1 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,009 - PREVIOUSLY ON AWKWARD... 2 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,145 - JENNA. IT'S OWEN. 3 00:00:11,145 --> 00:00:13,381 YOU HAD NO IDEA I WENT HERE, DID YOU? 4 00:00:13,381 --> 00:00:15,283 - IT'S SERGIO. HE IS SUCH AN IDIOT. 5 00:00:15,283 --> 00:00:16,550 - OH, MY GOD, YOU LIKE HIM. 6 00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:18,686 - I DON'T NEED YOU TO DEFEND ME. 7 00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,321 - HEY, GABBY. IT'S MATTY. 8 00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:21,622 - I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, MCKIBBEN. 9 00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:26,527 - * I'M NO GOOD * 10 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:27,861 - I'D COME OVER TO APOLOGIZE, 11 00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:29,830 AND I'D ENDED UP SLEEPING WITH OWEN. 12 00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:32,300 I JUST HAD AFTERNOON SEX WITH A SOPHOMORE WHOSE LAST NAME 13 00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:35,669 I COULDN'T REMEMBER, AND I WAS SURPRISINGLY OKAY WITH IT, 14 00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:37,538 BECAUSE I'D HAD FUN. 15 00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:40,474 OKAY, YES. OWEN WAS IN ORCHESTRA. SO WHAT? 16 00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:42,076 HIS COMPLETE LACK OF EGO COMBINED 17 00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:45,479 WITH HIS SELF-CONFIDENCE WAS, WELL, SEXY. 18 00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:48,482 OH, GOD, WAS THAT CREEPY TO FIND A SOPHOMORE SEXY? 19 00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:52,853 - * BABE, I'M NO GOOD * 20 00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:55,489 - I HAD FUN. 21 00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:59,493 EARTH TO OWEN. 22 00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,795 - OH, SORRY, WHAT'D YOU SAY? 23 00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:04,265 - ARE YOU ALWAYS THIS ZONED IN WHEN YOU'RE WRITING MUSIC? 24 00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:08,802 - ONLY WHEN I'M INSPIRED, AND I'M FEELING VERY INSPIRED. 25 00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:10,504 YOU WANT TO HEAR WHAT I'M WORKING ON? 26 00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:13,774 I JUST STARTED IT, SO IT'S NOT POLISHED OR ANYTHING. 27 00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:16,477 - YEAH, SURE. - YEAH. 28 00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:19,480 [plays soft music] 29 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:27,621 * 30 00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:35,396 - IT'S AMAZING. - MM. 31 00:01:35,396 --> 00:01:39,167 - WHAT'S IT CALLED? - I WAS THINKING FIRST TIME. 32 00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:41,001 - PRETTY. HOW'D YOU COME UP WITH THAT? 33 00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:44,672 - OH, WELL, YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT ONE JUST CAME TO ME. 34 00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:48,609 YOU KNOW, FIRST TIME? 35 00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:51,812 [dramatic music] 36 00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:54,014 * 37 00:01:57,651 --> 00:02:01,322 - SENIOR BONFIRE IS TONIGHT, PEOPLE. 38 00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:03,224 SENIOR BONFIRE. 39 00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:08,095 HEY, BE THERE. OTHERWISE, UH-OH, UH-OH. 40 00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:11,199 KIDDING. 41 00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:12,666 BIGGIE? 42 00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:15,936 - IT'S WILL, WHEN I'M OUT OF COSTUME ANYWAY. 43 00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:17,505 IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, VAL. 44 00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:19,072 - WAIT A SECOND. ARE YOU STALKING ME? 45 00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:20,208 LISTEN, I GET IT. 46 00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:22,276 I'M AN 11 IN A CITY FULL OF 7s. 47 00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:23,777 I GOT THAT JE NE SAIS QUOI, 48 00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:25,746 BUT IT'S JUST-- IT'S JUST NOT GONNA WORK. 49 00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:27,715 - NOT STALKING, COACHING, ACTUALLY. 50 00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:30,618 - OH, REALLY? 51 00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:32,220 WAIT, WE DON'T HAVE A SKI TEAM. - SCUBA. 52 00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:33,987 WINTER IN THE MOUNTAINS AND SUMMER AT THE BEACH. 53 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,389 I'M SAVING UP TO GO TO THE GREAT BARRIER REEF, 54 00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:36,724 AND LUCKY FOR ME, 55 00:02:36,724 --> 00:02:39,327 PHHS NEEDED A SCUBA COACH THIS SEMESTER. 56 00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:41,094 - WELL, GREAT. 57 00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:43,497 THAT IS GREAT THAT YOU'RE NOT STALKING ME. 58 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:46,767 I AM SUPER RELIEVED, SO IT'S-- 59 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:49,537 WELL, GOOD LUCK, COACH. 60 00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:51,239 - THANK YOU. 61 00:02:51,239 --> 00:02:53,874 SEE YOU AROUND, VAL. 62 00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:58,045 - SENIOR BONFIRE TONIGHT. 63 00:02:58,045 --> 00:03:00,248 LET'S SEND THIS FIRST SEMESTER UP IN FLAMES. 