1 00:00:09,433 --> 00:00:10,967 - PREVIOUSLY ON AWKWARD... - I WANT MATTY TO DATE. 2 00:00:10,967 --> 00:00:12,000 - WHY DON'T YOU SET HIM UP YOURSELF? 3 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,367 - MAYBE I WILL. - MATTY AND I KISSED. 4 00:00:13,367 --> 00:00:15,167 - YOU'RE A LIAR, AND I NEED TO BREAK UP WITH YOU. 5 00:00:15,167 --> 00:00:16,300 - WHAT? 6 00:00:16,300 --> 00:00:17,933 - I PROMISE NOT TO INTERFERE WITH YOU OR EVA. 7 00:00:17,933 --> 00:00:19,133 - WE DON'T NEED EACH OTHER'S BLESSINGS, JENNA. 8 00:00:19,133 --> 00:00:20,400 WE'RE NOT TOGETHER. 9 00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:21,633 - OUT OF THE CAR RIGHT NOW. RIGHT NOW, COME ON. 10 00:00:21,633 --> 00:00:22,567 - WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. 11 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:26,800 - THE NIGHT SO FAR HAD BEEN AN EPIC FAIL. 12 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:29,467 THREE GIRLS, THREE FIGHTS, AND TWO BROKEN HEARTS. 13 00:00:29,467 --> 00:00:31,300 I WAS SICK OF FIGHTING WITH MATTY. 14 00:00:31,300 --> 00:00:32,567 WHY COULDN'T WE MOVE ON? 15 00:00:32,567 --> 00:00:35,467 WHY WAS I LETTING MATTY MCKIBBEN RUIN ANOTHER NIGHT? 16 00:00:35,467 --> 00:00:37,133 I HAD A NEW MAN IN MY LIFE, 17 00:00:37,133 --> 00:00:40,533 AND HE AND A DRAMA-FREE NIGHT WERE JUST 40 MINUTES AWAY. 18 00:00:40,533 --> 00:00:42,967 TURN THE CAR AROUND. NOT GOING DOWN LIKE THIS. 19 00:00:42,967 --> 00:00:44,567 WE CAN STILL MAKE IT TO SCU BY MIDNIGHT 20 00:00:44,567 --> 00:00:47,300 AND SPEND OUR NIGHT WITH REAL MEN, COLLEGE MEN. 21 00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:48,733 WHO'S DOWN FOR A LITTLE ROAD TRIP? 22 00:00:48,733 --> 00:00:50,200 - HELL TO THE YES. 23 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:51,967 THEY SAY THE BEST WAY TO GET OVER SOMEONE-- 24 00:00:51,967 --> 00:00:53,100 THAT SOMEONE BEING JAKE-- 25 00:00:53,100 --> 00:00:54,967 IS TO GET UNDER SOMEONE NEW. 26 00:00:54,967 --> 00:00:57,267 AND THAT SOMEONE NEW IS A YET-TO-BE-NAMED COLLEGE GUY-- 27 00:00:57,267 --> 00:00:58,700 OR GUYS-- 28 00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:00,800 WITH THEIR MANLY SCRUFF AND FIVE-BUTTON CARDIGANS. 29 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:02,200 EVERY ONE OF THEM 30 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:04,933 IS LIKE A LIVING, BREATHING J.CREW CATALOG, ONLY HOTTER. 31 00:01:04,933 --> 00:01:07,067 LET'S FRICKIN' DO THIS. - LET'S FRICKIN' DO THIS. 32 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,800 - LET'S FRICKIN' NOT! 33 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:10,967 I NEED YOU TO TAKE ME HOME, PRONTO. 34 00:01:10,967 --> 00:01:12,867 THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN GETTING DUMPED 35 00:01:12,867 --> 00:01:16,467 IS AN "EAT, PRAY, SUCK" ROAD TRIP WITH YOU TWO MORONS. 36 00:01:16,467 --> 00:01:18,800 GOOD LUCK WITH "CROSSROADS 2." 37 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:20,067 - WHAT DID SADIE KNOW? 38 00:01:20,067 --> 00:01:22,200 - CROSSROADS IS AN UNDERAPPRECIATED GEM. 39 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:23,400 AND LUKE AND HIS BED 40 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:25,967 WOULD BE THE PERFECT REMEDY TO EVERYTHING. 41 00:01:25,967 --> 00:01:27,867 SURPRISE! 42 00:01:31,067 --> 00:01:34,867 [keys clacking, loud thud] 43 00:01:34,867 --> 00:01:35,867 I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT. 44 00:01:35,867 --> 00:01:37,900 WAS LUKE REALLY CHEATING ON ME? 45 00:01:37,900 --> 00:01:40,200 I WANTED TO SPEAK, BUT I COULDN'T FORM WORDS. 46 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:41,900 LUCKY FOR ME, I HAD A BEST FRIEND 47 00:01:41,900 --> 00:01:43,300 WHO WAS NEVER AT A LOSS FOR THEM. 48 00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:45,567 - W.T.F.? A RUB AND TUG WITH A FUG? 49 00:01:45,567 --> 00:01:49,267 THE ONLY ENDING YOU'RE GETTING TONIGHT IS AN UNHAPPY ONE. 50 00:01:49,267 --> 00:01:50,433 AND YOU? 51 00:01:50,433 --> 00:01:52,067 I MAY LOOK LIKE A DELICATE FLOWER, 52 00:01:52,067 --> 00:01:53,567 BUT I AM A MILLION-DOLLAR BABY. 53 00:01:53,567 --> 00:01:57,067 I WILL GRAB THAT MESSY MOP AND PULL SO HARD, 54 00:01:57,067 --> 00:01:59,233 YOU'LL HAVE TO GO TO EVERY SUPERCUTS FROM HERE 55 00:01:59,233 --> 00:02:01,067 TO OAKLAND TO RE-CREATE 56 00:02:01,067 --> 00:02:03,300 THAT "OH, I JUST ROLLED OUT OF BED LOOKING LIKE THIS, 57 00:02:03,300 --> 00:02:05,500 LET ME GIVE YOU A SENSUAL MASSAGE" LOOK. 58 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:07,467 SO PUT 'EM UP, 'CAUSE IT'S GO TIME, BITCH. 59 00:02:07,467 --> 00:02:11,733 - JENNA, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY BEST FRIEND, SHAYNE. 60 00:02:11,733 --> 00:02:13,767 - HI. I'M SHAYNE. 61 00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,700 BY THE WAY, I'M GAY. 62 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:19,967 - GAY OR STRAIGHT? 63 00:02:19,967 --> 00:02:22,433 - DON'T WORRY. MY BROTHER'S BEEN THROUGH THIS A THOUSAND TIMES. 