offense or anything, but you know. Oh...
Oh, yeah, no. Sorry, I got lost in your beautiful jawline.
It's dreamy. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) No, listen,
we're just saying it's not working for us.
Lets ,uhn. (CLICKING TONGUE) Okay.
Let's go again.
Oh, yeah, no, we're gonna have to go again.
Okay. Yeah.
100 percent. Okay.
I don't know, man. Do you think, um...
Try and make some magic?
Maybe you could do it backwards or something? I don't know.
It's just... less face. Yeah.
COLT: The woman freebasing the Diet Coke
is Tom's producer Gail.
She's been making him look good for years. Thank you.
COLT: And it's not always easy. All right.
Give me some. Oh! I'm gonna...
I can't complain.
I'm working with my dream girl.
Mm.
On my dream job.
Copy. Go back to one.
We got to switch the pick points to the front.
I'm living the dream. He wants to go again.
COORDINATOR: Copy that, Colt. We 7! flip the rig. Thank you.
You'll be falling backwards.
Jody, go to two. SECOND AD: Stand quiet, please.
Everyone, stay off channel one now.
Do you have a question for me?
Uh, yeah. It just looked just now like you wanted
to ask me something.
I was gonna go for a spicy margarita after work.
I was wondering if you drink spicy margaritas.
(LAUGHS, SNIFFLES)
Um, well, just to keep it professional,
I can only have one spicy margarita
because if I have two, I start making bad decisions.
JODY: Well, you know, drinking margaritas
is all about making bad decisions.
Which reminds me, um,
after this job, I-I got to go sit on the sand somewhere,
and I was wondering, uh... I was gonna ask you a question.
JODY: Tell me.
Do you have any towels that I can borrow?
(JODY CHUCKLES)
Yeah, I have some towels.
You know, it's so dangerous to swim alone.
(SUCKS AIR THROUGH TEETH)
Well, I would ask you to, you know, be my swim buddy,
but I don't know if you have a bathing suit.
Wait a second. What do you call that across the pond?
JODY: We call it a swimming costume. (GIGGLES)
(CHUCKLES)
Imagine that.
After this, you and I could both be
on the beach somewhere in swimming costumes
drinking spicy margaritas,
making bad decisions. MAN: Okay, good to go.
JODY: imagine that.
FIRST AD: Okay, let's keep it locked up all around!
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
WOMAN: Let's strap him in.
FIRST AD: Everyone quiet, please!
DIRECTOR: Speed on "A." (EXHALES SHARPLY)
MAN 1: You all right? All right, let's take him to ones.
WOMAN: Tail slate. MAN 1: Going to ones.
Go ahead and sit back for me.
FIRST AD: Let's go hot on stunts.
MAN 1: And going out to the edge. FIRST AD: Stunts is hot.
MAN 1: Take up the slack. DIRECTOR: How we doing up there, stunt?
MAN 2: Great. He's great. Here we go. MAN 1: Position down.
He's at ones.
Ready to drop the line for me?
DIRECTOR: (ON PA) And three, two, one.
Action, action, action, action, action!
(WOMEN SCREAMING)
MAN: Call the medic! Medic! Medic! Medic!
(OVERLAPPING, DISTORTED CHATTER)
JODY: Colt, are you okay?
PARAMEDIC: I need you to step back.
Are you okay? You're not helping.
(MONITOR BEEPING STEADILY)
(LATIN AMERICAN MUSIC PLAYING)
(GROANS SOFTLY)
Break time's over. You've got a customer.
Number 43.
Hey.
Yo, bro, I know you from somewhere.
Where I know you from, bro?
Oh, yeah, you were on that Tom Ryder movie I was on.
You're the stunt guy! Not anymore.
Did you, like, break your back or some shit? I did, yeah.
How are you even still alive? Yo, babe.
Babe, hey, come here. I don't know.
I wish I wasn't right now. You got to meet this guy.
Come here. You got to hear this.
You don't have to hear this. It's fine. Hi.
This dude was on a movie I was on.
Most epic fail I've ever seen. WOMAN: Mm.
They had him hanging up there on these wires.
He looked like a little pinata.
Action!
This guy falls about a thousand miles an hour,
and I'm like, "This guy's gonna die, bro.
This guy's gonna die." Ten meters above the ground,
snap!
He cracks into this disgusting pretzel.
It's all pretty foggy.
So, like, stunt man to valet. Uh...
how does that happen?
Hell of a fall.
Let me get your car.
Yo, fall guy? Yo.
Bring my car back without a scratch.
I got a crispy fiver here for you, bro.
(SIGHS HEAVILY)
(SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE)
(GROANS)
(A MAN WITHOUT LOVE PLAYING)
I can remember
(CAR ALARM CHIRPS)
When we walked together
Sharing a love I thought
(ENGINE STARTS)
Would last forever
Then something Changed her mind...
(ENGINE REVVING)
(TIRES SQUEALING)
I had no loving arms
To hold me
Every day I wake up
Then I start to break up
Lonely is a man without love
Every day I start out
Then I cry my heart out
Lonely is a man without love
Every day I wake up
Then I start to break up
Lonely is a man without love
No!
Every day I start out...
(EXCITED CHATTER)
Chill! It's a rental!
Without
Love
(WHIRRING)
(BEEPING)
(PHONE VIBRATING)
(PHONE CLICKS)
Hello?
Oh! Colt!
It's Gail.
Your favorite producer.
How'd you get this number?
Someone said you were working at the Captain's Cockatoo.
A valet.
Wow! I didn't believe it.
It's actually El Cacatua del Capitan.
It's a family-run place. We pool tips.
It's a nice change from my old job. Mm.
I'm sure it is. I'm sure it is.
Um, to that point, you know,
I know things haven't been easy for you
since the incident.
And I just hope
that you don't hold it against me or Tom.
You know, we were absolutely devastated.
He sent you a message, right?
The prayer hands emoji?
GA“; Right, yeah. He's still an asshole.
But, God, he was a force in Annihilation of Valor.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) I'm coming for you, Billy!
No!
COLT: He's the best. (SIGHS)
Won himself a Globe.
COLT: Should have won the Oscar.
He is so authentic.
I don't blame either one of you, Gail.
That was my fault.
And when you start making mistakes like that,
it's time to hang up the pads.
GAIL: Oh, it was an accident, Colt.
Everybody knows that.
(CHUCKLES) Tom has put me in a real situation here, Colt.
I just need a little bit of help from an old friend,
who just happens to be, you know, the best stuntman
I've ever worked with in my life.
Which is why you are getting on a plane for me tomorrow
and coming to Sydney.
I'm not getting on a plane, Gail.
You know, Colt, Tom Ryder
is the biggest action brand on the planet.
But that is largely because of you.
Metalstorm will be an epic stunt extravaganza.
My life is simple now, Gail.
I like simple.
Plus, I get all the burritos I can eat.
So... kind of living the dream, if you think about it.
I can't bear that you would throw away all that talent.
You shouldn't be parking cars, Colt.
You need to be smashing burning Kawasakis
through panes of glass.
I know you've missed it. Goodbye, Gail.
Wait, wait, wait! Wait. Hold on.
Did I, did I tell you-- I-- Did I tell you
that the director's asked for you specifically?
Sorry to disappoint him.
GAIL: Well, don't you want to know who it is? Nope.
It's Jody.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
I'm giving her her big break.
Make sure it's an aisle seat.
(RYDER YELLS ON SCREEN)
RYDER: (ON SCREEN) Earth, minerals, stone.
A new eau de parfum by Tom Ryder.
(JET ENGINE WHOOSHING)
(ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
Is that-- Yeah?
I didn't realize they were, uh, scanning doubles now.
Eh, it's new technology.
Basically, we use the geometry of your face
to retarget Ryder's face,
and we put Ryder's face back on top of your face.
Like a deepfake situation.
If you get a chance, turn me into Tom Cruise, would you?
Hey, welcome to Sydney. Are you Colt Seavers?
Yeah. Hey. Do you know where I can get some coffee?
This jet lag is really kicking in.
Yeah, no stress. I got you.
And does the director know I'm here?
She asked for me. Uh...
Does-does she want to say hi or...?
I haven't heard. No, sorry, bro.
Uh, but the stunt coordinator wants to see you.
He's just in the jacket there. Okay, great.
Will you just tell her I'm here and...
you know, that coffee if you get a chance?
Oh.
Dan Tucker. (LAUGHING)
Big-time Hollywood stunt coordinator.
It's about time.
(GRUNTS) Congratulations.
Thank you. Look at you.
So do I call you "sir" now, or how does that work?
Oh, feel free to call me "boss," you know.
Okay, boss. (LAUGHS)
I don't think I should be in this Nomex, right?
I mean, it's like, we're not doing anything crazy, are we?
I was just about to explain that.
Actually, just-just follow me.
Okay. How you doing?
Oh, I'm good. I'm great.
Keeping busy. You know? Been surfing. Wow.
Was growing my hair out till, like, a few minutes ago.
Okay. Trying my hand at bonsai.
Bonsai?
Sounds like you got a pretty full schedule there.
Staying busy. (SPUTTERS)
(CHUCKLES) So, what made you want to come back to work?
Well, I mean, I was told that Jody asked for me.
So, I mean, I had to come, right?
Ah, well... I mean, what am I gonna do, not come? I mean,
she wants me here, I got to be here.
DAN: All right. Everybody, huddle up.
Listen up. First up today
is the car roll we've been rehearsing all week.
Everybody knows their spots.
Everybody knows their responsibilities.
We do this right,
we do this safe, and everybody goes home.
Bad news...
we lost our driver.
So, Henry is out.
But good news is,
(DRAMATIC VOICE) the cinema gods have blessed us
with the greatest stuntman I've ever worked with.
Put your hands together
for Colt Seavers!
(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
WOMAN: All right! MAN: Yeah!
(CHEERING AND WHOOPING CONTINUES)
MAN: Look at that!
A cannon roll?
It's time for you to start rolling cars again
instead of parking them.
You had an accident.
(STUTTERING) It was a massive miscalculation of the rig.
I-I almost killed myself in front of the whole crew.
You know, I'd rather just not have my first stunt back
be another epic failure, especially in front of Jody. I mean, you understand.
"It's not about how hard of a hit you can give."
Oh! "It's about how many times
"you can get hit and keep moving forward." Come on.
That's messed up. You can't quote Rocky on me like that.
JODY: So it's a laser gun with a dagger?
PROPS WOMAN: Yes, like a bayonet. Right.
Do we need the bayonet? Wouldn't the laser achieve...
On the battlefield, yes. Hundred percent.
It just gives it a quite a strange shape.
Oh, this guitar bit at the end? Yeah.
Yeah, well, you said you wanted metal,
so it's, like, heavy metal. (IMITATES MACHINE GUN)
Okay, how-how... how many have you done like this?
Uh, two. Okay. Good.
Hundred. Ooh. Okay. Yeah, fantastic.
Thanks, boss. Okay. It looks like a guitar.
Yes. Nigel, how we doing on the pyrotechnics?
What's going on? I think we only have enough for one take.
Boss! Boss, listen. No. Come on. Yes.
We could create something that looks
way more realistic with VFX. No,no,no.
Come on. Give it to me. Venti, Venti, Venti.
I don't want real. I don't want real.
This is a sci-fi epic, cosmic love story. Why?
Okay? Of cosmic proportions.
It's got to mirror that otherworldly thing when you fall in love.
You know, it's-it's imperfect. It's beautiful.
I want it that way, okay?
Let's go big with our one take, okay? Okay.
Holy shit. (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)
Was that it? Was that my one take?
NIGEL: Uh, I'm sure we have--
(EXPLOSIONS) Oh, my God!
Well, I got to say, though, looks absolutely fantastic.
RAY: Boss. Listen, listen. Look at that.
You sure you want to use real pyros?
Yeah. VENTI: But we definitely don't need this.
No, no, no, no. Yeah. We don't.
Well, we're just gonna have to loop the actors.
That's all. That's okay, Ray.
It's a stuntman in a car with a helmet on, okay?
Oh. Uh, all right. No looping. No monologuing.
What the hell is going on over there, Rush?
We did not call for pyro.
I will seriously track down your family
and kill every last one of them!
This is why they're doing it.
'Cause they feel you don't respect them, Nigel, okay?
It's my tone. I see, okay. Your tone, your words, all of it, just...
Jody? Jody? Darla, yes? Okay. Yeah.
Jody, um, sorry, I... I couldn't get my printer
working last night... Okay, yep.
...but I sort of synthesized our conversation
that we had on the third act, and what if
one of the characters in the film acknowledges in the film
that we're having a problem with the third act?
Yeah? No. No.
But I appreciate you thinking outside the box, Darla.
I really, really do. (EXPLOSION)
Nigel, you've got to stop them.
I will gut you like the pigs that you are! Oh, my God.
Stop testing! Whoo!
Yep? RUSH: Boss!
Test went well. Fantastic.
Okay, so, guys, simmer down. Eyes on me.
Here's what's gonna happen.
No VFX, Venti. It looks absolutely fabulous.
Nigel, we need to shoot now. The tide's coming in.
Let's go. The shot's gonna be epic.
Shot's up in five, people. Thank you.
(EXPLOSION IN DISTANCE)
DAN: Colt? Brother? (EXHALES HEAVILY)
What's happening, man?
Bad sand. Bad sand.
Yeah.
I think we got to postpone. Hate to say it.
NIGEL: (OVER RADIO) Dan, what's the delay, please?
Uh, we're just doing a little safety check.
It's the density. It's bad density.
We're looking at the density of the sand.
There's a new driver.
Who is it? Where's Henry? No idea.
Nigel, this is the biggest shot of the film,
and I have a newbie.
Dan says we can do it. Okay.
Seriously, we're gonna drift all over the place.
What is that, a king tide?
Here's what you do. You wait till it comes in.
It compacts the sand, then we shoot sunset for sunup.
You're stalling.
Maybe. You're stalling.
Two things can be true. (G ROANS) Brother, I've got
a tent full of rookie Australians out here.
I'm gonna be sick.
You got this. You're the one.
Why you got to say that? Why you got to say that? Okay?
You've done this a million times.
And so have you. You know, you just jinxed it.
You just jinxed it!
Hey, Dan, I need the driver in the car now, please.
Okay, the tide's coming up. DAN: Okay.
Thank you so much. Appreciate you.
Is that Jody? Yes, it's Jody.
(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
She say something about me?
Stop with-- your-your face. Stop it. Stop it.