64 00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:02,550 I CALLED YOU LAST NIGHT TO SEE IF YOU WANTED A PLUS-ONE 65 00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:04,252 TO YOUR "EFF YOU, SCU" PITY PARTY, 66 00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:05,686 BUT IT WENT STRAIGHT TO VOICE MAIL. 67 00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,288 I EVEN BOUGHT A PINT OF CHUNKY MONKEY, 68 00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:08,389 SO WE COULD OVERINDULGE. 69 00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:09,790 - I'D INDULGED, ALL RIGHT, 70 00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,492 IN BED WITH A SOPHOMORE VIRGIN. 71 00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:13,827 JUST STAYED HOME WITH MY MOM. 72 00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:14,962 - SENIOR BONFIRE TONIGHT. 73 00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:17,164 - THANKS, ALLENTOWN. 74 00:03:17,164 --> 00:03:18,766 - ALLENTOWN? 75 00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:20,568 - LIKE THE BILLY JOEL SONG? 76 00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:22,135 - OR MY SAFETY SCHOOL. 77 00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:23,637 DOES PETE THINK I'M DUMB? 78 00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:25,273 BECAUSE HE THINKS DEGAS IS A CHEESE. 79 00:03:25,273 --> 00:03:27,475 ALLENTOWN, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? 80 00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:29,377 - YOU'VE BEEN CODED. 81 00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:30,578 - DUH. - CODED? 82 00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:31,579 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 83 00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:33,714 - THE PHONEBOOK. 84 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,082 YOU SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW? 85 00:03:35,082 --> 00:03:37,518 - WHY WOULD THEY? THEY'RE BOTTOM-FEEDERS. 86 00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:40,721 - CAN YOU CHILL OUT WITH THE HATE-O-RADE AND DECODE THE CODE? 87 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:41,989 - THE GUYS USE AREA CODES 88 00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:43,791 TO RATE THE GIRLS THEY HOOK UP WITH. 89 00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:45,058 THEY KEEP A HOT-OR-NOT LIST 90 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,660 IN A BIG BOOK CALLED THE PHONEBOOK. 91 00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:49,062 - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT. 92 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:52,032 - WE'RE MICHIGANS, 989. 93 00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:54,302 - WELL, WHAT'S ALLENTOWN? 94 00:03:54,302 --> 00:03:55,603 484? 95 00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:59,139 I DON'T KNOW W.T.F. THIS MEANS, BUT IT CANNOT BE GOOD. 96 00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:00,674 - DON'T LET IT BOTHER YOU, T. 97 00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:02,109 IT SOUNDS MONUMENTALLY STUPID. 98 00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:03,344 - YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE TOO, 99 00:04:03,344 --> 00:04:05,346 RIGHT, SUICIDE SALLY? - WHAT? 100 00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:07,014 - WE'RE GOING OFF CAMPUS FOR LUNCH. 101 00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:08,682 YOU COMING, SNATCHY? 102 00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:11,819 - ENJOY YOUR PANIC ATTACKS, SLORES. 103 00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,324 - DAMN, DOES YOUR SCHOOL PUT SOMETHING IN THE WATER 104 00:04:16,324 --> 00:04:17,725 THAT MAKES ALL THE GIRLS HERE SO HOT? 105 00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:20,127 - ARE YOU SERIOUSLY CHECKING OUT THOSE SLUNT-BUCKETS 106 00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:21,562 RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME? 107 00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:22,930 - I WAS JUST TRYING TO GIVE THEM A COMPLIMENT. 108 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,365 I THOUGHT THOSE WERE YOUR FRIENDS. 109 00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:25,933 - THEY ARE-- THEY'RE ALSO CONNIVING WHORES 110 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:28,035 WHO COME WITH A COMPLEMENTARY SIDE OF HERPES. 111 00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:30,504 ENJOY YOUR ITCHY, BURNING PEEN. 112 00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:34,708 - DAMN, MUST BE NICE TO BE SO MUCH BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE. 113 00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:37,345 - SOMETIMES IT GETS TIRESOME, 114 00:04:37,345 --> 00:04:41,382 BUT MOSTLY IT'S PRETTY [bleep] GREAT. 115 00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:46,987 - YEAH, THROW IN AN IMMUNITY BOOST. 116 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,055 IT'S ON ME. 117 00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:50,391 - AN IMMUNITY BOOST? REALLY? 118 00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:53,361 - I'M LOVESICK. IT MIGHT BE CONTAGIOUS. 119 00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:56,597 - OH, MY GOD. THAT WAS PATHETIC. 120 00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,899 - IT WAS TOTALLY LAME. 121 00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:01,869 HEY, I HAVE THREE MOVES, AND NONE OF THEM WORKED. 122 00:05:01,869 --> 00:05:05,373 LOOK, YOU MAKE ME NERVOUS. 123 00:05:05,373 --> 00:05:08,709 I WISH YOU'D LET ME TAKE YOU OUT AND PROVE THAT THERE'S WAY MORE 124 00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:12,380 TO ME THAN JUST CHEESY, MIDDLE SCHOOL PICKUP LINES. 