64 00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:23,800 THEY HOLD US FOR A NIGHT, 65 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,300 THEN WE'RE BROUGHT BEFORE A JUDGE IN THE MORNING. 66 00:02:25,300 --> 00:02:27,167 WE WILL BE OUT AFTER THAT. 67 00:02:27,167 --> 00:02:28,733 - OKAY, RIGHT. 68 00:02:28,733 --> 00:02:30,067 - WHAT'S THE MATTER? 69 00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,300 YOU CAN'T DO A NIGHT IN THE CLINK, BRO? 70 00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:32,367 - OH, NO, IT'S NOT THAT. 71 00:02:32,367 --> 00:02:33,833 I HAD A TON OF BEER BACK THERE. 72 00:02:33,833 --> 00:02:35,400 I GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM REALLY BAD. 73 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,133 - THEY HAVE TOILETS INSIDE. 74 00:02:37,133 --> 00:02:38,600 - YOU KNOW I'M PEE SHY DUDE. 75 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,400 - GAY OR STRAIGHT? - STRAIGHT. 76 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:42,900 - HEY, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO SAY? - WE'RE STRAIGHT. 77 00:02:42,900 --> 00:02:44,767 - YEAH, BUT WHAT IF THE GAY WING IS NICER? 78 00:02:44,767 --> 00:02:46,067 [door closes] 79 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:51,100 - GAY OR STRAIGHT? 80 00:02:51,100 --> 00:02:52,833 - STRAIGHT. 81 00:02:52,833 --> 00:02:55,733 - WAIT. WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME THAT AND NOT HIM? 82 00:02:55,733 --> 00:02:57,100 - [chuckles] 83 00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:59,767 [door slams] 84 00:02:59,767 --> 00:03:02,800 [ominous music plays] 85 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:10,200 * 86 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,333 DON'T WE GET ONE PHONE CALL? 87 00:03:12,333 --> 00:03:15,467 - YEAH, WE DO. 88 00:03:18,467 --> 00:03:20,133 - HOW'S THIS THING WORK? 89 00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:21,633 DO WE NEED WOODEN NICKELS OR SOMETHING? 90 00:03:21,633 --> 00:03:24,433 - IT'S LIKE THAT GUMBALL MACHINE, BUT NO, UH, COINS. 91 00:03:24,433 --> 00:03:25,967 COLLECT CALLS ONLY. 92 00:03:25,967 --> 00:03:27,300 - OKAY, WHATEVER. 93 00:03:27,300 --> 00:03:30,500 WHOSE NUMBER DO WE KNOW BY HEART? 94 00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:31,967 WHAT ABOUT JENNA? 95 00:03:31,967 --> 00:03:33,733 YOU HAVE TO HAVE HER NUMBER MEMORIZED. 96 00:03:33,733 --> 00:03:36,300 - I'D RATHER DIE IN PRISON THAN CALL JENNA RIGHT NOW. 97 00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:38,133 - COME ON, MAN. 98 00:03:38,133 --> 00:03:41,100 THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMEONE ELSE WHOSE NUMBER WE HAVE MEMORIZED. 99 00:03:42,967 --> 00:03:45,767 [phone beeps] 100 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:48,367 [phone vibrates] 101 00:03:48,367 --> 00:03:49,800 - HELLO? 102 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:52,667 - HELLO, THIS IS A COLLECT CALL FROM THE COUNTY PRISON. 103 00:03:52,667 --> 00:03:54,167 - NOT TONIGHT, ALLY. 104 00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:57,067 GET OUT OF ANOTHER DRUNK-DRIVING SITCH YOURSELF. 105 00:03:57,067 --> 00:03:58,967 [dial tone] 106 00:04:03,633 --> 00:04:05,100 - YO. 107 00:04:06,967 --> 00:04:08,900 - HOLY [bleep], YOU ESCAPED? 108 00:04:08,900 --> 00:04:10,700 DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TROUBLE YOU'RE IN NOW? 109 00:04:10,700 --> 00:04:12,300 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 110 00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:14,600 I JUST WANTED TO REMIND YOU BEFORE THE VIKES HIT THE ZINNY 111 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:17,067 THAT I GOT A GIRLS' BRUNCH WITH VAL AND LACEY TOMORROW. 112 00:04:17,067 --> 00:04:18,433 WEIRDO. 113 00:04:23,467 --> 00:04:25,400 [phone beeps] 114 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,600 [phone rings] 115 00:04:29,233 --> 00:04:31,300 - I'M SORRY TO JUST BARGE IN. 116 00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:33,900 I WAS JUST MISSING YOU. - NO SWEAT. 117 00:04:33,900 --> 00:04:36,800 IT CAN BE A LITTLE HECTIC AROUND HERE DURING MIDTERMS. 118 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:39,133 - "HECTIC" DIDN'T CAPTURE THE REAL. 119 00:04:39,133 --> 00:04:41,333 IT WAS A FULL-ON SENSORY ASSAULT, 120 00:04:41,333 --> 00:04:44,200 A REVOLTING BLEND OF STANK, RANK, AND JANK. 121 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,667 - DESPERATE TIMES EQUALS DESPERATE MEASURES, 122 00:04:46,667 --> 00:04:48,967 WHICH EQUALS TAMARA DIGGING FOR TREASURE 123 00:04:48,967 --> 00:04:52,267 IN THIS FILTHY HEAP OF BOY SCUZZ. 124 00:04:54,933 --> 00:04:57,133 HEY, THERE. I'M TAMARA. 