She didn't say anything about you.
Get in the car!
(EXHALES SHARPLY) This is really important to her.
Yes, it's important to her.
Is this Comic-Con or something? Hall H.
"This is one of those times,
"whether it's an inch or a mile, a win is a win."
That's easy. Fast and the Furious.
Ah!
Let's go. You got this. (CLEARS THROAT)
COLT: Did you see the coffee lady? She was wearing, like, a hat.
I see you in the car. Okay.
WOMAN: (OVER RADIO) Let's get the medics in place, please.
This is the hero set. I've got five more after that.
Are you ready, Dan? Yeah.
DAN: Rock and roll. NIGEL: Lock it up!
JODY: Thank you. MAN: (ON RADIO) Three minute away--
NIGEL: (OVER RADIO) Okay, folks,
he's buckled in. Stunts are ready.
MAN: (OVER RADIO) Godspeed, Colt.
All right, FX, go hot.
NIGEL: (OVER RADIO) FX, please go hot on the cannon.
MAN: (OVER RADIO) Okay, engaging the cannon now.
MAN 2: (OVER RADIO) Charging the cannon.
MAN: (OVER RADIO) 2,000 PSI in the cannon.
Stunts is good.
MAN 2: (OVER RADIO) Cannon is hot.
NIGEL: (OVER RADIO) Cameras, where are we at?
Are you rolling? Camera one?
MAN 3: Speed on one. NIGEL: Camera two?
MAN 4: Speed. NIGEL: Camera three?
WOMAN: (ON PA) Speed on three. (BREATHES DEEPLY)
(OVERLAPPING RADIO CHATTER CONTINUES)
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
NIGEL: (OVER RADIO) Background. And three, two, one.
Action, action, action!
(ENGINE REVVING)
All right, guys, stay frosty.
NIGEL: (OVER RADIO) Three, two, one!
Dan, I need him close to the camera now. DAN: Copy that!
COLT: (OVER RADIO) Look, I don't want to be that guy,
but the sand's a little loose.
I can't get any traction.
When I do, it jumps,
so if you get any closer, you're gonna lose the camera.
I know, I know, but get in there.
(ON RADIO) You got this, baby! Move up, move up.
No, no, not that close. Oh. What the--
NIGEL: (OVER RADIO) Keep rolling.
We have seven more cameras. Keep rolling!
Okay!
Ready in three, two, one!
(COLT GRUNTS)
Is he all right? Colt, you all right?
Quickly, get him. Come on, get him.
Just get in there. DAN: You okay?
Easy,easy. DAN: Colt, you did it!
Eight and a half rolls!
Come on, you okay? You good?
You good? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
(LAUGHS)
Jody's coming. Hold on. Okay.
So good, Dan. Is he good?
Yeah, of course. So good, so good.
Loved it Loved it
Incredible. Okay.
Whose idea was this?
I think it was Gail's idea. I thought it was your idea.
DAN: I-I just found out about this yesterday.
Dan, come on.
I didn't approve him. I didn't approve him.
I would never have approved him.
She didn't approve me. (DAN STAMMERS)
Can I talk to you for a second? I'm not approved.
JODY: Interesting move. Really.
Really interesting. Just very casual.
Here you are, you show up,
and, "I'm your new stuntman."
Don't do that.
Don't do that. You can't do that. What?
Directing a movie. Your hat's coming off.
Why are you here?
I think there's been a misunderstanding. Clearly.
Because I was under the impression that...
...you did want me here.
That's a delusional thought. We haven't spoken in a year.
Let's not get into it. Gail, Gail-- But Gail told me
that you wanted me here. Okay. Whatever.
I don't even care about it, but you clipped the camera.
I-I-I'm a little rusty.
Comic-Con shot ruined. I'm sor-- I know.
Hall H. It's a big deal. Yeah. Yeah.
Congratulations. Thank you.
I'm happy for you.
This whole director thing looks good on you.
Even the gardening hat, somehow.
Everyone wears them. It's like a set thing.
Okay? Yeah, I see it. It's--
They're not making it look as good as you are, that's all.
And I'm not trying to be fla-- I'm just saying the facts.
But you look good in everything.
You look good in nothing. Whatever.
No, I don't mean it like that. Really? This isn't...
But you do look good in nothing. This isn't work--
This isn't gonna work. I mean, you do.
But it's not what I... (CLICKS TONGUE)
I'll take anyone. Anyone else. Yeah.
Anyone but him. DAN: Can I be honest with you?
Who have you got? Yep. We literally have no one else.
What's next? NIGEL: The fire burn.
DAN: It's your call.
Okay. NIGEL: Can we get a nurse on standby, please?
We're gonna set this man on fire.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (FRANTIC SHOUTING)
(COLT GRUNTING) (MUSIC STOPS)
JODY: (OVER BULLHORN) Cut, cut, cut. That's a cut.
NIGEL: Cutting there, please. MAN: That's a cut!
(CREW CHATTERING)
JODY: How you feeling, Colt Seavers?
MAN: He's good. MAN 2: (ON RADIO) He's all good.
We're gonna go again. Thumbs-up, okay?
Technical issue. Little bump on the dolly.
Huh? Can you fix that, Jimmy?
Back to ones, please. Thank you.
WOMAN: Going again. MAN: Please, back to one.
JODY: Colt, do you feel a bit flung into the deep end here?
I'm just wondering, 'cause you haven't read the script,
if you'd like some backstory, some context?
Would that be good? Just go with it.
Yeah, helpful? Okay. Here we go.
So, sci-fl love story, two characters,
one of them's an alien-- Aliena-—
and you're Space Cowboy.
They shared what's called a moon season.
In real life, you might call it a fling.
Um, brief but very intense.
And... hopeful.
Now, neither of them had ever been in a relationship
that deep before.
And they told each other that over and over and over again.
Him more than her, you know, to the point where
sometimes she was like, "Chill out," you know.
But anyway, in a tragic turn of events,
Space Cowboy is wounded, and he just disappears.
Without a trace.
(BLOWS SHARPLY)
I can keep going.
I can hit the rock better now, thanks.
We're going again!
MAN: Sound speed.
NIGEL: (ON PA) And action!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(COLT GRUNTING)
JODY: (ON PA) That's a cut! (MUSIC STOPS)
NIGEL: (ON PA) Cutting there, please.
(APPLAUSE)
MAN: (ON RADIO) Everything okay? MAN 2: You good?
JODY: For a little more context, Colt,
Aliena's sort of devastated.
And she starts sort of replaying everything
in her head over and over again.
Did she misread the vibe? Was it just a fling?
Did she let her imagination run wild again?
Or did he lie to her?
Was he full of shit?
But let me be clear.
Eventually, Aliena did move on.
All right?
And she started doing Pilates.
Got herself a banging revenge body,
and then she started dating other humans.
One after another.
And she had so many mind-blowing,
far superior experiences, you wouldn't even believe it.
Right, girls? Yeah.
You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, it was like a sushi train.
(GROANS) I'm gonna be sick.
And do you know what? We're gonna go again, Colt,
'cause there was a little buzz on that one.
MAN: Okay, light him up.
NIGEL: (ON RADIO) Last one, everybody. Action!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(COLT GRUNTING) (MUSIC STOPS)
JODY: It-It's just feeling so withheld,
so how 'bout some dialogue?
Yeah, that's all right, Darla.
I'm gonna go straight to the source.
Hey, Colt, if Space Cowboy had to say something,
if he was forced to say something, what would he say?
How would he justify
this year she's spent spinning out over this?
What could he say? It's a puzzler, isn't it?
But have you got any thoughts? Uh, maybe he could talk...
Nigel, can you, can you get him a bullhorn? I can't hear him.
NIGEL: Traveling.
(BULLHORN SIREN WHOOPS)
Come again, Colt. What was that?
It's already on. (CLEARS THROAT) In this movie,
do the aliens and the humans ever talk...
in private?
No, not really. COLT“. No private conversations?
JODY: No, they don't like doing private.
Like, they like to keep it very public.
Very open. COLT: Oh.
Well, maybe I'll just, uh, open it up to the group here.
Have you ever been in one of those situations where...
you want to say something and it's so important
that you can't mess it up?
So, you think long and hard about it,
and then you realize...
you've already messed it up?
'Cause you've thought too long and too hard about it?
You're...
What's that?
You want... (FEEDBACK SQUEALS)
(ROBOTIC VOICE) I had a similar situation
when I fell in love with my wife's sister.
Okay. All right. What... No.
No. Okay. (FEEDBACK SQUEALS)
COLT: Uh... (CLEARS THROAT)
And again, this is hard because...
you know, I haven't read the script.
But...
he'd probably say...
that he's been living...
in total regret since then.
You know, afraid...
that he'll never get an opportunity
to make it up to her...
because he waited too long.
And...
she's probably moved on.
Uh, sorry, Jody,
speaking of moving on, we, uh... (CHUCKLES)
One more?
I'd love another chance.
Roll it, Nigel. Let's turn over, please!
WOMAN: All cameras are rolling. Shot's up, sound speeding.
MAN: Okay, light him up!
NIGEL: Action! Thank you!
(CROWD CLAMORING) (EXPLOSION)
(COLT GRUNTING)
COLT: Gail?
Gail?
Oh. Coffee.
(WHIRRING, BUBBLING)
(SIGHS)
Mm! You're here.
Oh, no, don't use that. It's broken.
Eight and a half rolls?
That is a world record!
Thank you so much. (LAUGHS)
It's better than parking cars, isn't it?
(LAUGHS EXCITEDLY)
(INHALES DEEPLY) Would you cut the shit, Gail?
What? It was amazing. What are you talking about?
She doesn't want me here, Gail.
Yes, she does.
Oh, of course she does.
You lied. You lied. Oh. (CLICKS TONGUE)
Colt. (BLOWS RASPBERRIES) Do you know how that feels?
Come on.
Sit down, chill your beans.
(GROANS) How many memories have we got doing this?
You and me, back here.
All of those movies.
Fourteen, fifteen movies we've done together now.
That's like a decade of our lives.
You do less time for murder.
Yeah, but, you know,
Ryder, he can be a bit of a kind of Method-y twat-face,
but you know what? People change.
You know my mom's version of a good night kiss?
I'm not kidding. Smack in the chops.
Knocked me out cold. I forgave her.
We can all change, Colt.
We can ev-- look what you did to Jody.
Huh?
You ran off-- You disappear?
You're not in contact with her.
I mean... Honestly.
I was in the hospital. She was--
I appreciate that, but it was brutal on her end.
Yeah. It wasn't a magic trick.
I didn't disappear. She was devastated.
Yes, you should feel bad. But you can make it right.
It's, like, the message in all my movies.
You know that, right?
What's the message in all my movies?
Uh... (STUTTERS)
Nihilism's a viable worldview?
No, that's just the entertainment.
That's like the... (SMACKS LIPS)
like the sexy bacon.
What is this? You know? It's like dogs.
You got to wrap the message... (CLICKS TONGUE)
In some sexy bacon.
I mean, all those movies, people fall down.
They're rolling in their own shit.
They don't think they can cope, but they can. They get back up.
Do you mind if I lay down?
With the multiple fire burns and the cannon rolls
and the jet lag, I just... Yep, yep, yep-
...could use a little shut-eye.
Yep.
Okay, let me get this straight.
Nihilism is the sexy bacon? Yeah.
The audience are dogs? GAIL: There we go.
And when you fall down, you get back up.
GAIL: Thank you. I'm glad we did this.
Now, what am I really doing here, Gail?
Um...
Ryder's missing.
He has fallen in with some shady, shitty, shitty people.
Well, Gail...
call the cops.
I can't call the cops.
Well, why not?
The studio will know that I am way over budget.
They will pull the plug on this.
You know that.
Please go and find him.
Why me?
You're a stuntman, for God's sake.
No one's gonna notice whether you're here or not.
No offense. I mean, some taken.
You know him intimately.
It can be so simple.
You pick him up, you dust him off,
you bring him back here.
I know I can trust you.
And you know who can trust you more than anyone,
she just doesn't realize it yet, is Jody.
This is her big chance.
Do you want her first movie to be her last?
You've got to help me out, man.
It's been along couple days. (SNIFFS)
I'm gonna go to the hotel, I'm gonna--
What is it? It's my yesterday, it's your tomor--
I'm gonna call you your tomorrow.
Right, no. Today. My today.
That is the door code of Ryder's loft.
The patio door. Took it from his trailer.
He's still doing this Post-it note thing?
Oh. (STUTTERS) Let's not even get into that.
At this point, it's like Memento level.
I can only keep this from Jody and the studio
forty-eight hours max.
Save Jody's movie,
and maybe you get the love of your life back.
Did you just turn Jody into the sexy bacon?
She's been the sexy bacon all along.
You're good.
It's the only left-hand drive I have.
Please don't wreck it. It's product placement.
There's only two of them.
I know how you stunties drive.
You seek to destroy all I hold dear.
(CAR ALARM BEEPS)
(SIGHS)
(ENGINE STARTS)
(ON STEREO) 'Cause there we are again
When I loved you so
Back before you lost (VOLUME INCREASES)
The one real thing You've ever known
it was rare, 1 was there
I remember it all too well
And maybe we got lost In translation
Maybe I asked for too much
But maybe this thing Was a masterpiece
Till you tore it all up
Running scared, I was there
I remember it all too well
And you call me up again
Just to break me Like a promise
So casually cruel In the name of being honest
I'm a crumpled-up Piece of paper...
(SONG STOPS)
(COLT SNIFFLES)
What are you doing?
(SNIFFLES)
Uh, just, uh, chilling down.
Were you "chilling down" to Taylor Swift?
Mm. Yep.
It's just something Australians say.
Really? I've been here for six months, I've never heard it.
Yeah, "chilling down under," you know,
but it's shorter to say "chilling down."
Have you been crying? Not at all.
(WHISPERS) You look like you've been crying.
Jet lag.
(SIGHS) That was so dangerous, and I'm very sorry.
Lighting you up like that.
(LAUGHING) It was very cathartic.
I feel better. I deserved it.
I'm gonna make the camera up to you, by the way.
Can I get in the car with you?
Clean your face. You're a mess.
So how have you been?
Oh, you know.
Yeah? Thumbs-up?
God, I hate that bullshit, that stunt guy bullshit.
(CLEARS THROAT) And that's fine.
You don't have to explain anything.
It's all good. It was a fling.
Less than a fling. It was a flingette, and that's fine.