125 00:05:12,380 --> 00:05:15,949 - SEEMS LIKE YOU HAVE FOUR MOVES. 126 00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:20,087 MAYBE WE CAN GRAB COFFEE AFTER SCHOOL. 127 00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:25,693 - YOU GUYS KNOW WHERE THE BODIES ARE BURIED AND CORPSES REVIVED 128 00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:27,395 IN THIS INSTITUTION FOR LOWER LEARNING, 129 00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:29,797 SO I KNOW YOU KNOW WHERE THAT PHONEBOOK IS HIDDEN. 130 00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:32,232 SO TAKE US TO THE HOLY GRAIL OF DOUCHEDOM, STAT! 131 00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:35,503 - BACK OFF, PSYCH WARD BARBIE. YOU'RE OPPRESSIVE. 132 00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:37,538 - WHY DO WE GET SUCH A BAD RAP FOR GROPER 133 00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:39,272 WHEN STRAIGHT GUYS ARE WAY MORE PERVY? 134 00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:42,142 - RATING PEOPLE BEHIND THEIR BACKS IS SO BUSTED. 135 00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:43,511 DO IT TO THEIR FACES. 136 00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:45,646 IT'S THE ONLY WAY OBJECTIFICATION IS SEXY. 137 00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:47,415 - COULD YOU PLEASE JUST SHOW US WHERE THE PHONEBOOK IS? 138 00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:49,282 - SORRY, BUT IT IS ONLY ACCESSIBLE 139 00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:51,985 TO A SAD SUBSET OF THE PHHS DRONES. 140 00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:54,422 - BRAIN-DEAD JOCKS WITH MOB MENTALITY, 141 00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:57,024 MOMMY FIXATIONS, AND PERFORMANCE ANXIETIES. 142 00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,592 WHY DO YOU THINK THEY NEED ALL THOSE BEERS 143 00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:00,528 BEFORE THEY CAN SCREW? 144 00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:03,497 - I STILL HADN'T TOLD TAMARA ABOUT MY OWN MAN-ANIGANS. 145 00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:04,698 KNOWING THAT I TOOK OWEN'S V-CARD 146 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,567 HAD REALLY THROWN ME FOR A LOOP. 147 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:10,203 I WAS NOT READY FOR A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH A SOPHOMORE. 148 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,139 - OWEN, JUST THE GUY WE WANTED TO SEE. 149 00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:13,441 - I AM? - HE IS? 150 00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:14,742 - YEAH, WE NEED A STRAIGHT GUY. 151 00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:16,176 WAIT, YOU'RE STRAIGHT, AREN'T YOU? 152 00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:18,846 - YEAH, I'M PRETTY SURE. [chuckles] 153 00:06:18,846 --> 00:06:21,615 - UH, OWEN, WE NEED TO KNOW WHERE THE PHONEBOOK IS. 154 00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:23,684 - WELL, MY MOM KEEPS THE YELLOW PAGES 155 00:06:23,684 --> 00:06:24,752 UNDER THE KITCHEN SINK. 156 00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:27,488 - THIS IS USELESS. 157 00:06:29,356 --> 00:06:31,659 - [whispers] SORRY. 158 00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:35,896 - WHAT WE NEED TO FIND IS A JOCK WHO ISN'T A COMPLETE ASS. 159 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:39,166 JAKE, WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT A SECRET BOOK THAT JOCKS USE 160 00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:41,001 TO RATE THEIR SEXCAPADES? 161 00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:42,470 - UGH, YOU KNOW ABOUT THE PHONEBOOK? 162 00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:44,605 IT'S A DUMB TRADITION. MEANINGLESS. 163 00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:46,474 - YEAH, WELL, WE'RE GONNA NEED YOU TO GET IT FOR US. 164 00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:48,308 - DREAM ON, AEROSMITH. I'D GET MY ASS KICKED. 165 00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:50,578 - AH, I THOUGHT YOU SAID IT WAS MEANINGLESS. 166 00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:54,482 - LOOK, I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU WHERE IT IS, 167 00:06:54,482 --> 00:06:57,485 BUT THINK OF A PLACE WHERE NO ONE EVER GOES. 168 00:06:57,485 --> 00:07:01,755 COMPLETELY USELESS, OUTDATED, A NO-MAN'S-LAND. 169 00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:06,393 THAT'S WHERE I'D HIDE SOMETHING IF I DIDN'T WANT IT FOUND. 170 00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:08,729 - WELL, THAT WAS HELPFUL. 171 00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:11,599 - HEY, LADIES, JUST DOING A LITTLE BONFIRE RESEARCH 172 00:07:11,599 --> 00:07:12,666 IN THE LIBRARY. 173 00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:17,237 MAN, IT'S A GHOST TOWN IN THERE. 174 00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:18,739 - I'VE GOT IT. 175 00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:20,407 - I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW IT DIDN'T EAT YOU. 176 00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:22,342 OH, MS. MARKS, HAVE YOU MET OUR NEW SCUBA COACH? 177 00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:24,878 - YEAH, WHY IS HE IN MY OFFICE? 178 00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:26,547 - THE SCUBA CENTER HAD TO BE YELLOW-TAPED 179 00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:28,982 'CAUSE OF MOLD, SO I TOLD PRINCIPAL COX 180 00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:31,284 THAT YOU WOULDN'T MIND SHACKING UP FOR A WHILE. 