125 00:04:57,133 --> 00:05:00,067 - [belches] 126 00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:02,167 - NOT SURE THAT WAS THE HEAT TAMARA HAD IN MIND 127 00:05:02,167 --> 00:05:04,100 WHEN SHE PLEDGED TO HOOK UP WITH A COLLEGE GUY. 128 00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:05,900 - O.M. JESUS, I NEED TO SCRUB 129 00:05:05,900 --> 00:05:07,567 A "TUNA FISH, ROOT BEER, AND CORN CHIP" BURP 130 00:05:07,567 --> 00:05:09,267 OFF MY FACE, STAT! 131 00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:10,900 - BATHROOM'S DOWN THE HALL TO THE-- 132 00:05:10,900 --> 00:05:12,067 IT'S COED! 133 00:05:16,933 --> 00:05:18,267 HEY. 134 00:05:18,267 --> 00:05:20,200 I'M SORRY. I REALLY HAVE TO STUDY. 135 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,900 - LUKE WAS PROVING DIFFICULT TO PIN DOWN. 136 00:05:22,900 --> 00:05:27,200 MAYBE I JUST NEEDED TO GET A BIT MORE CREATIVE IN MY APPROACH. 137 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:28,267 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 138 00:05:28,267 --> 00:05:29,667 - HOW ABOUT I QUIZ YOU, 139 00:05:29,667 --> 00:05:34,133 AND FOR EVERY RIGHT ANSWER, YOU GET A REWARD. 140 00:05:34,133 --> 00:05:35,733 - OKAY. 141 00:05:35,733 --> 00:05:38,233 - "THE END OF THE NEUTRALITY ACT 142 00:05:38,233 --> 00:05:41,633 CAME WITH THE PASSAGE OF THIS LAW IN 1941." 143 00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:43,400 - THE LEASE LEND ACT. 144 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:44,700 - YES. 145 00:05:44,700 --> 00:05:46,167 - WAIT. NO, I MISLABELED IT. 146 00:05:46,167 --> 00:05:47,667 I THINK IT'S THE LEND LEASE ACT, I'M PRETTY SURE. 147 00:05:47,667 --> 00:05:49,500 CAN I SEE IT? 148 00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:51,133 YEP. 149 00:05:51,133 --> 00:05:55,433 [hip hop music] 150 00:05:55,433 --> 00:05:57,633 [toilet flushes] 151 00:06:00,367 --> 00:06:02,733 - I CAN'T DO THIS. 152 00:06:02,733 --> 00:06:04,200 - I CAN'T DO THIS. 153 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:06,400 - GO. I'LL FORM A HUMAN SHIELD. - NO, IT'S NOT THAT. 154 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,867 - THEN WHAT? - MY... 155 00:06:08,867 --> 00:06:09,900 "SITUATION"... 156 00:06:09,900 --> 00:06:11,767 HAS GRADUATED FROM A STAND-UP JOB 157 00:06:11,767 --> 00:06:13,067 TO A SIT-DOWN ONE. 158 00:06:13,067 --> 00:06:15,067 - EESH. 159 00:06:15,067 --> 00:06:17,400 [prison cell door closes] GOOD LUCK WITH THAT. 160 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,100 [buzzer sounds] 161 00:06:20,333 --> 00:06:22,733 UH, HEY, THAT'S MY BUNK. 162 00:06:24,900 --> 00:06:28,900 HEY, MAN, I WAS ASSIGNED THAT BUNK, SO... 163 00:06:30,667 --> 00:06:33,333 WHA--OH! UM, I'LL GO UP IN...HERE. 164 00:06:45,367 --> 00:06:46,600 - WITH LUKE DISTRACTED, 165 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:48,733 I THOUGHT A NICE VIEW AND SOME FRESH AIR 166 00:06:48,733 --> 00:06:50,600 WOULD HELP US RECONNECT. 167 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:53,067 ISN'T IT NICE? 168 00:06:53,067 --> 00:06:56,133 PLUS, IT DOESN'T SMELL LIKE COFFEE AND RITALIN UP HERE. 169 00:06:56,133 --> 00:06:58,433 - [chuckles] TOTALLY. 170 00:06:58,433 --> 00:07:00,600 - UGH. SERIOUSLY? 171 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:01,867 - ALL RIGHT, LET'S--JENNA, NO! 172 00:07:01,867 --> 00:07:04,833 - WHAT? IT'S JUST A NASTY OLD FLIP-FLOP. 173 00:07:04,833 --> 00:07:06,567 - THAT WAS THE DOORSTOP. 174 00:07:06,567 --> 00:07:08,667 IT KEEPS THE DOOR FROM CLOSING. 175 00:07:08,667 --> 00:07:09,933 I DON'T HAVE MY PHONE. 176 00:07:09,933 --> 00:07:11,833 CAN YOU CALL TAMARA AND GET HER TO COME GET US? 177 00:07:11,833 --> 00:07:14,133 - I LEFT MY PHONE DOWNSTAIRS. 178 00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:16,533 - GREAT. NOW WE'RE LOCKED OUT HERE. 179 00:07:20,667 --> 00:07:22,233 - MY EFFORT TO CONNECT WITH LUKE 180 00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:24,167 HAD LEFT US LOCKED OUT IN THE COLD. 181 00:07:24,167 --> 00:07:26,067 I NEEDED TO GENERATE SOME HEAT AND FAST. 182 00:07:26,067 --> 00:07:27,200 - [sighs] 183 00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:28,867 - WELL, WHILE WE'RE STUCK OUT HERE, 184 00:07:28,867 --> 00:07:30,600 WE MIGHT AS WELL MAKE THE MOST OF IT. 185 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:31,667 HMM? 186 00:07:31,667 --> 00:07:33,867 - [sighs] 187 00:07:33,867 --> 00:07:36,067 - HEY. HEY, WHAT'S WRONG? 188 00:07:36,067 --> 00:07:37,367 - JENNA, YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND 189 00:07:37,367 --> 00:07:38,633 HOW IMPORTANT MY STUDYING IS. 190 00:07:38,633 --> 00:07:40,700 YOU'RE STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL. 191 00:07:40,700 --> 00:07:42,100 - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 192 00:07:42,100 --> 00:07:44,167 - LOOK, THAT DIDN'T COME OUT RIGHT. 193 00:07:44,167 --> 00:07:45,933 - NO, LUKE, WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT ELSE 194 00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:49,200 I DON'T UNDERSTAND BECAUSE I'M JUST IN HIGH SCHOOL. 