I don't even want to know.
And the problem with forcing something is you get nowhere.
You know, one time my mom forced my dad to exercise.
Do you know what happened?
Snapped his ankle first time he stepped on the treadmill.
She forced it, now he has a piece of metal in his foot.
Moral of the story is you should just be you.
(INHALES DEEPLY)
Well, look, I've thought a lot about this, actually,
and l,uh_.
It's not like I didn't want to apologize
a million times.
Yeah.
Uh, it's just, every time I...
You know, when I think of something to say...
doesn't seem like enough.
(CHUCKLES) Okay.
No problem.
Boundaries. Boundaries.
That's important.
Because I have a lot of pressure on me.
You have no idea how hard it was
for me to make this movie, okay?
I just need to focus, so if you're gonna stay here,
we need to keep it...
like, super profesh.
"Professional" is my middle name.
(CHUCKLES) Mm-hmm.
I thought your middle name was "Danger."
That's a stage name.
Colt Profesh Seavers.
(WHISPERS) Promise me you're not gonna derail this, okay?
Promise.
(INHALES DEEPLY) Okay.
Want to do some doughnuts?
Do you want to drive me to my car?
Yeah. (ENGINE STARTS)
(BRAKES SQUEAK SOFTLY)
Okay, goodbye.
It was rare, 1 was there
I remember it all too well
Wind in my hair You were there
You remember it a" Down the stairs
(ENGINE STARTS)
You were there
You remember it all...
COLT: (EXHALES SHARPLY) Okay.
"Tom, long time no see.
"Gail asked me to check and make sure you're okay."
(SIGHS HEAVILY)
"Colt, thought you were dead.
"Why you got to be such a pussy bitch?"
"Tom, I'm gonna have to ask you not to refer to me
"as a pussy or a bitch."
"Okay, but you got hurt like a pussy
"and you're acting like a bitch."
Tom?
Colt Seavers. Just checking in on you.
Jody needs you back on set, pal.
And I-I don't want to be a part of
any breaking in, role-play games.
Well, all right.
(LOUDLY OVER SPEAKERS) DJ Khaled!
Hey
Yeah We The Best!
A" I do is win, win, win No matter what
Got money on my mind I can never get enough
And every time I step up in the building
Everybody hands go up
And they stay there
And they say, "Yeah!" And they stay there
Up, down, up, down Up, down
'Cause all I do is Win, win, win
And if you going in...
(SQUAWKING RHYTHMICALLY)
Make 'em stay there Luda!
Ludacris going in On the verse
'Cause I never been defeated And I won't stop now
Keep your hands up, Get 'em in the sky
For the homies That didn't make it
And my folks locked down
I never went nowhere, but they saying, "Luda's back..."
(G ROAN S) Coffee.
The hood call it Luda 'gnac
Can't never count me out Y'all better count me in
Got 20 bank accounts Accountants count me in
Make millions every year The South's champion
'Cause all I do, all I All I, all I, all I do is
All I do is win, win... (SWORD RINGS)
(WOMAN YELLS) What the...
(GRUNTS FIERCELY)
(YELLS)
(WOMAN YELLS) (SQUAWKS)
Everybody hands go up...
(COFFEE SPLASHES) (FRUSTRATED GRUNT)
(GRUNTS)
(SWORD RINGS)
(YELLS)
(GRUNTING)
Win, and if you going in
Put your hands in the air Make 'em stay there
And they say, "Yeah!" And they stay there
Up, down, up, down Up, down...
(MUSIC STOPS) (WOMAN GROWLS)
Why do you look so familiar?
(GRUNTS FIERCELY)
(YELLS, GRUNTS)
Where do I know you from?
I'm Iggy Starr, lead actress on Meta/storm.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
I'm Ryder's girlfriend.
COLT: You're “IN Metalstorm. Yeah.
Hey, were you in that movie Carjacked
where that guy named Jack steals your car
and then you shoot him in the hand and you say,
"I hope you know how to drive stick"?
And it doesn't make sense 'cause it's like,
should be "automatic," but the way you say it,
you're like, "stick!" That's Natalie Portman.
Oh, she's great.
Is there anything else I'd know you from?
Storm Chaser. No.
IGGY: Ice Warrior 1. Mm-mm.
IGGY: Ice Warrior 2!
I-I didn't see 1, so...
Uh, Blackwood Madness? No.?
I got a 17-minute standing ovation at Cannes!
Is it "con"? 'Cause it's just like
they always-- I thought it was "cans."
(YELLING FIERCELY)
(GRUNTS) I'd love to see your film!
Where is it streaming?
(GRUNTS) Streaming?!
(YELLS FIERCELY)
COLT: I'm just a stunt guy.
I'm working on Meta/storm, too.
You lie! We're only on Meta/storm 1.
I meant also! (YELLING)
(GROANS)
(GRUNTING)
(G ROAN S D RAMATICALLY)
(IGGY PANTS)
Is this a prop sword?
Mm-hmm. I'm a good actress.
Hey, if you are really working on Meta/storm,
why are you sneaking around here?
Just trying to find Ryder.
He's, like, really drugged up and paranoid right now.
He thinks someone's trying to kill him.
And I'm like, "If you don't finish Meta/storm,
I'm gonna kill you myself."
I can think of a million reasons why,
but why does Tom think someone's trying to kill him?
I don't know. I mean, all I know,
there is some dark shit going on.
And the sooner I can get out of here, the better.
It is killing my "high vibes" way of being.
I am a light worker.
I am a person of positivity.
I am a giver.
Did you know that there are actually people in the world
going through hard things? Like floods
and crime and there are povos.
What's a povo?
A poor person like you.
Oh. God.
Any idea how I could find him?
IGGY: Uh, you could try this club he hangs out at.
He's there with his drug dealer friend Doone
who has leopard print tats on his head.
Okay, well...
it's been real.
I'll see you on set.
Do you know the call time, by the way?
6:00 am. for the povos.
All right.
IGGY: Hey, stuntman. Yeah?
You're never gonna get in looking like that.
COLT: What's with the bird? COCKATOO: Hello.
IGGY: That's Tom's sober cockatoo.
They're, like, sensitive to energy and shit,
so if you get high around one of them,
they, like, freak out and they attack you.
Oh.
So, what kind of shit is Tom into now?
He's into this new crazy Australian shit
called Dundee.
Dundee?
Yeah, like Crocodile Dundee.
It's like, you see unicorns and shit,
and you get, like, guided on this tour,
and then the unicorns, they're like, "Hello. Follow me."
It's, like, a little bit weird, but I'm kind of into it.
That's very specific.
What's with your fueg-ass Miami Vice Stunt Team jacket?
Is it secondhand?
Uh, it was the first show I ever did.
Fifty stunts in 15 minutes.
I had to jump a boat through a ring of fire.
I got so good I could do it
with my hands tied behind my back, actually.
"No one's ever done a stunt like that."
That's what the poster said.
So...
You're very into yourself, aren't you?
I mean, you know, you did ask.
All right, so security's super tight at the club.
You're gonna look the part.
But your best bet at getting in is acting like Tom.
You know how to do that, don't you?
Yeah. I'll just act like I own everything and everyone
and there's no repercussions for my actions.
IGGY: Mm-hmm.
(CLICKS TONGUE, EXHALES) (SONG PLAYING)
One, two, three, yeah...
(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING) (LIVELY CHATTER)
WOMAN: Wait. Are you Tom Ryder?
Is that him? (EXCITED CLAMORING)
(EXCITED SHOUTING)
WOMAN: It's Ryder!
(CLAMORING CONTINUES)
(WOMEN GASPING, LAUGHING)
Remember that time we slept together, Tom?
Love you, Tom!
(CLAMORING CONTINUES) WOMAN: I love you!
(LAUGHTER)
(WHOOPING)
WOMAN: Yeah!
(LAUGHTER AND CLAMORING CONTINUE)
Yeah, yeah, yeah...
You Doone?
Stuntman!
Yeah, yeah, Iggy said you were gonna come see me.
Sit down, get a drink. Hey, get him a drink.
Get him a drink. What do you want?
Oh, no, I-I'm good.
I'm just looking for Ryder.
Get him a Shirley Temple. Sit down.
Uh, no offense, I just want to find Ryder.
How come no one ever wants to chat with the drug dealer?
Sorry. I, uh...
I mean no... no disrespect.
Just had along day. Ryder hasn't shown up for work.
That was fast.
You do a stunt today?
Uh, just a, yeah, car roll.
Just a car roll? (SONG SWELLS, CROWD CHEERING)
Hear how he said that? "Just a car roll!"
What a stuntman! My man!
It's what I do.
Hey, that's why I like you.
'Cause you do all the hard shit.
They give Oscars for that?
For stunts?
No.
(CLICKS TONGUE) Nope.
Hey, to the unsung heroes.
I'll drink to that. (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
DOONE: Mm!
(EXHALES HEAVILY)
No offense, but I prefer cartoons.
See, movies are always trying to make things real.
But it's not real. It's a movie.
It's not meant to be real.
(EXCITED LAUGHTER AND CHATTER) That's why I like cartoons.
(VOICE DISTORTING) See, 'cause cartoons
don't pretend to be real.
(AUDIO DISTORTING)
That's what I like about them. You seen Dumbo?
Dumbo? Yeah, Dumbo.
Dumbo changed my life.
You know that scene when Dumbo gets into the bad champagne,
then he starts seeing the pink elephants
on parade and shit?
I was like, "Yes, please.
"I'll have what he's having!
Make it a double!"
(DISTORTED LAUGHTER)
Hey, stuntman?
(GRUNTS) Why don't you come with us?
We'll get you nice and comfortable at the hotel, huh?
(DISTORTED GRUNTING, GROANING)
(DISTORTED LAUGHING)
(DISTORTED SCREAMING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
Move, move! Get out of the way! Get-- Move! Come on!
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
(CLAMORING)
COLT: Where's Ryder? DOONE: Come on, speak louder.
I'm too high for this shit!
MALE VOICE: Colt! Over here!
Yeah. Follow me!
(NEIGHING)
(PASSING HORNS BLARING)
(HORNS BLARING)
(DISTORTED CLAMORING, SCREAMING)
MAN: Whoa!
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
(BELL DINGING) UNICORN: Don't give up, Colt.
(HORN BLARING)
MAN: Ah, dude. MAN 2: Hey!
COLT: Where is he? DOONE: Huh?
Where's Ryder? Where's Ryder?
(PASSENGERS GASPING AND CLAMORING)
WOMAN: Hey, is that Tom Ryder?
(NEIGHING)
COLT: Where's Ryder? Come on, speak louder.
COLT: Where is he? DOONE: Huh?
(SONG PLAYING)
Crazy, man
I think I wanna be
(FORKLIFT BEEPING)
(GROANS)
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
I think I wanna be Your unicorn
Let me be your
Unicorn, baby
Let me feel alive
I know what it is to fly
Yeah, I feel it comin'
Gotta explode
WORKER: Watch it! Stop!
WORKER 2: What the hell?
(GRUNTING)
(FORKLIFT BEEPING)
Look at that gleaming metal horn...
WORKER: Hey, stop!
I wanna be your unicorn...
(G RU NTING AND PANTING)
Unicorn, baby
Let me feel alive
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
I know what it is to fly
(NEIGHING)
Let me be your
Unicorn, baby
Let me feel alive
I know what it is to fly
What are you doing, Colt?
You know what I'm doing. I'm gonna stop this car.
Go!
See you, mate. Be well, mate.
I've done it a hundred times. Just keep my hips above the hood.
Should be fine.
You're just doing it 'cause the unicorn told you to.
You're just jealous the unicorn didn't talk to you.
You know what? You're clearly high, Colt.
And you're clearly chickenshit!
Okay, we don't have time for this. Talk about this later.
(ENGINE REVVING)
(HORN BLARING) (TIRES SQUEALING)
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
DOONE: Driver, what are you doing? Yeah, okay.
Drive! Drive, bro!
Hey, you need to chill. Just relax. Just re--
Hey, just relax! I'm a lover, not a fighter, okay? Just...
Where's Ryder? I just drugged you 'cause they paid me to.
Who's "they"? (STUTTERS)
The guy that runs Ryder's security.
He's into some real shady shit.
(SLURRING) What kind of shady shit? You know...
What kind of shady shit?!
Shady shit. You know... You can't say
"shady shit" and not tell me what it is.
(STUTTERING) Say what the shady shit is.
Different types of shady shit! Like what?
I deliver drugs to him at the Pendleton Hotel sometimes, okay?
What room? Bro, I don't know what room.
You know, it changes.
Just ask Kevin for the, for the fruit plate.
He'll give you the key. Kevin?
Kevin! K-E-V-I-N. For the... I know Kevin!
You know Kevin? I don't know Kevin.
Well, then you're gonna get to know Kevin. Okay?
He's a lovely guy. I don't want to get to know Kevin!
Ask him for a fruit plate.
Look, I'm not lying to you. It's a fruit plate.
It's a fruit plate? You're serious? Okay? Yes.
Yeah, you know, mangos, strawberry-- a fruit plate!
I know what a fruit plate is, sir.
Then ask Kevin for the fruit plate and he'll give you keys.
How long does this last?
What? How long is this gonna last?
Bro, what are you even saying?
How... long does this last?
Oh. When you stop seeing unicorns.
UNICORN: This is a dunderly dundoo trip, Colt.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
I'd like to speak to Kevin. (PANTS)
WOMAN: Kevin's, uh, on a break.
Okay, maybe you can help me. Can I order the "fruit plate"?
Okay. Do you want me to call "room service"?
I don't know. Is that what happens?
D-Do you have a room?
Should I just... Do I need one?
To order the fr...
I.“ The fruit plate.
Hey, Colt. Fruit plate.
Woof, wow.
That's a look. Hi. Hey.
What happened to your face? Hi.
Hi. Okay. (CHUCKLES) (CHUCKLES)
Sorry about that. (CHUCKLES) Are you good?
It's just good... What's wrong with you?
It's good to see you. Wow, you look terrible.
You look amazing.
Did you fall? What happened to you?
Wow. You're so pretty.
(CHUCKLES) It's crazy. Okay. Your face is bleeding.
What? What happened to you?
Oh. No, I was running. Just-- I was running.
Very unusual athleisure wear for a run.
(SMACKS LIPS) This? Yeah.
Yeah, they gave me the wrong bags at the airport,
but, you know, it's-- it works.
(STUTTERS) I can sweat.