181 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,220 - OH, NO. IMPOSSIBLE. 182 00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:34,955 NO, I NEED ALL MY SPACE. 183 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,289 IN ADDITION TO SHEPHERDING 184 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,859 MY GINORMOUS FLOCK OF LOST LITTLE LAMBS, 185 00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:40,794 I'M ALSO OVERSEEING THE SENIOR BONFIRE, SO-- 186 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,162 - I GET IT. 187 00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:43,997 YOU'RE OVERBURDENED, AND YOU'RE UNDERBUDGETED. 188 00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:45,899 THAT'S WHY THIS IS PERFECT. WILL CAN HELP. 189 00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,200 - I'D BE HAPPY TO. 190 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,569 YOU KNOW I ONCE BUILT A WARMING HUT 191 00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:51,271 OUT OF WET DRIFTWOOD FOR A BUNCH OF MAORIS? 192 00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:54,274 I'VE ALWAYS SAID WHERE THERE'S A WILL, THERE'S A WAY. 193 00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:57,444 - UGH. - [laughs] HE'S FUNNY. 194 00:07:57,444 --> 00:07:59,279 - I THINK WE'RE IN THE RIGHT PLACE. 195 00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:00,548 - WHERE'S THE REFERENCE SECTION? 196 00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:03,951 - IT'S LIKE OLD-PEOPLE GOOGLE. 197 00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:07,187 [gasps] THERE'S THE PHONE BOOKS. 198 00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:09,723 - ISN'T IT A LITTLE OBVIOUS? - WELL, THEY'RE JOCKS. 199 00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:12,560 LET'S NOT SET THE SUBTLETY BAR TOO HIGH. 200 00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:22,703 [gasps] EUREKA. 201 00:08:26,473 --> 00:08:28,576 [gasps] O.M.G. 202 00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:31,378 I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS DISGUSTING, DESPICABLE DOCUMENT. 203 00:08:31,378 --> 00:08:32,880 THIS IS WAR. 204 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,148 AND LOOK, THERE'S SOMETHING CALLED A B-SCORE. 205 00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:36,483 WHAT IS A B-SCORE? 206 00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:38,251 BUOYANCY? BUBBLINESS? 207 00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:42,489 B.F.F. POTENTIAL? 208 00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:43,757 THAT PATHETIC PUTZ PETE 209 00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:46,293 OBVIOUSLY ASSILY ASSESSED MY ASSETS, 210 00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:48,295 BUT WHAT JERK HATE-RATED YOU? 211 00:08:48,295 --> 00:08:49,863 COLIN? 212 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,899 - THAT PHOTO WAS FROM SOPHOMORE YEAR. 213 00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:55,335 I'D RECOGNIZE THAT HANDWRITING ANYWHERE. 214 00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:56,469 IT WAS MATTY. 215 00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:02,475 - YOU CODED ME? 216 00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:03,644 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 217 00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:05,613 - THE PHONEBOOK, MATTY. I SAW IT. 218 00:09:05,613 --> 00:09:07,280 YOU RATED ME? WERE YOU EVER GONNA TELL ME? 219 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,617 - CALM DOWN, IT'S JUST A STUPID JOCK TRADITION. 220 00:09:09,617 --> 00:09:11,184 IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL. 221 00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:14,788 - YOU RATED MY BOOBS AND MY BUTT FOR ALL THOSE GUYS TO SEE, 222 00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:15,923 AND IT'S JUST NOT A BIG DEAL? 223 00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:17,625 - NO, IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO. 224 00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:21,228 IT WAS BEFORE WE WERE, YOU KNOW-- 225 00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:24,998 HEY, AT LEAST YOU GOT A GOOD RATING, RIGHT? 226 00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:26,667 - IF YOU THINK THAT'S THE POINT, 227 00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:31,471 THEN YOU ARE AN EVEN BIGGER JERK NOW THAN YOU WERE THEN. 228 00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:32,906 - YOU KNOW WHAT? 229 00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:36,409 THIS IS WHY I DON'T DATE HIGH SCHOOL BOYS. 230 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,812 FORGET COFFEE. 231 00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:42,716 - IN OTHER NEWS, THE GUYS AT PALOS HILLS 232 00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:44,184 ARE DISGUSTING MAN-CHILDREN 233 00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:46,687 WHO USE A SECRET BOOK TO RATE GIRLS' BODIES. 234 00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:48,055 - DON'T FORGET B-SCORE-- 235 00:09:48,055 --> 00:09:49,757 HOW MANY BEERS IT'D TAKE TO BONE YOU. 236 00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:52,693 - ONE OF OUR MALE CLASSMATES WROTE THIS NASTY-GRAM 237 00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:54,294 ABOUT A POOR JANE DOE-N'T. 238 00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:56,964 NEW YORK, 212. 239 00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:59,499 NOT EVEN A BUTTERFACE BECAUSE THIS HEIFER 240 00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:02,069 HAS THUNDER THIGHS AND SAGGY UDDERS. 241 00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:03,503 women: OHH. 242 00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:06,406 - LADIES, FEEL FREE TO RATE THEIR KINDNESS AND COMPASSION. 