195 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:51,767 - UGH. 196 00:07:51,767 --> 00:07:53,900 UGH. 197 00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:05,233 [sighs] 198 00:08:05,233 --> 00:08:06,267 AH. 199 00:08:06,267 --> 00:08:07,433 - WAIT YOUR TURN, SON. 200 00:08:07,433 --> 00:08:09,467 I GOT A FEW POUNDS TO DROP IN HERE. 201 00:08:14,233 --> 00:08:16,133 - OH! 202 00:08:16,133 --> 00:08:17,733 OH! 203 00:08:17,733 --> 00:08:19,400 - WORD TO THE WISE-- 204 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,067 YOU MIGHT WANT TO THINK ABOUT KEEPING AN EYE 205 00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:22,367 ON YOUR BOY TONIGHT. 206 00:08:22,367 --> 00:08:23,767 HE AIN'T MAKING NO FRIENDS. 207 00:08:23,767 --> 00:08:24,767 - THANKS. 208 00:08:24,767 --> 00:08:26,667 - WHAT YOU IN FOR, HOMES? 209 00:08:26,667 --> 00:08:29,567 - WHO KNOWS? YOU? 210 00:08:29,567 --> 00:08:33,367 - PULLED A TRIGGER, MADE SOME THINGS DISAPPEAR. 211 00:08:33,367 --> 00:08:36,200 NORMALLY, I'M ONE EASYGOING MOTHER. 212 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:37,867 BUT IF SOMEONE GETS ON MY NERVES, 213 00:08:37,867 --> 00:08:39,900 LOOK THE HELL OUT! 214 00:08:39,900 --> 00:08:42,500 BELIEVE IT OR NOT... 215 00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:44,767 MY TROUBLES BEGAN WHEN I WAS YOUNGER THAN YOU. 216 00:08:44,767 --> 00:08:47,700 [buzzer sounds] 217 00:08:47,700 --> 00:08:49,067 - OH, HEY. 218 00:08:49,067 --> 00:08:51,700 DOING YOUR NAILS-- NICE. 219 00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:54,067 YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, 220 00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:57,200 THERE IS NO MORE IMPORTANT PART OF A LESBIAN THAN HER FINGERS. 221 00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:59,900 - DO YOU JUST BLURT OUT EVERY OFFENSIVE THING THAT YOU THINK? 222 00:08:59,900 --> 00:09:02,433 - NO. IT'S ACTUALLY VERY CAREFUL CURATED. 223 00:09:02,433 --> 00:09:04,333 WHY AREN'T YOU STUDYING FOR MIDTERMS 224 00:09:04,333 --> 00:09:07,400 LIKE ALL THE OTHER COCKROACHES IN THIS GODFORSAKEN HELLHOLE? 225 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:10,300 - BECAUSE I FINISHED THEM LAST NIGHT, DUH. 226 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,267 BOYS--NOT ONLY ARE THEY UNSANITARY, 227 00:09:12,267 --> 00:09:14,400 BUT THEY DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT MANAGING THEIR TIME. 228 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:16,267 - [gasps] OH, MY GOD. 229 00:09:16,267 --> 00:09:17,433 EXACTLY. 230 00:09:17,433 --> 00:09:19,700 I AM ALL ABOUT MANAGING TIME APPROPRIATELY, 231 00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:21,100 ESPECIALLY FOR SENIOR YEAR. 232 00:09:21,100 --> 00:09:23,100 MY COLOR-CODED SYSTEM TO GET ME THROUGH THE NEXT FEW MONTHS 233 00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:24,700 WOULD BLOW YOUR MIND. 234 00:09:24,700 --> 00:09:28,100 - REALLY? 'CAUSE I'M THE GIRL WHO GOES TO STAPLES TO UNWIND. 235 00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,167 - OH, MY GOD. DON'T EVEN TALK TO ME ABOUT HOW MUCH MONEY 236 00:09:30,167 --> 00:09:33,067 I SPENT AT STAPLES LAST WEEK. 237 00:09:33,067 --> 00:09:35,100 HOLD UP. IS THAT CARAMEL SPELL? 238 00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:36,667 - OBVI. 239 00:09:36,667 --> 00:09:38,833 - SCOOCH OVER, GIRL. 240 00:09:38,833 --> 00:09:40,100 - HEY. 241 00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:41,967 I DIDN'T MEAN THAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND 242 00:09:41,967 --> 00:09:44,833 BECAUSE YOU'RE STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL. 243 00:09:44,833 --> 00:09:46,867 I JUST-- [sighs] 244 00:09:46,867 --> 00:09:48,533 I'M ON SCHOLARSHIP HERE. 245 00:09:48,533 --> 00:09:52,067 AND IF I DON'T MAKE MY GRADES, I'LL LOSE IT, AND THEN I'M OUT. 246 00:09:52,067 --> 00:09:54,667 THERE'S NO WAY I CAN AFFORD THIS PLACE OTHERWISE. 247 00:09:54,667 --> 00:09:57,100 SO MIDTERMS ARE AN EXTRA-STRESSFUL TIME OF YEAR 248 00:09:57,100 --> 00:10:00,067 FOR ME. 249 00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:02,000 - I'M SORRY. I HAD NO IDEA. 250 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,433 - I WANTED TO TELL YOU. 251 00:10:03,433 --> 00:10:05,533 I JUST KNOW YOU MAYBE HAVE THIS PICTURE OF ME 252 00:10:05,533 --> 00:10:08,933 AS THIS COOL, CONFIDENT COLLEGE GUY, WHICH I AM. 253 00:10:08,933 --> 00:10:11,867 I TOTALLY AM, LIKE, ALL DAY. - RIGHT. 254 00:10:11,867 --> 00:10:15,267 - BUT I'M ALSO A COMPLETE DORKUS ABOUT SCHOOL. 255 00:10:15,267 --> 00:10:17,133 I PUT MYSELF ON LOCKDOWN THIS WEEKEND 256 00:10:17,133 --> 00:10:18,900 SO I COULD GET EVERYTHING DONE 257 00:10:18,900 --> 00:10:22,000 AND MAKE TIME FOR THE IMPORTANT THINGS IN MY LIFE... 258 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,200 LIKE YOU. 259 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,600 - IN THAT MOMENT, LUKE WAS EVERYTHING-- 260 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:28,167 HIS VULNERABILITY, HIS HONESTY, HIS WORK ETHIC, 261 00:10:28,167 --> 00:10:30,367 NO GAMES, STRAIGHT LINES. 262 00:10:30,367 --> 00:10:31,700 HE WAS A GREAT BOYFRIEND, 263 00:10:31,700 --> 00:10:34,233 AND I WANTED TO BE AN EQUALLY GREAT GIRLFRIEND. 