If I'm gonna play Ryder, I thought I should just,
like, cut weight a little, you know...
You seem kind of tweaky.
I'm a little... spotty.
Like, when I-- my glucose levels get low.
I get a little... (WHISTLES)
Okay, is that a new thing? (BREATHES DEEPLY)
Is that a new thing?
What's that? Is that a new thing?
Is your hair new? Yes, I cut it.
I changed my hair. It's beautiful.
You changed your number. We're even.
I thought we'd sort of even the score.
Yeah. I have a lot of new 3--
You know, I've learned a lot about myself
since-since we last seen each other.
A lot of doctors, a lot of therapy.
A lot of work.
And I've realized that, uh,
I'm a mess and you dodged a bullet.
You are some vault, aren't you?
What do you mean? Spill the beans.
Heavy how? And I wanted to be there for you.
Yeah, you say that 'cause you're such a wonderful person
that you would say that. But trust me, it got...
heavy and we were, you know, we were so new,
so I just-- I figured that...
you know, just spare you from all the stuff.
A lot of things you can't do. There's a lot of stuff.
Like what? You know, uh...
(STUTTERS) Like what?
You know, it could-- it could have gone into bathroom stuff.
For instance.
I mean...
I would have been really good at bathroom stuff.
What? Yeah, I think I would have been really helpful,
and gentle with you, and sweet and discreet.
I would have closed my eyes.
Held my breath.
Gave you a sponge bath.
Excuse me? I give a great sponge bath.
Very thorough.
What? (INHALES DEEPLY)
Mmm.
Okay. Okay.
So, thrilled about your new relationship with fruit.
What? And I hope you'll be very happy.
It's just a fling. It's not serious.
Trust me. I-I'm still hung up on my ex.
GAIL: Yeah, but how's she supposed to do quality work
if you keep harassing her all the time?
(GROWLS PLAYFULLY, LAUGHS)
Okay. Can you go and grab your things?
We have really got to zip. Okay. Yep.
What's going on? Seriously.
Colt, you're... (CLEARS THROAT)
You look like you've been busy.
Yeah, real busy, Gail. GAIL: Yeah, good.
Lot of running around, Gail.
We'll get a drink and discuss that.
But right now, the studio...
so far up my ass, I can taste them.
We need your third act. Okay. Yep.
You having problems with the third act?
We're gonna, we're gonna go and do things right now.
I need to write it. I'm gonna go write it. I just--
It's like the studio are wanting me
to contort the love story so that it all ends happily
and everything's rosy and...
Jody,Jody,Jody. But I feel like if I...
lean into reality, then maybe that's the way to go.
And most love stories don't end well. Usually.
Know what I mean? I strongly disagree with that,
so we should keep chopping it up.
Yeah? Should we?
It's important. It's the ending.
Okay. (MAN CLEARS THROAT)
(CLEARS THROAT)
Sir?
Hi. Huh?
Hi. Yeah.
Um, I hear that you're interested
in a-a fruit platter.
(WHISPERING) Kevin? (WHISPERING) Yes.
Yes. Okay, so...
(SIGHS)
It's-it's on... it's on ice.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
(LOCK BEEPS)
(GENTLE PIANO MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)
(SCANNER BEEPS)
Yep. There we go. Sorry. (SIGHS)
(SIGHS)
(EXHALES)
(LOCK BEEPS)
(GRUNTING)
(MUFFLED RINGTONE PLAYING)
(RINGTONE CONTINUES)
Hello?
JODY: What do you think about split screen?
Jody? JODY: Yeah.
Is this okay I'm calling? You said to call and...
Yes. Yeah, it's fine. JODY: Yeah? We could chop it up?
It's, uh... Let's chop it up.
It's a good time. I'm not doing anything.
Okay. Great. Uh, so, split screen, right?
Do you think that it's, like, nostalgic super cool
or do you think it's a gimmick? (GROANS)
Um, I think it could be super Cool
Mm-hmm? Yeah, how do you, uh, want to use it?
I mean, you know, tell me.
Tell me everything. (CHUCKLES)
Tell me, you know, about your vision.
So, I like that they're on-screen together.
But they are in separate worlds... Right.
...you know, visually and emotionally.
So you've got this very prominent divide
between the lovers.
And I want that.
(COFFEE MACHINE WHIRRING)
You want the divide? I want the divide, yes.
Hmm.
It's funny 'cause I-I didn't get the impression
that there was that much keeping them apart.
Well, you haven't read the script.
All I know so far is that the alien lady and the cowboy
are having what seem to be pretty manageable problems.
Jody? Jed-- How's this?
Manageable problems?
The aliens invaded Earth, and they left it in tatters.
So this whole thing the studio are pushing for,
the "love conquers all" thing...
(INHALES DEEPLY) I'm not buying it.
Well, I have to admit that I'm surprised to hear you say that.
Why?
Well, I'm just a boy in a neon suit
standing in front of a girl, reminding her
that Notting Hill is her favorite movie
and she watches Love Actually every year at Christmas.
Well, you know, I watched it again this year,
and I didn't love it, actually.
Wow, it's worse than I thought. Yeah, I'm ruined.
Yeah, it's a really sad day for Notting Hill as well.
That "happily ever after" stuff, unsubscribe me.
I didn't get "happily ever after" from Notting Hill.
What are you talking about? Of course you did.
Did you? Yes, of course. They're Iy--
They're on the park bench. She's got her head in his knee.
She's a "regular girl."
Maybe, but we don't know for sure
she's not gonna go back to working the street.
All we know is that in the beginning,
she's pretty much up for anything but kissing,
and in the end, she's open to kissing him.
(LAUGHS) No. No. And it gives us hope.
You have got your Julia Roberts movies so twisted.
And that's all we want. A little hope.
No, that is Pretty Woman,
where she is a lady of the night,
and this is Notting Hill,
where she's a very famous actress.
Oh. Well, don't listen to me.
What do I know? Look,you're the director.
You're gonna make the right choice.
I'm just saying, for people like me,
who may not necessarily get the metaphor of the split screen.
You may not get the deeper metaphor,
but you're gonna see it.
You're gonna see this bright line between them
that we're gonna ache to see blur.
You know, but maybe it can't.
Maybe it doesn't. Mm.
Right. Right. Yeah.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
But what do we know, right?
'Cause all we know at this point
is that the cowboy likes the alien.
Does the alien like the cowboy?
She's on the fence.
Right.
Because they got problems.
Because she's an alien and he's a cowboy, and that's a problem.
But is it a problem they can't overcome?
Here's a question.
Are they even gonna try?
What do you think?
Do you think they're gonna try?
I think... (SIGHS)
I think this was a great brainstorm.
So...
what'd you decide about the split screen?
I have a better idea.
(NICKERS)
I don't think you need it.
I think the connection between these characters is so strong
that nothing can come between them.
Jod?
Jody?
(NEIGHS)
(MUG SHATTERS)
GAIL: (ON PHONE) Hello? Dead guy on ice.
GAIL: What?
There's a dead guy on ice at the hotel, Gail.
GAIL: Wait. Sorry. What are you talking about?
Well, if you think that doesn't make sense,
don't order the fruit plate. GAIL: Hold on.
You're seriously telling me you've just seen a dead body?
Yes, Gail.
On the rocks. In the hotel.
GA“; What hotel?
The one I just saw you in, Gail!
GAIL: Well, whose room is it in ?
It was in Kevin's, per se.
But he definitely had something to do with it.
GAIL: Who is Kevin? It was in Kevin's room?
Gail, you asked me to do this,
so please try and keep up. I know. I'm sticking.
I went to Ryder's apartment like you told me.
That's where Iggy with the sword and the sober cockatoo
put me in the neon suit and they sent me
to the man with the leopard print head.
Now, he goes by the name of Doone.
It was Doone's goons who dirtied my Shirley
and gave me the Dundee.
(WHISPERS) Doone's goons?
And not in a fun way, Gail.
I think they were trying to kill me, Gail!
So, you can understand why I chased him with my scooter.
But when the unicorn showed up, I had no choice.
I had to hit their car with my body.
The point is, that's how I got to Kevin's fruit plate
and the dead guy on ice.
Do you understand now? Does it make sense?
It's absolutely clear as mud.
Listen, don't-- just step away.
Step away and calm down.
I am gonna handle everything.
No more handling! (GAIL GROANS)
I want the police! GAIL: You're very aggressive.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry to yell. I want the police.
You are not gonna talk to the police.
You don't talk to anyone about this, okay? (STUTTERS)
You listen to me. I'm calling the police.
You are not talking to the police.
Excuse me, sir. GAIL: Wait, who's there?
Who's there? Who's there?
It's the police. I'm gonna talk to them.
GAIL: No, no, no, no, no! Don't talk...
No parking at any time.
Sorry.
Just making sure we're both here.
I'm-I'm here, mate.
I want to report a crime.
POLICEMAN: Okay. An ice crime.
(SIGHS)
Yeah. You're still getting a ticket, mate.
(SOFTLY) All right.
COLT: I got to tell Jody.
(WHISPERS) About the dead guy.
How do you know he was dead?
He could've just been knocked out.
On ice? Yeah.
Ice baths are very good for inflammation.
And are you forgetting that you were high?
How can I if you keep fixating
on that one point? Okay, you know what,
let me just stop you right there.
Whatever you told Jody last night
has got her all fired up. I don't know what I said.
About what?
And now I have to build a truck
for a 250-foot “sump. Huh?
In a day and a half! Sounds pretty cool, actually.
And on top of that, the fight scene today,
Jody has decided that she wants to do it all in one take.
A oner. JODY: Dan, did you tell him about the oner?
Yes. So cool.
Right? Yeah.
So good he's into it. Hi.
Hey. Yeah, can I talk to you for a second? Okay,
about this sequence today, Ryder's a no—show. Yeah.
Again, he's probably on a bender or something.
Well, it's interesting you say that,
because that's. .. Yeah.
...that's what I want to talk to you about. Me, too. Me, too.
Because we don't even need him. He... (CHUCKLES)
Well... We don't need him. I had an epiphany last night.
Let me just tell you.
Last night? I was so excited.
Yeah. After we spoke, it all came to me.
Really? Yeah, the third act, this sequence,
all of it. I've been 3... After talking to me?
Yeah. You know, I was shocked
when you showed up. Right? Yeah.
But... Well, it was... shocking.
But I just started to wonder if maybe
you showed up just at the right time, and...
I've been going for this thing in the action,
and I've never been able to get it.
Like, this feeling of the pursuit of love.
And how far would you go for the one that you love and...
(CHUCKLES) You know? And then... (CHUCKLES)
Yeah. You know, I realize it's not very far with Ryder,
'cause he's a drip. Right.
And he runs weird. Right.
And he can't do action. But... Well, it's...
...you can.
You can. (SIGHS)
I'm unlimited with you.
I can do everything and everything with you,
and it just made my brain just...
(MIMICS EXPLOSION)
So cool.
I don't need cuts. I don't need gimmicks. Really?
I don't need anything. I just need you.
(EXHALES) To finish this movie.
You know, maybe even make it a great movie. Wow.
You know?
Wow. Okay. What do you think?
Do you want to work together?
Shoot the shit out of Sydney Opera House in four hours?
Three hours and 52 minutes. Three hours and 52 minutes?
Yeah.
What are we waiting for?
Okay, good. (CHUCKLES) Good! Okay!
Venti, Venti, come on.
I'm gonna get some dots on your face, 'cause I need you
but not your face. Oh, God. Get-- Yeah, just get rid of it.
Yeah, I'm gonna stick Ryder's head on you. All of it. Just--
Okay. Cool. Okay, okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
(ON PA) Ready for a take? Make it rain, please!
(I BELIEVE IN A THING CALLED LOVE PLAYING)
Let me get out, for Christ's sake.
(ON PA) And... action!
(YELLING)
(GRUNTING)
Can't explain all the feelings
That you're making me feel
(YELLS) (GRUNTS)
My heart's in overdrive and you're behind
The steering wheel
And he does a bit of a swoop thingy?
Touching you
Touching me
Touching you
God, you're touching me
I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking till the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love
Ooh, ooh
I don't want to see anything.
Huh!
Like that? (CHUCKUNG)
Yeah, just do it, try it.
Go!
I want to kiss you every minute, every hour
Every day
You got me in a spin, but everythin' is A-okay
Touching you
Touching me
Touching you
God, you're touching me
(GRUNTS)
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking till the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love
Oh...!
JODY: Thank you. Oh.
How'd we do, boss? Yeah, it was good.
I mean, it was amazing.
It was so amazing, we're gonna go do some karaoke,
“fl you... Oh.
If you like karaoke,
you know, you could-- you could come.
Like, I'd—— I would like you to.
I'll be there.
Okay. (CLICKS TONGUE)
I don't know what that was.
That was just so awful and... (CHUCKLES)
Really? Okay. Yeah, who's she?
Yeah. Yeah.
Holster that. It's holstered.
It's done. Forget. You-you never saw it.
NIGEL: Jody, do you like Christina or Britney?
I saw that.
You saw the finger guns? Oh, I saw the finger guns.
(EXHALES)
She started it.
GAIL: Hi.
COLT: I didn't ha-- I didn't have breakfast.
MADDY: Yeah, you did.
I disagree. I gave you a brekky wrap this morning.
Technically, this is all meal penalty, if you want the...
GAIL: Oh. It's fine. Just-just sign.
Thanks. I'm just saying, not everyone is gonna be as cool
about it as I am. You know? No, I get it.
COLT: What is this?
We got you cm a 5.55 mm out of here. Okay?
I have a car waiting for you. Now?
Engine's on. Yeah. Colt...
there is some serious shit going down, okay?
I just told Jody I was gonna meet her for karaoke.
And I'm actually embarrassed that I got you here
and got you all tangled up. (SIGHS)
I just want to get you out of here before it escalates.
Get your stuff together. We're going.
You're gonna miss the flight. Thank you.
Sorry. ALMA: Okay, but I'm late,
and I got to get Ryder's dogs to daycare.
Fluffy needs her oatmeal bath. She gets hives.
BIRDIE: Hey, should I be looking for another job, Alma?
You're Ryder's assistant. You must know.
All I can tell you is that if Ryder is a no-show tomorrow,
the studio will shut us down.
Ugh. Poor Jody.
Say hello to directors' jail.
(SINGING) If you want to be with me...
Am I crazy or is Nigel hot? Whoo! Hmm?
I'm a genie in a bottle JODY: He's-he's...