243 00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:09,677 AND WHY DON'T YOU RATE THEIR FUGLY FACES WHILE YOU'RE AT IT? 244 00:10:09,677 --> 00:10:11,078 WE DON'T NEED TO TAKE THE HIGH ROAD. 245 00:10:11,078 --> 00:10:12,379 WE JUST NEED TO RUN THESE BUTTHOLES OFF THE ROAD... 246 00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:13,781 - BEEP, BEEP. 247 00:10:13,781 --> 00:10:16,549 - AND INTO THE GUTTER WHERE THEY BELONG! NO! 248 00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:19,753 [beep] 249 00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:25,793 - HEY, BEAUTIFUL. - BEAUTIFUL? 250 00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:27,294 IT WAS A LITTLE MUCH, 251 00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:29,663 BUT I'D RATHER BE CALLED BEAUTIFUL THAN ST. LOUIS. 252 00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:31,765 - I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THE SONG 253 00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:32,766 I STARTED YESTERDAY. 254 00:10:32,766 --> 00:10:34,067 YOU WANT TO HEAR? 255 00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:36,036 - ACTUALLY, NOW'S NOT A GOOD TIME. 256 00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:38,839 IN FACT, CAN WE KEEP THIS WHOLE THING ON THE D.L.? 257 00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:42,342 IT'S JUST, THIS RATINGS THING HAS TAMARA SORT OF 258 00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:46,546 ANTI-ALL GUY RIGHT NOW, AND I'M TRYING TO, YOU KNOW, 259 00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:48,882 SHOW SOME GIRL SOLIDARITY. 260 00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:52,485 - OH, IS THAT WHY YOU WERE SO WEIRD EARLIER? 261 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:56,389 GOD, I WAS WORRIED THE WHOLE VIRGIN THING FREAKED YOU OUT. 262 00:10:56,389 --> 00:11:00,193 - OH, NO, NO. - NO, I GET IT. 263 00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:02,730 MY LIPS ARE SEALED. 264 00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:05,498 - I'LL BE TAKING THIS FOR SAFEKEEPING. 265 00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:07,300 OOH, FIVE BEERS, OUCH. 266 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:09,069 - PRINCIPAL COX SERIOUSLY NEEDS TO CHANGE 267 00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:10,503 HIS DEFINITION OF FEMINISM. 268 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,572 CAN YOU--OWEN? 269 00:11:12,572 --> 00:11:14,074 - HEY, TAMARA, 270 00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:18,746 I, UM, GOT ROPED INTO PLAYING AT THE BONFIRE TONIGHT. 271 00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:20,247 YEAH, THEY SAID YOU WANTED FIGHT SONGS? 272 00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:22,015 - YOU'RE GOING TO THE BONFIRE? 273 00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:25,285 - YEAH, I END UP PLAYING IN ALL OF THESE OTHER LAME GROUPS 274 00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:26,987 'CAUSE I PLAY DIFFERENT INSTRUMENTS AND STUFF, SO-- 275 00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:28,588 - DON'T BE SO MODEST. 276 00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:30,891 OWEN'S A RINGER, AND YES, 277 00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:34,294 I WANT MUSIC THAT EVOKES BLOOD AND BATTLE AND BEATINGS. 278 00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:36,296 DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING THAT SOUNDS LIKE 279 00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:37,765 BALLS BEING RIPPED OFF, 280 00:11:37,765 --> 00:11:40,968 LIKE, FROM THE ROOT OR WHATEVER THEY'RE ATTACHED WITH? 281 00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:46,673 O.M.G. OWEN'S A TERRIBLE LIAR. 282 00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:48,308 HE OBVIOUSLY HAS A THING FOR ME. 283 00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:50,110 AND, YOU KNOW, SINCE HIS GROWTH SPURT, 284 00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:52,345 HE'S ACTUALLY BECOME KIND OF A HOTTIE WITH A BODY. 285 00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:54,882 - MY SECRET WAS GETTING MESSIER BY THE MOMENT. 286 00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:56,316 IT WAS TIME TO COME CLEAN. 287 00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:58,986 TAMARA WOULD NEVER JUDGE MY SOPHOMORIC SEX LIFE. 288 00:11:58,986 --> 00:12:00,854 - TOO BAD HITTING THAT WOULD BE A ONE-WAY TICKET 289 00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:04,224 TO COUGAR TOWN. 290 00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:07,594 - "HEY, GANG, ANYONE UP FOR PIZZA?" 291 00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:09,997 I CAN'T BELIEVE MATTY THINKS HE CAN JUST TEXT ME LIKE THAT 292 00:12:09,997 --> 00:12:11,164 AND EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT. 293 00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:14,367 - SPEAKING OF MAKING THINGS RIGHT, 294 00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:16,203 I MADE A DUDE DATABASE WITH EVERY GUY 295 00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,805 AT PHHS'S PROFILE PIC. 296 00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:21,008 I'M GONNA HATE-RATE THE [bleep] OUT OF THESE JOCK-OFFS 297 00:12:21,008 --> 00:12:22,976 STARTING WITH PETE. 298 00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:25,512 #NOTHINGUPSTAIRS. 299 00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:27,948 - #NOTHINGDOWNSTAIRS? 300 00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:29,516 - #BRILLZ. 