264 00:10:34,233 --> 00:10:35,367 OKAY. 265 00:10:35,367 --> 00:10:36,900 IF YOU NEED TO KEEP THIS SCHOLARSHIP, 266 00:10:36,900 --> 00:10:38,933 THEN WE NEED TO GET DOWN TO BRASS TACKS. 267 00:10:38,933 --> 00:10:40,533 HAND ME THOSE FLASH CARDS. 268 00:10:40,533 --> 00:10:43,433 I AM GOING TO LEND-LEASE YOU A HAND. 269 00:10:43,433 --> 00:10:45,633 - "LEND-LEASE"? REALLY? 270 00:10:45,633 --> 00:10:48,100 - I REGRETTED IT AS SOON AS I SAID IT. 271 00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:52,467 - MY PARENTS ABANDONED ME. 272 00:10:52,467 --> 00:10:53,900 TROUBLE KEPT FINDING ME. 273 00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:57,267 SOON, THE STREETS BECAME MY TRUE MOMS AND POPS. 274 00:10:57,267 --> 00:10:59,500 I WAS RAISED ON THE BLOCK, SON. 275 00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:02,233 I GOT MY PhD IN STRAIGHT HUSTLING, HOMEY. 276 00:11:02,233 --> 00:11:04,433 - YEAH, I CAN RELATE, MAN. 277 00:11:04,433 --> 00:11:06,367 I JUST FOUND OUT I WAS ADOPTED. 278 00:11:06,367 --> 00:11:07,700 - REALLY? 279 00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:10,500 BY SOME RICH-BITCH MOTHER[bleep] UP IN P.V.? 280 00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:12,133 - YEAH, BUT-- 281 00:11:12,133 --> 00:11:13,733 - THEY FED YOU, BOUGHT YOU CLOTHES? 282 00:11:13,733 --> 00:11:15,133 - THEY DID, BUT-- 283 00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:17,333 - WHAT KIND OF CAR YOU DRIVE? 284 00:11:17,333 --> 00:11:19,167 - ESCALADE. 285 00:11:19,167 --> 00:11:20,533 DROVE IT OFF A CLIFF. 286 00:11:20,533 --> 00:11:22,733 - [laughs] AN ESCALADE? 287 00:11:22,733 --> 00:11:23,833 DAMN, SON. 288 00:11:23,833 --> 00:11:25,267 THEY AIN'T EVEN HAVE THE COURTESY 289 00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:28,200 TO BUY THEIR ADOPTED BOY AN "S" CLASS. 290 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:32,667 HOMEY, YOU GOT ADOPTED BY SOME STRAIGHT JERKS. 291 00:11:32,667 --> 00:11:36,333 [laughing] 292 00:11:36,333 --> 00:11:38,333 "DROVE IT OFF A CLIFF." 293 00:11:38,333 --> 00:11:40,933 [chuckling] 294 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:43,467 - COME ON, LUKE. 295 00:11:43,467 --> 00:11:45,633 WHAT WERE THE MAIN POINTS OF THE POTSDAM TREATY? 296 00:11:45,633 --> 00:11:49,300 - I THINK IT WAS... 297 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,600 - I THOUGHT YOU HAD TO STUDY. 298 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:56,067 - I THINK WE'VE STUDIED ENOUGH FOR THE NIGHT. 299 00:11:56,067 --> 00:11:58,467 I JUST WANT TO ENJOY YOU. 300 00:12:01,333 --> 00:12:02,567 - I CAME HERE TONIGHT TO HOOK UP, 301 00:12:02,567 --> 00:12:04,800 BUT IT'S BEEN A COMPLETE FAIL MARY. 302 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,233 WHAT'S THE DEAL? 303 00:12:06,233 --> 00:12:08,267 I THOUGHT COLLEGE GUYS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SO MUCH COOLER, 304 00:12:08,267 --> 00:12:09,767 BUT THEY'RE JUST LIKE HIGH-SCHOOL GUYS, 305 00:12:09,767 --> 00:12:11,800 PLUS 2 YEARS AND 20 POUNDS. 306 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:13,567 - I DID THE GUY THING FOR A WHILE, 307 00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:16,533 BUT IT WASN'T UNTIL I WAS WITH A WOMAN THAT EVERYTHING CLICKED. 308 00:12:16,533 --> 00:12:18,433 I MEAN, GUYS JUST TAKE SO MUCH LONGER TO EVOLVE 309 00:12:18,433 --> 00:12:19,800 INTO FUNCTIONAL ADULTS. 310 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:21,600 AND THE ROAD TO GET THERE IS FILLED WITH DOUCHE STOPS. 311 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:23,867 - OH, TALK TO ME ABOUT DOUCHE STOPS. 312 00:12:23,867 --> 00:12:26,900 MY LAST BOYFRIEND WENT INTO A "MUMFORD AND DUMBS" PHASE. 313 00:12:26,900 --> 00:12:29,600 SO "TRAJNOXIOUS." 314 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,100 "TRAGIC" PLUS "OBNOXIOUS." 315 00:12:31,100 --> 00:12:32,267 - THAT SOUNDS HORRIBLE. 316 00:12:32,267 --> 00:12:34,533 - NOT TO MENTION HE COULD NEVER BUY ME A TICKET 317 00:12:34,533 --> 00:12:36,733 TO RIDE THE BIG OH-LLERCOASTER. 318 00:12:36,733 --> 00:12:38,300 - YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY. 319 00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:40,533 NEVER SEND A MAN TO DO A WOMAN'S JOB. 320 00:12:40,533 --> 00:12:43,067 [both laugh] 321 00:12:43,067 --> 00:12:45,167 - OKAY, I NEED TO STOP OR GET A TOWEL 322 00:12:45,167 --> 00:12:48,533 FOR THE SERIOUS VERBAL VOM THAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. 323 00:12:48,533 --> 00:12:49,633 NICE, HUH? 324 00:12:55,367 --> 00:12:57,067 - OH, MY GOD. I AM SO SORRY. 325 00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:59,167 I TOTALLY MISREAD THE SITUATION. 326 00:12:59,167 --> 00:13:02,067 - LET'S DO THIS. 327 00:13:13,333 --> 00:13:16,233 - HEY. 328 00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:22,067 FREEDOM. 329 00:13:22,067 --> 00:13:23,867 - * RIGHT NOW WE'VE ONLY JUST BEGUN * 330 00:13:23,867 --> 00:13:27,567 * OPEN UP YOUR EYES AND SEE 331 00:13:27,567 --> 00:13:29,067 * 332 00:13:29,067 --> 00:13:31,067 - UGH. SHAYNE, YOU'VE GOT TO STOP HOOKING UP 333 00:13:31,067 --> 00:13:33,200 WITH GIRLS IN MY BED. 334 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:34,433 - GOOD MORNING. 