He-- Wow, he's got some great qualities.
He really does.Yeah, you should go for it, Venti. Yeah?
Yeah? Yeah.
(BARKING, GROWLING) COLT: Jean-Claude.
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
(IN ENGLISH) Sorry, his commands are in French...
ALMA: French. I know.
COLT: I worked with him on a movie, you know.
Can't believe he kept him.
Well, it's more for a party trick, really.
This one's got a command where he'll bite people
in the balls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We-we know.
(STUTTERS) No, no, don't. Attaque...
Alma, right? I'm Colt... Colt Seavers.
I know who you are.
You know? Of course you know. I'm not surprised.
What is that supposed to mean?
'Cause you're an assistant, and you guys secretly rule the world.
You're not wrong.
Look, I've had a really rough 24 hours.
Maybe 48. I don't know. It's yesterday in LA.
I've already had a terrible tomorrow.
So if you could just tell me what you know,
that would be amazing.
You grew up in Florida until your parents divorced.
You were raised by a single mother.
You were an overactive child, so she put you into martial arts.
You got four belts in one year.
You got hired in the stunt industry when a local stuntman
saw you jumping off a buddy's roof.
And you used to double for Ryder until you broke your back.
Rough.
Six-one, 185, and your favorite color is blue.
Okay.
Well, after that oddly specific and...
sad summary of my life, can we move on to Ryder?
Help me walk these guys to doggy daycare?
Can I walk him?
NIGEL: (SINGING) If you want to be with me
I can make your wish Come true
You got to make A big impression
You got to like what you do
I'm a genie in a bottle...
So, the last time I saw Tom, everything was pretty normal.
He and Henry were in some kind of drug-induced,
shirtless shit-show grappling match.
Sounds pretty normal. Yeah. Typical.
But then Gail called me early the next morning in a panic.
(PHONE RINGING) (GROANS)
Drop whatever you're doing. Tom has lost his phone again.
So I headed to the apartment, expecting the usual--
You know, naked debauchery,
piles of drugs, people passed out.
But this time it was different.
There was nobody there.
It was spotless. But I did find the phone.
The one that Dressler, Ryder's creepy security goon,
just called me about.
Metalstorm crew, we have a call time
of 6:00 am. tomorrow. Don't be late. All right, mate.
All right, thanks, mate! (BOOING)
Hey. Two shots of tequila, please. Ooh, Gail.
Hey. Wow.
I didn't think you liked coming to these things.
What are you talking about? I love listening to people
murder my favorite songs. Thank you. (CHUCKLES)
(SLURPS) Mmm. MC: Gin and Juice.
COLT: I got to get to karaoke.
Hey! (DOGS BARKING)
ALMA: Thanks, Amy.
Au revoir, Jean-Claude.
You got to get rid of that thing.
Why don't you just give it to Gail?
Whatever's on this phone is a goddamn bazooka
that'll blow a movie star-sized hole
through somebody's career.
I'm happy to get this into the hands of a good guy.
Okay... For the right price.
What do you want for it?
A producer credit.
On Meta/storm? Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
Are you out of your mind?
Hey, look, I need career protection, okay? I'm burning myself with this.
I mean, I want Megadeth to come out with a new record.
We have to accept that some things are not gonna happen.
It's not like I'm asking for points on the back end here.
Okay? I know there's a lot of producers pissing in that pool.
I'm a stunt guy. What am I supposed to do about it?
You're a stunt guy who used to date the director
and seems to be getting close to rekindling
some sort of short but legendary torrid love affair.
Drop it into the pillow talk, I don't know.
Do you think we're rekindling, though?
I mean, I think-- I feel like we are. It feels like it.
But I'm saying, from your perspective,
do you-- what do you think? What do I know?
Well, you seem to know a lot.
You did say "pillow talk." Is this a deal or not?
It can help you find Ryder.
PM do what I can. (SCOFFS)
I don't have the passcode.
Just figure it out, okay, stuntman?
Just find Ryder.
I'm gonna need you to sign an NDA.
As you know, nothing in this industry...
I don't have time for an NDA. I got to--
I'm late for karaoke. (G ROANS)
(GROANS) (DOGS BARKING)
(DRESSLER LAUGHING)
(TRUCK DOORS CLOSING) (TIRES SQUEALING)
(HORN BLARES)
Jean-Claude!
(BARKING)
Ryder's phone. Where is it?
(ENGINE STARTS)
What am I doing? What am I doing?
(TIRES SQUEALING)
You sad that he left town? Who?
Colt. No, he didn't.
He's coming here. He's swinging by to sing some karaoke.
Jody. No.
I... I gave him the tickets.
(BARKING) I see it! I see it!
(WHIMPERING) Engage your core.
(TIRES SQUEALING)
(BARKS)
(TIRES SQUEALING)
I need him to finish the movie.
Why would-- why wouldn't you talk to me about it?
(TIRES SQUEALING)
(BARKING) What?
Oh, chicken? Really?
(BARKING) Transpo will kill me.
Okay? It's product placement!
Give me that.
(BARKS) Fine.
Call me chicken.
(BARKING) Huh?
All right. Okay, tough guy.
(HORN BLARING)
(GRUNTS) (BARKS)
Okay, Jean-Claude.
I'll buy you a drink when this is over.
Attaque! (BARKING)
Get away! Help! Help!
You've been so distracted. You should have spoken to me.
This crossed wires-- Excuse me.
Can I get another, please? Thank you.
(RONDELL SHOUTING FRANTICALLY)
God!
(SCREAMS) Get me out! (PASSING HORN HONKS)
(BUTTON BEEPS)
RONDELL: Stay back! Stay back! Stay back! Stay back!
(GRUNTING)
I thought you wanted me to get rid of him.
And he just left?
COLT: You still got it, man!
I love working with you.
Gonna need a hand out here.
(GRUNTING)
Who are you working for? Where's Ryder?
I don't know! I don't know! Tell me where he is!
Oh.
(TIRES SQUEALING) (HORNS BLARING)
(GRUNTING)
(G ROANS) Where's the phone, stuntman?
I need that video!
Wow, he didn't tell you.
Jean-Claude!
(GROWLING) (SCREAMING)
Can I get another one, please?
GAIL: I... Thank you.
GAIL: I really thought I was doing my job.
It's fine. It's fine.
But you know what? He can do whatever he wants.
He's an adult human male, and he should do as he pleases.
He should just... GAIL: Right. Yeah, he is.
(MUFFLED) ...you know, go his own way, you know?
GAIL: But that means y-you can focus up now.
Yeah. GAIL: You know, you have a massive--
Do you know you have a big, fat hit on your hands?
I know. Yeah.
GAIL: It's High Noon at... High Noon.
...the edge of the universe. Edge of the universe.
GAIL: Yes. Hear it yourself.
Forget about him. Just...
MC: All right, uh, next up, uh, we got a Jody. Is there a Jody in the house?
Wow. God. GAIL: Yes!
Right here, right here! Ah. There she is.
Big round of applause for Jody!
(CROWD CHEERING)
I actually want to change my song.
Oh, uh, okay. Yeah. Yeah.
Oh. That one.
(PASSING HORN BLARES)
(AGAINST ALL ODDS PLAYING)
How can I Just let you walk away
Just let you leave Without a trace
When I stand here taking Every breath with you?
(PASSING HORN HONKS) (GRUNTS)
Ooh, ooh (GRUNTING)
You're the only one
Who really knew me at all (GROANING)
(PASSING HORN HONKS)
How can you just Walk away from me
When all I can do Is watch you leave?
(BARKING) Jean-Claude.
(SPEAKS FRENCH)
(SINGING) 'Cause we've shared The laughter and the pain
(TIRES SQUEALING) (GRUNTING)
And even shared the tears
You're the only one
Who really knew me at all
So take a look at me now
Well, there's just An empty space
I love this song.
And there's nothing left here To remind me
Just the memory of your face
(HORN BLARES) Ooh, take a look at me now
Well, there's just An empty space
And you coming back to me
ls against the odds
And that's what I've got to face
(SHOUTING)
(BONES CRACK) (SCREAMS)
(GRUNTING)
I wish I could just Make you turn around
Turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you
So many reasons why
(BOTH YELLING)
You're the only one
Who really knew me at all
Come on, everyone. Everybody.
So take a look at me now
Well, there's just An empty space
And there's nothing left here To remind me...
(HORN HONKING) Get off, bitch!
Now, take a look At me now...
(HORN BLARES)
(WHIMPERS)
But to wait for you...
Brake! ALMA: I can't!
There's something stuck! (GRUNTS)
Jean-Claude, what are you doing?
What are you just sitting there for? (SPEAKS FRENCH)
(SINGING) Take a good look At me now...
(TIRES SQUEALING) (SONG STOPS)
(GROANS)
(BARKS) COLT: Oh.
ALMA: You okay?
You?
(EXHALES)
I got to get to karaoke.
(SONG RESUMES)
But to wait for you Is all I can do
And that's What I've got to face
(CROWD SINGING ALONG) Take a good look at me now
'Cause I'll still be Standing here
And you coming back to me Is against all odds
(JEAN-CLAUDE BARKING)
It's the chance I've got to take
(I HA TE MYSELF FOR LOVING YOU PLAYING)
Midnight, getting uptight Colt?
And where are you?
Where's Jody?
She left. Where were you?
At a rave? In a sewer?
What's with the dog? It's a long story.
(CLICKS TONGUE, SIGHS)
Give me a sunset on ice and a water back.
BARTENDER: Coming right up.
(VENTI SINGING) Things that you do
I want to walk, But I run back to you...
DAN: What's this?
It's Ryder's phone.
Why do you have Ryder's phone? All I know is
some really bad guys are trying to get it.
Are you serious? What?
I just got to figure out what's on there.
Then find Ryder and get him to finish Jody's movie.
Okay. Well, shit, yeah.
Venti, she's like a tech genius at this stuff.
(CROWD CHEERING) Thank you!
DAN: Hey, Venti!
Ventilicious. Hey.
What's poppin' on, boys?
Yeah, Ventinator. (GRUNTING PLAYFULLY)
COLT: You know how to get into this thing?
Oh, I've seen some of these guys.
This thing is a vault.
It'll take me like two or three days to crack this thing.
Yeah, but you're like a tech genius, you know?
What if you don't have three days?
VENTI: You need the password. I'm telling you that.
You're next. (GASPS, SQUEALS)
Nigel. Nigel!
Knowing Ryder, it's...
written on a Post-it note in his apartment somewhere.
Okay.
MC: Okay, next up, we've got Dan.
Come on, buddy. Come on, Dan. Don't be shy, mate.
Come on, buddy. Let's go.
You owe me!
(SPEAKS FRENCH)
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
(IN ENGLISH) It's got to be around here somewhere.
Mm-hmm. Let's just split up. Jean-Claude...
(SPEAKS FRENCH)
(SQUAWKS)
COCKATOO: (IN ENGLISH) Hello.
Oh.
You know what? I deserve this.
Idiot.
Colt?
Colt! I got it! Colt!
COLT: To finishing the movie.
I think I got it.
(SUCKS TEETH) All right.
That guy mentioned a video.
Oh, baby, I'm here at work,
but I got a little something for you, a little surprise.
(WHISPERS) It's just above my ass. Eh?
COLT: Oh, my God. Cover your eyes.
I think I've seen Tom's ass more than my own. (WHIMPERS)
Okay.
Now is the winter of our discontent.
Made glorious summer by this sun of York...
DAN: He's such a dick.
But, God, he's good.
Yeah.
COLT: What about this?
(CROWD CHEERING) (RAP MUSIC PLAYING)
Look at him, he's jacked to the tits.
So much for that sober cockatoo.
(SQUAWKS)
Oh, here's that party his assistant was talking about.
DAN: Okay. Iggy.
COLT: Wait a second. Who's that?
DAN: That's Henry. That's Ryder's stunt double.
He looks a lot like the guy I saw at the hotel.
(RYDER SHOUTING ON-SCREEN)
DAN: When you were high? And you were seeing unicorns?
And a dead guy on ice.
(SHOUTS)
(CROWD CHEERING) (YELLS EXCITEDLY)
RYDER: Hell yeah! Come on!
What? What?
Do I do my own stunts?
I think I do. I think I freakin' do.
Yeah, baby.
(CHEERING QUIETS)
(SCATTERED WHOOPING, MURMURING)
RYDER: Uh, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme...
Gimme the phone. Gimme the phone.
Oh, shit. Did they just kill Henry?
They just killed Henry.
(PHONE VIBRATING) Oh, it's Venti.
Hey, uh... Hello? VENTI: Dan.
Turn on the news right now.
I can't believe this!
The dead body discovered this morning at the Pendleton Hotel
has been identified as Henry Herrera,
an American stuntman known for doubling superstar Tom Ryder.
Authorities are investigating his death as a murder.
Their prime suspect is another stuntman,
Colt Seavers, who was last seen in the hotel room
where Herrera's body was discovered.
Police have released this security footage
showing Seavers leaving the scene of the crime.
If you have any information, please do us a favor,
reach out to Crime Stoppers by the number on your screen.
And we'll have more on that later. In the meantime...
I got to call Jody.
RYDER: (OVER SPEAKERS) It's high noon
at the edge of the universe, folks.
(SNIFFS)
JODY: Which one was that?
EDITOR: That was take four.
RYDER: (OVER SPEAKERS) Goddamn it, Jody.
I mean, it looks like frickin' Burning Man.
My balls are drenched. I need a towel.
(LAUGHS)
This dude always forgets that he's mic'd.
I know. He says the craziest shit.
JODY: Craziest shit. I know, I know.
What, is it on airplane mode?
DAN: If this was The Fugitive
and you were Harrison Ford...
the bad guys would be closing in.
(CLAN KING) (COCKATOO SQUAWKS)
BOTH: I call tomahawk.
Damn it. You stay alive.
Stay alive.
No matter how long it takes.
No matter how far, I will find you!
Last of the Mohicans. Ah, boy! Stunts!
(G ROAN S) Damn it.
Shit, is this rubber? Oh, God.
(EXHALES)
(GRUNTS SOFTLY)
(DOOR OPENS)
(GUNFIRE)
Daniel Day-Lewis! (GRUNTS)
(GRUNTING)
(GRUNTS)
(SQUAWKING)
(GRUNTS)
(GROWLS) (YELLS)
Jason Bourne!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(GRUNTING)
(SCREAMS)
(GRUNTS, GROANS)
(GUN COCKS)
(GUN COCKS, FIRES)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson!