301 00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:32,252 - NOT ONLY DID MATTY REFUSE TO DESTROY THE PHONEBOOK, 302 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,821 HE DIDN'T EVEN SEEM TO UNDERSTAND 303 00:12:33,821 --> 00:12:35,122 WHY IT WAS SO HURTFUL, 304 00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:36,890 AND UNTIL HE COULD BE A FRIEND TO ME, 305 00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:38,091 I DIDN'T WANT TO BE A FRIEND TO HIM. 306 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:41,461 - * SOMEDAY WON'T HOLD ME DOWN * 307 00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:46,099 - WELCOME TO THE SENIOR BONFIRE, HIGH SCHOOL OLDIES. 308 00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:48,435 THE REAL BONFIRE, THAT IS, 309 00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:51,404 NOT THAT STUPID PILE OF LINCOLN LOGS OVER THERE. 310 00:12:57,577 --> 00:13:00,981 THIS PARTY IS ABOUT TO BE EN FUEGO. 311 00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:25,138 [all cheering] 312 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:28,475 - * LA LA LA LA LA 313 00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:31,344 - SERIOUSLY? UNFRIENDED ME? 314 00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:33,013 - WELL, APPARENTLY, ALL I AM TO YOU IS A NUMBER. 315 00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:34,614 - THIS IS RIDICULOUS. 316 00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:36,950 IT'S JUST SOME STUPID BOOK I HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT 317 00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:38,118 SINCE SOCCER HAZING. 318 00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:39,619 - WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD, 319 00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:42,789 BECAUSE BEING RATED ST. LOUIS BY A GUY I THOUGHT 320 00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:48,295 CARED ABOUT ME IS SOMETHING I'LL NEVER FORGET. 321 00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:50,397 - I CAN'T BELIEVE RAJ RATED ME. 322 00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:52,632 HAVE YOU SEEN HIS SKINNY CHICKEN LEGS? 323 00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:54,201 - #CHICKENLEGS. 324 00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:55,435 - SOMEONE MADE A DUDE DATABASE 325 00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:56,970 TO GET BACK AT THOSE BEEF JERKIES. 326 00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:59,973 IT'S BEEN LIKE CHAPSTICK TO MY POOR, BLISTERED EGO. 327 00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:01,141 HERE, SEE FOR YOURSELVES. 328 00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:03,610 [all chuckle] 329 00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:09,182 - WHAT, YOU DIDN'T SEE ENOUGH OF MY HOT FRIENDS AT LUNCH? 330 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,583 - THOSE SHRINK-WRAP BLONDIES? 331 00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:13,420 RELAX, SADITA, THOSE GIRLS ARE SIXES AT BEST. 332 00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,788 - I'M SORRY, ARE YOU RATING THEM? 333 00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:18,591 - WHAT? YOU'RE A 9. A 9 1/2 EVEN. 334 00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:20,460 I LIKE MY WOMEN TALL AND CURVY. 335 00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,930 - AND I LIKE MY MEN TALL, WELL-MANNERED, AND LITERATE. 336 00:14:22,930 --> 00:14:24,264 YOU KNOW, NOTHING LIKE YOU. 337 00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:25,765 - JESUS, WHAT HAS YOU SO TWISTED? 338 00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:27,567 IT'S LIKE ANYTHING I SAY YOU FIGURE OUT 339 00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,202 HOW TO TURN INTO A SLAM. - I KNOW. 340 00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,737 I'M REALLY TALENTED. 341 00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:33,941 - AND A LITTLE TOO INSECURE SOMETIMES. 342 00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:35,375 - LO SIENTO. 343 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:38,578 YOU'RE SO PERFECT. 344 00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:39,947 - THANK YOU GUYS FOR COMING. 345 00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:43,150 SENIORS, THIS IS OUR LAST BONFIRE, SO ENJOY IT. 346 00:14:43,150 --> 00:14:46,853 EVEN THOUGH 50% OF OUR CLASS DOESN'T DESERVE TO LIVE, 347 00:14:46,853 --> 00:14:48,956 WE CAN STILL ALL HAVE A GOOD TIME. 348 00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:51,058 AND THE ONLY NUMBERS YOU'LL BE HEARING TONIGHT 349 00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:52,792 ARE MUSICAL ONES, SO TAKE IT AWAY 350 00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:54,794 BEFORE I SAY WHAT I'M REALLY THINKING. 351 00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:57,797 [rock music] 352 00:14:57,797 --> 00:15:05,805 * 353 00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:10,343 - THE MUSIC SOUNDED FAMILIAR, AND THEN I REALIZED IT WAS 354 00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:13,446 ANOTHER VERSION OF FIRST TIME, AND OWEN'S SWEET SERENADE 355 00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:15,582 MADE THE BITTER PILL OF MATTY'S BAD BEHAVIOR 356 00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,650 THAT MUCH HARDER TO SWALLOW. 357 00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:18,986 - WHAT? THE PHONEBOOK'S SO BAD, 358 00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:21,621 THEY'D RATHER FREEZE THAN BE NEAR US? 359 00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:23,456 IT'S A RITE OF PASSAGE. EVERYONE DOES IT. 360 00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:24,791 - I DIDN'T. 361 00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:26,393 THE WHOLE THING'S REALLY MESSED UP. 362 00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:27,460 - IT'S JUST A JOKE. 363 00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:29,062 - DUDE, I HAVE A LITTLE SISTER, 364 00:15:29,062 --> 00:15:31,531 AND I WOULD KILL SOMEONE IF THEY RATED HER, 365 00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:34,234 AND BE HONEST--WHAT IF SOMEONE ELSE HAD RATED JENNA? 