335 00:13:34,433 --> 00:13:37,767 - OH, MY GOD. 336 00:13:37,767 --> 00:13:39,800 - WALKER, YOU HAVE A VISITOR. 337 00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:41,467 - THAT'S YOU. 338 00:13:41,467 --> 00:13:43,067 LET ME GO. 339 00:13:43,067 --> 00:13:44,400 - ARE YOU INSANE? 340 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:45,567 - THIS MIGHT BE MY ONE SHOT 341 00:13:45,567 --> 00:13:47,667 AT GETTING TO AN ACTUAL BATHROOM, MAN. 342 00:13:47,667 --> 00:13:49,500 - FINE. 343 00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:53,767 BUT WHOEVER IT IS, YOU GET US OUT OF HERE. 344 00:13:53,767 --> 00:13:55,133 - I'M WALKER. 345 00:14:01,467 --> 00:14:04,200 IS THERE A REAL BATHROOM ANYWHERE? 346 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:07,167 EVEN A PLASTIC BAG WOULD DO AT THIS POINT. 347 00:14:09,967 --> 00:14:12,167 SADIE, HOW DID YOU FIND US? 348 00:14:12,167 --> 00:14:14,800 - I WAS THERE WHEN MATTY GOT HIS FAKE LAST NIGHT, DICKWEED. 349 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:15,933 AND SINCE YOU LEFT WITH EVA, 350 00:14:15,933 --> 00:14:18,067 I FIGURED YOU WERE DEAD OR IN PRISON. 351 00:14:18,067 --> 00:14:20,100 OH, AND THE RECORDED CALL FROM COUNTY HELPED. 352 00:14:20,100 --> 00:14:22,133 NOW, WHAT THE [bleep] HAPPENED TO YOU? 353 00:14:22,133 --> 00:14:24,100 - MATTY AND I GOT BUSTED FOR DRINKING. 354 00:14:24,100 --> 00:14:26,267 WE SHOWED THE COPS OUR FAKES, AND THEY BOUGHT THEM, 355 00:14:26,267 --> 00:14:28,067 BUT THEN MATTY STARTED MOUTHING OFF, 356 00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:29,800 SO HE GOT US ARRESTED FOR OPEN CONTAINERS. 357 00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:31,500 - WHERE WAS EVA? 358 00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:32,867 - I DON'T KNOW. SHE WAS THERE, BUT SHE BAILED. 359 00:14:32,867 --> 00:14:34,767 - THAT BITCH DITCHED? 360 00:14:34,767 --> 00:14:36,933 I'M GOING TO [bleep] KILL HER. 361 00:14:36,933 --> 00:14:38,500 OH, RELAX. 362 00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:41,367 - SADIE, IF I DON'T GET OUT OF HERE SOON, 363 00:14:41,367 --> 00:14:43,767 I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING REALLY BAD. 364 00:14:43,767 --> 00:14:45,533 - YOU'RE GONNA HURT SOMEONE? 365 00:14:45,533 --> 00:14:46,833 - NO. 366 00:14:46,833 --> 00:14:50,500 I'M GONNA [bleep] MYSELF. 367 00:14:50,500 --> 00:14:52,567 - LISTEN, DUMB-ASS, GIVE UP YOUR FAKES, 368 00:14:52,567 --> 00:14:53,667 TELL THE COPS YOU'RE MINORS, 369 00:14:53,667 --> 00:14:55,533 AND LEGALLY, THEY CAN'T HOLD YOU. 370 00:14:55,533 --> 00:14:57,967 IF THEY EVEN HESITATE, TELL THEM THAT YOUR FRIEND 371 00:14:57,967 --> 00:14:59,833 IS GOING TO TWEET AT THE L.A. TIMES 372 00:14:59,833 --> 00:15:01,833 THAT THEIR INCOMPETENCE IS ENDANGERING THE LIVES 373 00:15:01,833 --> 00:15:04,933 OF TWO CUTE, INNOCENT HIGH-SCHOOL BOYS, 374 00:15:04,933 --> 00:15:08,433 AND IT'LL GO VIRAL FASTER THAN HPV AT COACHELLA. 375 00:15:08,433 --> 00:15:10,600 AND THEY'LL BE MALL COPS AT THE BEVERLY CENTER 376 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:12,900 FOR THE REST OF THEIR MEANINGLESS LIVES. 377 00:15:12,900 --> 00:15:13,900 - WHOA. 378 00:15:13,900 --> 00:15:14,967 OKAY. 379 00:15:14,967 --> 00:15:16,400 - WITH PROCESSING AND EVERYTHING, 380 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,367 YOU SHOULD BE OUT IN AN HOUR. - THANK YOU. 381 00:15:18,367 --> 00:15:20,600 OH, HEY, WAIT. HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS STUFF? 382 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:24,200 - ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK. - HMM. 383 00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:28,567 - AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, WE WERE BREAST FRIENDS... 384 00:15:28,567 --> 00:15:30,433 HANDS EVERYWHERE. 385 00:15:30,433 --> 00:15:31,633 I THINK WE HAD SEX-- 386 00:15:31,633 --> 00:15:33,633 NOT 100% SURE, BUT I DID FEEL, LIKE, 1,000 VOLTS 387 00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:35,267 SHOOT THROUGH MY THIGHS AT ONE POINT, 388 00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:36,967 AND MY EYES ROLLED BACK INTO MY HEAD, 389 00:15:36,967 --> 00:15:39,967 AND THE ORGASMS JUST KEPT COMING, FAST AND BI-FURIOUS. 390 00:15:39,967 --> 00:15:43,133 I SWEAR I SAW JESUS SURFING A RAINBOW-COLORED STAR. 391 00:15:43,133 --> 00:15:45,500 - SO DOES THIS MEAN YOU'RE-- - "HETEROFLEXIBLE"? 392 00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:47,933 MAYBE, THOUGH I THINK IT'S MORE LIKE THAT TIME 393 00:15:47,933 --> 00:15:49,967 I WORE A BLAZER AROUND FOR A WEEK. 394 00:15:49,967 --> 00:15:52,733 LOOKS GOOD ON ELLEN, BUT NOT FOR ME. 395 00:15:52,733 --> 00:15:54,400 - AND WHEN MOM WAS OVER IN SEATTLE, 396 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:55,933 SHE MOVED DOWN HERE WITH SONIC YOUTH, 397 00:15:55,933 --> 00:15:58,433 SO THERE'S, LIKE, A 65% CHANCE I'M EDDIE VEDDER'S KID. 398 00:15:58,433 --> 00:15:59,800 AND THEN THERE WAS THAT BRIEF PERIOD 399 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,333 THAT KURT AND COURTNEY BROKE UP, SO... 400 00:16:02,333 --> 00:16:03,467 - NO. - YEAH. 401 00:16:03,467 --> 00:16:05,133 - GET OUT OF MY FACE. 402 00:16:05,133 --> 00:16:07,867 - KURT FULLER AND COURTNEY COX MIGHT BE YOUR PARENTS? 