(GUNSHOT) Give me the phone!
Where's the phone, stuntman?
We got to get this phone to the cops.
DAN: Okay. COLT: It's the only thing--
(GRUNTS)
Nice tackle! Solid!
(GRUNTS)
(STRAINING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
COLT: Hey, man bun!
Where's the phone, stuntman?
Jean-Claude, attaque!
(GROWLING)
(SCREAMING)
(GUN COCKS) (GROANING)
I'm gonna take that.
Be careful of that, big fella.
Shutup!
I'm gonna go out the front and make sure no one's there.
Okay. All right.
Hey, take Jean-Claude, would you?
Okay. Allons-y! (BARKS)
Just you and me, stuntman.
Shit.
(PHONE BEEPS)
Colt's down.
Big fella got away, though.
Uh-huh.
You can make it. You can make it. You can make it!
No! It's too dangerous!
Got to be stairs.
Okay, okay, okay, okay!
(GROANS)
(GUNS COCKING)
Colt. Hey, man.
(GRUNTS)
(PROLONGED YELLING OVER SPEAKERS)
Look at that. Yeah, makin' a movie here.
Could you leave us, please?
Yeah.
JODY: Ooh, Gail. So tense.
RYDER: You remember old Dressy, right?
(GROANS, EXHALES)
Stuntman.
I never forget a fist. (SIGHS)
Listen, I'm gonna need the phone. Where is it?
It's a matter of urgency. I need to know.
Right. The one that proves that you killed Henry, not me.
Eh.“ That phone.
Well... Yeah.
I'm gonna hold on to that.
Seems like it's the only thing keeping me alive right now.
Okay.
You hold on to that.
Okay. Sure.
(SUCKS TEETH, GRUNTS)
What happened, Colt? You know?
(GROANS)
All those movies.
We had some laughs, right?
(CLICKS TONGUE) Eh...
Remember Prague?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah? Unfortunately.
I made you carry me. Mm.
All around the city. That was a very dark time for me.
Playing a paraplegic. Remember?
Right? Yeah.
That was fun. Yeah.
What's wrong? (CLEARS THROAT)
What's happened?
The police have found Henry's body in his hotel room...
murdered.
What?
Colt's gone MIA.
Because he's on a plane.
They said he never got on the plane.
What are you saying to me?
He's the prime suspect, Jody.
Gail, come on. Are you kidding me?
GAIL: I know. Colt?
GAIL: Yeah. There's no way.
That's what I said. There's no way!
What went wrong?
Mmm.
What went wrong? Well, as I look at it,
you know, you're-- you're torturing me
right outside your superyacht like a Bond villain.
Dipshit!
What went wrong?
What went right?
(EXHALES) You changed.
You changed.
Yeah. We used to be like brothers, you and I.
Entered into the sacred bond of actor and stuntman, man.
Oh, God.
You think Colt could murder a human being?
GAIL: No, I don't. Did you tell them that?
GAIL: I said that. This is a man--
This is a man who spent 23 minutes
ushering a cockroach out of my room once,
and I was like, "Just stomp on it," and he was like,
"No, let it live." I mean, it's Colt.
I told them all of that.
I told him who he is-- who I thought he was.
Did you, emphatically?
GAIL: Yes, I did. Yeah, because he
was at the airport where you sent him.
He would've been at karaoke with me.
GAIL: I thought he was on the plane. Don't do that.
He's lied to both of us.
How many movies, how many movies have we done?
I don't know. That's right. Yeah, too many to count.
'Cause I put you in the contract, didn't I?
I put you there, right there.
Mm-hmm. Yeah? That's right,
I had the assistant, the makeup and hair... Right.
...uh, trainer, and then boom,
Ryder's number one stuntman, Colt Seavers.
That was me, I did that. I did that for you.
What are you gonna do for me? Huh?
Die, I guess?
Right? Die? Is that the plan?
RYDER: It's nothing personal. COLT: Oh, my God.
Well, I'm taking it personally.
Yeah, I can see that. The torture.
You know what? It's just business.
The drugging, the Taser. You know, it's just business.
I mean, Tom Ryder's a global brand.
I'm taking it personal. I literally move markets.
If I go down... (WHOOSHES) the freakin' Dow goes down.
If you break your back, I replace you like this. Boom.
Look, I can see how can get so easily confused, you know?
You-you put on my clothes, all right.
You walk a mile in my shoes.
You start to get some attention,
and you get your little article in Variety or Whatever it is.
Oh, my God, this Variety article. Ten top stuntmen
or whatever the shit. Are you serious?
Doesn't really matter. Nobody read it. Who cares?
The Variety article? You-- But you start to feel like
you're something special. Who ca-- I didn't even do the interview!
This is what's happened, right?
It muddies up the waters. And that's when I got to
nip it in the bud. I got to protect the asset.
Maybe we don't know people as well as we think we do.
Oh, my God. You know?
Oh, my God, it's Colt.
Give me the phone.
What are you doing? Gail, get off the pho--
Oh! What are you doing? Oh, my-- Jesus Christ, Gail!
Oh, my-- Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, my God.
Let me help you. No, stop it.
Let me take it up to-- Do you know what?
Just give me a minute.
Yep. JODY: Come on.
RYDER: You know, if you'd just stuck to your job
instead of trying to hog the spotlight,
this wouldn't have happened. I mean, Henry wouldn't be
on the scene, his accident wouldn't have happened,
your accident... freaky little fall.
'Cause you just push my buttons, man.
Wait a second. What?
RYDER: (SIGHS) What?
What did you say about my accident?
RYDER: Well, you know, you pushed me over the edge.
You literally pushed a button. I mean, you didn't--
I mean, I pushed the button.
I had to crank it up a notch.
That was you?
Yeah.
Had to teach you a little lesson, didn't I?
(IN SOUTHERN ACCENT) Got a little too big for your boots, didn't you?
(NORMAL ACCENT) Henry's no different, you know.
(LAUGHING)
Hey. You do your own stunts?
Do I do my own stunts?
In front of all those people, that's humiliating.
And yeah, I'm gonna kick you into next week.
(SCOFFS) But then Gail, you know...
Remember Gail, right? I've known her for 15 years.
Oh, yeah. I forget, 'cause you've been out of the game
so long, you know? I introduced the two of you.
Calls me up and says, "It doesn't look good."
Bad for marketing and renting,
and blah, blah, blah, and murder and...
I know, I-I-I d-- (SNIFFLES)
(CRYING) I real-- I really don't need this right now.
Fucking Henry!
Don't worry about it.
You lay low...
and I will handle everything.
RYDER: This plan was so simple.
Yeah, we were gonna put Henry's body on ice
so it doesn't decompose.
We could pull you out from that rock you crawled under.
My life, yep. RYDER: You know, scan your face.
Stick you on the murder video.
Drug you, drive you and Henry's body
off the Sydney Harbor Bridge, in your car-- boom.
You got murder, suicide. So simple. Boom.
Cut. Check the gate.
Move on. Beautiful.
I think we have different ideas of what simple is.
Y-You just didn't stay down, did you?
You had to, like, uh, create a big scene,
like Colt Seavers does.
Well... RYDER: Dipshit Doone sends you where?
To the frickin' crime scene.
Back to the hotel.
Yeah, brilliant. That's nice.
Great. Good job. Now I got a witness.
Now you leave me with no options, Colt.
Now I'm-- now I'm-- now I got to improvise.
So say goodbye to Doone.
What? He's got to die.
Wha-- what do you mean, I have to--
(DOONE GRUNTING) Don't do this. Listen to me.
Shit. Goddamn. Goddamn it.
You're killing Doone.
This is insane.
(SILENCED GUNSHOT) RYDER: This?
RYDER: Well, this is on you, man. This is all you.
This is insane. This is-- this is insane.
But no. But then you got Kevin.
COLT: Uh, Kevin? RYDER: You know, the concierge.
Spoiler alert, Kevin, run!
No, he had a good idea. He ain't gonna run.
Kevin, I'd run. Don't run,Kev.
You were good, right? Quick wits.
If it wasn't for him, the cops would've found Henry's body.
COLT: Think about this.
RYDER: I am. Sleep on it.
If killing Kevin is a good idea,
it'll still be a good idea in the morning. RYDER: Colt.
Now he's a witness. Now he's got to go.
What? What? No.
Hang on. What-- (YELLS)
COLT: Oh, my God, you're killing K--
You're killing Kevin.
He's killing Kevin. He's killing Kev--
He's killing Kevin. God, I hate that sound.
(SILENCED GUNSHOT)
(GROANING)
RYDER: I don't know when it stops. Just adding up, one by one.
All on your plate.
(SIGHS) Like a stack of pancakes. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.
Still kind of works. Sort of writes itself, actually.
COLT: It's not writing itself. Yeah.
You're writing it.
Crippled stuntman falls from grace,
flies to Australia in a bitter rage
because Tom Ryder, a two-time Oscar nominee,
is working with his ex-girlfriend.
This is terrible. Dresses up as the movie star
and goes to the club to feel, once in his life, relevant.
Gets high as balls, goes to the Pendleton Hotel...
This is your idea? ...and kicks down the-- Ryder's
new stunt double's door. Tom, you should not write.
Kills him. And, in a pathetic last stunt, lands both
the tragic doubles at the bottom of the Sydney Harbor.
Boom. COLT: It's plot-heavy.
We're getting tangled in exposition.
The murder caught on tape.
COLT: Lose the last part-- the suicide.
You lose the audience if there's too much.
No, I don't think they give a shit, actually, Colt.
Tom, you need carbs!
Where's the phone? You need carbs.
I need the phone. No.
Your brain runs on glucose.
Get-get your chef to make you a grilled cheese, okay?
It'll change your life right now.
Colt, you're the fall guy.
You're the fall guy.
Where's the phone?
I mean, I-- You can keep taking hits all night,
but you know what?
I can think of a few other people who can't.
We could bring Dan up here, maybe Jody, perhaps.
I mean, I like Jody, but you know.
There's no phone.
Okay? That's the twist.
No phone.
He shot it out of my hand.
Up there, go check.
You, too, all of you. I'll wait.
(LAUGHS) He shot it. You didn't know you did that?
It's crazy. I've been wanting to tell you this whole time.
No, he didn't.
I was by the door frame. RYDER: No.
And he shoots it out of my hands!
Take the ties off.
Oh, my God, What a relief. That's crazy.
You were right about one thing, that was the only thing
keeping you alive. (SIGHS)
I really wish you could see what Jody's gonna do with Meta/storm.
It's gonna be awesome.
And honestly...
it's gonna be a banger.
DRESSLER: Not so cocky now, are you, mate?
Jesus, Mike, Mike, put a lid on it.
RYDER: Wish you didn't break that bond, bro.
Wish you didn't break that bond.
All right, stuntman, time for a drink, mate. Eh?
(GROANS) There we go. Eh?
Help!
(DRESSLER LAUGHS) Help!
Shut up. Shut up. Help!
Shut up, mate.
(DRESSLER LAUGHS)
There.
This fire gag's real.
(SCREAMS)
(MOTOR REVS)
Come on, guys, start the boat. He's gone the wrong way.
Shit!
(RAPID GUNFIRE)
(GUNFIRE CONTINUES)
(RINGING)
Oh, Colt.
Colt?
Hey.
JODY: What's going on? What'd you sing?
What?
At karaoke. I'm sorry I didn't make it.
It doesn't matter. Listen. Everyone's saying you killed Henry.
What's happening? COLT: Oh, that's not true.
You're gonna hear a lot of things that aren't true.
I just wanted to say that when I first got here,
when you asked how I was doing and I gave you the thumbs-up,
when you were like, "That's stunt guy bullshit,"
and you're right, it's total cliché,
but, you know, there's a reason you don't see
the thumbs-down stunt guy.
You know, it's kind of part of our training.
Right? You know, you get hit by a car,
you get thrown out of a window,
you get set on fire, you give the thumbs-up.
But, uh, after my accident--
Turns out was not an accident, by the way--
I, uh...
I wasn't okay.
And not because I broke my back,
because I just felt like a huge...
failure.
And I realized that, uh...
you know, I'm not invincible.
Huge shocker.
And I thought maybe I wasn't so special
or something, so I, uh...
just figured that the thumbs-down version of me
wasn't what you got into it for, so I disappeared.
But, you know, I didn't just disappear on you.
Uh... just disappeared on,
(SNIFFLES) on, uh, myself... too.
Anyway, I'm sorry.
You deserved more than that. I'm sorry.
I just wanted you to be honest.
You know, honestly, it, uh, all hurts.
Getting hit by a car hurts.
Getting thrown out of a window hurts.
(SNIFFLES)
Getting set on fire really hurts.
But, uh...
(EXHALES)
...none of it ever hurt as much as not being with you.
Where are you?
Is that from a movie or did I just make that up?
It's pretty good. (LAUGHS)
DRESSLER: There he is! You can use it if you want.
No, please...
For what it's worth, I'm still in love with you.
And I don't think you should give up on that happy ending.
Colt.
COLT: I got to go.
Colt. (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
Tonight
Wait, Colt.
Feel the tension
There's something that drives me wild
And tonight
I want to make it all come true
'Cause, girl, you were made for me
Girl, I was made for you
I was made for loving you, baby
You were made for loving me
I can't get enough of you, baby
You can't get enough of me
I was made for loving you
And you were made for loving me
I can give it all to you, baby
Can you give it all to me?
(PHONE VIBRATING)
That's a wrap on Colt Seavers.
(PHONE VIBRATES)
Gail?
GAIL: Jody.
Colt's...
Colt's dead.
(SINGER VOCALIZING)
Police are investigating an explosion on Sydney Harbor
just outside the Opera House,
where it appears a boat has collided with a fuel barge.
I was made for loving you, baby
You were made for loving me
I can't get enough...
...an alleged suicide of Colt Seavers,
the man responsible for the recent murder.
I was made for loving you
And you were made for loving me
I can give it all to you, baby
Can you give it all to me?
Hey. Hey.
Whoa. Huh?
Looking for Stunt Coordinator Dan Tucker.
No. You seen him?
(CLATTERING)
Hey! You two.
Helmets off. Looking for Stunt Coordinator Dan Tucker.
REPORTER: Following a dramatic boat explosion
on Sydney Harbor, police are currently investigating
the suicide of American stuntman Colt Seavers.