366 00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:36,836 - IT'S JUST--I-- LOOK. 367 00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:38,771 I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT HER LIKE THAT SOPHOMORE YEAR. 368 00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:41,808 SHE WAS JUST THIS REALLY AWESOME, SECRET BOOTY CALL, 369 00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:47,014 NOT, I DON'T KNOW, A REAL PERSON AT FIRST. 370 00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,585 - YOU LOOK COLD. TAKE MY COAT. 371 00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:54,354 - I'M FINE. 372 00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:55,622 - WHY ARE YOU PUSHING ME AWAY, HUH? 373 00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:57,024 YOU WON'T EVEN TAKE MY COAT? 374 00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:58,758 - MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO SULLY IT 375 00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:00,860 WITH ALL MY DEEP-SEATED INSECURITIES. 376 00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:02,695 - SADIE, I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE-- 377 00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:05,798 - CONGRATU-[bleep]-LATIONS, SERGIO, YOU'RE RIGHT. 378 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:09,236 I AM REALLY UNHAPPY SOMETIMES. 379 00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:11,271 YOUR MOTHER WORRIES THAT YOU'LL STARVE TO DEATH 380 00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:12,872 WITHOUT HER TAMALES. 381 00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:15,508 MY MOTHER USED TO SCRAPE FOOD INTO THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL, 382 00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:16,509 SO I WOULDN'T EAT IT. 383 00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:18,578 - YOUR MOM SOUNDS CRAZY. 384 00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,113 I WANT YOU. 385 00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:21,581 - FOR WHAT? 386 00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:23,316 A GROPE IN THE SAUSAGE TRUCK, 387 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,817 SO YOU CAN TELL ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS 388 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:27,087 THAT YOU GOT MY HOT STUFF ALL UP IN YOUR FACE? 389 00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:30,590 - WHOA, CALIENTE, WHO WOULD WORK THIS HARD FOR JUST A GROPE? 390 00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:31,758 - ALL MEN ARE DOUCHE NUTS. 391 00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,326 - NOT ALL. - YEAH? 392 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,861 WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE THAT? 393 00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:37,597 - BECAUSE IT'S TRUE, BUT YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME 394 00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,299 A REAL CHANCE TO FIND OUT. 395 00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:42,369 [gentle music] 396 00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:45,438 - [vocalizing] 397 00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:53,713 * 398 00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:55,182 - DUDE, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? 399 00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:58,451 - HEY, EVERYONE. 400 00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:01,188 HI. 401 00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:04,324 I WANT TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL THE GIRLS IN HERE, 402 00:17:04,324 --> 00:17:07,327 BUT ESPECIALLY TO ALL THE GIRLS THAT I CODED. 403 00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:11,431 NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED LIKE THEY'RE JUST A NUMBER. 404 00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:15,535 JUST A DUMB TRADITION. 405 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:21,408 A REALLY [bleep] DUMB ONE. 406 00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:23,543 all: OHH. - BUT-- 407 00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:27,347 - MATTY'S GESTURE WAS ALMOST HEROIC, 408 00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:29,849 AND I WANTED TO LET HIM KNOW, 409 00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:32,452 BUT GABBY BEAT ME TO IT. 410 00:17:32,452 --> 00:17:34,854 - WOW, MCKIBBEN, 411 00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:38,691 I GUESS YOU'RE NOT 100% DOUCHE BAG AFTER ALL. 412 00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:40,760 - EH, NO MORE THAN 35%. 413 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,595 [both chuckle] 414 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:51,971 [Another Day by Carousel] 415 00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:54,341 - GOOD MOVE, WHALE RIDER, YOU LEFT OUR OFFICE UNLOCKED, 416 00:17:54,341 --> 00:17:55,642 AND NOW THE PHONEBOOK IS GONE FOREVER. 417 00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:57,009 - I'M SORRY, VAL. 418 00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:59,846 - YOU SHOULD BE. I STILL HAD 30 PAGES TO READ. 419 00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:02,149 PLUS, THE BONFIRE WAS MY THING 420 00:18:02,149 --> 00:18:05,285 BEFORE YOU CAME ALONG AND STOLE MY FIRE, LITERALLY. 