403 00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:09,200 SO COOL. 404 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,200 - I WAS ALMOST THE KID ON THE COVER OF NEVERMIND, 405 00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:14,167 BUT MY MOTHER'S A VERY PRIVATE PERSON. 406 00:16:14,167 --> 00:16:16,633 - [clears throat] 407 00:16:16,633 --> 00:16:18,967 - HI, KIDS. HOW WAS YOUR NIGHT? 408 00:16:18,967 --> 00:16:21,067 - NOTHING TOO CRAZY-- 409 00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:23,100 CONCERT AND THEN RIGHT BACK TO TAMARA'S. 410 00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:26,200 - OKAY, DON'T WORRY. I AM OFF THE CLOCK. 411 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:28,800 THERE IS NO NEED TO CENSOR YOURSELF. 412 00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:31,333 I'M NOT COUNSELOR MARKS IN YOUR HOME. 413 00:16:31,333 --> 00:16:34,133 I AM JUST VAL THE PAL. 414 00:16:34,133 --> 00:16:36,200 - EVA, WHAT'S UP? 415 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:37,967 - OH, MY GOD. I'M SO GLAD TO SEE YOU. 416 00:16:37,967 --> 00:16:39,467 I REALLY NEED TO TALK. 417 00:16:39,467 --> 00:16:41,800 LACEY SAID I SHOULD JUST HANG OUT UNTIL YOU GOT HOME. 418 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:44,567 - LACEY. - HMM. 419 00:16:44,567 --> 00:16:47,933 - WHY DON'T WE GO TALK IN MY ROOM? 420 00:16:47,933 --> 00:16:49,733 - SIT, SPILL. 421 00:16:49,733 --> 00:16:51,733 HOW WAS THE CONCERT? ANY HIGHLIGHTS? 422 00:16:51,733 --> 00:16:54,633 - JUST THE ONES SLIPPING THROUGH MY FINGERS THIS MORNING. 423 00:16:54,633 --> 00:16:56,900 - DO TELL. 424 00:16:56,900 --> 00:16:59,500 - LESBI HONEST. I KISSED A GIRL. 425 00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:00,700 - WHOA! 426 00:17:00,700 --> 00:17:01,800 - BOOM! 427 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:03,133 - BI-CURIOUS GEORGE. 428 00:17:03,133 --> 00:17:04,900 - INTERESTING. 429 00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:07,967 WELL, THAT'S A THING THAT-- THAT SOME PEOPLE DO. 430 00:17:07,967 --> 00:17:09,333 - OH, PLEASE. 431 00:17:09,333 --> 00:17:12,133 ONCE YOU'VE KNOCKED A FEW BACK, A MOUTH IS JUST A MOUTH. 432 00:17:12,133 --> 00:17:16,067 - WELL, I COULD NEVER DO THAT WITH A GIRL. 433 00:17:16,067 --> 00:17:17,300 - OH, REALLY? 434 00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:20,300 NEWPORT BEACH, JUNIOR YEAR? 435 00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,100 THAT WASN'T KEVIN, HON. 436 00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:26,367 - OH, MY GOD! [gasps] 437 00:17:26,367 --> 00:17:27,933 - THEY'RE IN JAIL? 438 00:17:27,933 --> 00:17:29,800 - I KNOW, AND I TOTALLY WOULD HAVE STUCK AROUND, 439 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,967 BUT AFTER MY SHOPLIFTING THING LAST YEAR, 440 00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:33,967 MY DAD WOULD HAVE FROZEN MY TRUST. 441 00:17:33,967 --> 00:17:35,267 - OKAY, THIS IS INSANE. 442 00:17:35,267 --> 00:17:37,067 - I WAS HOPING YOU COULD GO DOWN TO THE STATION WITH ME 443 00:17:37,067 --> 00:17:38,300 AND HELP GET THEM OUT. 444 00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:39,967 - MATTY'S SELF-DESTRUCTIVE STREAK 445 00:17:39,967 --> 00:17:41,500 HAD HIT AN ALL-TIME HIGH. 446 00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:44,233 BUT IT WASN'T MY RESPONSIBILITY TO BE HIS SAVIOR ANYMORE. 447 00:17:44,233 --> 00:17:45,767 I'M GONNA GIVE YOU HIS BROTHER'S NUMBER. 448 00:17:45,767 --> 00:17:49,233 CALL HIM. HE'LL KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO HANDLE THIS SITUATION. 449 00:17:53,367 --> 00:17:55,467 [buzzer sounds] 450 00:17:55,467 --> 00:17:57,467 - HEY, ALL WE HAVE TO DO 451 00:17:57,467 --> 00:17:59,200 IS TELL THEM WE'RE MINORS, AND THEY'LL LET US GO. 452 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,233 - BUT IF WE SAY THAT, THEY'LL KNOW WE HAD FAKE I.D.s. 453 00:18:01,233 --> 00:18:03,433 - UGH. WE WILL DEAL WITH THAT LATER. 454 00:18:03,433 --> 00:18:06,100 ALL I KNOW IS THAT THIS PLACE WILL BE PAINTED BROWN 455 00:18:06,100 --> 00:18:07,367 IF WE DON'T GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW. 456 00:18:07,367 --> 00:18:09,933 SO LET'S GO. - OKAY, OKAY. 457 00:18:09,933 --> 00:18:11,267 UH... 458 00:18:11,267 --> 00:18:14,100 YO, JORDAN, UH, WE'RE GETTING OUT, MAN. 459 00:18:14,100 --> 00:18:16,267 - BEAT THE RAP. ENJOY IT, SON. 460 00:18:16,267 --> 00:18:17,733 - THANK YOU SO MUCH, 461 00:18:17,733 --> 00:18:20,067 AND I LEARNED A LOT HEARING ABOUT YOUR STRUGGLES. 462 00:18:20,067 --> 00:18:22,100 YOU KNOW, IF I CAN EVER DO SOMETHING 463 00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:23,467 TO HELP YOU GET OUT OF HERE. 464 00:18:23,467 --> 00:18:25,967 MAYBE PUT YOU IN TOUCH WITH SOME GOOD ATTORNEYS... 465 00:18:25,967 --> 00:18:28,567 - ATTORNEYS? DUDE, I AM AN ATTORNEY. 466 00:18:28,567 --> 00:18:31,100 - YOU ARE? - STANFORD, CLASS OF '02. 467 00:18:31,100 --> 00:18:34,500 - AND YOU KILLED A MAN? 468 00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:37,267 - WHAT THE [bleep] ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 469 00:18:37,267 --> 00:18:38,600 - UH, YOU-- YOU PULLED A TRIGGER. 470 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:40,167 YOU MADE SOME THINGS DISAPPEAR. 471 00:18:40,167 --> 00:18:42,233 - YEAH, I WORK IN AN INVESTMENT BANK. 472 00:18:42,233 --> 00:18:44,467 I SHORTED SOME SECURITIES THAT I COULDN'T COVER, 473 00:18:44,467 --> 00:18:46,933 AND THEN I MADE THE TRANSACTION DISAPPEAR. 474 00:18:46,933 --> 00:18:47,967 - OH. 475 00:18:47,967 --> 00:18:50,067 - NOW I'M GONNA [bleep] YOU UP! 476 00:18:50,067 --> 00:18:52,100 - WE'RE MINORS! WE'RE MINORS! 477 00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:54,933 - AND I REALLY HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM! 478 00:18:54,933 --> 00:18:56,800 - CHOICES-- 479 00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,400 SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO MAKE THE HARD CHOICE 480 00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:01,067 TO CUT SOMEONE OUT OF YOUR LIFE, OR ELSE YOU WON'T BE OPEN 481 00:19:01,067 --> 00:19:05,433 TO THE POSSIBILITY OF SOMEONE NEW AND AMAZING COMING INTO IT. 482 00:19:05,433 --> 00:19:08,167 - FEEL BETTER? - OH, MUCH BETTER. 483 00:19:08,167 --> 00:19:09,500 I CAN'T WAIT TO GET HOME, THOUGH. 484 00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:11,333 I'M EXHAUSTED. - ME TOO. 485 00:19:11,333 --> 00:19:13,167 - ARE YOU GOING BACK HOME? 486 00:19:13,167 --> 00:19:16,767 - YEAH, I GUESS. THERE'S WORSE PLACES, YOU KNOW. 487 00:19:16,767 --> 00:19:18,233 - MM. 488 00:19:21,067 --> 00:19:23,067 - I'M SO GLAD YOU GUYS ARE OKAY. 489 00:19:23,067 --> 00:19:25,167 - EVA, WHAT THE [bleep]? YOU TOTALLY BAILED ON US. 490 00:19:25,167 --> 00:19:28,933 - HEY, HEY, HEY, LET ME HANDLE THIS. 491 00:19:28,933 --> 00:19:30,467 SO WHAT HAPPENED BACK THERE? 492 00:19:30,467 --> 00:19:32,933 - MATTY, I'M SO SORRY, BUT I'VE BEEN IN TROUBLE BEFORE, 493 00:19:32,933 --> 00:19:34,433 AND IF I MESS UP AGAIN, 494 00:19:34,433 --> 00:19:37,633 MY DAD'S SENDING ME BACK TO NEW YORK, AND MY MOTHER-- 495 00:19:37,633 --> 00:19:41,100 SO I WENT TO FIND HELP. I WENT TO JENNA FIRST AND... 496 00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:42,433 - AND? 497 00:19:42,433 --> 00:19:44,433 - WELL, TO BE HONEST, MATTY, SHE WAS KIND OF RUDE. 498 00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:45,800 SHE SAID SHE COULDN'T HELP 499 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,567 AND THAT THE PERSON THAT WOULD KNOW ABOUT JAIL 500 00:19:47,567 --> 00:19:50,367 WAS YOUR DRUG ADDICT BROTHER. 501 00:19:50,367 --> 00:19:52,767 I'M SORRY. I CAME BACK HERE AFTER 502 00:19:52,767 --> 00:19:54,767 AND JUST TRYING TO THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE, 503 00:19:54,767 --> 00:19:57,600 AND I'VE JUST BEEN WAITING FOR YOU. 504 00:19:57,600 --> 00:19:58,900 - THANK YOU. 505 00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:01,600 - IT'S BEEN, LIKE, THE WORST FIRST DATE EVER, 506 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:02,767 RIGHT? 507 00:20:02,767 --> 00:20:04,267 I DIDN'T EVEN GET A GOOD-NIGHT KISS. 508 00:20:04,267 --> 00:20:06,600 - YEAH. 509 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:09,367 WHAT ABOUT A GOOD-MORNING ONE? 510 00:20:14,333 --> 00:20:16,067 - WHAT ABOUT A CONJUGAL VISIT? 511 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:21,500 - AFTER THAT NIGHT, 512 00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:23,400 I KNEW IF MY HEAD WAS FULL OF MATTY MCKIBBEN, 513 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,500 IT WOULD GET IN THE WAY OF OPENING MY HEART TO LUKE, 514 00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:28,900 AND I WASN'T GOING TO LET MY MATTY STORY, WHICH WAS OVER, 515 00:20:28,900 --> 00:20:32,133 MESS UP MY LUKE STORY, WHICH WAS JUST BEGINNING. 516 00:20:44,667 --> 00:20:45,667 - NEXT ON AWKWARD... 517 00:20:45,667 --> 00:20:46,767 - THIS WAS IT. 518 00:20:46,767 --> 00:20:47,767 ONCE I HIT SEND, THERE WAS NO TURNING BACK. 519 00:20:47,767 --> 00:20:49,067 - SURPRISE. 520 00:20:49,067 --> 00:20:50,533 - NEXT FALL I'D BE STARTING A WHOLE NEW LIFE. 521 00:20:50,533 --> 00:20:52,633 - IS THERE A REASON WHY YOU HAVEN'T SENT ME MY ESSAY? 522 00:20:52,633 --> 00:20:53,767 - MATTY, IF YOU WANT YOUR ESSAY SO BAD, 523 00:20:53,767 --> 00:20:55,300 WHY DON'T YOU GO AND GET IT YOURSELF? 524 00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:56,700 - WHEW! GOT IT. 525 00:20:56,700 --> 00:20:58,433 - YOU PROMISED ME DESSERT. 526 00:20:58,433 --> 00:20:59,900 - SKANKY JANK! 527 00:20:59,900 --> 00:21:02,433 - NOT MINE. 528 00:21:02,433 --> 00:21:03,367 EVA'S?