(BUTTON CLICKS)
Following a dramatic boat explosion on Sydney Harbor,
police are currently investigating
the suicide of American stunt--
(BUTTON CLICKS)
Following a dramatic boat explosion
on Sydney Harbor, police are--
Following a dramatic boat explosion on Sydney Harbor,
police are currently investigating
the suicide of American stuntman Colt Seavers.
(SCREAMS)
MAN: (IN ROBOTIC VOICE) Jody, you need to be quiet. Don't say a word.
(GRUNTING) (ROBOTIC SCREAM)
(ROBOTIC SCREAMING)
Wait, wait. No.
(GROANING)
Jody”.
(GROANING)
You think you can come to my set and sneak up on me?
(ROBOTIC GROAN)
Wait!
It's me. It's me.
Remember?
Jesus Christ.
I knew it.
(GROANS)
(JODY PANTING)
I knew you were alive.
(NORMAL VOICE) Three shows a day,
six days a week for three years.
The Miami Vice stunt show.
You remembered.
Yes. I'm happy you're alive, Colt.
Colt, I'm so happy you're alive.
I knew it. Oh, my God.
What were you doing... Nice work with the pen.
So sorry. No, it was great. You got it out just in time.
I think the ink poisoning didn't set in.
(KISSES) Chef's kiss. What's going on?
Huh? Everyone's saying that you killed Henry.
Ryder killed Henry. He framed me.
There's footage of you.
Well, he deep faked me. What?
They do it all the time on the Internet.
They take Tom Cruise's face, and they put it on yours.
And you can't tell the difference.
No. Okay, so where's the real footage
of Ryder killing Henry? How do we get it?
It was on Ryder's phone, and then it got destroyed because
Dan's Last of the Mohicans plan didn't work out. What?
It's not his fault, you know?
He called tomahawk first, okay.
I got "blanks only."
And it was going pretty well, actually,
and then Dressler showed up.
So he, you know, he does this, like, Jason Bourne shit.
Okay, I have so many questions. (PANTS)
Okay.
Who else knows you're alive?
No one. Great.
No, that's the point. I mean, I figure
we can't finish the movie unless they think I'm dead.
What movie?
Metalstorm. What about Metalstorm?
If they think I'm dead, they'll come back and finish.
Who? Ryder.
Finish what? The movie.
Meta/storm? Exactly.
Are you insane? You are insane. What?
You need to be burning your fingerprints off,
and you need to be getting across the border as fast as possible.
We're gonna hide you until we can clear your name.
None of it matters anymore. It's just a stupid movie.
What? Don't say that. It's a stupid movie.
That's Meta/storm you're talking about.
That's the movie you spent your whole life trying to make.
Who knows?
You might inspire a whole generation of little Jodys
to pick up cameras and make their own movies.
You're just-- you're special.
And all of us get to be a part of something special
because it comes from you.
I obviously failed at getting us our happy ending,
but I'll be damned if I'm gonna let
Space Cowboy and Aliena not have theirs.
(JODY MOANS)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Jody, my love!
One sec! (HIGH-PITCHED) I'm coming...
(SHUSHES) Stop it. (MUFFLED GRUNT)
(QUIETLY) Gail. She's in on it.
What? Yes.
Okay, come on. Let's just kiss a little bit first.
No, come on, we g-- got to get you in the bathroom, please.
Come on.
Christ! (KNOCKING)
Got to work.
You all right in there, my darling?
Here, this-- Take this soap and rub it on my belly.
JODY: Get in the bedroom.
Okay. Colt. Are you good? Okay. COLT: Okay. Yeah.
Be quiet. Don't make a sound. GAIL: Jod?
My head. The head. What?
(KNOCKING)
Hi! GAIL: Hey. Hello, you.
Hey. Hey. Aw, come here.
Thank you.
GAIL: AW, how's my favorite director?
JODY: Uh, a bit emotional, you know.
Oh, no-- Jesus.
Like Johnny and Amber have just been here.
(LAUGHS) I just need to vent, 'cause it's been...
it's just been so much. I know. I know.
I'm so sorry about Colt. Thank you.
You know, it's such a shame, but what a mess.
Right. Who knew?
Yeah. I mean, I tried to help him.
I hope you know that, but sometimes you can't help people
who don't want to be saved. Right.
But silver lining
to this very dark (KISSES) cloud.
I've got Ryder to come back.
And I have a plan. Really?
But we're not gonna be able to do
your big third act set piece, the car jump.
It is an impossible jump, especially now with Colt gone.
Dead. He's gone.
He's so dead. Stay with me.
I spoke to Venti.
She says that she can do it in VFX.
The car jump.
All we need to focus on is Ryder's new,
final, bombastic monologue.
I've read the pages.
God, you smashed it. I knew you would.
We're gonna get him covered. Yeah.
You, meanwhile...
please go and rest up in Fiji, on me.
You know? Plop yourself on a beach.
And I'm gonna take care of all of it for you. Gail.
You've got so much to process.
I can take care of all of it. No.
No. This is my movie.
Now, listen to me. (SIGHS)
I've learned so much from you.
I know. Thank you. And I'm very grateful.
But the lesson I stand by now,
that you've taught me... Yeah. Yeah.
You fall down, you get right back up.
(INHALES DEEPLY)
(SPUTTERING CHUCKLE)
I am directing this movie, yeah.
GAIL: Oh, my God, that's my girl.
It went in. I'm so proud of you. Good. Okay.
Thank you. All right, let's get you out of here.
One last thing. Yeah?
Have you seen Dan? Nope. I think he's by the taco truck.
You haven't heard from him? He's probably-probably
over there somewhere. Thank you so much.
I'm proud of you. Thank you.
Thanks for the pep talk. Okay, buh-bye. (SIGHS)
Love you, darling. Love you, too. Bye!
Oof.
(ROBOTIC VOICE) You're gonna finish the movie.
No, I'm gonna clear your name. Okay, now listen.
(NORMAL VOICE) Why can't we do both?
I think we can. We're gonna bring him to set,
in a controlled environment, and then we surround him...
And we beat the shit out of him.
No.
We're gonna force a confession out of him
by putting him in a scene.
Right. You know, he always forgets he's mic'd.
That's better.
JODY: I just don't know how to do it yet.
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
I know how to do that.
Make him do his own stunt.
The impossible jump.
Then we beat the shit out of him.
(IN SOUTHERN ACCENT) It's high noon at the edge of the universe, folks.
And we're facing a powerful enemy.
An alien species born of the worst of humanity's traits.
But what our enemy doesn't see
is that their demise is imminent.
And the most powerful weapon in all galaxy...
love.
Inside each and every one of you
is a spark, baby.
An ember.
A goddamn fire!
(ALL CHEERING)
Love is how we will win.
And even if we lose,
we're gonna die fighting for a happy...
(MUSIC SLOWS, STOPS)
(IN NORMAL ACCENT) Goddamn, Jody.
What in the crap am I saying? Ooh, ooh.
Okay, cut, cut. Cutting there, please.
RYDER: I just, I mean... MAN: (ON PA) That's a cut!
Panties in a twist.
RYDER: It's as if someone took the last few pages,
wiped their ass with it, and said,
"Hmm, yeah, sure, give that a try."
I mean... What's the problem, Tom?
Do you not like the new pages?
What is it? No, Jody.
You promised me real. Yeah.
You promised me grit, art, I mean...
Happy endings can be real.
I know. I get it. I-I see what you're trying to do.
What?
(SIGHS) Yeah,
this Colt thing has hit you pretty hard, okay.
It has me as well, you know.
Yeah.
Look, he let us down.
Come here.
I think what you're having... Mm-hmm.
...is a little nervous breakdown.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And that's okay.
We all get one of those.
I have those quite frequently, actually.
Habitually... Right. Yeah.
I just, I feel pretty...
I feel pretty focused.
And I want you to know something.
I'm okay. Mm.
(WHISPERS) He was dead to me anyway.
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
Do you know what I care about?
No. Not anymore.
Finishing this movie. Our movie.
Makes me so happy to hear you say that, because...
Our movie. Our movie.
(WHISPERING) Meta/storm.
A Jody Moreno film. Starring Tom Ryder.
ON SOUTHERN ACCENT) Metalstorm, baby.
Here we come. We gonna put the Meta/storm to the pedal storm.
(IN NORMAL ACCENT) Make me believe, okay?
Okay. You got this.
Okay. (SNIFFS) You got this.
(EXHALES) Make me believe, Tom Ryder.
Give me something. What do you want?
What do you want from this next one?
What do you want? Dazzle me.
Okay. Dazzle and surprise me.
Inspire me. I just got my motivation.
Of course you did. Right there, Jody.
Okay.
That is my trip out of here
to St. Barts with Drake. Mm-hmm.
Wow. One take is all I need
and then I'm out of here. I love it.
(WHOOSHES) Sounds amazing.
Off we go, all right. All right, let's do it.
One and done, let's do it. Yep, let's do it.
All right. Gonna be magic. Let's-let's go again.
Resetting, please!
Got me again. Boo!
GAIL: Whoo! RYDER: I'm a one-take wonder, Jody.
You know it. It's very tense. What is it?
Well, you know what, Gail? It's the vibe on this set, okay?
I know. You got bulletproof-vested
security guys. Right. I know, but look,
think about it. What's happening?
Everything that's happened, it's a bit of extra protection for all of us, okay?
Got to be safe. I just, if they could just
clear out a bit, that would be... Yeah.
Okay? Yeah. Okay, you heard her.
Back it up, guys! Back it up. Thank you.
JODY: Got one more.
Lock it up, guys. Thank you. Okay.
Gail, wow. Department heads, go to two.
Ah, thanks, Nigel. Amazing.
Where'd she go now? Um, she's just, um,
I think... (STUTTERS) at playback.
Listen, I've got one more take out of him,
and then you need to be ready, okay? It's game on.
One seventy-four, alpha, take two.
JODY: (ON PA) And action!
O-One second, one second, one second.
JODY: Action! (SIGHS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(IN SOUTHERN ACCENT) It's high noon
at the edge of the universe, folks.
Zero notice here. We're moving as fast as we can.
RUSH: Light the pyro!
We need enough charges to blow this canyon sky-high, people.
NIGEL: (OVER RADIO) McCabe, where are we?
Going as fast as I can, Nige.
And even if we lose,
we're gonna die fighting for a happy ending!
(CROWD CHEERING) Hell, yeah!
Whoo!
Well, let's go and get it, then!
Get on out there and go!
Who's with me? Who is with me? Let's go!
Cut! Yes!
So good, so good.
Thank you. (NORMAL ACCENT) Was that it?
God, yeah. Did we get it?
It was so good. We got it?
Magic. Yeah, yeah. IGGY: Yeah, it was hot, babe.
Oh, my God. Gail was in floods.
I really felt that one. I really felt that one.
She was-- Of course you did. 'Cause I had tears.
Yeah, I know. I can see them.
(GAIL EXCLAIMS) Yeah, it was fantastic.
So, listen, all we have left is the alien truck coverage.
All right? That's it. No.
Yep. We're gonna do the car “sump. No.
No one told me about another setup. We said-- No.
There's another setup? Venti's gonna do that in VFX,
so we're out of here. I know, but we need his close-up. All right?
I need his close-up right here for the coverage.
All right? 15 minutes tops. That's all I need.
This is the bit, do you remember,
where Space Cowboy steals the alien vehicle? Hmm.
Come on. This is his moment. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
I'm not gonna do any driving, right?
Because I'm gonna feel really nauseous.
It's a blue screen setup.
I need this. I need this, okay?
Everyone, double the pace, yes?
Use those muscles! Yes, good! Thank you!
Everyone in position!
We're as ready as we can be.
Okay. Hey, get Ray to come in
and check the mic before we go, okay? Copy.
Sound, can you come down here and check Ryder's mic, please?
All right, Tom. You ready?
Yeah. Okay. Remember this bit?
You're gonna be in the alien vehicle. Mm-hmm.
Okay? Okay. Yep.
And with nowhere to go,
you're gonna jump the car over the ravine.
So I just need a quick pop on you...
(IN SOUTHERN ACCENT) Space Cowboy ain't scared of no ravine.
Of course he's not. So I'm thinking maybe just
a couple of reaction shots of me gritting my teeth. Yeah.
Like, "Goddamn." Something like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stoic.
Yeah, yeah. I like it. All right?
What do you think? I like it. Okay.
I think it's gonna be great. Yeah, I love the choice.
All right, let's pop these on.
Okay. What's this? There you go.
No, this is because you've escaped the aliens.
Is this necessary? It's a bit much, no?
Yeah. It looks cool. Raise the stakes.
It's kind of cool.
Yeah. It's cool. Okay. Raise the stakes.
Let's do it. 'Cause you know, Space Cowboy.
Nobody can get at the Space Cowboy.
No way. Even when he's cuffed. Excuse me. Tom, sorry.
Jesus, Ray. I told you to do it before I got on set.
Appreciate you, Tom. (DEVICE BEEPS)
Thank you. Sound good.
Okay. Okay, great.
So... So...
You got this guy coming on your left. Yep.
Hey, bro. All right, take him out.
Someone else is gonna crash down on the bonnet. You're gonna take him out.
No, no, no. See, what I'm thinking is maybe I come down,
I take him out first, and I'm like "pow, pow, pow."
I slide over and go "pow." Yes. Yep.
And then maybe I say a little line like,
"I was shooting aliens way before I was paid to."
Fantastic. All right, let's lock it up.
Let's shoot, Nigel. NIGEL: Standing by, please.
(SIGHS) All right.
Take one. Marker.
In three, two, one, action.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
RYDER: (IN SOUTHERN ACCENT) Not your lucky day, alien.
You got to go.
You can't outrun me. I'm Space Cowboy!
Yahoo!
JODY: You are approaching the ravine.
There's nowhere else to go.
Turn right. Go on. (GRUNTS)
You have no choice.
You're gonna have to make the jump.
In three, two, one.
Yeehaw!
(IN NORMAL ACCENT) Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey.
Who is that in the car with him?
We're-we're in the middle of a take right now, asshole.
What are you doing? Ah!
He 's just buckling you in. Safety first. That's it. RYDER: OW!
It's really tight. Is this necessary?
Hey, we are filming right now.
JODY: Keep rolling, keep rolling.
Sell it, Tom. It looks amazing. Take a deep breath.
It does not look-- Get out of the car.
Howdy.
(ENGINE STARTS) No, no, wait. Stop. No.
Wait, What's happening?
Yeehaw!
RYDER: Oh, my God! Whoa!
Get to the cars!
(LAUGHING EXCITEDLY)
Jody, what the hell are you doing?
I'm trying to get something real out of him, Gail.
There's no cameras on him!
Hey, Dan? They're approaching Ambush Alley right now.
We're ready.
(RYDER SCREAMS)
RYDER: Let me out right now!
What are you gonna do, huh? You gonna kill me? Again?
Can you untie me?
McCabe!
Smoke screen in three, two, one!
RYDER: Whoa!
This does not seem safe, man!
Dan, where are they? Do you have eyes on them?
DAN: I see 'em. Everything's going to plan.
I'll block the road. They shall not pass!
JODY: I see them. They're entering Ambush Alley.
DRESSLER: I can't see shit!
DAN: McCabe, one!
McCabe, two!
(GROW LS)
McCabe! Now!
I love my job.
RYDER: Whoa, mama!
Oh, goddamn!
I can't think straight when you drive like this. (LAUGHS)
You're supposed to be dead.
You blew up in-in a thousand pieces.
You went kaboom.
Maybe you're confusing me with someone else that you murdered,
like Henry or Doone, or Kevin! RYDER: (GAGS) I'm so sick!
Kev-- I liked Kevin, okay?
Like him enough to murder him? RYDER: I was role-playing.
I was playing a character.
I was playing freaking Tommy Torture, okay?
Oh.
I said a few things, I ordered their death.
I didn't think they were gonna kill them.
Oh, okay. RYDER: Okay?
I can't help it if no one can tell the difference
when I'm acting and I'm being so goddamn natural, okay?
It's a problem. Right, and—— I was there, Tom Ryder.
And some might say I was an eyewitness,
Tom Ryder. And how did I do? How good was that performance?
You ordered their deaths. RYDER: Right.
It was very convincing, Tom Ryder.
Why are you saying my name like that?
COLT: That is your name, isn't it, Tom Ryder? RYDER: Yes, yes.
A blind man could see
that you're Tom Ryder. You're saying that like...
(MOCKING) "Ryder, Tom Ryder." Okay. That's me.
You're saying it like some obsessed fangirl.
That's me, Colt Seavers, saying that.
Roll the cameras. We're heading for the jump.
(OVER RADIO) Tom Ryder's doing his own stunts!
Everyone, roll. Arm car?
Check.
Heli. PILOT: (ON RADIO) Check.
I'm done taking the falls for you.
You're gonna do your own stunts from now on.
I don't want to do my own stunts, Colt! COLT: Relax.
It's just a 250—foot jump that'll probably kill us.
It's never been done before. It's for Comic-Con.
It's Hall H. It's a big deal. RYDER: What are you doing, man?
COLT: I thought it'd be fitting.
Me and you, Tom Ryder, one last stunt.
You know, like Thelma and Louise.
Thelma and Louise? Yeah.
They die at the end. Exactly!
Murder-suicide.
Can you just pull over and let me out right now?
COLT: You're not getting out of this car until you,
Tom Ryder, tell me, Colt Seavers, the truth!
RYDER: All right, all right, all right, all right! It was all Gail.
When I killed Henry, she wanted to cover it up
because, to be honest,
Space Cowboy's one of my best roles yet, Colt,
and I don't want this movie to fail.
So you're saying that Gail Meyer
was responsible for framing me for your murder of Henry?
Yes! Yes!
But what's your real name?
Tom Ryder.
Did you get that, Jody?
We got it! He confessed.
You wearing a wire? Bro, you recording this?
This is entrapment. You can't do that.
What are you doing? No, it's not entrapment,
because you're wearing the wire, dipshit!
(ENGINE REVVING)
(RYDER YELLS)
He's going for it. Go. Go now.
I'm just an actor!
Wait.
He has a mouth guard.
I don't have a mouth guard.
(RYDER SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
(GRUNTS)
(COLT GROANS)
Oh, good. JODY: (OVER RADIO) Colt!
You're alive. JODY: Are you okay?
(G ROAN S) Are you okay?
COLT: [told you I'd make the camera up to you.
Oh, it was fantastic.
GAIL: (OVER RADIO) Dressler, come in! Ah!
GA“; Oy, can you hear me? We've got to get out of here!
RYDER: (RECORDED) This is all Gail's fault, man.
This is all Gail's idea.
GAR: Give me that confession! (STUTTERS) No.
Give me all the media! Are you deaf?
(OVER RADIO) Dressler, bring the helicopter to the trench.
What about Ryder? GAIL: Now!
Now, about this date.
GAIL: Put it in the case, you numpty!
Can we call it a date?
I mean, that's what it is, right?
Such a moron!
Hurry up! God! (BARKING)
Take it. (GASPS)
Gail, Gail, Gail. (SIGHS)
Listen... Give me the recording, Gail.
Darling, calm down. Just come with me.
We don't need all this toxic masculinity,
because we're the same, you and me.
You know, we're survivors.
No,no,no,no. I'm nothing like you.
COLT: (OVER RADIO) I don't want to be presumptuous, I mean,
but let's call a spade a spade. (CHUCKLES)
GAIL: That's why I gave you the job.
Well, that and because
you're so easily moldable, you know?
We've put up with worse than this.
We've survived more than Ryder. I mean, do you know what?
My mom's version of a good night kiss... (GROANS)
Oh! Gail, just give me the case!
This is a Gail Meyer production!
Not yours!
Rendezvous with the boss in the canyon.
Extraction to the spaceship set.
DAN: Spaceship set?
Oh, no, Big Red.
I don't think you're gonna make that one.
Stunts set! STUNTPEOPLE: Stunts set!
Go! (CLAMORING)
(GRUNTING)
GAIL: And trust me, I will not be taking the fall for this,
because I deliver hits for all you little people.
You're welcome.
Whoa! (GRUNTING)
Jody?
Jody? RYDER: Hey, hey! That's for me! That's for me!
(MUTTERS) That's my helicopter!
This crazy stuntman's lost his mind!
(BOTH STRAINING)
(SHOUTS)
MAN: I'm on vacation!
(GRUNTING)
(ENGINE STARTS)
(BARKING) (HIGH-PITCHED SCREAM)
(RONDELL WHIMPERING)
Get this dog off me! Not again, dog.
Just stay there! (BARKING)
Night-night, dog! You're dead.
This design is growing on me.
Get in! Let's get out of here!
Yeah, copy that. Taking off now.
Drake said no plus-ones!
They know everything!
Wait, what-what is this?
It's the evidence!
Why didn't you just stop talking?
Jody!
JODY: Blow the pyros. Blow the pyros!
They're getting away!
Whoa! Sh-- Whoa! Holy shit!
Lower the arm! I'm gonna jump. Okay.
Okay, lower the arm. Lower the arm.
COLT: I have a plan!
JODY: What is it? What's-what's the plan?
Get me to the helicopter.
I'm gonna jump onto the skids, and then I'm gonna beat the shit out of him.
No, just-just get the recording.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(YELLS)
Go!
Ah, shit.
Go!
Whoa! Whoa! Get me down!
Whoa! Get me down!
PILOT: (ON RADIO) We 're losing hydraulics here. I can't get it under control.
Just wondering, you know, after this movie,
and if I don't go to prison and, you know, you're not busy,
maybe we could go to a beach somewhere.
Wear a couple of swimming costumes.
Just drink a spicy margarita or something.
Yeah, yeah. Make some bad decisions. JODY: Yeah.
Okay, sure. Yes.
Sound like a plan? JODY: It's a better plan than this.
Okay, please be careful.
Okay, swing him around. Go!
GAIL: God, get it under control!
Get us out of here! What are you doing?
(GAIL SHOUTS)
Ryder, the confession!
No!
No! No, Gail, no! (GAIL YELLS)
(RYDER GROANING)
Whom Whom!
DAN: Stunts!
Mobilize that airbag now!
No!
(GAIL YELLS)
GAIL: Get out of the way, Ryder!
STUNTWOMAN: 87 North to the rescue!
Go Gm , go, go, 90'-!
Move, move, move!
GAIL: Get it!
Just keep it steady! (ALARM BEEPING)
(PILOT STRAINING)
You moron!
(GAIL SCREAMS)
Yes! Nice!
DAN: Go, go, go!
Yes! (SIGHS) (LAUGHS)
Oh, God! Oh, shit!
(GAIL YELLS)
GAIL: No!
Grab it!
(GROANS)
(MUFFLED) Oh, my God! My nose!
(RYDER SHOUTS) No! Ryder, the gun!
Shoot him! He's a stupid stuntman! No one gives a shit!
He's one of the best stunt doubles I've ever had!
Oh, shut up! Give me the confession!
Come on, come on, come on! Quick!
GAIL: Give it back to me or I will blow your head off!
It's empty, Gail.
(GUN CLICKING)
(I WAS MADE FOR LOVIN' YOU PLAYING)
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
Mmm, yeah
No!
Tonight
I wanna see it in your eyes
Feel the magic
There's something that drives me wild
And tonight
We're gonna make it all come true
'Cause, girl, you were made for me
And, girl, I was made for you
I was made for lovin' you, baby
You were made for lovin' me
And I can't get enough of you, baby
Can you get enough of me?
(ECHOING) Tonight
(SONG ENDS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
NARRATOR: From visionary director Jody Moreno
and Universal Pictures
comes a cosmic love story...
of epic proportion.
Starring MTV Best Kiss award nominee...
(IN SOUTHERN ACCENT): It's high noon at the edge of the universe.
I know these creatures.
I fought them.
I've loved them.
I'm not gonna lie to you.
We are facing a powerful enemy.
But what our enemy does not know
is that inside each and every one of you
is a goddamn fire!
Yeah! (CHEERING)
I was made for lovin' you, baby
Hi-yah! Yeah! (CLAMORING)
You were made for lovin' me...
Yeah! (GRUNTS)
Barn! (SCREAMING)
Oh, shit.
(SHOUTS EXCITEDLY)
NARRATOR: Justice is on the horizon.
Metalstorm.
(CHEERING)
COLT: Metalstorm was a huge hit.
Aliena and Space Cowboy finally got that happy ending.
As for Jody and I, we got something even better.
We got a new beginning.
Filled with spicy margaritas and bad decisions.
And look, I don't want to over-romanticize it
or anything, but I think what Jody and I got,
it's even better than what you find in the movies.
I was made for lovin' you, baby...
(TYPEWRITER KEYS CLAC KING)
(UNKNOWN STUNTMAN PLAYING)
We", I'm not the kind To run and hide
When I come close to danger
Not again, dog!
(BARKS)
Yeah, I 7! fall
I 'II walk the wire Through rain and fire
Go fast and I'll go slow
Somehow I get stronger Through it all
(HORN BLARES) (GRUNTS)
It's a death-defying life I lead
Yeah? Yep.
I die for a living In the movies and TV
Yeah, it looks perfect.
I'll ever do is Watch my leading ladies
Kiss some other guy
(YELLING)
While I'm bandaging my knee
Well, I might fall From a tall building
I might roll a brand-new car
'Cause I'm The unknown stuntman
Who'd die to have Your heart (J EAN-CLAU DE BARKS)
(VEHICLE SPUTTERING)
MAN: Logan's good. Logan's good.
That's the fall guy, right?
Metalstorm.
Storm. (CHUCKLES)
I drug my heart through A burning...
Can you give us a playback?
Action!
Oh, I've been hurt And I've been broken down
But somehow I'm still yearning
'Cause through it all, She's still on my mind
Well, I might fall From a tall building
I might roll a brand-new car
'Ca use I'm- - -...
And three, two, one. Action, action, action!
Who'd die To have your heart, whoo!
(YELLS FIERCELY)
(GRUNTING)
Pulling out in three, two, one.
I might roll a brand-new car
'Cause I'm The unknown stuntman
Who'd die to have your heart
Yeah, I might fall From a tall building
I might roll a brand-new car
'Cause I'm The unknown stuntman
Who'd die To have your heart
Shit! Holy shit! Holy shit!
It's a world record. Mike, are you all right?
I'm upside down, but I'm good.
(ALL APPLAUDING)
(UNSUNG HEROES PLAYING)
I don't know if you heard, but
My stunt brothers and sisters don't get no gold
So here's to the unsung heroes
Hey!
(YELLING) (HORN BLARES)
Yeah
(GRUNTING)
Oh, yeah
(YELLING)
Let's go big with our one take, okay?
Not even one nomination
WOMAN: Toes. MAN: Just a harness, yeah.
We don't need your
Oscar nom, baby
MAN: And cut.
We got real scars
From this labor of love
(GRUNT S) Look out'.!
Somebody had to say it
It's been building up inside
I just couldn't hold it in
I had to let it fly
Action and stunts have been
(ALL CHEERING)
Since the beginning of cinema, Keaton, Lloyd
Let's shoot it.
Film's first great directors were all stunt performers
Ben-Hur, Rocky, Braveheart, Titanic
Some of the biggest winners in Academy's history
(LAUGHS)
Are completely dependent on stunts
(LAUGHTER, EXCITED CHATTER)
So it's about love today.
Did you know? We don't need your
Did you know?
Oscar nom, baby Did you know?
We don't need your Did you know?
Little statues of love Did you know?
We got real scars Did you know?
From our labor of love (SONG ENDS)
(SIRENS WAILING)
(RYDER EXCLAIMS)
(GAIL GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Wait a-- Would you just calm down?
(SIGHS)
You know who I am, right?
I mean, I can make you a massive star,
you handsome beast!
And you, you have the right to remain silent.
So shut the hell up.
Will somebody cuff this bitch? Let's go.
These guys are from the prop department.
These ain't, these ain't cops, man.
Back up, man!
I'm calling my agent. I'm getting my agent involved!
Let-let him go. Let him go. GAIL: Tom!
RYDER: No signal. Got to get... some...
(LAUGHS) Three bars!
Actor.
Get me Jason Momoa's agent on the phone.
(SONG PLAYING)
Waiting for love
To catch me again
Waiting for love
To lock me up and throw away the key
Waiting for love
To catch me again
Waiting for love
To play the strings that made our hearts beat one
We can't fall out of time
Try to find an answer
Looking for a sign
There's just no reason
And there's really no rhyme
And we wouldn't be moved
And neither could see
That I needed you
And you needed me
lf I could go back
I'd do it differently
Now I'm falling all the time
And I need you in my life
Waiting for love
To catch me again
Waiting for love
To play the strings that made our hearts beat one
We can't fall out of time
(SONG ENDS)