421 00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:06,253 - I KNOW. 422 00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:08,155 MAYBE I WAS TRYING TO IMPRESS YOU. 423 00:18:08,155 --> 00:18:10,590 MAYBE I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO GET YOU OUT OF MY HEAD SINCE WE MET, 424 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:15,228 AND OKAY, MAYBE I AM STALKING YOU A LITTLE. 425 00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:17,464 - REALLY? - REALLY, REALLY. 426 00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:19,666 BUT I'M GONNA STAY OUT OF YOUR WAY. 427 00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:21,201 IN FACT, I'VE ALREADY VOLUNTEERED 428 00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:23,703 FOR A DIFFERENT SCHOOL ACTIVITY. 429 00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:26,439 - * OH, YOU GOT ME FEELING 430 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:27,440 * YOU'RE STARTING * 431 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,808 - OLD HABITS, YOU KNOW? 432 00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:30,377 - * ON YOUR WAY 433 00:18:30,377 --> 00:18:33,546 * OH, YOU GOT ME FEELING I WANNA STAY * 434 00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:34,981 - BIGGIE-- WILL, WAIT. 435 00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:38,218 - * I WANNA STAY ANOTHER DAY 436 00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:40,720 * 437 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:45,658 - THANK YOU FOR LIGHTING MY FIRE. 438 00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:52,232 * 439 00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:55,802 UM, CAN YOU JUST PUT THE HEAD ON? 440 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:05,445 - JENNA, HEY, DID YOU-- DID YOU LIKE THE PIECE? 441 00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:06,613 - IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. 442 00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:07,614 - GOOD. 443 00:19:07,614 --> 00:19:11,618 - YOU ARE SO TALENTED. 444 00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:13,386 OWEN, I CAN'T DATE YOU. 445 00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:15,622 I NEVER WOULD'VE SLEPT WITH YOU 446 00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:17,790 IF I'D HAVE KNOWN IT WAS YOUR FIRST TIME. 447 00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:19,926 HEY, I'M A SENIOR. 448 00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:21,594 I'M NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING SERIOUS. 449 00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:24,297 YOU DESERVE TO BE WITH SOMEBODY WHO CAN EXPERIENCE 450 00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:27,467 ALL THOSE FIRSTS WITH YOU IN A REAL RELATIONSHIP. 451 00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:29,302 - [scoffs] 452 00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:31,404 I'M SUCH AN IDIOT TO THINK 453 00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:33,306 THAT YOU COULD ACTUALLY BE INTO ME. 454 00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:36,343 I MEAN, YOU'RE LIKE THIS SUPER-HOT GIRL, 455 00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:39,779 AND I'M KRYPTONITE TO HOT GIRLS. 456 00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:41,448 - OH, NO, NO, NO. 457 00:19:41,448 --> 00:19:43,483 YOU'RE REALLY SWEET AND FUNNY 458 00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:46,986 AND INTELLIGENT AND SO TALENTED AND CUTE. 459 00:19:46,986 --> 00:19:48,721 LOTS OF GIRLS THINK YOU'RE CUTE. 460 00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:50,590 TAMARA JUST SAID SO TODAY. 461 00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:55,862 - THANKS, YOU KNOW, BUT I'LL SEE YOU AROUND, OKAY? 462 00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:58,064 - OWEN MIGHT BE HURTING, 463 00:19:58,064 --> 00:20:02,402 BUT I KNEW I'D FINALLY DONE THE RIGHT THING. 464 00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:04,437 MY MORAL COMPASS WAS POINTING NORTH, 465 00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:06,706 AND IT TURNS OUT, MATTY MCKIBBEN WAS ACTUALLY 466 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,941 A PRETTY GREAT FRIEND. 467 00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:13,513 [computer chiming] 468 00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:25,358 I MAY HAVE CLOSED THE LID ON THE MATTY DRAMA, 469 00:20:25,358 --> 00:20:29,696 BUT I'D OPENED A PANDORA'S BOX OF HASHTAG HATING. 470 00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:33,733 THE DUDE DATABASE WAS GOING VIRAL, 471 00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,902 AND THE BALANCE OF POWER HAD DEFINITELY SHIFTED 472 00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:37,337 FROM THE GUYS TO THE GIRLS. 473 00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:40,740 AND IF ANYONE FOUND OUT I WAS PARTLY RESPONSIBLE, 474 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,208 I'D BE #TOAST. 475 00:20:45,211 --> 00:20:46,579 - NEXT ON AWKWARD... - IF YOU EVER TELL ANYONE THIS, 476 00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,114 I WILL GOUGE OUT YOUR EYES WITH MY THUMBS. 477 00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:52,084 - THE DUDE DATABASE HAS GONE FULL-ON VIRAL. 478 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,555 DID OWEN JUST KISS YOUR CHEEK? - WHAT? NO. 479 00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:58,658 - GAME IS THE OPERATIVE WORD HERE, PLAYER. 480 00:20:58,658 --> 00:21:00,026 - W-- 481 00:21:00,026 --> 00:21:01,761 - WHEN I DON'T ANSWER MY PHONE, 482 00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:03,363 IT'S 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU.